Postcard from Lagos

Scenes from Lagos, Africa's mega-city. (4) - By Will Connors - Slate Magazine

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:12:00 +0000

Scenes from Lagos, Africa's mega-city. (4) - By Will Connors - Slate Magazine

Things I miss about England

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 21:43:00 +0000

I have now lived in Nigeria for over two years. I love Nigeria and I often do not complain. However, I still miss a lot of things about England some of which are as follows:

I miss ready access to anything – books, videos, fantastic TV features, great magazines, good shoes.

I miss the European breaks – the short hops to the Continent, to Paris in France by Eurostar (you must go First Class to really enjoy it), to Barcelona in Spain with a visit to La Ramblas, to Dublin, (I have done this for £12 return in the past), to Frankfurt, Rome, Brussels, Antwerp, etc.

I miss ice-cream on carrot cake – what can beat home-made carrot cake with ‘Lidl’ Vanilla ice cream? You tell me.

I miss Radio 4, Smooth FM, Classic FM, Trouble Channel, BBC TV’s Newsnight, Panorama, Impressionists Bremner, Bird and Fortune and Question Time.

I miss Wimbledon – the most prestigious tennis tournament in the world. You will understand what I mean if, like me, you’ve seen Nadal and Sharapova live on the green courts of Wimbledon with strawberry and cream to match. It’s Game, Set and Match!

I miss uninterrupted power supply – obviously! Not even the four sources of power supply we have – NEPA, Inverter, petrol-powered generator and diesel-powered generator can remotely compare to the simple uninterrupted supply that England effortlessly offers.

I miss broadband internet - that never breaks and can stream a video without buffering. I mean real broadband internet that delivers your mail before your mouse says go.

I miss not having to wash cutlery and china before usage. You must wash these items with soap and water in Nigeria because you can never tell whether cockroaches have had their own dinner with the cutlery and china before you.

I miss our home in North London – you often run into world-class novelist, Oscar-wining directors and newscasters in the grocery stores and barber shop and with no pretensions too. And the restaurants are better than in the West End.

I miss salad, kiwis, plums, peaches, and nectarines – although bananas, mangoes and pineapples more than compensate in Nigeria. Certainly bananas in Nigeria are a million times better than the rubber-tasting ‘thing’ they call banana in England.

I miss ‘The Sunday Times’ – the best weekly newspaper in the world and the perfect completion to a Sunday afternoon.

I miss the drive to the countryside with their well choreographed green and breathtakingly beautiful scenery.

I miss the incredible politeness and the rather amusing general British stiff-upper-lip mannerism.

I miss simple effective prayer meetings with Christian brethren who are not engaged in a shouting match at God or trying to outdo one another - simple prayer meetings where everyone is equal, where the focus is to see God’s kingdom come rather than calling forth your next 4X4 or fighting off what in many instances are imaginary enemies.

The 7 Wonders of Nigeria Part 5 - The Nigerian Wedding

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 18:13:00 +0000

I have always loved weddings. As a young boy, I longed to have a big wedding. I can remember the joy of a couple whose wedding reception I stumbled upon at the University of Ibadan. I watched as the groom was celebrated and the bride danced with panache to the beat of the uninvited gangan drummers.

I enjoy the solemn part of weddings more – the joining at the church when vows are taken and the couple pledge their undying love to each other. I like the bit where they invoke the name of God to confirm in the presence of witnesses that only death could do them part. I love the fact that it is only in marriage that the Christian faith expressly allows two people to become inextricable.

As a licensed registrar and pastor, I usually come into my elements when I conduct weddings, I often invite the couple’s parents to pray for their children, I would do everything possible to make it a special day for the couple. Weddings can make me teary-eyed in a joyful way. I would advise the couple to get the photography and video right and of course the groom to arrange a fantastic honeymoon for his bride.

I’m sure my love for weddings have something to do with the choice of the ‘Nigerian Wedding’ as a wonder of Nigeria. Additionally, the choice is influenced by the undeniable fact that Nigerians know how to put on a spectacular wedding celebration. The event usually provides an opportunity for Nigerians to cast all aspersions to the wind and indulge in our greatest and probably only national pastime, the owanbe party celebration.

Nigerians go for broke when it comes to weddings and usually the bride and groom are not the only celebrants. For some parents, it’s an opportunity to be in the limelight, to show off their wealth, who they know and to measure the level of goodwill they enjoy, so they go for broke. The couples themselves are extremely joyful and rightly so, they too go for broke.

The wedding proper is preceded by an engagement party - an understated name for a traditional wedding that is as elaborate as they come – usually on the eve of the wedding proper. The engagement party is an entirely African show with colourful African attires, tradition, songs and sometimes pranks like getting the groom to carry out military exercises or press-ups before he can claim his bride. This is usually at the instigation of the hired representative of the bride’s family (known as alaga ijoko). This 'entity' called alaga ijoko can determine the success of the engagement party. Some really good ones do things in moderation and carry the crowd along. I have also encountered some terribly bad ‘OTT’ ones who have messed up the show.

The Nigerian wedding is not complete without the aso-ebi, sometimes several aso-ebis. Aso-ebi is the uniform for the special day, the parents of the bride will have theirs, so will the groom’s family and sometimes friends of the bride will get theirs separately. The men in the family may wear a different aso-ebi from the women or they may just go for special caps matching the gele (head-tie) for women. The Nigerian wedding is an extremely colourful experience.

Nigerian women usually come up tops at this gathering. They are always pushing the boundary with their innovatively-designed dresses, exquisite jewelry and matching shoes and bag. This is topped with sharply crafted geles that oozes ingenuity and industry.

The Nigerian wedding is a public affair, meaning that literally anyone could attend. No matter how well you plan the day, even with RSVPs, British MI5, EFCC, American FBI and Russian KGB in tow, many of the guests will bring their own uninvited entourage. These guests don’t mind to bring their own food to augment the catering arrangement by the celebrants. Any right thinking planner of a Nigerian wedding will need to cater for at least an extra 200 uninvited guests depending on the social standing of the family.

The wedding day is also an occasion for the chairman of the wedding reception to show off. Many of them go on and on with stories and advice that is stale and cold. My advice to couples is to do without a chairman or read the riot act to them before the day.

The Nigerian wedding is also for area boys who will invade the wedding perimeter in their numbers.

Both the engagement party and the wedding reception are concluded with music and dancing, a live band in the case of high society weddings where the couple, their parents, family members and the musician will be ‘sprayed’ with money. To my knowledge, only the Greek have a similar tradition. I still can’t figure out why we love to publicly ‘spray’ money when you can financially support the celebrants privately

I can’t do justice to the Nigerian wedding without bringing in the Nigerian party. The highlight of any event in Nigeria be it naming ceremony, wedding or a funeral is the party. In reality many guests do not give a toss about the event proper; if you get half of your guests at the main event, you will be lucky. Most people come for the party afterwards where they will eat, socialise and dance.

Not forgetting that the celebrant and friends and families of the celebrants dole out gifts to their guests at the party. These gifts can range from unwanted cups, plastic bowls to clocks, notebooks, mobile phones and sometimes very expensive gift items. The one that really got me laughing and intrigued at the same time was the party where the important guests were said to have each received a party gift of live goat tied to their respective seats.

What a party souvenir. What a people.

I have always wondered why Nigerians love partying with a capital ‘L’ and I have come to realise that without the social parties, dancing, and aso ebis, the suicide level in Nigeria will probably be astronomical. For an average Nigerian, the weddings and the parties acts as stress relieving opportunities from the vagaries of lack of electricity, bad roads, inept politicians, poor sanitation and other challenges that daily confronts our people.

For its colour, its tradition, its stress relieving power and for the way it adds colour to the lives of Nigerians, the Nigerian wedding is a wonder of Nigeria.

A Tale of Two Countries in May; Why I’m happy for David Cameron, Helen Grant, Chuka Umunna, Chi Onwurah and other Lag-Lon stories

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 19:41:00 +0000

I was in England a few days after the May General Election that ushered in the Lib-Con coalition, so I witnessed some of the intrigues surrounding which party will form the government. Who will be the next Prime Minister? How will the Cabinet look? Will it be a coalition of losers? Why can’t Cameron force his way to the Queen and demand he be allowed to form the government? All of these were the questions on peoples’ minds fuelled by the anti-Gordon Brown Tory press. The scenario was stuff that I have read in history books and newspaper articles about Britain except that it was much more interesting witnessing it live on TV, on Radio and on the Internet.

A few days before my trip, Nigeria also saw a change of guard with the inauguration of Goodluck Jonathan as substantive President after the death of Umaru Musa Yar’Adua.

Below are some of my thoughts and highlights of my latest ‘Lag-Lon’ trip. They cover politics, religion and social issues. They may reveal my bias for England and why I am unflinching in the belief that the United Kingdom is probably the most decent country in the world.

An image that has repeatedly been on my mind in recent weeks is that of David Cameron and his wife on the steps of 10 Downing Street. The picture shows relief, genuine affection for each other and more importantly it’s a picture that silently cries “we made it at last”. Sky News has been using it as one of its current videos and each time I see it, I feel like tearing up.

I was very happy for David Cameron not necessarily because of his politics but because I love to see people achieve their life aims. For him, it was a gilded climb to the top - Eton, Oxford, a stint in the corporate world, MP in 2001, leader of the Conservative Party four years later and now Prime Minister at 43 - all these attest to this remarkable achievement. For me, it is just gratifying to see someone achieve his goal.

I admit that Cameron, given his background, may never truly understand life for the man on the street, however, it is not always true that justice for the common man is best achieved by leaders who have tasted poverty, after all Tony Blair, just like David Cameron was a public school boy and Oxford graduate.

Talking of Oxford education, it is rather interesting how self-deprecating British politicians and people are, and how on the contrary, Nigerian politicians like to drum up their achievements. British people generally do not always accentuate their personal achievements as we do in Nigeria. For example David Cameron had a First from Oxford. His predecessor; Gordon Brown also had a First (from Edinburgh) plus a PhD. And so do some members of the new and past Cabinets. However, they will rather die than say or admit this in public. It’s almost like they feel ashamed for being brainy. Interestingly, in Nigeria, anyone who has ever attended a course at Harvard proudly parade themselves as ‘Harvard-educated’ and hold alumni meetings even when they’ve only been on a 2-week programme.

The civility with which the party leaders handled the rather difficult days between May 7^th and May 13^th showed political and personal maturity, and also a determination to put country first.

Although I’m not a Brownite, I feel Gordon Brown was more a conviction politician than any of the other party leaders. I also admire people like Mr Brown who are not taken over by power.

I feel it is much easier to plan your political future in England than in Nigeria. David Cameron obviously wanted to be Prime Minister, so much so he was called Prime Minister since his school days. Can the same happen in Nigeria? Well, nothing is impossible. It’s just a little bit more complicated. Many good people who should be in politics cannot see themselves joining any of the corrupt political parties we have. If you can sum up the courage to join a party, you will then be faced with having to grovel before full-time political Godfathers. For example, if it were Nigeria, William Hague will be a Godfather to David Cameron, not serving in his Cabinet. It’s really a challenge. Do I think this will change? Yes, I do.

On the bright side for Nigeria, for the very first time, three British-born Nigerians were elected into Parliament. Like London Buses, you wait a long time for one and get three at once. Chi Onwurah, 45 became the MP for Newcastle Central, Chuka Umunna, 31 was elected MP for Streatham and Helen Grant 48 is the new MP for Maidstone and The Weald. I’m happy for them just as I am for Cameron.

During this trip, I stayed in the leafy part of Streatham surrounded by two parks and one ‘common’. On one occasion, I went for a walk around the parks with my host. Although it was colder than normal at this time of the year and I was initially reluctant to go, I eventually enjoyed the walk. People jogging, some walking, a pub serving meals, a massive house with a large garden that was left by the owner to the community, a man-made fountain, a deep bath that is no longer in use, cleverly shaped shrubs and beautiful rainbow-coloured flowers, mothers with baby in push chairs, a personal trainer and her client who we spoke to, pupils on their way home from school were all part of the sight and sound of the walk. Although, I lived in England for nearly two decades, I was still intrigued by the order, the determination to make life easier for people, the devotion to duty of the people that keep the park. After a while, I felt lighter, hungry and almost feeling faint, so we walked to the local Sainsbury where I bought a prawn sandwich which I devoured as soon as we left the store.

The potholes! Yes, the potholes, I noticed the unusually high number of potholes on London roads in my last trip as well. I’m told this was caused by the ice from the snow of last December to March this year. Na wa o!

I had missed our Church in London, so it was nice to be back and to fellowship with them.

I joined three American friends and my host for a meal at the Café Rouge restaurant in Dulwich Village on one of the evenings. I settled for Chicken Caesar Salad. I never imagined how massive Dulwich College is with its well-manicured fields, impressive buildings and very rich culture. Again, it is almost impossible to beat the English in maintaining tradition and building things to last.

Coming back to Nigeria, it’s interesting how people came out to describe in flowery words the character, the politics, the integrity and adherence to the rule of law of our late President, Umaru Musa Yar’Adua. Two things came to mind,

Firstly, if he was that good, how come the same people blamed Obasanjo for imposing on the country such a very ‘good man’. Shouldn’t we rather have been thanking Obasanjo all along?

Secondly, wasn’t it Yar’Adua that gave us Andoakaa, preserved Maurice Iwu, disgraced and chased away Ribadu whilst protecting Ibori, made Edevbie (Ibori’s corrupt aid) his Private Secretary, drove down EFCC and sat motionless on the country for two and a half years without any education, health or social policy?

And I hold no brief for Obasanjo who in my opinion squandered a great opportunity to turn the country around but who nevertheless is head, shoulder and torso better than Yar’Adua or any other imbecile that has 'ruled' our country.

Fresh Fish on Eko Bridge

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 01 May 2010 12:19:00 +0000

My wife loves fresh food – fresh produce, fresh fish, anything fresh. She particularly likes fresh fish, yet she hardly get to eat fish because the majority of what you see on the market are frozen fish.

Her love affair with fresh fish is so passionate that a few years ago when we visited Nigeria, we opted to travel to Abuja from Ibadan by road mainly because she had been told that the roads in Lokoja were ‘paved’ with assorted fresh fish, and she wanted to sample them. In the event, we neither saw fresh fish nor were we able to sample the roasted ones we saw simply because we were still rather smug and couldn’t handle the flies that accompanied them.

So Easter Sunday, April 4, 2010, we had been to Church, refreshed by the benefits of the sacrifice of Jesus - including the hope of eternity, the brilliance of becoming God’s children, and freedom to live life to the full. Afterwards, we made our way to Terra Kulture in Victoria Island to see a show titled ‘Prisoners Chronicle’. Written by Wole Oguntokun, it’s the story of four prisoners, a warder and his wife and it’s a satire on Nigeria. The actors were very professional and gave an impressive performance although the hall was rather cold from the efforts of four giant air-conditioners bleeding their cool air into the theatre without fear or favour.

Before the show we had a meal at Terra Kulture’s restaurant and I got to speak to a Spanish lady who moved to Nigeria two years ago to sell building tiles. Who says only Nigerians move to Nigeria?

At roughly 5pm, we left Victoria Island via Eko Bridge which in my view is livelier than the long, lonely and boring ‘Third Mainland Bridge’. As we climbed the bridge, we saw a group of men and women displaying all manners of freshly caught fish. We stopped! Some of the fish, still full of life were dancing around the hard tarmac and in the plastic bowls. We bought some Red Snappers, the fishmonger pried open the fish’s heads revealing their red gills - proof that they were freshly caught, proof that we didn't need.

We soon got home, had some of the fish grilled and settled to a nice roast fish dinner with grilled potato and plantain. At last, my wife was able to fulfil her life-long ambition of cooking fresh fish in Lagos. It’s a case of what she was going to ‘Sokoto’ for is in her ‘sokoto’.

Eko Bridge, she will be back. Trust me, she will!

By Order! – suffering from militariatis infection

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 19:45:00 +0000

One of the notices you will definitely come across in Nigeria will say something similar to this:

Do not urinate here. By Order!

Do not park here. By Order

One of the sad relics and certainly a giveaway of our long and unfortunate military-rule past is the tendency to act military by Nigerians. A good example is that no notice is complete without a ‘By Order’ trademark. Nearly all the signs you see even on private properties are marked with those two words. Whose order? You may want to ask.

What is apparent is that living under military rule for a considerable length of time has significantly altered our brains so much so that almost everyone invokes a form of military lingo, and many exhibit military behaviour without giving their actions or words a thought. ‘By Order’ is just one aspect of this militariatis infection. I guess the thinking is that adding ‘By Order’ to any notice will stop a perpetrator from doing No 1 on the nearest wall he sees when he's pressed to go. I’m not sure, it always does.

Wherever you go, in schools, in places of worship and in places of work, people bark out all manners of high-handed warnings and threats. ‘I will deal with you’, ‘I will teach you a lesson’, ‘You will be punished’, are a few of the militarist expressions now rooted in the vocabulary of the average Olu, Chike or Aliyu.

Even, politicians with no military past are not immune to this virus. Rather than say something like this (as it may be said in some other countries)

‘those who commit crime will face the full weight of the law, or face justice’

Our politicians with eyes blazing, face concocted and adopting a thundering voice, for maximum effect, prefer the military lingo:

‘anyone caught will be severely dealt with’.

Although I admire the courage of Dora Akunyili, she however used to irritate me to no end whenever she speaks to the press after the weekly Federal Executive Council meetings in her capacity as ‘Minister of Information’. I’m sure she never realised her presentations were similar in style to that of the head of a military junta imposing a new curfew or announcing the number of people that have just been rounded up for not bowing to the image of the ‘Dear and Revered Leader’.

I must say that I have come to the conclusion that the military has a romantic appeal to Nigerians because of the power they wielded and still wield. I think we like the way a few untrained soldiers forcefully and illegally take over government, keep people under oppression and end up becoming statesmen. It gives the impression that this is an alternative and legitimate way of getting to the top quickly and easily. We think we like their uniform, their 'discipline', their sternness. We think we make this decision independently. In reality, we don’t, we just think we do. It’s the infection.

It’s also the infection that accounts for why it’s impossible for a Nigerian politician to say the name of the President without preceding it with the title ‘Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces’ as if he’s not complete without that title. We like the way soldiers bark out orders so we adopt their style and behave like dictators at home, at work, in the church and in government to the detriment of our family members, employees, congregation and citizens. Who will deliver us from this high fever of militariatis?

Last word - Haven’t you noticed that the ‘Minister of Information’ position is in itself a relic of military rule? It’s a position created to launder the image of illegal governments. We have however imported it into our democracy. Only communist regimes have a similar Ministry. My point exactly!

On this note, please let me have your comments on this article. By Order!

Why do we... - The Whys of Nigeria - Part 1

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:57:00 +0000

I was at the airport waiting to pick up friends who were arriving from the United States of America when pictures of people bellowing at their driver came to my mind. I began to imagine myself doing the same. Interestingly the scene had not played out. It was just my mind playing on me. Why? It got me really thinking. I guessed I had seen too many of such scenes acted out in Nigeria that I was becoming an unwitting extra in this tragic but common picture.

I decided to pursue other things that happen in Nigeria – the good, the bad and the ugly to find out why they are so. You may call it The Whys of Nigeria’. Let’s start the journey.

Why do people shout at their staff – There are many possibilities why this is so, chief of which is communication problems between employer and employee. An employee may get his wires crossed because of illiteracy or because the employer has not properly communicated what was on his mind. Sometimes the result of poor communication is an expensive mistake on the part of the employee. Given that in Nigeria, employers cannot be wrong, they vent their anger on the poor employee by shouting or sometimes cursing.

Sometimes, certain employers just shout because they could. Or because Nigerians, generally love to shout even when they are not angry. Often it is also because of the way employees behave – their nonchalant attitude to work, wastage and lack of initiative. Whatever the reason may be, it is inhuman to treat another human being to a shouting abuse.

Why do we linger at staring at people – You are at a traffic light and another vehicle came up beside you and stopped. Anywhere else in the world, you steal a quick glance almost by reflex and look away immediately. Not so in Nigeria, here, people stare and continue to stare, even when, as they say, the eyes of both of you become four. It is the same scenario if you enter a bank, go into a shop or a reception area, you are automatically feasted upon by the eyes of everyone present. It doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman, it is obviously more helpful if you are interesting i.e. you are properly dressed or appear to have money.

Perhaps, Nigerians look and linger because we are naturally very inquisitive people who will not allow anything to pass our notice. So we linger in order to press out the last detail to complete the picture we are forming in our minds about the person. We also do so to appraise, people, what we call size up in Nigeria. I also feel that because of the huge level of poverty, any little thing becomes a revelation, an opportunity to compare, to dream and hope for the same. So a person who turns out in immaculate attire easily becomes an object of veneration and fantasy and we do not mind even if our eyes become four with the person, the feasting must be completed.

Why do we starch our clothes so stiffly – I can understand why everyone wants to stand out in a crowd; must their clothes also be in a permanent state of military attention to achieve this?

I do use the mild spray starch on some of my clothes, but in Nigeria, I have come to realise that starching your cloth is not a half-hearted matter. I have been intrigued on many occasions when I saw people turned out in desperately starched attires whose sharp edge can effortlessly slice off the head of an elephant. To some people, it does not matter whether it is traditional attire or western, all must be starched and they must be starched stiff.

I really do not understand the reasoning behind this heavy starching and I am not going to give it a try.

Why do we pack too much luggage when travelling – I once sat beside a Scottish gentleman on a flight from London to Lagos. We got talking, and once he felt relaxed with me, he excitedly asked me the question, Why is it that Nigerians almost always pack excess luggage when flying? I responded by saying that I too paid for an excess luggage.

The issue of excess luggage is as Nigerian as Lagos is Nigerian. We pack a lot of things into our luggage because there are just too many people for whom we have to buy gifts given the extended family system and because it is expected. We also like to take the maximum advantage of things, so if the luggage allowance is 32kg, a Nigerian believes, this must not be allowed to pass, therefore, his bag must be exactly 32kg or slightly more. We also find ourselves caught in this matter because we choose not to prepare for our journey in time, do not weigh our luggage, assume that we will be all right, and then find out at the airport that none of the assumptions line up to reality.

At the former hub of British Airways in Heathrow Terminal 4, a special section is reserved for weighing the luggage of passengers traveling to Nigeria. Interesting!

Why do we say 'You are welcome' when welcoming people – Still on the airport thing, have you noticed that whenever you arrive at the airport, everyone you meet - immigration officers, custom officials, cleaners greet people by saying ‘you are welcome’.

In its right usage, ‘You are welcome’ is a phrase which is said in response to someone who had thanked you for something. You may also respond by saying ‘don't mention it’, or ‘no thanks are needed, or ‘my pleasure’, or ‘I was glad to do it’. For example, if I say ‘Thanks for the gift’, the response can be, ‘You are welcome’.

No doubt, wrongly using ‘You are welcome’ as a form of greeting people on their arrival is because people think the phrase could be used interchangeably with the simple ‘welcome’. It is more probable that ‘you are welcome’ as a greeting is a literal translation of the Yoruba ‘e kaabo’.

Why do we like Jollof Rice – A few years ago, I found out that Jollof Rice most likely originated from the Wolof people of The Gambia. There, it is called ‘Benachin’ meaning ‘one pot’ because in their version of Jollof Rice, everything is cooked in the same pot including the meat.

Irrespective of where Jollof Rice originates and never mind that ‘Jollof’ rhymes with ‘Wolof’, Jollof Rice has been claimed by the larger and more aggressive Nigeria as its own.

Given the population of Nigeria, it is not unlikely that more Nigerians eat Jollof Rice in one day than Gambians do in two years. Although, there are several regional meals that defines the different ethnic groups in Nigeria, yet no event is complete without an adequate supply of Jollof Rice. It is the delicacy for children and young people. It is the delicacy at weddings, christening, funeral, Christmas, on all occasions. Nigerians love Jollof Rice, period.

I’m not sure why we do, except for the fact that I know if it is well cooked, Jollof Rice dishes especially when cooked with firewood is mouth-wateringly tasty.

No Light, No Fuel, No President

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 19:23:00 +0000

It's Christmas Eve. Below are some of the newspaper headlines of the last two weeks in Nigeria. If anything, it should alert all Nigerians, home and abroad to the monumental challenge before us. I hope it does.

"President in Absentia - Day 31"
"Yar'Adua’s absence: Ministers, directors disagree over unspent 2009 allocations."
"Yar'Adua can rule from anywhere says Anodoakaa"
"Money laundering: EFCC, Delta elders reject Ibori’s acquittal."
"Supreme Court clears Soludo for Anambra poll."
"6000 megawatts no longer possible this year - FG"
"Maduekwe spends 2.7 billion Naira on foreign trips"
"70% of Nigerians are poor-African Peer Review Mechanism Report."
"Two more Nigerians ask court to declare Yar'Adua unfit to rule."
"FEC approves 7 billion Naira contract for Vice President's new residence."
"Fuel scarcity takes toll on inter-state travels."
"6000 mega-watts lie."
"Collapsed substation causes blackout in Lagos."
"Police need spiritual cleansing says Osayande"
"Shell to dump Nigeria’s oil fields."
"Tragedy as truck kills 65 persons."
"15bn fraud: I’m relaxed says Bafarawa."
"EFCC arraigns Chikwe over 40million Naira fraud."
"No federal road project completed in 2009 –FG."
"Fuel: govt to investigate missing 90 million litres."
"EFCC traces 11 houses in US to Cecilia Ibru."
"Bankole (House Speaker) promises traditional rulers role in constitution."
"Akingbola is not beyond our control – CBN boss."
"Sanusi (Central Bank Governor) confirms receiving bids for rescued banks."
"Appeal court dismisses Bode George, others’ application."
"Ex- NYSC DG flays calls to scrap scheme."
"El-Rufai sues IG, AGF over arrest warrant."
"Senate, Foreign Affairs Ministry’s face-off deepens."
"NDLEA arrests three suspects with 265 bags of cannabis."
"Bakassi returnees seek S’South governors’ assistance."
"Reps order NNPC, MDAs to remit N460.3bn to treasury."
"Shell shuts down Soku Gas Plant."
"Why 2009 Niger-Delta Ministry budget failed."
"Solid minerals can contribute 20% GDP- FG."
"Kolade advises pupils on leadership."
"Yar’Adua: Aondoakaa under fire over comment."
"Senate summons Akunyili, Muhtar over N8.2bn NTA equipment contract."
"Bafarawa, eight others get bail."
"Ex-militants seize bank in Calabar."
"Nigeria can win Nations Cup"

Merry Christmas to all our readers. PostcardfromLagos

Remembrance Day in Britain and the Four-hour black-out in Brazil

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:15:00 +0000

Two things that got me thinking today

1. Armistice Day – As they have done for several years, Britain stood still again today at the 11^th hour of the 11^th day of the 11^th month. Originally to commemorate the end of World War I, 91 years ago, it is now the day of remembrance for fallen soldiers in all wars. This year’s Remembrance Day is particularly poignant because of the increasing number of casualties from the war in Afghanistan. Only yesterday, six of the fallen heroes were repatriated to Britain fuelling a serious discussion about British involvement in the war.

Another dimension to this year’s event is that for the very first time, there is no survivor from the Great War to witness the 2009 ceremony, the last three men to have fought in the First World War - Bill Stone, Henry Allingham and Harry Patch - have all died since the 2008 Remembrance Day.

I must confess that I admire the way the British honour their war heroes. The ceremony of repatriating bodies of fallen soldiers is soberingly colourful and is usually handled with dignity and respect for the dead and their families. Each fallen soldier is named and remembered in Parliament by the Prime Minister and leaders of the main political parties. Two weeks before Remembrance Day, people start to wear a poppy to remember the fallen dead.

Also, come rain or shine, the Royal Family and leading politicians in the country will unfailingly throng out side by side on Remembrance Sunday (the nearest Sunday to Armistice Day) to pay their respect to the war dead by laying wreaths at the Cenotaph. The Last Post is played and the the men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for the freedom enjoyed by all are remembered.

Britain is a country that honours its people, dead or alive. No wonder; it needs no re-branding process to make its citizens patriotic. I wish our government in Nigeria will begin to honour our people starting with the living by providing basic health care, good roads, education for children and food and water for the poor. I hope it will honour those who die in war and on our roads by ensuring that the causes are eliminated.

I am optimistic this will happen.

The Four-hour black-out in Brazil that made the news – I was minding my own business in my house, generator blaring and slowly deafening everyone around when I saw on Sky News that a four-hour electricity failure in Brazil had thrown a large section of the country into darkness. The cause of this 'newsworthy' story was a problem with a 14,000 megawatt hydro-electric station that supplies 20% of Brazil’s energy needs. I couldn’t help, but notice this rather ‘important’story that made Sky News simply because of the following:

· Only a few years ago, Brazil was essentially a developing country just like Nigeria, it has now left us in the shade

· Power failure, black-out, power-cut or the more prosaic Nigerian way ‘they have taken the light’ must be a rather uncommon thing in Brazil for it to make Sky News

· Never mind a black-out that covered a large section of Brazil for four hours, 100% of Nigeria i.e 140 million people are permanently thrown into darkness EVERYday.

· Our President has promised 6000 megawatt electricity generation by December this year. Let me make a prediction, come December, the government will accuse anything and everything as the reason why they can not achieve this.

· Sky news will have sufficient news fodder if it only reports on the enduring Nigerian black-out.

I am however optimistic that the day will come when a four-hour black-out in Nigeria will be a newsworthy story across the globe. PostcardfromLagos

An Independence Eve Experience

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:50:00 +0000

On the evening of the 30^th September 2009, I made my way to Ikeja to speak at the Independence Day programme of the Nigerian Conference of Christian Medical and Dental Students. Although the traffic was heavy and tiring, I was more concerned with the way the country was drifting. A few days before, our President had chosen to go to Saudi Arabia ostensibly to attend the opening of a new University of Science and Technology rather than attend the opening of the General Assembly of the United Nations. He was also meant to hold a meeting with the US President and network with a dozen other world leaders. Why did he not go? A commentator suggested 'stage fright'. But jokes apart, it appears that Nigeria has lost its confidence. The leadership mileage that was gained during the Obasanjo era has been completely wiped off in just over two years of this government, leaving the stage for Libya, South Africa and Ghana to determine the pace for Africa.

I was also concerned by the irony of the Saudi trip. There, was Yar’Adua basking in Saudi Arabia’s glory of a new University of Science and Technology - reputedly built in 18 months - yet Nigeria’s universities had been shut for three months due to a strike action by lecturers.

Much as I was concerned about these issues, what was more disconcerting was the steady unwillingness of this government to initiate or implement any policy that will make life easier for Nigerians. It’s like being ruled by a group of psychotic children who can’t govern but want to govern. Sadly, like a drowning man, most Nigerians have resigned to fate.

As you may imagine, these thoughts plagued my mind until I finally arrived at my destination with a few minutes to spare. Once I got there, I delved into the swing of things. Although many Nigerians had understandably concluded there was nothing to celebrate, these Lagos State Teaching Hospital medical students, in their patriotic fervour, had planned the event to celebrate Nigeria’s independence and seek a way forward for the country. Though lecturers were still on strike, they had stayed behind because they receive their lectures at the hospital and apparently because medical students hardly get a holiday let alone be moved by a 'mere' lecturers' strike.

I started by telling the story of my unsuccessful attempts to study medicine and how this quest shaped my teenage years. I then discussed with them how they can be instruments in God’s hands to shape our nation for good. I was impressed by their enthusiasm for the country despite the very challenging situation they face as medical students. They would meet again later that evening for a vigil at midnight 1^st of October to pray for Nigeria. They would visit the hospital wards in the morning to spend time with patients and they have also planned a visit to the Ikoyi Prison on October the 10th.

I was amazed at their resourcefulness. They are young Nigerians with little means and a hectic schedule, yet they are painting a different and may I say 'goodly' picture of the country.

At the end of the programme, their President, Seyi Awhangasi, closed the meeting by asking everyone to rise and sing the second part of our national anthem:

O God of creation

Direct our noble cause

Guide our leaders right

Help our youth the truth to know

In love and honesty to grow

And living just and true

Great lofty heights attain

To build a nation where peace

And justice shall reign

We all chorused those beautiful words hoping that every line of it will come to pass and soon too. With this I departed full of hope for my country and clearly full of joy after an interesting evening.

On this our Independence month, Nigerian or not, please spare a prayer for Nigeria.

Rapid, Striking and Extroverted Nigerian Rain

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 13:25:00 +0000

It rained heavily this morning. Fast and furious, water gushed down from the sky continuously for about two hours. Although it was already 7 am, I pulled the curtains and had an extended stay in bed. After all, it's Saturday.

The rain was a welcome idea after the traditional August break which meant that we had little or no rain in nearly six weeks.

I love when it rains in Nigeria, especially at night and in the early mornings. Apart from it’s calming and sleep-lulling effects, rain is a sign that God still remembers us. Rain also means that seeds will grow and people will eat and life will continue.

Quite unlike the British rain which is scanty, intermittent and cold, rain in Nigeria is rapid, gregarious and cool with a soothing feeling to boot. Makes me wonder if the 'extroverted' rain that falls in Nigeria ever visits Europe, the aftermath flood will almost certainly cast Noah’s flood into the shade.

The 7 Wonders of Nigeria - Pure Water

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 20:04:00 +0000

Nigerians have a way of adulterating anything. For example, ‘pure water’ which is the name given to water sold in plastic sachets is anything but pure. Practically anyone can start a ‘pure water’ business; all that is required is to dig a well in the backyard and buy a sealing machine. However, NAFDAC, the agency that oversees food and drugs administration has done some work in cleaning up the industry although this is scarcely an invitation to drink ‘pure water’.

‘Pure water’ is hawked everywhere by young and old people alike and its sachets have become a nuisance and a danger to the Nigerian environment. You will find them everywhere - drains, along the road, and even on the highways. Along with discarded plastic bottles, they are certainly a huge environmental time bomb.

In defence of ‘pure water’, I must say that it provides a service to the nation as the cheapest and most flexible way of quenching the thirst of the average Joe in the searing heat of a Nigerian afternoon.

As part of its metamorphosis, the name ‘pure water’ has evolved to derogatively refer to anything that is ‘common’. This includes certain telephone handsets such as Nokia 3310 - an accessory you should never be caught dead with. Even the rich are not spared; the Mercedes Benz M Class is also referred to as pure water in some quarters as it is believed to be ‘common’. Can you believe this? This is Nigeria for you.

On its own, pure water would not have made it to our list, however, for its service to the Nigerian masses and for all the other things it stands for including all that is ‘common’, ‘pure water’ is a wonder of Nigeria.

10 things I never imagined I would do – Part 2

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:19:00 +0000

In the last post, I started a series on ‘10 things I never imagined I would do’, please find below the continuation of the series. You may need to read part 1 to grasp the full gist of the series:

Sleeping under a mosquito net – This is a pragmatic strategy to ward off mosquitoes and of course malaria. The reality of malaria is that if you don’t get bitten by mosquitoes, you can’t get malaria.

I have never been a fan of mosquitoes and I am aware of the fact that they are one of the greatest killing machines in sub-Saharan African. I also know that some countries in the West have been able to eradicate malaria and that if we have the political will and the determination, we can do the same in Nigeria. In the interim, I tuck myself under a mosquito net every night with all the attendant restrictions. On at least three occasions, some renegade mosquitoes have succeeded in entering the net with me. I’m sure you need no guesses to know that they feasted on me with reckless abandon. Hmmmm!

I also do make sure that my feet are covered during the day, so I wear a pair of socks even at home. For some weird reasons I have not been able to figure out, mosquitoes seem not to summon the courage to bite me anywhere around the head – ears, face, and neck.

I have also made it one of my lifelong ambitions to continue to campaign for the eradication of malaria and have written position papers on this. For now, I will continue to sleep under a mosquito net at night and wear socks during the day. Hmmmmm!

Crossing the motorway – I don’t mean jaywalking. As dangerous as jaywalking is, it is small change compared to having to first join a fast-flowing traffic, then make a u-turn to the other side of the main motorway that links the rest of the country with Lagos each time I have to leave home. This was a scary experience for me when I first had to do it as a passenger. It’s still a scary thing to do with oncoming vehicles screaming down on you. Whoever you are, you cross this motorway on a wing and a prayer.

Is there an alternative? Yes there is. The alternative route is under the bridge that carries both stretches of the motorway to and outside Lagos. However, this route is generally not recommended at certain times of the day given its past notoriety for armed robbery. So most people ignore it altogether. Is this a justification for a suicidal dash across the motorway?, Hmmmmmm!

Opportunity to haggle – This has become a most interesting aspect of living in Nigeria. In Britain, there is no such thing as haggling, you go into a shop and pay the displayed price for goods. All the cards are also held by the seller, few buyers, if any, will ever dare to ask for a price reduction.

In Nigeria however, haggling is the norm and it is always expected. As a result of this expectation, it is factored into the price communicated to buyers. Initially, I used to convert prices to their ‘£’ equivalent and pay without quibbling because they generally appeared reasonable. Nowadays, I feel I am an expert ‘haggler’ to the extent that I sometimes feel guilty after cutting the price very drastically. Depending on the item, I might offer 40% of the communicated price to start with.

Haggling is a game of wits, it’s about reading the psyche of the other person, and in haggling, who dares the most wins. In reality, the seller probably wins all the time as it is inconceivable that any one will intentionally make a loss.

More than anything else, haggling is a communication experience, some verbal, some non-verbal, some primordial and some contemporary. It is also a social experience that employs all of our thinking, persuasive and emotional skills. It is often like an accused person pleading before the judge for mercy, except in this case, it is very difficult to decide who is who. I enjoy all of these different aspects of haggling and in my forays to the United Kingdom, I no longer feel restricted to ask for a bargain and very interestingly, I often get them. Hmmmmmmm!

Going native – That’s how people refer to wearing our traditional attires. I have found that the designers of our style of dressing must have been geniuses. Excluding the male ‘agbada’ – the third layer which is more commonly worn for grand occasions – our traditional style sits perfectly with our weather and provides perfect comfort for both male and female. I have come to appreciate this.

The style I love the most is what is referred to as ‘old school’. It comprises of a pair of trousers and a simple top, usually close fitting and with little or no embroidery on it. It’s a leaner and slimmer reincarnation of the buba and soro of the past which is why the ‘old school’ appellation.

I would really love to go 'old school' on a permanent basis; however a suit is still the acceptable mode of dressing for corporate Nigeria until of course you become a ‘Mandela’ and wear what you like. I do not for a minute despise the suit and tie; it’s just that our style of dressing suits our weather the most and I always look forward to going native. Hmmmmmmmm!

Drive in Lagos at night – To drive in Lagos in the first place is an achievement given the frenetic, free for all driving style characterised of most drivers. Driving at night is considered a dangerous game by most people for many reasons. This includes the risk of armed robbery, vehicle breakdown, accident etc. Considering the fact that most roads are unlit and there are several unexpected potholes, it is certainly unwise to attempt to drive at night. However, like many other people, I have found myself not only having to drive in Lagos at night but sometimes travelling to other parts of the country in the late hours. Whatever may be the reasons for driving at night and in the dark, I am aware of how far I have come – from believing no one should drive in Lagos at all, to actually driving or being driven in Lagos at night and in the dark and trusting God to get me to my destination safely. As you can see, it has been 'a long drive home to freedom'. Hmmmmmmmmm!

10 things I never imagined I would do - Part 1

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:43:00 +0000

Living in a new environment requires some form of adaptation to the culture, the people, the lingo and the general way of life. Listed below are some of the things I now do which were alien to me about a year and half ago. Some of them, I never imagined I would do, not because they are necessarily bad or particularly mind-blowing, but because they were things that just didn’t cross my mind a few months ago. Some of them are choices I now make; others are opportunities I am taking. Some are good, some I am ashamed to admit, and some are simply neutral. The important issue is they are new things happening only because I changed my location from England to the United States of Nigeria.

1. Carrying a mobile phone – I had resisted carrying a mobile phone for over a decade. It was my way of avoiding the relentless pressure of the different hats I wore in England. My take was that I could be reached at home and at work, I therefore wanted the privilege of the freedom in between both locations. I must also say that it was easier for me to do this for several reasons, chief of which was that my work was less than a pebble’s throw from home. Those who felt it was ridiculous that I did not own a mobile phone and wanted me to carry one tried all kinds of intrigues including giving it as a present, asking those who are close to me for my private number, adopting psychological tactics etc. They did not realise that the only reason I did not carry one was because I wanted to manage the unnecessary pressure to which we are exposed in this age of technology and unreasoning and I felt that one way of doing so was avoiding a mobile phone.

However, now that I live in Nigeria, I have found that carrying a mobile phone is a necessity. I do not only carry one, I occasionally have to carry two because a service provider might decide to take a holiday on you without warning. Am I feeling the pressure? Hmmm.

2. Storing fuel at home – In the past I used to condemn those who store fuel at home as people who were raving mad. Or how would anyone in their right mind store petrol, a highly inflammable fuel at home given its attendant safety issues? Nowadays, I have eaten my words and I reluctantly have to store petrol and diesel because you need them for generating electricity and also for your vehicle. I have realised that this is the most convenient way to ensure life goes on without serious disruptions given the epileptic power supply and regular fuel scarcity.

Although petrol has not contained its uncontrollable and temperamental appetite for catching fire, I must say I no longer think those who store petrol at home are raving mad. Or is it that I have joined the mad crew? Hmmm.

3. Taking regular cold showers – What do you expect? Nigeria is a few degrees north of the Equator so it’s summer almost all the year round. Although I take the odd warm shower, you need a cold shower to be able to have a smooth and relaxed sleep at night, neighbourhood generators permitting. I must say that this is one of the things I look forward to morning and evening. In any event, I have always enjoyed standing in the shower as I get a lot of inspiration when I do. It's interesting that cold showers and England don’t go together even at summer time, at least for me. Hmmm.

4. Raising my voice – I have to admit that I now do the occasional raising of my voice for which I am ashamed. Raising my voice at people was not one of the things I thought I was capable of doing. I have no excuse for this and I wouldn’t want to say it’s the people that made me do it. However, before I am inundated with anger management experts offering their services, Iet me state that I have decided to politely walk away from workmen who deliberately do shoddy work knowing that all they have to do is 'say sorry', never mind the cost of fixing the mess they created. I also now shut my eyes to people who drive as if they are possessed. I know it is difficult not to be frustrated by the myriad of issues in Nigeria, but it is my intention not to become what I shouldn’t. Hmmm.

5. Brushing my teeth with bottled water – This is more of a survival measure rather than an attempt to appear posh. In my view, the cost of getting bottled water to brush my teeth is cheaper than the potential cost of typhoid. I have also derived a method of using water so judiciously well that a bottle could last for several days. I did not start this way; I was content with the borehole water until I had a rethink after an incident which I guess I will leave for another time. Hmmmmmmm!

Watch out for Part 2!

Good People, Great Nation – Yes we are!

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 19 May 2009 15:11:00 +0000

A lot has been written and said about the Nigerian re-branding project. I must begin by admitting that I share in the frustration and anger of those who are against the exercise because of its perceived cart-before-the-horse approach.

I also understand those who are against the exercise because they see it as another example of a money-wasting project that may eventually go nowhere.

I equally feel the vibes of those who are wary of the inability of successive governments to continue with projects initiated by their predecessors. Those who take this line of argument believe that once the Yar’Adua government completes its term, the next government would probably jettison this campaign and start afresh.

Like all rational Nigerians, I share all of the views above. However, having carefully and seriously given it a thought, I decided to embrace this current campaign after its slogan was unveiled. I must make it clear that I am not feeble-minded or gullible to be swayed by an ordinary slogan. I should also state that I do not belong to any political party - ruling or non-ruling. I have also not been paid by anyone to take this position. I chose to support this particular exercise only because of the following reasons:

1. Nigerians are good people

Though we may have bad leaders, Nigerians, from Port Harcourt toKatsina and from Kisi through Enugu to Yola are good people. We demonstrate this goodness particularly in the area of hospitality. Nigerians are extremely hospitable people. We are always ready to welcome people into our midst offering them our fatted calf – the best meal in the house, sometimes even to our hurt.

The goodness in Nigerians is also exhibited in the way the extended family system has been nurtured as a supportive system for generations. For example, I spent most of my holidays as a young person with cousins and sometimes distant relatives. My eldest sister paid my secondary school fees though she was only 22 years old when she took up this responsibility.

I am sure that some people will accuse me of suffering from selective amnesia by glossing over the bad side of Nigerians. I do appreciate that we, as a people, have very serious weaknesses that require urgent and continuous behavioural modification, however I have come to the conclusion that, on balance, our ‘good’ far outweighs the bad side of us and this must be celebrated.

Re-branding or no re-branding, Are Nigerians good people? I bet we are.

2. Nigeria is a Great Nation

Again, irrespective of its ups and downs, there is no doubt that Nigeria is a great nation.

Nigeria is great because it happens to be the most populous black nation on earth. It is believed that 1 out of every 5 black people on earth is a Nigerian.

Nigeria is great because it is the largest country in the continent. We have 50 million more people than the next most populous country in Africa.

Nigeria is great because from Vancouver to Vladivostok, Nigerians are powering the economy of many countries around the world. I will be surprised to find a nation where Nigerians are not present.

Nigeria is great because we are a great foot-balling nation. Although we have allowed indiscipline to take the better of us in World Cup finals, we have however won an Olympic gold and the FIFA under 17 world cup three times.

Nigeria is great because it is blessed with a variety of natural resources, chief of which is its people who in my opinion are more natural than the oil deposit in our land.

Nigeria is great because it is a melting pot of several peoples, cultures, and languages, and somehow, we have been able to keep this marriage of different peoples, cultures and languages going.

Nigeria is great because of our mostly favourable weather system that means almost anything can grow on our soil from the arid North to the equatorial South.

Nigeria is great because it has miles of access to the sea for exports and imports.

Nigeria is great because it has the potential to compete with any country on many platforms be it agriculture, economy or socio-political matters.

Nigeria is great because it is the 8^th largest exporter of oil in the world.

Nigeria is great because its people are resilient and hopeful.

3. The slogan could become an aspiration

I feel that even for those who doubt the goodness of our people and the greatness of the nation, the new slogan can become the aspiration of every Nigerian. By this, I mean EVERY NIGERIAN. Not just those in government or in private or public leadership, but every individual Nigerian. In other words, if every reader makes the effort to do good in their personal, social and professional lives from now, we will achieve both the ‘good people’ and the ‘great nation’ we desire.

Finally, I must make the point that all Nigerians, including those for and those against the exercise are patriotic citizens of this country. The intensity with which those against the re-branding project attack it is a confirmation of their passion and love for Nigeria. My hope is that we can all channel this same passion to make a difference in our individual spheres of influence.

Let us take the spirit of goodness to our homes, to our places of worship. Let us take it to our schools, and places of work. Let the teachers teach with integrity and the bosses make the welfare of their staff a top priority.

Let goodness flow through you to the people in the city of Lagos and to those in the remote corners of Ute in Ondo State. Wherever you may go in Nigeria, from the lowest point of the Atlantic Ocean to Chappal Waddi, the highest point in Nigeria, let everyone you meet be able to tag you with goodness.

We can truly achieve more greatness and be seen as a great nation if we allow goodness, rather than filth to litter our 853 kilometers of coastland. We can achieve greatness if you and I become conscious of our environment and stop throwing refuse in the drains.

Let us throw away the shackles of greed and the chains of oppression that hold everyone of us – the oppressed and the oppressors - captive. I have learnt that the smile we offer people and the little help we give makes a world of a difference. Let us therefore do good not only to strangers, foreigners and the strong, but to the disabled, the weak and the poor who live right in our midst; who attend the same Church with us every Sunday, who go to the same school with us, who work in the local eatery.

We will be great when we stop, and ponder about the future we want for Nigeria and for our children. We must not just talk about it, write about it, or shout about it. We must make it happen by the choices we make today. In doing so, we must be singly focused and not unduly bothered about what the government or the next person is doing or not doing.

A better day is coming for Nigeria. Let us make it happen.

A Few Good 'MAN' - Babatunde Fashola, Lagos State Governor

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 09:56:00 +0000

I never thought I would ever have to write a full article about a Nigerian politician, a very positive review for that matter. This was not for lack of optimism on my part, but for the lack of vision and purpose on their part. The reality is that a good Nigerian politician is difficult to come by. The vast majority of the politicians elected into government are self-serving, corrupt and worse of all visionless. They are corrupt nationally, regionally and locally. They are corrupt in the South and in the North, in the East and in the West.

The Governors in the North marry multiple wives, in the South-West; they publicly stick with one wife but go through young mistresses faster than mach 2. The Ibo Governors ingratiate themselves with royalty; the Yoruba ones think they are royalty, the South-South Governors lobby to become Knights, the Hausa Governors have too much time on their hands and Yar'Adua, the President, gives his daughters to two of them as third and fourth wives respectively.

Worse still, the legislators are clueless. Their main pre-occupation is junketing abroad on endless fact-finding missions. Yet they are concerned with how they are perceived at home and at the ready to threaten with arrest anyone that challenges their plain-to-see indolence and hopelessness.

Nigerian politicians are ego driven; they will commandeer an honorary doctorate degree from Universities to which they are the ‘Visitor’ and get their friends and families to congratulate them with full page newspaper advertisements. Annoyingly, they assault our intelligence and overwhelm reason with false eulogies in these congratulatory advertisements, many of which often share the same message. They celebrate 47^th, 56^th and other meaningless birthdays; they collect meaningless titles from any monarch. The Nigerian politician gives the impression that theirs is a gadabout government, purposeless yet whirling in self congratulation.

After the era of visionary and selfless leaders like Awolowo, Azikiwe and Ahmadu Bello, we are lumbered with the misfortune of having so-called usurpers who believe they are doing us a favour by carrying out what they are elected to do. So State Governors have their ugly photos plastered over the covers of notebooks distributed to school children, majority of whom have to contend with window-less, teacher-less schools. Some of the politicians also erect massive billboards with their photos and political slogans beside every road repaired and every well sunk. On being sworn to office, the vast majority of them took to corruption and the euphoria of office like a pig to filth. They stink to high heavens and they carry a lot of innocent blood on their hands and heads.

Refreshingly, Babatunde Fashola, the Lagos State Governor is a departure from this filth. He is a breath of fresh air compared to anyone who has held any executive position in Nigeria in over 40 years. He is so different that you can hardly believe he is one of us. He is genuinely and determinedly interested in changing the lives of his constituents for good. Like many other Lagosians, I have developed an air of breathless excitement as I watch Fashola transform the hitherto impossible city.

The recently introduced commuter bus systems have made travelling affordable and easier for a good number of people. Major road works are being carried out, drainage systems are being rebuilt. If you go on Mobolaji Bank Anthony in Ikeja or Akin Adesola in Victoria Island at night, you may think you are in London. Many roads in the Lagos metropolis now light up at night powered by solar energy. Fashola must have realised that the environment affects people’s behaviour, and has therefore engaged in a massive drive to beautify the city, left, right and centre. Lagos roads are now being swept almost round the clock.

The Lagos State Signage Agency has seen to it that posters and overhead fliers that hitherto deface Lagos roads are now a thing of the past.

Wherever you go in Lagos, you can see the government of Babatunde Fashola at work without seeing his face. He is rebranding Lagos State without making any noise about it. He just lets his work speak for him. Unlike many Nigerian politicians, he is not involved in any populist, short-term projects; he appears to be planning ahead for the next 100 years. Fashola genuinely has the interest of the people at heart.

Do not get me wrong, if you are visiting Lagos for the first time or have lived abroad for a considerably long period, you may not notice much. However, having lived in Lagos for over a year, the transformation is truly astounding. Fashola has proven that good governance is possible. He is also governing from a position of service. Never has he once made Lagosians believe he is doing them a favour. Fashola has class.

He is also very wise. He shows deference to traditional and religious leaders, but he does not 'collect' titles from them. He received an award from a newsmagazine as one of the best performing governors in 2008 but returned it when he realised it was a Greek gift.

Fashola is also a cultured person who is not carried away by power. He is one of only three Governors in Nigeria who still carry the title of ‘Mr’. In an interview he gave a few months after he became Governor, he said he does not use the signature siren favoured by politicians and the ‘powerful people’ because he is not only averse to noise but also considers it in bad taste to live in a government house, drive government vehicles, yet terrorise the same people that pay for the luxury he enjoys.

Some people will argue that he is only able to do what he is doing because his predecessor and mentor Bola Tinubu helps to handle the political side of things. My response is whilst this may be true; Fashola can not do what he is doing if he does not have it in him.

I will like to share a story that in my view sums up the effort of Babatunde Fashola and showcases the new Lagos that he is trying to build. A man had been lying for consecutive days at the same spot on the central reservation of the road that leads to our Estate. I decided to stop and on enquiring from a nearby shop-keeper, I was informed that the man had been drunk and was hit by an Okada (motorbike).

On Friday 17^th April, I placed a call to the Lagos State emergency telephone number ‘767’ to request for assistance for the man. This was my first time of using this service which is in itself a first in Nigeria. I was amazed when I got connected and I was afforded the utmost courtesy by the person who answered the phone. When we got disconnected shortly afterwards, I tried again, and yet another person answered on the first ring. She listened to my report asking for the full details of where the man was and promised that an ambulance will be sent forthwith. I was joyful not only for the man, but that something this good was possible in Lagos and in Nigeria. Without any deliberate prompting, my heart blessed Fashola.

A few days later, I noticed that the man was no longer there. My wife later informed me that she saw an ambulance parked at the same spot to ferry the man away for treatment as she drove past one evening.

Of course Fashola is not doing more than what he was elected to do, however, when the vast majority of our politicians care less about the electorate, Fashola should earn our admiration for differentiating himself so fantastically.

I have watched Fashola on the sidelines for over a year and I know he is no fluke. He has surreptitiously dragged us, Lagosians, to develop confidence in him and increasingly in government. I have come across many people who have chosen to pay their tax because they believe that Fashola will use it responsibly. This agrees very well with the proponents of the theory that Nigeria’s problem is a leadership one.

Fashola has proven that you only need a few good people to change the course of a nation; in his case, a few good ‘MAN’. Lagosians know that what is happening in Lagos is due to the determination of a single man and they truly appreciate this man and have come to trust him. Fashola is a leader, a responsible man, a genuinely good person. He is a few good ‘MAN’. And we all can learn from him.PostcardfromLagos

The Eviction of the 'householder's children' and other tenants

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:39:00 +0000

The Yorubas of Nigeria seldom disobey the rule that says great consideration must be given to the prevailing circumstance when naming a new born child. This rule is also applied to how they name certain animals, fruits etc.

They therefore got it right with the ‘wall gecko’ which they named ‘omo onile' (literally translating the 'householder's child'). The problem with the wall gecko (the householder’s child) is that no matter how grand a house is, wall geckos (sorry 'householder's children') move around with freedom and venture into any room like certified true owners. They particularly like to come out in the evenings.

As much as I don't appreciate this intrusion by wall geckos, I can still understand their claim to some degree, after all, they are the 'householder's children'. They also keep to themselves and do not, as far as I know, seem to interfere with the health and safety of the real owners of the house. However flies, cockroaches and mosquitoes have no lease let alone a freehold. I know they don’t, because the Yorubas did not give any of them names that link them to the house. Also these three musketeers are known to be injurious to health and safety.

Mice, although equally terrible are not a problem where we live so I’m not going to ruffle their feathers if they have done me no harm. In any event, they can only access certain places because of their size. Cockroaches on the other hand have no decorum; they go where they are not supposed to go including inside my perfectly chiseled ‘British’ chest of drawers where I found one recently.

For months, I have been keeping my toothbrush inside one of the drawers in the bedroom as a precaution against cockroach interference. As I opened the drawer a few days ago, to my shock and horror, I saw a rather large cockroach mingling with my possessions.

My wife has been miserable ever since, threatening for the very first time to go back to England.

It was on this perfectly legal basis that I called in the fumigators to evict all the non-paying tenants that have overrun our house. An operation that has now become part of what I have to regularly plan for in Lagos in order to stay sane, alive and also keep my marriage.

Unfortunately, some wall geckos (householder’s children) would have been executed during the fumigation exercise. This in American military parlance is referred to as collateral damage. Besides, the wall geckos pay no rent too and I therefore offer no apologies.

Stop Press! I have seen many wall geckos in the last week. PostcardfromLagos

The 7 Wonders of Nigeria – 'The Nigerian Woman'

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 13:31:00 +0000

This is the third post of ‘The 7 Wonders of Nigeria’ series and this particular one was not difficult to write as the Nigerian woman definitely merits a mention as a wonder of

Nigeria

. If you have not read Part 1 and 2, search for them under the'Labels' heading on your right. It will be interesting to get readers feedback on 'The Nigerian Woman'. Read on!

The Nigerian woman is extraordinary. She pops up at every equation that captures Nigeria. She is the trader on the street, the tiller of the ground and keeper of the home - the economic powerhouse of the nation. She is the mother and at the same time father of the children, a position some men have voluntarily, if unknowingly, relinquished. She combines a full time job with mothering four children, wife to a demanding husband, holding down a major role in Church and studying for a PhD in Applied Science. She is the multi-tasker no one expects to complain.

Without the Nigerian woman, there would be no Nigeria. She is the spine of the nation by virtue of being the spine of her husband, the spine of her children and the spine of the extended family. She stays up to encourage her studying children whilst her husband is fast asleep. She still has to rise long before dawn to prepare food and plan the day. She is indefatigable, indestructible and indescribable.

She accepts her husband’s indiscretions with dignity and takes his intransigency on the chin. She deals with her societal-imposed minority role with utmost diplomacy. She smiles whilst suffering. She executes her role with the utmost diligence.

The Nigerian woman is the ultimate homebuilder, engineer, medical personnel, arbitrator between children and father, advocate on behalf of the children, human resource specialist, Operations Manager, the Prime Minister of the family government, the teacher of manners and etiquette, the prayer intercessor and the attentive listener.

She comes in every shade of colour, shape and style. There are eight types of Nigerian women - The fair-skin and the dark-skin; the slim figured (lepa) and the amply shaped (orobo); the short and the tall; the effizy one and the traditional.

The Nigerian woman is stylish. Whatever her age; style and looking good are indelibly programmed into her DNA. She relishes the beauty of her naturally tanned skin, full lips and her thick, strong and healthy hair. She is effervescent and drop-dead gorgeous. She believes that God spent extra time on her and this makes her unrepentantly confident. She is confident of her natural allure, confident of her body and confident of the future.

As a girl-child, she already has a routine of making her hair every week. She is big time into cleanliness and may even shower twice a day. She will speak with boldness and will not be led astray by anyone.

Between 18 to early twenties, she knows how to style her hair into different looks on a daily basis. She is either in the last lap of University or doing her national service. It is also possible that she is working in an oil company, Bank or pursuing a Masters programme.

At mid-twenties, she has a clear mental plan of her future. She knows what she wants, the type of man that will complement her plan for success in life. Except she chooses to be deceived, an average Nigerian woman in her twenties is too mentally and emotionally sophisticated to fall for any silly trick.

In her 30s, the Nigerian woman is an established businesswoman who knows every nook and cranny of Naples, Dubai, Milan and the outback of Guangzhou. Whether she has a shop in downtown Isale-Eko or the upmarket Isaac John Street in GRA Ikeja, she is financially savvy, hardworking and consistent.

Nowadays, there is no industry or vocation in which the Nigerian woman is not actively involved. The other day I met a lady who says she is a landscape gardener. There are also women motor mechanics, photographers and Danfo bus drivers.

Nigeria women do not settle for the dictate that a girl’s fame and fortune depend on her beauty, they will rather combine beauty with brain and brawn. At a period in 2006, the Director General of the Nigerian Stock Exchange, the Foreign Minister, the Finance Minister and the head of the Food and Drugs Agency in Nigeria were all women.

The Nigerian woman is also in many instances the unassuming, quiet woman at home, the one who hawked puff-puff on her head amongst other things to send her children to school (like my mother did). She is the one who plays second fiddle to her husband at her daughter’s wedding and subjugates her personal ambition to that of her husband’s.

The Nigerian woman is still, sadly repressed in many of our cultures and traditions but the future is hers. I have no doubt that the Nigerian woman is ably qualified for a Nobel Prize in longsuffering, sheer industry and nation building.

For her strength, indestructibility, dignity and her contribution to nation-building, the Nigerian woman deservedly is a wonder of Nigeria if not a wonder of the world.PostcardfromLagos

The 7 Wonders of Nigeria, Part 2 – 'Molue', the Lagos Yellow Bus

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:12:00 +0000

Nothing in the world compares to the ubiquitous Lagos yellow bus popularly known as Molue. I didn’t get to see a Molue until I was twelve. Even then I did not get to enter one until a few years later. The Molue is like a house built on the chassis of a Mercedes 911 truck, a deathly home. It is built to carry the maximum number of people possible (44 sitting and 99 standing according to Fela) as it dashes back and forth along the 3rd Mainland Bridge. It has become an iconic landmark on Lagos roads, it is deliberately menacing to other road users. It follows no speed limit. It is bold and brash. It is big and ugly. It is dirty, yellow and should disappear. It carries an unwilling but option-less human cargo, stripped of their humanity and forsaken to the vagaries of poverty.

Molues are unrepentantly and irrepressibly overbearing. They usually have hair-splitting horns used at will to dissuade and harass other road users. They have made up their own rules which is ‘there are no rules’. As a lion is king of the jungle, an oncoming Molue is unquestionably the king of the road.

It is really a matter of choice to decide which is the real wonder - Molue or the Molue driver. It drives so fast for a big moving truck as if it is invincible. Once inside a Molue, your life is mortgaged as anything could happen. If you never acknowledged it before, your life is in God’s hands once you stepped inside the Molue.

Inside the bus, Molue has a life of its own that is as interesting as staggeringly sobering. All forms of items are sold inside the bus including blood-red drugs that is claimed to solve any problem from stomach upset to curing HIV. You will also find courageous people who will brave the many eyes fixed on them as they preach the gospel. My sister once saw a man carrying life snakes inside a Molue. Molue lumbers everyone together, the smartly dressed man on his way to the office and the iya-oloja (market woman). It carries the attractive young woman and the ageing old man that thinks he is good enough to be her suitor.

Because of the way people are packed like sardines and the unforgiving Lagos tropical heat, the Molue can test your digestive system as various human smell join up in a deliberate attempt to make you want to puke. Thankfully the current Lagos Governor, Babatunde Fashola is slowly phasing them out.

Molue suffers from 'impatientialisis'. It is always in a hurry as if non-movement will collapse its engine. Most users have therefore learnt the art of hitching and alighting from a moving Molue with perfection.

When I did get to hitch a ride on a Molue in the mid eighties, I learnt to my cost that jumping off a moving Molue was no child's play. I had seen many people do it and assumed it was easy. I later realised that to keep stable, you jump and run. Suffice it to say I didn't, and found myself flat on the hard tarmac of Legico Bus Stop on Ahmadu Bellow Way in Victoria Island. I lived. PostcardfromLagos.

(To read Part 1 of 'The 7 Wonders of Nigeria', check for the link under 'Labels' on the right hand side of this website)

Schindler's List, Nigeria - close, but not exactly

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 20:50:00 +0000

The riots in Jos, Plateaus State, Nigeria in November 2008 was a national tragedy. Widely reported around the world, the death toll according to the media varied between 300 and 700. The killing rampage started after a Local Government election that was believed to have been rigged. However it soon became sectarian, pitching Christians and Muslims against each other in a needless ethno-religious conflict.

Several innocent people were hacked to death including the widely reported case of a young man who was on national service in the city.

A lot of people went missing including the heavily pregnant sister of a friend. Mary Bayil, 44 was a Sunday School Teacher married to a Civil Servant. Her house had been burnt and in the ensuing melee, she was parted from her husband and her three children who had taken refuge in an army barrack.

Hoping that she would be found after things had settled down, the search for her proved abortive. Each time we phoned our friend, the answer was the same; she was nowhere to be found. In mid-January, we heard the good news that she had been found and that she had safely delivered a baby girl.

What made the story particularly interesting were the circumstances surrounding her safety. Like many other people, Mary had tried to escape from her house after it had been set on fire by the mostly Muslim mob. Given her state, she could not run as fast as others and became a sitting target for the mob.

Some Muslim ladies who were watching what was happening from their house and aware of what was about to happen quickly came out to her rescue and brought her inside their own home. Noticing that they had been seen by some of the mob, they dressed her up in the Muslim garb and moved her to another village. She had the baby in a hospital in the village and became seriously ill, drifting in and out of consciousness for weeks until she was found last week.

The Muslim women who saved her had their own Schindler moment and they delivered. They saved two lives and brought a wonderfully good twist to what was otherwise a tragic part of Nigeria’s history. Incredible! PostcardfromLagos

Update on 'Medicare' Trust

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 20:16:00 +0000

Happy New Year to all our readers and thank you for supporting ‘Postcard from Lagos’.

The response to the ‘Medicare’ post was overwhelming. Pledges of support came from Nigeria, Europe and North America. We have gone a step further to properly set up 'Medicare' as a charitable organisation and the registration process is ongoing. Apparently it is a long process to register a charity in Nigeria.

We have assembled a team of individuals to serve as the Board of Reference for the organisation.

Dr Bayo Adesioye

Mrs Jibike Agboola

Dr Ayodele Ajayi

Dr Tonye Ajiteru

Mr Stephen Clarke

Dr Sola Fola-Alade

Mrs Taiwo Mayuku

Dr Ovo Oghuvbu

Mr Segun Olasode

Mr Deoye Oshowole

Dr. George Sekoni

Mr Tayo Sonuga

Sola Wilton-Waddell

All of these people have been tapped because of their passion to make a difference in the lives of ordinary Nigerians. Each of them has brought to the Trust their wealth of experience including international charity, business and medical skills.

Appreciation to those who have pledged to support 'Medicare in some form. Further developments will be published here on 'Postcard from Lagos'.

'Medicare' and a Tribute to Baba Akeem

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 22:21:00 +0000

Today is the beginning of a three-day Bank holiday in Nigeria. What is on my mind is not the privilege of having a rare three-day Bank holiday at the beginning of the week (in reality a 5-day break when you include the preceding Saturday and Sunday). What’s on my mind is the death last Tuesday week of ‘Baba Akeem’, real name Mohammed.

Baba Akeem was a guard in the estate where we live in Lagos. He was from the Northern State of Borno and had also worked in the house we live before we moved in. His third child was born earlier this year. Unlike many other guards in the area, he communicated very well in English and was a likeable person – attributes of which became known to me in the last six to eight weeks before his death.

I noticed about two months ago that he looked different from his normal self, when I mentioned to my wife, she felt that he must have put on some weight around his face. A few days later, I sighted him again and questioned him about the puffiness of his face, he then informed me that he had been sick ever since he came back from a recent visit to his home town and he was unsure of what he ate or drank that made this happen. He also had sores all over his body. I suggested to him to visit the General Hospital and to let me know of the outcome.

When he came back to see me a few days later, he lamented that after waiting for a whole day, he was only given a consultation card with the instruction to come back on the 20th August. He went for the new appointment and on his return, he informed me that the hospital carried out a series of tests and eventually told him to go home and seek ‘native’ medical attention.

At this juncture, I was a little bit confused, how could a hospital send a patient back home to seek native intervention? He was asked to buy some drugs as well. Needless to say that at this time, he was unable to work and take care of his wife and three children. Unfortunately, there is no social security system, no help whatsoever from the State, our much vaunted economic growth as a nation does not hold any water for the likes of Baba Akeem.

Three Saturdays ago, he came to say hello which meant his money had finished. We had a good chat, he also said his brother was going to take him to a military hospital in Yaba the following Monday. Things were looking up for him. A week later, on Monday 15th September, his wife came to see me for the first time and said her husband was very poorly and he had decided to go home to Maiduguri the following day. She wanted assistance with the transport fare. She also showed the medical notes from the Yaba hospital visit. I could make out ‘RVD’ from the notes which I googled. Unable to make a head or tail of this, I decided to make enquiries from medical practitioners the following day. When my wife came home that evening, I informed her about the visit from Baba Akeem’s wife and his intention to go back home. The following day, as soon as we got up, my wife said we must go and look for where Baba Akeem lives to stop him from going home, as she felt that going to Maiduguri will almost certainly result in his death.

We got in the car and took descriptions from people around. When we got to where he lives with his family in an uncompleted building, we found a group of people, probably about twenty in front of the house opposite. No clue. I noticed his first son who had come with his mother to see me the previous day, I asked him for his father and where they lived, he replied ‘my daddy don die’ meaning my dad is dead. We were led to a corner of a room in the uncompleted house where his wife was secluded from everyone else. Apparently, Baba Akeem died at 4.00am that morning and had just been taking away for burial. He was 36.

Anger and despair were the words that could express how I felt. I was devastated. I felt I had not helped enough, I felt the whole nation had failed him too. I also felt rather helpless and hoped that I would not become immune from the sufferings of people. I was hoping that Baba Akeem would recover, I never knew he would die so soon. With the benefit of hindsight, I now realise I was naïve, the puffiness and the body sores pointed at something serious all along.

Baba Akeem could not access medical care because he did not have the money, period. He probably knew he would die. Like many sick and poor Nigerians, he probably was waiting to die.

The lesson I learnt is to act faster in cases like this. I have therefore decided, in conjunction with others, to launch ‘Medicare’. Medicare will do the following:

1. We will provide financial assistance towards medical care for those who are sick and unable to access medical care.
2. We will work with doctors and hospitals who want to help
3. We will accept financial support from those who wish to give
4. We will also have representatives and agencies in North America, Europe and in Nigeria,
5. We will use 100% of money donated for medical care.
6. We will also be transparent and publish the names of recipients and expenses on a regular basis

If you want to be involved in any way or give to this cause, please register your interest by contacting me or send an email to medicare@postcardfromlagos.com

A follow-up report shall be published in due course including the names and contact details of representatives across the world. Thank you.

The 7 Wonders of Nigeria - Part 1 - Okada

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:57:00 +0000

Today, I am going to start a new series on what in my opinion constitutes ‘the 7 wonders of Nigeria’. I have no doubt that my list will differ from yours; what will be interesting is to find out what you consider as the 7 wonders of Nigeria and why. Please use the comments link on this blog to air your opinion and enrich the discussion. Happy reading!

Okada - the motorcyle taxi
Okada is a creation of necessity. Unlike the Chinese that have established the motorcyle as a means of transportation, Nigeria is not as populous to adopt this as a permanent form of transportation. We used to travel on taxis and buses in the major cities. We would easily prefer these means of travel; however, Okada surreptitiously crept into the Nigerian vocabulary and also into our carriage system as the economy bit harder in the 90s. The name Okada was adopted from a small town in Edo State. Now almost everywhere in Nigeria, Okada is the fastest means of transport and a very big headache for that matter for motorists and other road users.

They meander dangerously through traffic, they don’t obey any traffic regulations and anyone can put a bike on the road, with no training or registration required. They wear no helmets and offer their passengers none. Okada drivers are either deliberately inviting motorists to hit them and their passengers (they often carry two or more people) or they believe they are invincible. Sadly, it is said that a wing of the orthopaedic hospital in Lagos is set aside for victims of Okada accidents.

Although many would not admit to it, a good number of Nigerians, rich and poor would have had to take an Okada at a desperate moment for only Okadas can whiz through the depressing and parking-lot traffic of Lagos to deliver you to the multi-billion Naira corporate deal less than three miles away. An American Christian leader who is also the Editor of 'Charisma Magazine' wrote an insightful piece in 2007 on how he had to abandon his comfortable car to ride on the back of Okada to make a preaching engagement in Lagos.

Okada has become a legacy of our economic and political failures. The argument for Okada by its proponents is that it provides a quick and effective means of transportation for a vast majority of our people, and employment for those who might otherwise go into the underworld. However, the question is ‘do we as a nation really want an Okada economy’?

For its pervasiveness as a form of transport all over the country, Okada, the motorbike taxi is a wonder of Nigeria.

Moving to Nigeria - What to know and do (Part 4)

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 09:14:00 +0000

Where to shop
Although there are many small shops around, the best place to get all of your shopping in one go is at ‘Shoprite’ supermarket in Lekki. What works to Shoprite's favour includes relatively cheaper prices, adequate parking and a wider choice of stock. Besides, ‘the Palms’ where shoprite is located also houses other shops and restaurants. Be prepared however for traffic as this part of Lagos is generally congested.

Staffing
Staffing is always a major issue for many people. Come to think of it, this is not limited to Nigeria alone. For domestic staff, go by recommendation. Labour is quite cheap, but you are expected to give regular tips to your staff. It is to your advantage to treat your staff with dignity and respect. It is also the right thing to do no matter what you may see people do around you.

You may also experience communication issues with staff. The most confusing one is people saying 'yes' to a question that demands a negative answer. You will experience this with many people, so double check to ensure you and the person with whom you are communicating are singing from the same hymn sheet.

Handling Police Officers

It is no secret that a major shaking and reform of the Nigerian Police Force is needed. Whilst we hope and await this, you need wisdom to handle them. The following will help:

- Ensure your vehicle particulars are intact.
- Speak to them with respect; this will make life easier for you.
- Don't condescend or attempt to speak 'big grammar'.
- Never follow them to the station.
- You need to obtain a police permit to have your car windows darkened.
- You also need to carry a fire extinguisher and the triangular caution sign

- Have photocopies of your driving licence, insurance and vehicle papers with you.

Treat everyone with respect
In Nigeria, do not underestimate anyone. The office help or messenger is as important as the big boss. The secretary is probably much more important than the boss. If you don't treat them well, you may not get to see the boss.

Carry money on you
Nigeria is a cash society, so you always need to carry money on you. As they say, you may need to bail out yourself if you collide with an egg hawker. Seriously, you may need to bail out yourself from potentially embarrassing situations like if your tank runs low.

You also need money to give to gate-men, security guards in your estate etc on a regular basis. Apart from making a difference to their lives, the 200 or 500 Naira you give buys you considerable goodwill and is expected

Family and People issues
You will have to deal aplenty with issues relating to family and friends. Some arguments will be baseless and people may pick up quarrels with you without a just cause. The wisdom is to learn to ignore a lot of things and not get offended. Don't join issues with family or friends too often even on matters of principle or when you feel you are right. You will only succeed in acquiring enemies as your point of view in all probability will not be understood. Learn to ignore a lot of things, most of the time, they mean no harm.

Keep your feet firmly on the ground
Nigeria has a way of levitating people beyond their own personal reach to the extent that you will almost be doing a catch-up with yourself. When you have people doing for you chores you normally do by yourself (labour is cheap), it is not impossible to begin to misbehave. Sometimes, it is trying to be who you aren't in order to keep up with the 'joneses' (or shall we say keeping up with the 'Ades'). You will need to keep yourself under check so that your head does not swell. Keep it real, keep it simple, treat everyone with respect, keep your feet FIRMLY and DELIBERATELY on the ground.

Moving to Nigeria - What to know and do Part 3

gbenga@badejo.com (Postcard from Lagos) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 10:36:00 +0000

In the last three months, we have looked at two editions of the topic - 'Moving to Nigeria, what to know and do' This post is a continuation.

The beauty of Nigeria is indescribable. You wake up to the beautiful chorus of cocks crowing at dawn. Sometimes it's a few birds singing their own version of Handel's Messiah. When it rains, the smell of the freshness of the earth is both breathtaking and breathgiving. If it rains at night, the beating of the raindrops against the earth, roof and concrete creates a spatter, splatter, splash drumming melody that will lull the greatest insomniac to sleep.

There is also a realness to the green of the dense bushes and the richness of the red earth where almost anything would grow.

In Nigeria, chicken tastes like chicken, and you can smell the delightful, mouth-watering aroma of its preparation a mile away. Although the quest for high yielding crops is beginning to eat into agriculture, most things are still organic and fresh without costing an arm and a leg as they do in the West. Before I bore you with my culinary experience, the following are further things to know if you are planning to move to Nigeria:

13. Where to Bank
Zenith, First, Access, Skye, Intercontinental, FCMB, PHB, Diamond, UBA, GTB are all very good Banks and have a wide nationwide network. Since the recapitalisation exercise in 2006, there are now 25 Banks (24 after the merger of IBTC/Stanbic). The days of the wonder Banks are long gone and your money is probably much more secure in a Nigerian Bank than in British Banks where I have repeatedly suffered from identity theft.

Nigerian Banks do charge for current accounts. So ask for an account that is C.O.T. free. Also consider the branch coverage across the country before deciding on a Bank.

14. Don't just eat anywhere
Some returnees have the habit of eating anything they see, everywhere they go. A bit of caution here. Except you have taken typhoid injection, and very sure that your stomach is not fragile, do not venture to Mama Sikira's buka to wolf down 'amala' and 'gbegiri' as you used to do before the Second World War. Having been away for some time, you may not have the same level of defences as you had then and it does take time to build this up.

Not scaremongering, same goes for the roasted 'agbado' and 'boli' on the street. People have come down with sicknesses because of them. Haven't you noticed that buyers touch all the bolis, size them all up before picking the lucky one to buy?

Be careful also with ‘suya’ or eating in public generally. Apart from the fact that your stomach needs time to adjust to a major change of diet, there is a serious possibility of food poisoning and the risk of typhoid. Ensure your suya is further roasted once you make a choice and only go to recommended ‘suya’ points.

15. Never drink 'pure water'
'Pure water' is the name for water sold in small plastic bags available everywhere. Some of the mainstream bottled water are even rumoured to be adulterated. I recommend 'Nestle' water followed by 'Eva'.

16. Schools for Children
There are a lot of good schools in Nigeria. Many of the private schools follow the British curriculum and a few follow the American system. Many of them also prepare their students for IGCSE

The following are the popular schools around:

- Grange School in GRA Ikeja
- Greensprings in Anthony Village and Lekki
- Chrisland School, Opebi, VGC, idimu
- British International School, Lekki
- Lekki British International, Lekki
- Avi-Cenna - runs the US curriculum, GRA
- Vivian Fowler, Ikeja
- Oxbridge College in GRA Ikeja run 'A' Level programmes

School fees vary but usually around the 1 million Naira mark per year for the very good schools.

17. TV Stations to watch
Beware of 'African Magic TV Channel' (the Channel dedicated to African Movies). Most of their films have a part 2, each running on average for up to 2 hrs. In other words, if you sit down to watch any of the films; you will need to devote a total of four hours, meaning that a sixth of your day is gone. If you do this on a daily basis, by the time you are sixty, 'African Magic' would have eaten up 10 years of your life. Beware!

'AIT' to me appears to be leading the charge in coverage and variety of programmes. Channels TV' Ten O Clock News is useful. 'Minaj' news is also very comprehensive. You probably do need the occasional dose of the local films to unwind, particularly the very good ones.

Foreign TV stations are also widely available on DSTV and lately Hi-TV.

18. Don't forget the poor and the beggars
The reason why this is part of what you need to know is because it is very easy to forget or ignore the poor especially because you get to see far too many of them. The reality is that too many people are hurting in our country and some rely on begging for their daily bread. Some days you can give, some you can't. This is OK. It however takes a conscious effort not to allow your sensitivity to be dulled by the daily familiarity with the poor.

Our people are hurting, so don't just splash puddle on them when you drive. At traffic lights, they will come to your car, militantly stand by your window begging, they will touch your newly buffed car. As irritating as this may be, never be fed up with them. Remember, there is no social security system for the weak, the old or infirm. They may even throw away the money you give if they judge it to be too small as it happened to me when I inadvertently gave a beggar 5 Naira.

You may think beggars are a nuisance. Whatever you may feel about this issue, begging is the only means of livelihood for some people. Postcardfromlagos

Watch out for Part 4