Yes, Jack is 3 weeks old today.  Time has zoomed by.

Here’s how things are going since his 2 week update…

General Health

We had another midwife visit on Tuesday of this week.  At that point, Jack weighed in at 4280 grams (just under 9 pounds, 7 ounces).  All told, he’s gained 670 grams since birth (just over 1 pound, 7 1/2 ounces).  He is less jaundiced and eating lots.

Sleep

Jack continues to take a nap of sorts in the morning and again in the afternoon, with fewer and fewer cat naps in between.  He normally eats a lot in the evening, falling asleep between 8 – 9pm, waking up a bit during his nappy change and eating some more, and then either waking again around midnight or, if I’m lucky, around 2am.

Jack has had a lot of gas and “bowel issues” this week.  His digestive system is still developing and he’s working out the kinks, so to speak.  Unfortunately, most of these “kinks” need working out during the night, or so it would seem.  When he does wake around midnight, I’ve found that this is usually more for comfort nursing to help him have a poo than because he’s hungry.  He’s usually only up for a little bit and then goes back to sleep, whereas when he wakes around 2am it’s usually because he’s h-u-n-g-r-y.  There was one night this week where he was up quite frequently and was pretty uncomfortable.

Nursing

Getting better each day.

General Activity

Jack is becoming more alert and opening his eyes more often.  He becomes especially alert in the evenings.  This is nice, because it allows Chris to see him with his eyes open and awake.

Jack has really taken to using his pacifier.  I used to be nervous about letting people know that our boys used a pacifier, but now I don’t care.  In the past, some people were critical about the fact that Joe used one (my last midwife, in particular).  I had strangers comment on it in public, too (once, a saleswoman at Smith + Caughey’s reached over and tried to take it away from him, but Joe wasn’t having any of that!).  Now, I don’t care what someone thinks.  I won’t say that it doesn’t bother me if someone criticizes me about it, but I’m not influenced or worried the way that I was with Joe.  Yes, Joe used a pacifier.  Now, he has one at nap-time and one when he goes to bed in the evening.  I’m pretty sure that if we said, “No more pacifiers” he’d fuss, but get over it quite quickly.  He’s almost 2 years old and I think that once we’re settled in Williamsburg, we’ll take it away.  We haven’t had any issues with him taking the pacifier from Jack, which was a bit of a worry for me.

Milestones

Jack is opening his eyes more and lifting/turning his head more often.  He also loves taking a bath.  Honestly, the biggest milestone for me has been him using his pacifier and sleeping longer during the night.

Jack and Joe

The boys continue to get along well.  Joe loves to give hugs to Jack and will “help” with burping.  Joe is such a good helper and almost always in a cheerful mood.  He will help bounce Jack in his bouncy seat, though I continue to have to keep an eye on him to make sure that he doesn’t bounce him too hard.  Joe is fascinated with Jack’s tiny fingers and toes and, if I find it’s a bit quiet, I can usually look up from whatever I’m doing (dishes, vacuuming, cooking) and see that Joe is playing with Jack’s feet

Postpartum Fitness and Health

This week has been a bit rough.  Some people have remarked on how I seem to have it so “together” and am doing so well postpartum.  Today was a week to disprove all of that!  There were 3 days in particular that were difficult, most of which usually came after little sleep where I woke up to find the apartment a mess.  There are few things quite so depressing as getting up in the morning and seeing a sink full of dishes.  I have been trying to stay on top of the housework and am so thankful for a husband who is willing to help in that regard but, sometimes, we’re both exhausted at the end of the day.  Our dishwasher is pretty small so there are times when even after filling it and setting it to wash, there is still a sink-full of dishes waiting to be tackled.

So, I’ve felt a little low this week.  I’ve lost my temper a few times, cried a few times, felt overwhelmed a few times, and wanted to shut myself up in the bedroom a few times and tell everyone to go away a few times.  I stayed home from church on Mother’s Day for just that reason.  I didn’t feel like going out and having so many (well-meaning) people ask me how I was doing.

I’ve felt a lot of guilt and pressure about how I’m interacting with Joe.  With the rainy weather and and a newborn, the options are limited.  I’ve made homemade playdough which has now disintegrated from overuse.  We’ve done puzzles.  We’ve read books.  We’ve sang songs.  We’ve made upteen batches of muffins and cookies where Joe has helped to stir and “smush” the ingredients.  But sometimes, Joe watches a movie and I can hear various voices in my head telling me that this is bad, that I’m increasing his likelihood of developing ADHD, that I should be breastfeeding Jack while simultaneously entertaining Joe.  Or simultaneously helping Joe eat his lunch.  Or simultaneously helping Joe go to the bathroom.

I’ve done all of those “simultaneous” things (helping him go to the bathroom while breastfeeding is a real trick, let me tell you) but sometimes, I’ve had enough and need to just sit on the couch, nurse Jack, and tell Joe to go entertain himself for a few minutes.

I need to re-read the “Love and Logic” parenting book because I want to make sure that I’m encouraging Joe to be creative and to develop his imagination by entertaining himself rather than relying on TV, but I also don’t want to ignore him or resort to yelling when I get frustrated.  Joe has had a bit more time in his cot these days because of whining and not listening.  I’m sure that part of this is the normal boundary-testing of a nearly two year old, but I’m also sure that some of it stems from boredom and finding that his mother is now not as available as she used to be.  Sigh.  There have been a few mornings where I wake up and instantly have Lamentations 3:22-23 running through my mind, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.  Great is your faithfulness”.  Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

I’ve talked to Chris about it and we both agreed that it’s OK to tell Joe that he needs to entertain himself and that putting him in his cot because of not listening is a far better alternative to yelling at him, even if it does make it seem like he’s in the cot a lot.  So this morning, I walked Joe to his room and told him that he needed to play with his toys in there, then partially shut the door while I nursed Jack.  I could still see and hear Joe, but it was a way to encourage him to entertain himself.  I also told him that he needed to read a book to himself and gave him the choice of reading the book in his hand (that he was wanting me to read at that moment) or choosing a different book but that, again, he needed to read it to himself or read it to me.  I’ve also tried to word things so that I’m not “blaming” Jack or making it sound like I’m only focused on Jack’s needs (i.e., “I can’t help you because Jack needs to be nursed” or “Jack needs to be burped”).  Instead, I say things like, “My hands are full at the moment” or “I’ll be happy to help you in a minute or two, but I’m breastfeeding at the moment”.

So this week, exercise and physical fitness weren’t much of a focus.  I gained a pound.  It would have been nice to have some good news on the scale, but I’m not going to fuss about it.  My weight fluctuated a lot during the first few weeks with Joe, too, and I figured it would be the same way with Jack.

Other Odds and Ends

I’ve started the process of listing a few of our things on TradeMe.  Oh, TradeMe – I’ve written before about my love/loathe relationship with that website.  There are a lot of things that I’m listing for only $1 and if people quibble with me not giving enough details, I can just say, “Look – I’m selling it for $1 - it’s not worth getting out the measuring tape over.”  Mostly I’ve just started listing DVDs.  I’m thinking that when it’s time to get rid of the bigger stuff, I’ll have a “Come Raid Our House” party.  Order some pizza.  Buy some drinks.  Send out e-vites.  And let people haggle amongst themselves about what they want.  That way we don’t have to worry about finding a way to get it from here to a charity shop.  Whatever is leftover can go to the Auckland City Mission or on Freecycle.org.

We were checking out the Winter Gardens in Auckland Domain.

Joe was having so much fun looking at the goldfish in the pond between the greenhouses.  I was a bit worried that he might decide to go for a swim, i.e., fall in, but another little boy beat him to it!  I had just finished this photo when we heard a big “splash!” and turned around to see a boy of about 3 years old being fished out of the pond by his dad and an onlooker.  The dad was not impressed, but then again, neither was the little boy   Thankfully Joe did not take a page out of his book, and we all kept our feet on dry land.

Walking towards the hot house

Observing more goldfish

I love this boy!

If there are steps, then Joe must climb them

Mom and boys

I’m glad that the weather has been so nice.  I’ve been able to walk off some of the baked goods that everyone keeps bringing over to congratulate us with   Seriously, we are inundated with cookies and muffins and brownies.  Because as my friend Kelli says, you don’t want to lose the pregnancy weight too soon!

Here’s how things have been going since his 1 week update…

General Health

Jack now weighs 3.9kgs, or about 8lbs, 9 1/2 ounces.  He lost a bit of weight by his 1 week check but he’s since gained it back, plus more.  All told, he’s put on roughly 10 ounces since birth.  Not bad, little man!

His jaundice is improving and the bilirubin levels weren’t high enough to warrant a phone call from my midwife, so we’re continuing with our sun therapy + lots of breastfeeding.

Sleep

Jack is taking a morning and afternoon nap of sorts.  He cat-naps throughout the day but generally speaking he has one long, uninterrupted sleep in the morning for about 2 hours, then wakes up to nurse-nurse-nurse, then sleeps again in the afternoon for another 2 – 3 hours.

Once evening rolls around, Jack will nurse a lot around our dinner time and up till about 8pm, then nap for an hour or two, nurse again around 10pm for another hour or so, and then sleep for 3 1/2 – 4 hours before waking up to eat some more.  When he does wake in the middle of the night, it’s usually to nurse for an hour, hour and a half.  After that middle-of-the-night nursing session, he’ll sleep for another hour, hour and a half before waking.

Jack has been doing a lot of the grunty newborn routine.  Translation – he’s having a little difficulty passing wind/gas and poos.  When he wakes up that hour, hour and a half after his middle-of-the-night nursing session, it’s usually to pass gas or have a poo.  He struggles with it and so needs to be held, rocked, or even nursed to help him relax.  These last 2 nights, I’ve let Chris get up with him when he wakes so soon after a big nursing session, and both times Chris has said that within about 10 minutes of holding him, Jack has a big poo and then goes back to sleep.  So rather than me waking up to nurse him again, we’re going to keep trying with Chris cuddling with him and see if that continues to do the trick.  I don’t mind nursing him but for the second feeding, he usually would nurse for a grand total of 60 seconds, go poo, and then go back to sleep, even sleeping through the nappy change.  I would try to nurse him some more thinking, “OK, lets make the most of us getting up and being awake”, but Jack would only nibble a bit.  As I said, I don’t mind nursing him but if that’s all he’s going to do, then I think it’s more worthwhile for me to sleep and be better rested to take care of him and Joe in the morning.

Nursing

So, how is nursing going at the 2 week mark?  Much better than it was when I was nursing Joe.  I don’t have the anxiety about Jack waking up and needing to eat that I did with Joe.  With Joe, he would start to grizzle and my adrenaline would shoot through the roof.  I’d be instantly awake and just lay there, thinking, “Oh no – he’s going to want to eat again!”  It was that painful.

This time around, however, it doesn’t bother me so much when Jack wakes in the night and wants to nurse.  It’s still a little sore but nothing like with Joe.  I’m very thankful for that.  I’ve even been able to stop using the lanolin cream and the skin is still intact.

General Activity

Jack is getting more alert with every passing day.  He’ll follow us around with his whole head turning in our direction when he hears our voices.

We’ve been on several walks, a few bus rides, and even made it to church on Sunday.  I was happy that not once, but twice this week I got both boys and myself out the door by 9:30am.  We are all fully dressed, teeth brushed, shoes in place, hair and make-up done (for me, not the boys!) and even remembered snacks and drinks.

Me, Jack (in baby carrier), and Joe (in stroller) on our way to Ponsonby Library

Gorgeous weather – so thankful for sunny days without rain now that winter has arrived

Auckland Harbour Bridge waaaaay in the background

Milestones

Jack’s umbilical cord fell off this past week.  We also received his NZ birth certificate in the mail on Saturday, today (I’m posting a day late).  And on the NZ birth certificate in black and white?  “New Zealand Citizen by Birth: Yes” – reading that gave me a little chill.  We weren’t able to get NZ citizenship for Joe and when it came time to either renew our 2 year visas or apply for residency, we debated.  Should we apply for residency even though (a) I wasn’t pregnant at that time and (b) we were likely moving back to the USA?

We decided to go ahead with it, even knowing that it would mean that 1 child had dual citizenship while the other didn’t.  I wondered if Joe would feel left out, but then I said to Chris that I hope that our children want the best for one another and that Joe wouldn’t be resentful of Jack for taking advantage of this opportunity, but would rather feel sad if he knew that we could have gotten Jack dual citizenship but didn’t for his sake.  If Joe wants to purse moving to and living in New Zealand or some other country once he is older, we will most certainly support him in that in any way that we can.

Jack and Joe

These two are growing a little bit closer every day, though I’m not sure that Jack is aware of it!  Joe loves to hold Jack and will ask, “Hold Jack?  Kiss Jack?”  Whenever Joe leaves with his daddy for a trip to the park or a walk or what have you, Joe will always say, “Bye Momma, bye Jack!”  It’s so sweet.  Joe will also rock Jack in his bouncinette seat, though I have to remind him to be gentle and to not bounce Jack too hard.

Postpartum Fitness and Health

I’m still at 7 1/2 pounds to lose before being back to my pregnancy weight, so no loss but, then again, no gain!

I have kept up with doing squats and planks in the house and was able to do some stairs this week (our apartment is on the 10th floor of our building), but my exercising is limited both by Jack and Joe.  My sister-in-law, Lynette, has sent me a PDF of a book that she’s been working on.  The book contains all sorts of postpartum “Mommy and Me” exercises, complete with full descriptions and photos.  Lynette taught classes for new mothers out of one of the hospitals in Wisconsin for several years and I’m grateful to her for sharing this information with me.  I printed it out and have had the opportunity to do a few of them this week and then went through almost all of them today.  They’re nice, because not only can I do all of them with Jack but there are several that I can do while holding Joe, and Joe of course loves to try to do them with me.

Still, I know that any real change won’t come about until I’m able to do some more intense exercising, which likely won’t be until we’re back stateside and I’m able to enroll in a gym.

Other Odds and Ends

I’m going to admit it – I’m worried.  I know that I shouldn’t worry (Matthew 6: 28 – 34) but I am concerned about getting all of our paperwork together in time for our departure on the 18th of June.

We had an appointment for the US Consulate on May 9th and everything was going smoothly – we had Jack’s passport photos and all of his paperwork was completed, we had our necessary original documents (US passports for Chris and I, our birth certificates, our marriage certificate, etc.).  I saw that the NZ Births, Marriages, and Deaths office had charged us for Jack’s NZ birth certificate so I knew that it was on the way, it just needed to arrive in time for the appointment and all would be well.  Based on when I thought that the registration and application had been sent, it should have arrived in time.

Except, Chris and I had a miscommunication about when it was sent :-/  I thought it was mailed on a Friday, so I was basing all of my time-frames on that.  Turns out it didn’t get mailed until Wednesday the following week.  Unfortunate, because the birth certificate didn’t arrive until Saturday… 2 days after our US Consulate appointment.  By then, the next available open appointment wasn’t till the 10th of June… 6 business days before our departure from New Zealand.

I’ve been told that it only takes a week to get your US passport here in NZ.  I can’t recall how long it took when we got Joe’s.  Still, 6 days is pushing it.  So, if you think about it and you’re the praying type, please pray that we can get an earlier appointment.  If nothing opens up by the end of May, I plan on calling the US Consulate and explaining our situation.  I may call sooner.  We’ll see.

In the meantime, we’ve sent off the application for his NZ passport.  We were waiting to send this until after the US Consulate appointment because our original marriage certificate is required for both passports.  The thought was “Do the US appointment, show them the original documents, then mail in the certificate when we apply for his NZ passport”.  When we had to cancel the appointment, we sent his NZ passport application and the marriage certificate via overnight mail down to Wellington.  Supposedly it only takes 10 business days to get the NZ passport, perhaps less, so even if an appointment opens up at the US Consulate I won’t be able to take one that’s any earlier than the 27th or the 28th of May.

The thing that really kills me in all of this?  We had an appointment for the 30th of May but when I saw the appointment open up for this past Thursday, I thought it would be great to get it sorted sooner and so cancelled the later appointment for the earlier one, only to have cancel the earlier one and get one even later the appointment we had originally.

So, I’m trying not to worry but only succeeding for some of the time.

Another thing – this one is a good thing – we have been so blessed by our friends here in New Zealand.  My friend Brooke organised a meal roster for us through MealBaby.com and the meals started last week.  At first, I felt a bit guilty having people bring us meals and thought that it wasn’t really necessary.  They started a week after Jack’s due date because I had enough food in the fridge and freezer and ready-made meals on standby that we didn’t need them until then.  We had done pretty well that first week so I thought that the 2nd week and the weeks thereafter would be even easier.

Ha!  This second week has been harder than the first, emotionally speaking.  I’ve also been a bit more tired and felt like the lack of sleep is catching up with me.  I have definitely appreciated those meals, even more than I would have the first week after Jack’s birth.  We are so thankful for our friends, many of whom I’ve met through this blog and through our church.  If you know a pregnant woman and are wondering what you can do for her, then take my suggestion: bring her a meal!  Organize a meal sign-up for her!  Even if it’s just a gift certificate for food delivery, trust me – she will appreciate it more than you know.

This time around, it’s looking to be more like 6 months.  Or longer.  Things will be pretty busy when we first arrive in Virginia: buying a house, buying a car, re-acclimating ourselves to life in the United States (I hear that reverse culture shock can be a headache), and Chris will be starting his new job.  With all of that, plus an in-law family reunion thrown in along with visits to my side of the family, it doesn’t make sense for me to jump into working outside the home right off the bat.

You know, it’s funny – when I first was hired into the ER some 4 years ago, I was sure that it would be a 1 year thing.  I’d work there, get some great experience, and then do something else.  However, after 6 weeks of working there, I was hooked.  I have loved working in the ER and it’ll be strange to not go in, even if I was only working once a week or every two weeks.

We’ll see what the future brings.  I’m open to working outside the ER.  Who knows – I may find that there’s another area of nursing that I enjoy just as much, if not more!  But for a long while now, being a nurse, more specifically, being an ER nurse, has been a large part of my identity.  I’ve had time to get used to the role of stay-at-home-mom thanks to working on a PRN basis, but this next phase will still take some adjustment.  I just hope that I won’t be too rusty when I do return to work down the road!

Here’s how things have been going…

General Health

We’ve had 2 home visits from the midwife.  The first was the 48 hour post-discharge check, the second was Jack’s 1 week check-up.  She’ll continue to visit once per week till he is 6 weeks old, at which point he’ll be referred on to Plunket.  Plunket nurses do 2 (or is it 3…?) home visits before having you come into the clinic.

At 1 week, Jack had lost 70 grams since his birth weight check, bringing him down from 3.61 kgs (7 lbs, 15 oz) to 3.54 kgs (just under 7 lbs, 13 oz).  This is fine.  They only get worried if babies lose more than 10% of their birth weight, and that’s clearly not the case with Jack.  He is a tiny bit jaundiced.  Nothing to run to the doctor about but enough that my midwife requested a bilirubin level.  So, our second errand of Jack’s life was a trip to the lab (the first was a visit to the library).  It used to be the case that phlebotomists would come to the home of a new baby during that first week of their life if any tests were required, but that has changed to only in cases where the mother is bed bound or disabled or recovering from a c-section.  As my midwife put it, “It’s as though they’re punishing women for having had a healthy birth!”  I felt like saying, “Welcome to America!”  I’m still bowled over by the fact that midwives do home visits for the first 6 weeks.

Anyhoo, the jaundice is receding.  Jack has spent a fair chunk of each day parked in front of the window, like this:

My little tan baby!

Sleep

Ah, sleep.  Jack sleeps a good chunk during the day but wakes up often enough to eat, and eat, and eat.  The first few nights were up and down, up and down, up and down ad nauseaum.  This has leveled off somewhat, partially because of the jaundice, I’m guessing.  The last 2 nights saw Jack going for a 4+ hour stretch without nursing.  I was awakened by him making little mouse noises and guppy lips.  I looked at the clock, saw it had been 4 hours, and decided he needed to eat.  He nursed a little bit, then went to sleep, then was up again 45 minutes later for a more robust nursing, then back to sleep, then up again an hour later for more nursing.  So you see, even if he does go a 4 hour stretch, he makes up for it in the end.

He cluster nurses during the day.  He does a lot in the morning and then a lot in the afternoon stretching into evening.  He’s not to the level Joe was at, though.  Once Joe hit six weeks, he would nurse for what seemed like 5 or 6 hours straight.  I’m guessing Jack will hit the 6 week growth spurt as well and take off with nursing.

Nursing

So, how is nursing going?  It’s going alright.  I decided to stay longer at Birthcare for two reasons (1) because I knew that once I got home it would be full-on with a newborn and toddler and I wanted a little extra time with just me and Jack, and (2) I wanted to make sure that I had a good start with breastfeeding.  I’m glad to say that things got off on the right foot.  Every time Jack wanted to nurse, I buzzed the staff midwife to observe and help get things sorted.  I really appreciated their insight and help.  When it was time for me to leave, I kind of felt like saying, “Wait – I want to stay longer!”  I think that I could have stayed for up to 3 nights at no charge (I stayed 2 nights).  Chris was more than supportive and told me to stay if I needed it, but I missed him and Joe.  It was time to go home.

Back to nursing – I’m still a little sore, but we’re getting there.  It’s nothing near the level of what it was like with Joe, which is a big answer to prayer.  I’ve been using lanolin cream like there’s no tomorrow, and that seems to have made a difference, too.  Thankfully, no signs of gastric reflux or colic… yet!

General Activity

Jack’s main activities are nursing and SLEEPING.  The boy loves to sleep.  He loves to be cuddled and carted around in the mei-tai carrier, but he’s also happy to sit in his bouncinette seat.

Milestones

Jack is opening his eyes more and more with each passing day.  He’s taking in the world around him and observing.  He turns his head at noises and makes the cutest squeaks.  The remainder of his umblical cord fell off on Tuesday (5 days old).  He had his first bath on Monday evening and a second bath tonight (Friday evening).  He wasn’t too keen on that first bath (in the kitchen sink!) but really loved his second bath (in the tub on a mesh bath lounger).

Another big “first”?  Jack has already had his passport photo taken!  We did it today and the photographer said that it was a new record.  The earliest he’d ever done was a 3 week old, but I think that Joe did pretty well, all things considered.

Here’s his US passport photo .  The actual photo is much crisper than this – this is just a photo of the photo that I took using my phone.  He also has a photo for his NZ passport.  We just happened to be walking by the photo studio and Jack was in his quiet-alert phase, so I thought we’d give it a try.  It did require Chris making elephant noises and bouncing Jack a few times.  That plus a quick photographer did the trick.  It was a nice little answer to prayer that we were able to get it sorted so soon and so easily.  Hopefully the rest of the paperwork processing will go as well.

Jack and Joe

Joe has definitely connected with Jack.  When I was pregnant, Joe would give “baby kisses” to my tummy.  Once Jack was born, Joe seemed to understand our explanation about the baby in mommy’s tummy now being here, and his name was Jack.

The first time Joe saw Jack was in Birthcare.  Chris wheeled Joe into the room in the stroller and Joe got down, went to the foot of the bed, and just stared at Jack, who was lying in the bedside bassinet, for about 45 seconds.  He was so focused!  Then, he wanted to go play with the toys in the lounge Since then, Joe will routinely ask, “Jack?  Jack?” whenever he’s out.  When he wakes up in the morning, he’ll say, “Jack!”  He gives Jack cuddles and kisses on a regular basis and will come running to me, saying “crying!” if Jack starts to fuss.  I was getting Joe up from his nap this afternoon and had Jack with me.  I placed Jack in the cot, lying on his side, facing Joe while I got myself sorted (I’d just finished nursing).  Joe reached over and Jack curled his little fingers around Joe’s hand.  Joe said, “Jack!” and then leaned over to give him a hug.  Melt my heart!

Postpartum Fitness and Health

I’ve been doing OK.  I’ve had a few hormonal moments.  One such was when Chris was putting Joe to sleep and it dawned on me how BIG Joe seemed to have gotten overnight.  I suddenly realized that it was no longer going to be just me and Joe during the day, and I missed that.  I’m thrilled that Jack is here and our lives are enriched by him already, but it’s still a change.  I’ve gotten frustrated and short with Chris and Joe more often than I would care to admit, but am learning to take a step back, pray for patience when I need it (which seems to be constantly!) and to let Chris take over rather than trying to do everything myself.

I will say that all of the working out while pregnant has paid off.  I worked out right up till Jack was born.  The day before he arrived, I planned to go the gym but had to make other plans because of ANZAC Day.  So, Joe and I walked the loop at Victoria Park and walked to Chris’ office, then took the long, hilly way home.  I was also doing the stairs in our apartment (10 flights) twice a day about every other day for those last 2 weeks.  Joe got so used to seeing me do squats in the apartment that he started to do them with me and will now say, “Skawts?” and want me to do them with him again.  He’s been my little personal trainer and thinks it’s hilarious to sit on my back when I’m in the middle of a plank

Anyway, yes, the exercise seems to have paid off.  I’ve felt less aches and pains, have had more energy, seemed to have a more rapid, easier delivery, and have felt up to exercising again already (though I haven’t done anything aside from “skawts” with Joe, a few planks, and some walks with Jack in the carrier and Joe in the stroller).  Again, part of this is likely due to the fact that it’s a second pregnancy.  Part of it is also likely due to the fact that my iron levels were so much higher this time around (and all it took was me taking 3 different supplements every day!).  I stepped on the scale for the first time today and I’ve got 7 1/2 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  I’m OK with that number, though I expect it to fluctuate.  There are way too many baked goods in this house!

**********

So, overall we’re doing well.  We’re adjusting.  I’m sure that there will be more bumps in the road and learning periods.  I’m sure that I’ll have more hormonal moments, more losses of patience, more sharper-than-I-intended replies.  But there will also be more hugs, more kisses, more cuddles, and more joy, all of which comes from gaining a new member of our family.  We are so blessed and thankful, and I for one haven’t a clue why, but I’m grateful all the same.  God is gracious, God is good

Jack was born on the 26th of April at 7:30 in the morning – he was 38 weeks on the nose!

I started to feel a bit uncomfortable around 9:30pm the night before.  I tried to go to sleep but kept getting up.  Finally, around 11:30pm, I made myself a cup of herbal tea and decided that I was either in labor – in which case I needed to relax and try to get some sleep – or was having more Braxton-Hicks contractions – in which case I needed to relax and try to get some sleep!

Sleep kept evading me, though I did try.  It was around 2:30am that I decided, “OK – this is the real thing.  We’re going to meet this baby today!”

I woke Chris up around 5:15am.  He said that he’d noticed I was up and kept wondering, “What is she doing?  Why does she have a light on out there?” but apparently never woke up enough to realize I might be in labor.  I was fine with that.  I prefer to deal with pain on my own, so I didn’t want Chris hovering around me.  I kept telling myself that I could wait just a bit longer before waking him, and thought that maybe I could go a few more hours before needing to head into Birthcare.

We woke up Joe at 6am and called my friend to pick him up.  She arrived just a short while later and again, I kept telling myself that I could go awhile before needing to head in, maybe another hour or two.  Ha!

When 6:30am rolled around, I started to feel nauseous and thought, “That’s enough – dealing with contractions is one thing.  Dealing with them while throwing up is something else.”  I called my midwife, told her what was going on and that I was feeling a lot of pain, nausea, and pressure, and that I would like to come in.  Was that OK?  She laughed and said that when a second-time mum said she was feeling pressure then, yes, definitely okay to come in!

Chris called a taxi (I briefly felt like I was in some kind of movie, having contractions in a taxi) and we got to Birthcare around 7am.  I actually apologized to the staff midwives for probably coming in too soon (again, ha!) and they assured me it was fine, that my midwife was on her way and to do whatever I needed to get comfortable.

Well, my midwife arrived and at 7:30am, thirty minutes after getting to Birthcare and after about 15 minutes of pushing, Jack was born!

He is a precious, precious little bundle of joy.  He surprised me by coming 2 weeks before his due date.  He weighed in at 3.61kgs (just under 8lbs) and measured 52cms (20 1/2 inches).  Everything is going really well.  We’re so excited that he’s here and I can’t wait to watch him grow.  He’s already changing so much every day!  It’s been especially neat to watch Joe’s reactions to him.  He absolutely loves Jack and will ask, “Jack?  Jack?!” in an increasingly worried tone of voice if he can’t see him.  It’s pretty sweet

We tried it and, thankfully, all has gone well.  I don’t profess to be an expert on potty-training, but I can share a few things that I’ve learned.

1. Start talking about potty training a good while before you “officially” begin potty training.

I’m a talker.  Joe and I have always had conversations, even before he could say real words.  I’d talk to him about what I was doing, what he was doing, what was going on around him, and so on and so forth.  When he had a dirty nappy, I told him so.  I didn’t just pick him up and change him.  Chris started copying me on this and we’d both say something along the lines of, “Oh, you have a dirty nappy!” or “You went poo!” or “You went pee”, and then we’d tell him we were going to change him and talk about what we were doing.

Using cloth nappies took things one step further, in my opinion.  When you use cloth, you flush the waste down the toilet.  Once Joe was older, I would bring him into the bathroom with me and tell him what I was doing.  He watched and learned.  Once he started talking, he would even say “flush” or “poo”.

It was only natural that Joe began to follow us into the bathroom once he was walking.  We kept right on talking and I’d explain what was going on.  This might embarrass some parents, but I’d tell Joe that I was using the toilet, give him a little bit of toilet paper to play with and, when he was older, ask him if he wanted to help me flush.  I’d let him put his tiny piece of toilet paper in the toilet and we’d say “bye-bye” as it swirled away.  Boy, was that exciting for him!  After that, we’d wash and dry our hands together.

By the time we were ready to start potty training, Joe was quite familiar with what went on in the bathroom and what different words meant.

2. Buy the right supplies.

Here are the basic things that I bought:

• 2 cheap potty chairs without the removable splash guard (can pinch little boys)
• 1 toilet seat insert (may or may not need this depending on the size of your child)
• 1 step stool
• Flushable wipes (bought more for convenience)
• 10 pairs of underpants
• 2 pairs of training pants
• 1 package of Pull-Ups
• Carpet cleaning supplies

One of the books that I actually read a fair mount of recommended against buying an expensive potty chair with lots of bells and whistles.  Their rationale was that a child should move from the potty chair to the toilet pretty soon.  If your child isn’t likely to be able to do that, then it’s probably too early for potty training.  Since you’ll move them to the toilet after only a short while, what’s the point of buying an expensive potty chair?   The authors suggested getting 2 or 3 cheap potty chairs to have about the house.  I bought 2 like the one below from The Warehouse for $4 apiece.

Joe used these chairs for the first 2 weeks.  I kept one in the main part of our apartment and one near the bathroom/kitchen.  Having 2 chairs was a good idea.  For those first 2 weeks, Joe wasn’t able to hold it for long so I often needed to have one within easy reach.  These potty chairs are lightweight, are simple to clean, and low to the ground (another thing the authors recommended, as it allows little ones to plant their feet and feel secure).

I bought the potty chairs a few weeks before we started training and explained to Joe that these were his chairs and that he would get to use them soon.  Wasn’t that great?!  I used an excited voice whenever we talked about using the potty.  Joe liked to carry a chair around with him to sit on while playing, and by the time we started training he was pretty familiar with them.

I bought 10 pairs of underpants a few days before we commenced training.  I showed them to Joe and made a big deal about how these were big boy underpants!  And he was going to get to wear them soon!  How exciting!  When it was time to start wearing them, he was pretty pleased with himself

Three days into potty training, I bought 2 pairs of cloth training pants for short excursions out of the house (more on that later).  These let Joe feel wet if he’s had an accident, but provide a bit more protection than plain undies.

I bought a toilet seat insert for when it was time to transition Joe from potty chairs to the toilet (about 2 weeks after we started training).

Some reasoning behind why I bought what I bought…

I’d read conflicting advice on the use of Pull-Ups and training pants.  Some people said “undies only!”, whereas some suggested a mix.  I could understand where some authors were coming from – Pull-Ups are a lot like disposable nappies and it’s confusing for kids to use them when they can’t tell the difference between a Pull-Up and a nappy.

When we began training, Joe didn’t wear anything from the waist down whenever we were indoors for nearly all of the first 2 weeks.  I found that when he needed to use the potty chair, he wanted to go right away and he liked being able to sit on it himself without any assistance needed.  Yes, this meant that when he had an accident it made more of a mess than if he’d been in undies, but after the first 2 days he didn’t have many accidents.

Joe wears wears undies 90% of the time, including during his afternoon nap.  If it’s a short outing to a place where I know that there are toilets, then we use the training pants for a bit more protection.  He wears Pull-Ups for overnights, for longer outings where I’m not sure we’ll have access to a toilet, or if he’s at our church’s or gym’s creche.  Oftentimes, Joe will wear a Pull-Up more than once because he rarely has an accident in them.  I call everything by its name: underpants, training pants, and Pull-Ups.  I don’t call Pull-Ups “underwear” or training pants “Pull-Ups”.

I don’t think it’s a big deal how or when one person potty trains their child or the supplies that they use vs. how another person does it.  For us, the main reason why we use a mix of undies/training pants/Pull-Ups is because I didn’t want to be a stressed out, grumpy mum.  I knew that my attitude would affect Joe and Pull-Ups made me breathe a little easier for long outings, so we used them.  Same deal with training pants on short outings.  Use what works for you and allows you to be relaxed.  One thing I’ve heard again and again is that if you’re tense and anxious and stressed during training, then your child will be tense and anxious and stressed during training.

3. The actual process of potty training.

We started talking to Joe about potty training related stuff early on.  He knew the terms.  He knew what the toilet was for and what went on in the bathroom.  He knew about flushing and wasn’t scared of it.  He’d seen the water swirl away and understood about wiping and using toilet paper and putting it in the toilet and washing hands.

The night before potty training, I told Joe that tomorrow was an exciting day – we were going to start potty training!  How great!  I showed him his potty chair and said that in the morning, we would put away all of his nappies and he would use the big boy potty.

The next morning, I changed his nappy and reminded him that – hooray! – today he got to start potty training!  I had him help me put away his nappies and I kept him clothing-free from the waist down.  I had him sit on his potty chair right away and talked about how, starting today, he would go pee and poo in his potty instead of in a nappy.  Wasn’t that exciting and great?

For the first 2 days, I asked Joe to sit on the potty about every 20 – 30 minutes.  I would tell him that he didn’t need to go, but that I wanted him to try.  Whether he went or not, there was always praise involved.  If he went – hooray! – and if he didn’t, I’d thank him for being such a big boy and for trying.  By about day 3, I stretched this out to asking him only once an hour.  When we were going somewhere, I would tell him in advance that I wanted him to try to use the big boy toilet when we were out, but that he didn’t need to go, just try.  Whenever he used the potty, I would sit next to him to make sure that things were positioned correctly and not over-spraying the seat.  He still needs a little help with this.

I’d been told to expect accidents 100% of the time for the first 2 days of training.  I am so glad that I read that because, you know what?  Joe had a lot of accidents for those first 2 days.  It was discouraging, I’ll admit, but whenever he had an accident, I’d say something like, “Oh look – you’re going pee!  Let’s sit on the potty, quick!” in a cheerful voice.  If he couldn’t make it to the potty then I’d say, “That’s OK – accidents happen.  Will you help me clean up?”  If he got even a little in the potty chair, I’d make a big deal about how great he’d done and ask him to come with me to help flush it away, wash hands, etc., etc.

Another bit of advice that I got – stay indoors for a full week.  I intended to follow this advice to a “T” but after 2 days, we both had a bad case of cabin fever.  I was starting to feel overwhelmed even though Joe was having fewer accidents and I thought, “This is not good – if I’m stressed, he’s going to be stressed.  We’ve gotta get outta here!”  This advice might work for someone who has a backyard, but for us?  Living in an apartment?  In the middle of the city?  Without even a balcony?  Not gonna work.

I had a midwife appointment the following morning.  Chris watched Joe while I nipped over to my appointment and, on the way there, I picked up the 2 pairs of training pants.  Within 30 minutes of getting home, I had Joe in the training pants and we went on a short trip to our nearby park.  Getting out did wonders for our mood and we took a second trip after Joe’s afternoon nap.

We kept at the potty training and I learned a few things, the biggest being that when you potty train your child, they’re not the only one who’s learning – you’re learning things, too.  I learned what worked best for us and our family.  I learned the best ways to encourage Joe.  I learned how to help him point things in the right direction when he was on the seat (“Point it down and lean forward” has become a common phrase).  I learned that some advice was great and some of it was rubbish.

4. Advice that wasn’t so great (for us)…

Some not-so-great advice that I got?  Give your child lots of salty snacks and sugary drinks.  It’ll encourage them to drink a lot and give plenty of chances to use the potty.  I didn’t do that.  Joe doesn’t drink sugary drinks.  He doesn’t eat lots of salty snacks.  Why would I make a change like that just to get him to potty train?  If he was ready, he was ready, tricks or not.  I did let him have a few more snacks and adjusted our routine, but that was because we were indoors for a large chunk of time, more than what we’d usually be, and it was what worked for us for the time being.

Some more not-so-great advice?  Plop the potty chair in front of the TV and let your child watch lots of movies or kids’ shows while seated on it.  The idea behind this is that they’ll sit still and remain on the potty chair, increasing the likelihood of them going in the potty.  As one author explained when arguing against this, when you have your child sit there and they’re distracted and they just happen to go on the potty chair, then they’re not learning anything.  You’re just catching the pee or poo.  Your child isn’t recognizing that they need to go – they just happen to go in the right place.  What’s more, if your child doesn’t have the attention span to sit on the toilet for a minute or two without being entertained by a DVD, then they probably aren’t old enough to begin potty training.

This made sense to me.  Yes, it meant that we had a lot of accidents those first 2 – 3 days, but you know how you learn?  By having accidents and making mistakes.  Joe learned to run to the potty or to say “potty, potty!” when he had to go or had started going.

This isn’t to say that I expected Joe to sit there placidly by himself whenever I told him to use the potty chair.  I’d sit next to him and chat with him, ask him to “point it down and lean forward”, and if he went, then yay!  Big excitement!  And if he didn’t go?  I’d say, “That’s OK – thank you so much for trying!”

After 2 weeks of using the potty chairs, I decided to transition him to using the toilet.  He needed the seat insert for the first week to help him feel a bit more secure, but after about 4 – 5 days we started using it only part time, then not at all once the week was up.  I learned quickly that having him transition from the potty chair to the toilet sooner rather than later was a good idea.  I didn’t want to have to carry a potty chair or a seat insert with me whenever we went out, then go through the rigamarole of putting it on a public toilet, cleaning it afterward, etc.  No thanks.  It took Joe a little longer to get used to using public toilets, but I kept up the good attitude and found that talking to him about it in advance was a help.  If we were going somewhere, I’d ask him to use the toilet at home and then just before leaving would say something like, “OK – we’re going for a walk.  While we’re out, I’d like you to try to use the big boy toilet.  You don’t have to go, but you do need to try.”  Then when we were out and it was time to use the toilet, I’d say, “OK – time to try to use the toilet!”

More and more, Joe will simply tell me all by himself that he needs to go, but that’s nearly 6 weeks out from when we started.  I know that some people say that potty training can be accomplished in a week.  Maybe it can for some, but not us.  Joe still gets a little distracted sometimes and has an accident.  Chris and I went out on a date last week and our friend said that he had 2 accidents while we were gone.  That was the most accidents Joe has had in a single day since the first time we started potty training.  I was surprised, but it wasn’t a big deal.  I just figured that he was so excited and distracted that he forgot.

5. Some other odds and ends

There were a few children’s books about potty training that Joe enjoyed.

“Lulu’s Loo” – by Camilla Reid

“On Your Potty, Little Rabbit” by Kathleen Amant

“Have You Seen My Potty?” by Mij Kelly

Joe really liked the “Little Rabbit” book.  I took to saying, “On your potty, little rabbit!” and he would repeat, “Rabbit!” and run to his potty   Pretty cute.

I pulled a couple of books on potty training from our local library.

“Potty Training Boys – The Easy Way” by Caroline Fertleman, MD, and Simone Cave

The book by Fertleman and Cave was the most helpful to me.  I didn’t read any of the books all the way through, but this one made the most sense, in my opinion.

In the end, I think that the most important thing was my attitude.  I won’t claim that I was serene and calm the whole way through.  There were a few times where I got frustrated and it came out in my tone of voice.  But that happens whether I’m potty training or not and when it does, I simply apologize to Joe, resolve to do better, and move on.  II’ve been told to expect some regression once baby #2 arrives, and we’ll deal with that as it happens.  For now, I’m glad to have a little break from nappies and that we’ve gone through this stage with fairly few bumps and bruises

Wind Tree Sculpture, Wynyard Quarter, Auckland, 20th April 2013

I love that Joe gets so happy over such simple things like swings, slides, see-saws, and dangling  from handle bars

I try to make our food healthy while still being tasty.  It’s the same with desserts or snacks.  I love oatmeal raisin cookies, but if I can make them a little healthier without sacrificing on taste, then I’m all for it.  This is my version of healthier oatmeal raisin cookies.  No eggs.  No dairy.  Less sugar.  Swapping some of the all-purpose flour for wholemeal.

Egg-Free and Dairy-Free Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

• 1 C coconut oil, melted
• 1 C light brown sugar, packed
• 2 T chia seeds
• 6 T warm water
• 1/2 C wholemeal (wholewheat) flour
• 1 C all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 3 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1 tsp nutmeg
• 1/4 – 1/2 tsp salt
• 3 C rolled oats (not quick oats)
• 1/4 C shredded, unsweetened coconut
• 1 1/2 – 2 C raisins
• Boiling water, enough to cover raisins

Preheat oven to 350F/180C.

Combine chia seeds and warm water in a small bowl, stirring till chia seeds are immersed.  Set aside for at least 5 minutes.

Measure out raisins and cover with boiling or very hot water.  Set aside.

Combine coconut oil, sugar, and chia seed mixture.  Stir till fully incorporated.

Combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.  Mix, then add to coconut oil mixture.  Stir till flour mixture and coconut oil mixture are well combined, then stir in oats.

Pour water off of raisins or drain them in a colander.  Add raisins and coconut to the cookie dough and stir.

The dough will be pretty moist.  At this stage you can either put the dough in the fridge for 20 minutes to firm it a little or just do what I did and use a scoop to measure out cookies, rolling into balls and slightly flattening onto a greased baking sheet.  Bake in preheated oven for 12 minutes, till lightly golden.  Allow to sit for 2 – 3 minutes on baking tray before transferring to cooling rack.

Yield: ~3 dozen cookies