Discouragement seems to be an epidemic among pastors today. This stems from many factors, one of the most common of which is loneliness. Pastors are notorious for isolating themselves in their churches and ministries. As a result, they are continually tempted to think they are the only ones who face the pressures and demands of the ministry.

The antidote to much of this discouragement can be found in deliberate and purposeful fellowship with other pastors. Not just any pastors, but likeminded pastors. Fostering this kind of fellowship was our aim when a pastor friend and I started a pastoral fellowship about two years ago, which we now call the Pastoral Fellowship for Practical Theology. In this article I will explain how we started this fellowship, who we intend to bring together, what we hope to accomplish, what our meetings consist of, and what fruit we’ve seen so far.

To read more, click here to access the rest of the article.  You will also find a variety of helpful articles in this most recent issue that I would encourage you to read and consider.

I would also love to hear from pastors (comments section) who have started something similar where you live and minister.  How is it going?  What fruit have you seen from it?

In the spirit of yesterday being Mother’s Day, here is a word of encouragement to all Christian mothers to press on in your daily tasks to serve you families; to remain steadfast in those spiritual disciplines with your children that appear to have little effect.  This word of encouragement comes from the great Charles Spurgeon as he reflects on the impact his praying mother had on him as an unconverted boy:

It was the custom, on Sunday evenings, while we were yet little children, for her to stay at home with us, and then we sat round the table, and read verse by verse, and she explained the Scriptures to us…Then came a mother’s prayer, and some of the words of that prayer we shall never forget, even when our hair is grey.  I remember, on one occasion, her praying thus: “Now, Lord if my children go on in their sins, it will not be from ignorance that they perish, and my soul must bear a swift witness against them at the day of judgment if they lay not hold of Christ.”  That thought of a mother’s bearing swift witness against me, pierced my conscience and stirred my heart.

Mothers, I hope you were encouraged yesterday and honored by your husband and children as there is much to honor in the way you sacrifice and care for your family.  However, you may not have been honored as you hoped.  You may not be seeing the spiritual fruit you desire in your children and that was apparent yesterday.  Take these powerful words from Spurgeon and press on in the tasks before you this week.  Pray for your children, with your children.  You never know how much your words of pleading with God to save their souls might impact them in the years to come.

Quote most recently found in The Brokenhearted Evangelist written by my dear friend, Jeremy Walker. 

You can read a very kind review here from a friend of mine who is actually a pastor’s wife.  You can buy A Faith that Endures at a good price here.

1)  Sit with your wife in church every chance you get.  If you asked a pastor’s wife what she wants most for vacation, most will answer, “I want to sit with my husband during church.”  This is why you should not preach while on vacation.  If you are not regularly preaching on Sundays, do all you can to sit with your wife.  A day will come when you will not and you and your wife especially will be glad you once made that a priority.

2)  Stay home on Sunday with sick kids.  This is a wonderful way for any man to serve his wife when the kids are little.  In fact, one of our pastors modeled this well this past Sunday.  He sent his wife to church, while he stayed home with their sick kids so she could come hear the Word.  My wife ALWAYS stays home on Sundays when our kids are sick because I am preaching.  Until that day comes, serve your wife in these moments.  She will be grateful.

3)  Get up and down with the kids during the service.  One of the most overlooked roles of my wife in our church is that she is always dealing with our children by herself during the service.  Most husbands and wives are working together to deal with children sitting in the service, but not my wife.  She is doing it on her own so I can preach.  When you sit with your wife during the service, take initiative to deal with your kids, correct behavior problems, and answer their irrelevant questions asked in the middle of the sermon.  Be the one to take them out if necessary.  A day it coming when she will be flying solo on these things.

Aspiring pastors, I am glad you are anxious to dive into pastoral ministry.  You should.  It is a great joy to serve God’s people in the weekly public ministry of the Word.  However, do not allow your ambition for this work to cause you to miss some small, but practical ways your wife will feel very loved and care for by you now.

Actual Pastors, read this post with feelings of gratefulness for your wife.  She does so much on her own so we can do what God has called us to do.  Never underestimate how much she will appreciate a “thank you” from you in regard to these Sunday tasks with our kids that we easily take for granted.

“I’m sorry sweetie.  I know this is hard.  He (the deceased) had cared for you and been there for you from the beginning and had always been supportive.”

In the midst of this man’s passing, my wife knew so many things about me I dare say no one else in our church knew.  She knew how hard it was those first years at the church.  She knew how many people wanted me to leave in those first years.  She watched as many tried to make that happen.  Because of this, she knew how much I grew to love and appreciate those long time members who loved me, encouraged me, and cared for me despite my mistakes, young pastor blunders, and the opposition I faced.

By God’s grace, our church is a very different place now.  Yet, as I go to bury one of those gifts from God the Lord placed in this church for my care and encouragement throughout those early years, I am saddened in a different way.  A sadness that runs deeper than most who know me can identify.

But there is one who not only knew that sadness and could relate to it, she identified it in me before I had even revealed it to her or anyone.  I cherish my wife for many reasons, too many to count or put in a blog post.  Yet, I was reminded afresh through this man’s death of what a gift she is.  She has always been there and not just present, but studying and praying to seek how best to support me and care for me throughout the challenges of pastoral ministry.

It is impossible to measure the value of a pastor’s wife who sees this behind the scene’s role as a significant ministry in itself to her husband and their church.  Yet, it is one of the ministries I am most grateful for and that my wife has modeled for a long time.  For this reason, and many others, I cherish her.

I had the honor of meeting Derek Prime last year while in Scotland and spent about an hour with him in his home.  One of the sweetest, most godly men I have ever met who also faced many of the pastoral struggles we all do.  I assure you, that vibe will be evident to you as you read of the struggles and faithfulness of Simeon and may it bring hope to you as you struggle to be faithful in your own local church.

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Everyone wants to be liked.  Pastors are no different.  Especially, when it comes to the people of whom that pastor has been entrusted to care, pray, minister the word, meet their needs, and ultimately give an account (Heb. 13:17).  What is our common default position when we want to be liked and accepted, but those we seek approval from do not give it?

I know what I did in middle school when that happened with a group of friends of which I wanted to be accepted.  I pursued to be liked by them that much more.  I started to do the things that I knew they wanted me to do thinking it might win them.  I was even tempted to compromise my convictions thinking it might help.

We should not be so naïve to think our pathetic pursuits to be accepted by a group of friends growing up is that far off from the pull of acceptance a pastor feels towards his people.  This is a group of people we are laboring to serve every day.  In many pastors’ cases, our entire livelihood is in their hands.  Our very lives revolve around them.  Many of the sacrifices we make are for them.  I am humbly aware of this demand on my own life weekly as I regularly find myself pressured to do something I do not necessarily want to do, but think someone in the church wants me to do it.

A pastor who underestimates the powerful pull of approval he seeks from his flock will very likely miss how quickly this pursuit can become unhealthy and lead to an unhelpful obsession that typically does not bring what we seek.  In contrast, many pastors assume they are loved by their family and feel unconditionally accepted by them.  Undoubtedly, this can lead a pastor to pursue those who need to be won, neglecting the ones who have already been won.

Pastors, this desire can slide into a sinful pursuit very quickly.  Be on guard as you labor this week and desire the approval and acceptance of your people.

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Please pray for me as my wife and I will be on the road on this same Saturday to speak 6 times at the Berean Baptist Family Conference in Livonia, MI that starts Sunday morning May 20.  The focus of this conference will be God’s design for marriage.

Of course, I cannot articulate where that balance is found; when to continue to sacrifice for the sake of Christ and his church and when the sacrifice harms a pastor’s family so much it now threatens a pastor’s qualification for the office (1 Tim. 3:4-5) or their long-term well-being.  Nevertheless, here are 3 factors to keep in mind to help you make a decision if you find yourself asking this question:

1)  Always another ministry, only one wife and family.  Some of the best advice I ever received was, “You can always have another ministry, you only get one wife.”  This is not to give a pastor a license to bail prematurely from ministry because his wife and kids are struggling.  It is, however, to jolt the pastor consistently back to his primary priority to shepherd his family first before anything else.  A wise discerning decision to this question cannot be made if a pastor is neglecting his wife and kids in the shepherding task.

2)  Pastoral ministry is a call to suffer and sacrifice.  When our families struggle in ministry, we are quick to assume that is the “sign” to leave and go somewhere else, when what a pastor and his family may really be experiencing is just ministry.  The call to follow Jesus is a call to suffer (Mark 8:34, Heb. 13:12-13, Phil. 1:29).  How much more is that calling for the ones called to shepherd those who follow Jesus?  The call to the ministry is a call for suffering and sacrifice for not just the pastor, but his wife and children.  Make sure the common suffering and difficulties faced as a part of this noble, divine calling, is not misunderstood as abnormal, thus a message to leave.

3)  Discern what your ministry idols are.  The pastor needs to make sure the unhappiness of his family is not the result of unrealistic expectations and idols the pastor and his family can develop about ministry.  Are you unhappy because your church is not growing in numbers?  Is your wife unhappy because she has not found that deep friendship in the church she longs for.  Are your children unhappy because they want a different style of music than your church has?  Our families can want, even covet things that are not bad in themselves, but can lead to a place of idolatry in our hearts and quickly make us discontent.  Pastors, if you cannot identify where your wife and children are tempted to covet the things that breed discontentment, I suggest you get back to the task of shepherding your family with diligence to identify the root of their unhappiness before you make the difficult decision some have to make.  Namely, that this ministry is too much for my family.

There are many good legitimate reasons for a pastor to leave a ministry or even leave the ministry all together for the sake of his family.  Yet, make sure the reasons are good and right, for an unhappy family as a result of idols and a desire for a suffer free life will not go away once you leave the ministry.

I heard them from a very unlikely source.  A burly man with a bushy beard and a long pony tail had already left, but I saw that he came back in specifically to talk with me.  I must be honest, I had no idea what I would hear.  What I heard was a great, unexpected encouragement to me.  Let me first tell you what he did not say.  He did not say, “You spoke very well about the deceased, or you accurately portrayed him though you did not personally know him, or you spoke in a very articulate way.”  These are all encouraging words to hear, but should not be what most encourage us. The man said none of these things.  He simply shook my hand, pulled me close and said,

“Pastor, thank you for preaching the gospel.”

Then, he turned around and walked away.  A gift from God was this man.  In an environment you expect to anger some people, God was so gracious to bring this bearded burly man to minister to my soul in that moment.

Pastors, my challenge to each of us is this:  ”What words do we long to hear the most?”  I will be the first to admit.  I like hearing strangers praise me for speaking well or creatively represent a man I did not personally know, or that I articulate words of which were easy to listen.  Yet, these all point to us and fed our ego often times in an unhelpful way.

Although my pride is always tempted to be fed in these moments of encouragement whenever they come, I can honestly say, by far the most meaningful words I heard came in the form of a really hairy servant of Christ who reminded me what really matters in those moments when the sting of death is so real and Christ is all we have.

Pastors, honestly, what words do you long to hear the most after a funeral or even after you preach on Sunday?