All that Jazz....& the blues!

Does the Aam Aadmi really give a *^%$ about corruption?

2011-06-06T00:13:00.002+05:30

In a matter of hours, Baba Ramdev has become ‘a face for RSS’ and ‘a threat to the stability of Delhi’ from holding high profile closed door negotiations with four top UPA central ministers.

Had Ramdev been dressed in white or green instead of the saffron- would it really matter? He wasn’t protesting for a religious agenda.

His demands might have been uneducated and irrational at times- but the likes of Kapil Sibal and Digvijay Singh are not fighting him on the specific issues he has raised or on the larger issue of corruption. They are targeting him for his religious belief and the color of his clothing, indulging in character assassination and trying to subvert the issue and give it a communal color.

I wonder what they would name Anna Hazare, a veteran Gandhian, if and as it seems pretty obvious when he refuses to bulge in to the UPA governments’ pressure tactics.

Wasn’t Rahul Gandhi a threat to the stability of Uttar Pradesh when he went undeclared, on a bike to meet armed farmers protesting against land acquisition? Everyone from the PM to UPA chairperson had joined in his praise and support then.

"I represent the common man"

-Baba Ramdev/Anna Hazare/ Every politician worth his salt

As Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev would be realizing now, that it wasn’t the UPA government or a handful of ministers who failed them. Take a look at the vernacular press and news media and the picture becomes clearer- the importance English news media has given to the causes of corruption is simply missing from the vernacular newspapers and bulletins. At least that’s what I have been seeing in two states governed by allies of the UPA.

When Anna Hazare called in the youth to join him, it was the youth in metro cities that had joined him, candles in hand, not the youth in India’s small cities, towns and villages- where most of India’s youth reside.

When Adarsh scam happened, it was a English daily which had taken up the issue and the protests were limited to metros; not a feather was ruffled in the rural and semi-urban areas of Maharashtra.

For more than twenty years, most residents of Kolkata were against the ruling left front government for its anti-industry policy, lack of jobs for the educated youth, a failing government machinery and corruption. But the left front kept winning every election with the support of the semi-urban and rural population as well as the support of the ‘aam aadmi’ in Kolkata.

When the urban middle class was crying for blood, it was the omnipresent ‘aam admi’ which invariably came to the left’s rescue. Finally when the left front lost their power- it was because they had grabbed land forcibly from the masses, but what was more surprising was that the urban middle class chose to join in the cause of the rural masses, the same rural masses- who had never bothered about the causes of the urban middle class and especially when a bright chief minister was finally doing some good for the economy of West Bengal and its urban middle class!

When CWG and 2G scam happened, most of India wasn’t even aware what 2G means or how the loss to the exchequer would really affect her/him.

A rise in the cost of SMS or a hike in call charges would have had much more impact for most of us Indians!

The television viewership for CWG was even less than a lowly match between the 9th and 10th placed teams in the Indian Premier League.

The Indian ‘Aam aadmi’ didn’t even knew whose money was being stolen or who was stealing them. Even if they knew, most were confused that if the money had not been stolen- how would it benefit them?

The situation couldn’t have been starker- The urban middle class (the taxpaying sitting ducks) who care about corruption actually doesn’t stand to gain much in case of a lack of corruption. They would never avail of government schools or health care centres. Even when they use roads or airports or trains- they would pay much more than what they avail. They would never avail of NREGA or mid day meal scheme or the governments intended social security system. Their interaction with the government machinery is anyways much lower when compared to the ‘aam aadmi’. Their tax burden wouldn’t get lower. Yes they would benefit from low inflation- but that’s a much indirect and long term prospect and in most scenarios would again benefit buyers whose purchase basket is much more modest.

If all political parties r equally corrupt- then the quantum of corruption depends on
who among them has spent more years in power?

The truth then really boils down to:

Those who care about corruption don’t really matter in this democracy of 120 million and those who should care and matter democratically- doesn’t give much of a thought to the issue of corruption

Two historically corrupt parties fought the state elections in one of the more advanced states in South India, both promising free lunches and goodies to the masses- one of them won, not because they are less corrupt- but the voters wanted to give everyone an equal chance to loot!

2011-02-04T19:51:00.002+05:30

It’s getting hilarious day by day and convincing that I am the odd man out in the world of start-ups, at least in India.

So I am not an engineer- I graduated in commerce, though yes I went to an IIM (though the record of IIM grads are anything but glorious when it comes to start-ups- IIMs teach you to manage big businesses, not how to start one!)

I have an idea which is non-tech, non savvy and ‘non MBA type’- it doesn’t have to do anything with technology, even remotely, other than the fact that I plan to have a website of my business!

Neither it is going to change the world, nor make it a better place to hang around. And we are not talking about any sunrise industry here and hell I already have many competitors even before my egg hatched!

And top that with the fact that it’s a one man show! A single person start-up!

So its going exactly as the Chinese would say- May you live in interesting times :-)

2011-02-03T19:26:00.004+05:30

Sudden realizations # 1:

It’s soon going to be 5 years since I started this blog! Two days later- that’s how soon!

The late realization and the resultant shock:

The clock has been going at the same pace for me as well! The last year of the ‘20’s’ is going to start soon!

Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free everyday?

2010-05-31T11:50:00.003+05:30

Johnny the bull and the Jamie the cow knew each other since the day their parents started grazing in the same field. Johnny the bull was a stout kid with tiny little horns and was the cynosure of his mother- Volga’s eyes!

Jamie the cow used to be always sick and cared by the entire clan. They both went to the same cow and bull school and with time Johnny the bull found himself doing all the homework for Jamie the cow- he was certainly in love!

Drink your milk!!- Volga used to say to his Johnny- ‘or else you would not grow big and strong and your horns would not grow long!

-‘but why do I need to grow big mom? I am good like this! - Jamie likes me the way I am – and she blows kisses to me all the time’

And over and over again Volga kept persisting but little Johnny the bull never listened to his mama and never drank milk! – Oh what a fool he was, he would only learn later!

The calendar picked speed and days became months and months became years; until one day when- Johnny the bull had grown into a fine young and stout bull of strong horns and Jamie the cow, had stood 2nd runner up in the intra-farm beauty pageant ……………..just when disaster struck!

War was declared on the southern front and Johnny the bull got drafted into the army. He was sad as he would not see Jamie the cow for a long, long time and might be never again! But he had to go!

Another 5 years passed by and the war on the southern front ended- and then after a few weeks Johnny the bull returned home, A hero!

But he could not find Jamie the cow! ‘She moved to ‘The city of the Gods’ for a better life as a beautiful cow’- Volga told her son.

So, Johnny the bull packed his stuff and off he went, to ‘The city of the Gods’ in search of his one and only Jamie, his love!

And he searched and searched for months until one night he saw her in a fair, she had changed a lot- she was with a new bunch of some cows and mostly bulls with huge horns – whom she called friends!

Johnny the bull was confused- his entire life had revolved and still did around Jamie the cow- but Jamie had changed, she had more friends to comfort her now and she didn’t need him much- but she wasn’t bad to him- she would come for some time to meet him in the corner of the field, whenever he asked her for! And Johnny the bull kept getting even more confused!

Until one late afternoon- when Johnny the bull proposed Jamie the cow for marriage and to return to their farm for a happily ever after grazing life!

But Jamie- declined Johnny’s advances! And Johnny the bull became depressed and started drinking rice wine and made new friends-

Both Johnny and Jamie used to be in the same fair grounds every evening, but on different sides of the field- Johnny would always keep an eye on what Jamie was up to and every time he found her grazing perilously close to another bull or rubbing horns together- he would get sad and drink 4 more buckets of rice wine!

The owner of the bar never minded and specially arranged for a high grazing spot for Johnny, from where he could see Jamie easily and get depressed and drink more!

A couple of more years passed by! Life had moved on but Johnny the bull didn’t- he still stood on the same high grazing spot every night and drank rice wine- until one evening when he met Francesca the cougar

Francesca- ‘So here you are- Johnny the bull- who loves rice wine and stalks Jamie the cow- who loves bulls with big horns and who’s milk is as sweet as honey!’

Johnny- ‘Excuse me! How do you know me? And how do you know Jamie loves what?

Francesca- ‘well I am the cougar- I am supposed to know about bulls like you and besides I used to know your mother’

Johnny- so how do you know about what kind of bulls Jamie likes?

Francesca- Well all young cows here love bulls with bigger horns- it’s a meter- the bigger the horn, the stronger the bull and the bigger the –uhmmmm –well you can guess!

You never drank milk which your mother always used to force you- if you had- you would have also had huge horns!

Johnny- (Pondering)

Francesca- Johnny dear! You would never understand Jamie!

But have you ever heard the saying-‘why buy a cow when you can get milk for free everyday?’

I am sure you must have- since it’s a bull chauvinistic statement! And most bulls like you want to own cows like Jamie!
But you forget Jamie is not just another cow!

And why would she marry you when she has so many strong and handsome bull suitors who surround her all the time?
Rather why would she marry any one? When she has so many?

Wouldn’t you have liked the same? To be surrounded by damsel cows all around, willing to do anything for you?

Johnny- Were you also like Jamie when you were her age? Surrounded by many bulls?

Francesca- (sigh) well! I was! In fact I won the pageant during my time!

Johnny- So where did they all go? I don’t see any bulls around you now?

Francesca- (one more sigh)Well! That’s the sad part of the cow story!

When I was young, there used to be many bulls around me- but there were one, just like you who was in love with me, but I had so many better bulls around me, so I refused him!

I was happy! I loved the attention I got from so many handsome bulls around me! In fact it was more than love! It was an addiction- I used to flirt with them- go grazing with them and befriend new bulls every evening!

Until much later I realized that all those bulls were just like me- they were only interested in the free milk under the garb of friendship and flirt- They weren’t interested in buying the cow! And why would they? They were getting the milk free from me everyday! And also from many other cows like me!

And then one day, I fell in love with one of my strong and handsome bull admirers- and wanted to marry him- but he did not! That’s when I realized- that all those time I used to think I am using those admirers and lovers, when in fact they were using me!

Johnny- So why didn’t you change your lifestyle then?

Francesca- it’s not that easy dear Johnny! Most cows like me or like Jamie understand this fact after some years! But they get so used to the attention and lifestyle and the admiration from so many admirers, that they can’t return from there and moreover it’s not so bad- you are independent and live life on your own terms.

And then most such cows get old and then they marry another old and handsome bull for the money and convenience. And some stay single and become cougars like me!

But more importantly Johnny dear- cows like Jamie aren’t made- they are born! And you can’t do anything to change them! She would always remember you and love you as a friend but don’t dare to buy them!
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Francesca the cougar went on and on until her jaws popped out and fell, but Johnny the bull refused to buy her story except the guilty feeling over not drinking enough milk as a kid!

So from next day Johnny the bull would stand on his high ground and drink milk instead of rice wine and watch Jamie the cow and her suitors from a long distance every evening.

And many years went by as lonely rivers kept flowing to the sea and one by one all of Jamie the cow’s admirers left her and went away

And then one night on the deserted fair grounds- Johnny the bull saw Jamie the cow standing alone in the middle and sobbing-

He could not control himself and walked ahead closer to her- close but yet far away

And as they stood face to face with tears in their eyes and as the blue moon put them under its spotlight in that deserted fair ground that night—

Jamie the cow came forward and slapped Johnny the bull hard on his face!

Johnny- What the hell?

Jamie- That’s for not doing my homework on time 20 years back and getting me punished by the teacher as a result ,…just because I grazed with another bull during lunch break!

And that night on the deserted fair grounds under the full blue moon as lonely rivers surged to the sea, Johnny the Bull and Jamie the Cow hugged like a full grown bull and his cow should and fell in love once again!

No Pakis in IPL 3

2010-01-25T01:21:00.003+05:30

I really couldn’t control myself from writing this piece and posting after going through two news articles on Google news.

The first on TOI – which quoted famous Pakistani celebrity social worker Asma Jehangir in the Jaipur literary summit saying the foll:

Justifying the anger in Pakistan, human rights activist Asma Jahangir asked, "What if we did that to you?

And what exactly did she mean by that?

Stop Indian players from playing in Pakistan Premier League?

Or stop Indian actors/actresses/obese musicians from performing in Pakistani film industry?

Or stop Indian cash starved rock musicians from publishing albums in Pakistan?

ROTFL

And btw, TOI is the same newspaper which tied up with a newspaper in Pakistan and came up with the genius of a campaign- called ‘Aman ki Asha’ and printed full page adverts along with news items of LeT camps in Pakistan preparing to attack India in 2010.

Also FYI- TOI happens to be from a business house which categorizes ‘news/media’ as ‘infotainment’- trust me on this- and if you don’t- just lookup anyone who worked in TOI in a senior position, on Linkedin.

The second news item on the same topic was:

SRK wanted Pak players in IPL

Well, if he wanted, why didn’t he take one? Isn’t he still one of the franchisees? Or has he secretly sold it off to some one else after last years’ fiasco of KKR?

Instead he comes up with the filmy dialogue about his fathers’ Pakistani lineage and how the youth of India and Pakistan should not hate each other? And not believe in the hatred which politicians start.

Well, SRK- the present prime minister of India was also born in a place which is currently in Pakistan, and Parvez Musharraf was born in Delhi. Your dad wasn’t the only one!

And more importantly, the youth of India doesn’t hate Pakistanis, or Pakistan just because they are a nation or of a nationality.

We hate them because of what they do-spread, protect, nurture and use terrorism as a strategic tool against India.

I am very sure- if one of your neighbors’ family member comes and attacks you and his brothers and family support him and give him shelter and feign ignorance, repeatedly- you cant be friends with that neighbor and distinguish between the family members who attacked you and those who didn’t.

I admit, majority of Pakistanis might be friendly towards India- just like majority of Indians are!

But this people to people contacts and solidarity campaigns are not going to make anything better- unless people in Pakistan force their leaders to stop using terrorism as a state and strategic tool.

We can’t roll out the red carpet for them along with being in constant danger of being hit by a terrorist attack. And Pakistanis can’t get away from the blame by calling state supported terrorists as non-state actors.

We don’t distinguish between a good Pakistani and a bad Pakistani- just as we don’t distinguish between a good American and a bad American.

And this message has to go in clear to the Pakistani public as well as their policy makers.

zoom

2010-01-18T15:04:00.005+05:30

The start of any search for the ideal girl starts with the following prologue:

You can’t start looking for someone, unless you don’t have hard data about that person, data which is unique to that person or at the least, limits the search results to a manageable number.

Attributes which are immeasurable like ‘good looking, loving, caring, traditional and modern’ –don’t work. Same goes for attributes which are controversial – like ‘good character, fair looking, innocent etc’: P

And if you are doing this- the chances are extremely high that you will get a million search results with an extremely low level of relevance.

But before you realize the impact of the ‘low level of relevance’ you would have already looked at some 500 girls and would have got frustrated that they don’t match most, if not all of your search criteria- and with only a matter of time you would start believing that the world has lost All Its Hot Women OR There are no Hot Women who wants you OR even worse- you would start liking the women whom you find and with the search fatigue getting in and time moving fast- And then One Day you would stop searching; put blindfold on your eyes, sit on your dining table and point to one of the pics which your parents put in front of you :| END !!

And it’s all because you chose the wrong key words for your search AND not because you were damned. Trust me on this- most girls, internationally use more Search Engine Optimization techniques than what most web companies do.

So be very specific on what you want- quantify it and more importantly – Give her a name.

Yep! A name! Remember all the names which used to make you feel stimulated as a teenager.

The human brain reacts to many stimuli and most people associate names to a person’s personality and looks. So once you have her attributes in your mind- just give her a name- a name which gives you the kick-

Priyanka, Preity, Sonam, Deepika, Bipasha - anything- (but don’t just give a very rare name like phungshuk wangdu- you would have to go to ladakh for that)

And start your search with that name as the key word.

Well you might not get a hot gal anyhow- but it will narrow the search results with a high level of relevance, also it will give a new dimension to your search and hence will help beat your search fatigue.

And as a parting thought- if the theory- that names do have a correlation to a person’s personality thing is even 10% true- then my friend-you have a high chance of hitting the BULLS EYE!

Epilogue: Frankly speaking I don’t have a name which opens up the hidden contours of my romantic subconscious- so instead of searching without a name (which is kind of beating my own theory) or going with several names (which is a lot of work for One hot gal), I’m going to take a little known name from one of the mid 90’s Pepsi Ad- which had a pretty gorgeous babe in it– who with time became part of my early teenage pantheon of hot babes.... And I’ve been drinking Pepsi since then:-)

That name was Sanjana- and to make the name more appealing, I am going to add some guns and ammunition as her surname – and call her Sanjana Ganguly!

2010

2010-01-14T00:11:00.001+05:30

Happy 2010 folks:-)

Hope you are all as upbeat about 2010 and the new decade as I am- yeah I am more than upbeat.
This is the year in which I will lose weight, and grow more hair on my head :P

And no, it has nothing to do with my belief in numerology- its just that this year has all public holidays on weekends- which means it has more working days- so I will be working more and losing fat :D

Also, since some people will get more time to pull at my hair- I hope of growing more of them as well.

2009-10-20T23:26:00.001+05:30

How many lives do we live in a single life time? How many stories?
Many perhaps! I know at 27, I have lived a lot many and still many more yet to live, maybe! But yet among all of life’s stories there are some which define the underlying locus which we chase our entire lives and yet still among them there is one story, just one- which defines the character which we embody, the one single point of view which becomes the prologue of our entire life’s story.

I have a feeling I am about to start on a new one. A brand new life with a brand new story; I can feel the vibes in the wind. The thrill of standing on the edge of a cliff and knowing you are about to take the next step forward, end your current life and embark on the journey to the next, because it’s out among the clouds that your next life beckons.
The thrill of a new beginning, the thrill of a new story! Your life story, the one which you will lead your way- the way you always wanted it to be, the way it will be finally, the way it will end.

I know I have this feeling for sure, I am walking and the end of the cliff is near.

Life I am coming!

2009-09-21T23:21:00.001+05:30

Put a human in a stuck dark elevator for 2 hours and chances are that she/he will die of nervous breakdown; put in another one in that same elevator and they both will survive.

That’s how we humans behave- the feeling that you are the only one stuck in a shit hole kills, but the realization that you aren’t the only one rotting in the hole suddenly cheers you up, and you kind of relax and feel better!

Had global warming affected anyone of India, China, USA, EU and Japan in isolation they wouldn’t have wasted a decade debating over it, they would have acted already.

2009-08-24T12:20:00.004+05:30

The central theme every love story revolves around has remained the same since Adam & Eve- 'Love and Pain'; you have a peaceful and serene life at first, but then you give that up for the sake of love and do the prohibited and get punished for the rest of your living life!
Sounds cliched but true; we are all just repeating the same old story, the context might have changed but the larger underlying thesis remains the same.

What an Idea Sir jee

2009-08-05T02:18:00.002+05:30

I guess by now you must have heard about ‘walk when you talk’ But I bet no one has heard about -walk when you eat!

Yeah I know you haven’t, coz its my invention and no one gets to hear about them, just coz I don’t endorse a telecom brand. Heck I hate these telecom guys I tell you- those buggers have booked every square inch of space available for outdoor advertisments, even in this town and I had to spend 3 hrs on a broken bike to find out ‘affordable’ hoardings for our activation!

Anyways, I was talking about, my little invention….hmmmm

So as it happened, when I realized that one of the really sad things about living alone is that you cannot even order food from a good restaurant- everything comes in a size which is good enough for two people, there’s nothing small enough for one single person to eat. So you spend a bomb ordering Chinese food and have to throw away half of it.

Or do as I did today- walk when you eat sirjee!

So that you can keep digesting and can eat more!

I so wish I had a dog, even if I don’t get a live-in girlfriend

So, as I was walking while I was eating and watching a movie about losers, a couple of very pressing questions banged on me

First- Can two ugly people fall in real love with each other?

Second- Can you really be ‘friends’ with the person you are in love/or were in love with?

2009-07-15T17:58:00.003+05:30

This one’s for the record- Today is the last day of the fortnight, a fortnight of leave (including sick leave), a fortnight of soul search and contemplation. And still nothing.

I have been transcending from one phase of boredom to the next. I guess it’s only a matter of two, three phases more before I write a treatise on the phases and kinds of boredom.
And how to get bored when you cannot get bored?
Or how to get bored when people keep breaking your concentration?
Also, how to not let go of your boredom for days at a stretch?

But you know what? On a different plane of thought- its not just plain boredom, it’s much more complicated. I guess its pure lack of passion coupled with the crippling realization that a lot many of your plans are dependant on positive actions of people whom you haven’t even met in person and on whom you do not have any control and none of your actions are going to change the status quo much.

Hmmmmm…interesting position to be in, really! And even more interesting is the question – that what is more interesting in this? - The position to be in? Or the realization that you are in this position?

Anyways! Whatever!

I am not much interested in finding that out I guess.

No, It’s not a guess- I know, know it for sure that I am not interested.

And No its not ‘Anyways’ either- it’s either my way or the highway/ropeway/subway ….whatever!

Goddess

2009-06-29T16:00:00.004+05:30

Why does GOD have to make someone so beautiful? That you look at her, and it takes your breath away

I had never felt anything so intense in my life. As if something had sucked life out of my gut. The air had become so intense, it was hard to breathe. The only sensation I could feel was a cold burning sensation- alternate drops of fire and ice piercing through my body and running through my veins hitting the tip of my under skin

It was a moment which froze and it froze me along with it- and it felt like eternity.

“Life is the summation of all those things we did not do, or of all those things we could not get, or maybe of all those alternate ways we could have lived it, but did not”-

Philosophical stuff!- which I might have given as gyaan to others, or might have thought at some other moment, some other day.
But at that moment, I didn’t care a damn. All I did care was, that I could have been there standing next to her and she could have been mine and only mine- for that day, for life and for eternity ……but it didn’t happen.

I so wish I had a time machine.

2009-06-11T18:29:00.002+05:30

The daily rickshaw ride has become even deadlier these days.

The mildly ball crushing experience of bouncing over pot holes and speed breakers has taken dangerous connotations these days with rain water covering broken roads.

Add to that the ever ‘tharki’ socially accepted behavior of Public Display of Lust by men here.
Anything remotely human and female attracts stares and ogles of the order which would even make rakhi sawant feel bad! Traffic stopper as a compliment doesn’t exist in the dictionary of this place- traffic is anyways always on a halt with people searching for a female to ogle at.

Now put these two things together and imagine that you are on a rickshaw, managing to save your balls from getting crushed and you see a pool of water ahead and you start recalling on which side of the road was the pothole last time you crossed this place and try to whack your brains off to guide the driver, but the guy in the front is busy turning his head 180 degrees to ogle at a female passerby- Abe Ch*&^%$! G*&^#, B*&@# *$

Well aviators, white shirt, jeans and sports shoes…they go a long way in building your image here…you abuse and you abuse them as if you own them while wearing your aviators and everyone fears you :P - Remnants of the old raj !

But seriously Mr. Health Minister and WHO, you should seriously consider making the cycle rickshaw ride a danger level 6 activity and ogling while driving a penal offence as you have done with smoking!

Well, among other news, B&H lights has become 100 bucks a pack now! And that’s an even steeper price increase than my pay hike!

Hmmmm…is ITC hiring these days?

2009-05-08T12:59:00.005+05:30

How does it feel to be back in your blog after nearly a year ?

Feels good eh? well yeah ! it does, feels as good as cleaning up your desktop...after planning and mentally having done it scores of time before you get into that mindset of 'what the F$#K? Aaj nahi chodunga tujhe!

well to be true...the past one year has been one hell of a ride..perhaps the weirdest and the most unexpected run so far...and many a times I did come up face to face with such fantastic happenings- the good, the bad and the ugly..that I felt like writing about them, then and there....but then i never did...and even if i wrote about them....i never blogged. Why? Maybe I was too hesitant to put up my thoughts and feelings on public..I just wasnt comfortable with it...

Maybe one day when I am done with all these...I will write about them..maybe a book....who knows? Nothing is impossible for me now that I have discovered hidden facts about myself- like I am the most "happening" guy on planet earth- with so many things happening with me :D

And that I am the true prophecy of Murphy...and God's Chosen One...and well I maybe a alien J-Rod with short term memory loss..for all I know..
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...so now you know..how much the happenings of the past one year has affected the insanity of this righteous man....hmmmmm

so guys thats it for now ....we'll close this post on that positive note...cya a-round..

cheers

The Chinese have ‘Fingered’ India yet again!

2008-06-20T14:13:00.009+05:30

65 intrusions in less than 6 months, that too on a 2.1 sq km tract of land which is no longer disputed. A simple calculation will tell you that this translates to nearly 11 intrusions on an average per month by the PLA, which cannot be anything else than fingering around and testing the nerves of the guy on the other side, in this case Indians.

Well I still don’t guess that this stemmed from an official Chinese charter to re claim Sikkim; rather it looks like the work of an idiot middle ranking official of the PLA who is in charge of the affairs in that particular border area.

And now some of the funnier (if not hilarious) aspects of this entire episode:

The Chinese just enter the piece of land …spend some minutes enjoying the cool air, have some cigarettes and go back, but not before littering the place with cigarette butts and other tell tale signs.
And in response to that Indian soldiers too have started littering the place(which is Indian), under the assumption it’s a disputed land….and they are replying the PLA in kind.

And yes there are also reports that Indian soldiers have started following ‘Gandhigiri’ and they form human chains whenever they see the Chinese coming their way.

[There is also another explanation to it, as the CBMs signed by India and China prevent the use of fire power in case of an intrusion by either in disputed territories]

But the point is the Chinese have no clue what ‘Gandhigiri’ is all about and fearing it to be some kind of new Indian war technique run back as fast and far away they can.

The Mango Verdict: Next time the Chinese finger around, use the ‘Chinese Finger Trap’ Strategy!

Photo: http://www.china.org.cn/china/photos/2008-04/10/content_14773980.htm

Absolute

2008-01-18T16:19:00.001+05:30

When you have known, seen, experienced a lot too many gross things in this world and risen above them all

When distaste overflows from the top of your head
When you breathe fire at the sight of this heinously crooked and mediocre world, lost in a devilish dance of slow self destruction.

Its then that you transcend into the realm of the absolute
A realm of absolute power, absolute energy, absolute awareness
And above all……Absolute Existence!

mango republic

2008-01-04T23:37:00.003+05:30

They say if life offers you a lemon.....make some lemonade !
But what if it offers you mangoes instead? not one, but hundreds and thousands and millions and hundreds of millions?

make some mango shake...huh ? or do some black magic and put life into it and call them the mango population, divide them on their castes and become the head of their mango republic?

And if you are not that particularly good in english, or for that matter in any language, just follow simple word to word translation like this one done in hindi :

Mango = Aam ; People= Junta; Person= Aadmi

And bingo! you have an individual as well as a collective name for your subjects.

Ahoy! But just before you get careless with these powerful words, here's some basic do's and dont's-

-> always use the singular person for raking up emotions for a political cause, like what will happen to the 'aam admi' if the government signs a technology treaty with another country which will solve our energy problems?

or where will the 'aam aadmi' go for his nature calls if factories come up in farm lands?

- > And keep the collective ' aam junta' for shielding purposes. Like you can always claim that the aam junta gave you a mountain full of wealth as gifts when some honest tax officer comes asking about that money you made in those shady deals.

And if you follow these rules to the book, then my friend you.......yes YOU, will get to rule your own replublic of mangoes, term after term, even if there are umpteen numbers of genocide/murder/rape/corruption charges against you and those guys in pyjamas keep hating you.

Now who are these guys in pyjamas? Well these will not be mangoes but will still be your subjects.

These will be guys who will pay you taxes, who will get you the much needed Dollars after slogging it out in foreign shores, who will bring you name and recognition and wealth, who will consider themselves very powerful and intellectual and feel for your mango man more than you or other fellow mango men or women. But the mango man will envy them and attack them at the slightest chance and molest their women while they take a walk on a beach on festive nights.

And then some one from them will write a blog on it!

2007-12-27T23:36:00.001+05:30

'Chaand pura hai..
aur raat adhi'

Nothing else to say, but still wanted to blog...

Life is increasingly becoming a monologue....with lots of background score and occasional guest appearances.

2007-12-27T23:26:00.001+05:30

Once upon a time two friends went camping in a jungle. After trekking for the entire day when they set up their tents, a bear attacked them. They both started running for their lives, until one of them stopped and started putting on his running shoes.

'You certainly can't outrun the bear with those shoes one '- shouted his friend.

And he replied 'I don't need to...I just need to outrun you!'

The loop of sexuality

2007-12-07T16:52:00.003+05:30

This is not about sex! It’s about men and their sexuality; Its about retrosexuals, metrosexuals and about those who find themselves lost in between these two.

(In short its all about heterosexual males and all beautiful women reading this are free to keep their hopes high of being with me)

The old conservative, pseudo Tarzan, retrosexual Indian male has been knocked down. His bulging biceps and macho image has been defeated by the well groomed, six pack armed, designer wear flaunting metrosexual.

Men have started going to gym just to get the ‘six packs’, shopping malls have more men’s clothing stores now than what used to be there even 5 years back. And cosmetic companies have started launching products meant especially for men.

It doesn’t always appear so stark, until you put up your head for a couple of seconds during that visit to the men’s salon, and look around. Men have changed, changed their postures and look. The stooped heads and skyward facing chins have been replaced with men lying lazily on spread up chairs with face packs instead of the omnipresent shaving cream. Even salons have started to offer services which never used to be found in the men’s list, and at times it does come as a shocker, when you find the middle aged guy seated next to you getting a manicure!

Strangely this transformation wasn’t as sudden as it might appear in retrospect. I know not many will agree with me on this one, but trust me guys I know it better than you, because I was caught in it, caught in the transformation and it cost me more than a thousand bucks.

Not so long back when this idea was still in its infancy and hadn’t become so trite, I had bought a shirt- a party shirt- a pretty flashy looking shirt- a shirt which I bought under the impression that it looked metro sexual.

But every time I wore that, the chettas back in K mistook me to be one of them.

!
!
!

I still have that shirt, nicely packed and kept in one lonely corner of my wardrobe. At times when I am caught drunk and dressing up for a late night party, I take it out, have a long look at it and then put it back inside, knowing very well that not many of today’s copycats will understand its historical significance.

So now you know the ‘Bollywood’ jokers, whom most of you gals drool over as well as the industry to which they belong, are nothing but laggards who follow early adaptors.

They are there for the mediocre, and when the mediocre dance on the footsteps of those jokers, it’s called ‘The Dance of the Mediocre’!

Scene# 2:

2007-11-16T19:59:00.002+05:30

Venue: Centre of the office floor, waiting in the small cubicle housing the photocopier and the printer.

Time: 3 pm

Plot: I am standing in front of the printer waiting for my print commands to take shape. There’s another soul standing hardly 1 feet away from me so lost in taking photocopies that he misses me coming in.

As soon as the printer starts working, he turns back in astonishment, looks at me, then looks at the printer doing its job and shouts back at me - What are you taking out? (In Bengali)

I looked at him for a second and thought-

Birbal died ages ago, but his blindmen with eyes still roam across freely and terrorise people with their dumb questions.

So I just gave him a blank look and replied- Printouts!

The futility of actions and dumbness of thought

2007-11-16T19:55:00.000+05:30

Scene#1

Time- 9:20 am

Venue: Waiting in the queue in front of the elevator of my office building. There are a couple of elevators and the queues for getting in, generally run parallel. So there are about 30 people waiting in total.

Plot: after standing in there for about 10 minutes finally I come at the starting of the queue.

Generally in such a situation, most people keep concentrating on the electronic display by the side of the elevator door, trying to influence its speed by exerting their mental control over it, others, especially of a particular insurance company whose office is just below mine, and those who come with their female/male counterparts, happily use this time in flirting and bitching around.

So as I was waiting there in front of the queue with my heavy laptop bag panting on my shoulders, it was quite a normal scene, until a middle aged woman standing in the same queue as mine walks forward, pushes me and keeps pressing the elevator switch in frustration, probably she got fed up of using psychokinesis!

Seeing this my counterpart in the next queue, a well dressed young executive also starts pressing the elevator switch next to him.

I thought for a second of telling these two geniuses, that these elevators are manned by operators and they know very well that this is prime usage time, infact they have just 1 minute back seen the long queue waiting when the elevator last came down, and they under no circumstances are going to halt the elevator in its way out of no reason, neither is the speed of the elevator going to go up by pressing this switch repeatedly. So the entire act of pressing this switch is futile.

But then something occurred to me- one of the earliest lessons of a subject in B School which at that time I didn’t like much, called organizational behavior. And it said- average intelligence in a group environment tends to come down to the level of the least intelligent member.

Well those fat books weren’t so useless after all!!

The Revenge of the Nerds !

2007-11-14T14:02:00.001+05:30

If I finish this post in one go, I’ll treat myself an ice cream.

Hmmmm..ummmmm..Okay dismiss that.

Take two -

‘If I finish this post, I’ll treat myself an ice cream!’

Now that’s neither an exaggeration, nor an easily achievable task by two counts.

First, you should have a look at the number of half finished posts in this little word doc which I so religiously save on my comp, to have a passing idea of the number of imaginary topics I have conceived, started writing but somehow lost steam, since the last couple of months.

Second, the temptation of having an ice cream is really big for me right now. With an acute cough, blocked nose and body temperature which shadows the NSE index it’s a big deal for me to somehow sneak in a cig, leave aside the prospect of going out and treating myself an ice cream in this condition.

So..coming back to the nerds and their revenge!

Question number one: What was I doing for the last couple of months?

Answer:

Well…I discovered the gory truth about someone, took some days to digest that, lost all interest in writing, finished my first project, partied around my last week in bangalore, came back to cal, saw durga puja after three years, met some old pals and foes, kept running around the city meeting fat, bald marwaris, bidi smoking bongs, story telling uncles…..befriended a lot of fat women and finally caught a bad cold.

Question number two: How have I been doing?

Answer: Well I have been doing great. I have successfully guarded my frustration and dangerous intentions quite well in the past few weeks. Guess I am riding up the learning curve on that.

And I have kept my calm, kept my calm against the dance of the mediocre all around me.
I have kept my calm at the sight of ring/pin studded, long haired, doped teenagers around me in pubs and discs. I have kept my calm at the sound of aunties bitching when I was neck deep in work.

I have kept my calm at the sight of gorgeous young women flirting around with firangs.

I have kept my calm at the realization that the same old buggers, who used to get on to my nerves back in college, still have their old abilities.

And finally I have kept myself from hitting a doc who showed me the doomsday scenario that I’ll be an asthmatic patient when I reach 50..if I don’t quit smoking.
.
.
.
Well that’s it for now. See you next time.

Over and Out!

[And before you really start to believe that I am a nerd, lemme tell you, the idea of this post name is not mine, its my bro avinav’s, a self proclaimed nerd of not much repute]

A four letter word called 'Love'

2007-08-31T01:59:00.001+05:30

Yhaawn!! ….

One more Yawn!!...
.
.
.
Its about 2 am in the night..and India seems to have lost all ability to break the 8th wicket partnership against England….

Okay its over now…no more yawns.

Yup as I was saying, that four letter word….

Now don’t panic. I am not going to bore you with another of my love lost monologues today....

Rather I am going to tell you a story, well three of them actually. Stories of normal people, of the kind me and you encounter everyday but never realize that they also have a story to tell, a story which can move us and make us think.

The first two stories are inspired by real life stories, of people I have known. But the real thrill is in the third and final story. Thrill because it’s so unbelievable and chilling, but again as they say- life is stranger than fiction.

But it will be some days before I can dole out that story to you, so let’s start with the first one now…….

The first story

It was about a little before noon, on the third day and I was enquiring my sales staff about the important towns and villages nearby which I can visit on the east of the town and interview some people. I asked one of them, a pretty simple looking young woman hardly in her mid twenties, who claimed to be from that area, to write down the names of all the places in Tamil, to make it easy for my driver.

And as she was busy jotting it down, outcomes my franchise and we start with our normal talk. The discussion had hardly lasted 5 minutes when she comes back and hands over the list to me. I in turn handed it over to my franchise, asking him to review it and he starts reading out the names, loud enough, until he stops and starts laughing, even louder.

Mr. Pratik, you see this village? He points out a name from the list to me and says ‘ This is her hometown, her village.’

I looked at her, with a fake smile on my face – ‘Oh ..That’s great’

Until he starts again- ‘But don’t go there and tell her name, or else they would hang you upside down on a tree.’

For a few seconds I continued with my dumb smile, with a raised eyebrow, expecting it’s some kind of a joke.

But it wasn’t. And this is why?

‘He started again- and you know why Mr. Pratik?

Because she did love marriage, ran away from her home and married a guy outside her community, the first time ever in that village………..

And has never been back there again.

And you know whom did she marry?

You see that gentleman over there, the salesman in that front counter.’