Pray a new song

Catie's prayer: Kutless' "Promise of a Lifetime"

2009-05-20T07:25:00.002-05:00

Putting my understanding aside

I find myself constantly having to do this with God. We can never fully understand God, we can never fully understand why He does the things He does, anything. Sometimes, I'm perfectly okay with that. Other times, it scares me to death. It took over two months for a daycare center I applied to over Christmas break to get back to me. In that time, I had decided to apply to the Totus Tuus job to teach Catechist. I was talking to my roommate about it, because it was just very stressful when it came to hearing back from all of them and which diocese I wanted to be in and whatnot. And at one point I told her, had the daycre called me back within a reasonable time, I would have just taken the job, stayed home for the summer and that would have been that. Instead, I decided to apply for this other job, did interviews with different diocese, and was very stressed about it. Laura, my roommate, told me that if God wanted me with Totus Tuus this summer, that was his way of getting me there, by not having the daycare back so soon since I would had taken it and not thought twice about doing Totus Tuus. Sometimes, in order to better do God's will we have to do that though. We have to put our own understanding, thoughts, plans aside in order to let God come in and let God do what God does best. It is only then that we can best do God's will for our lives.

Catie's prayer: Relient K's "Getting into You"

2009-05-19T22:05:00.002-05:00

I'm getting into you
Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life

This describes what starts my life as of Thursday. This summer I am going to be teaching Catechist to 1-12 graders. And in all honesty, I'm starting to wonder what I've gotten myself into doing this. I'm scared and yet so excited at the same time. I have this quote on my wall which is pretty much going to sum up my summer, or it will have to if I am going to survive my summer. "Your prayer life becomes what I refer to as your oxygen." -Brother Dominic Cason. However as this song says, God is essential to survive. Prayer shouldn't be something that happens what it's convenvient, when there's nothing else to do, when things are going horribly wrong. Yes, we should pray then, but that shouldn't be the only time we pray. To truly get to know God we must pray. My bible study leader this year asked us how strong our relationship would be if we had a husband and we only talked to him for two mintues before we went to bed? Wouldn't be very strong. Why would we expect to have a strong relationship with God if we only talked to Him for two minutes before we went to bed? God is essential. God makes this life bearable and worth living for. He gives us hope for something more than we have on this earth. He loves us with an unconditional love. Why wouldn't we want to spend more time with him?

Catie's prayers: Audio Adrenaline's "Jesus Movement"

2009-05-18T21:37:00.002-05:00

And I found Jesus living outside the USA

OK so I'm kinda taking this outside the context of the song. But it's true. I did find Jesus living outside the USA. I found him down in El Salvador. When I was playing with the kids, I would look into their eyes and I would know I was looking into the eyes of Christ. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that in my every day life. In thinking about it I saw Christ in someone today- my grandpa. The man is a living saint. To be able to see Christ in every person, every soul, that is what we are called to do, that is what we were made for. If we were to recognize Christ in others, and got the whole world in on it, oh what a world we would have.

Catie's prayer: Switchfoot's "New Way to be Human"

2009-05-15T22:19:00.002-05:00

A new way to be human

I'm not quite sure I understand what this line means. I mean it could mean a whole world of things. A new way to be human. Does it mean living by God's laws? Does it mean living the Gospels? I don't know what this "new way to be human is". But I want it. Whatever it is a want a new way for living for Christ. I want God to be the center of everything I do, everything I say, everything I am. However, right now I am so far from that, I need to figure out a new way to be human.

Catie's prayer: Jeremy Camp's "What it Means"

2009-05-14T20:05:00.002-05:00

If only I would realize how much it took to pay the price
I know I'd always give, everything to You

I wish I understood the cross more than I do. I wish I could even begin to grasp the beautiful sacrifice that Christ made for each of us on the cross. Maybe then my life would better reflect the life of Christ. To die the most horrible death known to man out of love, that is huge. And yet there are people that don't care. There are people that don't want to hear about it, don't want to accept that love that Christ so willingly and openly offers. If we even could understand that tinyest bit how much we were loved, it would change our lives. It would change our lives so dirastically that people would notice. And then maybe, just maybe, the world might begin to see the message of love, the good that could come from giving it all up, for the one who gave it all.

Catie's prayer: Steve Angrisano's "My Soul is Thirsting"

2009-05-13T23:41:00.002-05:00

Lately I've been feeling like I've been going through the motions in my prayer life. While it is better to go through the motions then to do nothing at all, it is still bad because motions is not a relationship. My job this summer is going to require me to be doing more than just going through the motions if I am going to thrive in it (teaching Catechisist to 1st-12th grades). My soul is thirsty. My soul is need of my Lord.

My soul is thirsting for you, O Lord,
thirsting for you, my God.

Catie's prayer: Kutless' "Sea of Faces"

2009-05-12T22:55:00.002-05:00

To willingly offer your life

Christ did this. When He died on the cross, he willingly gave up His life so that we might have a chance at eternal life with Him. While Christ gave up His life, we are all called to do the same day in and day out. We are each called to offer our very beings up to God so that he might work through us. It is through doing that that our lives become much more than being lost in a sea of faces

Catie's prayer: Jars of Clay's "Hand"

2009-05-11T06:31:00.002-05:00

Will You catch my fall?

I feel like lately my life has been one constant trust fall with God. I have my back to him ready to fall into his arms, but when I'm about ready to do so, I chicken out. I turn my head around and am like, You're really going to catch me right? Or I fall part way and then catch myself out of fear- I try to trust but can't. However, I know from experience that when closing eyes and just falling into God's arms is what works best. No fear, no anxiety, nothing. I know He's not going to drop me, He hasn't yet so why would He start now?

Catie's prayer: Matt Maher's "Void"

2009-05-08T07:31:00.002-05:00

Jesus, won't you tell me I'm worth something?

It's funny how God uses people to tell you exactly what you need to hear. He definitely did that for me last night. Actually, He is constantly doing that. However, so many times I don't recognize it, I think people are just saying it to be nice, whatever. I don't recognize God using other people to subtly say, I haven't forgotten you, you're amazing, and I love you. Maybe if I took what God kept telling me through other people to heart, I could get out of this funk I'm in and really start living for God.

Catie's prayer: Big Daddy Weave's "Never Goin' Back"

2009-05-07T12:49:00.002-05:00

Your love healed my broken heart
And Your love bought me a brand new start
A brand new start

I'm trying really hard to start new. I'm trying to clean my hands of what I've done in the past so that I can focus on being better. But it's hard. It's hard not only to ask for forgiveness but also to forgive myself as well. Sometimes that is easier said than done though. Healing can hurt because healing means that you are recovering from a hurt. However, healing is so good and so incredibly worth the pain that it took to get there. Even if it takes a while.

Catie's prayer: Chris Rice's "Cartoons"

2009-05-06T22:42:00.001-05:00

It's our job
So, let's sing hallelujah

It is our job to sing praises to our Lord. Whether it be the worst day ever or the best day of our life. God is still God, God is still there for us. Therefore we have all the more reason to sing hallelujah.

Catie's prayer: Jump5's "When I Say Your Name"

2009-05-05T12:29:00.002-05:00

Last night my roommate and I got talking about how cool it would be if when people saw us, they're like God is good because they could see God working through us. Not in a woah, look at us kind of way, but in the way that we are humbly as Christians suppose to reflect God to those around us. I forget who said this but someone once said, if Catholics truly lived like Christ did, the entire world would be Catholic. And it's so true. If we are truly living the Christian life, Christ will shine through us. It is the best way we can love God back and to truly compliment him for all he has done for us.

With all I have
My heart, my soul, my mind
I'll love You back until the end of time
Now and forevermore
I will be Yours

Catie's prayer: Plus One's "My Life"

2009-05-04T17:59:00.002-05:00

Need to make a change

I need to make a change. I can't keep on going on the way that I am. My suitemate came into my room yesterday and saw a quote on my wall. She freaked out and wondered why she had never noticed it before. The quote read, "How did we end up so comfortable with God? How did our awe of God get reduced to a lukewarm appreciation of God? How did God become a pal instead of heart-stopping presence? How can we think of Jesus without remembering His groundshaking, thunder-crashing, stormy exit on the cross? Why aren't we continually catching our breath and saying, 'This is no ordinary God!'?" This quote is why I need to change. I have gotten way too comfortable with God. I've gotten way to lax on my prayer and lately have made steps backwards instead of forwards in my faith. I need to change. I need to be in awe of God, so much so that it makes me want to live differently, live better, live holier. But the problem is, I'm not quite sure where to start.

Catie's prayer: Mercy Me's "I Know"

2009-05-01T18:37:00.002-05:00

Where do I begin with what to say
I’ve played this conservation in my head so many times
I’m certainly not claiming to know everything

I've done this so many times it's not even funny. I dread telling people things because I'm not sure how they are going to go over. I get scared of what they are going to think of me, that I won't be able to explain myself well enough, whatever. However...

No matter what it is you’re going through
Even if you think you’re far beyond where hope can see
I know there is a hand that’s reaching out for you

And with God's hand reaching out, what more could we really ask for?

Catie's prayer: Third Day's "You are Mine"

2009-04-30T06:48:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I wonder why
you even love me
And why you ever chose
to call me child

This is where I'm at right now. I keep questioning why God loves me as much as he does. And he keeps telling me to just stop questioning it and sometimes I do, but other times I don't. I wonder why he would want to love someone as human as me. However, God is God and that's what he does. He loves. Unconditionally. No strings attached. Just the way we are. And that, is simply beautiful.

Catie's prayer: Steven Curtis Chapman's "God is God"

2009-04-29T22:28:00.002-05:00

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

There are so many times when I want to see the entire picture. I want to see where I'm going, what I should plan for, what I need to expect. However, that's not how God works. God works on his own time, in his own way. While I would like to be able to see the big picture now, it is probably for the better that I can't. For now, I'll try to be patient and let God tell me in his own time. It'll be better that way anyway.

Catie's prayer: David Crowder Band's "Come Awake"

2009-04-28T07:05:00.002-05:00

Shine, shine, Oh shine
We will shine

I think many times in my life I have been afraid to shine. Afraid to shine because I don't want the spotlight, afraid that I will be in the spotlight and mess up, whatever. However God doesn't want us to hide our light, he wants us to show it to the world. He wants us to make him, make his love known to all those whom we encounter. If we hide our light we can't do that. There's this quote that I absolutely love, that I might have used on here before. But if I did it's good enough to be said again.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

Catie's prayer: Kara's "Sunshine"

2009-04-27T17:38:00.002-05:00

Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned
and I've been places
I should never have been
and I'm tired of feeling guilty
all the timelost in a whirlwind
a thunderstorm raging deep within
and only You can save me
Lord, come and save me

This is the story of my life right now. I'm feeling guilty for a lot of things I have done in my past, and now I am forced to make decisions as to try and mend the wrongs I've done. But I'm scared. I'm scared of what the other person will think of me, I'm afraid of what might happen, I'm just scared. However, I know and have to remember that God is taking care of me. Even through the storms, even when I've done wrong, he still loves me. Today during mass the priest started talking about how much God loves us and my eyes welled up with tears. It never seizes to amaze me how much God loves me, how much he can look past all that I've done wrong and still love me. That great love surrounds each of us constantly. There is not a moment that goes by that we are not loved.

Catie's prayer: Steven Curtis Chapman's "Only Natural"

2009-04-24T21:44:00.002-05:00

Only natural, only natural

I want to be genuine. I want to be real. I'm not sure that is always the case though. I like to think that I am not fake, but I wonder how many times I'm not. I really hate it when people are fake or you can obviously tell that they are acting fake, but I know I am guilty of it as well. I want to be real though. I'm not really sure what "real" for me is at this point is though.

Catie's prayer: Jars of Clay's "Can't Erase It"

2009-04-23T19:25:00.002-05:00

I think that it is really funny that this is such an up beat song for a topic such as sin. But this song is so true. There are so many times that I can just hit the rewind button and get a redo. I know that God forgives us our sins, but so many times it is harder for me to forgive myself for what I have done. I want to "Wish sometimes for any other you" and actually get it. However, I simply have to know that if God can look past my sin and that with his help I can do that and push myself to be the person that he created me to be.

Catie's prayer: Overflow's "Cry on My Shoulder"

2009-04-22T09:40:00.002-05:00

Your problems won't last forever
Let Me put you back together

I think that this is extremely difficult for me. When the storms of life come, they seem to last too long, or at least longer than I would like them to stay. It's the same with being broken. It seems as though I might never be fixed and that no one cares enough to help pick up the pieces of my broken life. However, God is always there. He is always willing to put us back together after we've broken, after we've fallen. However, we have to be the one to ask for help in our brokeness for with God we can be made new.

Catie's prayer: Mary Mary's "Somebody"

2009-04-21T06:18:00.002-05:00

Oh I got a friend who loves me so
You ask how much I'll never know
And since I've found this love
I want to share it with everyone, oh

Somedays, I know God loves me. I know it and I can see it- it is very clear for me to see. Whether it be while I'm sitting in the chapel or just walking around campus, I just get this sense that I am loved more than I'll ever know. Yesterday was not one of those days. I mean I know that God loves me, but yesterday I just couldn't wrap my heart around it. I was too busy wondering why I'm so incredibly human to be able to receive God's love. But ijn order for us to love like God, we need to be able to openly receive God's love. Today, I pray for the openness to be able to receive (so that I might better give) God's love.

Catie's prayer: Jars of Clay's "Crazy Times"

2009-04-20T06:56:00.002-05:00

To make things right

I need to make things right. There are some things I need to figure out with God's help, but I've been avoiding it. I'm not ready to face God, not ready to see what God wants me to do in the situations I put myself into. I'm scared of what he might expect of me and scared that I won't have the courage to do what he wants me to do. So I avoid him. I talk and talk and talk in prayer, but don't give time to listen in fear of what he might tell me to do in the silence of my heart. However, I can't go on like this. I need to make things right.

Catie's prayer: Kutless' "Perspectives"

2009-04-17T19:51:00.002-05:00

It feels like your life's crashing down all around you
Let me ask if it's really so bad
Look at the world in it's suffering
Can you honestly tell me that know one else could understand
All of the hurting inside

So many times I forget that my life isn't that bad. I get complaining about how I have too much to do, about a class I don't like, whatever. I forget that there are such bigger problems in the world than mine. I also forget that there other people who get it. They understand what I'm going through and we could help each other out if open to it. God puts people in our lives for a reason. He knows what we're going through. He's there to help us. God puts other people in our lives at certain points in our life for a reason. They are put there by God to help us along the way. God is there for us always, but we have to be the one to go to him.

Catie's prayer: Kutless' "I Lift My Eyes Up"

2009-04-16T21:41:00.002-05:00

where does my help come from?

My help should come from God. I should constantly be turning to him with whatever I need and trust in him to take care of me. However this doesn't always happen. I rely on trying to fix the problem myself, trying to turn to other people, whatever, before going to God. However, if I would just go to God in the first place and let him guide me, the problem would be fixed how God wanted it to be instead of how I or someone else thinks it should be. And since we are suppose to be work to do God's will, this is something I should try to do day in and day out throughout my everyday life. The hits in life would be much easier to take if we just gave them up to God.