We are mothers.

Unfortunately, we also have to live with the constant reminder that they are pulling away from us. The second they take that first step they are becoming independent. Now, most of us are pretty happy when that happens. We like the little freedoms that are promised to our child-centered lives that maybe one day, we will be able to go to the bathroom by ourselves.

What we don’t like, however, and what we will do anything and everything to prevent is for harm to come to those little doughy wonders. Mamas are mamas everywhere—we become bears when it comes to protecting our cubs. We have dreams for them, dreams of happiness and prosperity and safety. We pray for their futures constantly, and we trust that if we can just protect them long enough, showing them the way they should go, then all will be well. They will be successful, happy, and joyous humans on this planet. There is a large part of every mother that believes down deep in her soul that if she can just get them there—to adulthood—then God will do the rest and usher them into their beautiful destinies.

So, what do we do when that doesn’t seem to be happening? What do we mothers do when our children grow up and make bad decisions or enter hard times or suffer in ways we can’t control? What do we do when it seems that God’s promises for them aren’t panning out?

That’s when God is calling us to let go. We have to loosen our iron maiden grips on their lives and allow them to fall, to fail, to suffer, and to hurt. And very few things are harder for mothers to do than that.

Like many other moms, I’ve had to endure this very thing with my boys, which is the reason I wrote my new book, We are Mother Abraham. It features two parallel stories—a modern day mother dealing with letting her daughter go and Sarah as she dealt with letting Isaac go. While dealing with many, many issues we face in this journey, I found that there were four main truths that came out for each of us to hang onto during these very difficult times:

#1. It’s going to be hard.

I understand that this doesn’t seem to be so wonderful on the surface, but knowing that it was hard for a reason brought me great comfort in the middle of letting my boys go. The truth is that it is hard for a reason. We were literally created to do the opposite of what God calls us to do in these times. We were created, as mothers, to do absolutely everything for these children.

The human baby is the most helpless baby of all other babies in the animal kingdom. God created human mothers to do every single thing that infant needs to both give it life and then sustain that life once it’s born. We are hard wired to keep them safe. There is no amount of understating the difficulty in actually denying one’s created nature in order to allow something opposite to occur. That is especially true when we are asked to allow pain and hardship come to our children. My nature tells me to help. My God tells me to get out of the way.

I read a story about a man who came across a butterfly cocoon. The butterfly was just trying to break free of the cocoon, and the man felt compassion on the small creature. He took his thumb and just peeled away a small portion so that the butterfly quickly emerged. The man immediately noticed that the butterfly looked abnormal. Instead of having big, beautiful wings that look it to flight, the insect had small, misshapen wings, and it stumbled around on the ground, seemingly unable to fly.

You see, when that man followed his compassionate heart and helped the butterfly avoid its struggle, he stopped the necessary process the insect needed to grow. The butterfly was created so that when it struggled in its cocoon for freedom, vital, life-giving blood is forced through its undeveloped wings so that it can grow and become strong. Without that struggle, the butterfly will emerge crippled and unable to fly, a ready and vulnerable meal to any bird that flies by.

God tells us over and over that we need those struggles, just like the butterfly, so that we can become all that He has for us to be.

Letting that happen is hard, but it’s hard for a reason.

#2. Thank heavens there is a training ground!

Our children are moving toward independence very shortly after they are born. They are literally drawn toward this independence. Their entire nature moves inexorably toward a place where they can move and be on their own. However, they certainly don’t wake up one day as a twenty-one-year-old who has never done one single thing on their own and say, “That’s it, Mom! I’m now independent of you!” They do it gradually, small milestone by small milestone.

The thing is, these are milestones for us, too. God is so loving in that He knows exactly how He created us, and He knows exactly how hard it will be for us to watch them move into their own destinies, some of which will require pain. Instead of making us tear that terrible Band Aid off, He allows us to do it a step at a time, each step increasing in difficulty. It’s harder to watch them go to Kindergarten than to take their first step. It’s harder to let to them go for a sleep over or go to camp than it was to send them to school for the first time. It’s harder still to watch them get cut from the soccer team or get rejected by some girls at school. Then comes the driving and the jobs and the friends, and harder and harder it gets.

These times are our training ground, and I’m thankful for them.

#3. You’re not alone.

Look around, sisters. We’re all right there with you. Mothers everywhere are dealing with this pain at one level or another, so you aren’t alone.

But look even further. Mothers through time have had to do this, and we can read about them in the bible. Hannah had to let her promised boy, Samuel, go as soon as he was weaned because she had promised him to God, Sarah had to let Abraham take Isaac to Mount Moriah with the intention of actually killing him, and Mary quite literally watched her precious son, Jesus, suffer the worst death imaginable while she was powerless to stop it.

The thing that all of these women have in common, both with each other and with us, is that this “letting go” was letting go to God, to His purposes and promises in their children’s lives. God hadn’t forgotten them or turned His back on them. He was fulfilling that which He promised, but these mothers had to let go so that His perfect purposes could be accomplished. It’s exactly the same for our children.

God has a destiny for each of them. He has a plan for them, and He has a plan to use them. When we hang onto them with the intentions of protecting them from the pain they are enduring, we are inhibiting the growth that comes only through that pain. We are standing in the way of the beautiful testimonies being born, world-changing work that will come, and fulfillment that only God can bring to our children’s lives.

No, we’re not alone in these times, but neither are our children.

#4. And finally, remember that you are highly favored.

When I was struggling with these truths as I watched my boys fall and fail and hurt, God reminded me time and time again that mothers are highly favored.

You may wonder at the logic of that, especially when your heart is breaking as it looks like you’re losing them. But God reminded me that He entrusted these people with us. He didn’t do that accidentally. My boys are my boys on purpose. God chose me to birth them, to nurture them, to love them, and to keep them safe. He created me with a nature that does that almost automatically. He did the same for you.

But then He does something quite astounding. Not only does He trust us with caring for them, but He trusts that when the time comes, we will be strong enough to deny our created natures and give them back to Him. God has made us His trusted stewards, but He gave us an almost super-human strength of will that He only gives to mothers, a will that enables us to actually let go of the things we were created to hang onto with all of our might—His children.

We are highly favored, and we are supremely loved. God’s heart is for His mothers. He is knit to us through this sacrifice, and we honor Him each and every time we allow Him to be God in the lives of our children.

Letting go of our children is definitely hard, both in the doing and in the training, and there’s comfort in knowing that we’re not alone. We have God and we have each other. But most importantly, in the middle of the entire heartbreaking, daunting task, we must look up and remember that we are truly favored and loved by the Creator of the universe. He is highly honored in us as we honor Him through this task. It is, indeed, a high calling, but it is a beautiful one.

Because yes, we are mothers.

drdebwaterbury.com.

To Purchase We are Mother Abraham and download the Bible study that goes along with it, visit www.DebWaterbury.com

No surprise here, but you are leading through unprecedented global change.

Just stop for a minute. Re-read that first line.

Unprecedented global change. 

If it feels challenging, it’s only because it is challenging.

The question becomes how do you do it? How do you lead through change when

In this post, I’ll share some principles that can help you lead through rapid, unexpected change.

1.  MOTIVATION ALONE DOESN’T WORK ON EXTERNALLY-IMPOSED CHANGE 

You can’t motivate your way out of a crisis like this.

You have to lead your way through it.

Making the leadership challenge more intense is the fact that the change we’re experiencing is externally-imposed change, not internally-driven change.

Quick example. It’s one thing to decide you want to lose 20 lbs and making the lifestyle changes to do it, or launch a new location, or build a building (all of which are internally-driven change). Sure, that’s difficult.

But it’s another thing entirely to have someone change your kitchen, restock your pantry and order you to drop 20 pounds in six weeks, order you to open a location or to raise money for a new facility. That’s all externally-imposed change—it wasn’t your decision.

When change is externally-imposed, you lose freedom, choice and control. That’s what makes it so difficult.

When you lead internally-motivated change, you set the

timeline

motivation

and agenda.

With externally-driven change, you control none of that, including control over the outcome.

COVID-19, and the radical changes it has wrought on the world and daily life, are externally-driven changes. You didn’t ask for any of this. But you have to lead through it anyway.

Which leaves a lot of people and leaders panicking. Many of us, after all, are control freaks. Let’s just name that out loud.

I’m not writing about this because there’s an easy answer, but simply being aware of the dynamics in play can help you understand what you’re dealing with and why you and others feel the way you feel.

The best way to lead internally-driven is to focus on motivation…the why behind the what. (Think about how great you’ll feel after! Imagine what we can accomplish together!)

When change is externally-driven, motivation still matters, but a significant part of your job in leading externally-driven change isn’t motivation, it’s interpretation.

People are confused. They don’t know what’s happening. They need a source they can trust. A leader who knows what’s best and acts.

In other words, people are looking for someone who can help reliably interpret events and lead them into a better future.

I’ve seen a lot of leaders miss that in the last week because they’re still focused on motivation.

I’ve heard a lot of: Come on, you’ve got this. God has this. This is no big deal. We’re bigger than this. Nothing bad’s going to happen.

In the process, those leaders lose credibility because they’ve failed to interpret the situation accurately.

While it’s extremely difficult to get reliable and accurate information, and while some government decisions may be under or overreactions to the problem, the crisis we’re facing is both real and deep.

On a very factual level, the stock market has tanked, borders are closing, airports and cities are madhouses or ghost towns, businesses are struggling, people are struggling, freedom and mobility is dwindling to war-time levels, and of course, people are sick and dying.

You can’t motivate your way out of a crisis like this.

You have to lead your way through it.

2. GREAT LEADERSHIP EMBRACES BOTH THE REAL AND THE IDEAL

Most of the noise online misses the point.

Arguing whether this is right or wrong or could have played out differently is beside the point. It’s all happening right now, and you can’t avoid it.

And many leaders are gravitating toward either the brutal real or some unrealistic ideal, the latter of which includes denial (this is so overblown people! Well…no, it’s not.)

Great leadership embraces both the real and the ideal.

The wisest leaders will embrace what Jim Collins calls the Stockdale paradox.

Jim Stockdale was an American general captured and imprisoned during the Vietnam war. He was held and tortured for seven years.

Stockdale said the first people to die in captivity were the optimists, who kept thinking things would get better quickly and they’d be released. “They died of a broken heart,” Stockdale said.

Intead, Stockdale argued, the key to survival was to combine realism and hope.  In Stockdale’s words:

“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end–-which you can never afford to lose–-with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

That essentially is your job in crisis leadership.

Based on the best information you can get (see Point 3, here), be ruthlessly honest about the situation facing you, and never lose faith that things will get better in the end.

Crisis leadership falls apart when leaders embrace the extremes: pessimists only see the real, and naive optimists only see the ideal.

3. BE THE FIRST TO CHANGE, NOT THE LAST

When public safety is at risk, which by every account it seems to be, the best leaders act sooner rather than later.

Ideally, you want to be ahead of the government on this one to protect the people you lead, not the last.

The “Well, the Governor/President?Prime Minister said we could gather under 250 so we’re allowing 250 at a time,” isn’t likely the wisest route, particularly when things are literally changing hourly.

You want to be on the right side of history on this one, protecting rather than risking, helping rather than hanging on.

Apple has been an interesting company to watch. It pulled out of SXSW about a week before it was canceled. It made its workers move to remote work early on in the process. And it announced the closure of most of its stores long before the government mandated it (which at the time of publication, the government hasn’t yet in North America. But that’s likely coming very soon.).

While it’s hard to know why they’ve been early leaders, it’s likely either because they have information most of us don’t or really great intuition. Being ahead of the curve is where you want to be when public safety is involved.

The reasons for being the last one still hosting events/making everyone come into the office/keeping things open often aren’t that great. Dig a little deeper, and underneath you may find stubbornness, denial, fear (of decline or lack of money) or selfishness. In other words, a sea of motivations that put your own interests ahead of the public interests.

I love how Life.Church, North Point, Mecklenburg Community Church and many others canceled their in-person weekend experiences ahead of government directives, as we did. In addition, overnight last night, our church stopped all in-person meetings large or small (including watch parties) and moved to virtual groups and gatherings.

Unprecedented times call for unprecedented measures.

In Canada, the CEOs of the thirty largest businesses called on all businesses to act in the public interest and put community health first by embracing social distancing and remote work before the government requires it. You can read their open letter here.

Think that’s extreme?

Louis Vuitton, the French luxury good manufacturer, is switching its cosmetics and perfume division into producing free hand sanitizer for use in France, where it’s in desperately short supply.

And in England, Boris Johnson is asking car makers and certain manufacturers to switch to ventilator production, which appears to be the main problem in this pandemic—not nearly enough machines to help the people who are falling ill.

These are almost war-time level measures. And even the US in in a state of national emergency.

So what about those who think this is all overblown or a massive overreaction?

If you’re worried about overreaction, delayed reaction may be a bigger problem.

From Josh Barro, the business columnist for New York Magazine:

Justin Lessler, the Johns Hopkins University epidemiologist, noted a way in which this epidemic tricks people into panicking when it’s too late.

“If people are only going to start taking the actions they should when they start to see a lot of people dying around them, it’s already too late,” he says.

When you combine the substantial period from infection to death with exponential growth in infections, the number of deaths you see around you is likely far lower than the number of deaths you are about to see.

The people who stand to die within the next 30 days may not even be very sick yet. And when they get very sick, the hospitals may be overwhelmed and ill-prepared to respond. This is the corner Italy backed itself into. We might be headed there, too.

‘What have you got to lose by going first?’ is a haunting question, but less haunting than, ‘What have you got to lose by going last?’

What you lose if you’re wrong about that is far greater than what you gain if you’re right. It’s as simple as that.

You absorb the pain now, or you potentially absorb far more pain later. You choose.

4. SIFT THROUGH YOUR MOTIVES

So, what change do you need to adopt?

Let an honest look at your motives guide you.

A crisis reveals who you really are, and often you may not like what you see. I’m regularly disappointed by my first instincts.

But you don’t have to act on your first instincts, which is where real leadership comes in.

So, to deal with that, sift your motives.

You’ll find things like:

Selfishness and sacrifice

Denial and acceptance

Hoarding and preparedness

Fear and faith

Some careful reflection and wise counsel should help you choose the latter, not the former.

5. PROCESS YOUR EMOTIONS AS YOU HELP OTHERS PROCESS THEIRS

People are in shock, denial and mourning. So are you.

Change is challenging at the best of times.

This kind of massive disruptions triggers so many emotions in people and in you—including disbelief—that making time to process it all is essential.

As a leader, that’s hard though because you likely spend most of your time helping other people, finding reliable information, making decisions and then rethinking everything. In addition, you’re probably putting in 12-18 hour days.

Which raises the question: How exactly are you processing all this?

Just because a crisis is not a time to take a sabbatical or spend a week in a cabin contemplating how you really feel doesn’t mean you can’t process your emotions daily.

In fact, doing so will make you a better leader and help you make better decisions.

A tired leader is an ineffective leader.CLICK TO TWEET

Here are some things you can do to make sure you’re processing decisions:

• Get some sleep. A tired leader is an ineffective leader. Your body and brain need rest.
• Pray and meditate. Start every day with some time to reflect, pray and even meditate on scripture and surrender the problems you have to God.
• Get some exercise. Even a 20 minute run or a brisk walk will help.
• Eat better. Yep, this is sounding a lot like what you already know. But just do it.
• Call a friend you can talk to. In a crisis, you need people who don’t need anything from you. Call a friend.
• Spend at least some time with your family. They need your leadership and friendship too, as much as your church or company does.

Creating some distance from crisis management will help you make far better decisions. When in doubt, revert to #1 and 2. They are force multipliers.

If you don’t control your emotions, your emotions will control you.

 www.careynieuwhof.com. Used by permission.

Fear is typically triggered by some actual threat we experience in our life. That’s a normal response to things that happen in life. Flying causes some people fear. I was on flight that took off from Tucson and an engine exploded upon takeoff, which hopefully was a once in a lifetime experience. Other things that can cause fear in your life might be a medical emergency, financial difficulty or watching your children navigate something difficult.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is a general feeling that something is not right in the world. It’s an undercurrent. This is where people end up going to see people like me. They go see a counselor or they go see a doctor. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) comes out of this. People who have been through a traumatic event in their life like those in the military or those who have been in war, but PTSD can also occur in other situations. People who have been physically molested, hurt, robbed or experienced other traumatic events can have triggers that will set off that response again in their life.

Thirty-three percent of Americans experience anxiety at some point throughout their life. One in six Americans are on antidepressants now. That’s a 65 percent increase from 15 years ago. Depression is the number one mental illness in America.

There is a difference between fear and anxiety. God gives us three ingredients for dealing with fear and anxiety in 2 Timothy 1:7. The Apostle Paul is teaching Timothy, a young pastor just getting started in ministry. Timothy struggled with some fear in ministry, which is understandable, especially during the time in which he lived.

Paul, this senior, saintly, godly leader writes: “Timothy, God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind.” Let’s look at these three words.

1. Power

In the Greek, the word power comes from dunamis, which is interpreted to mean dynamite. Dynamite-like power is at work in your life. It’s strong. It’s inherent. It’s powerful.

You have the Holy Spirit residing in you. You have God-given power within your life to deal with the fear or timidity that tries to overtake your life.

2. Love

The love Paul encourages you to embrace is evidenced by extending goodwill toward others. Its love focused on caring for other people. When you’re dealing with anxiety and fear, it’s truly helpful to get outside of yourself, and to see and to connect with other people.

3. Sound Mind

And finally, God has given you a sound mind, which really means self-control – not only in your thinking, but also in your behavior.

God has given you three ingredients – dynamite power, goodwill toward others and self-control to overcome fear and anxiety. I pray you will refuse to allow anxiety and fear to become a hijacked emotion in your life.

www.theintentionallife.com.

"As the entire world faces the COVID-19 pandemic crisis, states and municipalities are working to contain the virus, as best as possible, by discouraging and otherwise doing everything to stop gatherings of people. President Trump’s Coronavirus Task Force guidance recommended no more than ten people getting together for at least the next eight weeks. In the days to come, it is possible that the government will act even more drastically. As most churches are now not gathering on Sundays for the time being, some are asking if these sorts of health mandates are a violation of religious liberty. The short answer is “no.” 

Before I explain why, let me note that the question is a reasonable one. After all, we maintain that no government is lord of the church–only our Head is Jesus Christ. And there would be many circumstances in which a government illegitimately could use powers to keep churches from gathering. That said, nothing that is happening right now related to this crisis is, in my view, a violation of religious liberty or the separation of the church from the state. 

Our commitment to religious liberty is grounded in what Jesus taught us—that the spheres of the church and the state are different, and the one should not have authority over the other. The state has the “power of the sword,” for instance, to punish criminals and to maintain civic order (Rom. 13:1-7), while the church does not (1 Cor. 5:9-12). The church has the authority to proclaim the gospel and to define the boundaries of the fellowship within that gospel, the state does not. 

The current situation facing us is not a case of the state overstepping its bounds, but rather seeking to carry out its legitimate God-given authority. Nowhere, at this point, have we seen churches targeted because of their beliefs or mission. At issue is a clear public objective—stopping the transmission of a dangerous virus by gatherings. This applies to the local plate jugglers association just as much to churches. Because the state must respect the consciences and souls of the people, consciences and souls over which it has no ultimate authority, any action involved religious bodies should have, in the words of the Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993, a “compelling state interest” and must pursue the “least restrictive means” of achieving it. In my view, both of these tests have been met, in every case I have seen. 

This is an area—the protection of public health—where the state has not just a legal authority but an authority granted by God himself. The state could not, for instance, decline to prosecute a murder because the shooting happened during a church service. And the church could not claim that religious liberty is violated because the state would not allow them to shelter from accountability the shooter. Someone could not claim a religious liberty to embezzle just because the embezzling is happening during the church offertory. The same principle is at work here. Governments are seeking to limit gatherings of people. That is a legitimate public interest, and the government is seeking to do so in the least intrusive way possible.

So far. Everything here refers to actions taken so far. The situation will almost inevitably lead to even stronger and less voluntary government actions. Could these encroach on religious liberty? That is certainly possible, but not necessarily. To prevent that, we will need more secular leaders to think carefully about why religion is important and more religious leaders to be thinking through the complexities of public health. If we remain on the same ‘team’ when it comes to overcoming this crisis, we can avoid overreach on one side or paranoia on the other. And that’s what we will need.

Any order should include the maximum recognition of the need for clergy and other religious workers to carry out necessary ministry, in the same category as health care workers. Such ministry is necessary. A nursing home patient who is in peril needs a doctor to care for her physically, but also should be allowed to have a pastor pray for her, her priest administer last rites, or whatever the equivalent would be in her religion. We can make such exceptions without creating jeopardy to lives, just as we have in every other time in human history from the Black Plague to the 1918 influenza crisis.

Most churches that I know are completely in sync with the rest of society on this. They are voluntarily restricting their gatherings until the crisis is passed because they care about their members, and about non-members in their communities. In the vast majority of places, churches and governments are working in common purpose, and that’s good. 

After this crisis is over, we will have learned much about the fragility of life, about our need for one another. The church will be called to bear the burdens of our neighbors as never before. There will be no shortage of debates over all sorts of religious liberty questions, as there were before. But, in the meantime, concern for public health is not a violation of religious liberty. 

Let’s not only obey the laws of our states and cities, let’s seek to do even more than asked in order to shoulder our responsibilities. Let’s wash our hands, stay as far apart as necessary, pray for our medical personnel and our leaders, and let’s pray, like never before. In so doing, we render what is due both to God and to Caesar. And that’s a good start. 

www.russellmoore.com.

Think of a friend or neighbor who is homebound, lonely or discouraged today. Teach your child to do what my little friends did for me. Here’s my story:

“Julie, what’s wrong?” “Where’d you go?” “I miss you!” In those tear-filled moments when I was so weak I could hardly speak, my buddies knew how to comfort me. They cried when I cried. No expectations. No questions. Just acceptance and consolation. I learned so much from their empathy and tenderness.

My fifth year of life was a nightmare. 

TV was my sole source of companionship. My two-year-old sister Kathy was worthless in the friend department. All she knew how to do was cry and break all my toys. (She grew up to be loving and amazing, however!) My baby sitter, Mrs. Richardson, was nice enough. But all she did was make lunch and put us in time-out when we sassed her or trashed the living room.

I had high hopes for kindergarten. 

Momma crossed off the sultry summer days on our refrigerator calendar anticipating my first day of school. As the grasshopper chirps subsided and chiggers ceased to chomp, the brisk fall air signaled my chance at freedom. Kindergarten!!!! I obtained the required list of school supplies: a box of pencils, a 24-pack of Crayolas, a lined tablet and a Barbie lunchbox with matching thermos. I was no longer a silly baby like my sister; I was almost grown-up, ready to tackle the bright shiny world of play-dough and paste.

September blew by quickly. I was getting my kindergarten sea legs. Little boys were evil, full of burps and boogers. Some of the girls were catty and mean. But I adored my teacher, and I loved recess and snacks. I devoured cookies and milk-a well-deserved prize after naptime. Mrs. Vineyard was beautiful, funny and cheery (before lunch). 

October rolled around and I was a preschool pro. I knew my ABC’s, I could count to a thousand without blinking an eye, and I dunked my Oreos in milk while my teacher picked up blocks or snored in her seat after story time. After all, twenty five-year-old kids could squeeze the life out of any self-respecting grownup.

Then disaster struck. Just as we started tracing Halloween pumpkins and the fall air turned chilly, I got sick. My temperature soared and my head hurt. Mom rushed me to the doc. Dr. Pharo was my debonair pediatrician. No, he was not Egyptian royalty, but he was pretty cool. The good doctor had dark, wavy hair, a toothy grin and a starched white coat that stood up by itself. Although his office was chock-full of blocks, choo-choo trains and Highlights magazines, every kid knew the brutal truth: behind those brightly colored doors was a shot.

Dr. Pharo swaggered into the examining room as I shivered on the tissue-covered table in my underwear. “How’s my little trooper today?” he queried. Before I could answer, he gagged me with a tongue depressor and poked me vigorously in the tummy. “A few too many Vanilla Wafers, huh?” the doc smirked. I was full of Reese’s pieces and it was none of his business! “Let’s look in those little ears...” He poked and prodded. “Wow, you could grow flowers in that earwax.” I was incensed. Mom tried to stick soapy Q-tips in my ear holes occasionally, but to no avail. After the ear check, Dr. Pharo pressed his icy stethoscope to my chest. When I inhaled and coughed, his dapper demeanor immediately grew sober. The thermometer read 103 degrees. You could fry an egg on my forehead. When he lifted up my little cotton gown, my tummy was covered with red blotches. Mom assumed I had contracted a routine case of German Measles, but my measles were not German and my pox were not chicken. Dr. Pharo concluded that I had contracted roaring case of Scarlet Fever and pneumonia. Our house was quarantined and I was confined to bed.

Dr. Pharo gave Mom a long list of prescriptions and recommended I receive a series of gammagobulin shots over the next three months. A yearly vaccine was one thing, but a series of shots? No way. My fate was sealed and my torture was imminent. I knew the drill. The Batman band-aids and green lollipops didn’t make everything better. A shot was a shot. I had a drawer full of lollipops and tootsie rolls and I would trade them all in for one less inoculation.

As the fall turned into winter, my condition worsened. I was really, really, really sick. My mom stayed home from work to swath my forehead with cold washcloths and to rock me as I sobbed. At night, she clutched me to her chest while I gasped for air, but then she dropped off to sleep. I lay awake listening to jazz on the radio, trying to make my heaving chest match the slow, undulating rhythm of the music. When I visited the doctor in the weeks to follow, he would shake his head and give me another shot in the bottom. At that point, I was too ill to care.

My friends couldn’t visit me because our house was off limits, and I dreaded the lonely nights of wheezing and coughing. My annoying little sister stayed at Grandma’s to avoid “the plague,” and Mrs. Richardson, my nanny, also kept her distance as much as possible. Weeks turned into months. I coughed through Christmas, I whined through January, and by February I had given up hope of returning to Mrs. Vineyard’s class.

Had God forgotten me? I couldn’t even go outside and smell the fresh air. I was a prisoner in my own house. Chutes and Ladders without a playmate is just Chutes. Shoot! I’ll bet my kindergarten buddies didn’t even remember that I existed. The doc said I was improving and might be able to return to kindergarten in March. But four more weeks at home seemed like an eternity. I had been sentenced to solitary confinement by this evil disease. I begged for a puppy, but mom said that furry creatures might make me wheeze.

On a particularly frosty, gloomy winter morning, I sat in my little bedroom rocker gazing at pictures of Hansel and Gretel that I had seen five hundred times. Although I couldn’t read, I knew the story by heart and determined I’d plan a bold escape from my bedroom dungeon and leave a graham cracker-crumb trail on the sidewalk in case I needed to find my way home. At least running away would let me breathe the outside air for just a little while.

Just before I made my break, I heard a knock at the front door. It didn’t sound like a grown-up knock, but a little kid’s rap-tap-tap. My heart pounded with excitement! Who was at the door? Was my little sis coming home? Did Donnie Scott from next door learn that I was soon to be germ-free? I didn’t care. I just wanted to see a friendly face from the outside world.

I peered out of the frosty window and couldn’t believe my eyes. Tommy, the toughest kid in my class, smiled and presented me with a box-an enormous beautiful cardboard box covered with construction paper hearts and doilies. He handed me the present, blushed, waved and ran toward the pick-up truck sputtering in the driveway.

 What treasure would I find? I lifted the lid and gasped at its contents-a veritable treasure trove of handmade cards, candy and an unopened box of Hershey’s kisses. The large letter on the top was from Mrs. Vineyard. “Dear Julie,” she wrote, “we are so sorry you have been sick. Our bunny class is not the same without you. Please come back to us soon!” My heart leapt with joy. I had been missed! Card after card had messages like “Be well” or “Come back” scrawled in red crayon. The girl’s cards were painstakingly neat. The boy’s notes were rattier, but they still managed to say something kind like “Stop sniffing-start living” or “Get well, Stupid.”

I never felt so valued. It didn’t matter that my teacher had probably threatened them within an inch of their lives if they didn’t complete the assignment. I could care less if the mean boys teased me when I returned. God, in His own way, had taken time to show His love for me through a few scrawny, hyperactive five-year-olds.

There is a “someone” in your life who is suffering. You can be “Jesus” to them today!

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
 

Here are a few activities to teach your children kindness and compassion:

1.    Make a homemade card with your child for an elderly neighbor. Write a prayer for them as well.

2.    “Carol” your neighbors by singing Jesus songs on their porch.

3.    Fill a box with practical items like soap, paper goods (if you have them!) and add some homemade cookies. (Be sure hands are washed and the items are disinfected).

4.    Contact a sick family member or neighbor via FaceTime, Skype, or other online ways to connect.

5.    Help your kids to take photos and text them to encourage someone.

6.    Make a prayer list with your kids to use when you say bedtime prayers together.

7.    Help your child write thank-you cards to special people in their lives.

8.    Take time to talk to family (especially grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins). frequently. Don’t just text. Call them. They need to hear your child’s voice.

9.     Collect canned goods and take them to a food bank.

10.   Tell your child to say “thank you” to doctors, nurses, firemen and policemen who serve us during this difficult time. (at an acceptable distance, of course!)  

11.   Read stories Jesus taught about helping others, like the Good Samaritan.

 ‘Master, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’  Matthew 25:40 MSG

Everyone’s world has changed radically in the last week. And it will likely change even more in the weeks ahead.

As a result, you’re leading your team and people remotely, and, church leaders, you will be heading into your first digital Easter.

How do you lead in that environment?

My phone has been buzzing with questions, so let me offer a few broad thoughts that I hope can help.

They’re mostly broad principles because what we’re facing is an entirely unpredictable and unprecedented crisis.

This is part of a Crisis Leadership series to help leaders navigate the pandemic.

Here are the other (free) resources you can access:

Crisis Leadership, Christian Leadership and the Coronavirus Epidemic

How to Lead Through Rapid, Unexpected Change

Things are changing hourly. But I’m hoping these principles can guide you and your team into the days and weeks ahead.

The principles in this post will work for most leaders, but in this post, I want to particularly drill down on doing church digitally.

My next post will be on leading teams digitally within any organization.

Anyway, here are 8 ways to lead in the new digital default church.

1. MAKE DECISIONS FOR TODAY, NOT FOR FOREVER

I’ve seen some leaders say the church as we knew it is over, that home church with digital shepherds is the new default , or that whatever they’re peddling is the new normal.

Not so fast. That’s very premature.

Do I think things will go back to the way they were? No, I do not. We’ll clearly begin to see a new normal at some point.

But here’s the truth: you and I have zero idea what the new normal is, and have zero idea when the new normal will start.

We can’t even see the bottom of this crisis yet.  So don’t worry about what’s going to happen on the other side. It’s pure, useless speculation.

What you need to do is make the best decision for now, not for forever.

With the situation unfolding the way it is, changes happen in minutes that used to take hours, hours have become like days, and days like weeks.

So don’t worry about tomorrow, focus on serving people today.

2. MAKE THE MISSION YOUR FOCUS, NOT THE METHODS

So what filter should you use for decision making then?

Simple. Make your mission bigger than your methods.

What’s felt so frightening over the last while is that the methods we’ve used for decades (centuries) collapsed before our eyes. The mission hasn’t.

Your methods will continue to flex.

Churches that held services inside buildings last week with no congregation either already can’t or likely won’t be able to do that soon as gatherings of 10 or more or any size are banned.

Large churches with studios who offered their buildings to smaller churches with no gear likely won’t be able to do that for long. Again, maybe not by the time you’re reading this post. (Why? Because your production crew alone is usually larger than 10 people.)

Is that the end?

No…

The model is temporary but the mission is eternal.

In a world that’s falling apart, the mission feels more relevant today than it felt a month ago. The methods will change weekly.

Here’s a quick practical exercise that will take five minutes. I did it with my team earlier this week (remotely via Zoom).

Pull out your mission and values statement. Then ask your team which ones rise to the surface.

We have values like “Serve first” “Pursue Health” and “Choose Trust” that immediately jumped out at people.

Guess what? THOSE haven’t changed. They provide a filter through which we can serve in this crisis to help people thrive in life and leadership.

The methods? They change.

But at least now you remember what you’re about.

In a time of crisis, make your mission central. Make your methods temporary.

3. GET INNOVATIVE…FAST

What you’re probably spending a lot of time doing right now is figuring out how to do what you used to do.

Um, that’s gone. It’s history.

Instead, spend your time on is what you can do. Focus on what’s possible, not what you’ve lost.

Church leaders, trying to revive up what you can’t do is a far less effective strategy than focusing on what you CAN do.

In these early days of this crisis I’ve seen church leaders:

Launch a daily podcast to connect with their church

Start YouTube channels

Get active on Instagram

Take email way more seriously

Do live prayer services on Zoom

Leverage Facebook Live, Watch Parties and Groups

And I’m sure there’s 1000 more examples out there.

Just to give you an example from my own life…I just saw a significant part of my next few months traveling and speaking vaporize. In about 26 hours, all my speaking engagements are cancelled (and wisely so).

I could sit in the corner or pretend to do virtual speaking or conferences, but instead, I asked myself: what does this make possible?

In a single day I went from an idea of launching a new podcast to a full partnership for a brand a new podcast (watch this space).

I also started writing more posts like this, launching this crisis series.

We turned one conference into a digital experience and made it better.

These ideas all came out of the last week, and as a result, we were able to help thousands more leaders almost instantly.

It certainly beats sitting around wondering why things aren’t the way they used to be.

ALL of this is an opportunity to serve…and you need to seize that opportunity.

When I look back on my ‘success’ over the last few decades, a lot of my breakthrough moments came through crisis situations where we weren’t sure what to do, so we just did whatever seemed best.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

Crisis can become the cradle of innovation.

4. THINK ABOUT MEANING, MESSAGE AND CONNECTION WAY MORE THAN YOU THINK ABOUT PRODUCTION

So week one of digital church was congregations live-streaming services from an empty auditorium.

For reasons already stated, that’s likely not possible moving forward.

On top of that, it’s a little weird—weird on the level of sports teams playing in empty arenas, which didn’t last long either.

Right now church leaders are worried about production levels, lighting and optics.

It can create a have/have not environment: churches with resources thrive while churches without great production fail.

Again, not so fast.

Production values become far less important when there’s a bigger battle going on.

You know what the world needs right now?

Meaning

Message

Connection

Focus on meaning, message and connection, and you’ll always have an audience.

5. SIMPLE AND REAL BEATS POLISHED AND PROFESSIONAL

If you’re studio-less, which many of you probably are by now, just remember to be simple and real.

Simple and real beats polished and professional in a crisis like this.

You’re probably reading this post on the only device you need to influence the people you lead in the future—your phone. Your phone is probably even 4k…way more than the web requires.

For a few dollars you can buy a good mic (here’s one I use…attach with the adapter your iPhone comes with), get into some good natural light or use a circle ring light, and tripod you can put on a desk, mantle or table.

Boom…there’s your studio for under $100.

My friend Brady Shearer has a ton of  social and online tips on his social.

You want to have a decent camera angle and not look like a slob when you don’t have a studio, but seriously, the internet flattened the world a long time ago.

You don’t need a million dollars to make a difference. Ask any YouTuber.

6. THINK DAILY, NOT WEEKLY

Our past model of church was hyper-focused on weekends, and I get that.

But let me ask you a question: how often do you need hope, encouragement and connection?

If you’re like me, every single day. Same with your people.

Now more than ever, you can take the energy you used to put into gathering on Sunday into ministry on Monday. Still gather on Sundays of course, but as production simplifies and messages go mobile, you will have time, energy and focus to work on daily ways to inspire.

Want some really low hanging fruit?

A few years ago I saw that social media was not producing what it used to produce in terms of being able to connect content like this with my audience.

So I did something I was terrified of: started email people almost daily with a link to content like this.

I was terrified people were going to hate me, unsubscribe and bang down my door with baseball bats.

Let me just say I was shocked when they thanked me. And subscribed. And told their friends to subscribe.

My email list has grown significantly. And while I get a few dozen unsubscribes a day, we get far more people joining the list than leaving it. And a great open rate.

Go figure.

The key to seeing that happen for you (regardless of choosing email, social, YouTube or whatever), is to focus on serving people. Don’t spam them…help them.

If you can help people, they’ll be thrilled to hear from you.

And suddenly, thanks to digital church as the new default, you can go from helping people weekly to helping people daily.

7.  LEVERAGE YOUR PEOPLE TO REACH MORE PEOPLE

For years leaders have said “you don’t go to church, you are the church”. That takes on a whole new meaning when no one can go to church anymore.

The truth is for most of your congregation, church is something they went to, not something they really had ownership in beyond their involvement.

What if that changed….now?

You can leverage the power of your social media and your church’s social media to get the message out, but the real force multiplier happens when you leverage the power of everyone’s social network to get the message out.

My guess is your congregation has never been more motivated to do that than right now.

First, people are growing lonelier by the day.

Second, when a disruption like this one happens, people are willing to change their patterns.

Third, people are looking for hope.

Think about it: everyone you want to reach is online. It’s finally time to act like it.

Everyone you want to reach is online. Act like it.CLICK TO TWEET

Last weekend at our church, our Lead Pastor Jeff Brodie asked everyone to share the link to our weekend livestream with their friends. People did.

Rather than shrinking, we grew from a 1500 people in physical attendance and maybe 1000 watch live online on Sunday, to many times that.

On the first day we couldn’t meet, we grew.

If you think of online church as an obstacle, it will be. If you think of online church as an opportunity, it will be.

It’s pretty much that simple.

8. REPURPOSE YOUR ARCHIVE

Churches are famous for focusing on what’s next. The relentless pressure of Sunday has you always focused on a new message, new music and the next weekend.

However…you have an archive.

Some of you have an audio archive of MP3 messages. Some of you have a podcast. Others have years of YouTube videos or services captured in HD that sit on some website nobody visits.

Leverage those.

One of the questions I get all the time is “how do you write so much content?” People who subscribe to my email list ask me all the time how I come up with so many insights.

I tell them….It’s easy. I’ve been writing for seven years.

Just because your content isn’t brand new doesn’t mean it won’t be new to your audience. Especially a new audience. (And don’t flatter yourself…most of your church has no idea what you said last year, or last month. Neither does mine.)

Back to this website. Sure, I write several fresh posts a week and write a new email every day, but that’s just a few hours of work. The bulk of my content has been developed over years.

And when it arrives in your inbox, so many leaders tell us every day that it’s exactly what they needed to hear.

Here’s what’s true: you may have done your last family series two years ago, but I promise you families haven’t stopped having issues in the last 24 months (quarantine might make that series way more relevant).

Your last money series may be exactly what someone needs to hear right now.

That message you did on hope from the Psalms is exactly what someone feeling at the bottom needs right now.

The amazing thing about email, social media and other online channels you have is you can repurpose and reuse content to meet people where they’re at and reach new people who have never met you.

Not sure how to run campaigns like that of have a budget to hire staff to do it? Check out services like Pro Media Fire (partner link) that can help you for a fraction of the cost of a typical staff hire.

Great older content works. If you’re having trouble communicating with your kids, do you care that Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages was written in the 90s? Nope. You don’t. You read it. It changes things.

The key is to share these on weekdays and on other channels  throughout the week while you’re still directing people to what’s next and new on the weekend.

People don’t care if a message is new nearly as much as they care if a message is great.

Don’t believe this? How many times have you re-watched The Office or Friends?

Last weekend at our church, our Lead Pastor Jeff Brodie asked everyone to share the link to our weekend livestream with their friends. People did.

Rather than shrinking, we grew from a 1500 people in physical attendance and maybe 1000 watch live online on Sunday, to many times that.

On the first day we couldn’t meet, we grew.

If you think of online church as an obstacle, it will be. If you think of online church as an opportunity, it will be.

It’s pretty much that simple.

www.careynieuwhof.com. Used by permission. 

All the psalms of lament, the book of Lamentations, and many other Scripture passages reveal the importance of realism and sorrow in the Christian life. No treatment of joy and happiness should deny or minimize such texts.

Indeed, a truly biblical worldview and an authentic doctrine of joy and happiness fully recognize and embrace the realities of suffering in this present age.

The happiness described in Scripture is all the richer because it doesn’t involve denial or pretense and can be experienced amid severe difficulty. Christ-followers don’t preach the flimsy kind of happiness that’s built on wishful thinking. Instead, our basis for happiness remains true—and sometimes becomes clearer—in suffering.

Rejoicing Is Rooted in Our God, Not Our Circumstances

Rejoicing always in the Lord (see Philippians 4:4) may seem unrealistic at times. But we must remember that this rejoicing is centered not in a passing circumstance but in a constant reality—God Himself, and His Son, Jesus, who died for us and rose again.

On the one hand, we might suppose that Scripture doesn’t command us to rejoice in our nation’s condition, our culture’s trajectory, our spouse’s attitude, our child’s struggle, our church’s conflicts, our job loss, or our poor health. On the other hand, we’re told to “always [give] thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20, NIV). Likewise, Scripture tells us to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18, NIV).

I don’t think this means that we are to rejoice in evil, per se, since God hates evil (Zechariah 8:17; Proverbs 6:16-19) and commands us to hate it (Psalm 97:10; Proverbs 8:13; Romans 12:9). I do think it means that we should believe Romans 8:28, which tells us God will work all things together for our good, including evil things that happen to us.

Believing this frees us to thank God in the middle of difficult and even evil circumstances, knowing that in His sovereign grace, He is accomplishing great, eternal purposes in us through these things.

We’re told to rejoice in the Lord and to “consider it all joy” when we face hardship (James 1:2, NASB). Choosing to rejoice, by rehearsing reasons to be happy and grateful while suffering, affirms trust in God. We walk by faith, believing in what God has done, is doing, and will do to bring a good end to all that troubles us.

This response requires faith that God lovingly superintends our challenges. Viewing our sufferings as random or obsessing over someone else’s bad choices that caused our sufferings robs us of happiness. A weak, small, or faulty view of God always poisons the well of our contentment.

The more we grow in our understanding of God’s attributes, the happier we become.

We Have a Sovereign and Loving God

The deeper our knowledge of God’s character, the deeper our reservoir of strength, perspective, and happiness in hard times. Who is this God we are to trust? What is He really like?

As we have dealt with her cancer over the past two years, Nanci and I have spent time meditating on the attributes of God, rereading and listening to audiobooks such as The Knowledge of the Holy by A. W. Tozer and Knowing God by J. I. Packer and Trusting God by Jerry Bridges. Our hearts are lifted in praise as we contemplate His holiness, grace, justice, mercy, and every facet of His being revealed to us in Scripture.

Scripture teaches that we have a God who loves us and is sovereign over the universe, including all evil. We can’t be happy, and remain happy, without believing in the sovereignty of a loving God. The beauty of the Christian worldview is that while we’re encouraged to take initiative and control what’s within our power, we also know that the enormous part of life we can’t control is under God’s governance.

Scripture tells us, “Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases” (Psalm 115:3). It assures us, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). And since God is eternally wise and good and happy, and we’re not, we’re far better off with Him, not us, in control.

Gratitude Is Central

One surefire way to raise our level of happiness in times of suffering is choosing to be thankful.

In every circumstance, no matter how difficult, we can give thanks to God and experience his joy. Ephesians 5:18-20 says, “Be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Being Spirit controlled is inseparable from giving thanks in everything.

When Nanci and I had to cancel a trip we were really looking forward to, we began to contemplate all the good things that we could do with the time we now had. Then we started doing those good things and got excited about them. Instead of clinging to unhappiness for something we lost, we found happiness in something we gained.

Whether we find ourselves having reason to celebrate or to mourn, there’s never a time not to express our gratitude to God. Psalm 140:13 declares, “Surely the righteous shall give thanks to your name.”

While it may seem hard to “make ourselves happy,” it’s not hard to choose to give thanks, which in turn always kindles happiness. No matter how difficult our circumstances, the happiness thanksgiving generates is always within our reach.

Our Suffering Will End

Even if the worst suffering of our lives still lies ahead of us, our loving God assures us it will be for only a short time. But He promises far more—a future payoff for our present sufferings:

Our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18, NIV)

Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Corinthians 4:17, NIV)

In light of that eternal glory being achieved for us by our momentary troubles, Paul offers the following words of eternal perspective: “We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18, NIV). This verse has always cleared my head, and that’s why I named our organization Eternal Perspective Ministries.

How wonderful to be promised not only that our present sufferings will end but also that even now they have a hidden purpose that will forever outlast this life! The more we fix our eyes on what’s presently unseen, the more we can experience reassurance and comfort and the increase in happiness they inevitably bring. That’s why Scottish evangelist Duncan Matheson (1824–1869) prayed, “Lord, stamp eternity upon my eyeballs.”

A normal day as resurrected people on the New Earth will be far better than the best day we’ve ever experienced here. And we will one day see our worst day on Earth under the Curse as not having been wasted but as making a positive and eternal difference.

www.epm.org.

This article is excerpted from Randy’s book Does God Want Us to Be Happy? 

We are designed for time spent in the quiet, simply being with our heavenly Father. In the stillness, we have opportunity to pay close attention and to listen well (Psalm 46:10; 1 Kings 19:11-12).

Pray

Talk to God about your speed bump. Be honest. He already knows. Be aware for what He is teaching you (Ephesians 6:18; James 5:16).

Engage with the Scripture

Trust the Holy Spirit-inspired Word of God to be your guide, wisdom, and strength for each speed bump.  Allow Scripture to wash your mind and restore your soul (Hebrews 4:12; Colossians 3:16).

Meditate on Scripture

In Joshua 1:8, we are commanded to mediate on God’s Word. By mulling over and pondering the words of God, we can choose to face the stuff of our speed bumps without allowing them to dominate our life. Meditating on Scripture helps us place our focus on God rather than our situation (Psalm 1:1-3; Joshua 1:8-9).

Give Thanks

A grateful heart invites us to a shift in our perspective and in our relationship with God and others.  In the offering of thanks, we are invited to journey from loss to trust and from pain to praise. This is the beauty of thankfulness.   (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

Search Your Soul

Soul searching is hard, but the benefits of the discomfort and, yes, even the pain are so worth it.  It is through the recognizing, acknowledging, and releasing to God of the hard things we find in the searching that we are helped over the speed bumps and drawn closer to Him (Psalm 139:23-24).

Spend Time with a Soul Friend

A soul friend is one who knows your history, knows your weaknesses, celebrates your strengths, and knows God intimately. Draw them around you in prayerful conversation and invite them to help you pay attention to the activity of God, always, but especially when facing speed bumps (Ephesians 4:16).

Journal

The process helps you slow down, pay attention, and be present (Exodus 17:14; Revelation 21:9).

Practice God’s Presence

Especially during our speed bump seasons, we must learn to live with an ongoing awareness of the living, active, Holy God (Psalm 16:8-9).

Identify Your Spiritual Markers

Spiritual memory is crucial in the Christian life and especially helpful during the times when life throws speed bumps your way. A spiritual marker identifies a time of decision, direction, or transition when you clearly knew that God guided you. These markers are a tool for aiding spiritual memory. Without their help, your spiritual bearings can be lost (Joshua 4:8).

Speak Truth to Yourself

Destructive inner dialogue, which can run rampant when we’re facing speed bumps, can do us in. Be aware.  Don’t allow it. As soon as you recognize it, STOP! Take a breath and begin speaking the truths of the Bible to yourself instead. talking to yourself.  Gospel truth is always constructive.  It builds up and brings life (Proverbs 23:7 KJV; 2 Corinthians 10:5).

Submit

Jesus says to us, “Trust Me. Put aside your striving, your control, your manipulating….and simply trust Me.” In submitting, we choose not to make things happen for ourselves and not to control people or situations, even if we can.  Instead, we choose to come under the Lord’s authority, wisdom, and power.  We choose to trust His sovereignty (1 Peter 5:6).

Worship

Worship is the spiritual practice of praising God’s greatness, goodness, and beauty. Worship should become the constant undertone of our lives. It is the single most powerful force in completing and sustaining restoration of our whole being to God. It may take strong determination, but when facing a speed bump – worship (Luke 1:46; Revelation 4:11).

In the pages of God’s Word, we are told that when we do something, we are to do it for the Lord and not for ourselves (Colossians 3:23). No matter our circumstance, regardless of the outcome, in every speed bump, we are to give thanks to the Lord and rejoice. It may be difficult, but we are to rely on Him, praying and trusting His plan, knowing He is in control

www.deborahhaddix.com..

The Prayer of Saint Patrick

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth and His baptism,
Through the strength of His crucifixion and His burial,
Through the strength of His resurrection and His ascension,
Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of doom.
I arise today
Through the strength of the love of cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In service of archangels,
In the hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In the prayers of patriarchs,
In preachings of the apostles,
In faiths of confessors,
In innocence of virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven;
Light of the sun,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of the wind,
Depth of the sea,
Stability of the earth,
Firmness of the rock.
I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me;
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's hosts to save me
From snares of the devil,
From temptations of vices,
From every one who desires me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a multitude.
I summon today all these powers between me and evil,
Against every cruel merciless power that opposes my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom,
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of women and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that reward may come to me in abundance.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through a belief in the Threeness,
Through a confession of the Oneness
Of the Creator of creation.

Recovering reliable historical information about many of early Christians is difficult if not impossible, and Saint Patrick (c. 390–461) is no exception. Born in Scotland, Patrick was imprisoned and taken to Ireland when he was about sixteen years old. He retuned to Scotland, only to have a dream in which the people of Ireland called out to him, “we beg you, holy youth, to come and walk among us once again.” He did return, and although the details are obscure and the legends are large, he wandered and ministered in Ireland for over thirty years, converting many in the nation.

None of us knows what lies ahead of us with the COVID-19 (coronavirus) situation. When scientists’ predictions range from tens of thousands to 10 million deaths worldwide,[i] you realize that it is impossible to gauge what the impact will be.

That uncertainty is fuel for fear; it fans the anxieties of our hearts.

Fear Not

But, dear Christian, we are not called to fear. We are not called to anxiety.

“[W]hich of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” Jesus asks in Matthew 6:27. We know Jesus is right, but how do we stop the cycle of anxiety in our hearts?

John reminds us that “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). Where do we find the answer to anxiety? In love. God’s love, to be specific.

“Fear not,” God says to us, “for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God” (Isaiah 41:10). God doesn’t promise us that our circumstances will change. He promises himself. In the midst of crises he’s still God and he’s still with us. What more could we ask for? In Hebrews we are reminded again of this beautiful promise, “[W]e can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6).

In Philippians 4:6, Paul exhorts us, [D]o not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Take captive anxious thoughts and give them to God in prayer. They are his, not yours.

Courage in Crisis

What if we could re-frame a crisis and see opportunity instead?

These are days of opportunity and we are called to courage. When tragedy strikes, Christians lean in. When natural disasters hit, the church is mobilized. When a crisis sweeps through a nation, it is Christians who are the first responders.

Consider the early church. In 165 AD, a devastating epidemic known as the Plague of Galen (also known as the Antonine Plague) swept through the Roman Empire. The plague lasted an fifteen years. More than a quarter of the population was killed. One generation after the Plague of Galen abated, The Plague of Cyprian (251-266 AD) spread from Africa through the West. Half of those who came in contact with the plague died.[ii] The two plagues flattened the empire.

During both of these plagues, many of those who had the financial means to flee, did so. Cities were abandoned by government officials. Dead family members were left on the roads, untreated and unburied.

Christians, however, stayed and cared for their sick neighbors. In 260 AD, Bishop Dionysius of Corinth spoke of the horrors of the encroaching plague. He shared that “out of the blue came this disease, a thing…more frightful than any disaster…”

But, for Bishop Dionysius, the plague was an opportunity for Christians to pass through God’s “schooling and testing.” And indeed, most Christians passed the test with flying colors. Dionysius praised the church, “Most of our brother Christians showed unbounded love and loyalty, never sparing themselves, and thinking only of one another. Heedless of danger, they took charge of the sick, attending to their every need and ministering to them in Christ, and with them departed this life serenely happy; for they were infected by others with the disease, drawing on themselves the sickness of their neighbors and cheerfully accepting their pains.” Dionysius continued, reflecting that the death of those who died as a result of nursing their sick neighbors, “seems in every way the equal of martyrdom.”

The Christians reputation for running into the fire was so well known, that the pagan emperor Julian in 362 AD wrote the high priest in Galatia, saying that those leaving paganism for Christianity were doing so because of the Christians’ “moral character, even if pretended,” and by their “benevolence toward strangers and care for the graves of the dead.”

Tertullian, whose early life was lived under the veil of the Plague of Galen wrote, “It is our care of the helpless, our practice of loving kindness that brands us in the eyes of many of our opponents. ‘Only look,’ they say, ‘look how they love one another.’”

Jesus, Paul, and Crisis

Jesus would not have been surprised. He was the one who reminded his followers that loving your neighbor looked like picking up the stripped, bloody, and half-dead stranger and caring for him (Luke 10:29-37). And it was Jesus, who, the night before he died told his disciples that their love for one another would be a witness to the world (John 17:20-21).

Paul framed the threat of death that hung over his life with an eternal perspective. It was the promise of eternal life with Christ that gave Paul courage. In 2 Corinthians 5:6-8, Paul reminds the church:

So, we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

Paul spoke these same words to himself. He begins his letter to the church at Philippi, encouraging them that, while he is imprisoned under the threat of death, he takes courage in looking to eternity with Christ and the proclamation of the gospel through his death. He says,

Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain (Philippians 1:18b-21).

Eternity frames our perspective. We know Christ is with us today, and we will be face to face with him in the new heavens and the new earth. And that changes everything.

Not Foolishness, but Courage

A family friend of ours once packed his bags in the midst of a dangerous crisis across the world to go help. His heart ached for the suffering they were enduring, and he wanted to help rescue those in need. While his intentions were predominantly good, he was also motivated by the adrenaline rush (and a desire for a little limelight was likely in his heart as well). Most importantly, his presence didn’t actually help anyone in need. He did not demonstrate the gospel in his heroic act. He demonstrated foolishness.

In the face of the COVID-19 pandemic please do not be foolish. Make choices that promote your own health and the public’s welfare. Help slow the advance of coronavirus. Don’t minimize what is a serious global threat. Wash your hands. Sanitize surfaces. Limit physical contact. As the CDC has recommended, avoid gatherings. Help protect the elderly and those whose immune systems are compromised.

I’m proud of how our country has responded. Let us heed the wisdom of the experts.

But in addition to wise living, we ought to also demonstrate faith and courage. Don’t obsess over COVID-19 coverage. Don’t make choices that are driven purely by self-preservation.

Speak hope. Speak courage. Speak faith. Care for those in need. Pray to the Creator and Savior of all.

And act courageously. Not foolishly. But courageously. This will look different for every person depending on their age, health, and situation. For all of us it means that we ought to lean in to our family, friends, and neighbors who are fearful and need to hear the good news of Jesus Christ who brings peace in anxious times.

When God calls you, run toward the fire.

Christians run toward the fire.

What does Jesus calling himself the true vine in John 15 imply?  It implies there are false vines, counterfeit sources of energy and strength that we might seek to empower us to bear fruit.  But, these bogus sources will ultimately prove worthless.  Only Jesus offers life with God.  And, only life with God produces fruit that will last.   

Look at Jesus’ words from John 15:1-11.

            “1) I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.  2) Every branch of mine that does not    bear fruit he takes away and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes that it may bear more fruit.  3) Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4)  Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  5) I am the vine, you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.  6) If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers;  and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.  7) If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  8) By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.  9) As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.      Abide in my love. 10) If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.  11) These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”  ESV

Fruit bearing is God’s idea.  This simple concept can be easily twisted in our reasoning.  It is not uncommon when we find ourselves eager to advance God’s kingdom, for us to assume we must be acting from our pride.  We need to remember God desires for us to bear fruit, but the ability to produce fruit will not be found in our will power.

Jesus is the true vine, we are the branches, but who is the vine dresser?  Who perfectly trims our branch?  The Father, the first person of the trinity, is the Gardener who prunes our branch so we can be made even more fruitful (John 15:1).  The purpose of pruning, however painful, is always to increase our fruit-bearing potential.

            1)What are some growth areas or ministries where you experienced a pruning?

What instrument does the vine dresser use to trim back the branches?  Look again at John 15:3.

            “Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.”   ESV

The gardening shears that the Father uses are the very words of Jesus.  This is an important distinction, because we might assume a trial or suffering are God’s pruning shears, but that is not what Jesus emphasizes here.  It is the time we spend receiving Jesus’ words which cleanses us and increases our fruit.  Look John 15:7 again.

            “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for      you.”  ESV

The Greek word translated abide in our English translations is a metaphorical word for place.  To abide is related to our English word abode.  A person’s abode is their home base.  It is the place they inhabit.  So, to abide in Jesus’ words is to metaphorically live with his teaching, to live in his strength. 

Notice that Jesus does not say, my word abides in you, but my words abide in you.  The phrasing, “my word abides in you,” might imply the entire book of the Bible.  But, the phasing, “my words abide in you,” is emphasizing the red letter words of Jesus from the gospels.  I believe it is the very teachings of Jesus recorded in the gospels that are the most critical for our fruit production.  This is why I love to teach the gospels.  These words of Jesus convict us of sin, expose the intentions of our hearts, and are always mixed with hope and redemption. 

If we want to continue to bear spiritual fruit, we need to regularly meditate on the words of Christ.  Every gardener knows sharp pruning shears work quickly and do less damage to a plant.  Trimming off the small stems is also less invasive to the fruit cycle.  The same is true for a spiritual pruning.  Old woody growth develops when a vine’s pruning has been neglected, and it might require a saw to cut through.  Pruning off old growth can easily send a plant into shock.  Spending time applying the gospels will keep us from wild unpruned growth.

            2) How can we practically apply Jesus’ red-letter passages of the Bible?

Why did Jesus choose the vine as a metaphor to describe our relationship with him?  The vine portrait of Christ perfectly illustrates the dependance we need to place in Jesus if we want to bear fruit.  Why didn’t he choose a tree?  Ezekiel 15 seems to address this very question, and Ezekiel even uses some of the same words and phrasing found in John 15.  Look at Ezekiel 15:1-6.

            1) And the word of the Lord came to me:  2) “Son of man, how does the wood of the vine surpass any wood, the vine branch that is among the trees of the forest? 3) Is wood taken from it  to make anything?  Do people make a peg from it to hang any vessel on it?  4) Behold, it is given to the fire for fuel.  When the fire has consumed both ends of it, and the middle of it is charred is it useful for anything?  5) Behold, when it was whole, it was used for nothing.  How much less, when the fire has consumed it and it is charred can it ever be used for anything!  6) Therefore thus says the Lord God; Like the wood of the vine among the trees of the forest, which I have given to the fire for fuel, so have I given up the inhabitants of Jerusalem.”      ESV

The vine metaphor was carefully chosen because vine wood by itself is not useful.  Maybe we can make a spindly basket or a decorative wreath from vine twigs, but we don’t make a table, or a bed.  We certainly don’t build houses that would protect us from the elements or an encroaching enemy.  Jesus is emphasizing with this vine portrait how our strength must flow from him.  We can do nothing of lasting worth in our own power.

Sap flows through the vine, into the branches, so they will have the energy they need to make flowers and eventually produce fruit.  In the natural world fruit, production is an exhausting experience for a plant and the conditions have to be just right.  Every plant has seasons when it grows fruit and seasons when it is storing nutrients, so it can bear fruit again.  Nothing blooms continually.  In the same way no one is constantly bearing spiritual fruit.  Most importantly from John 15, we see fruit will never grow on a severed branch, and dead branches have one purpose, to provide fuel for a fire.    

Jesus as the true vine is an Old Testament picture that is first foreshadowed in Numbers 13 when the spies scout out the Promise Land that God was giving to Israel.  The single cluster of grapes they brought back to Moses was so enormous that it took two men to carry it on a pole.  This gigantic cluster is a prophetic picture of Jesus’ message from John 15.  Abiding in Jesus yields a fruitful harvest.

Numbers 13 and 14 are the chapters where the story of the twelve spies who surveyed the Promise Land are found.  Sadly, it is only the minority report given by Joshua and Caleb that encourages the people to trust God.  This beautiful inheritance that God desired for Israel was a land flowing with milk and honey.  He wanted to bless them with fruitfulness and would provide everything they needed so they could conquer and prosper there.  But, God would not make them accept his plan.  A whole generation will needlessly die in the desert because they refused God’s blessed plans. 

Instead of trusting in God’s dream, Israel listened to the many voices of fear.

            3) Why is it hard to trust God’s dream for us?

There are multiple passages in the Old Testament which picture Israel as a vine and also as a vineyard.  Jesus also told many parables using these images.  Archeologists looking at the time frame between the Old and New Testaments have even discovered a Jewish coin engraved with a vine.  Jesus’ words describing the fruit bearing he designed for his disciples was taught in the middle of this context.  Many Jews felt their ethnicity and religiosity would insure they could bear fruit for God.  But, Jesus is making it very clear that only he has the power to bear genuine spiritual fruit and only disciples who stay connected to him will receive this power...because he is the true vine.

The young woman, whose sincerity I do not doubt, was adamant that hundreds of people were healed. When I asked her for evidence so that I could rejoice with her, what I received instead were seven statements that could only be described as denying all reality. In fact, these statements are common among Christians who have a tendency to over-super-naturalize their experiences. When you hear these objections to a request for evidence of something then you can identify a person whose understanding is divorced from reality and scripture. Before I provide those seven statements let me share this important foundational point: God is a God of evidences. In fact, God always asks us to believe things for which there is real world evidence. We are never asked to have faith without evidence. I’d go so far as to say that it is impossible for God to work in the world and not leave any evidence that he is the one doing what he has been doing. God does not hide or hide his work. He wants us to see and know and believe. 

I’d also like to say that such people who are trapped in this non-biblical perspective are just that—they are trapped. They should not be attacked, ridiculed, or made to feel stupid. Rather, firm but gentle persuasion should be applied to help them see the error that entraps them. We must be loving and gracious while we seek to firmly persuade.

Now, here are the seven statements of someone who denies reality and insists on believing wild things for which there is no evidence.

1.) I am proof

It is true that all Christians have a testimony about how God has changed their lives. These testimonies are powerful when coupled with the testimony of the Bible and the life of Jesus. However, the person who over-super-naturalizes everything states that his life is a proof, but then offers no specific explanation about how his life was changed. This claim simply amounts to saying, “Just believe me,” with no ground for that belief.

2.) Don’t be mean

There are actually a number of ways such a person will say this. You’re being mean. Stop being contrary. Don’t be a know it all. Stop being cruel, etc. Whenever you ask for an evidence of a claim, or give a rational reason why you don’t believe the claim, this person resorts to emotionalism and near-name calling. This is a sign that he is unable to defend his view upon even minor examination. However, it may also be a sign of immaturity, which you must graciously excuse.

3.) Just pray about it

When a person who cannot defend their claim says this, he is essentially trying to lay a guilt trip on you. If you are not spiritual enough to pray about it, then you are deceived or are a bad Christian. But this is not true. This is a defense mechanism to let the person off the hook for having to present real evidence.

4.) Words can’t explain it

This is also a defense mechanism against having no proof. It’s meant to communicate the idea that something is so spiritually above you that mere words can’t do the claim justice. Honestly, this is pure foolishness. Words can indeed explain everything. We use commonly understood words in the Bible to describe God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and high theology. If mere words can describe the eternal God of the universe then mere words can describe your experience or provide evidence for your claim. It’s one thing if you are not an articulate person. There’s nothing wrong with that. But your lack of articulation doesn’t make something too high for anyone to understand with words.

5.) There is no need for proof

Yes there is. If you claim that hundreds of people were bodily healed then there ought to be a whole lot of proof in the form of diseases, syndromes, and conditions vanishing and no longer needing treatment. If such things are not apparent then the claim is false. Consider that no one disbelieved Jesus was healing people. Even his enemies admitted that Jesus healed people and raised the dead. The same was true of his disciples. That is not true about most faith healers today.

Consider also that Jesus offered proof of his resurrection. In the eyes of Jesus, proof was a requirement. If you deny the need for proof then you are denying the very practice of Jesus.

6.) The Bible teaches it

When the claimant states this he is essentially saying that the Bible supports his claim—but he offers no relevant passage that teaches his specific claim his true. Too many people use the Bible to justify their claims without understanding its context. For instance, did you know the Bible says that there is no God? It’s true. The Bible says in Psalm 14:1 that, “There is no God.” I can make the argument from the Bible that God does not exist. Of course, I would have to do that by butchering the text. Because the full passage really says, “The fool says in his heart, ‘there is no God.'”

The Bible teaches supernatural healing. But it doesn’t mean your claim of hundreds healed is true.

7.) It is beyond your understanding

This is the claimant’s last resort. With this statement the person is essentially saying, “I’m more spiritual than you.” It is a statement of self-superiority and self-importance. It’s like saying to someone, “You’re too stupid to understand it.” It is nothing more than an insult as a way out of having to defend a view that doesn’t hold up under common sense scrutiny. 

Conclusion

When you encounter wild claims about spiritual things and ask for proof, and you encounter these arguments you can know that the claim is without merit. Don’t be fooled by sincerity or emotionalism, or submit to demands that your attitude is wrong or sinful. It’s never sinful to want to believe the truth. You should not feel pressured by those who make wild, unsubstantiated, over-super-naturalized claims. Theirs is the burden of proof. Your job is to evaluate the claims so that you can defend against deception or rejoice with the truth.

www.tomthinking.com. 

The book aims to educate women on how to see the “warning signs” that their husband is, to use the parlance of my Deep South upbringing, “running around.” The authors give a list of possible clues: a sudden interest in the gym, buying expensive gifts for his wife, emotional distance.

Of particular interest is the authors’ observations about the mind of the adulterous man. He rarely will admit to an affair because he wanted to have sex with an attractive woman. Rather he will use such language as, “I found my soul-mate.” Moreover, he will prepare the way for the affair by letting others know how cold his wife is, often by telling the wife she needs to lose weight or even see a psychiatrist. The woman who laughs at his jokes and plays with his hair, however, now she understands what he’s all about.

While reading the book, I couldn’t help but have flashbacks to thousands of incidents in local congregational ministry to families in crisis. These women have the situation sized up perfectly. I wonder, though, how much more susceptible our own congregations are to adultery, precisely because of the ways in which we picture marriage.

The “soul-mate” language is self-justifying and self-deceiving, as the apostle Paul tells us sin always is. The promise of the thrilling new lover is vaporous and, in the end, deadly, just as Solomon warned us thousands of years ago (Prov 7). But have we contributed to this with our endless sermon series on “Putting the Sizzle Back in Your Spouse” and “Ten Tips for Couples for a Hotter, Holier Romance”? For years, evangelicals have produced sex manuals and have counseled young couples to maintain date nights and romantic evenings.

No doubt fulfilling sex, romantic getaways, and loving affection are necessary for a Christian marriage. Still, have we been neglecting to teach young men and women the self-sacrificial nature of fidelity? Several years ago, an evangelical celebrity told a broadcast television network about her struggle after meeting her “soul-mate,” while married to another man. This was presented as an authentic spiritual dilemma.

Perhaps in all our talk of romance and candlelight, we should re-emphasize that sometimes the romance is deferred, sometimes the fireworks are postponed. Perhaps rather than always pointing to the example of a sexy young married couple, we should point our older teenagers and young married couples to the eighty-seven year old man who has been wheeling his wife into the congregation every Sunday for thirty years, since she lost the use of her arms and legs in a stroke, or to the sixty year-old woman who faithfully shaves the face of her Alzheimer’s-riddled husband, even as he curses and swats at a woman he doesn’t remember.

Fidelity is sexier than adultery. We know that. And we should encourage every young man to rejoice in the wife of his youth, indeed be intoxicated with her breasts, as the Scriptures tell us (Prov 5:18-19).

But adultery always follows a script, as the book reminds us, and this script includes the thrill of romance, a romance that is newer and thus more hormonally sparked than long-lasting love. The adulteress persuades a man, as a butcher slaughters a cow (Prov 7:22).

A postponed feast in the Father’s kingdom doesn’t initially seem as appetizing as stones-into-bread to break a 40 day fast (Matt 4:3-4). But why does Jesus defer the joy of eating until after a wilderness temptation–indeed postponing the messianic feast until after a grisly crucifixion? Because he wishes to maintain fidelity to his Bride, with whom he will eat and drink at his Father’s table (Luke 22:14-18).

That kind of Christ love must be emphasized by pastors and teachers who emphasize fidelity and sacrifice, and, yes, romance and hot sex too. And this means pastors and church leaders who are willing to reiterate: “Looking for your soul-mate? Her picture’s in your wallet.”

www.russellmoore.com. Original article HERE. 

"Turn on the TV or open a paper and the financial news can be unsettling. “A recession is coming!” says one expert.  “No recession,” argues another.   “Save more, spend less, just in case!” cautions a third.  And with all the conflicting reports, our joy level sinks lower and lower. But does financial security equal personal joy? Does our economic status serve as an accurate barometer of our happiness level?

In a classic study psychologists determined that recent winners of the Illinois State Lottery were no happier than recent accident victims who were consequently disabled. The two groups were asked to “rate the amount of pleasure they got from everyday activities: small but enjoyable things like chatting with a friend, watching TV, eating breakfast, laughing at a joke, or receiving a compliment. When the researchers analyzed their results, they found that the recent accident victims reported gaining more happiness from these everyday pleasures than the lottery winners.”[i]

Even the thrill of winning the lottery wears off.

More money makes truly poor people happier insofar as it relieves pressure from everyday life—getting enough to eat, having a place to live, affording medical care. But once people reach the middle-class income level, even big financial gains don’t yield much, if any, increase in happiness.[ii]  Americans who earn more than $10 million annually report a happiness level only slightly higher than the blue-collar workers they employ.[iii]  As one Harvard professor said, “We think money will bring lots of happiness for a long time, and actually it brings a little happiness for a short time.”[iv]

We’ve all seen happy peasants and miserable millionaires, right?

There is another option. It requires no credit card, monthly mortgage, or stroke of fortune. It demands no airline tickets or hotel reservations. It stipulates no PhD, MD, or blue-blood pedigree. Age, ethnicity, and gender are not factors. Balmy climates, blue skies, and Botox are not mandated. No resources for psychoanalysis, plastic surgery, or hormone therapy? No problem. You don’t have to change jobs, change cities, change looks, or change neighborhoods.

But you might need to change doors.

The motto on the front door says “Happiness happens when you get.” The sign on the lesser-used back door counters “Happiness happens when you give.”

Doing good does good for the doer.

Research bears this out.

When volunteers were put in a functional MRI scanner and were told they would be giving some of their money to charity, the areas of their brains associated with pleasure—like food and sex—lit up like Christmas trees. Giving to help others triggers dopamine.[v]  (New fund-raising slogan perhaps?)

In another study a team of social psychologists distilled happiness factors into eight common denominators. Two of the first three involve helping others. Happy, contented people “devote a great amount of time to their family and friends, nurturing and enjoying those relationships.” And “they are often the first to offer a helping hand to co-workers and passers-by.”

Seeking joy? Do good for someone else. A tender example of this truth came my way just today. I met with a husband and daughter to plan the funeral of the wife and mother. Patty was the picture of unselfishness. We tried to imagine how many kids she had hugged, diapers she had changed, children she had taught, and hearts she had encouraged. To see her smile was to see springtime thaw the winter ice.

Three months ago a brain condition had left her unable to speak, partially paralyzed, and living in a rehabilitation center. Her spirits sank so low she did not want to eat and had trouble sleeping. One evening her daughter had an idea. She placed her mother in a wheelchair and rolled her from room to room, looking for people who needed encouragement. It didn’t take long.

Though unable to speak, Patty could touch and pray. So she did both. She patted other patients and then placed her hand on their hearts and bowed her head. For the better part of the evening, she touched and prayed her way through the rehab center. That night her appetite returned, and she slept peacefully.

The words of Jesus are spot-on: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 22:35). Because when you do, it has a boomerang effect. Happiness happens when we give it away. This is such great news. You can’t control your genetics. You aren’t in charge of the weather, the traffic, or the occupant of the White House. But you can always increase the number of smiles on our planet. You can lower the anger level in your city. You—yes, you—can help people to sleep better, laugh more, hum instead of grumble, walk instead of stumble. You can lighten the load and brighten the day of other human beings. And don’t be surprised when you begin to sense a newfound joy yourself."

©Max Lucado, September 2019

1. Prepare an answer to the question “what’s the nature of the visit?”

Sometimes, the admin will ask you some form of the question, “why are you coming?” I think that’s a horrible thing to do because basically someone has finally broken free of their fear to be real and honest about some pain and the admin is the last person they want to share their junk with. But it happens, and when it does go ahead and generalize your response. I told counselor #3’s admin that I was coming in to discuss “work issues and marital communication problems.” That was true, but it was definitely the G version my junk.

2. Don’t show up too early.

Your goal is to spend the least amount of time in the lobby of the counselor’s office. The longer, you wait, the longer you’ll have to do awkward head nods with other people that are leaving from other counseling sessions. And the magazine selection always sucks. I think this is on purpose because if they had great magazines you might get happy in the lobby and feel like you could cancel your appointment. So instead they offer “Golf Digest” from 1987 and “Saltwater Trout Fishing Digest.”

3. Read the magazines while you’re waiting.

Most counselors tend to run about 5-10 minutes late because the person before you is always a rambling narcissist. In many cases, that person might be me. My sincere apologies. But when you’re in the lobby, you want to stay busy to avoid the “I wonder what that person is in here for” game. Don’t stare at the other people and try to analyze what life crisis brought them to the lobby. Grab whatever magazine is nearby and read deeply, unless an addiction to salt water trout fishing is ruining your marriage. In that case don’t read the magazines.

4. Let’s not talk if we see each other at IKEA.

The other day while looking at Glokgs and Rnijyds for our living room at IKEA, I noticed a guy from one of the counseling groups I took part in. We didn’t know each other’s name but we definitely recognized each other. And I was sweaty for a hot minute until he gave me the quick, “Hey, I know you get counseling and so do I but let’s not chat” head nod. It was beautiful. It was fast. It was perfect.

5. Judge your counselor.

There are some whack counselors out there, so I recommend judging and analyzing them closely. For instance, there are a handful of books that if I see on the shelf in my counselor’s office that scare me. Like say, “Shock Therapy.” You don’t want your counselor to be a huge fan of shock therapy. Or a book titled, “Why the man is always wrong” or anything from the Every Man’s Battle series. And if the office is messy that’s not a good sign either. If he can’t put together his work environment how is he supposed to help put you back together. I find a beard to be a good sign. There’s something wise about a beard. Mutton chops however are not a good sign. The easy way to remember this is, “A beard is not weird, chops means stops.” See, that’s pretty handy.*

Those are just a few of the tips I recommend. I would love to hear yours.

And if you need a good counselor in Nashville, Atlanta or Birmingham let me know.

*Lady counselors are awesome too but for them, the beard rule is just the opposite. A beard on your lady counselor is not a great sign.

www.stuffchristianslike.net. Used by permission. 

In the book I wrote on these actions (Love One Another: 20 Practical Lessons) I suggested that all of us should give all the one anothers to all people at all times. In short, give all to all.

• These phrases are commands for us to obey; we can’t opt out and choose not to participate.
• I shouldn’t pick and choose which of the one anothers I’ll give (for instance: I’ll encourage people but not accept them).
• I shouldn’t show favoritism as to whom I give them to (for instance: I’ll encourage some people but not others).
• I should willingly dispense these acts of grace all the time (for instance, I shouldn’t have the attitude: “I’ll give these when I’m feeling good but not when I’m upset.” 

But there is one exception to the “give all to all” guideline; there is one “one another” that can be sparingly dispensed: “Be devoted to one another” (Romans 12:10).

The Greek word for “devotion” is philostorgos, which means “to cherish one’s kindred, to be fond of, to be fraternal toward others, tenderly loving, and tenderly affectionate.” Devotion implies a deep level of commitment. It is, perhaps, the only One Another that we can ration out.

Through the years, I have developed a deep sense of devotion to certain individuals, but not to everyone. My highest devotion is to my wife, children, and grandchildren. Even among my friends, I am more devoted to some than others. 

Jesus did the same. He had a small group of people he was deeply devoted to: his twelve disciples. Among the twelve, there were three men in whom he confided the most: Peter, James, and John. Some would even suggest he was closest to John. He didn’t love these three men more than the others, but he did spend more time with them, allowing them to know him in ways the others didn’t. They were invited to be with Christ on the Mount of Transfiguration, perhaps the highlight of his earthly ministry, and in the Garden of Gethsemane, arguably the lowest point in his life. Jesus didn’t have favorites, but he did have intimates. He loved the world, taught thousands, but was devoted to a few.

Likewise, it’s okay for us to be selective as to whom we’re devoted to. On a practical level, it would be impossible for us to express devotion to the hundreds of people we’re acquainted with. A sense of devotion can be reserved for a few. 

I am devoted to my family. I’ve jokingly told my wife, “If you ever leave me, I’m going with you.” I’m devoted to my  two daughters; through life’s ups and downs, I’ll be their faithful father. I’m devoted to my son-in-law and his daughter. Five years ago, my grandson entered my scope of devotion. As a leader, I’m devoted to members of my team. I have hundreds of good friends and feel devoted to some but not all of them. 

Devotion is expressed in these terms:

• Value — “I highly value you; you are important to me.”
• Commitment — “I am committed to you; I pledge to be lovingly involved in your life.”
• Long-term commitment — “I’m in this relationship for the long haul. I’ll walk with you through good times and bad. We’re friends for life.”
• Priority — “My life, like yours, is multifaceted. However, you are a priority to me.
• Meeting needs — “I am aware of your physical and emotional needs and want to be a part of meeting those needs.”
• Faithfulness — “Relationally, I’m going to bind myself to you. I hope my deep commitment will make you feel secure.”
• Vulnerable communication — “I am willing to share with you the deep issues of my life, and you can trust me with the deep concerns of your life. I want to know you in a deep, intimate way.”
• Tenderness — “You are very dear to me.”
• Consistency — “You can count on me to be a consistent source of love and care.”
• Love, even unto death — “I would give my life for you.”

Question: to whom are you devoted? As suggested by the previous list, true devotion requires enormous commitment; have you made such a commitment to a few people? 

Soon after Jack Benny died, George Burns was interviewed on TV. “Jack and I had a wonderful friendship for fifty-five years,” Burns said. “Jack never walked out on me when I sang a song, and I never walked out on him when he played the violin. We laughed together, we played together, we worked together, and we ate together. I suppose that for many of those years we talked every single day.”

In a sweet and sincere way, George Burns and Jack Benny were devoted to each other.

www.donmcminn.com. Used by permission.

First, prayer is like a muscle; the more you exercise, the stronger it is.

If you have never had a consistent prayer life, you must realize that you are jumping into something that takes practice. To change the metaphor a bit, you are forming new taste buds. If you’ve never had coffee before, it can be bitter and abrasive the first time. But after drinking it for a while, there’s a depth to the coffee that you didn’t realize was there before. Prayer is the same. You need to exercise and drink regularly for it to become easier and even sweet.

Second, I’m cautious of calling this a “method” of prayer, as if our communion with God can be distilled into a simple method.

It cannot. But often times, Christians need to follow what has worked for Christians in the past in order to know and understand what works for them personally. God is personal, not robotic. You are a person, not a robot. Each of our hearts are different. We all have different fears and different longings. Certain parts of the psalms resonate with certain types of people in certain stages of life. Don’t be surprised if you find that your prayer life and communion with God slightly changes as you enter different life stages and face different challenges. But as you grow in understanding what your prayer life looks like, follow the lead of other Christians; see what they do and then try it on for yourself, like you would a coat. Soon you will know what fits and what maybe needs to be tailored.

Third, don’t come to God in order to get an experience, but come to God in order to get God.

If your prayer life is simply to get a rush or warmth of some kind, then God is simply being used as a means to an end. If you come to God merely for an experience, you will likely get neither a meaningful experience, nor God himself. But come to God for God’s sake and you will likely get both thrown in. C.S. Lewis, in a letter he wrote to a little girl in 1950, says this about feelings: . . . don’t expect (I mean, don’t count on and don’t demand) . . . you will have all the feelings you would like to have. You may, of course: but also you may not. But don’t worry if you don’t get them. They aren’t what matter. The things that are happening to you are quite real things whether you feel as you would wish or not, just as a meal will do a hungry person good even if he has a cold in the head which will rather spoil the taste.

Our Lord will give us right feelings if he wishes — and then we must say Thank you. If he doesn’t, then we must say to ourselves (and to Him) that he knows best.

A Method Preparation (2-3 mins) Goal: to collect yourself, preparing your heart and mind to taste and see the goodness of the Lord

. • Pray a short psalm (Ps 16:8; 27:4; 27:9-10; 40:16; 43:4; 63:1-3; 67:1; 84:5-7; 103:1-2; 139:7-10) that tells you of the presence of God and his availability of fellowship or his desire for it. Remember his worth, remind yourself of his presence, give up small ambitions and worries, remind yourself that he longs to connect.

• Pray for attentiveness and illumination. Spiritual Reading (12-40 mins) Goal: Read and ask the text questions, but to do it in his presence.

• Read your daily passages (OT, NT, Psalm), taking note of anything that’s sweet, thanking God for it, and tasting it at it goes by.

• Take a portion of your reading (a paragraph, a few sentences, or even a phrase), put an emphasis on each word, and ask these basic questions, giving brief answers: - What does it say about God? - What does it say about me? - Does the passage give me (i) examples to follow, (ii) commands to obey, (ii) promises to claim, (iv) sins to repent of, or (v) idols to tear down?

Meditating (15 - 45 mins) Goal: To take phrases, verses, and ideas we’ve reflected on in our “Spiritual Reading” and now reflect on them more deeply. This is the place where you move from asking the text questions to allowing the text to ask questions of you; from understanding the text to letting the text transform you into more like Christ. Meditation engages your heart and gives a foretaste of heaven, reshaping your desires

• Teaching: What is the basic truth or teaching this conveys?

• Adoration: How can I adore God for this? (What attribute does it show?) • Confession: What wrong thoughts, feelings, behaviors happen when this is forgotten?

• Thanks: How is Jesus the ultimate revelation of this attribute and/or the ultimate answer to this sin? How is this sin being an inordinate hope for someone or something to give me the satisfaction that only Jesus can really give me?

• Supplication: What do I need from God if I am to realize this truth in my life? Prayer (10 - 15 mins) Goal: To pray your meditation. Consider Augustine’s famous quote, “O God, our hearts are made for thee, and they shall be restless until they rest in thee.” Praying your meditation is finding, if just for a moment, that rest. Meditation is intentionally engaging your heart, but praying your meditation turns you back to God. It actively puts yourself at the disposal of the Spirit, preparing 8 the way for God’s desires to supersede your own and for God to create in you a greater capacity for himself.

• Pray Adoration: Tell him what you love and adore about him. Visualize how your life, your friends, your church, your community would be like if he was adored for this more fully. Yearn for it.

• Pray Confession: Confess back to him; admit what you’ve done or who you are. Visualize: what would your life be like; decisions, ambitions, etc., if this truth was explosively true in your life? Yearn for it. Imagine God responding to your repentance with words of assurance from Scripture.

• Pray Thanks: Thank Christ; remember his life, some story or passage where this character/ attribute is displayed that you are thanking him for. Thank him for who he is and what he has done. Thank him for how he is the ultimate revelation for the answer of your sin.

• Pray Supplication: Ask him for what you need to be or do with this truth. Pray for what you need for this truth to be more explosively true in your life. Listen In all previous parts of prayer, we are the dominant actor. We are the one looking, searching, learning, savoring, repenting, adoring. But we should end by listening, gazing adoringly in what we’ve seen of him, hoping to be acted upon, that God might give a heightened sense of his presence, assuring us our adoption and his love toward us. End your prayer by resting and thinking quietly on one or two truths that you learned. Thank Him for it!

Order John's Book: The Possibility of Prayer

This lady believed what most of us have believed at one time or another—that we are the way we are because of our circumstances.

The implication is that our circumstances make us what we are. Perhaps you’ve found yourself saying, as have I, “She made me so mad!” What we are saying is: “I am really a kind, gentle, loving, self-controlled, Spirit-filled woman. But . . . you can’t believe what she did!”

“I wouldn’t have lost my cool,” we insist, “if my child hadn’t filled the dryer with water and painted the living room furniture with butter!”

Or, “I wouldn’t struggle in my marriage if my parents hadn’t verbally abused me and made me feel worthless.”

Or, “I wouldn’t be so bitter if my husband hadn’t run off with that other woman.”

We are saying, “Someone or something made me the way I am.” We feel that if our circumstances were different—our upbringing, our environment, the people around us—we would be different. We would be more patient, more loving, more consistent, easier to live with.

If our circumstances make us what we are, then we are all victims. And that’s just what the enemy wants us to believe. Because if we are victims, then we aren’t responsible—we can’t help the way we are.

But God says we are responsible—not for the failures of others, but for our own responses and lives.

The “If Only” Game

The truth is our circumstances do not make us what we are. They merely reveal what we are.

That exasperated mother who believed she had never been an impatient person until she had twins did not understand that she had always been an impatient person; she just didn’t realize how impatient she was until God brought a set of circumstances into her life to show her what she was really like—so He could change her.

The enemy convinces us that the only way we can ever be different is if our circumstances change. So we play the “if only” game: If only we didn’t have to move . . . If only we lived closer to my parents . . . If only we had a bigger house (more closets, more storage) . . . If only we had more money . . . If only my husband didn’t have to work so many hours . . . If only I were married . . . If only I weren’t married . . . If only I were married to someone different . . . If only I had children . . . If only I didn’t have so many children . . . If only I hadn’t lost that child . . . If only my husband would communicate . . . If only my husband were a spiritual leader . . . .

We have been deceived into believing we would be happier if we had a different set of circumstances. The truth is if we are not content within our present circumstances, we are not likely to be happy in any other set of circumstances.

When she was in her fifties, nineteenth-century writer Elizabeth Prentiss learned that her husband would be taking a new job that required them to uproot from their home in New York and move to Chicago. The move meant leaving all their friends and posed a danger to her fragile health. In a letter to a friend, she wrote:

We want to know no will but God’s in this question. . . . The experience of the past winter would impress upon me the fact that place and position have next to nothing to do with happiness; that we can be wretched in a palace, radiant in a dungeon . . . perhaps this heartbreaking is exactly what we need to remind us . . . that we are pilgrims and strangers on the earth.¹

George Washington’s wife, Martha, expressed the same conviction in a letter written to her friend Mercy Warren:

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds, wherever we go.²

Learning to be Content

The apostle Paul learned that he could rejoice and be content and fruitful in any circumstance because his joy and well-being were not dependent on his circumstances but on the steadfast love and faithfulness of God and the conditions of his relationship with God. He wrote, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need” (Phil. 4:11–12).

Paul understood that we may not be able to control our circumstances, but our circumstances don’t have to control us.

The truth is that we can trust a wise, loving, sovereign God to control every circumstance of our lives.

Joy, peace, and stability come from believing that every circumstance that touches our lives has first been filtered through His fingers of love and is part of a great, eternal plan that He is working out in this world and in our lives.

¹ George Lewis Prentiss, More Love to Thee: The Life and Letters of Elizabeth Prentiss (Amityville, N.Y.: Calvary, 1994), 374.

² Harry C. Green and Mary W. Green, "The Pioneer Mothers of America," 1912, cited in The Christian History of the American Revolution: Consider and Ponder, comp. Verna M. Hall (San Francisco: Foundation of American Christian Education, 1988), 76.

Adapted from Lies Women Believe: And the Truth That Sets Them Free!  © 2001 by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. Published by Moody Publishers. Used with permission.

Such is a Christian who does not know his Bible and cannot make intelligent and informed decisions.  Like the Bismark he has power and great potential but no direction.  He soon will sink.

“The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom….”( Pr 4:7) A discipline must begin in a Christian’s life of the disciplined regimen of the acquiring of the mind of Christ – the Bible.

Solomon said “you cannot put a net in the eyes of a bird” (Pr 1:27), because a bird can see all things from its lofty perch.  So it is when a person knows that which is the revealed will of God.  They can’t be fooled or misled.  But no matter how talented a person is, or how wealthy or intelligent or charismatic, magnetic of personality or endowed with noble heritage, when they are ignorant of the Bible they will have no guidance in the areas that can give true joy or true disaster.  And usually the reason that a person does not have a biblical reference point is because they are self-confident and simply do not feel a need of Gods wisdom.

David said to God in the Psalms, “… I am a stranger with You.” (Ps 39:12) Meaning that David in life felt like an alien in a foreign land.  Such is life without God.  Like a man in a foreign country David was helpless.  He was in desperate need of God’s guidance through a dangerous life of which he was in himself ill-equipped.  Have you ever been in a foreign country and felt that you were hopelessly out of touch with what was happening about you?  That is how David felt without God’s guidance.

Adam walked with God in the cool of the day.  Man is simply not made to be without God’s word and guidance.  Death is to be alien to the counsel of God.

Point being, successful living means that one must make choices that are wise and good.  These choices may not be instinctive because of man’s fallen nature.   Thus, man had best know his bible.

It is quite simple.  The man whose delight is the law of the Lord shall be “like a tree firmly rooted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does he prospers. The wicked … are like chaff which the wind drives away.” (Psalm 1) Learn your Bible.  Genesis through Nehemiah is a continuous story with hundreds of incidents – all meaningful, with hundreds of characters (good and bad) – all meaningful.  The story is connected and interpreted in the Psalms, Proverbs, Job, Song of Solomon, and Ecclesiastes.  Learn them.  The Prophets from Isaiah to Malachi speak of God’s responses to man’s responses to His word.  Learn them all.  The Gospels look at God Incarnate.  “The life manifested full of glory…”  The gospels are only three years of snippets and sound bites as that is all we can digest.  The Book of Acts looks at the beginning of Gods’ ways in the first generation of the Church Age.  Learn the ways of the Spirit of God.  The Epistles are a commentary on all the previous story of the Bible.  Learn each verse.  The Book of Revelation shows what is coming.  If you read the previous 65 books, Revelation will be your reward.  You will know things to come.  Learn it.  It is not that difficult.

Get to where when you are cut you bleed Bible.  When jostled you spill Bible.  When squeezed one hears Bible.

Live Bible – succeed.

Stay ignorant – fail.

Success, however, will be in the areas that matter.  God’s word does not attempt to direct one into vast wealth, popularity, good looks, or social status.  All the things which are coveted by men are treated as minor issues in the Bible.  What scripture does is give direction on the areas of the truth of God, the love of one’s fellow man and moral choices dealing with purity.  These are the areas that produce true joy and stability or when violated are the areas that can devastate a life.

David said of the scriptures, “By them Your servant is warned; In keeping them there is great reward.” (Ps. 19:11)

Do you know your Bible?

Do you read it?

Me personally?  I have never recovered from the fascination and power of the Bible.  My wife and I read our bibles through every year.  It is there where I and the eternal King meet over truth and delight and worship and resolve.

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”

 It is the highway to the successful life…as God deems success.

www.dentonbible.org. Used by permission. 

www.tomthinking.com. Used by permission. 

"You have access to the best pastors in America.

You have at your fingertips access to a trove of virtually endless content by some of the wisest and most powerful thinkers and speakers on the planet. As soon as you finish this post you can have them piped into your office, car, or living room and be impacted by their words. And I hope you do!

What a ridiculous gift we have! If you were born five hundred and fifty years ago in Europe, in all likelihood not only could you not read the Bible, but it was likely that your parish priest didn’t own a whole copy of the Latin Bible and since he knew only a handful of Latin words, he couldn’t even read the Bible. Fast forward a few decades to the Reformation and now, for the first time, you would hear the Bible read in your own language and its words applied to your life.

Fast forward five centuries to today and not only do we (in the West) have unfettered access to the Bible, but we have almost limitless access to some of the very best Bible teaching. What a gift we have!

And yet, that begs a question: how is a normal pastor like myself supposed to compete? Why should you even bother with attending your local church? Why settle for the best I can offer when you can watch the best that Tim Keller and Albert Tate and (fill in your favorite preacher here) can offer?!

The truth is that I can’t compete. I’ll never be on an “America’s Best Preachers” list like this. And frankly, I have no aspirations for that.

But here is what I can offer that those other great preachers can’t: I’m here. I can shepherd you. I can (if you are patient and give me a bit of time) know your name and know your story. I can pray for you. When I preach I probably thought about you or a friend of yours at New Life as I prepared the sermon. If you have a question about the sermon, or are seeking wisdom as it comes to picking a college, dating, your marriage, parenting, I promise I’ll respond to your email. I will be there when you get married and I would be so honored to dedicate your children. I will pray with you when your mother dies and I commit to pursue you (if you’ll let me) if and when you go astray.[i]

I’m a flawed pastor, but if you commit yourself to New Life, I promise to commit myself to you.

In 1 Peter 5:1-3, Peter commends the elders (pastors) in the local church:

“So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.”

I love that little word “among” in verse 2. That’s the word that separates me from all of the better preachers and teachers of God’s Word when it comes to you. I’m among you. I’m a fellow sheep in God’s flock. And he’s gifted us with each other. You bless me with the many ways God has gifted you and I promise to do my best to bless you with the best of how God has gifted me.

And because we are “among” one another, you are invited to speak into my life, so that I might live out Christ’s calling and exercise my compulsion humbly and in a God-honoring way.

That best won’t win me any awards, but because of God’s purpose and design, it will impact you. And I’m grateful for that fact: I’m the pastor God intended for you."

[i] At my church, New Life, I speak not just for myself but all of your pastoral leadership. And if you attend another church, I’m sure I speak for your pastoral leadership as well.

www.thebeehive.live. Used by permission

It’s a well-stated premise. I heartily agree. If the Bible’s forty authors who wrote the Bible over a span of approximately 1,500 years and three continents contradict one another (and let’s be honest, how could that kind of motley collection of authors not contradict one another!) it would be a sure sign that the Bible is a human, not divine document. The Atheists.org post goes on to list its top 15 contradictions in the Bible.[iii] Those are:

1)      The Permanence of Earth: we are told “the earth abides forever” and that it will be “burned up.”[iv]

2)      The Holy Lifestyle: should we celebrate “with a merry heart” or be sober-minded in our living?[v]

3)      Seeing God: have some seen God face-to-face or have none?[vi]

4)      The Sabbath Day: we are told that the Sabbath day is to be kept holy and later that “every day is alike.”[vii]

5)      Personal Injury: is “eye for an eye” punishment the rule, or non-retaliation?[viii]

6)      Circumcision: are we to be circumcised or not?[ix]

7)      Family Relationships: are we to honor our parents or to hate them?[x]

8)      Incest: is incest blessed or disallowed?[xi]

9)      The Power of God: is God all-powerful or is his power limited?[xii]

10)   Trusting God: does trusting God bring us blessing or difficulties?[xiii]

11)   Human Sacrifice: are human sacrifices encouraged or forbidden?[xiv]

12)   Punishing Crime: does the punishment of sin fall upon the children of the offenders or not?[xv]

13)   Temptation: can God tempt or not?[xvi]

14)   Resurrection of the Dead: can those who die be resurrected or not?[xvii]

15)   The End of the World: was God supposed to return quickly when the New Testament was written or not?[xviii]

Let’s deal with these apparent contradictions with three responses.

1)      PROPER UNDERSTANDING OF THE VERSES

The first group of alleged contradictions can be sorted out by properly understanding the meaning of the verses that apparently contradict one another.

Apparent contradictions one (the permanence of the earth) and two (the holy lifestyle) both quote from Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes is a book written from the perspective of life “under the sun” a phrase used twenty times in the book. Both apparent contradictions are no longer contradictions when one understands that the point of Ecclesiastes is to contrast the apparent truth from the temporal earthly perspective with the ultimate sovereign perspective.

One can make sense of apparent contradiction in scripture about whether or not we can see God’s face (number three) with understanding the context of the Genesis 32 passage. In that passage, Jacob claims to have seen the face of God while John says that no one has seen the face of God. If one reads what precedes Jacob’s declaration in Genesis 32:30, the wrestling match Jacob has with a man who is some sort of manifestation of God, it is clear that while Jacob has encountered God, he has not come face to face with the fullness of God.

2)      THE FULFILLMENT OF JESUS

Some of these apparent contradictions misunderstand the progressive revelation of the Bible and the fulfillment of Jesus.[xix] Jesus came not merely to destroy the law nor merely to keep the law, but rather to fulfill the law. And he came as the new lawgiver with a new covenant sealed by his blood and empowered by the Holy Spirit. That means that there are times that Jesus heightens the law and other times Jesus overturns the law altogether.

This clarifies Paul’s interpretation of the Sabbath (apparent contradiction four) in Romans, where he says some interpret particular days (like the Sabbath) as more important and some interpret every day as alike. To this Paul allows both interpretations: “Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.” Paul goes on to encourage the two groups to demonstrate humility and charity to one another. The reason that both can be right is that the law (including the Sabbath) is fulfilled in Christ. That means that our Sabbath-keeping is an invitation. Christ is our rest who also invites us into patterns of rest both daily and (perhaps) on special days.

This does not demonstrate a contradiction, but rather that the coming of Jesus ushered in a new era where the followers of God, through the power of the Spirit of God, lived a life that adhered to a higher moral standard. This explains the apparent contradictions five (personal injury), six (circumcision), and seven (family relationships).

In a world where God’s relationship with his people calls the people to muster up the resources of obedience internally, God does not ask for obedience that reflects his flawless character perfectly.

Once Jesus has come, he pays the cost of our breaking of God’s law and gives the Holy Spirit to his followers. The Holy Spirit is the instrument of change and transformation and enables Jesus’ followers to follow a higher law. It is because of this that Jesus exchanges “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” with a message of non-retaliation. It is because Jesus circumcised our hearts, that physical circumcision is no longer required.

3)      A NUANCED READING

Finally, many places of apparent contradiction involve a wooden literalistic reading of the Bible that doesn’t allow for the literary nuances of the writing.[xx]

The claim that the Bible endorses incest (the eighth apparent contradiction) leans on a literalistic reading that is void of cultural nuance. As is the case in much of the biblical narrative, the presence of sin in the narrative does not mean that God endorses the sin. The Bible is brutally honest about the sin of God’s people. Abram is married to Sarai before God calls him, and additionally, the law against incest comes later in God’s revelation to his people.

When one considers the verse about the ninth apparent contradiction about the limit of the power of God, it is best understood by God’s choice to connect Israel’s military success to their obedience (or lack thereof). God’s choice to self-limit his power does not demonstrate his lack of power.

The same could be said of the tenth apparent contradiction, that the Bible says that trusting God will grant one favor (Proverbs 12:2), while there are times where God allows suffering to befall those who love him. As is clear in the course of the Bible, obtaining the favor of the Lord is not ultimately a matter of earthly health and wealth.

The eleventh apparent contradiction, that God both condemns and endorses human sacrifice is perhaps the worst misreading of the Bible in the bunch. God clearly disallows human sacrifice. The telling of the story of Jephthah in Judges 11 is no endorsement of human sacrifice, but rather an indictment of the rashness of Jephthah.

The twelfth apparent contradiction, that God visits iniquity down through generations (the results of the parents’ sin impact their children) is not the same as children bearing the responsibility of the sin of their parents.

Likewise, the twelfth apparent contradiction, that God tempted Abraham, requires a nuanced reading of the text. The entirety of Scripture helps inform a reading of the text that God while tests, he doesn’t tempt. Such tests can be felt as a temptation from our human perspective (the perspective much of Genesis is written from), but isn’t, in fact, temptation.

Texts regarding the resurrection of the dead and the end of the world (the fourteenth apparent contradiction) are also understood when one reads the texts in the manner that is intended with the biblical-theological framework given to us by the Bible. In the book of Job we see Job wrestling throughout the book with what the eternal state is and what our life beyond this life looks like. At other points in the book we find Job reflecting on life after death and him facing God for this judgment.

Meanwhile, the claim that the Bible’s authors were wrong about the imminent return of Christ (the fifteenth apparent contradiction) misunderstands the scope of the redemptive plan in the Bible: a very long arc of history as well as misunderstanding God’s eternal nature. What is 2,000 years to the eternal God?

I understand that this post cannot adequately address in detail each of these concerns, but I hope that you get a sense that with some basic tools of interpretation, there are answers to many of the apparent contradictions in Scripture.

The purpose of this post is not to dimension the reality that there are challenges and tensions in the biblical text, but to show that such challenges and tensions don’t necessarily mean that the Bible is full of contradictions. On the contrary, it is more than remarkable that a book written by prophets and kings, by the most learned and the most common, by the richest and poorest, by people inhabiting different cultures at different times would produce a book that is so unified in its understanding of God and human beings.

Are there difficult passages to understand in the Bible? Certainly! Ought we be more surprised by those challenging passages or by the unity we find in the Scriptures? I believe it is the latter that is what is truly jaw-dropping.

[i] https://www.atheists.org/activism/resources/biblical-contradictions/

[ii] https://www.atheists.org/activism/resources/biblical-contradictions/

[iii] This is the list exactly as it can be found on the above post with the only difference being that I’ve renumbered the list to be able to deal with the misunderstandings more simply.

[iv] Ecclesiastes 1:4 and 2 Peter 3:10

[v] Ecclesiastes 9:7 and 1 Corinthians 7:30

[vi] Genesis 32:30 and John 1:18

[vii] Exodus 20:8 and Romans 14:5

[viii] Exodus 21:23-25 and Matthew 5:39

[ix] Genesis 17:10 and Galatians 5:2

[x] Exodus 20:12 and Luke 14:26

[xi] Deuteronomy 27:22, Leviticus 20:17, Genesis 20:12-12, and Genesis 17:15-16

[xii] Matthew 19:26 and Judges 1:19

[xiii] Proverbs 12:2 and Job 2:3

[xiv] Leviticus 18:21 and Judges 11:29-34

[xv] Ezekiel 18:20 and Exodus 20:5

[xvi] James 1:13 and Genesis 22:1

[xvii] Job 7:9 and John 5:28-29

[xviii] Matthew 16:28, Luke 21:32-33, Romans 13:11-12, James 5:8, 1 John 2:18, and 1 Peter 4:7

[xix] See New Life’s series Level Up where we explore Christ’s teaching on the new law in the Sermon on the Mount. See also Reisinger’s But I Say Unto You.

[xx] See https://www.atheists.org/activism/resources/biblical-contradictions/ and https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2013/08/19/an-incredible-interactive-chart-of-biblical-contradictions/. of the contradictions also involve a lack of understanding of the relationship between the Old and the New Covenants. See New Life’s series Level Up where we explore Christ’s teaching on the new law in the Sermon on the Mount. See also Reisinger’s But I Say Unto You. A few of these contradictions just simply misunderstand how to properly read scripture (for instance the interpretation that Judges 11 supports human sacrifice) or that the Lot narrative supports incest.

www.thebeehive.live. Used by permission of the author.

Ladies, I feel your pain.

The dating scene in the church is grim. Christian colleges are becoming convents. Churches all over the world report a shortage of men in the pews – and it seems to be getting worse.

What about the singles’ group at church? One woman put it this way: “Well, about two-thirds of the singles [at my church] are women, and the men who come are kinda wimpy. Or creepy. There’s a reason they’re single.”

So I’ll ask the question you’ve probably asked a thousand times: Where are all the dynamic, single godly men?

Simple. We screened them out of the church as boys. Picked ’em off one by one.

The way we raised boys in the faith 20 years ago eliminated the very kinds of men some women would love to be dating today.

What Happened?

There are only two possible explanations for the lack of men in church – either A) men are more sinful than women, or B) there’s something about the church that’s driving men away. The more I study men and church, the more I’m convinced “B” is the more likely cause.

Metaphor time: you’re standing in an asphalt plant. The operator loads pebbles of every size into a hopper. The pebbles are shaken through a series of screens that remove every stone that’s either too large or too small. The resulting gravel mix is perfectly suited to road surfacing.

Now, let’s apply that metaphor to the local church. Children of every kind come into the hopper. They are screened through children’s ministry and youth ministry. These programs remove the ones who are poorly suited to church culture. The final mix of adult churchgoers is heavily female and very short on high-testosterone men. But it’s perfect for perpetuating the church culture we presently know.

Screen 1: Sunday School

Little boys love going to church. There’s no shortage of lads in nurseries, Vacation Bible School and the lower grades of Sunday school. But around the fourth or fifth grade, boys start disappearing, because that’s the age when males begin losing in church.

Losing in church? You didn’t realize church was a competition, did you? Well, with boys everything is a competition. And it’s a contest most boys can’t win. The rules of Sunday school are stacked against them: sit still, read aloud, memorize, find passages in the Bible and receive instruction from a female teacher. With rules like these, who’s more likely to win? Girls or boys?

By age 12, many boys have been losing in church every Sunday for years. Females possess superior verbal skills, reading skills and finger dexterity (for finding Bible passages). They can sit still longer and instinctively know how to express themselves in small groups. The average girl is made for Sunday school, whereas the average boy is made for the soccer field.

And that’s where increasing numbers of young men can be found on Sundays – kicking a ball, doing something they’re good at. Many of the dropouts are the wiggly, high-testosterone boys who grow up to become leaders, athletes and alpha males. The kind of men many women would love to be dating right now – if only there were more of them following Jesus.

Of course some boys do make it through Sunday school, where they encounter the next screen: youth group.

Screen 2: Youth Group

When I was an adolescent, youth group was fun. It was based on the three Gs: Games, Goofiness and God. We sang simple songs. We played nutty games. The teaching time was brief but meaningful to teens. I loved it. And it attracted a lot of guys. Church services were sometimes boring, but youth group was always a kick. Youth leaders of the 1970s were almost always men – that big brother role model the boys craved and the girls looked up to (and had secret crushes on).

Fun and games are still a part of youth group, but there’s been pressure to make it more “spiritual” by increasing the amount of time devoted to teaching. Singing time has also increased. And today many youth groups are led by young women. These three trends are screening boys out. Let’s take them in reverse order:

Female youth leaders.

Here’s the politically incorrect truth about teenage boys: Most young men will not follow a woman’s leadership. There is no example in Scripture of a woman discipling a young man. And women bring a different style to youth group – more emotive, more introspective and more focused on feelings. I’m not saying it’s impossible for a woman to minister to teenage boys, but she’s at a disadvantage.

Lengthy worship sets.

Praise and worship arrived in youth group during the early 1990s. The goofy songs disappeared. Singing time expanded to 30 minutes or more. The whole feeling changed from a fun group activity to an intimate personal time with God.

The youth meeting is quickly evolving into a music-centric experience. Teens stand in a darkened room and sing love songs to Jesus, led by a praise band of their peers. Girls thrive in this emotional hothouse, but boys melt and evaporate. Many guys stand in the crowd with their hands in their pockets thinking, This is lame. Or, I’m supposed to like this, but I don’t. What’s wrong with me? Before you know it, you’ve got 19 girls and five guys at youth group. And there’s not a jock among the guys.

Teaching.

Youth leaders have come under intense pressure to focus most of their teaching on sexual purity and relationships — often at the expense of other topics. The pressure is coming from frightened parents who see it as the youth leader’s duty to get their children through high school without a pregnancy or an STD.

This focus on sexual purity has morphed into a number of peculiar teachings that alter the dating habits of young Christians – and drive young men out of the church.

The anti-dating movement. Inspired by the bestselling book by Joshua Harris, many young believers have decided to kiss dating goodbye. Instead, they plan to someday enter into formal courtship arrangements with potential mates, preferably under parental supervision, with an eye toward marriage.

I’m not speaking against this practice, but you can see how it might feel like a straightjacket to a young man. A nice fellow may be seen as a wolf simply for asking a girl on a date.

The super-virginity movement. I know a number of Christian couples who not only refused to have sex before marriage, they have shunned all physical contact. No kissing. No hugging. Some even declined to hold hands before their nuptials. The goal was to have their first kiss at the altar, as they are pronounced man and wife.

Once again, I’m not condemning the practice. But supervirginity requires the marrying man to take an enormous risk.

During courtship, the supervirgin couple explores their spiritual, mental and emotional compatibility, but may not know if there’s a spark of physical passion between them. The supervirgin woman enters marriage knowing exactly how her husband will respond mentally and emotionally (her primary needs), but the supervirgin man has no idea how she will respond physically (his primary need). Kissing, hugging and handholding are good indicators of physical chemistry; take these away and a guy has no clue whether he’s marrying a red-hot tiger or a cold fish.

Of course, these things shouldn’t really matter, because of a third peculiar teaching that’s rampant in the church today: God has prepared one special person for you to marry. That’s right: Jesus is our heavenly matchmaker. You don’t need to actively search for a mate; simply pray and God will plop that perfect person down in front of you one day.

This crazy teaching has its genesis in Genesis — the only two occasions in Scripture where God provided a specific wife for a specific man. God gave Eve to Adam and provided Rebekah for Isaac. Both were special cases: Eve was the mother of the human race, and Rebekah was the mother of the Hebrew nation. Through the remaining 65 books of the Bible, God never arranges another marriage. Nonetheless, youth leaders the world over point to these two ancestral couples as proof that God preordains a special mate for each of us.

This bad snippet of theology causes all kinds of dysfunction among young Christians. They fall in love and then pray intently: “God, is this the one You have prepared for me?” God is silent. Hearing nothing, they have two choices: walk away from a perfectly acceptable mate or marry under a cloud of fear, terrified that they’re outside of God’s will.

A man can choose a Christian girlfriend with all her fantasies and prohibitions, or he can choose a regular girlfriend who will pucker up. Increasingly, even Christian men are choosing to date outside the church. It may not be right; it’s just easier.

Who’s Left

The single men who survive the screening process generally fit one of the following profiles:

1. The Bible geeks. Quiet, studious men who love to study theological tomes. Or verbal guys who love to teach.
2. The musical. They play in the band. Or they stand on the front row raising their hands during the music.
3. The asexual. Guys who are OK with kissing dating (and kissing) goodbye.
4. The predators. Guys who know there are plenty of desperate young women in church and enjoy trying to get them in bed.
5. The social misfits. Strange men who come to church because it’s the only place women will smile at them.

If you’re into these kinds of guys, then the church dating scene isn’t so bad. If not, then you’ll have to fight over the most rare (and for some, the most desirable) category of single churchgoing men: the late converts. These are men who came to Christ in their teens or 20s, bypassing much of the screening process. Many were saved out of terrible sin. They have been forgiven much and love God much. (These guys get snapped up quickly by the best-looking women.)

Where Does That Leave Us?

By their senior year, girls are 14 percent more likely to have participated in a youth group than boys. And they are 21 percent more likely to have stayed involved in youth group all four years of high school. Congratulations. The stage is set for the female-dominated church of the future.

So what’s the answer? We need a revolution in how we raise boys in the faith. Sunday school and youth group are screening out men years before they reach adulthood. Christians must have the courage to change these institutions so regular, red-blooded boys are more likely to grow up in church. I’m not saying we should pander to men, but would it be too much to accommodate them?

Want some good news? The changes are possible! 

www.churchesformen.com. 

I want to go out on a limb, I want to expose the secret society that has long held sway over churches around the world. I want to talk about the Church Mafia.

The Church Mafia is a loosely constructed, by tightly wound, syndicate of four ruling families. Modeled after the Italian Mob of the early 1920s, they are the ones pushing and pulling for political power within the church. They control everything from the quality of cookie you get at Vacation Bible School to which people get elected to the Pastor Search Committee. Even mentioning they exist could get me black listed from the sarcastic writers religious speaking tour. But it’s a risk I am willing to take. I am sure I will remix this post later, possibly covering each family individually, but here they are at a high level:

1. The Elderati
Background:
Although they would never admit this, the Elderati is the strongest of the ruling families. Their influence is not often direct and visible, but is instead quietly woven into almost every decision the church makes. Once you make it into the Elderati, you can never really leave. For although your official “term” might end after a year or two, you will constantly be called into conversations and decisions long after you actually attend an Elder’s meeting. It’s rumored that they all have a small letter “E” tattooed on their ankle. But since members of the Elderati never wear shorts, it’s impossible to prove.
Also known as: “The only people the pastor fears.”
Nemesis: The Deaconistas
Signature sentence: “Have you cleared that with the Elders?”

2. The People from the Old Country
Background:
This group of people has always been with the church. You know this because they will regularly tell you, “I’ve been coming here for 42 years and I’ve never seen anything like that.” Even if your church is only 38 years old, it doesn’t matter. They probably came to the field where they predicted the church would be planted and sat in the grass in the spot where their favorite seat would one day be. Their faith may be well seasoned, but if you do something offensive to them, like accidentally park in their spot or try to add a praise song to your hymns, they will cut you.
Also known as: “The OGs” or “Original Gangsters”
Nemesis: The Changeleones
Signature sentence: “We’ve always done it this way.”

3. The Changeleones
Background:
The Changeleones are dedicated to changing things at church. The particular thing doesn’t matter, they simply want to do something different. They are constantly suggesting a change in direction, a shift in mission, a new vision statement, anything that will help the church “reach more young families” or “connect us with this generation.” They are often big on words and small on action, suggesting radical changes and then fading back into the shadows to let other people actually do the work.
Also known as: “The Fadorinis” for their uncanny ability to jump on the latest and greatest fads.
Nemesis: The People from the Old Country
Signature sentence: “We gotta shake things up around here.”

4. The Old Minister Mob
Background:
Occasionally, for a variety of reasons, a minister will leave a church. And when he or she does, the Old Minister Mob springs into action. They will regale you with tales about how amazing the old minister was, creating lavish examples of his awesomeness. “The music was just better with the old music minister. He did something with the piano and triangle that few people can. I’m not getting fed the same way with this new Family Life minister. We should bring the old minister back to speak sometime.” They will mount a verbal campaign of grouch and forget all the things they didn’t like about the old minister when he was here. They often suffer from a weird mix of “ex-girlfriend syndrome” and “small Goditis.” They look back on the old minister with rose colored glasses and doubt that God is big enough to use the new minister to whatever purpose He ultimately has in mind. Deep down, they are a good hearted family, but if they channeled the time and energy they spent grumbling, they would have a ridiculously cool impact on the church.
Also known as: “The Grumpilucas”
Nemesis: Any new minister.
Signature sentence: “I fully support the new minister but … .”

It should be noted that the families are not bound by age requirements. Sometimes you’ll find someone from the Old Country family that’s 15 and a Changeleone that’s 82. And it’s possible to have a great Elder. But all of that is starting to change. There is a new family on the scene that is starting to shake things up. A new group spilling into the church that is threatening everything the ruling families hold dear. I am of course talking about the Young Bloods.

The Young Bloods are a new generation of Christian. Whether they just came to faith recently or are having a quiet faith renewed in a loud way doesn’t matter, the results are the same. They are exploding from the inside out. They are walking into churches and coffee houses and colleges across the world and they are changing the face of faith as we know it. They don’t play by the Mafia rules, they live by grace. They don’t get caught up in the politics, they’re too caught up in the passion of God to notice they’re even there. Their faith is messy and fresh and not restricted by a desire to do things differently or do things the same way they’ve always been done. They’re not mounting a revolution, they’re giving in to a surrender. They’re rolling up their sleeves and sharing scars and stories and the overflow of a love that is too big to contain or hoard in one person. And if enough ever get together, if the Young Bloods keep coming, the Church Mafia will never be the same.

www.stuffchristianslike.net

Our words are powerful. When handled well, they can build up, encourage, communicate love, and convey value to our grandchildren. On the other hand, our disregard in the use of our words, and even our silence, have the effect of performing just the opposite work in the lives of our grandchildren.

Knowing this, it’s imperative that we understand AFFIRMATION and learn to practice it well.

WHAT IS GOD-CENTERED AFFIRMATION?

Words can get muddied. Consider, for example the words: blessing, encouragement, and affirmation. We often use them interchangeably and while there’s nothing wrong with that practice, at their core, these words are distinct in meaning.

A BLESSING is a word or action that delivers refreshment and hope to its recipient.

According to John Trent, a blessing is the gift of acceptance and unconditional love passed from one generation to another through meaningful touch, a spoken message, attaching high value, picturing a special future and an active commitment. A blessing is live giving, live-changing.

ENCOURAGEMENT applies to words or actions that offer support, confidence and hope. Encouragement looks forward, painting a bright future of something that “could be.” Think of it as “cheerleading.”

AFFIRMATION, on the other hand, looks backward. It confirms something that has already happened and been observed.

“Affirmation is truthfully declaring by complimentary word or action the goodness of something. Good affirmation attests, certifies, or confirms that which honors God, that which is morally upright.”

Sam Crabtree, Practicing Affirmation (page 132)

BLESSING, ENCOURAGEMENT, & AFFIRMATION

As we look a little more closely at our definitions, we see that:

• Not all blessings affirm.
• Not all encouragements are affirmations.
• Affirmation is a particular type of blessing.
• Affirmation is a particular type of encouragement.

In short, one way to bless our grandchildren is to offer them encouragement, and one way to encourage them is through affirmation.

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO AFFIRM OUR GRANDCHILDREN?

1. The ongoing practice of affirmation earns us a hearing. Our grandchildren are much more willing to listen to us when they have been the recipients of refreshment and hope extended by us.
2. Affirmation lifts their spirits.
3. Our words of affirmation motivate and incentivize our grandchildren.
4. When we make the affirming of our grandchildren a habit, we are easier to live with. We become someone they want to be around.
5. Being an affirmer changes us. As we make a practice of looking for evidence of God’s grace and character in our grandchildren, we move from being complain-ers to commend-ers which improves our disposition and emotional state. We become more positive.
6. God-centered affirmation illuminates the character of God, which teaches our grandchildren and honors Him.
7. When we affirm our grandchildren, God is glorified.

HOW DO WE AFFIRM?

• Make eye contact.
• Speak in a manner that is uplifting.
• Touch your grandchildren in ways that are appropriate, safe, and welcoming.
• Share stories, especially your stories.
• Draw them in to your exclusive grandparent/grandchild circle.
• Learn to be interrupted by your grandchildren. When we drop what we are doing for them, it demonstrates their importance and value.

CHARACTERISTICS OF GOOD AFFIRMATIONS

Good affirmations are:

1. Detached from correction. As a classroom teacher, I always heard that when meeting with a student’s parent it was best to begin with the positive. To look for something to commend the student for before hitting the parent with the negative (correction). That might be a way to “cushion” the correction, but it doesn’t work if affirmation is your aim. Corrections contaminate and weaken our affirmations, canceling them out.
2. Ongoing. There must be a steady stream of affirmation. Our silence and random spurts do not refresh or motivate our grandchildren. They do not honor. Affirmation done correctly takes time. Plan it. Schedule it.
3. Honest. Phony, false affirmations do not build up. Learn to be an observer of your grandchildren and offer truthful affirmations. Commend only the commendable.
4. God-centered. Pay attention. Look for godly characteristics to commend. The purpose of our affirmations is to glorify God by refreshing and motivating our grandchildren as we go about discipling them.

The words we wield make a powerful impact on the lives of our grandchildren (and our adult children). If our longing is to build strong relationships with our grandchildren and to pass them a heritage of faith in Christ, we must be about the intentional business of Practicing God-centered Affirmation.

www.deborahhaddix.com. Used by permission.

"God never ignores his children. He is never too busy. Never lacking in resources. Never confused. Never ill-disposed. He is always attentive. Always gracious. Always eager. Always wise. Always loving. He hears every request from his humble, trusting children, and he answers with whatever is best. It always pays to pray. Always.

That does not mean a life of prayer is not perplexing. My aim is to encourage you in your prayers by answering three especially difficult questions: (1) What does it mean to ask God for things “according to his will” (1 John 5:14)? (2) Why are we not told to pray for the forgiveness of “sin that leads to death” (1 John 5:16)? (3) What does “whatever” mean in 1 John 3:22, when it says, “Whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him”? I think a text-based answer to each of these questions is a great encouragement to pray.

I focus on these three questions because, in trying to answer the first one, I realized that the context led to answers for the other two as well. Here is the text that raises, and answers, the first two questions:

This is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life — to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that. All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death. We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him, and the evil one does not touch him. (1 John 5:14–18)

Two Wills in God

What does “according to his will” mean in verse 14? “If we ask anything according to his will he hears us.” There are two possible meanings for “God’s will” found in the Bible. On the one hand, God’s will is what he commands, or what he tells us is right to do. On the other hand, God’s will is whatever God decides will come to pass. We can call the first meaning God’s will of command. And the second we can call God’s will of decree.

For example, you can see God’s will of decree in Ephesians 1:11: “[God] works all things according to the counsel of his will.” Or in James 4:15: “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” In both of these texts, the will of God refers to God’s control over all that happens: “All things.” Staying alive and doing “this or that.” This is God’s will of decree. Everything that happens is God’s will in this sense. “Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases” (Psalm 115:3; cf. Psalm 135:6).

On the other hand, you can see God’s will of command, for example, in 1 John 2:17: “Whoever does the will of God abides forever.” Or Mark 3:35: “Whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.” Or 1 Thessalonians 4:3: “This is the will of God, your sanctification.” We can see that “will of God,” in these verses, does not mean “all that happens.” It refers to what God commands as right for us to do.

The fact that there are two biblical ways to speak of “God’s will” means that a single act might be God’s will in one sense, but not in another. For example, it was clearly sinful and contrary to God’s will of command that innocent men would be crucified. God commanded, “You shall not murder” (Exodus 20:13). But men murdered Jesus, according to God’s plan of redemption. Isaiah 53:10 says, “It was the will of the Lord to crush him; he has put him to grief.” And Acts 4:28 says that these murderers (Herod, Pilate, Gentiles, Jewish crowds) did “whatever [God’s] hand and [God’s] plan had predestined to take place.” So the killing of Jesus was God’s will in the sense of his will of decree, but not his will in the sense of his will of command.

Now, which of these is intended when John writes, “If we ask anything according to his will he hears us” (1 John 5:14)?

Do Born-Again People Sin?

The answer is found as we keep reading in verse 16:

If anyone sees his brother committing . . . sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life — to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that.

This concern with “sin that leads to death” and “sin not leading to death” is part of John’s larger concern in this letter. From beginning to end, John is concerned to guard against two opposite errors: (1) treating ongoing sin lightly and (2) despairing that if a believer sins he is lost. Both are errors.

Some of John’s community seem to think that you can continue sinning and still be born again. Others seem to think that, if you are born again, you don’t have any sin in your life. To the first group, John says, “No one born of God makes a practice of sinning” (1 John 3:9). To the second group, he says, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves” (1 John 1:8). In other words, Christians sin, but Christians do not settle in with the practice of sin. Born-again people confess their sin as abhorrent (1 John 1:9), and make war on their temptations (Romans 8:13).

Sin That Leads to Death

So when we come to 1 John 5:16 and read about two kinds of sinning, we should not be surprised. One kind “leads to death.” And the other kind does “not lead to death.” John is not referring to a particular sin. What, then, is he referring to when he says, “there is sin [not a sin] that leads to death”?

Verse 18 gives the clue. Right after saying, “There is sin that leads to death” (v. 16) and “there is sin that does not lead to death” (v. 17), John says,

We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God [Jesus] protects him, and the evil one does not touch him. (1 John 5:18)

So the sinning that does not lead to death is the sinning of those who are “born of God,” but whose sinning is restrained by Jesus. Jesus protects and keeps his own. He restrains their sinning. He does not make them perfect in this life. But neither does he leave them to the power of sin. He protects them. And the evil one does not touch them in the sense of bringing them to ruin.

This implies, then, that “sin that leads to death” is the sinning of those who are not born of God. Their sinning is not restrained by Jesus. In fact, they are not true believers. They may be part of the church for a time, but they give way to patterns of sin and fall away. John describes them in 1 John 2:19:

They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.

The reason I say they are not true believers is that John says, “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God” (1 John 5:1). In other words, saving faith is a sign that one has been born of God, and we just saw in 5:18 that those who are born of God are kept by Jesus. He does not let them go on sinning — that is, he keeps them back from “sin that leads to death.”

So I am concluding from 1 John 5:18, and the wider context of 1 John, that “sin that leads to death” is not a particular sin, but a pattern of unrestrained sin that leads one away from Christ, and shows that one was never born again (1 John 2:19; 5:1, 18). It “leads to death,” therefore, in the sense that it leads to destruction. Final ruin. Hell.

‘I Do Not Say to Pray for That’

Now we are in a position to circle back and see how verse 16 (“There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that”) sheds light on the meaning of verse 14 (“If we ask anything according to his will he hears us”). Does verse 14 refer to God’s will of decree, or to his will of command?

To answer this, we should ask why John writes, “I do not say that one should pray for [the sin that leads to death].” The reason is that there is no point in it. The prayer would be for repentance and forgiveness and life (as in v. 16a). But John has made clear that this sinning leads to death. There will be no life. That’s the whole point of saying there is sin that leads to death. If one could pray successfully for life, the sin would not be sin that leads to death.

Now here’s the implication for the meaning of praying “according to [God’s] will.” It is clearly God’s will of command that we pray for sinners that they would repent and be saved. Paul said, “Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved” (Romans 10:1) — including those who are “accursed and cut off from Christ” (Romans 9:3). And he prayed for believers, that they would be “kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Thessalonians 5:23).

So, if it is “according to [God’s] will” that we pray for straying people, why does John say, “I do not say that one should pray for [the sin that leads to death]”? The answer is because God does not intend to save them. They have crossed a line. They are like Esau in Hebrews 12:17, who had sinned in such a way that he could not repent and find forgiveness.

In other words, it is not God’s will to save those who have sinned in a way that “leads to death.” He will not grant repentance. His will of decree is to let them go. No praying will change it.

According to God’s Will of Decree

But why does John not come right out and say, “Do not pray for that,” instead of saying, “I do not say that one should pray for that”? It’s because he does not assume we can always know who these people are. To command us not to pray for them would imply we can always recognize them. But we can’t. We can’t always tell when someone has sinned to the point of being beyond repentance. So John only says that praying for them would be ineffectual. God has willed to leave them alone. “I do not say that one should pray for that.”

Which means that if you ask for their repentance and forgiveness, you will not get it.

But verses 14–15 say, “If we ask anything according to his will . . . we have the request.” Therefore, I do not take “according to his will” to mean “according to his will [of command],” because, as we’ve seen, it is according to his will of command that we should always pray for straying saints and unbelievers. Rather, I take “according to his will” in verse 14 to mean “according to his will [of decree],” because verse 16 shows that God has decreed not to save these people. So you need not pray for them, and if you do, you will not receive what you ask. It doesn’t accord with God’s will of decree.

So when John says, “If we ask anything according to his will he hears us” (1 John 5:14), he means, “If we ask anything that accords with God’s all-wise plan — his all-wise decrees for the world — he hears us and grants our request.”

The reason I say they are not true believers is that John says, “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God” (1 John 5:1). In other words, saving faith is a sign that one has been born of God, and we just saw in 5:18 that those who are born of God are kept by Jesus. He does not let them go on sinning — that is, he keeps them back from “sin that leads to death.”

So I am concluding from 1 John 5:18, and the wider context of 1 John, that “sin that leads to death” is not a particular sin, but a pattern of unrestrained sin that leads one away from Christ, and shows that one was never born again (1 John 2:19; 5:1, 18). It “leads to death,” therefore, in the sense that it leads to destruction. Final ruin. Hell.

So, if it is “according to [God’s] will” that we pray for straying people, why does John say, “I do not say that one should pray for [the sin that leads to death]”? The answer is because God does not intend to save them. They have crossed a line. They are like Esau in Hebrews 12:17, who had sinned in such a way that he could not repent and find forgiveness.

In other words, it is not God’s will to save those who have sinned in a way that “leads to death.” He will not grant repentance. His will of decree is to let them go. No praying will change it.

This Does Not Make Prayer Pointless

A common response to this conclusion is that it seems to make prayer pointless, because answered prayer happens only when God has decreed that something be done. Wouldn’t the decreed event happen anyway? So why pray?

But that kind of response does not come from careful biblical thinking. Careful thinking would see that God really does things in response to prayer. “You do not have, because you do not ask” (James 4:2). God wills that events be caused by prayer. And careful biblical thinking would also see that, just as God decrees effects, he also decrees the causes of those effects. As he decrees ends, so he decrees means. As he decrees that a straying saint repent and return, so he decrees the prayers that bring him back.

Prayer is a real cause of real events in this world. God has willed it to be so. And so it is.

Because We Do What Pleases Him’

Now what about our third question? What does “whatever” mean in 1 John 3:22 when it says, “Whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him”? The answer is connected to what we have seen.

A different condition is laid down for answered prayer here in 3:22 than was laid down in 5:14. There the condition was that the answer to prayer comes, if we pray according to God’s will — according to God’s all-wise plan, his will of decree. Here the condition is that the answer to prayer comes, if we “keep his commandments and do what pleases him.”

How do these two conditions go together?

What Pleases God Is Glad Submission to His Sovereignty

Here is my suggestion. The condition of 3:22 includes the condition of 5:14. That is, doing what pleases God includes consciously and gladly submitting to God’s will of decree. This decree will always be the wisest and most loving response to our prayers.

John says that whatever we ask we receive, if we “do what pleases [God].” What does please God? When it comes specifically to prayer, at least these three things:

1. According to 1 Peter 5:6, it pleases God if we are humble before God: “Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God.” So it pleases God when we gladly admit we are not God. We are in no condition to run the world, or to take the reins of the universe out of God’s hands.

2. According to James 3:2, “We all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man.” It pleases God for us to admit this. And the words “what he says” include “what he says in prayer.” We don’t suddenly become perfect when we pray. We are finite and fallible. We make mistakes. God is pleased when his people admit this.

3. According to James 4:15, Christians “ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’” We ought to say this. That is, it is pleasing to God, when we actually say (in prayer!), “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that!”

   From these three biblical descriptions of what pleases God when we pray, it seems to me that the condition we must meet, according to 1 John 3:22, in order to receive what we pray for, includes the condition we must meet in 1 John 5:14. The condition there was this: “If we ask anything according to his will [of decree] he hears us.” I’m suggesting that implicit in this condition is the God-pleasing disposition to embrace God’s decreed responses with confidence that they are best. In other words, what pleases God is a humble mind that confesses our finiteness and fallibility, and says, “If the Lord wills, the people we pray for ‘will live and do this or that.’”

   God never ignores his children. He is never too busy. Never lacking in resources. Never confused. Never ill-disposed. He is always attentive. Always gracious. Always eager. Always wise. Always loving. He hears every request from his humble, trusting children, and he answers with whatever is best. It always pays to pray. Always.

   That does not mean a life of prayer is not perplexing. My aim is to encourage you in your prayers by answering three especially difficult questions: (1) What does it mean to ask God for things “according to his will” (1 John 5:14)? (2) Why are we not told to pray for the forgiveness of “sin that leads to death” (1 John 5:16)? (3) What does “whatever” mean in 1 John 3:22, when it says, “Whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him”? I think a text-based answer to each of these questions is a great encouragement to pray.

   I focus on these three questions because, in trying to answer the first one, I realized that the context led to answers for the other two as well. Here is the text that raises, and answers, the first two questions:

   This is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life — to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that. All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death. We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him, and the evil one does not touch him. (1 John 5:14–18)

   ‘Whatever’ Is Best for Us

   What then is the answer to our third question — the meaning of “whatever” in (1 John 3:22)? “Whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.”

   The meaning of “whatever” is shaped by the all-wise, all-encompassing, loving plan of God for the good of his children and the glory of his name. By “shaped” I mean limited or expanded, hastened or delayed, purified and completed, but never ignored. If we ask for bread, he will not give us a stone, but he may give us cake, or cornbread, or cod liver oil. If we ask for a fish, he will not give us a snake, but he may give us steak, or stew, or lutefisk (Matthew 7:9–11).

   He is our Father. His resources are infinite. His love is perfect. His wisdom is unsearchable. He is never at a loss. Therefore, he will only give us whatever is good for us (Romans 8:28, 32; Matthew 6:33). That is what I think “whatever” in 1 John 3:22 means.

   So, be encouraged to pray. Set yourself to please the Lord in all humility, admitting your fallibility, and submitting to his perfect plan and his all-wise decrees. He has decreed millions of things to do in answer to prayer. Our prayers are real causes of the events God planned — just as much as flipping a light switch is a real cause of light in the room, or turning a faucet handle is a real cause of water in the sink, or swinging a hammer is a real cause of a well-sunk nail. It is absolutely true that we “do not have, because [we] do not ask” (James 4:2). So, ask. Keep God’s word. Do what pleases him. And ask.

   Of course there are things he will not do. That was the point of 1 John 5:16. He does not forbid us to pray for those, because we cannot always know what they are. But he does tell us that only his wise decrees will come to pass. And he calls us to please him by being humbly submissive to his sovereignty in what he brings to pass. Therefore, it always pays to pray. Always."

   www.desiringgod.org. 

   
   
   

"I noticed in my social media archive app that one year ago I had posted on Twitter the following words: “Parents of small children, don’t let people fill you with dread about ‘just wait till the teenage years.’ We find these years a source of joy, and even fun. I’ve been a teenager, and I’ve parented teenagers. This is the better part.” I stand by those words. Here’s why. 

To some degree, what I was combatting with this message is a much larger reality. I tell couples in premarital counseling all the time not to listen to people who will say, “Just wait until that first year of marriage; the fighting is awful.” And I tell newlywed couples not to pay attention to those who say, “Yeah, you’re happy now; just wait until the honeymoon’s over…until you have kids…until…” There’s a certain sort of personality that just likes to cast any stage of what seems like happiness as naïve ignorance just on the precipice of being disillusioned by cynicism. For almost everyone, that’s best disregarded. When it comes to the prospect of teenage children, though, that’s maybe especially pronounced. 

Most of us, when our children are small, are nervous about the teenage years, if we think about them at all. Some of that is because we have learned that parenting is harder than we thought, and with the teenage years, the stakes just seem higher. A toddler throwing a temper tantrum is a problem, but a sixteen year-old with a DUI is a crisis. A kindergartener who isn’t invited to a classmate’s birthday party is sad, but a teenager who is pregnant is a tragedy. 

Add to that the truth that most of us don’t remember clearly all the states of mind that we had as toddlers, but almost all of us remember with clarity what it’s like to be a teenager. As a matter of fact, most of us feel internally just as we did when we were sixteen or seventeen years-old, just with, one hopes, a better perspective on what matters, less hormonal chaos going on inside, and a lot less energy. We know how thrilling those high school moments can be, and how dangerous too. Those who rebelled as teenagers, think about what they did and what could now happen with their children. Those of us who didn’t rebel that much, think about the life trajectories of some we know who did, and tremble to think of such happening to our children. 

But, above all of that, I think the reason for parental anxiety about the teenage years is what psychologists call “imposter syndrome.” When we were teenagers, we implicitly trusted (even if we rebelled against it) that there were grown-ups around who were responsible and who could fix our catastrophes if needed. Now, suddenly it seems, we are those grown-ups, and we realize that we don’t have the confident wisdom and competence we assumed came along with adulthood. We are responsible, the stakes are high, and we have fewer tools in our repertoire to deal with people who physically look and sound more or less like adults, who can make adult-size messes out of their lives, but whose brains and consciences are far from adulthood. 

If that’s you, calm down. Like any form of imposter syndrome, this is just a comparison of your reality to some imaginary ideal, to which no one ever attained. Your parents felt the same way when you were fourteen years old, and their parents did when they were. 

Yes, the teenage years are a time of transition and sometimes tumult. Adolescents are seeking to figure out how to differentiate themselves from their parents in some ways, to figure out what belongs to them and what is merely part of their family inheritance. That’s normal, and it’s not a repudiation of you. Yes, awful things can happen. That’s true at any age, just in different ways. 

As Wendell Berry put it, “Children, no matter how nurtured at home, must be risked to the world. And parenthood is not an exact science, but a vexed privilege and a blessed trial, absolutely necessary and not altogether possible.” A vexed privilege and a blessed trial—yes indeed; everything worth experiencing in this cross-shaped world is just that. 

In those teenage years, you can start to see a glimpse of who your children will be as adults. You can see God preparing them to go out into the world. You can see their hearts broken, and have yours broken along with them. But you can see their hearts alive with grace and wonder too. That means vulnerability. Love always does. But in that vulnerable love are signs of joy. 

Don’t the fear the teenage years. And don’t take them for granted either. They, like life itself, are a vapor, that appears for a little time and then vanishes away."

www.russellmoore.com. Original article HERE.

When you’re lonely and you see your ex-boyfriend post a picture with a new girl — laughing, holding hands, and looking like the happiest they’ve ever been — your flesh will want to grab at something. It’s hard not to comfort yourself by texting another guy to grab a little attention and make yourself feel better.

When you’re listening to other moms talk about all the progress their children are making in reading and your child can’t even identify letters yet, your flesh will want to grab at something. It’s hard not to throw out a statement to one-up the bragging moms in an area where your child is excelling.

And all these things we’re tempted to grab at? They won’t fill us the way we think they will. In the end, they only make us feel emptier. But how do we tell our flesh no when we are desperate for relief?
I have discovered that the more we fill ourselves from God’s life-giving love, the less we will be dictated by the grabby-ness of our flesh.

One of the most beautiful descriptions of the fullness of God is found in Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians:
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:14-19, NIV)

My favorite part of Paul’s prayer is him asking that we have the power to grasp the fullness of the love of Christ … for then we will be filled with the fullness of God.

If we grasp the full love of Christ, we won’t grab at other things to fill us. Or if we do, we’ll sense it. We’ll feel a prick in our spirit when our flesh makes frenzied swipes at happiness and we’ll pause.
In this pause we find a great daily choice we can make. Am I willing to tell my flesh no, so that I can say yes to the fullness of God in this situation?

And this isn’t about us putting on a brave face and hoping for the best when we feel powerless. We have the power through Christ, who is over every power, including the pull of the flesh. When we have Christ, we are full — fully loved and accepted and empowered to say no.

This is true on the days we feel it, and it’s still true when we don’t feel Jesus’ love at all. If we live rooted and established in His love, we don’t just have knowledge of His love in our minds, but it becomes a reality that anchors us. Though winds of hurt blow, they cannot uproot us and rip us apart. His love holds us. His love grounds us. His love is a glorious weight preventing the harsh words and hurtful situations from being a destructive force. We feel the wind but aren’t destroyed by it. This is the “fullness of God.”

There is power in really knowing this. This isn’t dependent on what you’ve accomplished. Or on another person loving you or accepting you. Nor is it because you always feel full. You are full, because Christ brought the fullness to you.

Yes, I am fully loved, fully accepted, and fully empowered to say no to my flesh. Speak that truth in the power He’s given you. Believe that truth in the power He’s given you. Live that truth in the power He’s given you.

That’s how we tell our flesh no. That’s how we live fully prepared in the fullness of God.
Father God, thank You for Your love for me that knows no end. Help me look to You and You alone to fill me. I want my roots to go down ever deeper in Your love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

www.lysaterkeurst.com. 

The objective of the tool is to act as an indicator for which gift, or grouping of gifts a person might have. After printing out the text, just check the boxes for where your motivations might be. Discuss your findings with one or two people who know you well. Then begin to look for opportunities where you might be able to serve others in your area of indicated gifts.

Keep in mind, however, that as you discover your gifts that your gifting is second to the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5). Here we go…

GIFTS OF KNOWLEDGE

Wisdom?(Acts 6:1-3, James 3:13-18)

[   ] PEACEMAKERS?

[   ] GENTLENESS of Spirit?

[   ] Cares about UNITY and FORGIVENESS

Knowledge?(Matthew 16:13-17)

[   ] Great desire to know what God THINKS?

[   ] Advance SPIRITUAL knowledge

Discernment of Spirits?(Acts 8:6-23, Proverbs 16:1, 17:9)

[   ] Ability to accurately discern the PERSONAL MOTIVATIONS and true spiritual CONDITION of others?

[   ] Ability to discern if an action or behavior is influenced by DEMONIC FORCES

Prophecy?(Acts 7:48. 21:10-12, I Corinthians 14:3.)

[   ] Special words of EDIFICATION from God?

[   ] Special revelation of God’s CHARACTER?

[   ]Foretells God's WILL, not EVENTS.

GIFTS OF FAITH

Faith?(Hebrews 11)

[   ] Extraordinary endurance with an active profession of trust in Christ?

[   ] Ability to perform extraordinary acts in the face of supposed contrary evidence or opposition.

Healing & Miracles?(Acts 3:2-9, 9:17-18, 14:8-11)

[   ] Compulsion to perform acts beyond human ability that restore health or wholeness of being?

[   ] Restorative acts that point to Christ and are performed instantly, or with extraordinary rapidity.

Tongues/Interpretations?(I Corinthians 14, Acts 2)

[   ] Proclaim the activity of God in a language not learned (in clear words, with syntax, and grammatical structure, not mindless rambling)?

[   ] Ability to understand the words of a language not learned as if it was a native tongue?[   ] Tongues – personal edification?

[   ] Interpretation – evangelism, exhortation

GIFTS OF SERVICE

Helps/Service?(Acts 6, II Timothy 4:11)

[   ] Desire to do things for others?

[   ] Fulfills practical service that results in unity in the body?

[   ] Lack of desire for recognition?

[   ] Desire to “free up” Christians who are called to lead.

Mercy

[   ] Identify emotionally (often intensely) with the suffering and/or guilt of others?

[   ] Performs and promotes acts of relief and restoration for the suffering and guilty?

[   ] Usually kind and compassionate. Love is evident.

Administrations?(Also related to gifts of spiritual leadership)

[   ] Manages the service of others?

[   ] Desire to maximize the service others provide?

[   ] Detail person

 Giving

[   ] Desire to give of their time, talents, and resources to help others?

[   ] Unusually generous, or with an unusual desire to give (regardless of income level)?

[   ] Willing to sacrifice to give for others.

GIFTS OF SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP

Leadership (also related to Administration)?(Hebrews 13:7, 17)

[   ] Ability to give direction to others in practical matters that affect the spiritual life?

[   ] Others seem to natural follow them, obey them, or be willing to be placed under their authority or influence

Evangelist?(Acts 8:4-40)

[   ] Unusual desire to tell others about the person, Jesus Christ?

[   ] Naturally recognize opportunities to inject the topic of “Christ” into otherwise “normal” conversation?[   ] Talk openly about their faith (testimony)?

[   ] Can lead others to Christ in a natural way

Pastor/Teacher? (I & II Timothy, Titus)

[   ] Desire to build others to a mature faith in Christ?

[   ] Can communicate biblical truth effectively?

[   ] Wants to lead by application—not just a passive example?

[   ] Has a heartfelt concern for other’s spiritual condition

 Exhortation? (Acts 15:36-41. Also related to mercy.)

[   ] Naturally an encouraging?

[   ] Gives 2nd, 3rd, 4th, chances, etc?

[   ] Willing to grant unusual forgiveness and mercy?

[   ] Tends to have the right words and the right actions at the right time

I am sure you have asked yourself many times why you keep making the same bad choice over and over again. I know I have! Recently, this happened to me; my schedule was so busy, and my husband and I had little time to rest. As a result, what was a very little issue on a phone call with someone we know turned into an explosive fight because of our bad assumptions and decisions. However, we eventually calmed down and analyzed the root causes of our choices, and how we could learn from the situation in order to avoid making the same wrong decisions over and over again.  

In this week’s blog and podcast, I discuss the four main reasons we make bad decisions, how to stop making these decisions, how to become a proactive decision maker and how to re-train your brain to make better choices. There are two main parts to this process: first, understanding how to be a proactive decision-maker, and, second, recognizing the conditions under which bad decisions are generally made.

Let’s talk about being a proactive decision maker first:

We are thinking beings. As we think, we feel, and as we feel, we choose. We are literally doing this every 10 seconds in response to an incoming stream of signals from our environment. The signals are from people, discussions, social media, relationships, work, texts, calls emails, the news–life in general. This thinking, feeling and choosing response is our mind-in-action. It is filtered through the complexity of our own experiences—our stored memories. These memories move into the conscious mind in response to these signals of life, influencing our perceptions and worldview. They therefore need to be analyzed in a deliberate and intentional way to see if the perspective they provide is healthy or toxic. 

We literally need to train ourselves to observe our thinking and feeling (in response to incoming information) and analyze them objectively before making a decision, otherwise we can fall prey to reactive and potentially harmful choices. This deliberate, intentional, self-regulative way of thinking is proactive, and the good news is that our brains will respond in a very healthy way if we practice doing this on a regular basis. In fact, when we do this we become smarter and wiser!

Part of this process is what I call “mental autopsy”: we examine our past bad decisions, deciding what our triggers were, what was wrong with how we reacted, what perspectives dominated our thinking, feeling and choosing, and how we can learn from these situations and react better in the future. Doing a mental-autopsy on past bad decisions will help prevent you from making the same mistakes again!

This kind of decision-making is very different to reactive decision-making, which is “shooting from the hip” and impulsive. You don’t analyze or learn from your mistakes, which can lead to a pattern of wrong decisions. This is what happened in my fight with my husband—we made assumptions because we did not take the time to examine our perceptions and our thinking, feeling and choosing. We let our emotions get the better of us, which made the situation worse! Indeed, making a decision on assumptions is one of the major reasons we make wrong decisions! It is always vital to ask yourself if what you are thinking is based on fact or based on your own assumptions, which are often mistaken.

So, how can you do this in your life? We have as humans the ability to stand back and observe our own thinking, feeling and choosing and existing upcoming memories, as well as the perspectives they provide, and weigh this all up and decide if it’s good for us—this is called our Multiple Perspective Advantage (MPA for short, which I discuss in my book Switch On Your Brain). As you do this, you become an objective observer, disassociating yourself from the situation you are in, almost as though you are helping someone else evaluate their thinking, feeling, choosing and perspective. In this way, you can analyze the pros and cons of how you are viewing a particular situation, and what the best next steps are.

Now, let’s review the conditions under which it is so easy to make a bad decision:

1. Making decisions when tired: the brain has limited energy and needs recharging. We do this through lifestyle choices like good nutrition and exercise, but, even more so, with good mind-management techniques. Our mind is infinite and tireless; our brains are finite and get tired. When tired, chemicals don’t flow like they should and the internal networks of the brain can get stuck or over-fire. This is akin to driving through a storm with broken wind screen wipers, which is what happened in the fight with my husband. 

It is therefore so important that we take regular mental health breaks in the day in the form of “thinker moments”, where we daydream for a few moments to a few minutes – I recommend a minute or so every hour. These moments give your brain a rest and allow it to reboot and heal by letting your mind wander and daydream, which increases your clarity of thought and organizes the networks of your brain, rather than just letting toxic mindsets build up in the brain. 

Also, make sure you take a decent break midday, control the number of hours you work in a day (as much as possible), take mental vacations by watching your favorite TV show or reading a good novel, and avoid burnout by listening to the emotional and physical warning signals your body send you. 

2. Extreme emotions: emotions are physically represented in the brain as chemicals, which are often called “molecules of emotion”. They are attached to information that is vibrating in the protein tree-like memory structures of the brain. We create emotions as we think; if our thinking is chaotic, the thought trees in the brain are chaotic. These are like trees being blown in a bad storm, which can create brain damage and lead to bad choices because we won’t be thinking clearly.

When you find yourself in this kind of situation, it is best to do some breathing exercises, which dissipates cortisol and calms down your nervous system. You should also acknowledge out loud how you feel; differentiate, label and write your emotions down. Additionally, you can do a very simple physical exercise like tapping your feet, standing up and walking around for a few seconds, rotating your head, stretching or yawn to shift your focus from your own chaotic thinking and help calm you down. It is also important to let people know when you are feeling extreme emotions and cannot mentally make a decision right now—don’t try hide or suppress how you feel, as this will make things worse!

3. Distractions: these can lead to cognitive multitasking, which affects the flow of quantum and electromagnetic energy throughout our brain circuitry. This, in turn, can reduce intelligence in the moment…just when you need it to make a good decision! We need to recognize that although we as humans can do busy well, we also need to learn how to compartmentalize our tasks.

This doesn’t mean you have to slow down. Rather, you just have to get organized by saying things to yourself like “I can’t finish this now but will as soon as I am done sorting this problem…” or “I will make a note of where I am in this document and what I was thinking, so I can pick up here later…”. You can also tell people who need your attention to give you the time to finish what you are doing—don’t just be a “yes man”! This will help you compartmentalize, keeping things tidy in your mind and helping you prioritize what needs attention and what can wait. It’s a choice you have to make to not allow distractions to interrupt your flow. Remember, you control the distractions, the distractions don’t control you!

4. Too many choices at once: these are like too many surges of energy all hitting the brain at once, and can make you feel overwhelmed and stressed out. In many cases, this can lead to decision-making paralysis, or impulse choices that you will later regret.

The solution: take the time to sort out your thinking and your choices. You can do this by breathing in and out deeply, imagining holding up a shield around your mind, and then slowly focusing on each choice (one at a time) by writing them down as you speak out loud. Next, prioritize the top 2-3 options and toss the rest; force yourself to not look back at the other options, reminding yourself that even if you made the wrong decision, you learned something! Finally, set a deadline for making a decision.

The tree of life is mentioned three times in Genesis 2, in Eden, and again four times in Revelation, three of those in the final chapter. These instances seem to refer to Eden’s literal tree of life. We’re told the tree of life is presently in Paradise, the intermediate Heaven (Revelation 2:7). The New Jerusalem itself, also in the present Heaven, will be brought down, tree of life and all, and placed on the New Earth (Revelation 21:2). Just as the tree was apparently relocated from Eden to the present Heaven, it will be relocated again to the New Earth.

In Eden, the tree appears to have been a source of ongoing physical life. The presence of the tree of life suggests a supernatural provision of life as Adam and Eve ate the fruit their Creator provided. Adam and Eve were designed to live forever, but to do so they likely needed to eat from the tree of life. Once they sinned, they were banned from the Garden, separated from the tree, and subject to physical death, just as they had experienced spiritual death. Since Eden, death has reigned throughout history. But on the New Earth, our access to the tree of life is forever restored. (Notice that there’s no mention of a tree of the knowledge of good and evil to test us. The redeemed have already known sin and its devastation; they will desire it no more.)

In the New Earth, we will freely eat the fruit of the same tree that nourished Adam and Eve: “To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God” (Revelation 2:7). Once more human beings will draw their strength and vitality from this tree. The tree will produce not one crop but twelve. The newness and freshness of Heaven is demonstrated in the monthly yield of fruit. The fruit is not merely to be admired but consumed.

The description of the tree of life in Revelation 22 mirrors precisely what’s prophesied in the Old Testament: “Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing” (Ezekiel 47:12).

Commentator William Hendriksen suggests:

“The term ‘tree of life’ is collective, just like ‘avenue’ and ‘river.’ The idea is not that there is just one single tree. No, there is an entire park: whole rows of trees alongside the river; hence, between the river and the avenue. And this is true with respect to all the avenues of the city. Hence, the city is just full of parks, cf. Rev. 2:7. Observe, therefore, this wonderful truth: the city is full of rivers of life. It is also full of parks containing trees of life. These trees, moreover, are full of fruit.”[1]

This broader view of the tree of life would account for the fact that the tree grows on both sides of a great river at once and yields twelve different kinds of fruit. (Of course, even if Hendriksen is wrong in supposing that the tree of life is collective, it is reasonable that just as there were other trees in Eden, there will be other trees on the New Earth.)

John also tells us that “the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations” (Revelation 22:2). For the third time in Revelation 21–22, the inhabitants of the New Earth are referred to as nations. Nations will not be eliminated but healed. But since we won’t experience pain or disease in Heaven, what’s the point of leaves for healing? Perhaps they, like the tree’s fruit, will have life-sustaining or life-enhancing properties that will help people maintain health and energy. Our physical life and health, even our healing, comes not from our intrinsic immortal nature but from partaking of God’s gracious provision in the fruit and leaves of the tree of life. Hence, our well-being is not granted once for all but will be forever sustained and renewed as we depend on Him and draw from His provision.

Browse more resources on the topic of Heaven, and see Randy’s related books, including Heaven.

[1] William Hendriksen, More Than Conquerors: An Interpretation of the Book of Revelation (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 1961), 249.

www.epm.org. Used by permission. 

But all of this was about to end. The prophet Daniel warned him:

“You will be driven away from people and will live with the wild animals; you will eat grass like the ox and be drenched with the dew of heaven. Seven times will pass by for you until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes” (Daniel 4:25 NIV).

What did Nebuchadnezzar do that warranted such a collapse? What was the crime of Nebuchadnezzar? The king was afflicted by the oldest and most insidious of lies: pride. He thought that he ruled. He thought that Babylon ruled. He thought that his kingdom ran the world.

King Nebuchadnezzar was all about King Nebuchadnezzar. Daniel was sent to warn him: when the mighty fall, the fall is mighty. But did Nebuchadnezzar listen?

Twelve months later, as the king was walking on the roof of the royal palace of Babylon, he said, “Is not this the great Babylon I have built as the royal residence, by my mighty power and for the glory of my majesty” (Daniel 4:29 NIV)?

God’s discipline was drastic and swift. Even as Nebuchadnezzar was boasting, he became an ancient version of Howard Hughes: corkscrew fingernails, wild hair, animalistic (see Dan. 4:30-33). One minute he was on the cover of Time Magazine, the next he was banished like the beast of Babylon. And we are left with a lesson.

God hates pride.

The Lord detests all the proud of heart (Proverbs 16:5 NIV).

I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech (Proverbs 8:13 NIV).

Why the strong language? How do we explain God’s abhorrence of the haughty heart? Simple. God hates pride because he loves his people. Pride is the poison pill of the soul.

Pride prevents salvation. If we see only self, we never see our Savior. Arrogance stiffens the knee so it will not kneel, hardens the heart so it will not admit to sin. The heart of pride never confesses, never repents, never asks for forgiveness. Pride is the hidden reef that ship-wrecks the soul.

Pride prevents reconciliation. How many marriages have collapsed beneath the weight of foolish pride? How many apologies have gone unoffered, due to a lack of humility? How many wars have been born from the womb of arrogance?

Pride drove Nebuchadnezzar crazy. It will do the same to us. It is no wonder, then, that God hates pride.

To the degree that God hates arrogance, he loves humility. “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5 NKJV).

I witnessed an example of this humility last October. I partnered with Michael W. Smith for a ministry weekend near Charlotte, NC. The retreat was held at “The Cove,” a beautiful facility that is owned and maintained by the Billy Graham Association.

A few hours before the event, Michael and I met to go over the weekend schedule. But Michael could hardly discuss the retreat. He was so moved by what he had just experienced. He had just met with Billy Graham for the purpose of planning Rev. Graham’s funeral. The famous evangelist was, at the time, 94 years old. He was confined to a wheelchair, on oxygen. His mind was sharp and spirits were high. But his body was seeing its final days. So he called for Michael. And he called for his pastor. He wanted to discuss his funeral. He told them that he had a request.

“Of course,” they said. “Anything you want. What is it?”

“Would you not mention my name?”

“What?”

“Can you not mention my name? Just mention the name of Jesus.”

Billy Graham has preached to over a billion people. He filled stadiums on every continent. He advised every president of the last half century. He has consistently been at the top of every most-admired list. Yet, he wants to be unmentioned at his own funeral.

Can God become so big that we finally see how small we are?

Those who walk in pride, God is able to humble. But those who walk in humility, God is able to use.

King Nebuchadnezzar learned his lesson. It took seven years, but he got the point. The words he spoke are worthy of an epitaph: “those who walk in pride [God] is able to humble” (Daniel 4: 34-37 NIV).

There is a modern ring to the Nebuchadnezzar story. We live in a day when people make a big deal out of themselves. Some have turned self-promotion into an art form. The apostle warned us this would happen. “There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud” (2 Timothy 3:1-2 NIV emphasis mine).

May the Nebuchadnezzar story remind us: God controls human kingdoms and he has been known to humble the proud leader. Miss this message and prepare to fall. Receive it and prepare to be blessed.

©Max Lucado, May 2016

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Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah.” 2 Chronicles 20:3 (NIV)

"Do you ever look around at all that is happening in our world today, or even within the realm of your own personal life, and feel fear grip your heart?

I think it’s a feeling we have all faced at some point in our lives. We crave safety and certainty and simplicity as we raise our families, serve God and live out our Christian beliefs in both private and public. But so many things feel threatening to those desires.

How do we navigate both our fears and our faith? How do trust God when everything around us in the world today leaves us feeling quite alarmed?

One of my favorite kings to study over the last few years has been King Jehoshaphat. Although his story is only found in tucked away parts of Scripture, what I really love is how we can clearly see his absolute resolve to trust in the Lord.

King Jehoshaphat is mentioned in both 1 & 2 Kings, but there’s also a unique story about this faithful king of Judah in 2 Chronicles 17–20. King Jehoshaphat was connected in alliance through marriage to the wicked King Ahab since his son married Ahab’s daughter. They ruled around the same time. We may question his decision to be connected to a wicked king like Ahab through marriage, but Scripture teaches us that Jehoshaphat was a good king who walked in the ways of David his father. Rather than seeking false gods, Jehoshaphat sought after the Lord; therefore, God was with him (17:4).

Of course, this doesn’t mean that Jehoshaphat never faced fear-inducing situations. In 2 Chronicles 20 we find that three countries have banded together, forming a massive army to attack Jehoshaphat’s much smaller country of Judah. If ever there were a time for a king to feel alarmed, this would have been it. But Jehoshaphat didn’t fall apart.

I am both inspired and challenged by how he chose to react to his overwhelming circumstances: “Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah.” (2 Chronicles 20:3)

Do you see how King Jehoshaphat’s name is bookended in two realities: alarmed and resolved? He had both the feelings of alarm that are a natural human response to his threatening situation and a supernatural resolve to inquire of the Lord. The resolve was a predetermined pattern built over time that emerged as naturally as the feelings of alarm rose within him.

I want this for my life. I want my resolve to inquire of the Lord to be my first response, not my last resort when feelings of alarm arise with threatening situations. But to be honest with you, I think I still need some work in this area.

When I get caught off guard, stunned by threatening circumstances in the world, or unexpectedly wounded by a hurtful statement, I can literally feel my body being overrun with a flood of emotions. Based on conversations with different friends of mine with different personalities, it seems like each of us has a go-to feeling that rises up and wants to take over in threatening situations: anger that wants to come out swinging, fear that wants to shrink back and disappear, confusion that wants to talk it out and restore peace quickly, just to name a few.

Though seeking the Lord doesn’t always come naturally as my first response, it is the only way to infuse supernatural strength into my resolve. The more I turn to the Lord in daily struggles, the more natural it is to return to Him in times of unexpected trouble.

Does this mean I’ll never wrestle with feelings of fear? Of course not. But I’m learning that while we can sometimes feel afraid, we don’t have to live afraid. We can be alarmed and resolved at the very same time. We can let our declaration mirror Jehoshaphat’s words to God in 2 Chronicles 20:12b, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

Dear Lord, thank You for reminding me that fear doesn’t have to pull me away from trusting in You. Fear can actually be the catalyst to me choosing to trust You more than ever. Today I’m choosing to fix my eyes and my hope on You. The God who is for me, with me, and loves me without end. In Jesus’ Name, Amen."

https://lysaterkeurst.com/. Original post here.

"We have two wonderful teenage kids. Camille is 16 and Soren is 14. It’s hard to believe that adulthood is just a few years off for both of them. With their elementary years not too far in the rearview mirror and adulthood not too far ahead of them, we asked our kids if they would share what they thought we have done best and where we could improve.

What follows is a Beeson living room chat. I hope by listening in you can benefit from both our highlight and blooper reels.

Their list at times converges with our perspective of our strengths and weakness and at times diverges. I didn’t ask for a certain number of positives and negatives and didn’t edit their list, but I did add comments after each item.

What our kids said we did best (their words are in bold):

1.       Trusting us and giving us freedom (you’re not helicopter parents).

I’m so glad to see this on their list. We’ve given far less freedom than some parents, but we have been intentional in these past few years to release our kids in order to prepare them for adulthood. If they merely perform a certain way at home but immediately stop behaving that way once they leave for college, then our parenting was in vain.

2.       Supporting us in our passions.

We’ve tried to cultivate the giftings God has given Camille and Soren and help them understand God’s call on them to steward their strengths.

3.       Preparing us for the future.

We’ve tried to help our kids develop skills such as hard work, responsibility, and organization that will serve them their entire lives. We’ve also coached them to discern which of their giftings are more likely to be of their vocational calling and which are more likely to be avocational interests that they can enjoy as lifelong hobbies.

4.       Letting us learn from our mistakes.

I’m glad Camille and Soren think that we’ve allowed them to learn from their mistakes. Although honestly, I think we can pull back even more to let them learn from their mistakes. As a parent it’s difficult to allow your kids to experience the consequences of their decisions. A parent’s natural impulse is to protect their kids from poor choices. But Camille and Soren are right that learning from their mistakes is the best way to learn. Our hope is that we continue to grow in making space for our children to learn from their mistakes.

5.       Giving us freedom to not be perfect.

This is so important that our children know this. And it leads their final comment…

6.       Being transparent (teaching us to not keep secrets).

This starts with us modeling repentance. From when our kids were young, we’ve worked hard to acknowledge our wrongs in front of them. We ask for forgiveness when we sin against our kids. In a way that suits their maturity, we’ve shared our fears and our difficulties. And we’ve done everything we can to make it safe for the kids to share their secrets.

What our kids said we could do better:

1.       (Soren) Letting me feel like my opinions matter and have an impact.

Soren is right. I need to create space for him to voice his opinion, even when I disagree. I know that for Soren to really grow in wisdom, that wisdom has to be earned and owned personally. As a parent of young children, it is appropriate to ask for obedience with limited explanation. As our children mature, we need to provide stronger explanations for what we are asking of them, and even provide space for them to disagree with us.

2.       (Camille) Not forcing “moments.”

Camille’s further explanation: When you are a teenager you do not, (at least I do not) want to fit into a certain stereotype. I am super grateful for the sweet memories and moments my family has had, and I am super blessed to have such an amazing family. But the older I get the more grateful my parents are for those sweet moments. And often they will continually voice their gratitude about those sweet moments. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this! Except sometimes(as a teenager), it makes those moments seemed forced, and now I feel pressured to be in, or create those perfect moments. That “perfect family” stereotype is so often fake and forced, and although I know our family is natural and real, when the gratitude is constant it makes it feel like those moments were forced. I am not sure if that made any sense, and I do not exactly know what you could do as parents to avoid that, but that is the only time I feel uncomfortable with something in our family.

This feedback is a surprise! It’s helpful to be able to crawl into Camille’s mind and hear how she processes these moments. I understand her fear of any feeling of being forced to have a certain moment or be a certain type of family. As parents, we’ve tried to emphasize gratitude and making sure that we live in the special moments God gives us, but I hear what Camille is saying here, that we have to be careful that we don’t force those moments.

I hope listening in on this family conversation helps you as you consider what you’ve done best and worst as a parent. Maybe this is a conversation you would benefit from having with your children, whatever their age.

May we all grow as moms and dads, learning to reflect our Heavenly Father’s perfect parenting of us more and more."

It is called the Bema or the Judgment Seat of Christ and is, in my opinion, the most untaught area of Christology.  It’s not because its teaching is not known in the Bible but it is just not taught.  Maybe it’s because we as Christians are so delighted to know that we have escaped judgment through Christ who removed our judgment that the notion that we still will be judged for our “works”- not sin, mind you, but what we did with our Christian lives- is unnerving to us.

The Bema occurs after the Rapture and before the 2nd Coming.  It occurs at the beginning of our 7 year honeymoon in glory with our Bridegroom in the house He has prepared for us, the New Jerusalem.  The term Judgment Seat or Bema was well known to those in Corinth, the church where Paul introduced the term “the Bema.”

The Bema was a judicial place where an athlete who had competed in the games- the Isthmian games- had to stand before the judge and attest that he had “competed according to the rules”- rules of diet, training, and moral purity.  The Bema was an old time drug testing.  If you did not run according to the rules you do not get the prize. In the same way the Christian will be judged- not for sin as that was settled in Christ- but for our faithfulness.

It doesn’t mean you are or are not in “the ministry.”  One can be in the ministry for worldly reasons and as Paul said “it profits me nothing.”  One can however do the most menial of tasks for the glory of God and as Paul said of Christian slaves “whatever good thing each one does this he shall receive back from the Lord whether slave or free.” (Eph. 6:8)

“Each of us shall give account of himself to the Lord.” (Rom. 14:12)

Paul spoke of this in 1 Cor. 3 as a Christian building project.  A Christian’s life can use the wisdom of the world (wood, hay or straw) or the wisdom of God (gold, silver, precious stones).

What did you build on?

“The day will show it because it be revealed with fire and the fire will test the kind (or quality) of each man’s work.” (1 Cor. 3:13)

“If any man’s work which he has built upon it remains he shall receive a reward.  If any man’s work is burned up he shall suffer loss (i.e. of reward) yet he himself shall be saved, yet as though through fire.” (1 Cor. 3:14-15)

What do we mean by “reward”?  It is that which will continue into the coming kingdom of Christ.  It is what Jesus meant by “seek first the kingdom of God” and “make for yourselves purses that do not wear out.”  It is what Paul meant by “the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”  It is what he meant by “an imperishable wreath.”  It is what John meant by “that you might receive a full reward.”  It is what Paul meant by “I seek for the profit that increases to your account” and “we shall reign with Him.”

In some sense our place of rule in the thousand year reign of Christ will be affected by our faithfulness now.

Every act from Adam on in some sense will be requited, recompensed or punished in Christ on the cross or in hell.

To me however the most precious text is from Rev. 19:7-8.

“Let us rejoice and be glad and give glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.”

“It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.”

Our garment and its splendor will come from the Bema and the reward from Christ (not punishment mind you) for what we have “done in the body.” (2 Cor. 5:10)

Every good deed shall be brought to light.

If you would like a good application of this read Revelation 3:14-22 about a worldly church that was successful in all the wrong things, the church of Laodicea.

It may be cliché but it’s true.

“Only one life, twill soon be past

Only what’s done for Christ shall last.”

Let’s live for the smile and “well done” at the Bema of our Incomparable Christ.

www.dbc.org. Used by permission.

We all know that community is important for mental health, but what happens when people demand too much from us? How do we know when and how to say no before we feel drained and burnout? 

Dr. Henry Cloud, bestselling author and psychologist, teaches boundaries are as important as community when it comes to our mental health. It is not selfish to say no or give ourselves a break. 

We all need space, or what Dr. Cloud calls “property lines”, in our relationships. These lines set healthy limits in a friendship, and make sure people don’t throw their “trash” into your yard (figuratively speaking) or try control what you do and how you live. These are not walls: they are permeable. Ideally, we open our boundaries to let in good relationships, but we close them to keep out to threats and danger.

But, you may ask, what can you do when you feel obligated to say “yes” all the time and let people in all the time? How do you set boundaries without affecting the quality of your relationships? When and how can you actually say no to protect your mental and physical health?

1. Remember the golden rule: 

Relationship boundaries should have consequences, like everything we do and say in life: what you sow you should reap, and boundaries are only boundaries if they are enforced. 

If you are in a relationship with a toxic person who is irresponsible and abusive, for example, that person ought to reap what they sow, and the relationship should come to an end. However, if there are not clear boundaries in this relationship, then you can become an enabler, and the toxic behavior continues to negatively affect both of you—that person is throwing their “trash” across your property line, and now you have become dependent on the hope that maybe one day they will stop causing you pain…maybe one day they will change. If, on the other hand, you decide to leave the toxic relationship, recognizing that you can’t control the other person but you can control your own boundaries, and that you need to do so to protect your mental and physical health, you can take back control of your own property: your life. The other person is now left with the consequences of what they have done, and that just may be the spark that kindles their desire to actually change, because they see that their behavior has definite consequences. 

Saying no to people that are self-centered, draining and co-dependent is not only acceptable, but often necessary for our mental wellbeing. You can still be there for someone if they are in dire need, but you do not have to let them affect your day-to-day life. You have limited energy to invest in people, so choose your relationships wisely. I also recommend asking yourself these questions when deciding whether or not the relationship is worth investing in:

• Do you like who you are or who you have become in the relationship? If you have changed, how so? Are these good changes or bad ones?
• Do you feel that the other person makes an effort to develop the relationship, or do you feel that you are the only person trying?
• Do you feel loved and appreciated, or manipulated and used? 
• Do you actually like this person? Ask yourself if the negatives outweigh their positive attributes.
• Do they keep saying they will change, but never make an effort to do so?

At the end of the day, only you will know if you should end a relationship or not, because only you know when your boundaries have been crossed one too many times. 

2. Be clear about your boundaries:  

Often, we keep our boundaries secret out of fear of affecting a relationship or affecting how someone sees us, and we end up saying yes to things we don’t want to do, or do not let others know when they have invaded our personal space and upset us, which can make us feel trapped, out of control, uncomfortable, resentful and anxious. This, in turn, will impact not only our mental wellbeing but also our physical health, because our feelings will become embodied and change the way our brain and body functions—right down to the level of our genes. 

Boundaries, like property lines, need to be clear, so that other people know when they are crossing them, and when they are causing pain. When you understand why you need space, and how important this space is, you can let other people know in a calm and collected way what you want and need. Say, for example, a co-worker keeps wanting to go out for drinks or dinner after work; instead of saying yes and dreading it, or shouting “stop bothering me!”, say something like “It has been a long day and I need some ‘me’ downtime after work, as it helps me function better, so I am not going to go out today.” Let people know when they have crossed your boundary. 

At the same time, don’t feel the need to overexplain! You have a right to rest and relaxation—the brain does not function well without it. In fact, when we go into a directed rest state (that is when we are intentional about relaxing and giving our minds a break), we enhance and increase the effectiveness of our thinking, which allows us to be a more helpful and better friend and family member. So, if you find yourself feeling guilty for saying “no” and trying to make someone else happy by giving long explanations and stumbling over why, stop, take a deep breath, and just say calmly “no, I need a break because of…”. If the other person does not understand or reacts negatively, don’t take it personally: you are not responsible for how they choose to react to the situation, but you can choose to control your own life—don’t let them take that control from you. 

3. Know your own boundaries:

All relationships are different, and require different types of boundaries. This is particularly case with romantic relationships, when two people are so close that they have essentially redefined their boundaries around each other: they have become “one”, but there is still two people experiencing that “oneness.” 

When you enter a romantic partnership, you are essentially opening yourself up to someone on a much deeper level, which means you affect each other more profoundly. This, in turn, requires that you both have greater knowledge and control over your feelings and attitudes, so that you don’t inadvertently cross the boundaries between each other and cause havoc in the relationship. 

For instance, if you feel that your boundary has been crossed and your partner has hurt you, you should be able to say in a reasonable way “hey, we need to talk about…, because what you did really hurt me.” You let them know about the boundary that has been crossed, and you deal with it in a loving way. However, if you are not in control of yourself, you can end up screaming and shouting at your partner, and can end up crossing their own boundaries and causing a huge fight, which will impact your relationship and leave you both distressed and in pain. 

When you know your own boundaries, you can be more in control of how you react when those boundaries are crossed, and how you communicate your boundaries to the people in your life, whether they are lovers, friends, family or coworkers. You can begin to see that being able to say “no” is not antithetical to a good relationship; it defines a good relationship. Knowing your own boundaries means knowing yourself on a deeper level, which will only enrich your relationships because you are comfortable and happy with being fully you with another person.

But you cannot truly know your boundaries if you do not know how you uniquely think and react to your experiences and relationships, that is how you think, feel and choose as an individual. As Socrates once said, the “unexamined life is not worth living”; when you know yourself and how you think, you not only understand yourself better, but you understand what you need and want in a relationship, and can communicate this clearly to a partner, friend, family member and co-worker. 

I have found that keeping a journal of my thoughts and experiences can be incredibly helpful when it comes to organizing my thoughts and understand my unique perceptions and reactions to life. 

4. Protect your own mental health when helping someone in need. 

When it comes to dealing with people who need help, knowing your own needs and boundaries can help protect your mental health. Of course, we are designed for community; we thrive in environments when we are needed and where we need others, but this need can become challenging if we are not careful. So, if you feel stressed out by someone you are trying to help, set definitive boundaries: be there for them when you can, but be clear you are there to support them in their journey where you can, not to fix them. Make sure you have a designated partner, friend or family member you can talk to to help you process the situation and your emotions.

I personally love to use my time in the sauna as a mental health break if I feel drained by a relationship. I also incorporate “thinker moments” into my day. These moments help me switch off to the external and switch on to the internal, giving my brain a rest and allowing it to reboot by letting my mind wander and daydream. This increases my clarity of mind and ability to problem-solve and be there for the person I am trying to help. So, be intentional about creating mental health boundaries throughout your day, especially when you are dealing with challenging relationships! 

www.drleaf.com. Used by permission.

Church is a group in society that is purposed to teach and encourage believers and allow them to experience their relationship with God corporately. Christians who are not part of a group of believers (church) are not experiencing all that the Christian life has to offer. Every Christian needs encouragement and training. Church is where we go to acquire these important benefits. It is also where we gather to take part in sacraments that are designed to turn our affections toward Jesus in remembrance of all he has done for us.

This study will look at the three basic functions of a body of believers:

• Teaching the Bible
• Worshipping God
• Encouraging one another

These basic functions of a local body of believers help the Christian grow in his or her faith into spiritual maturity. Without church the Christian cannot experience all that God has for him or her.

Let this study encourage you to get involved with other Christians and together, to grow in your faith.

What Is Church?

Church is where a group of believers in Jesus meet together for Bible teaching.

“And  a they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers…And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts” (Acts 2:42,46).

Since the foundation of Christianity, groups of Christians have met together weekly to learn the principles taught in the Bible. Knowing the Bible is an important part of the Christian experience. Learning together under the leadership of a pastor increases our knowledge of God.

Have you been reading the Bible on your own? Do you meet regularly with other believers to study the Bible? Would you like to start?

Church is where a group of believers in Jesus partake in the sacraments of Jesus—this is part of our worship of God.

“And when the hour came, he reclined at table, and the apostles with him. And he said to them, “I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you I will not eat it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.” And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he said, “Take this, and divide it among yourselves. For I tell you that from now on I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.” And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood” (Luke 22:14-20).

“For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes” (I Corinthians 11:23-26).

The Christian sacraments include Baptism and the Lord’s Supper. Obeying these practices is part of our obedience and worship of Jesus. Because Jesus commanded them, we do them.

Have you been baptized? Do you take part in the Lord’s Supper? Talk with your local pastor or church leader about taking part in these rites.

Church is where believers in Jesus meet for encouragement in their walk with God.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:23-25).

Christianity was never meant to be a faith that people practice alone. Christianity is a relationship with God through Jesus. So too, Christians must be in active relationship with other Christians to encourage one another in our following of Jesus.

Do you need encouragement in your faith? You can find that encouragement with a group of other believers! Are you part of a group of believers now?

Why Go To Church?

The Bible commands us to be part of a local group of fellow believers.

In the Old Testament God commanded Israel to gather at certain times for worship in Jerusalem. After many centuries the Jews practiced weekly gatherings in local houses of worship called synagogues. Christians continue this practice by meeting weekly in church gatherings. The Bible commands us to take regular part in this practice.

How often do you meet with other believers in church? Are you prepared to make a commitment to participate in church?

Christians must be involved in the corporate worship of God.

Throughout the history of the Bible God’s people have gathered together for corporate worship. This happens through reading the scripture, singing songs of worship to God, and observing certain rites that remind us of God’s commitment to his people.

Taking part in church is an expression of worship to God. How do you express your worship to Jesus? Is corporate worship missing in your life?

Believers in Jesus are all part of the body of Christ and thus we should function together—this encourages believers.

“I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness” (Romans 12:3-8).

“For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body – Jews or Greeks, slaves or free – and all were made to drink of one Spirit…that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together” (I Corinthians 12:12-14,25-27)

No Christian is to live as an island to himself. We are meant to live and worship together in unity. Read the passages above. You will recognize that all Christians have a role to play in our corporate church life.

Read the passages above. What role motivates you? What role would you be interested in playing with a group of fellow believers? How can you serve the needs of others?

What Do I Do At Church?

We take part in regular Bible study to build up our knowledge of God.

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth” (II Timothy 2:15).

Paul encouraged Timothy to teach the Bible in his church. From this we see that God intends for us to meet together and sit under the teaching of the Bible. The more we learn, the better we come to know God.

How much do you want to know God? How can attending church help you learn more about Jesus?

We spend time corporately worshipping God.

“Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker! (Psalm 95:6)

“Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations” (Psalm 100:1-5).

The book of Psalms was written for both private and corporate worship. Worship is both a private and a shared experience. It encourages us when we can meet with like-minded people to worship our Savior. Singing songs of praise and reading scriptures that extol the Lord brings honor to God. And only he is worthy of such affection and worship.

What kind of commitment are you prepared to make to your local group of believers? Will you join them for regular, weekly worship of Jesus?

We encourage one another in our common faith.

“Exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13).

“Do not neglect to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:25).

Church isn’t just about worshipping God. Church is also about encouraging fellow Christians in their spiritual service. Everyone needs like-minded people to encourage them. You can encourage others in their relationship with Christ—and you can receive the same encouragement from others!

Make a commitment today to take part in regular, weekly church gatherings.  

www.tomthinking.com.

Who is it that you don’t believe can change? Your boss? Your employee? Your friend? Your son or daughter? Your spouse? Yourself?

Who have you given up on?

Be honest. You’ve probably given up on someone somewhere. You know what the theological term is for not having hope for someone? For giving up on them? Damning. That’s right. When you lose hope in someone or something, you’re damning it.

The latter half of Romans 1 speaks of the hopeless situation of those who have turned against God. In chilling language, Paul explains that “the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men…”[i] He explains that those in rebellion “are without excuse,”[ii] and then he goes on three times in the next five verses to explain how God damns them: “Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts…”[iii] and that “For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions,”[iv] and finally “God gave them up to a debased mind…”[v]

On those four words—“God gave them up”–hang the icy chill of damnation.

Only God can damn. We can never give up on anyone. We can never lose hope for anyone. Jesus tells us that we are not only to love our neighbor, but also our enemy. And Paul explains that that this love has the shape of hope. In the most powerful passage ever written about love, Paul says, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Don’t lose hope. Not because your child, your boss, your employee, your spouse, or yourself is capable on his own of the change that he or she has have failed at time and time again, but because we believe in the Spirit of God, who can transform any heart, who can resurrect the dead, and who can restore relationships beyond repair.

Ours is a culture of cynicism. And cynicism chokes out hope. Cynicism is a helpful tool: it protects us from the disappointment of transformation that never happens, it protects us from the disappointment of broken promises. But the kingdom of God is not built on cynicism, and you will build a wall between you and the power of the Spirit when you cash out your hope for cynicism. This isn’t to say that there aren’t appropriate times to remove yourself from emotional and relational entanglement from another person, but we are to never lose hope.

One of the most remarkable things my wife and I have the privilege of witnessing as a counselor and a pastor is transformation coming into the bleakest of situations.

Angel and I are living proof of that. We were in the bleakest of situations. There is no reason we should still be married. There is no reason she should be a counselor today. There is no reason I should be a pastor. And yet God rescued us.

And I promise you, we’ve sat across from dozens of individuals and couples who said (verbally or nonverbally), “I have no hope. Things can’t change.” In those moments, we often tell the individual or couple that we will carry the torch of hope for them until they can pick it up themselves. They may not believe that change can come. But we do. Not because of who we are or who they are, but because of who God is.

And, then, we’ve seen it happen, time after time, change has come. Couples have been reunited after affairs, porn addictions have been broken, the chains of anger have been destroyed, cycles of despair have transformed. Because God is bigger. The Spirit brings hope.

Do you long for transformation in some area of your life? A relationship? An addiction? Start with hope. God can do it! I promise he can. Let the seeds of hope spring in your heart as you trust in the Holy Spirit who can do far more than we can “ask or imagine.”[vi]

[i] Romans 1:18

[ii] Romans 1:20

[iii] Romans 1:24

[iv] Romans 1:26

[v] Romans 1:28

[vi] Ephesians 3:20

www.thebeehive.live. Used by permission.

God has no difficulty at all creating something out of nothing. The only obstacle He faces is when the nothing doesn't know it is nothing but instead thinks it's something. At that point God has to break it back down to nothing before it is good for anything. (Are you still following me?) Paul said this better than I when he wrote,
"If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself" (Gal. 6:3).
Even as Christians, if we think we are "something” so that we look down on others or we are wise in our own eyes, we deceive ourselves! The only something there truly is, is God.

If we know we are nothing without God, and we can simultaneously recognize that the grace He has worked in us is so we can bless others. If we have such an attitude, then there is no limit to how much God can use us. Our knowing we are nothing is a great attainment in His eyes. For then our energies are no longer spent exalting or defending ourselves but in clinging to Christ and relying upon Him.

You see, God is not offended by chaos. There will be times when, like the pre-creation universe, you discover your life seems "formless and void." Do not be over-concerned. When you discover there is "chaos" in the deepest part of you, do not fret. You are at a new beginning. It has taken the Lord quite a while helping your to appreciate your "nothingness."

So, let all who know they are nothings rejoice: you are miles ahead of everyone who thinks they are something! The proud, who consider themselves something special, do not deal with the lightless regions of chaos in their souls; they simply hide them. But if we are transparent with our need, the Spirit and Word can work in us to bring life and order. All we need do is to open up and confess our nothingness to the Holy Spirit.
"For God, who said, 'Light shall shine out of darkness,' is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ" (2 Cor. 4:6).

This is the very way our great Creator creates. He causes light to shine out of darkness! The only thing He requires of us is to be honest about the darkness---to confess it instead of hiding it.
"Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them . . . But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light" (Eph. 5:11,13).

When darkness is exposed to the light, it becomes light. In fact, the very reason our darkness becomes visible is because God shines His light on it. If you persevere---if you continually thrust your darkness into the light of God's grace and power---that light will ultimately shine out from within you. Your darkness will actually become light.

Beloved, if you know you are nothing in yourself, you're a prime candidate to become something in God! Consider again Paul’s view of himself:
"If anyone else has a mind to put confidence in the flesh, I far more: circumcised the eighth day, of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless. But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ" (Phil. 3:4-7).

To become nothing in ourselves, to be excavated of pride and of being consumed by our attainments and pedigree, is part of the path to sonship. Paul actually saw all his human, religious attainments as obstacles. Certainly, in time the Lord used all of the elements of Paul's life, but not before Paul gave them up to the Lord.

John the Baptist said, "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30). You see, though self-confidence dies, God-confidence comes to life!

So, do not fret. You can admit that you have areas within that are dead and dark. Romans 4:17 says,

"God . . . gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist."

God gives LIFE to the dead. Do you sometimes feel dead? Good. You're qualified to get God's life! Look to God. Trust Him as your Creator. Do not fear when you discover you are nothing. There is a time when becoming nothing is an improvement.

www.desiringgod.org. Original article HERE. 

“This is it! I’m going to show other people grace! I am going to walk on water and be bold and brave and yay #TeamGrace!”

I don’t pronounce the word “Hashtag” out loud because I’m not 13 but in that moment, I do get ready to live with so much grace.

Until, I run into these three situations and realize I stink at grace:

1. When someone walks across an intersection I’m at and doesn’t hustle.
You see me. I know you see me waiting in my car for you to finish crossing. We’re making eye contact and I swear you actually slowed down. Why did you choose this moment to go all desert tortoise on me? Can’t you at the bare minimum do that awkward “intersection run/walk” gallop we all do when we realize a car is waiting for us to go? Is that too much to ask? I’m sure that when someone crossed in front of Jesus’ donkey he blessed them, but I’m not there yet. I’m not “make whip angry” which is the only level of anger Christians think they can have, but I’m not giving you much grace right this second.

2. When you poorly wrap my burrito.
I see a fissure right there. Before you’ve even encased it in the outer protective shell of aluminum foil, I can see a fault line developing along the southern hemisphere of my burrito. That crack is only going to get bigger. The second I bite into it my burrito is going to transform into a burrito bowl, collapsing under the weight of the Mexican goodness packed within. I don’t want you to start over, but a double wrap feels necessary. And if it’s not a split, the other crime against burritomanity is when one end isn’t properly closed. The bottom of the burrito is supposed to be the best bite. That’s where all the fantastic collects as you eat it from the top, sending flavors and salsas and quesos to the bottom creating one last super bite. But you didn’t seal it right so it looks like a busted flower, akin to the times bugs bunny put something at the end of Elmer Fudd’s shotgun and it exploded in his face. Jesus might forgive you, but I don’t.

3. When someone is slow to get off a plane.
Clearly I am not withholding grace from someone who has a legitimate reason to get off planes slowly. I am talking about people who act surprised that we have touched down and that there are 324 people behind them who would like to leave the plane now. We dropped 30,000 feet out of the sky. How did you miss that the earth, the very planet we inhabit, was getting closer to us? Remember that moment when the wheels squealed and it felt like we were on ground? It felt like that because we are. All of us. I’m not expecting you to exit the plane as fast as me. I’m like the Michael Jordan of leaving planes. I’m a pro. I would just like you to not gather items one by one, like some game of airplane pick up sticks. On the flip side of this one is the person who doesn’t have a connection to make but still jumps up and sprints as far as they can go down the aisle as soon as the plane lands. I’m not sure Jesus has ever been on a plane, though I do know he takes the wheel of cars, but I’m pretty even he would not be cool with that move. We all want to get off the plane Usain Bolt. There’s a widely accepted unwritten rule that you get off aisle by aisle. Accept it.

Do those things make me sound petty? I hope so because the goal of this post was to say, “Yes I am petty.” And prone to thinking the stupidest things while waiting for a burrito to be made.

Turns out I still stink at grace. I was going to say that I suck at it but then I’d have to enter into a long email exchange about my usage of that word. I would look up the Germanic roots, writing a detailed response that it was initially a farming term. You would argue it’s a swear and that I’m going to get a sofa bed in hell. And then I wouldn’t give you grace. So full circle. Let’s avoid that. Let’s instead go with the much safer, yet just as obvious statement, “I stink at grace.”

Question:
What’s one situation in life where you realize you’re not great at giving people grace?

www.stuffchristianslike.net. Used by permission. 

Dear child of mine,

I am one who comforts you.  I bought you and complete you.  I delight in you and claim you as my own, rejoicing over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.  I will never fail you or forsake you.[i]

You are worried and troubled about many things; trust me with all your heart.  I know how to rescue godly people from their trials. Let me strengthen you with my glorious power.  I did not spare my Son but gave him up for you. Won’t I give you everything else? [ii]

When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.[iii]

So, don’t worry.  I never tire or sleep. I stand beside you.  The angel of the LORD encamps around you.  I hide you in the shelter of my presence.  I will go ahead of you, directing your steps and delighting in every detail of your life. If you stumble, you will not fall, for I hold you by the hand.  I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.[iv]

I will make you fruitful in the land of suffering, trading beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for despair. I live with the low spirited and spirit crushed. I put new spirit in you and get you on your feet again. Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes with the morning.  If I am for you, who can ever be against you?[v]

You sometimes say, “The Lord has deserted me; the Lord has forgotten me.” But can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? Even if that were possible, I would not forget you!  I paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, my sinless, spotless Lamb.  No one will snatch you away from me.  See, I have written your name on my hand.  I call you my friend.  Why, the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are valuable to me.[vi]

Give me your burdens; I will take care of you.[vii]  

Your Maker, your Father,

God

[i] Is.51:12;1 Cor.6:20;Col.2:10;Is.62:4-5;Heb.13:5

[ii] Lk.10:41;Prov.3:5;Rom.8:26;Col.1:11;Rom.8:32;Judg.5:21

[iii] Is.43:2

[iv] Mt.6:34;Ps.121:4-5;Ps.34:7;Ps.31:20;Deut.31:6;Ps.37:23-24;Ps.32:8

[v] Gen.41:52;Is.61:3;Is.57:15;Ps.30:5;Rom.8:31

[vi] Is.49:14-15;1 Pet.1:19;John 10:28;Is.49:16;John15:15;Mt.10:30-31

[vii] Ps.55:22

I remember a young father whose teenage son had died in an automobile accident just weeks earlier telling me,  "Larry,  these two months of grieving my son have just been more than I thought I could ever bear.  I am a relatively young person who could live for another thirty or forty years.  If I can barely withstand two months of grief,  I wonder how i will ever endure thirty of forty years of missing my son and hurting like hell all that time!"

All of us mourners doubt because we are human and sometimes we are totally exhausted from the struggle in grief.  When mourning clients, friends or family members ask me how they can go on, I ask them to do a short mental exercise.  I ask them to pretend that they are the one who has died and their loved one is now left behind.  I then ask what they would want for their loved one left behind after their death.  They usually say things like:

• “I would want them to grieve for a little while but to go on.
• “I would want them to enjoy a happy, fulfilling life.”
•  “I would want them to find peace.”
• “I wouldn't want their life to be ruined simply because I died.”

That is what you would want for your loved ones if you died.  And that is what your loved one who has died wants for you.   The best way that you can honor and respect the wishes and memory of your loved one who has died is to mourn them in healthy ways and to lead a good life.  That means going on despite your doubts in grief.  By defeating those doubts and courageously facing the grief in your life when all seems impossible you build a lasting living memorial to your loved one.

Below are fourteen common self-defeating thoughts that happen often to humans just like you in grief.  When doubt hits causing you to believe that you can not do grief alone and on your own power, then don't.  Call upon the resources that you have available to you -- family, friends, co-workers, church ministers and fellow members, and your core beliefs in a Power beyond  yourself.

Whenever the following thoughts of doubt and  self defeat strike, read the texts beside them and look thoroughly for the hope, encouragement and support written into these scriptures for your personal grief situation.

• “IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!”  All things are possible – Luke 18:27
• “IT’S HOPELESS!”  In Christ, we find our hope – 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
• “I’M TOO TIRED!”  I will give you rest – Matthew 11:28-30
• “I CANNOT GO ON!”  My grace is sufficient – 2 Corinthians 12:9 & Psalms 91:15
• “I CANNOT DO IT!”  You can do all things – Philippians 4:13
• “I CANNOT FIGURE IT OUT!”  I’ll direct your steps – Proverbs 3:5-6
• “IT’S NOT WORTH ALL THE TROUBLE (OR PAIN)!”  It will soon be worth it all – Romans 8: 28f
• “I CANNOT FORGIVE MYSELF!”  I forgive you – 1 John 1: 9 & Romans 8:1
• “I CANNOT MANAGE IT!”  I will supply all of your needs – Philippians 4:19
• “I AM AFRAID WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN!”  I have not given you a spirit of fear – 2 Timothy 1:7
• “I AM ALWAYS WORRIED & FRUSTRATED!”  Cast all your care on Him – 1 Peter 5:7
• “I DO NOT HAVE THE FAITH IT TAKES!”  I’ve given everyone a measure of faith – Romans 12:3
• “I AM JUST NOT SMART ENOUGH!”  I give you wisdom – 1 Corinthians 1:30 & James 1:5
• “I AM ALL ALONE!”  I will never leave you or forsake you – Hebrews 13:5
• www.griefminister.com. Edited by Christopher Taylor.

We like to think of Jesus in any kind of role except that of preacher and prophet, but preaching was a primary component of his earthly ministry. He was a truth-teller and herald of the good news and eternal truth of God.

Mark, who was first to write an inspired biography of Jesus, jumps right into Jesus’ adult years and gives us a summary introduction to Jesus’ ministry with these words…

Later on, after John was arrested, Jesus went into Galilee, where he preached God’s Good News. “The time promised by God has come at last!” he announced. “The Kingdom of God is near! Repent of your sins and believe the Good News!”

Mark 1:14-15 NLT

Jesus’ ministry was, of course, more than just words, but he started his ministry with words, uttered vital words from the cross, and gave even more words of empowerment after his resurrection. Preaching the good news mattered a great deal to Jesus, and preaching the good news is still the primary ministry of the church two thousand years later.

Preaching, as a communication method, may sound outdated and unpopular, but that’s only because of the traditional baggage we attach to it. The fact is, human beings are still deeply moved and motivated by the art of spoken word, even in our visually-stimulating media-rich culture.

From campaign stump speeches to TED talks, we listen to words conveyed through human personality.

THAT Jesus preached matters greatly to how we serve truth to the world today, but WHAT he preached matters even more. And this is where I believe we misunderstand him most.

Jesus didn’t just preach “good news” TO people.

His message wasn’t motivational fluff. It wasn’t self-help gibberish or mystical, pithy sayings. It was good news, but there was a call to action. Specifically, there was a call to repentance based on the good news. Jesus expected his listeners to consider changing their minds about God, about sin, about themselves, and about their way of life. He called them to a radical commitment to believe and trust in him.

When we simply preach good things without any call to repentance, we make the good news seem a little too good. Don’t change. Just stay where you are and God will overlook the deep brokenness within you.

On the other hand…

Jesus didn’t just preach “repentance” AT people.

My big problem with most street corner preachers is that they claim to speak a bold message of repentance – turn or burn, get right or get ready to hell – but what they really do is skip the good news or skim over it at best and head right for the call to action.

When we skip the good news and start our presentations of the gospel with “You’re a sinner… own it… admit it… repent of it… or else…” then we make the good news seem… not very good. In fact, the gospel is the best news anyone could ever hear, and we should present it so.

What, then, was Jesus’ message?

Jesus preached the best news the world has ever heard with an invitation FOR people to turn from sin, trust him, and have their lives changed forever!

Jesus started with the wonderful news that the deliverance broken humanity had been waiting for so long had finally arrived. And more specifically, the messiah for whom Israel had been waiting so long was finally being presented. Sin and the grave would soon be defeated. The King of all kings would be coronated over a Kingdom into which all who would believe in and follow him would be included.

The gospel is really, really good news for broken sinners. Luke is a little more specific about one of Jesus’ earliest messages. One day in the synagogue, Jesus announced the purpose of his ministry by quoting Isaiah…

“The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see,that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the LORD’s favor has come.”

Luke 4:18-19 NLT

Do you hear that? Because of Jesus, you can be rescued from poverty, released from slavery, restored in your sight and your soul, and redeemed from all oppression! Addictions can be broken. Diseases lose their power. Demons have to flee. Cruelty and tyranny won’t last. The gospel is good news!

One of the reasons we doubt the power of the gospel is because we fail to understand that God’s Kingdom is both now, and not yet. Deliverance is both gradual and eventual. Victory is sure, but it is only enjoyed partially, until the King returns to be worshipped by all.

And as Jesus preached the good news of the ultimate deliverance from sin’s curse, he also called his hearers to respond. His calling to repentance and faith is both a command and an invitation. It is the required response of sinners to the gospel, and it is the offer of a good Savior to the broken.

Biblical preaching is both a presentation of the good news of Jesus and a challenge to embrace it with the whole heart and mind. Both are necessary in our faithfulness to the great commission of Jesus to his church.

If all you can do is yell at people about their sin, don’t call it gospel preaching. And if all you have the courage to do is speak the positive things of Christianity without any call to repentance and faith, don’t call it gospel preaching.

I’m a big believer in being creative, in striving to communicate well, and in adapting our presentation methods to each new generation. And I think the content of Scripture ought to be presented in a way that connects with the brokenness and deep-seated needs of its audience. But at the end of the day, here is the non-negotiable core of all good preaching – preach the good news of Jesus, and invite people to embrace him by repenting of their sins and believing in him alone.

www.brandoncox.com. Originally titled Jesus, the Prophet, Came Preaching.

 SPIRITUALITY HAS BECOME AN INDIVIDUAL PURSUIT

First, spirituality is increasingly seen an individual pursuit, not a community activity.

Honestly, I get it. In a world that has gotten noiser, louder and angrier, there’s a part of me that wants to retreat into myself more every day.

Add to that the brokenness of true human community and unhealthy (or toxic) cultures, and it’s so much easier to say “I’m just going to figure this out on my own.” Which many people are trying to do.

I feel the pull too.

But I have to remind myself that for the most part, my desire to skip, pull away and do my own thing on my schedule isn’t solitude, it’s isolation. And while solitude is a gift from God, isolation is a tool of the enemy.

And there’s no faster way to render a community ineffective than to isolate its members.

ATTENDANCE MAY BE A NEW SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE

Second, because of how withdrawn and individualistic we’re all becoming, I wonder if—in an age in which people are devoted mostly to themselves—the mere act of attending church is becoming a spiritual discipline.

Devoting yourselves publicly to God and to a wider community is a countercultural act.

DECREASED ATTENDANCE OFTEN EQUALS DECREASED DEVOTION

Finally, there’s a paradox developing that I don’t hear many people talking about publicly, and that’s spiritual growth.

In my observation, rarely does decreased church attendance produce increased devotion.

Sure, there are popular bloggers, authors and podcasters who might claim it does, but get out onto the streets and have a conversation with many people who used to go to church that don’t anymore, and you’ll meet a lot of people whose faith hasn’t grown.

If anything, it’s diminished.

10 THINGS THAT AIN’T CHURCH

So where does this leave us?

In an age where everyone is looking for alternatives to gathering together, here are 10 things that—helpful as they may be in some respect—aren’t church.

If it gets a bit feisty in the points below, just know it’s because I’m challenging the gravitational pull I feel sometimes in me and I see all the time around me.

So here goes. Here are 10 things that still ain’t church.

1. WATCHING CHURCH ONLINE

Watching church online has exploded in the last decade.

We have an online campus at our church, which I love, because for many people it’s a step into church can be if it’s a step back in if you’re  out of town or on vacation, but for too many people people church online is a step out of church.

It’s a step toward lower devotion, not greater devotion. And to less mission, not deeper mission.

Here’s a little exercise I want to propose. If you’re watching online because it’s easier (or honestly, you’re just lazy), get yourself into a real human community.

Yes, a real church is going to be worse than your online experience. You will have to sit next to people you don’t like and who aren’t like you.

You could get hurt. You’ll have to do something. And you may have to give.

You’ll get into awkward conversations with people as you invite them to come with you. And you may damage the friendship as a result and feel all worried.

This is church. (Have you ever read 1 Corinthians? I mean really….)

Dating is easier than marriage. Especially first dating. But marriage is where the real reward is after you’ve disliked each other long enough to fall in love again and remember that in the midst of the mess God is writing a deeper, more powerful story than you could ever write on your own.

A C+ real life church experience is better than an A+ online church experience because real life is messy, and it’s going to force you grow.

So go find a real-life C+ church and get involved. And remember, you are not the solution to the C+ church’s problems. You’re part of the reason it’s a C+ church. So am I.
2. LISTENING TO A PODCAST

If you want to 1.5x speed God into your life while you’re on a run or driving to work, go ahead.

I love podcasting, but in the end, what it gives you is information and not much more.

Podcasting (and church online) should function like online dating. Everyone I know who met online and fell in love gets married. You rarely meet someone who says “We met online, have been married for five years but we’ve never actually met.” Of course you meet, that’s the point.

And I think that’s the point of church podcasts and church online…they lead to something greater: real human interaction around a mission bigger than you.

But 1.5xing a sermon podcast every week probably only gives you a .5 dose of God.

3. VIRTUAL PASTORS

Because there are thousands of churches online and thousands more who put their content online via podcasts, many people have multiple preachers they listen to and think of as their ‘pastors’.

It’s great that you’re listening,  or that you follow 10 megachurch pastors or local pastors on Instagram, but that’s not church.

You may have a charcuterie board of favourite speakers and feel full, but true discipleship is not measured by how much you know, it’s measured by how much you love, and how much that love flows out of you and into the lives of others.

4. THAT CHARITABLE THING YOU STARTED

We live in an amazing time where it’s easy to start almost anything you imagine, including a charity.

Charities are amazing, but they’re not church.

When the church gathers in worship, prayer, community, joins together on a mission to baptize people and grow people into the likeness of Christ…well that’s church.

I have a company outside the church that helps produce this blog, my podcast, books etc. Guess what? I think of it as a ministry, and it has huge ministry implications, but it’s not the church.

It never will be. Sure, we think of it in many ways as a ministry. And yes, we’re on mission to help leaders. But it ain’t church.

5. COFFEE WITH FRIENDS

If you stop attending a local church, it’s easy to come up with substitutes for it, like having coffee (or meals, or whatever) with friends.

The early church didn’t change the world by gathering with friends for coffee.

By all means, be social. Hang out. Cultivate deep friendships. Hang out. Connect. But don’t fool yourself—that isn’t church either.

6. THE GATHERING AT YOUR HOUSE

I understand that this one will be a little controversial, but most of the time, that gathering in your house ain’t church either.

Even if you gather to pray, study scripture, fellowship and celebrate communion, it may still not be the church. Why?

Too often house church functions as a community of people who are fleeing the church, who have been hurt by the church, or who are rejecting the local churches in their neighbourhood.

Rarely (I mean rarely, it’s not like it never happens) do I see a house church really embrace the full mission of the church, which would include evangelism  baptizing new disciples, community service, giving financially beyond itself and an outward focus that brings more people into the Kingdom.

If that happens—and occasionally it does—then that is church. The problem of course, is that when you embrace all of that, it won’t be long until you outgrow your living room…and you start gathering in public space because you can’t squeeze into a home anymore.

But if it’s just the eight of you year after year after year after year…it probably ain’t church.

7. A WALK IN THE WOODS/ON THE BEACH

I love nature. My wife really loves nature.

Almost all of us feel closer to God in nature. And some personality types feel extremely close to God in nature—maybe even closer than they feel in church.

But your subjective feeling is no substitute for a timeless mission. God didn’t just call us to feel him. He calls us to serve him.

8. FAMILY DEVOTIONS

I love my family. You love yours. And family devotions are wonderful.

When you’re on vacation, I get that you may do family devotions on a Sunday rather than a long drive into a local church.

But a steady diet of family devotions—even daily devotions—isn’t church because your family isn’t baptizing people, reaching out into the community, serving, or even moving beyond itself to engage the world for which Christ died.

Authentic mission has to go beyond you to someone else and embrace and include them.

Family devotions may be sincere and convenient, but they’re no substitute for the Kingdom of God.

9. CHURCH SURFING

Church shopping is one thing. But I’ve met a growing number of people who are doing what I can only call church surfing.

They may go to the 9 a.m. service at one church, and then sample the later service at another, and then they switch it up against next weekend, adding maybe a third church into the mix.

It’s like serial dating with no engagement, commitment or even investment.

Once again, it’s an expression of a consumer culture—take, but feel no obligation to give.

Of course, a significant life is rarely measured by what you consume. It’s measured by what you contribute.

Church surfing contributes almost nothing to the true mission of the church.

10. ANONYMITY

So let’s say you show up at the same church whenever you attend, but you sit in the back row, anonymously. You don’t engage, don’t serve, don’t invite, don’t join the mission. You just…sit.

That’s not much different than just consumption, except it’s analog, not digital.

It’s hard to build the future of the church on someone who consumes and never contributes. And it’s hard to build a meaningful, resilient life, when all you do is consume, not contribute.

So contribute. Serve. Invite. Give. Do community.

You’re called to be the church, not just attend one.

THREE QUESTIONS

If you find your church attendance declining or evaporating, ask yourself:

• Are my current patterns leading me to greater devotion to Jesus?
• Am I serving, inviting, giving and helping to make new disciples?
• Is this really about me, or is it about seeing the Kingdom of God flourish and expand around me?

www.careynieuwhof.com

But as my father grew older, his world grew smaller and smaller. My Mom and Dad moved away from their hometown of seventy years to be near their kids and grandkids (they are precious, by the way)... Dad was a newcomer in this new town. Few people knew how beloved, gifted and successful he had been as a younger man. Most of Daddy’s friends were old and sick. Many had already gone to heaven.

If your world is shrinking as you age, join the club. You may be one of the 42.6 million older adults who experience loneliness every day. Shrinking social circles, poor health, financial limitations, life changes, and even transportation challenges can mean isolation for older adults. Isolation can have a devastating on health and quality of life.

Jesus promised He would be with His children.

“I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5. KJV

When Christ ascended to heaven, He promised, “Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” Matthew 28:20.  KJV

Enjoy Jesus, but learn how to develop a support system for those “golden years.”

Let’s look at the lives of two famous Bible kings. One knew how to build a life-long group of loyal friends. The other died rich, cynical and lonely.

King David cultivated deep friendships his entire life. David’s son, Solomon, died a dour, depressed old man. How could the richest, wisest man in history fail to build a network of supportive pals?  

“A man who has friends must show himself friendly.” Proverbs 18:14 (NIV)

Read the psalms. David knew how to express his feelings and to freely show love and joy. He sang. He wept. He worshipped. And he did all of it in front of others. David was an open book. Solomon was guarded. He was rich and wise, but not as approachable. He was often suspicious of the motives of others. 

• “Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the friend of a man who gives gifts.” (Proverbs 19:6 NIV)
• “Wealth brings many friends, but a poor mans’ friend deserts him.” (Proverbs 19:4 NIV)

Jonathan, Saul’s son and David’s dearest friend, should have been his mortal enemy. David was a war hero, anointed to succeed Saul as king. Jonathan was the rightful heir. Instead, David and Jonathan became best buddies: 

“By the time David had finished reporting to Saul, Jonathan was deeply impressed with David—an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David’s number-one advocate and friend. (1 Samuel 18:1). 

David inspired great loyalty and trust from his army. His three mighty men risked life and limb to bring the warrior king a drink from his hometown well in Bethlehem (2 Samuel 23:15-17).

David fled from Saul’s sword and found refuge in enemy territory. King Achish, King of Gath (1 Samuel 21:10) was the sworn enemy of the Israelites. In just a few short months, David won Achish’s favor and trust.

Even near the end of David’s life when his son Absalom almost succeeded in overthrowing David’s empire, David’s countrymen still rallied around him (2 Samuel 17:10). Such devotion for one man is astounding!

Solomon must have learned a lot about friendship from watching his father. But Solomon struggled to make and keep friends. He was richer and smarter than everyone. You’d think with 700 wives and 300 concubines, the king would find a few close companions! Solomon’s only true friend on record was his Shunammite bride, his first love. She called him “my lover and my friend” (Song of Solomon 5:16).

Where was his beloved bride during his later years? In Solomon’s last writings, Ecclesiastes, we see a sad man, jaded and cynical, with many regrets.

“So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me….So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. Every day is pain and grief; even at night my mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.” (Ecclesiastes 2:17-23 NIV)

Many of us spend our lives investing in projects instead of people.

Samuel Johnson said, “If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life he will soon find himself left alone. One should keep his friendships in constant repair.” 

My husband and I recently faced the challenge of retirement, relocation and isolation. Our health challenges and family needs seemed almost insurmountable. God was faithful. He gave us wisdom in hard times.

• Manage your expectations.
• Grieve your losses.
• Don't live in the past.
• Wait for God to reveal His new plans for you. 

We determined not to live our “golden years” the way Solomon did. Roger and I joined a church and immediately began to serve and connect with small groups. We found prayer partners. We led Navigators programs on spiritual growth and evangelism. Roger continues to teach as a layman and joined the Gideons. We began a web ministry, teaching pastors and missionaries around the world. We worked to spend quality time with our children and all of our wonderful neighbors.

Believe it or not, pastors and wives are often introverts. You may be shy, too! Stepping into a new life takes courage. Though rewarding, all of these activities require resolve, effort and perseverance. Living Christ's abundant life in the moment is key.

My Dad always said, “Old age is not for sissies!” He was right. Our world may shrink, but God’s grace grows and grows. He will NEVER leave you. He will NEVER forsake you. And He will provide you with the friends you need and a ministry you can manage.  

It lurks around every corner of our days.

I wake up first in our home. I get dressed and start the coffee. I wake up Angel and our two teenage kids. The other day I kissed my daughter, “good morning, sweetie, it’s time to wake up.” “No, it isn’t!” she responded, pulling her covers over her head. My first whiff of conflict.

I go back downstairs and work on breakfast. At 6:50 everyone is supposed to be gathered around the table. Usually only one of the three is there. I would tell you who, but you know, conflict. It lurks again.

Eventually we are all around the table. We do our family devotions, but now they’re a little compressed and maybe one of the kids isn’t that engaged. Conflict sneaks its head in again.

We’re off to school, but there was a lunch forgotten at home, and so we’re circling back. Now we’re late. Frustration in my heart tells me conflict is all too near.

And now the two slowest drivers in Northwest Tucson have decided to drive side by side in front of me Parcheesi style, five miles below the speed limit. Conflict!

And now I’m pretty sure the lights are in on the conspiracy. One light turns red and there isn’t even anyone at the intersection. Seriously? In 2019, our traffic signals aren’t intelligent enough to catch that? Conflict, code red.

The kids are dropped off and now I’m headed to work. I pull in and head to the fridge to drop off my lunch. Seriously? Has anyone removed his lunch in the past month from this thing? More conflict?!

I look over to the office sink: is this just a holding bay for dirty dishes? Do we not use the cabinet anymore? Conflict!

I haven’t even reached my office door and conflict has reared its ugly head no less than eight times. And I’m not even mentioning the email I saw with the subject line that indicates my first email of the day is going to put my heart in knots.

Sound anything like your day?

How in the world can we navigate all of this conflict? The answer to that question is found in James 1:19, where James says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

James is writing a church that is in the midst of conflict. And he begins with this very practical advice, advice similar to what your mom may have told you: “you have two ears and one mouth for a reason!” Don’t be so quick to talk: listen!

James next encourages us to slow our anger down. Anger closes us down to truth. Anger comes out of our heart, out of our core when something precious to us is threatened.

We could confuse what James is saying with secular techniques to navigate conflict: mindfulness, pausing before we speak, validating the other person—each of these is fine and well, but James is pointing at a deeper reality that is weaved through the pages of scripture: we need to get to the heart.

The ultimate answer to how we fight well is found not in techniques, but in a heart that is shaped by humility.

When we don’t have humility, things go very poorly.

One of the earliest fights in our marriage was about my driving.

I drove pretty fast (and at times recklessly) when we first got married, and Angel would grasp onto the grab handle (that handle above the passenger’s side door), inhale sharply, and offer advice on how I could improve my driving.

I remember one time Angel was particularly strong in her reaction to my driving. She clutched the grab handle and said forcefully, “John!” I snapped: “Why don’t you trust me? I’m a good driver! I’ve never been at fault in an accident. And besides, your dad drives a lot faster than me and you don’t get anxious when he drives!” The temperature spiked in the car. Voices were raised and accusations made. I set off a conflict that lasted well into the day and the chill in our relationship lasted more than a few days.

Let’s diagnose this conflict.

I was interpreting Angel’s actions: clutching the grab handle, gasping, and providing unsolicited advice as a lack of trust in me. I felt undermined and disrespected, and so I lashed out.

Here are seven ways to fight poorly:

1)     Take it personally: I took Angel’s actions personally; she was responding to my driving and I made it about trust in our relationship.

2)     Deny: I denied what I did: “I’m a good driver!”

3)     Minimize: I diminished what I did: it wasn’t such a big deal. Why couldn’t she just get over herself?

4)     Exaggerate: I overstated what Angel said; I made her attacks worse than what they were.

5)     Don’t change: I didn’t try to fix the problem; I kept driving the same way. If I’m honest, I drove faster: I punished Angel for her complaint.

6)     Think only of yourself: I thought about myself first and not Angel. Angel was afraid for her safety, but I made the conflict about me, not her.

7)     Remove God: There was no hint of God being anywhere in my understanding of the conflict; this wasn’t an opportunity to show Angel that I loved her, this wasn’t an opportunity to demonstrate Christ’s love to my bride. This was about me: I needed to be right and I needed to make her trust me.

At the root of all of these failures was my pride. I lost because my pride prevailed. Whenever we fail at navigating conflict, you can find our pride at the root of that failure.

Next week we are going to consider how we can fight in a way that glorifies God and shapes our heart toward humility.

thebeehive.live. Used by permission.

Here are six false expectations—those that are not grounded in Scripture and undermine our happiness:

1. God’s Love for Us Should Look Just Like What We Want

God has promised us His undying love, but we often imagine how we’d do things differently for those we loved if we were all powerful. We’d surely keep anything bad from ever happening to them, right? That may be our understanding of love, but it’s not God’s.

If we ignore countless passages that promise us persecution and suffering while focusing on those that promise us God’s blessing, we lose sight of His promise to discipline us, build our character, and increase our Christlikeness through suffering.

We ought to expect with the highest confidence only what God has clearly, fundamentally, and absolutely promised. And if our gratitude is lessened with such an understanding, the problem is our expectations, not God’s promises. If we expect God to make our lives easy, our expectations are unbiblical.

2. We Won’t Be Persecuted for Our Faith

Jesus said, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first” (John 15:18, NIV). Peter said we should be firm in our faith, “knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world” (1 Peter 5:9).

In spite of multiple promises of suffering throughout Scripture, many Christians seem shocked or outraged when they have to face these trials. Americans have been slow to accept the extent to which Bible-believing Christ-followers have become socially unacceptable. Though we should work to hold on to our religious liberties, it’s likely they’ll continue to erode. But cheer up! Opposition is nothing new for God’s people, and historically the church’s greatest advances have come at the lowest ebb of its popularity.

The Christian faith may never return to its central public role in our culture, but Christ’s gospel is bigger than every obstacle. Sometimes a less popular church becomes a more faithful, dynamic, and joyful church. Any church whose happiness hinges on its popularity will either compromise its integrity or surrender its happiness—in either case failing to show the world the true and joyful gospel of Jesus.

3. Jesus Must Return in Our Lifetime

“Stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming. . . . Be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect” (Matthew 24:42, 44).

Christ will surely return, just as He promised (see Luke 21:27). Since the beginning of church history, many believers have thought Christ would return in their lifetimes. So far, everyone who has died in the past two thousand years has been wrong in that expectation.

In recent years, I’ve often heard believers say, “Christ has to return within the next few years.” No, He doesn’t. He may, but He may not return for decades or centuries. That’s entirely up to Him. Meanwhile, it’s up to us to continue living for Him.

4. Life Will Go Smoothly and We’ll Always Have Health and Wealth

M. Scott Peck opens The Road Less Traveled, “Life is difficult. . . . Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult.” Well, it’s less difficult, anyway!

Paul said, “We brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content” (1 Timothy 6:7-8). Food and clothing may seem like low expectations. By the standards of the health-and-wealth gospel, these expectations are dismally low, but they’re accompanied by dramatically high expectations of God, who gives us riches in Heaven. After all, He’s the source of our joy!

Has God promised to make us healthy and wealthy? No, not in this life—only in the resurrected life on the New Earth.

5. Life Will Be Fair and People Will Treat Us Kindly and Thoughtfully

Jesus said, “If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? . . . But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great” (Luke 6:34-35).

All Bible passages about forgiveness involve lowering our expectations of people and not insisting they live up to our standards, or demanding perfection we don’t measure up to ourselves. God’s grace should calm us and cheer us.

If my saying, “Cheer up” seems naive, someone else—Jesus—said it first: “I have told you this, so that you might have peace in your hearts because of me. While you are in the world, you will have to suffer. But cheer up! I have defeated the world” (John 16:33, CEV).

6. Churches Owe Us Better Treatment than We’ve Received

I am sadly aware that churches have contributed to much unhappiness. But when our expectations of church people, and especially pastors, are inordinately high, we become deeply disappointed, thinking that Christians should know better and have no business being imperfect (often not realizing how imperfect we ourselves are and that the problem with church people is often that they are too much like us).

Scripture tells us we shouldn’t be “neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some,” but should gather together, “encouraging one another” (Hebrews 10:25). When we back away from the local church, we often engage in spiritual isolation that’s likely to not only distance us from God’s work but also sour us and our children to the great good churches are doing.

We need to fix our eyes on Jesus, raise our expectations of our personal need to obey Him by being part of and serving the church, and lower our expectations of others so we’ll be more understanding and forgiving. Sometimes we need to find another church that teaches God’s Word and centers on Jesus. He sees all the flaws in the church, but He hasn’t given up on His bride, and He won’t (see Matthew 16:18). Neither should we.

One of them captured the hearts of many visitors, both in person and online. Flash had looks and personality—and the ability to soothe the soul of whoever held him. But he remained available until we got a call.

A Facebook viewer had seen photos of one of my friends holding Flash, along with her comments expressing her wish to win the lottery so she could buy him. The man on Facebook offered to buy Flash for her anonymously. 

My husband called her to share the news …

Him: “We got a call and Flash has been bought—”

She breaks in: “Aww, that’s great. He’s so awesome!”

Him (with just the right inflection): “For you.”

Silence.

     Then, sputtering and denials. “What?! Who? I can’t take him. No! That’s a $700 dog!”  My husband gently explained that he was paid for, that we weren’t being denied payment, and that it wasn’t free to us but to her. Someone else had paid what Flash was worth, not for himself but on her behalf.

Sitting there listening—with utter delight—to the conversation, I couldn’t help but think of my friend’s gift as an illustration of the salvation we receive as a gift from God: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Eph 2:8–9).

In a society that prides itself on a system of hard work producing deserved rewards, grace doesn’t make sense. Something for nothing? Not possible. Exchanges of equal or lesser value are fine, or maybe a small, insignificant gift is alright. But something valuable? No, we must contribute to our gain because only then do we feel that we deserve it. Something for nothing can be a terrible burden on the proud.

Yet we serve a God who “opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Pet 5:5). As his followers, we need to understand that we need him. On our own, we don’t have what it takes to be saved from our sins. Only through his grace are we able to welcome salvation with open arms, joyful celebration, thanksgiving, and praise.  

It behooves us who belong to that group of grace-receivers to remember that God’s grace isn’t free. It is very costly—it cost Jesus his dignity, his comfort, his power, and his life. The inherent value of God’s grace makes it all the more amazing and worthy of praise. 

I can still hear the tone of my friend’s voice as she moved from denial to amazement. “You have got to be kidding! I get FLASH!” We were just as thrilled as she was. As we rejoiced with our friend over her gift, I thought of another passage—the celebrations Jesus describes in his parables of the lost coin, sheep, and son in Luke 15: “Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents” (v. 10).

Scripture quotations are from the English Standard Version

Originally published in Bible Study Magazine. http://www.biblestudymagazine.com/janfeb-2018-flash-of-grace

We just arrived in India: it’s my second time visiting this beautiful nation. One of the first thing that strikes you as a Westerner is just how different religious devotion manifests itself in this country. In this Hindu nation, the competition for devotion is manifested in the temples—some lavish, some simple—erected to the 33 million Hindu gods. The gods scuttle for devotion based on geographic region, power, and personality.

If Hinduism is foreign to you, you might roll your eyes at the idea of 33 million gods clamoring for your devotion. It might as foolish as believing that leprechauns are at the end of a rainbow or that there are unicorns sipping water in faraway forests.

American Gods

And yet, is our context any different? There are no fewer gods fighting for our hearts in America than there are in India.

Many Christians would be on guard in a Hindu context. You might even feel a measure of oppression passing in front of a Hindu temple. Perhaps it would make you pause and pray. And yet, the gods of the Western world barely register in our daily lives.

What gods am I speaking of? The gods of self, pride, respect, lust, comfort, distraction, law, religion, bitterness, fear, and anxiety fight for our hearts. The demigods of money, vocation, social media, job titles, cable, internet, sexuality, cell phones, productivity, health, pornography, education, body-image, cars, spouses, children, friends, sports, and on and on can do the bidding of gods.

33 million doesn’t seem like such an overwhelming number all of a sudden.

It ought to give us pause. If we were walking the streets of Chennai passing temple after temple, we would be on high alert spiritually. And yet, as Westerners, the gods of Hinduism pose a miniscule threat compared to the Western gods that litter our lives.

Gods and the Commandments

When God pronounces the Ten Commandments, he begins with a declaration of who he is: “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.” And then, he launches in, with the first of the Ten Commandments dedicated to admonishing his people to flee from idolatry, “You shall have no other gods before me.”

The very first commandment demands we expunge other gods from our lives. This isn’t a relic from an age-gone-by, it is a statement about the tendency of the human heart, a tendency to seek out other gods. We are those who, on our own, do have other gods before the one true God. And we must fight to rid our hearts of our attachment to these false gods.

And then, believe it or not, with only nine commandments left, God devotes yet another commandment to idolatry. He says, “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God” (Exodus 20:4-5a).

Gods Put to Death

In Colossians 3, Paul declares with the incredible truth that we “have been raised with Christ (!)” Wow. That means “your life is hidden with Christ in God.” What security we have! And yet, following on the heels of this, Paul admonishes us to “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5).

In other words, we have the resources of our new raised identity in Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit within us to work against the temptations of this world, and yet, we must not sit idly back and expect the idols of this world to be expunged from us. We need to be active, putting to death the gods (idols) of this world.

What are the gods in your life that you’ve become so accustomed to that you casually register their existence like an anonymous passerby on the street? Or, worse yet, we consider them our friends: they are part of the fabric of our lives and parting with them seems inconceivable.

What are the gods that already have a grip of your devotion? Where, if a loved one were to prod, would you be most defensive? What do you lean to as an emotional prop? What have you stopped fighting against because you’ve failed too many times?

My prayer is that God would give me fresh eyes in my life to see the gods straining for my devotion that, through his strength, I might put them to death. May we fight for the purity of our devotion as hard as the enemy strains to garner it.

Thebeehive.live

Later on, though, my motives changed.  Over the next ten years I would often find myself speaking with God about critical life choices.  Prayers which started fearfully, as a desperate act of self-protection, morphed into courage and trust as I came to believe in the goodness of all God’s plans for me. 

I was twenty-two when I met my husband, Gary.  After six months of marriage I attended a youth conference and found myself listening to my husband address a room full of teen-age girls.  And, then he surprised me with these words.  

“When I was 12 years of age someone challenged me to start praying about who I should marry.  And so, I began seeking God’s will about my future wife.  At twelve I didn’t know I would pray this prayer for fourteen years before God led to my wife.” 

“As I look at you today, I want you to know, it is not to soon to begin praying for God’s will to be established in your life.  Whatever your future may hold you want to be in the safety of God’s will.” 

Amazed, I sat there.  Gary and I had never discussed at what age we started praying for each other.  Quickly I did the math.  Since Gary is four years older than me, jointly, we had prayed for our future spouses for twenty-four years. 

Some prayer requests call for that kind of perseverance.   In Gary I found a bridegroom worth waiting for.     

In John 3:22-30, John the Baptist introduces Jesus to us as the bridegroom.  This picture was originally foreshadowed in the Old Testament.  Look at John 3:28-30.  John the Baptist says,

You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ’I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.’  The one who has the bride is the bridegroom.  The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice.  Therefore this joy of mine is now complete.  He must increase, but I must decrease.

This unique portrait of Jesus is foundational to our understanding God’s long-range plans for humanity.  As we wait for Jesus’ second coming, we all need to be reminded that a good bridegroom is worth waiting for.

Why did God choose a bridegroom as a metaphor to describe Jesus?

In the Old Testament book of Hosea, an attitude of God is exposed which is quite enlightening in its scope.  The prophet reveals the God of the universe as seeing himself in a marriage relationship with the nation of Israel.  While Luke explains the Father’s heart through the story of the prodigal son, Hosea tells the story of God’s “sacred romance” through the story of a wayward wife.  In this prophecy, God equates Israel’s idolatry with adultery.  No other minor prophet exposes this metaphor quite like Hosea.

Listen to some of God’s graphic language expressed in Hosea 2:2,

Plead with your mother, plead – for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband – that she put away her whoring from her face and her

adultery from between her breasts;        ESV

Or these compelling words from Hosea 4:12,

My people inquire of a piece of wood, and their walking staff gives them oracles.  For a spirit of whoredom has led them astray, and they have left their God to play the whore.   ESV

God’s heart aches for Israel like that of a jilted husband.

If we want to understand the uniqueness of the Bridegroom portrait, we must recognize God sees our idolatry as adultery. 

The creator of the universe is a jealous God not because he is petty, or insecure, but because he truly loves us and knows the lies idols try to perpetrate.  They promise, but they can’t deliver (Isaiah 44:13-16).  He knows our passion for them will only destroy us.  If we could grasp the bridegroom’s typology we would see how God views our reckless acts of adoration as acts of adultery.

What forms of idolatry might a Christian be tempted to run after?

I often pray for the right thing with the wrong motives.  For example, I pray, “God make me a good steward of the money you have entrusted into my care”.  But honestly, I am not looking to increase my charitable giving.  I pray this prayer most often when I am going shopping and I want to find a great bargain. 

Unfortunately, even our prayers can become idolatrous.  Look at how James 4:3-5 uses some of the same vocabulary as the book of Hosea.

You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.  You adulterous people!  Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?  Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.  Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?                             ESV

James is warning that we often struggle in prayer because we seek God’s intervention for the wrong reasons.  We seek more resources not to be generous or to advance Jesus’ kingdom, but to spend it on ourselves. 

In the Living Bible, James 4:5b reads this way.

…The Holy Spirit, whom God has placed within us watches over us with tender jealousy…                    LB

This phrase tender jealousy reminds us that God’s intentions toward us are always pure and gentle.  Jesus never forces his will on us, no matter the perfection of his plans and the gifts he wants to bestow. 

Words like idolatry and adultery are difficult for me to hear.  Especially when they are employed to describe my level of unfaithfulness to God.  I grieve when I think that my self-deception, and my love for the world could hurt God like this. 

But God chose this language of betrayal to wake us up, not to minister hopelessness. God, who is rich in mercy, is always on our side and holds his arms open wide ready to receive us home.

Why might we desire a deeper intimacy with Jesus? 

We, the bride of Christ are called to journey through life anticipating Jesus’ return (Matt. 25:1-13).  And this can be difficult because God doesn’t look at perseverance the same way we do.  We need to remember that the fruit born in our wait time is highly valued by God (Psalm 27:13-14, Lam. 3:25-26).  

What is God producing during your wait time? 

Over forty years have passed since Gary and I said, “I do”.  I still marvel at the wisdom of God’s plan to allow me the privilege of being Gary’s wife.  Even, now as I prayerfully watch Gary go through chemotherapy, I know we have lived a blessed life.

No principle in scripture is taught with greater certainty than the second coming of Christ, and yet as Jesus lingers we still need the encouragement that a good bridegroom is worth the wait. 

We live in a time where parents feel they have to praise everything kids do; no matter what. Whether they make a good effort, a poor effort, a mediocre effort; they get praised. It’s the mentality that everybody on the team gets a trophy. “Everybody’s a winner,” nobody loses. We live in society where kids view reward as their right. Many want to start at the top and not at the bottom. And why wouldn’t they? Just look at the world they live in…

·       Teachers asking their students to call them by their first name.

·       Schools eliminating the honor of having a Valedictorian from graduation ceremonies.

·       High school district policies that dictate a teacher can’t give a grade less than 61%

·       Little leaguers that strike out, followed by the shrieking voice “Great at bat!”

Today parents are driven to make sure their child is happy at every turn.  Now, let me give you just a little quick teaching on praise versus encouragement. Your child has just walked through the door with all A’s on their report card:

THE PRAISING PARENT

The praising parent makes their child’s happiness the all-important goal of their parenting. We really believe in America that praise is good for children. These ideas of enforcing fairness and protecting feelings grew out of the “Great self-esteem movement.” We were dooped by social do-gooders, psychologists, and self-help professionals that it was imperative for kids to feel good about themselves! For proper development, the child must feel good regardless of his effort or ability. While it is important for children to have a healthy self-esteem, we have praised our children into weakness. They now expect that they will always win, always receive praise, and always be rewarded for trying (vs. succeeding).

When the praising parent’s child comes home with all A’s, the response may look like this, “”Oh, we are so proud of you–you are just the best kid in the world, thank you so much for doing that!  Here’s $20 dollar bill!!”

This is verbal praise combined with a financial reward.  I can hear it now… “What’s wrong with that?”  This is our society’s failed practice of assigning a dollar value to outcomes. You’re conditioning your child to choose activities that have financial reward, and developing the expectation that they SHOULD receive a financial reward when they do something they are expected to do!  Praise goes right to the actor, where encouragement goes to the act.
If you want your children to feel good about themselves how about a different approach?

THE ENCOURAGING PARENT 

The encouraging parent promotes a child’s self esteem from the inside out. So this time when little Buford walks in the door with straight A’s, the encouraging parent says, “Wow good job! It’s clear to me that you really enjoy learning. It looks like all the hard work and studying you have done this past semester has really paid off! That must make you feel real good inside!”  Do you see the difference. It’s subtle, It’s not, “Oh, what a wonderful kid you are.” It’s, “Your effort, your extra studying has really paid off.”

That is the difference between praise & reward, and true parental encouragement. Your child needs that encouragement–Vitamin E if you will–and you are the best provider of it.

This week look for ways that you can encourage your kids without going over the top and praising them.  So next time, when Buford strikes out…you might greet him with a simple, “Hey, rough day at the plate, eh? 0 for 3. Hey, you know, I’m going to be home early on Thursday night and Wednesday night, too. Come to think of it, if you would like me to take you down to the park and throw you some pitches, I’d be more than glad to do that, if you think that would help.”

Go be an encourager.  Want to listen to me speak on this topic, click here.

www.birthorderguy.com. Used by permission.

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Here are 15 Importantl Questions Every Grandparent Needs to Ask

1. Do I have clarity on the purpose for my grandparenting?

Culture is full of powerful messages for grandparents. Messages that spotlight independence and self-indulgence. That is not, however, the message we get from the Bible. When we search its pages, we find that grandparents were created by God to play a crucial role in the spiritual development of their grandchildren.  

2. Am I engaging in intentional soul care?

Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children—  Deuteronomy 4:9 3. Do my grandchildren see by my attitudes, words, and actions that Jesus is my greatest treasure?

4. Are my conversations with my grandchildren God-saturated?

5. Has my grandchild placed faith in Jesus?

6. Is my grandchild growing spiritually?

7. What troubles, trials, or temptations is my grandchild facing?

8. What do my grandchildren believe to be true? Is the Bible shaping their worldview?

Many, many children today, even those raised in Christian homes, do not know what the Bible teaches. Additionally, many are unable to explain or defend their faith. There is no question, our grandchildren are going to face strong opposition and competing belief systems. Am I helping my grandchildren base their beliefs, values, and assumptions on the Bible?

9. Does my grandparenting aim for behavior modification or heart transformation?

It’s so easy to haul out a list of do’s and don’ts when we are with our grandchildren. After all, we all want to be the grandparent of the well-behaved child. However, true and lasting change doesn’t come from behavior modification. It comes through a transformation of the heart. Am I, as a grandparent, aiming for the heart?

10. Am I grandparenting in a way that helps my grandchildren grow in their love for God and love for others?

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰ On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”  

Matthew 22:37-40

11. Do I engage in regular times of prayer for my grandchildren?

12. Do my grandchildren know my God-stories?

God-stories are to be retold. When you share your stories with your grandchildren, they hear of His work and learn of His nature. Your stories are for the purpose of glorifying God and pointing your grandchildren to Him.

13. What things am I doing to show my love and my care to my family members?

14. How much time and energy am I devoting to my adult children? To my grandchildren?

[T]hat you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long.       

Deuteronomy 6:2

Grandparents have been given a dual role. One that focuses on both children and grandchildren.

15. Am I helping them to get to know God?

www.deborahhaddix.com. 

In the current political climate, many people are stressed out and may even be dreading time with relatives or friends who do not agree with their political views. Even a simple comment can go awry! It is like we are all stepping on eggshells and no conversation is safe.    

I want to give you several useful tips I use to navigate tricky subjects, and manage political stress and anxiety on a day-to-day basis:

 1. Imagine a shield around your mind:

Every time you find yourself having a stressful conversation, visualize a shield around your thoughts. Imagine the words bouncing off your mind: you are not going to absorb the weighted emotions that are threatening you. You are protected and safe. Tell yourself that you are calm and at peace. 

How does this process help? The way you use your conscious and nonconscious mind (that is your imagination) shifts the way the brain processes information. So, as you visualize this shield, your thinking changes, which, in turn, changes your brain waves and engages different neural pathways. This is called neuroplasticity, and mind-management is directed neuroplasticity. If you don’t manage you mind and how you react to others, you can wire damaged, toxic thoughts into your mind that not only affect how you treat people, but how you feel, mentally and physically.

 2. Be curious:

Ask questions! Think about what the other person is trying to say. Listen. As I often used to say to my patients, a curious mindset is crucial to navigating life and different relationships, as it encourages you to listen to different views, get as much information as possible by engaging with multiple news outlets and so on, and questioning your own assumptions.

If you catch yourself saying that “so-and-so” doesn’t know what he is talking about, stop, remind yourself that everyone sees the world differently because no two minds are alike, and listen to what that person has to say before responding impulsively. You can step outside of yourself using your frontal lobe and truly hear what someone says as an observer rather than as someone who thinks “so-and-so” is an idiot. 

So, train yourself train yourself to really tune into what that person is saying and not just hear “trigger” words and react. For example, every time you listen to someone who has a different opinion, try see the argument from their perspective, as your teacher made you do in school when you encountered different ideas. The ability to think critically and understand different viewpoints is, after all, a sign of intelligence, not compromise. 

 3. Don’t let your feelings influence you:

Acknowledge your feelings, but do not let them control you. In many cases, you will react because of the flight or fight response. Work through these reactions and question them. Think about your emotional triggers, so that you can avoid reacting impulsively in the future by controlling these triggers. 

Remember, just because we feel something doesn’t mean it’s correct, especially if it gets in the way of us focusing on the person speaking and trying to understand where they are coming from and their worldview! 

 4. Focus on solutions, not problems:

Rather than just ruminating on the issues that are causing you distress and becoming bitter about what is being said, develop a solutions mindset. Think of ways to you can improve the situation you are in and reduce tension. Find ways you can learn from what is being discussed, even if you end up agreeing to disagree with the person in question.

5. Don’t let politics control your schedule: 

Limit the amount of time you spend discussing political issues, so you don’t end up ruminating on things that upset you. Choose a time and space where you focus on politics, so it doesn’t pervade the day.

6. Listen to what is being said, not who is saying it:

Focus your attention on what exactly is being said—focus on the details of the speech, so you don’t demonize the person who is speaking and make it personal. Listening to a politician’s voice, or seeing a politician’s face, can have a strong emotional component because it can get stuck in your head, overriding your ability to examine what is being said in a rational and objective way. 

As they speak, imagine the politicians as tiny people, smaller than ants, like in the movie Honey I Shrunk the Kids. This will bring humor into the situation, which dramatically reduces anxiety and can help you listen to what they are saying in a more detached way.

7. Read and listen with a compassionate mindset:

Compassion defuses the inflammatory reactions in the body that occur when we get worked up and anxious about what someone is saying, which will protect your own brain and body while helping you understand and navigate different political perspectives. Indeed, compassion can really help you recognize that most politicians are in high states of anger, anxiety and stress themselves, and often don’t say things in the best way or make the best decisions. They are human, after all!

8. Examine your own worldview: 

In many cases, people get upset when they feel that their worldview threatened, which happens so often in politics! It is easy to feel that your way of life is being challenged and that people disapprove of your belief system, and that this is a direct attack on you as a person, but you need to remember that everyone sees the world differently. 

So, take the time to objectively examine what you believe, and compare it to how other people see the world. Think deeply about what it means to have a “worldview” or “point of view”, and recognize that it normal for people to have different perspectives. You may not agree with these perspectives, but just understanding that they exist can make you more compassionate and considerate. 

Of course, today it is far too easy to put someone in a certain group or label them as an enemy just because you disagree with them. Rather than falling in this trap, always remind yourself that no two minds are alike. No two brains are wired in the same way, just as no two people are exactly the same! We cannot escape our differences, so we need to learn to live with them—especially when it comes to politics.

www.drleaf.com. Used by permission.

The point isn’t that homosexual sin is worse than other sins, but that it’s a result of and related to idolatry.

Romans 1:22-27 says:

²² Claiming to be wise, they became fools, ²³ and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. 

²⁴ Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, ²⁵ because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

²⁶ For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; ²⁷ and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

Ezekiel 16:48-50 is a passage that is widely used now to defend the position that God doesn’t hate homosexuality. Those who cite it to defend this position say that Sodom was destroyed not because of homosexual sin, but rather because they were proud and didn’t care for the poor.

As I live, declares the Lord God, your sister Sodom and her daughters have not done as you and your daughters have done. Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy.  They were haughty and did an abomination before me. So I removed them, when I saw it. (Ezekiel 16:48-50)

Ezekiel is not saying God didn’t hate the homosexual lust in the Genesis account (see Jude 7 below), but rather that the sin of Israel “whoring after other gods” was worse than the sins of Sodom. (Ezekiel 16 pictures Israel as a young woman who God protected and provided for but then she turned away from his love to seek other lovers more brazenly than a prostitute.)

Sodom was “haughty and did an abomination” (the abomination likely includes homosexual actions) before the Lord, but Israel’s sin was far greater because it included the rejection of the covenant they made with God in the days of Moses, specifically that they would not have any gods before him (Exodus 24:7, Jeremiah 11:10, Hosea 6:7).

This act of Israel, we are told, is beyond the sin of Sodom. Sodom wasn’t in a covenant relationship with God; so no matter how despicable their actions were, it would be impossible for them to commit the same sin of Israel. Thankfully, despite Israel’s rejection, God remained faithful to his promises and fulfilled them in Jesus.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 explicitly says there is something different about sexual sin—ALL sexual sin—not just homosexual acts:

¹⁸Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. ¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

One of the things I say to homosexuals is that I have many inclinations, including sexual ones,  which I must daily say no to. (I realize that sounds lame because I’m married and therefore can sometimes say yes to my sexual impulses.) Furthermore, many heterosexual believers are not married and many are in marriages where disabilities and other problems mean they cannot EVER say yes to their sexual impulses. Unfair? Perhaps, and certainly unequal. But consider a thousand other kinds of unfairness where some people can have and do what others can't.

I have godly friends who continuously say no to homosexual temptations (beginning with lust) and others who continuously say no to heterosexual temptations (beginning with lust). We are also to say no to greed, envy, pride, temptations to theft and slander and many other things, and are to say yes to the righteous nature of Christ and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to resist sin. This is often difficult, but not impossible, by the grace and power of God.

It’s interesting to note that the list of seven deadly sins articulated in Proverbs 6:16-19 (pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth) does not include homosexuality. This shows that other sins are as serious as homosexuality, though of course it doesn’t imply that homosexual relations (and heterosexual immorality) are not grave sins. Scripture says this:

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire. (Jude 7)

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Ephesians 5:5)

But there is good news—the Bible also records the transforming power of the gospel in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11:

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Notice how Paul addresses the Corinthians in past tense. Some of these people were living ungodly and unfulfilled lives, but through the hope and power of the gospel they have now been washed, justified, and sanctified in the name of the Lord Jesus. That is good news and a testimony of the true hope, joy and fulfillment that abide in a relationship with Christ.  I personally know those who have lived as homosexuals for many years before repenting, turning to Christ and turning away from their homosexual lifestyle. They are now living faithful lives in which they say no to temptation, as heterosexual believers should say no to their temptations.

It is a hard calling to take up our cross daily and follow Christ, but the rewards are immense, not just later, but now. Consider Matthew 16:25: “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” In other words, the one who does what he wants to do will lose his life, while the one who will lose his life in submission to Christ, doing what HE wants him to do, will find it. 

In the finding of life we discover what we're meant to be and what WILL make us happy, not what we and the world have told us (falsely) would make us happy. Of course, all this must be done by His grace and empowerment, and not merely by our labors of self-discipline, which will ultimately fail without Christ.

An evil man is ensnared in his transgression, but a righteous man sings and rejoices. (Proverbs 29:6)

www.epm.org. Used by permission.

If Sarah can be included in the Hall of Faithful Heroes, you and I can, too. In Sarah’s story, I see a divine resemblance to my own. Maybe you do, too. 

Sarai Journeyed Bravely into the Unknown

Sarai (whose name meant Princess, and was later changed by God to ‘Sarah’ which meant ‘mother of nations’) was the daughter of a wealthy Chaldean tribesman named Terah. She married Abram, her half-brother. This gorgeous Bedouin debutante had no idea she was in for such a wild ride when she married this man! 

Sarai left her family, her wealth and position to follow her crazy husband to “a land God would show him.” (1,426 miles)  

She willingly obeyed. She was spunky.

I don’t know how I’d respond if my hubby packed a U-Haul, declared he was uprooting me to go to a strange land he knew nothing about… to do God knows what…Oh, wait, he did! It was the best decision of our lives. 

My husband, Roger, answered God’s call to preach in an unchurched desert town 1,000 miles away from our friends and family. But Sarai was even more brave. She didn’t even know where the U-Camel was going!

Sarai’s Test of Trust and Submission

The journey to this new home was difficult for Sarai. Searing heat and famine almost destroyed their brood. Abram and his entourage took a detour to pagan Egypt. It was a risky move for any nomad (Genesis 12:10). 

Sarai’s next test was to lie for Abram to Pharaoh. She was gorgeous. Abram willingly offered Sarai to the powerful Egyptian ruler because he knew Sarai was beautiful and he feared Pharaoh would want her as his wife. Sarai obeyed Abram, though she shook in her sandals and hid in Pharaoh’s harem. 

She trusted God even when her husband didn’t protect her. 

By the way, her spouse gave Sarai to King Abimelech later for the same reason (Genesis 20)! Maybe she had plastic surgery? At any rate, she was older and still considered quite gorgeous. 

Some theologians say the Egyptian harem is where Sarai first encountered God for herself. God sent a plague on Pharaoh’s house and Sarai was returned to her husband with riches and livestock in tow.  

Roger never shipped me off to a stranger. He was brave in the face of deacons and demons. But I was not so courageous. If you don’t know this, pastor’s wives are at the mercy of their husbands. Every word from the pulpit carries weight. Every decision could change the future. And every church member had an opinion about what our family did or didn’t do!  

Sarai trusted God in a tough situation. I applaud her. And so did Peter: 

…for this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. – 1 Peter 3:5-6

Sarai’s Test of Patience

Sarai, like all of us, often faltered in her faith. God promised to make Abram the “father of many nations” (Gen. 17:4) but she was barren. So, like most conniving (or desperate) women, Sarai went into “fix-it” mode and gave Abram her maidservant Hagar to produce a son. 

It was a lousy practice, but it was customary in her society. Sarai grew impatient and ran ahead of God.

Let’s try to put ourselves in poor Sarai’s shoes. Dr. Julia Blum writes, 

“What a horrible disappointment! What a terrible moment to arrive at! All these years, the echo of His magnificent promises kept Sarai through the hunger, the endless wandering, the Egyptian humiliation, and those sharp pangs of loneliness that would seize her whole being whenever she thought of what she had left behind to follow her husband. Sarah was able to go through all of that because she firmly believed that someday she would give birth to a son, and then finally, everything that God promised would start to be fulfilled. After all, God promised her husband: 

“I will make you a great nation, I will bless you, and make your name great, and you shall be a blessing.” He promised: “And I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth; so that if a man could number the dust of the earth, then your descendants also could be numbered.” (Genesis 17:4)

Didn’t that mean that she, Sarah, would give birth to a son who would become a father of this multitude of descendants? 

Abram’s wife waited for an unfulfilled promise for decades. Had God forgotten her? She went through the mood swings and hot flashes of menopause with nary a sign of morning sickness. Abram, her husband had heard God speak, but Sarai had to trust her husband’s divine revelations.  

Like All of Us, Sarah Endured Suffering

Roger and I waited a long time for God to fulfill His promise to us. Our church site was too small. We were holding five services and further growth was impossible. Roger had God’s vision to relocate from our current site to a 100-acre parcel of land five miles north of our current church site. The move and the buildings would cost millions and supposedly take two years to complete. 

Cost overruns plagued the project. Instead of taking two years to finish the project, it took twelve. Three ulcers and two heart attacks later, my husband entered the doors of the sanctuary to preach for the first time. We were not spiritual giants like Abraham and Sarah, but we camped in the scorching desert for more than a decade, and the wait was agonizing.  

I’m still impatient. When God doesn’t work as quickly as I expect, I run ahead of Him. Instead of letting my kids grow up and make their own choices, I continually rush to advise them or bail them out. I don’t relinquish control and allow them to be adults.  

Sarai suffered, waiting and waiting for this “child of promise.” I try to wiggle out of the trials and suffering God uses to mature my faith. Pastor Craig Groeschel calls such actions “Christian atheism,” because Christians often live their lives as if God doesn’t exist. God is not small, simple or shortsighted. He is eternal, all-powerful, and omniscient. And we are not.  

My husband Roger often describes the hard journey of spiritual growth in this way: “It takes a hundred years to grow a mighty oak. He can turn out a squash in six weeks. Which do you want to be?” 

Sarah eventually grew to be a mighty oak.  

Sarah Became Angry

Can you imagine going through the mood swings and hot flashes of menopause, knowing God had promised her a baby? How frustrated Sarai must have been! But God didn’t reject her for her wavering faith. She still is mentioned in Hebrews 11, the Hall of Faithful Ones. 

Hagar, Sarai’s maidservant, flaunted her rotund baby belly and belittled her mistress. Sarai, filled with jealousy and rage, cruelly threw her out of the family tent, much to Abram’s dismay. She didn’t trust God to give her a son. (Genesis 16)  

Sarai’s impatience caused tension between her son and Hagar’s son Ishmael for 4,000 years. What a cat fight those two women must have had!

I don’t tend to anger easily. I just stuff my feelings and let them emerge as “thinly disguised contempt.” Sarcasm and acerbic humor take the place of confrontation. But the results are still the same. 

Someone always gets hurt, and my sin distances us from God and others.

Sarah’s Reward

However, this is not the end of Sarai’s story. God did give Abram and Sarai a baby. In our world, that would be two wrinkled senior citizens becoming new parents just as they qualified for Medicare. 

Isaac, their son, means “Laughter.” And God really does have a sense of humor. And He keeps His promises! Though she may have previously laughed in disbelief and secrecy, now Sarah laughed with joy and wanted her situation to be known: God had been faithful to His promise and blessed her. (Genesis 21:6-7)

I never thought I’d have another baby. My first little girl died a long, agonizing death. The docs told me it would be risky to try to have another child. But God miraculously gave our family two daughters, Brianna (Gift of God) and Bronwyn (Pure Heart).  

We even had holy puppies! Goody (Goodness) and Surely (Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life). We never got around to adopting Mercy, but I foresee a “Mercy” mutt in our future.   

Abram’s Test of Faith

One test still remained for the couple. God tested Abraham’s faith by asking him to sacrifice his promised son, Isaac. 

Abraham was willing to give up his son, trusting that God would somehow still remain true to His promise (Genesis 22; Hebrews 11:17–19). The Bible never says that Sarah was aware of Abraham’s command to sacrifice her son. 

But Abraham’s moments on Mount Moriah foreshadowed God’s sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus. 

God’s Renames Abram and Sarai

God only gave a few sacramental names-names that were given in association with His covenant declaration. God re-named Abram. Abram, “Exalted Father,” became Abraham, “Father of Many Nations.” Sarai, “Princess,” became Sarah, meaning “Mother of Many Nations.” (Genesis 17) 

Paul writes that Abraham and Sarah began a lineage that continued through all who believe in Jesus, the Messiah:

The Jews, the people of Israel-theirs is the adoption to sonship; theirs the divine glory, the covenants, the receiving of the law, the temple worship and the promises. Theirs are the patriarchs, and from them is traced the human ancestry of the Messiah, who is God over all, forever praised! However, it is the children of the promise who are regarded as Abraham’s offspring. For this was how the promise was stated: “At the appointed time I will return, and Sarah will have a son. – Romans 9:4-9

As Christians, Jesus has given you and I new names, too. I, Julie Gail (Windy July), and you, became “Beloved Child of the King.” We can’t even imagine what God will do through us if we trust His promises and wait for Him to work!

And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise. – Hebrews 11:11

The key to Sarah’s success was that she considered God faithful, even when she was not. You and I can hope in a faithful God in our frailty. What a promise!

Jerks who win, only win temporarily.

The people around them are just biding their time. They’re waiting until they get brave enough to leave, have a slightly better option or life catches up with the jerk and they finally lose.

When any of the above three happens, people will abandon ship as fast as they can, because no one healthy likes a long-term journey with a jerk.

Being nice is a much better long-term plan. Not only does it allow you to build something really amazing with really amazing people, it feels a whole lot better, too. Being a jerk is always an experience that empties you out. It might gift you with outward success, but inwardly, being mean, cruel or dismissive to other people hollows you internally.

Nice works better.

So how you do you be nice?

I will give you 7 simple words that will completely change your ability to be nice.

Ready? Here they are:

“Pretend you live in a small town.”

When you live in a small town, you are not anonymous. People know you. Those people will see you again. You can’t burn bridges because small towns don’t have many. You might disagree with someone, but when you realize you’ll probably see them at the grocery store, the elementary school, church and the movie theater, you have greater incentive to be nice.

When you’re anonymous, it’s a whole lot easier to be a jerk. (See the Internet.) The worst of you can come out because you don’t think you’ll see those people again anyway. Who cares? Say the passive aggressive statement. Cut off the stranger. Climb over someone because they were just in the way.

Maybe right now you live in New York City and think this is the silliest idea you’ve ever heard. You don’t live in a small town. There are millions of people flowing through that city every day. Fair enough, but keep this in mind, every industry is a small town.

You will work with the same people again. You will see the same people again. You will run into the same people again.

I got a speaking engagement at a company recently that has 100,000 employees. It’s one of the most valuable companies in the world. The person who booked me said, “One of my coworkers worked with you 20 years ago. He’d love to say ‘hi’ when you’re in town.”

I shared an office with this person at the first real job I ever had in 1999. Did I think I would see him again? Did I think we’d both change cities and industries multiple times only to cross paths two decades later? Of course not. Thank goodness I wasn’t a jerk to him.

That’s not always been the case. I’ve burned some bridges. Some out of necessity, some out of immaturity and arrogance, a dangerous cocktail. I wish I’d been nice.

I think you’ll wish you had been, too.

Nice wins long term, for you and everyone around you.

Pretend you’re in a small town, because you are.

Every industry is smaller than you think.

Don’t be a jerk.

P.S. This is the nicest piece of paper you will ever see and you will love what it helps you do.

www.acuff.me/ 

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32

So much is changing so quickly in our culture.

One of the things that is changing quickly is how deeply we seem to hate each other.

I wish I could say Christians were exempt from this trend. We’re not. In fact, there are a good number of Christians who are fuelling it.

A few years back, my social feeds felt a lot more fun than they are now. Some days the feed is so bad I just give up…it seems like an endless drone of suspicion that fuels anger that spawns outrage that powers division.

t’s almost as though if you’re not outraged, you can’t have an opinion.

I’ve stopped following some people I used to follow because, well, it’s just wearying. Sometimes it feels like the outrage just waits to jump on whatever issue seems easiest to follow. It’s a parasite looking for the next animal to suck dry.

So what’s going on? How did we end up this way?

And is there anything that you and I can do about it?

Well, start here. Even though some days it might feel like everybody’s angry, it’s not everyone.

Like other authors and thinkers, I’m trying to carve out a space for the good people to hang out on the internet. A space where reasonable people can honestly share opinions and not jump all over each other.

While that’s what I’m committed to, it’s not always that simple.

IT’S IN MOST OF US

The problem, of course, is more nuanced than simply blaming other people and walking away. Because I feel the spirit of the age inside me at times too.

On my good days I want to save the world. On my bad days, left to my worst instincts, there are bodies flying everywhere.

I feel the spirit of anger rising up in me, too.

As Aleksander Solzhenitsyn wrote:

If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. 

All of which leads me to ask why. Why are we all a little (or a lot) angrier? Is this inevitable?

There are some surprising things that fuel anger a lot of us might be unaware of. Knowing why all of this is in the air can help us to filter it out of our lives. At least understanding the conditions that can amplify the anger we all feel helps me manage mine.

So why are most of us angrier than we used to be? Why is there so much hate?

There are more than a few reasons that anger is the new epidemic.

1. YOU’RE NATURALLY MORE AGGRESSIVE ONLINE THAN YOU ARE IN PERSON

People say and do things online they aren’t comfortable doing in real life. Not only do you try to manicure your image so you look better than you do,  but unless you work hard at it, you’re more naturally aggressive, more divisive and more hostile than you are person to person.

The question is why?

The answer? Because you’re kind of anonymous. Even if you use a real profile pic and your user name isn’t something like truth, you still don’t feel the closeness you do in real life.

Distance between people desensitizes people.

Generals have known this for millennia. That’s why soldiers wear uniforms and wear war paint. It not only identifies you, but it disguises your humanity. It’s easier to shoot you when I can’t see you.

Before you judge soldiers, think of how you behave in your car. Chance are, you’re naturally more aggressive there too—occasionally cutting people off, tailgating, honking your horn, and not caring nearly as much as you normally do.

Every wonder why? Because you’re in a 3000-pound armored vehicle. You don’t see the guy bothering you as a person. You see him as a problem. So you get way more aggressive.

Think about it. Even in the supermarket, you’re ruder when you have a shopping cart in your hands than when you don’t.

The same dynamic is at work in social media and our life online.

When you’re online and you can’t see the whites of someone’s eyes, it’s just easier to shoot. Because the internet is dehumanizing, it’s easy to mistreat other humans.

Bottom line? It’s never been easier to be known and hide simultaneously than it is online.

2. HATE GENERATES MORE CLICKS THAN LOVE

Hate generates more clicks than love.

Long before the endless fake-news arguments of today, TV news and newspaper editors figured out that bad news sells. They learned how to play into our anxiety and fear to get ratings. The 24-hour news cycle and explosion of new media have accelerated those attention-grabbing tendencies.

Social media has put that tendency on steroids. Tristan Harris makes a compelling argument that algorithms Facebook, Google and other social media agencies us intentionally prioritize outrage, because, as Harris argues, the major social and tech companies have figured out that outrage spreads faster than something that’s not outrage.

Here’s what’s sadly true about human nature, or at least human nature in the 21st century: hate generates more clicks than love.

I’ve struggled with this as a writer. I’m committed to making this blog and my podcast places of hope, help and encouragement.

But I’ve also realized that if I title things positively, nobody reads it.

For example, I could have called this post “Love Each Other More. Our World Needs It.” But “Why Do We Hate Each Other So Much? (5 Reasons Anger is the New Epidemic)” is a much more compelling headline. I’ve experimented with titles enough to know that this phenomenon is sadly true. So I use a little negative to generate far more positive.

When I title things, I avoid hate, outrage and (I hope) sensationalism, and I always try to write positive pieces, but the insight and the irony aren’t lost on me that leading with a negative title gets a positive piece read. My usual structure is that I lead with the problem most people feel or experience, describe it, and move toward a solution or a few solutions. Hope, followed by help.

3. ANY ATTENTION CAN FEEL BETTER THAN NO ATTENTION

There’s an inverse trend happening around us: thanks to technology, we’ve never been more connected than we are today, and we’ve never felt more alone.

In 2018, the British government launched the first ever loneliness strategy, appointing a minister for loneliness to deal with the deep isolation millions of people feel.

While this isn’t always true, sometimes lonely people will settle for any attention they can get. When you feel nothing, a click, a like or a comment can make you feel something, even if it’s not nearly as satisfying as a real conversation, a real connection or true intimacy.

Sometimes I wonder if the trolls who leave angry tirades are honestly just lonely. Just hoping someone notices them.

The next time you’re hoping to get noticed online, put your device down and grab coffee with a friend instead. And if you struggle with friendship, make a friend.

Most people are as lonely as you are. So be the first to reach out.

4. YOU KNOW ENOUGH TO MAKE YOUR WORLD FEEL DARK

One of the challenges everyone is navigating is the flood of information that hits us every day.

From your social media feeds to breaking news flashes to the minute by minute invasion of notifications, buzzes, rings and haptics that disrupt our day, we’re processing more information than any humans who have ever lived.

This is not good.

If you flip back a few generations, you’ll notice that your great-great-grandparents really only processed the information they needed to know and could act on. You only knew so many people, and when someone died, you knew them and could help by bringing the family food, attending the funeral and being part of the community that could support them.

Now, you get told several times a day about mass shootings, plane crashes, typhoons and wars that kill thousands…but you don’t know anyone involved and are mostly powerless to help except to give a few dollars to relief efforts or the latest GoFundMe campaign.

Ditto with new, emails, status updates. You are bombarded every day with information you can barely process, let alone do anything about.

You know what that’s doing to you?

It’s making you cynical.

The media runs bad news, and when your friends post about their latest trip, awesome parties, or fantastic dinner, it generates bad feelings (jealousy and resentment and loneliness are profound issues associated with social media).

Cynicism roots itself in knowledge. The more you know, the more cynical you become. The reason you were so happy when you were younger is you and I were kind of stupid. Ignorance is bliss.

But now, every single day, you see how poorly we treat each other as humans. You see that you weren’t invited to the party, didn’t get to hang with your friends, aren’t moving into that gorgeous dream house your college roommate is and that 200 people died in a plane crash…and it leaves you sad.

Your character actually needs a lot of refinement and you need to deepen your spiritual maturity to use social media and navigate the news these days. Or at least I do.

I wrote about how to overcome cynicism and discouragement here.

But at least this explains why you feel the way you feel so many days.

5. ANGER CAN GET YOU HEARD, EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY

Many people would say the opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.

I think that’s true.

And when it feels like the world is indifferent to you and you’re unloved, anger can be a way to get someone’s attention.

Sadly, anger can get you heard, even when you have nothing to say.

The next time you feel the urge to rage, remember, you’re not alone. You are loved.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO?

The future can be dark, or it can be different. Personally, I’m putting my heart behind different. And better.

Here are four questions to ask next time you post, write, blog, podcast, or shoot that email or text.

What’s my real motive? Am I trying to help, hurt, or just get noticed?

Are people better off, or worse off, for having read what I posted? 

Am I calling out the worst in people, or attempting to bring out the best?

If the person I’m writing to was in the room looking me in the eye, would I say the same thing in the same way? 

I don’t always get that right, but I’ve found these questions really help me filter my emotions and help me process what I’m feeling.

Speaking of which, what do you do with the junk you feel—the loneliness, the anger, the outrage?

Here’s the best thing I know how to do: Process privately. Help publicly.

Processing privately can be as simple as praying about it and waiting 24 hours before you do a thing. Often that’s enough. Sometimes you’ll need to talk to a friend. Other times you may need to go see a counselor. I highly recommend that. After all, the gravitational pull is toward unhealthy, not health. Healthy doesn’t happen on its own. You and I need help.

Trust me, the world doesn’t need your immediate opinion or my immediate opinion on everything. Twitter and Instagram can wait a day too. No one will die if you don’t respond right away. Strangely, though, they might die a little if you continue to assassinate them in the heat of the moment.

And often if you sleep on it and pray about, or even discuss it with another person, you won’t feel the same way about whatever was making you mad. It’s shocking how often you will just let it go, or create an emotionally healthy response instead.

Then run everything you can through what I call a ‘helpful filter’. If it’s not helpful–not constructive—don’t write it. Don’t send it.

Critique is different than criticism. A critique aims to build up, not to tear down. So it’s not like you can never say anything negative. But what you have to say should help people get better and feel better. If you can’t figure out how to do that, you’re not ready to post.

FIND THE TIME TO PROCESS (AND GET YOUR LIFE BACK)

One of the reasons all of this is hard is because we’re so constantly bombarded we never slow down to think, rest or even reflect.

Isaiah 35:15 

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” ESV

https://careynieuwhof.com/the-top-10-most-read-blog-posts-of-2019/

Maybe you’ve been lonely in your marriage for a really long time, so it seems understandable that you’d seek companionship from a man who isn’t your husband. Or, you know you need to stick to the budget you and your spouse agreed on, but those boots are just too cute to pass up. Or, you realize what you overheard at work was confidential, but surely it won’t hurt if you just tell one other co-worker.

We justify and rationalize our actions until one day, our reckless choices slam into our lives like a wrecking ball. We forget that sin unleashes consequences that rob us of our peace, diminish our integrity and cause us pain that’s never worth it.

If only we could see from the outset what the choice of sin will do to us. That’s why I wish every temptation had a warning label on it. Then we’d know exactly what we were getting ourselves into.
Our warning label might look like this if we’re tempted to overspend:

“You will begin to look at other people’s lives and see all the shiny new things they have. It will start off as a small seed of jealousy that will grow until you rationalize you deserve those things, too. You will make an extra purchase online and bend the monthly budget just a smidge. But it won’t stop there. Sin and secrecy have ravenous appetites. Before you know it, you’ll be hiding credit card bills from your husband, being dishonest in your relationships, and facing a growing amount of debt. Your seemingly small decisions today will not only affect you, but they’ll ultimately lead to the division and possibly destruction of your family and the peace you took for granted.”

Or maybe we’re tempted to gossip, and our warning label would say this:

“You will convince yourself it’s okay to share one juicy detail about someone with a friend, as long as you follow it up with, ‘But don’t tell anyone.’ Each time you divulge a secret that isn’t yours to tell, you’ll feel a little more accepted by the captive audience. It will feel good to be the one who knows it all. But this house of cards will quickly come crashing down as friends and family lose their trust in you. You will no longer be known as a person of integrity or credibility. Relationships will disintegrate. And the words once whispered by you about others will make their return voyage as you eventually become the one being gossiped about.”
Take a second to think about this. What would the warning label in your life say?

The truth is, those warning labels are already all throughout the Bible. For example, James 1:13; 16; 21-22 tells us:

“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
“Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters.” …
“Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”

But, if my Bible is collecting dust and my conscience is being hushed, then my heart is in danger of being crushed.
That’s not a sing-song rhyme. That’s truth.
Temptation only works if our enemy keeps the consequences hidden from us.

The enemy is thrilled when we don’t open our Bibles. He wants us to think the Bible is too complicated to understand and too difficult to live out. This is nothing more than an evil marketing plan crafted in the depths of hell to sell you something you don’t have to buy.

Your mind was made by God; therefore, your brain is perfectly capable of receiving what it needs to receive from the warning labels God has provided in His Word. And even if your brain doesn’t understand some things, your soul is made by God to respond to Truth. You don’t have to be a scholar. You just have to be created by God. And you are. Therefore, you can receive God’s Word, and His Word will achieve all the wonderful purposes meant for you.

Remember, Satan knows how powerful God’s Word is, and he wants to keep us from it.

Let’s refuse to let him.

Father God, I don’t want to be easily influenced by the enemy’s lies or seduced by his crafty plans. I want to live this life free of his entanglements. Guide me and teach me each day as I sit and read Your Truth, preparing my heart and mind for battle. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Originally posted HERE.

How did we get such different children with such different perspectives? 

If you have more than one child, then you know that each child acts differently, gets bothered by different things, and works on different types of projects. What drives these differences? 

Their Life Theme drives their actions

All humans have a life theme. Our life theme is how we determine if we matter to the world, and to those around us.

You can identify your child’s life theme by filling in this phrase: “I only count in life when I ______________.” 

How would your child finish the phrase, “I only count in life when I ______________”? Is it attention, finishing a project, getting all A’s, winning in football, creating art that people adore, dominating others, serving others, helping others, getting their way, or winning at video games, etc.? 

Another way to find your child’s life theme is to imagine a social situation for your child, then predict what they will do.

For example, do they try to get the other kids to make beautiful art? Do they dominate the others til they are in charge of what the group is doing? Do they clown around until others pay attention to them?

Be honest. 

There are good and bad sides to many life themes. What is important is that you know what your child’s life theme is, so you can address it.

Key Insight

Your child’s personality forms by age 5. Let me say it again. By age 5, your child has developed his personality and life theme!

Your kid learns through trial and error to determine who they are. Be aware of what you are encouraging and discouraging during their trial and errors. As the parent, you have the ability to help develop the healthy aspects, and discourage the unhealthy. 

If you ignore your kids, they will use negative means to get your attention, which reinforces the negative sides of their life theme. For example, one of our kids uses pouting to get Andrea to drop whatever she is doing and give her attention. The child has learned that Andrea has a soft spot for pouting and she exploits it.

How to help develop a positive life theme

1.   Figure out what their life theme is by noticing how they finish the phrase, “I only count in life when I ____________.”

2.   Use psychologic disclosure: Reveal to them what their life theme looks like and how their actions from it are positive or destructive.

3.   Tell them you are concerned about where they are going with this life theme.

4.   Have them take the next 30 minutes to think about it. Say, “I can’t make you think about it, but I am asking you to think about it for your sake.”

5.   After 30 minutes, ask them where they are think their life theme is leading them.

What type of adult will they be?

Also, consider what will this life theme look like as an adult. It might be cute or tolerable as a child, but likely to be destructive in a marriage or as an employee. Now is the time to address it.

Gratitude = Good Things 

If you want to make sure your child develops the good side of their life theme, then teach them to serve others and develop a spirit of gratitude.

Notice the Good 

When you see them do something positive, pull them aside and say, “I noticed you did XYZ. I bet that makes you feel good inside.” Use encouragement to reinforce positive behavior.

Action Steps:

1.   Figure out your child’s life theme, by answering this phrase, “I only count in life when I _________________.” Also notice how they interact in social settings.

2.   Realize that by age 5, their life them is set. Be proactive now.

3.   Use the 5 steps listed above to help develop good life theme attributes.

4.   Teach them gratitude, so their life theme pulls to the good side.

5.   Notice when they do something positive. Use encouragement.

It is one's attitude that determines whether life unfolds into a place of blessedness or wretchedness. Indeed, looking at the same rose bush, some people complain that the roses have thorns while others rejoice that some thorns come with roses. It all depends on your perspective.

This is the only life you will have before you enter eternity. If you want to find joy, you must first find thankfulness. Indeed, the one who is thankful for even a little enjoys much. But the unappreciative soul is always miserable, always complaining. He lives outside the shelter of the Most High God.

Perhaps the worst enemy we have is not the devil but our own tongue. James tells us, "The tongue is set among our members as that which . . . sets on fire the course of our life" (James 3:6). He goes on to say this fire is ignited by hell. Consider: with our own words we can enter the spirit of Heaven or the agonies of hell!

It is hell with its punishments, torments and misery that controls the life of the grumbler and complainer! Paul expands this thought in 1 Corinthians 10:10, where he reminds us of the Jews who "grumble[d] . . . and were destroyed by the destroyer." The fact is, every time we open up to grumbling and complaining, the quality of our life is reduced proportionally -- a destroyer is bringing our life to ruin!

People often ask me, "What is the ruling demon over our church or city?" They expect me to answer with the ancient Aramaic or Phoenician name of a fallen angel. What I usually tell them is a lot more practical: one of the most pervasive evil influences over our nation is ingratitude!

Do not minimize the strength and cunning of this enemy! Paul said that the Jews who grumbled and complained during their difficult circumstances were "destroyed by the destroyer." Who was this destroyer? If you insist on discerning an ancient world ruler, one of the most powerful spirits mentioned in the Bible is Abaddon, whose Greek name is Apollyon. It means "destroyer" (Rev. 9:11). Paul said the Jews were destroyed by this spirit. In other words, when we are complaining or unthankful, we open the door to the destroyer, Abaddon, the demon king over the abyss of hell!

In the Presence of God

Multitudes in our nation have become specialists in the "science of misery." They are experts -- moral accountants who can, in a moment, tally all the wrongs society has ever done to them or their group. I have never talked with one of these people who was happy, blessed or content about anything. They expect an imperfect world to treat them perfectly.

Truly, there are people in this wounded country of ours who need special attention. However, most of us simply need to repent of ingratitude, for it is ingratitude itself that is keeping wounds alive! We simply need to forgive the wrongs of the past and become thankful for what we have in the present.

The moment we become grateful, we actually begin to ascend spiritually into the presence of God. The psalmist wrote,

"Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful singing. . . . Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations" (Psalm 100:2, 4-5).

www.frangipane.com. 

2.     Commit Freely. Live up to your vows. Be committed to each other and to the Lord. And be committed to working through any issues that arise—even if you need to get help. Eliminate the thought of divorce as an option.
“Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.” (Psalm 37:5 (NLT))

3.     Share Values. It’s important to be on the same page with the things that are really important, especially in your spiritual lives. Pray together. Serve together. Be active in church together. Pull on the “same end of the rope.”
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NIV))

4.     Grow Up. You’re not at Mom’s or Dad’s anymore. You are committed to the grown up relationship of marriage, so act like it! Be responsible with your money and time and work and each other. This includes the critical need to be self-less with your spouse. It’s a matter of personal maturity.
“Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you.” (2 Corinthians 13:11 (NLT))

5.     Live the “Love Passage” of 1 Corinthians 13.
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT))

6.     Practice Healthy Communication. Speak to each other. Share your feelings. Intimacy will grow as you develop the habits and skills of healthy communications. If you don’t know how, then learn how. Read a book. Watch a teaching video on how to communicate. Take a look at our “inTENtionals for Marriage Communication”.
“Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.” (Ephesians 4:15-16 (NLT))

7.     Hold Realistic Expectations. Anytime Expectations are greater than Reality, Disappointment is the result. Mathematically illustrated: E > R = D. Keep your expectations realistic. Maybe you can’t change reality, but you can change your expectations.
“Always continue to fear the Lord. You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed. My child, listen and be wise: Keep your heart on the right course.” (Proverbs 27:17-19 (NLT))

8.     Have Fun. You live with enough stressors in your life. Be sure you enjoy one another in playful, fun ways. Find shared interests and make time to share in those activities.
“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs 5:18 (NLT))

9.     Anticipate something Together. Have something to look forward to: maybe an upcoming church event, a date night or a day trip. Perhaps a vacation or simply a movie and popcorn at home.
“And I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ.” (Philemon 1:6 (NLT))

10.  Leave and Cleave. You are in this marriage TOGETHER. The TWO of you have become ONE. Depend on each other, as you depend on God to hold you together. As you each grow closer to Jesus, you will also grow closer to each other.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 (KJV)

© 2017 by Randy Carlson www.theintentionallife.com. 

“Pure rationalism will lead to irrationalism.” 

What does that mean? Let me explain.  Man’s reason and senses enable him to navigate the physical world around him.  Such is the common grace bestowed by a reasonable God who gives man the ability to navigate the habitat of his world.

Birds have feathers
Fish have fins
Moles have claws.
Man has senses and reason.

But man must navigate a higher realm.
                        a more important realm
                        an invisible realm
                        a realm beyond the senses
                        a spiritual realm
                        the “upper story.”

That realm is the realm of God.

Because the questions that demand answers are:

·       Metaphysics: What is behind and above the physical?

·       Epistemology: How can we know for certain in areas we can’t evaluate? 

·       Ethics: What is right and wrong and how do we know?

All life depends upon the answers to these 3 questions.  The answer is self-evident.

“Since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made so that they are without excuse.” (Rom. 1:20)

God is the answer for our metaphysics.  He who is eternal and personal makes a reasonable universe with answers for existence and order and especially for man in the image of God.  Thus, the universe is not eternal and not God, and yet, through God, it has eternal meaning and glory. Man is also not God, but has an eternal glory which comes from being in the image of God.

God is our answer for knowing, or epistemology.  God makes man with senses and reason to navigate the physical sensory world that we inhabit; we can know about the physical world with relative certainty and we can know of the divine world through God’s revelation of Himself in the Bible.

And God is our answer for ethics – right and wrong.  His law, revealed in His word, the expression of His holy nature, is our immutable standard for right and wrong.

Thus our faith is not based upon finite man and his finite reasoning but upon the infinite person and word of God. 

We have metaphysical meaning and dignity.
We have a foundation of final inerrant truth.
We have a standard outside of man for what is right.

Christianity is not only internally consistent but it is externally livable – except that you must bow to a Supreme Being, which man is loathe to do.

But when you eliminate the infinite personal God who is Trinity and who has revealed Himself …you now must substitute man’s reason who is not infinite, and man without God is just part of nature…and nature is not personal.

Thus we have gone from “the Lord is my shepherd” – Christianity 
To “I am my shepherd” – humanism
To “everything is my shepherd” – pantheism
To today “nothing is my shepherd” – insanity

And that is where we are: “The only thing wrong is saying there is right.”  And that has made us insane.

The absence of God has brought us to rationalism that has made us irrational simply because “ye shall have no other gods before me.”

Thus, our world – western civilization – is slowly going mad.  Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Communism, and polytheism have driven great parts of our world to irrationality.  And now secularism – life without God – is slowly driving us mad.

o   “What gender would you like to be?”

o   “Right and wrong on moral issues is hate speech.”

o   “God is not allowed to be spoken of in civic gatherings”

o   “The normal historic family is not to be seen as such.”

o   “No Merry Christmas.”

o   “No Christmas carols.”

o   “One is not a human in the womb.”

“Where there is no prophetic revelation the people are unrestrained, but happy is he who keeps the law.” (Pro. 29:18)

www.dentonbible.org. Tommy's notes.

"Suppose I were to drop by your house holding a foil-covered saucer. “Hello, friend,” I say. “A few days back Denalyn made a strawberry cake. It was so good. It came out of the oven hot, moist, and sweet. I wish you could have tasted it. Today, as I was eating the last piece, I thought of you. Just before I took the final bite, I put my fork down and thought, I’m taking these crumbs to my friend.”

How would you feel?

Contrast that emotion with the one you feel if I were to knock at your door holding a cake pan with oven mitts. “Denalyn pulled this out of the oven a few minutes ago. It’s still hot. No one has touched it. I got here as fast as I could. I want you to have the first piece. I want you to have the whole cake (although I did bring my fork in case you want to share).”

How would that invitation make you feel? Or, better asked, how does that make you feel? God offers you the whole cake. You do not receive crumbs or leftovers. You have received his best. Why? Because he loves you based on the “Principle of Firsts.”

Since this is the first day of a new year, it’s appropriate to re-visit the theme of “firsts” in the Bible. Open a concordance to the word and prepare yourself for an avalanche of entries. First. Firstborn. Firstbegotten. Firstfruit. Firstling. First-ripe. My concordance contains seven columns of tiny-fonted words and verses. Apparently, “first” is a big theme in scripture and a big thing to God!

Is it possible, with all these references, to reduce them to a single message? I think so.

God went first. We love because he first loved us (I John. 4:19).

God made the first move. God took the first step. God placed the first call. We did nothing and do nothing that wasn’t and isn’t prompted by God. He went first. He not only went first, he gave his firstborn son. The Bible calls Jesus “the firstborn among the brethren” (Romans 8:29). In the great, expansive, innumerable family of God, there is a firstborn: Jesus Christ. What did God do with his firstborn Son? He sent him as a sacrifice. He didn’t redeem us with apostles, angels, prophets or preachers. He gave the best gift.

Jesus is not only the firstborn, he is the firstfruit. “But now Christ is risen from the dead and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep” (I Corinthians 15:20 NKJV). First-fruit is an agricultural term used to describe the initial harvest. The farmer would take the best portion of his harvest to market and tell the customer, “Taste and enjoy. There is more to come.” Jesus is the firstfruit of God’s eternal harvest. He will do with his children what he did with Jesus: he will call us out of the grave. How do we know? Jesus is the firstfruit.

In addition, God gives us the “firstfruits of the Spirit” (Rom.8:23). Love, joy, peace, patience…all the fruits of the Spirit are ours because God gives, not leftovers but firstfruits. These are foretastes, samplings of the full harvest that awaits us in heaven.

God gives us firstborn Son and the firstfruit of the Spirit. We have received his best. Let’s follow his lead.

Go first to God with your problems.

Don’t take your problems to the bar. Don’t numb your fears with narcotics. Don’t hide from or deny the existence of struggles. No, go first to Christ. Jesus tells us, rather bluntly, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will put on” (Matthew 6:25 NKJV).

He then gives two commands: “look at the birds” (vs. 26) and “consider the lilies” (vs. 28). If God cares for the birds and the grass, won’t he care for us? For that reason, he commands: “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you” (Mathew 6:33). Would you like a word of advice that will save a thousand headaches and heartaches in 2017? The moment a problem surfaces is the moment you take it to God. Take it to him first.

Honor God with the firstfruits of your income.

In the thirteenth chapter of Exodus, God unveiled a beautiful, yet challenging principle. “Consecrate to me all the firstborn, whatever opens the womb among the children of Israel, both of man and beast; it is mine” (Exodus 13:2).

The firstborn lamb belongs to God. The firstborn donkey belongs to God. The firstborn child belongs to God. This was true, not just with flocks and family, but with harvest and salary. “The first of your firstfruits of your land you shall bring to the house of the Lord your God” (Exodus 23:19).

If a farmer has an apple tree that bears ten baskets of apples, he sets aside the first basket as holy, belonging to God. “All the tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land or the fruit of the tree, it is the Lord’s, it is holy to the Lord” (Leviticus 27:30).

Nine-tenths of the farmer’s harvest was common. But the first tenth, or the tithe, was holy. It was unique; set apart for a special purpose. Our relationship with God is built on firsts. He loved us first. We love him first. No crumbs. No leftovers. No Sirree.

Let this be the year that you excel in this grace of giving. And, one more, let’s

Gather on the first day of the week with God’s people.

Let six days be used for work and acquisition. But set one aside for spiritual and physical restoration. “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy” (Exodus 20:8). Under the older covenant, this day was Saturday. As Christians, we set aside Sunday, though many Christians still observe a Saturday Sabbath. The day of the observance matters less than the message of the observance: God wants us to worship and to rest. He designates the first day of every week as holy. This was the practice of the New Testament Christians (see Acts 20:7).

Would you like God to bless your six days? Then give him the first day. Make it your aim to gather with God’s people in God’s house for corporate worship.

Why?

God has something to say to you. He may say it through a hymn, through a friend, through a prayer, or through a passage.

God has something to say through you. The story is told is told of a west Texas rancher who attended the same church for decades. Even in his later years, when he was half blind and hard of hearing, he sat on the front row. One day a young man asked him: “You can hardly hear and scarcely see; why do you keep coming to church?” The old rancher replied, “I don’t come for me; I come for you.”

What if your church attendance is less about what you receive and more about who you can encourage?

I want to be crystal clear: we are under the new covenant, not the old. We are saved by grace, not by works. No tithe or attendance will ever add one iota to the finished work of Christ on the cross. These disciplines are part of God’s plan to keep us from drifting. “Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it” (Hebrews 2:1 ESV).

Most people who grow cold in their faith do so incrementally, gradually, inch by inch over a period of time. These disciplines of the firstfruits recalibrate us day by day, week by week. I hope you will consider them.

I have a feeling that someone is groaning inside. “Max, my life is already burdened. So many obligations. So much work. And now you talk to me about firstfruits and first days of the week. I can’t take another load.”

If those are your thoughts, I must have underemphasized the promise of Jesus. He said, “Seek first the kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33 NIV).

If you find this message to be burdensome, I must have failed to share God’s promise from Malachi 3:10-11: “Bring your full tithe to the Temple treasury so there will be ample provisions in my Temple. Test me in this and see if I don’t open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams” (Malachi 3:10 MSG).

If this teaching on firsts weighs you down, I must have forgotten to tell you about this verse. “Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine” (Proverbs 3:9-10 NIV).

When God’s people put God first, God’s blessings began to flow.

God gave you his firstborn Son. Jesus is the firstfruit of the resurrection. The Holy Spirit gives you the firstfruits of heaven.

Let’s make this the year that we respond in kind.

©Max Lucado, January 1, 2017

Does Scripture indicate that we will learn in Heaven? Yes. Consider Ephesians 2:6-7: “God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace.” The word show means “to reveal.” The phrase in the coming ages clearly indicates this will be a progressive, ongoing revelation, in which we learn more and more about God’s grace.

I frequently learn new things about my wife, daughters, and closest friends, even though I’ve known them for many years. If I can always be learning something new about finite, limited human beings, surely I’ll learn far more about Jesus. None of us will ever begin to exhaust His depths.

Jesus said to His disciples, “Learn from me” (Matthew 11:29). On the New Earth, we’ll have the privilege of sitting at Jesus’ feet as Mary did, walking with Him over the countryside as His disciples did, always learning from Him. In Heaven we’ll continually learn new things about God, going ever deeper in our understanding.

Consider the Greek words ginosko and epiginosko, translated “know” in 1 Corinthians 13:12, used of our present knowledge on Earth and our future knowledge in Heaven: “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” Ginosko often means “to come to know,” and therefore “to learn” (Matthew 10:26; John 12:9; Acts 17:19; Philippians 2:19). Epiginosko also means “to learn” (Luke 7:37; 23:7; Acts 9:30; 22:29). [3] That we will one day “know fully” could well be understood as “we will always keep on learning.”

It was God—not Satan—who made us learners. God doesn’t want us to stop learning. What He wants to stop is what prevents us from learning.

Puritan preacher Jonathan Edwards, who intensely studied Heaven, believed “the saints will be progressive in knowledge to all eternity.” [4] He added, “The number of ideas of the saints shall increase to eternity.” [5]

Will our knowledge and skills vary? Will some people in Heaven have greater knowledge and specialized abilities than others? Why not? Scripture never teaches sameness in Heaven. We will be individuals, each with our own memories and God-given gifts. Some of our knowledge will overlap, but not all. I’m not a mechanic or gardener, as you may be. I may or may not learn those skills on the New Earth. But even if I do, that doesn’t mean I’ll ever be as skilled a gardener or mechanic as you will be. After all, you had a head start on learning. The doctrine of continuity means that what we learn here carries over after death.

Don’t you love to discover something new? On the New Earth, some of our greatest discoveries may relate to the lives we’re living right now. Columnist and commentator Paul Harvey made a career of telling “the rest of the story.” That’s exactly what we’ll discover in Heaven again and again—the rest of the story. We’ll be stunned to learn how God orchestrated the events of our lives to influence people we may have forgotten about.

Occasionally we hear stories that provide us a small taste of what we’ll learn in eternity. One morning after I spoke at a church, a young woman came up to me and asked, “Do you remember a young man sitting next to you on a plane headed to college? You gave him your novel Deadline.” I give away a lot of my books on planes, but after some prompting, I remembered him. He was an unbeliever. We talked about Jesus, and I gave him the book and prayed for him as we got off the plane.

I was amazed when the young woman said to me, “He told me he never contacted you, so you wouldn’t know what happened. He got to college, checked into the dorm, sat down, and read your book. When he was done, he confessed his sins and gave his life to Jesus. And I can honestly tell you, he’s the most dynamic Christian I’ve ever met.”

All I did was talk a little, give him a book, and pray for him. But if the young woman hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have had a clue what had happened. That story reminded me how many great stories await us in Heaven and how many we may not hear until we’ve been there a long time. We won’t ever know everything, and even what we will know, we won’t know all at once. We’ll be learners, forever. Few things excite me more than that.

Browse more resources on the topic of Heaven, and see Randy’s related books, including Heaven.

[1] Dave Hunt, Whatever Happened to Heaven? (Eugene, Ore.: Harvest House, 1988), 238.

[2] Colleen McDannell and Bernhard Lang, Heaven: A History (New York: Vintage Books, 1988), 307.

[3] Kittel et al., Theological Dictionary, 1:703.

[4] Jonathan Edwards, The Works of Jonathan Edwards, ed. Perry Miller, vol. 13, The Miscellanies, ed. Thomas A. Schafer (New Haven, Conn.: Yale University Press, 1994), 483.

[5] Ibid., 275; I’m indebted to Andrew McClellan for several citations from his seminary paper “Jonathan Edwards’s View of Heaven,”August 15, 2003.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29:11-13

We often approach this verse (especially verse 11) out of context, using it as the “security blanket” of God has a plan for me, so whatever trial I’m in will end soon, then I can grow. However, one of my favorite authors (Mary DeMuth) addresses it in a way that has stuck with me. The heart of the verse is “not that we would escape our lot, but that we would learn to thrive” during it.

The Jewish people had disobeyed God in every way imaginable. They traded Him for evil gods, and God exiled them to Babylon as a result of their disobedience. Along comes a false prophet who prophesied peace and told them they would be back in Jerusalem soon. He told them all was well. However, that wasn’t the case. Jeremiah confronts him, calling out his lie, and states the promise that is Jeremiah 29:11. It is true God does have a good plan for the Israelites (and us,) a plan that will give them (and us) hope and a prospering future. But Jeremiah also gave them a directive from God in Jeremiah 29:7 which isn’t even close to what they wanted to hear. They wanted to be told they would be home soon, that their suffering was going to end. But, God’s plan was for them to stay there for 70 years (Jeremiah 29:10) and help the nation and that once enslaved them.

So as we begin the new year, let us cling to the promises we find in these verses. Remember that God knows the plan He has for us and it will ultimately lead to a wonderful future. However, growth comes from persevering through trials, not escaping them. We find out how to learn to persevere, leaning on the Lord in times of difficulty, in verses 12 and 13. God hears our prayers, and when we seek Him, He will make Himself known. When we learn perseverance and trust God and His plan for our lives, we can find true joy, even in the midst of our struggles.

We share these enduring Christmas carols with you because we want you to know how much we love you.

We are depending on you to give before December 31, so that we can continue serving you, pastors, Bible teachers, seekers, and all who love our Savior. Please click here to donate.

Then I hope you'll click on each song and listen to each one of our favorite carols. 

They are our treasure! These are our heart-songs! And we will sing them together until Christ comes again.

Love, Julie

Merry Christmas from the Barrier Family!

Produced by Richard Muenckler, Matt Wilson, Nathan Jacobi, and Brad Wetherbee

MARY, DID YOU KNOW

SOLOIST: BRAD WETHERBEE

This plaintive song is probably one of the most powerful, passionate Christmas songs ever written. Singer-Composer Mark Lowry started to think about what he would like to ask Mary if she was sitting right in front of him. He wondered how she would have felt during her pregnancy and so he penned the song that we all know and love today. Performed by the Gaither Vocal Band for many years, Brad Wetherbee sings all four parts!

Lyrics by Mark Lowry, music by Buddy Greene

SILENT NIGHT

SOLOISTS:: BRAD WETHERBEE, BRIANNA WETHERBEE, ABBY WETHERBEE, EMMELINE WETHERBEE

Silent Night was the first Christmas song Brianna and Bronwyn learned. We sat under the stars on Christmas Eve and cuddled the girls under warm blankets. We told them that's what Jesus' "swaddling clothes" felt like! Sung by Brad, Brie, Abby and Emme Wetherbee. The Christmas Story is narrated by Abby and Emme.

O COME, O COME EMMANUEL

PIANO: JULIE BARRIER

O Come, O Come Emmanuel is my favorite Christmas carol. I love to begin Advent by playing this beautiful song every night, reminding me that God is always with me. Isaiah 7:14 and Matthew 1:23. Matthew quotes Isaiah virtually verbatim—“Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Emmanuel”—with the exception that Matthew adds the phrase: “which being interpreted is, God with us.”

CAROL OF THE BELLS

ARRANGED BY RICHARD MUENCKLER AND JULIE BARRIER

I first met Richard Muenckler, my daughter Bronwyn's husband, when he played drums for our church services. Our daughter Bronwyn played the trumpet. It was a perfect match! Enjoy two of our favorite Christmas melodies: Carol of the Bells and We Three Kings.

O HOLY NIGHT

SOLOIST: BRIANNA BARRIER WETHERBEE

"O Holy Night" was my solo before Roger's first Christmas sermon. I fell in love when I heard him preach. He fell in love with me when I sang this beautiful Christmas melody. Now Brianna shares her version with you. May it bring you peace.

AWAY IN A MANGER

PIANO: JULIE BARRIER

"Away in a Manger" is the carol every preschool child knows. I played Mary, Jesus' mother, in a church play. My most important job was to make sure the donkey made it to the stage before the song was over! This quiet version reminds me to be still before God and remember His glory.

JOIN US IN MINISTRY AS WE SHARE CHRIST TODAY!

DONATE to Preach It, Teach It HERE. 

If you want to have freedom from hijacked emotions, then it’s important to understand a secret in these five bold moves that are important for your emotional life.

1. Decide who is in charge of your emotions.

As Christians, it’s important to understand anger, fear, guilt and other negative emotions are common to humanity. We all experience them, but we can only be truly free from hijacked emotions if we are willing to ask who is in charge of our emotions, and then make the decision to be in charge of them.

Your emotions are a choice. You can decide what emotions to have. When emotions occur, you can decide to change them. The first step to freedom from hijacked emotions is to decide who is in charge of your emotions.

2. Declare who is in charge of your emotions.

If you really wrestle with managing your emotions, declare who is in charge of your emotions. It’s important to hear yourself say aloud, “God, I choose today, with your help, to take ownership for what I’m feeling. It is not anyone else’s fault. Whatever I choose to feel today, I’m declaring ownership of it. I am responsible for it.”

The Bible says, Whatever things are true, whatever things are right, whatever things are admirable, whatever things are of good report to think on those things (Philippians 4:8).

3. Develop a plan.

If you have an emotional challenge and you know your emotions sometimes get hijacked, have a plan.

4. Declutter your emotions.

Our emotions can become cluttered with so much stuff, carrying all these feelings around. We become raw, and it’s easy for us to see that these emotions start to overtake our lives.

Hijacked emotions begin like emotional ooze. As you shove all your feelings inside, that emotional ooze starts to come out, and eventually, it will explode. If you have buried emotions, it’s vital to deal with them, otherwise they can become destructive.

5. Act on it.

Do something. Ask yourself, “What one thing could I do with my emotional life over the next 30 days that would make the single biggest difference in my relationships, marriage or health.

If you are at the extreme end of bearing your emotions, I really encourage you to begin to make these five bold moves toward freedom from hijacked emotions today.

As adults, many of us struggle with emotions today because we grew up in homes where we did not learn how to deal with our emotions. We were not taught how to express them.  We did not learn how to manage them.  We did not know how to handle life when our emotions were hijacked. When you were feeling something, you may have been told to be quiet, go to your room or maybe in some other way encouraged to shut down whatever you were experiencing at that moment.

God’s intention is not only for us to know how we feel, but also to understand how we are thinking, and to be able to take that and move it in a direction that could be transformational in our lives.

Here are three things to do to help you develop a plan to declutter your emotional life.

1. Identify your emotional triggers.

What are the things that can set you off emotionally? Here are emotional triggers others have identified:

• People make an appointment with you but don’t show up.
• A lack of common sense.
• Things you don’t have control over.

We live in a world where we focus on things we have no control over instead of focusing on the things we do have control over.

2. Become aware of your emotions.

Can you label what you feel?  Do you know the range of emotions that you experience? Emotions are given to us to drive change in our lives.  I believe that is what Paul is saying – Be angry; do something, but don’t be sinful in the process (Ephesians 4:26 paraphrase).

What happens to many of us, especially those of us who tend to live more in our heads, we tend to take the range of potential emotions we are experiencing and label them under one emotion, like frustration or anger. For some of us, it’s not acceptable for us to say, “I’m really fearful or anxious,” so we become angry instead. So, it’s important in a healthy way, to be able to identify our feelings and then develop a way to take that emotional fuel and drive change in our lives.

3. Change your thinking.

Proverbs 23:7 says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (NKJV).  And if you and I continue to think in ways that our emotions are driving us to think, that is how we will become. As you bring your thinking into alignment with God’s intention to know how we feel, and understand how you’re thinking, He will help you experience His transformational power in your life.

www.theintentonallife.com. Used by permission of the author.

I first met Richard Muenckler, my daughter Bronwyn's husband, when he played drums for our church services. Our daughter Bronwyn played the trumpet. It was a perfect match! Enjoy two of our favorite Christmas melodies: Carol of the Bells and We Three Kings, and hear it from a drummer's perspective!

CAROL OF THE BELLS-DOWNLOAD AND LISTEN

O Come, O Come Emmanuel is my favorite Christmas carol to arrange and perform. I love to begin Advent by playing this beautiful song every night, reminding me that God is always with me. Isaiah 7:14 and Matthew 1:23. Matthew quotes Isaiah virtually verbatim—“Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Emmanuel”—with the exception that Matthew adds the phrase: “which being interpreted is, God with us.”

O COME, O COME EMMANUEL-DOWNLOAD AND LISTEN

President, Preach It, Teach It

This plaintive song is probably one of the most powerful, passionate Christmas songs ever written. Singer-Composer Mark Lowry started to think about what he would like to ask Mary if she was sitting right in front of him. He wondered how she would have felt during her pregnancy and so he penned the song that we all know and love today. Performed by the Gaither Vocal Band for many years, Brad Wetherbee sings all four parts!

Lyrics by Mark Lowry, music by Buddy Greene

MARY DID YOU KNOW-DOWNLOAD AND LISTEN

But this time of year, all the shopping, planning, cooking, baking, parties, programs, and other holiday “joys” do tend to magnify our stress and anxiety.

We enter the season with grand hopes of treasuring the season and enjoying the festivity. Then, BAMM!

So, what can we do?

Intentionality

I’ve come to be a huge believer in the power of intentionality.

Those things that are important to us – marriage, parenting, grandparenting, living a life centered on Christ, our health – must be approached with great intentionality.

This Christmas season, the treasuring, the festivity, our mental and physical health must be approached with great intentionality.

Healthy Ideas for Handling Holiday Stress

1. Exercise

There is strong scientific evidence as to the benefits of exercise in managing stress. I know you don’t think you have the time, but its benefits are HUGE and so worth it!

The good news is that practically any form of exercise can relieve stress. So, find something you enjoy – walking, bicycling, running, swimming, tennis – and spend a few minutes keeping that Christmas stress at bay! (I’ve read that for stress relief 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week is ideal.)

2. Relax

I know. I know. Who has time to relax?

But did you know when the body and the mind are relaxed at the same time, it is impossible for us to continue to be stressed? Like light and dark, the two cannot reside in the same place.

Pull away from your shopping frenzy to enjoy 15 minutes at your favorite local shop or bookstore. Enjoy an evening bubble bath. Warm yourself by a fire. Take a nap.

Difficult to believe, but our bodies can be taught to relax. All it takes is some “intentionality.”

3. Feed Your Soul

Biblical meditation is the most effective way to treat anxiety.

This Christmas season schedule in some time to meditate on Scripture. Spend some time filling your mind with God’s Word by reading it, writing it out by hand, memorizing it, singing it, praying it.

4. Fuel Your Body Wisely

Yes, there will be parties, cookies, and Christmas treats. Go ahead. Enjoy a little something now and again (unless there’s a medical diagnosis that keeps you from it).

But by all means, for the sake of your stress levels (and your weight), keep your indulgences to a minimum. Rather than continual binging on sweets and carbs, begin your day with a healthy breakfast and make choices that include lots of vegetables and other healthy options.

5. Sleep

We were created for sleep. In fact, all of creation sleeps.

During the holidays especially, establish a sleep routine that includes a consistent bedtime and 8-9 hours of sleep.

6. Connect With Others

Loneliness increases stress levels.

This Christmas season live in connection. Volunteer at a local ministry or charity. Interact and share with others in ways that are meaningful.

“Staying connected is a balm for your heart, your stress level, and your health.”

U.S. News & World Report, February, 2009.

I don’t know about you, but this year I plan to set myself up to enjoy the season and my good health by making intentional choices that will help to manage the stress that can so easily deplete me.

Questions for Managing Holiday Stress

• Where will you schedule in some exercise and relaxation?
• How will you be sure to feed your soul and get your required amount of sleep?
• What will be your eating plan?
• When and in what way will you live in connection to others?

www.deborahhaddix.com. Used by permission. 

On the first day of class, I remember him storming into the room, running to the piano, and hammering out a series of chords as loudly and quickly as he could. Then he looked at the class and asked with enthusiasm, “Who’s was that? Who’s was it? Beethoven? Brahms? Who?” Before we could answer, he jumped to his feet and yelled in celebration, “It was Doctor Lia! Ha ha ha ha ha!” He began every class this way.

Our first test was three weeks into the semester. Being anxious about acing my first college exam, I studied hard the night before. Sometime after midnight, I fell asleep at my desk with my face in my theory book.

I forgot to set my alarm.

One of my roommates woke me up at eight-o-five. After clearing my head, I saw the time on my clock and panicked. I ran from my room in the clothes I had on and sprinted across campus as fast as I could. Sweaty, huffing, and exhausted, I arrived at the classroom and tried the door handle. It was locked. Pressing my hands against the small rectangular window, I peered in. Dr. Lia was sitting behind his desk watching the class. He made eye contact with me and smiled. Then he waved, pointed at his watch, wagged his finger “no,” and laughed.

Defeated, I pressed my back against the wall, sat down in the hallway, and waited. One by one my classmates exited the room and asked me what happened. Each time, my story grew more dramatic. I’d studied late into the night mulling over the problems of the theory book. My alarm clock had clearly broken because there was no way I had forgotten to set it. And my roommates were complete ogres who had waited until the last minute to wake me up, probably on purpose. Each one of my classmates offered the appropriate amount of sympathy and condolences.

Dr. Lai was the final person to exit the classroom. He didn’t stop to ask me what had happened. Rather, he continued on to his office, calling over his shoulder, “Follow me. Follow me.” I stood and chased after him, struggling to keep up with his brisk pace. He entered his office without speaking a word to me. It was a small room covered in jammed packed bookcases with a paper-cluttered desk in the middle that faced the door. Dr. Lai sat in the chair behind the desk and began shuffling through one of the many piles of papers.

Not waiting for his acknowledgment, I launched into my explanation. “I’m so sorry… I was studying really hard last night… My alarm… My stupid roommates… I lost track of time… I promise I was studying… I’m really sorry… I was just five minutes late… Is it common practice to lock the door on a test day? Did I say I was sorry? I know you have another class at ten. Is there any way I could take the test with them?”

My last question caught his attention. He looked up from the pile of paper he was shuffling through and said with a smile, “Oh no. You failed.”

My heart sank. Tears formed in my eyes. I was crushed and confused. “But I’ve never failed a test,” I said. “I can’t get an F in my first class.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” he said beaming. “There are more tests. You won’t fail the class.”

“Oh thank you, Dr. Lia,” I said, backing out of his office. “Thank you so much. I promise I’ll do better next time.”

“Yeah,” he called. “You’re okay.” Then he added with enthusiasm, “Unless you fail again! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

The lesson I learned: Failure happens. Just try not to make a habit of it.

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https://medium.com/@jffelkins/

I drive a little manual 2005 Scion xB that just eclipsed 195,000 miles. I love that little car. It’s fuel-efficient and requires minimal maintenance. And it’s close to the least powerful car on the road. I’m pretty sure on its specs next to 0-60mph it says, “Eventually!”

Unless I’m lined up against someone from a nearby retirement community (sorry, some stereotypes are true), I’m going to be the last car to reach the speed limit coming off a stoplight.

Temptation

Unsurprisingly, more aggressive drivers with more powerful vehicles tend to treat my little Scion like a safety cone in the road, they treat me more like an obstacle than a fellow traveler. They zip past me and cut me off as they speed to their destination. More than I would care to admit, my sense of justice and frustration with unsafe drivers slides into sinful anger. There have been more than a few times I have been tempted to cut off a driver in retaliation.

But I don’t.

Sometimes that is because I am pricked with quick repentance and shift a posture of mercy.

Sometimes that is because I drive a Scion xB.

Temptation and Power

Even if I wanted to retaliate, I don’t have the means to retaliate. My little four-cylinder can’t chase down those high-powered vehicles.

I’m so grateful for my under-powered Scion. It has protected me from my own sin on more than a few occasions.

It is the same in life. When I was young I longed for a bigger platform and more opportunities. Called to vocational ministry when I was ten years old, I didn’t become a pastor until I was 27 and I didn’t become a lead pastor until this year, right after I turned 40. It was easy to be jealous of those who had opportunities, to think about what it would be like to be a church planter, or a lead pastor, or receive speaking engagements at conferences and seminars.

It’s been startling over the past few years to see several pastors that I had (sinfully) envied in the past for their platforms have their ministries unravel as issues have imploded their personal lives and churches.

The Grace of Four-Cylinder Power

When my personal life imploded six and a half years ago, I was an associate pastor at the time and the ripples of the fallout felt massive. The impact of my sin and my wife’s sin was overwhelming. I don’t doubt that there are those it has still negatively impacted. And while we’ve tried to faithfully walk out a reconciliation and restoration process, we recognize that we can’t undo the damage we caused.

I sometimes think of what would have happened if I would have gotten the platform I wanted. My heart sinks to think of how many more would have been hurt by me. I’m so grateful for the Scion xB sized platform he’s granted me. Four cylinders of power aren’t always such a bad thing.

Whatever power I’ve been given, I pray that I humbly steward it, recognizing it’s more than I deserve and more than I can handle on my own. God is gracious when he gives us an xB’s worth of power and gracious when he gives us Ferrari’s worth of power. And whatever he offers us, may it make us trust him and his transforming power within us.

www.thebeehive.live. Used by permission. 

For the first ten years of my marriage, I struggled with the fear of abandonment. My father and my first pastor had both left their wives for younger women. Because of what I had experienced, I allowed fearful thoughts to linger unchecked in my mind. They didn’t yell; they whispered, Eventually all men leave. Don’t let them get too close. Then they can’t disappoint you. This kind of thinking caused me to even resist small displays of affection. When John hugged me, it wasn’t long before I’d start patting him so I could pull away.

One day after one of my “pat-and-pull-aways,” John asked me point blank, “How long will we have to be together before you realize I’m not going to leave you? Are you going to wait until we’re seventy?” I was stunned.

“I’ll wait as long as it takes,” he continued, “but we’re going to miss out on a lot of fun in the meantime.”

I realized I was making John pay for the disappointments I had with other men. I thought, Why should John have to pay for their shortcomings? That’s not fair. In an effort to protect myself, I am sabotaging our relationship. My fear of losing John in the future was robbing both of us in the present. I decided then that I would rather love John completely, even at the risk of losing him, than love him halfway and look back with regrets on what might have been.

Fear and distrust keep us from thriving in marriage, for fear tenaciously clings to the past while refusing to believe something better can arise in the future. If we want God to do a new thing in our marriages, we must choose to abandon fear and accept what love would forecast for our futures. Fear expects failure, while love ultimately can never fail.

Fear is a spiritual force in direct opposition to God’s love and protection in our lives. It is the opposite of love, for both love and fear operate from believe in the unseen. Love challenges us to doubt what we see and believe for what we cannot. Fear urges us to believe what is seen and doubt the unseen. When faced with the fear of failure or the hope of love, we can choose to believe one or the other, but never both. Fear displaces love; love casts out fear.

…Perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first. (1 John 4:18–19)

Love’s ability to transform is greater than fear’s ability to ensnare. The perfect love that expels fear is only found in the experience of God’s love. Through the power of His love, we can forsake concern for self, because we know that God will faithfully tend to our needs. But if we don’t spend time in God’s presence, we cannot have an intimate knowledge of His loving nature; for His faithfulness manifests in His presence.

Without knowledge of God’s true nature, we will live in constant fear of abandonment by Him or by spouses, which is a twisted form of punishment. As we grow more and more secure in God’s love for us, we can become free from fear and offer selfless love to our spouses.

…Let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. (1 John 4:7–8)

The stronghold of fear is what causes us to say things like, “If my spouse ever cheats on me, I will never forgive him.” Such vows, which are intended to shield us in the future, keep us from embracing the power of God’s love today. We must learn to trust God to care for our hearts, even if a spouse wounds, rejects, or betrays us. God has asked us to surrender our fears to Him. Refusal to do so tells God we don’t believe He is capable of directing our lives. We cannot submit to Jesus’s lordship without surrendering our fears.

What fears are you holding on to? Dear one, let them go and watch the love of God transform you from the inside out and free you to step into your destiny. On the other side of your fear, you will discover the life you so deeply long for.

If you liked this blog post, John and I cover this and so much more in our book The Story of Marriage, on sale now. Grab yours here and get the tools you need to build the marriage of your dreams!

www.messengerinternational.com.

For many people in the diaspora – both Jews celebrating Hanukkah and Gentiles observing this celebration – Hanukkah is all about dreidels and latkes. However, if you happen to be in Israel during Hanukkah, go to a children’s party in a kindergarten or elementary school. You would be amazed, as was I many years ago, that it is all about light and lights! Many Hanukkah celebrations begin in full darkness, then the light of a candle – the first Hanukkah candle – pierces the darkness, and then – more candles and more lights! It’s very beautiful and very impressive!  One of the central songs sung during Hanukkah is called BANU CHOSHECH LEGARESH – “WE CAME TO DRIVE AWAY THE DARKNESS” – and this is indeed the overwhelming feeling one gets during these celebrations: The light came to overcome the darkness!  

In this sense, one can’t miss the connection between Hanukkah and Christmas. I don’t believe that Yeshua was born on December 25 (see the article here, on this blog: “When Was the Silent Night?”), but in a sense, it doesn’t matter. For millions of true believers, Christmas is a celebration of the true Light coming into the world!  One thing that seems to me absolutely amazing about Christmas, is the fact that it happens in the darkest time of the year (at least, in the northern hemisphere). This is so beautiful and symbolic: In the world’s darkest hour, the light comes!  And the same is true about Hanukkah: BANU CHOSHEKCH LEGARESH – Light comes into the world, and darkness cannot overcome it!

Jesus Celebrated Hanukkah

We read in the Gospel of John: And it was at Jerusalem the Feast of the Dedication, and it was winter.  And Jesus walked in the temple in Solomon’s porch.   What is this winter “Feast of Dedication”? It’s not mentioned in Leviticus 23, where all the biblical feasts are described and their observance is commanded. So what did Jesus celebrate in the Temple?

Of course, John is referring to Hanukkah. The story of Hanukkah is preserved in the books of the Maccabees. However, these books are not part of the Tanach (Hebrew Bible), and therefore, surprisingly, we find the clearest mention of Hanukkah in the Bible, in the New Testament!  Not only did Yeshua celebrate Hanukkah, according to the Gospel of John,  but he observed it in the same Temple that had been miraculously rededicated by the Maccabees just a few generations earlier. In order to understand it, let’s turn to the history.

History of Hanukkah

Hanukkah commemorates the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean revolt against the Seleucid Empire.  It happened in the 2nd century BCE – the intertestamental period – which is why Hanukkah is not mentioned in the Tanach. The Jewish people were then living under the oppression of King Antiochus IV and Hellenistic pagan practices. The ruling Syrian dynasty of the Seleucids required full assimilation in all aspects of life: language, arts, lifestyle – everything was to conform to the Greek way of life.  Antiochus enacted a series of harsh decrees against the Jews. Jewish worship was forbidden; the scrolls of the Law were confiscated and burned; Sabbath rest, circumcision and the dietary laws were prohibited under penalty of death. In 164 BCE, Antiochus even desecrated the Temple: the altars, the utensils, the golden Menorah were all defiled.

Antiochus’s men went from town to town and from village to village to force the inhabitants to worship pagan gods. One day they arrived in the village of Modiin where an old priest, Mattityahu, lived. There they built an altar and demanded that Mattityahu offer sacrifices to the Greek gods. Mattityahu replied, “I, my sons and my brothers will remain loyal to the covenant which our G?d made with our fathers!” After that, Mattityahu left the village of Modiin and fled, together with his sons, to the hills of Judea and all loyal and courageous Jews joined them. Thus, the uprising began. After Mattityahu’s death, his son Judah became leader. Judah was called “Maccabee” – a word composed of the initial letters of the four Hebrew words Mi Kamocha Ba’eilim Hashem, “Who is like You, O G?d” – and therefore it is called the Maccabean Revolt. Realistically, the Maccabees had absolutely no chance of winning. The Syrian army consisted of more than 40,000 men – it was another David vs. Goliath scenario – but, as in the story of David, God performed a miracle, and after a series of battles, the war was won.

When the Maccabees, miraculously, recaptured the Temple, they had to cleanse and restore it. They entered the Temple and cleared it of the idols placed there by the Syrians. They wanted to light Menorah, as it is commanded in the Torah: Bring you pure oil of pressed olives for the light, to cause the lamp to burn continually.[1] However, according to the Talmud, they found only a single jar of undefiled oil, and that was only enough to last a single day. Taking a leap of faith, they relit the Menorah , and by a miracle of God, it continued to burn for eight days, till new oil was made available. In memory of this, Hanukkah, an eight-day celebration, was established.  On each day, an additional branch of the nine branched Hanukkiah is lit with the shamash (“helper” candle), which sits on the middle branch.

The Light Shines in the darkness

This is the traditional story – but there is something more to be aware of. Not many people realize that the Maccabees had not won their independence when they proclaimed the Festival of Hanukkah.  Antiochus was still their ruler, and Syrian troops still occupied Eretz Yisrael and even most of Jerusalem. The light of the first Hanukkah truly shone in the midst of the darkness! In this sense, the light of Hanukkah, shining in the darkness, prophetically foreshadowed this Light of the Messiah!

This reminds us of the words of John about Yeshua: The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. [2]   According to the Gospels, the Light of Yeshua also came at a time of the darkness and foreign oppression; the hand of Rome was heavy upon Israel, the nation could hardly bear this oppressive yoke. No wonder everybody waited for a deliverer – hoping and believing the footsteps of this deliverer had already been heard! Thus, we may say that both celebrations, Hanukkah and Christmas, look to the Messiah, but from two different perspectives – like two olives on each side of the Menorah in the beautiful vision of Zechariah that is read in synagogues on the Sabbath of Hanukkah:

“I am looking, and there is a lampstand of solid gold with a bowl on top of it, and on the stand seven lamps with seven pipes to the seven lamps. 3 Two olive trees are by it, one at the right of the bowl and the other at its left.” 4 So I answered and spoke to the angel who talked with me, saying, “What are these, my lord?”

5 Then the angel who talked with me answered and said to me:

‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’
Says the Lord of hosts[3]. 

[1] Exo,27:20

[2] John 1:5

[3] Zech. 4:2-6

1. www.eteacherbiblical.org.

Here are two of the definitions of materialism from The Merriam-Webster Dictionary: “A doctrine that the only or the highest value or objectives lie in material well-being and in the furtherance of material progress,” and “a preoccupation with or stress upon material rather than intellectual or spiritual things.”

Materialism begins with our beliefs. Not merely what we say we believe—not our doctrinal statement—but the philosophy of life by which we actually live. So even though true Christians would deny belief in the philosophical underpinnings of materialism (they couldn’t be Christians if they didn’t), they may nonetheless be preoccupied with material things. Materialism is first and foremost a matter of the heart.

Beyond the examples in Scripture of many people who are warped and destroyed by greed, and its warnings against idolatry, the Bible also lists various dangers of becoming centered on money and possessions. Warning: Don’t dismiss this as negativism. On the contrary, if we understand the dangers of materialism, it will help liberate us to experience the joys of Christ-centered stewardship.

What does materialism actually do to us? Here are ten answers to that question.

1. Materialism prevents or destroys our spiritual life.

Jesus rebuked the Laodicean Christians because although they were materially wealthy, they were desperately poor in the things of God (Revelation3:17-18). Materialism blinds us to our own spiritual poverty. It is a fruitless attempt to find meaning outside of God. When we try to find ultimate fulfillment in a thing or a person other than Christ or a place other than Heaven, we become idolaters. According to Scripture, materialism is not only evil; it is tragic and pathetic (Jeremiah 2:11-13).

Every attempt to find life in anyone or anything but God is vain. Materialism is a dead-end street. It is not only wrong—it is utterly self-destructive.

2. Materialism blinds us to the curses of wealth.

John Steinbeck wrote a letter to Adlai Stevenson, which was recorded in the January 28, 1960edition of the Washington Post. Steinbeck says, “If I wanted to destroy a nation, I would give it too much, and I would have it on its knees, miserable, greedy, sick.”

Scripture suggests that the possession of riches is almost always a spiritual liability (Mark10:23-25). If Jesus was serious when He said how hard it is for a rich man to enter God’s kingdom, and if being part of the kingdom of Heaven is the highest blessing a person can receive, then how can we imagine that having riches is always a blessing from God? Material prosperity can begin as God’s blessing, but when we treat it as a substitute for God, it becomes a curse.

3. Materialism brings us unhappiness and anxiety.

The risk of financial resources is well illustrated by the suicides and emotional breakdowns that commonly occur during significant drops in the stock market. It’s also demonstrated in the epidemic levels of high blood pressure and hypertension among today’s “successful” professionals.

Materialism is the mother of anxiety. No wonder Christ’s discourse on earthly and heavenly treasures is immediately followed by His admonitions not to worry about material things (Matthew6:25-34).

Paul says that the rich should not “put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but . . . in God, who richly provides” (1 Timothy6:17). To set our heart on earthly riches not only deprives God of glory, others of help, and ourselves of reward, it also destines us to perpetual insecurity. In contrast, the one whose hope is in God will be devastated only if God fails—and He never does.

4. Materialism ends in ultimate futility.

The book of Ecclesiastes is the most powerful exposé of materialism ever written. Solomon recounts his attempts to find meaning in pleasure, laughter, alcohol, folly, building projects, and the pursuit of personal interests, as well as in amassing slaves, gold and silver, singers, and a huge harem to fulfill his sexual desires (Ecclesiastes 2:1-11). He lived by this philosophy: “I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure” (Ecclesiastes 2:10).

After his years as the world’s richest man, Solomon says, “When I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 2:11). Most people chase their mirages with money, but they run out of money before they run out of mirages. So they still believe the lie that “if only I had more money, then I’d be happy.” But Solomon had it all. He had more money than he could possibly spend. He ran out of mirages before he ran out of money.

Consider this statement, “Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income” (Ecclesiastes 5:10). The repeated word never is emphatic—there are no exceptions.

5. Materialism obscures many of the best things in life, which are free—including the gift of salvation.

Some of life’s greatest blessings are just as available to the poor as to the rich, and often they are far more appreciated by the poor, whose lives are less cluttered and distracted by material wealth. The greatest blessing that God offers is available to all: “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost” (Isaiah 55:1). The same invitation is repeated in the final chapter of the Bible: “Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life” (Revelation22:17).

The only thing worth buying cannot be bought with money. God’s Son bought us our salvation, and He freely gives Himself to all who seek Him. Money cannot buy salvation, and it cannot buy rescue from judgment. “Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath” (Proverbs 11:4).

6. Materialism spawns independence and self-sufficiency, which are deadly to faith.

Why have faith in God when you have faith in yourself? Why trust God when you have all your bases covered? Why pray when you have everything under control? Why ask for your daily bread when you own the bakery? Self-sufficiency is the great enemy of faith and prayer, which are the heartbeat of the Christian life. We pride ourselves on our “financial independence,” but where would we be without God, from whom our every breath is a gift?

7. Materialism leads to pride and elitism.

The Bible is full of references proving that our tendency in prosperity is to believe we deserve the credit for what we have and to grow proud and thankless (Deuteronomy 6:1-15; 31:20; 32:15-18; 2 Chronicles 26:6-16; Psalm 49:5-6; 52:7; Proverbs 30:8-9; Hosea 13:4-6). Paul asks the prideful Christians of Corinth, “For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?” (1 Corinthians 4:7). Paul tells Timothy, “Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant” (1 Timothy6:17). After all, God is the one who has given us our intellect (Daniel2:21), our abilities (Romans 12:6), and our capacity to earn money (Deuteronomy8:18).

Jesus came to die for every person of every social and economic level. Paul reminds the proud Corinthians that the Church is made up of the dregs of this world (1 Corinthians1:26-31). Elitism boosts our egos by making us think we are somehow more worthy than others. Few things are more repugnant to the Lord than the rich despising the poor (Job 12:5). Yet our clubs and social circles, sometimes even our churches, foster this very attitude.

8. Materialism promotes injustice and exploitation.

James condemned the rich, virtually assuming that anyone who is rich practices injustice to the poor and will come under God’s judgment as a result (James 5:1-6). The Old Testament prophets spoke out so consistently against the oppression of the poor by the rich that they left the distinct impression that a righteous rich man is rare (Isaiah 10:1-3; Jeremiah 5:27-28; 15:13; Hosea 12:8; Amos 5:11, 24; Micah 6:12).

The rich man will usually be materialistic. The materialistic man will always be unjust. The wealthier the man, the greater his opportunity for injustice. Of course, the wealthy man is no more inherently sinful than the poor—he simply has more means and opportunity to subsidize and impose his sins upon others.

9. Materialism fosters immorality and the deterioration of the family.

Those who enjoy prosperity, power, and privilege also commonly indulge in sexual immorality. Solomon had seen his father’s bad example. Prosperous King David, spoiled by getting everything he wanted, did not deny himself one more possession—another man’s wife (2 Samuel 11).

For years studies have shown a connection between marital infidelity and an increase in income. Of course, the point is not the income itself, but the lifestyle it underwrites. A Christian can make a million dollars a year, give generously, live modestly, and avoid much of the added temptation to immorality. It’s not how much we make that matters. It’s how much we keep.

A consequence of adultery is often divorce, and the consequences of divorce in the lives of children are inestimable. Even when adultery doesn’t result in divorce, it destroys the fabric of marriage and prevents the home from being a moral sanctuary from the corruption of the world. Anything that contributes to an increase in immorality, as materialism clearly does, directly contributes to the breakdown of families and the deterioration of society.

10. Materialism distracts us from our central purpose.

When Jesus describes the various kinds of people who respond to the gospel, He states that some seed “fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants” (Matthew 13:7). He later explains to the disciples, “The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful” (Matthew 13:22). Notice the clear relationship between wealth and worry.

Like the circus plate spinner who runs frantically from one plate to the next, quickly spinning each one again before it can fall and crash, many of us center our lives around possessions, concerns, and activities that demand our constant attention and thereby draw attention away from what God has called us to be and do.

Let’s Not Fail to Prepare for the Life Ahead

After striking a large deposit of gold, two miners in the Klondike gold rush were so excited about unearthing more and more gold each day that they neglected to store up provisions for the winter. Then came the first blizzard. Nearly frozen, one of the miners scribbled a note explaining their foolishness. Then he lay down to die, having come to his senses too late. Months later, a prospecting party discovered the note and the miners’ frozen bodies lying on top of a huge pile of gold.

Obsessed with their treasure, these men hadn’t taken into account that the fair weather wouldn’t last and winter was coming. Hypnotized by their wealth, they failed to prepare for the imminent future. The gold that seemed such a blessing proved to be a deadly curse.

Dazzled by riches and the prospect of having more, materialists live out their life on earth as if this were all there is. They fail to prepare for the long life ahead. One day, sooner than expected, materialists will find out they were wrong. They will discover the truth that all the wealth in the world can do nothing for them. If they don’t make that discovery until they die, it will be too late to go back and change the way they lived.

The good news is, God gave us His Word so we don’t have to wait until we die to discover how we should have lived. That’s why in order to break free from the tyranny of materialism, we desperately need to read the Scriptures, to grapple with these issues, bring them to God in prayer, discuss them with our brothers and sisters, and look for and learn from those rare models of nonmaterialistic living in our Christian communities.

Excerpted from Randy’s book Money, Possessions, and Eternity. See also his books The Treasure Principle, Managing God's Money, and Giving Is the Good Life. 

epm.org. Used by permission. 

 With days shortened and the breathtaking migrations now concluded, the last leaves of autumn would spin in some nimble dance set to the music of the seasons, bow in the exit of a season well lived, and then graciously turn the stage of the world over to a winter’s rest.  With fall having spun off the stage until the next year’s curtain call, the world would rub sleepy eyes, wrap itself in a fleecy blanket of wooly-white snow, roll over and slowly drift off to a winter’s slumber.  And it was on a horizon of frothy snow and winter’s white that Christmas headed our way. 

I grew up with Christmas carols listlessly floating through our house throughout the holidays.  With the tree sparkling in a perpetual cascade of color, the woodsy aroma of burning hardwood in the fireplace, frothy hot chocolate rubbing everything sweet, windows resplendently edged by frost’s brilliant artistry, and with snow tenderly pirouetting with winter’s wind, the music drifted through the house and cavorted with our hearts.  It somehow lent a voice to it all, and in doing so it seemed to draw out and magnify the deepest essence each thing.

Music gave the season a voice.  Its melodies embroidered everything, framing all the elements of the holidays and showcasing them in a way grander than any museum could ever hope to replicate.  And in the embroidering, it brought them all together in a splendid sort of unity wherein their voices coalesced in a manner so utterly marvelous that you almost couldn’t stand it.

While the sweetness of the melodies were ‘captivating’, I later learned that the prose in the lyrics were ‘life-changing’.  Although I had not recognized it earlier, the power of the words exceeded the majesty of the melody.  And I soon learned that although I had left the words aside on the distant edges of the melody, it was the words that moved me.  The melody was the means by which the words were delivered.  I had paid attention to the packaging of melody, thinking it alone was the message when all along it was the lyrics.

The Lyrics of the World

The world is inundated by music, or what purports to be music.  It likewise embroiders everything, framing the elements of our lives and our existence.  Its penmanship is born of the musing of men, absent of anything more for by ourselves we cannot be more.  Therefore, it’s scrawling’s will be infected by the poison of our depravity, spun bare by the bane of our bias, grated thin by our greed, and it will be held a helpless hostage to the confines of our limitations. 

And because man’s music is crafted by both pen and ink of this sort, we would be wise to ask, “What are the lyrics?”  What is it that’s embroidering and framing this world of ours?  What is it that’s lending a voice to our seasons?  What are the words that we’ve pushed off to the distant edges of the melody?  What are the lyrics, because if we listen to them, we will live them. 

The Lyrics of Christmas

The lyrics of Christmas are freed of the scrawling penmanship of men.  And because they are, they call us to all that is good and to live expecting all that is great.  They inspire us against the bane of mediocrity and the cancer of selfishness.  They bid that we boldly raise ourselves beyond ourselves and be merciless in throwing down everything that throws us down.  They challenge us to embrace the wholeness of our humanity rather than wallowing in the greed of our depravity.  They are lyrics of the very liberation that we fear, but the exact liberation that we need.  They call us to a restoration of everything that we were made to be but everything that we have stubbornly refused to be. 

They are lyrics penned by a God who stepped into the sordid rubbish of our own soiled depravity so that we might join Him in a grand reversal of humanity restored.  They are the lyrics of a great turning, of a freefall reversed and destruction destroyed.  They are the light relentlessly shining into the twisted catacombs of our own creation within which we have buried ourselves.  And if in fact we live the lyrics that we are listening to, these are the lyrics that I wish to hear.  These are the words I wish to sing. 

And so, at this time of Christmas you might ask yourself, “What are the lyrics that I am listening to?”  For whatever they are, they are what you will live.

"It’s simply amazing to me how quickly the Christmas things are out on store shelves!!  Before we can even get through Halloween the little green and red stuff starts appearing in stores.  Then well before Thanksgiving, Walmart and Target and Costco are in full Christmas shopping swing.

Of course, I know that this is mostly because of the category retail stores put Christmas in—exactly that:  Retail.  But what is also kind of ironic is that this particular season does not invoke joy from everyone.  As some of us know very well, this season can the catalyst for more pain and loneliness than any other time of year.

What I’ve also realized as I’ve gotten older and spent more time counseling and teaching women, is that this pain and loneliness isn’t necessarily dependent on physicality, and by that I mean whether or not you are physically alone or not. 

Loneliness and depression are no respecter of persons.  They don’t just appear because of a death or a separation.  They can come seemingly out of nowhere with no outward valid reason, and they invade every aspect of the recipient’s life.

Christmas just makes that harder.  It’s like having joy forced down your throat, and there’s not much else in the world that can make a person less joyful than being sad and then surrounded by a lot of stuff telling you to be happy.

However, what I’ve also realized is that loneliness is a choice. Oftentimes, so is sadness. We can choose to remain in that state, or we can choose to move out of it, but only we can do that for ourselves. It’s absolutely unrealistic to expect someone else to swoop in and do that on our behalf. I feel lonely a lot of the time, and I’ve also come to understand that if I want to eliminate that feeling, then I am the one who must do something about it.

What follows is a list I’ve created for this specific time of year to try to help myself and others get free from the pervading loneliness that seems to creep up on us particularly at Christmas. These are very practical suggestions, but I can promise you that if you will do even just a one or two of them, you will be pleasantly surprised at how much better you will feel.

1. Put up some Christmas decorations.

I realize this seems quite trivial, but it is something to do, and in doing it, you’re basically telling your heart that you’re not listening to it.  Instead you’re going to be festive, for crying out loudJ!

It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive, but be sure that most of what you put up is about Jesus.  After all, it is His birthday we’re celebrating.  Then once it’s up, you have a daily visual reminder of why you’re celebrating in the first place.

2. Get involved with your local church’s Christmas pageant/program/outreach.

This one is #2 on the list, but that by no means represents it as minimally important.  This step is very important.  Find out what your church is doing to celebrate, and get involved.  Most churches at least do something with the children, and they are a blast during the holidays.  It will be good medicine to be around the little ones who seem to have no troubles at all celebrating Christmas and having abundant joy in the midst of it. 

If you don’t belong to a church, then find one that is close to you and get involved with their program.  Prayerfully you’ll find a church home when you weren’t even expecting it!

3. Make plans for Christmas Day.

The tendency when we are lonely is to isolate ourselves, which when you see that actually written seems a little ridiculous, doesn’t it?  However, this is precisely the human condition, so do something against that now.  Make plans for Christmas Day.  If you don’t have family in town, don’t be afraid to ask someone if you can join them for Christmas dinner.  What is even better is if you organize a little dinner or something for you and anyone else you know who might be alone during this time.

Start now.  Have a plan and stick to it.

4. Make a “20/20” List.

This one needs a little explanation.  We’ve all heard the saying, “Hindsight is 20/20,” meaning that we all have perfect vision when we’re looking at what has already happened.  A “20/20” list is a physical list that I make quite often when I’m feeling sad or lonely.  I take just few minutes and make a list of all the ways God has shown Himself both faithful and loving in my past. 

It may take a few attempts, but all of us can write something, and the physical act of writing them is exceptionally therapeutic. As a matter of fact, while I was studying for my master’s degree in the Art of Teaching, I did my thesis on how the brain remembers things.  I found out that there is actually a trigger in the brain for memory when we physically put pen or pencil to paper.  It will happen with the computer, too, but not nearly as strongly.  When we physically write something on paper, the chemical reactions in our brains for memory are stronger than at any other time.

Writing a 20/20 list will help.  I promise.

5. Sing!!!

And you don’t even have to be good at it!!  Sing Christmas songs, sing praise songs, and don’t just passively listen—Sing!!  Sing loudly and sing out!  Sing in your car, sing in your house or apartment, sing in your back yard—sing anywhere.  It’s just about impossible to feel sad when you’re singing about the joy of Jesus and His birth.  We’re going to live forever only because of it, so sing about it!

6. Volunteer

I remember counseling a woman one time who had been suffering from loneliness and depression for a long time.  She had been coming to see me for a while when one day I asked her, “Where do you serve?” 

She looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted an extra head and asked incredulously, “What do you mean?”

“Where do you serve?” I repeated.  “Where are you volunteering?”

She was, quite frankly, flabbergasted and a little put out.  “How am I supposed to serve or volunteer when I feel like this?  Shouldn’t you be asking what has been done for me by others?”

How sad that is, but again, that is our human condition.  When we are sad and lonely, it is often our last instinct to serve someone else, but I can tell you definitively that serving someone else in the middle of your pain is exactly what the doctor ordered. 

Find a soup kitchen or a shelter or somewhere in your church (Ask the Children’s minister.  Believe me, they are always happy to have help!), or just look in your neighborhood.  Help someone.  It is an elixir for sadness that is just about unmatched by anything else.

7. Join a bible study.

There are so many reasons why you should do this, not the least of which is to study the very Love Letter written to you by your Bridegroom and the Lover of your soul.  There are lots of support groups out there, and many of them are very good, but nothing is quite as rewarding and edifying than spending time with other believers while looking at God’s Holy Word.

However, even beyond the obvious benefits of studying God’s Word with other believers, it’s the “other believers” that is key here, which leads right into number 8 on the list.

8. Be vulnerable.

Yikes!  I had to go and say the “V-word” didn’t I?  This is so difficult, I totally understand.  It’s extremely hard for me to open myself up to disappointment and ridicule and betrayal, which might not even happen but is more likely when you open up to others.  However, the flip side of that is so rewarding that we simply have to take the chance more often.

Be vulnerable with someone, especially someone in your local body of believers.  Is there a chance that you might get hurt?  Of course there is, but there is an even better chance that you will be uplifted and encouraged and even more than that, an encouragement to someone else.

9. Reach out to family and friends, especially those with whom you may be estranged.

These just keep getting harder and harder, don’t they?  But there’s a reason for that.  The more we’re willing to step outside of ourselves and allow healing in all areas of our lives, the more we rob Satan of any foothold he might have in causing us such loneliness and despair, especially during this most glorious of holidays.

Take that step.  Be the first one to talk.  Be the first one to call.  It may or may not bring resolution in the relationship, but it will bring peace to you. 

10. Spend time with Jesus.

I saved this for last, because it is absolutely the most important.  How can we celebrate the birth of our King if we don’t even know Him?  Make time for Jesus every single day.  Get to know Him who came and gave His very life so that you would live forever with Him." 

I pray you have a gloriously blessed and happy Christmas.  May your joy be exponentially greater as each day passes, and may loneliness be a thing of the past as you revel in the reality of your position in eternity.  Amen.

debwaterbury.com. Used by permission.

www.tomthinking.com. Used by permission of the author.

“Get me in as fast as you can,” demanded the frantic woman at the blood lab, “I am fasting, and I don’t want to sit around here all day and starve to death.” 

As I watched the receptionist it seemed she was using all her will power to keep from rolling her eyes at the woman.  Maybe I imagined it.  Sometimes when I am hungry, I think I have super powers and can read people’s thoughts and intentions. 

Meanwhile, the receptionist actually responded by saying, “Of course, ma’am, we will be with you as soon as we can.”  

As this whole scene played out before me, I remembered that almost ever person who visited the lab at this time of the morning had missed breakfast.  But, the moaning woman pouting in her chair was clueless.  She complained to anyone who would listen, completely unaware of how pervasive the hunger was in the room.  Ravenous myself, I felt justified in judging her while I waited for them to draw my blood. 

How do you behave when you are hungry?  How does skipping a meal affect your temper?

For most of us, any amount of hunger is a mood-altering event.  It is easy to be testy when feeling the growling of our stomachs and the light-headedness of low blood sugar.

The real question is how do we feel when we are spiritually hungry?  Are we even aware that our spiritual lives might be running on empty? 

How would you even begin to satisfy a deep spiritual hunger, a hunger the Bible teaches we were all created with.  Jesus calls himself the Bread of Life.  Jesus first identifies himself with this portrait, which is foreshadowed in the Old Testament, when a hungry crowd pursued him the day after he fed the five thousand in John 6:1-14.  What was Jesus emphasizing with this word picture when he said, “I am the Bread of Life”?

The Bread of Life portrait unfolds against a mighty miracle.  The feigned devotion of the crowd at the feeding never deceived or enchanted Jesus.  The day of the miracle, Jesus knew their hearts and that they wanted to make him king by force.  But, Jesus outwitted their plan by going to the mountain alone; and then after dark, he crosses the lake and joins the twelve by walking on the water (John 6:15-21).

The next morning when the crowd realized that Jesus had escaped, they began their search for him seeking another free meal.  When they finally caught up to him, Jesus confronts them with these compelling words in John 6:26-40.

Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves.  Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you.  For on him God the Father has set his seal.”  Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?”  Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.”  So they said to him, “Then what sign do you do, that we may see and believe you?  What work do you perform?  Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat’”.  Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven.  For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.”  They said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.”

Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.  But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe.  All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.  For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.  And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day.  For this is the will of my Father that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.”                                                       ESV

In the next verses the crowd begins to grumble.  But, Jesus does not back down; instead, he exposes their pretentious devotion with this teaching in John 6:53-58.

So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.  Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.  For my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink.  Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him.  As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me.  This is the bread that came down from heaven, not as the fathers ate and died.  Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.”        ESV

When the people first heard this message they probably thought Jesus was teaching cannibalism.  Especially, since this teaching occurred long before the Last Supper.  The scriptures say this lesson offended them and that day many ceased to follow Jesus.  Even the twelve were confused by this episode (John 6:61-71).  

Have we taken offense at something God has said that we don’t understand?

Jesus was offering himself to them as the sustaining “Bread of Life”, but they just wanted him to give them a free breakfast.  The people struggled to grasp Jesus’ spiritual metaphor because they wanted Jesus for what he could give them, and not for who he really was. 

What does it mean for us to feed on Jesus like bread?

The “Bread of Life” metaphor refers to believing in Jesus and believing Jesus.  So, feeding on Jesus would mean accepting Jesus as the Holy One sent from God, and trusting what Jesus said.  While accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior promises us eternal life (John 6:40) we must exercise our faith and choose to believe his words daily (John 6:68).  Jesus said in John 13:13.

            “You call me Teacher and Lord and you are right for so I am.”    ESV

We must take Jesus’ teachings to heart, accepting them and let them permeate our lives just like our physical bodies would absorb food.  If we don’t we are not feeding on Jesus.

Sometimes, if we are honest we might struggle to admit spiritual hunger is a problem.  Most people we know are good at masking or ignoring their spiritual needs, so we can almost believe there is no growling hunger.  Without accepting the reality of a ravenous spiritual appetite, though, we won’t attempt to feed ourselves or anyone else.

The Old Testament story referenced in John, chapter 6 is found in Exodus 16.  The “manna” given to the Israelites foreshadows Jesus’ portrait as the Bread of Life.

When the Jews were wandering in the desert, the Father would give manna every morning of the week, except one.  Every Friday morning a miracle would occur; God would provide extra manna, so the Israelites did not need to collect it on the Sabbath.  This Old Testament story of manna from heaven exposes a spiritual necessity; we need daily doses of spiritual bread to thrive. 

When we feed daily on Jesus, we fuel spiritual growth and strengthen our lives.   Unfortunately, we can’t store spiritual food like a bear puts on fat for the winter, because it will always be impossible for us to enter a state of spiritual hibernation.  Look at what happened when the Israelites tried to hoard the manna in Exodus 16:19-20.

“And Moses said to them, ‘Let no one leave any of it over till the morning.’  But they did not listen to Moses. Some left part of it till the morning, and it bred worms and stank.  And Moses was angry with them.”                                    ESV

As an athlete guards her diet to maintain her peak performance, our spirits need the daily nourishment of Jesus. 

Why might someone ignore his or her spiritual appetite? 

What counterfeit sources of food might a person pursue to satisfy a genuine spiritual hunger?

True strength is safely sustained only in Jesus.  It is vitally important we see the exclusive claim Jesus is making about himself with this statement, “I am the Bread of Life.”

Peter put it this way in John 6:68-69.

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”                                                                                                 ESV

Is it "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?"

Well, it should be, and for the most part, it often is. However, people are people, no matter where you go, and that includes us. Consequently, we have to deal with each other, and Thomas Wolfe’s classic novel, You Can’t Go Home Again, becomes more of a work of non-fiction rather than fiction in the lives of some.

For Christians it is doubly sad that some of us dread this blessed holiday because of tension and feuding with family members. As Christmas draws ever closer, knots in stomachs draw ever tighter, and instead of toys and gifts flying off of the shelves at Walmart, it’s Tums and Rolaids that are being re-stocked daily. That’s truly sad because for us Christians, this really is our holiday. This is our celebration, the day of the year where we celebrate the moment in time when our very salvation was born.

And yet, some of us dread it with all that is in us. My friends, this simply should not be. It should not be because it replaces the joy that we by all rights should be feeling at this time above all times. The devil knows this, which is why he loves to take this the time of year to torment us most of all. Shouldn’t this, then, be the time of year we fight back most of all?

If you are dreading Christmas this year because you know there is someone you are going to have to see that you know pushes all of your buttons or with whom you have a long standing feud or argument, be the author of peace. Be the one who stops this cycle, because believe it or not, you can do that. It really isn’t complicated, but it will take some forethought and preparation. Below are five very practical and straightforward steps that you can follow to avoid a family feud this Christmas.

ONE:  Pray for the offending party. (Luke 6:28)

Truly amazing things happen in the spiritual realm when we pray for those who mistreat us. It is a powerful thing. However, it is also a powerful thing for us. So much healing occurs in our own spirits when we humble ourselves to pray for those who have hurt us. We take great strides toward laying self aside and instead placing the good of others in front of ourselves. This is the truest form of becoming more Christlike.

Jesus said in Luke 6:28 to “bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you,” and then he went on for many verses to explain why this is the way of the believer. If we don’t, what separates us from anyone else? It’s easy to love those who treat us well, but loving those who don’t is much more difficult. Truly, that takes a supernatural love, and we have that indwelling love in us in the Holy Spirit.

TWO:  Don’t dwell on past wrongs, but if possible, think only on the good times or good things involving that person. (Philippians 4:8)

The human brain is an interesting organ. When we think of what someone does or says, the brain can’t discriminate between the feelings of a memory and an actual occurrence. As far as your hypothalamus is concerned, every time you remember the occurrence, it happened. So, if you remember your uncle calling you stupid 326 times, then you will feel like he called you stupid 326 times.

You see, God gives us directives in His Word for our good because He knows what is best for us. When He told us in Philippians 4:8 to think on whatever is true and honorable and just and pure and lovely, He did so because He knew we would react to those thoughts. You will react to the thoughts you have about your family member, too. That’s why thinking only on whatever good things you can leading up to Christmas will greatly benefit the outcome of the occasion.

THREE:  Sit down and make an actual list of positive qualities about this person and then spend some time meditating on them. (Philippians 4:8-9)

Another interesting thing about the brain is how well it retains information when we physically write things down. Something almost magical happens when our hand writes things down on paper.

The brain works on what has been described as a sort of filing system. We create files for every piece of information that we take in from the moment we are born. Depending on the way you take information in and the number of times you take that information in, it will determine the number of files you have, the kind of files you create, and then the ease with which you will be able to access those files in order to remember said information.

It has been scientifically proven that not only do we create more files for information when we physically write things down, but we also create bigger files in that act alone. Why do you think your teachers in school were constantly making you take notes? I know it seemed like we were simply trying to torture you, and sometimes we were, but mostly we knew it would help you remember the information.

The act of writing down a list of positive qualities about the person with whom you are offended before you see them and then meditating on those qualities will help you recall them when you are confronted with painful or hurtful feelings when you see them. Believe me, you will be better able to deal with those feelings if your mind is conditioned beforehand.

FOUR:  Ask God to put a guard over your mouth. (Psalm 141:3)

When someone baits us with horrible words, it is a difficult thing not to answer back. I could not understand that struggle more. Something inside of us rises to the occasion to defend not only ourselves, but to stand for justice and righteousness and liberty, and well, any other tremendous word we can think of in the moment. It just seems like the right thing to do, and it seems like the wrong thing to let them get away with saying horrible things.

In a word, it’s our pride. It’s our sense of justice and our need, our desire to dispense it. I am constantly reminded in those moments of James 4:12, “There is only one law-giver and judge; he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?”

It is so much easier to prepare for those instances by asking God to put that guard over our mouths before we go. We cannot do it in our own strength. Our flesh will surely take over when we are in those situations, but with God and His strength, it is possible. Pray Psalm 141:3 every day leading up to Christmas and the confrontation with the family member you dread seeing. God is faithful. He will not fail you.

Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth,

keep watch over the door of my lips!

FIVE:  Dwell every day, every morning if possible, on what was made possible for you because of what you are actually celebrating on this day. (Isaiah 9:6-7)

The battle is in our minds. Satan would have you think on anything and everything other than Jesus. He wants you to set your mind on this world and the cares therein, but take that battle back! You are the author of what occurs in your head! And the weapons of that warfare are the very words of our Father. Speak truth where there are lies. Meditate every single day on the reality of what we celebrate, and do so by speaking the Word of God. Satan cannot stand against that mighty Sword.

The key is preparation, as with any battle, and believe me, my friend, this is war. The enemy wants us disillusioned and disenchanted, because if we, the ones who know the truth, are disillusioned during this blessed holiday, then the world will continue to see it as a marketing, pagan ploy.

Instead, be merry this Christmas. Be joyful. And be at peace. Our Savior has come.

Hallelujah!

“Oh,” said her mother, “then you stopped to help her fix the doll?”

“No,” replied the little girl, “I stopped to help her cry.”

Hurt and pain are inevitable. It’s not a matter of if we’re going to be hurt, but rather when and how we will deal with the pain.

Pain takes many forms. It can be physical (a sprained ankle), social (exclusion from a group), or emotional (embarrassment, disappointment). Some hurts may be perceived as relatively minor—“I was embarrassed at lunch today when I spilled ketchup on my shirt.” Others are major—“My father abandoned me.”

There’s only one antidote for hurt—comfort.

Here are some practical suggestions on how to comfort other people.

Learn to sense when someone is hurting and be willing and available to help her.

We’re often unaware when people are hurting. Sometimes circumstances will give us a clue (physical illness, death of a loved one, divorce or separation, loss of a job), but often it’s not so apparent. So be discerning and learn to recognize when people are in need of comforting

When you do sense that someone is hurting, are you willing to slow down and take the time to minister comfort or do you choose not to “go there”? You must be discerning, willing, and available.

When someone is hurting, if possible, enter her physical world.

While it is possible to comfort someone over the phone or in a letter, it is best done in person and preferably in the hurting person’s space. If your friend is hurting, instead of suggesting, “Susan, it sounds like we need to talk. Can you drop by my office this afternoon?” it’s better to offer, “Susan, it sounds like we need to talk. Can I come by your office this afternoon?”

Enter her mental and emotional world.

Humans live in at least three “worlds” simultaneously: physical, mental and emotional. While it’s easy to determine where someone is physically, it’s more difficult to determine where she is mentally and emotionally. But to comfort effectively it helps to understand what a person is thinking and feeling. Often, just asking directly – “How are you feeling? What are you thinking?” – is sufficient. At other times it takes more effort, particularly if the person is guarded and reticent to share.

Listen.

A good comforter must be a good listener. Let the one who is hurt do most of the talking; if you talk too much you’ll inevitably engage in unproductive responses.

When someone needs comfort, avoid these unproductive responses.

• Advice/instruction – “Let me give you some steps of action to solve the problem.” Or, “Maybe next time that happens you should…”
• Logic/reasoning – “Let me analyze the situation and tell you why it happened.” Or, “I think the reason this happened was because…”
• Pep talk – “You’re a winner! You’ll make it through these tough times!” Or, “I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day.”
• Minimize – “Sure it hurts, but get it in perspective, there’s a lot going on that’s good.” Or, “Aren’t you being overly sensitive?”
• Anger – “That makes me so mad! They shouldn’t get away with that!” Or, “I’m so upset that you keep getting yourself hurt.”
• Martyr’s complex – “I had something similar happen to me.” Or, “After the kind of day I had, let me tell you what hurt really feels like.”
• Personal fear/anxiety – “I’m afraid that what has happened to you is going to affect my life too.”
• Silence/neglect – Not saying anything.
• Fix it – “I can’t believe that salesman talked to you like that. I’m calling the store right now and talking to his boss.” Or, “Sorry you had a flat tire on that lonely road. Tomorrow I’ll get a set of new tires.”
• Spiritualize – “Well, you know that God will work all of this out for your good.”

While some of these responses may be appropriate to share after the hurting person has been comforted, they don’t work as the initial response.

Learn the “vocabulary of comfort.”

Often, we don’t know what to say to someone who is hurting because we’ve never developed an appropriate vocabulary. We don’t need to say a lot, a few choice sentences are sufficient. Here are some suggestions.

• I’m so sorry that you are hurting.
• It saddens me that you’re hurting. I love you and care for you.
• I’m committed to help you through this difficult time.
• It saddens me that you felt _________ (embarrassed, rejected, belittled). I know that must have hurt.
• I know that you’re hurting. I just wanted to come be with you.

When speaking words of comfort, it’s also important that our tone of voice complement what is being said. Our speech should be warm, sincere and gentle.

Use appropriate non-verbal gestures.

A warm embrace or gentle touch can express comfort. Tears shed for someone else can convey love beyond words.

Jess Moody says this about comfort, “Have you ever taken a real trip down inside the broken heart of a friend? To feel the sob of the soul – the raw, red crucible of emotional agony? To have this become almost as much yours as that of your soul-crushed neighbor? Then, to sit down with him – and silently weep? This is the beginning of compassion.”

We continually come in contact with people who are hurting. Let’s minister grace and healing to them through the simple but effective gift of comfort.

www.donmcminn.com. Original material from Dr. David Ferguson of www.greatcommandment.net.

Now the mistake we made in previous decades was to tell the truth in ways that weren’t always loving. The answer to this is not to shrink back from speaking truth. It is to learn to speak the truth in love.

Jesus was certainly a friend of sinners—and we should be too—but it’s time we reassess what being a friend actually looks like. I don’t know about you, but I, for one, expect my friends to tell me the truth. I don’t want them to bash me over the head with it, but I do want them to tell me the things I need to hear in a loving way.

We’ve all been given truth without love at times. It doesn’t feel very good. Truth without love is mean—but love without truth is meaningless. We need both. And when we look at Jesus, we see these two qualities on full display. He is the God who so loved the world, the one who is Himself the very nature of love, yet He is also the truth (John 14:6).

Consider the example of the woman caught in adultery in John chapter 8.

She is exposed in her sin and is surrounded by her self-righteous accusers who want to stone her. Most of us know the story. Jesus reaches down and writes something mysterious in the sand. Then he stands up and says to those condemning her, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” One by one, beginning with the older ones, her accusers begin to turn away. And then comes the moment of beautiful grace we’re all familiar with. Jesus turns to her and says, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She responds, “No one, sir.” And He says, “Then neither do I condemn you.” Simply awe-inspiring.

What an amazing embodiment of love and grace and beauty all wrapped up into this potent moment. The God of eternity reached down into the dust of our existence and transformed it with a single touch.

But if Jesus had the attitude of most churches today, that’s where the story would end. Thankfully, it doesn’t. His love for us extends well beyond that.

As beautiful as the words “Then neither do I condemn you” are, His next words are equally charged with grace, love, and truth.

He tells her, “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Why? Because He knows she’s been looking for life in places she can’t find it. Because He knows she’s been trying to drink from cracked, dry cisterns that can’t touch her thirst for more. Because He sees the broken ways of living she’s embraced, and is inviting her to leave them behind. Because His desire for her is that she run fully in the identity He created her for, and He knows she’s been living far below it. He sees the pain her choices have caused in her life and in the lives of others, and He has so much better things in store.

Do you see this?

This call is an invitation to more, and It’s breathtakingly BEAUTIFUL.

You see, Jesus loves us where we are but he never leaves us where we are. He calls us into life.

My question is, as a church, are we doing the same?

When I look at the body of Christ at large, we are eerily silent on so many things that are wreaking havoc in people’s lives—things like greed, same-sex attraction, hypocrisy, gossip, self-identification, slander, moral relativism, gender confusion, abortion, pornography, and more. Is this what truly loving people equates to—silence?

Would we rather risk leaving someone in bondage and shame than say something in love that may temporarily offend or discomfort them? Have we confused loving people unconditionally with giving blanket approval of their actions? Do we believe God’s Word still speaks to these things? It is not God’s Word that is silent on the controversial topics of our day—it’s us. And the hard truth is that we are not truly loving people the way Jesus did if we shy back from the truth in the name of love. Jesus never did. His love runs so much deeper than that.

Beloved, let’s be like Jesus, full of compassion, yet uncompromising in truth.

May we never cease to declare with boldness the unchanging, constant, unconditional, infinite, undeserved, adamant love of God—but let’s remember that love always calls us out of brokenness into something better.

Let’s never forget that the same Jesus who says, “Neither do I condemn you” says, “Go and leave your life of sin.” He doesn’t just forgive our sins and remove our shame. He sets us free from sin’s tyrannical rule in our lives and invites us into life as He intended for us. God, in His adamant love for us, won’t settle for anything less. We shouldn’t either.

www.messengerinternational.org. Used by permission. 

“Happiness” comes from the Middle English hap meaning “chance” or “good luck.”  Happiness, for many people, is a circumstance: something that must happen to them in order to feel satisfied.

Joy is something altogether different. Biblical joy is grounded in something eternal—in Christ whose coming into the world should be a cause of great joy for all people (Luke 2:10).

6 Practical Ways to Cultivate Joy in Your Home at Christmas

It isn’t hard for kids to be happy around Christmas, especially if they think there’s going to be a pile of gifts waiting for them on December 25th. But this kind of happiness is hardly the joy the Bible talks about.

“Happiness” comes from the Middle English hap meaning “chance” or “good luck.”  Happiness, for many people, is a circumstance: something that must happen to them in order to feel satisfied.

Joy is something altogether different. Biblical joy is grounded in something eternal—in Christ whose coming into the world should be a cause of great joy for all people (Luke 2:10).

Here are 6 ways to experience that kind of joy at Christmas.

1. Christmas Light Adventure

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life…Your father Abraham rejoiced that he would see my day. He saw it and was glad.” (John 8:12,56)

The tradition of putting up Christmas lights goes back to 16th- and 17th-century Germany when candles were placed on or beside decorated evergreen trees in Christian homes. Some say they were meant to remind Christians of Jesus: the light of the world. Candles were eventually replaced with electric lights in the late 1800s.

Take your kids out for an evening drive to see electric light displays on homes, businesses, and public buildings. As you drive, remind your children that Jesus is the light of the world, the one prophets longed would come into our dark, sinful world.

2. Give Extravagantly

“…their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part.” (2 Corinthians 8:2)

Gift-giving wasn’t always a God-honoring Christmas tradition, but Christmas started to become a more family-centered holiday in the early 1800s, and quickly turned into an opportunity for commercialism.

Rather that merely giving your children gifts, think of ways as a family to give extravagantly and sacrificially.

·       Look for opportunities to send money or resources to others in your community and around the globe.

·       Ask your church leaders about missionaries or local initiatives who need support.

·       Use the gift catalogues put out by ministries like Compassion International or Samaritan’s Purse to buy items for needy people around the world.

3. Take It to the Streets

“And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.” (Luke 2:20)

Caroling goes back many centuries. In the middle ages, men would sometimes go “wassailing,” traveling to the home of their feudal lords to sing songs, wishing them health and good will—usually in exchange for cakes, cider, and ale. This tradition was eventually domesticated in Victorian times and became a way to celebrate harmony between neighbors and social classes at Christmastime.

Take your kids caroling with you to visit neighbors and especially shut-ins or those at nursing homes. Find lively Christmas carols that focus on the birth of Christ. Take time to talk to your children about the carols meaning. The joy of Jesus’ coming prompts us to sing about Him.

4. Be Intentional: Slow Down Together

“Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot.” (Ecclesiastes 5:18)

Christmas can be a very busy season for a lot of families, so in order to take joy in the good gifts we’ve been given by God, it is important to slow down and enjoy one another.

·       Schedule families nights. If you don’t plan it, something will fill that time.

·       Cook or bake together. Find special foods that your family associates with the Christmas season and make them together as a family.

·       Craft together. This is especially great for kids. Find crafts that serve as reminders of the meaning of Christmas.

5. Make Service a Habit

“…remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” (Acts 20:35)

The path to lasting joy is the road of humility—forgetting about yourself and spending your time to bless others. There are many ways to do this as a family.

·       Make and deliver cookies to the fire station, police station, or hospital employees.

·       Make and deliver treats for your neighbors.

·       Send Christmas cards to military serving abroad.

·       Have your kids set up a hot chocolate stand to raise money for a good cause.

·       Make a meal for an elderly friend or relative.

·       Ring bells for the Salvation Army.

·       Invite a widow or widower from your church over for dinner, and have the kids help to make the food.

·       Have your kids purge their toys to give to Angel Tree Prison Fellowship.

·       Volunteer at Ronald McDonald House.

·       Pack shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child, a ministry of Samaritan’s Purse.

·       Make homemade crafts to take to the children’s hospital.

·       Serve food at a local homeless shelter or food pantry.

·       Find ministries in town that have an adopt-a-family program.

There are many ways you can serve others.

6. Do Extra-Special Devotions for Christmas

“For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” (Romans 15:4)

Family devotions are a great habit to get into as a family, but around Christmastime it is a great idea to make devotions extra-special, something memorable to take the focus off the bustle of the holiday.

In past years, we done special Christmas carol devotions with our kids, talking about the lyrics and the stories behind some of our favorite Christmas carols. The kids have really enjoyed these times because they get to sing loud and dance around.

We took 15 of our favorite Christmas carol devotionals and put them into a book this year. The Stories Behind the Music uses Scriptures, classic Christmas carols, and hands-on activities speak to your families minds and hearts the truths of the gospel.

For more Christmas ideas, go to www.intoxicatedonlife.com. 

Russell Moore, in his charming article about Fred Rogers, pulls our heartstrings and reminds us how we should cherish those around us. His words inspire us not to see the sweater, but to hear his powerful Christian message:

“This year marks the fiftieth anniversary of public television’s Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. The milestone will bring with it a major book, a feature film (starring Tom Hanks as Fred Rogers), and even a U.S. postage stamp. When one considers all the ephemera of children’s programming, the ongoing cultural resonance of this show is staggering. Fifty years from now will anyone note the anniversary of Gumball or Clarence? I doubt it. So why does Mr. Rogers, even long after his death, still beckon us into his neighborhood?

Fred Rogers, after all, is hardly the sort of person one would choose to “connect with the next generation.” He was a Presbyterian minister, of all things. Those cardigan sweaters and loafers would have seemed out-of-date in all fifty of the years since the first broadcast aired. Mister Rogers had no zaniness or charisma or celebrity pull that one would audition if one were looking for someone to speak to children.

We are looking, ultimately, for the weight of the glory of the kingdom of the reigning Christ. But, sometimes, along the way, it’s good to be reminded that, despite all the brokenness and loneliness of a fallen world, it can be a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

But that is why he persists in the public imagination. Mister Rogers was never “Fred.” He was Mister Rogers. He was a grown-up, and that’s exactly what children loved.

That’s the part of Fred Rogers’s work that is probably the easiest to misunderstand. One can listen to the songs he sang… “It’s such a good feeling to know you’re alive…” or “I like you just the way you are…” and assume that Rogers was a live-action version of a sappy self-esteem curriculum. Rogers, though, would talk to children about the darkest topics possible, addressing children’s fears directly, whether those fears were about being sucked down the drain in a bathtub or parents’ divorcing or the death of grandparents. He even helped children think through terrorist attacks and war, in a way that neither waved away the darkness of violence nor surrendered to fear or anger.

When one listens to those old broadcasts, what is striking is that Rogers, while not startling children with graphic details inappropriate for them, deals honestly both with the children and the subject he’s addressing. There is reassurance, but it seems to be an earned reassurance—the reassurance of one who is a diplomat from the world of grown-ups.

I think often of the account I read of a man who grew up in extreme neglect and abuse but found a few minutes of respite every day when he entered Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. “When he said, ‘I like you just the way you are,’ it was as though he was speaking directly to me.” Rogers transcends generational differences and media trends because he had a unique ability to break through the fourth wall of the screen, to seem to be actually talking to his audience, to actually almost see them.

The idea of being seen, of being acknowledged, is almost universally recognized by early childhood development scholars as necessary for the healthy emotional and mental growth of a child. As a Christian, I think this need points not only to the foundations of nature, but beyond nature. At the baptism of Jesus, the Father’s voice announces, “You are My beloved Son, and with you I am well pleased” (Matt. 3:17).

Children were drawn to Rogers not because he was a spectacle; he wasn’t. They were drawn to him because an adult seemed to look over that glass divide and say to them that their value was not in their striving and doing and buying and consuming. “It’s you I like. It’s not the things you wear. It’s not the way you do your hair. But it’s you I like. The way you are right now. The way down deep inside you, not the things that hide you. Not your toys; they’re just beside you…But it’s you I like.”

Sappy? Yes. Awkward? Kind of. Mister Rogers would probably plead guilty to all of that. But, for at least fifty years of children, he never seemed to be selling anything. In an era in which whirl is king, Fred Rogers provided a little vision of stability. He had the same house, the same mailman, the same puppets, and in his personal life, the same wife. In a world of fractured neighborhoods and splintered families, who can honestly say that we don’t need to see, somewhere, that such is possible?

His program reminded us that we are not alone. He reminded us that no matter how we display and act tough, however much we “win,” that what we really want is to be known and to be loved.

In 1997, Rogers received an Emmy Award for lifetime achievement. His acceptance speech went viral, and is widely viewed even now. What made it so was not some sort of explosive antic, but his request to the crowd to take ten seconds, in silence (“dead air” in television-speak) to think about the people in their lives, living or dead, who had believed in them, helped them along the way. Those ten seconds were filled with images of world-renowned celebrities wiping away tears. That, I think, is why Mister Rogers still matters.

His program reminded us that we are not alone. He reminded us that no matter how we display and act tough, however much we “win,” that what we really want is to be known and to be loved. Mister Rogers never seemed to care whether people thought he was old-fashioned or irrelevant or not “edgy enough.” He remembered what it was like to be a child, but he had loved being a grown-up, and he knew we could too.

We are looking, ultimately, for the weight of the glory of the kingdom of the reigning Christ. But, sometimes, along the way, it’s good to be reminded that, despite all the brokenness and loneliness of a fallen world, it can be a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

www.russellmoore.com.

You might think it’s an event you do, or perhaps it’s Easter. But whether Christmas has historically been your best opportunity to reach unchurched people or not, I believe it could be.

You may think it’s far too early to start thinking about Christmas, but think again. Whenever I’ve shared these ideas about Christmas, people say “Hey, I wish you’d talked about this earlier.” So we are.

So why can Christmas become your very best outreach event of the year?

IT ONLY HAPPENS ONCE A YEAR THESE DAYS

As our culture becomes more and more post-Christian, we’re seeing far fewer times when the holidays of the church and the holidays of culture sync. I remember about a decade ago hearing a Toronto DJ refer to Easter as “the first long weekend of summer” (in Canada Good Friday is a holiday and schools still take Easter Monday off…a relic from Colonial days). Good Friday and Easter were completely lost on him. It was simply time off.

Christmas is completely different.

Our culture still loves Christmas. Sure, the motives are commercial. But Christmas is the only time of year when you’ll hear malls belt out explicitly Christian songs like Charles Wesley’s “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing:”

Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased with us in flesh to dwell
Jesus, our Emmanuel

If you follow a lot of Christians on social media leading up to Christmas, you probably have noticed how many people lament over the culture’s disregard of Christ.

Well, you can see the obstacle. Or you can see the opportunity. I choose to see the opportunity. There are so many connection points with our culture you’ll miss if you only see the glass as half empty.

This is no time for the church to be more cynical than the world, which still remembers something is different at Christmas, even if they’re not exactly sure what it is.

Stop complaining about the world. Reach it instead.

As the general population thinks less about the Christian faith, Christmas provides a unique opportunity to reach people who no longer ordinarily attend church.

What’s surprising is that many churches don’t really leverage Christmas to make the impact it could.

At Connexus Church, where I serve, our Christmas service wins hands-down every year for both overall attendance AND attendance by unchurched people.  Although from a theological viewpoint, Christmas will never be bigger than Easter, when we think of it in practical terms, our Christmas outreach is always bigger than Easter simply because the culture is paying more attention.

Our culture pauses for Christmas in a way it pauses for little else in the year.

TV and film celebrate Christmas in all of its expressions. Almost everyone decorates their homes, businesses, and cities.

On December 24th and 25th, the Western world comes as close to stopping as it ever does.

I’m not sure there’s any better time than Christmas to connect with those of your friends and neighbors who rarely, if ever, go to church.

Here are 11 ways to make Christmas your best outreach of the year.

1. DESIGN AN EVENT FOR YOUR COMMUNITY, NOT FOR YOUR MEMBERS

So what’s the biggest mistake many churches make each Christmas?

Simple. Too many churches hold a quiet Christmas Eve or Christmas Day service for members and leave it at that.

Others will do little to nothing special.

That makes Christmas the biggest missed opportunity of the year.

Unchurched people want to celebrate Christmas. Why can’t your church help them?

Here’s a hint: if you design your services with the community in mind, your members will love it too. Especially if their friends come and it changes their lives.

2. BRAND THE EVENT AROUND THE COMMUNITY, NOT YOUR CHURCH

One of the best decisions we’ve made in the last few years is to take our church’s name off the main branding for our Christmas services.

We simply use the names of the cities we’re in. So for Barrie, Ontario, we’re Christmas in Barrie. In Orillia, it’s Christmas Eve in Orillia etc. Sure, we let people know it’s hosted by a church, but people are looking for a place to celebrate and we want them to know we can host them and their family at an event designed for the city.

We’re expanding our Christmas outreach this year into four cities that are within an hour of each other (which makes specific theming more difficult), so we’re using Christmas Eve in the City as a larger brand. 

3. BUILD A SPECIAL WEBSITE

If someone has to click through 15 pages of your website to find your Christmas services, they’ll probably give up. And even if you put it on the home page of your website, it’s still a church website.

We started building custom sites a few years ago for our Christmas services and have been thrilled with the results. 

Again, people have Christmas on their mind, and when the site looks like Christmas and there are free tickets available (see below), it’s easier for people to say “I’m in.”

Sites like this don’t have to be expensive. Get a teenager in your church to design one. Or, for a thousand dollars or so, you can have a basic site put together.

Find an easy to remember URL (like ChristmasEveInTheCity.com or ChristmasInYourTown.com) that makes your site more findable, local and shareable.

4. EXPERIMENT WITH MULTIPLE SERVICE TIMES

Not everyone can make it to your ‘one’ service. This year we’re doing 8 services over two days (the 23rd and 24th) in four cities.

Yes, those are long work days for staff and volunteers, but you can reap a harvest all year long from that investment.

We always offer more than one service time, because the reality is that different families have different needs. Young families seem to prefer earlier services so they can get their kids to bed early or have dinner together. Retail workers need a later service.

This year at our broadcast location, our services will run at 1, 3, 5 and 7 p.m. At our three other locations, we’ve picked the middle to later service times.

The reason? Providing multiple service times gives multiple families lots of opportunities to attend and to invite their friends.

5. STRETCH YOURSELF AND EXPERIMENT

To be honest, pulling off Christmas services in four cities is going to stretch our team. But it’s a good way to test out new venues, new places and new communities in which you might one day have locations.

Sometimes stretching yourself calls out the very best in people, challenges them to invite, and it can bring your church into communities in brand new ways in a season in which people are already looking for events to attend.

Sounds like a great combination to me.

6. GIVE YOUR CONGREGATION INVITATION TOOLS

Did you know that 82% of people would come to church if a trusted friend invited them?

Yet in a typical year, only 2% of Christians invite a friend to church. Heartbreaking.

Create some full-color cards with details on it which people can hand to their friends.

Last year we tied candy canes to Instagram-like cards to make them easier to hand out to friends. This year we’re also doing business-size cards and some full-size posters. The posters pop up all over our cities in places like Starbucks, hockey arenas, community centres and more.

It’s easier to invite a friend to something like Christmas than to a regular Sunday morning.

7. USE SOCIAL MEDIA

Sure, maybe you don’t have the bandwidth to build fresh websites. Just do it for free using social media. Create a Facebook event or promoted posts. Use all your social media channels and get the word out.

Encourage your people to share with their friends. They are your number one source when it comes to promotion because they’re already invested and engaged.

This year we’re doing a Photo Booth at our campuses that will create some fun Instagram moments with dressed up kids and people holding a “Join us for Christmas Eve” signs.

8. DISTRIBUTE (FREE) TICKETS

Why not ticket your Christmas services? Free tickets, of course, but tickets help create demand.

They have also helped us manage fire code.  Eventbrite is an inexpensive and easy solution.

Plus, having tickets drive decisions and commitments to attend.

9. LOVE YOUR COMMUNITY

This year, we’re attempting to give double the amount of money we normally give to our community partners like the local food bank, right before Christmas.

We’re also participating in local Christmas parades and community events in ways that show our community that we’re for them and that God is for them. 

Love makes a pretty irresistible force when it’s unleashed on a city. And generosity makes an impression on unchurched people.

10. INVITE THEM BACK

Every year, without hopefully sounding like a commercial, we invite people back for January.

They get a card explaining the new series and dates, times and locations. Last year we even played the trailer for our January series during the services even though it was anything but “Christmassy.” Because our January series dealt with a felt-need (people don’t like their jobs and find life overwhelming at times), it created a huge buzz and many guests returned in January simply because they saw the trailer.

I know inviting sounds basic, but you’re dealing with unchurched people. Think about it, you would never go to a party unless you knew you were invited.

Unchurched people don’t know they’re invited unless you invite them. So invite them.

11. PLAN A CALL TO ACTION

God’s grace is sovereign. We’ve had people commit their lives to Christ during volunteer events and during series about tithing.  So God can do anything.

But you need to do your part. Don’t let people walk away bored or with just a big warm fuzzy. Challenge them. People will leave mostly unchanged unless you create a different expectation.

Almost every year, we give people an opportunity to surrender their lives to Jesus… and it’s amazing how many people do. And when we invite them back and offer them steps to take in the new year (like beginning Starting Point), Christmas starts a journey for them that often ends with them surrendering their lives to Christ.

www.careynieuwhof.com. Used by permission.

I fear that our cultural understanding of leadership is going further and further astray from what true leadership is. We Americans seem to have a bizarre attraction to two types of leaders: celebrities and powerful communicators with bold, brash opinions. We judge leaders by the size of their platform.

I was recently asked to speak to the Mom’s Matter group in our church about what healthy leadership in the home and beyond looks like. One of the comments by the leadership team that was made to me was that many moms believe they “don’t need to be or can’t be a leader because they are just moms.”

I believe that’s an issue with men and women alike.

The task of leadership feels daunting and we feel like we are unequal to the task, and so we shrink back from it.

If leadership is influence, then every one of us is called to leadership. God has gifted you with influence. God has called and equipped you to influence your family. God has called and equipped you to influence your friends. God has called and equipped you to influence your church.

You are called to lead.

But the order of how we develop as leaders is important. We are called to lead our home first and that leadership is intended to cascade outward.

Some are captivated by the possibility of leading “out there.” That can be a holy aspiration. But if we try to lead “out there” before we lead ourselves and our families first, then we have mixed up God’s order of what leadership was designed to be.

The world gets leadership wrong. Our culture judges leadership by the size of the leaders’ platform. Scripture judges leadership starting with the home.

If you can’t lead your family well, you cannot lead an organization well. If you can lead your family well, you can lead in whatever capacity God calls you.

When Paul writes Timothy advice about choosing leaders for churches, he begins with the home.

Paul explains,

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?[i]

There are a few important things to note here. First, note Paul’s affirmation of the desire to lead in the church.

Desiring to have your circle of influence grow is a “noble task” if your heart is right.

But note then how Paul encourages Timothy to evaluate whether someone is up to the task: he tells Timothy to evaluate the potential leader’s home life. Is he a one-woman man? Does he open his home to outsiders? Do his children honor him?

Male and female alike, the Bible exalts the importance of the home as our first place of leadership. What does that mean? There is no minimization of how difficult and important the task of loving your spouse is. There is no minimization of how difficult and important the task of fathering or mothering is.[ii]

And, male and female alike, while our influence and leadership outside the home is never to take priority over the home, if you lead your home well, that godly leadership will naturally spill over into the rest of your life.

If you’re not leading your home well, stop dreaming about leading an organization and devote yourself to leading and loving your home well.

Whatever you think that will provide for you—respect, influence, power—those will all be empty if you are not respected by those closest to you.

It is clear biblically that marriage is not a pre-requisite for leadership. If you aren’t married, I would maintain that these questions about home are still valid, if not differently applied. For singles, the question would be how well you lead and love your mom and dad, your sisters and brothers, your small group, your friends and roommates.

On the flip side, if you are leading your home well, then don’t be closed off to God expanding your circle of leadership outside of your home.

But how do you lead in your home well?

www.thebeehive.live. Used by permission of the author.

“Thanksgiving is coming to the life-altering understanding that truly precious things can’t be owned anyway. And the wonder of it all is not only realizing that we can’t own them, but it's realizing that we don’t have to expend the energy in the maintenance of them in order to enjoy them.” 

"The longer I’ve walked with God the more I’ve realized that being thankful is vigorously celebrating what’s right in the world while anticipating that what’s wrong with it will soon follow suit."

“Thanksgiving reminds us that no matter what befalls us in life, we can take the charred remnants and we can reconstruct a life unimaginably richer than that from which the shards and pieces fell.” 

“With God, what’s possible will always be infinitely greater than what we believe to be probable. And we can be thankful that such a reality means that where we see a wall, God wishes to unveil a horizon.”

“Thanksgiving is an attitude that must be rooted in the ‘gift of life’ if we ever hope to be thankful for the ‘gifts’ of life.”

"Being thankful for something instantly grants that thing a depth it would not have had were I not thankful for it.  And while I can certainly live without having had that kind of depth, in turn I will have died without ever having had any kind of life."

“I am thankful that I can be thankful, for if thankfulness did not exist my heart would be irretrievably imprisoned by the crazed twins of acquisition and possession, and my soul would exist as a forever slave to greed.” 

“Thanksgiving is not some formulaic action based on a tedious ledger that neatly tallies everything I have received so I can determine if being thankful is warranted or not. Rather, it’s appreciating the fact that I have already received the privilege of living life which in and of itself will fill the whole of my ledger for the whole of my life.”

“I am most thankful for what I don’t have, for had my life’s wish list been filled in the manner I had chosen I would be steeped in meaningless trinkets verses bathed in God’s treasures.”

“We recklessly attempt to disguise our ‘greed’ by dressing it in the garb of other nobler ideals such as ‘rights’ and ‘privileges.’ Yet, if we dare dress ‘greed’ in an authentic sense of thankfulness, greed will suffocate within the folds of that very clothing.”

“To be thankful when my world lays in ashes long gone cold is to finally understand that ashes are the raw materials from which God shapes dreams infinitely grander than whatever the ashes were before they were ashes.” 

“Thankfully, what God does is always bigger than our ability to contain it.” 

“In my desperation, I have finally discovered that the only way that I can begin to fill the gaping hole within me is to be thankful for what’s there, and not angry for what’s not.”

“Because thankfulness is the tonic that always cures the cancers of greed, envy and jealously, it should be taken in liberal doses daily.”

“To savor the simple privilege that every day I have a sunrise to bathe in, a storehouse of opportunities to romp through, the thick wrap of relationships to keep me warm, a God who meticulously tends to every detail round about me, and it all costs me not a dime. What madness would keep me from being eternally thankful for all that?”

“Thankfulness allows us to walk through a world inundated by opportunities and possessions, being slaves to neither.” 

www.craiglounsbrough.com. Used by permission. 

She was gorgeous, wealthy and wise. However, like so many marriages that appear happy on the outside, they are nightmarish beneath the surface. Nabal, (the name means “fool”) was drunken and abusive. Young women of Abigail’s day did not have the luxury of choosing a mate. Her father probably chose Nabal for his beautiful daughter because he was filthy rich.

But no amount of riches can replace kindness, respect or appreciation from a spouse. However, Abigail made lemon bars out of lemons. She remained faithful to Nabal and served him well. Her domestic domain ran like a well-oiled machine. I’m sure the servants loved her!

Here’s how her story unfolds in 1 Samuel 25:

“Then David moved down into the Desert of Paran.

 A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.”

Sheep-shearing time was the Thanksgiving holiday in Bible days. Every hard worker feasted on the fruits (or mutton) of his labor. So it was customary for a landowner to reward those who protected his flock and shepherds from thieves and wolves.  David and his men had faithfully served Nabal and his flocks. So David said,

“Go up to Nabal at Carmel and greet him in my name. Say to him: ‘Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours!

“‘Now I hear that it is sheep-shearing time. When your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them, and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was missing. Ask your own servants and they will tell you. Therefore be favorable toward my men, since we come at a festive time. Please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them.’”

Nabal’s answer to David was just plain mean. His soldier’s waited politely for their food and Nabal rudely replied:

“Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?”

First of all, everybody knew who David was. He was a fierce, famous warrior. He called David a slave, when in reality he was King Saul’s son-in-law. And he offered him paltry turkey sandwiches and well water instead of lamb and wine. How insulting! How foolish!

David was incensed. He brandished his sword and took four hundred men to destroy Nabal and his household! That’s what I call overkill…. David said,

“It’s been useless—all my watching over this fellow’s property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!”?

Abigail got wind of Nabal’s drunken, surly response.

The servants who overheard David’s angry words raced to warn the mistress of the household. Wise Abigail was a quick thinker. She stared down the face of death and saved the day with roast mutton, bagels, raisin bread and figgy pudding for six hundred famished soldiers. And remember, in Abigail’s day, EVERYTHING was from scratch.

The good wife was also ready to eat humble pie. We learn so much about this remarkable woman from her speech to David:

“When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent. And now, my lord, as surely as the Lord your God lives and as you live, since the Lord has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal. And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my lord, be given to the men who follow you.

“Please forgive your servant’s presumption. The Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the Lord’s battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live.  Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God, but the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling.  When the Lord has fulfilled for my lord every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him ruler over Israel, my lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the Lord your God has brought my lord success, remember your servant.”

Abigail’s religious witness and knowledge of Jewish history testify to an early training in a godly home, and acquaintance with the teachings of the prophets in Israel. Her plea before David also reveals her understanding of the events of her own world. Notice this phrase: “the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. “ Even Abigail knew the heroic tale of David’s victory over the giant Goliath with a sling and a stone.

She also was deeply spiritual, and knew how to appeal to the “man after God’s own heart.” She reminded David that God’s was his strength and his destiny was to be king. She appealed to David to keep himself pure by showing mercy instead of vengeance.

Wow! What a lady! Herbert Lockyear, author of All the Women of the Bible wrote:

“We can never gauge the effect of our words and actions upon others. The intervention of Abigail in the nick of time teaches us that when we have wisdom to impart, faith to share, and help to offer, we must not hesitate to take any risk that may be involved.”

Abigail returned and remained faithful to Nabal the Nasty. But God didn’t forget her kindness, nor did David. When Nabal sobered up and learned the consequences of his reckless behavior, he keeled over with a heart attack and bit the dust ten days later. David heard the news and immediately proposed. She became the wife of a king. This amazing lady is one of the few women in the Bible who is considered to be a type of Christ. She stood in the gap between God and sinful men.

Abigail teaches us many lessons about serving others.

1.     Be calm.

Don’t be a “Martha” hostess. Martha of Bethany will always be remembered as an angry, anxious hostess, focused on the food and insensitive to her guests. She was mean to her sister Mary and mad in the kitchen. Think about it. She had Jesus as a dinner guest!

2.     Be godly.

If you spend time loving God, you will be gracious. Put first things first. Celebrations can be stressful. Be sensitive to your guests. Ask God to show you their emotional needs. The way to one’s heart is not through the stomach, it’s through the heart!

3.     Be realistic.

You will make mistakes. The kids will be boisterous, especially if they’re hyped up on sugar. Don’t expect perfection. Every family gathering has a few good eggs and a few bad apples.

4.     Be generous.

Send meals to the sick and elderly. Serve Thanksgiving dinner at a homeless shelter. The holidays should be a time for giving, not spending.

Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners are not always about the food. I am a crummy cook. I’m so terrible that my daughters won’t even let me bring a Jello salad to dinner.  Last year, I made frozen cranberry bars and I found them in my eldest daughter’s freezer two weeks later. She hid them from the guests!!

But I do know how to make others feel welcome. We often invite guests to our celebration who live far away from home. One year we invited a soldier stationed nearby to come to our dinner and to visit our church. He started playing trumpet in the church orchestra. Chris married one of our violinists and now they have seven beautiful kids!

Don't be a Martha. Be an Abigail.

If you’ve ever worked with wet cement or seen someone work with it, it does harden up pretty quickly and so it is with the personalities of our kids. If you want to put this to test in your life, here’s a suggestion around the dinner table. Parents, ask your son or daughter that’s a teenager to describe themselves as a little kid, and just sit back and listen. And listen to the adjectives that they use to describe their personality. And then ask yourself the question, “Did they not just name and enumerate the qualities that they now have at 15, 16, 17 years of age?”

At age two, about 20 to 40% of your kid’s personality is already formed. That’s frightening. Three, 60%. Four, 80%. Five, nearly 100%. So we take this topic on today. And by the way, just for everyone’s enjoyment. I hate the question that Doug asked me today. It’s name the three. Let me tell you, it could be name the 17 things that are important to teach your child before they harden up, so to speak.

1. ESTABLISH YOUR AUTHORITY IN THE HOME WITH THAT CHILD THAT'S UNDER FIVE.

Well, what does that mean? It means you’re not their friend, you’re not their best buddy, you’re not their playmate. You’re mom, you’re dad. You come with a presence of love and acceptance and all the hugs and kisses and all those things. Please, I’m not taking anything out away. Do that as much as you want, but you have to learn as kids develop before your very eyes, what’s developmentally appropriate behavior and what isn’t.

Some parents think that their two-year old is going to do everything they ask them to do in double time and salute them as well. It doesn’t work that way with two-year olds. The kid just begins to get powerful around age 18 months and that’s when he begins to, and she begins to look at life from behind their rose colored glasses, or at least their skewed blends, and they see life as, “My playground. I’m the center of the universe. I want. It’s mine.” And you’ll get the mine, all the way through the threes. So kids are very hedonistic.

Do you let a 17-month old hit you or a 19-month old hit you? No you don’t. Well, what do you do, Leman? You hold their arms. You’re the adult. Act like an adult, “Honey, we don’t hit people.” So you’re always teaching. And this is three steps forward and two behind. Go back to my earlier statement. This isn’t the military. You don’t issue a dictate and the kids follow in. It takes training. And because different kids come into this world with different mindsets, sort of a build-in personality if you will genetically, you’ve got kids that come out of the womb strong-willed. They got a little bit more fight in them than the guy next to them. So is there an art form to all this? It is. But I think overall number one is establishing your authority.

If you’re an authoritarian, you’ll crush your kid. You’ll tell them what to do, how to do it, and do it on a double. That’s the authoritarian model.

Here’s the problem.

All of us essentially grew up in an authoritarian environment. If you’re really a young mom today, you’re that 20 year old, 21, 22-year-old, maybe your home was not that authoritarian. My guess would be it would be more permissive, because we have certainly moved traditionally from our authoritarian stance to one of permissiveness. And so again, if you love your child, you’ll discipline them. That is a biblical concept. Well, how do you discipline a two year old? I mean, do you swat them on the bottom? I don’t think that’s good. I think you’re just going to make them a more powerful kid.

But I think you give them the look, a look of disapproval, you pick them up, you may move them from the scene. Sometimes you put them in a little playpen, which reminds me of the old song “Don’t Fence Me In”. There’s something great about fencing in a kid quite frankly. There’s a time where a kid realizes, “Hey, wait, you’re way over bouncy. You need time just to settle down.”

And so that’s part of the disciplinary process. But as kids get into the threes and the fours, trust me, they know what they’re doing. I mean, they’re setting you up. They’re playing you like a violin. So being an authority is always part of being loving and empathetic. So we’re not taking any of that away from you as a parent. We’re just saying you just can’t get frustrated. You’re the adult. You have to control your emotions. And kids will test your emotions and your patience and if you just strike out at your child, then you’re certainly going down the wrong path quickly.

2. LISTENING.

Most of us as adults are not good listeners, and here I am saying that number two behind established authority is to teach kids to listen. Well, we train kids essentially in our society not to listen. How do we do that? Well, we do it by telling most kids at least three times when we ask a question. And we say, “Honey, would you do this?” Or it’s time to get ready or turn off the television or pick up your shoes or whatever the command might be. The kids sort of train us to say it three times. I’ve asked kids straight out how many times doe it take for mom or dad to get you to do something. Most kids will say three.

One kid, I’ll never forget him, he said, “The first time is sort of a general alert. The second one is she raises the voice a little bit more and a third time, oh, you can see it in her eyes. She means business.” And so we try and kids do not to listen to us. It’s important that you get kids’ attention, that you look them in the eye, that you drop to the knees. If there’s a problem, you need to talk about it and you’re going to speak the truth in love.

I know you’re talking to a two year old or three year old or a four year old, but again, keep in mind once a kid hits 18 months, they know what they’re doing. They engage in what we call purposive behavior. It serves a purpose in their life. It might be just as simple a mantra in the kid’s mind as, “I want things done the way I want things done.”

Remember you’re training up a kid to realize that other people count in life.

That’s why you say to a three year old, “Honey, thank you for sharing that with your little sister.” You know what I’m saying? This is not a one, two, three, here it is. This is an ongoing shaping of the child’s behavior, attitude, as they unfold through the developmental years.

Most of us as adults are not good listeners, and here I am saying that number two behind established authority is to teach kids to listen. Well, we train kids essentially in our society not to listen.

How do we do that?

Well, we do it by telling most kids at least three times when we ask a question. And we say, “Honey, would you do this?” Or it’s time to get ready or turn off the television or pick up your shoes or whatever the command might be. The kids sort of train us to say it three times. I’ve asked kids straight out how many times doe it take for mom or dad to get you to do something. Most kids will say three.

One kid, I’ll never forget him, he said, “The first time is sort of a general alert. The second one is she raises the voice a little bit more and a third time, oh, you can see it in her eyes. She means business.” And so we try and kids not to listen to us and what I’m saying is it’s important that you get kids’ attention, that you look them in the eye, that you drop to the knees. If there’s a problem, you need to talk about it and you’re going to speak the truth in love. I know you’re talking to a two year old or three year old or a four year old, but again, keep in mind once a kid hits 18 months, they know what they’re doing. They engage in what we call purposive behavior. It serves a purpose in their life. It might be just as simple a mantra in the kid’s mind as, “I want things done the way I want things done.”

You’re training up a kid to realize that other people count in life.

That’s why you say to a three year old, “Honey, thank you for sharing that with your little sister.” You know what I’m saying? This is not a one, two, three, here it is. This is an ongoing shaping of the child’s behavior, attitude, as they unfold through the developmental years.

3. LET YOUR YES BE YES AND YOUR NO BE NO.

That reeks of consistency, and by the way, when we talked earlier about establishing authority, it’s really important and I hope it’s just super obvious that mom and dad must be on the same page. If you’re a single parent and listening to us, I would say make sure that you are extremely consistent with how you deal with your kids. And let your yes be yes and your no be no, I think helps number two and that is train kids to listen to you.

I think when they know that when you say no, they’re not going to come by and bug you 14 times. They only come by and bug you 14 times when you waiver. When you say, “No, you are absolutely not doing that.” And then you cave in five hours later and give them permission to go to wherever they wanted to go and give them $20 for spending money to boot.

Think before you engage in that yes or no.

I think a great answer for kids these days, if you’re a parent is, “Honey, let me talk to dad or mom about that. Let me have some time to think about it. And in fact on that one I’d like to pray about it. So if I got back to you tomorrow, would that be good? Could we talk about it again?”

Again, most kids will accept that because you’re being respectful, you’re listening to them, but don’t always feel like you have to pony up that yes or no immediately. Now again, I know kids are hedonistic. My granddaughter’s parents wouldn’t drive her to a fair they had on the other side of town, which was about a 45-minute drive. And both of them have very busy schedules, and it was a Sunday evening, schools the next day, and both of them said no.

Well, what does granddaughter do?

She gets on the phone. She tried to find grandma, but grandma wasn’t available. So she started with grandpa. She would always start with grandma first because grandma’s an easy touch. Grandpa’s not the easy touch that grandma is. And I just told her, I said, “Honey, I wish I could help you out, but honey I really can’t.” And then of course, eventually she got grandma and even grandma, old softhearted turned her down and said, “Honey, next week if you want me to take you someplace, I’d be glad to.”

That’s the immediacy of kids thinking. As a parent, you’ve got to slow that down. You know that. You just can’t cave and try to attend to every need your kid has because what they need is not really a need. It’s what they want. There’s a difference of what you want and what you need. So that’s why God gave us parents.

Some parents are thinking, well what’s wrong with promising a kid something, and give them something to look forward to? Well, there’s a lot of wrong with it for this reason. Is your car going to be working? Is it going to be raining? Does somebody have the flu in the family? I mean, don’t go there. You don’t have to promise kids things. You can always say, “Honey we’re going to take it a day at a time. We’ll see what the weekend brings. Who knows? Maybe we’ll be able to pull that off.” So don’t paint yourself in the corner, is what I’m saying?

Three essential necessities we should have trained in our kids before they are five:

• Establish authority as a parent.

• Train them to listen to you

• Let your yes be yes and your no be no.

www.birthorderguy.com. Listen to the podcast HERE. 

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” James 3:13 (NIV)

For all of their lives, my children have known a secret. When circumstances fall apart, there is a safe place. Their mom’s arms. More than a hug, this place beats with the gentle rhythm of a heart that feels what they feel. So they bring what they can’t bear to experience alone into this place. And we reconnect.
So, when my daughter crawled into my arms at 3 a.m. several years ago, I knew. Trouble had found its way into her heart. A boy, whom she thought would handle her heart gently, didn’t. Her crush, crushed her.
She felt it all so deeply. And while I could see it was all for the best, I hurt for her with her split-open heart, because she’s mine — my girl who couldn’t sleep, so she slipped into my bed to be near the rhythmic heartbeat she’s known since she was conceived.
And in the quiet middle of the night, I held her. I brushed her long brown hair off her tear-streaked face. I kissed the wet salt on her cheeks. And I whispered, “I love you.”
And she knew I was safe. Her safe place to run and find when the world got wild and cruel and heartbreakingly mean.
The next morning, she showed me the source of her middle-of-the-night anguish: a text message from him. His words were from a heart entangled with immaturity and his own sources of hurt. He wasn’t a bad person. He was young. And sometimes young means incapable of handling situations the right way.
I understand that. Age has given me that gift. But my young girl did not understand. She took the words like daggers to the heart. And cried.
She handed me the phone.
“Help me reply.”
There we sat in the midst of poached eggs and toast crumbs, talking together, thinking together, replying together.
Together is a really good word. Together is what we need when we hit tough patches in life.
No matter what hard place we find ourselves in, feeling alone can make us vulnerable to bad decisions. Hard places can so easily make us want to default to our feelings rather than to wisdom as our guide. That’s not the best time to make a decision. Especially not alone.
I suspect if you’re in a tough place, it probably feels more significant than a teenage heartbreak. I understand. I’ve been there. And I’ll probably be there again. And when we’re there, we have to be honest that we’re not in the place to make big decisions right then. Maybe we’re not even in the place to make decisions on simple requests from others.
This doesn’t make you bad or incapable. It makes you smart. Smart enough to know to pause and take extra time when life takes on extenuating circumstances that are hard.
In this pause from decisions, go to your safe place. When the world beats you down, open up your Bible. Let His sentences finish yours. Let truth walk before you like a guide on a dark path.
And also go to someone in your sphere of influence whom you know is wise. How do we know whom to go to? The Bible makes it clear: “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom” (James 3:13).
Yes, let these wise people help you. Stand on top of their wisdom when you feel shaky with your own. When we can rise up on the wisdom of others and get a new view of our situations, our next steps seem a little clearer.
Father, thank You for the help You surround me with — not only in Your Word, but also with the people You place in my life. Give me the wisdom to reach out for help when I need it. And make me aware of those around me who are hurting and could use Your hope. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

https://lysaterkeurst.com/ 

And topping off the list of difficult people to work with or lead is toxic people.

The hard part is, as much as we might wish it was otherwise, toxic people are everywhere.

Two questions spring up almost immediately when the subject of toxic people arises.

How do you spot them?

How do you deal with them?

It’s critical in leadership to think through the people aspect of what you do. I know it’s easy for visionaries to think success lies in ideas, or operations people to believe that progress lies in execution, but the key to getting anything done is always people.

What you accomplish in leadership is often most powerfully shaped by you allow into leadership. If you let toxic people in, you pay a staggering price.

My guess is not everyone will like the direction or language in this post. I get that.

However, every day gifted leaders quit toxic cultures, toxic bosses and leave toxic workplaces. Every single day, amazing businesses, churches, causes, and not-for-profits miss their mission because someone allowed toxic leaders to sabotage the work.

And every day, good people go home discouraged and defeated because nobody had the guts to deal with the toxic people at work. If you don’t think our culture suffers from toxicity (and even evil), just read the headlines or scroll your feeds for a few minutes. Yep. We do.

So with all that in mind, here are 7 insights that have helped me immensely in figuring out how to spot and then how to deal with toxic people.

1. UNDERSTAND THAT BASICALLY THERE ARE THREE KINDS OF PEOPLE

It probably seems too simple to divide the world into three kinds of people, but try as he might to avoid it, clinical psychologist and best-selling author Henry Cloud helpfully points out in his book, Necessary Endings that there are essentially three kinds of people in life and leadership.

Wise People

Foolish People

Evil People

Essentially the difference between wise people and foolish people comes down to how they deal with truth.

Wise people encounter truth and change as a result. For example, after getting a speeding ticket, wise people learn and slow down. After being told their words hurt someone, a wise person will try to understand why, apologize and work hard not to do it again. They’re open, not defensive, they learn and grow and tend not to make the mistakes over and over again.

Foolish people encounter truth and don’t change. Instead, they try to adjust the truth so they don’t have to adjust to it. Confronted with a problem, a foolish person will deny, blame, minimize, generate excuses and do anything in his or her power to avoid having to deal with reality.

They don’t learn and rarely grow. As Cloud’s frequent collaborator John Townsend puts it, foolish people have a flat learning curve. As a result, they tend to wreak a lot of havoc and cause damage in their own lives and the lives of others.

Foolish behaviour means some broke people will always be broke, some chronic procrastinators will always be late and some people keep running into the same problems again and again. They may mean well, but they’re lack of learning means they keep making things hard for themselves and others.

Finally, as hard as it is to admit, some people really are evil. They intend to harm you. They want to take you down. And as hard as it is to believe, they don’t have your best interests at heart and want to see you fail. I found it hard to accept this early on in leadership, but I’ve seen it often enough times to no longer dismiss it.

There are basically three kinds of people in the world: wise people, foolish people and evil people. The sooner you accept that, the easier it becomes to make progress.

So what do you do with this stark (and unpleasant) truth?

2. REALIZE THAT SOME PEOPLE WON’T CHANGE

At some point in our lives, all of us behave wisely, foolishly and with evil intent.

I know I’ve spoken words that I intended to hurt, and when I do that, I’m acting in an evil or toxic way. And sometimes I make the same mistake over and over again, and when I do, that’s foolish.

People who are generally wise sometimes do foolish things and mean things.

The good news with Cloud’s categories is that people do change with time and grow.

Evil people may have a change of heart and start helping not hurting, and when they do that, they can even become wise. Foolish people sometimes realize how much damage they do and decide to learn and grow.

But overall, most of us would have to admit that human beings fall into one of those three categories at any moment in life: you’re either generally wise, foolish or evil in your approach to life.

And that means, as much as you want to believe otherwise, and despite your coaching and encouragement, fools often remain fools and evil people remain committed to harming others.

Yep. I know. It sounds so judgmental and terrible and I resisted it for a long time too— resisted it to my peril and to the peril of the people I lead, may I add.

Henry Cloud admits it’s a tough pill to swallow:

“If you are a responsible and loving person, then you might assume that other people are like you—responsible and loving. They do the right thing, taking responsibility for themselves, for their mistakes, for their work. And they care about other people and how their actions affect those people…So doesn’t it make sense that everyone else would be like you and really care? 

Sure, if you lived on Mars. But this is planet Earth. And if you are going to succeed in life and business, you need to succeed on this planet, not Mars.” (Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings)

Just because someone can change doesn’t mean someone will change. That’s where your leadership and discernment come in.

So what’s next? You learn how to spot toxic people.

3. LEARN HOW TO SPOT TOXIC PEOPLE

I’m increasingly convinced one of a leader’s key tasks is to learn how to spot toxic people and take appropriate action.

In my view, both foolish people and evil people are toxic to your culture and mission.

Fools pollute things not because they’re trying to ruin things, but because they (for whatever reason) do tend to do it again and again.

Foolish leaders keep repeating their mistakes because they’re either convinced they’re right or oblivious to the fact that they’re wrong, regardless of the fact that others have pointed that out.

And evil people, well they meant to lie, harm and malign.

So how do you recognize the signs?

Behavior that’s ultimately toxic to your organization’s culture and mission include:

• Making the same mistakes over and over again, despite frequent attempts to help them and ample time to correct the problem and change.
• Self-absorption.
• Lying.
• Manipulation.
• An unwillingness to listen to feedback.
• Assigning blame.
• Refusing to accept responsibility.
• They’re never wrong.
• Playing the victim.
• Frequent anger.
• Hidden agendas.
• A critical spirit about anything they didn’t think of.
• Gossip or malicious talk about other people.
• Ignoring boundaries they or other people have set.
• Passive-aggressive behavior (what happens to your face and what happens behind your back are very different).
• Pursuing their own mission that’s different from the organization’s mission.

The list could be much longer, but this gives you a sampling of toxic behaviors that take people and missions under.

Naturally, we all exhibit some of the behavior listed above some of the time (we’re all human), but the wise realize what they did, correct course, change and grow.

If you allow toxic people into leadership, you can be sure a toxic culture will follow.

4. TAKE A GOOD LOOK IN THE MIRROR

The first place to look for wisdom, foolishness, and evil in leadership is the least comfortable place to look: in the mirror.

I’ve been in senior leadership for over two decades. As much as I don’t want to admit it, it’s still true: my organization will only ever be as healthy as I am.

Ditto for you. Fight it all you want, but your organization will only ever be as healthy as you are as the leader.

Even if you’re not the senior leader, that’s true of the team you lead, the department you run, or the crew you manage. The health of the leader tends to determine the health of the team.

It’s hard to have a healthy organization if you don’t have a healthy leader.

So when you see foolish behavior or bad intentions inside you,  confess them and address them. Invite other people to give you feedback. Learn and grow.

Healthy leaders produce healthy teams. Unhealthy leaders don’t.

5. LIMIT FOOLS

So what do you do with foolish people?

Well, here’s the problem with foolish people at work: You only have so many hours in the day and so much energy. The problem with pouring your time and energy into foolish leaders is that after your coaching and help, they’re no better and you’re drained.

What’s worse, is their repeated mistakes impact everybody around them and threaten the organization.

Does that mean you’ll have no fools at work? No. First, there’s an abundance of foolish people and behaviors. And second, I’m not sure that completely eliminating all fools from your life is a good idea. We should all have at least a small place in our life and leadership for building into others, even if sometimes that takes a little more grace and lot more time than we’d like.

What that does mean, though,  is that because your time is limited, you should limit your time with fools and be really careful who you hire and recruit.

The key to fools is to limit the number and limit their impact. Otherwise, the cost is simply too great. Whether they mean to do damage or not, foolish people can do a lot of damage.

It’s hard to build the future on people who have trouble navigating the present.

6. ELIMINATE EVIL PEOPLE

When it comes to evil people…people who want to wound, maim and undo you or your organization, there’s only once option: block those attempts. Get away and stay away.

Looking back on my leadership, I realize there were seasons where—for whatever reason—people wanted to take me out or take down our mission. It hasn’t happened often, but it has happened. Clear boundaries, firm decisions and consistent ‘no’s’ that block any attempts they make to undermine the mission are critical.

When it gets that serious, I always involve other leaders I trust to make sure that we really dealing with someone who intends to harm and that the boundaries we put in place make sense. On rare occasions, those boundaries have included the police.

And while my faith tells me to love my enemies, there are some instances where a person is best prayed for from a distance, not from up close.

Imagine reaching 100—or 1000 or 10,000 new people—in the next year if your mission continues. That’s what people who want to harm you threaten.

Taking the mission seriously means that, as a leader, you also have to take evil seriously. It’s actually that important.

7. STACK THE TOP OF YOUR ORGANIZATION WITH WISE PEOPLE

You know how to get the healthiest team and how to best move the mission forward? Stack the top of your organization with as many wise people as you can find.

The top is critical (by that I mean your senior leaders, board and other key players) with as many wise leaders as possible. Look for honest, humble, growing leaders who love to learn and are open for feedback.

Teachability is a much greater ingredient in wisdom than IQ is. A humble, hungry, teachable leader will beat a smart leader any day. (Surprisingly, there are a lot of intelligent fools.)

Obviously, there’s a lot of work to do based on the points already covered, and a regular vigilance that you need to maintain in keeping threats at bay, but the secret is once you do that and stack the top of your organization with wise people, a natural buffer gets created.

Eventually, a multiplicity of wise leaders will help you create a healthy culture.

Here’s the truth about culture.

Create a deeply healthy culture and, over time, toxic people will leave. 

Why? Because a healthy culture spits out toxic people. Just like healthy bodies ward off disease, healthy cultures ward off toxic people.

Here’s the surprise. No one gets kicked out. When your culture is ultra-healthy, toxic people leave when they can’t get traction or validation.

Your long-term investment and vigilance finally pay off in ways you never expected.

www.careynieuwhof.com. Used by permission.  

When we talk to our children, we often focus on what we want them to do. Maybe we need to spend a little more time talking about why what we want them to do is important. Take the opportunity to tell them why – “I want you to grow up and honor God.” “I want you to grow up and be a good father, someday.” Let’s look at three reasons we should choose to live intentionally.

1.     We should choose to live intentionally because of God’s intentional love for us.

How do we know that God loves us? Here are four ways He demonstrates His love to us:

·       The God of the universe chose you. In the grand scheme of things, God had a plan for you, and He chose you. Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, (Ephesians 1:4 NKJV).

·       He adopted you. Something about adoption is powerful thing. To understand that God actually adopted you and me into his kingdom, into his family, lets look at the next verse. Having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will (v.5). Every time I read that verse, I realize the great gift that it really is – the God of the Universe chose to adopt you and me, and bring us into His kingdom.

·       He redeemed you. In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace (v. 7). This is powerful.

·       He gave you the Holy Spirit. In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise (v. 13). God uses the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, to build our lives and to allow us to really function in the world in which we live today.

2.     Another reason why we live intentionally is because God gets the glory. When we live intentionally in Him, all the glory is His.

Here are three examples of how He gets the glory:

·       He made you alive. In you he made alive who were dead in trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1). That means we were dead spiritually and He made you alive.

·       He saved you by grace. For by grace you have been saved through faith and that not of yourselves. It is a gift of God not of works lest anyone should boast (v. 8-9).

·       He made you for good works. We talk about the difference between being work-oriented. It’s clearly that God has made us to be about doing good works. For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them (v. 10).

3.     We should live intentionally because God said so. When Daddy says so, Daddy means it, right?

·       He made gentiles fellow heirs. He reached out to include all of us and allowed us to choose to be grafted in to become part of the Kingdom. Paul said, The gentiles should be fellow heirs of the same body and partakers of his promise in Christ through the Gospel (Ephesians 2:19).

The first three chapters contain the orthodoxy of our faith – our position in Christ. We covered that in part one of this blog. Then Paul turns in a different direction saying, as a result of everything I just said in the first three chapters, here is how I want you to live your life (paraphrased). Now we are going to see in these last three chapters briefly how we are to live our lives intentionally.

1.     Walk worthy of your calling. The very next sentence from the pen of the Apostle Paul, says: Therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, I beseech you to have a walk worthy of the calling with you were called (Ephesians 4:1). Paul turns from belief to behavior.

2.     Be renewed in the spirit of your mind. Our minds are the seed of what gets us in trouble in our lives. If you are having problems in your relationships, it starts right here.

As you read through Ephesians, our head, heart, hands, thinking, emotions and our behavior can either be under the authority of the Holy Spirit, or they can be under our own control. Paul tells us here to be renewed in the spirit of your minds. You do that by prayer, by reading, by meditating and by telling yourself the truth.

3.     Work with your own hands. Let him who stole steal no longer, but, rather, let him labor working with his hands what is good that he may have something to give him who has need (Ephesians 4:28 ESV).

4.     Use your time wisely. Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16). Time is a precious thing.

Today, we occupy our time with a lot of distractions and not use the time that God’s given us.  Really, it’s all we have. We get about 27,000 days on the planet (see Psalm 90:12). I can’t think of anything more valuable than using the time we have to reach someone for Christ.

5.     Be filled with the spirit (Ephesians 5:18). The Holy Spirit is in you. He comes into our lives when we accept Him as our Savior. But every day there we need to make sure He is filling every aspect of our lives. There’s power when we humbly ask the spirit of God to direct us in how we are going to live our lives every day.

6.     Work as unto the Lord. Paul said, With goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men (Ephesians 6:7). Ultimately what matters is what we do for God.

Without a why in life, the how and the what really doesn’t matter all that much, because many of us live in the what and how of life. What do we do? How do we do it? And we’re busy, but if we don’t get the why clearer, then we live our lives in a way that sometimes we wake up and say why am I doing this? Whys are important because then you better understand the how and what.

www.intentionalliving.com. Used by permission. 

What is the downside of verbalizing those redundant sob stories? It’s one thing to clutter our own minds with these anecdotes.  It’s another thing to clutter our conversations with them.

"Be merciful in action, kindly in heart, humble in mind. Accept life, and be most patient and tolerant with one another, always ready to forgive if you have a difference with anyone. Forgive as freely as the Lord has forgiven you. And, above everything else, be truly loving, for love is the golden chain of all the virtues." Colossians 3:12

Analyze your conversations and notice if you tend to tell the same thing over and again. If so, perhaps you should tidy up your speech; delete the old stories and identify some new ones. Here are some areas to explore.

www.donmcminn.com. Used by permission.

Pain from the past

I have an acquaintance who continually tells the same story of her struggle to escape from an ultra-fundamentalist family of origin. The first time I heard the story, it was interesting (though it took too long to tell). The second time, not so much. I started overhearing her tell the story in other conversations. Even when she met someone for the first time she would find a way to work the story into the conversation. It seems to have defined her life, and with each telling, the story becomes more deeply engrained in her persona. For those who have heard the story before, the retelling is tedious.

Current challenges

One of the delights and benefits of close relationships is being able to share our joys and struggles with each other. I like the phrase “A sorrow shared with a friend is halved; a joy shared is doubled.” But sometimes we belabor our sharing.

For instance, it’s not necessary to share the minute details of your medical issues; I certainly want to know what’s going on, but I don’t need to know the dosage of each medication. I truly enjoy hearing about your grandchildren (as I enjoy telling you about mine), but not too much. The trip you took years ago sounds fabulous; can we talk about something else?

Truncate your stories

Reader’s Digest is an American general-interest family magazine, founded in 1922 and published ten times a year. Until 2009 it was the best-selling consumer magazine in America. It’s known for its concise writing style; all articles are short and to the point. We’ve even developed the phrase “give me the Readers’s Digest version” to indicate when we prefer a brief synopsis. 

In summary, let’s rethink which personal stories should be in our oft-recited repertoire, and when we do share them, let’s make the “Reader’s Digest version” our default setting.

Focus on Others

When you’re the perpetuator of lopsided conversations, think about what’s driving the inequality and address the fundamental problem; it’s probably one of the “self” words: self-centeredness, self-reverence, selfishness. The solution to this social and relational faux pas is found is Philippians 2: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” We should focus on others instead of ourselves.

We may be so self-absorbed that we truly aren’t interested in others, and that’s why we talk about ourselves exclusively. In which case we must discipline ourselves to behave right (ask about others) so that eventually our behavior will help us think right, that is, we’ll truly want to be interested in other people’s lives and want to prefer them. Every person has a story worth telling that we can benefit from hearing. 

We love our pets! 

This past weekend, I took my daughter and her Doberman Roo to the “Darling Dachshund” races. You heard me. Little weiner dogs burst out of their teeny-tiny starting gates and frantically sprint toward doting owners holding squeaky toys at the finish line. Hysterical!

Americans spend $70 billion per year on their pets.  There are 2 million cat videos on YouTube. (Why? I’m not a cat person…) My daughter frequently chats with her pet-loving friends around the globe on Instagram.
Viagen Pets cite 10 reasons why folks love dogs: loyalty, friendship, therapy, health, unconditional love, protection, selflessness, exercise, forgiveness and happiness.

My Mom has mid-stage Alzheimer’s. We always bring Penny, our cocker spaniel, to visit her. My Dad passed away three years ago. Last week she confided, “I love when Penny sleeps with me. My bed doesn’t feel so empty without Ralph (my Dad). “

I pondered this passion we have for all things furry (and scaly, as the case may be). God must have placed in us a desire to bond with animals. Does the Bible broach the subject?

Yes. God has a lot to say about our intertwined relationships with animals in His Word.

God had Adam name the animals. He commanded Noah to protect and care for the animals in the ark. He had the Jews keep Passover lambs in the house with the family.Nathan decried David’s adultery with Bathsheba by telling a story of a poor man who had one little ewe lamb he loved. Uriah was the poor man. Bathsheba was the beloved little lamb:

“The poor man owned nothing but one little lamb he had bought. He raised that little lamb, and it grew up with his children. It ate from the man’s own plate and drank from his cup. He cuddled it in his arms like a baby daughter 2 Samuel 12:

God knows when a little sparrow (or Budgie the parakeet) falls, and is concerned:

“What is the price of five sparrows-two copper coins? But God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Luke 12:6-7

God gives us a window to observe the unspoken relationship between a man and his animal in the book of Numbers. The Jewish prophet Balaam was on his way to help Balak, a pagan king, curse Israel. God sent an angel with a flaming sword to stop him. His donkey saw the angel. The rebellious prophet did not.   Balaam’s donkey spoke to her master. In Numbers 22:26-28, we hear a unique conversation:

Then God gave speech to the donkey. She said to Balaam: “What have I ever done to you that you have beat me these three times?”

Balaam said, “Because you’ve been playing games with me! If I had a sword I would have killed you by now.”

 The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your trusty donkey on whom you’ve ridden for years right up until now? Have I ever done anything like this to you before? Have I?”

He said, “No.”

Even Balaam’s donkey spoke of the relationship they shared!

Isaiah reveals another passage about the connection between man and his animals:

“Even an ox knows its owner, and a donkey recognizes its master’s care— but Israel doesn’t know its master. My people don’t recognize my care for them.” Isaiah 1:3.

 
God carefully teaches us to understand our relationship with Him from Bible passages about animals.

The Lord used animals to show us our need for forgiveness of sin. When Adam and Eve fell, the first act of God was to sacrifice an animal and cover their nakedness in Genesis 3:21.

Blood sacrifices and atonement fill the pages of the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. Christ was the Lamb of God who would provide the ultimate way for man to connect with God:

“And they sang in a mighty chorus: “Worthy is the Lamb who was slaughtered— to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing.” Revelation 5:12

Our Heavenly Father controls animals to teach us lessons.

He directed a whale and a worm to teach rebellious Jonah. He showed Elijah His care by dispatching ravens to feed him during a drought. The Lord judged wicked Jezebel by dispatching dogs to eat her corpse. He shut the mouths of lions to protect Daniel and to reveal His power to a pagan king.  The highest moment of Christ’s ministry involved multiplying fish to feed the masses.

God created animals to need us to provide and care for them. We need them, too!

How many lessons do your children learn from your pets? 

1. They learn responsibility.

Someone has to feed, walk and wash the pooch. Hopefully your child learns these invaluable life skills. Solomon observed in Proverbs 12:10: “The godly care for their animals, but the wicked are always cruel.” What a great nugget of wisdom for your son or daughter!

2. They learn unconditional love.

No matter how many times your little one pulls their fur, chases them or tries to “ride them around the house,” your canine runs to the bedside of your kid every morning with a tail wag and a lick.

3. They learn faithfulness.

My daughter Brie is chronically ill. Her Labradoodle Wicket never leaves her side. She depends on Wicket. He makes her laugh and cuddles her when she cries.

Jesus demonstrated the love between man and his animals in the Gospel of John. Christ’s words are so powerful and precious, I will share all of them:

“The one who enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep… the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice. 

 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep. 

 I know my own sheep, and they know me,  just as my Father knows me and I know the Father. So I sacrifice my life for the sheep.”

What a beautiful picture!

Jesus knows us, His little sheep, and we know and trust Him.

Penny, my pup, lies quietly at my feet while I write to you. I feel warm and calm and comforted. I think I’ll get up, scratch her warm belly and give her a treat. Or maybe I’ll get a treat too!

P.S. My husband Roger wrote a wonderful article entitled “Are Dogs Religious? Do Dogs Go to Heaven?”

Lisa Bevere writes her observations:

"Has there been a person in your life you thought you knew, but you really didn’t? Could that person be Jesus?

Stay with me as we explore this pivotal question!

The anchor that keeps us grounded throughout our journey of faith is a revelation of Jesus. Because of this anchor, Paul could not be shaken, confessing, “That is why I am suffering here in prison. But I am not ashamed of it, for I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until the day of His return” (2 Timothy 1:12 NLT). Notice Paul does not say, “I know what I believe” but rather, “I know the One in whom I believe.” The Amplified Bible records, “I know Him [and I am personally acquainted with Him] whom I have believed [with absolute trust and confidence in Him and in the truth of His deity].” Simply stated: Paul possessed a personal revelation of Jesus. He knew Jesus intimately.

Many can recite facts about Jesus—much like many can recite facts about their favorite celebrities. However, knowing about someone does not equate to knowing them personally. Can you too say with conviction, “I know the One in whom I believe”

Lovely one, Jesus is not a philosophy; He is a person. Therefore, believing in Jesus is more than adhering to a creed; it’s an awakening of the heart. We see Him for Who He really is—the Son of God.

In the sixteenth chapter of the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus entered the region of Caesarea Philippi and asked His disciples, “Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?” (Verse 13 NKJV). Several disciples answered promptly. The common response was, “Some say John the Baptist, some Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets” (Verse 14). Once the opinions of the crowd were shared, Jesus looked at them and asked them directly, “But who do you say that I am?” (Verse 15).

There was a moment of silence as they were confronted by a moment of truth. The men who were so eager to air the opinions of others were now lost for words. With this confrontation came the realization that they had no answer—except for the fact that they were living off the speculations of others, rather than establishing in their own hearts who Jesus really was.

Simon, whom Jesus renamed Peter, was the only one of the disciples who could answer. With boldness, he confessed, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God” (Verse 16). With a smile and a sparkle in His eyes, Jesus responded, “Blessed are you . . . for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven” (Verse 17). One translation says, “My Father has supernaturally revealed this to you” (TPT).

The source of Peter’s revelation was God Himself, not the opinion of man. It came through direct revelation. This is what Jesus meant when He shared, “The only way people come to Me is by the Father who sent Me—He pulls on their hearts to embrace Me . . . It has been written by the prophets, ‘They will all be taught by God Himself.’ If you are really listening to the Father and learning directly from Him, you will come to Me’” (John 6:44–45 TPT).

So we see clearly that the illuminated truth of Jesus must be solidified in our heart. Jesus firmly stated, “And this truth of who I am will be the bedrock foundation of which I will build my church—My legislative assembly, and the power of death will not be able to overpower it!” (Matthew 16:18 TPT).

The revelation of Jesus is the foundation the church will be grounded on. Without this truth firmly planted within us, we’ll easily be swayed by the shifting current of public opinion. Beloved, there is a stability that results from revelation knowledge.

Are you living off secondhand information about Jesus? Who do you say that He is? Are you convinced that Jesus is the Son of God?"

If you’re tired of being confused about your beliefs, click here to dive deeper into my Foundations course! Start this course for free with a 7-day trial and become anchored in your faith."

www.messengerinternational.org

One pair barely tolerated each other at the bitter end. My folks were sweethearts until death parted them. Mom and Dad had a caregiver in their final years, and they confided that they wanted her to arrive later in the morning so they had time to snuggle and kiss!

My Mom had mid-stage Alzheimer’s, but Daddy didn’t care. He patiently reminded her where to find her shoes and never scolded her for asking the same questions over and over again.

Such long-lasting love!

Yet long-lasting marriages can also become challenging.

My in-laws struggled greatly in their latter years. Although they loved each other deeply, their days were filled with snapping, nagging, impatience, and frustration. Mom-in-law yelled. Pops pouted. At the end, they clung fast to each other and grieved that so many years were wasted in frustration.

“Precious and Papaw” were excellent parents, phenomenal grandparents, and wonderful Christians. They just rubbed each other the wrong way. Their golden years were a bit rusty.

Ancient Sarum wedding vows encourage:“For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and health. For as long as you both shall live.”

My husband and I have taught a bazillion marriage conferences around the world. We explained the “marital satisfaction” scale as fantastic during the honeymoon stage, good during the childhood years, terrible during the teenage years, better as the kids left home and best during retirement-the “golden years.”

We were wrong!

Retirement is not always easy. Marriage can be challenging after partners stop working and spend long hours puttering around the house together. Some couples are healthy, wealthy, and happy. Others are strapped for cash, suffering with debilitating illness, grieving the loss of family and friends, and fearful of the future.

So how do we finish the race with grace?

God promises strength to persevere, but we have to submit to His plan and learn acceptance with joy. Here are three “Scripture nuggets” to revive the romance and survive the challenges:

1. Accept one another just as Christ has accepted you.  (Romans 15:7)

The whirlwind of family life may mask flaws that exist between couples. Toothpaste tubes, chewing loudly and leaving laundry on the floor become battlegrounds. Let’s face it. I have mentioned trivial irritations. However, there are more devastating differences.

We reject each other when one spouse is anxious and the other is carefree. We fight when one partner is disciplined and the other procrastinates.  Jesus accepted everyone, even tax collectors and prostitutes.

Acceptance means loving someone, affirming them and appreciating them whether they change or not.   

2. Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)

Burdens come in all shapes and sizes. They can be mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual. Some are little backpacks. Some are boulders. A farmer yokes his oxen together to get the job done. That’s why Solomon observed,

Two are better than one…if either of them falls down, one can help the other up...though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

 “Two are better than one…” is Solomon’s way of describing the power of support and protection that marriage provides. The threefold cord is a picture of the amazing bond between God and two marriage partners.

Prayer is the most important way we can bear our partner’s burdens.

Christ is the ultimate “burden bearer.” He took our sins and suffering to the cross. Burden-bearing for an aging spouse may include dressing, driving, or helping with housework.

Don’t try to do life without help. God provides family, friends and church homes to come alongside the elderly.  I have observed that those couples actively develop a support system will find it much easier to survive.

3. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God in Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32)

Be gracious, polite and courteous, not rough, rude or blunt. My husband always opens my doors, walks on the outside of the sidewalk, and pulls out my chair. He is as chivalrous as Sir Walter Raleigh.

Be thoughtful and helpful, not insensitive and selfish. Be understanding and compassionate, not callous or unconcerned.

Be patient and tolerant, not edgy or easily annoyed. Be big-hearted, not begrudging. Be forgiving, not vengeful.

Be gentle, not rough or harsh.  It takes energy and effort to be kind.

Only Christ can accomplish such sweetness in us. Many husbands and wives don’t want to go the extra mile. It’s exhausting. But when your loved one is gone, you miss the inconveniences. The extra time is filled with loss and regret. Love while you can. Each moment is precious!

Solomon parallels how God works with the mystery of a child growing in the womb. Although science has given us much insight, most of what happens within the womb is still a mystery. From the moment of conception to the moment of birth, the child is made in secret. Despite the facts we presently have, we still cannot fully fathom the creative genius behind all that God does.

Pondering the wonder of these phenomena, David wrote, “You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside and my intricate outside, and wove them all together in my mother’s womb. I thank You, God, for making me so mysteriously complex! Everything You do is marvelously breathtaking. It simply amazes me to think about it!

“How thoroughly You know me, Lord! You even formed every bone in my body when You created me in the secret place, carefully, skillfully shaping me from nothing to something. You saw who You created me to be before I became me! Before I’d ever seen the light of day, the number of days You planned for me were already recorded in Your book” (Psalm 139:13–16 TPT).

God’s secret work is not exclusive to the time in our mother’s womb. There are many occasions where God has us in seasons of anonymity in which great growth occurs. What is often celebrated and applauded in the spotlight is the result of what was developed in the dark.

It’s easy to be in awe of an athlete’s performance on the big stage and lose sight of all the blood, sweat, and tears behind the scenes. God does His biggest work in us privately so that He can powerfully work through us publicly. This is why we should embrace those seasons where God has us hidden.

Embrace the hidden place. God has you strategically positioned while He prepares you for future promotion. Refuse to be in a hurry. Just as a baby who is birthed prematurely is weak and underdeveloped; so too are those who act prematurely. Allow God to bring you forth His way at the appointed time, not deficient in any way.

Listen to what Isaiah said about being hidden: “He has made my mouth like a sharp sword; In the shadow of His hand He has hidden me and made me a polished shaft; In His quiver He has hidden me” (Isaiah 49:2 NKJV).

As you are hidden in God’s quiver, you’re not only being polished but also prepared to be released forth, propelled into your destiny.

www.messengerinternational.org. Used by permission.