Little Bits

The Darkness of Good Friday

2016-03-25T11:13:00.000-04:00

I feel like I've been rising up out of a pile of broken dreams to stand, with a face smeared and smudged with the ashes of things long burned up by sin, to bravely light a candle here, a candle there, of hope. They have burned tremulously each day in my home, flickering with breezes of pain and the residual effects of our choices. Today, it seemed as though a sharp, cold wind shot through my home and in one neat, nasty gust left the rooms dark.

My heart has felt heavy and hopeless today. "What is the point?" "Does it even matter?" "Will we ever see the Kingdom of Heaven's fruit grow here?" Maybe that is a little taste of how the disciples felt when that darkness fell that Friday afternoon, and all of their dreams seemed to die a quick death with their friend and teacher and (wasn't he supposed to be?) Savior.

But. I know a secret. I know a secret they didn't yet understand on that dark afternoon when their souls bled with regret and loss and confusion. I know that only a few days later, while the earth was still wet with dew and darkness still wrapped the day in its dark cloak, the ground shook, and light that wasn't part of the dawn stepped out of a tomb previously barred by a large stone. And every dark, hard, sad thing was put in it's rightful place by the one they call the Morning Star.

I don't have to worry about my self-lit candles blowing out. Jesus is fixing to come blow off the roof of my house and open it up to the light of the heavenly grace and power and might of the Resurrection. Hope does not disappoint. Sunday's coming.

Why The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey Is a Must Read

2014-12-18T11:11:00.001-05:00

I do love a good book. And I especially love a good picture book. I'd say it's because I love to share them with my children, which I do, but the truth is that I can often be found curled up in a comfy chair indulging in a delightful children's picture book all by myself. As C.S. Lewis aptly said: "A children's story which is only enjoyed by children is a bad children's story."

And so, with the support of a man like C.S. Lewis, I wholeheartedly recommend one of the best Christmas stories no matter your age. The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey by Susan Wojciechowski is a tale that should not be missed.

What is Christmas about most of all? A broken world, hurting and dark, longing for rescue and hope and light. A light dawning with the most unexpected of gifts: a wee newborn's cries emanating from the strangest of places--a holding place for lowly animals. The cries echoing into the chilly streets of a humble village with the promise of redemption that has come.

The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey encapsulates this grander story with it's own tale of redemption. The darkness is seen in the humble woodcarver, Jonathan, who has attempted to run as far away from his loss and pain as possible. Finding that he can't outrun it, he allows his pain to consume him as he becomes the village caricature of grumpiness--"Gloomy Toomey". You feel the heartrending sorrow in P.J. Lynch's illustrations--hear the crackle of the fire he is staring into with an empty gaze, and taste the salty tear that travels down his cheek as he remembers the two precious ones lost to him.

The promise of something new being born is seen with the arrival of a sweet widow and her son on his doorstep asking him to carve a replica of an heirloom nativity set lost in their own move to the tiny village. The hope builds as you follow this woodworker slowly carving out each piece of the creche under the watchful, hopeful eyes of the little boy who has asked permission to watch the process. The widow's knitting needles slowly click as she quietly draws up a chair in a corner of the cabin while he creates. The healing in the hardened man's heart is palpable with each piece carved, the cheerful guidance of the boy who wants his new nativity set to match the memory in his heart, and the kind widow's quiet gifts of cups of tea, warm cornbread, and gentle words.

The redemption nears completion as the woodcarver finds himself at a loss in his attempt to carve the final pieces--the Babe and his sweet mother. Crumpled paper after crumpled paper of sketches finds its way onto the floor of his cottage as his attempts at creating a plan for a baby who "was smiling and reaching up to his mother and Mary look[ing] like she loved him very much" fall short. In a moment that always makes my own tears well, he slowly uncovers treasures from a drawer to reveal a charcoal sketch of his own long gone wife and baby boy. Tears flow in longing and missing and pain as he holds the frame close to his heart. Finally, he reaches for his carving knife to complete the precious figures--modeled after the love between mother and child he remembers best.

You realize his healing has begun in earnest as you turn the page and find him Christmas morning delivering the new set with quiet joy to his new friends. You see the wonder on the mother and boy's face as they examine the completed nativity, so perfectly and patiently carved. The book closes by sharing that Mr. Toomey joined the widow and her boy at the Christmas service that day, and that for the first time ever, the village children witness a joyful "Gloomy Toomey" throw back his head in laughter--no longer worthy of the name.

I love this story! Oh, how I love it. As the broken woodcarver holds the pieces of wood in his hands and thoughtfully forms each part of the story of grace and hope and redemption, it is born in his own heart as well. And that is what Christmas is for--to enable us to hold within our own hearts and hands a God previously hidden to us. A God made man. A God made humble and small for our own rescue. Emmanuel, God with us. As we take the time to study the story, to slowly turn over the love of a God who would do such a thing for us, we are changed. We cannot help but be filled with hope, with joy, with love as we hold Christmas in our hearts and hands as the pieces of a nativity set may be held and pondered. Christmas came to heal the broken, bring light to the darkness, bring hope for the lost.

By all means, add this wonderful book to your own shelf or add it to the shelf of a child you love. I hope that you will find as much delight and joy in this beautiful tale as I do, as you contemplate what God wants to carve out in your own heart this Christmas season. He comes to bring you life, light, and joy as well.

Hey, Tired and Hurting Mama--I'm One of Your Biggest Fans

2014-11-18T00:31:00.000-05:00

Time has quickly rocked on since the inception of this little space. In the budding days of early motherhood I was in possession of more time to write, a plethora of ideals about the sort of mother I would, could, and should be, and slanted-eyed judgments for those who weren't doing it the "right" way. After nearly a decade of mothering, I'm wise enough to know now I'm still getting my feet wet. I'd like to think after a few more years, a few more babies, and a few more gray hairs, my ideals have been reshaped. Like a baker kneading a stiff ball of dough until it becomes elastic and is able to rise into a glorious golden loaf, God has steadily and patiently worked my heart. He's taken my stiff focus on the external (of myself, my children, and my fellow mothers), and gently pulled and stretched it till my eyes fell upon my own attitudes, the hurting heart behind the behavior of a child, and the frazzled and worn woman behind the cranky mom in the checkout line at Walmart.

This metamorphosis of thought and attitude has given me compassion for these women in the trenches alongside me. For you. You, Mom, whose life may look so very different from my own in every way, but who shares this one commonality: your love for Jesus and your desire to pass that on to your kids. Whether you have one or many, whether you parent granola style or mainstream style, whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, whether your kids are in a public school, private school, or are homeschooled, whether your husband loves Jesus, too, or he doesn't...we're both on the same team. And I'm absolutely cheering you on.

I want you to know that I know it's hard. No matter the circumstances, being a mom is challenging--especially if you're seeking to do it with intention, cultivate relationships, and lead your child to the Heavenly Father. You might feel like you're "fresh out of amazing", but God isn't. He's not done with you, he's not done with your husband, and he's absolutely not done with your child. He's not letting anything into your life without his permission, and even the hard, dark things can bring glory and beauty and joy.

I want you to know that things might get harder, but I also want you to know that you will find God will give you the strength to do this mom thing even when it gets harder, more complicated, or even darker. He's using these hard times--even if they make absolutely no sense--for his good purposes.

I want you to know that not only is he using the hard times for your good and his glory, but he's using them in the life of your child as well. I know you worry about how the difficulties you face are screwing up your kid. Yep. Screwing them up beyond repair. Oh, the therapy bills are going to be steep. But God is using even the darkest of times in your family for their good, too. Trust him with their story, their past, their future.

I want you to know that you should fight hard for joy and beauty. Even if your life isn't particularly dark right now, it might feel mundane or rushed and frantic. Don't miss your life because you're focused on the stuff that doesn't matter. Slow down, and take time to notice all the tiny things that fill your life every single day. God is bringing you beauty right, left, and center! It's in the curl around your daughter's ear, the infectious laughter of your son, the warm cup of coffee in the mug that says "I might rise, but I refuse to shine." You can fight by taking the time to notice, thanking God for these gifts, and allowing yourself to remember what it's like to indulge in some childlike wonder at the incredible world around you. You fight by putting things into perspective, refusing to let your heart and mind dwell on things that are untrue and unlovely, and speaking the truth of Scripture when the Enemy whispers nasty lies. You fight by taking the time to bring a little beauty into your life or the life of another--a few supermarket flowers to put into a vase on the table, china pulled out for the pizza that came from Domino's, music that lifts your soul, a dance with the preschooler on the kitchen tile.

I want you to know that what you're doing as a mom matters. Your choices to be intentional, to nurture the heart of your child, to live in the truth of God's Word, to bring beauty in increasing measure into your life, may go largely unseen by the world in general. But I promise you that the smallest of faithful steps can make a lasting difference for eternity. By setting your eyes on your Heavenly Father, choosing to obey him faithfully in whatever he asks of you, and loving your family well, you are doing something truly revolutionary.

I want you to know that you are seen. So much of your "mom stuff" is invisible to the world. There's no paycheck, no positive evaluations, and the people you're working for and serving usually don't say thank you--at least not during the years they're leaving their socks on the floor and squirting Capri Suns all over their car seats. I want you to know that your faithful service to your family is seen, cherished, and delighted in by the One Person Who Really Matters. He delights in you! He sings over you. Sure, he knows all of your faults, secret sins, and failures. He's right there to change you and challenge you and help you up each time you stumble. He's calling you to holiness. But he also knows your frame and loves you just as you are right this minute. He won't love you more when you become more holy. How's that for making a girl slack-jawed? True story.

So. You keep stepping. Keep mothering. Keep loving your husband if you have one. Keep drawing close to the heart of your God who is bigger than your mistakes. Remember that motherhood is a marathon and not a sprint. You and I, our muscles are burning. Our lungs are aching. Our feet are blistered. But there is a cloud of witnesses cheering us on, and with God's help, we're both going to cross that finish line. Go you. Even though I'm running right there with you, I'm cheering, too. And I'm one of your biggest fans.

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

Elijah--Three Months!

2014-01-30T20:29:00.000-05:00

Oh, baby. You are so sweet. You're cute, but you're absolutely enough to make me squeal when you're dressed for SNOW! Yep, snow in middle Georgia. You didn't do much in it but look around from your daddy's arms, but, hey, it's a memory for us. :)

You are totally belly laughing these days. That's the biggest development of this past month, and it's so great that we want to make you laugh every chance we get. But we don't. Because it gives you the hiccups. Every.Single.Time. Just like Anna Hazel! Ha! Love it.

Baby laughter is a gift from a good God. It makes everyone smile no matter what they're going through or how badly they're currently feeling. We thank God for you, our laughing, smiling boy!

Elijah--Two Months!

2013-12-28T20:13:00.000-05:00

Elijah, I love this picture! Alec is completely enthralled with you, and he spends all of your waking hours pretty much in your face. It's pretty cute, though I'm also pretty sure that you don't always appreciate his love--and who can blame you? We call Alec the Baby Whisperer--he loves you to bits.

You do reward him with coos and smiles, though. And the rest of us can get in on it, too, if we but take the trouble to simply glance your way. Yep, you're free with the happiness, and you're about the most chilled out baby I have ever seen.

You're growing like a weed, and you're so deliciously plump and nursing like a pro. I love your sweet widow's peak--so much like Levi's. And your blue eyes--so much like your other siblings. Your hair is darker than your brothers', but maybe like Anna Hazel's was.

I spend a lot of time just looking at you and wanting to bite you. That sounds bad, but it actually means I think you're beautiful, and cute, and wondrous. You're a charmer, you are!

You got to meet Marmie and HatDaddy for the first time (they came for Christmas), and you put your lovely spell on them as well. Nannie loves you, and so do your aunts, uncles, and cousins. You're surrounded by so many people who think you're just beautiful and wonderful, but our Heavenly Father loves you most of all, little boy. ♥

Elijah--One Month!

2013-11-28T20:04:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's already been an entire month! I suppose because we spent so much of the beginning of this month away from home, that it has sped by more quickly than ever. You spent your first ten days charming NICU nurses and fighting a serious infection while you were at it. Now that's impressive! After a few days on antibiotic treatment, you really started to do well, and were able to spend much of your time nursing, sleeping, and cuddling up with me, Daddy, or a lovely and caring nurse.

Now that you're a month old, you're home where you should be (and, oh, we are so grateful!). Your brothers and sister were SO excited to greet you at home, and dote on you daily. Alec especially adores you. That doesn't surprise us, since he is such a baby lover! You have an army of people to care for you when you fuss, and we've quite spoiled you with attention.

We just celebrated Thanksgiving...and, oh Elijah. We have so much to be thankful for, sweet boy. We are so, so, so thankful that you are here, that you are healthy, that you are so happy. You bless us every single day.

A Birth Story--or a Grace Story

2013-11-21T19:57:00.000-05:00

I usually record a birth story for my sweet babes. They are usually recorded in the sweet babymoon days in the peace of my home, with a cup of tea at hand, and a baby asleep on my knees. But Elijah's birth was so different. His birth happened amidst a swirl of fear and worry--a torrent that didn't let up for several days. As a result, his "birth story" was actually recorded in a Facebook update--the only way this very exhausted and frightened mama could communicate with so many people all at once. This is from November 2, 2013--when baby Elijah was only four days old:

UPDATE ON ELIJAH

We had been planning a homebirth just like our others had been. I had had some prelabor symptoms and had been paying close attention to his kick counts. The night before he was born, he took just a little bit longer to get his kicks in (maybe 15 or 20 minutes versus the 10 I'd been measuring), and they were a little weaker. I just chalked it up to imminent labor. The morning he was born when I got up I noticed I was leaking fluid and that it was stained with meconium. After quickly consulting with our midwife, Keith made the decision to head to the hospital when I realized I couldn't feel Elijah moving.

Huge relief washed over me when we heard his precious heartbeat on the monitor at the hospital. But even I could hear the decelerations in his heartones. I knew things weren't looking good when I heard that, and then when I was given some oxygen. My backup OB, Dr. Chism quickly arrived, and gently informed me that our baby was in serious distress and a c-section was needed ASAP. I cried, we talked for a few minutes, and moved forward. As soon as we said our "yes", it was an overwhelming flurry of activity to get me prepped for surgery. I have had so many people tell me that I am "brave" for delivering babies without pain medication--but, no. C-sections--especially those unexpected--are for the brave.

It was long till he was delivered, we could hear a cry, and doctors confirmed that he had been in thick meconium. They took a good bit out of his stomach and lungs. I got to kiss him--he was breathing funny--and they whisked him away to be cared for in the nursery.

At first, it just seemed that he was going to need a wee bit more time to recover because of the meconium. As more time passed, it became evident that he was not getting better, that perhaps something else was wrong. He couldn't tolerate any stimulation at all, so I couldn't feed him or nurse him. He couldn't eat at all, actually, because he was working so hard to breathe that eating wasn't an option.

We had incredible doctors and nurses who kept us informed and were gentle and compassionate. We are so grateful for their care, wisdom, and initiative.

One of our pediatric doctors came and informed us the day after he was born that he was "really, really sick" and definitely needed to be transferred to the NICU in Macon. That was so scary and troubling. He was transferred quickly, more tests were run, and within another little while, we learned that he did indeed have a septic infection. So scary! We didn't know what the source of it was, but our doctors had been on top of things and he had been on antibiotics since shortly after his birth. We now had to wait to hear what we were dealing with.

We learned yesterday that Elijah was infected with something called Haemophilus Influenzae or Hib. Apparently, this is a very common bacterium, but it is very, very uncommon for a neonate to contract it in the womb. It's also incredibly dangerous for one so young to contract it. It can often be fatal for a baby so small, or lead to pneumonia, septic infection, or spinal meningitis. Serious yikes for this mama's heart. The concern was that it does easily pass into the spinal column, and if that were the case, we learned that it was going to need a 21 day long treatment of antibiotics.

After consulting with pediatric infectious diseases specialists at the CDC in Atlanta, our neonatologist pursued a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) to draw fluid to evaluate it. She was looking for some kind of clinical clues to let her know (I think) if the spinal fluid had ever been contaminated and how agressively they would need to treat Elijah. We received the most wonderful news today, that they believe a ten day course of antibiotics will be sufficient to completely eradicate this bacterium and keep it from growing back. I *think* that means that they felt the signs showed it had not reached the spinal column, though I'm not sure.

The nurses have been very kind, but very straightforward in telling us that NICU babies are notorious for shocking and surprising you (in both good and bad ways), and that there are never any guarantees. But they assure us that right now Elijah is doing beautifully, he is eating well, his jaundice is slowly going away, and he is happy and calm and alert.

We are so grateful. We believe that God is good even in the difficulties and the darkness, and that even if he did not allow us to keep Elijah he would still be the God of love and grace who carries us. But we are so grateful that he has mercifully placed his hand on him, rescued him, and is keeping him well right now.

Thank you so much for your prayers and concerns! Please keep praying for our family.

Alec is FOUR!

2013-07-12T16:10:00.001-04:00

Oh, Alec. My sweet, sweet boy. So full of life and fun and gladness. You have one of the most amazing smiles I have ever seen. I love that tiny chip in your front tooth that bespeaks your adventurous heart. It's summer time, and I love to look at your golden hair and golden skin and blue eyes shining so brightly out of your joyful face.

You love to make us laugh. You love to be made to laugh. "Remember this?", you'll say as you quote the funniest line you remember from your favorite movie of late. Or, "Mama, watch this!" as you make the funniest face you can muster.

You are the most wonderful big brother to your Sissy. She thinks you are her best buddy, and if you're ever gone, she wanders about looking for her "Ayec". You and Anna Hazel will likely take this newest little fellow under your wings quickly and care for him well. You both love babies so!

You have a tender heart, and if I have been too rash with my words or raised my voice, it's not unusual to hear your sobbing voice say, "Mama, you breaked my heart!" Oh, dear boy, I certainly never want to break that sweet heart God has given to you.

You are my biggest helper in the kitchen. I can always hear that chair dragging across the floor when I get out the pots and pans to cook. You love to dump, and pour, and stir. Oh, and lick the bowl if it's anything sweet. That might actually be the biggest reason you want to join me--the hope that there is something delicious to put into your mouth along the way.

You fill our home with so much laughter--we are so glad that you are part of our family! Happy 4th Birthday, little man!

Building to Biltmore

2013-02-27T21:08:00.000-05:00

These are the thoughts that have made the biggest impression on my mind and heart since the weekend.

The verse that I so poorly "quoted" was Psalm 127:1a: "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain."

Why I Definitely Think the Mom Heart Conference Rocks More Than Ever

2013-02-27T00:05:00.001-05:00

Image Credit

Emailing, telephoning, Facebooking, chatting in person--I used every mode of communication available to me to connect with nearly every mother I knew and attempt to drag her to the Mom Heart conference with me this year. The fact was, it made a life changing difference for me just one year ago, and I wanted everyone I knew to have that same refreshing and encouraging new perspective. I got a few takers. (Takers who became even sweeter friends, and who blessed me beyond belief by loving me and sharing life with me this weekend.) There were many more who weren't able to join me for various reasons. I'm going to go ahead and warn you all that after my experience this past weekend, I will now prove relentlessly annoying in my efforts to persuade you of the necessity of your attendance in 2014! My methods may involve force and kidnapping. Don't say you didn't expect it.

Listen, folks: the Mom Heart peeps? They pray. They humbly pray that God will do His work at their conferences. And, ohmystars, I think He really likes people who humbly pray for Him to work, because hetotallyshowsup.

Not only did I see God care for the hearts of the moms I knew personally at this conference, I saw a room of 400 women touched, inspired, and given courage to be mamas who make a difference. I saw moms arrive with very specific needs and hear very specific messages to meet their very specific needs. I saw God connect moms with other moms who were traveling a very similar road with very similar circumstances. Friendships were born, needs were met, courage was found, healing began...

The Mom Heart conference is special. It's special because it gives you new eyes to see your child. It's special because it not only helps you see your need for traveling companions along the motherhood road, but gives you connections and tools to help you create those connections. It's special because it reminds you that life is all about discipleship--the discipleship of your own heart as you follow Jesus and those who are following Him, too; the hearts of your friends as you walk the road together; and the heart of your child, as he follows the example of Jesus you place before him. It's special because they hand you chocolate the minute you register. Maybe I should have said that first?

There were some beautiful messages this weekend, though I would say that it was the message behind the messages as a whole that is stirring inside me. I often feel that I am very slow to synthesize new information. It takes me a long time of working with new thoughts to actually be able to explain them, and then to go live them! Sometimes it seems like I can mull over a concept for a good long while before some switch flips and it all becomes clear. Some of Sally's words this weekend were like that. I had heard many of the things she had said before (most of them from her own mouth--or her pen), but they weren't really getting into my brain in a way that I understood what she meant. I felt like something inside me switched on in a new way. One of the best ways for me to process things it to sit down and write them out. Over the next few days, I'll be doing just that--recording some of my thoughts on the things I heard and hoping that they continue to work into my fiber and become part of who I am.

While you're waiting (with bated breath) for my next posts, you can do the following:

Decide to attend Mom Heart 2014.
Put it into your budget and set aside a little each month to make it possible.
Read Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe or The Mission of Motherhood.
Call at least one friend and get together at least once a month to pray for one another, laugh, eat chocolate, and encourage each other along the way.
Be prepared to be dragged bodily to Mom Heart 2014 if you do not heed #1.

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

2013-01-07T01:01:00.002-05:00

Almost a year ago, I made a journey several states away on a quest for some refreshment, wisdom, and courage. I was at a difficult place in my mothering role. I felt tired, weak, overwhelmed, and as though I were failing. My destination? The MomHeart Conference with Sally Clarkson. My first conference event was a morning tea where Sally shared her heart with us in an informal manner over sweet breakfast goodies and warm drinks to fill our hands. Near the end, she opened the floor for questions. It was my moment--my moment to seek some eternal wisdom to fight against all the chaos and disappointment and frustration that had been coursing through my heart of late. So, I raised my hand and began my question. But all I could really get out was a broken cry. A voice that cracked and stated that talk of beauty and lifegiving and teatime and storybooks and so on with our children was all well and good--but what about those of us who were struggling to just get.through.another.day? I was here, I said, because I was desperate.

"How interesting that you use that word. Because right now, I'm writing a new book with my friend Sarah Mae by that very title."

And so they were.

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

I have waited with great anticipation for this volume--a book written by two of my favorite authors--one who writes with the grace and wisdom of one who has lived to tell the story, and one who writes with freshness and openness so real and humble that the connection I feel with her heart stuns me. And now I've held the book and read it--twice. First with the eagerness of someone who was hungry and, well, desperate! And then after the initial dash through, once more with pen in hand and thoughtfulness of mind.

This book is a lovely marriage. I hear the voice of Sarah Mae so clearly echoing my own--a voice of desperation, fear, loneliness, and concern that she isn't measuring up to her ideals. And I hear the voice of Sally--a voice of calm, measured wisdom speaking truth and courage and assurance into her younger counterpart. While I have loved Sally Clarkson's works in the past, I have found myself thinking that Sally did sound so calm and measured and wise--all admirable qualities to be sure! But it made me wonder if she had ever truly been as haggard and confused and awkward and frustrated as I seem to be at times. With the addition of Sarah Mae's voice and the conversation between them, I began to see that, yes, even Sally had at one time been in my shoes--in Sarah Mae's shoes. Only commitment, faithfulness, obedience, time, and the power of the Holy Spirit had shaped Sally and her family into who they are today. I began to realize with increasing hope, that perhaps with the same commitment, faithfulness, and obedience, God could fashion me and my own family into something beautiful of His making as well.

This book is for every mother who has ever felt as though the circumstances of her roles as mama, homemaker, and wife would surely drown her. Everyone who has ever wondered if she truly has it in her to be the kind of mama she really wants to be. Everyone who is overwhelmed with just how plain hard mothering can be. This book is also for every mom who has walked through the years of raising her children and now stands on the other side. It's a call to reach out a hand of help and grace and challenge to those who are coming up after you--to walk alongside them and infuse them with courage and hope. It's about doing motherhood together.

I'm so blessed to have this book in my hands. To get some real, practical ideas, and some down to earth wisdom. To know that I am not alone! To pledge to one day be the woman who comes alongside the young mom I once was and give practical help and hope.

Here's to the No More Desperate Moms Movement!

If Your Mom Heart Is a Little Weary...

2012-10-19T22:42:00.001-04:00

Several years ago now, I picked up a volume entitled The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. One chapter in, I set the book down and had to stop and reflect. My heart had filled with recognition--I had caught a vision of the kind of mama I knew I had always wanted to be, but didn't really know how to be. I've read that book three times now, and will probably reread it several more. It is, besides God's Word, my manifesto for mothering.

Last year, when life's pressures, coupled with my weaknesses and repeated failings, threatened to undo me, I would find myself escaping to the bathroom to "air scream" at God--"I can't DO this! Find someone else!" You know--when you scream, but you're doing it soundlessly so as not to frighten the children? Perhaps you don't know about that--but I was definitely at a place where I felt desperate. I felt worn out and tired. Unable to keep up with the demands that life placed on me. Unable to meet the needs of four small children who wanted to each be held and cherished and known. I wanted to be the mama who cuddled and took walks and baked cookies and responded with gentle tones and knew her children's needs and unique giftings. But I was having a hard time keeping up with the laundry and getting a shower. My priorities were often skewed, and my focus needed to be sharpened. It was time for some heart renewal.

Enter the MomHeart conference with Sally Clarkson. Apparently, the MomHeart conference had been in existence for many, many years. I had heard about it before, and had briefly considered attending, but last year...I knew that my survival depended on getting to one. God graciously opened doors to allow me to attend. He knew it was just the remedy I needed. Hearing Sally speak truths from God's Word about the gift and privilege of motherhood was exactly what I needed. Time with new friends, a fancy banquet in a fancy hotel, and plenty of chocolate didn't hurt either. One woman in particular, who had several more years of mothering wisdom behind her, reached out to me and cared for me at this conference. She encouraged me, prayed for me, and blessed me. By the time the conference was over, my vision had realigned. I was ready to take on the world--or at least my home--again.

I don't feel that same desperation anymore. Truly, my circumstances haven't really changed. I'm busy with four small children, homeschooling, and running a household. I'm still so far from being the mother that I really want to be. But, I am NOT the mother I was, either. I have a greater sense of purpose and destination. I feel more intentional about connecting to the heart of each child. I know the value of aligning my heart with God's priorities and setting aside the task list of busyness to pursue Him and His kingdom.

After that conference, I made a few decisions, two of which are these:

First, I will try to attend a MomHeart conference every single year. I will see it as my "inservice for motherhood" as I heard one new friend describe it. While it is difficult to consider the expense, the inconvenience, and the burden of leaving my children in the care of my husband for a few days, it is so, so, so worth it in the long run. My husband was the first to help me recognize the value this brought to our home.

Second, I will do what I can to lift up and encourage other mothers along the way. One day, when I'm past the season of raising children and I find myself with more time to minister to those outside of my immediate family, I can tell you exactly how I think I'll be spending it. I think God will have me seek out young mamas who are feeling that sense of desperation I felt, and lend them a helping hand. A listening ear, an encouraging word, an afternoon of babysitting. In the meantime, while I can't engage in very much ministry outside of ministering to my little ones, I can be on the lookout for friends and comrades along the way who need some encouragement. Part of that encouragement includes the urging to attend a MomHeart conference.

If it is at ALL possible for you to go, please consider it. I suspect that it may be one of the best mothering decisions you ever make. If you hesitate because you can't imagine being able to get away with the demands that are currently on you...you especially are in need of this. Children are naturally needy. There's nothing wrong with that. God designed them to need caring grown-ups to love them and minister to their many needs. As moms, however, we can only pour out so much without being poured into. This conference in a time of intensified "pouring" into you. Into your mom heart.

If reading this fills you with a sense of excitement, anticipation, or a longing to take the edge off a sense of desperation, I pray that God helps you to find a way to the MomHeart conference nearest you. May you know His refreshment! The link below will take you to more information about the dates and locations for MomHeart 2013.

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Anna Hazel: One YEAR Old!

2012-07-27T14:49:00.000-04:00

We had no idea. No idea how much light, and fun, and joy a little girl would bring to our family. We have been so blessed to have you as part of our family for one whole year now. Our hearts are captured forever, little girl, and we are so glad you came.

Little Girls

by Edgar A. Guest

God made the little boys for fun, for rough and tumble times of play;

He made their little legs to run and race and scamper through the day.

He made them strong for climbing trees, he suited them for horns and drums,

And filled them full of revelries so they could be their father's chums.

But then He saw that gentle ways must also travel from above.

And so, through all our troubled days He sent us little girls to love.

He knew that earth would never do, unless a bit of Heaven it had.

Men needed eyes divinely blue to toil by day and still be glad.

A world where only men and boys made merry would in time grow stale,

And so He shared His Heavenly joys that faith in Him should never fail.

He sent us down a thousand charms, He decked our ways with golden curls

And laughing eyes and dimpled arms. He let us have His little girls.

They are the tenderest of His flowers, the little angels of His flock,

And we may keep and call them ours, until God's messenger shall knock.

They bring to us the gentleness and beauty that we sorely need;

They soothe us with each fond caress and strengthen us for every deed.

And happy should that mortal be whom God has trusted, through the years,

To guard a little girl and see that she is kept from pain and tears.

Alec Is THREE!

2012-07-11T15:12:00.000-04:00

Alec, you are THREE years old! How exciting! Your face in the above picture really sums up your attitude about turning three. And really your attitude about everything in life. Everything is an adventure, everything is exciting, everything is worth being enthusiastic.

Me: "Daddy's home!"

Alec: "YEAH! Daddy's home! Yeah!!!" (While jumping up and down.)

Me: "We're going to AWANA now."

Alec: "YAY!! We're going to AWANA!! I love AWANA!"

Me: "Do you want to go see Nannie and Granddaddy?"

Alec: "Nannie and Granddaddy? YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

And so on. ;)

You are very expressive. Quizzical, contemplative, joyful, silly, angry, tragic...you've got it all covered. Thankfully, joyful enthusiasm is currently your default. We love you, Alec!

Little Fellow

by Edgar A. Guest

OH, you laughing little fellow, with your eyes agleam with fun,

And your golden curls a-mockin' all the splendor of the sun,

With your cheeks a wee bit redder than the petals of the rose,

You don't know just what you mean to your daddy, I suppose.

With your rompin' and your shoutin' an' your laughin' through the day,

You've no care of what's before you, what lies yonder down the way;

Why, your little brain is whirlin' with the gladness of the earth,

An' of course you have no notion of how much to me you're worth.

Jes' keep laughin', little fellow, keep those eyes agleam with fun,

Jes' keep rompin' in the meadows an' a-dancin' in the sun,

For the bloom of health upon you is the thing I want to see,

Coz, you bright-eyed little fellow, you are all the world to me.

Anna Hazel: Eleven Months!

2012-06-27T12:00:00.000-04:00

One more month and then you'll be ONE YEAR OLD. I really cannot believe how quickly this time has flown by. Lightspeed, I tell you.

The biggest news this month...

Wait for it...

FIRST STEPS!! Yay!

June 17th, you took your first steps. Pretty darn exciting. Daddy wasn't here, so I had to call him right away and tell him. You've taken many, many steps since then, though you still crawl quite a bit. You babble more than ever and we love it when you nod your head at us. It's also pretty cute when you shake your head at us, though Daddy is discouraging me from encouraging it. ;)

Your hair is growing more and more, and I am more and more at a loss as to what to do with it. Daddy assures me he sees lots of little girls running around with crazy hair while it grows out. I have not seen them and suspect him of stretching the truth to make me feel better over my lack of skill.

You love Daddy. But you have decided there is something you do not like about him. You absolutely do not like the feel of his whiskers. So while you coo and smile and babble at him (and you will kiss him), you always, always turn your face away when he leans in to kiss you. This doesn't unsettle him in the least. He kisses you often anyway--sometimes a few times in a row just to see you grimace. You are his Princess, his Baby Girl, his Little One and he's not about to let your disdain for his whiskers get in the way of kissing you.

Guess what? You love books! You are enthralled with Goodnight, Moon, Time for Bed, and Eric Carle books. You point and smile and jabber. You will sit and listen while I read. Caden did this at your age, but it's been a while since I had a baby so young who would sit and enjoy a book on my lap. It's quite a bit of fun. Of course, you also love to get hold of the library books and tear pages. So, we'll stick with board books for a while.

You are a delight to us all, Anna Hazel, and we thank God for the sunshine you bring us every day.

Anna Hazel: Ten Months!

2012-06-07T11:41:00.004-04:00

*Waaaaahhhhhh!*

That is the sound of me crying because your first year is almost over already! Yikes!

Wow, girlie. You are just booming with new developments! Guess who said, "Mama!" for the first time Mother's Day morning while she was snuggled next to me in bed? Yep--you, that's who! I thought it was the perfect gift. More recently, you've actually been saying "Mommy"--probably imitating Alec who picked that up even though no one else in our family uses that term. It sounds pretty sweet to me from both your lips and his.

You're enjoying rice, sweet potatoes, egg yolk, Cheerios, and a few other things, but Cheerios are really your favorite. I think you could eat them all day long! You've got drinking out of a sippy mastered now--no more rivers down your chest. You are now standing up on your own and you do it over and over and over. When I set you down, you prefer to stand up and then sit down. It won't be long and you'll be running all over this place. You're cruising a bit now, too.

You're saying more and more words and it often sounds like you are trying to copy the words that those around you are speaking to you. "Bracelet, pretty, Caden, jump" and many more. You've been a bit restless at night recently. I'm not sure what that's about, but I'm sure it will pass. You're still sunshiney most of the time. You don't want to be held still any more. You want to GO! Unfortunately, your brothers love holding you, so I often hear you screeching to be released because they are "loving" you.

Your hair has grown a few long wisps at the front (what do I do with girl hair?) and has starting curling the tiniest bit at the nape of your neck. I can't wait to see what you look like with more hair. You're beautiful and sweet as ever and we're so glad God sent you to us.

Back to Homeschool!

2012-06-07T10:16:00.004-04:00

A few months ago, I had the privilege of meeting Misty Krasawski of Encouraging Beautiful Motherhood in person at a MomHeart conference after corresponding with her a bit by email. Misty holds a special place in my heart because she offered me some serious encouragement when I deeply needed it.

Just recently, I asked Misty if I could preview her new ebook that she had coming out--Back to Homeschool: 23 Days to Preparing Your Heart, Home, and Homeschool Calendar for Your Best Year Ever. Misty is a gifted writer and I knew it would be good. She's the mama of eight children, she's been homeschooling for a loooooong time, and like I said earlier, if she is anything, she is encouraging! That combination made for a great little book. Her new book is full of encouragement for the mom who is looking ahead to a new year of homeschooling. Whether you're a newbie or a veteran, this little gem is going to give you the boost you need.

I've been homeschooling for a couple of years now--long enough to know that homeschool planning encompasses so much more than buying curriculum or making lesson plans. Back to Homeschool will walk you through the process of stepping back and evaluating why you're doing what you're doing, your relationship with your kids and husband, the state of your home (how well can you homeschool--or learn--in disorder and dirt?), and the planning of some of those other details that can trip us up like, "What will we eat every day?" and "What do I do with the little ones?"

As I head into my own planning session over the summer, I'm glad to have this book at my side to guide me through some things I might have skipped over or never thought about otherwise. I'm ready for a year with a little more purpose and order!

Here's the other awesome thing: Misty runs something called Titus 2 University. It's something I've wanted to be part of in the past, but, frankly, couldn't afford at the time. If you buy Back to Homeschool for $4.99 and send her a copy of the receipt before 9pm on June 8th (take a screen shot and email it to her), you get a FREE membership to Titus 2 University (an $80 value)! That, folks, is an awesome deal! I already OWN a review copy, but I'm going to buy a copy for my Kindle just so I can get that membership! :)

Check it out here, but be sure to also check her post of the day because she's giving away cool stuff each day of the this week to celebrate the launch! The book is available in PDF directly from Misty's site, Kindle from Amazon, and Nook from Barnes and Noble.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Just In Case You Ever Wonder...

2012-05-08T14:27:00.003-04:00

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Wonder Woman doesn't live here.

On a few occasions, a friend or acquaintance has made the following statement to me:

"Oh, my goodness. You are so calm! You are always so sweet and kind with your children. How do you keep it all together? I wish I could do that."

I'm writing this post because, well, why AM I writing this post?

A) I don't want to be a fraud.

Really. I do not have it all together! Nothing could be farther from the truth! I yell. Sometimes I yell a lot. Sometimes I'm rough with my children because I am so frustrated or angry. Sometimes I frown when I should offer a smile, sometimes I scold when I should offer grace, and sometimes I escape to do my own thing when I should pour myself into the heart of a child who needs me. I struggle to keep up with my laundry and dishes. There are days when I PRAY that no one will come to my door and see the chaos that is reigning within. Sometimes I go into my bathroom and tell God that He picked the wrong woman for this job. I am real and I have struggles just like you. Honest.

B) I don't ever want to be a source of discouragement to someone.

I've read the books or the blogs with a happy mama and smiling (perfect?) children shining out from the pages or screen. I know what it can do to a woman to see a small glimpse of someone's life and think, "Why can't I be like that? What is wrong with me? If only I got it together and did XYZ and ABC." The thing is...you can't see that woman lose it because the two year old let the dog escape out the door again, cry because she has no idea what to feed these children for supper (why do they have to eat THREE TIMES EVERY DAY?), grit her teeth in anger because of a blowup she has with her husband, and the list goes on. If I'm going to lose my temper or get frustrated or cry my eyes out because, by golly, this job is so hard(!), I'm not going to do it in the grocery store. Well, most likely.

C) I want you to know that if you see something good here...it is Jesus.

If I die tomorrow, I want the story of my life to be this: her life was full of His grace. Wow. If you see me being patient with my children, please know this: it is Jesus working in me and through me. I am not a patient person. Thankfully and beautifully, however, Jesus is. And because of the fact that He saved me from my own sin and rescued me from my own willfulness and choices...He lives inside of me. And when He comes to live inside of you, He gives you the power to do things you couldn't do otherwise. Even things like slowly giving you more patience for the child who keeps stepping on your bare toes with their darn cowboy boots. Testify! Jesus changes me. He teaches me. He gives me wisdom that I definitely lack. So, if you see something amazing--that's Him. If you see me lose it, you can say, "Ah! There she is." That's the me without Jesus, OK?

D) I want you to know that you are a great mom.

I'm as guilty as the next woman of comparing myself to others. And, I might be risking being struck by lightning by telling you to not compare yourself. But there you have it. Don't do it. Because God loves you. He has great plans for you and your kids. He wants to help you and love you and guide you and give you wisdom. He put you with your child because you are the perfect mom for that child. He did not make a mistake! He is not slapping his forehead every time you mess up. He is holding you in the palm of His hand caring for you and simply asking you to trust Him as you parent these children. He is bigger than our weaknesses. Amen and Amen.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Anna Hazel: Nine Months

2012-04-27T11:19:00.000-04:00

Nine months is really the time I start seeing how fast this first year flies by and it always makes me a little teary. You are such a sweet baby and I've adored this past nine months with you, little one!

You're still saying "Da" regularly with no sign of "Mama" yet. That's OK. He's pretty awesome, I admit. And, oh my goodness, does he adore you! You are his baby girl and he is head over heels for you. We're going to have to be careful that we don't all spoil you to death!

You are pulling up regularly, but you're pretty content to stand where you pull yourself up--no cruising yet. You've got six teeth--four on top and two on the bottom. You still love to suck on your finger, and I've been horrified to realize that you seem to have given yourself a crooked tooth in this way! There is no way I'm going to be able to convince you to give that up at this point, though, so I'm trying to chill. Maybe we'll work on that when you're a bit bigger. You've been enjoying drinking out of a sippy, though a lot of the liquid lands on your chest instead of in your mouth.

You are laid back as ever and love to laugh and smile at all your silly brothers. Your hair is growing in a little more and it's such a pretty color--light brown--different, I think, from anyone else's so far. Your blue eyes and long lashes keep me mesmerized sweet girl. I just like holding you and marveling in your sweetness.

I'm so grateful for the beautiful gift that is you.

Levi is FIVE!

2012-04-11T16:19:00.000-04:00

Dear Levi,

I cannot believe you are FIVE! How did that happen? You are such a fine little man. Five years ago today, I held you in my arms for the first time and remarked how much you looked like Caden. But you've developed your own look, and you are definitely your own person. You're quieter and more introspective. You need time to yourself to play. It's sometimes hard for me to figure out what is going on in your noggin. When I find out, it always delights me and I always feel honored when you share your thoughts. You seem to really love and need one on one time with me or Daddy. And when we get alone together, the flood gates open and out comes all your thoughts and wonderful personality.

You love to laugh and be silly. You like to draw and build. You are an amazing builder! It astounds me what you can create out of your very own mind with some Lego bricks. You seem to intuitively know how to build what you see in your mind's eye. It's pretty awesome. You're a quick learner and you're eager to sit down with me for a "lesson". You're doing well with your numbers and letters and I think you'll be reading this year--a milestone that seems to excite you.

You love your little sister and you have built in buddies in your brothers. I can count on you to get into mischief with somebody! You absolutely love your Daddy, and he thinks you're pretty great, too.

You've begun to ask more questions about God and heaven and you have a deeper and deeper understanding of His love for you and why He came and what He's all about. We hope that you will know Him as your Lord soon.

You have a talent for getting dirty faster than anyone I know. You're never afraid to get into mud or water or dishsoap, or whatever. It can make for some interesting moments. ;) I guess it goes along with your building mind, but you also are incredible at putting puzzles together. You can see just how the pieces should fit, and you do puzzles in record time. This year you were in Cubbies at church in the AWANA program, and it was pretty exciting to see you memorize Scripture and enjoy the stories from God's word as well as become friends with Cubbie Bear, Ernie Elephant, and Luvie Lamb. You are riding your bike better than ever and it won't be long till you're ready for a pedal bike instead of a balance bike.

All in all, you're getting bigger and bigger. I can't wait to continue to mine out the thoughts in your head and see your heart more and more. You are a treasure, Levi, and so very worth the treasure hunt!

Anna Hazel: Eight Months!

2012-03-27T16:09:00.000-04:00

This month, you've really been refining your skills. You have said, "Da" several times now and you also like to chatter about other things. (I don't know what, exactly, but it sounds interesting!) You are pulling up all the time now. You are crawling everywhere! You like to crawl with one knee and one foot--like you really want to walk, but you're not quite there yet. Now that the weather is warmer and you have bare legs, the result is a very dirty knee and a very dirty foot. A crawling baby is always a reminder of just how dirty my floors are!

You are still very happy and laid back. You grin constantly. You have decided you're ready to go, though, so you don't like for your brothers to sit with you in their laps. That's too slow paced for you! You want to GO! Explore! Move! So, when they are trying to "love" you, you are usually screaming. But you still love for your brothers to talk to you, tickle you, laugh with you. When Daddy comes home, your face lights up and you crawl right to him. He's always delighted to see you, too, and I love to overhear whispers like this, "You sure are beautiful, Baby Girl."

You sleep pretty well at night most of the time and for naps. Though you will not fall asleep when we're out and about anymore. So on Sundays you pretty much just take one ridiculously long nap in the afternoon. There is just too much to see and do when you are somewhere else--no time for sleeping. You still have four teeth, with signs of a couple more coming. You still like to sink those pearly whites into anything and everything, including my fingers. Ouch!

You love to clap and you love music. You will bounce in time to the music when you are standing up. When I hold you and talk quietly to you, you will lean your head in and put your forehead to mine like we are sharing secrets. It's pretty sweet. Of course, you will also grab my hair and try to yank it out of my head--often in the same secret sharing session--but I forgive you.

We love you, Anna Hazel! Time is flying and you are changing so much. You delight us.

Anna Hazel: Seven Months!

2012-02-27T21:51:00.001-05:00

Seven months! You had some big, big moves this month, girlie! You are SITTING. You are CRAWLING! You PULLED UP! Holy smoke! I think you had your first word, too, though I'm not completely sure. Whenever I go to get you out of bed, it sounds like you say, "Heeeeeeyyyy." :) Even if that's not what you're saying, it's very endearing.

You also have a new tooth on top--you continue to use your teeth to chew on everything around you, including people. You don't have a whole lot more hair, but you are developing a rather wispy, old man comb over look. There are odd hairs that puff out from time to time and refuse to lay flat nicely on your head.

You are chubbier than ever. I love your sweet little thighs and all your dimples everywhere. You've got the best smile and your eyes still crinkle up and disappear when you break out with that grin. It's a lot like Levi's smile.

Daddy makes you laugh and you often reach for him. You are still Alec's baby. He spends time with you every chance he gets. You are getting old enough to protest now, though. You want to be on the MOVE and he wants to hold you in his lap. (Or drag you to a predetermined location.) You've got a mind of your own, and places on your own itinerary.

Levi and Caden get time with you whenever they can, and I have to intervene to make sure Alec doesn't fight them off--I told you, you are his baby! They love to make you laugh, help dress and undress you, bring you toys, tickle you, and so on.

You had your very first airplane flight this month, too. We took a journey to Texas, just you and I. We stayed with your great Uncle Len and great Aunt Lily, and you made some fast friends, I think. It was a great trip (I went out for a wonderfully refreshing conference about mothering), and you made the trip so easy for me. Thank you!

You are just recently starting to cry for me when I lay you down to sleep. We'll see what happens with that over the next little while. You are still a very contented little girl, though you do want to be going. Going, going, going.

It's a delight to be your mama, Anna Hazel. You bring so much joy to our family. We love you.

Anna Hazel: Six Months!

2012-02-01T18:35:00.002-05:00

Oh, dear. Half a year gone just like that.

Anna Hazel, you're moving even more now! You really, really want to crawl, but you haven't quite figured it out yet. So, you inchworm. You also leapfrog. Yes, you really hop your back feet together in unison to get to your destination. You also like experimenting with pushing up on all fours like a bear crawl. You are also semi-sitting. You can't quite sit upright completely, but you push yourself into a sitting position and lean on your arm like you're modeling. Very cute. "Hey, it's cool. I'm just chilling."

I'm going to have to move you out of the cradle now, because you have figured out how to sit up and slightly pull your shoulders to the edge of the rails. No more of that! I can't have you launching yourself out on your head.

No more teeth yet, but you've been doing plenty of damage with the two you do have. Alec (sweet brother that he is) loves to spend time with you, and recently put his fingers in your mouth. I'm guessing he won't do that again any time soon!

Your brothers still adore you, but Alec thinks you're his own special baby. In fact, he tells us so. "My baby! No, my baby!" If any of his brothers gets too close to you or wants to spend time with you, he doesn't care for it. We'll have to work on that. The other day, the big boys were building a fort in the living room. You were on the floor for a short period of time before it got too crazy with many blankets, pillows, and other fort building materials. I picked you up and took you to bed for a nap--but Alec hadn't noticed. A few minutes later, Alec completely freaked out, as he looked around the room. "Baby! Baby!!" I realized that he thought you had been buried under the many cushions and blankets, and of course, if that had been the case, it would have been a dangerous situation. He would not calm down until I took him to your bed and showed him that you were, indeed, safely sleeping in your own bed. He is a good big brother and he loves you fiercely.

Recently, during family Bible time, Daddy was asking us to raise our hands when we heard certain things that he was reading in the Scripture passage. We raised our hands over and over again--and then, all of a sudden, you were doing it, too!

You seem to think your Daddy is pretty special, and I love to hear him whisper, "I love you, Baby Girl." Methinks it might be a challenge to prevent you from being utterly and totally spoiled by your brothers and your Daddy.

I've said this before (as recently as today) and I'll say it again: "I'm so glad you came."

Excellence vs. Perfectionism

2012-01-26T22:17:00.003-05:00

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Hi, my name is Brianna Preston.

And I'm a perfectionist.

Being a perfectionist doesn't mean that I'm perfect. In fact, it's my perfectionistic tendencies that actually seem to keep me from overcoming weaknesses, developing my strengths, and stretching for loftier goals. The perfectionist in me says this: "If I can't do it perfectly...I won't do it at all."

There have been three words I've written at the top of my planner pages for months now: Excellence, Eternity, and Grace. I really want to be a woman who strives for excellence, and recently I've been contemplating the difference between the two.

Here are some of my thoughts:

Excellence does it's best.

Perfectionism either tries and gives up when it's not perfect, or won't try at all for fear of failing.

Excellence seeks to please God.

Perfectionism seeks to please others.

Excellence uses God's priorities.

Perfectionism may not have priorities, because it's too busy trying to make the meaningless details "perfect".

Excellence is motivated by building the kingdom of God.

Perfectionism is motivated by "what people will think".

Excellence judges itself by God's standards.

Perfectionism judges itself by its neighbor.

Excellence finds inspiration in the lives of others.

Perfectionism compares itself to others and feels defeated when it doesn't measure up.

Being a woman of excellence has nothing to do with being perfect. What a relief. Being a woman of excellence is a life dedicated to learning, stretching, growing, and continuing even after I fall. It means setting my eyes on Jesus and obeying Him--letting Him shape me into His woman, even if that looks nothing like my neighbor. It means a commitment to slow, but persistent change.

It's more about giving my all than doing it all.

Caden Is Seven!

2012-01-26T14:23:00.002-05:00

Another birthday letter means...another birthday. Just how, young fellow, is time streaming past so quickly? Today you are seven. Seven years of Caden. Seven years of mothering. Seven years of trying, learning, failing, growing, loving, laughing, and most of all, grace. I have needed His grace so deeply as a Mama, Caden. You coming into my life has given it a meaning and a depth I wouldn't have known without you.

You and I are so very alike that we seem to know how to push each others buttons. And when our buttons are pushed, you know what comes out? Yeah, sometimes it's not too nice, is it? But you know what else? Since God gave me you and God gave you me...He's helping each of us to grow! He wants to use our strengths for His purposes and He wants to help us in our weaknesses as He displays His strength in us.

I do not know exactly what God has planned for you, son, but I know this: it's big. He has filled you with so much potential. You are strong. You are caring. You are determined. You are passionate. You are creative. You are smart. Daddy and I are praying that we can help to guide you as you grow and chase the dreams and paths He has planned for you. I'm so excited to see what He has planned.

This last year we have seen your heart tendered more towards God and His ways. We know that you want to please us and please Him--and we know how hard it can be to choose obedience! Goodness, you see every day how we mess up. How we yell when we should be calm, how we disappoint when we should follow through, how we are impatient when we should be patient, how we are gruff when we should be gentle...the list goes on. But He is at work, Caden! He is at work in you, and He is at work in me and in Daddy. You are a fine boy, Caden, and God has such good plans for you. Daddy and I are so proud to have you as our son.

Some of my favorite moments with you are still our reading times. I love to curl up and read a good book with you. Speaking of reading, you're taking off! It is so exciting to me and Daddy to see this whole new world of adventure open up to you as you begin to discover more and more that you can read on your own! It will be wonderful to see you learn all sorts of new things over the coming years as you explore the world of books for yourself.

You can ride your bike well now and have actually grown out of your bike--your legs are growing longer and longer. You don't really have any baby roundness left, and you seem to be more and more arms and legs. You can create anything you can imagine, given the right materials. With Legos, cardboard, and miscellaneous junk you could probably take over the world!

In school, you're doing well. Reading is coming easier and easier. You're able to understand and visualize math concepts. You absolutely love science. You love a good story, and thankfully history is full of those. You are a gifted drawer, and you enjoy our picture study almost as much as I do. It's fun to learn with you.

Every once in a while, I hear a clock ticking. The ticking sounds so loud, it hurts my ears and squeezes my heart. Like today on your seventh birthday. And sometimes I don't hear or notice anything. It's those times that concern me. I want to be aware that this is only a season. A very short time to have you here under my wing. Only just down the hall snug in your bed. In the backyard shouting joyfully. Curled up beside me with your elbows digging into my leg as you peer over my shoulder at the book. Here with your funny sticky up hair and your gappy new teeth.

May God make me the mama you need, and may the time we have together be moments filled with purpose, love, and grace. Today and every day, I love you, Caden.

With all my heart,

Mama

Little Bits

The Darkness of Good Friday

Why The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey Is a Must Read

Hey, Tired and Hurting Mama--I'm One of Your Biggest Fans

Elijah--Three Months!

Elijah--Two Months!

Elijah--One Month!

A Birth Story--or a Grace Story

Alec is FOUR!

Building to Biltmore

Why I Definitely Think the Mom Heart Conference Rocks More Than Ever

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

If Your Mom Heart Is a Little Weary...

Anna Hazel: One YEAR Old!

Alec Is THREE!

Anna Hazel: Eleven Months!

Anna Hazel: Ten Months!

Back to Homeschool!

Just In Case You Ever Wonder...

A) I don't want to be a fraud.

B) I don't ever want to be a source of discouragement to someone.

C) I want you to know that if you see something good here...it is Jesus.

D) I want you to know that you are a great mom.

2 Corinthians 12:9 Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Anna Hazel: Nine Months

Levi is FIVE!

Anna Hazel: Eight Months!

Anna Hazel: Seven Months!

Anna Hazel: Six Months!

Excellence vs. Perfectionism

Caden Is Seven!

2 Corinthians 12:9

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.