What’s wrong with the word busy? It’s just a word.  Very quickly I realized that the word busy represented something to me, and that representation didn’t make me feel good.  Lovely!  Here I am, having a conversation in my head and it’s both annoying and I feel bad.  Mmmm.  Let’s see, maybe the next question should be, “What is it about the word busy that is so annoying to me this morning?”

Busy as a bee

Well, a ton of thoughts downloaded in the blink of an eye. I instantaneously recalled the number of times I had heard a variation of the following, “I’m so busy.”  “I’ve been very busy lately.”  “I’m too busy.”  “There aren’t enough hours in the day.” “I don’t have time to…”  It seems we’re all as busy as a bee!

It used to be, not so long ago, that when you talked to someone and asked “How are you?” they would reply, “Fine.”  It became an automated response and it was used so often that people didn’t pay attention anymore to your answer.

I tested that theory a few years ago. A person called and asked, “How are you?”  I replied, “Miserable.”  The caller didn’t skip a beat, there was no pause, and then launched into why she had called.  Being the mischievous person I am, I continued to give answers to the question, “How are you?” that were not the normal “Fine.”  Not one person picked up on it!

Fast forward to now and instead of answering “fine,” people are telling us how busy they are.  I think saying, “I’m busy” implies that the person doesn’t have the time to do the things they would like to do, and therefore they’re sorry they haven’t done them, or can’t do them ’cause they’re too busy.

So what am I really annoyed about with the “I’m busy” response?  It’s partially the fact that most people are saying it.  Can’t we be a little more original and/or creative?  Wouldn’t it be more fun if we came up with something that didn’t sound so pat?  For example. A person asks “How are you?”  And I could say, “I’m having a rotten day.”  The person could then say, “I’m sorry to hear that,” and then inquire about what’s causing my rotten day.  We’d have a conversation going.  Or, they could choose to say, “That’s too bad, so I’ll just ask my question and let you get back to being miserable.”

OK, I won’t answer “I’m having a rotten day,” because most of my days aren’t rotten and I’m going to save that response for when I’m really having a rotten day!

My thoughts turned back to busy, and I realized something else.  This phenomenon of being busy has taken over our lives!  Everyone is busy, and they’re so busy being busy, that they seem run off their feet.  How many of us actually enjoy being SO busy?  Are we spending our days going from one MUST DO task to another, and then collapsing into bed totally exhausted, only to get up the next day and do it all over gain?  Yuk!

Being so busy seems to consume us and before you know it your life will have flown by and you’ll wonder where it went.  I was going to say maybe it’s because of my age I’m more aware of time flying by (it’s true that the older you get the faster time flies) but I realize I’ve felt like this most of my life.  I believe if we don’t plan, schedule, or make time each and every day to stop and do something, anything, just for ourselves, our life becomes one gigantic MUST DO list.

Seeing as how that seems to be how most of us are living our lives nowadays… do this… do that… I’d like to suggest that we all add one more item to the daily TO DO LIST and it’s this:

At some point during the day, stop what you’re doing and take some time
for yourself.  It could be 15 or 30 minutes, or only 5 if that’s all you can spare.
Do something just for yourself.  Be selfish.  This is ME time.

I bet if you do, you will feel better, and have more energy to do all the other stuff you have to do.  We all need to re-charge our batteries and do so frequently.  Waiting to do something just for yourself (i.e., your annual holiday) isn’t enough because you may find you spend the better part of your holiday just unwinding and before you know it, it’s time to go home!

Taking just 15 minutes for yourself may be asking a lot, but you’ll be delighted with the results.  And, to help you, here’s just a few suggestions on what you can do in those precious minutes.

• Read something.
• Listen to music.
• Meditate.
• Play with your child/children.
• Play with your pet(s).
• Play with your spouse/partner.
• Call a friend.
• Have a long shower.
• If you have a hobby, do something on a project you’re working on, or create one.
• Write a friend you haven’t spoken, or written to, in a while.
• Take a bubble bath… they’re not just for women, men can do this too if they want, it’s fun and relaxing.
• Take a nap.
• Be creative and DO NOTHING!

Now that I got all that off my chest, I no longer feel annoyed and I can have a good day.  I’d better run along, there’s so much stuff I have to do, I’m just so busy

For purposes of clarity let’s suppose two people are having a conversation.  One of them may inadvertently say something, or say it a certain way, and the other suddenly is annoyed, upset, or otherwise giving some indication that the utterance was the foulest, most unconscionable, unfeeling thing they could have said or done.  The point is that someone is in the doghouse, and both are upset.  More often than not, the speaker of this utterance has triggered an unresolved issue in the other person’s past.

Let’s look at how to deal with it. I will explain the steps as if you are a “client.”  Once you have mastered the technique, it is a simple adaptation to assist others, if you so desire.

Begin by taking a few moments to simply relax, and turn the attention inward.  As you do, begin to imagine you are in a private theatre, your private theatre.  Since it’s your theatre, feel free to scan the rows of empty chairs, and then select exactly the one you want.  As you do so, and sit down, take a moment to notice that the arm of the chair contains several buttons.  As you press the first one, the lights dim to create the perfect setting, and as you press the second button, the curtains slide back to reveal the screen.

In the upper left hand corner of the screen you now notice a black and white snapshot.  The snapshot is of you, and it was taken before the incident you want to edit occurred.  A way of thinking about this photo is that it represents you without the memory.

You watch as the black and white snapshot becomes a black and white movie, and, as it’s kind of vague, it only shows you the highlights, very quickly of what occurred, as you remain comfortable in the seat, as the observer.

Remember, the entire movie only lasts a few seconds, just the highlights flash before you on the screen.  When you get to the end, pause the movie. (The end can be where you know the incident is over and the memory begins.)

Now you find yourself staring at a white screen, and as you do that now, you also find yourself floating out of the chair and begin to float towards the white screen, noticing the rows of chairs passing silently beneath you, as you sense the screen becoming closer and larger, until you are in the white.  Everywhere you look is white; in front of you, beneath you, above you and behind you.

Slowly, the whiteness begins to evaporate, and you find yourself in your body in the paused frame.  Everything around you begins to return to natural colour, but time is still frozen.  All of a sudden you begin to live the scene backwards, very, very, fast.

Everything happens in reverse, other people (if they are there) speak backwards.

Feel and see everything run in reverse, before your eyes, right back to the beginning, as quickly as possible, as if you are living or experiencing it in reverse.

Pop out of the experience and think of anything else for a moment.  Ask yourself how much gas is in the car, or what you are going to have for dinner, or, if all else fails, “What do you think of the price of eggs in your town, as opposed to the wear and tear on the chicken’s rectum?”

Now, whenever you wish, access the memory (the incident) that was giving you such discomfort.  If you find it has become somewhat vague, and certainly the unwanted feelings it evokes are gone now, you’re done!

I’ve received quite a bit of feedback from people that have used this technique, and the range seems to be:  “The negative effects are greatly reduced!”  And, “It’s gone!”  Interestingly, two individuals wrote to say that after one or two repeats (of the technique on the same issue as before) they experienced the results they wanted.  My response to that is:  “Great!  Whatever works!”

So why not take the time to select an unpleasant memory from your past, and give this little exercise a go?  After all, as the experts tell us, “We are the sum total of all our experiences.”  How nice to now be able to edit the unpleasant ones.

For those of you that do try the technique and had a successful outcome, please share your experience with us.  Your comments may help, or encourage, someone else to give the technique a try.

Just the other day a client said, “I’m hitting the BIG 60!” Unfortunately she wasn’t too happy about it.  I’ve often wondered what it is that bothers people about certain ages, especially milestones such as 50 and 60.  And, it does seem to bother women more than men.  I think I’m one of the lucky ones as birthdays have never bothered me.

When I was younger, I looked older, which was great! I got into restricted movies, nightclubs and could order a drink in a restaurant.  All of which made me feel very sophisticated and mature.  Plus, it allowed me to have a lot of fun in my late teens

As my life progressed through my teens and twenties, something magical happened.  I apparently “didn’t look my age.”  Of course, I took that as a compliment!

So I sailed through my 30s, 40s and 50s hearing those lovely words, “You don’t look it!” whenever someone heard my age.  I always thanked the person and replied, “I thank my parents, especially my dad, ’cause he never looked his age either.”  My dad took good care of himself, and I remember Alex and I buying him a 10 speed bike for his 70th birthday which he rode daily, almost to the end of his life at 86.  I’ve taken pretty good care of myself too, but I really can’t see myself riding a bike when I’m in my 80s!  But you never know.

Besides looking younger, I’ve also felt younger.  I’m lucky because I haven’t suffered from any illnesses and I’ve never broken any bones.  I sort of took my health and physical well being for granted.

Then a couple of years ago (I’m now 61) I started to notice I didn’t have the same energy I used to.  Nor did I feel as good.  There were little aches and pains cropping up, especially after a long, cold and wet winter.  One day when I paid attention to these achy bits, I thought, “I’m getting older.”

Oh dear!  I looked in the mirror and I sure didn’t look younger than my age.  In fact, I thought I looked older.  What happened?  I think the simple answer to that question is - life happened, and my body and face reflect a life well spent, full of great experiences!

It’s interesting to hear what people say when I tell them how old I am.  When I tell them I’m 61 and they reply, “You don’t look it,” I want to give them a big hug.  If they say anything else, then I just ignore it because I rally do believe age is a state of mind.

I’ve often joked that when the time came, I wanted to be described as an outrageous old broad.  I’ve looked forward to that time and it is now here.  So, I get to say and do certain things, behave in a certain manner, and get away with it ’cause I’m now old enough to do so

Now, before any of you say, “61 isn’t old,” I know that, but I’m going to use it as an excuse to be that outrageous old broad I’ve looked forward to becoming.  Watch out people… I’m going full steam ahead, hopefully well into my 70s being outrageous.  I think it’s going to be a lot of fun.

In future posts both Alex and I will discuss how we can use our mind to help us to enjoy this very special time in our lives to the fullest.  One thing is for sure - we never have to apologize for our age, or the fact that we are Baby Boomers!  As a matter of fact, we can rejoice that we are.  I invite all women to be an Outrageous Old Broad (if you aren’t already) and just to be fair, the invitation is extended to men also.  How about we call you Outrageous Old Guy, how does that sound? We may have the title of Baby Boomer but I think Outrageous Old Broad and Outrageous Old Guy just sounds like more fun.  We’ll be OOBs and OOGs

I’d love to hear from you and how you’re making out with this aging process. And, if any of you have some tips to share about how you’re dealing with everything that would be great.  Now, this OOB is going to go out and do something slightly outrageous…

Being outrageous is fun!

I have a very interesting job and still get a kick out of going to work every day.  One of the things that make it so interesting is people’s diversity and their uniqueness.  Each is an individual and at the same time, many share the same problems.  And sometimes these problems come in bunches or waves.  For a period of time my clients will be individuals seeking to deal with certain issues in their lives.  Then it’s if a switch is flipped and the clients appearing in my office are teenagers or couples.  Lately, it’s been mostly couples, and most have been Boomers.  The common thread for all of them when presenting why they’ve come to see me is “We don’t understand each other sometimes.  It’s very frustrating.”

Upon further discussion the “we’re not communicating” turns out to be different for each couple.  This is where the “interesting” part of my job lies.  No two couples seem to not communicate in the same way.  So I get to try out a variety of different and fun ways of helping them so they do communicate with each other.  Some couples have totally different reasons for being frustrated with each other and sometimes it boils down to the following, which is especially so for those that have been together for a long time, i.e., Boomers.

If the world would just see things my way, everything would be fine.  The problems begin when both husband and wife know they, as an individual, are absolutely right, and both as individuals, wants only the other to change.  These types of situations take a bit of time to resolve and I’ll write about them in another post.  Today I’d like to focus on a short and sweet intervention so you can see that sometimes changing is quite quick and easy.

“John” a Baby Boomer (51 years old) and a pilot on international routes, was understandably away from home for long periods of time.  This meant that “Nicole” also a Boomer (46 years old) had to deal with the everyday family life of raising two children and all that entailed, on her own.  Nicole seemed quite resentful and started to list the multiple levels of frustration and discontent she was feeling.  She then summed it all up with one statement, and I thought to myself: Sounds like we’ve arrived at the core issue, and rather quickly, I might add.  This is great because we can get to work immediately!

Nicole had said, “John doesn’t say he loves me and therefore I feel he doesn’t appreciate me and all the work and effort I put into our relationship.”  She said this with a very sad look on her face, and also sounded dejected.

At the same time as I was listening to Nicole’s narrative, some of my remaining grey cells were attuned to any signals from John.

Because they both had a tendency to talk at the same, I had told them the pen in my hand was a microphone, and only one at a time could use it.  I now held the pen before John as I said, “John, your wife just said you don’t say ‘I love you.’  Your non verbal reaction suggested you disagree; am I reading it correctly?”

“I say those words a lot,” he said, “and I don’t understand why she’s not hearing me.”  As he said this, Nicole was transmitting something akin to “What a crock!”

“Okay,” I said to Nicole as I swung the mike in her direction, “You state your husband doesn’t say the words ‘I love you.’  He says he does.  I’m really confused here.  Can you help me out?”

After a short pause, Nicole said, “Well, he doesn’t hug me when he says it.”  I quickly swung the mike to John and asked, “What prevents you from hugging her when you say those words?”

John’s reply was, “I didn’t know that was part of it - she has said on many occasions you don’t say you love me, and appreciate me - I had no idea that I was supposed to hug her as I said it.”

John’s manner was such that I believed him, but I certainly didn’t want that transmitted as it might come across that I was taking John’s side in this impasse between them.  So, I turned to Nicole, complete with microphone, and said, “How many times, in your estimation, have you told him you would like, or you need, a hug to confirm these words as true?”

“I was raised in a French Canadian home,” Nicole replied, “and that’s what people do when they are sincere.”

Rather than get into a long debate as to whether or not all French Canadian families do ‘X’ or whether or not this should or should not be the norm, I simply decided to do the following.  “John, whether you did, or did not, know that you are expected to hug Nicole when you say that, and regardless of anything else, do you think it possible that you could offer those words as you hug her?”

“Yes!  Of course!” said John.

Summary: There was no need for analysis of their childhoods or any other intervention.  This was a typical example of how the decency in people can reign supreme, once they know how to express it in a way their partner appreciates.  Give and take –   Sure.  Compromise — Sure.  Love — Definitely.  It makes the world go round.

The above is just one example of how to improve the communication between couples.  Some may think that because, we as Boomers, have been on the planet a fair bit of time now that we know how to communicate effectively, but sadly that’s not always the case.  In future posts I will write about many different tips and techniques you can learn to help you improve upon your interaction with others, and not just your spouse.  We’re not too old to learn new ways of being and communicating because it’s been proven you can teach an old dog new tricks!

Those of you that found this post helpful please leave a comment and for those that didn’t, you’re also invited to comment.  Maybe I will learn something new and/or a better way of communicating what I think is helpful information.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Here in Canada, we the people “defeat” our government when we’re not happy with it, an election is called and the election process takes a total of six weeks, then we vote.  That’s not a lot of time to really get to know who wants to take a crack at running our country, but it seems to work for us.

In America, elections are every four years and the process to elect a new president takes about 1 ½ years.  By the time election day rolls around we know just about everything we need to know about those running for president, and a whole bunch of stuff we’re probably better off not knowing!  This year the candidates running for office are a diverse group of individuals and if an African American is elected president, history will be made.  That’s exciting!

To add a bit of excitement to Canadian lives, we are going to have an election on Oct. 14th.  The sad fact is that I can’t get excited about it.  Our politicians are so boring compared to politicians in America.  There they have an African American that’s young, bright and inspirational, and a genuine war hero that’s old, running for president.  And to spice things up even more, a female that’s young and not that experienced in foreign affairs, and an old Washington senator with tons of experience in foreign relations, are running for vice-president.  It doesn’t get much better than that!

In Canada we have a middle aged, somewhat stuffy conservative male, and another middle aged French Canadian male that speaks English with a French accent, running for Prime Minister.  We also have several others that don’t have a hope of becoming prime minister but with our parliamentary system we have a least five major political parties in the running and all hope to have some power in the new government.

Now I ask you - which election sounds like more fun and has more exciting elements?  Silly question, I know, but it should explain why I love American politics.  The only thing I don’t love about it is the partisanship.  As I sit safe and snug north of the 49th parallel it’s difficult for me to understand how America became so divided, but trying to figure that our requires more time and space than just one blog post allows.

I wish I could vote in the American election because the outcome will have a profound affect on everyone, especially Baby Boomers.  The important issues such as health care, social security, the environment and the economy will have a real impact on how Boomers will live the rest of their lives.  So, to a degree, I’m a little surprised to hear that Boomers aren’t being as vocal as they could be.  We hear that young people are registering to vote in droves.  The special interest groups are rallying around their causes - look at how the nomination of Sarah Palin has energized some parts of the Republican Party.  African Americans will probably vote overwhelmingly for Barack Obama, and the people that are in favour of the Iraq war will probably vote for John McCain.

Are Boomers speaking up? There are 78 million Boomers in America and of course, many of those will be part of the groups mentioned above.  What there doesn’t seem to be is a group that wants the election to focus on the issues that matter to Boomers.  I’d love to see Boomers get organized and make their voices heard because doing so would really make a difference in this election.

So, for all you Boomers out there, how about making some noise, make your voices heard and send a message to the politicians about what you want, what you’re interested in, and what matters to you.

I’m asking you to do this for strictly selfish reasons - what happens in America usually seeps across the border up into Canada.  This election is very important for America, Canada and the whole world.  We Boomers changed the world back in the 60s and I’d like to think we could have a huge impact again.

I’d like to say the important thing is to get out and vote (which it is) but I’d also like to add that who you vote for is probably more important this time.  It’s the most important election in decades.  I know who I’d vote for if I were an American and I’m sorry I can’t vote.  In future posts I’ll write more about all this and I’m sure I’ll annoy some people, while others might enjoy hearing what a Canadian thinks.  If nothing else, my opinions may cause some of you to get more excited and vocal, which in turn will help spread the word and hopefully help elect a president that can really bring about change.

The old saying, “May you live in interesting times,” is certainly applicable now!

I am curious to know what Boomers think about the issues and who you favour as a candidate, so please add a comment and let me know.

Maybe if I just keep digging...

Kaylie, a White Shepard and Golden Lab cross (and a Boomer in doggie years) had activated the

Lab genes, and was busy front pawing a stick through the sand and back into the water.  This was a self taught amusement, which might explain why, once the hapless stick entered the water, it promptly disappeared under thrashing paws.

This part of the play is then followed by an immediate blank look, and all senses are tuned to one purpose - find the elusive stick.  It’s only a matter of time before a paw moves in the water, and Surprise! up pops the stick, and the game begins again.

We both sat on the log, enjoying the last of the day’s sun, and watched her once again carry the stick up the embankment, drop it on the sandy slope, and front paws flying, manoeuvre it back down the slope and into the water, where it obligingly disappeared again, triggering the same perplexed look once more.  “Where’s Ty?” Berit asked, looking along the creek’s edge.

Ty is a Chow/black Lab cross (has just joined the ranks of Doggie Baby Boomers) and since the creek’s opposite side is wild grass down to the water’s edge, he spends most of his time on that side of the creek - after all, that’s where all the neat smelling holes are.

A few whistles later (which were ignored) we decided we’d best go looking for him, and began to follow the creek downstream.  Some time later, we came to a hill overlooking a large field, and about a half mile away, we spotted the curled black tail, presumably still attached, making its way through the tall grass. Suddenly a good sized bird erupted into flight about five feet in front of the tail, and the chase was on.

“Oh, look, it’s got a damaged wing,” Berit said. The bird hadn’t covered a distance of more than ten feet when it jerkily returned to the ground, and Ty was closing fast.  With what seemed the last of its strength, the bird forced itself into the air, gained another ten feet or so of lead, and semi spiralled to earth again.

“Do something,” was the plaintive cry, so I scrambled down the hill and after zeroing in on the periscope tail, began making my way through the grass hoping I wouldn’t get there too late.  Just then, the bird rose again, and after struggling valiantly for height, glided down to a gravel clearing.

Ty exploded out of the grass, but the bird, dropping its left wing on the ground, skipped out of reach, and somehow managed to get airborne again.  Ty watched in frustration, but obviously tiring, turned reluctantly in my direction, and began to saunter up the road’s edge towards me, as the bird circled back in Ty’s direction.  If I didn’t know better, I would have to say the darn thing dive-bombed him, pulled up just before striking him and began a slow circle once again.

Then I heard the sound of chicks howling for their dinner and the few remaining grey cells in my head kicked in, and I began to laugh.  Berit had obviously surmised I’d taken leave of my senses, as the next thing I heard was, “What the heck is the matter with you?  Are you going to save the bird?” drifting above from the hill.

“It’s a ploy,” I yelled back, “the bird is faking it.  She’s leading Ty away from the nest.”

Sure enough, as soon as he began trotting back, the bird swooped down, staggered in the air, did a touch and go, and with what seemed the last of her strength, climbed, but barely, once more into the air, heading in the opposite direction.  As she headed for the ground once more, Ty, with renewed determination took off down the road in hot pursuit.

By now Berit had joined me, and we watched the scene repeat itself until both were out of sight.  A few minutes later, we spied momma gliding in towards the nest, both wings flared as she touched down beside her young and settled in to watch and wait.

That was exhausting!

About ten minutes later, one very exhausted, dust covered mutt appeared, and with barely a look in our direction, headed up the hill towards the creek.  By the time we got back to the log, Ty was lapping up water as if he hadn’t seen the stuff in weeks.

Kaylie still in compulsive obsessive mode, was happily depositing the stick on the sand bank, only to drag it back into the water once again, offering the same surprised look when it disappeared beneath her once again.

As we made our way through the woods towards the trusty Subaru once again, a fellow hiker took one look at the two exhausted dogs, and commented, “Wow, you guys sure give your dogs a workout.  Aren’t you both tired?”

“Naw, we’re both used to it,” I replied, glancing at Berit with a “keep quiet” look.  For some reason, both dogs were asleep long before we got home, and the occasional moan and woof emanating from the back suggested the dreams had begun.  “I almost had that bird,” I’m sure one was processing.  “I sure got that stick,” dreamed the other.

I’m sure there’s other dog lovers out there… does anyone have a doggie story they’d like to share?  The doggie doesn’t have to be a Boomer :-)  Please send us an email at “Contact” and we may post it on our blog in the future