Pure & Lasting

Getting schooled.

Jenn — Thu, 17 May 2012 05:50:05 +0000

We’ve had a bit of craziness swirling around us recently, but my little family, the three of us, is my safe place. The moment that Alain’s visa was approved my years of having an almost always anxious heart melted into peace. Each day since, I am falling more and more in love with my husband and with our son. The joy it is for me to be called his mom is beyond my dreams. When he says it out loud, I can hardly believe that this is my life.
There have been a few bumps in our first months together (some days of tears and being defeated), but lately we have hit a bit of a stride. Let me tell you (again!), this boy is incredible. Every day, he makes me smile. As we learn each other, the laughs are getting better and better. With one-on-one help with his studies, he is blossoming. Just today he told me that before, when he saw large problems in math, he would just quit. It was too difficult for him. Now, he is making A’s on algebra tests. Beyond the day to day happenings, the things that he is teaching us are so beautiful, so much more than algebra and science.
Lesson 1: God hears your prayers.
We pray together as a family before we go to bed every night. Alain prayed when he was in Rwanda. When asked about his visa, his answer is always the same. He knew that he would get it. The beauty of his prayers is not so much in the eloquence, but in the huge faith, the complete confidence. A couple of weeks ago, one of his pigeons, his favorite baby pigeon, was really sick. Barely walking and the parents stopped feeding it. Alain would not give up on it. We (everyone but Alain) thought that is was a hopeless cause. He started feeding it himself, kept it safe from the others, and did his own version of physical therapy. And he prayed. He prayed that God would heal his pigeon. Now, that pigeon, Kawa, (coffee in Kinyarwanda) is walking, flying, fighting with the others and his parents started to feed it again. Every time I see that bird I am reminded what a little faith can do in a hopeless situation. His prayers are simple, full of gratitude and overflowing with real, child-like faith.
Lesson 2: Your circumstances (past or present) cannot take your joy unless you let them.
This boy has joy. Not a fake polite smile, but deep down in your heart joy. His past, what he has shared with us so far, has some really dark times. Things that even as I type this, I am wrestling with my mind not to think of them because the thought alone pains my heart. He could so easily dwell in that past (I know I choose to dwell in mine more than I should), but he doesn’t. He moves on. He looks forward. He smiles. It is a lesson that I need to learn and he teaches it so beautifully.
The facts of our situation, bringing a teenage boy, only half our age, who we spent fewer than 8 hours with, from a far away to live with us sounds crazy. Downright certifiable. I can’t explain it. Several times a day I wonder how exactly it happened. But I cannot fathom loving a child more than I love Alain. Since I was a little girl, I have been dreaming of becoming a mother. In my dreams it was the conventional way, pregnant and in the hospital. I am so humbled and overwhelmed that God had such a different path for Chris and I. Two years ago, I thought that path would lead straight to a baby girl from Ethiopia and I thought that was big. Through this unexpected detour, I am learning in a whole new way that God’s got this life of mine under control. I have nothing to fret about. His timing is perfect. I am so content with now and so excited for the future, wherever it may take us.
“As we give, we find that ‘sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven’ and in the end, we learn that it was no sacrifice at all.” -Spencer W. Kimball
-Jenn

And here is Kawa, the miracle bird and my sweet, loving boy.

Mom of Magnets

Chris — Tue, 15 May 2012 16:19:05 +0000

Hello everyone! This is Chris. I am hijacking the blog for a moment.

Jenn and I come from a lineage for great moms. Our grandmothers were so sweet, gentle and kind. Our mothers are fantastic, strong women that provided a good home and instilled the values that guide us today. Growing up, I was always close to my mom. Under her supervisors and care I learned to cook great meals, learned to garden which inspired my career and she taught me the importance of treating others the way that was right for a Godly man. My mom did such a good job mothering me that she set the bar pretty high for my future wife.
Fast forward to my adult dating years it became more and more evident to me that I wanted to find someone that exuded the same characteristics as dear ol’ mom. What I found was someone that not only filled the wife-shaped space in my life but, early on in our relationship, proved that she would perfectly fill another space in my life in the years to come.
Jenn never believes me whenever I tell this story of how I knew “that she was the one”. It all started one day when we were at Jenn’s friend Amber’s house for her son’s first birthday. I was the out of place boyfriend and Jenn was right at home at her friend’s house. What I experienced next will stick with me for the rest of my life (I know I sound dramatic, but it was dramatic to me at the time). Jenn proceeds to pick Kylar up and move around the house with him on her hip. Nothing strange about that, right? BUT, what was so strange was for me to see how much of a natural she was at it. I remember just standing there watching her interact with Kylar. It was beautiful. Jenn was so loving and playful and, if I didn’t know her, I wouldn’t have thought twice as to whether she was the child’s mother. I loved it. To see her smile and bounce and sway side to side with him was one of the sweetest and best moments I’ve ever experienced. I remember thinking, “I want to marry that girl”. Since that time, I have had the joy of watching her with my nephews and the children of other friends. My other memories of watching Jenn be a wonderful mother was to the children of the orphanages we visited on our Africa trips last year. What an experience to sit back and watch her mother until everyone’s hearts were content. She was in heaven loving on those babies and I enjoyed every moment of it.
Now, Jenn is a mother to Alain. I have so enjoyed watching her love on Alain and parent him in the last several months. I got to see her motherly defenses flare up even before we knew he was coming to live with us, as paper work dragged on and questions were going unanswered during the process. Jenn is also a wonderful teacher, as most of Alain’s studies happen at home. Jenn is so patient in teaching about prepositional phrases and dividing fractions, and learning the meaning of words and, of course, how magnets work. She is so fun to watch as her natural motherly skills go to work on a teenage boy that has gone so long without the needed nurturing.
To my mom of magnets, I love you. I am so happy to be on this crazy awesome journey with you.
To my daughter Maya, you have no idea what you’re in for. You’re not even ours yet and your momma is praying, preparing, and loving on you from afar. I can just see the day you are home with us and your momma is dancing across the living room with you on her hip.

Happy Mother’s Day my love.

-Chris-

As Jenn always says, “Posts are always better with pictures.” Here are some of our Mother’s Day outings.

Us with Jenn’s Mom. My Mom and her three children.

Thank you {Sweet Sleep Campaign}

Jenn — Wed, 09 May 2012 14:18:51 +0000

Let me start by apologizing for this post being quite delayed. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you will remember our campaign to purchase beds for the children at Noel orphanage, the orphanage that Alain called home for many years. We raised over $2,000 for these beautiful children. As God would have it, the money we collected was sent with a group that was visiting Noel the exact same week Chris and I were in Rwanda picking Alain up. When the mattresses arrived, we were there. We were able to see the beds ready to be put into the children’s rooms. Start to finish. Again, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who supported us in this. Every child deserves a safe place to sleep. We love you!!
-JennThe mattresses arriving at Noel and the chaos that surrounded it :)Me and Emmanuel, who has claimed Chris and I as his own. :) Just because he is so cute. Alain in his old bed. The beds in process in the workshop at Noel.

A little update & family photos.

Jenn — Sun, 06 May 2012 05:52:51 +0000

I’ve been neglecting the blog a bit, you know, with all of the homework on top of it being both Chris’ and my busy seasons with work. Our little family is doing well, but there are always going to be pains with change. We are all adjusting to our new roles, but we are definitely still in process. Colliding our life with Alain’s life calls for major adjustments, for us, but especially for him. He left everything that he knows. Everything. He has no one to speak his language with, which really means that he has no one who understands him. Every day I am amazed by how resilient he is. He knew little about us, little about Texas. He knew very little English. But somehow, he trusted, he hoped. For a brighter future, for an education, for a chance. His faith is inspiring. His English is constantly getting better. The boy has a mind for language. He spells like no one I know. We are having fun teaching him the ins and outs of our crazy language.
About a week ago, we had a string of days that he was just quiet. No matter how many times I asked, I couldn’t get an answer for “Why?” And that was enough to make me crazy. One of those days, I was just done at 10 am. Ready to go back to bed and start over. I am an over-analyzer. I like to do things to the very best of my ability. I like to know how things work and what the best method is for everything. But raising a teenage boy to be a good man? I’m at a loss. Figuring out what exactly is going on in his heart? Clueless. Many days are filled to overflowing with questions. Does his silence mean sadness? Did he misunderstand me? Does he know I love him? Really? Does he know it is ok to be cry? Is he lonely? Just tired of having to think so hard just to have a conversation? Or is he just a 16 year old boy who doesn’t feel like talking at that moment? I am learning that is just part of being a mom. Praying every day that you are doing more good than harm.
Honestly, some days it is just exhausting. Alain is exhausted. Chris is exhausted. I am exhausted. Some days it is so obvious how broken we all are. Then, comes this week, sun shining in, laughter, algebra with ease, a date night with my husband, late nights filled with stories of Rwanda and heart to hearts about our fathers. This work of restoration, it is the real deal. Hardcore. A battle for all of our hearts. It is beautiful, painful, complicated and awe-inspiring. And that date night with Chris? It was spent in conversations about how happy we are with exactly where we are and where are family is going. Taking a moment to soak in just how ridiculously blessed we are to have this boy in our lives and how easily we could have missed it all.
A sweet photographer friend of mine offered to take family photos for us several weeks ago. I can’t believe it has taken me so long to share them. Here are a few of our little family. All photos by Reggie with www.phenomimage.com
-Jenn

I know that you all know this, but truly, he has the best smile. Totally love the yard that my husband has created and the new swing he and Alain made for my birthday.Sweet, sweet boys. Melt my heart :)

Family & eggs.

Jenn — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 14:17:44 +0000

This was Alain’s first Easter in America and our first Easter with a child. We wanted to make sure that the focus was on the real reason for celebration, that Jesus came to earth, gave his life for us and rose again to cover our sin and give us all new life. The week leading up to Easter Sunday, we read a section of the Bible that corresponded with that day in Jesus’ life on the first Easter week. Friday, the three of us watched The Passion of the Christ and had a really great talk. Sunday was spent at church and with family. I did buy a bit (ok, probably too much!) candy and we had an egg hunt. I don’t know that the egg hunt is going to be a something we do every year, we are still figuring this all out. Here are some photos of our family get-together.
-Jenn

Our egg hunters. Aunt Casey, Uncle Travis and Alain.My Momma :)In Texas, you can’t have an egg hunt without cascarones (Eggs filled with confetti that you crack on an unsuspecting friend). On the left, Alain rubbing it in that he found the golden egg :)A negotiation for the golden egg by Aunt Casey, he didn’t fall for it :)I LOVE this photo! Chris’ dad “hid” an egg under his chin, Alain non-nonchalantly walks by to find it. Makes my heart so happy to see the evidence of our families loving Alain like we do. The whole crazy bunch. Love these people. Love, love, love.

Ridiculous.

Jenn — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 17:12:52 +0000

Last night, I was prepared for a normal night at home. Dinner, hanging out outside and maybe a nature documentary. Then at 5 o’clock, Chris called to tell me that one of his customers offered us tickets to the Spurs game. I love basketball. Alain LOVES basketball. At Noel, the children called him Kobe (after Kobe Bryant) because of his basketball skills. We already have tickets for the Spurs/Lakers game next week, but the more the merrier :) Immediately, I said yes and starting getting ready to head out to the game. Then, I realized the Spurs were playing the Lakers last night too. And THEN, she brought the tickets by…7th row. As in, we could see the sweat on their faces. It was so much fun!!
We arrived at the arena, grabbed some food and headed to our seats. Alain wasn’t eating, he was just staring. I said, “You’re not hungry?” He said, “I am not understanding.” I replied, “What are you not understanding? The man talking?” I thought he couldn’t make out the announcer. “Not that.” He says, “It is amazing.” He was “not understanding” how he was there. His mind couldn’t comprehend. I thought we both would break out in happy tears. We held it together. Loving the extravagant love that God has for us. Ridiculous. Beyond our wildest dreams. Alain never, never dreamed or imagined being at an NBA game. So being on the 7th row…Incomprehensible. LOVE.
I don’t feel worthy to have such a crazy beautiful life. On top of that, I am sharing it with my the love of my life, my wonderfully caring, giving, sweet husband. And now, our talented and courageous boy. I won’t go into details, but just this week, 6 boys’ lives in Rwanda were radically changed and it started with Alain having great courage. Courage to speak the truth unwaveringly. When others denied, he held steadfast. The courage he has displayed, coming here, learning a new culture and a new language and then speaking up for those who have no voice has been awesome to watch. He is a beautiful person. AND, yesterday, we moved up a spot on the waitlist for Maya. Our agency has had consistent movement for the last several months. If this keeps up, we will see our daughter’s face soon. I think on that day, I may just pass out from pure bliss. :)
-Jenn

My loves :)Unfortunately, Kobe is injured and wasn’t playing, but we had a perfect view of him watching the game.The first tie that I was looking up at the Jumbo-tron. My sweet Momma came with us too!!

Bigger picture.

Jenn — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 23:50:47 +0000

There have been a few days this week when I didn’t know how we were going to pull this whole parenting thing off. Feeling incapable and overwhelmed. Then, there are these moments when I can see Alain’s personality blossoming, his face filling out and lighting up. I know there there is nothing else in the world that I would rather be doing. Nothing that I would rather be trying to succeed at. I’ve already made some mistakes and I’m sure there are many more to come, but there is nothing better than being a part of giving hope to a child.
Tonight, he was telling us again about the day that he went to the Embassy. Reliving the interview. Describing how he watched the other people being interviewed and denied. Chris asked, “Were you scared?” Alain says, confidently, “No. I knew I would get the visa.” He had no doubt. The faith of a child. I tease him by saying that whenever I really need something, I will ask him to pray because God hears Alain’s prayers. Not to say that God doesn’t hear mine, but I am convinced that Alain was granted his visa, not because of my prayers, but because of his. Because God has big plans for my sweet boy. Because God wanted Alain to know that He has not forgotten him. Alain is constantly catching me watching him, staring. Embarrassed, he says, “Why are you watching me?” I just can’t help it. Most days I can’t believe he is here. And I can’t believe that right before my eyes, he is growing, changing, becoming a man. I get a front row seat and I love it. I love that God added this turn into our lives.
I never pictured myself teaching my children so much at home. (Alain is going to school, but it is self-paced and we are doing A LOT of the work at home.) It wasn’t even on my radar. And yet, here we are, day by day, in the dining room and backyard, studying. Last year at this time, I had no idea that I would be relearning algebra and chemistry. But again, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I never saw Alain coming, but I am so glad that God sees a bigger picture than I do. Here are a few picture of our school days and Alain first time cooking Rwandan food in the US.
-Jenn

CHEESE!It was really really good. I was so impressed with him. The boy has talent.

At the beach.

Jenn — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 14:39:49 +0000

For spring break, we were able to spend a couple of days with our friends, Bobby and Amanda, at the beach. It was Alain’s first trip to the ocean. His conclusion…he likes fishing, but could live without the saltwater. In Rwanda, he often swam in Lake Kivu. He prefers the lake’s fresh water and I don’t blame him :) Alain had a great time, I got a bit (A LOT) sunburned, and we all came home with a new memories. Get ready for Alain photo overload. The kid is just too cute. I’m making it a goal to get better at being in the photos too! By the way: Alain’s totally awesome shirt is from Here Comes Hope. http://www.storenvy.com/products/8947-red-hope
-Jenn

Bobby and Amanda’s sweet baby girl. I think I love her almost as much as her Momma does :)Getting buried in the sand…and looking cool. He’s a driver. He loved driving us around in the golf cart. Amanda and her kiddos :)Like I said, I love this girl. I cannot wait for her and Maya to play together. The many crazy faces of Alain.

More than a cause…

Jenn — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 14:52:41 +0000

Before we officially started the adoption process, I had no idea about this world I am now enveloped in. My Facebook feed was filled with mundane things, dinner plans, the latest TV show. Now, next to the post about piles of laundry is the moving video about building schools in Ethiopia, a plea for prayer for the last piece of adoption paperwork, and details on building a water well. Causes, organizations, programs. All good things. I re-post, re-tweet, comment and donate. Many days the causes overwhelm me. Nothing I’m doing seems big enough.
Then there was this moment, when Alain had been home a about a week. I was wearing a 147 million orphans shirt. He read it out loud, like he reads every billboard and car decal as we drive. He said, “Help one?” I explained that there are 147 millions orphans in the world and this shirt tells people that so they will help them. I could see him trying to process, wondering if it was referring to him. Instantly, it hit deep in my heart that my sweet boy is not a cause. He is a child. He is a soccer player. He is a student. He is an amazing drummer. He is kind. He is intelligent. He is talented. He is beautiful. He is funny. He is brave. He is NOT the worst thing that has happened to him. He IS the strength that pulled him through those things. We are the ones blessed to know him, not the other way around.
A wise friend once told me, when you only know one thing about a person it is too easy to focus on that one thing instead of the whole person. No one is a single characteristic. One mistake or one victory. We are all a combination of our personalities and choices, stirred together by our experiences. Reducing anyone down to one thing, good or bad is not realistic. When we got home from our first trip, with dreams of Alain tumbling around in our hearts, it wasn’t his circumstances that we discussed, it was him. His choice of brightly colored clothes, the way he dispersed an argument among the smaller boys, the constant, but unassuming way he followed us.
In the process of adopting, raising funds, heightening awareness, it is easy to become overwhelmed, forgetting what it is all about. At this very moment, there are millions of people who need our help. But something different happens when you know a person. When you know their laugh from the other side of a room. When your happiness is tied up in their well-being. When right before your eyes they transform from a cause to your friend. Your vision focuses in on the one.
That is what is beautiful about going. Going to a shelter in your city, going to an orphanage in another country. Knowing names, listening to hearts, holding hands. Dreaming dreams-together. Creating a relationship. That is what is wonderful about sponsorship. Supporting financially with lifelines of encouraging words sent in letters and care packages hand-picked by someone who loves and knows you. A friend. That is what is miraculous about adoption. Tied together forever. Good times and bad times. Family.
This is something that we all can be a part of. Touching a life one at a time. Why? Because you love that one person. You get to know them. They become your friend. Your family. Your past and your future. When you get so tangled up in someone’s life that you can’t find your way out and you wouldn’t want to, that is where the real adventure begins.
-Jenn

For good measure, a bit from Romans 12, which was read during our wedding ceremony. I love it and am challenged by it more now that ever.
Don’t just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically. Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. When God’s children are in need, be the one to help them out. And get into the habit of inviting guests home for dinner or, if they need lodging, for the night. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow.

(Side note: I know opinions probably differ on this subject, but I have few “orphan” shirts. I was very careful about the shirts I wore in Ethiopia and Rwanda. The conversation with Alain solidified my feelings about wearing these types of shirts in other countries. I am not raising awareness about orphans in Ethiopia. They already know they are real.)

Because I can’t stand a post without a photo. Here is my new favorite of Alain. I love him more every single day.

A day at the park.

Jenn — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:16:27 +0000

So here is another little God story that I never got around to telling…When Chris and I went on our first trip to Africa, our friends, the Martines, were waiting on their referral. We were hoping that they would get it before we went so we could meet their son and bring him a care package. No such luck. Then, one night while we were in Rwanda, I was checking facebook and saw that they go their referral!! And we were leaving for Ethiopia in a couple of days! We had to find a way to meet their boy. I called Cristie right away. We scrambled to get a photo release and somehow found a way to print in it Addis. God made a way for our whole team to go to our adoption agency’s transition home. We were able to meet and love on our friend’s son before they had met him. It was a beautiful day! All in God’s perfect timing. For more about this sweet family, check out their blog here.
And then, about a week ago, we had a day at the park together. My sweet boy playing soccer and Frisbee with Cristie’s oldest and the rest of us chasing the littles around. In the waiting stages, we dream, we hope and we pray and then all of a sudden, we are living in those hopes. They are smiling right back at us. It was a great day!
-Jenn

This is sweet Z, the day we met him in Ethiopia.Me and Z. I cannot tell you how excited I was to squeeze him :)We were also able to be at the airport the day that their family was complete and together for the first time!

Isn’t he the cutest?!The big boys.Getting a push from his sister.Mom and her littles :)At least Z was having fun!