Worked…nothing great.

He was busy anyway.

When the clock was approaching 6pm, it was when the gloom deepens. Went to the washroom to take a deep breath and calm myself down.

Somewhere in my mind, I had hoped someone would ask me for dinner…because it is really like the last day I can have dinner with someone (hmmm, him). Not knowing if there will be chances in the future.

I gave myself 15 minutes to see if anything would happened. But I didn’t last 15 minutes. I left at 10 minutes because I didn’t think I could handle another decline.

Walked to his desk. Wished him all the best and pulled out a smile, mustering all the sweetness I could gather to conceal my bitterness.

Drove home. When the lights turned red, my eyes gave the tears a green.

Didn’t know what to do to make myself feel better. So I thought…maybe I should just go swimming. There’s something about the waters that calms me. I had the pool to myself. Saw a cat near the pool. A bird dived and took off again very quickly when it touched the surface of the waters. Stood at the end of the pool and watched the sky turned dark.

Ate instant noodles because I didn’t had the mood to cook. When I’m feeling crappy, it’s best not to cook because my food would taste crappy as well.

Felt asleep on the bed for awhile. Just very tired.

Surfed…as usual.

Then it was time for bed when the phone suddenly beeped.

He texted me.

The day suddenly felt alright again.

He shared his thoughts and I listened as usual.

So…I did and when I went to the redeem my goodie bag, I was asked to pose like a superhero with the goodie bag and so I did. But then they wanted me to repeat my pose for the phone camera. And so I did it again with my goodie bag up in the air and me and my 2 “superheroes” shouting “Scotch-Brite”! A little bit shy because there was a mini crowd but did it anyway.

The goodie bag was sealed so I couldn’t see what’s inside till I got home. I have got 5 different Scotch-Brite products. Yay! 

What I actually did: Anything but clean the house!

1. Cooked dinner yesterday and today. Good!

2. I actually like writing in Korean. There’s just a kind of satisfying feeling whenever I complete a sentence, subsequently a paragraph and finally a whole essay. Sometimes I ask myself why I wrote what I wrote, how did I even thought of how to use the word. I can’t really explain it but it just seems to fall into place (in this case, on the paper) with just me, the pencil and the help of the dictionary for new vocabulary.  Oh. I love languages! 

3. Washed and sent the car for service.

4. Went to the temple again, this time with a friend. She needed company.

5. Wished tomorrow was a holiday!

Came back to where my crush was. I asked the sales attendant if there’s discount for the bag. I heard her say 15%. I went to the cashier and realised it’s 50%!!! 

I have never been able to find the shortest way to get there. I would always go through a long way to get there because I just don’t know how to, not even with the help of my GPS the last time. So, today..I drove alone. A new experience for me because whenever I go to the temple, there’s always someone with me. It’s either my sister, my parents or all of us together. I relied on the GPS as well and told myself even if I ended up taking the long way again because sometimes I don’t know what my GPS is trying to tell me and because KL has got too many paths that branches out on a highway to take, I tend to take the wrong one! Talk about knowing my GPS better.

I think I sort of bonded with my GPS already today. He led me there. It still wasn’t completely accurate because I turned off a junction too soon but that turn off put a smile on my face. I saw a really nice place. Sierra Seputeh.

Prayed. Probably one of the longest. Even the ash from the joss sticks started spattering the back of my hand, stinging me slightly.

The last time I was here. I prayed for the strength and a guiding light to a problem I had then. After 4 years being haunted with the problem, now I’m free. The moment I knew it’s solved, I didn’t had the excitement of jumping up and down nor did I laughed. I was trapped for so long that I think I grew immuned to it. Of course, there was a sense of relief and my heart just felt like it could fly again. Today, I came here wanting to be grateful that this has now pass. I met the person who caused me all these pain the last week or so. I saw him from inside a restaurant and he was standing outside with a woman and I think he was about to come in when he saw me. He went elsewhere. At that moment, I do not feel any hatred or whatsoever. I swear if my friends or people who knew my story had seen him, they would maybe bash him up. It’s the thought that they would bash him up (though I know they wouldn’t literary do so) makes me feel warm inside because I know people care for me. I have troubled so many people during the process but they did not give up on me. For that, I thank you.

This entire week hasn’t been that kind to me or I should say I didn’t have enough capacity in my heart to take in that much so I kinda got a little dramatic than I intended to. Although there were actions, situations and people who contributed into the drama I was in, I wouldn’t say I disliked or hated anyone in particular. I just hated the situation and circumstances I was in. Mostly because something similar had happened before and I am angry that I’m reminded of the past. I am also angry that it seems to be repeating. I may have actually started to have a good feeling about something and that’s also when I started to realise things that may not go smoothly in the long run even though I think I could and I may be able to bend myself to accept the situation as is now. That was a form of disappointment and frustration that I wanted to let go.

If you ask me, I can forgive and move on and not take things too seriously. But I need to carry myself well and be more mature, wise and steady should I bump into issues like these in the future. When I was thrown with the problem I had 4 years ago, I thought it was so big, nothing else would be bigger than this. I just want to tell myself that this really isn’t a big problem at all, the things that happened the past week. I just need to recollect myself and just be Grace.

I want to thank my friends and everyone who had listened to me, who were there to support me. I’m blessed that I have people that I can count on to.

Love,
Grace