(Mis)Adventures of a pusakal...

Stars - Elevator Love Letter

2012-06-09T01:37:00.001+08:00

I feel this everyday.. elevator please take me home!

I am longing for that old youthful abandon....

2012-06-09T01:22:00.002+08:00

2012-03-16T13:47:00.002+08:00

I woke up this morning with a loud thumping on my head. Pound and pound, the harder it goes. Bang, bang! It seems that there is no escape. Yes I am in constant stress, and I might admit to myself that is this challenge what I really want?

I think I passed my quarter life crisis. I am turning 26 this year, a painful realization that I am indeed old right now, so what do I really want? What am I doing here? As I am in a constant struggle of convincing myself to be tied to something permanent, my other side starts to wander. Have I explored the world yet to decide to settle? I am not even halfway yet!

Some of my friends are married and having babies. I think it must be the trend nowadays and I am no way seeing myself buying this for now. I think I’m starting this stress trend. Where yes I have enrolled myself in all the physical and meditation classes, looking for other classes like photography classes where I can have an outlet to another world.

I really admire those people who stay long in their jobs. Both my parent stayed in their field for more than twenty years. I think I have this 150 days of tenacity over a job. After some time I feel tied, stressed and weary, often asking myself “is this where I really want to be”?

I think this is all about me complaining. There is no use in complaining. I just want to let it out before.. before… AAARRRGGGHHH! The next headache comes.

2012-01-08T08:15:00.001+08:00

Just a weird realization:

In a relationship, when you steal someone from another person, people always tell you how bad you are for ruining a wonderful relationship. Years have passed and you see the person you steal from very happy with a new love, married, blissful and contented. Do you think it ever occurred in the persons mind to thank you instead? Without stealing the past un-meant to be person, what way should he/she meet the present perfect one?

a tribute to my mother and to all the dedicated PAL employees

2011-09-29T00:16:00.000+08:00

It’s finally over. After years of struggle, uncertainties and turmoil my mother together with the thousand others will be terminated from their jobs in an effort to save millions and reduce human resources for the company. This is a painful end I know most especially to my mother. I grew up with Philippine Airlines, the company both my parents loved and devoted their whole life to, the one I see how ruthlessly and wholeheartedly the PALEA labor union has been fighting for. It breaks my heart to see how these dedicated, well experienced employees will soon be replaced by contractual amateurs. It will be a difficult start for them, but I have so much faith in what’s to come. Philippine Airlines, Asia’s first Airline will never be the same again. To all the PAL employees, I salute you!

And when everything becomes stable

2011-08-25T12:32:00.001+08:00

It's amazing how fast time flies; last year I was lost and contemplating what to do with my life and now I am still lost and uncertain of what to do with my life but with a certain kind of twist.

Three days from now I will be having the longest office job in my life, congratulations to a six- month stable job at the Changi airport, congratulations too with a one- year steady partner! Am I happy now? Well, everything seems to be normal, I get to pay my bills, I can afford to travel, I can pay my social security, and I'm even starting to have savings and security service. In short, everything seems to be a normal cycle.

The more stable I get, the crazier I get inside. I get this feeling of being trapped and suffocated. Everything I do seems to be out of habit already. It can really get frustrating. I thought I wanted stability, but this stability is the same reason while I feel so expired, so tired of going through the mundane.

I wanted to avoid this feeling of nonchalance. I have a stress- free easy job, I got fun friends, a boyfriend I've wished for, a nice condo, travels and night outs; I am living in a wonderful, modern city with all the fun I could ever ask for. But everyday is all the same, I hate myself for feeling miserable. I was two hundred meters high with a three hundred sixty degree view of Singapore one night, and it really didn't amaze me. What amazed me was the amount of money I had to pay just to go up there and have an ice cold beer. Everything is for a price if you want to enjoy it, nothing is free, and nothing is even natural! Everything around me was screaming so artificial!

This is one of the longest periods of my life being so depressed. How come I got the security that I wanted but still feeling unhappy. I lack inspiration, I lack motivation. I feel like I'm a flower slowy withering and waiting to die. Should I wait for my slow death? I really need something substantial.

Blog bblog dblah blah

2011-06-08T22:21:00.002+08:00

Thoughts in my head.. blogs blogs.. even in my bed..

It has been awhile since I wrote on my blog. I know I should have given it more devotion not for the sake of just writing about something but for remembering wonderful events and people that had made all my journeys memorable. There are so many wonderful and unique moments shared, and to make my travel blog interesting, I thought of dedicating the stories to the unique persons I meet along the way, can I say a travel blog with a heart? Because without them, a place won't hold a special place in my heart sans the special experience I had with them.

There are many things I want to improve, so many concepts I have in mind, so many story lines, and all of the memories yet to put to writing. I get frustrated sometimes to think that my blog about my travel travels and about me as my thoughts and experiences, and even random musing are a little bit mixed up with the target audience I want to reach. But then again what matters most is that I was able to say what I feel, and then this becomes an open journal? I am just talking loud to myself with all the thoughts in my head. I think I’m blabbering. There are so many things to improve, like my writing skills, photography skills and a lot of skills. Complaining and evaluating will not get me anywhere! Therefore I must start to write! Write and learn as I go along the way! Practice makes perfect.

Cheers!

( I just want to get this out of my chest and head!)

Goodnight!

Phuket Wet

2011-04-17T08:58:00.002+08:00

Phuket trip during the Songkran Festival : April 11- 14.

do you remember the movie : THE BEACH

I love 7Q hotel and this small infinity pool! perfect to view the sunrise while having beer

The Viking Cave

me and munkey exploring Phi Phi Island

Work is my playground #1

2011-03-19T13:51:00.002+08:00

March 18:

I finally saw what an APEC card is! And yesterday I pushed the wheelchair for a passenger. It really felt good to be able to offer service! The couple I helped to fly to Australia the other day went back with a positive news! I bid them goodbye, they were thankful, we took snapshot memories and I gained new friends! How can I not love my job?????

Changi Airport rocks!!!

The Airport Connection

2011-03-11T12:44:00.001+08:00

Just a thought that came to my mind when I woke up this morning, just the random connections…

*My name was taken from Manila International Airport(MIA), probably the place where my parents met, fell-in love and even made me because they were both working there some 20 plus years ago. I told myself I never wanted to follow the footsteps of my parents, but here I am making my own mark, working at Singapore’s Changi Airport.

*Airports delight me. The smell of the airplane’s fuel, hearing the sound of the trolleys, the excitement I get waiting to board the aircraft towards my destination plus all the people traveling around coming from all over the world; indeed it’s an exciting playground!

*I have lived 7 kilometers away from the airport for the past 24 years of my existence, the nearness makes me immune to the takeoff and landing noises of these aircraft which I literally see just in front of me; I even had this childhood fantasy that one day an airplane might land directly in front of our house. Now here at Simei, I can also see the gracious landing of such wonderful aircrafts, well minus the noisy sound.

*I can’t imagine how my parents and even some veterans of the airline industry spent almost their whole lives in this very fast-paced industry. I am just starting now, and I don’t know if I will really stay in this business or even stay long for a year (with my past employment backgrounds that seems to last for just a few months). But there is something different now. Everyday is different, the people I meet, the faces I see, and all of them have their different stories. It delights me to see the face of a child welcoming his mother after maybe a long time of being away of each other; these airport moments are so intense, so real. It also saddens me to see those lovers giving the most intimate and lasting kiss with tears in their eyes; who knows when they will meet again.

All these emotions, all these people whom we help just to reach their destination, this may not be one of the highest paying job or whatsoever, but the satisfaction I get after helping a passenger, or hearing them say that Changi is the best, or just by addressing me in my first name, makes me feel ... just satisfied...

vulnerable....

2011-02-11T00:32:00.002+08:00

Everyday I feel more alone… The more I get closer to a person, the more I find reasons to hold back. I admit being scared of this closeness; the more memories we create together, the more it finds ways to links us back to the other person, more like being an emotional debt in which we’ll never know when we can really pay to free us from the ties that binds us in it. There are many things to fear when you let someone inside your life; it’s a conscious decision where you put yourself in your most valuable state and believe me it’s like suicide. I hate being vulnerable!!! I want to be back to feeling NOTHING…..expecting nothing, assuming nothing, not hoping for anything.

untitled............

2011-02-04T03:11:00.004+08:00

I admit that it did hurt me when you said in perfect nonchalance that we were nothing but friends. It was like cold water splashed into my face because reality slapped my face when I knew what I was getting into right from the start. Well I have tried hard to keep my emotions at bay, and I purposely and willfully disregarded all your acts of sweetness or rather friendliness. Maybe I can’t blame myself for feeling this way because I know deep inside me that you acted different these past few days. I never imagined we will be romantically together eventually, but I won’t be that pretentious NOT to say that it never crossed my mind; after all what’s wrong with being more than friends with someone who knows the real you, the one who accepts you, the one who literally sees you from inside out. Reality does hurt sometimes and I hate the way it stabs my heart literally. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a heart; and the only purpose I use it is to pump blood and to be alive, I have no future plans to use it romantically of whatsoever. I have been playing the “these games” so well even before, I feel so jaded.

But there is something special when I am with you: the nearness of you which delights me, our conversations where I just can be me and how you support me (no matter how crazy my ideas seem to be). I know it was wrong of me to have hopes of us being eventually “together” and I have been in constant battle with myself, deluding myself with this possible fact and at the same time keeping myself grounded to being the “good” friend I was supposed to be. But no matter how I try to keep my guard, there was always you. YOU and your sweet honest ways that make me turn of my safety button. So desperate I may seem that I would say “yes” if ever you ask me to, but I know you will never will. Frankly, I am tired of this. I am tired of being strong for myself when I know it’s just me who’s hurting, indeed there’s always a problem when someone goes overboard, and I told myself right from the start that I won’t be that person. It’s not a question of pride to be honest, I just came into a mature decision that I would never want to lose our friendship because LOVE was getting in the way (damn I hate that word). Our friendship is the most important thing in the world for me. The way I’ve seen things in a different light since I met him, I must admit that he has been my driving force, he believed in me, and he cared for me and I know I should be contented with that because that was all he could ever offer. What he gave me was more than a romantic liaison or “boyfriend” in its normal sense would ever be. Hey, after all we are only here for the convenience in whatever sense you take that to be.

It’s just that lately I have felt that you have put down your defense walls yourself. I might be assuming though I am never in my nature an assuming gal, but I felt as if the walls you placed between us were broken into pieces. We got closer than our projected personal space we intended to be and went way beyond the ‘friendship” boundary, but yes I might have just ASSUMED again here and I might have been back to my old childhood fancy of a romantic fairytale with a happy ending.

And I fear that it’s coming back again. My sensitivity, my frailty, my stupidity, and I’m afraid that in the end it will be my worst blunder. I won’t make it happen and I know I should be strong. In the end it was only me alone and it will always be just me. I am still thankful enough to YOU for what YOU have made of me now; I must admit that knowing you led me to take a big U turn in my life. Thank you for making the nights less lonely, for the warm embrace when I was cold, the passionate kisses that made my life exciting, the long walks while holding my hands, for the little surprises, for making the boring afternoons pass by so quickly with all our long conversations, for dancing with me, for introducing me to your friends, for giving me the sweetest random kisses, your tenderness and your lovely gaze, always telling me there is NOTHING I can’t do. Thank you most of all for believing me, and I’m sorry if I let you down for feeling this way, you were right from the start when you told me I should not fall for you. I really don’t know if I ever did………..Nice to meet you anyway........

What if?

2011-01-18T20:55:00.000+08:00

What if you left your house ten minutes before the usual time? What if you took a sudden right turn when you were initially headed to the left? Decisions, decisions; everyday we are presented by different options, different possibilities that could lead to other potential universe and opportunities awaiting us.

Did you ever experience telling yourself: “if I have.....then I wouldn’t have….”? Could have been you would not have met an accident, met the man of your dreams, or missed the train (the examples are forever). Just think of those utterances we make when we should have or could have done something different from the usual routine that could have made a difference and a big impact in our lives. Am I making sense here? I just realized the decisions I made over the past few years and I found myself uttering the same words: WHAT IF…..

I suddenly realized its magic! And I am starting to understand how the universe works, and believe me it just keeps getting better and better! All you have to do is ASK, ask, and even without asking the universe knows the deepest desires of your heart. Ok I am just ecstatic here and you might be thinking I am going crazy with the universe theory whatsoever, so let me give you examples to show you what I mean.

What if…. #1 What if I continued to take up Political Science and pursue my dream of being a lawyer instead of taking up European Languages?

Outcome: Then I wouldn’t have the advantage and be like everyone else. I wouldn’t be able to be a tour guide and get the special “French” inbound groups. I wouldn’t be understanding French songs and movies. I wouldn’t be having the inspiration to travel and explore so many cultures. I wouldn’t be ME.

What if…. #2 What if I didn’t walk randomly to the Department of Tourism one July afternoon after I found out I couldn’t get my dream job?

Outcome: Then I wouldn’t be doing what I love to do now, which is being a tour guide! I came to the tourism office at the right time because the screening was even on that weekend (the training is only a yearly event and I got so lucky to be just in time). I wouldn’t have toured the Philippines for free! I wouldn’t have met the people who helped me in so many ways till now, like those tourists who shared and taught me a lot of things about culture and the French language not to mention all the gifts and tips they gave me.

What if…. #3 What if I didn’t talk to the stranger at the bar one Sunday evening in Vietnam?

Outcome: Then I should kiss goodbye my ultimate dream, which is to see Europe! Thank you very much Alex for being a nice friend to me; sending me an invitation and acting out as a guarantee and boyfriend (for visa purposes) for my application to the almost impossible to get Schengen Visa. What if I didn’t talk to you that night and exchanged Facebook details? Little did we know that the 2 hours conversation we had was my ticket to realizing my dream! I had the opportunity to explore Europe, experience the World Cup and be in Paris during the Bastille.

What if…. #4 What if I didn’t make a Couch Surfing account and put Cebu as my location?

Outcome: Then I wouldn’t be in Singapore now. I wouldn’t have met Florian whom I met through CS. Another what if, if I may add is “What if I didn’t agree to meet him”. Then I might be stuck at home being the miserable and problematic girl not knowing what to do with her life and having issues with everything she wants to have problems with. I wouldn’t have the opportunity or even the slightest idea of trying my luck and venturing here in Singapore, of which now I got a job and looking forward to a wonderful adventure filled life ahead.

You see when I was about to finish my journal entry, I suddenly realized the pattern! EUREKA!!! The universe is so GREAT! God is so smart and cool! Things happen because this is what we desire, this is what we want to be, and this is how we make it. Try to repel it and you’ll be a slave to the “what ifs” dark side, the “what might have been”. It’s simple, you just have to go with the flow and be at peace with yourself, be happy and be inspired, be fluid like the water and never do the things that are no value to you. Do what you love, and be with the people who inspire you. I am really amazed by this pattern, and when you get to master it, everything seems to take place the way you want it to be and the way you designed it should be, PLUS you always get the perfect timing and luck, you meet the people whom you will need, and slowly during the process you discover who you are and you are at peace with the world as you achieve personal satisfaction and joy.

I am feeling thankful and blessed and super overwhelmed with all the wonderful things happening in my life right now. May this be a way of showing my gratitude to all the people and the factors that contributed to this state to which I am right now. Each moment is cherished, locked and forever treasured in my heart.

P.S. There are still a lot of what ifs situations and people involved, if I failed to mention you please do not worry or feel sad. You guys are equally special and without you, what would Mia's life be? You guys ROCK :)

Singapore Venture

2010-12-18T13:39:00.000+08:00

It was nothing I really planned of, not even in my wildest dreams that I have imagined working and living here; and that’s what makes it great!

Four months ago my mind was fixed to even a more boring stuff: which was to a place where pork was prohibited and alcohol as well, where there are no night clubs or sexy fashionable girls walking along the streets. In my mind I was thinking that maybe I needed something serious like this for the meantime (getting a break from craziness) but a two- year contract was not my definition of a meantime; and as I imagined my life living there, even a week of being able to stand it would be like forever to me.

So great things come in surprises I guess, or yet I am starting to believe that what is meant for you will eventually find its way to you. It’s all in the mind. All I was thinking was that I got nothing to lose anyway; I got no permanent job in the Philippines, no family to support and not even a love life to consider before leaving, in short I was FREE. There was absolutely no excuse not trying this new venture because all the elements I was looking for were presented to me: I got a friend to host me, I got an interview on its way, I haven’t been to Singapore yet, and to top it all it’s my ticket to leave home. Of course I got scared of the “what if’s” part, like what if I don’t get a job, what it my money won’t be enough, will I sleep on the streets?. But knowing the person I was, I knew that my thirst for adventure, my love for exploring new places and the thrill of the uncertainties will move me. After all it was always my motto to say: Anything Goes, I will cross the bridge when I get there!

I now find myself on my third Saturday in this modern City. Two Saturdays ago I was uncertain; bringing with me only 19.9 kilos of all the things I need with ample amount of hope and dreams and tons of courage and the will to land me a job. I decided to set sail and find a career and life of my own away from home. I was lucky to meet wonderful people along the way. Other young Filipinos people like me who were brave enough and ventured here on their own. Maybe it’s the same driving force that bonds us closer despite hardly knowing each other, the fact that we are from the same nation makes us feel at home and secured telling us that “hey, I got your back” no matter what.

It was not at all so pleasant when I first started here, me and my other Pinoy friends experience walking in for applying in jobs where we were openly rejected. Series of walk in applications and group interviews where they promised to keep in touch but never did. Each day I tried to look at things positively I told myself there was no room for depression. I savored every moment, thinking this is job hunting and exploring at the same time. I rode the buses not really sure where it was taking me, I just relished and enjoyed the view. Walking to the metro and getting lost, the scent of incense every morning, eating my favorite Indian food, and Saturday nights regulated drinking (the beer was so expensive, that I tend to spend more in drinking than in food) : this is my Singapore life, and weeks from now, I will be starting my job. Indeed the perfect Christmas present and a wonderful way to start the year right.

Manila one step at a time

2010-11-08T21:35:00.002+08:00

Quiapo Church

Itinerary: Start at Quiapo church, walk around Hidalgo to Carriedo then the Sta. Cruz church passing by the fountain. Go straight to Ongpin street and enjoy the chinese delights and the food to Binondo Church. Walk through Quentin Paredes and cross Jones' bridge and slowly walk your way to Magallanes Drive. Welcome to the gates of Intramuros (well not literally). hehe

Sta. Cruz Fountain

I have been doing Manila City tour for a couple of times for work before and I admit that I didn’t like memorizing the dates and information; I did it simply because I had to, because it was my job. Today during my Costa cruise ship city tour I felt something different like a sense of pride and certainty about telling the tourists about Manila, my Manila and how I saw it. Never had I felt the confidence to talk about its history, glory and most especially its people. This new vigor and enthusiasm of mine is thanks to the Manila walking and photo tour I did with Tumblr friends. It was actually a short notice since I just saw in my dashboard that there was this kind of meet up. I don’t know anyone but this was one opportunity that I didn’t want to miss since I have so longed to walk through old manila with my camera and some friends to share our experience (and even road shortcuts) and love for Manila. I was the oldest in the group, and man these kids really knew Manila so I had to learn history through them and the people we met along the way. I was overwhelmed with all the Filipino culture, I saw through passing by the streets and seeing the daily normal activities of the people. From the vendors in Quiapo, the fortune tellers (which I had tried), the people on the sidewalk, the children playing in Pasig river. Our interaction with these people was priceless. We were causing traffic in Jones bridge while playing and meddling with the kids (they showed us the janitor fish they caught while swimming in the Pasig River), the kalesas passing by, the smile of the jeepney drivers wanting us to take their photos and the curious glances of people.

children playing in Ilog Pasig

they caught a fish!

Binondo church

welcome to china town

happy smiles

with bubbles!

My Blue Horizons Experience

2010-11-02T08:50:00.002+08:00

Blue Horizon's Kuoni Moments

Here's a link to the snapshots of my unforgettable experience as a tour guide for the Kuoni group.The company where I grew as a person and in my profession. Through them I was able to realize my dreams. Thank you very much!

Proud in my uniform

Congratulations to Blue Horizons Travel and Tours for winning the Best Travel Agency for three consecutive years! I’m glad, honored and grateful to have been part of your team. Way to go! Just sharing the wonderful memories I had with you.http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleid=410427

Manila Photo Shoot Day with Tumblr friends

2010-11-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

me taking pictures in Quiapo..

I had fun during our Manila walking tour/ photo-shoot. That's me taking photos, oh well half of my body. It was a great experience meeting different people from Tumblr and to explore Manila in a different light with them as well.I loved the interaction we had with the people, and the Filipino culture all over the busy streets of Manila. I'll be blogging soon about the adventures we had. Thanks to (would-you-think-of-me-if-i) for taking this photo.

Pasig River Cruise

2010-11-01T00:14:00.002+08:00

Mabuhay and welcome to the Pasig Cruise!

Yes everyone, you heard me right it’s the Pasig River cruise. We embarked at the Escolta station around 5:15 pm on a rainy Thursday afternoon (that’s why the shots weren’t so clear because it was raining and couldn't go to the deck). I was surprised to see a lot of people taking this cruise as serious means of transportation (from China town/divisoria to Makati and Pasig). It can really be a good way to prevent traffic especially during the rush hour. I was surprised to hear that this cruise has been going on for more than two years now; it could be a possible tourist attraction for those who want to see Manila on a cruise like the Seine Cruise! Pasig River was on a better condition sans the smell. This tour is really worth a try!

Escolta (Manila) station to Guadalupe (Makati) took us about 55 minutes. We passed by beautiful bridges, oil depots, The majestic Malacanang Palace (where taking photos was forbidden by the way) to the beautiful Makati and Ortigas skylines. We arrived at the Guadalupe Station almost past 6pm and the view from the river changed dramatically capturing all reflections in its waters. The rain stopped so I got the chance to view everything from the deck where I saw everything surrounding the Pasig River and the cool air touching my face.

refreshment stand while waiting outside the station

thanks to my sister who went with me :)

Escolta Station. Post office in front

Bridge Art

oil depots we passed along

EDSA billboards

Under the Quezon Bridge

ending our trip with authentic Pinoy food.

If you wanna try the cruise you can start from Plaza Mexico or the Escolta Station which is near the Jone’s bridge. If you just want to cruise around then you can get off at Guadalupe Station (the cruise has around 18 stops). Sorry but I lost the time schedules but there’s a ferry every 30 minutes starting 6 am. We only paid 40php for the trip!

For more pictures visit : pusakaldiaries.tumblr.com

Massage me the Ton Ton's way

2010-10-25T21:43:00.000+08:00

http://southbound.ph/blog/2008/08/07/trying-out-ton-ton-thai-massage/The rates are so affordable

I love having massages once in a while. It relaxes me and releases all the negative energies I have. I am always eager to try new spa and massage parlors but there is something about Ton Ton's massage that keeps me coming back for more.

I first tried Ton Ton in Cebu at Fuente Osmena. At first I wasn't at ease because there were no private rooms and only curtains to separate you from the other clients. Privacy aside, what's more important to me in a massage is the tenderness, stretching and pressure points; luckily Ton tons have all that. Every time I get a massage from this place I always pray that it would take longer.Each step of the massage is better than the last, its just so good.

There are ticklish parts like when applying pressure on the thighs, and legs (they will ask you how you like it, and I like it hard baby!). But the head massage and the neck part is really stress busting! Can I say they just know where to hit you at the right spot/s! And what's great is that they will finish the massage with a little bit of stretching, one full swing that will make your bones crack to the left then to the right, perfect!

To top it all is the price. Only 250 PHP for an hour massage, well almost 300 if you are generous enough to give a tip or more!

PS.

Good news to Manila people because they have branches in Las Pinas, BF homes Paranaque,Tagaytay and I heard one in Makati and Congressional as well. Ton ton's massage is really worth a try.

Cocteau Twins

2010-10-22T13:33:00.004+08:00

I am starting to appreciate Cocteau Twins' music. Elizabeth Fraser’s vocal cords touch any human's soul with melancholy and nostalgia in an indescribable way (partly maybe because you can’t really decipher what she’s saying!).The band has been active from 1979- 1997. I first found out about them when their song, Alice was used in the movie he Lovely Bones.

Their songs have been playing on and on in my play list. I just want to share it with you.

What she was saying actually goes like this:

LORELEI

Can't look out, can't look in
Can't kiss right
Get yourself get right
Lift up your toes, in my mouth
We'll make love and we can go

And we can go
And we can go

We're covered by the sacred fire
But when you cut me, you cut me to the bone

Without a doubt

We're covered by the sacred fire
But when you cut me, you cut me to the bone

Can't look in
Guilty boy, guilty girl
Cause you're both cursed
Lift up your toes in my mouth
We'll make love and we can go

Can't look in
Guilty boy, guilty girl
Cause you're both cursed
Lift up your toes in my mouth
We'll make love and we can go

No more I love yous.. (still?)

2010-10-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

I wrote this article two years ago. Last year I did a re- evaluation on it, and now i'm doing it again. Has things changed over the years. Do we really grow from the mistakes and the experiences we had. From the way I am seeing it I am still dealing with the things how I would deal with them two years ago. I may have deeper insights and new philosophies whatsoever but the fact still remains.
I think I didn't grow at all, or am I just that stubborn?
No, I'm a child at heart~~~

Reminiscin .. Again.. (May 2009)

I heard the song of Annie Lennox on the Radio this morning while I was headed to somewhere, headed to the road of uncertainty I guess. I just celebrated my birthday two days ago and weeks before my birthday, I asked myself if I've grown or if i've learned something from the past.

I am out of words coz the emotions are just too much. My blog last October somehow was able to express what I feel... Things can happen in just a blink of an eye, in the end all we have are memories.. Bittersweet memories..

October 2008

Don’t you hate long bus rides especially when you’re drunk and you live like two hours away? The cold breeze on your face and the sights triggers a nostalgic feeling. Thoughts, flashbacks, then you relive those memories you choose to forget.

Funny how in a snap everything can change! When you enter a relationship the person involved becomes a part of you; your routine, your way of life. I just realize that the aftermath of breaking up is the hardest part to deal with. Everything you used to do is just a memory, sadly you just watched the relationship fall apart, and yes, you let it fall apart.

A pang of sadness hit me. I suddenly felt sad on the person I turned out to be after those unsuccessful relationships, whether serious or the not so so serious. Now I don’t know if it is a good thing to be in control, to be tough and always stay on the safe side. I learned not to expect from anyone I get involved with , because I believe we start to expect when we invest our effort, time, self and emotions. So why invest when love is a gamble? Why waste your time if in the end everything will just fall apart and you just repeat the same cycle?

Don’t get me wrong, do I sound bitter? Hehe. I used to be this silly hopeless romantic girl with high hopes and dreams. But where is she now? Waaah! I can;t seem to find her…I think prevention is better than cure and in love we should never be the delusional one.

Now the question is, did I really learn something from my past hurts? Did the pain make me or brake me? What if love comes knocking on my door? What if it’s there already? I’m just so scared that I might drive the person away because I’m afraid to love, I’m afraid to risk. Until now I think that love is a hassle and is very inconvenient, its complicated. Is it possible to have a relationship without it? I know Im crazy and Im just complicating things right? Oh well I’ll just sing my favorite song….

No more “i love yous”
The language is leaving me
No more “i love yous”

Changes are shifting outside the word …..

Sweet like candy

2010-10-17T11:30:00.000+08:00

You're like candy and I'm like a child you keep me coming back for more.

Words to live by

2010-10-14T12:22:00.001+08:00

Since my journals might be obsolete or lost in the future, I decided to save the best quotes authored by me or inspired by others so that the legacy will still live on. I decided to call it my black book.

“If you have a dream you should commit to it. The only thing I commit to is achieving my dreams.
-pusakal

SEX AND THE CITY

~Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

ELEVEN MINUTES

~
I've met a man and fallen in love with him. I allowed myself to fall in love for one simple reason; I’m not expecting anything to come out of it. Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.

~In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel.

~It hurt when I lost each of the various men I fell in love with. Now, though I am convinced that no one looses anyone because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom; having the most important thing in the world without owning it.

“Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realize that nothing belongs to them. And if nothing belongs to me, then there is no point wasting my time looking after things that aren’t mine; it’s best that I live as if today were the last day of my life. I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It’s all a question of how I view my life.

~And in the search of happiness all of us are equal: none of us is happy.

THE HOUSE OF THE FORTUNATE BUDDHAS ( Joao Ubaldo Ribiera)

~Lust is a sin because of its obsessive nature; its ability to control a person’s life to the exclusion of all else: family, fortune, time, reputation and productivity.

~The need to remain technically a virgin. Even today I am amazed at the hymenolatry. It was a woman’s honor, what a horror!

(Pittigrilli)
~It’s sad to live in a society where a woman’s honor is located between her legs. My god, how stupid! How many lives have been lost, how many destinies have been ruined, how many tragedies have occurred because of the honor of so many, so many unhappy women.

WARRIOR OF THE LIGHT

~All the world’s roads lead to the heart of the warrior; he plunges unhesitatingly into the river of passions always flowing through his life. The warrior knows he is free to choose his desire and he makes these decisions with courage, detachment- and sometimes with a touch of madness.

~He embraces his passion and enjoys them intensely. He knows that there is no need to renounce the pleasures of conquests; they are part of life and bring joy to all those who participate in them.

~A warrior can distinguish between the transient and the enduring.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS

~The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There’s too much at stake and life’s too short for lies. And you’re the worst kind of person in the world cause you wasted my heart and time.

VOLTAIRE

~Kissing before was an ordinary form of salutation, here is the danger: There is one nerve of the fifth pair which goes from the mouth to the heart thence even lower. With that delicate industry has nature prepared everything! The little glands of the lips, their spongy tissue, their velvety paps, their fine ticklish skin produce in them an exquisite and voluptuous sensation which is not without analogy to a still more hidden and still more sensitive part.

NIGHTS IN RODANTHE

~Making love she believed was more than simply a pleasurable act between two people. It encompassed all that a couple was supposed to share: trust and commitment, hope and dreams. A promise to make it through whatever the future might bring; it was a gentle dance of give and take.

~We both know you were leaving before the “we” part even began.

~I wouldn’t have traded the few days I spent with him for anything.

Exploring Maribojoc

2010-10-13T11:12:00.000+08:00

This is one of my published articles while I was writing last year for "Make My Trip Travel TV" in their Bohol Sunday Post section. I miss deadlines and pressure. Now venturing in the blogging world could be at least a source of pressure in some way for me to keep it updated. But I am still in a quest, what will I write about? I originally intended this blog for travelling, but I don't see myself in a travel adventure anytime soon. They say that your blog should concentrate on a central topic, but what if you want to talk about a lot of things? Well, anything goes, it will be a process of trial and error I guess.

http://www.maribojocbohol.com/exploring-maribojoc-bohol-philippines/

It has been a year... My Cebu life (A reflection).

2010-10-08T14:04:00.000+08:00

Sinulog 2009

When I want something I don’t stop till I get it. Two years ago I wanted freedom; freedom from the busy streets of Manila and freedom from the supervision of my parents. I don’t think wanting something badly and working hard till you get it isn't bad at all, but wanting something out of impulsiveness is another story. If there was something I’ve learned from my series of decisions over the past few years that is to decrease these sudden spontaneous urges of mine into a well paced series of reflections and situation awareness and general planning. That was what I lacked, the patience and the maturity to face the reality since nothing was impossible for me as long as I have the will power together with the dream that goes along with it. I always tried to mask the real situation in my candy colored fantasies thinking every endeavor will be part of my so- called adventure story book.

But as they say, no regrets! My Visayas adventure was one of the greatest. I proved to myself that I could be independent; living in another province with no relatives or family at all was a big adjustment. I realized how hard it was to earn a living; by receiving the average daily wage and how to budget my money for food, lodging, week end gimmicks and travel. I was lucky to meet good friends along the way, who like me ventured away from their sheltered homes to be independent as well. I have this theory that you tend to get attracted or to be magnetized in the same crowd your mindset and values belong to. In my Cebu life I belonged to this “other” colorful crowd if I may say. I was exposed to the kind of set-up I could have never imagined possible before, and indeed life is full of infinite possibilities!

I sailed the Visayan seas (fast craft, Cockaliong, pumpboats) , rode infinite Ceres bus rides, ate Puso (hanging rice) and the famous Lechon Cebu. I can never count the numerous fiestas and the pakals (thanksgiving) I’ve been to since all the memorable moments in a Visayan’s life is marked with a feast or thanksgiving: and take note, I hardly know these people who invited me. I have learned to drink beer with a group of 6 or more people in just one single glass! And those “tagay” moments that you can’t help but get drunk because your consummation of beer is monitored by everyone (everyone waits for their turn for the shot).

My list goes on and on till forever, so I wrote this entry just to say thank you and to show how much I appreciated all the people who have been part of my Cebu/ Bohol life. There might have been some that I’ve hurt along the way, some misunderstandings, and some unfinished business but I couldn’t be thankful enough for the love, the concern and the memories you have spent with me. Most of all I’m thankful for the friendship we’ve shared, the hidden treasure I found in the middle of my adventure story.

Now that I am back to my sheltered life I realized how I miss the independence that I once had. When you are in a far away land, nobody really knows you and you can do whatever you want. I think I had an excess of freedom and literally the “scars” remind me of the well lived reckless life I had. The big scar on my right leg is like a constant reminder of how crazy yet true to myself I was. I was burned and hurt but these misfortunate adventures made who I am right now. After being a bum for a few months now and just discovering the world little by little made me realize it’s time to get down to serious business.

I think I had enough time already to think and reflect on what I want to do with my life. Another chapter is officially over and now I can’t wait for the next chapter of my adventure story book to start (but this time I have waited patiently haha!).

Cheers!