Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional

Baby, I'm In....

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Fri, 25 May 2012 15:20:00 +0000

So, the guide dog people totally ignored my email. Which I think is pretty douchey of them. I tried to create the T-shirt myself on Zazzle which ended as an epic fail on my part, because I'm clueless.

Speaking of clueless: if you have any HTML knowledge, could you please help a sistah out? My blog is apparently crashing on Chrome & Firefox. This has been happening off and on for a while, and I've contacted my blog designer a few times. Unfortunately, she has not responded (yep, I'm calling you out too, cause that's not cool!). So, I'm begging for help here! Today is seems to be working fine though, oddly enough.....

I didn't ask off for Memorial Day, but I got it off anyway! I have a three day weekend..YAY! I hear the beach calling my name and I really hope I can answer its call....

On my days off, when I have a chance, I hang out with Hayleigh. She smiles all the time now and has even started laughing. Yesterday, she took one look at me and burst out laughing. I choose to believe that she appreciates my sense of humor, and not that I'm just funny looking.....

Wishing you a wonderful weekend...ours will be full of friends, family, birthday parties, family gatherings, and who knows what else we'll get into?? Good times!

Visit Mrs 4444 for more Fragments!!

Sharing a song to enjoy...TGIF!!

A-Z of Me

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Tue, 22 May 2012 20:41:00 +0000

I saw this on another blog recently and thought it looked like fun. So here ya go, some useless information about yours truly, Dysfunctional Mom!

A. Age: I just turned 39 on May 11th.

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore you dislike: Dishes. I firmly believe if I cook, someone else should do the dishes. Nobody else seems to share this belief.

D. Dogs: I love dogs. I currently do not own any. This makes me very sad.

E. Essential start to your day: Diet Dr Pepper. I'm trying to cut down, but I HAVE to start my day with one ~~or three~~.

F. Favorite color: Purple purple purple!!

G. Gold or silver: silver, or white gold.

H. Height: 5'2". And I love being short!

I. Instruments you play(ed): clarinet....but I wanted to play the flute.

J. Job title: Home Health Caregiver

K. Kids: no thank you, I have three of my own.

L. Live: In & around Gainesville, Florida.

M. Mom’s name: Lucille

N. Nicknames: My grandma used to call me Cinderella. I get "Cindy Lou Who" a lot.
And Princess. =)

O. Overnight hospital stays: Too many...when I was 9 I had a ruptured appendix, when I was 11 I ran into a glass door & cut up my leg, when I was 13 I had pneumonia. Fast forward to having three children, and while pregnant with the middle child I was hospitalized for pneumonia again. In 2008 I had gastric bypass surgery. I think that's it??

P. Pet peeves: bad grammar/punctuation.

Q. Quote from a movie: "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far far away from here." (do you know what movie this is from?)

R. Righty or lefty: righty

S. Siblings: one sister who is 7 years older, one brother who is 10 years older.

T. Time you wake up: My schedule varies so this varies a lot. Basically, as late as possible.

U. Underwear: Yes. All different types, depending on my mood.

V. Vegetables you don't like: broccoli & okra.

W. What makes you run late: I am one of those people who is always late. So I guess I make me run late.

X. X-rays you’ve had: I had one after my recent car accident. I know I've had others, but I'm drawing a blank. Besides dental x-rays, of course.

Y. Yummy food you make: chicken & dumplings are probably the number one favorite. Tater salad, lasagna....I'm hungry.

Z. Zoo animal favorites: galapagos island turtles.

A First of Many Firsts

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Mon, 21 May 2012 11:00:00 +0000

When my youngest child came to me asking about shaving her legs, a few thoughts ran through my head.
First of all: Wasn't she just born, like, last week? And now she's ELEVEN years old? How does this happen?
And then: OMG she's going to cut herself to pieces.
The thing is, she does need to shave. Her legs are quite hairy (sorry, kid), and we live in Florida. Shorts are worn year-round.
I just wasn't sure I was ready for yet another "first".
She's my last child. So all of her "firsts" are also "lasts"...her first Christmas was the last first Christmas I'd ever experience with a child. Same for her first steps, first words, first smile...
Her first day of Kindergarten nearly brought me to my knees!
And then there are those precious firsts...like last year when she and I sat on a dock and she saw her first shooting star. Priceless!
So here we are again, with yet another first. Her first time shaving her legs.
At first we tried the non-razor approach. We used a foam hair remover. It worked....somewhat. It left her stubbly and not smooth, and it was kind of a hassle, what with having to time how long the product was on her skin. "MOM!! Has it been five minutes yet?!?!"
So I finally let her move on to *gasp* razors.
And it really wasn't as bad as I thought.
I had visions of my own wounds from years past. I have had some lovely shaving-related injuries, which I won't elaborate on...you can thank me later. But times have changed, and the products available now are so much better.
I love that there are products specifically geared to women now. They smell fantastic and are made for the contours of our legs instead of men's faces.
The products we prefer are Venus Embrace & Satin Care Passionista Fruit shave gel. The Satin Care has a sparkling, fruity scent and is without a doubt the key to silky legs. It feels great!
And I love the Venus Embrace for Elayna. It has 5 blades for a close, comfortable shave. It also has a Ribbon of Moisture, for a smooth glide. This is so important...remember my flashbacks of shaving injuries past?? It also features a soft grip handle for great control, which also helps prevent those nicks and cuts.

So all in all, this was a good "first". She feels a little more grown-up and likes having silky smooth legs. I feel reassured that she's not going to cut herself up while getting those silky smooth legs. I'm glad these products are available now to help us get through one of many firsts in life! If you have a first-time shaver in your home, you should check out some of these great tips from Venus Embrace!

I know she's starting to pay more attention to her appearance and I want to make sure she's getting the right information from me. What are some of the ways you tackle conversations like shaving (or other "firsts") with your daughter?

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Late Fraggin'

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Sat, 19 May 2012 14:44:00 +0000

~ My most recent Facebook status:
"If you haven't heard much from me lately, it's because I'm tired of life kicking the crap out of me so I'm crawling into my shell and closing it up and ignoring the world. So it's not you, it's me. (Unless you're a jerk, in which case it's probably you.)"

~ I finally got The Bloggess's book! I looked at 2 different Walmarts and THEY DID NOT HAVE IT, only further fueling my hatred for Walmart. I went to a local independent bookseller, my favorite, and they disappointed me by also not having it. FAIL. I finally found it at my beloved Target, and for such a great price that I also got Justin Halpern's new book, "I Suck at Girls". He's the guy who wrote "Sh*t My Dad Says".
Anyway, I'm reading "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" and LMAO. I just love her.

~ I have three days off in a row next week. I wish I could go on a vacation! Anyone want to come kidnap me?

~ I went to Elayna's school on Friday to have lunch with her. It was Career Fest, and she was a tour guide for the adults who were there to talk about their careers. She escorted them to lunch & various places. She got to walk around with a clipboard and tell adults what to do. She thought she was the SHIZNIT. It was adorable.

~ There will be a pretty cool giveaway appearing here in the very near future.

WATCH THIS SPACE.

Okay, I'm defragged, better late than never! Have a great weekend.

These are my confessions...

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Fri, 11 May 2012 12:45:00 +0000

I confess....
that I have always wanted to confess with Mamarazzi, and this week seemed like the perfect week to do it.

I confess.....
that today is my BIRTHDAY!! I am 39 and darned proud of it.

I confess....
that I'm going to PARTY tonight. Oh yes I am!

I confess....
that I still love my birthday like I did when I was a little kid.

I confess....
that when I was very young, I was APPALLED one year to see that the mail was still delivered on
MY BIRTHDAY!!! It's a HOLIDAY, people, WTF??

I confess...
that never has a birthday went by that my MOTHER didn't remind me of that! (She just texted me "Hope u have a very happy birthday! Think the mail will come today?" I replied "It better not!!")

I confess.....
that I think it's because I LOVE ATTENTION and I get lots of attention on my birthday! Yeah, I said it. I'm a bit of an attention whore. What then!
You can go ahead and get me one of these for my birthday because TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY DID I MENTION THAT????

I confess....
that I loved waking up to dozens of Facebook posts saying Happy Birthday!

I confess....
that I would like every day to be my birthday.

I confess....
that I am already planning my 40th Birthday party. And it is going to be EPIC.

I confess....
that last month nearly took me down, but I'm still standing! (yeah, yeah, yeah!)

I confess....
that when I look at pictures of Tim Tebow, I want to do things to him that go against his admirable Christian values. STRONGLY.AGAINST. And over and under and around and.....

I confess....
that I absolutely can't wait for this weekend! On Sunday we'll be with my family celebrating baby Hayleigh's Dedication, Mother's Day, and MY BIRTHDAY (did I mention that today is MY BIRTHDAY?????)!!!!

Hope y'all have a wonderful weekend, and Happy Mother's Day to the Mommies!!

Sexy Chick

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Tue, 08 May 2012 22:57:00 +0000

I had an absolute blast today. Hayleigh, my niece's 3 month old baby (can you believe she is THREE MONTHS OLD already?!?!), wasn't feeling well. Heather had to work today, and her husband DJ, the new daddy, didn't want to take Hayleigh to the pediatrician by himself. I had the day off, so my mother and I went with DJ to the doctor's appointment.

Now, my mother is very....proper, I guess you could say. She is 69 years old and has probably never said the word 'fart' in her life. There are certain things that, she believes, one should not discuss. Most of us know this and are pretty good about what watching we say in front of her.

(My Mom & I talking. Definitely NOT about farting, pooping, or sex.)

DJ, however, loves nothing more than to say things to my Mother just to get a reaction.

It infuriates my mom.

It makes me HYSTERICAL. I literally laughed until I cried my makeup off today.

But the best part of all was this: my mother got a new-to-her cell phone today. It was used but it's nicer than the one she has. DJ was setting it up for her and discovered that the previous user had downloaded several ringtones.

Heh. Heh. Heh. He started playing them and asking my Mom which one she wanted assigned as her ringtone.

I wish I could remember all of the songs that were played. They were mostly hip-hop. One of the standouts was "Riding Solo". I kept picturing my 69 year old gray-haired mom pushing her shopping cart around Walmart and her phone suddenly playing "I'm ridin solo, I'm ridin solo"...can you imagine the reaction of the other shoppers?

But when we heard this song, we knew it was the one. After I caught my breath again after laughing so hard I almost vomited, DJ and I decided (to my mother's utter mortification) that this was the song that my Mom absolutely HAD to have as her ringtone*.

*No, we did NOT actually assign that ringtone, as much as we wanted to. My mom kept saying "You better not! I won't use that phone if you do that!" But oh, how I wish we could have.

Brilliant or Insane? I'll be the judge of that.

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Sun, 06 May 2012 15:58:00 +0000

Quite some time ago, I stumbled across this photo on the interwebz. It's a sign for a service dog to wear.

And I want one.

As soon as I saw it, I thought, how HILARIOUS would it be for a human to go around wearing one of those? I think I even blogged about it, but I'm way too lazy to go look. And I still think about it quite often. Because, clearly, I'm slightly unbalanced.

So last night, while in that state between being awake and being asleep, I started thinking about it again. And I stumbled upon the most BRILLIANT idea. The National Association of Service Dogs should make T-shirts with this printed on them, and sell them as a fundraiser! It's a great cause and it's damned funny. HELLOOO??? Winning!

So, I'm going to email them. I won't even charge them for my brilliant idea; all I want it a free T-shirt. Fair enough, right?

They'll either agree that I'm brilliant or think I'm insane and block me from ever contacting them again.

I'll keep you posted!

Sundays in my City

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 03:58:00 +0000

I had a very good weekend.

After the horrendous month I've had, that is saying A LOT. And I'm incredibly grateful to have had such a great weekend.

Shelbie went out of town this weekend with my best friend Danielle's daughter Ashlee (who is Shelbie's best friend). So I got a lot of one-on-one time with Elayna this weekend.

On Saturday, Elayna and I started out by going to Pioneer Days, a festival in a nearby town. We met my son Tim there, and my niece, her husband, and their new baby.

There was yummy festival food, crafts, events, and a farmer's market. I couldn't resist the polish sausage and homemade fudge. Elayna may or may not have had ice cream for lunch.

Tim LOVES Hayleigh. He's also kind of terrified of her.

But we somehow sort of tricked him into holding and feeding her!

Elayna gave Hayleigh her first taste of ice cream.

Hayleigh LOVES ice cream!!

I can't even describe how much I love this picture!

(Me, Hayleigh, & Elayna)

After the festival, we went to my best friend's son Dustin's birthday party. Tim came along as well. Her family is my second family, so it was really nice to spend time with all of them.

Saturday night and Sunday was mostly spent just hanging out. It was very relaxed but enjoyable.

Just exactly what I needed!

Hope y'all had a great weekend.

Visit Unknown Mami for more Sundays in my City posts!

You know it's been a rough month when....

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:54:00 +0000

This month has sucked with suckiest of suckiness.

You know it's been a rough month when....

...the sound of the phone ringing makes you nauseous, thinking "Ugh, NOW what??".

...your ultimate fantasy is curling up in the fetal position and having someone pat your hair and feed you chocolate.

...you tell someone that your friend has had an even worse month than you and he says, "How on earth is that even possible??"

...you have a nightmare about snakes in the grass and don't even need a dream interpretor to figure out exactly what it means.

...you wish TS Eliot were around so you could give him a High Five.

Bring on May....PLEASE!!!

It's Closing Time....

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 16:02:00 +0000

A girl walks into a bar.

She's there with her best friend and another friend. When she goes to the bar, a very friendly ~~drunken shitshow~~ girl starts talking to her. Drunk Chick decides the girl is her new BFF. Alrighty then! They do a Fireball shot together. Yum!

Then the girl sees a Cute Guy. They smile and say Hi, then the girl goes back to her table. Of course, her new BFF, Drunk Chick, follows. So the girl tells the Drunk Chick to tell the Cute Guy to come sit at their table.

And he does!

So the girl is trying to talk to the Cute Guy but the Drunk Chick is also hitting on the Cute Guy. Finally, frustrated with the distraction, Cute Guy informs Drunk Chick that the Girl is actually his girlfriend. They're getting married June 24th. But they go to bars and pretend to be strangers occasionally, to keep the spice in their relationship.

The girl jumps right in and plays along, telling Drunk Chick that their wedding color is purple and the flowers are lillies. And that she and Cute Guy have been together for two years.

"But how do you not get mad when girls like me hit on your man?" Drunk Chick inquires.

"I know he's always coming home with me," replies the girl.
"Of course I am...look at her, she's beautiful!" adds Cute Guy.

Drunk Chick totally believes every word of it. She said she KNEW Cute Guy & the girl had something special! She put the wedding date on her phone calendar. She plans to attend.

When the bar closed, the Cute Guy asked the Girl for her phone number. "Of course!" she said. "How else can we finalize our wedding plans?"

Yep - it's a true story!

Rest in Peace, Lilly

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 13:25:00 +0000

Lilly was hit by a car last week & died instantly.

We miss her so much.

Curveballs....

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 16:24:00 +0000

Life just keeps throwing them our way!

My niece went to the hospital on Thursday night with severe abdominal & back pain. She's the one who just gave birth to my great-niece, Hayleigh, in February. Turns out she has gall stones. She had surgery today to remove a gall stone that was lodged in her bile duct (and is doing well). She will be having a second surgery within the next few days (doctors keep changing the time frame) to remove her gall bladder. She is having such a hard time with being in the hospital and taking care of an infant! She has a lot of help but still....there's no place like home.

My best friend Danielle, who I've mentioned here before, is going through an extremely difficult time. Her marriage is ending in a most horrific way. I can't even talk about it here. But I'm trying to be there for her as much as possible.

Elayna is right in the middle of softball season, speaking of curveballs...she skipped a few seasons to try other sports and I'm really proud of her for having the courage to get back in the game, even though most of her teammates have not only continued playing but even played for special teams. Everyone is great and so supportive, and she's definitely improving.

Shelbie is sick right now and they're doing standardized testing in our county so she's having to tough it out.

And me, I'm exhausted all the time, no matter how much or how little I sleep.

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining personally....life is good and things like this just make me so thankful and realize that although we may struggle in ways, things could be SO much worse.

Easter Giggles

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 13:25:00 +0000

It's Easter, so you know what that means around here.....

It just makes me smile every time I see it. *giggle*

My kids are with their Dad this Easter, so I am working. My mom wants me to come to their house when I get off, but I am just so darned tired, I think I'm going to go home and crawl into bed. Also? My little dog misses me and is always SO happy to see me when I get home.

Hope you have a WONDERFUL Easter!

Friday Fragments on Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 17:47:00 +0000

I typed this on Thursday but forgot to post it on Friday. So you get it on Saturday. Yay!

~~ It has been so weird having the girls gone all week! I don't think I've ever been alone for this long. When I was single before I met John, the kids didn't usually go to their dad's for this length of time. Anyway....it's been strange! The best part is my house has stayed SO clean. LOL

~~ Those of you long-timers know I had weight loss surgery. It's been just over four years now (can you believe it???). I went to the doctor last week and she called today to tell me that all of my lab results are great. I'm not deficient in any vitamins which means I'm not having any malabsorption problems. (I also take supplements but some WLS patients still struggle with this.) My weight is still great, I feel great, and I am so glad I made the decision to have WLS. A good friend of mine is having WLS on April 30th; I'm so excited for her!

~~ It is incredibly, unseasonably HOT here in Florida. We don't really have "seasons", but temps in the 90's are high for April, even in Florida. I'm not complaining; I'll take hot over cold any day. But DAYUM. It is hot!!!

*ETA* Update: it's freaking cold now. OK, just chilly and windy but still....WTH, Mother Nature? Mood swings much?

~~ My great-niece, Hayleigh, is at the cutest stage. She is smiling a lot and it's ADORABLE. She just turned 2 months old yesterday. I got to see her twice last week, and the second time she smiled at me THREE TIMES in the short period of time I was there. LOVE IT! She also makes the most adorable cooing noises, even when she sleeps. LOVE! <3

Linking up with Friday Fragments, better late than never!

ROXanne.....

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 11:56:00 +0000

(Please tell me you sang that, Police-style. Please.)

When the girls and I moved into our new home, we had to make a sacrifice. We were not allowed to have a big dog here. That meant I had to find a new home for our boxer mix, Sofia.

Long-time readers will know how hard that was for me. You all know about my involvement in animal rescue & fostering. I do not consider animals disposable. It was tough.

And that's all I have to say about that.

I have very much missed having a canine companion, especially on the nights that the girls are at their dad's house and I am home alone. So I decided that once we got settled in, I'd find a small dog to keep me company.

We've been in our home for two months so lately, I've been keeping an eye out, but hadn't found the perfect dog until this weekend. I checked Craigslist and found an ad for a terrier-poo. When I opened the ad, I saw a picture of a dog that reminded me SO MUCH of the dog I had growing up, a terrier/poodle mix. I called the number right away and talked to the owner for half an hour. She runs an informal, non-profit rescue group and just wanted to find this little girl a good home.

And she did.

Roxanne, a.k.a. Roxy, a.k.a. Foxy Roxy, is my ride or die chick.

She is wonderfully well-behaved, and she is my little shadow.

She couldn't have come at a better time; it's Spring Break for the girls and they're both gone for a solid week.

Roxy and I are bonding.

By the Grace of God.....

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:41:00 +0000

I mentioned earlier this week that my son recently turned 19.

What I didn't mention is how my son was woken up that morning at 6:00 a.m.

He was awoken by his friend, saying "Tim, Tim, wake up. Your Mom was in an accident and we have to pick her up from the hospital."*

Rewind.....

On Thursday afternoon, my friend Jana called me to tell me that a popular local singer was performing in town and she really wanted to go see him.

I told her sorry, no, I had to work at 8:00 the next morning.

She called again later.

"No, Jana, sorry. It's the day before payday, I'm broke, I'm tired, I have to work tomorrow."

She called again later.

"Please please please! I'll drive, I'll pay your cover charge, we won't drink....."

Long story short, she talked me into going. She's a single mom with an uninvolved father; she doesn't get out much. I finally gave in on the condition that we would not stay out late.

We stayed out a little later than we should have, but not that late.

On the way home, I drifted off to sleep.

I was awoken by the sound of Jana screaming my name. When I opened my eyes, I couldn't focus on anything. The car was spinning. And then flipping.

We landed upside-down. The passenger window was shattered. I instinctively crawled out.

I was able to walk, but I couldn't find my phone. Jana couldn't get out of the car.

I waved down a passing car. "Are y'all ok?" he asked. Ummm, no.....

We were both taken to the hospital by ambulance. They did a CT of my head & neck. I have cuts on my head, hands, legs, and feet, and bruises everywhere.

That's all.

Jana is fine as well. We are counting our blessings. Her car is totalled, of course, and her insurance won't cover another one. I missed a day of work.

But what keeps going through my mind is...what if, on my son's 19th birthday, he had been woken up by a very different phone call? One saying that his mother was killed in a car accident?

Needless to say, next time my gut tells me not to go out, you will find me safely at home.

Y'all....I walked (ok, crawled) away from this.

Rest assured I am NOT taking that for granted.

Pouring My Heart Out with Shell today!

* In case you wondered, my son's phone was dead so I had to call his friend, who I knew had stayed with him that night.

My Little Man

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 16:30:00 +0000

Last week was eventful at the Land of Dysfunction, and I'm going to be blogging all about it this week. So stay tuned.

Today I'm going to talk about my son's birthday.
My son turned 19 on Friday.
I was 19 when I gave birth to him.
So, it's kind of a big one.
March 30th, 1993 changed my life forever. I became a mother. There's really nothing bigger in life than that, at least for me.
For 2 years and 9 months, Tim was my one and only. He will always be my only boy, my little man. Right now he is the main man in my life. He's the one I call when I need something. Sure I still have my dad, and friends. But he's my Main Man.
When he was a baby & toddler, his dad worked a lot and drove a race car on the weekends. So much of the time, it was just the two of us. He was my whole world, my life revolved around him. It created a bond that will never be broken.
I'm very glad that he is not becoming a father at 19 (thus far, crossing fingers, lol). He may not be exactly where he wants to be in life right now, but he'll get there.
He drives me crazy, but I love him deeply.
He used to say "Mommy, I love you all your heart", which he derived from me saying "I love you with all my heart". How cute is that? 19 or not, he will always be my baby.

Can someone please tell me how I have a 19 year old child????

What I'm Loving Right Now

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 16:01:00 +0000

*** pale lavender flat nail polish....I don't usually paint my fingernails (toes only) but I will with this. LOVE it.

***Adele. I know, I'm late to the game. But I play her CD's CONSTANTLY.

*** baby snuggles....can't get enough.

*** Draw Something. Enough said.

*** Kettle Cooked Potato Chips. This is not a new love for me, but I can't eat any other chips any more. LOVE them.

*** Three day weekends. WOOHOO!!

*** My life. It's good. That is all. :o)

Friday Fragments - Finding My New Normal

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 01:30:00 +0000

You know you look rough when a random guy looks at you and offers to buy you a coffee "or three or four"....lol. It's been an exhausting week! But now I get to take a load off of my mind with Friday Fragments.

* Today is day one of a three day weekend for me. YAYY!!!

* I was thinking about something the other day. I got married the first time when I was 18 years old. We were married for over 12 years, separated for the last year of that time. I met John just after the divorce was final, married him a year later, and we were married for seven years.
My point here is that I've only been single for about a year of my life, and I dated during that time. But single and living on my own, only for that one year.

I am not a fan of it. Just being honest here. I'm not scared to be alone, it's just freaking weird. And now I get why - I've hardly ever done it before! Out of my almost 39 years of life, I've only been single for one year.

I'm not complaining - life is good, and I'm very happy. But now I understand why, on the weekends that the kids are with their dad, I often find myself staying over at a friend's house. Being in a completely empty house is so foreign to me.

* Wanna know something else I'm NOT accustomed to? NOT cooking for a crowd. I'm used to cooking for at least six people, often more. That number has been cut in half. Only....I still cook a pile of food! Tonight I made Shepherd's Pie, then texted Tim and told him to come eat with us. (which he gladly did!) I also frequently load him up with leftovers. He and his friends do not mind this at all!

P.S. Want to come over for dinner?

Have a great weekend!!

Southern Daddies

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 02:10:00 +0000

"Honey, you know a lot about a lot, but you don't know shit about Southern daddies and their Southern daughters." - Straw Dogs

I watched that movie last week, and that one line really struck a chord in me. I've been thinking about it a lot ever since.

My Southern daddy taught me a lot of things.

He taught me some things hands-on.

My daddy taught me how to fish.

He taught me how to shoot a gun.

He taught me how to plant a garden.

He taught me some things by telling me.

He told me that I could be anything I wanted to be.

He told me that it's just as easy to love a rich man as a poor man. (I never did listen.....)

He told me to stand up for myself and not to let people walk all over me.

He taught me some things by his actions.

He taught me to never let a man treat me the way he treated my mama.

He taught me never to work a job that I hate and make my family miserable.

He taught me to not let my depression go undiagnosed & untreated....and make my family miserable.

He taught me to tell people that I love them - and show them - before it's too late and you are brought to your knees by grief and regret.

My Daddy is NOT a redneck. I've never really known how to describe my dad. He was raised on a farm in the country in the South. But he does not fit the redneck stereotype at all. He is always well-dressed and well-groomed. He doesn't drive a big truck or chew tobacco or fly a rebel flag.

Recently, my niece's husband was teasing my dad and calling him a redneck. My dad was not amused.

"I am not a redneck."

"Well what are you then?"

"I am a Southern Gentleman."

Good answer, Daddy.

And your daughter is a Hot Southern Mess.

{This was supposed to have been a scheduled post on Wednesday for PYHO, but obviously, I screwed up. I'm still linking up with Shell - go visit her for wonderful Pour Your Heart Out posts!}

Now She Blogs

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 21:43:00 +0000

Pretty much, yeah.

Happy List Time!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 17:57:00 +0000

* First of all, I'm Happy that I have enough Happy to create a Happy List.

* I'm Happy that Tim Tebow and Taylor Swift are a couple. I heart both of them SO HARD, always have. We have met Tim Tebow, even have pics & his autograph, which basically makes us all BFF's now. I'm sure Taylor's going to be calling me any day so we can all get together. *hairflip*

* I'm Happy that Elayna is playing softball again! It's so good for her; the physical activity, the team bonding, everything about it. I am SO not athletic. At.All. But I love that she gets out there and does her best.

* I'm Happy that Facebook exists. There are so many things that have happened in my life that would never have happened without it. Most recently, a middle school friend of my son's found us on Facebook. They were extremely close and stayed in contact for years, but they changed phone numbers eventually and lost touch. I LOVE this kid; he's another one of my adopted children. I had searched for him on FB many times, with no success, but finally he found us and I am so happy! I can't wait to see him.

* I am Happy that the girls & I are doing great on our own. Shelbie put together a shelf for the bathroom and we just figure out how to do most everything we need to do, on our own. Tim helps a lot, but we do a lot ourselves. And we try to make it fun; last night after taking the trash to the dumpster, we had a trash can race back to our house, which doesn't sound interesting but somehow ended up HILARIOUS.

* I'm Happy that I have some AMAZING people in my life. A-MAZ-ING.

* Oh yeah, one more thing....I'm Happy that you're reading this post because apparently Google Friend Connect went away which is something I'm sure I should have paid attention to, but I kind of didn't, so if you're still reading here....thanks!

And go see Mamarazzi for more Happy Lists!

What the Duck?!

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 18:30:00 +0000

I was driving home from work yesterday, tired but happy because I was going to see Heather & Hayleigh and get some baby snuggle time. I was cruising along, singing along with the radio, and I noticed a bird in the road in front of me. Usually, they fly away before I get too close, but this one didn't move. As I swerved around it, I realized it was a duck. In the middle of the highway, in the middle of cow pastures.

WTD? (what the duck?!?)

It seemed to be trying to get out of the road, but it wasn't able to. I quickly made a U-turn and pulled the car over. I was hoping to help him off of the road, and maybe call a Wildlife Officer to help the poor little guy out. As I was walking towards the duck, a truck came around the corner.

"Please don't squish him, please don't squish him," I thought. Fortunately, the truck was in the outside lane, and the duck was in the inside lane.

I was almost there, walking through the grassy median, when two vehicles came around the corner. A truck on the outside lane, and a VW Beetle on the inside lane.

"Please don't squish him, please don't squish hiNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And in a flurry of feathers, the duck was no more.

The driver didn't even try to swerve, and didn't even tap his brakes! He just zoomed right by us.
Mother Ducker!!!

Seriously, I was mortified. It was awful. I just stood there for a minute, stunned, then slowly walked back to my car.

Fuck a duck.

In Which There Will Be F Bombs....

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 08:24:00 +0000

So if you haven't heard by now, Satan was recently hired by Google to revamp Blogger's Captcha feature. Which should be abolished, but instead was just made to suck much, much more than it already did.

People. If you don't take that shit off of your blog, I am not going to read your fucking blog any more. For serious.

I call for a boycott of all blogs with Satanic Captcha Feature.

It's pointless and useless and it gives you herpes.

I totally stole this from Holly because it's wonderfully perfect:

Good day, sirs and madams. Good day.

What's That? Up in the Sky??

noreply@blogger.com (Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 16:38:00 +0000

My thoughts are fragmented. You have been warned. Proceed with caution.

~ I frequently crack myself up. Occasionally I amuse others, but always I amuse myself.

Example: the other day I was texting with a friend and said, "My favorite type of food is Mexicans." Then I saw what I'd said and laughed so hard I cried, and texted "OMG I do not eat MEXICANS! I meant MEXICAN!!!" Now I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a cannibal. With a taste for the spicy people.

~ I was just told, by a beautiful Puerto Rican woman, that I do not look American. Is it weird that I was extremely flattered by that? I mean, I do have an enormous girl-crush on Sofia Vergara so it shouldn't be much of a surprise, I suppose. (I so love the way she says "Easssy Breesssy Beauteeful" in the Cover Girl ads!)

~ I was also told last week that I look like Selena Gomez.

I wish!!

~ The other night Elayna was talking to me and said "when we were in Third Grade, my friend Madison was dating this guy-" and I have no idea what she said next because I died laughing.

Seriously? Dating in third grade? Gotta love it.

~ My recent FB Status:

Cyndy DysfunctionalMom: Able to be late to any event, regardless of time. Able to trip over completely flat, uncluttered floors. Able to bump into things that do not exist. CERTAIN to get into crazy situations & predicaments....I am...DISASTER GIRL!! Now where did I put my cape?

I leave you with a great song & a wish for a happy weekend!