Babels on the Narrow Road

adding 'sweetness' to the mix ... my journey home

2015-02-23T02:29:00.000-08:00

in my short 27 months of life, I have come to realize you cannot just sit around waiting for the "big people" to get stuff done. if I want myself to be "known", I need to do it myself!

so here I am world, full of sweetness and sass. as the latest Q-family addition, I bring some 'pink' to the table. don't let the short locks fool you. that is just part of maintaining easier hygiene in the Chinese orphanages, though I was in foster care the whole time.

sunday january 25, 2015. this day is forever etched in my mind, as it was the day my world turned upside down. it was the day i was taken away from my loving, 75 year old, foster mother who lived in the rurals, to drive 3 hours to the main city, in a car with a man I've never met before (the orphanage director) and a social worker whom I've met a handful of times (from the orphanage). sure i was shown pictures of my "family" and how it was going to be all grand, but honestly, do they actually think that registers with a 2 year old?! i took a nice nap on my long journey to the hotel, probably after much crying. i was bundled to the max, along with a thick new winter coat and new shoes. i was used to being bundled, but this had definitely reached new levels.

i arrived at the hotel at 4p, and was shortly greeted by two asian-looking boys holding funny looking things for me, which i had no desire to take. i turned away. the social worker tried her best to engage me, but she was barely better than the other strangers that were trying to get my attention. i showed no facial expression, was profusely sweating, and wished i could be with my foster mother again. as my 'family' was getting no where with me, we all went up to the hotel room, thinking debriefing and meeting would be easier.

when the body goes through shock & grief, there hits a point when you just tune everyone and everything out. new sounds, faces, voices, smells, clothes .... talk about sensory overload! how could my foster mother allow this to happen to me? i felt abandoned and powerless. i was passed from hand-to-hand, when the only hand i wanted was my foster mother's. was this **REALLY** happening to me?

around 5p, the entourage of people left (orphanage director, social worker, and local tour guide). it was now just me, and a strange looking man and woman, with probably the worst Chinese i have ever heard, along with two rowdy boys jumping off the walls. by 530p i was done being in shock and ready to deal with my unfortunate situation. not being the type to just "sit and feel sorry for myself", i developed a plan of action. it was as follows:

make no eye contact
do not allow anyone, under no circumstance, take off any piece of clothing from me, as my entire world already had been stripped
spot every single belonging i came with, and gather it in one place
leave the building to return to my foster family

with vigor and determination, i executed my plan. as sweat dripped from my brow, tears streaming from my eyes, i pulled myself together, grunted and pointed to every single thing i came to this forsaken city with -- two cans of formula, one baby bottle, one stuffed panda bear my 'family' sent me, one photo album of my 'family', and one yogurt drink. thankfully the woman (mommy) understood my unspoken plan, and started helping me gather my things. this began a bond of trust, though that wasn't part of my plan. tears streamed down her eyes (though i don't know why since she wasn't the one grieving, but the one taking me away!), as she allowed me to take the lead. once everything was gathered, i spotted my shoes. without time for anyone else to put their shoes on, i led them out into the hallway, looking for any door that would lead to my escape. eventually i allowed them to put their shoes on, and down the elevator we went ... alas, my plan in motion. my trembling hands and weary body could finally find some comfort knowing that i wasn't "completely" alone. somehow, it was going to workout ok, rowdy boys and all.

after much wandering in the lobby, i finally felt i could breath again. though they actually weren't letting me escape, it somehow felt better to "be in-control" of something; it was my life after all! they managed to finally get dinner happening, which was fortunate, because i was famished! it felt good to eat. i let mommy feed me, and i guess in doing so, more trust was built.

upon returning to our hotel room, i allowed them to peel the multitude of layers of clothes off of me, bathe me, and put me to sleep. i was beyond exhausted, which made my first night without my foster mother, much easier. i found comfort in holding just one of my belongings, while the rest of it remained within arms reach. the worst day of my life was finally over. i had to hit rock bottom before it could get better.

and better it did get. with each passing day, there were constant opportunities for my family to win my trust.

as for the rest of my journey to my forever home ...

we spent 5 days together in my home-town province. that alone was a big culture shock for me, as it is a major city compared to the rural town i grew up in. we completed my adoption our very first day together, along with applying for my passport. while there, the weather was cold and wet, which made excursions much more challenging. highlights of Nanchang include finalizing my adoption, touring the cultural heritage museum, wandering people's park, shopping at walmart and eating at pizza hut (which is vastly different from the one in the US).

i then got to take my very first airplane ride to another city/province to complete medicals and obtain my visa for my passport. while Nanchang was quite a large city, Guangzhou was even larger and 2-3 times more populated! it was extremely modern, and climate much warmer. we spent another 5 days together in Guangzhou. highlights include visiting chimelong safari park & zoo, shopping & eating street food, learning my first English word ("hi"), visiting crocodile park, and departing the mainland for the first time to go to HK.

up until day 9 together, everything was going 'smooth' (as in typical adoption bonding/grieving things). we were scheduled for our visa interview, along with several other adoptive families. mommy & daddy were called by the USCIS officer to approach the window for their visa interview for me. this was the last step before departing the next day. he asked them "what is the health status of your daughter? can you describe it for me." they looked at each other and said, "healthy. normal." the officer looked at us and then at his papers and said, "that's not what it says here." the rest of it is a bit of a blur to me. all i remember is being shuffled back to the panel of medical doctors for quite some time, being checked by stethoscope after stethoscope. eventually i landed at another doctor's clinic - apparently an expat medical clinic. what was going on? was my visa going to get processed?

it turns out one doctor who examined me a few days prior, wrote down that she felt i had a grade 1 heart murmur, and should be further examined in the US for congenital heart disease. my parents were not made aware of this condition, and needed to find out more. several doctors continued to agree. i was starving through all of this, while my brothers managed to get their hands on the iPad to watch episodes of something. daddy made an emergency call to the int'l adoption doctor in the US to try to have all doctors discussing this matter. alas, we were referred to the expat medical clinic. there, the head pediatric doctor won me over with a sucker, and made time during her lunch to examine me. she felt i had a grade 3/4 level heart murmur, with definitive congenital heart disease. they discussed this with her, as i was curious about getting on/off a kid height chair. they finally felt comfortable with the "diagnosis", to return to the US Consulate to continue the visa process. i think my parents were stressed. they talked and prayed while i continued eating snacks.

finally, travel day arrived. i experienced my first int'l flight, and in "no time at all" landed, and became a US citizen.

finally, some observations about my two bros ...

big bro T jumps at any opportunity to love on me. he is so nurturing and protective of me .. even to the point where he yells at mommy & daddy for "making me cry". he's always wanting to give me kisses, and ensure i give him kisses. I've got that kid wrapped around my finger.

big bro A is less nurturing, but still protective. he's always watching out that i not "go here or there" where i shouldn't be, which doesn't always bode well with me, but makes my parents appreciative. i know he is new at this "big bro thing". i probably should cut him some slack, but it's more fun to do little things to him that annoy him when mommy & daddy aren't looking. i think it's going to be fun to be his 'lil sis :)

** medical update: i was able to see the head pediatric cardiologist at children's hospital in Oakland. after an EKG an echocardiogram, it was determined that there is nothing wrong with my heart! he said i have a "grade 2 innocent murmur".

thank you for taking the time to read and be part of my journey home. here are more pictures, in case you haven't had enough ...

2015-01/02 Mei's Journey Home

the 3 letter word ... "but ..."

2014-12-09T20:11:00.000-08:00

i was a "baby" when i last wrote a blog entry! .. anyways, that is neither here nor there.

i'm here to share with you how i have been praying regularly that God would move the gov't to process our paperwork so that we can get mei mei! one day, i specifically prayed that it would happen fast, as in "5 days fast". God apparently was hard of hearing that day.

today mommy told me that we received our long awaited "travel approval" call, only to hear the word "...BUT..." followed immediately after. i'm not an english major, by an stretch of the imagination, but when i hear "something, something, something ... (all good stuff that is in my favor)", followed by "... but ...", it almost always is never a good thing!!! i couldn't believe the words that proceeded from mommy's mouth ..."but we cannot travel this month!" WHAT!?!?!?! little A and I were beside ourselves in the car ride home. what was the point of calling us about travel approval, when they actually were not "approving our travel"? i'm only 6, but i'm not stu*** (i'm not allowed to say this word; actually i don't know this word exists). as my teacher says, "that's cray cray!!"

so it doesn't look like 2014 is the year after all. it was so close, but not meant to be.

through this season of advent, i was reminded of how God's people had to be patient for generations and generations, before God felt it time to send His promised Son to earth to be King. they waited and waited; many doubted and disbelieved, while others continued to hope and know with all their heart that God's promise was a promise, and that when the time was right, Jesus would be born.

yes i've waited several years for this "promise that i will have a baby sister", but it certainly has not been generations of waiting. God knows our needs, and though i am sad (very sad) that we will not go to china this year, i'm looking forward to being united with her in jan of next year! this also gives my parents time to get their act together with our chaotic house situation, and of course agree upon a name. shhh. i didn't say that.

until then, we know mei mei is in very good hands.

7.5 years

2014-10-18T21:05:00.001-07:00

i will not lie. the YEARS which have passed did not seem like days. there were many times in the first few years, which i lacked faith and belief that the day would ever come. i feared each door that opened to grow our family concurrently with this process, would somehow hinder it. but it never did. nothing 'hindered' the process, because God has His own timing which was unknown to us. He had a plan, which He decided was going to take 7.5 years. it's hard to believe, but we are grateful. we are grateful for His ways which have shaped us to have a deeper understanding of who He is, and thankful that her referral didn't come a day earlier or later than it did. she will now grow under the protection of her two, proud, excited brothers, instead of being the oldest sister.

as if 7.5 years wasn't enough time to figure out her name ... but apparently it wasn't. she's affectionately known as our "mei mei" (妹妹), which is little sister in chinese.

we hope to be united in dec! stay tune! ... the cobwebs are coming off this blog :)

3rd family day celebration

2012-09-26T21:39:00.002-07:00

i'm embarrassed to say i have a "draft" blog post from MARCH sitting in my blog draft folder! my intentions ~~were~~ are there, but life ~~got~~ is busy! how does anyone keep up writing a blog?! i really need to find another way to keep family & friends abreast our life.

last month (thankfully it's only "last month"!), we celebrated tobe's 3rd family day. "family day" in our household, is the day we physically were united with each other, and allowed to live together as a family. it's the day we "+1" to our family count, even if the letter of the law begs to differ. it's most definitely celebration-worthy, and has and always will be, a very, very special day for us. it's my firm believe that children who enter a family via adoption have WAAAAAAY more celebrations than any biological child!@$%!

anyone who knows our little tobe, knows this kid is an ocean LOVER. he speaks of the monterey bay aquarium as his best friend, and tells his teacher that "we haven't been there in a LOOOOONG time". many a day, his imaginary destination is ... "the monterey bay aquarium" :)

while it would have been easy to return there as our celebration destination this year (we had celebrated our 1st family day there with him), we opted to take him fishing. he's wanted to do it for a while, so was over-the-top excited about it, especially the thought of "catching fish". we definitely needed to **guarantee** that fish were going to be caught that day!

fortunately for us, there are such places that exist; places that advertise "family fishing"! 3 minutes into our our little excursion, there was a bite! what excitement!

we decided to stop once 5 trout were caught. he marveled at how they were killed, gutted & cleaned, and couldn't stop talking about how he caught FIVE fishes that morning!

after our successful fishing adventure, we decided to go to a newly open exploration center. it boasted a sanctuary for "state-of-the art displays, research discoveries and interactive exhibits that encourage visitors to explore the sanctuary's remarkable marine environment", however its marketing was better than what they had to offer. it only reminded our ocean-lover of how he wanted to go to the monterey bay aquarium :)

with some quick thinking and extra ride tickets in the wallet, we decided to venture to the boardwalk. favorite ride? "star fish" :)

per his request, we ended our day by eating seafood. you can only imagine how excited he was to have this LIVE lobster presented to us for approval to cook and eat :)

on a more personal note ... when our worlds intersected 3 years ago, i had no idea how much i would learn from him. he has taught me how to truly marvel at life - sea life, insects, creation (i haven't quite gotten the appreciation for land animals yet :)). his curiousity has moved me to be curious about anatomy and astronomy, things i had ZERO interest in before, but now find fascinating. his gentle rebuke, "mommy, i forgot to remind you, "a gentle answer turns away wrath" (proverbs 15:1)", humbles me to seek forgiveness from him, though i am the "adult". his desire to make lil' A laugh, when he is groggy from waking from a nap, remind me that i too, should show compassion/sympathy/empathy towards other's situations, wanting to bring out the best in people. his simple lens of life (though admittedly is becoming way more complex), remind me that kids have it 'right', and adults have it 'wrong'.

thank you God for gifting tim & i with tobe's life. he could not be more perfect for our family!

more photos from our celebration weekend (back in aug):

2012-08 3rd Family Day Celebration

one year ago ...

2012-06-29T05:04:00.001-07:00

where has the time gone?!

it truly feels like yesterday that we stepped out of a taxi cab in front of a several story building in seoul, korea, knowing that we would emerge as a family of four. the wait had ended. it was time to be united with our 2nd bundle of joy! there was so much excitement, mixed with nervousness for what lay ahead.

it's quite amusing to think back to our first day together - from meeting asher in the confines of a room, to 'snatching him away' from all that he knew and loved as we drove off in a taxi back to our hotel, to taking a walk in the afternoon which lead to an impromptu, worst dinner ever .... pure craziness!

after spending 4 days in seoul and a 15 hour plane ride home, i wasn't sure i was cut out for two toddlers under 3! but by the grace of God, we've managed to remain a family of four! :)

asher, we love the silly boy you are becoming, full of character, independence and a dash of stubbornness. we love how you look up to tobe, yet manage to also be the thorn in his side. we love your mischievous smile, quick feet, and opportunistic personality. we love how you quickly learn things we don't intentionally teach you (e.g. "no!", "mine") while making fun of things we try to intentionally teach you (e.g. colors). your verbal and facial expressions crack us up daily!

we are so thankful & beyond blessed that God decided you would be part of our family! we cannot imagine life without you. happy 1st family day, monkey!

the leprechaun did it!

2012-03-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

would you believe me if i told you, "i spotted a leprechaun and was chasing him to his pot of gold for the past two and half months. though "i was speed", he was devious. i spotted his pot of gold to help me buy toys, but instead, he entertained me with his music and then turned me into an orca! how does an orca write with flappers?" what's that? ... i should be a politician?

ok, i wasn't turned into an orca, nor can i blame a leprechaun chase. we've simply been ... sick. it's mainly been my lil' bro, but throughout jan & feb, it managed to catch up to all of us. poor little guy had 3 rounds of 'yuckies', one after another, including a fabulous ear infection. he must have lost "50 lbs" due to his loss of appetite.

but thankfully, we are all currently healthy (knock on wood!) ...

new year changes
on jan 3rd, i officially became a "preschooler"! i had been warming up to the idea over the holidays, and when the day actually came, i was sooooooooooooooooo excited, i could barely eat my breakfast! mommy was quite strange that morning as she kept stroking my face and telling me "you are all grown up now." i was like, "are we going to go to school yet??"

as we finished taking the classic "first day of school" ~~picture~~ photo shoot, mommy looked at me and said, "i might cry when i drop you off at school today. you are really 'big boy tobe' now!" see how strange she was that morning? "cry"?!? why was she going to cry because i was going to be gone for 3 hours?! i know for *certain* there are plenty a days when she wanted to rid me for 3 hours!

we finally made it to school (the WHOLE family). i raced towards all the new toys i was excited to play with, while they decided to 'hang' around awhile. it's true in the past, i've not wanted to leave their side/presence, but something about this place was different; it was school and ms. susie, my awesome teacher. finally, after 15 minutes, my entourage said they were leaving. mommy knelt down to kiss me good-bye, and i looked her in the eyes and asked, "are you going to cry?"

my "big 1st day" interview, with a hint of my true feelings about why i was excited to go to school

it's unfortunate that my positive changes weren't quite as 'positive' for lil' bro. mommy felt that art class was a good first class for the pair of them. below was his first day experience :)

it was filled with lots of tears (from thinking mommy was going to leave), followed by disinterest in any of the art stations (lots of "no! ... noooo! ... NOOOO!"), and at some point a tantrum (or two) was had because mommy didn't allow him to leave the room. the bright spot of his first art class? washing his hands, which were not dirty.

1:1
i try to 'block out' (i.e. not question) what mommy & lil' bro are up to when i'm in school two days a week. i fear they are having fun without me, so i just focus on the fun that i am having without them.

as it turns out, they have been sneaking off to parks without me! come on, how much fun can lil' bro *really* have without me?? isn't he just my shadow?

it appears he is starting to enjoy the swing, though not for very long. he doesn't actually 'play' much at the park, because he's fascinated by all big (construction, park maintenance, etc) & small (birds, dogs, etc) noises around him. and if it's not the noises, he's 'people watching' (i.e. other kids at the park & what business they are up to). when it's time to "go pick up ToTo", he's more than happy to oblige. why? because he's my shadow, and can't live without me :)

brother bonding time
more sick time naturally lent itself to more 'brother bonding' time at farms, hiking and zoos.

it also made us more cognizant of our "emotions", as displayed in the below video ...

v-day
and though i missed my first day of school, on valentine's day, because i was sick, i managed to still have fun "sharing the love", without sharing my germs. i look ridiculously happy (i.e. not really sick), likely because i got to eat an m&m cookie pop!

personalities & behavior (blah, blah, blah)
stuff that can't be captured on camera, sometimes proves to be more interesting.

i have said this before, but i'll say it again .. i'm COMPETITIVE. it's really reaching new levels now ...

while standing next to my lil' bro, i said, "i'm taller than asher."
coming out of the shower with my lil' bro, i looked at his naked body and said, "my penis is bigger than asher's. see? (as i tried to physically compare penis sizes)"
6 weeks into school, a progress report was sent home with mommy (was a mid-year report for my classmates who had started in sept). she told me my teacher had written some things about me, and started reading it. i quickly digested that "proficient in something" was better than "emerging in something". for items that ms. susie checked "emerging", i immediately set to prove her wrong. so if i randomly come up to you and say, "look, i can stand on one foot for 4 seconds", or "i can go up/down stairs alternating feet without holding the rail", you will know why :)

i am bathing in "love". it seems i have entered the '70's, and have lots of "love to give". i have decided "i love everyone i love", which translated, means, "i love everyone i know".

the other day, i shared a secret with mommy. i told her, "i love a girl." with much hesitation and a search for words (other than, "i'm taking you out of school!"), she calmly asked, "oh, really? who is it?" i looked at her and said, "you!" (as in "duhhh?! who else would it be?")

i love being a helper in the kitchen, still love the color blue, ocean animals, and am fascinated by living creatures great & small. somehow, heaven forbid, play doh entered our house, and i was allowed to play with it (gasp). here's what i did it with it ...

t-rex

mantaray

mommy has since 'changed our house rules'. play doh is allowed in the house, and i can 'dabble' with it under certain 'circumstances', especially because it holds my attention for looong periods of time. as it turns out, play doh was one of the ONLY stations asher was comfortable with in his art class ....

so about asher. art is ok, as long as it doesn't involve "icky" and "gooey" mediums. he does not like glue or paint. it seems to be a "clean/messy" preference.

he continues to be STRONG WILLED, especially when it comes to food. it's 'his way' or 'no way'. green colored food is typically rejected. sugar-tasting food is typically accepted. good luck mommy!

of his hundred or so words, "no" and "why?" are articulated without thought. they are often coupled together, but on occasion can be heard separately, especially "no". there are many intonations and forms of "no". and just when you think he's using it all inappropriately, you ask him if he wants a "cookie" and suddenly a "yes" comes out! asher's typical morning request is milk, until one morning, he looked at mommy with a little smile and said, "cookie?" :)

aside from food clashes, asher is actually quite agreeable. he loves to clean up toys and be my ~~help~~ servant. when we're asked to put on our shoes, he will quickly run and get my shoes for me. he will even try to help me put it on (!!), though he can't put on his own yet. he constantly thinks about me when i'm not around, and when i am, he's observing my every move and wanting to do everything that i'm doing.

he's in a phase (?) of being super social, saying 'hi' to strangers or trying to catch strangers attention. he's much less social with animals, though super curious.

and well, if you haven't already figured out, his immune system needs some vitamin c!

elephant seals
we've not seen them before, and all of us were fascinated. fortunately for us, the weather was beautiful that day, but for the seals, it amounted to inactivity and laziness. asher was our unofficial tour guide.

and with that, hopefully sickness is behind us, and regular blogging can occur :) photo albums from jan & feb:


2012-01 Fun @ 3 & 20 months		2012-02 Fun @ 3 & 21 months

breaking the silence

2012-01-16T23:53:00.000-08:00

after two months of silence, i figure i should 'step up' for the family and 'represent'. *sigh* being the youngest in the family is hard work!

"the 10 plagues" in 8 weeks
ok, we weren't really hit with the ten plagues, just the below list with a few weeks reprieve before getting the last ailment:

coxsackievirus - hand, foot, mouth disease
croup
cough/cold
norovirus

daddy has since removed the large banner hanging in-front of house, which stated, "please leave ALL your nastiest germs here", as it is no longer funny. we were all forced to wear sackcloth & ashes.

ok, perhaps i'm being a little over dramatic, but if wearing something like sackcloth & ashes would have helped us stay healthy, we would have done it! :)

the positives which resulted from our isolation period:

going to farms & gardens we otherwise may not have made time for; during this time i actually developed an interest for animals!

visiting a museum we otherwise would have waited to visit

and bidding adieu to big bro's daytime diapers(!!!)

in mid-december, when mommy & daddy suffered from norovirus, they lay in bed the weekend, while big bro & i played. yes, that's right, we did not fight over toys, but played ... as in "together" ... happily! please don't tell them we're capable of this, they might decide to get sick again!!

celebrations
though we had the 'germies' staggered throughout november, we still needed to party!

as part of big bro's 3rd birthday gift, we went to his dream place - the aquarium. there, he became 'one' with all his sea animal friends, being transported to 'heaven'. from touching bat rays to spotting leafy sea dragons, marveling at life-sized orcas & whale models, to finding TWO spotted eagle ray puppets, he was "happy as a clam". me? i just wanted to do water play and get everyone wet, including myself!

we managed to squeeze a quiet birthday celebration for daddy, to ensure there was room for celebrating my half birthday (18 months)!! daddy's birthday included football, while mine included "vroom vroom" & ice cream!

shoe boxes
while we had a lot of fun celebrating 'ourselves' amidst being sick, we equally had fun packing shoe boxes filled with toys, hygiene products and other goodies for kids somewhere in the world that don't have a fraction of what we have. admittedly big bro picked out a lot of the goodies that went into the boxes, but can i get credit for tagging along? we had a lot of fun including letters about ourselves. we found out our shoe boxes made it to the philippines this year!

road trip
i don't want to sound ungrateful, but can someone explain how this is fair? at 15 months, big bro got to go to disney world in florida, and then at 18 months, travel across the world to venice, italy! where did we go for 'vacation', shortly after i turned 18 months? a ROAD TRIP to palm springs! does it even compare (not that i'm comparing)?!?!

positives: sunny, balmy; perfect pool weather
negatives: retirement community (does it look like big bro & i are retirement age?!), crazy long 10 hour drive (what were mommy & daddy thinking?!?)

clearly, 'whomever' was responsible for researching this destination, was either sold on marketing people's ability to embellish the children's attractions, OR, he/she was thinking he/she could get a few rounds of golf in. the children's attractions were relatively empty (uh, yeah .. it's a retirement community!@##%!), which i suppose, was a positive. we spent a lot of time in the pool, which was very fun, but we didn't capture any of it, because believe it or not, mommy actually got into the water!

so the main attractions were the living desert zoo, which had the coolest, working, model train set up we have seen to date, the children's discovery museum of the desert, and the world's biggest dinosaurs museum, which, ahem, they went to while i napped! our favorite dinner was at roy's restaurant in rancho mirage. they spoiled us rotten there with a treasure chest of toys to pick from, our very own complimentary appetizers, followed by prompt entree delivery, and then the clincher ... personalized kids desserts (HUGE scoop of ice cream drizzled with chocolate sauce)!!! they even took a picture for us and put it in a frame!

first US thanksgiving & christmas

just prior to leaving on our road trip to palm springs, i celebrated thanksgiving with grandma G & grandma D (daddy's two aunts). we spent the day at their house, and had a feast. grandma G makes wonderful, juicy turkey - which says a lot because i'm not a huge meat eater!

while big bro experienced his first tree hunt in toronto, where it was picturesque with lots of snow, my first tree hunt was local, without snow, but still a lot of fun!

this year, big bro chose a "blue urchin" (no one had the heart to tell him it was a star) to decorate the tree, while i chose "cars".

i was told that usually christmas is spent with family in canada, but due to my travel limitations, we spent my first christmas locally. it was actually somewhat relaxing, catching up with some friends and meeting some cousins & aunts/uncles i hadn't met yet. i got to help decorate my very first gingerbread train with big bro & a friend, showing off my dexterity and concentration, which no one thought i had. i met charlie brown & snoopy, which i was a little apprehensive about at first, visited "bethlehem live" one evening to see Jesus' birth reenacted with real sheep, donkey, camel, and even a real baby this year (!), enjoyed time at the beach with some friends while trying to see life in tide pools, took a picture with the saddest looking santa mama EVER saw or met (it was my first, so i didn't know the difference), ate lots of "treats" (home baked cookies from near & far), and opened gifts! big bro got an extra special treat -- playing with a 4.2 lb lobster up close & personal. once again, he was in 'heaven'.

choo choo!
what better way to end 2011, then at the train museum?!

random 2011 thoughts
in my short 19 months of life, 2011 was a HUGE year for me. i joined my forever family, changing the course of my life and theirs. it's been 6 months that we've been a family of 4, and i am (mostly) having a blast! big bro seems to have found his groove back, and i am showing more vulnerability towards mama & dada. i even show some affection towards 'to-to' when i feel like it! we had our last post placement meeting with our social worker before christmas, which means we are just a few short steps away from finalization my adoption! ... 2012 seems to promise many more changes!! stay tuned ...

photo albums from nov & dec:


2011-11 Fun @ 3 & 18 months		2011-12 Fun @ 3 & 19 months

36/12=3!!!

2011-11-01T01:13:00.000-07:00

shhh ... i have a secret to share ...

... i'm 3 today!!!!

i know, i know, hard to believe, but believe it! does this mean less tantrums & mischief? i think not. it probably will only increase from here - you can quote me on that :)

in commemoration of my 3rd birthday, mommy passed on her coxsackie viral infection, otherwise known as "hand-foot-mouth disease"! i woke up during the eve of my birthday, with pain in my mouth. upon inspection, there was a sore in my mouth & some on my hands. instead of a fun birthday weekend in monterey, enjoying my favorite aquarium, i got to visit the doctor's office. not all a complete loss, i ate my first lollipop from the visit (mommy must have been feeling guilty)!

so here are a few things about me at 3:

i'm competitive. i'll 'race' anyone or anything with the goal of winning. i play games with mommy & daddy, only to win. this of course has extended itself towards my lil' bro too. a split second after the last picture was taken, i pushed asher off the frog so i could be on-top, front & center :)

i am silly. certain silly thoughts or things i should say/do enter my mind, and then i execute on it. i laugh hysterically at myself. that's a real part of an elephant tusk, but no, that's *not* real elephant poop :)

i love making mischief, far more than mommy can capture on camera (because that would indicate to me it's "ok" for me to do, when it's really not).

"lunch"

=>
i am fascinated by insects. i dare touch some animals, but not dogs (mommy says her 'job' is done!)

i love being swung "higher than the sky". i love bouncers, slides (the bigger the better) & roller coasters (to mommy's dismay).

i love to sing. any puppet show will turn into a musical, with original soundtracks my yours truly. i can sing apologies & prayers too.

i love sugar. i coined the phrase "sugar treating" (not trick-or-treating)!!

i can be a ham. sometimes it turns out to be cute.

i ~~love~~ am obsessed with marine life, whether it be to eat them, touch them, pretend play, watch them, read about them or learn about them :) i was *the happiest* boy ever when i got to wear a stingray costume on top of my nemo swimsuit, while holding a stingray puppet!!

i am a thinker, wondering why i don't see God. i ask a lot of why questions until my heart is satisfied.

i love my lil' bro, despite the couple times i've tried killing him.

speaking of my lil' bro ... he recently turned 17 months! he's talking up a storm! ok, i'm exaggerating. i am trying to teach him words, but it seems his favorite are "car" and "truck" :) my obsession of marine-life is his obsession of vehicles. he can spot a vehicle book or object a mile away! in addition to "car" & "truck", he LOVES to use the word "uh oh". it is the cutest thing! his first two-syllable word was "bible". it seems he is the religious sort :) i'll have to break the news to him next month (when he's older and can understand), that fast, $$$$$$ cars do not result from a religious vocation :)

though october is "my month" to shine, asher did have some firsts. he met daddy's parents for the first time, visited two pumpkin patches, and dressed up for halloween! he finally started liking the swing, and of the various new words he's added to his vocabulary, "ma ma" (for mommy) is one of them!

and finally, these are photo albums from the past two months:


2011-09 Fun @ 35 months		2011-10 Fun @ 36 & 17 months

100 days ... come & gone

2011-10-29T21:48:00.000-07:00

if i weren't a '2nd child syndrome', this post would have occurred on oct 6, 2011 ... my 100th day with my family. the good news is they *did* remember on the actual day, i did wear red & we did celebrate. "hurray for all of us being alive!" :)

of course there were a lot of 'firsts', fun & mischief leading up to my 100th day ...

my 'firsts' in sept included experiencing beautiful, tall, large redwoods from both a day trip to muir woods and my first overnight family camping trip with friends! i actually got to go inside an old, hollowed out, one while camping! it was a lot of fun!

overall, i did really well on my first camping trip, napping, sleeping, eating & playing too! i even managed to rip my first pair of jeans! ... thankfully there was no injury beneath!

i also started my first class - swimming! i can't say i'm a "fish", but at least i didn't yell murder for weeks on end like my big bro, when he first started ... not that i'm comparing or anything :)

my first professional photo shoot turned out to be nothing short of a nightmare! not only did entering the studio freak me out, i was hungry & sleepy because they were so behind schedule! the result? no pictures, AND the need for another sitting! the 2nd sitting resulted in my first bout of stranger anxiety. usually i just walk up to strangers, stare & smile, but all i could do was cry and run to daddy! we negotiated an 'open' studio, and that made me feel better -- so i could make my escape if needed! i eventually warmed up to the photographer, and some results are below. cute, huh? the hanbok was a gift from my foster mother.

september was additionally a big month for family 'first encounters'! my uncle N made time for me during a short west coast visit, and i really took to him! i got to have a morning play date with grandpa & nanny, who showered me with trucks -- how did they know i would love that?!? at the end of the month, my ahma & dada (mommy's parents) visited for 1.5 weeks, whereby more gifts, treats & other goodies were obtained :) oh, and of course the additional attention that comes with more adults around. and while on the topic of family, i have also taken more to tobe's affection (not aggression). here we are sliding down a slide together for the first time!

my "fun" continues to come from cars, trucks, water-play (not to be mistaken by swimming), and stealing anything that is my big bro's :)

on my 88th day with my family, a welcome home party was thrown at my home. we celebrated amongst family & friends, ate food, played games, bounced in a huge bouncer, and i personally snuck in some sugar too! :) the 'theme', if one can call it that, was "hands & feet", since i LOVE touching things with my hands, and find it the best, most efficient method of feeding myself. i love using my feet to run around wild & free, as well as for my 'stomping' tantrums!

it's hard to believe 100 days have come & gone. i've been with my family less than 25% of the time i was with my foster family in korea, yet all external actions & feelings reflect this family as my 'home'. my affection for my family is definitely deeper than my first week or even month here, and i think i can say the same of them.

for better or worse, i'm here to stay.

more pics from september ...

2011-9/10 Wk10-15 Fun

mr. trouble & his sidekick

2011-09-07T22:00:00.000-07:00

i know, i know ... i gained a little brother and lost my internet presence! move over lil' bro -- it's time for me to regain the limelight around here!

i have spent the last 2 months moving from denial to acceptance ... umm .. ok, let's be honest, i'm far from acceptance of my new situation, but i am making strides to find my "new normal". i have realized that:

my little "baby" brother is NOT a baby
i need to share my mommy & daddy, except when he FINALLY goes to sleep
my mommy & daddy love me no matter what i do, so why not stir some trouble??
there should be a rule against having a subsequent kid when your first is experiencing the "terrific two's"! (ok, that was mommy's realization)

so let's focus in on point #3 ... not the love part, but the trouble part :)

i believe siblings are put into place to teach "survival" skills. "survival of the fittest wins", right? oh, and let me tell you i am getting good at this "game"! survival for me, is exclusive rights to mommy & daddy again. i can't seem to articulate that fully when i need to, but negative attention seems to work well! i suppose positive actions get their attention too, but that would be too logical. i don't know why i can't behave & look this cute on a regular basis ...

with all the whining, complaining, "i want this ...", "no, i don't want that ...", "i'm not hungry!", "i'm not tired ..." and a general lack of compliance to do what mommy asks me to, i have successfully made her "that" mom. you know, the mom that people are always 'secretly' looking at and pointing at in public? the one that people think (quietly or not so quietly), "oh my gosh, how can that woman be fit to be a mother??" yes, let it be known that i was physically DRAGGED out on my bottom (aka "bum bum" for those canadians out there), with my arm in her hand, out of a building and down a ramp! what happened to dialogue and working things out? no, not my mama! end result? i got her exclusive attention! "i win!!"

i can't go into details about all the play dates that have gone "south" or the tantrums i have had, but here is a short list of "other" trouble i have managed to stir (bottom line .. mommy & daddy need to kid proof the house!):

finding a little tube of hand cream and squirting it out everywhere. i needed to moisten up!
sneaking into mommy & daddy's room while they were still sleeping, and eating an unknown amount of listermint breath strips! i needed to freshen up!
going into mommy & daddy's bathroom, and applying what i thought was cream all over my arm. with a mischievous grin, i came out to show them, and they told me it was toothpaste!
and the latest ... ky jelly all over my head. i thought it was hair gel! what is that stuff anyways?!? they didn't quite explain this substance to me.

aside from LOVING trouble & tantrums, i love:

my two-wheel balance bike from my cousin joel & family

dancing

ocean & sea animals (this is an OBSESSION actually)

playing with or in water

this flying fish ride (as it combines my love of fish w/the roller coasting feeling)

butterflies (so much so that i grew them this summer)

golf (daddy's is super excited about this one!)
ok, and my lil' brother too (if he's not into my stuff)

2nd anniversary family day

the last weekend of aug was my 2nd anniversary of being united with my family. while originally the highlight was visiting the california academy of sciences on my actual family day, it turned out the highlight was staying at uncle j & auntie j's place for 3 nights! i was showered with attention, ate great food, and just had plain old fun! i got to celebrate all weekend long, including eating a cupcake! my chosen souvenirs were "bat ray" & "starfish". i don't think life gets any better :)

the little guy (weeks 5-9)
if you don't care about how i'm doing, but are interested in my little bro ... HE'S JUST FINE. really. last tues 8/30 was week 9 with us, and he couldn't be happier about it.

he's:

overall showing more affection ... especially to males. he's being more generous with his open mouth, slobbery kisses, and even willingly sitting in my lap sometimes!

not a fan of crazy rides, the way i am

loves trucks (and books with it)

practices new things over & over (like going up/down ramps or stairs)

my personal taunter & best friend

but he needs to remember that i am still bigger & stronger. this is how i keep him in check ...

and if you still have any desire, there are still more pics in the below albums... first mine, then my lil' bro's.


2011-07 Fun @ 33 months				2011-08 Fun @ 34 months


2011-07/08 Wk5-6 Fun				2011-08 Wk7-9 Fun

one month!!

2011-07-28T00:49:00.000-07:00

can it be true? yesterday (tuesday) marked 4 weeks with my family!

i know if it was week 4 for big bro, there would have been some sort of mini-celebration or something ... but being the 2nd child (ahem!), there was no fanfare ... simply pooped parents sending me to bed as if it were a 'regular' day! helloooo!@$%! get your act together daddy & mommy! one month is something to celebrate about! to prove my point (and then get off my soapbox) ...

THEN i stared at mommy & daddy, wondering who these strangers were.
NOW i stare at them, arms 'up' to be held, or give a look of 'help', or a mischievous grin followed by trouble, knowing they are my parents.

THEN i was cautiously curious about my big bro, and unhappy when he put all 32 lbs of himself on top of me.
NOW i always look for my big bro, happiest to have him near me, but still not thrilled when he clobbers me with all his weight :)

THEN i arched my back & squirmed out of their arms when i wanted down.
NOW i arch my back much less, but still squirm out of their arms when i want down.

THEN i would not hold anybody's hands when free to walk.
NOW i still do not prefer to hold anybody's hands when walking, but have started to allow it!

THEN i loved the sensation of being thrown up in the air.
NOW i still love being thrown up in the air.

THEN i sported a classic korean bowl haircut.
NOW i sport an unevenly cut, "daddy special" (there's only one style -- that's the "special"!).

THEN i only knew how to eat the wheels of toy cars.
NOW i still eat the wheels of toy cars, but i enjoy playing with them too!

THEN i only understood & spoke a few words in korean, along with non-specific babbling.
NOW i understand a little english, know a few gestures in sign language to communicate, say "hi" in english, and continue to say "mama" (eat) in korean. i continue to excel in babbling & some grunting here & there.

THEN i loved the freedom to run around autonomously.
NOW i REALLY love the freedom to run around autonomously.

THEN i cried every single time i was bathed or showered.
NOW i motion to climb into the bathtub because they are not getting me in the tub quick enough!

THEN i pooped pellets once a day.
NOW i poop medium-soft textured 'goodness', 3 times daily.

THEN i mainly ate baby food.
NOW i only want solid food.

THEN i loved to dance at any moment music was heard.NOW i love to dance with big bro whenever music is played, grooving even more than before.

THEN i was uncertain about the feel of sand on my feet, but was excited about the ocean.
NOW i am very comfortable walking on sand, manage to eat lots of it, and run into the ocean (if mommy didn't stop me).

THEN i preferred daddy putting me sleep.
NOW i tolerate mommy for naps, and still prefer daddy at night.

THEN i did not show them any signs of affection.
NOW i "blow a kiss", attempt to kiss them, and pat them on the back when hugging.

THEN i only saw pictures and heard my foster mother telling me my family loved me.
NOW i experience my family's love first hand, hugs, kisses & all (even when i don't want them).

THEN a lot of pictures were taken of me.
NOW the paparazzi still follows me, but this past week there were a lot less.

2011-07 Wk4 Fun

family orientation continues

2011-07-21T23:00:00.000-07:00

i have been with my family for 3 weeks now! time is really flying!

over the past two weeks, i have become further attached to daddy (over mommy, though she will suffice if he is not around), and i have come to really love my big bro! i look for him when i wake up and started laughing when he tickles me.

overall i have been having a lot of fun, experiencing many new things, like parks, rides, and museums. i have yet to understand the enjoyment people get out of a "swing", and anything that moves like one. my big bro can't get enough of it, but i'm simply content watching him.

as much fun as the activities have been, i am most happy when i'm eating and running around free. i make the best facial expressions when eating too :)

i haven't externally grieved for my omma since my first two days in korea, and again the first few days in CA. i'm very social, and enjoy going up to strangers and waving "hi", but when i'm feeling insecure, i will return to mommy or daddy. externally, things seem to be going well, but bonding & attachment simply take time, and it goes two ways. so amidst the external fun, i'm working on letting my guard down to trust that my family is not going anywhere, and has my back in all situations.

as for mommy ... her & i have a long road ahead of us! we have stubborn, independent spirits ... need i say more? we likely have many "clashes" ahead of us! thankfully we are in a committed relationship ... no exchanges, returns or refunds!! :)

some pics from weeks 2&3:

2011-07 Wk2-3 Fun

32

2011-07-17T04:05:00.000-07:00

yes, 32 months. that is how old i turned last month. it's just a number to most people, but for me, it's one of great significance ...

people say, "when it rains, it pours". that was my life last month. i was busy - very busy.

busy living in 3 times zones (EST, PST & KST). busy flying on airplanes & being shuffled along from airport to airport. busy being spoiled by grandparents. busy enjoying my summer at amusement parks & aquariums in 3 different countries. busy figuring out my new role as big brother. busy trying to relive my "younger years" as all my old toys "reappeared". and busy trying to convince my parents i NEED a starfish -- a BLUE one!

my parents are not the best 'planners' in the world (ok, a certain 'one' of them isn't, but i can't name any names!). when they found out the my lil' brother's paperwork encountered some issues, they decided to pack up for toronto and spend some time with family, before they couldn't! i got to play with my cousin, spend time with all my grandparents, eat lots of yummy food, including home baked sugar cookies (!), and generally be doted upon -- that's what i call a vacation!

of course as things would have it, we received our travel call for my lil' bro while in toronto! upon our return home, we quickly unpacked & repacked, to get get ourselves to korea.

despite the uncooperative weather, i got to experience some fun things. i went swimming often in my cool, orca swim cap (mandatory to wear in korea), visited the largest indoor amusement park in the world (lotte world), spent time at the COEX aquarium, went up to namsan tower, perused the streets of insadong, was reunited with my foster mom, and became a big brother!

i created a lot of new memories in korea, which i hopefully will not forget. here i am at ICN departure level, almost 2 years ago from when i originally left.

i was able to learn more about the korean culture and do some traditional korean art. of course my fondest memory will be gaining a little brother!

and now a few words about that ....

ups & downs
i honestly love being a big brother. i have a built-in playmate, whom i try to teach wrestling moves to. i love it when he is awake, and less when he is sleeping. i think he has cute small feet, and wears cute small socks. i love seeing him smile & laugh. i love sharing my room with him, because i can spend more time with him. i love rocking it out with him. i love all his toys.

and therein lies the tension - loving his toys. it takes every ounce of my being to let him play with HIS toys. it's also difficult when i'm focusing on building something and he comes and demolishes it.

so my biggest lessons right now are about thinking about others and less about myself. learning to control my emotions when things don't go my way. reducing the amount of complaining which comes out of my mouth and trying to have a thankful heart. sigh. i think these lessons will take my lifetime to learn!

web album of pics from last month ...

2011-06 Fun @ 32 months

i've arrived!!

2011-07-09T00:15:00.000-07:00

"welcome home" gang
despite my tardy, disorganized parents asking family & friends to join us at the airport when we arrived, over the long weekend no less, i had the best "welcome home"!

it didn't start out so great though. the immigration line/wait just about did us in! my big bro & i were tired and hungry! we did not want to wait in the ONLY line they had for "new immigrants". i thought it was not never going to be our turn, as entire families lined up to immigrate that morning. alas, it was our turn. my big bro turned on his whiny behavior, mixed in with stomach cramps, and just like that, the officer quickly processed my papers and across we went! i entered the "land of the free and home of the brave".

we waited so long at immigration, that all our luggage was already taken off the conveyor belt for us, and waiting to be picked up! while my big bro has experienced both sides of this journey (being welcomed & welcoming others home), this was all completely new to me. i was beyond curious about everything and everyone! as we walked out our arrival gate, we were cheered & greeted by family & friends that hung in there for our arrival! there were signs, balloons, gifts, cameras, hugs, .... all of which overwhelmed me at first.

since mommy knew i was happiest "free to roam", i was "set free" from the baby carrier, and OFF I WENT! i ran around, stopped to dance, and attempted to touch anything that interested me.

thank you family & friends that were able to make my homecoming so special! thanks for taking all the airport photos too!!

my first "car seat" ride (they don't have these silly things in korea!), started terribly, but the smooth drive put me right to sleep!

we arrived home to these awesome banners, which decorated our garage and front door! i woke up from a badly needed nap, about the time we arrived home. my big bro gave me the "grand tour" of my new home, including the room we will share! the whole experience was surreal, as i looked high & low, wondering what all this meant, and why the architecture looked so different from the korea homes i was used to.

as toys started to come out, i felt right at home. i'm sure i had an "ah ha" moment amidst all this, coming to realize all i have ever known as "family & home" in korea, were going to be part of my distant past, though monumental to my journey. these three "clowns" were now going to be my "family", and this home the new place i would return to day after day. if there was any trauma in reaching this point, or grief for the major loss i just experienced, i seemed to block it all in light of the fun that was being had. i quickly came to realize that the gibberish being spoken to me (i.e. english) is vastly different from all the korean i understand; however gestures & tone of voice transcend understanding verbal communication. "play" is "play" in any language -- thank God! and so my "arrival" began a new chapter as the 4th member in this nutty family!

days 4-7, CA
did i mention i've entered a "crazy" family?

you think they would dote on me, or do things that would help the "bonding process". nope, not my wacko parents! they decided the first major "activity" they were going to do was give me a HAIRCUT! A HAIRCUT!! can you believe the nerve? this is MAJOR TRAUMA for any baby, which is why there are PROFESSIONAL kiddy barbers. they tried to setup some sort of DVD thing, but the minute the razor went on, i cried. then i cried more, which was followed by screaming. i must have swallowed a third of my hair in the process. is this act reportable?!?

lucky for them, i am resilient. the trauma ended, and i didn't even get a treat out of it! needless to say, i slept fairly well that night. maybe that was their plan? make me tired enough to sleep?!

after sleeping my first night (which was really all morning pacific time, due to jet lag), we woke up at 1p to "start our day"! amidst getting adjusted to feeding two of us little people simultaneously, they had a stroke of genius -- let's head down to carmel beach! their hair-brain idea was a result of realizing that it was 10 years ago that day (7/3), when they spent the day in carmel, followed by a romantic dinner, sunset & an engagement! so thinking "how cool would it be to now be a family of 4, on the same day, at the same place as when they got engaged??" like i said, these guys are nuts! but off we went, which worked out for our naps, though did nothing in helping us get adjusted to the current time zone.

it was clearly my first time walking on sand. i was apprehensive at first, but watching big bro enjoy it, helped ease me in. in fact, i got a little too comfortable with the ocean & sand at one point! :)

the benefit of being jet lagged is that we were WIDE awake during fireworks for july 4th! i personally enjoyed all the snacks that kept me still, prior to the fireworks, more than the fireworks itself.

i ended my first week with my new family, by having some backyard pool time. since we wake up in the afternoon, it's pretty hot, and a great time to enjoy some cool water outside.

the rest of the family
as much as i love talking about myself, i am aware that there are 3 other people in the family.

big bro has had his up/downs with his new role this past week. i think i am taunting him with my passive/aggressive behavior. when he gives me attention, i don't want it, but when he is engrossed in his activity, i want his attention. the best though is when they make us sleep around the same time. if we are not tired, we "bond" (i.e. play). we're forming a healthy sibling relationship. big bro is becoming aware of his strength when he plays, and beginning to understand i am NOT his 3.5 year old cousin who is much more able than myself! i can hold my own for a 13 month old, but that is leap years away from what any 3.5 year old can do! i won't go into grave detail about his perspective, as he is old enough to talk about himself. we'll have to save that for another post. overall, he has been doing remarkably well, all things given, articulating when he does and doesn't like to be a big brother :)

my parents are surviving. i am a handful for them, mainly because i am fully mobile and very INDEPENDENT. i test them all the time by looking at them straight in the eyes, and then proceed to do something i shouldn't be doing. they are less "green" as parents, so understanding my needs as a 13 month old doesn't require all the "speed reading" they were doing when big bro was going through this stage. their biggest challenge is getting all of us on THIS time zone!

having said all this, mommy mentioned (or perhaps it was a moment of thinking out loud) that she needs to hire someone to take care of us two monkeys, while she goes to work!#$%! she cannot (currently) fathom dealing with both of us at the same time, by herself, especially because daddy & her can barely ensure we aren't killing ourselves right now. tell her to "suck it up"! we aren't *that* bad! :) remind her that:

1) she doesn't have to wake up in the middle of the night
2) she doesn't have to sleep on the floor with me
3) i have already started complying to sign language to communicate (i am food driven, what can i say?)

.... all this has got to be worth something, no?!?

below is the web album from my first days in CA, completing my first week with my forever family.

2011-07 Wk1 CA Fun

last days in seoul

2011-07-08T07:19:00.000-07:00

hello from US soil!!! can you believe this past tuesday marked my first full week with my family?!? a whole week has gone by!! i think many of you have been curious how i'm doing ... or perhaps how my parents & big bro have been doing, but i have been TOO BUSY to write & post pics! :) but alas, a moment of quiet (but just a moment)!

days 1-4, seoul
there was a lot of uncertainty and hesitation around spending 4.5 days with me in seoul, before returning to the US. knowing "me", i don't blame them!! it turned out to be extremely beneficial, as it gave all of us some time to "check each other out" (not that there could be any returns or exchanges!). we bonded at the hotel/apartment, COEX aquarium, namsan tower, insadong, transportation (taxis, shuttle buses & the subway), and the airport!

here's what i taught them during the 4.5 days.

i'm a dancer. the minute i hear music, my hands go up in the air and i "bust a move". i'm all smiles when it comes to music, and i think i have convinced my big bro to enjoy it too! here we are starting our "monkey band" together :)

i get bored inside. i need to be outside. the weather wasn't the most cooperative while we were there. in fact, it rained the majority of the time! this made things slightly challenging, but luckily our accommodations in seoul had a children's play room, along with a safe, open outdoor area for the "moments" the rain stopped.

i'm happiest when i'm free to walk.

when i'm not happy, i scrunch my face & arch my back.

i'm not into "try hards". my big bro is mostly kind, gentle, and sweet towards me. the problem is he tries to hard! he wants to hug and be affectionate with me, as if i were a baby! can someone tell him, "i'm NOT a baby??" though i have pushed him away on many occasion, he's no dummy and has "won" a few battles.

i love food -- REAL food; especially food "big people" eat. they were trying to feed me "baby" food from a pouch the first two days! do i look like a baby to you?! thankfully they figured out i wanted table food, though they tried to sneak in some of that baby goop into other things. i was on to them and out right refused.

i'm resilient. from the physical perspective, i fall or get pushed, and bounce right back without skipping a beat. from the emotional perspective, i grieve, and move on. believe it or not, aside from my very first night of grieving, i napped & slept comfortably the remainder of my days in seoul. i even showed them i "do cribs", despite only ever having co-slept on the floor! i can fall asleep on my own and only like to be held vertically.

so what did my parents take away from these lessons? a miracle was needed for the long flight back because planes are confined and big bro would likely stir trouble! :)

lucky for them, i was tired. they knew to equip me with food prior to the flight, and try to keep big bro at arms distance, less he try one of his "i want a hug" moves. i already knew i liked the comforts of daddy's body, and was willing to try to make something work. daddy created a "tent" for me to sleep under, and eventually i fell asleep. the descent bothered my ears a little, but wasn't anything major. before i knew it, i landed on US soil, ready for a defining moment in my life; the completion to the chapter of "my journey home".

below is a web album of more pics of my final days in seoul.

2011-06/07 Wk1 Seoul Fun

a tale of two journeys

2011-06-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

(big bro view)
on tues 6/28, i had one of the most exciting, anticipated, exhausting, and emotionally mixed days of my life! it started with a reunion with my "omma" (my foster mom). she was so happy to see me, and i her. it was a surreal moment, as it moved beyond pictures and video to REAL LIFE. i could see her face-to-face, touch her, make her smile, hug her and kiss her! she is real, and alive, and in her 18th year of fostering!! she remembered how i was "so handsome & easy-going", and how i LOVED rice crackers!! i embraced her, sang to her, showed off my golf swing, and came to realize she only understands & speaks korean!

i was allowed to tour 3 different infant rooms of orphans, which really moved me and gave me a desire to hold and comfort each baby that was crying. i pray that each of those little babies, healthy & special needs, finds a forever family, just as i did!

my morning ended with a shorter-than-not nap, because it was time to head over to meet my baby bro! i was groggy, but excited, and then, we literally ran into him on our way to our meeting place!! we were all surprised and excited and rode the elevator together. he was a little apprehensive at first, but i used my "big bro charm" and took out my backpack full of toys to share with him. he got really curious, and then ....

(lil' bro view)

... i got comfortable in an instant and wanted DOWN! i wasn't keen on my strange looking parents, but my big bro and toys were just what i needed! my omma unstrapped me from the carrier, and OFF I WENT! i was busy checking out all the toys, stomping my squeaky sandals, and generally raising havoc in the small confined room they had us in. big bro was super kind and mostly generous, trying to show me different toys and treat me like a "baby".

W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R. i'm not a baby!

i was done with the toys and on to the sharp writing instrument mommy had in her hand! i was determined to stick every object i could in my mouth, making my mark in the room! my big bro wanted to "hold" me, but i was too busy walking around, touching this and that, catching glimpses of my parents here and there. i knew i disappointed my big bro's expectations, when he said, "i want to hold asher, but he is too big! (grunt"

just as my mommy & daddy were thinking "how are we going to handle these two monkeys?", my omma said, "it seems asher is a little shy right now because he isn't fully comfortable yet. he is usually very active!" i think my mommy had a near heart attack!

down we went to get my last doctor check before joining my family. before the checkup, i showed them a few more sides of my personality :) first i needed them to see my determination and strong spirit by trying to escape the clinic THREE times (!!), followed by my mischievous grin for good measure. i let my big bro feed me different snacks as we waited, and then on to a screaming match as the doctor checked my ears.

(mommy's view)

the final moments always make me feel like a "child snatcher".

a beautiful woman, who has poured her heart & soul into raising our son for almost a year, said her tear-filled "good-bye's", while our son was somewhat oblivious to one of the most significant moments in his life. he was "handed off" to me as we prepared to return to our hotel as a family of 4. no tears shed by our curious, independent son. and with mixed emotions of joy & sadness, we departed the adoption agency.

the 20 minute taxi ride back seemed like an eternity for our latest addition. he is a busy, busy, BUSY boy! he does not enjoy "sitting" for prolonged periods. our saving grace was tobe, who helped keep him entertained.

after doing some family bonding time in the apartment, we decided to head out for a stroll.

it spontaneously turned into a decision to eat out for dinner. i think *that* dinner, marked our CRAZIEST dinner ever! the whole thing is rather a blur, and on the verge of being permanently forgotten!!

asher did not enjoy the confinement of the booth seats we had, and screamed as we attempted to put him into a highchair. he has the busiest, *quickest* hands i have seen, and reached for all things he shouldn't have! then our little tobe, full of excitement to finally have asher with us, wanted to mimic his lil' bro's activity :) yes, pure joy. between asher's backward arches showing discontentment, tim "patting" the life out of him to prevent him from choking to death, and tobe's moments of "regression", we needed to be done dinner! and done we were.

after our boys' first bath together, it was off to bed. that's when our lil' guy's grieving began. he's (thankfully) not a thumb-sucker, but he is a "feeler". his little hands "feel" for things around him, and that is usually his omma! he successfully slept in the crib for part of the night, however part way through he woke up, and we decided to just have him co-sleep with us. he cried on/off for the remainder of the night, because every time he was "feeling" for something familiar, there wasn't any!

i'm so thankful for all that we experienced today - the good as well as the crazy :) there were a lot of memories and milestones made, which probably will feel more "real" when i have a moment to breath and process!

welcome to our crazy family, asher! believe it or not, your strong-spirit, determination, and curiousity fit perfectly in our mix! i can tell already, you have been given to us from God, for my personal refinement :)

below are two albums - one for tobe's reunion & one for our journey to asher.


2011-06 My Journey Back to Korea	2011-06 My Journey Home

wait no more

2011-06-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

so this is it. tonight is my last night as an "only child". tomorrow, i take on my new role, "BIG brother". i am BEYOND excited! i have waited in anticipation for this for a very, very long time. all my anticipation has been bottled up, until this morning, when i told mommy & daddy my real feelings, "i am waiting to see asher."

everything is ready to go, including the toys i have promised to share with him :)

in celebration of my last day as "only child", i got to go to the largest indoor theme park in the world -- lotte world! i had a blast (mostly) and am ready for tomorrow to come!

Fri 6/17/2011 @ 11:51am EST

2011-06-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

significance of this date?

TRAVEL CALL for our independently, running, "baby"!!!! we're coming for you, asher!

"minor labor complications"

2011-06-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

last monday 6/6/2011, marked four weeks of deafening silence, since asher's last adoption milestone (visa physical). our agency stated that travel calls typically occur between 3-4 weeks after this milestone. why was our situation pushing beyond the "typical" timeframe? we i didn't want to "panic", yet, but we i was curious about WHEN i should go into "panic mode". so off an email went to our adoption agency titled, "Trying to be patient ... but just wondering ...".

our adoption agency has been very helpful, professional, supportive, ... and just overall an awesome agency to work with. they immediately sent off an email to the korea adoption agency to inquire about our status.

their response was:

The child's VA has not been arrived at the Embassy yet.

WHAT?!? "VA not arrived yet?!" all our paperwork was in order, everything approved. what did they mean that it didn't arrive yet?

while i have never been pregnant myself, i do know there are many opportunities along the way for complications. but that is PREGNANCY! i'm going through an ADOPTION. don't we just need to cross our "t's", dot our "i's", get things notorized and pay everyone money?!?!? then i was reminded ... i'm going through a "paper pregnancy"; like all things, there are ALWAYS opportunities for complications, present situation included!

by the end of last week, i figured out that our I-600 approval ("VA") did not arrive at the embassy in korea, because it WASN'T SENT along with all our initial paperwork!$%&*! it was approved back on 2/28/2011, and we even received a letter on 3/5/2011 stating that it was sent to the embassy! alas, it was NOT sent. argh. an honest human error, which was not caught by three different systems, which could have easily (?) been caught (or at least inquired about).

so after making calls all friday morning to helpful (and not so helpful) gov't officials (so thankful for friends who were able to watch tobe while i was making calls, because he was demanding A LOT of attention that morning as i tried to speak with gov't officials), i was able to iron out the complications and get our "paper pregnancy" back on track (or at least that's all i could hope).

to add insult to injury, we were expecting a medical update for our little guy last week, but never received one! (yes, insert empathy at this point :))

finally yesterday (mon 6/13), i was able to confirm that our I-600 approval was resent through the appropriate channels, and that it was indeed in seoul.

hopefully this evening (which is wed in korea), our korea-side agency will have what they need to finalize everything for our travel call.

our "consolation" for this minor complication, are 3 new pics of our ~~baby~~ boy, which we received today, along with a medical update!! our few weeks delay has led to the following significant changes:

- 2 new upper teeth (6 top / 4 bottom)
- waves bye-bye
- drinks from a cup with help
- says "umma" (mother in korean), "abba" (father in korean), "mama" (specific .. not sure what this means)
- RUNS ALONE (!!!!)
- height = 30.2"
- weight = 21.8 lbs

here's praying & hoping the next post is our TRAVEL CALL!!

"forever" is a long time!

2011-06-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

Evidence they signed up for "FOREVER"

one year ago, mommy & daddy made a commitment before a judge, family & friends, that they would love me unconditionally, commit all their "stuff" to me (which i have yet to see), and raise me as they would a biological child. for "better or worse", this is FOREVER. though it's only been one year, it sure does feel like "forever"! i have really, REALLY tried my best to test them on their commitment this month ...

the good news is that i am still here & alive (duh .. would i be able to blog if i weren't here?!)!

i'm not sure if my testing is a result of my "terrible two" self, the fact that this "big brother stuff" is becoming a reality, or a bit of both. i just know that i can whine in an INSTANT, throw tantrums on-demand in private and public (public ones are so much more fun!!), declare the words "NO, i don't like ...(whine whine whine)" more times in a day than mommy can count, and interrupt every mommy/daddy conversation that tries to exist! i'm no dummy; my days are numbered up on this pedestal of attention. besides, negative attention scores me immediate attention!! -- "I WIN"!!

my mischievous grin

mommy finally came to her senses (or wits' end) and stopped trying to run korea preparation errands with me and set up back-to-back play dates. come on, are play dates really for MY social "benefit" or for HER social benefit?!?

regardless of my overarching mood this month, we managed to squeeze in:

- some birthday celebrations

- a fun weekend getaway with 7 other adoptive families

- meeting a cutie patootie, who ultimately abused me

- a hike (full of insects, butterflies and the boy whom i wish to have a bromance with!)

- my first baseball game experience (eating snacks for 1 hour straight, followed by an ice cream sandwich!)

- two fun museum trips

- and last but not least, a bunch of preparation for my baby brother! is he really coming? i feel like i have been waiting ... "forever". i have much to teach him about manipulating mommy & daddy! :)

below are more pics from may ..

You are invited to view m&t Q's photo album: 2011-05 Fun @ 31 months

2011-05 Fun @ 31 months

the reality of it all

2011-05-31T14:32:00.000-07:00

my tol (first birthday in korean) has come and gone, and still no signs of mommy, daddy & big brother coming to korea for me.

i got to celebrate it with my beautiful foster mother, who loves me dearly. i also celebrated my birthday with other "may birthday" kiddos like me (i.e. waiting to be united with their forever families) at the adoption agency. i don't have any pictures to show how fun it was, nor can i disclose if i am telling the truth. this is just what i "think" happened - i am just turned "1" after all :)

i realize mommy, daddy & big bro have been putting plans "on hold", in anticipation to come get me. please tell them to "CONTINUE LIVING LIFE!" i am but one (albeit, an important ONE) little guy, waiting in a sea of other little guys & gals who are preparing to meet their forever families. people usually say, "no news is good news", but in this case, "no news means wait some more", AND, ... even if there was some news, they would still need to WAIT SOME MORE. as it turns out, my agency is currently inundated with families traveling to pick up their kiddos. people who are hearing "good news" today (i.e. the long awaited "travel call"), cannot see their kids until TWO WEEKS from now!!

so yes, the reality is i'm going to cherish the next few weeks with my dear foster mother and her family, while mommy, daddy & big bro "continue living life". it doesn't look like anybody is going anywhere for at least a FEW MORE WEEKS!

keep on nesting & packing family ... and clean that house up while you are at it! there are really no excuses at this point!! :) i won't be home with you for at least a few more weeks ...

a surprise for mommy, one day late (11.5 mo)

2011-05-09T20:01:00.000-07:00

(updated pic to protect identity of foster mom)

so i'm hanging out here in korea, and it dawns on me that it's mother's day (in the US)! i promptly send subliminal messages to my agency social worker (because i can't speak yet) to:

send an 11.5 month wellness update, and
send an updated PICTURE!!!!!

... yes, i am a good son, even from a distance :)

so here i am, at 11.5 months with my beautiful foster mom, and the care package that likely arrived some time in april! i'm showing off my NIKE SHOES (!#$%$%^! .. no, that was NOT in their care package) to tell mommy & daddy to "step up their game" (i don't recall seeing any pics of big brother tobe wearing nike shoes ...)!

11.5 mo w/foster mom

the main changes from last month is that i now have 4 teeth on top and 4 teeth on the bottom (vs. 4 on top & 3 on the bottom) and i've grown taller & plumped out a bit!

height = 75.4cm = 29.7 in (58th percentile for my age)
weight = 10.1 kg = 22.3 lbs (72nd percentile for my age)

come get me already!!

the little things

2011-05-09T15:00:00.000-07:00

nesting for #2 has been slightly "different" than nesting for #1. some of which can be attributed to the "second child syndrome", but mostly because there is little to "do" in our house for asher's arrival! we are not rebuilding closets, re-painting or buying & setting up baby furniture. we are reusing what we have and hoping they will take to SHARING a room!

so how does nesting look this time around?

decorating their room with this cute fine art illustration by kim haller (k i l . s o o k):

and designing & printing these shirts for their plane ride home!!! i just received these in the mail today and am super excited to see my boys wear these!! anybody get this humor? :)


front: "seoul BROTHERS"	back: "MADE IN KOREA"

hopefully the wall letters & personalized baby blanket will arrive soon ...

come on travel call!!

say it like it is!

2011-05-09T00:36:00.000-07:00

i feel like my baby brother is RAIDING this blog, and he's not even home with us yet! am i supposed to learn to "share" cyberspace with him too?! don't get me wrong, i'm all about loving him, but i was here first! :)

first, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!! there are many great mamas & grandmas i have met over the past year and half, and i hope you all enjoy this special day which honors the person that you are. a special shout out to my birthmother, who loved me enough to want a better life for me, and decided to let me be adopted. i am understanding more about you all the time, and maybe one day our paths will cross.

now, "a bit" about me, cause that's what i'm really here to write about!

nothing but a chatter
truth be told, i am a chatter (nothing to do with my mommy!). i am also a back seat driver. when i speak, i say it like it is. it seems as i turned 2.5 years old, i have even more to say!#$%!

here are some captured conversations/moments:

- [while driving in the car] "no, don't sing mommy. just music."
- [while in the parking lot] "did you hit somebody, mommy?"
- [while driving, sounded like the engine rev'd more than usual] "slowly, mommy. calm down."
- [while driving on the freeway] "are you driving speed limit? policeman will give you a ticket."
- [when i want something] "can i see it?" (pause) -> "can i hold it?" (pause) -> "can i eat/have it?" :)
- "Why?"
- [when asked "why?"] "because i want to."
- [when eating something i like today but not before] "i didn't like (blank) yesterday" (everything in the past is "yesterday)
- "i can't"
- [when mommy/daddy ask me to do something] "no you may not!"
- [regarding baby brother relationship] "baby asher likes me."

i also love to sing songs. i especially like to make them "silly" by creating my own rendition, and then laugh hysterically after i sing it. yes, i amuse myself!

while i still love cars, i have taken an interest in dinosaurs, especially their funny long names. here's a little video of my first 7 syllable word, which mommy couldn't remember or pronounce without referencing the phonetics, followed by a 2 syllable word that i can't pronounce properly yet :)

(video) "pak-ee-SEF-uh-lo-SAWR-us" & "cac-us"

here is a short clip on my thoughts about easter, with a silly ending.

(video) easter

"move with the feet, not with the mouth"
it's no secret that i am not the most "active", physically-inclined child at this moment :) at the park, i'd rather sit in the sand box, than climb the play structures. given a ball or letters to play with, i would choose the letters. asked to walk or sit in a stroller, i often choose to sit in the stroller.

but something happened this past month ...

new found passion for jumping!

swam across pool by myself (w/life jacket)

(video) learning to play soccer

note: i am NOT sold on the soccer thing! i huff and puff for 30 minutes .... not sure i call this "fun" yet. maybe if frozen yogurt follows all the "mindless running", i MIGHT be convinced this is "fun" :)

tag team germies
what happens when i'm sick with fever one week, and then mommy is sick with fever the next week? lots of indoor play ...


"karate kid"	"hi-ya!!"

"babymoon 2"
it's fun to have an entire vacation determined by me! unlike mommy & daddy's first babymoon, which was spent in london & paris seeing sites & eating delicious food, this one was spent in san diego seeing SHAMU & other sea creatures, animals at the zoo, and animals in the "wild", all determined by my sleep schedule and mood :)

to their surprise, the long road trip (~10 hour car ride, one-way, w/stops) was not an issue there or back. the "shared room" at our hotel, however, was. i will not detail it out, except to say, every time we returned to the hotel for a nap or evening sleep, i would say, "i don't like this hotel (whine, whine, whine) ...!!"

i did however love seeing all animals at the zoo:

and i equally loved the "wild" animals:

but i was most impressed & fascinated by SHA-MU at seaworld!

overall, it was a fun "final" family trip of 3 .. we're ready for you to come home now, asher!

if these pics aren't enough, you can find more below ...

You are invited to view m&t Q's photo album: 2011-04 Fun @ 30 months

2011-04 Fun @ 30 months

maybe, just MAYBE ...

2011-05-01T15:10:00.000-07:00

... i (asher) will get to meet my family for my 1st birthday! wouldn't that be the coolest?!?

mommy, daddy & big brother were returning home friday from their "last vacation as a family of 3" (aka "babymoon 2"), when my adoption agency sent off an email. it was titled, "EP Approved, April 28th"!

they were at a pit stop (burger king), when daddy exclaimed, "it's been approved, it's been approved!" mommy grabbed daddy's phone, and just couldn't believe her eyes! she did the "EP dance" right in the BK parking lot (i hear my mommy is a crazy one!)!!

16 days to receive EP approval is RIDICULOUSLY fast! since the start of this year, there's only been one group faster, at 10 days, from submission to approval. all the other submissions have waited 22-36 days for approval.

this is the home stretch. i'm talking 3-5 weeks, and i could be home with my forever family!

keep those prayers coming! i really believe there has been some serious prayer coverage over my journey home! THANK YOU!!