Chaos Theory

God forbid we ever let kids just be kids

Sherry — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 18:43:36 +0000

I have two girls, as you already know if this isn’t your first time reading here. They are four and seven and they play with dolls and dinosaurs, blocks and puppets, and they love the cartoons on Playhouse Disney. Every once in awhile my seven-year-old says or does something that is a clear reminder she’s in school and influenced by those who are older than she is; sometimes my four-year-old says or does something that she’s learned from a sister who is three years older than she is.

Overall though, my girls are girls. They aren’t acting like tweens or teen or tiny little adults. They’re girls, they’re kids, they’re children.

But GOD FORBID the world should ever let kids be kids. And as soon as I type and post this I think I’m going to talk my oldest into taking down the one remaining Miley Cyrus / Hannah Montana poster she has up in her room and replacing it with something else. Because at this point I don’t think I want anything in our home that is in any way, shape, or form related to the name “Cyrus”.

Aside from doing that, I wish I could go grab Miley’s parents by the shoulders and give each of them a good shake while shrieking, “Billy Ray! Tish! LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU MORONS!”

No, this time it’s not about Miley. Miley’s kind of off my radar ever since her pole dancing at the VMAs and when I saw her at the Grammys she was dressed pretty appropriately for her age instead of an oversexed 16-year-old made to look like she’s 25.

It’s her sister, Noah. Who is NINE. Noah has already been seen on video doing pole dancing of her own (her sister does it, so it must be cool!). She’s also been seen on YouTube singing “Smack That” while slapping her own ass. Did I mention she’s nine?

Anyway, as if that weren’t all appalling enough, Noah and her equally young friend Erica are going to promote and model for a children’s lingerie line.

Can you let that sink in for a second? A lingerie line. Designed for kids. KIDS IN LINGERIE. Pardon my potty mouth but what the fuck? Who EVER sat in a board meeting and uttered the words, “A line of lingerie designed for pre-pubescent girls, that sounds awesome!”?

The Emily Grace Collection is described as such:

“ [The line has a] trendy, sweet, yet edgy feel, reminiscent of Emily’s true personality. She is collaborating with Ooh! La, La! Couture designers to create versatile styles that can be worn with sweet ballerina slippers, funky sneakers or paired with lace stockings and boots for more of a rock and roll look. Emily’s collection will appeal not just to little girls - the line also has an exclusive Teen Collection available to a size 14.”

Lace stockings and boots? For kids? REALLY?

Check this out, this is Emily and Noah talking to Noah about the line:

LOVE that Emily is wearing fishnets and leopard print. Because that totally screams “little girl” except not. I’ve seen someone wearing leopard print dresses with fishnets before. She was standing on a corner outside Burger King waiting for some guy named “John” if you get what I’m saying and I think you do.

Why do we live in a world where people think it’s okay to make thongs and lingerie for kids and reward little girls for acting like they’re 20 years old? Why are there shows about creating some sort of phony “perfect” pageant girl? It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not charming. It’s disgusting and dangerous and immoral.

I can’t wait until school lets out this afternoon so I can sit on the floor with my kids and put on a puppet show. You know, things that kids are supposed to do.

Does the Canadian Medical Association support the use of Roofies too?

Sherry — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 03:48:29 +0000

Imagine you’re in a bar or out on a date and you’re enjoying a drink with that cute guy you’ve been chatting up and then all of a sudden you get a bit fuzzy. You pass out and later you wake up in a strange bed with your clothes on the floor and although you have no clear memories you realize that you’ve very obviously been violated.

That’s called date rape.

Now imagine you’re in a hospital and you’re knocked out under general anesthesia so that your doctor can perform a routine surgery on you. You then wake up with no clear memories but later you read an article that says that if you were in a Canadian teaching hospital you may very well have undergone an unnecessary pelvic exam by a medical student or perhaps even *numerous* medical students.

That’s called acceptable by the Canadian Medical Association.

Really? That’s acceptable, to allow medical students to poke around in an unconscious woman’s va-jay-jay without permission? I guess acceptable is one word for it, but I prefer two words: Fucked Up.

This article in the Globe and Mail says this:

The long-standing argument in favour of allowing these exams to be done on surgery patients is that it provides a unique opportunity for students to practice the delicate, invasive examination without causing the woman pain or embarrassment.

A pelvic exam without pain or embarrassment? Okay, fine. I think most people would prefer a small and brief amount of pain and discomfort over the thought of not finding out something is wrong until it’s too late. As for embarrassment, well, I’m not someone who jumps for joy over the idea of a pelvic exam but I wouldn’t say I’m embarrassed either. However, I know some women are, so yes having a pelvic exam while you’re out cold would indeed save on both the pain and potential embarrassment.

But WITH consent! Except, the article goes on to say this:

There is also an assumption that women would never accept pelvic exams by students while conscious so sneaking them in, while not ideal, is acceptable.

I… God. I am almost at a loss for words except no, it’s more like I have too many words that want to get out at the same time and all of them would make a sailor blush. SNEAKING a pelvic exam on someone because you ASSUME that the woman in question WOULD SAY NO is what the CMA calls ACCEPTABLE?

Pardon my abuse of the caps lock and my upcoming profanity but what in the fuck is wrong with this picture? You know, really, imagine a guy saying, “I assume that woman won’t sleep with me so I’ll dump this Roofie in her wine and I’ll just SNEAK IT IN. It’s not ideal but it’s acceptable.”

Maybe the difference in those two scenarios is that some of the people wear white coats and surgical masks and gloves, I don’t know.

I gave birth in a teaching hospital in Montreal. I was followed not only by my obstetrician but by various residents studying under him and that was fine. I had a pelvic exam by a med student - after I was ASKED and after I said YES and while I was AWAKE - and that was fine. I had a bunch of student nurses in the room while I was in labor and other than the fact that I wanted to slap one of them for asking me open-ended questions while I was painfully contracting, it was fine. When I actually pushed my baby out there were so many doctors, residents, and med students watching that they could have brought a film crew in and I wouldn’t have noticed.

I get the concept of a teaching hospital and obviously these students need to practice on someone. Anyone can read the medical books but you won’t get far if you’re not actually practicing what you’re learning.

But permission MUST be sought out to do something as invasive and personal as a pelvic exam. For the CMA to consider this to be acceptable in any way is disgusting and unethical. How are Canadian women supposed to feel safe and comfortable while going into surgeries now?

The sad part is that the article gives this statistic:

Sixty-two per cent of respondents said they would consent to medical students doing pelvic exams, and an additional 5 per cent said “yes” but only if a female student was doing the exam.

So 62% said yes, 67% if it was a female. That’s not everyone but it’s a respectable number of patients who would be willing to left students prod around for the sake of a teaching moment.

What’s scary though is that 33% would have said no but may have had no choice in the matter.

If those 33% were drugged and violated the courts would call it rape, but if those 33% were knocked out and examined then apparently the CMA calls it science.

Over here Catherine is gearing up to write an open letter and petition to the CMA about this horrifying lack of respect. And over here Shannon makes an interesting point by reminding us that even the dead must have given consent for their bodies to be used in any scientific or educational manner, so essentially the CMA is treating live women and their bodies with less respect than someone who is dead.

I know how that makes ME feel. How does it make you feel?

Portrait of a weekend

Sherry — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 04:27:13 +0000

Friday: Breanna had been very upset on Thursday afternoon when she found out I had gone for a walk in the woods with the dog without her. I mean REALLY upset. That kid loves the woods as much as I do. I promised her we’d go on Friday and so that’s what we did. Hayley went straight to her grandparents’ house for the afternoon and evening after school so she didn’t realize we were going out somewhere without her. Walking in the woods with a four-year-old wearing snow pants is a lot slower than just going by yourself with the dog, but it was fun and the weather was outrageously beautiful.

I ended Friday by sobbing into a pile of tissues while watching “Hope For Haiti Now”. What an amazing telethon and George Clooney is truly an incredible person for getting it organized so quickly.

Saturday: It was meant to start off quietly but instead it ended up finding me and the kids still in our pajamas (George pulled on sweatpants), bare feet stuffed in boots, standing outside and wondering if our building was on fire. All the tenants were out, though not everyone came right down - some stayed in their hallway, the alarm blared, the kids cried, and the fire department showed up. I would have taken some photos of the firemen traipsing up and down the stairs with their axes and fire extinguishers but I discovered that despite what I used to think, I actually will NOT go retrieve my camera from my desk in the case of a fire. My bag was by the door but I had dumped photos the night before so the camera was too far away and the alarm was too loud and I said, “you know, eff that, I can’t afford a new camera right now but I can’t take pictures if I’m dead either so…” Alas.

Turns out that there was no fire, someone’s smoke detector was defective, tripped the system, and set off the building’s main alarm. Whew. Still, when I got up on Sunday I put on jogging pants so I wouldn’t have to stand around with my neighbors while wearing my snowman flannel PJs, gah.

That ended all hopes of peace but I did manage to take both kids and the dog into the woods yet again for a two hour walk. They argued with each other most of the way so the woods were less quiet than usual but at least it gave them exercise and helped them sleep later.

With the kids bickering non-stop all day long I had posted to Facebook saying that I was undergoing a personal tragedy because while it was a definite “wine day” I had no wine and didn’t foresee acquiring any. A friend read it and since George was down in her basement at that moment, helping her husband with reno work she asked if I’d like to bring the kids over for supper. Upon arrival she practically immediately poured me a glass of wine - yay Facebook! We had delicious chicken fajitas but the best part was truly just escaping my own home and having some adult conversation with a friend I hadn’t seen for awhile.

Sunday: Today I expected a lot of crappy weather since I woke up to weather warnings in my email from the Weather Network (I know, geek) but it was actually pretty nice out all day long. I took the dog into the woods for a walk for the fourth day in a row, but solo this time and it was a good way to unwind from the whole weekend, especially since I spent much of the day cleaning the kids’ room out.

Tomorrow is technically the beginning of the week but it will feel a little bit confusing to me since Hayley has a Ped Day. That means I’ll be off all week long.

I hope your weekend was a good one too.

Finding peace

Sherry — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 04:31:43 +0000

I’ve said it before, but I really don’t live in the right place. I need to live on a good acre of land, surrounded by a forest, out in the middle of nowhere. A log home would be a nice bonus. I don’t have that but at least I have some woods within walking distance.

Yesterday George took the kids to visit his parents for a couple of hours and since I found myself alone, and it was really nice outside, I grabbed the dog and went walking in the woods for about an hour. I had my iPod (playing a whole lot of Ke$ha, and I am so far out of her intended age demographic but damn if I don’t love her musc, no matter how bad it might technically be), I had sunshine and vitamin D, and I had fresh air.

Spending time outside is always good but being near the ocean or being in the woods is what really calms and grounds me. Since I am nowhere near an ocean - for now - the woods fill the void quite well.

Even in the winter.

The incredible sleepless night AND de-lurking day!

Sherry — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 16:57:31 +0000

First things first. Today is January 14th, 2010 and apparently it’s also International De-lurking Day. What does that mean for you? Well, it’s not mandatory. After all it’s not like I can come over and force you to participate. However, it would be fun if you’d take part because it’s really easy - all you have to do is leave a comment. I’ll take comments even from those of you who do so regularly but I’d especially love to hear from people who (yep, lurk) read but don’t usually say anything.

Are you shy? Or not sure what to say? Here are some ideas: Tell me what your favorite TV show is. What’s the best book you read last year? What movie did you rent that you wish you had seen on the big screen instead? Share a link to your favorite blogger. Tell me what you had for breakfast or what you’re making for supper. Make me laugh with a bad joke. Whatever! Or just say “hi, I read but I’m too shy to comment on a regular basis!” Just let me know you’re there because that’s the purpose of the day. And remember:

And we don’t want THAT.

*******

Did you ever have one of those days where you woke up, dragged yourself out of bed, got yourself ready to leave… and then you woke up and realized it was just a dream and you still had to get up and do it all for real? Because that SUCKS.

I sort of did something similar all night long. I guess I’m still worried about sleeping in on the days that I volunteer for Breakfast Club and it’s taking a toll on my ability to sleep. I desperately want to avoid ever showing up really late because I hit snooze on my alarm clock or turn it off altogether.

Because of this, I woke up repeatedly last night. My night table is higher than the bed so I can’t see my alarm clock unless I prop myself up on my elbow. The thing is, it’s so dark out when I wake up on volunteer mornings that it may as well be the middle of the night. I wake up at 5:45 and the sun doesn’t really make much of an appearance until about 7 am. For instance, this is what it looks like outside at 6:15 am lately:

Doesn’t that just make you want to WAKE RIGHT UP? Anyway.

All night I woke up thinking that my alarm had gone off and that I had to hurry up and get up before I dozed back off again, because on those mornings I don’t have the luxury of hitting the snooze button. Each time I woke up I groaned, propped myself up, and saw that I still had hours to go before I had to get up. I did this at 12:45, 1:30, 2:00, 2:30, 2:45, on and on. I think the last time I did it was a little past 4:30 and then I finally went back to sleep properly until my alarm went off for real. It SUCKED.

As a result I pretty much faked being awake as I helped prepare the breakfast (cutting plums and oranges while half-asleep is quite the feat, as is toasting English muffins when you’re trying not to burn yourself) and served food to all the kids. When I got home the coffee didn’t seem to help much since I dozed off on the floor while playing Littlest Pet Shop with Breanna. I startled awake to her saying, “Terrence! Terrence! Mommy, you’re supposed to make Terrence the Turtle talk to my dog!”

Whoops.

I’m volunteering again tomorrow so I’m hoping for a better sleep. Last week I slept much better the second night because I was so exhausted. I think I might set the alarm on my iPod as a back up so that my brain will feel like it can shut up and let me sleep properly tonight.

Now to get my work finished up so I don’t have to stay up late finishing it when I should be sleeping later!

Wait, was there a weekend in there?

Sherry — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:37:40 +0000

Our weekend was most definitely one that could be classified as quiet and laid back. Friday night found me staying up far too late because George and I got caught up in a long “Criminal Minds” marathon which kept me up until 2 am (and yes, I realize how dangerous watching crime shows can be for someone like me but at least it keeps my neighborhood safe). It was fun and all because I can watch most episodes of that show over and over, but considering the fact that I ended up being dizzy all day on Saturday I wish I had gotten more sleep.

The good news was that my dizziness went away by supper time but the bad news was I didn’t do much better with getting to bed at a decent time on Saturday night either. I played a very competitive game of “Mouse Trap” with the kids, got them to bed, and then ended up watching “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” on BET with George. I wasn’t going to bother watching it at first because I thought I had missed the first half hour but when I realized it was just starting I sat down and it didn’t end until 1 am. It was worth it though, it was a great movie (although it co-starred Shemar Moore from “Criminal Minds” and I commented that it was weird to see him NOT kicking down doors or wielding a gun).

On Sunday I got a big urge to do some cleaning and purging, probably because I’m reading The Happiness Project. It’s a really interesting book and I’m trying to read it in small doses although part of me kind of wants to just sit and read it all at once. It details the author’s attempt to make her life even happier by following a variety of different mindsets, plans, and advice. One thing she worked on was decluttering and making her home less chaotic. Reading about it is kind of like watching Hoarders, it just sort of made me get a little itchy and I had to go clean something out. I ended up completely decluttering my bathroom. Why did we have so much crap stuffed in the cupboards above the washer and dryer? Sheesh.

I like when I get those urges. I could use more of them.

Other than that, the weekend was mostly quiet. It didn’t stand out as being a weekend really, other than the fact that no one needed to set an alarm clock or go to school.

On the other hand, sometimes a quiet weekend isn’t the worst thing in the world either.

Back to the routine

Sherry — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 04:13:41 +0000

Last night I laid out Hayley’s school clothes for the first time in two weeks.

Today the alarm blared at me at 6:15 am and the shock of it was somewhat brutal. While I wasn’t exactly lazing in bed all day long over the break, I was sleeping in to an extent and I certainly wasn’t waking up to a loud, noisy alarm.

(It’s my only real option; choosing something softer like a radio station isn’t a good idea for me. I use white noise to sleep so I wouldn’t hear anything too soothing and if I had it loud enough to drown out the white noise then it would startle me awake just as badly.)

I managed to get up, get the dog out, and get Hayley up in reasonable order. Breanna woke up when I did and seemed to be a bit bewildered about being up while it was still dark out, but Hayley was reasonably chipper at least. Leaving was a bit rushed because I have never seen a child so slow about putting on a snow suit, but such is life in the winter here - it’s always a slow process. Even the day we were going sledding it took TWENTY minutes for the four of us to get ready to leave. It’s nuts, I miss just slipping shoes on our feet and walking out the door.

It’s good to be back to the usual routine though. I had all my work done before lunch time (not counting the surprise stuff that popped up this evening, but that’s to be expected when you write about celebrities for a living), and I took down the Christmas tree and all the decorations except for the white lights on my china cabinet and the lights in Hayley’s room.

I can guarantee you I wasn’t that productive during the holidays.

Meanwhile, Hayley had a good day at school and it helps that they started back today so they get a short week to ease back into their own routines as well. Breanna missed her sister a bit but was pretty happy to have all the toys to herself!

Now to get myself to bed since it’s 11:15 pm and tomorrow I have to be up at 5:40 am so I can be at the school by 6:30 to volunteer for the breakfast club. We’ll see if I’m still productive after such an early wake-up call - but at least they make coffee for us!

Why he calls me Horatio Caine

Sherry — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 03:30:10 +0000

Yes. George started calling me Horatio Caine awhile ago and I should be offended since I’m not a male over-actor with a flair for dramatic use of sunglasses. However I must admit that the reason behind it is amusing and I can’t believe I forgot to write about it.

Awhile back, either late November or early December, I went out with Pearl for her last pee at about midnight. I don’t always take her out so late but we had been watching stuff on TV. I went downstairs and stood there while I waited for her to finish her ritual of pacing back and forth 27 times before finally settling down to pee (what is UP with that?). Off in the not-too-far distance I heard a banging sound and wondered idly what it could be.

It was coming from the direction of our building’s parking lot and I walked towards it to see if Pearl had any other, ah, business to tend to before going back in. I could see something leaning against the garbage bin and thought it was probably banging against the dumpster in the wind. I remember thinking how annoying that must be for the people living in the apartment immediately adjacent to the bins.

As I walked into the parking lot I realized it was a mattress and was therefore clearly not making a loud clanging noise. As this realization hit me, the banging suddenly started up again - directly to my right. It was erratic banging; different speeds, different volume levels, different rhythms.

Directly to my right was a car, some sort of sedan. The erratic banging came from the trunk.

I believe my heart may have lodged itself in my throat instantly. I’m pretty sure it stopped beating for several seconds, then resumed by pounding. I looked all around me very quickly to make sure nobody was nearby, then as the banging started up at a rapid pace, I took off like a bolt for the back steps to get in the back door. I didn’t want to get too close to the car just in case, but I did think to stop long enough to back up and check the first digits of the license plate. Then Pearl and I tore up the steps, in the door, and I am pretty sure that I have never taken four flights of stairs that fast in my life.

I may have nearly given George a heart attack as I burst through the door, threw the leash at him, and announced I had to dial 911. I was so out of breath that I gasped the basics to him while I headed to the phone and called the police.

I explained the details to the 911 dispatcher who took me very seriously, asked for my name and phone number, and told me she was sending the police immediately. Even though it was cold I went out on the front balcony and not two minutes later two patrol cars came up the street, flashers whirling and sirens wailing.

I can’t see the parking lot from my balcony so I had no idea what was going on but a few minutes later the phone rang and it was one of the cops returning the call. He asked me to explain the story to him so I did, amazing myself with my ability to speak in French at this point what with my nerves and all. Once I was done he explained what they had just found.

Luckily, it turns out there was no one trapped inside the car in the parking lot. He asked if I had gone and looked on the passenger side, but I explained that since I didn’t know what was going on I didn’t want to go that close. He said that was a very good idea as far as safety and then he told me what I would have seen had I gone around.

The owner of the car was crouched way down low to the ground on the passenger side in between his car and the one next to it, which is why I never saw it. The owner was - hang on, I still can’t believe this man’s thought process - down there with a regular old hammer, and he was attempting to bang out a dent on his car. The dent was right at the back of the car, over the rear wheel, which is why it sounded like it could be coming from the trunk.

Who in the HELL tries to bang a dent out of their car with a metal hammer in the DARK at frickin’ MIDNIGHT?! The man nearly gave me an aneurysm because I was so freaked out. I swear, it took me over an hour to calm down from the adrenaline so I could go to sleep.

I was a little embarrassed but the cop assured me that it’s far better to call and be sure than to worry. That’s how I feel too. I might have been wrong but I’d rather be embarrassed than ignore it and find out on the morning news that some dead body was found in a trunk, knowing I could have helped. I’m very relieved I was wrong because a) that would be horrible for the person and b) I would have had to pack up and move all of our stuff in 24-48 hours because there’s no way in hell I could live in a place where someone would put someone in their trunk.

After it was all over, George kept looking at me out of the corner of his eye with “that look”, you know, the one of amusement. Finally I believe he made a comment about how I watch too many episodes of “Criminal Minds” and “CSI: Miami” and then he called me Horatio Caine.

It became a source of humor for us for awhile. When I would return from taking the dog out he’d ask if I’d witnessed any crimes and I’d reply that no I hadn’t, but I did need to step over a dead body on my way up the front walk. He continued to call me Horatio for awhile.

Horatio? Seriously? Come on, I think I at LEAST deserve a Calleigh Duquesne!

Winter joys make the season better

Sherry — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 03:33:49 +0000

I will probably never be able to say that I love winter. I used to like it more when I was a teenager and cross-country skied. I learned how to ski downhill at one point too and I loved that as well but the chair lifts always scared the hell out of me and I missed cross-country trails.

I do know that making yourself have fun out in the snow and cold - even if it’s in the middle of a bit of a snow storm as it was yesterday - is a fine way to make the loooong winter season (yes, I *am* Canadian, we get a whole ton of winter) a little more bearable.

I do want to teach the kids to cross-country ski at some point, maybe starting with a rental before investing in any equipment of our own; I had some excellent skis, boots, and bindings but they were lost when my grandmother sold her house so I’ll have to start from scratch too. Still, my dad taught me when I was five on those big plastic skis and I loved it for well over a decade.

Yesterday was not the day for new beginnings though so we went sledding instead with one of our friends and his daughter. There’s a nice hill in a nearby park and because it’s not a HUGE hill it’s a) perfect for smaller kids and b) doesn’t have so many people that you need to line up to go down it.

I was a bit apprehensive because the first (and last) time that Breanna went sledding she was utterly unimpressed. That’s actually putting it mildly. She hated it and lasted for two runs before she refused to sit on a sled ever again.That was two years ago though, so I was hopeful.

Yeah right. That kid LOVED sledding. Both Hayley and Breanna had a blast with their friend, and I must confess that the three adults had just as much fun. There’s not much else that can help you regain your youth like throwing yourself down a hill, shrieking like a loon. Well, regaining your youth until you realize you’re kind of achy later. But it was fun!

We only stayed for a little more than an hour because it was not only snowing, it was really windy as well, plus the kids got tired. Hayley and her friend went back to their place for the rest of the day and George, Breanna, and I stopped at his parents’ house for hot chocolate and warmth.

Like I said, I will never wake up and say, “holy crap, look at all that snow and ice, winter totally rocks!” Never. But at least days like yesterday make me remember that it can indeed be a fun season, especially when you’re a kid.

(See the full set of photos over here.)

So long 2009, hello 2010

Sherry — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 02:42:15 +0000

It’s so strange that it’s New Year’s Eve already and that we’re not only starting a new year very soon but a whole new decade. I don’t know where the time has gone. Isn’t it weird how time seems to speed up the older you get?

I was going to do a retrospective but really I don’t need to. For me one of the best parts of 2009 was going to Halifax for three weeks. Halifax is my dream home, the place I’ve wanted to live since I was just transitioning into my third trimester with my now-seven-year-old daughter. Being there for three weeks was bittersweet because it made it even harder to leave in some ways but I’m so glad we got to go. Seeing my sister, being in her wedding, spending time with George’s family, touching the ocean again, it was all amazing.

Other than that, one of my biggest feats of 2009 has been to beat down the panic attack issues that I have. They’re still there, I still get them on a regular basis, and I’ve explained before what it feels like to go through one. No matter how many I have, no matter how rational I try to be, they’re still as scary each time as the first time.

However, this fall I made a choice to try very hard to not let it control my life. I stepped way outside of my normal comfort zones by joining the PPO at Hayley’s school and becoming a part of the Governing Board. I’ve participated in Movie Night, the toy sale, Terry Fox Day, Pizza Day, Bread Drive, attended assemblies, and gone to a Governing Board workshop. I’ve also become a volunteer for the Breakfast Club, arriving there at dark o’clock to make sure all kids have a chance at a healthy and filling breakfast.

It’s not perfect. People probably can’t tell to look at me but I’ve had the odd mild panic in the midst of some of those things, but between the Rescue Remedy I carry with me at all times (hell, I even carried it inside my bouquet in my sister’s wedding), conversations with the Big Guy upstairs (so to speak) and sheer determination I fought it down and won.

It will probably never go away completely but I’m proud of myself for refusing to let it win all the time.

Overall, 2009 could have been better but it sure as hell could have been a lot worse. I’m not sad to see it go but I’m eager to see what 2010 has in store. Hopefully good things. Maybe a winning lottery ticket. I promise to donate a ton of it to charity if I win a big one.

I know people scoff at resolutions, and of course you should make them at any time that you feel a need to change your life for the better instead of just at the flip of a new calendar, but I’m the person who always makes resolutions. It’s a compulsion of some sort and I’m unapologetic about it. None of my resolutions are massive lifestyle changes anyway. Sometimes I keep them and sometimes I don’t but it’s a good way to check into what I need to focus on.

For 2010, in no particular order:

1. Start figuring out a plan to get to Halifax. Not just a vacation, figuring out a plan to GET TO Halifax. It’s been over seven years after all, it’s time.

2. Balance out work a bit better. Working from home is all wonderful and delightful but I need a better way to balance work, home, and life.

3. Learn more about photography. The fact that I’m now writing over here regularly and over at DPS occasionally (I don’t think I ever mentioned that I wrote a post about cold weather photography at DPS) means that I have a good reason to push myself to learn and share those lessons with others. This year I went through a weird slump where I just had no desire to take any pictures, not even snapshots, and it was frustrating but I know now that it goes away eventually. I love taking pictures and want to keep getting better.

4. Tell stories. Somehow this blog has become sort of “dear diary” where I yap at everyone about my day (or days if it’s been awhile). There’s nothing wrong with that and I don’t want to stop. This blog has been a great way for me to keep track of the little things in my life. I could write it in a paper journal but I suck at keeping up with that. I’ll still write the “today I…” entries but I want to write more. I want to tell stories instead of just recaps. Two of my (many) favorite bloggers are incredible storytellers and every single time I read an entry they’ve posted I think to myself, “I want to write like THAT.” I want to tell stories to you.

5. Make the effort. My good friend came up with this all-encompassing resolution years ago because she isn’t fond of specific resolutions. She decided that “make the effort” was a sentiment that could be applied to a lot of things throughout the year. I can think of some things I’d especially like to apply it to - things like getting fit for health and mental health reasons, learning calm and patience, staying on top of things better - but I don’t want to bog it down with too many specifics. I’ll just go with it as is.

What are your resolutions?

And now I have two excited kids who are determined to stay up with us until midnight (Hayley for sure, Breanna, well, I’ll see if she can make it). They’re drinking 7Up in wine glasses and I’m about to pour some real red wine in my own glass. We’re going to listen to some music then hang out with Ryan Seacrest in Times Square to watch the ball drop. I hope that 2010 brings you all the best life has to offer.

See you (wait for it) next year!