This is too funny – I still have tears in my eyes! Finally, a chain letter that I don’t mind forwarding.
It’s funny (don’t break chain)

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done..

The monsignor replied, ‘When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.’

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spooky.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do Not refer to the cross as the ‘Big T.’

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, ‘take this and eat it for it is my body.’ He did not say ‘ Eat me’

12)The Virgin Mary is not called ‘Mary with the Cherry’..

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

The Origination of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on. The one who breaks the chain will have bad luck.

Do not keep this letter. Do not send money just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck and a great laugh.

You will see that something good happens to you four days from now if the chain is not broken.

Text Quotes and Text Messages 0486 – 0500: Tagalog Sad Love Quotes
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0421 – 0440:  Sad Love Quotes
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0151 – 0170:  Sad Love Quotes

More Sad Love quotes to follow… Just watch out!!

0577. Dad, you’re someone to look up to no matter how tall I’ve grown.

0578. Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.

0579. Im So Gald that ur my father.. w/o u dont know wer i am.. now.. tnx for ol the kisses & hugs.. i Just Wanted To Say That How Much i Loe You Even SOmetyms I DO SometHin THat Uve Not Expeted For Me.=( Sorry if I Lost Your Trust On Me As Your Daugther…

But NOw.. I WIll Promise That i will Be A Good DAughter Of U.. SOrry Tay For THe Things THat Ive Done. Sorry If Im Not W/ u Ryt Now On This COmming F’sD. I Don HvE Any Gift THat I WIll Give TO u.Tay, Its Me Jane.. Ehe.. Hapi FAthErs DAy TNx For BEing My TaTay For Me Ur The best Dad That I Ever Known.. Ehehe ^^- tnx FOr EVerything.. Ilove YOu..  Hapi Fathers Day TO ALl. =)   – From – Jhanexhen

0580. What Makes a Dad
By: Anonymous

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle’s flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so,
He called it … Dad

More Father’s day Quotes and text messages to follow…

How to Stay Married

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They
had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had
kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a
shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband
never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but
one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she
would not recover.  In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man
took down the shoebox and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the
box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of
money totaling $25,000.  He asked her about the contents. “When we
were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a
happy marriage was to never argue.  She told me that if I ever got angry
with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with
him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst
with happiness.  “Honey,” he said, “that explains the dolls, but what
about all of this money? Where did it come from?”

“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

0566. Missing someone isn’t about how long its been since you seen them or talked to them. It’s about every moment you’re doing something you’re wishing they were right there with you. Miss you honey! happy valentines day!

0567. Love is, of all the passions, the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously, the soul, the head, the heart and the senses. Happy Valentine’s Day!
More Valentine’s day quotes and text messages to follow

0556.  May the new year bring you with lots of cheers and blessings.. God Bless you and your Family. Happy New Year!!!

0557. Prosperous New Year, Peace, Love, Health, and most of all filled with God’s blessings. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!!!

0558. Wish you all the blessing and your family.. have a happy and exciting new Year mwah!

0559. A blessed year, a relaxed mind, a peaceful soul, a healthy body, a loving heart, and answered prayers. This are my wishes for you and your family. Happy Prosperous new Year!!!

0560.  Dear <recipient>,
May you and your family have a Happy new Year. I still remember the times we shared back in < enter place where we became friends>, and how much you mean to me. Wishing you all the blessings! Send my regards to .
Yours Truly,

 
0561. More peace, more love, more fulfilled dreams this coming year 2009! May the good Lord bless you and your family always! A prosperous new year to you

0562. We’re a little bit older, a lil bit rounder, but still none the wiser. Happy New Year, another chance to get it right this time. Happy New Year!

0563. Only the new Us can make 2009 a new and prosperous year. with a pure heart and a renewed mind, God will work on our behalf. Masaganang Bagong taon!!

0564. Wishing you a Happy New Year filled with joy and prosperity!

0565. Wishing you a wonderful and fruitful New Year! Arriba!!

Texted by my friends: Maira,Rik,Irma,She,Tere,Ecko

Enjoy!!!!

Text Quotes and Text Messages 0271 – 0280: New Year Quotes and Text Messages
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0241 – 0250: New Year Quotes
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0231 – 0240: New Year Quotes and Greetings
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0221 – 0230: Christmas and New Year Text Messages
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0171 – 0190: Christmas and New Year Messages
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0121 – 0130: Christmas and New Year Quotes
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0061 – 0070: New Year’s Day Quotes and Greetings

Happy New Year!!! and Enjoy!!!

0546. SIMOY ng Pasko ay narito na!…

MERRY…

GALO ka na ba sa akin? hehe… nagpapaalala lang..

yung MERRY…

bon ha?

MERRY..

Klamo??? hehehe

0547.  Sa panahong ito ng kapaskuha, isa lang ang lagi mong tatandaan, huwag tumimbang ng higit sa bigat ng inyong refrigerator! wahahaha

0548. Hay Pasko na naman! ang lamiggg!! wag mo kakalimutan gift ko ha??? Maligayang Pasko!!!!

0549. Ang Pasko ay panahon ng pagsasaya, ng pagbibigayan, panahon ng pasasalamat sa mga biyayang ating natanggap.  Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon sa inyong lahat!!!!

0550. Lechon man ay nais kong ipadala, at may hamon pang kasama, pero diet mo ay aking inaalala , kaya TEXT na lang… zero cholesterol pa! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

More Tagalog christmas quotes to follow!!!

0536. Unang Pasko Lyrics

Bakit naman ngayon pang magpapasko
Bigla ka nalang sa akin nagtampo
Sana naman ay mapatawad mo
Upang sa pasko ay magkasama tayo

Unang pasko na malayo ka
Mababaliw ako hindi ko kaya
Unang pasko na ako’y magiisa
Sana’y malaman mo kailangan kita

Kailan kaya muling magkikita
Dalangin ko ay magbalik kana
Walang iba ikaw lang talaga
Ngayong pasko ang nais kong makasama

Repeat Chorus.

Unang pasko na malayo ka
Mababaliw ako hindi ko kaya
Unang pasko na ako’y magiisa
Sana’y malaman mo mahal parin kita

0537. Isipin ko lang ang ating nagdaang Pasko
sapat na ang pagdiriwang
kapiling ka na tuwing sasapit ang Pasko
sa tamis ng ating suyuan

Sa tamis ng ating suyuan noon
pitak ng puso ay iisang Pasko
- Excerpt from the song ‘Nakaraang Pasko’

0538. Pag-ibig ko’y iyo kahit na hindi Pasko
Ang buhay kong ito ay laging laan sa iyo

Sana’y huwag magbabago
Ang matamis mong pagtingin
Kahit na hindi Pasko, giliw
Ako’y lagi mong mamahalin – Excerpt from the song ‘Kahit Hindi na Pasko’

0539. hinahanap-hanap pa rin kita
ewan ko kung bakit ba
ako’y iniwan mong nag-iisa
miss kita oh giliw
pasko’y sasapit
di ko mapigil ang mangulila
hirap nyan mayroon ka ng iba – Excerpt from the song ‘Miss kita kung Christmas’

0540. Ngayong pasko sana matupad na nga ang hiling ko sa diyos ama
na makasama ka na nga ng na may mayakap na nga itong
pag sapit ng pasko upang lalong sumaya at hindi yung ganito
pasko nga pero ikaw ang hinahanap pasko nga pero kailan ka
kaya makakayakap sana nandito ka sa paskong sasapit- Excerpt from the song ‘Sana Nandito ka’

More Sad Tagalog Love Chrismas Quotes and Text Messages to follow

Collection of Christmas Quotes, Messages and Greetings:

Text Quotes and Text Messages 0221 – 0230: Christmas and New Year Text Messages
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0171 – 0190: Christmas and New Year Messages
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0121 – 0130: Christmas and New Year Quotes
Text Quotes and Text Messages 0061 – 0070: Christmas and New Year’s Day Quotes

Wait for the next collection of Christmas Quotes and Text Messages Next Month!!!!