In many of these situations I was simply sure I was right. I knew the right way, the right answer, the right anything. I was sure everyone else was in need of me not staying silent. I knew too many people who didn’t speak up and I felt it was my purpose in life to save people from themselves and their flaws. The flaws they couldn’t see, but everyone else was too scared to voice to them. Not me though. I wasn’t scared or intimidated by anyone, or so I convinced myself. I knew my “wise” insight would save them from many more flaws and…annoying anyone else.

Sure I knew it lacked in presentation and compassion, at least a little, and it wasn’t that I thought I was perfect, it was my “do unto others as you would have them do to you” routine. I didn’t want anyone pretending with me and the perfectionist striving in me knew the only way to perfect myself was to see what I couldn’t see in me–so I concluded this is exactly what I would want done to me, so why wouldn’t others welcome it as well. It was for their good.

Years of this thinking proved me completely wrong. Countless hearts wounded in my path, friendships hurting and most of all my heart was a walled up prison. But the best part, my favorite part, is that my heart was met with amazing grace. My independent attitude and life was confronted by a God who knew exactly what I needed and how I personally needed to walk through the process of learning to be a follower. Confronting my pride, my arrogance, my control, my perfectionism. He showed me how to have patience. How to give compassion and grace more than judgement. And ultimately how to know a love that let all of those things go, because someone had already paid a price for them. That was the love He knew I needed to get a glimpse of.

It’s been 12 years since God began that process. Well at least since I became aware of it. And only in the last two years did I come to an understanding of the great joy in simply following Him. Not helping Him. Not trying to figure life out and control it. Not perfecting myself or others around me. No. Simply following where He leads. That’s where I found my sweet spot.

I’ve barely been in this spot a second and I’ve realized I never want to leave. This place of unmerited favor, uninterrupted grace, abundant joy and peace… oh the peace! I don’t share this lightly, but rather from a place of complete awh. Awh that it was discovered by accident, as life often seems on our part. I can still remember when God whispered it into my spirit two and half years ago. I was getting ready to move out of my apartment and knew God had told me my roommate would be making other plans and that was for her best. I didn’t know where I was going to live and how I was going to afford it.

Then it came. “Just follow where I lead.”

It was the picture of all great dances led by confident men who step up not afraid to lead. Taking my hand asking me to trust Him-all of the ebbs and flows that would follow, in all of the unknown, in all of my uncertainty to even dance at His level-He was asking me to simply follow His lead.

With a playful smirk and a slight head turn, I slowly took His hand and consented. He smiled back and the dance began.

Two and half years later I can look back and see so many times when I wanted to retreat. I wanted to figure things out again and help Him lead. Like when I felt Him leading me to leave my nestled community that I’d been with for five years and follow Him into the unknown. Or when I was released from my job last fall and he twirled me into a completely different pace of life and foreign situation all to take complete care of me and provide. Or when I spent the first three weeks of this year praying about what God would have me do next for a job and watching Him open a door I never could have opened on my own.

The dance He leads us in, only He knows the music to. He knows the timing, the rhythm, the pace. It’s in our willingness to be putty in His hands that the dance becomes a beautiful display for all who are watching. The phrase, “she dances with such grace” makes perfect sense here. And we all recognize women who are trying to lead. They’re usually stiff, rigid, overly-opinionated, dominating and latched to a man that they created who is weak and serving their every whim. Now picture that man as God. He can’t be that…EVER! So that woman will continue dancing with a self-created idea of a god that she can control and manipulate. She’ll spend her life striving to fix something she can’t grasp because everything is out of order.

The greatest place of authority that a woman can ever be in, is when she is rightly submitted to her authority. It’s there she is safe, protected and in divine favor. Her striving for all that she thinks she should be or wants to be, because she’s compared herself to every other woman in the world, will only keep her circling the same mountain until she wearies of her self imposed ideas of a “godly” life. When she finally gives up, finally lays down her manipulating, her false motives, her agenda and rests in simply following her Father, as His daughter…she’s finally stepped into the most beautiful dance.

Be sure to click on the StudioG link above to read more great articles from last falls issue. You can also enlarge the pictures below by clicking on them. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

The entire weekend was actually a surprise and most of the time I was only told what we were doing once we were on our way. I was given little gifts all throughout the weekend, totaling 30. We hit up the Ft. Worth Rodeo friday night. Then went to brunch, pedicures, shopping and a great dinner on Saturday with a few additional close friends.

Most of my closest friends are from different seasons of life and completely different circles, so one of the funnest parts was watching them all connect and love each other just as much as I love them. I found myself several times throughout the weekend pausing and amazed at the incredibly, amazing friends God has somehow surrounded my life with. Deep friends.  Friends whose hearts radiate such love, in so many different ways, each pulling something out of me. Teaching me. Challenging me to love more sacrificially. Challenging me to be bold. To give grace more freely. To rest more often. To be more adventurous. To be more intentional. To encourage more. To dream more. To give more. They each add so much richness to my life and each show me a different aspect of the heart of God.

This weekend filled my love bucket to deep depths and THANK YOU to each of you who gave and participated in making this such a sweet birthday! From the planning details, to small gifts, to the extended quality time, to…oh ya, a ton of friends collaborated and gave me money to get a Kelly Moore camera bag!!! (Something I’ve wanted for a good while) Thank you! Not sure a girl could feel more special!

Hello 30′s!!!!!

Don’t forget!

You can’t forget this!  When the day seems dark and you feel incredibly weak and fear wants to creep in, remember He is all you need. He is enough. He satisfies. He is strong when you feel weak. He is MORE than enough. He is more than able! He is the LIGHT of your life. He’s the one you’re heart is truly longing for. He is the one place you find rest. He is the desire above all others. He is always faithful. He is always good and out for YOUR good. He loves you more than you could ever fathom. He directs your ever step. He leads you besides still waters and restores your soul. He has great plans for you. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Because of Him you can count it all joy! His grace is sufficient, His mercies new every day. He’s the same yesterday, today and forever. He’s the author and finisher of your faith. He will never leave you. He’s the holder of your heart. He is the one who promised and He’s faithful!

He is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?

He is the strength of my life, whom shall I be afraid?

So go jump! Go dance! Go live boldly knowing if He is for you, who can be against you! Go give your life away, fully understanding He is enough for your heart to overflow to every person He puts in your path. Go share the good news. Go love on those in need. Go laugh with the weary. Go cry with the mourning. Go and serve every where it’s needed. Go and don’t forget that He is more than enough for all you need! GO!

10 days.

In 10 days I enter into the next decade of life. Yep, that’s right, I turn 30. Eeek!

If you know me at all you know I can be somewhat overly sentimental and this case is no different. For the last year I’ve thought and prayed asking God to give me vision for the next decade of my life. I’ve also thought a lot about the last ten years and what God’s taught me and brought me through. Ten years ago I was in my 4th semester at John Brown University, head over heels for a boy, enjoying amazing friends, intramural sports and a really fun college life that was ultimately all about me. Little did I know, three months later I would be smacked in the face with God’s confirmation that it was time to move to Dallas and attend bible school. A month later I moved to the outskirts of Houston to work for the summer. Then three months later I moved to Dallas, which changed everything.

I was 20, outspoken, on fire for Jesus, dealing with my own submission and rebellious issues and transitioning to the largest city I’d ever lived in. My legs shook violently the first time I ever drove north on I35 through downtown Dallas. I got my first waitressing job, which led me to spilling a lot of things on lots of people. I learned lasting friendships can stretch past distance and time apart. I made new friends that will forever impact my life. I went on my first overseas mission trip. I got malaria. I went back to a university. I ran cross country (why? still not sure). I graduated. I worked at a church. I went on many more mission trips. I dealt with major fear issues in my own heart and mind. I saw God root in me a tenacity to never give up no matter what things look like. I saw God provide through every up and down of life. I saw dreams awakening in my heart I had never known. I made a million mistakes. I saw life prayers be answered. I learned. I learned a lot. Things my heart had longed for for years came. I experienced a season of joy like never before. I took a couple corporate jobs. I learned a lot more. I realized my desire to achieve and the strengths and weaknesses of it. I stumbled through some hard friendships. I learned a lot about people. I learned a lot about following God into the unknown and not trying to figure it out, but simply follow. I tried to learn how to love Him more, but ended up learning a lot more about how He loved me. I realized a lot of my own striving. I then also realized my place as simply God’s daughter. I moved a lot. A LOT. I wished I could travel a lot more.

It’s impossible to remember it all and to summarize it even if I could. I just keep hearing God whisper in altogether cheering voice, “You made! You made it through your 20′s!!! Do you have any idea how many people drop off and give up in their 20′s?!”

And with that I cried again. His goodness through the last 10 years is overwhelming to recall. His faithfulness through each season is astounding and the way He lavished on my weak and messy heart, makes me love Him all the more. How had we come this far? Then the other questions began rolling in as if I could actually analyze the temperature of my own heart and compare it to ten years ago.

“Are you running faster or slower?”

“Are you going deeper or wider?”

“Is your heart more in love with Him today than 10 years ago, or is it dull and wearied by life?”

“Are you giving more of your life away, or holding onto it more?”

“Is the core of who you, rooted in His love, strong enough to not just make it through another 10 years, but to be burning more for Him at the end of the next 10, through whatever may come…or not come?”

“Are you living in such a way that you will be energized and not depleted to be able to finish the next decade strong? Not competing with others, but living obedient to everything God says and calls YOU to?”

Coming into this year God’s been reminding me of things He doesn’t want me to forget. Things I can’t afford to forget. Tools I’ll need. Nuggets that will encourage me through the next ten. I have a feeling that my 30′s may be the most humbling decade of my life. Realizing my own immaturity. My own pride. Realizing the invisible gap between what I thought I knew then and what I realize everyone older knew but couldn’t explain, even if they’d tried. I didn’t have the frame of reference to understand. It happens with everyone in every generation and it’s a very humbling thing to realize but a wiser thing to never forget.  It’s the simple fact that you only know what you know, so talk less and listen more. Realize your limited understanding and don’t always have an answer.

Sigh. Amidst all the fun humbling things,,, I am excited about my 30′s. I’m expectant. For some reason 30′s have always been something I’ve looked forward to. I quit wearing a mental watch long ago of what the world said I needed to accomplish or have by this age. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had my days of struggling with not be married or not having done this or that, but the truth of it is those things will come in their God appointed time and knowing I have such a limited understanding of most things anyways, much less the existence of time and why God does what He does, I decided it was a pointless endeavor to live my life by. I love my life. It is rich and full of incredible people and challenges every day and life is much more enjoyable, and my relationship with God much more of a relationship, when I don’t make requirements and demands on Him to do things by my timeline. Instead I live to trust His overwhelming goodness and let go of my preconceived, brainwashed by the world idea of what my life should look like. The adventure of life is much more fun that way.

And with that, I say…

10 more days. Bring it on!

A lot can happen in one day. Amidst whatever the day holds or we expect it to bring. Everything can change in a moment, a second, in one day. Whether it be the way you think, the way you see life, a phone call, a job offer, God revealing more of Himself to you in a way you never knew possible, Him healing an area of your heart you thought would forever be broken or mangled, you getting an idea that could change the world, something happening you never thought possible… anything can happen in just one day.

Are you ready for today?

Sometimes beauty needs few words. She simply tells her own story and sings her own song, lost in unfolding her heart to us and beckoning us to do the same. For it’s in our own unfolding that the beauty bestowed upon us can be seen by the world. Not the beauty we put on each day, or the beauty we try to obtain or contain, but a simple beauty. One that is at rest and drinking deep of love. One that has seen, heard and gazed upon true beauty in such a way that it cannot stay the same. That’s what beauty beckons us into. As mere mortals to come back again and again and gaze on the beauty of One…love divine reigning o’er us!

Joyful, joyful, we adore thee,

God of glory, Lord of love;

hearts unfold like flowers before thee,

opening to the sun above.

Melt the clouds of sin and sadness;

drive the dark of doubt away.

Giver of immortal gladness,

fill us with the light of day!

All thy works with joy surround thee,

earth and heaven reflect thy rays,

stars and angels sing around thee,

center of unbroken praise.

Field and forest, vale and mountain,

flowery meadow, flashing sea,

chanting bird and flowing fountain,

call us to rejoice in thee.

Thou art giving and forgiving,

ever blessing, ever blest,

well-spring of the joy of living,

ocean depth of happy rest!

Thou our Father, Christ our brother,

all who live in love are thine;

teach us how to love each other,

lift us to the joy divine.

Mortals, join the mighty chorus

which the morning stars began;

love divine is reigning o’er us,

binding all within its span.

Ever singing, march we onward,

victors in the midst of strife;

joyful music leads us sunward,

in the triumph song of life.

In this case it’s time to be a quitter.

There are two types of people. There are those who move through the world at a nice, steady pace, content to let life simply happen around them. These people never question anything. They never ask for more.

Then there are the brave.

These select few demand more and are prepared to fight for it. They’re never satisfied with what they have achieved. They’re determined to be better, do more and reach new depths. They’re willing to take risks, and hold themselves accountable.

The brave take on challenges others might walk away from. They don’t charge blindly into the fray, but rather arm themselves with intelligence and creativity in order to outwit, outwork, and outlast the opposition.

Remember, there will always be somebody better than you. Someone quicker, wiser, more experienced, or more talented. It all comes down to who wants it more, who’s brave enough to push, to fight, and rise to the occasion.

The truth is, nobody ever became great without first being brave. 

(Taken from David & Goliath, a creative agency.)

Sometimes the bravest thing to do is simply to choose to believe. Despite what is seen, what is felt and what is understood, to not give up.

To not stop believing.

To not give up hope.

To not hold the past against ourselves.

To not focus weaknesses.

To not stop loving and loving again.

To not bury dreams.

To not waste time.

To not hold unforgiveness.

To not hold onto our lives, but give them away.

To not stop.

Not courage in our own confidence. Not endurance in our own strength. Courage that goes the distance spanning our lives till the end resting in one simple truth…

whose we are.

“This is My command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9

Demand more and fight for it!

Don’t be satisfied with yesterdays bread!

Determine to be better!

Do more!

Reach new depths!

Take risks!

Take on challenges others walk away from!

Arm yourself with intelligence and creativity in order to outwit, outwork, and outlast the opposition.

Believe the impossible.

BE BRAVE!

She who dances in the face of danger.

She who laughs when life is hard.

She who loves even when it hurts.

She who takes time to smell the roses.

She who listens intently.

She who seems reckless when it comes to abandon.

She who sleeps soundly in the midst of the storm.

She who finds strength in giving up control.

She who boldly goes where she’s not gone before.

She who speaks with grace and confidence.

She who is trusted in the smallest and largest affairs.

She who finds beauty far beyond the surface.

She who speaks with wisdom and kindness.

She…is who I want to be.