Sentimientos

The End

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Tue, 09 Feb 2016 01:25:00 +0000

Ah.

I was 20 when I started this blog. 4 years. It's hard to believe it's been that long because I feel the same old struggle when I come up here to express what I 'really' feel. I've come and gone back a lot of times to do this, but today's the day.

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"MiniEra". If you've been with me from the start, you might remember that this was the name I started with. It means Mine. It was indeed mine for a very long time before it changed to "Sentimientos" meaning sentiments. Basically a failed attempt to tell the world I ain't selfish. Deep within, everyone is.

I've written mostly about my relationship, problems, struggles, happiness and life in general. I can wrap all of these posts into one phase (or Phase I) of my life if I look back. That's what basically this is about. Moving on.

My goal of this blog was to never have a goal when I come here. It wasn't about competing or getting more people to read. But there were times when I just wanted that one person to read and know that I'm there. I exist. And always will. Except that it all ended up into nothing. So as time beckons, I'm realizing what a kid I was. All of the feelings here are (..were) real but they don't define me anymore. And it's time to shut this universe which once was perfect.

So what did I learn? Well, a lot of things. I want to say just two things here: One, writing gives you a satisfaction which nothing else in this world can. Two, be real. People appreciate that. My girl-friend used to.

Moving on. #nofilter #sanfrancisco #life

With this, I'll end it. Cheers for the 4 long years. Apologies for being a hell-lot selfish here even though that was really the point. I'll miss coming here. But I'll definitely be around.

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I didn't give up writing though. I can't do that ever I guess. I'm a Designer now and I write about design stuff here: Rachit on Medium. I'll see you there or on Facebook. Bye for now.

And It's Solved!

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Thu, 28 May 2015 15:47:00 +0000

As they say, you have to work for yourself, yourself. I wrote a very shitty (anger-filled) post a while ago with a broken shoulder and sleep problems. Today is about how I overcame these problems finally. Quick and short solutions.

For the shoulder:

Leave it alone. If you're a workout addict like me you probably want your body to heal as fast it really cannot. It's not how you think. Stop re-injuring yourself in the hope of getting better and continuing to workout.
But not totally. Don't wrap a band around it and put your shoulder to rest. Do the daily tasks and take care of the mobility of the shoulder joint. And relax, soon you're gonna be back.
Heat and Cold therapy. Go get massages, they relax the joints and take your mind off the injury. Heat and Cold over the counter medicines also help out and can bring you relief.
Don't discuss. Don't discuss this shit with your friends. It's not permanent. It's here to go and it's not you!
Work around. Still having a craving of working out? You're just like me. Plan your workouts so that they do not include exerting pressure on your injured shoulder. I just have cardio and core workouts in my schedule.
Write it: Write your healing progress and how you proceed through this harsh time. Things will be easier the next time you're here. I hope not though.

For sleep:

Relax: Tell yourself that things happen. Maybe for a reason. It's not the end of the world and you're gonna be back. With a fucking bang.
What's bothering you?: Find out what is bothering you. In my case it was the constant urge of being ripped and the shoulder pain. I couldn't get this out of my head and it was preventing me to get a good night of sleep. Find out that thought, grab its ass and get it out.
Listen to music: Calm yourself by listening to light music before bedtime. Kishore Kumar and old Hindi music was like magic to me. Ah!
Sleep journal: Write about your sleep cycle. This can help out with clearing your head and make you stop worrying about it so much.
Read a book: If you know me, you know that I don't read books unless it is something really unique. If you're like me, just pick up any book and see yourself in the hands of dreams.
Find out what works for you: Everyone is different. Find out what's bothering you and what tricks work for you to calm you down and relax. (It might be sex lol)
You're awesome. Know it. : Stop hating your body if you are. You're awesome. Just-so-much-fucking-awesome. Chillax!

In addition to all of above, I picked up my bike and moved around my cousin's place (that's where I'm living right now). And see what I found:

If only I could show you what I'm looking at. Ah. #summerishere #blaine #nature
A photo posted by Rachit (@hidden.madness) on May 19, 2015 at 4:43pm PDT

Backyard travels! I found such beauty around and here I was cribbing that I can't sleep. How weird. Once in two days I try to bike around the house and capture a unique view if I can find one.

Ripped me will be back in a couple of months. \m/

Forced Change

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Sun, 17 May 2015 16:29:00 +0000

Twelve days without a good night sleep. Isn't this too much? ~~Perhaps not~~.

I woke up, had my protein shake and went off to pump some iron. Rotator Cuff Injury had finally left my shoulder. Or it seemed like it did. I felt so good with almost everything. Work, sleep, mood, bam awesome. Life was go-uh-od.

Squash (yeah the bad-ass sport) seemed to be a really good add-on cardio, and I got enticed. Why wouldn't you be when you're just a week away from showing-off your rectus abdominis (tech for abs)? You might have already guessed that I fucked my shoulder while playing squash. It hurt bad.

So was it the end of the world? No, of course not. But it was the end of a great routine I had created for my body. Rotator Cuff Injury hailed back at the same place at the wrong time. What were the odds?!

I've created a shell around myself which makes me focus and stay put. After this injury, or a re-injury, I'm feeling frustrated, slow and incarcerated. I've tried to fix it, probably being too impatient. But because everything else is connected to this, it's important.

You might wonder: "So what? It's just shoulder right? Go out and run! Do cardio and get your calories around!"

I'm sane enough to know that. I'm not able to sleep comfortably. It's a damn deadlock. It's like I'm afraid of sleep and what's bothering me is my shoulder and if it will ever be able to be healthy again. I can't just do simple running because that's not me. It doesn't feel good and complete. Besides until I don't get enough sleep, I can't run or do cardio. And until I don't workout, I can't calm myself and sleep. Understand the dead-fucking-lock?

There are other problems as well but this is what is costing me sleep. I'm just hoping writing this will get me a little close to closing my eyes and dreaming good stuff.

Maybe it's time to stop trying to be perfectly fit. Stop trying to be so healthy and so well off. And get out to eat whatever the fuck comes my way and smile to that.

Here I am tired of waiting for things to fall back into right places. The truth, I guess is, that they never will. There has to be a way around.

Starting a new book today: A Nun in the Closet. Old times! :)

I'll Fix This

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Sun, 18 Jan 2015 02:13:00 +0000

When you stretch an elastic band and then let it go it comes right back to where it was. Life's been stretching me like that and I've been one hell of an elastic band. Green colored.

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I did not have any plans to revive this, but something I read today made me feel deep down. Here's a shout out from that profound part of myself which had been locked down for good.

It goes like this: Can you guess who wrote this?

Sometimes in life you need to make a turn which has been waiting for you. You need to make a change which blurs the road you've been travelling on for years. But my dear little one, you never fail to look back. That one extra plate sits here on my desk each night yearning for 'some extra vegetable' you have right there with you. It's been hard connecting the dots without all your support. That bedroom is ours and it will always be ours no matter what changes.

I've dreamed a paradise for us. I'll fix this soon.

Little of Looking Back, More of Looking Ahead..

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Sun, 26 Jan 2014 23:50:00 +0000

I am not writing this because I feel it has been long since I wrote something. This is not because I think it is a good thing to update your blog every once in a while. This is just because I feel heavy and I feel like opening up. To someone. To you. It's been more than a semester here in an altogether different world and I must say that I am having a great time growing up, being independent and seeing life from a different standpoint. It's fun sometimes and at the same time super challenging. But nonetheless we all know that it will go on and this really makes us feel good and keeps us going.

During this one semester, I made a few mistakes which I would never ever want to look back to. The first one and the biggest one being moving back in time, to the same person who once gave me the biggest heart break ever. Needless to say, things turned out to be worse than expected. I'm glad I rolled back before going down the same negative road. It sort of taught me a new lesson which I think would be there with me for the rest of my life. I'm not going to tell this to you because I want you to fall and learn, cause I know if I tell you in words here, you will comfortably ignore me.

End of this semester was a different kind of fun in New York. It's beautiful and magical! I couldn't believe that I was standing on the top of Empire State. I could feel a gentle pat on my back and a blind sense of satisfaction inside. I was standing in front of a million dreams I once thought would never ever be true. :-)

When I came back, I realized that there is so much more in life than just living for earning money, staying busy, following one straight road and never falling back to realize that world has so much more to offer! But I also realized that this has to be done with a bigger picture in mind. People who travel around the world, who experience it all, have a huge backup plan behind them which lets them witness all of this in peace. Until now I was just dreaming of a different life, of a giant balloon of satisfaction which would take me everywhere, but it is now time to paint that road which will back me up when my decisions go wrong and when I feel like settling down. And that backup will require some years of painful effort and living in a shell. Maybe it will also require being different than who I am truly, or maybe it won't require anything and I would just turn out to be lucky. I don't know. But I'm prepared I guess. Nonetheless, I know that one day there would be a different person coming out of me.

All this while, I think I won't have time to fall for anyone. Not that I don't want to, or that I don't have crushes. You have to come here to believe that there are so many pretty faces around! I have even tried on one girl and have suffered a terrible rejection. I don't blame her. I was drunk. :-P Heh! I guess I would just wait for the right person to come into my world and get me drooling once again. Until then, say buh-bye to the cheesy Rachit!

Would end with a very amazing line I heard:

# हवा में बेह रही है ज़िंगगी, अब तो जो भी हो तो हो,
# उड़े खुले आस्मां में ख्वाबों के परिंदे |

## This picture is sort of special to me. For so many reasons.

Endless Tales: Different Shades

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Tue, 10 Dec 2013 05:54:00 +0000

And then there was a time when I thought about life. And then there was a time when I thought there's so much to see. And then there was a time when the world looked so much different..

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Every night I close my eyes to see
A different passed away world which flee
Into an abyss which sometimes glimmers
From far, as the colorful shades of memories dimmer

Comes along is a beautiful song
Eyes go down; mind takes a step back
To hear what was missed for so long
Growing up doesn't bring any slack

Battling for heaven, are we?
Moonlight we choose not to see
Exists a bottle of life
Too busy to see it, are we?

Every night I close my eyes to see
Different colors nature gave out to me
If I finally choose to fly
Will this world treat my life as a lie?

Endless tales live inside
There's passion but no time
A little of peace from that glimmer
A little of satisfaction from that dimmers

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Picture Credits: Google

Maybe this is what I chose to be. Maybe growing up and going ahead in life comes with a diverse set of responsibilities. Maybe life's always meant to be unexpected.

Realizing The True Moments Of Joy..

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Sun, 20 Oct 2013 05:28:00 +0000

Once there was a guy called R who never used to believe in eternal peace and divine existence of God. Staying firm in his thoughts, he used to see this world with a materialistic eye. His world consisted of all sorts of gadgets, playbooks, and stuff which he needed to make himself satisfied and happy. He was going great until he met someone very different. That different soul was very surprisingly a down-to-earth simple guy called S. They argued about God and R questioned his existence as expected. S did not try to prove the presence of God but tried to paint a picture in R's mind by asking him to think with a broad mindset and told him that R lacked the power to perceive a situation from all the directions before negating it.

Mississippi River at Minneapolis, Minnesota

Still unsatisfied with S's words, R searched for an answer on the Internet and his much loved gadgets for one whole day. Swimming through the whole lot of articles and videos, he still could not find those words which could show him what or who God is. He decided to take a walk. He left everything behind at home but his keys. Walking on the road, he came across a little kid who was pointing towards the sky. A little curve of joy filled his face as he moved on. Thinking and walking for hours, he came to a part of the river where he had never been to. R was mesmerized. Was this the beauty of the heaven? Silent breeze brushed him and the chilly roars swished his inside as he took a deep breath and smiled with profound satisfaction. He spent the whole evening pondering upon his life, his decisions and refreshing his memories.

Going back he realized that he does not know whether God exists or not, and that he might never get to know. But what he knows is that there is nothing more important than inner satisfaction and the feeling of internal joy. Feeling goosebumps inside, he thanked God believing that if there is one, he would know that there has been a realization. He came back home running.

R thinks that S argued with him for a reason. Something which S might have sensed. Maybe a commotion? R feels blessed to have met S through his path. He wishes to see him again sometime. To make an argument once again maybe.

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R has a dream to travel this world someday.
R hates that people have become glued to technology so much that they've forgotten the essence of love, passion and appreciation.
R hopes that S never discovers this post.
R hopes to be friends with his ex-girlfriend someday. He thinks he has changed a great deal.
R feels awesome after writing this post.

Bucket Loads of Crap..

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Tue, 08 Oct 2013 06:53:00 +0000

Glued to one of my favourite bands ever, I sit around my room wondering how far I've come in life and how often we do not get time to look back at the series of fortunate/~~unfortunate~~ events and appreciate the sense of time and presence. It's strange that I don't have time, have submissions due but still something inside is continuously prompting me to say out something. Anything.

Coming here and stepping into the independent pathway of life, I've realized that the stones I picked up while walking through my past road were after all not that crude. There are moments when I flip back to those moments of ephemeral joy and wish to stop whatever I am doing and start dreaming of what might have been. ~~I ain't talking nothing about love.~~ All this noise and all this sound inside are there to remain. Forever. That's the thing about our mind. Undo button is fucking not there and erase just does not make any sense. So why on Earth do we all call our brain one of the best computers ever created by nature when it does not have the basic functionality of erasing stuff which sometimes leads to unnecessary deviations? Food for thought maybe! Well, it all started with a positive journey and I am more than sure that it would end with a positive note. 'Cause life is all about learning while you crave for what might have been when you look back.

I definitely should have; should have researched a lot more than I did. I could have been in a much better place than I am now. I constantly dream of what could have been different then. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Lost amidst all these conglomerate of indefinite thoughts, I am thinking taking a field trip to somewhere very few people go. Discover a paradise of my own somewhere around where I currently crash. I don't know..I miss someone else taking decisions for me. I go too far away gauging every node in a fucking bidirectional tree which was never meant to be search in a depth-first mode but breadth-first one. :-P Haha. Look at what is happening to my sense of humor. Sucks now.

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Okay, back to being normal. In case you're trying to find any sense in the above text, you won't. I don't know how to write profound poems, sensible articles and any more such stuff. They require a lot of empty space in my mind and I don't have any. I am getting late and I need to sleep in order to get up early tomorrow for work. So let me just say what a tear in my eye is shouting out..I miss a caressing hand on my shoulder, a hug which gives me life, a feeling which makes a big difference, a profoundness which shows me something worth living for. I miss you so much mom.

# There is one thing I've realized. There is no fuck in this world that can influence a Hindustani-dil more than hindi music.

## Growing up is not that simple. There should be degree for growing up!

Endless Route: A Start

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Mon, 02 Sep 2013 20:17:00 +0000

Time here runs fast. It used to run fast in the world where I come from, but it is faster here. It is a bit surprising that I've found time to write what I have been feeling all these past days, because until yesterday I thought I would never be able to drag out the overwhelming feelings I have had since the day I arrived at the States. It has been a tough ride and it would be tougher. They call it a 'Joyful Struggle' which I can see clearly it is not 'cause you can be either of the two words when you come here. Coming from a pampered and mollycoddled background, sometimes I feel helpless and sometimes just the king standing in a battle alone without his army.

I still smile all the way through because I know it is a knife that is shaping me for my future endeavors and cutting all the dependent sutures I've had until now. So that indicates that all you out there who know me as I was or as I am, would not find the same idiot, jerk, show-off, cheesy and maniac guy in times to come when you see me again. Or maybe you would. I don't really know how all this going to shuffle the hell out of me. But I hope you don't flip out when I come back and speak in a different accent and pronounce some words in a funny way. "Ladka angrez ban jayega! :P"

This place is different. And when I say different, it encompasses every single phase and directions around us. People here are warm and helpful, they don't judge you if you are suffering from an illness, or if you decide to wear orange top with red jeans, or if you are even running topless. It is all chilled out, honest and civilized. The law enforcement policies are strict and if you commit any crime, be it of any range, the police with fuck the hell out of you. People here respect the standard, and are never harsh in language. Yes, they might be diplomatic sometimes but never harsh and blunt. The best thing about this place is that you can be yourself, you can do whatever you feel like and whatever comes to your mind! This, I think, cultivates motivation and rather than thinking about passing the damn exams, people around here think about how to contribute to human comfort and science. You don't get a product assembled here, but you assemble it yourself. You put in effort, thought and planning into everything here in order to be able to make up a house worth living in. These things make a huge difference in a long run and that is the reason why people know how to work around things. I find each and everything around me already so much thought out and planned that sometimes I fail to believe that this country is such as it is! All of this, and the insurmountable education system brings me to believe that the reason for brain drain is the thriving nature of forward thinking offered here. As a true example, I can feel the change in my own ideas, after actually talking to professors, students and even the people around this place. In three words, "totally in love" covers it all.

Old Chicago at Northtown Mall, Minneapolis

At the same time, there is also a flip side which kind of nullifies the comparison. I find a tinge of superficiality here. Not that I don't find a sentimental bend in people here, but not as close as I felt or witness back in my own place. The freedom is, yes, compromised to an extent. But I think that is pretty much why this place is much more clean and sophisticated. There are many other points which restrict and totally make the comparison useless. The major point which I want to say here is that if you have got the best of both worlds, you are a lucky lucky person!

This is the a start which makes me someone I had always wanted to be, standing on the top of a mountain and looking back at the years spent in doing something useful and travelling around the world. I feel so glad to tell this to myself through these words that a new story has begun which does not have any definite ending, not even when you look back from the top of that mountain. And in this journey, there is no place for love. There never was.

# I can't get enough of the beauty here. Natural beauty has laid its deep impact on the girls too! :P

Endless Tales: Into The Other Side

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Tue, 06 Aug 2013 19:53:00 +0000

My mind tells me a story that simply won't finish. I wonder if memories fade away with the ripples of time? Does a bond get formed just because one with someone on this planet had to? Often I think to myself that sometimes without saying a word, without saying a thing, you can just give a thousand feelings and a thousand bright lights in someone's life. It is true from what I have experienced in the recent past. Goodbyes do just that. Last words, last thoughts, last feelings, last temptation, last moment, last smile, and a last glace is never ever enough, is it?

I imagine how far away I would be from all the loving faces I have garnered in my heart as this little pumping machine skips a very important beat and all the emotions, attachments and sentiments come gushing down over. Maybe there is a reason this story just won't finish. Or maybe some stories are just too hard to tell because there are so many twists and turns alongside so many new starts. It takes a lot of time for me to keep that constant hesitation aside and dive into the bright faceted lights around. I'm kinda used to blatant darkness which again is related to the fear of an unusual change. The fucking thing about change is that it starts by cutting an unneeded cleft in relationships that matter. I hate the change as much as I love it. I guess more on the hatred part today.

Fill that void with a smile. Always.

From here, in some days, everything changes. I step into the other side of my life which will shape and occupy me just as the water gets filled in a glass. Facing this drastic magma of a new life would probably begin redefining the present. They say, where there is beginning, there is always an ending and memories are the bittersweet bridges between the two. That's how I plan to survive without a boat in this storm. Because you guys have always been the pillars of my faith and will always be there to corroborate my belief in hope. I can actually hear the strings of cold music in my ears which is constantly reminding me of a presence of a new door which is yet to be opened. That door has some profound consequences. On me. Perhaps this is something called being 'institutionalized' which Red talks about caged in Shawshank. I know you guys would understand that I am just as a vanquished jumper on the top of a huge building, except only that I have a choice and a precarious future. The taste of freedom would come different and I hope to digest it in one go.

I've said what I wanted to say to some of the very special people. I've held the covers until I am gone because I want you all to look back at me; at my memory and silently smile for me. This is something I have always had in mind since I realized how important small things are in the context of inner happiness. I don't know if ever I have made a difference in your lives. The truth is that I always wanted to and I always felt like proving in front of you that not all the people in world are made of stone. There is a feeling inside that you can't touch, but it is inevitably yours. That's what friendship has been to me always. And that is what it will be. Forever. Always.

I'll really miss this place. And a bright time has come where I step into the next phase of my life and bid a subtle goodbye to the present to make a different future. After suffering from nights of insomnia, I have been able to put these words down out of my mind. Ephemeral peace. Perhaps. Ending words of this post are a little hard to find. I guess I'll stick with a little realization, "Sometimes you just need to look aside your goals to find the right direction". And some birds aren't meant to be caged. Be one. You'll have a story worth not finishing.

Happy 'Second' Birthday Blogie!

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Wed, 03 Jul 2013 09:02:00 +0000

It's a rainy day today. With a cold coffee in my hand, I log in when I see that I completed two years of blogging! What could have been better than reading my own posts dating back to 2011 and 2012? I feel amused and so much proud to state that that cup of coffee was just not enough for all the profound words I once wrote to share via this blog. I ain't a narcissist, but some of my posts really surprise me now! It's like I don't think I could have written something like this, something relating to all that I see written. It's a pleasant surprise that I can actually see myself through the line of life with this blog. Me and Sentimientos completed 2 huge years today. Happy Birthday blogie! You bring the best out of me. I keep coming back because I know that you're my mirror.

If it wasn't because of this blog, I don't think I'd have ever met so many amazing people around me. I think it's time I admit that you people complete me and my words. If you all had not come here, read my blabber and inspired me, I don't think I'd have ever expressed so much here. I would have missed out on so much then. Let me just grab the prettiest cake today and eat it with ample satisfaction in my soul. Do you want some too? Or do you care about the calories?!

Did you know that I started this blog with the name: MiniEra because I felt that this is my little world and little time apart from the real world (Hence Mini+Era). I don't really know why I changed it. What do you vote for? MiniEra or Sentimientos? Or none of them?

Initial design of the heading I made last year. Never really changed it!

I want to share a quote with you today: "I don't know if I will have the time to write anymore letters because I might be too busy trying to participate. So if this does end up being the last letter I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school and you helped me. Even if you didn't know what I was talking about or know someone who has gone through it, you made me not feel alone. Because I know there are people who say all these things don't happen. And there are people who forget what it's like to be 16 when they turn 17. I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We'll all become somebody's mom or dad. But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening, I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you're listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite." -- From: The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Life's a long long road and writing makes it easier, simpler and contemplative. I'm just glad that I came here two years back with a heavy heart and a lot in my mind. It's a rainy day today. I think I know why.

22nd Year Of My Life: An Update To Life!

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 20:52:00 +0000

So, I am 22. Feeling old. Feeling changed. Feels like I am standing on the edge of a new life. A new me altogether! Different from what I was and what I had always imagined I will be. It's strange because I have never felt such a thing on my birthday before. Something is pushing me to pour my feeling here. Maybe it's time to unlock the shackles of my heart, welcome the warmth so many amazing people had for me today and start believing that there are true people out there. Am I this much blessed and worthy of love?

It's time that I stop looking down and thinking about my past and look ahead at the bright future, in the eyes of the people who really matter to me and who always will. Words of such people changed the way I used to feel for them before today. Reading their words again and again and reviving the conversation I had with them today, I feel so overwhelmed and special! After a long long time something had made me feel confident and worthy about myself. I love you guys! I hope you know that I can never be, I never was a materialistic person. It was all a bogus layer talking. Thank you for reassuring that I am never alone. :)

Towards dawn at Andaman Islands

I've been admitted to my favourite university and would be leaving home to attend it very soon. Yes I am super-excited! I see the moments flying to a new place and slowly wrapping me into the arms of change. It's time to find my own way and cross that bridge to a new place. I'll be okay. Or too much happy maybe! Well, I am hoping the other side brings a new set of painted windows and a new kind of skyline. A new set of stories to tell.

I give up the wait for her now. I give up the empty bucket of hope and rest my teared apart soul. I am moving on. Feeling and healing. There is someone else. Someone I think I am falling for! They said it right I guess that love is just a misunderstood feeling and more of a phony tag. We walk with the souls in our hearts, waiting to tell the beautifully special story to the right person we feel will understand and put his or her hand on our shoulder and reassure us. I was waiting for her with my broken pieces of heart and a pile of stories to share when I found a beautiful soul. So, it's time I put the shit of my past into a bag and throw it away. It's time to give a little love for I know it will all come back. What do you guys think? Should I tell this someone new about this blog?

I am really happy today for I see a new shadow coming straight towards me in some time. It's a sudden realization that I must have made it through cause I see that sky is still blue! I am just waiting for the wind to blow and topple me over.

On Your Birthday Mother, Here's Something I Need To Say..

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 20:00:00 +0000

Dear Mom,

It's that day when all I can think is how much you've loved me and how much you've supported me all this time. I can't stop smiling when I look back into the deep and profound memories. I remember when you taught me how to write my own name. Then I used to run away, here and there, and make your work difficult. Seldom did I realize that you were always there. Even when no one was. You've always took care of me as I am a one year old kid needing you all the time beside me. You've never let me cook, you've never let me wash my own clothes, you've never let me realize the troubles of keeping our home clean because you have always wanted to protect me and keep me from doing these secondary things. On your birthday today, I just want to tell you that I would never ever grow old enough to find my socks, my belt and you'll always be my outfit-for-the-occasion designer. Always!

I feel like an idiot when I realize that I've not said all this to you already. You're just the best I could ever have! I might be an atheist but today with this realization, I just want to thank the mighty for sending to this place as your son. I admit I am foolishly shy when it comes to touching your feet and taking your blessings, but then you had always made it an option! And being totally like you, my choice ensued! ;) But today in my heart, I have so many things to say to you. Your son is growing up. I've grown up, Ma. I know when you're sad. I know when you're crying. I also know when you're feeling scared. Can I request you to share every single feeling you have inside? I want to be there beside you just as you have been here with me. Trust me, with all the wisdom I've inherited from you, I think I can be a perfect advisor for life!

Picture Credit: My Dad! And that's me with my mom. :P

Whenever you scold me, sometimes I disagree and try to fight back but that look you have with you! That look immediately pushes me back to my squeaky self. You sure have the key to control me mother. Or maybe you programmed my heart this way. And oh, I have no idea when will I ever be able to suggest you correctly about your sarees and suit outfits. You might kick me if I admit today that I always nod in appreciation when you ask me about your dress fitting. Mommy aap ache hi lagte ho hamesha! Thoda sa style hai aap mein aur baaki sab skill hai! Touchwood! Touchwood!

A very very Happy 50th Birthday to you mom! I LOVE you and I'll always be with you forever and would always take your side when you and papa fight. (Mostly, you're correct in your standpoint!).

You're best at: Everything. I wish I could officially declare you my super mom!
I hate when you: Start cleaning the whole house when I am sleeping. Arrey? Roz safai karni zaroori hai?
I love when you: Put your hand over my head gently and tell me a story when I am about to sleep. I seriously love this and will forever do!
I want you to: Always stay healthy and follow the fitness regime that I make for you, which you comfortably ignore! Also, I want you to never ever search for your daughter-in-law. ;)
I love your: Apart from everything, I'd specially say your Music choice! Splendid.
I will: Miss you a lot a lot a lot a lot when I go for my further studies. I hope you can scold me on Skype the same way!

Thank you mother for making me who I am today. Thank you for always making the tastiest meals on every Sunday! Thank you for always giving me whatever I wished for. I actually do not have any words to righteously thank you for always and always making me feel blessed! Least I can do is to invite you for a dance with me, a dance which not many would be offered. Would you take this lightening opportunity on your 50th birthday and embellish myself? ;)

The more I grow up, the more I realize that I can't love anyone more than you in this world. Ever. You know me as no one ever could. I love you Ma.

Conglomerate of Thoughts..

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Sun, 26 May 2013 18:28:00 +0000

There comes a time when you simply stop looking at the future for a while and look back at the past and realize the hell of a journey you've had. You fail to believe that it was you who treaded through such difficult situations and mishaps and here you stand strong like a wall. What brings you to life is those amazing relationships you've had. Those bonds which will stay there forever remind you of your strengths and keep you going ahead with a beautiful smile on your face. It's true that some friendships and bonds are there to always keep you just the way you should be. There are times when you feel like giving up. Then you turn towards your one of those friends who abuses you with a smile and asks you to stay there. What value does these feelings hold in store? Can success, failure, money, passion get you this magical relations? A fake surface of happiness is what comes with just money which is hardly any closer to inner satisfaction. Being a good person matters because if you feel for someone from inside, most days you'll feel for yourself too and maybe someday it will make you realize what you've been missing and what you need to do to reach where want to. Being true out there will bring you some of the wonderful people who would stay there in your heartbreaks and such ordeals. But again, is being true enough? Does being true suffice the satisfaction crave?

All through this journey, you might have copious emotional moments and abundant difficult experiences which you would feel like sharing. And you will. You'll have amazing people to hear you and become a part of your life. But this stupid, emotional and rigid heart always searches for that one ear who, without judging, would hear every single word you have to say. That one person who has a smiling face whenever you have a story to tell. A story that might not be funny but mawkish. It seems logical but leaving such person behind is a hard thing to do. Not getting attached to this person is impossible simply because he or she is always there and because we always have a new story to tell! Maybe life's all about learning. Mentally, emotionally, physically and socially. It feels no less than a labyrinth when somebody decides to move out of a story. Your story. When ending is really far away. But then it had to happen. So who will listen to selfishly mawkish and overtly sentimental stories? True friends. Maybe.

I have absolutely no idea what I am feeling right now. But I just have this thing inside me that is provoking me to come up and scribble this here. Looks like I have all grown up or maybe there's a lot of time to contemplate on such things. Looking at people with a different mindset can sometimes surge out a contemplation. Something just feels wrong this way. I feel like:

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky

Make a wish, take a chance,

Make a change, and break away

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk, take a chance,

Make a change, and break away..

I'll always be back to those people who helped me make what I am. Cause I belong here and no matter what is wrong here, I'll always have their back. I just need to ask them if they belong with me. Or if all of this is just a morning dream. I don't know. And I hope I never do.

# Random Scribbling.

## Feeling light!

Her Eyes - II

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 19:25:00 +0000

This post is a continued feeling, or rather an ensuing realization of this post: Her Eyes.

-----------------------------

Behind those blue eyes
I failed to see your lies
Deep into waxed cries
I lay still; tagged unwise

It's sad but true
Couldn't read your moves
Cause I felt love in my grooves
With you gone; it proves

Source: My Heart

In times, I have realized
With love, there comes a disguise
If you wouldn't be wise
You'll get entangled in lies
Behind those hazel eyes
Because that's where hope lies
That's where the blue skies
Always meet the sunrise..

#This is dedicated to someone who, if by any chance is reading this, thinks that I am writing this to collect the sympathies of the few who come here and read my rants. And is probably not missing me.

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I was wrong when I thought that I am a grown-up mature man who could take care of her. I didn't. I realize it now that I wasn't the one I always had thought I was. I was different. I was inexperienced and unsure. Dependent. It feels that a tide of realization has gushed through me. If you're reading this, just be safe and always stay happy. Love was a bitter experience for me, and I think for you too. But my friendship wasn't. And that's why, I hope you keep these rhyming feelings in mind and choose wisely. Cause I won't be there to watch over you, in times to come. You'll be missed.

A Pretty Face

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 19:48:00 +0000

A pretty face, I rewind in my mind
Everyday for a while, when I dream of flying

Source: Google

She pours by the skin to make me feel
A reality far more than I see

Swinging on the fresh green grass
She makes the butterflies dance
Completely unaware
She makes all heads glance
Oh..she's just so beautiful

She comes along; every time
Unlike any other pretty face
She's there, she's here and everywhere
A pretty face, a never seen grace
I see everyday for a while
Sitting alone, when I dream of flying

On the moonlit floor
Beneath the swirling twilight
We fly together with wide open eyes
To a place never seen before
Happy smiles show up once more

Until I open my eyes
And everything falls back to before
Broken days and time wasted
Nobody dreaming no more

Days pass by as by the window I once again lie
To close my eyes and reach for the sky
And then I see a pretty face
A beautiful face, a never seen grace

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# कैसा है यह सफ़र, ढूंढति हैं जिसको नज़रें, जाने है वो किधर!

Fire That Won't Ever Burn Out..

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 11:04:00 +0000

Hundreds of stories

See through my glass
Another wave in the ocean
A little ignorance in time
Transparent drop on grass

A soft drop of kindness
Giving out a different color; dull light
Unwarranted and unrequited
Like a rumpled piece of paper
Mistaken days; swaying choices

Countless good occasions
Flying away leaving untidy marks
And repelling mysteries
That beautiful smile
Remains in the sky and dreams

An awaiting implosion
High on stupidity and rage
Ain't no ship in the harbour
No place to keep quiet
Darkness maybe beautiful
Eagerness in situation

Retreat on cards
Death knell looking heavy
About to strike an ending
No reason to stop and say
No wishing for retards

I'm gonna send you all the dreams
Removing all my tethering screams
I'm gonna see through my glass
I'm gonna say a hundred stories
Next time, I'm gonna be more
More than a wave in the ocean
More than what mirror of now shows

---------------------------------------------

..... said the diary of a daft old woman, long forgotten and unwillingly bathed in the tides of time. She is going with a hope to return back. With a different set of choices. With a promise of lightening the globe next time with a fire that never burns out. Eyes closed.

"All Through Time" - A Song

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 18:42:00 +0000

One of the first songs I wrote. When I needed a little more love than I've ever had. It's time I reveal that I am craving for someone to share my feelings with. It's time I say it out loud that I miss her. Again.

-----------------------------------------

Things have changed so suddenly
You flew away leaving me lonely
Here I am, going on without you
Bitter and hapless mistakes surround me
All my chances, undone

I'm all ashes as I say
I could make everything right
I could stop the distance
Give you an answer
And then make a change
That feels good inside

This life feels so alone

It's 4 am and I lay on the cold floor
No one to see me through my door
Looking all around for you with a broken smile
If only you stayed for a while

Here I am, going on without you

Without making any more memories
All the realities, undone

I'm all ashes as I say

You were made to be mine
All through time; all through time..

-----------------------------------------

# Does this come close to being a song? If it does, then does me writing this song for her prove that I am still in love with her? If again it does, then does this imply that my love for her was true? I want you to answer these questions. For her.
# This post does not have any picture. What did you imagine from the lyrics above?

Dead Step Number 2012: Crossed!

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 13:24:00 +0000

Another step left behind. Clusters of new memories saved in an unknown space of mind. Abundant new relations made. Some like a light brittle thread. Some like a solid hard rod. A lot of experience gained. A part of me, lost. Good bye 2012. I lived you. Hallo 2013!

Everyone is making posts about resolutions, what the passed year taught them and related stuff. I wonder what I should blabber about. Me? Love? Philosophy? Relations? Hell? Music? Fine. Let's just stick with what I picked up from these 365 days in my timeline.

I'm gonna focus on reality. No philosophical shit, no rhyming stuff. Just the Real. So here goes:

Love. It's nothing actually. If you see it with a radical mindset. It's nothing but a damn hyped up matter which for sure ruins a life, and then maybe makes it. If you want to have a nice, peaceful and happening life at the same time, don't consider giving this name to the bond you happen to share. It will change everything. It did. Well. I'm out. And trust me, without this tonnes of load, I'm happy as I could ever be!

This year gave me a lot of experience. About people. About life and about how things happen to go around here. Nothing is constant. Nothing! I happened to experience being a reporter and a student at the same time and believe me, the real is much different from what we see. Yep, I am talking about news. Knowing this, we cannot and should not blame the media or the society for it. It's business. Just like you or your dad knows how to save tax money. For raw news, open Yahoo or Google. As simple as that.

Being expressive and shouting your thoughts out loud is not a bad thing. This is true, isn't it? Until some time back, I used to be someone who was afraid. Afraid of doing the wrong thing. This year, I made wrong choices, I got hurt, I lost every bit of hope I had. But as they say, "If winter comes, can spring be far behind?". I crawled out. Hail and hearty. New and fresh. Always remember this small piece of thought: "If you'll never try, you'll never know". Just shout your thoughts, make decisions, don't sit back. I didn't. Hence, I'm telling you what I went through.

Feeling angry? Hating someone? Want to give on everything? I have the best medicine for you. Music. Ever since I started floating on YouTube, I have found a whole new world. A whole new world of dreams, passion and expression. It's beautiful. Since then, I have quenched my thirst for a better life. I have learnt to live and enjoy in who I am. Music has the power to heal a soul. If you ever feel forlorn, just hold on to Music and shy away from reality for a while. And oh! If you're just the opposite of forlorn and feel awesome these days, try listening to Blink 182, Muse and so on. Point here is that music is there, every time, everywhere. And just as you like it, 'The choice is yours'.

This year, I learnt : First impression is not the last impression. Instead of following this philosophy and putting over a fake coat of sublime attitude, if you just be you and be confident in yourself. Things can turn over. A lot can happen if you believe that you're good. And trust me, each one of us is.

That is a lot of stuff to even read. Well, serious hoke likha hai maine! :P

I am grateful to 2012 for letting me live in this beautiful world and giving me another chance to fulfill all my wishes and dreams. Some of the most wonderful people entered my life and gave it new colors. Some of the tired ones left. Perhaps for the better. There were misunderstandings, there were broken windows. Those who had to be there, they were. They will be. And I wish that this coming year blesses all of us with truest and brightest of happy moments. We all crossed the 'dead step' number 2012! Forever, and ever, let's make this last forever!

Flake Promises and wishes :

> Go skiing and enjoy like I never did before.

> Be organized and responsible chap. Chahe kuch bhi hojaye! ;)

> Strive and make this smile (on the left) bigger.

> Be punctual and not keep anybody waiting. Tough!

PS: Do you find all this crap? I do! But the fact that I feel a hell lot lighter after shredding these words, is enough for a reason to come here and write. God bless you all! :D

Happiness..Finally!

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 08:05:00 +0000

The other day, I stumbled upon the secret to get over anything. To come back to life after anything. To not miss anyone and get over any-fucking-body and not regret. To witness laughter and start living once again. And then someone just summed it all up in one picture :

And this silly post is a small push to that discreet button called 'Reset' in life. Closing up and freezing those eternal tears of sorrow. You know what, sometimes, happiness and options together step outside your doorstep and you're lucky enough because you don't have to choose one and let go off another. It's all yours! It really is! That's what has happened to me in a long time, and I ain't regretting anything! I just welcome the new pathway, a new timeline and a whole new life altogether. Perhaps far from the reach of love and destiny.

आज मैं बहुत खुश हूँ ! बहुत खुश।

# Why? Don't ask. Cause I won't say no word. What if you start judging me?

Who is God?

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 18:44:00 +0000

To all the unbiased reading this: Who or what exactly is God?

I am sure most of us have wondered at some moment of our life about this most basic question: who made us? Why are we even there? What purpose do we all serve by just being there? I came across a very intriguing movie some time back, The Thirteenth Floor. It shot up a very different kind of a perspective in my mind. What if we all are just simulations? That which are created by some massive and powerful creator? The movie deals with some programmers creating a computer generated artificial parallel world that is just like early 30's with seemingly real people with real emotions. Technically speaking, weren't those programmers the God's of the people living in that parallel world? To cater to this strange thought, I found a video on YouTube which somewhere answers a part of it. It explains how everything is linked to data and how this would might also be the one which is being simulated by someone whom we have named God. Perhaps in fear. It does ring a bell though, but as it is, no one is sure enough.

Alternatively, some of us think or rather believe that time in itself the creator and destroyer. Or in other words, we associate time with power, mighty nature and unbelievable ability. I'll perhaps agree with some of the brightest minds our world has had and say that time is more or less a fourth dimension which cannot be traveled back and forth, unlike the other three. That's what makes it so important and distinct. Take a look at this: Imagining the Tenth Dimension. Isn't this one of the most intriguing unanswered questions? And hence, nope. Time ain't God. Time is a line on which we all are virtually moving. Towards our end.

So, the above brings me to a new question: If our creator is some expert programmer or simulator, why did he give us massive amount of thinking ability so that one day we might decipher his play? All of it seems to stir up the mind, right? The line of whys still remains intact. You could perhaps see how difficult it must be for that programmer to run our world by watching this amazing movie: Bruce Almighty.

Human Beings across all parts of the world have given different shapes and structures to their own interpretation of God. And if I am not perceiving it in a wrong way, it is these interpretations that have led to sprouting of several different religions and rituals. Another question or rather a problem pops out inside my realm of thinking is: What will happen if someone someday proves that there ain't these number of creators but only one, i.e Nature? I guess, that intelligent soul would suffer a terrible death. What do you guys think? Remember Copernicus? The same man who was condemned because he proved Earth not being the center of our Solar System but Sun! Will any theory against God survive in this world of passive thinking and limited imagination? I doubt so.

In between all this tumult and trails of whys and whats, I guess we all can formulate our own definitions of God. So tell me, Who is God For You? Why do you think there is someone of that make?

Picture Source: Google

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After a long hiatus, I guess I write this to paint your screens with my blabber and to know your thoughts. If you're thinking; she's out of my system. That should be a good thing, right? It is. For her. And maybe for me too. Nonetheless. May the Mighty bless that relation which rests in peace today.

Much to talk; much to say

Ain't enough to make her stay

Heart says there ain't no way

Here I go; flying far-far away

A Pair of Wings Would've Changed It All..

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 19:09:00 +0000

Picture: Google

Looking back into my mind

With the passing time; I feel

The crave to go back in life

Pieces of memories still stand real

I see a woundless man

New to this world; quite shy

Making his way with a shining smile

Those years, that time, those streets

Slowly fill me with a strange pain

As I see me sinking; still unsure

If only I had a pair of wings

I'd make a dive into my life

Just to make sure

That he doesn't fall

Into those unfathomable

And unreal illusions of love

Just to tell him to be on his own

A pair of wings can change it all

A pair of wings can stop my fall

I sit by the window and sigh

Weaving cold feelings as the wind blows

You always change with time; You have to

Picture: Google

I sit here; waiting for the feet of time

To step on and crush my memories

To give me a white blank page

To free me from this swelling cage

I feel like crying out loud

Just to burst my inner dark cloud

I was wrong about loving and being loved

It was easy living in a bag of fairy tales

As the winter's coming close

I open the door of my heart

Once more; Just once

Hoping that it never stops

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I can't help but travel back. I guess some moments are just meant to be forever. Some relations are just meant to be secure deep inside, no matter what happens. Every relation, every bond in this life is precious and more important than having a heap of money to spend. Don't ever break a relation which somewhere defines you and is worthy of your love for it will never ever fly out of your mind and will always come back as a reminisce of your mistake.

कहने को साथ अपने एक दुनिया चलती है पर छुपके इस दिल में तन्हाई बस्ती है, तेरी याद साथ है, बस तेरी याद साथ है।

Word-O-Logy: A Fun Game!

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 19:31:00 +0000

An innovative initiative in the form of a fun game is taken by a fellow blogger, Tanya at Word-O-Logy. Since it is a chance for a non-creative person to flaunt his creativity, here am I making a choice of my 10 favourite words out of given 55.

Here we go:

Dreams : Perfection
Road Trip : Dhabba ;)
Door : Connection
Saturday : Movie Time!
October : Winter Winds
Time : Insurmountable Chase
School : Memories
Experience : Identity
Philosophy : Art
Love : Unknown

I realize this gives a fair amount of sneak peak in my personality. Doesn't it?

The Afterglow

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Sun, 14 Oct 2012 08:19:00 +0000

The alarm clock cracked his dream as the numbers turned to 7:00. Back to this real world, he got out of his bed and quickened to get ready for his routine. 'What do I need to complete today in the office?', he thought as he ironed his shirt. 1..2..3..4..5..6. Today's gonna be a busy day! He frowned.

After getting ready and eating a light breakfast, he took the keys to lock his apartment. Outside the door, he picked up the newspaper to skim through the headlines. Noticing the day, his lips curled into a dark smile. It was Sunday today!

A little tear moistened the paper as he hummed, 'Why did you have to go?'.

Illusion of Reality

noreply@blogger.com (Rachit) — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 08:05:00 +0000

A white blank page

Illusion of Reality*

This breaking sage
This is me; In disguise

A transparent glass
Pieces fallen on grass
This is me; I realize

An imploding soul
Ferocious untamed goal
This is me; Fear's my truth

An unending hopeful song
In this world where I belong
This is me; I must go on

~ I fight the transparent pinching truth with a weapon of hope. I see a half naked man in the mirror, shattered by reality and fettered by time. Still smiling, still yearning and still hoping that one day, his world would be different. Nonetheless, the show must go on and hence, I'll keep moving until I see me in the stars.

*Picture Source: Google Images