Rachna says

The overpowering rage!

2012-02-14T11:06:00.000+05:30

Violence and rage are on the rise. Is it because of the rising stress in our lives due to a bad boss, lousy work schedule, or the really bad traffic?

Two high-profile incidents in the news recently were of a school teacher stabbed to death by a 9th standard student in Chennai because she was complaining to his father about his poor marks. It is easy to pass judgments by faulting the parenting style of the boy's parents or blaming the harshness of the teacher. But, one thing is certain is that frustration levels are really high. If they do not find a vent, they can have disastrous outcomes. Teenage is the time when the children feel most misjudged and criticized. They hate the world, and everyone who asks them to smarten their act. Why would a child go to the drastic levels of killing his teacher? He must have been aware how his life would be forever damaged. I don't know. What went so wrong that could not be retrieved?

The other incident that happened yesterday: A bunch of drunk people who shot at a teenager with an airgun when this teenager's father asked them to drive safely because they were driving on the wrong side of the road. So, when you get upset when someone cuts you, breaks the signal, brushes past your car or intimidates you, and you get angry and show that anger verbally or through gestures, you really do not know what that person in the other car might do. At the end of the day, in these unfortunate incidents, it does not matter who was right or wrong, what matters is the consequences of those actions.

Few months back, our entire family with our dog was going out in our car. At a narrow road, there was a traffic jam. We were waiting for the way to clear when a man came from my side to my husband's side. His window was rolled down. Without any provocation, he lunged at my husband who out of reflex caught hold of his hand. He was saying something, which we did not understand. For a couple of minutes, they were grappling each other. We were shocked; I yelled and suddenly seeing Coco, he let go, and we moved ahead. It really unnerved us, and I don't know what that man's problem was -- was he mentally unstable, drunk or ??

Then a few days back, my son who commutes to school by his school bus was roughed up by another boy in 8th Standard (older to him by 4 years). Why? Because, he did not want him to sit on the seat where he sat. So, he doesn't ask but actually tried to strangle my son. Oh yes, other children confirmed it. We had to go confront the boy in the school bus, warning him that any future complaints, and we will go to the Principal.

So, how are we supposed to handle these incidents? If you drive, in India, you will be faced with daily incidents when your BP goes dangerously high. For the sake of your safety, assume that all other people are carrying guns, divert your mind and do not get into needless brawls. If you think about it, it is a minute or two that is lost if you allow that honking nut to pass or ignore that brute of a bus driver who cuts you off or stop and give way to the truck who is on the wrong side of the road. It is the prudent approach to take considering the real risks that you might be putting yourselves and your families in.

About children, I feel that they will be frustrated and angry. There are so many triggers and pressures. My son gets mad and yells. I have taught him the pillow trick if he is really upset about something. As parents, keep your ears open when they share something that enrages them. Parents talking to their kids helps them get perspective. Heck, I still do even when I am 37 years old. If I talk to my dad, and he explains something in a calm manner, it makes me see things differently. We exercise a lot of power over our child's thoughts and actions. Let us find the time to share their angst, to teach them things good or bad and to set an example by our own demeanor. Remember, in the larger scheme of life, children are more important than any amount of money we can earn . If something goes wrong, can we forgive ourselves? Please spend time with your kids and listen to them. They are very intelligent and solicit their opinions and feelings. They will know who to come to when they are pushed in the corner.

So, when we celebrate love, don't think that our job is done by buying a card or giving an expensive gift. More often than not, it is our time and our attention that are the most precious gifts to be given!

Links to stories:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bangalore/Refused-way-furious-driver-fires-at-teen/articleshow/11883056.cms
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/chennai/Classrom-murder-School-reopens-after-tragic-incident/articleshow/11881068.cms

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Friends!

2012-02-07T08:16:00.000+05:30

My elder son loves to play TT and Badminton. He has picked up the basics of Table Tennis quite well from us but requires to learn more in badminton. He is a beginner. Now, he often wants mom and dad to play with him, and we can't always find the time except weekends and even that is difficult these days. So, we told him to play with a good friend of his. This friend plays badminton well. We thought, it would be a good arrangement where both of them get to play both Table Tennis and Badminton with each other and learn as well. The fact that they were good friends made it even better.

So, last weekend they give this a shot. After playing for more than an hour of TT with his friend, his friend said that he was tired and would play badminton later. Later was in the evening. First, the friend turned up wanting to play TT again. But, my son insisted that they play badminton in the evening. With a little persuasion, they went. After half an hour, I saw him sitting in the park on the verge of tears.

When we asked him, he said that his friend ridiculed his play because he was losing easily and instead called another boy to play with him and asked him to go away. All this did not happen very politely. We were really surprised because this good friend of his is generally a nice boy. What can we say! We had to say that we will be playing with him over the weekend and that will include badminton too. Yesterday, he chatted again with that friend, and he said that he does not wish to play with my son because he feels bored, as it is so boring to play with a novice!

It is really so sad that I have to teach my son about friendship and helping each other out. And, in the same vein teach him that he must not be taken advantage of, that exchanges must be fair and that even friends hurt you. Why do I need to teach him all this? Should he be knowing these things himself? Is he too naive? There are times when he comes home crying because a boy kicked him in the groin while playing or kicked him while playing football. I don't want to interfere when kids have squabbles, but don't I have to intervene when he gets hurt physically? But then boys play physical games all the time. I find myself having many chats with him because he is vulnerable and sensitive, prone to being hurt easily and crying. And, we can't be around to protect him always.

Update: He is in a slightly awkward group. Children his age are shorter and play games like hide and seek etc. whereas with his taller build, he prefers football, TT and badminton. Those are generally played by older boys and that is where lies the problem. He makes his own friends, and I don't remember telling him how to choose his friends. I only want him to know how to stand up for himself and not to suffer any form of abuse.

Image: Jomphong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

An interesting conversation

2012-01-30T11:34:00.000+05:30

My son and I were out to the market one day. We passed by a butcher's shop where we heard the bleating of the chicken being slaughtered. There was also this chap on a bicycle ready to lug his cargo of alive chicken. There must be at least 50 of them tied in two batches in the front and back on top of each other with their necks drooping as if resigned to their fate. Sid sees them and looks shocked. He asks me, "Look at the way he is carrying these poor things." I nodded my head feeling sad myself. He then went on, "It is terrible that they will be killed, and we will end up eating them." I agreed.

He told me that the other day in school, his teacher asked which is the most dangerous animal? Many kids answered lion, tiger and the like. But, Sir said it is human beings. We kill when we don't have to! "Do you think that I should stop eating non-vegetarian food?" he said. I replied, "This is the decision only you can take."

To explain further, I told him how his own grandmother (my mother) never ate non-vegetarian food, but she cooked for us kids and never actually told us what we should do. Each of us 3 siblings gave up eating non-vegetarian food at some time in our lives. My sister and I started eating after our marriages though not under coercion from our spouses, but my brother still is a vegetarian, though his wife is a non-vegetarian.

So, the decision is yours to take! I think, that left him even more confused. I think this confusion is good. After all, life is not always black and white; there is a lot of grey.

PS: I believe that the choices we make in our life must be based on our own free will and convictions and not based on heckling or pressuring.

Smile

2012-01-25T10:22:00.000+05:30

Pic: Clare Bloomfield / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Though I think of myself as a positive and optimistic person, I do realize that I am quite judgmental and critical in many ways. The only saving grace is that I am not in your face with my criticism; I generally am pretty courteous even with people I openly dislike. Why are we getting more bitter, intolerant and my way or the highway kind of folks? We criticize, bitch, find fault or generally enjoy slinging mud? Are we letting unnecessary negativity bog us down sometimes on as trivial and unrelated topics as celebrities! A blogger friend, Purba's latest post made me think about this.

So, this post is going to be a cheerful post with no fingers pointing at anyone :).

We got our dog, Coco, neutered, and the guy seems to be doing pretty well all recuperated. I had a pleasant surprise when I went for my younger son's PTI this week. Now, he has always struggled to keep up with the crazy kindergarten syllabus. Both Gautam and I have been working this entire year practicing and reading together along with his teacher's support in the classroom. My son is very shy and requires sensitive handling. His teacher had such wonderful things to say about him this time and his progress. The little fellow made us so proud :). And, when I tell him, "I am so proud of you." He asks me what does proud mean? And, it is so difficult to express the feeling of pride to a 5-year-old.

My elder son, is only about to be 10, but I see a real change in him in his maturity. I can really talk to him like a friend. He has the compassion and the patience to listen to me. I cherish this relationship that I share with him. And, hubby will be pleased too, as I eat his bheja less often ;-).

Another good thing about Coco's neutering was that kids now understand that men has testicles that contribute to a child also along with the women who give birth. We have birds too. So, even the younger one understands that the egg that is not fertilized (a term he does not understand and mispronounces) does not have chicks coming out. Now, the next question is going to be how do they get fertilized, or how do the sperms from the testicles get into the baby. That will be a tough one to answer. I am still thinking about how I will answer that one. Indian parents always have it tough when talking to their kids about birds and bees. But, nature is helping us. Also, we can get psyched when a child mentions a forbidden word, though the child may mean it in all innocence. The problem is with our thinking :).

And, for our application Rolodexo.com, we created a Facebook Page. Please be a sweetie and "like" it :). You want to support budding entrepreneurs and friends, don't you?

The link is here:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rolodexocom/235758923168750

The power of the self is very strong and often unrealized! So, on this pensive note, let me wind up this post with this quote.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Dalai Lama

Your own virtual Business Card database -- Rolodexo.com

2012-01-19T21:34:00.000+05:30

My company, Tranquil Software, which is a startup, launched an internet-based application recently. It is your very own place to create your business or personal card, store the details and then invite your friends, acquaintances, business contacts (anyone whose contact you'd like to save). The biggest advantage of this site (apart from the fact that is free to use) is that you never lose your contacts. It is like a storehouse of all your business cards in one place. Another great feature is that when anyone in your contact list changes their contact information, it automatically gets updated in your contact list too and also in the contact lists of all those who have them in the contacts. Very simple to use, you just register with a username and password. Then you confirm your email through the link sent to your email id. It opens a simple profile page where you input your details and your card is ready!

You can create a card whether you are a student, a professional or a homemaker. The intent is to store contacts in a reliable place. Our Privacy Policy assures you that we will not sell your information to anyone. And, you can always keep your card private (there is an option there) if you want only your name to appear in searches. That should take care of your security concerns.

Now invite your friends and build up your contact list. This is all there is to it. I hope to see more and more people use this application, as it is really very good. I am not only saying it because we have developed it, but I do genuinely believe that.

This is the website: http://rolodexo.com. Please register and spread the word among your friends. Any feedback, comments and views are welcome and help us work better.

The dilemma of a mother!

2012-01-17T11:54:00.001+05:30

Thank you Blogadda for finding this post Spicy enough to feature as Spicy Saturday Pick

"Oh no, it has been too long. I need to work again. I did not do my Masters to be sitting at home and babysitting. Besides, our daughter is now almost 2. I think we can put her in a creche and try. If I stay any longer at home, the damage to any hopes of having a career will be irreparable. Don't worry, this job has a work-from-home option after a couple of years, so things will stabilize." Sheila gave all these reasons in favor of her decision to work again. She had discovered this BPO job that seemed so good. Thus began the journey of training (was pretty good) and early morning classes for this BPO job. Daughter Diya had to be dropped to creche and picked up by afternoon.

Training flew by, and then started the actual work. The work was in 2 shifts -- one from 5 am to 2 pm and the other from 2 pm to 10 pm (excluding the commute). The shift timings changed every week. It was tiring, but Sheila was enjoying her work. She wanted to prove a point, so she persevered doggedly in those times of stress. Diya was cranky and resentful in the beginning but slowly settled to the routine albeit grudgingly.

In the meanwhile, they moved to their own home that was quite some distance from this office. The commute got longer. Diya had to be put in a new creche. The circle of adjustments began again. Hubby, Ashmit, had been very supportive dropping or picking up Diya on his way to or back from work. The other dropping/picking was done by Sheila in her sleep deprived state. Life was very hectic and very tiring. The biggest pain was working most Saturdays and some holidays too. BPOs -- they followed the American holidays not Indian ones! She was under pressure and sometimes wondered why she was doing it. But, she wanted to work. She was qualified and smart. Staying at home was so demeaning. Besides, she wanted to earn her own money. That was a huge high, wasn't it?

Ashmit got an opportunity for an overseas project for 2 months. He wanted all of them to go together. It would give them an opportunity to see many wonderful places. Things were worked out at his work and at her workplace. After moving heaven and earth, her leave was sanctioned. Off they flew. After a long, long time Shiela was spending so much time with the family and was so very relaxed. She was traveling, meeting wonderful people, and reconnecting with hubby and daughter. Diya was leaving no opportunity to tell mom and dad how much she was enjoying being with them.

Time flew by. Back home, it was her first day back to work. Diya had been crying since she woke up. Sheila herself was feeling depressed. Should she go back to the daily grind and the struggles again? More importantly, should she put her 2-year-old daughter through this again, the nights when she is up crying waiting for her to be back home, the times when she clung to her when she is dropping her to the day school?

What do you think she ought to do?

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction

Go generic!

2012-01-13T10:51:00.002+05:30

Many of us are aware of the difference between generic drugs and branded drugs. For those who are not, generic is the chemical ingredient of the drug and brand name is the particular name by which the drug is sold by individual pharma companies. Just like other branded goods, branded drugs are expensive, sometimes manifold. But unlike clothes, cars, jewellery, drugs do not really offer a show-off value or possession quotient. All one cares for is the drug to alleviate the symptoms it is meant to alleviate and be pure and safe. Hence, paying for the branding of the drug versus a generic is a wasteful expense.

To give an example paracetamol (a common painkiller and fever reducer) is very commonly sold as Crocin in India. In this case, there might not be too much price differential between the brand and the generic. But those who take Tylenol in the US will agree that there is quite a price gap between it and its generic available.

Now, I am not trying to show off my understanding of drugs here. I've known and noticed that doctors regularly prescribe branded drugs (often very costly), offering no perceivable additional benefits as compared to their generic that are priced at a fraction of cost. My dog was prescribed Augmentin 625mg recently as an antibiotic. The cost of 10 tabs is approximately Rs. 440. Its generic counterpart having the same chemical composition (amoxicillin and clavulanate) costs Rs. 108. You see the difference of 3 times, yet 2 doctors prescribed this, and I had to specifically ask the pharmacy to give me the generic.

A month back, my dog was prescribed Nizoral tabs for a fungal infection. I was told to give it for 6 weeks and just 3 days' supply costs Rs. 250 (no exaggeration)! On calling up the vet and cajoling her, she prescribed an alternative grisovin by Glaxo that costed Rs. 15 for a week's dose. This seemed like a huge price difference to me. You will find this happening for many drugs. Do compare the costs of various OTC (over-the-counter) vitamin supplements available at your pharmacist and see for yourself. You might be fleeced and end up paying pharma companies because they are telling your doctor (giving commissions) to prescribe you expensive drugs.

For OTC and commonly used drugs, it would help to check for the generic alternatives. Your pharmacy person can easily guide you, and you can compare the chemical composition along with potency. You can even call up your Doctor, and I've done that many times, and they have told me the generic name when I said that the drug they prescribed is too expensive and the pharmacy person is suggesting an alternative and cross-checking with the doctor if it is fine.

So, demand information, use information, browse the net and don't get fleeced.

Footnote: Please be careful when buying generic substitutes from unknown pharma companies due to so many fakes available in the market. But many times good generic substitutes from reputed pharma companies are available at a lesser cost as in the examples given above. At least try asking your doctor, most good doctors do give you a substitute. Even good vets give. I have experienced this umpteen times. Many of them are not willing to risk their reputation when their patient insists upon asking for a perfectly acceptable cheaper substitute (if available).

PS: Image courtesy: ddpavumba / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Marriage and its changing dimensions

2012-01-08T13:52:00.005+05:30

Yesterday, I was watching this lively debate on TV about whether marriages are sacrosanct anymore? The topic is loaded to say the least :). Were marriages ever sacrosanct, it lead me to think? Yes, they were much more in the past than now. With 6% divorce rates in India, marriage still seems to hold a place of pride in our country. But, this situation is changing slowly but surely especially in our cities. There are many reasons for this change. Growing economic independence of women, more open society that does not view divorce as a taboo anymore, lesser social stigma in alternate relationships like singlehood, divorce or live-ins, and greater opportunity and temptations for both the sexes.

As was the norm, marriage in India meant that one could have access to a legal physical relationship. Girls of the earlier generations and those belonging to middle-class families would certainly pressure the boys to enter into a wedlock due to family, social and cultural reasons. The boys would have to relent because good girls did not jump into beds before marriage. And, one definitely needed to be married to have kids. Even today the most liberal of couples would tie the knot before having children. The first reason though has taken a backseat due to premarital sex gaining more acceptance yet even in long-term relationships or live ins, there is always a pressure to get married to provide legitimacy to the relationship. That is just the way Indian culture has always been. I don't see that changing drastically any time soon. This might not apply to the richest and the most powerful like in other societies. This is of course in the Indian context. We, in India, take great pride in quoting that there is an almost 50% divorce rate in the US compared to our below-double-digit rates. Does that mean we treasure our marriages more? Are they sacrosanct to all in it? To say yes would mean taking a very parochial view of things.

There are and have been people who have indulged in infidelity. Maybe, earlier things were kept under wraps or the incidents were not discovered or the lesser partner reconciled and kept quiet in the name of honor. Today, they are more out in the open and reported. There could be a variety of reasons for this. Extramarital affairs are on the rise due to explosion in technology that is giving easier access to opportunity; less tolerance or lack of adjustment on the account of partners; partners being more aware of their individual needs, desires and aspirations; women experiencing empowerment, having more financial stability and having more say in their own marriages and so on.

In my opinion, marriage can be a very fulfilling relationship if both partners have mutual trust and respect. They must look at the relationship as a symbiotic, mutually beneficial and dynamic relationship. The relationship needs to be nurtured on realistic expectations and a fair give and take. Marriage changes at every stage, and it is important for the girls not be overly emotional ( read filmy) and for the men not to be overly practical :). I would like to hear your views about it.

It was quite interesting and amusing to watch various points of view on this subject. In this topic, there is no right or wrong but just individual perspective. Like someone said, "One man's marriage is another man's poison." :)

PS: Picture courtesy kongsky/freedigitalphotos.net

Random Rambling

2012-01-03T11:54:00.003+05:30

Happy New Year all! Have been away for a while and was busy with other things. I have not been reading your posts so give me some time to catch up.

Some random questions that I have been thinking about

Why do kids fall sick one after another no matter how many precautions one takes?
Why are some people so rude in their manner for no reason? What is the best way to deal with such people, snap back or handle them calmly or show them their place. I would personally love the third one :).

I did watch a few movies in the past days: Bol (Pakistani movie) -- a sad tragic tale but very moving, Allah kay Banday (a crime thriller about kids who turn criminals) -- engrossing, 3 Idiots (again for the umpteenth time) -- I never tire of this one. I read a couple of books too and am midway through "The Litigators" by John Grisham. Just a question -- have you ever felt satisfied reading an Indian author? I read one recently and the word that came to my mind is popcorn fiction. They can be bestsellers, but they make for very pedestrian reading. What could be the reason for that? I hated Arundhati Roy's Booker winner -- she just rambles on and on. Aravind Adiga's book was very dark and depressing -- I guess a formula to win a Booker is to make the jury sleep before they can finish reading. Aatish Taseer really writes in a confusing manner. I just read half of "Noon" and gave it back to the library. Chetan Bhagat -- only liked his first one, resolved not to waste time on reading him anymore after "Two States."

And no I didn't do anything on New Year's Eve or rather did what I do every year, slept off before 12 :). I just don't have it in me to party till late night. I actually hate noisy parties and hate traveling after midnight on roads filled with drunks. I'd rather have a cozy get together with a few friends or just be at home watching TV or a movie.

We had left Coco (our dog) at a dog boarder's and what do you know -- he has got so many ticks :(. I have to do tick treatment on him now. It is so painful. Every time we are away, Coco has to be boarded and carries some disease or the other. But, it is great to have him back :), my sunny boy!

New Year Resolutions -- Never make any is my policy :). What I have to do or need to do, I will do anyway.

So, back home and back to work! Hopefully, this year will be better than the last!

Pic courtesy:Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Food memories and Award :)

2011-12-20T10:53:00.002+05:30

Nimona

It is winter and very cold in Bangalore these days. It made me remember the food that my mom cooked during the really cold winters of the North during my childhood. Gajar ka halwa was a staple. I also remember that she made a curried dish of peas, and I have been trying to recall its name since many days, only remembering that the name resembled a disease :). Yesterday, it struck me -- Nimona. I know weird name, but I looked up on the internet and found the recipe for the Awadhi Nimona that my mom made. So, I took the recipe that looked closest to the dish (Tarla Dalal one) I remember and made it yesterday. It did turn out pretty decent. Made with crushed peas and potatoes, it tastes different from the normal peas-potato gravy that we cook perhaps due to the sweetness of fresh peas that are coarsely crushed for the gravy. This is not restaurant-type dish but good, wholesome homecooked food. So, hopefully I will continue making it through the winter. You see the picture of my effort above.

Aabha of Daffodils has been kind enough to give me the Christmas Blogging Award. Thank you Aabha! Now, I have to pass it on to 10 different bloggers. This is the most difficult part, and as always I dedicate it to all my blogger friends. I would only like to name one, my son, Siddharth Parmar who has recently started blogging at Rumblings of a Bookworm. So, this one is for you Siddhu. Continue the good work :). I am also supposed to write about 10 interesting posts that I have come across. Again very difficult. I enjoy reading all of you, and how can I choose among my favorites?

So, here's wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Don't have kids!

2011-12-17T10:19:00.000+05:30

Yes, you heard right! Please don't have kids if you have no time for them.

It saddens me when

A little child is sent unescorted to catch a bus at the bus stop where the child indulges in all kinds of pranks including running in front of moving cars or dangling from dangerous places.
A sick child is sent to school because no one is at home to take care.
Small children play unsupervised near manholes, electric poles or poke their fingers in the eyes of a stray animal, likely to attack them back in all probability.
Bullying kids pull up other kids, many times beating them or abusing them and then become meek and lying children when they are pulled up in front of their parents.
When a child sits for hours in front of television, numerous gadgets, videogames because who listens to the babysitter or the grandparent. The disciplinarian is missing.
When a child is pushed to follow a rigorous schedule immediately after coming back home from school read tuitions, numerous classes (the child might be too tired or not even interested in taking them) because they have to be "occupied" till the time parents can come home.

A child is a responsibility of its parents. There are studies to prove that the molding of a child's character, eating habits, morals, behavior etc. happens in early childhood. As an adult, many are fighting off dysfunctional traits as a result of bad habits inculcated during childhood.

Life is not easy. In homes with both parents working and a nuclear family setup, a child often becomes a liability more often. One good thing about progress is that most of us with privileges have the option not to have children. Please have children if you can devote time, attention and energy to them. Children always need time, not only when they are babies, toddlers, big kids, pre-teens, teens or young adults but always! Their needs change but their requirements from their parents of time, attention and energy stays. So know what you are getting into when you plan kids. Money comes way down in the list of things a child needs. Don't think it will make up for all else that the child is losing in the bargain!

Image courtesy: Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A Special Day, A Special Post

2011-12-11T07:40:00.001+05:30

My blogger friend Zephyr of cybernag.in kindly consented to do a Guest blog post today on my 11th Wedding Anniversary. Zephyr is a grandmother whose blog I've been following for some time now. Her blog posts are full of wisdom and humor, both the qualities I cherish. I feel a connect with her and sometimes her blog posts seem to speak my thoughts. She writes beautifully about relationships, parenting and social issues. Her blog is a must read for anyone looking for balanced posts, anecdotes and lovely experiences. So here goes the blog post she did for me on marriages...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Give something and get something extra!

It is not about bargains in a store but one in a relationship, especially in a marriage.

----

I was discussing about marriages the other day with my friend from Israel who was in town. ‘They divorce in less time than they lived together before they marry. I prefer it when they marry and then begin living together,’ she said adding that sometimes they get married after living together for five or six years harmoniously but divorce within a year after marriage! ‘They lack tolerance -- this generation,’ she said shaking her head. I shook mine in agreement.

Like the L&M and me, she and her husband have been married for 35 years and like all long married couples, has gone through the thick and thin of life learning in the bargain to live and let live, albeit not without tiffs and little fights.

I never tire telling (anyone who would listen) that I deserve a Nobel Prize and an Oscar and all the top awards besides because I tolerate all the idiosyncrasies and exasperating habits of the L&M for so many years, but add in the same breath that only he could have put up with my quirks and annoying habits.

The L&M and I have nothing in common, except the brats of course and then they look like HIM! But I would not exchange him for any Mr. Perfect in the world. Who, but he would put away the washed vessels, a chore I heartily dislike – every single day? Who again, but he would never find fault with me for making some blunder, trying to gloss over it to make me feel better? Who but he would patiently grate ginger for and make tea for me, even if he doesn’t drink anything in the morning? It is another matter that he would crib about it every day. I tell him not to make my tea if he hated it so much, he would still do it because I simply need my cuppa when I wake up and he likes to see my happy face.

So when I need to cook three different kinds of vegetables because he simply loves them and can’t resist buying loads of them every day, I do it with a lot of grumbling, but when I see his face light up at the sight of the dishes, I feel good, even if I have spent two hours in the kitchen cooking them all. That’s what doing things for each other means. We do them to see our spouses happy.

Ever wondered how the earlier generation managed to bring up so many well-adjusted and happy kids? Our mothers didn’t demand equality – they were equal in more ways than the women of today.

Marriage is hard work. It is NEVER a 50:50 relationship. You can’t divide housework equally, you can’t divide responsibility half and half and you can never divide adjustments made by each other equally. The ratio ranges from 60:40 to 90:5. While the former is an ideal situation, the latter is where the relationship is abusive with one very submissive partner. And mind you, though the submissive one is largely the woman, even men are the victims. But social conditioning and other factors make them silent sufferers since any publicity would only make them the object of ridicule and not sympathy or pity.

The reason we find so many unhappy couples today is because their egos get hurt by making any compromise or giving in to the other partner however trivial the issue is. ‘Why should I give in?’ they demand. I agree that one shouldn’t give in if the demands are demeaning, unreasonable or outright cruel. But when they are a matter of just simple give and take, what is the harm? Why make a big deal of small things? If one were to go by the kind of complaints one hears from spouses, one is shocked. The issues in question are ‘not worth a pinch of salt’, as we say in Tamil.

It is so easy to start a fight over trivial things and then turn them into ego hassles which blow up in a couple’s faces before they know it and we find them standing in opposite cages in front of the judge in a divorce court.

Whether it is an arranged marriage or love marriage (including one where the couple has lived together) a sense of déjà vu sets in once the honeymoon is over. The new environs, the added responsibilities and being on their own/with their in-laws – all bring in their own set of adjustments and compromises.

Ever tried doing any of the following?

He likes to meet his friends once in a way and you happily tag along, even making your best efforts to enjoy it without commenting about them adversely lest he feels hurt.
She likes to unwind by shopping and you accompany her enthusiastically even though there is a crucial football tie on the telly and you don’t breathe a word about it to her lest she felt guilty.
Invite her parents over for a fortnight because she wants them even when you are neck-deep in a project and politely listen to the old man’s boring conversation and exclaim enthusiastically at her mother’s cooking when you are hard pressed for time.
Go out of the way to be nice to his sister whom you are not too fond of, because he dotes on her and you love the look of happiness on his face.

Go on, substitute your own situations here and make a list, marking each as A (felt good) or B (Felt lousy and put upon). When the As outnumber the Bs, you have a happy spouse and a happy spouse means a happy family and we all know what that means. Don’t be surprised by the reactions. They sometimes can be more pleasant than you dreamt of in your wildest dreams.

Marriage is not about one-upmanship or about controlling each other. Give some, get some and if required, give some extra. It is this extra that the spouses give each other that make for enduring relationships and happy marriages.

Rachna dear, wish you and your husband of 11 years Many happy returns of the day.

Image courtesy: Tom Clare?freedigitalphotos.net

Addons:

How we met

http://www.rachnaparmar.com/2009/11/my-knight-in-shining-armor.html

Cynophobia!

2011-12-08T08:08:00.000+05:30

If you are not aware of this term, fret not :). It means "fear of dogs." I actually looked up this term myself. Of late in our community, I see an abundance of this. Yes, we did have a very unfortunate event recently where a girl was bitten by a pet cocker spaniel. Of course, it is a very unfortunate incident that can be really very scary for the child. My sympathies to the child and her family. But, this must be looked upon as an individual case, really. Just because one pet dog bit, it does not mean that all other pet dogs must be condemned to skepticism or harsh measures. Definitely, action must and will be initiated against this dog owner and his pet but spare me the rhetoric.

Meanwhile, what is happening is that some people who are scared of dogs or hate dogs are spreading malicious stuff over our common mailing list. I mean dogs are the most lovable, gentle and sweetest of creatures around. One of the cynophobes, an old gentleman, is extremely cynical and even more frustrated because others are not buying into his Nazi suggestions like sending all pet dogs to foster homes is one of his bright ideas. Some other people suggested muzzling all pet dogs or de-nailing them! These people are delusional. It might be even hilarious to read the stupid ideas if they were not so pathetic. What is the perfect way to react? Not to react because such people are begging for reaction. The amusing part is that people with all kinds of personal agenda are jumping into the thread with their own hidden motives. "Apna ulloo sidha karna" is what I'd say. And the lady, who is the mother of the girl who was bitten, is the most balanced of the lot and very rational in her approach. So, I wonder why many others are making themselves look like idiots.

You have to see our mailing list. At times, it is a great source of entertainment :). There are a bunch of folks you can call "regular" who are always writing something or the other of no value solely because they have nothing else to do. I had to set individual filters to weed out this kind of content from my mailbox. Do you guys face something similar from your mailing groups?

Ah well, what can one say. We Indians are absolutely great when it comes to doing politics over anything or everything even when it comes to seemingly innocuous subjects like dogs.

Addon: I forgot to add that there are a lot of unhealthy, not vaccinated stray dogs in our layout. No one can do anything about them, but they want to go after healthy and vaccinated pet dogs. Good thinking :)!

Image courtesy: digitalart/freedigitalphotos.net

Dev Anand -- An amazing actor

2011-12-05T10:27:00.001+05:30

The 88-year-old evergreen hero passed away yesterday. Death is a certainty and will come to all. But, artists with their body of work stay alive in our hearts and minds. The best thing about Dev saab was that he really did live his life on his own terms. He had an illustrious career as an actor, producer and director that spanned many decades. His later movies were forgettable, but he made them because he wanted to make them. He was sharp and witty even at this age. I watched his interviews and wry sense of humor as late as a couple of months ago. Isn't that what we all desire? To be old but healthy, on our toes, retaining our intellect and living life on our terms and to the fullest because you really get only one chance.

A stalwart from the trilogy of Dilip Kumar, Raj Kapoor and Dev Anand, he had a special place in his audience's hearts. I especially loved his movies Guide (ahead of its time), Tere Ghar Ke Saamne, CID, Jewel Thief, Hare Rama Hare Krishna, Heera Panna and so many others. His style, his stylish good looks, his fidgety movements, funny way of running and his quirky dialogue delivery were all his trademarks and endearing to the audience. He has given some outstanding songs to the Hindi film industry and introduced some wonderful heroines. I remember that when I recently visited Qutab Minar, I was disappointed to note that we were no longer allowed to go inside. Who can forget the memorable song shot in Qutab Minar "Dil ka bhanwar kare pukar." I have many, many favorites among his songs. These are two among those:

May You Rest in Peace. A lively man with a never-say-die spirit, you are sure to inspire generations of Hindi filmgoers. First we lost Shammi Kapoor and now Dev Anand, this year has deprived us of our shining stars!

The Big Sham of Private Hospitals!

2011-12-01T12:08:00.001+05:30

The Indian Healthcare is in a state of serious disrepair. Let us first look at Dignostic Laboratories. There are no standardized rates for standard tests. Each lab charges what it feels like. The worst part is that you cannot even bank upon the results of the test despite paying through your nose. We have no way of finding out about the caliber of the staff. We recently got some blood tests done at Vijayashree Diagnostic Lab close to our house that looks pretty clean and swanky. This is because this Lab is very close to our house compared to the usual place where we go. When the results came, we were shocked because the values were definitely wrong. How do I know? Because I get this test done every few months, and this much variation is simply impossible. Now, what do I do? I have to repeat the test at another Diagnostic Lab to know the right value and end up wasting more money. Who can I complain to about this? Can you imagine if this happened for a test result for a more serious disease? Are they not playing with people's lives with inaccurate results?

Try going to SuperSpeciality Hospitals like Fortis and Apollo. Wow, their rates can make you see moon and stars in the day time. And, these tests are not even covered by insurance. Also, these designer hospitals cannot be trusted. Because, doctors just ask for expensive tests to be done just by a single glance at you. It is disgusting and clearly a scam. Just a couple of days ago, there was an expose on NDTV about the Private Hospitals in Delhi treating poor patients shoddily and turning them away when they claim to treat 25% poor people every single day as per SC order. This is when they got land at dirt cheap rate on the premise that they will help treat poor patients for free. They are humiliating them and asking for all kinds of documents which is illegal I wonder if any action will be taken against them. I wonder if SC will take note of this.

It is clearly very disheartening that we end up paying through our nose and yet cannot be certain if the doctor, hospital or lab is not fleecing us and thriving at our expense. The state of government hospitals is even worse due to corruption and lack of workforce. Isn't it high time that we had some reforms in healthcare too. There must be a regulatory body that ought to look into these issues. Greed is slowly consuming our Doctors and hospitals.

Update: As is pointed by many others, most of the doctors have no time to actually listen to your problems, show that they are paying attention and answer questions. You have to badger them for information. It is really quite sad.

Good Loser!

2011-11-27T08:10:00.001+05:30

I always tell my elder boy how important it is to lose with dignity in any sport, how humility is a really appealing quality to possess. When he was younger, it was a bit difficult for him to understand. I mean everyone feels bad when he/she loses, so what is the big deal in showing it? I explained to him that people who don't let either success or failure go to their heads are the eventual winners. He has come a long way from the days when every trivial game was a matter of sore disappointment and life and death. These days I find him handling his losses quite decently.

And, yesterday he had the opportunity of witnessing exactly what I have been telling him. There was this older lady in a game of chess with another lady. As I was in the final which I later won, I went to watch this semi-final match right towards the end, and he came along always curious. He won the first prize in Chess in his age group. Now this older lady was in a messy situation and about to lose. She was doggedly fighting (nothing wrong with that) in a lost cause. She was turning the rules on its heads, making moves and changing them continuously and taking ages for each move. The other lady being very patient was bearing it silently. Finally, when this lady lost, she started arguing with the organizers that she wanted to play another game, that it was unfair, who had decided upon the format etc. As a parting shot, she even commented that she had won the first prize in another event. All this for a puny Competition that is more for fun than anything else.

My son was quite shocked with this behavior. He commented on her being a sore loser. I asked him if he learned anything from this episode, and he said he actually could see how undesirable and ugly this kind of behavior is. What was more surprising was the age of the person. He felt that older people are normally benign and balanced! Well, sometimes real incidents teach much more than morals.

Kaun Banega Crorepati -- An inspirational season

2011-11-18T10:02:00.001+05:30

Kaun Banega Crorepati - Season 5 was very special. Some can call it populist or sucking up to emotions, even if it was, I guess I don't care. It was indeed heartening to see so many real stories of struggles, of adversity and determination, tears and grit. Of course, no one can forget Sushil Kumar winning 5 crores or Anil Kumar winning 1 crore, but there were so many others like the handicapped Muslim man, the man with a stammer who confessed to contemplating suicide, a farmer's widow, the lady teacher from a village whose entire family depended on Rs. 8000 per month that she earned, the lady from Ladakh whose entire family was wiped out during the Leh flash floods, the widow of a police officer killed by Naxalites and so many more. There were times when I had tears in my eyes, when I was rooting for them to win or when I felt upset if someone lost the money they made. It made me more aware of how so many Indian live on much less, struggle with less opportunities, and yet complain much less than we do. There was so much to be learned from their thought process, their values, and their honest approach. For the privileged like us, this is a reality check.

This is definitely not pity or charity, but money earned on the game show is a combination of luck and diligence. The money is definitely not just given away but earned. This speaks very highly for a game show that somewhere along the way tried to make a difference to the lives of a few in this vast country of disparities.

One cannot round up any discussion about KBC without speaking of Mr. Amitabh Bachchan, the host. He is a man who appeals as much to my father as to me and my son. He is someone who has achieved dizzying heights of fame, stardom and money and yet his connect, his feelings and his emotions with these people of limited means is so real. He is funny and concerned and very encouraging almost like a father figure and so much at ease with the adulation he encounters every step of the way. A great role model to teach your kids about humility, poise, and a cultured upbringing, not to mention his deep baritone and perfect diction!

I hope somehow in some way, the show inspired us to do more and be more sensitive to the lives of the less privileged around us.

Image courtesy: http://kbcofficial.blogspot.com/

Nainital!

2011-11-10T09:38:00.001+05:30

Lovely cottony texture!

A view of the city from the Naini lake

It was quite cold there. Scenic mountain roads and pretty steep ones led to our resort "Shervani Hilltop." The little houses built in the mountains looked so unique. It just amazed us as to how they would have taken all the construction material up. Shervani has a beautiful garden. The flowers are amazing, and we just loved admiring them. They have good heating in the rooms (which was really required in the cold), but one gets hot water only for a few hours in a day, as water is precious in the mountains. Fair enough! The food spread is quite lavish and tasty, and they had live singing too. The singer sang some lovely romantic ballads that added to the pleasure of dining. For those who have been to Nainital know that most activity is centered around the Naini lake and the Mall Road that runs adjacent to it. Mall Road is the predominant shopping area here. Nainital is well known for its candles, and we bought some too. Though, it is unclear why it is so because the wax does not originally come from Nainital. One good thing is the cleanliness drive. There is no visible litter, and they are strict about littering. The lake is also extremely clean. We had one of the best boat rides in the serene lake with an entertaining boatman, who told us stories of his children and how he had educated them all with his boatman's salary. It is a pleasure to talk to locals and hear tidbits about the local history. Also, the language is so wonderful -- good, lyrical Hindi. Don't you agree that the language in the smaller towns is so clean and pure and a pleasure to hear as against the mixed, corrupt language of the cities.

a unique way of pottingcacti

We enjoyed our walks on the Mall Road. We even once did the 4-km route from our resort to the Mall Road to and fro, which is pretty steep! It did get our hearts pumping, and we were shedding our woolens in a hurry :). No wonder, the people in the hills are so fit. And, the air is so fresh and unpolluted. My husband joked that we might fall sick because of such clean air and fresh produce :). We also did a walk till the Himalaya Darshan Point. On clearer days, one can see Mount Everest and other Himalayan peaks from there, but on the day we went, we could not due to the fog, but we did enjoy the hike. Another nice place to visit is the Cave Garden. There are a multitude of caves here: Tiger cave, Panther cave, Ape cave, bat cave and so on. Let me tell you that the caves can be claustrophobic with steep climbs and sheer drops. But, it provides a huge rush. Sid and dad did 4 caves. I had the courage to only do 2 :). One could have great views of the Nainital city from here. Another curious thing I found here was that plastic bottles are slung from trees in some sort of pattern. Is it to show people not to litter or does it have some other significance? Some locals we asked had no clue. You can also do the cable car, but I personally don't enjoy them much. One can also see various points on horseback if one is so inclined. Overall, it was a pleasurable stay among friendly, simple people. It was really relaxing and for people living closely a must do. A lot of people say that it is over-commercialized, but it seemed a sleepy, laid back town to me. No complains. We had a good time!

We braced ourselves for some bad roads, as we headed back to Delhi on Diwali!

The blurred Himalayas at a distance

A view of the Naini lake from our hike

Another view

The resort perched on Hilltop

Panther cave

Corbett!

2011-11-05T20:39:00.001+05:30

Next morning, we start from Delhi to Corbett, home to Jim Corbett National Park. This has been extremely renowned for its jungle animals especially the tigers. The kids were looking forward to seeing some animals up close and personal. As soon as we reached out of Delhi and into Ghaziabad district, we regularly came across bad stretches of road till we reached the NH which till Moradabad was a dream. The nightmare began when we had to cover the last 90 odd kms. to Corbett and had to take a deviation from the highway. First, there was a massive jam on a narrow road where construction was on. That caused us to lose a good 45 minutes, and then the stretch of road was so bad that for the sake of life, limb and vehicle, one had to do dead slow. The 60-km stretch took us over 2.5 hours. We were exhausted and angry, and the road was so bad that all trees and vegetation had turned black with the rising dust and sand from the pathetic road. We cursed Mayawati all along whose smiling face is there on the entire horrible stretch. The driver had some horrifying tales of his own to narrate. As we touched Uttarakhand, the roads magically became fine, and we managed to reach our resort by 3.30 pm. We also bought some really tasty apples and guavas here. Tired and famished, we attacked the food which was super awesome. Home cooked in UP style with hot phulkas, it was heavenly :). The other outstanding element was the extremely good service and courtesy of this tiny resort called "Corbett Serenity." Definitely recommended if you visit here.

Lovely Corbett Falls

Another view

We were then told that for the safari, one requires to fill some form for permission with ID proof for which my husband had to wake up at the ungodly hour of 3 am. What was meant to be done in a jiffy took 3 hours of his precious sleep time! All excited about the safari, we started at around 6.30 am and were in for a huge disappointment. Except for a couple of exotic birds, deer and a sambar, we did not see any animals. It was such a waste of time! Are there any tigers there or are they a myth now? The jungle though was lush and green and cold. So, I guess to see animals we should have gone to our local zoo or better still the National Park close to our home in Bangalore. Thoroughly disappointed we came back, had a wonderful breakfast and headed out towards Nainital. Thank God, no UP roads to traverse on this stretch! On the way, we visited Corbett Falls, the only redeeming feature of the trip to Corbett. The spring water was so fresh and tasty that after a long while I drank unfiltered water and even filled some in a bottle. It was crystal clear! After spending some time here, we started our trip to Nainital and the steep mountain roads that were almost 40 kms. The roads were pretty good but had to be traversed carefully. Ah! we reach Nainital, it is as beautiful as I remember it from the days of my childhood...

I would recommend skipping Corbett when you plan your itinerary and preferably take a train till Nainital unless you want to rattle your bones on Maya's roads. I originally belong to UP and was saddened to see the terrible state of infrastructure and apathy first hand.

Long time!

2011-11-01T10:52:00.000+05:30

I was away on vacation for almost 10 days. There was also the joyous occasion of my brother's wedding. Thank you all for the diwali wishes and emails. I wasn't accessing mails and internet regularly. Here's wishing all a belated happy diwali :). The vacation was so much fun. I went to Delhi after a long time. And, what an amazing city it has become! It has transformed into a glitzy metropolis, but it is heartening to see that the city still maintains its lush green cover. The food is awesome. I loved taking my first Metro ride in Delhi though Metro has recently begun operations in Bangalore. We also visited IITD. My husband is an alumnus, and he gave a nice conducted tour sharing memories dating back almost 2 decades! Met and relived some childhood memories with a cousin's family who live in Delhi, celebrated diwali with them as well.

Other sightseeing included the great monuments of Delhi. The weather was good, and the time spent was pleasurable. Just leaving you with some pics of the trip. We also made a trip to Nainital and Corbett. More about that one in the next post.

India Gate

Amar Jawan Jyoti

North Block, South Block and Rashtrapati Bhavan in the center

Parliament

Rajghat -- Mahatma Gandhi's samadhi

Gautamisms!

2011-10-16T13:32:00.000+05:30

I must put these down before I forget them. In his innocence, my younger son often pronounces things in his own way sometimes making them unintentionally funny. Some of these are:

Sid: Harry Potter
Gautam: Harry Copter

Sid: Avada Kedavra
Gautam: Avada Kabada (ho gaya kabada :))

Sid: Leviosa
Gautam: Simosa (very close to samosa :))

(Sid's craze of Harry Potter reflects here)

Sid: Umpire
Gautam Vampire (shrieks!)

Papa: King Cobra
Gautam: Kumkum la

A good weekend movie watch!

2011-10-10T20:51:00.002+05:30

We watched this movie "Chillar Party" that was coming on TV this weekend. I actually quite enjoyed this children's movie. It was touching and funny and cute at the same time. And, there are so many things that the movie says to the children in their language. The child actors have all done a wonderful job. They act beautifully. They are very naughty, inconsiderate at times, very loving at others -- just like they are in real life. The movie was released some time ago, and if you have children you are sure to enjoy it with them. It also touches upon certain harsh realities of life like employing a child in a colony to wash cars. How the company of this off-the-streets child changes the decent lingo of the kids? How he gets them to realize the importance of family and home? And how each parent is so different in his/her approach :). Maybe, I am more sensitive to the movie because I have kids of my own and could relate to many situations with the parents.

Just digressing a bit, have you noticed that the best way to strike a conversation with parents is by speaking to their kids? It always works :). As parents, we become slightly different species. And, nothing pleases us more than hearing something nice about our child. Mothers always swap stories about how kids are becoming so difficult to deal with, so ahead of their times, so precocious and so on. I am sure my mother must have done that too :). My brother and I used to be very naughty and always at each other's throats. I see the exact same behaviour between my sons :). And, as kids, we siblings used to crib about how insensitive parents can be. "Come on, we were just playing and something broke." "And, promise, we will not talk to mummy." Now, I hear my sons consoling each other and saying the exact same things including the "not talking to mummy bit." I sometimes smile when I hear that :).

These tiny incidents make being a parent so enjoyable. I know, I, the perpetual cribber, am saying that :)! But then, who in their right minds would want to be parents and make each decision of their life revolve around kids if kids did not give us such immense joy in bringing them up. I fight with mine daily. I lecture them daily. They get on my nerves when they don't remember something they were told a thousand times. Yet, they are so quick to forgive, so ready to hug and kiss, and dissolve into "I love you, ma!" I can never lose sight of that, no matter what.

After all that sentimental talk, coming back to the original point :). Good movie. Watch it, and you will like it! Hey, and I did not even get to see Ranbir's item song! Damn! It was missing from the movie for some reason.

A Special Guest Post!

2011-10-05T19:34:00.001+05:30

This is a very special guest blog post. This post is the first post written by my 9-year-old son, Siddharth. He has been pestering me for a while to create his own blog and finally I did. To give him a headstart, I requested him to do one guest blog post for my blog, and he readily agreed :). This is his short and sweet post. I have strictly copy-pasted it and have done no corrections at all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dussera holidays

I am glad that now I don’t have to wake up at 6:45 every weekday of your life. And that you can just sit in one place doing something and just enjoy. The thing I am looking forward to is playing my favorite video game on my Nintendo DS (for those who don’t what a Nintendo DS is, it is a thing on which you play video games). The thing, which is the most boring aspect, is I have got tonnes of homework and I envy my friend in seventh standard, who has none.

Even though I get a lot of homework. Vacations are always fun.

His new blog is at http://sidvoice.blogspot.com

Festivals -- A rant!

2011-10-02T19:11:00.001+05:30

A recent blogpost from a blogger friend is an inspiration for this blog post. As we all know, come September and the festival season is upon us. One after another, festivals follow. We may not celebrate all of them but willy nilly we are exposed to all sometimes due to the loud band baaja or song and dance that happens unabashedly. Festivals signify rituals for most of us. We no longer understand the significance of why something is celebrated and why each ritual is followed. We just know that for a certain festival, this long list of delicacies has to be prepared, this fast must be kept and this puja must be performed. Many of these rituals might have had spiritual significance that has certainly taken a backseat. Most times, festivals mean eating and eating, pujas and new clothes. Many festivals pollute the environment when visarjans take place or firecrackers are burnt. Can anyone actually put a stop to that? No, that would be anti-religious, so things continue along the same lines no matter how polluted our water table or air gets.

The most bugging part to me is this overwhelming expectations from others to conform. Some people look down on others who don't "fast" or don't show religiousness the way they are expected to indulging in loud pujas or sporting certain finery. Most times, people gather at these aartis or pujas just as a roll call. Where is the piety associated with fasting or pujas? People openly talk and exchange gossip while sitting in a puja. Many eat all kinds of fried stuff and sweets in the name of fasts. Surely, these fasts were meant for detoxification and not overloading of stomach. And, then they look with raised eyebrows at someone who does not do things the way they do it. I, for one, am not religious in that sense. I wouldn't fast just because there is a Satyanarayan katha at home. I need my breakfast in the morning. And, why do we consider punishing our bodies and suppressing our hunger in some way as a means of pleasing God? I find the whole logic foolish. Also, why is all this fasting only dictated for the women? Oh, men need to eat their food on time not women?

My belief is simple. I do what I feel is right in my opinion. I will certainly not do something because you tell me that this is the way it should be done. I respect your right to fast, make noise, do what you have to do. It is equally fair that you respect my right to not do any of these things and yet be a good human being :).

The lost teens!

2011-09-26T14:50:00.000+05:30

She sat with her 16-year-old son fresh out of school and full of beans that he was beginning college. "How cool is that, mom?" P smiled at her. She smiled back and was amazed to see how much her son had transformed physically in the last one year. From a cute school kid, he was suddenly a young man with facial hair sprouting and that voice -- oh how awkward that voice sounded. There was this pride she felt in seeing her son evolve into this wonderful young man.

The first few days of college raced by. It was hectic for P. He loved wearing trendy clothes, bunking classes, enjoying the freedom that college life brings along with it. Mom insisted that he must take the bus to college. Though, he had started saying that many of his friends were bringing scooties to college and was gently trying to persuade his mother towards getting him one. Scooties are the breezy looking lighter versions of scooters that are very popular with the youngsters these days. Mom refused reiterating he was underage. Grumbling, he put this topic on the backburner.

Life was good. On Saturday morning, he told mom that he would be a little late from college, as he was going out with some friends to a mall during day time. She said fine. In the late afternoon, she received a call from a stranger on her son's cellphone saying that her son had been in an accident and that he was critical. She felt numbed. She grabbed her purse and car keys and raced out the door to the hospital the stranger had mentioned. Twenty minutes of driving time felt like an eternity. She rushed to the hospital to find her beautiful young son mutilated and dead. In a daze, unable to comprehend what had transpired, she turned to her son's friends gathered around. From their account, she came to know that her son was riding pillion on a friend's scooty without a helmet. This scooty was knocked down by a bus when they swerved right into the path of the bus killing both the teens immediately. Her cries rented the air.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a fictional account inspired by a real accident that claimed the life of two teenagers in Bangalore on Saturday. I could not help but feel the grief of the parents who lost their kids so young. It is the worst situation a parent has to live through. But, I have a question for all parents? Why are we so blinded in our desire to pamper our kids that we are unable to put our foot down when needed? Why are flashy cars and high-speed bikes being doled out to teenagers in the first place, some of them not even legally permitted to drive? Who is to blame for such accidents -- luck, the kids, or the parents who did not exercise their better judgment?

Pic courtesy: Hannah Corbett/ freedigitalphotos.net