It still feels unreal. Twenty-five years without seeing her, hearing her voice or feeling her presence in the every day ways that once felt so constant. What feels even harder to grasp is that she was the age I am now when we lost her so suddenly. I find myself thinking about that often… trying to make sense of it.

And yet, in a quiet, steady way, I have never stopped celebrating her.

My children never had the chance to meet their nani, but I tried to bring her to life to them. In our home, she lives in little anecdotes, in habits, in things I say without even realizing they came from her. My husband only met her briefly, but over the years, he’s come to know her through me too.

I have missed her at every milestone. Not in a loud way, but in that deep, familiar ache that shows up when you wish someone were there to see, to feel, to smile, to say something only they would say.

A few days ago, I had her in my dream. Nothing extraordinary happened, but she looked so alive, so real. For a moment, it felt like the old times. I woke up holding on to that feeling, quietly grateful for it.

There’s a quiet fear I carry within me. I have so few photographs of her. In fact, so few from my entire childhood. Sometimes I worry that one day I’ll close my eyes and not be able to recall her face clearly, not remember the exact way she looked when she smiled or called out to me. The thought of losing even that feels like a second kind of loss, one I am not sure how to prepare for.

One memory I return to often is how she would gently massage my head when I lay beside her. Her fingers were so light, so soothing. When we were very young, she would oil my hair with such patience, then wash it and tie it into neat little ponytails, taking so much care, as only mothers can do. It’s these little moments in time that I think of often.

Strangely, my love for food truly began after I lost her. I knew how to cook, but it was never something I felt deeply about. Over time, recreating the dishes she made so effortlessly became my way of keeping her close. Each such meal, in some small way, feels like a tribute.

Of course, what stays with me the most about her is her smile, and the way she loved. She was gentle, generous and full of heart. There are only a couple of times when I remember her getting mad. And then everyone hid, till the storm blew over. But, otherwise she never shied about showing her love and affection. We may not have had close relatives growing up, but as a family unit, the five of us held close together bound by the glue of mum’s love.

Losing a parent leaves a space that nothing else can fill. It doesn’t matter how old you are when it happens. But, there is a space in your heart that never heals. What you can hold on to though are the memories; they carry you. They steady you. In my hardest moments, when I have felt lost or low, I’ve felt her presence in a quiet, reassuring way, as if she is still guiding me forward.

She wasn’t without her struggles. She lived with pain, with osteoporosis and fractures at a time when there was so little awareness about nutrition and bone health. I sometimes wish we had known then what we know now. That we could have supported her better.

To me, the word “mother” will always mean kindness, warmth, nurturing and unconditional love, because that’s who she was. That is what she showed me. And in many ways, it is how she shaped the mother I have tried to become.

Today is not an easy day. But it is also a day of remembrance, of gratitude, and of love.

I just hope to honour her by living the values she and Dad raised us with, and to celebrate my own partner and children, just like she did for us.

We miss you deeply, ma. Always.

Some other posts I have written about my mum over the years: My mother

The mother that she was

Of mothers, memories and loss of them

And yet, there is something comforting about home. I am a homebody, at heart.

There is time now. Time to sleep an extra half an hour without wrecking any schedule. Time to make a leisurely cup of ginger tea and sit and stare into the distance like I am in a slow, thoughtful film. Time to cook without rushing, to play music, to dance around the kitchen with zero coordination and full confidence. Highly recommended, by the way. Time to listen to 2-hour-long podcasts. Time to admire the dainty leaves of the many potted plants around the home.

I have earned this “time” after frenetic years of raising a family and balancing a career. I do appreciate this gentle calming routine.

While the outside world seems determined to unravel itself on a daily basis, this little corner has become my sanity zone. I have consciously stepped back from consuming too much news. Not out of ignorance, but self-preservation. There is only so much despair one can absorb before it starts to feel pointless to even talk about it.

Also, can we talk about how basic decency seems to have quietly exited the building ever since social media showed up? People say the harshest things with impressive boldness, safely tucked behind screens. When the tone is set at the top by leaders who seem to have misplaced their sense of integrity, it is not exactly shocking that the rest of the crowd follows suit. Being crude has somehow become trendy. What a time to be alive!

Anyway, March turned into something else entirely for me. A bit of a turning inward.

After spending five decades being many things to many people, ticking off responsibilities, meeting expectations, I found myself asking a simple question: what about me? Not in a dramatic, midlife-crisis kind of way. More like a quiet curiosity. What does happiness look like if it comes from within?

So I went back to meditation. I have dabbled in it over the years, the way one “dabbles” in waking up early (does not work for me). This time, though, I stuck with it. Every day for a month. I even joined the Happiness Program by the Art of Living, which, quite honestly, showed up at just the right moment. I was already circling the same thoughts about purpose and inner contentment, so it felt less like a coincidence and more like good timing finally doing its job.

Somewhere in my 40s, I had already started caring a lot less about what people thought of me. A delayed but very welcome development. It is freeing, really, to live mostly on your own terms and not constantly check an imaginary audience for approval. Highly recommend that too.

These days, I have added about 30–40 minutes of meditation and pranayam to my routine. It has made a noticeable difference. As someone who has navigated the rollercoaster of anxiety during perimenopause and menopause, I can say this: breathing, of all things, is wildly underrated. It does not solve everything, but it does quiet the constant mental chatter. And sometimes, that is enough.

I am also learning to let go. Of control. Of unnecessary worry and angst. Of the strong urge to offer advice on everything (a work in progress). The only exception, of course, is my kids. I reserve the right to gently nudge them toward my “very wise” opinions when needed.

More importantly, I am trying to be kinder to myself. Less judgment, more acceptance. I am a genuinely nice person, not given to abusing or disrespect even under great provocation. It is high time I appreciated my qualities more in this crazy world with nasty people.

Anyhow, It is early days in this whole self-discovery chapter, but so far, I like where it’s going.

The goal now is simple: do more of what feels right, let go of what does not and learn to find happiness from within.

It all began in full panic mode with the younger son juggling not one but two major exams. I was a bundle of nerves. Guiding, reminding, nudging and yes, apparently “going nuclear hyper” (his words, not mine). I genuinely don’t remember being this stressed during my own student days. Motherhood really does come with a whole new level of anxiety, doesn’t it?

We pressed pause on holidays, family visits, basically life, until the exams were done. Then came the next phase: college admissions. Multiple exams, presentations, interviews and that agonizing wait for results. When he finally got into the college of his choice, we were over the moon… until reality hit. He would be moving to another city in a matter of a few days.

Those days vanished in a blur. And just like that, the husband and I were driving back home, waving goodbye. I shed a few tears (okay, more than a few). The husband, true to form, kept his calm, neutral exterior intact.

Coming back to an empty home felt strange, almost eerie. Thankfully, routine came to the rescue: work, cooking, workouts. I even said goodbye to our cook because, honestly, cooking for two is is easy. Also, can we talk about how little two adults eat? Mothers of growing boys will know exactly what I mean. Estimating quantities suddenly feels like guesswork at best.

This year was heavy on reflection and realignment. I have been itching to redo parts of the house – declutter, go minimal, but I want everything related to the kids to remain untouched. The husband, however, is a committed hoarder (until the sky falls, apparently). Negotiations are ongoing.

There have also been deeper reflections, about life, purpose and the endless cycle of morning turning into night while we all seem to be running a race without a clear finish line. Am I turning spiritual? Maybe. Religious? Not quite. Will I take to prayer and rituals someday? Seems unlikely… but who knows!

Realignment has been unavoidable. With both kids out of the house, our roles as parents have shifted dramatically. We are no longer managing the daily logistics of their lives; they’re doing that themselves. A lot of routine has gone out the window. I wake up later now, and I love it. I certainly don’t miss the frantic mornings.

Professionally, this year was kind to me. I ticked off a few goals I had set, and my work continues to energize and engage me. That is something I am deeply grateful for. I’m curious to see how this next phase unfolds for my husband and I.

Somewhere between all the life changes this year, I rediscovered reading. It began innocently with one Reacher book and quickly spiraled into twelve, so much for self-control. I loved slipping back into the habit of reading again, and I am ending the year on a calmer note with Chimamanda’s Dream Count, which is my final read of the year.

Travel played a starring role in the second half of the year. We spent a couple of wonderful months in the US with our older son. Lots of travel, reconnecting with friends and family, and plenty of good times. There were multiple trips to Mumbai as the younger one settled into college life, along with visits to extended family and my mother-in-law in Hyderabad. We wrapped up the year beautifully with an anniversary trip to the Rann of Kutch in early December, traveling with my sister’s family. Pure joy, laughter and memories.

As the year winds down, I feel genuinely grateful for all the beautiful moments it gave us. I feel calmer, more centered. I don’t have grand goals for the new year; just a desire to build on good habits and take life as it comes. Choose ease over bucket lists. There is beauty in the steady rhythm of everyday life and in spending time with family.

Let me know how the year has been for you, and what do you look forward to in the new year?

Staying with one person through kids, careers, changing bodies, perimenopause then menopause, changing minds and changing seasons? Let’s just say it has been one wild roller-coaster ride.

These days, the idea of love as shown in movies makes me laugh out loud. All those slow-motion walks and perfect moments? Cute, but not real. And social media? Those glossy Instagram squares are just slices of life, not the whole picture.

No couple is lovey-dovey 24/7. Love doesn’t stay the same; it evolves. It shifts shape. You start relying on each other in quiet, practical ways. There is deep comfort in simply being together, doing your own thing, sharing silence and existing in the same space without needing to perform.

Over the years, our tastes and passions have changed too. I’m definitely not the 26-year-old who got married, and neither is he. Watching each other grow, sometimes together, sometimes separately, has been one of the most beautiful parts of this journey. Real comfort in marriage comes from allowing each other that freedom: to explore, to change, to choose, without guilt or fear of offending the other.

Case in point: my husband is a morning person, bright-eyed, chirpy, and ready to conquer the world at sunrise. I, on the other hand, need time. Silence. Possibly coffee and breakfast. He works out in the morning. I prefer evenings. He loves watching reels without muting them. I give him dirty looks and grunts. I have gone from expecting him to always tag along to happily doing things on my own.

And I love it. I can stay home for days and be perfectly content. He, meanwhile, has to step out every single day. It took us a while to learn how to live with, and respect, these differences.

With time came confidence. Confidence to fully be ourselves, while still indulging each other. The support he gives me is something I value deeply. I have always been independent, opinionated and unafraid to speak my mind. It takes a secure, confident man to truly appreciate that. I challenge his views; he challenges mine. Mundane? Never. We don’t mollycoddle each other, and that works for us. We have always aimed for an equitable partnership, and I hope our kids picked up on that.

In case you felt everything was too hunky dory; let us be clear – we disagree. Oh, all the time. Bickering is practically a sport in our house . But we always find our way back to each other. Our generation grew up understanding adjustment, not erasing ourselves, but adapting, accommodating and listening. We don’t dismiss each other’s feelings. We try to make space for them even if we sometimes can not comprehend them fully. That pulls us back from the brink, every single time.

We have had our fair share of fights and upheavals, along with countless beautiful moments and deep intimacy. We have enriched each other’s lives in ways we never imagined. I introduced him to good food, fitness, finer things and a bit of etiquette . I am hoping to still get him to reduce his hoarding habit and align with my aesthetic sense. Work in progress, I guess.

He opened my world to travel, gardening, intricacies of perfumes and the joy of DIY. He brings the fun and madness to my seriousness and gravitas. Together, we are very much yin and yang.

We are different enough to keep things interesting, yet aligned on the values that truly matter: family, commitment and relationships. And honestly, I will never stop wondering how we managed to raise two kids and Coco. Parenting gave us our maximum number of disagreements, but somehow, we powered through.

Twenty-five years later, here we are. Still learning. Still growing. Still choosing each other. And that, I think, is the real magic.

How much has changed in this time! From a new couple adjusting to each other to a seasoned bickering couple, we have come a long way. This is the country where I discovered my passion for food. Thank you Food Network! And travel! Thank you, husband!

You know, I have realized that most often the term expat is only used for people coming from richer or shall I say, white nations. No matter how educated, well-traveled or well-heeled we are, a lot of people assume that we brown people are hankering for the passport of a first-world nation.

Well, the husband and I are very happy living in India with the lifestyle and culture that we love, not to mention the creature comforts.

In our interactions with Indian-origin folks, it has interesting is to see how many Indians who left the country of their birth many decades ago see that country now.

They believe more often than not that India is still stuck in the 80s or 90s. Perhaps, their views are guided by the lives they lived before moving here. Or maybe it is a way for them to validate for themselves their current life choices. Food for thought, for sure.

That apart, it has been an absolute joy to come live with the older son. To play the parents again while enjoying being taken care of. It is a different experience when we have to learn to let go of our parental roles of incessant guiding and lecturing.

Our son is so savvy when it comes to planning travels. We had an absolutely wonderful trip to Peru and came back with lovely memories. When it comes to traveling together as a family, we still function well (with just a little drama thrown in here and there).

Now we approach the fag end of our trip here and look forward to returning home while also knowing that we will miss living with our son.

As empty nesters, these days and weeks have even more meaning. I definitely focus more on experiences now and on spending quality time with my boys. And, I say this with a lot of gratitude that our kids still want us to come live with them and spend time with us. I see so many youngsters being completely disconnected from their parents.

In a way, this time is what every parent earns. We have done the hard miles of parenting. Now, we don’t have to micromanage anything. We can take a backseat while they build lives away from their childhood home.

It was nice spending Diwali here though not a patch on how festive and exuberant it is back in India. I missed all that I do during Diwali back home.

In the longest time, we have not taken off for a couple of months from our home. I had my apprehensions about how everything would pan out. Would we be bored and anxious? But luckily, it has been quite nice.

We are so close to DC and well connected with the Metro network. So, the husband and I do a fair bit of travel, walking in neighborhoods and seeing the sights. We also do the groceries, hence the son has to contend with a lot more fruit and veggies sneaking into his diet. I was on a mission to fatten the boy a bit. While he has a hole in the stomach and can eat well, he does not seem to gain weight easily. Does have its benefits as you age.

In the past few weeks, we have been enjoying the outdoors. Fall colors are so pretty here. We are also enjoying walking about, something which I wish we could do more of in India. We are keeping up with our workout regimen, more or less. The son has a good gym in his building, so that helps.

Today is Halloween here. It’s been to see the spooky decorations everywhere. and people dressing up. The weekend is upon us, and some seafood and lazing around is on the cards. That’s a wrap up for now. How is everything with you guys?

So, the year has been quite a whirlwind so far. First half was all about my younger son, Gautam’s board exams and preparation for college entrances. A very stressful and high-energy time. Somehow, I envy dads, as they can distance themselves from all the worry and anxiety. I was truly going nuts.

Luckily, all that passed well. He is now in college in Mumbai and settling in. Super happy about that. I truly believe that kids have to leave their homes to begin their journeys. It is a time of transition and uncertainty. It is not easy but absolutely important. As parents we are always there. We speak daily, and guide as best as we can. But, we know that he will evolve into a smarter adult version of himself as he emerges on the other side of this.

But that also means that we are empty nesters now. It is a kind of a different experience this time around compared to when the older boy left home. He went so far away in Covid time. It was nerve wracking. Comparatively, Gautam is closer to extended family in Mumbai and a short flight away from home. That feels good. Definitely less daunting on my nerves.

So, we picked up the pieces and tried to string together a routine anew. No waking up early to prepare tiffins or rushing to stop his school bus. The entire school hustle bustle is out of my life, and I am not complaining. The husband goes to work thrice a week, so there are still some lunchboxes to pack.

The chore of cooking has reduced drastically. It took me a few weeks to understand how little to cook so that I could cook enough for the both of us with just a few leftovers. I have waved bye to my cook who was doing dinner earlier, and have gone back to cooking full-time now. It’s useful because it gives me ample time to test and photograph recipes as well.

Being an empty nester also means adjusting to being only a couple again. Life has come a full circle from when we started this journey together twenty five years ago. We have raised our kids and Coco, and now they have embarked upon their journeys. Lots of philosophical musings around these thoughts which I will share perhaps later.

Now we are navigating our 50s. This stage of life is gearing towards staying well, both mentally and physically. We are trying to listen more to our bodies and minds, grapple with things like difficulty falling asleep, bloating or random joint pains. I have recently found out that I can’t really tolerate plain milk anymore.

So, tea and coffee have changed. Can’t have milkshakes or pure whey. But can eat yogurt, paneer, ghee and cheese. My level of spice tolerance has also gone down a lot.

We are also discovering new ways of being around each other. Being just the two of us has actually reduced our squabbles. Earlier, we could just ignore each other and speak to the kids when we fought. But now, we know we have to get back to each other or stare at the walls, so well, we try to resolve the squabbles sooner.

We are also using this time to visit relatives and take short weekend trips together. Some of it is in exploring our own city. One of the things I enjoyed doing was attending a live stand-up comedy show for the first time. It was nice. However, I guess I need to find more comedians whose comedy aligns with what I enjoy. Too much of profanity is not what I dig. Smart witty comedy like Seinfeld, Amit Tandon or Aiyyo Shraddha is more up my alley.

I hope to learn and explore new things and passions. Maybe, get back to my Hindustani Classical Music training. There are apps for that now. I have my regular work to keep me occupied and fulfilled. Can’t stress the importance of that especially for the ladies out there. It lends meaning and identity. Pursue a passion or a hobby or volunteer.

I believe that the most important thing as we age is purpose. Why must we get up from the bed? What does the day hold for me? Social interactions and preoccupations that nourish our mind and heart are of utmost importance. I am also trying to spend quality time with old friends. 

The good part is that I feel more at peace and less anxious now. Fitness and health always continue to be the focus. So, that’s about it for now. Visiting the older son soon, so definitely looking forward to spending time with him while juggling work, travel and of course cooking.

Oh, and by the way moved this blog back to WordPress hosting, so you may notice the change of themes. This blog of mine is so dear to me because it helped me launch a satisfying career in writing and blogging. Also because it shares so many anecdotes from when my kids were young. They are a riot to read now. Hope you all are well. While I make no promises, I hope to keep sharing my thoughts more.

So, there is no pressure to check what was fulfilled and what wasn’t. I will just focus on the highlights of this year and some sad events too.

My older son graduated, and all of us went and partook in the celebration. It was lovely catching up with family in the US and then spending time with the son at his University. We then went around a few places in the US catching up with old friends and new. Fun times. 

My father turned 80 this year, and again it was lovely get together with siblings and our families joining in to celebrate. Family times are so precious. More so, as with each passing year we realize the frailty of time. It is tough to see parents age, and there is the regret that we don’t spend enough time with them.

But, I am truly grateful that the husband and I have more flexibility in our work schedules that helps us take more vacations than others. Also having raised kids to adulthood also frees up time from the incessant school projects, activities and exam schedules. Gosh, I absolutely detested those.

2025 is an important year for the younger son who is in his Senior year or 12th grade at school. Once he heads off to college, I am thinking that I will have a lot more spare time at hand and no kid to preach to.

I turned fifty and wrote a whole post on that. So you can go ahead and read that now if you want to. While I don’t feel much different from what I did last year, I am very conscious of how I need to take more care of myself. Age is not just a number. But, we can continue to be healthy with decent lifestyle choices.

I am a person who values discipline and consistency. I will continue to focus on my health and wellbeing which includes mental wellbeing too. Hopefully, there will be more family reunions and catching up with friends in the coming year.

The single biggest loss this year was the loss of Coco. All those beautiful moments and not-so-beautiful ones in his short life make me look back with a smile when I think of him. I am so grateful that he came into my life and enriched it the way he did. He made all of us in the family better people with his kindness, generosity and unconditional love.

With that, I wish all of you peace, love, health and prosperity in the coming year. As with everything else, if you wish to start something, now is the best time. Also focus on relationships and people. Loneliness is a real issue today. Mend fences if possible, and let go if not. Forgive yourself and others for deeds done and imagined. Good for the soul.

Happy 2025 all!

Well, in the decade that has gone by, so many milestones have been realised and challenges faced and dealt with. At 50, I feel very grateful for my life. I am mom to two adult sons now! Having raised two fantastic young men and Coco is the proudest of my achievements as a mom and a woman.

Good, bad or ugly, I have lived life on my terms, yet I am pliable when circumstances and people close to me require it. My older son flew the nest and has been living away from home for 4 years now. So, I am half the empty nester just now.

The younger boy is on the cusp of college, and I got to spend loads of time turning my full parenting glare on him in the last four years. At least, his gripe of “Sid is your favourite” has gone away. But seriously, it has been a wonderfully exasperating experience.

A mom in perimenopause and a teenage son are possibly not the best combination to have around. Hormones on both ends bring forth a pretty volatile cocktail of emotion, but we have managed to navigate the circumstances. When all else fails, I use the mom card.

I have got to see a side of him that I didn’t see before. Seen him mature when he was thrust into spotlight after his older brother left home. Then Coco passed. Gautam has handled some extenuating circumstances with loads of courage, and I am really proud of him.

The husband and I are navigating spending more time with each other. It sort of feels strange yet nice. Parenting takes up your entire existence and leaves little time for much else. Your vacation schedules revolve around the kids’ holidays. Your work schedules have to carefully worked around kids. Pretty much everything revolves around them and their future.

I am wondering how weird it will be when I won’t have to wake up early to pack tiffin boxes for the boys. One thing I am immensely looking forward to is menopause and beyond. Perimenopause has caused me the maximum pain and anxiety in the last decade. I am patiently waiting to be done with!

On the brighter side, I am still gung ho and open to learning. My content business is in good shape, and I continue to try and pivot the turbulent landscape of SEO upheavals that Google has hit content creators with. Who knows where the journey will take us? But, I don’t go down without a fight.

Also, the crux is that I truly enjoy making content and marketing it and monetizing it. Work keep me energized and grounded, if it makes any sense.

I hope to continue doing my professional work for as long as I can. Who knows, maybe I will pursue a new hobby, like learning a form of dance or my long cherished dream of learning Hindustani Classical music.

I saw the entire growth and decline of blogging as it panned out. I started my personal blog, this one in 2008. It was such a wonderful time. We made friends from all over the world and actually cared about each other. We all fell to the lure of monetization and brand collaborations and made quite some money too, but the spirit of wanton blogging for the sake of writing was compromised.

Then the gaze moved away from the written word, and social media platforms started taking over. People making 1 minute videos or writing 3 paragraphs on Facebook started calling themselves bloggers. So many of us stopped writing. I pivoted to food blogging in early 2010s, and that set rolling my food content business.

As the kids were in their teens then, I stopped writing here on my parenting blog. Now, I am trying to write with no strings attached. Just because I like writing. I do hope some of my old blogging friends come and read. If not, that’s fine too.

So, well there’s some maturity there at 50 for you.  Nothing mopey this time. Just take life as it comes. I just want to stay in good health and be fit. It is kind of an obsession with me. I hope in a good way.

Even thinking about it makes me tear up. Those who have known me over the years know of Coco. If you met him or played with him, you were blessed, like we were.

Looking back, he came into my life at a time when I was least expecting him to and did not feel a need for a pet. I love dogs. I have always loved them. So I knew the huge responsibility that having one is. With two young boys and loads of work, I didn’t think I had the time or energy to raise a pet baby.

But what do I know? The husband just springs a surprise and brings a puppy home. His impulsive decisions can be frustrating, but this one was definitely not. Our tiny Coco with his beautiful blue eyes and a chubby shape quickly melted our hearts. My younger son who had just started school found a perfect friend and little brother who tolerated his mischief.

My older son loved his new companion. And I had found my best mate and son. Coco was supremely friendly yet gentle. Like other Labradors, he was always looking to make a friend and game for some extra petting. Little kids came home to play with him. His patience and affection were immense.

Initial year was hectic as we trained him and housebroke him. But after that, he was such a joy to have around. He would be bouncing, jumping, talking and also indulging in lots of naughty behaviour. Coco loved car rides. Just picking up the car keys would have him begging us to take him along.

He was afraid of heights and would not allow us to carry him once he was fully grown up. He would always be stationed around my feet when I worked on my laptop. I would occasionally pet him or run my hands through his fur. He was the calming presence around me, quietly giving me company, satisfied in just being around.

He was also always game for hugs, and he really listened. You could crib to him, and he would listen with a very saintly expression. He was also an extremely well mannered boy, so good that we actually nicknamed him achchi (meaning good). It’s another story that he had so many nicknames over his lifetime.

While he recognised Gurdev as the master and was also slightly afraid of him, with me he was protective and pure love. I guess all dogs are like that with their mums. I fed him and took care of his needs, and I was fiercely protective of him too. He was a constant presence in my life, and such a positive influence too. He would talk to me and patiently sit facing me for his food. He would also come and put his head  in my lap If I was ignoring him.

He was a beautiful boy who had us wrapped around his paws. The years went by so quickly. We did the maximum road trips so that he could travel with us on vacation. He loved beaches. He loved farmhouses. He loved the outdoors a lot. All he ever wanted was to have his family around him and nothing else mattered.

He barely wanted any toys or anything fancy. A used carton, his brothers’ basket ball or tennis balls were perfect for playing. He loved fetching and playing ball. He was a constant companion on our evening walks and loved to sprint. Best of all, he was so compassionate, kind and nice. Truly, he was one of a kind.

Then as he grew older and started ageing, it was hard to see how he started sleeping through longer hours and started walking much less. His joints started giving him trouble, and he grew slower. His eyes got hazy, but his spirit was always up. He did not like puppies and their extra energies much. He had a couple of nice doggy friends but otherwise did not really seek other dogs. I can bet that he thought of himself as human.

Then, he passed on 5th April this year. Life after him was very tough, the initial week being the worst. I was unable to speak to anyone at length or share my grief. I am truly grateful for all the messages and phone calls of friends and family who reached out. But, I had clammed up.

We constantly felt his presence around the house, and the routine of cooking and feeding him was difficult to leave behind. We got his cremated and brought his ashes home. Each of us would make a trip to his room to hold on to his memories and to speak to him in our own way.

Slowly, as time passed, we began to cope. But Coco is a constant in my thoughts. I have dreamed of him on numerous occasions. He pops up in my photos often. And, we miss him on our milestones. Our road trips and Diwali family photos, our birthdays and special occasions, there is an emptiness that will always stay.

Truly, only those who have pet babies only know how deep and enriching it is to have one. The crushing part is how short their stay is with us and the gaping hole they leave behind when they are gone.

If you want to experience unconditional love, give a dog a home. But also be mindful, that is like raising a child. Think 100s of times before you get one, as you must have the time and energy to give them. 

My Coco, I will always love you. I don’t know if I have it in me to have another dog baby. Can anyone ever match up to him? It’s not even fair to expect that. As I always felt, he must have attained moksha because he was just the goodest boy there ever was! I miss you!

It stars Julia Louis Dreyfus, whose comic timing I love, and Tobias Menezes who is marvellous in both grey as well as good roles. They play a middle-aged couple with settled careers and related insecurities. The cast is so good, which is especially important in these kind of movies.

There is nothing earth shattering in the movie or some big messages to be conveyed. But, it’s a good watch especially if you can relate with middle age. A time in life when you are pretty much settled in a comfortable cozy relationship with the spouse. Your professional work chugs along with not too many earth shattering things to do, and the kids are grown up. 

I mean they are adults and not kids anymore. They are old enough to tell you what they didn’t appreciate in your parenting.

You have parents who are much older and getting increasingly stubborn (not my dad in case you are reading dad ) and hard to handle. A sister, just like in the movie who is supportive yet honest (not brutally so) and gets along well with the titular character. I relate to that in real life too.

But, the premise of the movie is interesting. It is about white lies we tell each other, not only our family but friends as well. Because you don’t want to hurt someone. Is there anything wrong in it? I don’t know. At least I don’t think so. What is the fine line to walk between brutal honesty and lie? How to straddle the correct balance between being encouraging and motivating and telling it as it is. This may seem simple but is often so hard to strike the right balance with.

I, for one, am taken aback when people are way too outspoken in a brazen manner. It matters to me that things are conveyed nicely and diplomatically. But then do they lose the message? What do you think?

I mean, we all expect a certain honesty from our loved ones, but do we really want to hear that the haircut looks awful or that the recent recipe you made sucks or that the dress didn’t suit me one bit? Is there a way to sweeten the feedback while still conveying the core message? When should you weigh whether honesty is at all important in what you are about to say?

How do we put it in a way that does not hurt the feelings of someone close to us, yet keeps us honest? It is truly hard, if not impossible. 

As a creative person, I recognise and appreciate the impostor syndrome the title character faces. I don’t know about other professions, but under the facade of confidence, there is so much professional insecurity that lurks under the surface for someone creative like a writer or a content creator.

Do I really have any talent at all? Are people just being nice to me? Who even cares about what I do? It is even worse when most people do not understand what you do or what is the process. You don’t tick the boxes of what people understand about professional work. I have the hardest time explaining digital content creation that is my work to the others.

The most annoying aspect is when people think it is a hobby when the opposite is true. I work most weekends too (at least for some time). There is so much of learning and constant updation that comes with the territory. It is also lonely because I work solo and most often don’t find anyone to have energising conversations with about my work.

Anyway, this is what the movie led me to do. One, write a post after ages. And second realise that there really is no right or wrong but a certain awareness to not be that really cruel person. 

Anyhow, if you have seen the movie what did you think about it? Good, bad, boring? Would love to hear your thoughts on the core topic too.