Random musings of a Questioning mind

Book Review: The Cobra by Frederick Forsyth

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 05:59:00 +0000

Frederick Forsyth has been long labelled the master storyteller. And not without good reason. His ability to spin yarns with the right amount of intrigue, coincidences in the favour of both protagonists & antagonists and a storyline spanning all continents is unparalleled. His latest offering is on the same lines and has to do with the cocaine "business" worldwide.

Forsyth's previous book was The Afghan, one which was not received well either by fans or critics. Mike Martin, the SAS hero from The Fist of God was reintroduced and much to the chagrin of all, martyred. The Cobra reintroduces us to Calvin Dexter of The Avenger fame. The story starts when a lady working in the White House breaks down during a state dinner. She is consoled by the First Lady whence her story of a grandson lost to cocaine is narrated. This story is passed onwards to the Commander in Chief of all forces (who we know is Obama, yet he is never named in as many words) who knows the depth of a grandmother grandson relationship.

He asks for a crackdown on the cocaine business & in comes Paul Devearaux, a veteran CIA operative & former director who's given the task of eradicating the drug evil. He ropes in Cal Dexter, ostensibly because Cal is the only person who's ever outwitted him. And thus begins a long drawn operation for the nipping of the cocaine hydrochloride business in the bud.

As always, God is in the details for Forsyth. We are told how the cocaine plant is grown in the forests of Columbia; of the process that converts the leaves into "pasta" & then into "puro"; the methods by which it travels across the Atlantic to Europe & how it is smuggled into the United States. And of the major gangs who have a holding stake in all these operations. Mixing facts with fiction is a Forsyth trademark and he never disappoints with intrigue. The book is a page turner.

The climax is a bit of an anti-climax, but we've come to expect that from Forsyth these days. It started with The Veteran, in which the God of short stories gave us some pretty mediocre stuff. That was followed by The Afghan, where an extensively built up story line was killed off in the end by the protagonists' death. The Cobra promises a lot & delivers on most of its promise. However, the reader is left slightly puzzled & wishing for more at the end.

Nevertheless, a 4 rating on 5 for this one!

MsF Ripostes again!

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Thu, 07 May 2009 03:53:00 +0000

Of late I have been doing a lot of thinking (something I should have been doing consistently and a lot more, but some start), on different ways to spend time. Its pretty ironical that we keep passing the blame on lack of time for starting/doing anything other than routine. However in case one is fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to have ample time on one's hands, the most difficult thing is trying to decide what to do with it. And so while I was doing the unsuspected thing (thinking of course) I suddenly realized that this could be an amazing opportunity for me to pen my thoughts (or the complete thought process).

There are several benefits of blogging. Boogers, (oops!) I mean bloggers do not have an identity, hence they cannot be singled out and thrashed in public for unendingly boring people with complete non-sensible writings. This gives the writer ample opportunities to wander around blabbering and jabbering about almost anything. There is no compulsion of subject and hence the content that follows may or may not be related to the subject and its context. As a friend of mine always says while speaking out of context (which he does all the time): “**** the context”. However as untouchable the world of web may seem to be and however how unidentifiable the blogger may be the Moral Police is always on the lookout. The MP quickly sensed the use of a foul word and warned me of the dire consequences. Although the MP behaves like a true pain in the a** (the siren blows again), I am truly impressed by the powerful resource that it has. I mean how can they exactly find out the word that was used in the sentence in that particular context? I’m sure they must be having a whole full-fledged thesaurus of all the tabooed words and a super-program that fits in just the right one! What a cool thing to do!!! I wish I was on the design team. Imagine using all the swear words at office and getting away with it saying “Gee boss, these are the new ones I just found…don’t they sound great you a**-****” :D :D.

I think my mind is not going to stop thinking about the immense possibilities this job has opened up. So till the time I take my mind off (that is after fantasizing about every situation) I shall be back with more booger…oops blogger stuff.

Till then,

Signing off

MsF

Arshavin starts for Arsenal!

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 14:49:00 +0000

Can't wait to see how good he is for Arsenal. Hope he turns around the
season for us! Govindraj

--
Sent from my mobile device

Govindraj Umarji
http://www.govindraj.co.cc/

Blog & Website moved

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 10:57:00 +0000

Hello world!

After years of debate, have finally decided to get my own domain name and site.

Gimme a hit at: Govindraj Umarji's web site

And now, featuring an all new look is: Random musings of a Questioning mind

Hope to see you all there!

/Radgovin

How to Shampoo - a Random musings guide for Men

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 04:28:00 +0000

At the outset, let me make this article useful by providing links to sites that actually tell you how to use shampoo.

Now that that's out of the way, I can safely get on with my own booger article! [Health tip: Following advice of booger journalists can lead to several tax-deductible hospitalizations. One needs to weigh the pros & cons of reduced income tax liabilities versus the dull and drab ceilings of hospitals. There is no competition, actually - tax deduction wins hands down!]

Okay. Welcome to the first ever how to guide for men from The Authority on men's hygiene and other issues. Today's topic for brother neanderthals is: How to Shampoo. A typical male will use any soap available (if he uses soap i.e.) on his hair whereas a typical female will consume at least a gazillion litres of shampoo, conditioner, stabilizer, shining pearl drops and what not (and that is just till her pubescent period) I know typical males reading this article are probably sniggering at the words pubescence and period. I just have the following piece of useless advice for them: grow up!!! I say useless because I know guys never grow up. I am a living example of a typical guy! :)

Anyway, since the male species is absolutely uninformed about the use of the shampoo (though they may be intensely involved in the manufacture of it), let me advise menfolk of the world on the benefits of shampooing as it were:
1. It makes your hair shiny
2. It helps remove split ends
3. Your hair feels smoother and men will want to touch it (not much utility for guys from this particular function)
4. Your hair will smell great
5. blah blah blah

Essentially, everything that you have right now, except that you get the pleasure of spending a few thousand rupees on all of it, with the security of the knowledge that all the chemicals and surfactants in the shampoo are probably ringing the death knell for your hairs and their roots. That apart, there is also the advantage from using shampoo that in social circles, you can disdainfully cluck at other nescient males and guffaw when they speak about which soap the jocks use to rid themselves of grease and muck.

So here, I present to you, the guide to using shampoos:
1. Taking a bath: To be covered later in this series of articles (maybe. if I ever get around to getting a bath myself!)
2. Look for shampoo in the bathroom - bachelors living in their own pads (pads! hah!) can skip this step. This step is applicable for males having female relatives
3. Realize that there is no shampoo for "Cro-Magnon Man hair". There is only shampoo for hair with split ends, soft hair, root strengthening shampoo, conditioner, daily use pearl drops, etc. i.e. no form of hair vaguely resembling the teeming mass growing on your head
4. Make mental note to buy Shampoo for Men from chemist shop
5. Forget about shampooing for two weeks
6. Finally buy shampoo for men
7. When taking a bath, grope around in the bathroom looking for shampoo because you have soap in your eyes
8. Find shampoo and use it lavishly on head. With the extra foam, clean other parts of the body
9. Wash off
10. Panic! You see a large black swirling mass on the bathroom floor that you think is a large insect from some horror movie you saw a week ago
11. Relax, as you realize that its all your own hair!
12. Your own hair!!! Look at shampoo bottle! Its not shampoo, its Fem Body Hair removal lotion
13. Console yourself by saying that since you have used it on your face also, there is no need to shave now [never mind that you are missing eyebrows also]
14. Vow never to fall into the trap of using items meant for female consumption

That's all there is to it! I hope you have found this first edition of Random musings How to Guide for Men useful. Do come back and check out later for more informative articles for men in the battle against social ignominy!

/radgovin

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Economics of Ergonomics

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:18:00 +0000

I work at a large conglomerate, a so-called MNC and my desktop offers me least physical comfort. “Ergonomics? What’s that?”, was the response of the person in charge of PCs and accessories at the office. Unfortunately, the way things work over here is that the IT guy does
not get to hand out the furniture that accompanies the PCs. As a result, for most of the people in the office the PCs have become a pain issue in more than one sense. The other sense is of course Websense. Go to websense.com to find out why I am bitching about it!

Anyway, have not been up to much other than getting bank guarantees for clients. You should read some of the clauses that are present in the tomes that these bank guys hand out. One of these days, you chaps are going to make the mistake of actually reading one of the bank loan forms and then you will realize that other than your genitals, you have mortgaged about almost everything else to the bank in lieu for the pittance that they have given you. Actually, if you are taking a loan from xxxxx bank, you will have mortgaged your genitals also. See page 23 of their instructions to loan applicants document. I know what your response is going to be: what the heck is a instructions to loan applicants document? Followed by: how the heck can websense classify Radgovin’s blog as tasteless?

Anyway, coming back to ergonomics at the work place. One of my colleagues recently had a painful introduction to the reality of ergonomics [or lack thereof] at the workplace. He had been complaining of back pain for a long time and one day out of pure frustration he hit out at his chair. The reason for his frustration of course was not his back pain but an anatomical activity that the client was carrying out with him, which in polite circles may be described as “screwing”

Anyway, imagine his surprise when out of the portion of the chair that was supposed to be supporting the small of his back, came out a mouse! Not the one connected to the PCs, you dummies! A real, live mouse. I began to wonder: is this a corporate strategy to keep control over employee activity? Has the mouse been programmed only to give back pain to employees being “screwtinized” by the client? Or has it been programmed to bite off essential body parts of rambunctious workers? Of course, people with bank loans have nothing to worry about because their genitals are already in the safe deposit box. But what about us average God-fearing, mortgage hating, low-salary earning mortals? Something to ponder over, ain’t it?

In case you are working for such an MNC, I suggest you get your wooden chair replaced immediately. Better still, buy a plastic one yourself and haul it to office everyday - that way, you can be sure its not going to be “moused”. And considering the spiralling cost of plastic these days, take a loan for the chair and leave your essential body parts with the bank for safekeeping!

/Radgovin

Resume of a Hero

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 02:55:00 +0000

This flash fiction story is an entry for the Caferati Flash Fiction contest 2008. Let me have your comments on the same. Name: Sajnee Rant Age: Twenty seven years only. Period. Status: Married to Seventy two thousand females and keeping each one of them glad. Special abilities: Can dodge bullets, scale sky scrapers with bare hands, sing in twelve hundred languages, light a cigarette without the aid of match sticks / lighters, hair style that sets the trend, clothes that can give an emperor a complex, sport skills including but not limited to football (ability to score from goalkeeper's position), cricket (able to hit any ball out of the stadium, especially if it is the last ball and there are 5 runs required to win the match), table tennis (reflexes quicker than a gazelle's), tennis (currently playing under the pen-name of Federrer), javelin throw (world record for longest throw of javelin, across the pacific ocean), shot put (another world record), kho-kho (captain of the Indian team), rifle shooting (under the pen-name Rathore), boxing (world heavy-weight champion in the featherweight category), et al. Other abilities include: ability to run faster than Rajdhani, stop an Airbus A380 from colliding with runway fences, up turn cars and trucks at will with a single flick of the wrist, ability to raise and raze mountains with the twirl of the little finger, control over the rain gods and an immaculate sense of timing, when it comes to saving damsels in distress. Academic: B. Tech. CSE, IIT Bombay, PGP Marketing, IIM Ahmedabad, Ph. D. Social Sciences, Stanford, California, MBBS, K. E. M. College, M. D. Neurosurgery, Oxford. Applying for the post of: Sweeper for Municipal Corporation of Greater Mumbai (MCGM), 'S' Ward

Finance Basics

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 05:19:00 +0000

Everyone can do with understanding the basics of Finance. Same is applicable for me too! :)

Sr. No.	Term	Meaning
1	Liquidity Ratio	It shows the ability of a firm to pay its short term debts as they mature
2	Current Ratio	Current Assets / Current Liabilities
3	Quick Ratio (Acid-test)	Quick assets / Current Liabilities where, quick assets = current assets - inventory
4	Profitability Ratio	It is used to measure a firm's efficiency & ability to generate profits
5	Gross Profit margin	Gross profit / Sales
6	Net Profit margin	Net Profit (PAT) / Sales
7	Ownership Ratio	This helps to analyze the present and future investments in a firm & to compare the investments with factors such as Debt, Earnings, Dividends & Stock price
8	Return on Equity or Net Worth (RONW)	RONW = Net Profit / Avg. Equity
9	Earnings Per Share (EPS)	EPS = Net profit / No. of shares outstanding
10	Price Earnings Ratio (P/E)	P/E = Market price of shares / EPS
11	Debt Equity Ratio	Total debt / Total Equity
12	Debt Service Coverage Ratio	(PAT + Depreciation + Non cash expenses + interest on loans) / (interest on loans + Repayments)
13	Average Net Funds Employed (ANFE)	ANFE = Average Net Working Capital + Average Net Fixed Assets
14	Return On Capital Employed (ROCE)	ROCE = (PBIT - TAX) / ANFE
15	Economic Value Added (EVA)	EVA = (ROCE - WACC) x ANFE

For further reading: http://www.dsm.com/en_US/html/invest/glossary.htm

Movie Review: Taare Zameen Par

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 09:23:00 +0000

All the citizens of this great country that we live in, i.e. Bharat, will agree with me that some of us, or even most of us, are the biggest hypocrites in the whole wide world. Not only that, we are among the worst racist and non-secular people in the world. There is ample proof of all these qualities everywhere. I will cite a few examples:

Policy formers emphasize the need for increase in female to male population ratio. Policy formers reside in New Delhi. India's highest rate of female infanticide occurs in the northern states of India.
We talk about equality for all. And then we go ahead and have reservations for backward classes and women, when economic concessions are the need of the day.
We talk about equality and yet when the time comes to implement a uniform civil code, we make hasty reversals in policy.
We crib about how the west has zero respect for women, how women are treated as objects in the west and how, traditionally, India has always been kind and generous to women. And then we have incidents such as rapes, molestation and groping that take place every day.
Worst of all, we have got a very poor media: one which is interested in marketability of the news as opposed to the impact. A media which excels in doling out sensationalist oeuvre as opposed to journalistic excellence. A media which leaves no stones unturned when gets an opportunity to calumniate any individual/organization - an opportunist media, in short.

Therefore, it does not come as a surprise that cinema has chosen over the last few years to make movies which deride this phenomenon of rapacious journalism. Also, movies over the years have criticized the attitude of the Indian masses: the chalta hai attitude, the over dependence on fortune as opposed to hard work and the ineptitude of the junta to realize plights of differently abled people in this country.

The movie Taare Zameen Par, which speaks about learning disabilities, comes as a breath of fresh air. For me, there was serendipity in how I came across to seeing the movie. Me and MsF had gone to watch Welcome [which by the way is a good brainless comedy to watch and forget about your worries for a while]. Since the theatre we went to was not playing the said movie, we decided to watch TZP. This was what we call a run-time-decision (RTD). And like most of my RTDs this proved to be an amazing experience.

TZP is the story of a boy Ishant Avasti, born to middle class parents in the city of Mumbai. Therefore, that puts him into a category of millions. He is, therefore, no different than any other kid roaming the streets of Mumbai and that is exactly how his parents treat him. What his parents do not realize though is the fact that their child is unique. He has abilities that very few other people on this planet possess. That of looking at the world in a different way than is taught at schools, imbibed by parents and reinforced by interactions with peers. He is a dyslexic: he has learning disabilities. Unfortunately for him, even his parents do not realize this disability. However, with this disability he is also in possession of a wonderful gift - that of an amazing ability of capturing what he sees as pictures - pictures which range from tranquil colourful panoramas to intense, soulful paintings showing the pain in his small heart.

TZP scores maximum points for the rendition of the lead character's emotions. The movie revolves around the child actor [sometimes a tad too long!] and Aamir Khan plays a wonderful supporting actor role. He lets his lead actor direct the pace of the movie, involving himself just at the right time when he feels the movie might be losing some steam. Although the movie has a running time in excess of conventional hindi cinema, at no point is the viewer forced to think about taking a breather. The musical score by SEL is brilliant, especially the track "Kholo Kholo". This depicts the state of mind of "the brash and confident child who loses his confidence because his parents don't understand his plight and send him to training school where he meets a teacher who helps him understand himself and regain his confidence so that he can shine in this materialistic world".

A must watch movie for people who have been deprived of good viewing fare over the last year, with ostentatiously crappy movies such as OSO and Saawariya hogging the limelight. 4.5 stars to this movie out of 5!!!

Good Reading

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 05:27:00 +0000

http://www.thumpertalk.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-501866.html

This article by Jay Leno makes for great reading!

/R

Delayed posting

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 08:21:00 +0000

Deprivance is a measure adopted by the blogger to increase the popularity of his posts.

- Old Chinese Proverb

Alright, you guessed it right. There is no such Old Oriental Proverbial Saying [OOPS] [which incidentally will not make a great name for advanced surgical instruments]

Surgeon (to nurse): Gloves?

Nurse: Check

After a while, Surgeon: Scalpel?

Nurse: Here.

Surgeon: Spatula? (Huh?)

Nurse: Take it.

Surgeon: OOPS?

Thud! (Sound of patient falling from surgeon's table due to cardiac arrest)

Anyway, since there is no such existentialistic proverb to justify my absence from blogging, I need to get back to posting absolutely random musings of my mind at a sporadically regular pace. And this is precisely what I am doing right now, after a hiatus of around twelve hundred years. Really! The last time I checked, I was in Guangzhou province, distributing freebies to the poor people who were busy constructing the Great Wall. And now, I am here typing some random alphabets, seemingly to generate a sentence, which has the purported intention of conveying to the reader that he does not realize I am trying to increase the length of the paragraph by incorporating meaningless, unending sentences.

Since my time in the Orient, I have realized that it would have been better for me to have been an occidental representative interested in the growth of the wall than being a freebie distributor. Distributing freebies never did any good to anyone, especially if the freebie being distributed was a manual on DIY: Building Iron Maidens from wood and stones! This lead to a lot of unrest between the workers, especially the more enterprising ones who tried out the product of the manual on their supervisor, with impaling, OOPS, I mean, inhuman effects.

What the workers also managed to do was teach me English and send me through time into the future to write this blog, though I have no idea of where they got a manual on DIY: Time transport brainless individuals who know nothing better than to hand out freebies such as a manual on DIY: Building Iron Maidens from wood and stones! Was it really the workers? Or was the previous statement copy pasted from one of my science fiction stories accidentally? Oh my God! I just hope that my readers don't realize my secret to random humorous articles: that of copy pasting sentences from various stories, all penned by my various personalities. An example of which can be found here.

More later. For now, let the deprivance continue! :)

OOPS?

New Contributor

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 07:34:00 +0000

Dear Reader,

Just when you thought you could not handle any more of the profane, progressively regressive, proliferating, promiscuous, promulgating and prosthetic articles that regularly find their way on to this blog; Just when you had given up all hope of the world improving because terrorists all over the world were catching on to my innovative ideas (Idea 1, Idea 2, Idea 3) and are creating mayhem all over the world; just when you thought that maybe the sniper you sent to do away with me was successful in executing his contract - Just when you are on the border of insanity - I have come up with a brilliant master plan! (because I am a contract manager by profession!)

From today onwards, I am inviting on this blog, a new contributor. Dear reader, welcome to the worst of your nigthmares - welcome to the world of two bloggers [who may I add are fiance and fiancee] who are committed to provide unbiased, unethical and unnerving booger articles unendingly. (also defined as ad nauseam) I ask all of you to please welcome, with baited breath, the new contributor: Ms. Fiancee [or MsF for short!] :)

/Radgovin

Here's her first post: (with the bold statements in brackets being my comments!)

What else can be more genuine than this scenario: a guy who's "destined" to marry a girl asks her, "Will you marry me?"

Yeah, right. As if he had a choice! But then on second thoughts or a more positive note (positive??? That can be nominated as the oxymoron of the millennium, marriage and positive…are you kidding me??) Never mind, on a more positive note, the proposal (huh?) can be taken as a compliment that slipped out in spite of cautious optimism.

Incase you have understood the above scenario, please revert back to the writer and try and push in some sense. I think that statement was verbal diarrhoea that happened after the mental clogs, which were blocked since eons, were removed from the amateur writers' mind. This can be taken as a situation exactly opposite to that of the writer's block. (which the original writer of this blog somehow never seems to face!) In fact I think this can very well be nominated for readers' block, where the poor captive (or should I say captured?) reader tries to block himself from the trauma trying to read and decipher the writers' blabber. (Unfortunately, the readers of this particular blog are too familiar with this particular aspect)

The reason you are reading through these lines (Hurray!!! I have my very first reader), is that I have after serious musings agreed to put up my posts on Random musings of a Questioning mind. (much to the chagrin of the original writer!) Hey, I can hear you cry out loud….It must be out of joy of course!!! Where else are you going to find two boogers consistently improvising on writing absolute non-sense with an entertaining style?

Now, in true Oscar style I would like to take this opportunity to convey my thanks to Radgovin who has been generous enough to let me upload figments of my random neural firings on his page. (I know that he's doing this as a desperate attempt to increase the readers on the page…why he even subscribes to his own blogs!!!) (okay, two things: firstly, I make the comments in the brackets. and second, I resent being called a publicity stuntman on my own blog! I have no more than some three hundred subscriptions to my own blog from different google reader accounts!)

Ahem…that's all for the first one. Promise to get back with better blogs….till then Wish you a very Happy Diwali and a Prosperous New Year!!!!

/MsF

Deepavali Greetings

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 09:12:00 +0000

It is the festival of lights - and it also happens to be the festival of noise. More on that later, maybe an article on the Serious musings...

For now, here's wishing all my blog readers, and the world in general,

A very Happy Diwali and a Prosperous New Year!

P. S. In case the prosperity gets too much for you to handle, please redirect funds to the owner of this blog. Those funds will aid him in putting up a web-site of his own! :)

News Updates

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 06:22:00 +0000

In a fit of egocentricity, I have subscribed to my own blogs in Google Reader. If you are not aware of what google reader is, you can find out here: Google Reader

And on this page, you will find the articles that I feel people all over the world should be reading: Here!!!

Anyway, since I have subscribed to the "feed" I was feeling pretty irritated not to have got my daily dose of humour in these times of dire world wide depression. You might be wondering what depression, but believe me, we are living in real bad times. Here's a sampling of news that I have from BBC News, courtesy of BBC. (These are real headlines, I am not makn

1. Egypt ruling party opens Congress [What the heck is an Egyptian party doing by "opening" up the Congress? What does opening mean, anyway?]

2. N Korea nuclear shut down to start [N Korea already has nuclear power plants in operation which have reached shut down stage. And we are still stuck at the procurement of technology and nuclear fuel stage!]

3. Japan quake risk "underestimated" [I am worried here. How badly was the risk underestimated? What will be the implications of an earthquake measuring 200 gazillion on the Richter scale?]

4. Mexico head pledges disaster head [Obviously, the article speaks about some big shot pledging financial aid. However, seems quite funny to imagine a head and only a head going around distributing dollars to all and sundry!]

5. Rice subpoenaed in spying trial [What next? Brinjals subpoenaed for potato-tomato sex scandal? Cucumbers subpoenaed for their involvement in personal assistance for sexual gratification?]

Anyway, since I was getting irritated at not receiving any booger updates, I got around to reading BBC feeds. And while reading through such morbid tales from macabre lands, I had a vision and this led me to the realization: I will not receive updates till I write a blog article myself! Also, I realized, as I mentioned earlier, that we are living in depressing times.

More later.

/Radgovin

P. S. Tomorrow happens to be my engagement. That is adding fuel to the fire. [reference: we didn't start the fire]

Engagement Day

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 05:44:00 +0000

It is official, I can pen it down on my blog now. I am getting engaged soon. And my thoughts can be classified into two categories

1. Wow!
2. Shit!

[Note here that alphabetically, the second thought should precede the first thought. However, I am an optimist and I prefer to have the happy thoughts (as if!) before the dreaded ones!]

Wow!

1. I am going to have to be responsible for more than one person now. Earlier, I was responsible for only one person. Here's a little quiz for people with little IQ: Who was the person that I wasearlier responsible for?

2. I am going to have to make public appearances with my fiance at various family, social and official gatherings. It is required by decree number two hundred and thirty six of the Laws for the Torture of the to be Married Man

3. I will have access to a joint account, and that is a good thing, because I earn peanuts

4. Since I am about to be engaged, I can flirt all I want without fear of any retribution because my fiancee knows that I am an outrageous flirt [she reads this blog and she has been privy to my conversations with meghan! ;)] And if the other girl minds my doing this, well that is her problem! :)

5. No question of parental pressure for looking out for the right girl and visiting 'N' places to "see" the girl as I am getting engaged to the girl of my choice!

Shit!

1. I am going to have to be responsible for more than one person now.

2. I am going to have to make public appearances with my fiance at various family, social and official gatherings.

3. I will have access to a joint account, and that is a bad thing, because my fiancee will get to see all the things I spend money on [note to self: must cancel all subscriptions to debonair, playboy, hustler, etc.! :(]

4. Since I am about to be engaged, I can flirt all I want without fear of any retribution because my fiancee knows that I am an outrageous flirt. Unfortunately, flirting is about all I can do from now on! :( [note to fiance: flirting was all that I did till date. Really! Ask MD, Shiva about it!]

5. No question of parental pressure for looking out for the right girl and visiting 'N' places to "see" the girl as I am getting engaged to the girl of my choice! So, for good or for bad, through thick and thin [should be through fat and thin, because I weigh in excess of 290 pounds, whereas she is in the early hundreds; so we kind of complement each other.] and through happy times and sad, I am going to have to live with my choice. Not that I have any complaints on this aspect, but what the heck, I needed a fifth point! :)

/Radgovin

Things to do for Today

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 07:40:00 +0000

The following is the result of boredom from waiting for the anti-virus scan to finish so that I can get back to my work. The most famous (and also the most resource intensive) anti-virus software consumes so much of my processing time, I cannot even copy-paste (which is what I do most of the time!)

Disclaimer: I have not tried any of the following myself. I am just suggesting the same for killing time and trying to raise a laugh. The reader agrees to indemnify me if upon executing some of the strategies mentioned here, the reader faces some action in the form of blockage of internet access, severe castration, etc.

For the bored executive (Huh?) at work: a compendium of some things to do today -

1. Find out the network admin's email id and send him hate email from new accounts created daily at some obscure email service site. (Hint: use his/her email id when signing up)

2. Find out the email id of a co-worker you really hate and sign him/her up for all sorts of newsletters from all sorts service providers: askmen.com, national geographic, erotica daily [I am not sure if this exists, but it should! :)] google news, etc.

3. While you are waiting for the anti-virus scan to finish, call up a friend outside the company and ask him/her to download some viruses and email them to all the employees of your unit from a new email id. Alternately, ask him/her to sign everyone up at some risque sites! (esp. the admin)

4. Call up a friend and ask him/her to annoy your boss with missed/blank calls, esp. at a time when you know you are going to be with your boss.

5. And for the coup de grace: after taking a backup of your hard-disk, run some virus on your system to clean your hard-disk and blame everyone, including the sweeper for the loss of your hard work!

Disclaimer (again!): I repeat, I am not to be held responsible for action against the reader for following the above tasks! :)

Liverpool vs. Arsenal review

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 04:15:00 +0000

In any given season, there are three away games that an Arsenal fan looks forward to with both anticipation and dread. A trip to the other three of the so-called top four of the erstwhile EPL is inevitable as it is exciting. There is always a sense of expectation, the feeling that Arsenal should win. And there is the dreading of facing the taunts in the case of a poor performance by the team. That, however, was not the case yesterday.

In yesterday's game against Liverpool, Arsenal played like the league leaders that they are. It was out of sheer luck and the superhuman efforts of a single man on the pitch for Liverpool, the ubiquitous Gerrard that got them a point. A point which they did just enough to earn.

Right from the start, Liverpool were under pressure, and in a way, quite lucky to earn the free-kick that lead to their first and only goal of the match. Fabregas fouled Alonso on the edge of the box. From the ensuing free kick, Gerrard scored a goal, which can be described in a single word: SCREAMER! Although the ball was only a few inches away from Almunia, you couldn't have blamed him. The ball was inside the net before you could say Stevie G. Liverpool rode on the euphoria post the goal for a while, but after that, it was all Arsenal till the second half.

L'pool started the second half brightly, with the introduction of Crouch prompting the L'pool midfield and defence to launch long balls for the tall striker to utilize. He did have three decent chances, but it was not his day, unlike in March this year when he scored three from three against the same opposition at the same ground. Traditionally, L'pool have been Arsenal's bete noir, having the most number of wins and scoring the most number of goals against Arsenal in the League till date. However, that was not to be the story of yesterday.

The Arsenal youth came into their own late in the second half, with the tiredness markedly apparent on the L'pool defence. Mascherano was booked for a two footed lunge and the only thing that prevented his getting a sending off was that his right leg was in the air, when he clashed into Sagna. It took Arsenal more than half an hour into the second half to really start making inroads into the L'pool defence. However, even then, L'pool were stubborn and used strength in numbers to block of wave after wave of Arsenal attacks.

In the end, it took a slight bit of luck and immense patience and talent from two bright young players of Arsenal to break down Liverpool. Hleb took up the ball on the left flank and made a forward run. Adebayour was offside, Hleb didn't pass. Then Nicklas was offside, Hleb still didn't pass. He knew who was making a run down his right into the centre of the box and at the last possible moment, Hleb flicked the ball into the path of Cesc Fabregas, who took a touch before toe poking it past a hapless Reina, who could only watch the ball trickle into the back of the net after hitting his hand.

When it comes to breaking down dogged defences, it takes patience, courage and a never-say-die attitude to score a goal. And that is precisely what Arsenal did yesterday. This is where the team differs from last years team, which used to get frustrated (and to a major extent because of the captain's antics and frustrations on the pitch) The present team has the willingness to slug it out till the end. Let's hope they sustain that spirit throughout! Amen to that!

For the Technorati Spiders

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 09:40:00 +0000

<a href="http://technorati.com/claim/ebzfmsxsx" rel="me">Technorati Profile</a>

The Human Brain

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 07:27:00 +0000

This article has got nothing to do with a more serious [actually, the word "more" here is unwarranted. This article is not at all serious. Ergo, the other article can only be serious!] article over at my other blog, Serious musings ... That article can be accessed here: The Human Brain

Irrespective of whatever has been said and written about the human brain, one thing is for sure: India is never going to win the football world cup. That said, it is also true that the male and female brains think radically different. [A point which has been highlighted in a previous article: here] Without dwelling too much on the previous article, let me just come to the point at hand: female brains are always dwelling on the higher truth and male brains are always dwelling on: xxx [hint: replace the first two x's by s & e respectively!] I had to use this way of writing to escape the watchful eyes of the SEX NO. In case you are wondering what the heck I'm speaking about, read this article: here.

Anyway, the point that I want to make is that the human brain is such a convoluted thing, that pretty soon there are going to be people who will want to call me a stereotyper [which is totally wrong, because I am an environmental engineer and not a software engineer who types codes all day long. In addition to this, I prefer the term blog typer] and use all sorts of expletives in different languages. I am sure that guys are sitting back and having a laugh on reading the truth: which is of course the little tidbit about India's prospects at the football world cup. No, you dummies! I am of course talking about our proclivity towards xxx [this time, the xxx serves a dual purpose. I am sure the guys have this one figured out! :)]

Since this article is already four paragraphs long [it's only three actually, but I am counting the present para also. Take my word for it, don't scroll up and check] and nothing has been said about the human brain till now, I am sure that most of you are not concerned by it. That is principally because most of you are [by now] accustomed to my wandering around here and there. And even more, some of you are just browsing around for the links to xxx [realization dawns for females at this point] that I surreptitiously include in my posts, much to the chagrin of those looking for the links specifically. There, I have managed to type another lengthy para without really speaking about anything.

The point that I am trying to make is that it is difficult to predict what a person is going to say, just by looking at his/her blog. And for males, here is a tip: if you really want to figure out what the female really wants to say, you are looking around a foot lower than you ought to. Females never suffer from this predicament, principally because of two things:

1. They are always staring at your face to figure out how desperate you are feeling at that point of time, so that they can figure out their own state of readiness for fight/flight

2. If they are not maintaining eye-contact, they are considered to be shy and demure, whereas in reality, they may be "checking out" if you are a stud or a dud [whatever that means!]

I am sure that by this point in time, you have forgotten what the article was originally about. Which just goes to show that my encephalonic prowess is such that I am able to subvert the readers' thoughts and replace them with my own. While this does not have a specific utility, I am sure that I can come up with one and convince the reader about the same. Maybe I should think of taking over the world.

Readers, start spreading the word. Ask your friends and relatives to read the blog of their new leader. I command you to do so!

Please! :)

/Radgovin

Registration at FeedBurner

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 10:23:00 +0000

Since I have registered my blog at FeedBurner.com, I realize that there is a need for me to update my blog more regularly. Hence, this article.

Update

/Radgovin

Frequent Updating

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 09:57:00 +0000

Yesterday, in a fit of masochism, I chose to have a live feed of my own blog in Internet Explorer. I don't know what trigger went off in my mind which forced me to take such a drastic step. I usually don't read what one personality of my multiple available personalities has written. Anyway, this is what I came across:

Random musings of a Questioning mind

You are viewing a feed that contains frequently updated content. When you subscribe to a feed, it is added to the Common Feed List. Updated information from the feed is automatically downloaded to your computer and can be viewed in Internet Explorer and other programs. Learn more about feeds.

Subscribe to this feed

I am sure, that just like me, you too are wondering: What the heck is the cup size of Ms. Koirala's bra? And I am sure you have realized that the previous statement was written by the original blogger. Anyway, since you are in wonderment mode, have a dekko at the first line of the paragraph describing the feed. If there is one word which can describe the multitude of questions, plethora of confusions and plentiful doubts in your mind, it will be this: "48 C". No, of course I am kidding. The real word is "Huh?"

"Huh?" is exactly what I thought when I saw that my blog was coming under the frequently updated feed tag. So, in a bid to verify the veracity of the claim, I tried the same with some other blogs I know, which have not been updated since the Mesozoic ages. Here is what I came up with:

1. Aye Caramba

You are viewing a feed that contains frequently updated content. When you subscribe to a feed, it is added to the Common Feed List. Updated information from the feed is automatically downloaded to your computer and can be viewed in Internet Explorer and other programs. Learn more about feeds.

Subscribe to this feed

2. Sundae with Shiva

You are viewing a feed that contains frequently updated content. When you subscribe to a feed, it is added to the Common Feed List. Updated information from the feed is automatically downloaded to your computer and can be viewed in Internet Explorer and other programs. Learn more about feeds.

Subscribe to this feed

3. Serious musings of a Questioning mind

You are viewing a feed that contains frequently updated content. When you subscribe to a feed, it is added to the Common Feed List. Updated information from the feed is automatically downloaded to your computer and can be viewed in Internet Explorer and other programs. Learn more about feeds.

Subscribe to this feed

I am sure that you have not caught on to two facts:
1. The third blog is much much better than the first two ones
2. I have increased the length of this post simply by using Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V and your Jurassic brains were unable to pick that up! :)

So, if you want to have an update of fresh, humorous "feed" from my blog, I suggest you go here:
http://radgovin.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

And enjoy reading my booger articles.

/Radgovin

P. S. I am guessing the size. For all you know, it might as well be 148 C!

Support Firefox!

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 10:51:00 +0000

Use the following to advertise Firefox, the better browser!

<a href="http://www.spreadfirefox.com/?q=affiliates&id=0&t=217"><img border="0" alt="Firefox 2" title="Firefox 2" src="http://sfx-images.mozilla.org/affiliates/Buttons/firefox2/468x60FF2b_Orange.png"/></a>

/Radgovin

P. S. I am doing this as a public service message! :)

LAN - GAUGE

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 07:21:00 +0000

That is the estimate used to determine how much of bandwidth in the internal LAN at IITB is used for downloading pornography, or as it is known: pr0n! There are other meanings to this word also, one of them being the following:

a body of words and the systems for their use common to a people who are of the same community or nation, the same geographical area, or the same cultural tradition [definition]

Different languages cause a lot of humour to be generated and this article is in place just to cite one of them.There is a Jewish blessing for married couples "Sheva Berachot" which means seven blessings. Now, this also sounds like a Marathi expletive and for the average Mumbaikar, Sheva Berachot is not going to evoke any feeling other than ire. Speaking of which, I encountered a funny incidence of two similar words having entirely different meanings:

ire - intense anger; wrath

irenic - tending to promote peace or reconciliation; peaceful or conciliatory

Ironical, ain't it?

Those who use the T9 dictionary feature in Nokia mobile handsets are aware of its utility. It provides a very convenient means of "texting". Try this for a funny coincidence - the keystrokes for select and reject [opposite meaning words] are the same! Be careful of what you type is all I can say for new T9 users!

More funny stuff later.

/Radgovin

Crowded Places and the average Human

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 04:15:00 +0000

Human beings are social animals. If ever there was an oxymoron, that is one. Of course, you will have to consider social in the reference of high society tea and coffee parties. And when you think of animals in that perspective, the only animals that come to mind are well trained and mannered pets, like cats, dogs and parrots, and their masters, water buffaloes and African hippopotamuses. Really! If you have ever had the occasion [I am sure you haven't] to attend a high class event [See, the very fact that you are reading this blog proves that you haven't] then you would know what goes on in such parties [if you are looking for information in this blog about such events, look elsewhere!] and the people who attend it. I am saying you have no information about these parties because they go on all the while. Consider the lifestyle of an average high society person:

Morning: Brush teeth. Put on deo. Attend high profile breakfast party.
Mid-morning - Early-afternnon: Use mouth freshener. Attend brunch meeting halfway across town.
Afternoon: Lunch party at a page 3 do.
Mid-afternoon - Early-evening: Catch a nap. Attend social outing. Gorge on pastries from exquisite lands.
Evening: Ah forget it, you get the drift by now!

Anyway, since there is no way these people can give vent to the obstreperous child residing within them, since there is no imprimatur for boisterous activities forthcoming from anyone, they take to the next best thing: devouring huge amounts of fatty substances, which leads to their skin taking on the look and feel of alabaster, hence the reference to water buffaloes and hippopotamuses.

Again, since the diameter of an average party goer is 23 feet (as measured at the waist) a lot of crowding takes place at the meeting points. A lot many herbivorous and carnivorous feeding activities can be witnessed at social events which are frequented by these social animals. And according to the law of conservation of mass, what goes in must come out, subject to whatever you have retained and what you chose to let go. Since the human DNA has been programmed when the human species was faced with death due to starvation, the human body is loathe to let go off all the fat that the mouth finds delectable to consume. It will willingly expunge any signs of bodily muscle at the first given opportunity. Yet, even when there exists a dire need to burn off the fat, such as when a person is trying to lose weight, the body will stubbornly hold onto it [personal experience] And in lieu of the fat, it will burn some sulphurous material, leading to the release of

FAR
FA
F
Don't make me write the words, please!

So, as you can imagine, social dos are soon converted from a gathering of people of the high society to a massacrial gas chamber straight out of a concentration camp. I am not going to elucidate on this aspect. I have an invite to attend one of the camps ... I mean, one do today evening, post twilight. Anyone interested in having a fits hand [first nose] experience can tag along!

/Radgovin

Access Policy

noreply@blogger.com (Radgovin) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 04:09:00 +0000

I can see that Shiva has been reading my posts.

Unfortunately, I cannot access the comments page to interact with him. I can only receive the comments he is writing after going through my posts. I can post by sending email to my blog, but I cannot access the comments paghe due to Internet Policy of my workplace.

Thanks for the comments, Shiva. Keep 'em coming! :)

/Radgovin

P. S. I was kidding about IPR! :)