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megashark – I won’t let those bastards harm a hair on your head :03

megashark – The boys are going to tow it out to open sea tonight. You know, before it explodes. :04

megashark – Cool it, Hombre :01

megashark – You should be smiling, this country actually gives a sh*t about what you have to say, :04

megashark – Cupie doll for the Irishman. :01

megashark – Screw these environmentalists, when I give the command, shoot to kill. :03

megashark – What’s next, a little extra credit to pay the rent? :02

megashark – I I captain :01

megashark – When we find the beast, we’re sending him to hell. :02

megashark – We’re not going to decide anything tonight. Ha ha, no, they’ll fire me in the morning. :04

megashark – Get down there and get a proper bead on that beast or I’ll have your wings Colonel. :04

megashark – We should get overtime for this late night sh*t don’t cha’ think? :02

megashark – I heard that! :01

megashark – Captain, I’m picking up a massive underwater disturbance. :02

megashark – No one notified me of this. :01

megashark – They’re not mermaids like you. Yea, well this mermaid is getting canned. :03

megashark – Nuclear weapons may be our only viable option. :03

megashark – Let me guess, our country needs us. :02

megashark – Screw them, those guys are all about the money. :02

megashark – This is tango delta niner, we’ve spotted something. This could be it people. (sfx) :07

megashark – Target destroyed, repeat, target destroyed. Woho… Who wants shark skin boots? :05

megashark – Ah the bloddy feds. They’ll hound you till you’re leaking from every orifice. :05

megashark – These people can be very unplesant when they don’t get their way. :03

megashark – My god I thought I imagined that. :01

megashark – I can’t turn on the TV without hearing about another unexplaned disaster. :04

megashark – Yea, unexplaned doesn’t mean resurrected, prehistoric sea monsters. :03

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Nurse Jackie: “four minutes till brain damage” :01

Nurse Jackie: “American women are very adventurous. She probably did it for attention. What do you do for attention.” :06

Nurse Jackie: “Charming as ever.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I don’t like chatty. I like quiet. Quiet and mean. Those are my people.” :05

Nurse Jackie: “Don’t ever say ta da again. The only people who say ta da are magicians and idiots.” :05

Nurse Jackie: “Enjoy” :01

Nurse Jackie: “OK, that’s enough out of you.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “Fresh Meat” :01

Nurse Jackie: “Yea, you better get him started on Prozak.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “That’s the second time today I thought I was gonna’ puke” :02

Nurse Jackie: “I guess it could happen. Sure, I could see it.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Hieeee” :01

Nurse Jackie: “But anyway, I hope you get to the bottom of this.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “…jerkoffs blow thhrough these doors… but a total fu*king retard. I know you.” :14

Nurse Jackie: “I can handle this thank you.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I know, shut up.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I am off the clock.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I’m so sorry, oh god.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “When I get nervous I act out with inaproproate sexual touches. It’s .. it’s…” :04

Nurse Jackie: “That man is incopetent and dangerous.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Is this happening, not happening? I can’t even tell.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Oh don’t worry, it’s not poop.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Jesus, you’re kidding.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I’ll be happy to provide you with a list of shrinks, sliding scale, per income slash insurance.” :04

Nurse Jackie: “His monkey little fingers ruined a pair of eighty dollar tights.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “What’s this about, nobody ate your muffins?” :02

Nurse Jackie: “I am not attracted to you at all.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Oh my god, I’d love to.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Would it be ok if I took a picture of your injuries? My stupid little brother is like a bong hit away from launching fireworks from his asscheeks.” :13

Nurse Jackie: “If you want to press charges this place is crawling with cops. No.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “He says it was a terets response to stress.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “What you can do for me is this. You can stay the fu*k out of my way, that’s what you can do for me.” :04

Nurse Jackie: “I need to talk to someone, now.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “The fu*k with the language, look where you are, jesus. Blow me.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “They’re looking for God.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “This is where you get to gloat.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “You’re the one who tongued her husband after uletide kerokie not me.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “I think the point here is total automation. They’re going to replace you with a bullsh*t robot machine? Well, technically it’s not a robot. Well actually it is.” :05

Nurse Jackie: “You had to be nice? Can’t believe I missed it.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “You know what this job is honey? This jobs is wading though a sh*t-storm of people, who come into this place on the very worst day of their lives. That’s it, end of story. The fact that you have even the slightest inclination to help people puts you miles ahead of one hundred percent of the population. So stop crying, buck up. If you need to cry, go do it in the ladies room, is that clear?” :019

Nurse Jackie: “Your are a good lady, lady. hahah.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “You’re a moron.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “Why won’t anybody talk to me?” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Yeah… No.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Fu*k You” :01

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What the hell you doin, I’m banging that girl :01

I’m not gonna debate you Jerry. OK. I’m not going to sit here and debate. :04

Well the little guy he was kinda funny looking. In what way? I don’t know, just funny looking. :04

You lied to me Mister Lumgard. Your a balled faced liar. A fu*king liar. :04

What do you think they do there? They don’t drink milkshakes I assure you. :03

Just stop outside of Braynard, I know a place there we can get laid. I’m fu*king hungry now you know. Yea, Yea, Jesus. I’m just saying. We can stop, get pancakes and then we can get laid. OK. :11

Hun. Yea. Prowler needs a jump. :04

Oh fu*k it, I don’t have to talk either man. See how you like it. Just total fu*king silence. Two can play at that game smart guy. We’ll just see how you like it. Total silence. :19

Ok, I’ll do a damn lot count. Right now? Yea, right now. You’re darn tootin. :08

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Never get out of the boat. Absolutely God damn right. Unless you were goin all the way. :07

Charlie don’t surf. :01

Are you and assassin? (dialouge) :27

How come all you guys sit on your helmets? So we don’t get our balls blown off. :07

How many people had I already killed? There were those six that I know about for sure. Close enough to blow their last breat in my face. :11

They were gonna make me a major for this. And I wasn’t even in their fu*king army anymore. :07

I love the smell of napalm in the morning… smells like victory. :24

I was going to the worst place in the world and I didn’t even know it yet. :03

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Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines :02

No thank you, I take it black. Like my men. :03

We have clearance Clarance. Roger Roger. What’s our vector Victor? :03

Get that finger out of your ear. You don’t know where that fingers been. :03

Joey, do you like movies about gladiators? :04

(29 seconds of jive) :29

You ever been in a cockpit before? No sir, I’ve never been in a plane before. You ever seen a grown man naked? :07

Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison? :04

Surely you can’t be serious. I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley. :04

I remember how you used to hold me. How I used to sit on your face and wriggle. 05

Joey, you ever hang around the gymnasium?

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Sh*t’s gettin’ way to complicated for me. :03

Go away my bitch nigger, buy your own damn fries. :04

There are white folks, and then there are ignorant mother fu*kers like you. :05

Sure you can have my number baby. :02

Now you know that guy ain’t sh*ttin’. Sorry ass mother fu*ker ain’t got nuthin’ on me. Nuthin. :07

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Any of you guy’s call me Francis, and I’ll kill ya’. :04

Lighten up Francis. :02

You can’t go. All the plants are going to die. :02

Son of beach, sh*t. :02

There’s something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. :04

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Erroneous, erroneous, erroneous on both counts. :03

I’m crying like a little girl. :01

I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night John, I’m fried. Soft matress? Yea that could have been it, it could have been the soft matress, or it could have been the midnight rape. :06

What did you do with them, you play the motorboat? Motorboat (lip noise) You motorboating son of a b*tch, you old sailor you. :06

WHy don’t you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family. Then you’ll have some real damn problems. Jackass. :05

You shut your mouth when you’re talkin’ to me. :02

Why don’t you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood. :03

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I am invincible. :01

What the hell is goin’ on? :03

You have a nasty habbit of surviving. :03

Can’t you just say hello, like a normal person? :02

Do you expect me to talk? No Mister Bond, I expect your to die. :04

Bond, James Bond. :03

You use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore. :03

Come on boys, the way you’re lollygagging around here with those picks and shovels you would think it was a hundred and twenty degrees. Can’t be more than a hundred and fourteen. Dock that chink a day’s pay for napping on the job. :20

As attorney general I can assure you that a suitable sherif will be found to restore the peace in Rock Ridge. Meeting is adjourned. Oh I am sorry sir, I didn’t mean to overstep my bounds. You say that Governor, Meeting is adjourned. It is? :18

(Belching and Farting) How about some more beans Mr. Haggart? I’d say you’ve had enough. :41

Mongo like candy (boom). :03

What have you got in your mouth? Nuthin’. Nuthing eh.’ Gum. Chewing gum on line eh’. I hope you brought enough for everybody. :13

Hey, what’s happening in the clean world? :03

I’m rapidly becoming an underground success in this town. Gee, in another 25 years you’ll be able to shake their hands in broad daylight. :08

I am depressed. :01

Well once I establish myself in this town. Deputy spade might turn out to be a groovy position. :08

Oh lordie lord, he’s desperate. Do what he say, do what he say. :04

Excuse me while I whip this out. (screams) :05

Where’s my froggy. Where’s my froggy. I don’t know I didn’t see it when I came in. Well look damn your eyes, look for it. :07

Daddy loves froggy. Froggy love daddy? :03

Mongo only pawn in game of life. :03

Hell I was born here, and I was raised here and dad gum it I’m gonna die here. And no side winding, bush whacking horn swagglin crugger crawger is gonna run away Ms. Cutter. :15

Never mind that sh*t, here comes Mongo. (crash) Continue. :06

Hey boys, look what I got here. Hey, where the white women at? :07

Wholy moley, what the hell is that sh*t. :03

(song – I get no kick from champaigne) Hold it. :33

What’s your name? Well my name is Jim, but most people call me… Jim. :08

Olsen Johnson is right. What kind of people are we anyway? I say we stay and fight it out. Reverend, Dr. Samuel Johnson is right about Olsen Johnson’s being right. And I’m not giving up my ice cream parlor that I built with these two hands for nothing or nobody. Howard Johnson is right. Thank you Mayor. :22

Tagget. Yes sir. I’ve decided to launch an attack that will reduce Rock Ridge to ashes. I want you to round up every criminal and gun slinger in the west. Take this down…. Could you repeat that sir? :44

As my chairman of the welcoming comittee. It is my privilige to extend to you, a laurel and hardy handshake. :09

A man drink like that and he don’t eat, he is going to die… When? :07

Send a wire to the main office and tell em’ I said (bang) ow! Send a wire to the main office and tell them you said ow. Gotcha’. :10

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives. :08

Work work work, work work work, work work work, hello boys have a good night’s rest. I’ll miss you. :05

(Gunshot) What in the wild, wild world of sports is a goin’ on here? I hired you people to try and get a little track league, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots. :12

Excuse me while I whip this out. :02

You bet your ass (group). :03

You are the leading asshole in the state. :02