Raising Homemakers

On Over-commitment and Learning to Say “No.”

Jacinda — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 05:40:32 +0000

Recently, I sent a letter to a few young ladies who were part of a book club my friend and I started at the beginning of the year. It reads:

Hi girls,

Jacinda here. I anticipated co-leading this group with Stephanie from the very beginning, but the Lord has shown me that it’s just not meant to be.

With three kids aged three and under, our home is a blessed but busy place and my family requires more attention than I’ve made time for. So, I’m cutting back on a few outside commitments to focus on the first priorities God has given me (Titus 2:4-5).

I’m deeply sorry I can’t spend more time with you sweet ladies but at the same time am encouraged to know that Stephanie will be continuing to lead the study on her own. She is a wonderful role model to me and a great example of godliness. I know you’ll get along just splendidly under her wisdom and oversight.

Love and best wishes to you all,

Jacinda

I wish I could say this was the first and only time I’ve ever over-committed myself at the expense of my family, but it’s not. I’ve done it more than I care to admit through blogging, contributing to sites other than my own, book studies, bible studies, play-dates, and waving my hand wildly in a “Pick me! Pick me!” kind of way when a volunteer is needed in a ministry related event or activity.

In and of themselves, none of these things are bad. In fact, the blessings that have come from things like attending Ladies Society and Young Couples at church, teaching VBS, helping to organize our provincial homeschooling convention, studying good books on biblical femininity with 12 year-old girls, and writing my heart out are really quite tremendous.

My life has been touched, deeply, by the dear souls I’ve become acquainted with this way and I hope that in some small way, the Lord has been able to use me in someone else’s life too. Often though, when it comes down to paying for it all, my family is left with the bill.

How many times have I hurried my children through the door, snapping at them to quickly put their shoes on as we hurry off to another event, breaking speed limits on the way? How many times have I yelled, “Can’t you be quiet for 5 more minutes?! I need to get this article finished!” How many times have I spent the morning all holy and righteous-like at a woman’s Bible study and then come home and serve lunch to my hungry, tired children in complete exhaustion and irritation? How many times has my husband come home to a house in disarray and take-out for supper because I’ve been gone all day doing “more important things”? How many times have I served the best to others and given my own family the leftovers?

I don’t know, but it’s too many.

I guess I have a tendency to equate busyness with godliness; the more “good stuff” I do, the better Christian I am. Unintentionally, I’m practicing a works-based religion, forgetting that “a better Christian” is one who increasingly thinks less of herself and more of Christ, understanding that it’s His redeeming grace that saves, not my sin-stained fingers dipped into every ministry opportunity.

“A better Christian” is one who finds herself busy with the things God has called her to, not the unnecessary pressure she puts on herself. Nowhere in the Bible am I required to attend Ladies Society, teach VBS, blog daily, or contribute to every eBook that comes my way.

I am required, however, to love my husband and children, to be discreet, chaste, good, and the keeper of our home with the law of kindness on my tongue (Proverbs 31:26) so that God’s Word is not blasphemed (Titus 2: 4,5).

This is hard to do, sometimes impossible, when I’ve got too much other “stuff” on my plate. I’ve had to swallow my pride and back off from a few commitments I’ve enjoyed. I no longer attend Ladies Society or co-lead a book study for young girls. I’ve declined a few writing opportunities, stopped contributing to all sites but one, and blog less frequently than I used to. Sometimes we skip Young Couples and spend the evening playing with the kids and investing in our marriage instead.

There will come a time (all too soon I hear) when our kids will leave our nest to make their own. By then, if the Lord wills, I’ll be an “older woman” (and hopefully much wiser) with more time and in a better position to “teach good things” (Titus 2:3). Right now, my primary ministry is in our own home to the little souls God has entrusted us with.

And you know what? On days where I’m home and can focus on the first priorities God gave me, I find myself less stressed and more blessed. The atmosphere is more peaceful. It’s easier to be kind and patient. I can snuggle on the couch with my children, take them for long walks, read them good books, and speak quietly and earnestly of things that count for eternity.

When my husband walks through the door to happy children, a tidy house, and a home-cooked meal and says, “Wow, honey! You sure worked hard today! It smells amazing in here. Thanks for all you do for our family,” I smile and think, “This is how God must have meant it to be.”

Homemaking Link-Up!

Emily Rose Brookshire — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 05:21:48 +0000

There are so many beautiful things about homemaking . . . and right here is the perfect place for us to encourage one another in this beautiful calling! Below you can share the link to a post or article on your blog about homemaking, whether it be about cleaning, character, cooking, etc.

To share a link to your post about homemaking, you can use the Linky below . . . just share your link (make sure the link goes directly to your post), title, and image (it’s easy)!

Please link back here so others can join!

The Day I Completely Blew It

Guest Post — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:41:36 +0000

Today we have a guest post by Kasey at Walking Redeemed:

The day was a busy one. With obligations and deadlines pressing in, I faltered under the weight of expectations. And I had a house to prepare for weekend company which meant extra bedding to wash and inspecting a bit more closely for cobwebs and dust. With two fussy toddlers (don’t they always seem to be fussiest on our busiest days?) clinging to my skirt, I nearly dropped in a heap to cry. Until, that is, my precious daughters swooped in to rescue me from myself.

“Mama, we’ll change the babies and play with them. And then we’ll get them laid down for their naps.” Big blue eyes and a pair of green ones looked up expectantly with the simple joy of blessing me with their helpfulness. And as any silly {exhausted} mother would, I unleashed the tears.

I knew I needed help. I was in too deep and could see no way out. The perfectionist in me had waged war against my current reality and it was abundantly clear which side was winning. And then, of course, I heaped guilt on myself for committing to too much and thereby allowing stress to wrap its gnarled fingers around my unsuspecting family. I just needed to get through the day.

So I wiped away the tears and hugged my sweet girls, accepting their offer of help.

But as the hours passed and I methodically checked things from my seemingly endless list, I began to crack. My attitude started to seep the frustration I’d been stuffing down all morning. I grew short and snappy and my kids stared at me in wide-eyed wonder. I huffed past my boys who were bent over their schoolwork, spewing out thoughts in my mind about how they should be helping rather than studying. Goodness, couldn’t they see we were in a state of emergency?

My husband called at some point in the early afternoon and I made a sad attempt to cover my growing agitation. I happen to be married to a man who would notice if I parted my hair on the other side of my head…I was crazy to think he wouldn’t notice the poison behind my tone. He did and his concern only worked deeper into my ire. I’m entitled to a bad day every now and then, aren’t I? was the rebellious thought I didn’t give voice to.

By sundown I collapsed on the couch, too weary to take another step. My list had been seen through almost to completion, but there was no sense of pride in my accomplishment. I felt like an absolute failure and didnt even know where to begin my apologies. A quiet voice pulled me from silent torture.

“Mama, what can we do to make you smile again?” It was my second-born child. A boy blessed with a grin the size of Texas and an uncanny ability to find humor in the humorless. He wasn’t smiling now but he wanted nothing more than to see my face lit with the joy that makes his world go ’round.

With tears once again in my eyes, I told him the truth. I confessed what a wretch I’d been all day and how even though I knew I was doing it, I simply hadn’t made the choice to stop. I told him I wished I could start the day over and resign myself to an incomplete to-do list if only I could snatch back those thoughtless words and unkind expressions. And when his mouth opened again, it was his voice but the words were straight from the heart of God.

“Well, Mama” he said, “let’s just pray that you’ll wake again tomorrow to a fresh start. But for tonight, let’s forget all about what’s already done and make sure this day goes out with a bang! The good kind of bang, that is.” His infectious grin had resumed its place on his handsome, freckled face and I felt my burden lift. I told the others how sorry I was and was met with nothing but love and forgiveness.

I’ve had bad days since but one thing keeps me hanging on….the constant reminder of my son’s words that evening and the truth within them that still breathes hope into my tired heart. Each day is a fresh start and a clean slate. Our mistakes don’t define us. But if we allow them to be, they’re a tool in the hand of the Refiner as He brings us out of the fire with a bit more of the dross burned away!

Kasey Norton is the wife of one firefighter and homeschooling mother to 7 children who range in age from 15 down to 2 year old twins. She has a passion for sharing Christ and empowering women to seek out the beautiful in what He has placed before them. You can find her at W alking Redeemed, where she writes on topics such as faith, family and homeschooling…or on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter. And because balance is vital to the whole woman, she recently launched Redeemed Health & Fitness where you’ll not only find encouragement to add a little sparkle to your temple, but accountability as you commit to keeping it a priority.

Free Cleaning Printables for Your Homemaking Binder

Mrs. June Fuentes — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 12:21:19 +0000

(image via www.cleanmamablog.com)

Do you have a homemaking binder?

Check out Clean Mama’s blog, she has TONS of free printables to add to your binder and today she is sharing a free printable for Kids Cleaning checklists.

You can find this and more homemaking tips and inspiration HERE.

22 Ways to Raise a Home-Wrecker

Kathy — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 19:20:58 +0000

Surefire ways to equip your daughter to be a future home-wrecker:

Do everything for her so she can enjoy being a kid.

Don’t require any real responsibility from her even if she is capable.

Be sure she knows that academics are her highest priority and that practical homemaking skills are menial and for the lower class folks.

Indulge her every whim without requiring any investment from her.

Shield her from disappointment and hardships.

Give her her own room, her own space complete with ways to tune out the family, such as unlimited ipads, iphone, texting, computers…

Don’t allow her to earn or manage any money, just make sure she has plenty of it.

Never put her in situations where she has to get creative and resourceful, just give her what she wants…so she can have a happy childhood.

Do not correct her lack of character, because you may hurt her feelings…and she may not like you. Just let her be free to be herself.

Don’t ever require her to do acts of service for other people, unless she is getting extra credit for a school subject or club of course, because she may need that for a scholarship.

Push her to establish a career because she should never depend on a man for anything.

Be sure she chooses friends that are shallow and enjoy wasting time like she does.

Encourage her to focus on her outer beauty, keep her nails done and keep her clothed in the latest fashions, because that is very important to her self-esteem.

Let her believe her beauty and charm will keep a husband happy once she has snagged him.

Allow her to talk about her friends (gossip), better yet, you be sure to tear down your family and friends in front of her so she knows how to do it right.

As a parent you need to make sure your world revolves around her so that she will be sure to grow up and insist her husband’s world will also revolve around her and cave to her every whim.

Teach her to have a critical spirit, of everything and everyone.

Complain! Complain a lot so she will be a pro by the time she has her own home.

Nag your husband so she will never give her husband a moments peace.

Second guess and disrespect your husband, but be sure to justify it so it seems ‘righteous’, this is key to being a home-wrecker and sabotaging a marriage!

Allow your daughter to always have an opinion on everything, and to ALWAYS have the last word!

And this one is so VERY IMPORTANT- Teach her not to be content at home. Make sure that you have somewhere to go every day. It may be lessons, clubs, teams, shopping; anything that will keep her away from home.

The wisest of women builds her house,

but folly with her own hands tears it down.

Proverbs 14:1

We are told to train up children in the way they should go. Our goal is to train up wise women and it starts in their youth! They can enjoy their childhood and at the same time be learning how to set aside foolishness.

EDIT AND CLARIFICATION:

This post was SATIRE, perhaps I should have stated that first.

It is a post that was directed at the heart of homemaking. As mothers are we fostering a heart of homemaking, giving our daughters what they need, not only in skill but a matter of priorities?

THIS IS NOT AN ANTI-EDUCATION POST! Education IS important, and I wholeheartedly believe that women should be contributing to the household financially, whether it be through income or stewardship. Although I do believe that this is done best from home and is keeping with Titus 2:5.

I’ve been a wife and mother long enough to know that most mothers do not train up their daughters in the way they should go. If your mother did great! If God gave you eyes to see in the midst of worldly teaching, great! But most are struggling and fostering selfish lifestyles in their daughters.

I used the “home-wrecker” term as SATIRE because it is a woman who does not have her heart at home that will destroy her own home…tear it down with her own hands, as Proverbs 14 says.

We live in a culture that is selfish and materialistic, a culture that does everything it can to destroy families and homes. If you want a lifelong marriage and a peaceful home then you have to be deliberate about it, it doesn’t just happen!

Homemaking Link-Up!

Emily Rose Brookshire — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 05:29:06 +0000

To share a link to your post about homemaking, you can use the Linky below . . . just share your link (make sure the link goes directly to your post), title, and image (it’s easy)!

Please link back here so others can join!

Moms and Our Young Adult Sons

Marci — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 05:00:30 +0000

This month our son turns 21 years old. It is the time of a young man’s life that he is making some of the most important decisions he will face: what his career be and who will he marry. So many parents leave their children on their own once they turn 18. Assuming their job is done and they have put in their time. As believers the discipleship process doesn’t stop at a certain age.

My role as a mom in the life of my son is still a very important one. We are to continue to model our roles as wives and mothers as an example of what to look for in a future wife and we are still an important part of their lives in the discipleship process.

Spiritual Encouragement

In preparing for this post I sat down with Josh and asked him areas that encourage him spiritually. We are now an all adult household and our family devotional time is still an important part of our daily life together. It is an encouragement to our son when we read scripture, pray together and have theological discussions on the God’s Word.

Although this is a time that my son is directing his questions and seeking guidance from my husband I still have a lot of impact into his life.

Some of the ways I’ve found to encourage him spiritually and keep plugged in to what is going on in his life is to have a set time several times a week where we read a book together. Currently we’re reading Slave by John MacArthur. This time together starts some great discussions about the book but also leads into other things going on in his life. It is a blessing to both of us.

Praying with him daily and seeing what his prayer needs are helps me to be sensitive to his spiritual needs. I am always keeping an eye out for encouraging articles or books to send him to read and I utilize social media , texting or email to send him an encouraging note or scripture on occasion and nothing beats coffee dates.

Encouraging Responsibility

We have encouraged our son to stay home until he is ready to be married. He is working outside the home full time and taking college classes locally. Having to live with a family and continue to have chores around the home, be required to help in areas when needed and continue to learn to serve others are important qualities to continue to foster in our sons. Many young men who leave home early and live on their own for years before marriage find themselves battling the sin of selfishness. Don’t get me wrong we all deal with this sin on a daily basis but it is even more of a challenge when you have only had to take care of yourself and not formed the habit of laying down your life for the needs of others.

Taking the time to teach your sons how to clean, cook and do laundry will be a huge blessing to his future wife. Many of the skills we as moms teach our daughters are still important skills to foster in the lives of our young men. Budgeting, cooking, basic sewing, ironing, laundry, writing thank you notes, proper manners, cleaning, caring for a home and the list can go on.

Serving others in your church family and community is an important part of training them to meet and look to the needs of others.

God has designed our sons to be protectors and providers. Let him continue to foster this role while he is in your home. Let him open doors for you, carry heavy items, ask for help from him when you need it and let him serve you. Continue to teach and foster in him a heart of service; Christ’s example is one of a servant leader.

Enjoying Your Relationship

I enjoy being with Josh and know I’m going to miss those conversations while cooking dinner, hanging out in his room before bed chatting or sharing those wonderful talks over a late night snack. The day will come when his room in our home will be empty and Lord willing he will be in his own home taking care of his own wife and family. (Nothing like writing a blog post and crying at the same time – sorry ladies having a moment here).

I want to cherish the time I have with him but not in a way that mothers him to death but in a way that encourages him to grow as a godly man. I desire to prepare him to be a good husband in the areas that God has equipped me in sharing with him. Moms, we have a lot of impact on our growing boys in teaching them to care for the needs of others, to be compassionate and to learn how to properly interact and respond to the young women in their lives.

My hope is that Christ would always be His first love. If He is loving The Lord with all His heart, mind, soul and strength I know he will be a loving husband and father. If His spiritual priorities are in the right order I know His family will be washed with the water of the Word and loved by a man who has Christ as an example of what a servant leader is to be. Not perfect, but continuing to keep his eyes on Christ; the Author and Perfector of his faith.

“Our objective should be to so train (our children) that their thoughts and attitudes and actions begin to reflect and manifest a likeness to the lifestyle of a Christian described in the Word of God. Whether they become successful in business, whether they become good athletes or musicians, whether they are handsome or beautiful, whether they get straight A’s in school are matters of little consequence in comparison with the matter of becoming holy and godly and mature Christians.”

~Wayne A. Mack~

Related Articles:

Lessons on Preparing Our Children for Marriage and Parenting

Natural Mothering eBook Bundle—95% Off!

Mrs. June Fuentes — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 14:28:43 +0000

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The Fine Print

This Bundle contains digital downloads in ZIP and PDF formats, so there is no shipping involved. You will receive your unique download link immediately after download. Please note that this Bundle is provided as is: no refunds, no exchanges, and no late sales will be provided.

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With proof of purchase, we can renew download links until June 30. After this date we will no longer have access to the books and will not be able to provide any new links to download.

Please read our Frequently Asked Questions page to learn more about the file types, deadlines to redeem your bonuses, and reading the books on your eReader device.

Each bonus offer can be redeemed once only per eBook Bundle purchase. You may purchase multiple bundles in order to redeem a bonus offer more than once.

For each bonus offer, transaction numbers or proof of purchase may be required at the time of redemption.

All bonus offers are the sole responsibility of the bonus sponsors to provide and are subject to availability.

*This post contains affiliate links that support the ministry of this blog. Thank you for your support!

Responsibility: burden or blessing?

Sherry — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 09:00:10 +0000

One of the best homemakers I have ever known grew up without a mother. She was the only girl in a pack of brothers, and somehow it became clear to her that it was her responsibility to make the house she lived in a home. Without any prompting or direction, she set out to study how to take care of things, how to cook and clean and make everyone feel comfortable. She told me she would visit neighbor’s homes and take notes in her mind as she watched other women go about their daily duties.

I have also met some awful homemakers. After the birth of one of my babies, our insurance company paid for a housekeeper to come in and clean for a day. The young lady that was tasked to help me rudely remarked as she came through the door, “Why did you have all these brats?” and then proceeded to wax worse as the day wore on. My house really wasn’t that dirty, but I thought it would be nice to give the children a break by having someone else wash the dishes for a change. She continually complained, was afraid of work, and then bragged, “I never helped my mom with anything!”

It showed.

My own grandmother never allowed her children to do much besides washing dishes. She did all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. She reasoned that the children would waste and ruin things. The result? Her own daughters were at a loss as to how to make the most basic foods, etc. when they started out in their own homes. My mother still remembers how very embarrassed she felt as a newlywed trying to fix pleasing meals for my dad, especially since his mother had been a marvelous cook!

Thankfully, my own mother allowed me multiple opportunities to help out with every facet of our home life. I cooked, cleaned, laundered, and even packed and un-packed and organized things when we moved. My husband was confident that he would not starve after we had wed!

It wasn’t until I was expecting my 5th child that I woke up and decided to train my children to help out with things around the house. The eldest at that time was only 7 years old, so their participation was limited, but each one could help at his/her level. I taught them to make their own beds, pick up their playthings, sweep the kitchen floor, and load/unload the dishwasher. As they matured, more chores were added, so that, by the time they were ready to leave, they were capable of carrying out almost any task in the entire house and even do basic home maintenance and repairs. Even my boys can cook if they absolutely have to (and they know how to separate the darks from the whites!).

One snooty relative once remarked to me, “I heard that the reason you homeschool is because you want to keep a lot of slaves at home,” to which I retorted, “If I was that lazy, I would send them all to school for free babysitting!”

Here is a truth; it takes as much or more work to train and supervise children to work as it does to do the work yourself. I do not have a sedentary job; I am constantly showing someone how to peel potatoes, or sweep the corners of a room. I have made numerous procedure and checklists, and I have nagged until I have become hoarse. It is not just physically taxing, but emotionally draining to get children to help around the house, and this is where parents can become quite selfish, while they speak as though they are being self-sacrificing.

There is the opinion that children should not be “burdened” as they grow up, but I have found that children thrive on responsibility. A child who contributes to the well-being of the home feels that he/she has a stake in things, and there is a pride and dignity that is developed that increases family unity.

Then, as there are even more demands in adulthood, a son or daughter is never surprised, since he/she has been conditioned to look at life and work as one, instead of growing up with the feeling that responsibilities interfere with living.

Homemaking Link-Up!

Emily Rose Brookshire — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 05:23:40 +0000

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