The Sensitive and Philosophical side of a Techie Marketeer

We live in Unromantic times …

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 20:22:00 +0000

When was the last time something MAGICAL happened to you? ...

The twinkling eyes of surprise, honest eagerness, the midnight oil, the elation of possession of something awaited or the presence of a loved one and all those little things that made everyday feel like a romance with life, are lost somewhere. These are for sure unromantic times! These are times when we fail to remember the last time we felt things were magical enough to make us feel reality as only a passing and that there is something greater and better.

I wish I could be there on spring afternoons when eager children awaited the keeper to go off sight, to break into a protected mango orchard, armed with self-made catapults & stones. Mango trees with branches heavy of ripe fruit - a bright pleasant sight - struck free of their weight by the children who then devour the mangoes – a fresh yellow & green.

My fervent heart fantasizes the times when love letters and stolen moments captured in poetry were treasured as memoirs of great displays of affection between lovers. Times of Shakespeare, Keats & Ghalib. Moments that were passed on over generations as models of how love could be a candle in the dark. I envy those times when distance could churn a deeper sense of affection in lovers than break it.

There was time when the theatre & films were the primary inspiration of the lives of many; where they searched for inspiration to churn realities. Long queues and journey’s after, the pleasure of the plain two-tone printed paper – the ticket, shone like gold. To engage elated in the elaborate states of fiction where death evaded the hero as the mother’s devotion infallible protected him and he always got away with the best woman.

I look for inspiration into a time, when there were no politicians, but were leaders &/or legends who inspired masses with nothing but pure will. Those who made death feel like rebirth. They were men & women who could not be stopped by the many things that could arrest mortal souls in their steps. Almost divine their presence could awe all and sundry to action in blind faith.

We live in such unromantic times where the magic is lost. The inspiration is lost. There is pain, doubt & ignorance that disturbs us and takes us away from all that is and could be magical with our lives. There is a growing space in my heart for those lost & simple but magical moments. I only pray now that I could find a few of my own and you could find yours.

Let’s make life more romantic!

~ Arun Raj ~

~ Pursuit of Love ~

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 19:30:00 +0000

Oh blessed are thee, those hurt in love.
Of journey’s done in the pursuit of happiness
This be the noblest of them.

~ Arun Raj ~

Images from Krista - Pulitzer Prize-winning photojournalist

~ Dancing for Wings ~

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 17:29:00 +0000

I danced until my heart cried
Praying wings for my feet – they pained.
Awaited now the flight.

~ Arun Raj ~

~ Sweet Pain of Love ~

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 18:51:00 +0000

So blue my heart of the pain of love,
That the red of my blood turns green
In the envy of its displeasure !

~ Arun Raj ~

~ Spirit Free ~

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 15:49:00 +0000

I bathed in the light of a thousand candles.

To yellow to white and to gas I turned.

And now free of my body at last;

I can fly beyond my human boundaries cast.

~ Arun Raj ~
March 16, 2010

Image Credits - Richard R Young

Pictures - Friends lost, Love found

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 19:57:00 +0000

Some pictures of a past
Long behind - stand out!
Of friends, lovers & moments
Set apart by time, captured in Pictures.

A cup of tea, a shared smoke,
A cake smudged across faces,
T-shirts worn alike or the cheap hang-outs
We spent time at - all shine clear now.

Oh younger we were
As babies, brothers, sisters and
Trying Teenagers.
Unbound, unfolding like an intense book.

Tears find the corners of the eyes
Like a puppy to its ball.
An overwhelmed heart
Pumps out emotions lost.

The age of each picture evident
In pecks of dust gathered,
The crumbles on some
And the tear on others.

Our faces growing older
The signs of age taking over.
People in our arms changing
But not the love we share.

Some love of a past
Long behind - comes back!
Of friends, lovers & moments
Set apart by time, captured in Pictures.

~ Pushku (Arun Raj), 17.08.2010 ~
Dedicated to Shiju, Jikku, Pappi, Jestin, Lisha, Ashi & Albert who know me best as 'Pushku' - Love you guys :)

A Woman I knew

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 13:01:00 +0000

I once knew a woman.
Light as a feather she tread;
Watching every stone underneath,
As she took each step
Lost in the delight
Of watching her own steps take flight.

I once waited for her
On a busy street – eager.
Around the corner I keep watching;
A minute – a decade, and
A second – a year, it feels,
But time had lost its purpose.

I once sat with her – listening keen;
Of poets living from the pages
Of books – worn, and words – animate.
My time was now a machine;
Tick-tock it did. But my heart – anew,
Sang to me – ‘The beginning, the end is all here!’.

I once sat to write a song about her.
I strung a few words together, on a stray paper.
And I wished they felt fit in her tribute.
But they ran away – insecure!
Into a jungle of memories;
All they send back was – Special!

I once sat with her across
A table - uneasy between us!
Something in her sent me fetching
Each time I looked at her.
As if my words eloped
With her singing spirit.

I once walked alongside her
In loops around – as no end seemed right.
How much we wished
Each moment stood &
Each tingle we felt evaded time.
Oh, how little we knew each other!

I once had to say goodbye.
Some say I cried & others say I laughed
When I had to leave her behind.
I wished hardest then;
To stop my broken heart's leak!
But goodbyes evaded me.

I do wish now that we could do it all again
The endless roads, the poets forlorn,
The lost time & the busy streets;
Her hand in mine!
With a passing gale now I wish to it -
Take me along to her - that Woman I knew!

~ Arun Raj - 15/08/2010 ~
Dedicated to a special lady

Photo by rsplatpc

A New Era of Matrimony

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Tue, 25 May 2010 04:56:00 +0000

Aakanksha Singh, 24/05/2010

It's raining marriages recently, 16th may Delhi records ~20K marriages, Mumbai was far ahead with ~50K wow! I wonder, if all these marriages are trademark heaven, how busy god might have been with the task of paring the perfect ones, because looking at the preparations here surely Earthians drill every nook and corner of the marriage commodities market.

Away from the flashy lights, a peek into the groom-bride hunt is a tiring journey in the service class community. The search is dominated caste (to be understood), family status followed by right age, educational qualifications, job status and security, physical compatibilities of skin color to boy-girl height ratios etc etc - initial screen test passed. The next scene unfolds "meeting of the prospective couple", an affirmative nod implies background search of the boy (inquiring at work place to get a general ans). Merrily the families come together and propose the marriage budget. Common middle class rates are 20-25 lakhs (the girl's family sheds it, strictly for marriage preparations), backed by phrases of "parivar ki izzat ka sawal hai" "rishtedor ka aise mauke par khayal na rakhe ge to kab" "apki beti jab hamari hui to hamari ijjat bhi to apke haath mein hui, bas aur kya chaiye". The bundles of loans, Debt from friends, relatives follows. Becuase to be true, the girls parents earnings were spent on her education and managing the house, and whatever the parent could save has lost the value in today's modernized society. And apart from money, you can only be hopeful that your to be spouse meets the bare minimum criteria to understand you as an individual.

This materialization and commercialism of relation of the present days has left more than a few in a flux, they cannot bring themselves to be a part of the arranged (its fixed rather) setup, and hardly have any alternatives to look for , where parents concerns as well as their like-mindedness form the base of a relation giving money a backstage.

A few years back i wanted to help my friend, advice her as to what alternative could be, and i had no clue, and the situation occurred couple of days back with another of my friend. Having seen 25-30 years of life, it warms the heart to be able to hold hands with a companion for life, today we base our thinking on realistic dreams, the Cinderella story tales are over. sensible, self made, self morals and principles, an outlook to life and the mindset to deal with it are a part of what we are today. Now if in these times i am only looking for a like-minded guy or girl to spent the rest of my life and if Pre-marriage love didn't flourish in my life, do i have to bring myself to adhere to a system with is difficult to get under my throat.

Some of us are faced with this question, but hardly with any moderate alternates as in if not the same caste than maybe an acceptable one to the family but a person on my thinking lines. Seems too much to ask for. we are aware that the confluence to 2 different personalities calls for adjustments, up-downs/disagreements difference of opinions are a part and parcel but with equitable mutual respect and a sense of understanding is appreciable too. And if that's there, i guess why to lash out so much money, we can convince family going through a rigmarole with them and if not at least device a way by taking shared responsibility on our (the engaged couple) shoulder's rather than burdening one's parents alone.

Hence, the idea of why not to bring up a platform for mutual arrangements for people who are more of true socialists, and those who want to be initiators of this social change but rather do not find an accessible medium for actually bring it into their lives. Thinking on these lines, why not we take up the task of associating with matrimonial sites, magazines, newspapers for bringing up sections where the profiles are browseable based on off beat track, and on similar lines we form up our own group, promote in families, friends, work place etc etc and create it ourselves.

~ Aakanksha Singh (A volunteer from AID NOIDA Chapter)

Love has come!

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 08:00:00 +0000

One too many light-years it felt but,
A silent drought just gave way;
To a burst of misplaced happiness!

A wind blew under my feet, tickling
My failing senses amuck with sensations
I thought lost & past revival.

To spread arms and seeking to embrace each breathing
And non-breathing gift - God’s mischiefs,
Wished a heart that took to steps of its own!

An orchestra - Violins, Bass & grand Pianos,
Leave their stern conductors, to take a stance
With the flutes, clarinets & trumpets in tango.

The percussion, to its soul notes played
Free of their maestros, in a rhythm unheard;
To match each splashing drop of the impulsive rain that begun.

As the world around took to its random heart steps
The Gods gift the sun-pleasured earth with
A stray shower sparkling in tints of pink roses & tulips yellow.

A stubborn bolt of lightning, finds its way
Through a lazy dark cloud, to the middle;
And skid haplessly in the acoustic trance of the percussion.

Smitten and their workday un-mind, a few passerby -
Embracing a lost rhythm in them, flaunt
A forgotten drift in their own songs.

The loved, lost & the have-nots alike walked
Along me in a symphony alive; shaking off the mundane,
The withered & the worn; born to a fresh heart.

I look over my shoulder to find,
A fallen leaf – still fresh from its tree’s song,
Jiggles away with no fret of its impending demise.

I feel a pyre – dancing in a bright yellow flame,
Setting off the lost to ash, taken away in a rootless
Stream steered confused by the fallen bolt of lightning.

And so came love - back to me – back
As a spark and left me claiming excited -
Love has come!

Celebrating my most treasured Women : Part 3(i)/3 – Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:56:00 +0000

As some wise people have said, ‘Friends are family you get to chose!” I can stand testimony to this and claim that some of my closest friends are as good as Family to me. And above this, a Woman as a friend tends to be more to both man or woman than just a passing commentator on what you should do and not do. They take up every role that can be thought of – as the cushions that support your fall, as a mother that cares for you, as a sister who stands by you no matter what & a friend that fights for you.

These here are few Women whom I respect for their abilities to spread hope, love and yet stand unfazed through difficulties.

Rupa Bidap – Counsel, Great Friend & Cynic Extraordinaire

This irreverent petite lady packs quite a punch and can easily be passed on as irrelevant, but that is until she speaks her mind out. Her calculated irreverence has the strength to overwhelm any opponent that comes within her ring of fire. Making her the perfect person to set the sails of senses into you!

Life has made her tough as a stone but her womanly sensitivity lies dormant and takes expression unlike any other human being. She takes to counsel, direct or support for you, from her refined sense street smartness. She is the quintessential self-made woman, unfazed by the very things that effect normal people.

Sonia Singh – Friend, Big Sister & sometimes Mother

We met as part of my volunteer activities with our Project – AID Prayas around 2 years and our friendship grew as if we were destined to meet. The session that defined our friendship was one where we were interrogated for a bombing attempt in a mall in NOIDA. Its true and you can read about it here !

Sonia, I am sure was designed to and will become a great Mother one day. This lady is a classic example of the perfect Mother – exceedingly caring, asks you what exactly you want to have and gets it prepared for you, sits to listen to you, keeps reassuring that everything will be alright, sets your blanket for you at bedtime & tells you to keep your shoes outside the house and wash your feet.

Both these women being demanding professionals are respected by team-mates, partners & friends alike. They are known for their focused, reliable and assertive approach. Ambitious but still close to their essence of being a Woman (at least in the classic definition).

Arun Raj

PS: Its taking me time to close this bit. Part 2 of this finale post is in the writing, will try to finish it the next few days. :)

Celebrating my most treasured Women: Part 2/3 – The Fighters of AID Prayas

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:43:00 +0000

Working at Prayas I have seen my share of instant gratification searching individuals. But then there have been a few people who I have worked with in the past 3+ years tenure as a volunteer for AID Prayas, whose work and value cannot be justified by words. Today on Women's day I would like to highlight some individual ladies without whom Prayas as it is today would not have been so.

These ladies have all the basic traits of any woman - Compassionate, Caring, Devoted, & yet much more.

Charu Garg

This write up is going to give her the shock of her life but this really what i think of her.

All the arguments and nonsense talk that we do apart, I have seen this lady grow in devotion to the children of Prayas and also shown a keen but dispassionate & balanced position for the activities at Prayas. Without much talk and all action I am floored by the self-driven motivation she has under the pressures she face from home and parents.

Linkan Subudhi

This one is a fighter lady. With a heightened sense of self-awareness, she can be arrogant but yet with clarity on her position. She can fearlessly pickup fights to fix the wrong while being aware of her individual limitations.

Like the other ladies at Prayas her devotion to date is unshakable and unquestionable. Strong, independent and self-motivated, this is the way I believe all women should be.

Anuradha

Oh my God ! If you know this lady you would agree with me that the phrase 'Gift of gab' should be rewritten as 'Gift of Anuradha'.

I have known her for 3years now and she has not changed one bit. Talk about self-satisfaction at such a young age. This tanker of humor and unbridled energy has the very important task of keeping the energy levels high at our team meetings and sessions at Prayas.

I would also go to the extend to say, she single-handedly did turn around Prayas at one point.

Aakanksha Singh

I have to agree that I don't know her too well, but I am impressed by the way she has taken up the more under-understood tasks at Prayas and is driven and focused on it. It is always difficult to take the initiative towards the path less-trodden. Mostly soft-spoken, but the words I get to hear about her perspectives on social issues and working of Prayas I feel all the more proud that we have had the honor of working with such an individual.

The mettle and devotion shown by these ladies are highly commendable and are worthy of every praise that can be showered on them.

I salute you Ladies!

[NOTE: The ordering of names above has no relevance. :P]

Celebrating my most treasured Women - Part 1 – Mom & Sisters

noreply@blogger.com (Arun Raj) — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 19:19:00 +0000

For me 0.001% is still hope that there is a chance of a better tomorrow. This Women’s day I wish to raise a toast and shower my adoration to the women that have given me this hope, stood for & by me as an angel when I needed support and taught me compassion.

In this first part, I wish to let my hearts love flow out for my Mother & my two lovely sisters - the most important people in my life. This series of adoration will have two more parts - one for some individual women who have influenced who I am today and have been close to me and the third part will cover a few my favorite & inspiring ladies of Prayas.

My Mother

Oliver Wendell Holmes quote:
~ Youth fades; love droops; the leave of friendship fall, A mother's secret hope outlives them all. ~

Unlike the many ephemeral / passing statements of hope that we receive in our moments of low, as Oliver Wendell rightly states in his quote, a mother’s silent hope and devotion stands tall and gets us through the drear and dreads of life.

My mother’s reassurance during some difficult times and her warm arms that I could retire to when I return home has taken me through the many heartbreaks of life. Her smile has an elixir effect on me every time I think about it, and I miss her every moment she is not around.

My Sister’s mock her when Mom tells them that she heard me calling out to her, when I am not at home. To add, one of the best moments of my life that I keep recollecting and feel blessed are the ones when I return home and call out to my Mom, ‘Mummy !’, as I reach the gate at our home in Kerala. And then she comes rushing out with a smile – undemanding, grateful & finally at peace! Life, could not be better!

My two lovely sisters – Veena & Vidya

Deborah Moggach’s quote:
~ Whatever you do they will love you; even if they don't love you they are connected to you till you die. You can be boring and tedious with sisters, whereas you have to put on a good face with friends. ~

Mom’s devotion & innocence seems to have rubbed off on both them; at least mostly. They have taken from Dad a deep sense of sincerity to friendships and relationships they make. A great mix, as you may agree, for making a compassionate and caring individual.

To add to that is a dash of independence that they have grown to possess. Especially now after 3 years of being in college and with the many challenges that colleges offer from roadside Romeos, tight string pocket money budgets, reasoning with Dad & Me to go for trips, etc.

I see and wish deeply that these two women become into more than just somebody’s wife or just another person. I pray that they become able to make strong decisions not just for themselves but also be able to guide and support others.

Happy Women's Day to all Mothers & Sisters !!

The Plight of war !

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 08:28:00 +0000

Times of Unhope and distress spread wide,
When breaketh loose, hell’s Mistress on Earth’s crust.
While many action-less, uncouth in passion to lace our souls,
She reigns and maims bodies and souls.

The mistress of hell declares to have achieved a feat,
With her command over lay souls, she defeats
Sometimes true souls in light of Love and Faith,
With her warriors Distrust, Deceit, Pride and Greed.

What began as a bout of a common ego,
Takes a trip that severs ties across obscure boundaries. Some go
To the fields of fray on the whims of others,
Convinced of a better tomorrow with the end of another’s.

Layman ignorance of many a low soul
Have been cause for one too many a gaping hole.
A generation maimed but breathing, in the terror of a moment
Lost in time but scarred in permanence; for another – indifferent!

The plight of War is now one chance to prove,
What for one is Truth and what another may disapprove.
But in this toil between the Mistress and Truth
Be aware though, doeth innocent souls suffer the wrath.

Praying Peace - Arun Raj

[Note: This poem was written around the first year, in 2005, when I realized I could write. It won me a third prize, that I shared with three others, in a college poetry event. A humble beginning, but was a light of hope for me. Hope to be useful with my words going forward. Thanks for following & your honest inputs :) ]

A Woman’s Persuasion

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 20:12:00 +0000

Her curls stranded in fidgety fingers
“Your words by no means pardon deserve.”

He takes her arm – reluctance showing,
“My words match not my heart’s pleasure.”

Her qualm reserve striking a frown,
“Your failing resolve is my heart’s displeasure.”

He to goes down on his knees - in a light laugh,
“Bequeath your heart - unto me, & I pledge otherwise.”

A ray of light settled her eyes to a long blink,
“So you promise – to never let me down?”

Raising himself, his eyes – sparkling in hope,
“To my best breath – till it lasts with strength!”

She stood along in a silence,
“There is a meaning to the words I say.”

And He - in his pleading best.
“Hidden in that evasive smile of yours.”

In a claiming stance, she holds his arms,
“And in every word I wish the audience in you.”

- Arun Raj

Note: The woman always has the last word.

Eve teasing (Indian Context) : Personal opinion

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:36:00 +0000

Eve teasing, as I see it, spans from simple eye-balling (staring), to more verbal confrontations and physical assaults. I see eve teasing, in the Indian context, as stemming from the sheer ignorance of the aam-Indian household's stigma about sex. The hypocritical nature of post-colonial Indian ideologies juxtaposed with globalization presenting alternative worlds to our 'conservative' junta, distorts the craving / need for understanding the most basic of our instincts – the need to breed, pure hormonal drives. The suppressing of such hormonal drives and not being able understand feelings I deem as a latent motivator to the expression of these drives through media like brothels, dance bars & eve-teasing. This instinctive drive making men vulnerable to such deep cravings and drives them to explore these feelings.

This craving is natural and equally certain to be possessed by men from the most refined families of the societies to the men of lowest end of income levels. It's just the expression that is different in different levels of men. In the former type of men, there is a standing fear of the consequences of expression of their instinctive drives and it out pours in more uglier forms* than the seemingly malignant expression of the latter type*. The former then train themselves towards suppression & thus towards more kinky & silent closed door affairs. The socially lower placed men are however free of most fears possessed by the higher level counterparts and under-informed of consequences their actions tending to more explicitly presentation of their feelings.

I agree to the fact that you find men from all levels of society are involved in a certain amount of eve teasing. But then, is it not noticeably more so from the men of lower income levels. Also, more so it is the younger lots that are again much more active in such expressions.

From this viewpoint, I feel that eve-teasing could be necessarily cured or corrected through band-aid activities like penalizing men that indulge in such activities or assaulting them in any manner. This I feel will have counter-productive implications such as the men needing to express their superiority by taking aggressive & ignorant views to the many laws try to suppress them. However, I would not deny the need for these laws but raise more attention to the rehabilitation & correction post the identification of people who break them.

In this light I would like to take eve-teasing as a subject that needs a more holistic approach that starts from having children being educated in such a manner to be respecting of their female counterparts, sex education becoming a compulsory subject, parents being counseled into talking to their children about the subject, correcting the existent methods of treating & rehabilitation od the law offenders and also use other more creative modes of spreading the message across to the people.

~ Arun Raj

* MMS Scandals, Molesting under the influence of alcohol or drugs, teenagers indulging in sex (Delhiites say 49-55% females have had sex before they are 18), etc.

** The thought is still incomplete & I am open to clarifications. There are many things I still need to frame into words that are missing here.

Into the light we all go !

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 13:42:00 +0000

Notice - far away, a distant shrill
Cry of a child - a mother await.

A taken signal, a beggar child
Awaits a giver - generous and fly.

Wishful thinking - a child in catching stance:
'I shall be the hero, with this one in hand.'

'Dare you!' A kindergarten tot to another tries;
To climb a tree or be called - loser shy.

A returning father, his wage in hand
Hopes a day - better shades than gray and white.

A labor hand - tired on a strenuous day;
Dreams - 'When I would not have to work!'

A working mother, rushes home
Thinking wild: ‘All my chores, and a family's wails.’

Standing by - her children, counted three!
Each hand and arm full of trying screams & moans.

Two lovers pass - unfazed by life,
Their chemistry loud, resounding of objective lies.

A few friends’ standby - catching a smoke,
Telling tales - an expedition in the recent past.

Standing in ovation, to a politic try;
A keen crowd in loud hope - A better tomorrow!

A fight breaking - a shallow cause,
Another mob thrilled asks ‘What’s the issue?’

The last leaf - in a trailing breeze,
Lingers on - showing hope to a lost passer by.

A cricket's cries - unnervingly loud,
But its harmless size, an excuse to life.

A day passes by - each one in motion
Towards a destination or finding one;

Towards an answer or answering one;
In song, in love, in devotion or all.

NOTE: The poem is about life around us, silent but lived. The sounds are as loud as your intent and honesty to see and listen to them. Hope you like it :) What else do you see ?

Waking up to emptiness

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 06:20:00 +0000

I could not have been clearer in thought than this morning. The reality sparkled as though the first ray of a dawning sun - evident of a new day's beginning. Beyond all the random clutter that spread across the vacuum of my incomplete life's distorted reality perceptions, it now sparkled clear.

Every breath I took in I reminisced about what I had become – a resounding lull sustained with endless logic and reasoning. And in the lull, I stood helpless - What could I do now? In my inability to take a heart's stand on a truth that now appeared as clear as the purest form of faith - I lost her! I had failed myself!

Time was one enemy - a tough adversary, always at its fighting best. I lost the silent war that we all wage with Time that builds false bridges between life’s desires and truth. In time I lost clarity of desire and truth, in time I lost strength, in time We lost faith.

And thus, unlike every morning I knew today, I was waking up to a disturbing emptiness - without her and her assurance of a brighter day beside me. The only other person that could understand my heart's swelling discomfort had His hands full with a world full of people just like me - confused and incapable of clarity to action. I was one of them, but now in clarity I had lost time.

The morning settles into a day as the world wakes up to its attempt at finding clarity and here I stand pleading for another chance at my lost Love. In the search of an answer now I stand helplessly as a dog to its master for food - food to fill a wailing, blank & hungry heart.

Image Courtesy : Luke Chueh

Reflecting on a Smile

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Fri, 29 May 2009 17:11:00 +0000

If your smile were the light
That shined the testing paths
Along the treacherous walks of life,
I would gladly walk along.
As if it were just a path
Of flowers and lazy petals - un-paced.
I wish you were mine then,
For the known and unknown eternity now
to only see your smile
sparkle my everyday with love.

A broken heart's song

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Sat, 23 May 2009 16:31:00 +0000

A broken heart wishes hard,
To mend itself from a few broken shard.

Tears of blue blood,
In fear of the next stray sword.

Slayed by pain of wrought memories,
I own a mind fray in vain worries.

The last fall sparks a distant cue -
All the play & games, ends in an unfair rue.

I hold on to a tiny thread of hope,
Lying await for your words of love speak to drop.

I push harder in a stray hope
To make you feel my silent hope.

My last wish now, I wish a little harder;
To stop my broken heart's leak!

~Arun Raj

Men, take your Women more seriously !

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Thu, 07 May 2009 20:10:00 +0000

Conversation after conversation that I have engaged with women I have been privileged to have the company of in my life, I have observed one thing : the innate power of a woman to endure pain – physical and mental, is by far unmatchable by men. And this I feel makes them more divine than human. If most of them have learnt to live with it then it is not out of feeling physically insecure of surviving without men, but an ability to see things beyond a man's sensibility can perceive – unconditional love.

Observe this in their fights and protests, they will always prefer to not cause pain and any induced suffering. In complete contrast would be a man's position, which is then to take to arms and battle it out. Very few men have been able to understand the value of the women to the society and stand for there cause – Gandhi, Vivekanada, Periyar, and many others. Even though to date their efforts have brought great relief to the oppression on our women, but still the silent battles rage daily.

In the process of natural evolution, the women have by design had to endure a cycle of recurring pain, unimaginable by us men, from – the menstrual monthly cycle to the agonizing physical pain of carrying and delivering a child. And, they take all this in continuity with a smile and very often say 'Oh it nothing!' Add to this a brain that is able to reason and rationalize, they can then only take the pain with a pinch of salt and accept it as is.

Be it your mother, sister, friend, girl friend or wife, they all endure this with minimal protest. It was destined that the women were the ones who had to bear the burden of sustaining us. Their wombs are the holy grail of our existence. Imagine if all the women went on strike!

And when they expect a little sensitivity from our end, it becomes difficult for us to put forth. Is it that we as men presume we are the ones that are tougher and more capable of handling pain? A rare broken arm, a wound or a punch clot is only a one time pain. Imagine then if you had to have a finger broken on your good hand every month?

Beyond nature's bestowed responsibilities of sustaining our species, if that was not a challenge enough, they had to be enforced with another challenge! They now also had to become - by definition of society and communities by us men – the keepers of the moral system. Think about it, who really defines these values & systems!

They had to restrain their sexuality and chastity, while the men could then wander around defining their own moral system. They are trained and conditioned by resolved force, to restrain their desires and drive to express, so as not to add to competition in a man's world. But a man, questions and reasons at every chance he gets to find and establish his expression above all other. And he is presumed to be the one with the greater understanding of the intricate system of right and wrong.

In religion and all forms of belief systems, there are a larger number of women who engage to sustain these systems. But then again when it comes to religious leadership, it has then to be the men who lead from the front. The messenger of God almost always has to be a man, the woman then is only 'bestowed with the honor of bearing the child'. Ironical but true!

In a Hollywood or Bollywood flick, the damsel has always to be in distress and the man has to come and protect her. Especially in Bollywood flicks, the damsel is almost always a character with minimal depth of character, is good for two things – dancing to a raunchy item number or crying 'help' while the villain scurries her away. And if you take a middle-eastern movie, to identify a woman you have to look for the long burkha robes and would always be found as a silent acceptor of commands and orders; as if a soldier stand covered in full camouflage.

A deeper look into countless other traditions, perceptions, belief and systems followed by us will indicate that there is a sub-conscious desire of the system to somehow suppress women, as though they are a threat.

Today we are at a relative peak of crimes and acts of violence against our women. We are in fear of separation from our women, for they could not protect themselves. I feel us as men need to take a greater responsibility towards our Women than to just secure them physically. We need to give them an equal opportunity to see the world the way we, as men, see it – The World of Opportunities to Express! They sure deserve it and I believe more than we do!

These words are in the honor of the many great women that I have been honored to have loved and lived with as friends and family and their ever-flowing rivers of love. A special note to my Mom & two lovely sisters – Veena & Vidya!

Again, to the all the men out there take your Women more seriously!

(Image Credits: AP Photo/Gurinder Osan)

Life, Time & a Doubt

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 11:45:00 +0000

While wondering about the relationship of time to life and the consequences of the variants of the existential dilemma we all go through in life, I could not help but conclude this.

Life is a consequence of time and time a consequence of an existential doubt.

I saw the existential doubt as an apt metaphor for the daily doubts and conflicts we keep having, which is summed up pretty simply by Shakespeare as ‘To be or not to be’. Most of our doubts, daemons and conflicts can be categorized as 'Should I be myself or conform by expectations form me?' or 'What if I do this and what if I don't?'. And in the process of this of conflict spend a great amount of quality time. TIME then becomes the consequence of the EXISTENTIAL DOUBT.

On Existential doubt, one of the founders of this philosophy comments:

What I really lack is to be clear in my mind what I am to do, not what I am to know, except in so far as a certain knowledge must precede every action. The thing is to understand myself, to see what God really wishes me to do: the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die. ... I certainly do not deny that I still recognize an imperative of knowledge and that through it one can work upon men, but it must be taken up into my life, and that is what I now recognize as the most important thing.

—Søren Kierkegaard, Letter to Peter Wilhelm Lund dated August 31, 1835

Since time passes by and the life of any person is then the chronicle of all activities that happens around this time, we have LIFE as a consequence of TIME.

A Father’s Devotion

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 08:38:00 +0000

We at Prayas to date have successfully admitted and processed more than 35 children to a better state of academic schooling than what they had previously. Recently, during one of those admitting sessions, we had compulsorily asked the parents to join their children to the school for the process. Five children along with their mother and father came along even though it was already time for the parents to go off to work.

The admission process began with a few questions about their family and other details. One excited child stood there, as she was asked questions by the principal, clutching onto and playing with her skirt. She stood there part smiling and part confused while she abruptly glanced at him. Then, I noticed him!

There stood a father, next to his child. From his expressions I noticed that he could have been deeply contemplating and calculating the outflow of his monthly wages towards his child's education, the bills, the food, etc. In the moment that froze in front of me, his eyes wandered unsure & perplexed while he picked up the 100Rs notes and started looking empty.

I stood there frozen, looking at him flip through the few hundred rupees in his wallet and I could not help but reminisce some difficult moments in the life of my own family. He reminded me of a time, when my father had to loan and plan hard to pay off the monthly school fees at our school. This was even after having a friendly discount of fees at the school which was run by a good friend of Dad. And now, here is a person who is a slum-dweller, not by his personal choice, but because he could not afford any better. He still had the same flame as my Dad, to be able to have a good education for his child.

My Dad has worked hard in his simple job as a Bus Driver for 25 years, as it has been now. There was a time when he had to work two jobs in shifts - one from 7AM-5PM and another from 10PM-4PM, 5 days a week to sustain the money flow to keep us afloat. When, he returned home after his first shift I used to see him rushing upon dinner to catch up a nap before he left. An unconditional devotion that I have revered since the moment I realized it and to date more than any God or person.

The child on the other end picked up her glossy new books and copies. The twinkle in her eyes was similar to what I had felt when I got my new books for the year. An innocent admiration splashed her face with a smile growing as she flipped through each colorful book. I was suspended in time in that moment of nostalgia and then a reminiscent deep gratitude for my Dad. I could notice a tear forming in my eyes but then I held it back for I wished not to ‘make a scene’.

The father-child relationship in our society is one that is rarely talked about, compared to a mother-child or other family relationships. I feel it is somehow presumed that fathers are strong and emotionally in control and their expression of angst at a child's low grades, annoyance at small home issues and other daily concerns, is an expression of establishing control? And thus, not worthy of an emotional expression but can only be a more logical, need based expression!

A father’s devotion to his responsibilities is a silent expression of what is most important to him. He is not emotionally expressive other than in anger. But then I feel, we should respect his silent devotion and ‘cut him some slack’. His everyday is a fight with the world and its numerous frustrations to sustain his family with his best efforts.

And so, with this I conclude my little ode to all fathers – good or bad, but still devoted to their responsibilities. I love you Dad!

Living off a Cliff – My Cliff Jumping Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 06:25:00 +0000

As I was pulled towards the ground, a strong and unfamiliar type of fear had taken me over. The support under my feet had just vanished for a few seconds and it felt like that moment in itself was a teacher of Buddha proportions. I had jumped off with the expectation of a different consequential fear that the height had spurred in me as I had a fear of heights, but now I felt another fear. The fear as I felt now was more akin to a state of insecurity and then of being connected to a force beyond my mortal control.

The cliff though was only 20 feet high still gave a good 3 seconds of free fall before you landed. As the rafting experience and its multiple rushes, gushes & twirls had not enthused me, I was growing disappointed as it was almost the end of the 12 mile stretch. While I was not in a mood to try this part of the experience (Cliff jumping), that I had paid for, a voice inside me roared onto me and drove me to give it a try.

I climbed the cliff which was now crowded by a bunch of people who wished to experience the thrill of the jump. As I climbed now, the voice inside my head that squeaks & squeals at the thought of a height and consequentially numbs out my feet turning it cold, cried to be let alone, but the experimental & adventurous part of me found an empowerment. The empowerment came from the fact of nature that ‘Everything that has a beginning has an end!’

I saw a few others jumping off and especially noticed this great friend of mine (Darshan) preparing for his second jump and soaked to his every goose-bump on the rush that he got from the moment. A lovely lady I know (Aakanksha), who I had felt had a strong adventurous streak about her pulled back abruptly right before my turn had come. With that, the squealing voice inside me got louder for the final two seconds before I finally jumped.

I was saturated in the rush of the moment with so many voices in conflict and excitement. The moment had now come, and then, I launched myself. Now as I fell towards the water, my fear of height somehow ceased to exist, but then, this new fear that had released its pangs into me. I was being pulled by a force I could not fight towards the ground and I lost my sane senses which knew that there was a life jacket protecting me from drowning.

The first second doused my adventurous spirit in fear. I felt heavy as if my feet were tied to a mountain and I was dropped from the highest point on earth that was humanely habitable. I was now waiting fervently for a foot holding, a chance to kiss the earth and secure myself.

In the next second, I grew to accept the fact that any consequence was inevitable. I started losing hope now and expecting the inevitable to happen. I started to gain the power to let myself loose and feel the moment.

In the third second, I felt the force that I realized and came to terms with that which was beyond my control and let myself to its mercy. And, by the time I was splashing lower into the water now, I was feeling enlightened and a sense of liberty from my mortal conflicts. I now felt closer to God and a peace that was unparalleled.

And now that I look back to that moment, I have come to learn and accept with much more conviction of the need to let go and live the moment. Being able to experience life, beyond our own blindly assumed and presumed acceptance of expected outcomes then, is as important as breathing in air into our lungs. The assumptions and presumptions have limited our scope of possibilities and we all need to douse them and look beyond them to the world of unlimited possibilities – The land of hope and faith.

Separated by A Forlorn Strait

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:24:00 +0000

In a waiting stance, he waits and waits –

For her and her’s only love struck stare.

To be he wishes, but wishes deny,

In her arms to lay and sleep - in peace!

To be he wishes, but a forlorn strait

Stands between them; reluctant it blows!

“Oh! Let me flow through thy trying flows,

To reach ashore, where my love awaits!”

To the Strait he prays louder and louder,

In her arms to lay and sleep - in peace!

Her eyes strain beyond the forlorn strait,

In failing Hope, but she would wait.

A distant beacon dims and shines

As her heart wails and wails.

A storm broke, a year from now;

Across the forlorn strait it spread. “Take

Me around this storm, for I can no longer take

This unending wait, oh forlorn Strait!”

To the strait she hollers, louder and louder,

As her heart, wails and wails.

The strait spoke, with lightning strikes fray,

“My passing by has caused your heart pain;

My frivolous waves have crushed your boats;

And still, a year now, you stand and plead.”

Their Hope unfrazzled, unfettered still shone

Through the storm’s eye & unsettled Him.

Great many romances He had broken;

But this one was so different - so full of hope.

He then stood silent as the skies cleared, and spoke,

“And still, a year now, you stand and plead.”

- Arun Raj :)

Marriage is a tough move :)

noreply@blogger.com (Raj) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 08:55:00 +0000

Each time I attend a marriage ceremony an hear the vows of commitment, surrender and eternal love, I am only confused further. I cannot help but laugh at my own naivety, at a point in my life, a while back where I thought I was ready for marriage :P I then look at the faces of the bride and groom and I wish to get into that sacred knot myself. But the fear of giving myself completely unto someone then strikes me inadvertently as a sense of losing myself.

They say that guys generally tend to have this sense of relinquishing control before marriage and there are a good number of movies too that present this state of mind of men like 'Pyaar Ke Side Effects' for example :)

I can then only honestly, go hats off to these people who commit for a lifetime and wish them happiness throughout their married lives and wish that I too get somebody I could relinquish control to - unreasoned.

Love, Marriage & Happiness :) Wow !

Wishing a happy married life to a dear friends - Kannan & Himani :)