In times of uncertainty, leaders are often encouraged to lead from the heart. The phrase shows up in conversations about empathy, compassion, and humanity — especially when people are tired, stretched thin, or navigating change.

Yet for many leaders, this advice quietly raises a concern they don’t always voice:
If I lead from the heart, will I be taken less seriously? Will I appear soft?

It’s an understandable fear — and a misplaced one.

Leading from the heart doesn’t make leadership soft.
It makes who you are visible.

And that kind of visibility takes courage.

The Misconception: Heart Equals Weakness

Somewhere along the way, leadership became associated with distance — emotional restraint, neutrality, and polish. Heart, by contrast, came to mean emotion, vulnerability, and risk. In that framing, leading from the heart can feel like letting your guard down when the stakes are high.

But the leaders who make the greatest difference aren’t the ones who disappear behind a role. They’re the ones who are clear about what they stand for — and willing to show it.

Heart-led leadership is not about sharing more feelings or softening decisions. It’s about anchoring your leadership in conviction, values, and care — and allowing those things to be seen.

Visibility Is the By-product of Conviction

When leaders are grounded in what they care about most, something important happens:
Their leadership becomes easier to recognize.

Their voice carries more weight.
Their decisions make more sense.
Their presence steadies the room.

This is visibility — not as self-promotion, but as coherence.

People don’t have to guess where these leaders stand. They don’t have to read between the lines or fill in the blanks. What matters is visible in how the leader speaks, decides, and shows up — especially when conditions are challenging.

In turbulent times, that clarity is a form of compassion.

Why Invisible Leadership Creates Strain

When leaders hold back — avoiding hard conversations, staying vague to keep the peace, or minimizing their presence to avoid standing out — the impact isn’t neutral.

Silence creates uncertainty.
Ambiguity breeds anxiety.
Invisibility forces others to guess.

Heart-led leadership recognizes that withholding clarity isn’t kind. It places an emotional burden on others and leaves teams navigating uncertainty without an anchor.

Leading from the heart means being willing to step into that space — to be visible in what you stand for, even when it would feel safer to stay guarded.

Courage Looks Like Being Seen

There’s a particular kind of courage required to lead this way. Not the dramatic kind, but the steady resolve to let your values guide you — and to let others see that they do.

It’s the courage to:

• Name what matters when it would be easier to stay quiet
• Speak with clarity instead of over-explaining or hedging
• Hold your ground with care, not force

This isn’t about dominating a room or having the loudest voice. It’s about being present enough, and grounded enough, that your leadership is unmistakable.

Heart-led leadership doesn’t seek visibility — it accepts it.

Clarity Is Kindness

In uncertain, emotionally charged times, people don’t need leaders to have all the answers. They need leaders who are willing to be seen — who bring humanity, empathy, and conviction into how they lead.

When leaders are clear about who they are and what they stand for, they reduce noise, build trust, and create space for others to show up fully as well. This kind of leadership doesn’t rely on charisma or volume. It comes from presence, alignment, and a willingness to stand behind what matters.

That’s why visibility, at its best, isn’t about exposure or self-promotion. It’s about responsibility. It’s about offering clarity when others are navigating uncertainty — and understanding what visible leadership really requires.

Leading from the heart doesn’t make leadership soft.

It makes it real — and in doing so, it makes your leadership visible

The post Leading from the Heart Doesn’t Make Leadership Soft appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

Have you ever wondered why doing more doesn’t make you more visible at work?
And by visible, I don’t mean loud. I mean getting noticed, feeling seen and heard, and being fully recognized for your contributions.

This is the struggle of many high-achieving women.
You’re an expert in your field. You deliver excellent work. You produce results. You do whatever it takes to get the job done.

And for a while, that was enough.
You felt yourself growing. You felt proud of your work. You rose to every challenge.

Until one day — suddenly or slowly — it wasn’t enough anymore.
You now want more:

︎ More influence
︎ More trust
︎ More recognition
︎ More opportunity to lead at the level you know you’re capable of

You want more visibility at work.

And that’s when you noticed something painful:
All that doing is not translating into being noticed in the ways that matter most.

You’re respected… but not recognized.
Trusted… but not chosen.
Relied on… but not invited into the rooms where bigger conversations — and decisions — happen.

If this is you, then it’s time to stop doing more — and start doing differently.

And if any part of this feels familiar, you may also relate to Have You Ever Felt Like a Fraud?

The Truth: Doing More Doesn’t Make You More Visible

Your instinct might be: “Maybe if I just do a little more…”
More initiative.
More effort.
More proving.

But visibility doesn’t rise with volume.
It rises with identity, presence, and intention — the things people feel and remember.

Visibility has very little to do with how much you do… and everything to do with how you show up from the inside out.

Research supports this: confidence, clarity, and presence shape perception far more than raw output. (See this Harvard Business Review study.)

This shift begins the moment you stop trying to do more to be seen — and start shifting how you think so you can do differently. Here’s how:

The Visibility Advantage: Being Before Doing

The women who break through aren’t the ones who finally out-work everyone.
They’re the ones who do something far more powerful:

They design how they show up.

Visibility is not something you earn by crossing a finish line.
Visibility is something you create by choosing how you lead, speak, and position yourself long before the moment of opportunity.

This is the difference between:

Performing vs. Positioning

You don’t need:
a louder voice
a new personality
to “put yourself out there” in a way that feels fake

You need small, intentional shifts in how you think — which naturally change how you act.

If you want to explore your leadership identity more deeply, you may also enjoy What’s Your Brand of Bold?

Here are the three mindset shifts that change everything.

3 Mindset Shifts That Make You Instantly More Visible

(Without adding a single thing to your to-do list)

1⃣ From “Earn It” → “Own It”

High-achieving women are often taught to let their work speak for them.
To keep their heads down.
To wait until they feel fully ready.

But work doesn’t speak. People do.

When you operate from “earn it,” you unintentionally send signals like:

• “I hope my effort is enough.”
• “I’ll speak up once I’m completely prepared.”
• “I don’t want to take up too much space.”

These signals quietly pull you back from opportunities you’re ready for.

Owning it shifts everything.
With this mindset shift, you begin to:

• position your point of view early
• set expectations instead of waiting for direction
• step forward before you feel perfectly ready

“Do More” Pattern

You prepare extensively, wait for the right moment, and hope your thoroughness demonstrates your readiness.

This hesitation is incredibly common. According to research from MIT Sloan, even highly competent leaders hold back when they fear judgment or haven’t “earned” the right to contribute.

“Do Different” Behavior

You offer your thinking proactively instead of waiting to be invited in.

• You lead with your recommendation.
• You speak to priorities instead of tasks.
• You share your perspective instead of asking for permission.

Why this works

Because you shift from hoping to be seen to showing how you add value — a visible shift from holding back to leading forward.

​To strengthen this shift, you may also want to read 3 Keys to Ensuring You Make a Difference in Speaking Up

Every time you move from earning it to owning it, your confidence rises — and your visibility at work rises with it.

2⃣ From Carrying the Load → Shaping the Direction

Stop being the dependable doer.
Start being the person who sets the course.

When your identity is “the doer,” people come to you for what you can do.
When your identity shifts to “the shaper,” they come to you for your judgment, clarity, and strategic lens.

This shift isn’t about hierarchy.
You don’t need a title to shape direction — you need presence and perspective.

Here’s the real difference:

• Doers execute the plan
• Shapers influence the plan
• Doers keep things moving
• Shapers help things move in the right direction

“Do More” Pattern

You prepare exhaustively and wait to be invited into the discussion — hoping your readiness will be noticed.

“Do Different” Behavior

You step forward with perspective instead of waiting to be asked.

• You lead with your recommendation.
• You share your thinking vs. offering information and data.
• You ask framing questions vs. proving how prepared you are.

Why this works

Because you shift from proving readiness to demonstrating leadership — a visible shift from informing to influencing.

Every time you shift from carrying the load to shaping the direction, your clarity and confidence rise — and so does your visibility.

3⃣ From “Proving” → “Positioning”

Visibility is designed, not hoped for.

Women in proving mode often find themselves:

• explaining
• justifying
• demonstrating expertise
• anticipating pushback
• preparing for the next test

Proving keeps you busy — but it doesn’t make you visible.

Positioning changes that dynamic.
It shifts your communication from effort to clarity, and from defending your competence to demonstrating your judgment.

With positioning, you begin to:

• frame your ideas
• speak from perspective
• provide context
• signal direction

“Do More” Pattern

You prepare deeply and offer extra detail “just in case” — all in an effort to show you’re fully ready.

“Do Different” Behavior

• You frame the idea instead of defending the work.
• You present the landscape, not the layers.
• You lead with the path you recommend.
• You offer context that guides the room.

Why this works

Because positioning shifts the room’s focus from how much you know to how you think — and that’s the moment people begin looking to you for direction.

Every time you shift from proving to positioning, your clarity and confidence rise — and so does your visibility.

The Thread Between All Three Shifts

Each shift moves you from:

• Effort → Intention
• Over-delivering → Leading
• Doing more → Showing up differently

These mindset changes only stick when paired with simple, repeatable inner power moves — the actions that signal confidence and create visibility naturally.

That’s exactly what I break down in the Visibility Playbook.

No self-promotion.
No shouting.
No pretending to be someone you’re not.

Just presence, clarity, and everyday leadership behaviors that make the right people take notice.

Ready to Be Seen Differently?

If you’re done over-proving…
If you’re tired of being the best-kept secret…
If you’re ready to rise without doing more…

Download the Visibility Playbook

This is your starting point to:

• Claim your seat at the table
• Own your presence
• Design the next level of your leadership

Your next move doesn’t require more effort.
It requires being seen differently — and it starts here.

The post You Don’t Need to Do More — You Need to Be Seen Differently appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

The Unraveling Before the Re-design

The turning point came on March 16, 2024 — the day my mom passed away.

In the months that followed, I found myself in unfamiliar territory. I expected to need rest and time to grieve. What I didn’t expect was to feel emptied out for so long — as if grief had taken even the parts of me I thought were unshakable.

I wasn’t just sad. I was hollowed out. The energy, drive, and optimism that had always carried me through hard times were suddenly gone.

For most of my life, I’ve been the one who rallies. I find the silver lining and push forward, no matter what.
But this time was different. Every familiar source of strength felt out of reach — as if life had quietly dismantled the very scaffolding that held me together.

So instead of pushing harder, I stopped. I breathed. Slowly, I began to realize that what felt like an ending might actually be the beginning of something new — not another chapter to power through, but a complete redesign of how I wanted to live, lead, and be.

That’s when I began to take a long, honest look at what it really means to lead myself by design, not by default.

A different Kind of Leadership Journey

For years, “by design, not default” was both a belief and a practice. It’s how I built my business, shaped my family’s life, and guided others to create their own intentional paths.

But as I put one foot in front of the other this past year, I realized something: designing the next chapter of life is a different kind of leadership journey.

It’s not about chasing what’s next or reaching for the next brass ring.
It’s about listening — to who you’ve become, what truly matters now, and what you’re no longer willing to compromise.

“Leading yourself by design is about living each day in alignment with what you most desire — not just in service of some future you hope to reach someday.”

Leading Yourself by Design: Begin with Knowing

In my work, I often talk about The Secret to Getting What You Want — the Know–Own–Choose model.  It’s a simple but profound way to lead yourself and others.

The KNOW – OWN – CHOOSE Model
— the foundation of leading yourself by design.

KNOW who you are, what matters most, and what you most desire.

OWN your strengths, your stories, and your power to make things happen.

CHOOSE the actions that align with the future you want to create.

Shifting Focus from Goals to Desires

I’ve always believed that Knowing What You Want must come first. Over the past year, I discovered that it’s not just about goals or achievements — it’s about something deeper: desire.

Not desire as ambition, but desire in how you want to experience your everyday life.

Goals point you toward the future. Desire brings you back to the present. You can set goals for what you want to accomplish, but leading yourself by design is about how you want to feel each day — and who you want to become along the way.

Goals have value. They give direction and focus. Yet they can also keep you chasing “someday” while missing what’s happening right now.

I learned that the hard way.

In the years before my mom passed, my goals stayed bold. But I ignored the realities of caregiving, parenting, and my own wellbeing. I kept pushing forward, measuring progress by outcomes, not by how I felt.

It caught up with me. The exhaustion wasn’t just physical — it was soul-deep.

When you build a life around goals without honoring your desires, you can achieve everything you set out to do and still feel disconnected from yourself.

Now I see that Knowing What You Want isn’t only about clarity — it’s about alignment. When you know your values, your natural rhythms, and your season of life, you lead and live with quiet confidence.

You stop performing leadership and start embodying it.
You stop chasing what used to matter and start creating what truly does.
You honor your desires because they bring out your best.

That’s what it means to lead yourself by design — to live the life you want every day, not just someday.

The Quiet Work of Redesigning

That realization — that knowing myself needed to come before doing more — was both liberating and unsettling.

For someone who has always thrived on vision, strategy, and action, doing less felt uncomfortable at first. My natural instinct was to make a plan, set a goal, and take massive action. But what I needed most wasn’t a plan — it was space.

So, I gave myself permission to slow down. To not have all the answers. To let the fog be there until it began to lift.

The quiet work of redesigning didn’t happen in one grand moment of clarity. It happened in the smallest of choices — going for a walk instead of diving into email, sitting by the ocean with a journal, saying no to opportunities that didn’t feel aligned even if they looked “good on paper.”

It was in those quiet, ordinary moments that I began to hear my own voice again.

From Reflection to Reimagining

Over time, I started to see the outlines of what my next chapter might look like — not as a business plan, but as a life design. One built around how I want to feel and contribute every day, not just what I want to accomplish next.

I realized I didn’t want to start over. I wanted to start anew. Not by erasing what came before, but by honoring it — and allowing it to evolve into something deeper, simpler, and truer.

That’s when something unexpected happened.

One day, while sharing about my journey with a client, she looked at me and said,

“Would you ever consider doing a mastermind on this — and finding a few others to join us?”

That question lit a spark.  It was the beginning of what became Next Chapter by Design — not as a replacement for Fire Up Your Leadership, but as a complement to it.

Because Fire Up Your Leadership continues to be my core work — helping women rise, lead with authenticity, and get recognized for the difference they make. But Next Chapter by Design was born for a different moment — for women who have already led, achieved, and contributed deeply, and are now ready to reimagine what fulfillment and purpose look like beyond their current chapter.

Both are about leading yourself by design, not default. They just meet you at different moments in your journey.

Why I’m Writing Again

Coming back to writing feels like coming home.

This blog has always been a space where I could think out loud, share what I’m learning, and connect with people who care about leading and living with intention.

So, as I step into this new chapter, I’ll be writing again — about leadership, purpose, visibility, and designing a life that fits who you’ve become (not just who you were). I’ll share stories from my clients, lessons from my own journey, and practical ways to use the Know–Own–Choose model in everyday life and leadership.

Because I’ve learned that the next chapter doesn’t begin when something ends — it begins when you choose to know yourself again.

An Invitation

If you’ve been feeling that tug — that quiet sense that something in your life or work wants to evolve — you’re not alone.

Maybe you’ve accomplished everything you set out to do, yet something still feels unfinished.

Maybe you’re ready to move from chasing what’s next to choosing what’s truly yours to create next — the chapter your heart keeps whispering about.

If that sounds familiar, I’d love to hear from you.

This isn’t a launch announcement — it’s a reawakening.
An invitation to begin your own process of leading yourself by design — one intentional choice at a time.

You can reach me here if you’d like to talk about Next Chapter by Design — or simply stay tuned as I share more of what I’m discovering along the way.

Because your next chapter deserves to be by design — not by default.

As I’ve reflected on what it truly means to lead myself by design, I’ve realized that my own journey began long before I ever taught it — shaped by two extraordinary people who showed me what leadership from the heart really looks like.

A Special Dedication

My journey with Random Acts of Leadership began with a message from my dad — one that changed everything for me.

I started this blog — and ultimately the Random Acts of Leadership journey — inspired by his final words to me when he passed away.

From this moment forward, I want to bring my mom, Anna Mae Ernst, into that dedication as well.

She was truly the wind beneath my wings — and, honestly, the wind beneath so many others’. People were drawn to her warmth. Even strangers on a park bench would open up to her because she was so genuinely kind and open-hearted.

My dad used to say she was his secret weapon — and he was right. She was his partner in every sense of the word: smart, wise, beautiful inside and out, and always ready to serve or take the lead when it mattered most. She embodied servant leadership.

My mom’s grace, generosity, and quiet strength continue to guide me, especially now, as I step into this next chapter of leading and living by design.  I miss her deeply but she will never be missing from my life.

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The post Beyond Goal Setting: What I’ve Learned About Leading Yourself by Design appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

However, there is one distinction I have consistently used to help turn dysfunctional teams around. And when used as the foundation for forming a new team, it can get you on a fast track to high performance. So let’s get started on learning how to make your teamwork a dream work by learning the basics. 

Teamwork? That distinction is the difference between a TEAM and a COMMITTEE.

First of all, the belief that people know what these terms mean often causes leaders to shortchange the process of setting clear, appropriate and shared expectations of the participants and the goals of any group assembled.

Unfortunately, because so many have experienced “death by committee” — those painful experiences of meeting over time with a group that produces little and drains your time and energy — some have started replacing the label “committee” with “team” when forming new groups.

As you can imagine, that does little to change the dysfunctional dynamics. In fact, it often makes things worse, because expectations have been raised without changing the approach or practices applied. Hence, it’s important to remember that teamwork and collaboration can create a more positive work environment and boost job satisfaction.

If you find yourself on a dysfunctional team or just want to get a new team off to a great start, ask yourself the following 3 questions to make your teamwork, a dream work!

You may discover that your team is nothing more than a committee in disguise. If so, now you’ll know exactly how to correct course you can now make your teamwork and dream work!

1.  What have the members committed to making the teamwork?

If you are being invited or assigned to a committee, chances are you are there to represent some constituency group(s). While you may want to be on the committee and participate fully, your primary commitment is to the people and interests you represent rather than the committee itself.

Your primary responsibilities are likely to provide input and to be a conduit of communication back to those you represent. While the committee may have a goal, the committee leaders do not typically require you to personally own achieving that goal. You simply are there to do your part.

Teamwork, on the other hand, especially high-performance teamwork, requires a different kind and level of commitment. It requires that every individual is committed to the same shared goal. The team goal becomes as important as the commitments you have to any other group(s) you represent.

As an individual team member, you commit to owning the result and doing whatever it takes, including more than “your part” when that is necessary to deliver on the shared goal. High-performance teams are distinctive, in that the individual team members have an “all-in” commitment.

Committee members represent people, groups, and interests outside of the group. They are committed to participating vs. promising a result. Team members, on the other hand, are committed to the shared goal of the team, and promise to be accountable for the end result being delivered and often implemented. In addition, collaboration among team members encourages creativity and innovation by facilitating the exchange of ideas.

Committee members participate and represent; team members promise and deliver on a shared goal.

 

2.  What level of participation in teamwork was requested and required from the members to succeed?

Being assigned to or volunteering to participate on a committee vs. choosing to be a fully contributing team member call for very different behaviors.

The former only requires that you show up and do your part. The latter demands you take whatever action is required in service of the shared goal.

When on a committee, it can be easy to get away with not doing what you said you would or doing it poorly. It can be very frustrating to the few who do the work, but unfortunately, the level of agreement and commitment necessary to hold someone accountable is often too weak.

When you choose to be part of a team, however, you can expect to be held accountable. Accordingly, teamwork among team members can aid in distributing the workload, resulting in more efficient task completion.

Just because you may be assigned to a team doesn’t mean you still can’t choose how you will participate.

Grudging compliance as an individual may be tolerated and get you by on a committee, but it will likely undermine your credibility and the effectiveness of a team. Also, putting the interests of the group(s) you represent outside of the team ahead of the shared goal of the team will get in the way as well.

If you can’t honestly find a way to do the right thing for the team then you may not belong on the team. Hidden agendas have no place on a team.

Volunteering isn’t necessarily choosing to fully participate either. People volunteer for lots of reasons. Sometimes there is a genuine commitment to contribute and/or represent others, while other times the reason is more self-serving or politically motivated.

In the end, though, it doesn’t matter why you volunteered. If a team is counting on you for a level of commitment and participation beyond what you are willing or able to give, then you have by default chosen not to be a team member, whether you show up or not. Thus, as the saying goes, “Teamwork commitment makes the dream work”.

If you are on a team, you owe it to your team members to authentically choose to be a fully participating member of that team — or take yourself out.

 

3.  How do the members relate to teamwork decisions?

Building consensus is the most common way for committees to make decisions. This essentially means the members vote and the majority rules. The “building” part is about getting enough people to agree with you so the vote swings your way.

While it seems fair, this common decision-making practice has unintended consequences. The people who are not in the majority are disenfranchised. If you are one of the ones who voted the other way, when someone asks “Why did your committee decide that?” your response will likely be something akin to, “I didn’t — they did.”

Have you ever tried to implement a committee decision that was based on a close vote? It can be a lot like swimming against the tide!

Consensus may work for some committees, but it rarely works for a team. Team members must not only own the shared goal; they must own the decisions made in service of that goal. I often ask team members to explicitly commit to following through on the decisions of the team as though they made the decisions themselves.

Teams members must commit to aligning, not voting, or they risk the success of the team. That includes situations in which the team member makes the decision on behalf of the team.

If you find you can’t get behind the prevailing decision, continue the dialogue until you get whatever you need to be addressed to choose to get behind the decision, even if it is not the decision you would have made if it were up to you. Consequently, teamwork can lead to better problem-solving skills as multiple minds come together to tackle a problem.

Committee members vote. Team members choose to align.

 

Consider one of the dysfunctional teams and teamwork you either have been on or are a part of now.

Is your team a committee in disguise?  If so, can you apply this distinction to diagnose the problem and get your teamwork on track?

The post Is Your Team a Committee in Disguise? – Diagnose the Problem and Get Your Teamwork On Track appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

What if you were to consciously practice developing a “success cycle?” No doubt, you have heard of the term “vicious cycle”.  It’s that incredibly frustrating experience of repeating the same patterns over and over with less than desirable outcomes.  It is “vicious” because every time you think you have outsmarted the cycle, somehow there it is again.  It can seem like there is no way out!

The good news is that there is a way out of the grip of the vicious cycle – consciously implement a Success Cycle.

The Success Cycle offered below is a simple, intentional process that can help you get on the path and stay on the path to success. Even your best laid plans are bound to be disrupted by the unexpected. Some disruptions may throw you off track for a day like an illness or an unexpected request from your boss. While others disrupt your entire life in uncontrollable and unpredictable ways like the 2020 pandemic.

By implementing the practices of this Success Cycle you can adapt rather than react no matter what life may throw your way.

The 5 Practices of the Success Cycle

Get Clear 

Clarity is power.  Get clear about what (the outcome) and why (why this outcome is worth pursuing) before you begin ANYTHING.

A few clues that you are not clear in any moment are when you feel overwhelmed or are being indecisive.

Whether it is your day, a meeting, a project, a team or a company, as a leader you need to be clear about what success looks like at every level. Another word for this is to be strategic in everything you do.

Narrow Your Focus

It’s not enough to have clarity though if you want to add velocity to your Success Cycle. You need to narrow your focus to what you can and will accomplish. That’s because satisfying progress requires a sufficient concentration of effort. Spread yourself too thin on a day or over a year, and you will sacrifice your productivity.

Bill Gates wisely pointed out that “We overestimate what we can do in a year, and underestimate what we can do in 10 years.” Apply that principle to a shorter timeframe and consider that we underestimate what we can do in a year, and overestimate what we can do in a day.

That’s why a clue your focus is not narrow enough is when you consistently fail to accomplish your daily to do list.

Also consider that your best laid plans for your day may actually be an off ramp from your success cycle when you continually make a plan and fail to achieve it. Over time this leads to discouragement.

When you find you are having trouble making progress, no matter how hard you work, consider that you may need to narrow your focus even more. In fact, narrowing your focus is a key step in working smarter, not harder. This is why it is such a critical practice in the Success Cycle.

Do the Work

Do the work – the real work that truly matters to accomplishing your goals. Be mindful of confusing activity with actual work. Checking things off your to do list doesn’t not mean you accomplished something that matters.

Clarity and narrowing your focus are practices in the Success Cycle that will help you to make great decisions on what work to do. But you must nonetheless choose what work you will do and then actually do it. Each day ask yourself: what are the most mportant actions I can take to make meaningful and satisfying progress today?

Remember that everything you do is an investment – an investment of time, of energy, and of mindshare. Invest wisely.

Being productive or experiencing flow are indications that you are doing the work that matters. One of my favorite resources on how to choose and do work that matters is “do Do the Work by Steven Pressfield.

Clear Your Mind

Unproductive or self-destructive mental chatter is an impediment to your personal success, just like weeds can be an impediment to an abundant harvest from a garden.  Mental “weeds” include things like thoughts of self-doubt or judgement, worry and fear, or limiting beliefs. You can do every other practice in the Success Cycle expertly, but be derailed by your own mind. This is why you need to discover your own practices for clearing your mind often.

When you notice you are stuck or your motivation is low, consider that it’s time to start tending the garden of your mind. Some of the ways to do this are things like meditation and yoga which are designed to help you quiet your mind. Those things are not for everyone, of course. You may prefer to simply practice redirecting your mind to something other than work such as a hobby or a sport to give your mind a break. Intensely focusing on something you enjoy can quiet your mind and release if from those downward spiraling or repetitive thoughts that could be impeding your progress. Alternatively, you can work with a coach who is skilled in helping you identify the thoughts and ways of thinking that you need to clear, and guide you in clearing you mind.

Keep in mind that clearing your mind is a practice. it is not something you do once, but rather a practice you build into your life and work as a key element of your personal Success Cycle.

Celebrate Often

Being able to see and acknowledge your progress will fuel your motivation to keep going, especially when you need it the most.  Mark your progress periodically by celebrating both your successes and the successes of your team. Take time to acknowledge what you have all accomplished, what you have learned, and how you have grown individually and together throughout the year.

Even with your failures whether big and small there is still much to celebrate. You took action, perhaps even took a risk, and learned something in the process.

The purpose of celebrating as a practice in the Success Cycle is to generate uplifting energy. This positive energy is potent fuel for your success and the success of your team. Celebrating reminds you that the hard work you and others do is worth it.

Also consider that celebration doesn’t have to look like a big party. You can celebrate in simple ways such as sharing a success with someone who cares about you, or sending a note to your team to acknowledge something that went well or was done well.

Finally, celebration is a practice – something you need to do consciously and consistently for it to fuel your success. Instead of waiting for something to celebrate, seek something you can celebrate every week or even every day. This is a lot like the practice of gratitude in that the more you practice celebrating the more things you will see to celebrate.

Success Cycle Practices Are Practices For Effective Leadership

Every practice in this Success Cycle is not only a practice for leading yourself. Put these practices into place with your team and you will elevate your ability to lead others effectively as well.

Here is an example of each how each practice can be applied to leading others.

You provide effective leadership when you…

…Get Clear: Provide clarity about purpose and goals for everything you ask of others, and when you actively work to bring clarity when there is confusion.

…Narrow Your Focus: Help others to narrow their focus when they are faced with overwhelm or uncertainty.

…Do the Work: Make requests for people to do work that clearly matters – to you, to them and to your organization.

…Clear Your Mind: Clear the “mind” of your team members and your team by providing a safe environment for talking about difficult, yet highly important topics.

…Celebrate Often: Making the effort to routinely celebrate accomplishments, big and small, and appreciate people for their specific contributions.

How will you apply these Success Cycle practices to lead yourself and elevate your leadership of others?

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Consider this… is there someone in a leadership position where you work who you would rather NOT be like?

An image of “them” – of that person for you – may already be in your mind.

And no, you don’t have to lead like “them”. Nor do you need to try not to lead like “them”. Your leadership success will actually come from leading just like you.

In working with thousands of people around the world I have often heard people say some version of “if I have to be like “them”, I’ll never get promoted or I’d rather not become a leader (as in positional leader)”.

After all, if there is a person in a role senior to you that you don’t respect or admire, it’s reasonable to wonder if you have to be like them to get ahead.

But you absolutely do not have to become like someone you do not respect or admire to get ahead.

In fact, trying to be like someone else is the surest way to derail your success.

This includes the people you consider to be role models. Of course, role models are great to have. But consider that you are better served by simply learning from them rather than trying to become them.

The “they” you are thinking of may have skills, experience and/or connections that got them where they are today.  Go ahead and draw clues about the skills, experience and connections that could be important to your growth, but never, ever, do you need to be like someone else.

Why leadership success does not come from copying others

Because the moment you focus on emulating someone else, you sacrifice the source of your personal power – the things that make you uniquely capable and qualified for your next level of leadership success.

In the words of Oscar Wilde: “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”

Instead turn your focus inward and take a stand for the leader you are and the leader you are ultimately meant to become.  In doing so you will access two of the key ingredients to rise to your next level of leadership success: confidence and courage.

Are you ready to become the leader you are meant to be?

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Consider that your expectations are essentially the basis you use to assess whether you are satisfied or not in a person’s or a groups performance. So if you want others to succeed with you, then making your expectations clear and explicit is essential.

Of course, this goes both ways. Others have expectations of you or your team as well. And they will use them to assess their satisfaction of your performance. It is just as important for you to be clear about the expectations others have about you. You may need to work harder to make sure you are clear about what others expect of you.

Why Closing The Gap Between Expectations And Reality Matters?

A lack of clear, effective, open, and honest communication is a rampant complaint in organizational life. In fact, poor communication is one of the top complaints on employee satisfaction surveys. Consider these statistics:

• 57% of employees report not being given clear directions. (HR Technologist)
• 86% of employees and executives cite lack of collaboration or ineffective communication for workplace failures. (Salesforce)
• 33% of employees said a lack of open, honest communication has the most negative impact on employee morale. (Recruiter)

The frequency of an expectation and reality gap indicates that there is a fundamental and persistent breakdown in communication.

Making your expectations clear and explicit is essential to improving communication. This applies both to individuals you are working with as well as to communication between teams.

When people have expectations of each other that are undistinguished, this will magnify the gap between expectations and reality. Not only will this cause breakdowns in relationships, but it will also hinder your performance.

Closing the gap between expectations and reality requires that you be conscious and deliberate in communicating your expectations.

So while poor communication is a hard problem to solve, perhaps there is a simple way you can be part of the solution.

A simple yet potent way to address poor communication in your everyday interactions is to practice making expectations clear and explicit.

Here are some things you can do to take personal responsibility when the expectations and reality gap is causing frustration. Practice them consistently and you can close the gap for the future.

Three Ways To Reduce The Gap Between Expectations And Reality

1. Make your expectations explicit when you make any request

When you are persistently frustrated with someone because they did not do or say what you expected, it’s time to first get clear for yourself about what you were expecting and why.  Remember that people cannot read your mind no matter how well you think they should know what you expect.

You are 100% responsible for your satisfaction so it is up to you to make your expectations are clear when you make requests.

If you fail to communicate your expectations, your expectations are simply a wish. But when you make your expectations explicit you can transform that wish into an agreement. An effective request invites the person you have expectations of to actually make a choice.  In doing so you invite them into a potentially mutually satisfying experience of working together. This is the basis for creating an accountable culture. The alternative is to leave others trying to live up to your expectations rather than taking steps to ensure they will.

2.  Help others to be clear about their expectations

You can avoid many breakdowns by ensuring you understand the expectations others have of you up front. Notice any assumptions you are making and make sure to check them out explicitly. If you notice after the fact that you are not clear, go back and ask. While you may worry about looking bad, consider you will look far worse if you are not clear.

Nonetheless, sometimes no matter how hard you try, you may still end up with a gap between expectations and reality. People are often not even aware that their expectations were not clear. Unfortunately the initial response may be blame. It could be them blaming you for not delivering to their satisfaction. Or perhaps you may blame them for not being clear.

The path forward, however, always begins with this belief: You are 100% responsible for the success and satisfaction in your relationships. The way to correct course is through communication. Begin with a context of what we could have done and can do better vs. whose fault it was. Talk about what was and was not clear. Take responsibility for your part in the breakdown in communication. What could you have done differently? Is there something that you didn’t understand or that you learned? What could you have done better in hindsight?

In the process you will learn more about how each other thinks. This will improve your ability to ensure reality aligns with expectations the next time.

3. Be mindful of the expectation and reality gap in your relationships

There are some relationships where you will have little, if any, trouble meeting or exceeding expectations. Some of the factors that influence the clarity and effectiveness of communication include shared knowledge, experience, and trust. This is an excellent foundation for success and high performance. Take a moment and appreciate those people or teams you work with where there is ease and mutual satisfaction.

However, in relationships where the expectation and reality gap is problematic, you must bring extra care to your communication. First, be more vigilant in practicing the first two steps above.

There is, however, one more thing you can do to close the gap. Do the work to understand their worldview of what matters most.

A key factor in relationships that work well is the extent to which you understand what is important to each other.

When the gap is large and results are less than satisfying, a great next step is to learn what is important to them. You cannot possibly meet nor exceed anyones expectations until you understand what matters to them. And when you are less than satisfied, consider that you need to do a better job of communicating what is most important to you, too.

Effective Leaders And Managers Make Their Expectations Known And Clear

By mastering your ability to set clear expectations and ensuring others do the same, you will help others succeed individually. Yet perhaps the most important outcome from closing the expectation and reality gap is the trust you will build among your team. Because increasing trust will ensure you all succeed together.

What will you do next to close the gap and improve your communication?

The post How To Deal With The Gap Between Expectations and Reality at Work appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

Common breakdowns on a team include missed deadlines or people not keeping their commitments to each other. It can also include important things falling through the cracks with no one taking ownership. The symptoms of these breakdowns are often some combination of finger pointing at “them” and justifying that “I did my part”.

Defining clear roles and responsibilities is a best practice for forming a successful team. However, while this practice may temporarily address the breakdowns, the underlying problems caused by a lack of clarity often re-emerge. That is why I recommend you go a step further by also implementing the foundation for increasing accountability. The combination of both clarifying roles and responsibilities and implementing practices for accountability will facilitate sustainable high performance.

Two Steps to Improving Team Performance

First, take the time to clearly define (or re-define) the role of each team member. This includes the specific responsibilities for each role which ensures that you have the right people and the right skills on the team to accomplish your team’s mission. In doing so, you clarify the kinds of contributions each team member can make. This clarity gives everyone on the team an understanding of what you can call upon specific people to do.

The second step, is for team members to get clear about what they need from each other to succeed. It is this second step that is rarely attended to. Yet this step is the key to creating the level of accountability essential to high performance.

Following is a further explanation of each step, why they matter and how they work together to ensure high performance.

Step 1: How Do You Define Roles and Responsibilities?

An individual role on a team is not the same as a job description. Roles of individual team members are driven by the mission of the team and the skills, experience, knowledge, etc. that are essential to accomplishing the team’s goals. The team leader’s (or project managers) roles and responsibilities are perhaps the easiest to define. They are accountable for the team’s success, which often begins by defining success. Their role is to build the team and guide the strategy, planning, and execution. Of course, the team leader’s ultimate role is to lead and manage the team to success.

Team roles are defined based on the contribution required from each team member to accomplish the mission.

Consider these domains of contribution when defining every team members role:

1. Expertise and/or Knowledge (i.e., What do they know?)
2. Experience (i.e., What have they done?)
3. Capabilities (i.e, What are they capable of doing for the team?)

Responsibilities are defined by the type of engagement the team requires from the individual in their role.

Said another way, what are you specifically counting on them to do for the team?

For example:

1. Offer guidance and advice.
2. Contribute strategic thinking.
3. Generate innovative ideas.
4. Perform a specific task or type of task.

There is no doubt that clearly defining roles and responsibilities can help to facilitate the effectiveness of a team. But this is not enough if you want to create the conditions for high performance.

Why Defining Roles and Responsibilities Alone is Not Enough

To ensure sustainable high performance, there is an implied belief that if roles and responsibilities are clear (i.e., everyone knows what they are supposed to do), then things will get done and run smoothly. I’ll suggest that belief is a myth and here’s why.

Roles and responsibilities are a kind of boundary separating one persons role from another.  They are useful when it comes to delegating tasks and managing work. However, clearly defined roles and responsibilities on their own are insufficient to support and encourage teamwork.

This is because boundaries are what separate people rather than bring them together. When you only define the boundaries, you will inevitably discover something you have not clearly defined. And it will only be a matter of time before something else falls through the cracks. When this happens you will find yourself attempting to yet again define roles and responsibilities.

Besides, does the diagram below really look like a team to you?

Yet the traditional organizational chart is exactly the context you reinforce when you focus purely on defining roles and responsibilities. Which leads to the essential second step which is to define how the “boxes” connect. In other words, you also need to define how the people who sit in the box for each role will actually work together to optimize the positive impact.

Step 2: Defining What You Can Count on from Each Other

There is something simple, yet incredibly important, missing from the traditional definition of roles and responsibilities. What is missing is clarity regarding what team members can count on from each other. It is this step that enables you to increase accountability on your team.

By clarifying how people can and must support each other, you ensure that the work gets done and that the relationships work.  This is a highly effective approach for improving teamwork and results.

When you define roles and responsibilities, you are clarifying what each team member can do and is expected to do.  But it is only when team members develop a better understanding of what they can count on from each other that you will create the conditions for sustained success. Clarity and confidence in what you can count on from each other also replaces the “I did my part” but “they did not do theirs” phenomenon with an attitude of “what do we need to do to succeed”.

Said simply, the performance of a team is a direct reflection of the ability of team members to depend on one another.

How to Make the Shift FROM Doing My Part TO Doing What it Takes to Succeed Together

Do you want to stop things from falling through the cracks?  Are you interested in empowering people to take personal responsibility for doing what needs to be done? Would you rather have people focused on producing results rather than worrying about whose job it is to do what?

Then clarify the connections between team members by having them actively negotiate agreements with each other to ensure mutual success. This is how you begin to build a bridge between the hierarchical model we have inherited and the practices essential to being effective in a dynamic work environment.

Using this approach causes a shift FROM my job vs. your job thinking TO a mindset of what do we each need to do to ensure our shared success.

When team members make promises to each other and honor them, they empower both their working relationships and their team’s success. When people ask for what they need with confidence that their teammates will deliver, everyone wins. This is what accountability looks like in action.

How Defining Roles, Responsibilities and Accountability Work Together

When you BOTH attend to clarifying roles and responsibilities AND develop accountable relationships, your team is equipped to learn and adapt together to deal with whatever comes next.

Roles and responsibilities will never be perfectly defined because you will rarely be able to think of everything that someone will need to do in advance. In addition, unanticipated circumstances will inevitably arise. But when you develop the discipline of clarifying agreements between people given their roles, teamwork flourishes.

By focusing not only on what each team member must do as individuals, but also on what team members can count on from each other, you build trust and develop an accountable culture.

When you both clearly define roles and responsibilities, as well as define what team members can count on from each other, you build the practice of accountability into the structure of your team’s relationships. This is a winning combination, not only for better results, but also for building a sustainable foundation for high performance.

The post How to Define Roles and Responsibilities to Increase Accountability appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

What is accountability?

At its most basic level accountability is the ability to count on others. Accountable people both make promises and honor their promises reliably.

Notice I use the word “honor” vs. “keep” your promises. That’s because none of us keeps every promise we make despite our best intentions. Yet when you honor a promise, you take personal responsibility for the impact when you are unable to keep a promise. To be accountable includes your commitment to address the fallout from breakdowns regardless of who is at fault.

Why is accountability important in leadership?

If you want your team members to be accountable you must first demonstrate personal accountability by reliably making and honoring your promises to others. If you do not practice personal accountability yourself, it will be very difficult to cultivate accountable behavior in others.

As a manager accountability means ensuring people reliably do what they promise. Managers implement accountability largely through delegating. However, when you want to shift from managing to leading, the skill of accountability goes a step further.

It’s one thing to delegate tasks by making clear and specific requests. However, accountability becomes a leadership skill when you request that someone promise a result. Why? Because requesting someone own a result is how you empower ownership.

Effective leaders empower ownership when you elevate your requests FROM asking for tasks to be completed TO asking someone to promise an outcome.

Why do leaders struggle with accountability?

If you want your team members to be accountable, you must first demonstrate personal accountability by reliably making and honoring your promises to others.

A lack of accountability manifests as complaints such as “no one takes ownership” or “people aren’t accountable” are all too common. These complaints point to the struggles leaders often have with elevating their leadership through the skill of accountability. It can feel burdensome when you feel like you are among the few who take real ownership. And it can be incredibly frustrating when the people who work with and for you don’t seem to reliably honor their promises. While it may be easy to blame the culture in your organization or even society for this, that doesn’t help solve your problem or get results.

Accountability is the skill of requesting and negotiating for mutually satisfying results. Achieving satisfying results through accountability, however, requires rigorous practice.

Unfortunately, all too often the rigor required is lacking. The good news is that once you identify the most common sources of breakdowns you can address them easily. There are two likely points in a leader’s interactions where accountability is most likely to break down.

The first breakdown in accountability is when you don’t get what you want or expect.

When you notice this is happening frequently there is a typical cause and a remarkably simple solution. The cause of not getting what you want or expect is failing to ask for what you want with enough clarity and specificity.

In other words, consider that if you make a request and do not get what you want or expect, the person responsible for your lack of satisfaction is you. Leaders take on a mindset that “the success of every interaction is up to me”.

The simple solution to close the expectations and reality gap is to make clearer and more specific requests. Sometimes that means asking someone to try again, but this time with better, more specific guidance from you. Other times you can’t go back, but you can together look at what went wrong so you work better together going forward.

Said simply, the gap between what is expected and what is received is a breakdown in communicating a common purpose and clear expectations.

Accountability as a leadership skill is an exercise in clear communication.

A second breakdown in accountability is when you cannot depend on ownership from others.

Lack of ownership is a frequent complaint of many leaders. Yet I find those leaders often have a hard time explaining what exactly that means. There are a number of symptoms of this breakdown that help to articulate how the problem manifests. One symptom is when people are frequently asking you to tell them what to do. Another is when something doesn’t get handled and the response is “I did my part”. That’s just another way to say “it’s not my fault, so it’s not my job to fix the problem”.

Creating ownership through accountability requires you attend to two things

1. Provide a complete understanding of the context of the request.

This includes providing background on why you are making the request. Consider these questions when formulating a request when you want to increase accountability:

1. What is the larger goal your request is in service of?
2. Who is depending on this and why?
3. What are the opportunities if you succeed or consequences if you fail?

When you engage someone as your partner in producing a result vs. assign tasks, you increase the likelihood of ownership.

2. Ask for someone to own a result or an outcome vs. a task.

For example, there is a big difference between requesting a report with a prescribed format vs. requesting a report that addresses the outcome of answering an important question. When working to give you a prescribed report, the focus is on giving you what you want. Little thinking or ownership is required. While instead working to create a report to answer an important question requires thinking about what information is needed and how it can best be presented.

The bottom line is this: you can elevate your leadership through accountability conversations by shifting your focus from managing tasks to negotiating ownership of outcomes.

When you request outcomes rather than tasks you develop your ability to cultivate ownership in others. In doing so you also empower others to take ownership with confidence. This is the heart of what leadership accountability looks like in action.

Ask people to own results and you will create owners. In doing so you will also be empowering them to step up to become accountable leaders themselves. In the process you will be well on your way to creating a culture of accountability.

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While giving a talk recently titled Leading Made Simple I let the phrase “meetings suck” slip out of my mouth.  I don’t usually say it so crassly. But the sea of nodding heads seemed to indicate I had hit on an unfortunate “truth”:

Meetings all too often suck our time, our energy, our productivity, and our enthusiasm. But the cost of ineffective, poorly planned, poorly run meetings goes way beyond the personal cost and pain we have all experienced as individuals.

The Cost of Unproductive Meetings is Staggering

According to Doodle’s 2019 State of Meetings report, the cost of poorly organized meetings will reach $399 billion in the U.S. alone. Add another $58 billion in the U.K., $73 billion in Germany, and $33 billion in Switzerland and the cost is well over over half a trillion dollars for these four countries alone.

However, consider that where there is a big problem, there is also a big opportunity for your leadership.

Meetings Are a Phenomenal Opportunity For You To Be Leader

Every time you intervene in a meeting that is not productive, you can quite literally save time and money. Every time you design, facilitate and/or contribute to a meeting that results in meaningful conversation and satisfaction progress, you have also lifted people’s energy and added value to them and your organization.

How You Can Be a Leader in Any Meeting

To help you identify opportunities to lead, either as a participant or a facilitator, consider adopting the following ground rules for effective meetings. In working with thousands of people from around the world, I’ve found these rules to most consistently support meeting success.

Most of all these Meeting Ground Rules will help you to facilitate progress – the very reason you are meeting to begin with!

Three Ground Rules for Effective Meetings

Follow these three very simple ground rules and you can provide leadership in any meeting you attend.  Enroll a group of people in embracing them, and you can together transform every meeting you have together.

Meeting Ground Rule #1: Stay in One Conversation

There is a natural tendency for people to have conversations on the side.  It’s one of those things we know we shouldn’t do, but we can’t seem to help ourselves.  The larger the group, the more likely this is to happen. We can also allow ourselves to be distracted by texting or checking/sending email. This is especially challenging in a virtual meeting setting.

Consider these behaviors are a sign that there is an opportunity for you to commit an act of leadership. Here are a few ways you can put this into practice:

Refocus your attention to the conversation you are in when you notice you are distracted.

This is a great way to take personal responsibility for the success of any conversation. This applies even when it’s just you and one other person talking. Have you ever been talking with someone and realize you are not really listening? When you catch yourself not listening, consciously return your attention to the conversation at hand.  You may even own up to it. That way you can both refocus and show respect by taking responsibility for being distracted.

Step up by defining success for every meeting you lead.

Prepare the agenda for meetings you will lead by asking yourself “how would I know this meeting was successful?”. You can then design your agenda so that every topic you cover is relevant to delivering on that definition of success.

By implementing and rigorously adhering to this ground rule in your own meetings people will begin to see the benefits. No longer will you feel like you are calling out individuals for bad behavior. Instead you will simply be able to point to the ground rule, and ask people to please “stay in one conversation”.

I have been amazed at how positively people respond to and quickly adjust their behavior to adhere to this one rule for effective meetings. That’s because they see the difference it makes.

Meeting Groundrule #2: Listen for the Gold

There are two dimensions to the practice of listening for the gold: listen for the contribution and listen to empower others. This applies whether you want to be a great facilitator or a productive contributor.

Listen for the Contribution

This requires that you actively listen for the things people say that contribute to the intended outcomes of the conversation. For example, if the goal is to understand why a decision has been made, then you could listen for what is clear and not clear to people about that decision.

As a participant you can ask questions both to increase your own clarity and to draw out where others may not be clear. The most important point is to keep your focus on the objective of the conversation. This focus will help you to engage to ensure the outcome is produced whether you are the facilitator or a participant.

Listen to Empower Others

Ask yourself: do you listen, I mean really listen, to what people have to say?  Listening can be hard.  However, consider that giving someone your full attention is one of the best ways to empower them.  If you think you know what someone is going to say, try actively listening for something new.  Ask questions.  And be mindful of the tendency to be think about what you are going to say next, rather than listening to what others are saying.

When you actively listen for the gold in what someone has said, they experience being heard. They feel valued which empowers them to keep on contributing. As their confidence increases, so too will the value they add to future conversations.

One way to provide leadership in any conversation is to repeat back what you heard that is valuable and relevant. This helps everyone stay focused on the conversation you are in. An added bonus that that this is also a great practice for inclusion.

Meeting Ground Rule #3: Speak to Make a Difference

There are a lot of reasons you may speak at a meeting. You could speak to answer a question, to offer your expertise or opinion, to make a point, to defend your point of view, to build political capital, etc.

But if your ultimate intention is to maximize the productivity and progress of any meeting or conversation consider this: will saying it now contribute to or distract from the objective of the conversation you are in at this moment?

A good rule of thumb is to speak ONLY when you can forward the conversation you are having now.

No matter what you may want to say, consider these things before you speak.

Will what I have to say contribute meaningfull given the purpose of THIS conversation? Is it relevant now? Will it contribute to progress or take us on a detour distracting us from our purpose?

So before you speak ask yourself:

Will what I am about to say contribute to the intention or intended outcome of THIS conversation?

If you want to help others speak to make a difference, try this:

Speak up to direct the conversation back to the purpose of the meeting.

You can do this by asking a question such as: is this conversation essential to the purpose of the meeting now or can we table it for later? Or when someone begins a meeting without clarifying the overall purpose of the meeting, ask them to do so.

Whether you tend to speak more or speak less, you can still speak to make a difference.

If you are someone who speaks often in meetings then your challenge will be to be more disciplined and strategic. Consider that everything you say uses up a most precious commodity – both your time and the time of those you are with. Ask yourself: are you using that time wisely with what you have to say?

If you are someone who rarely speaks or is afraid to speak, then your challenge will be listen for where your insight or expertise can make a difference. Your voice matters so focus on mustering the courage to speak up in those moments when you have a contribution to make. You are there for a reason so ask yourself often: what can I say to make a difference in this conversation?

Speak up whether what you have to say is “positive” or “negative”.

It is far easier to say the smart, insightful, positive thing in any conversation, than it is to say the thing that can be hard to hear, that can make people uncomfortable, or be perceived as negative.

But remember that the point of speaking is to move things forward – to contribute to progress. And sometimes negative feedback can make a positive difference.  There are times when the bad news is what needs to be shared to actually move things forward.

It takes courage to challenge the status quo by saying the thing that many are thinking, but few are willing to say. Yes, it could be risky and it could get messy, but consider the cost if you don’t speak up: the endless hours spent in meetings continuing to talk around an issue, rather focusing on what to do about it. The frustrating hours spent talking in the shadows rather than talking openly about how to solve the problem.

If you want to elevate your leadership, look for opportunities to say what will make the biggest difference regardless of whether it is easy to hear or hard to hear, or whether it will be perceived as positive or negative.

Make Three Meeting Ground Rules for Effective Meetings a Habit

Whether you are leading a meeting or participating in one, using these ground rules as a facilitator or a participant begins with adopting the mindset that the success and satisfaction of every conversation is up to me.

Once you take on that mindset, these meeting ground rules for effective meetings can be your guide in transforming every meeting you attend, whether you actively use them in the foreground as a meeting facilitator, or use them to guide your own behavior in every meeting you attend.

Learn to apply these three meeting ground rules well and you will elevate your leadership one meeting at at time by transforming any meeting from a costly, frustrating waste of time into an opportunity to leverage the intelligence of your team to make satisfying and remarkable progress.

Are you ready to be the one to transform meetings into a productive, satisfying experience for all?

If so, please do share your experience and your questions, when you apply these three ground rules for effective meetings where you work.

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An Example of How Delegation Can Unwittingly Become Abdication

Here is an example of how I see this playing out. Ann decides to give Ben a very important assignment. Based on previous experience, Ann believes that Ben can be trusted to get the job done right. Ann is also relieved to finally have someone to delegate this to so she can focus on her very long list of other things to handle.

Because Ann and Ben have worked together for a while, Ann assumes that Ben knows what to do. Ann also assumes that she and Ben have the same understanding of what success looks like, including how things should be done in process and form.

And sometimes it really works this way. It is effortless. Ann gets her result with little effort or involvement required, and Ben feels appreciated and empowered. Trust is bolstered. Life is good.

The problem is that once this way of operating has worked with one person, you then believe that it should always work this way. Unfortunately, this is actually the exception rather than the rule.

When things break down the “root causes” are quickly identified. Depending on who you ask, Ann is seen as a lousy manager or Ben is not quite as good as she/he thought he was. It becomes somehow personal and not in a good way. In their frustration they have lost sight of how they have each unwittingly contributed to the breakdown. Their trust in each other has been damaged.

In my experience, breakdowns in delegation are usually not because of malintent or even incompetence of either party. When delegation goes badly, it is more likely because of a lack of rigor and practice in the process of delegating.

What Is A Delegating Leadership Style?

Delegating effectively starts with making a clear and specific request. Two questions to ask yourself when preparing to delegate are:

1. What is the specific outcome or result you are asking someone to be accountable for delivering and by when?

2. What difference will producing that outcome make in the overall goals of your team, your company, your community?

Effective Delegation Requires Negotiation

While many people think that a clear request is enough to ensure the desired outcome, I’ll suggest there is one more very important part of the delegation process – negotiation.

If you want to delegate in a way that empowers people and fosters accountability, take your request a step further and negotiate to ensure that both parties own success.

Effective delegation begins by establishing clear, minimum standards for declaring success, both in terms of what must be accomplished, as well as how it is accomplished. From there you can determine what is and what is not negotiable when you make your request.

While some things may not be negotiable like a deadline, going one step further to engage in a negotiation conversation will enhance your personal delegating leadership style. Some examples of things you can negotiate are: how something is done, where it is done, who is involved, information, resources or training that may be needed to complete the requisition, etc.

In the process of negotiation you will increase the odds that you have a shared understanding of what success looks like. It will also help you to discover what is and what isn’t workable for both parties. This ensures that you can together determine the approach that will best ensure a mutually satisfying result. In addition, by negotiating you will establish a sense of shared ownership for the success and satisfaction for all involved.

A Common Way You May Abdicate When You Intend to Delegate

I tend to err on the side of believing people have good intentions and want to do a good job. When people abdicate, most of the time it is not an intentional act. Instead it’s a result of not being rigorous or mindful in how they delegate.

Delegation becomes abdication when the person delegating relinquishes their responsibility for the outcome vs. approaches delegation as an opportunity for partnership and empowerment.

There are many variations of what I consider to be “abdication” that masquerade as delegation. The most common form I see is what I call the “lob”. In fact, lobbing is the one that seems to catch the attention of most of my clients. This is true even of those who more often than not do a good job of delegating, and have yet to develop the delegating leadership style that works for them and their situation.

The Lob…

You need something done quickly so you try to pass it off to someone without any rigor including what you need, why you need it and by when. Often you do this with an item on your to do list that needs to get done, but seem easier to just hand off. Often these are often seemingly simple things to do, so you assume the hand-off should be really simple, too.

So you “lob” it over to someone, expecting they should just be able to catch it and run with it. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. But consider of the cost of when they don’t. And by now I hope you are thinking…if something doesn’t get done as I expect, what can I do to delegate better?

What other ways do you think people abdicate in the name of delegation? Please do share examples!

The post When a Delegating Leadership Style Becomes Abdication appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

No matter how positive you may be or how much you try to think positive, let’s face it, at times we all need to find an antidote for worry. While I consider myself to be a positive person, extreme circumstances test my ability to resist the pull to fixate on my personal worries and fears. Multiple hurricanes, losing loved ones to cancer and now the Coronavirus pandemic are some of the things that have tested me over last 15 years.

In 2004, we had just moved to Florida only to be welcomed 3 months later by Francis and Jeanne – two category 3 hurricanes hit us directly 3 weeks apart. My husband’s new tour business was dead in the water before it could even get started while I was still figuring out how to run my business from Florida. In 2008 my husband’s business was finally just getting going, but I was the primary breadwinner. We watched the income from my successful consulting practice evaporate. And now the Coronavirus has cancelled all work for my husband in his busiest time of year and has affected my business as well. For me this pandemic kind of feels like a cross between awaiting a potential Category 5 hurricane that is moving painfully slowly toward us and with no option to evacuate, and the 2008 financial meltdown all at once.

When things started to shut down a few weeks ago I noticed I was unusually tired. I didn’t even feel stressed – it was just more of a dazed and confused kind of feeling that was hard to shake. But in drawing on lessons learned from my time since moving to Florida, I have been using the same strategies that have helped me in the past and I am grateful for how well they are working now for both me and my clients. Of course, I still have some challenging days. But in those moments when the worry tries to take over I am finding I am able to quickly shift my focus to one that empowers me in the moment. It just takes intention and practice.

Three Antidotes to Worry and Fear that Can Work for You, too.

Strategy 1 – Choose A Focus that Empowers You

Focus on a Possibility for Your Future

If the future you are focused on is filled with what if’s…what if I lose my job, what if me or someone I love gets sick, what if <fill in the blank with your worst fears>, I can pretty much guarantee worry will overtake your mood and your energy. Of course, if any of those “what if’s” become reality you will have to deal with them, but until they happen they are just a possibility. But I’ll suggest that any possibility you invent for your future could be just as probable, so why not choose one that empowers you?

For example, I originally wrote an article with this title in October of 2009- it was one of my earliest blog posts. That was the year I started the Random Acts of Leadership blog. I had been wanting to figure out what I had to say about leadership for some time, but I never seemed to make the time to just think.

So in the absence of paid work and the limited prospects given the economy in 2009, I chose to focus on becoming a thought leader in leadership turning that nice idea into a BHAG (a big hairy audacious goal). Every day I would get up and write. And when I was writing I was living in a world of curiosity and discovery. The mood and energy from my writing carried over into everything I was doing. And when worry would grip me I would turn my attention to writing, not as an escape, but rather as a conscious way to shift my focus to the future. I would not be where I am in my work or my business without the work I began on Random Acts of Leadership back then. The imagined future of me, someone who was completely unknown in the world, becoming a thought leader in leadership actually became a reality.

Focus on What You Can Do Right Now

Back in 2009, I had shared in that original article how I drew some inspiration from a strange place – an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. One particular scene had me realize that what I needed to start doing is focus on what I can do right now – something within my control.

I developed a strategy to narrow my focus so I had only a few things in front of me to keep my attention on. Specifically I choose 3 things I would do each day that moved me towards my goals. That practice continues to help me now because it ensures I accomplish something that matters each day. The satisfaction of progress and accomplishment from focusing on a small number of important things gives me positive energy.

So here’s the scene that sparked the idea…

Seatle Grace hospital has just announced their first round of layoffs. The episode shows people’s reaction. You witness snippets of people experiencing the various stages of loss, and the fear in those left regarding the fate of their own future. When will the next layoff be? Will it be me? Will it be my friends? How can I protect myself?

A few of the more seasoned doctors take their spouses/girlfriends – younger doctors who are reeling from watching their colleagues get fired and battling their own fears about their future – to the ball field at night. And in that last scene, they dispense what I think is some brilliant advice.

In the final scene…

Christina, the most arrogant of the bunch, is particularly freaked out. They force a bat into her hand and while she is resisting they simply hurl a fast ball at her. It shakes her up. And the advice she is given by a former combat surgeon is this:

You need to stop thinking about what is going to happen. You need to focus on what is right in front of you. Now hit that ball…

And hit it she does, much to her surprise. In an instant she is there, totally present in that moment, celebrating her small accomplishment. Her fear has been replaced almost instantaneously by elation and laughter.

The last line in the scene is:

Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here. Just as you are.

So be here, just as you are and focus on NOW

The magic of focusing on now – on what you can do now, on what you can control now -is that it gives you the power to shift your mood and your energy. When you focus only on what you can do NOW, right in this moment, you are in an instant choosing to shift your mood and energy from stress and anxiety to being present and feeling empowered.

In any moment you can lift your energy by:

• Focusing on what you can do NOW.
• Focusing on what you do have control over NOW.
• Focusing on the things you can do that bring you joy and inspiration NOW.
• Focusing on every little success you have no matter how small and celebrate it NOW.

Strategy Two – Focus on Gratitude

Andrea Conner, President of Athena International and I co-delivered a webinar recently called How to Lead Yourself in Crisis, hosted by Christine Bongard, Co-Founder and President of The Women in Technology Network.

Andrea recommends that an antidote for worry is to take on a practice of gratitude.

Even in the most difficult times there is something we can be grateful for. For example, having a roof over our heads, food on our table, feeling loved, having a loved one with us like a spouse or a pet to help us navigate our circumstances, or having technology that allows us to not only hear people, but to see them even when we can’t be there with them.

I’ve heard great stories of and have participated in virtual dinner parties and happy hours, reconnected with friends with whom I haven’t talked with in years, and have seen people going out of their way to connect with and lift the spirits of co-workers who are alone in their homes. I’ve witnessed educators who are working tirelessly to rapidly adapt to these unprecedented circumstances to create the best possible learning experience for their students. I’ve heard countless heroic and heartwarming stories of doctors and nurses who put themselves in harms way on a daily basis for all of us while going above and beyond even amidst there own fears and worries.

I am grateful for the acts of kindness and the acts of leadership I am witnessing on a daily basis that move me and inspire me and remind me of the best of who we are and who we can be. I choose to have faith in us, which leads me to the next strategy.

Strategy Three: Choose to Have Faith in Someone or Something

Choose to have faith in yourself – in your strengths and in your strength.

While my husband can’t do any work right now I have watched him shift his focus to doing everything he can to keep us safe in the face of this invisible enemy. His nickname is “Mr Clean” and his attention to detail and cleanliness are two strengths he has put into action to care for his family.

Choose to focus on your faith through spiritual practice.

Now is also a great time to focus on a spiritual practice, whether or not you follow a specific religious tradition, to connect your mind, body and spirit. For some that practice is yoga or meditation for which there are many apps and live online classes available. And while we can’t attend gatherings or faith based services there are fortunately countless ways we can connect and participate with our spiritual and faith-based communities virtually. For example, Mike Henry founded a non-profit called Follower of One that invites people to go on a Mission Trip from their workplace (for many now also your home!) to bring their faith to life in their everyday life and work.

Whatever your faith or spiritual practice may be, engaging with others in your spiritual communities can help you to feel connected to something bigger than you, which is especially helpful if you need to be reminded that you are not alone.

Choose to have faith in our future.

While the Coronavirus Pandemic has created unprecedented disruption and isolation in our lives, remember it is temporary. While there will indeed be lasting effects for all of us, some of which could be devastating for many in terms of loss of life as well as economic loss and uncertainty.

But as my friend Dr J Dunn, Founder of MyHappyGenes, reminds me, just being here means we have won the genetic lottery. We humans have evolved and survived as a species through countless threats to our very survival. We will survive this and if we choose to do so we will learn, grow and evolve in the process as individuals, as communities and as a world.

This is why I believe that maintaining your focus on a future you are creating, no matter what is happening at this moment, is an essential practice for leaders because you are the ones who will ensure we learn and grow from this.

Shifting from Worry to Hope

What gives me hope is to imagine a future in which we learn to be kinder to each other and to work together as countrymen/women and as global citizens.

But we will only be better off if we both imagine that better future, and then work tirelessly as individuals to make it so. That work on a better future for yourself, for your family and for your world can begin today from wherever you find yourself riding out this worldwide pandemic.

And remember…when you choose to act on an antidote for your worry and your fear, not only will you lift your own energy and spirits, you will also lift the energy and spirits of those around you. I call that leadership in action.

Consider that leaders raise the emotional energy of those around them. So go ahead and be a leader where you work and were you live at this moment in time, because we need your leadership right now more than ever.

NOTE: The WIT Network has generously made their private webinars available to the general public for the month of April 2020. If you would like to listen in on my webinar with Andrea Conner on How to Lead in Crisis

The post Wanting an Antidote For Worry, Try These Three Simple Strategies appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

It can be far easier to name those things for someone like Martin Luther King, Jr, Mahatma Gandhi, or whomever your favorite historical leader might be.  After all you can see the culmination of their life’s work and the legacy of their leadership in volumes of written works and even in the movies.

Recognizing leadership attributes and actions can also be easier for a high level positional leader in your place of business or in your community.  Perhaps that’s because the actions of those people tend to be more visible and the impact more readily seen and experienced over time.  Said another way, consider that their leadership stands out because we are expecting them to lead.

Recognizing Leadership Acts of Those Around You

Yet what about the people you encounter every day: Do you recognize acts of leadership by those around you?

I am referring to those who may not have positional power or authority, but who play a key role in your work or life.  They may even work for you or provide a service to you.

Did any of those people come to mind when you considered whose leadership stands out for you?

If so, I would love to hear about who you identified and why you identified them because you are the exception.  Most people, when asked to identify a leader tend to look “up” or into the past.

3 Questions To Build Your Capacity to Lead

Now I want to ask a different set of questions: In the last month or year…

1. Who have you seen speak up to make a difference for others?
2. Who has stepped up to take ownership of something and in doing so moved something that mattered forward?
3. Who has taken a stand that has challenged the status quo for the sake of a better future?

Consider that the people you identify in response to these questions are already leaders or are on their way to becoming a leader.  They might not even see themselves as leaders.  Often those who speak up, step up or stand up are not trying to be leaders.  They simply choose to act on behalf of others or a future because it is simply what they feel compelled to do.

Now who else stands out to you for their leadership?

The great thing about recognizing leadership in action is that it can help you and others to learn recognize more opportunities to be a leader by committing your own acts of leadership.

Great leaders become great by taking one act of leadership at a time, over time.

What acts of leadership can you recognize in those around you, including yourself?

The post Recognizing Leadership In Action Every Day appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

In my post What is the Best Definition of Leadership, I unequivocally state the best definition “does not exist”. Definitions in my opinion are highly overrated. They rarely give us access to any insight potent enough to have us take a differentiating action from what we already know to do or are likely to do.

For example, if I tell you the definition of balance does that help you in any way to learn to ride a bicycle?  Of course not. You have to do it. Through a process of trial and error you get it, seemingly in a moment. The best part is once you experience it balance is yours forever.

I think the same is true of leadership. We can talk about it in theory and get an intellectual understanding. We can watch people and make assessments about whether we think someone is being a leader or not, or about what their style of leadership is and whether we like it or not. Yet you won’t really know what leadership is for you until you do it. I’ll suggest if you want access to elevating your leadership you need to be clear about what leadership looks like in action so you can figure out how to “do” leadership.

What does leadership look like in action?

You speak up, step up and/or stand up for something or someone that matters to you, that you are committed to, that you want to make a difference in.

I call these the 3 fundamental acts of leadership.  The only way to transform a possibility into a reality is one action at a time. I share my personal story and inspirations about leadership in action on Positivity Strategist Podcast.

Consider that these three fundamental actions: speaking up, stepping up, and standing up, are to leadership what balance is to riding a bicycle. We inherently know we need to learn how to do them if we want to make a difference, if we want to lead, yet until we muster the courage to give it a try we will never actually learn how.

And just like we get balance in an instant when you are learning to ride a bicycle, when you commit acts of leadership you will get what your personal power feels like in an instant. And once you experience your personal power you will have access to it in those moments when you need it most to muster the courage to speak up, step up and stand up for the things that matter for you and make a difference for others.

What act of leadership will you commit next so you can elevate your leadership and access your personal power to make the difference only you can make.

The post What Does Leadership In Action Look Like? appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

According to Warren Bennis in Leaders (1997) “academic analysis has given us more than 850 definitions of leadership”.

I think it is fair to say that defining leadership will be studied and debated for a long time to come and it is likely we will never all agree on THE BEST definition of leadership. Although that is the question I have been asked and challenged about the most.

In one of the early posts I wrote when I started the Random Acts of Leadership blog over 10 years ago, I offered this as one of my preferred definitions of leadership:

“Leadership is translating vision into reality” by Warren Bennis.

A good friend who is a highly successful entrepreneur and CEO wrote to me after reading that article having spent a good deal of time reading what I wrote, thinking and searching the internet trying to help me do a better job of defining leadership.

Why? Because she strongly believes that “Vision is not a catalyst for leadership.” Essentially, the definition I had offered in her worldview was just wrong. Yet the most interesting thing of all was that everything she said to make her point completely validated what I was trying to say to begin with about leadership and leading.

Could a Definition Actually be Getting in the Way?

Perhaps offering a definition of leadership was a mistake. Not because I offered a “wrong” definition. Warren Bennis is well known as an expert in the field of leadership so I could argue his definition was as valid as any. But rather because I tried to define something that perhaps cannot be adequately expressed with the simplicity and accuracy expected from the definition of anything.

So why do we keep trying to define it?

People seems to expect you to be able to define the thing you are writing about or teaching so naturally I had been offering one. But definitions rarely help you understand and/or do the very thing you are trying to define.

For example, I can define balance, but does that help me to achieve the balance necessary to ride a bicycle? In the case of leadership I have never seen a definition that has helped anyone instantly know how to lead.

What do we seek when we ask for a definition? I think we are seeking “the truth” about it. Yet trying to define leadership is a bit like trying to define beauty: it has many interpretations, although we know it when we see it. It is also said that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. In fact, beauty does not look the same in all cultures and perhaps neither does leadership. This points to the power of context in shaping our interpretations of “truth” about anything, including leadership.

What could be more useful than a definition of leadership?

The notion of a “random act of leadership” is my attempt to take leadership out of the realm of theory and develop a rich context for leading that can give EVERYONE access to leading in their day to day work and lives regardless of their position or title.

My goal is to empower more and more people to see and to seize opportunities to lead more readily and more often in their everyday work and life.

Rather than defining leadership as a concept, my focus has been on identifying the specific actions anyone who wants to lead can take to amplify their impact. Rather than waiting for “the” leaders to make things happen, I want to open peoples minds and hearts to the possibility that they can make an even bigger difference here and now in the things that matter to them regardless of their current position or title.

What Does Leadership Look Like in Action?

What if we were to change the question from “What is leadership?” to “What does leadership look like in action?”

I realized that given the richness of the theory of leadership and how the theory and context has evolved throughout history, summing up the definition of leadership into one simple statement that could be “the best definition of leadership” might be a tall order with little return. Instead I started asking a different question: What does leadership look like in action?

I started asking that question because I encountered so many people who loved learning about the theory of leadership, but were often left with one very simple question after the excitement of the discussion faded away – how do I DO leadership?

After years of inquiry here is my answer to the simple question: what does leadership look like in action?

“Leadership is speaking up, stepping up, and standing up to make a difference in something that matters to you and makes a difference for others.” Susan Mazza

If you want to elevate your leadership from wherever you are right now, whether you are a seasoned leader, just getting started, or somewhere in between, you need to be able to see opportunities in the everyday moments when you can make a difference so you can take action.

Leaders are developed by committing one act of leadership at a time over time. It really is that simple! What act of leadership will you commit next to make a difference in what matters to you and makes a difference for others?

The post What Is The Best Definiton of Leadership? appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

Of course, it’s easy to be honest when you have something nice or positive to say. Yet when honesty involves a potentially hard-to-hear communication, many of us experience some degree of stress when either delivering or receiving tough feedback.

You may avoid these tough conversations altogether, hoping the issue just goes away. You might avoid giving tough feedback because because you fear your honesty might be hurtful or elicit a negative reaction that you would rather not confront. Your reasons for avoiding delivering tough feedback, however, may have as much to do with how uncomfortable you may feel, as it does with how uncomfortable you might make the receiver feel.

Or you may be someone who prefers to hit the issue head-on and simply call it like you see it. Sometimes you will have a positive impact — and sometimes you will just cause distress. Yet keep in mind that if your focus is solely on being honest your results will be unpredictable.

“Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone – and hurt them to the bone – you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time.” Dave Van Ronk

An Honesty Policy for Whom and To What Ends?

Honesty can indeed be a good policy. It’s just that honesty alone is not enough to ensure honesty is always the best policy.

The problem with honesty is that what is honest for you as an individual is merely a personal truth. While something may be true for you, it is not necessarily THE absolute truth about a person or situation. But when you communicate in that way, believing you are right, there is only one thing the listener will hear — that someone or something is wrong or has done wrong. Once that happens, the conversation is over, even if the exchange of words continues.

Honesty is NOT always the best policy, when the purpose of your communication is to speak your truth without a conscious intention to actually make a difference for the receiver.

Also consider that to communicate difficult feedback effectively, you must also consider that your version of the truth may not match what the listener believes to be true about themselves or a situation.

Unless you stand in the world of the listener, your personal honesty policy all too often occurs like an assault. You may know this intuitively, which is why many people experience an internal struggle as they refrain from being completely honest.

3 C’s of Straight Communication

A complement to your personal honesty policy, consider this perspective. A key to ensure honesty is the best policy is to focus on being straight rather than just being honest. By that, I mean speaking honestly for the purpose of making a difference.

1. Are you CLEAR?

Do you know the specific point you want to make? If you can’t articulate the point in one simple sentence, you are probably not clear enough to be heard.

2. Is your communication CLEAN?

There is a big difference between speaking up to make a difference and speaking out to be heard. When the purpose of communicating is all about you, chances are it is not going to be clean – despite your honesty policy that you strive to live up to. Also, consider if what you are going to say is authentic for you. Be mindful of the temptation to say things you don’t really think are true just to make the other person feel comfortable. Trying to “soften the blow” usually ends up diluting the difference the communication could make.

3. Is your intention to CONTRIBUTE?

When you feel the need to demonstrate your personal honesty policy, it is important to consider the purpose. Do you want to be right or prove a point — or do you genuinely want to make a difference for the other person, a group, a situation, etc.? Do you want to improve a relationship or elevate someone’s performance? Your authentic intention matters more in ensuring a positive outcome than the elegance of your words.

Those who deliver difficult messages consistently in a way that earns respect, rather than fosters fear, are focused on something other than honesty: their primary focus is on making a difference.

The bottom line is this: if you want to communicate honestly as an act of leadership, focus on being straight first. You will not always succeed in making the intended difference. It can take a lot of courage and takes practice to master. So remember to appreciate yourself and others for every attempt, whether you succeed or fail.

I’d love to hear from you.  How do you respond to this question: Is honesty always the best policy?

Header Image credit: geralt

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“Why do you want to lead?” is a question you should be asking yourself early and often in your career.

Of course, I’m making an assumption that you are reading this article because you already are or know you want to become a leader. However, attaining a position of leadership does not by default imply a desire to be a leader.

Having worked for my first 15 years out of college as a corporate employee, the term leader was usually used based on someone’s position rather than their skills as a leader. For many, the desire to become a leader is more about getting a promotion than a commitment and interest in leading others. After all, promotions are a common way to reward people for doing good work, regardless of whether that good work involves leading others. And having people report to you, i.e., people you are expected to lead, comes along with the territory as you travel up the ladder to success.

Through the years, however, both as an employee and a consultant, I’ve met many people who did not actually want to lead other people. However, they were promoted to a leadership position simply as a reward for their knowledge and expertise in their field. I’ve also encountered others who wanted to become a better leader so they could be considered for that next promotion, not because they truly wanted to lead others.

So it isn’t surprising when I encounter someone in a leadership position who hasn’t really given much thought to why they want to be a leader. Many haven’t even been asked the question. That is because a focus on leadership development often does not begin in many companies until someone is in a high enough position to be declared a leader by default.

Three Reasons Why Knowing Why You Want To Lead Matters

1. Your “Why” is the Foundation for Building Trust with Others

While this may seem counter-intuitive, the answer to why you want to lead isn’t about you. It’s about the impact you will have on others. Getting clear about the difference you want to make for others — both the people you lead directly, as well as the difference you want to make where you work and live — helps you to communicate what people can count on from you. This an important foundation for earning the trust of others.

2. Your “Why” Serves as a Source of Inspiration to Become the Best Version of You

Like it or not, once you are declared a leader by virtue of position, people are watching. You can choose who you want to become in the face of being watched more closely, as well as how you will be perceived. Or, you can let circumstances and your reaction to them drive your performance as a leader and the perception of others. Clarifying why you want to be a leader is the start to leading by design and intention.

3. People are Counting on You to Lead Them

Whether you ended up in a position of leading others being clear about why you want to lead or not, people are counting on you to lead them both by example and as a champion for them and the impact you will make together. They may not have been able to choose whether they report to you, but they do have a choice regarding whether they will follow your lead. The ability to convey why you are leading others is important if you want influence others to follow you by choice rather than because you are the boss.

As you grow, the answer to “Why do you want to be a leader?” might actually evolve and change. So if you haven’t taken the time to answer this question recently (or ever), now is a great time to think about your why!

“Why Do You Want To Be A Leader?” – 3 Additional Questions

1. What difference do you want to make for those you lead?
2. What do you most want to be known for by others?
3. What impact do you want to make on results and/or the environment you work in?

So whether you already know why you want to be a leader or not, now is a great time to think about your why, for both you and the people who are or will be counting on you to lead them.

Image Copyright: Maialisa

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“Your mind is like a garden:
Whatever you plant will grow.
Your thoughts are seeds you’re planting.
They produce, each after its kind.
And you, just like a gardener
Can choose which seeds you’ll plant.
And by the choice of seeds you sow,
You choose the harvest you will reap.
”

While there are countless tools and techniques available to nurture the garden of your mind, there are 3 things you can do every day to sow the seeds of an abundant harvest and keep the weeds at bay.

Sift Your Thoughts for the Gold

We all have negative and judgmental thoughts that run through our minds, even the most positive among us.  Sometimes the most negative of all are those we have about ourselves.  Instead of trying not to think negative thoughts, start to notice how much attention you give them.  Imagine you have a sifter in your mind that is designed to capture only the seeds of the harvest you wish to reap – the thoughts and ideas that light you up and help you to be the best, most powerful version of yourself.

When you notice a destructive thought run through your mind, simply notice it and let it pass through the sifter, leaving only the seeds worth sowing behind.

Remember, your mind doesn’t know the difference between the seeds that will move you forward and those that will hold you back.

Choose Your Words Wisely

Pay attention to the words you use.  Do you speak in a way that lifts yourself and others up?  Do you use words that foretell of possibility or survival?  Do you use labels and adjectives that support and encourage or remind yourself and others of their flaws or limitations?  Sure there are times when what is needed is to tell the truth about what is wrong or not working, but is that the exception or the rule in the words you choose?

Words create worlds.  The words you choose can create a field of possibility for the future, or feed the status quo that you would much rather be able to talk about in past tense.

Engage in Conversations that Matter

Start to notice the conversations you engage in every day.  Are you talking about what can’t be or what could be?  Are you reinforcing what isn’t working or seeking to make things work?  Are you talking about what happened in the past that you cannot change or what you want for the future and how you will make that a reality?  Change happens one conversation at a time.

Choose to engage in conversations that matter for the future and you will begin manifesting that future today. tweet this

Each one of these things is simple to do, although often not easy.

Your thoughts, your words, and your conversation are the seeds you sow in your mind every day.

How do you tend the garden of your mind?

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It goes without saying that we live at a time, in the knowledge age, that external distractions are compounding. Everything keeps moving faster and faster. We are all so busy: there are so many things we need to do, and many more things going on around us all at once.

It can be quite hard to create the mental and physical space necessary to really listen to another human being. The mechanics of hearing sound may be simple, but keeping the concentration necessary to process meaning from words and sentences is not.

At least, not for most of us.

It’s one thing to concentrate when you have enough control over your environment to keep potential distractions minimized — for example, when you are sitting alone at your computer or listening to an audio with earphones.

Keeping External Distractions At Bay Is A Challenge

In conversation, you have no control over the speaker — not their speed of speech, their volume, or even when they choose to speak to you or what they want to speak about.

• There is no fast-forward when someone is speaking too slowly or not getting to the point.
• There is no pause button you can press on a conversation so you can catch up, take notes, think about how to respond, handle the thing you just remembered, or entertain the idea that just popped into your head.
• There is no replay button to catch what you missed when you checked out because you were listening to the conversation in your head rather than what the other person was saying.

Where’s that darn remote control when you need it!

It is not easy to really listen, even despite our best intentions.

There are External Distractions and Internal

When I asked “what is your listening challenge?” on Twitter, I received quite a few responses almost immediately. Those responses targeted the most common challenges people have in being able to listen.

Here is the first one and what you can do to overcome it:

“My listening challenge is getting distracted/hooked by what’s happening elsewhere in the room, especially noise or movement.” @bestbityet

Sometimes the harder we try not to be distracted, the more intrusive our distractions become.

Instead of trying not to let your attention drift away from the speaker, acknowledge those distractions to the speaker. It will bring your attention back to them and let them know you really want to hear what they have to say.

If that’s not enough, you may need to take action by moving to a quieter location, eliminating the distraction, setting aside another time and/or place to speak, etc.

Mindfully Set Yourself Up To Succeed

To minimize the potential for external distractions, you can includes things like putting your phone on silent, or even turning it off and putting it out of sight, closing the door, putting away anything that is likely to capture your attention, etc.  You probably know what you need to do for you.  So just do it.  It is more important now than ever before.

What about you — do you face this challenge? If so, what has worked for you?

P.S.  I tried an experiment and recorded an audio as well.  Click Here to listen.  If you do I would love your feedback.  Would you like more short audios from Random Acts of Leadership?

The post How to Listen in an Age of External Distractions appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

This time in history has been referred to as the attention deficit age. We are short changing ourselves compromising necessary mental space.

And it is no wonder.

Everything moves fast and seems to keep moving faster.  There are often so many things we need to do and so many more activities going on at once around us.

It can be quite hard to create the mental space necessary to really listen to another human being.

The mechanics of hearing sound may be simple, but keeping the concentration necessary to process meaning from words and sentences is not.

At least it isn’t for most of us.

It’s one thing to concentrate when you have enough control over your environment to keep potential distractions minimized, for example, when you are sitting alone at your computer or listening to an audio with earphones.

Distractions are plentiful, both the ones external to us and the ones going on inside of us.

Listening Challenges

Sometimes the harder we try not to be distracted the more intrusive the things that are distracting us become.

Instead of trying not to let your attention drift away from the speaker, acknowledge whatever is distracting you to the speaker.  It will bring your attention back to them and let them know you really want to hear what they have to say.

If that’s not enough, you may need to take action by moving to a quieter location, eliminating the distraction, setting aside another time and/or place to speak, and honoring your need to create some mental space.

Above all though, mindfully set yourself up to succeed by minimizing the potential for distractions.

This includes things like putting your phone on send, turning off your cell phone and putting it out of sight, closing the door, putting away anything that is likely to capture your attention, etc.  You probably know what you need to do for you.  So just do it.  It is more important now than ever before.

Listening Well Takes Mental Space

To be effective you must be both focused and present.  Yet in this age of “attention deficit” it can be quite hard to create the mental space necessary to really listen to another human being. Here are three simple steps to listen better.

Above, I considered some of the external distractions you might encounter when you are trying to listen and what you could do to minimize their impact.

However, the outside world isn’t the only source of distractions.  Our internal world brings a whole other set of potential distractions to the equation.

These internal distractions are perhaps the most challenging of all.  Their source can be your physical and/or emotional state, your beliefs and attitudes, as well as your commitments and concerns.

Melissa Whittle (@mwhittle73 on twitter) offered the following challenge via twitter.  It goes right to the heart of our internal distractions:

Silencing Internal Dialogue and Being Fully Present

While someone is speaking you aren’t just listening to them.  You are also listening to the conversation going on in your own mind.  It’s a bit like that image above, except on one line the speaker is talking and on the other it’s the little voice in your head that is doing the talking.  It is impossible to listen to both at the same time.

Strategies to Halt the Internal Dialogue

Unfortunately the harder you try to stop the internal chatter, the more boisterous it tends to get. So instead of trying to stop the internal dialogue, I suggest you try one of more of these strategies:

1.  Know the purpose of the conversation ahead of time.  Why are you in this conversation to begin with?  If you don’t know find out.  If there is a good reason for you to be listening, your mind will be more likely to let the speaker take center stage.  If not, then the issue is something other than your ability to listen.

2.  Take on a practice of occasionally “repeating” back what you heard.  It doesn’t have to be verbatim.  Say something like, “are you saying _____?” or “let me make sure I understand what you have said so far…”

If you know you are going to have to demonstrate you were actually listening, your mind will be more likely to let you.  After all, your mind is typically trying to protect you, so it really wouldn’t want to make you look bad!  The best part is this practice usually results in the speaker experiencing being heard.

3.  Empty your mind by writing down all the thoughts running through your head just before the conversation starts.  It could be a worry, a fear, an idea, something you forgot to do, someone you forgot to call, etc.  If something comes up while you are in the conversation, write it down if you can so it doesn’t get in the way.  This way you won’t worry about forgetting something so you really can be present.  The list will be there when you are done.

4.  Engage the speaker by asking a question.  This is a very effective way to direct the speaker to address what matters to you.  Besides, a conversation can be much easier to stay present for than a presentation. There are some additional tips in this post How Often Do You Ask Questions.

5.  When you notice that “little voice” chattering away in your mind, simply choose to shift your attention back to the speaker.  By that I don’t mean try to get it to stop.  That internal dialogue is trying to drag you into its conversation so they key is to not think about what it is saying or why.  Just notice it and let it be.  When you consciously choose to shift your attention back to the speaker, it will fade into the background naturally.

What about you?  Is staying present and silencing the internal dialogue and finding the mental space a challenge for you?  What strategies do you use that have worked for you?

P.S.  I tried an experiment and recorded an audio as well.  Click Here to listen.  If you do I would love your feedback.  Would you like more short audios from Random Acts of Leadership?

The post Creating Mental Space to Listen in an Age of Attention Deficit appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

• Generating a supportive gaze from across the room as someone speaks up, letting them know you know it is taking every ounce of courage for them to speak their mind right now.
• Standing in the back of the room as someone takes the floor to speak publicly for the first time, giving them your full attention and nodding their way to let them know you are there rooting for them.
• Attending to an interruption or distraction in a meeting someone else is leading so they can continue leading on without missing a beat.
• Lending a hand without being asked on something that is not typically your role so others know you are paying attention and are truly right there with them.
• Listening generously in a way that has someone experience being fully heard and supported so that they walk away believing in themselves and their ability to make a bigger difference than they ever imagined.
• Letting go of the urge to direct or take control, believing others are capable and allowing someone else to step up into the void to take the lead.

The Power of Silence – A Skill to Practice

It’s a fine leadership skill to know when not to speak so others can rise to the occasion and take the lead.

People do not just listen to your words. {tweet that!}
The power of silence communicates through…
…Your gestures,
…Your eyes,
…Your presence,
…Your attention,
…Your actions.
Your silence can speak volumes about who you are and what matters to you.

Silence is indeed golden.
Leaders use it wisely.

What other ways can you lead silently?

The post The Power of Silence as a Strategy for Leadership appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

Consider that when it comes to leadership, though, there are times when it is more effective to choose silence over speaking up with your words. The silence I am referring to is not to be confused, however, with the silence used for the purpose of actively ignoring someone or as a way to shun or silence them. Using silence as an act of leadership is always for the purpose of making a difference.

Silence is a Strategy

In ‘Leading Can Be Silent,’ I offer a number of ways you can actually lead silently. Some of my personal favorites from this article are:

…Listening generously in a way that has someone experience being fully heard and supported, so that they walk away believing in themselves and their ability to make a bigger difference than they ever imagined.

…Letting go of the urge to direct or take control, believing others are capable and allowing someone else to step up into the void to take the lead.

…Knowing when not to speak, so others can rise to the occasion and take the lead.

However, it is also important to note that there is a big difference between leading with silence and actively silencing someone.

Knowing the Difference

We have recently witnessed a few highly visible examples of attempts to silence someone. Unfortunately, attempting to silence anyone will more often than not have unintended consequences, as we have seen in both the cases of Milo Yiannopulos being prevented from speaking by riots at University of California and Elizabeth Warren being silenced by Rule 19 on the Senate floor.

Whether you agree or disagree with either of them, in the United States our Constitution expressly empowers freedom of speech.

The right to speak up is more than a constitutional amendment — it is a cultural commitment and a widely embraced norm at many levels of our society.

Shut someone’s voice down, no matter how much you dislike or are offended by the message or the messenger, and you are more likely to draw attention to the very thing you wanted to silence than achieve the objective of actually keeping them quiet. There’s a actually a name for this phenomena. It’s been called The Streisand Effect.

Avoiding Discontent

However, this attempt to censor information applies not only in the public arena. It applies behind the walls of organizations large and small, as well. Attempts to stifle dissent and discord only drive those conversations, and the emotions they evoke, into the shadows. This actually tends to build the pressure of the discontent rather than quell it. More often than not, it’s only a matter of time until the tension building beneath the surface will blow.

Consider that it is only when you are able to listen well enough and long enough for people to feel heard, that the underlying tension will be released. No matter how hard you try, you can’t prevent a volcano that is about to blow from erupting. Attempts at silencing anyone or anything in a culture that reveres free speech is like trying to put a lid on that volcano. Leading by listening, on the other hand, has the power to reduce the pressure and let off at least some of the steam.

Keep in mind that silence as an act of leadership is far from passive — it is an act of actively and generously listening. It requires the discipline of listening for what is needed to contribute to progress or make a difference in the things that matter most in this moment. It requires being present to what is vs. how you would like things to be. Sometimes the best thing a leader can do is let people speak up and speak out, despite their personal feelings about what is being said or how it is being said.

When you feel the tension in a conversation, whether with the spoken or the unspoken, try speaking less and listening more. You might be surprised at how this one simple strategy can quickly turn a conversation about what’s wrong into a conversation about what we can do to make things better.

Header Image Copyright: sangoiri / 123RF Stock Photo

Published with StoryChief

The post Why You Should Speak Less and Listen More appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

We had reached an impasse in which neither side would give.  We had actually believed we were very much aligned and thought the next conversation would be easy.

It wasn’t.

When we dug deeper into applying the principles we had developed and chosen to follow together, an intense debate began. It wasn’t that we didn’t have a shared commitment or that we didn’t agree on the principles. It wasn’t that people were lying or being compliant when they said they could get behind the framework we created for moving forward.

Being Aligned Isn’t Enough

The problem wasn’t that we were not aligned in principle.  It was that we had very different views regarding how to go about satisfying those principles and achieving our common goal.

On the one side there were people who thought they were taking a stand for something and that they had a great idea.  They could prove it because it had worked before and had evidence that it could work given the new standards.

On the other side, there were those frustrated by what seemed like stubbornness getting in the way of progress.  We were changing things and it looked like “they” were trying to hang on to the way they have always done things.

Nothing we tried to break the deadlock seemed to be working.  Some tried logic and reasoning, but were met with different logic and alternative reasoning. Others tried poking holes in the proposed approach to be met with explanations of why there weren’t any holes at all.

We all went home that night reflecting on how we each may have contributed to the deadlock.  After all, collaboration demands personal responsibility if you are to overcome obstacles together.

In reflection we could see that at some point we all had stopped doing the only thing that could have contributed to unlocking us and moving forward: listening to each other.

Three Principles for Listening Better

1 – If you are not being heard, chances are you are not listening.

When you don’t feel like you are being heard the natural tendency is to find ways to communicate what you have to say better or even more forcefully. Unfortunately that is a bit like speaking louder when someone doesn’t understand you because they don’t speak your language.

Stop speaking and start listening. What you learn will help you communicate in a way they can actually hear you. Besides, the person with whom you are trying to communicate might actually return the favor.

2 – Seek to understand first before seeking to be understood.

Effective listening requires that we relate in the world view of the other person rather than trying to pull that person into our world.  This is one of the secrets of great marketing.  It is also one of the pillars of effective communication.

3 – Focus on what you do agree on rather than trying to fix what you don’t agree on.

The minute someone starts going into a long story or explanation designed to prove they are right, refrain from meeting them head on with your story or explanation.  That’s called debate and the purpose is to win.  That means someone will lose.  in the example of a deadlock everyone loses.  When that happens it’s time to get out of the “details” and find your way back to what you do have in common.  This requires that you listen to each other and for what you have in common rather than listening to find the flaw in the others argument.  Worst case you agree to disagree so you can move forward.

Your turn.  What key to listening better can you add?

The post How Listening Better Works With These 3 Important Principles appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

Yet the ultimate test of how well we listen has nothing to do with us and our experience at all. The true test of effective listening is whether the person who is speaking actually feels heard and valued for what they said. Heard means that we actually got what the person intended to communicate, not what we think we heard them say. Valued is about leaving a speaker feeling like they matter. Great listeners know it is not just about the words. Listening is all about creating relationship.

Examples of Questions About Listening

So if you want to know how well you are doing, try asking the people you are communicating with on a regular basis for feedback. Start by letting people know you want to get better at listening. Here are a few suggested questions about listening to get you started in a feedback conversation:

• When we talk do you feel like I actually hear and understand what you are saying?
• What do I do that has you know I am listening and actually heard you? What do I do that leads you to believe I am not really listening?
• What have you been saying that you don’t think I have been able to hear?

Don’t let these questions about listening limit you though. Create questions of your own. But do take the time to ask questions and listen closely to the answers. Remember that your intent is to learn. There is no need to defend yourself. None of us are perfect at listening. If someone triggers one of your hot buttons you just learned something important about where you can go to work. It also means they trust you enough to tell you like it is which is a really good sign about the strength of your relationship.

Make Listening an Valuable Habit

Listening fully is one of the greatest gifts we can give to another person. It also happens to improve our relationships and our results! So have fun reaping the rewards of your heightened awareness this week. You never know what you might hear that can make a difference for the future.

What are your new questions about listening? Let us know what you learn and discover this week.

If you would like support please feel free to post your questions here or send your questions to susan@randomactsofleadership.com.

The post How Often Do You Ask Questions About Listening? appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.

If you buy into the belief that successful leaders engender a high degree of trust, I would argue that listening is a critical skill. It may even be more important than speaking skills. I’ll even suggest that by learning to listen better you will actually become a better speaker, presenter and writer.

Three Simple Steps to Listen Better

Whether you are preparing for a one on one meeting or a meeting of 100 I suggest you prepare for a conversation not a presentation.

1. Prepare for What You Want to Learn, Not Just What You Want to Say

We spend a lot of time preparing for meetings by putting together speaking notes and PowerPoint presentations. Our focus is all too often entirely on us. Whether the meeting is small or very large it is as though we were preparing for a performance with our attention on what we want to say. Yet how many PowerPoint presentations have you fidgeted or even slept through? I don’t sit still well so these are particularly painful for me!

Think first about your audience. What can you contribute to them? What are their burning questions? How might you listen better to their needs? Then think about how to engage your audience not just talk at them. It’s an opportunity to get out of your own head. Consider what you want to learn from the conversation, not just what you want to communicate. Prepare a thought provoking question or two. Great questions have the power to turn a presentation into a great and memorable conversation. When people are engaged their energy rises and attention sharpens.

TIP: Make one of the goals of your next meeting to learn more than the person or people with whom you are speaking.

2. Ask Questions AND Give People Enough Time to Answer

To be effective at asking questions we have to become comfortable with what I call the “pregnant pause”. When you are asking a question it can feel like an eternity waiting for someone to answer. The bigger the group the longer that pause can be. It is uncomfortable and our tendency is to want to jump in and fill the space. It’s a way to practice how you can speak less and listen more.

Remember that people may need a few minutes to think about your question so they can formulate an answer. And as group size increases the discomfort for many people to actually answer your question also increases. They may need even a little more time to muster up the courage or to formulate their answer so they can speak confidently.

TIPS: Prepare a question other than “do you have any questions?” for the end of what you have to say or present.

Focus on taking 3-5 slow deep breaths after you ask a question (prepares you to listen better, and remember to keep eye contact though or you can get so relaxed people think you checked out!).

3. Ensure People Know You Heard Them (and that you hear more)

Nodding your head is a helpful way to let someone know you are listening, but unfortunately we can nod and not hear a thing they said. And they know it, or at least they feel it. You actually have to speak before someone really knows you were listening. You can do that with phrases like “I understand”, “uh huh”, etc. You know the drill. But if you really want someone to know you heard them, try giving them back what you heard.

This is not about being a parrot. It’s about saying in your own words what you got out of what they said, or what you will do as a result of what they said, or asking a relevant question. That is the only way we can ever be sure that we actually understood what was said. This is a great way to practice ways to listen better.

Do we hear what people say or do we hear what we think they said?

We are interpretation machines. We listen through the filters of our personal beliefs, knowledge and experience. All too often we don’t hear what people have actually said, or tried to communicate anyway, even though we think we did. This is a significant cause of mis-communication. It takes practice to silence our internal dialogue to be fully present. Practice this and not only will people feel heard by you, but you will actually start hearing more of what they are saying. I can guarantee you will have fewer communications breakdowns all around if you get really good at this.

TIP: If you don’t feel like you are being heard you are probably not listening.

Any questions?

,,,just kidding!

What else do you need to know or understand to feel confident that you can execute these steps?

Which one of these is the most challenging for you?

The post 3 Simple Steps to Listen Better so You Hear More appeared first on Random Acts Of Leadership ™.