Photo of Mandala Created by Dr. Masaru Emoto

You have this big dream or a really exciting idea.  Your spirit is brimming with positive energy from the possibility.  Your mind is racing with tons of great ideas on how to make it happen. Then you start to think of who you would love to ask to join you.

And then you think to yourself…but who am “I” to ask “them”.

Maybe it’s your boss or the president of your company.  Maybe it is the leader of your place of worship.  Maybe it is a person you met at a conference last year, but haven’t contacted since.  And maybe it is that famous person you really admire and respect whose work is totally aligned with yours.  And maybe it is even one of your heroes.

So why don’t you ask them?  Of course you have some really valid reasons.  At the top of the list is  that you think they will say no.  But what if they say yes?

If you don’t ask “yes” will never be a possibility.

Kumari Mullin took that risk very recently and was pleasantly surprised by the response.

She is a big fan of Dr Masaru Emoto, an internationally recognized water crystal researcher from Japan (among other endeavors).  In fact, she refers to him as one of her super-heroes.

A childhood friend who had studied with Dr Emoto called her saying she had this idea that Kumari contact Dr. Emoto about collaborating with her in some way to facilitate healing in the Gulf from the oil spill.  The ideas of what they could do immediately started to flow.  She was getting really excited about the possibility and a clear idea started to take shape.  Then this thought popped into her head: “there is no way he is going to come all the way over here from Japan, he doesn’t even know me.”

It would have been so easy to let that thought take over and deflate the energy of possibility.  Yet she chose to contact him and ask anyway.  Within 24 hours he accepted her invitation and a date was set.

What was the key to his “yes”?

She made a request that was totally aligned with his work and his commitments.  She shared her commitments and her vision and spoke directly to his.

On September 11, 2010 she is co-facilitating a workshop titled Healing the Gulf: the Power of Intentions with Dr. Emoto.  They are partnering with The National Wildlife Federation to raise funds for restoration of wildlife in the Gulf of Mexico.

Not only is this a great demonstration of the power of just asking, Kumari has demonstrated leadership in action.  She reminds us that any one of us can find a way to use our unique gifts to make a difference in the things we care about.

So when you hear that “little voice” in your mind that is busy trying to keep you safe and maintain the status quo, try asking yourself these 3 questions:

> Is my possibility, my vision, my idea worth the risk of hearing a “no”?

> What do I really have to lose?

> And what is possible if they actually say yes?

What’s your dream or your big idea and who will you have the courage to “just ask”?

In an excellent post on Leadership and Political Correctness, Mike Myatt of N2Growth discusses the debilitating phenomena of political correctness that has unfortunately, as he puts it, “become a dominant mind-set in our society”.  In this post he posed the following question:

“Do you ever wonder how the term “Politically Correct” evolved from an obscure catch-phrase that was once used to label those who would not take a controversial position to the dominant mind-set of the day in our society?”

He goes on to make this sobering observation:

“The politically correct assault has invaded classrooms, the media, the work place, federal, state and local government, the judiciary, the church, the military, and even casual discussions with friends and family. It has spread to pandemic proportions, crossing boarders and cultures, such that you’d be hard pressed to actually find someone under the age of 40 who hasn’t had substantial amounts of “diversity training”. Even the term change, a concept once reserved for the innovative and revolutionary, has been hi-jacked by the politically correct.”

As hard as so many people have fought for and continue to fight for freedom of speech around the world, it is disheartening to say the least that we have actually become a culture that squelches it’s own voice.

Speaking up can be risky business.   It always has been.  Many people have lost their lives both because they spoke against those in power as well in the fight for the right to speak freely.  And for many that fight is not over.

As I thought about Mike’s words I realized that every time I choose not to speak up I dishonor those who fought for my right to do so.  For me that was a pretty humbling thought.  I started to take an inventory of the times I can clearly remember when I have, as well as when I have not, spoken up and/or spoken my truth.

Here are the patterns I could see in reflecting on my choices and experience in those moments:

1.  My fear drove every decision I made not to speak up.

In those moments when we must choose between speaking our truth and speaking to protect our position or stay in someone’s good graces we are likely to feel fear.  That fear is natural and can be incredibly strong.  It can feel like our very survival is at stake, whether we are putting our lives or our livelihoods at stake or even a relationship or sense of belonging.  And it is really easy to justify choosing from our fear in our own minds.  It is also easy to get others to agree with us that we should be afraid and were “smart” to refrain.  Agreement makes all involved feel better and even more justified in their choices which I believe is part of the dynamic that keeps us stuck in the practice of political correctness.

2.  The consequences of not speaking up were often the same as those I feared from speaking up.

Some of the things I have feared are hurting someone, harming a relationship, losing face, feeling stupid, being excluded, and being disliked.  I have also at times feared falling out of favor, losing my job, upsetting a client, and losing a contract.  Yet there are a few times I could identify that by not speaking up I actually experienced one or more of these outcomes.  Acting from our fears does not always protect us from what we fear.

3.  When I did speak up I felt afraid, but did it anyway and felt empowered regardless of the outcome.

Every time I spoke up I was satisfied with the outcome even if it wasn’t the outcome I wanted.  It is incredibly empowering to act in spite of your fear in service of your beliefs and what you truly care about.

4.  Every time I spoke up and/or spoke my truth I made a difference for someone.

Sometimes  I gave a voice to the opinions and feelings of others who wanted to speak, but felt they would not be heard.  Sometimes I simply paved the way for others to speak their truth.  At times I pissed people off in the moment, but was thanked later.  There are a very small number of times where speaking my truth caused a breakdown in a relationship.  And there were times when my speaking up seemed to make no difference at all.  Yet every time it made a difference in fortifying my own self esteem.

The question to ask ourselves in those moments is this:  am I going to let fear drive my actions or my commitments? Am I going to let fear drive what I say or even whether I speak up at all, or will I choose to speak my truth in the service of my commitments and the commitments I share with those around me?

We have lapsed into a habit of colluding for the sake of our mutual safety rather than challenging each other for the sake of being great.  The cost of this habit is high to us as individuals, to our organizations, and to society as Mike points out so eloquently.

What do you think it will take to stamp out our habit of being politically correct?   What habits can we instill instead that will fuel us in being the best we can be?

There are many who believe that once trust has been breached or broken it can never be repaired, at least not to the level that returns the relationship to it’s former state.  I absolutely agree with that.  Except I believe that while the relationship will never be the same, that does not have to mean it will be worse.

In fact, I believe that in the process of restoring trust you can actually build a relationship that is stronger than it was before. Repairing trust is hard work, but breakdowns provide an incredible opportunity for us to reassess our relationships and make changes in our we interact and work together to make us far more effective going forward.

It is easy to trust someone who has never let us down.  But if we are taking any level of risk at all there will be breakdowns, some of which will be caused by us.  And rarely do we act fully alone – some breakdowns will happen because we have pushed the boundaries of what is possible given the dynamic of our existing relationships.  Unless we use the inevitable breakdowns in an uncertain, rapidly changing world to learn how to trust each other more, we won’t grow to meet the challenges we face, let alone be prepared to take the risks required to do the extraordinary together.

The opportunity of leveraging breakdowns in trust to fuel breakthroughs in relationship is not just a nice possibility.  It is an essential skill for thriving in a world that increasingly depends on or ability to cooperate and collaborate to be successful.

Below are a few suggestions for how to begin the process of re-building trust.  Jane also provides some great suggestions specifically focused on rebuilding credibility in her post.

Admit You Screwed Up, And Leave Out the Good Reasons

Giving good reasons for why we screwed up is tempting and has even become somewhat of a practice in our culture.  But explaining our reasons just serves to deflect our responsibility in the matter.  It doesn’t help build trust and all too often reasons are used in an attempt to let ourselves off the hook from taking personal responsibility and/or somehow make us feel better.  This leads me to the next point.

Don’t Just Apologize, Demonstrate Personal Responsibility

In an excellent  post titled Credibility: Don’t  Leave Home without It Jane Perdue leads off with this…

Said by a perplexed employee to a co-worker: “When will my boss get off my case? Sure, I made a huge mistake last month that nearly caused the client to drop us, and I was a little late to tell my boss about it. I’ve apologized and am changing my ways, but my boss keeps questioning everything I do. He’s treating me like I’m a new employee.”

Expecting an apology to be enough to regain trust is a big mistake.  It is a great place to start,  but admitting we screwed up, expressing remorse and saying we are sorry is not the same as taking personal responsibility for the impact of our actions.  To do that we need to seek to fully understand the impact and contribute to repairing the damage done.  We need to come to the table with our head held high as a partner in dealing effectively with the aftermath rather than head hung low with guilt in the hope that eventually all will be forgiven.  Don’t let your mistakes or failure to keep your commitments become someone else’s problem.

Own Your Gap

Beware of the cover up. When we screw up, especially in a corporate setting that pulls for us to look good, it can be tempting to write off what happened as an aberration in our behavior or to try to prove ourselves by demonstrating  just how much we know or how “good” we are overall.  Most people won’t lost faith in you for a mistake or two even if they are big ones.  But they will be unlikely to trust you for long if you don’t do some soul searching and identify the gap(s) in your capabilities and mindset that contributed to the breakdown.  Share what you learn and go to work on what you need to learn until it actually shows up in new behavior.

What do you think?  Do you think trust can be repaired?  If so, what are your suggestions for how to go about it?

While scanning through some of my earliest blog entries I came across one that had me reflect on the fundamental purpose of this blog:  to inspire everyday leadership through everyday actions.

We may have an idea of what leadership is, but what does it look like in everyday action?  In the post titled  The Red Car Theory of Leadership I discuss the power of creating a context for observing leadership.  The point is summed up in this paragraph:

“If our context for leading is limited to grand gestures like Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech we will miss leadership in its simplest, most elemental form. If we want to be able to seize an opportunity to act as a leader in any given moment we must be able to perceive the moments of opportunities or they will pass by unnoticed like all the cars you drive by every day, but don’t really see. And if we cannot see leadership in the actions of others, how will we be able to recognize it in ourselves?”

Often I work with people who do not see themselves as leaders, but say they want to become one.  Yet it does not take long to observe them leading in the everyday things they do and say in service of their commitments.

One of the most effective ways I have found to help people expand their own leadership capability, as well as to cultivate leadership in others is to develop their ability to observe leadership in the simple everyday actions of the people around them.

What does leadership in action look like to you?

On a personal note…you may have noticed there is a new badge on the site.  Thank you so much for voting for this blog as one of the Top HR Blogs for 2010.  I am truly grateful for and honored by all of your support.  — Susan

In honor of the 4th of July celebration in the United States I have been thinking about what freedom makes possible.

Perhaps the most famous line from the Declaration of Independence is this:

In drafting these words Thomas Jefferson intentionally downplayed protection of “property” as a goal of government, replacing the idea with “happiness.”  He also chose the phrase “pursuit of happiness” rather than “to be happy”.

One very powerful avenue for pursuing happiness is to dream and actively pursue our dreams.  And while we are not guaranteed success, by pursuing our dreams we do create the opportunity to live a life fueled by passion and enriched by a sense of meaning and purpose.

What is your dream?  Are you actively pursuing it?

If not now, when?

A friend shared an unsettling story with me recently that highlights the perils of a poorly negotiated partnership agreement. I am sharing this story with you for two reasons.

One is because it is an important wake up call for anyone who is in or is considering forming a partnership.  I cannot emphasize enough how critical it is to negotiate clear agreements up front, as well as continue to renegotiate over time as things change and evolve.  All too often rigorous negotiation of partnership agreements gets put off for a variety of seemingly very good and compelling reasons at the time.  I can speak from personal experience here – been there, done that and unfortunately learned the hard way.   This is another reminder of just how important it is.

The other is because now, given a worst case scenario has occurred, I am very interested in your advice, insight and perspective regarding how these 4 people could navigate this very difficult territory.  There is an incredible brain trust available among the readers of this blog from around the world.  Your feedback here could make a big difference in how this turns out.

Here’s the situation…

A few years ago four people formed a business partnership.  3 of them kept their day jobs, while one (I’ll call him John) invested himself 100% into getting the business up and running.  Things were going great.  John was able to generate consulting jobs that covered the cost of his salary while they continued to work together to get the other parts of the business to a point where they could generate enough revenue to sustain them all full time.

And then John discovered he had cancer.  A once incredibly vibrant and remarkably healthy man with over the top energy and extraordinary passion for the work he was doing is now fighting for his life.  It all seemed to happen so fast and it will be a very difficult fight.

The handshake agreement has been that they each own 25% of the company.  They have an agreement to pay John a salary.  But now that he cannot generate the revenues that were covering his salary what do they do?  The question of for how long they can and should continue to pay his salary is an urgent one.  How long they can pay his salary can be answered a lot more easily than how long they should continue to pay his salary.

These partners are each struggling with what to do.  How can they balance the competing forces of compassion with the realities of the business situation?

Without going into the details, John’s family cannot survive for long financially without the income from this business.  Yet is that really a problem the other partners should take responsibility for? And what about what happens to the business when this key player is not able to perform and you don’t know how long it will be until he can?

Their very different views when it comes to compassion, the business, and partnership, are becoming apparent.  And these views are  informed by the clear differences in their values, commitments, and personal circumstances, .

If you look beneath the obvious business considerations such as cash flow and the differing interpretations when it comes to compassion and partnership, the fundamental issue seems to comes down to this:  how do you value the contribution of each partner?  It sounds good to say we are equal partners (especially in the beginning), but the actual perceptions of the value of each partner’s contribution to the business is not that simple.

John has arguably taken the biggest risk and has invested more sweat equity and mind share.  Yet John is the only one drawing a salary.  What is his contribution to date to the business really worth and how do you measure the value?  And how do you value the contribution of the other partners?    The others may not have invested the same amount of sweat equity or mind share, but they are not a drain on cash flow and have brought key relationships and skills to the table.  Every one of them could say the business would be nowhere without them.

Below are some specific questions for you to think about and respond to.  And I am of course open to anything you have to say that could contribute to the thinking about how to navigate this situation.

1. What would you do?
2. If you were helping these partners, what questions would you ask?
3. How would you navigate finding that balance between compassion for the individual and the needs of the business?
4. What do you think needs to be considered to come up with a solution that could serve everyone involved now, as well as given the worst and best case scenarios for the long term?
5. How could they approach establishing the value of each of their individual contributions in a way that is grounded rather than based on personal opinion and motivations?
6. What are the more intangible, yet essential contributions partners make to a business and how could you value them?

I am looking forward to the discussion that emerges from the incredible people in the Random Acts of Leadership community.  Thank you for all you provide.

Jane Perdue of The Braitewaite Group graciously agreed to guest post here.  Jane is a seasoned HR executive who is now making a difference through coaching, consulting and speaking.  She is also a fabulous writer – definitely check out her blog  Life Love Leadership.  Thank you Jane for sharing your wisdom here.  I am grateful to have you in my inner circle!

Schedule You on Your To Do List

You know how busy you get ascending that ladder of success – the constant swirl of activity focused on the business, your team, your department, results and outcomes.  Time for yourself?  Ah, we’ll try to work that in later. And that later never happens.

In the mid-1990’s I landed my first VP role, overseeing 2800 employees in two states.  For the first several months after the promotion, it was a mad dash of 80 hour work weeks and frenetic scrambling to make everything happen.  Then two firsts occurred in my life:  my very first 360 assessment followed by a sick leave.

The 360 feedback from my direct report team was cosmic two-by-four whack number one: you are an amazing leader but you make us exhausted and frustrated in trying to keep up with you.  Teach us what you know, show us the way and then let us make it happen. What an epiphany – I had been so busy doing, trying to make my post-promotion mark, that I had forgotten “to be” and to lead, not perpetually do.

The second cosmic two-by-four whack quickly followed.  That neck pain I’d been ignoring for months became jack-hammer unbearable and produced a new problem – the inability to grasp anything in my hands. Using a keyboard wasn’t possible nor was feeding myself (not an unreasonable antidote, I figured, for failing to maintain a regular exercise program…who had time for that?!).  The neurosurgeon declared my herniated disk the largest he had ever seen (always the over-achiever!).  Surgery – and recovery time – was the only solution.

The gift of feedback from my team coupled with the sick leave were humbling yet liberating personal and professional events. I learned the value of setting the tone and direction for my team but then stepping aside so they had ownership, responsibility and accountability – as well as the glow of success and the insights from failure.

I learned the value of self-care. A Harvard Business Review article on the “corporate athlete” totally resonated with me and influenced my thinking about relaxing.  The gist of the article was to train for work like an athlete trains for their sport, focusing on one’s mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. To that end, I worked with both a nutritionist and a personal trainer to develop eating and exercise programs that worked for me.  I adopted hobbies, reading, volunteering and other activities that enriched my mind and my soul.

At work, I created an engaging office environment with beautiful black-and-white photography on the walls, a desktop Zen sand garden, a small gurgling fountain and a small pile of toys close at hand.  I learned to not ignore the early warning signs of stress.  I took quick walks around the office, using that time to refocus and connect with others.

It took not one, but two, cosmic two-by-fours to capture my attention and get me focused on taking care of myself so I can more effectively nurture others. This quote from Ann Richards, former governor of Texas, keeps me on track: “If you think taking care of yourself is selfish, change your mind. If you don’t, you’re simply ducking your responsibilities.”

Schedule time for you…starting today!

In the spirit of last week’s post The Responsibility Myth I am sharing a short post originally released in March 2009.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a dentist about the challenges of running an office. It doesn’t seem to matter whether you work in a huge company or a small office, wherever there are people trying to work together there is inevitably an issue I will call “whose job is it?”.

The even more personal version of this issue is “but that’s not my job”. It arises when something isn’t getting done that everyone knows needs to be done.

In my conversation with the dentist we talked about the basics like “whose job is it to take out the garbage?”. He asked, “how does such a simple and easy thing get so complicated?” I’ll suggest it gets complicated the minute we think it’s supposed to be someone else’s job.

So whose job is it to take out the garbage? How about the person who sees that the garbage can is full?

Defining our job descriptions can certainly be helpful, but I think we have gone overboard. Trying to identify all the tasks that define our jobs these days is virtually impossible. And all too often it gets in the way of getting the job at hand done. In the case of my friend the dentist the buck always stops with him anyway. Every job is his job as long as it doesn’t get done by someone else.

Where does the buck stop where you work? What might be possible if we all started to think like we owned the place?

Interested in learning how to significantly increase ownership where you work and live? Go to http://theartofaccountability.com and register for our 4 Week Webinar Series that begins on June 7, 2010. Please note that registration closes for this session on June 5th.

When deadlines are being missed, when there is struggle among team members, when there are important tasks that are falling through the cracks, or when you know you are not working as efficiently or effectively as you could be, what can you do?

One of the most common solutions I hear to these kinds of problems is this:  “we need to get clear about our roles and responsibilities”.

Unfortunately that may solve the problems temporarily, but it is rarely, if ever, a long term fix.  The implied belief is that if our roles and responsibilities are clear, i.e., everyone knows what they are supposed to do, things will get done and run smoothly.

I say that belief  is a myth.

Roles and responsibilities are a kind of boundary separating one persons role from another.  They are useful when it comes to delegating tasks and managing work, but are in and of themselves insufficient to support and encourage teamwork.

If all we do is define the boundaries between people (in other words, my role or job vs. yours), it will only be a matter of time before something else falls through the cracks and we find ourselves attempting to yet again redefine roles and responsibilities.

Besides, does this diagram below really look like a team to you?  Yet the org chart (aka hierarchy) is exactly the context we are reinforcing when we focus purely on defining roles and responsibilities.

What is missing from Roles and Responsibilities?

Accountability to each other.  If we want to support and encourage teamwork I believe we must focus on clarifying the inter-connections between people that ensure the relationships work and the work gets done.  In defining our role we clarify what we do.  Add to that defining our promises to each other and you create the basis for accountable relationships.

Want to stop things from falling through the cracks?  Want to empower people to take personal responsibility for doing what needs to be done to produce the desired result and stop worrying about whose job it is to do what?

Clarify the connections between team members, the agreements they must make with each other to ensure success, and you begin to build a bridge between the model of organization we have inherited and the practices we need now to work together effectively in today’s dynamic environment.

Consider questions such as: What promises does each team member make to the rest of the team that contributes to the result we are committed to producing together?  What promises do we specifically make to each other and what do we need from each other to keep those promises?

When team members make promises to each other they empower their working relationships.

And they start to think and act like a team. While certainly not a sophisticated image, doesn’t this look a lot more like a team? You get the picture!

Now will things still get missed?

Absolutely.  We will never think of everything, unanticipated circumstances inevitably arise, and there is always something new for us to learn.  Yet when we focus on clarifying the inter-relationships as opposed to defining the “boxes” that separate people, the conversation shifts from being a reflection on the past, solving the problem that we didn’t define roles clearly enough (or blaming someone), to one of learning and adaptation, collaborating about what do we need to do next together given the information and circumstances we have now.

By focusing not just on what we do or need to do as individuals, but also on what we promise to each other we begin to cultivate accountable relationships among team members and ultimately foster an accountable culture.

So why is defining roles and responsibilities so compelling as “the solution”?

Perhaps the primary reason is because it is what we have been taught to do and how we have been trained to think about how  organizations are supposed to work.  Although I think there is another reason that may get in the way of challenging this status quo approach.  If you dig deeper, often behind the solution of “defining roles and responsibilities” there is a judgment that people are not being accountable.  Clarifying roles and responsibilities is seen as a solution to that problem.

Roles and responsibilities certainly seem a lot safer and a lot less confrontational to talk about.  It is perceived to be an objective approach, carrying the perception of making things cleaner and simpler and somehow less personal.  We also seem to think that holding people accountable is the bosses or team leaders job so as team members this is often our only access to the conversations required to clear things up when things break down.

Is it possible that talking about boundaries helps us avoid the difficult task of dealing directly with our commitments to and relationships with each other.  Or is it that we have not been sufficiently trained in the mindset and/or the skills essential to create and sustain accountable relationships?

Perhaps it is a combination of both.  What do you think?

If you are interested in learning more about the mindset, principles and skills of creating and sustaining accountable relationships go to http://www.theartofaccountability.com.  Our June 2010 Webinar Series is Open for Enrollment Now and Begins on June 7th.

You may have noticed I have not been posting as frequently in the last few months.  For those of you who follow me on social media I have been much less active. I have gotten enough nudges from people that I thought it was time to let you know what was happening and let you know that while I have been missing I have by no means checked out.  In fact I have really missed writing and engaging with you.

Since February I have been challenged by a health issue.  I am clearly moving in the right direction, but I do not know how long it will take to get back to 100%.  My new mantra is “be the tortoise”.  This has slowed me way down so I might as well embrace this new pace!  Besides, what I have lost in terms of energy temporarily, I am hopefully gaining in wisdom permanently.  Our circumstances can always provide a great access to learning the lessons we have resisted learning.

In the spirit of not wasting the learning opportunity of a breakdown here are a few of the lessons life has been teaching me lately.  My experience reminds me of a wise saying: “if you know but you don’t do then you don’t know”.  Hopefully these lessons will finally stick!

Focus is Essential to Managing and Leveraging Our Energy

When we have unbounded energy it is much easier to live in the illusion called we can do it all.  My energy level has been very unpredictable from day to day and week to week.  So I have had to choose more carefully what I will and will not do.  As a result I have had to create a VERY short list of commitments and stick to them.  At times it has been a list of just one thing.  I have also had to change some of my habits and preferred ways of doing things because I have not had the stamina to keep my commitments the way I have typically done it in the past.  I have had to learn to ask myself often, is what I am about to do really necessary and does it serve what matters most right now?

I got to experience in technicolor the incredible pull to do “business/life as usual”.  I have been all too frequently reminded of the cost of not resisting that urge.  Yet I am grateful for those reminders actually because unless the cost of “business/life as usual” seem bigger than the payoff of doing what is natural and comfortable change is a lot harder.

Questions are a great way to help us be mindful.  These questions have helped me to consciously choose how I am investing my energy day to day and moment to moment.  The results in my life have actually been amazing.  I have been far more present.  And I have a renewed sense of optimism about what I will be able to accomplish when I am 100% again, not despite this illness, but rather because the lesson it taught me.  In some areas I am actually making more progress because despite the circumstances I have been so focused.

Don’t Just Say No, Choose No

I have realized just how hard it is to say no when you would prefer to say yes.  For the first few weeks I was just putting things off as much as possible thinking I’d get to it when I was well believing that was just around the corner.  I was resisting (more like kicking and screaming actually) the idea that I needed to scale back my commitments to the outside world so I could focus on what should be every one of our primary commitments – our well being.  Even the thought of taking things off of my plate made me very unhappy and uncomfortable.

At first explaining I was sick to a select few gave me freedom, but that feeling was temporary because on the other end was an ever increasing to do list that just added to my anxiety.  Then I had that aha moment.  I took an honest look and realized way too many things on that list did not have anything to do with my core commitments.  As a highly capable professional I was startled by just how blind I was to something so fundamental to my success.  This is something I thought I knew and even coach people about, but was not doing for myself.

This has taken my understanding of what it means and what it takes to choose based on your commitments rather than based on your circumstances to a whole new level.  One things that has become abundantly clear to me is just how important it is to accept your circumstances FIRST.  Saying no because of your circumstances feeds the experience of being victimized by those circumstances.  The same is true with our fears.  Until you accept your current circumstances (and/or fears) it is incredibly difficult to choose based on your commitments.  What feels “right” or natural may pull us to make choices contrary to our commitments.  For far too many of us saying no feels wrong and that gets in our way of choosing no.

Choosing based on your commitments is an access to our real power.  It not only affects our own sense of our power, it also affects how we occur to others.  Saying no as an act of survival costs us our power.  Choosing no in service of our commitments fortifies our power and propels us forward to accomplish what truly matters most to us.

What lessons has life taught you lately?