It was a bright sunny day on the beach in Hilton Head, SC.  This was the first of what would become an annual gathering of college friends for 20+ years and still going strong.  I invited my brother’s wife, Marla, to join us that year.

As my long time friend, Sheri, my very new sister-in-law, Marla, and I walked down the beach one afternoon we passed by a line up of small Catamaran’s.  I loved to sail although I didn’t know a lot about how to do it myself.  Marla wasn’t too fond of the water as she did not know how to swim.  But I was sure Sheri knew how to sail so I asked if she wanted to rent a sailboat.  We seemed so confident Marla chose to join us for a new adventure.  Soon it felt like we were flying over the waves.

We got out past the breakers and I asked Sheri: “so how do we turn around?”  She quickly replied with: “stop kidding around”.  At that moment I wondered who was actually kidding.  So did Marla who quickly tightened the straps on her life vest.

Turned out both Sheri and I knew more than enough to get started, but neither one of us knew how to actually sail (which involves being able to turn the boat!).  Sheri thought I knew because I apparently asked with great certainty.  I have no idea why I thought she knew how, but I was clearly mistaken.  Fortunately for us we both knew enough to find a way to get the boat back to shore, albeit 200 yards from where we were supposed to end up.  We got lucky.  We also did not spend one moment on blame and all three of us got focused on what we needed to do to figure out how to get back to shore safely.

I learned some very important lessons that day.  We are all in un-chartered territory in some respect.  To say things are changing fast is an understatement.  I don’t know about you, but there are many days I wish I knew far more than I do in many arenas.  These days we often do not know how to accomplish the things we start when we start them.  Sometimes it’s because we have never done them.  Other times it’s because we run into things the people who are teaching us have never encountered either.  And for the most courageous among us it’s because no one has done it before.

I was thinking about that day on the beach this morning and how the lessons apply to life and business today.  There is a big difference between taking a chance and taking a risk.  Either way things might not turn out the way you hope and intend, but if you want to stack the odds in your favor more often than not here are some things to keep in mind…

• Be clear about what you know and what you don’t, and be forthcoming with what you don’t know. As leaders in any capacity this is especially important because the more certainty with which we speak, the less likely others are to ask questions or challenge our thinking.
• Be willing to question what you think you know. What we know can gives us confidence and comfort. However, in a fast changing world it is prudent to question often what we think we know so we can learn what we need to learn to succeed.
• Be willing to learn from both the usual and the unusual places. This includes seeking feedback from the people who aren’t speaking when everyone else in is agreement or who we know see things differently than we do.
• Be willing to fail, accept the consequences and most of all learn from your mis-steps and failures.  Kriss Akabusi, an Olympic Gold Medalist says “you lose your way to winning.”  If you are not failing, or at least falling down once in a while, you are probably not risking, learning or growing very much.
• Be the kind of person who can be counted on and surround yourself with people you can count on.  You will know just how important this is when the going gets tough.

I’ll leave you with one last observation…In hindsight I can see that when I have taken chances the only things I could point to as the “reasons why” it didn’t work out were my circumstances.  When I have taken risks there are no reasons, there is only what happened, what there is to learn from it, and a choice about what to do now.

So what about you?  Do you take chances or risks? And what wisdom do you have to share with us from your experience with either?

Mike Henry, Founder of the Lead Change Group and the LeaderPalooza unconference organizer asked the participants of the first LeaderPalooza to share their thoughts about the unique value of the event and the Lead Change Group.  Here are my reflections a few weeks after the event.

In February 2010 I had the privilege to spend two days with 14 extraordinary people who quickly became friends.  The organizing question:  how can we instigate a movement of character-based leadership to make a positive difference?

It seemed incredible to me at first that a group of such clearly accomplished yet diverse individuals were willing to invest 2 days at an event with a very loosely defined agenda and a relatively short lead time for the event.  In fact 2 of the participants had little connection to the group at all.

I think the event itself, that it even happened, is a clear demonstration of the powerful ripple affect one person’s stand can have in moving others to act.  In this case that person is Mike Henry, founder of the Linked In Lead Change Group. And I want to take this opportunity to appreciate Mike for his leadership. His vision, his stand and his commitment made this event happen.

That it turned out to be an incredibly enriching and enjoyable experience for all who participated further demonstrates the power of engaging committed individuals in pursuit of a common purpose.

Leaderpalooza also renewed my belief that “mountains can be moved” when every single person involved in an endeavor takes responsibility for providing personal leadership, leading themselves and being of service to each other and a commitment we share.  The depth of commitment to elevating character as an essential foundation for effective leadership, beginning first with ourselves, was inspiring.  We may use different words to describe what that is or approach it from different perspectives or in different ways, but there was no mistaking that we were aligned from the very start of the event.

While I had many insights from the conversations over the 2 days, one in particular stands out for me:  the meaning of REAL leadership.  I am beginning to believe that when people say they want “real” leadership they are attempting to articulate that what is all too often missing from leadership is character.

When it comes to leadership the letters R-E-A-L have new meaning for me now:  Respectful, Ethical, Accountable and Loving.  And while I don’t think any definition could do justice to the notion of character-based leadership, for me this is a great way to begin the conversation.

What does Character-Based Leadership mean to you?

LeaderPalooza was just a beginning…now is a great time for you to join the conversation!  You can find us on Linked In, Facebook, and on Twitter by searching on #leadchange.

Thank you Mike Henry, Vicki Henry, Chris Zaucha, David Wachs, Deb Costello, Don Shapiro, Erin Schreyer, Fanny Korman, Jane Perdue, Jim Holland, Mark Oakes, Monica Diaz, Sonia DiMaulo and Steve Keating for the gifts of your wisdom, your heart and your commitment to making a difference in the lives of others.

If you would like to read other posts written about the LeaderPalooza experience you can start here Lead Change Group.  Links to other participant posts are included.

Clearly there is a big difference between delegating and abdicating in definition.  However, all too often I see the two being confused in practice.  And when it does it is disempowering, ineffective, and degrades trust.  It also undermines our ability to hold people accountable with honor and respect which further undermines the health of our relationships and our organizations.

Here is an example of how I see this playing out.  Person A decides to give Person B a very important assignment.  A believes based on personal experience or some other input that B can be trusted to get the job done right.  A is relieved to finally have someone to delegate this to so they can focus on their very long list of other things to handle.  Because there is some foundation of trust, A assumes B knows what they need to deliver.  A also assumes that they have the same interpretation of both what success means and how it should be done in process and form.  And sometimes it really works this way.  It is effortless.  A gets their result with little effort or involvement required and B feels appreciated and empowered.  Trust is bolstered.  Life is good.

The problem is that once this way of operating has worked with one person we then believe that it should always work this way.  Unfortunately when things break down the “root causes” are quickly identified:  A is a lousy manager or B is not quite as good as I thought they were.   It becomes somehow personal and in the process we lose sight of how we actually unwittingly contributed to the breakdown to begin with.  In my experience this kind of breakdown is usually not because of evil intent of either party, but rather because of a lack of rigor and practice.

What is delegation?

It starts with making a clear and specific request.  What is the specific outcome or result you are asking someone to be accountable for delivering and by when?  What difference will producing that outcome make in the overall goals of your team, your company, your community?

Yet while many people think that is enough to ensure the desired outcome, I’ll suggest there is one more very important part of the delegation process:  negotiation.  If you want to delegate in a way that empowers people and fosters accountability you must take your request a step further by establishing clear minimum standards for declaring success both in terms of what must be accomplished as well as how it is accomplished.  Of course some things may not be negotiable, like the deadline, but in the conversation you will discover what is and what isn’t negotiable and actually determine the approach that is most workable.   Most importantly you will increase the odds that you have a mutual understanding of what success looks like.  And in the best case you establish a sense of joint ownership over success and satisfaction with both parties.

When does delegation degrade into abdication?

I tend to err on the side of believing people have good intentions and want to do a good job.  Most of the time, when people abdicate, it is not an intentional act, but rather a result of not being rigorous or mindful in how they delegate.  It becomes abdication when the person delegating relinquishes their responsibility for the outcome in some way rather than use delegation as an opportunity for partnership and empowerment.

There are many variations of what I consider to be “abdication” that masqeurade as delegation.  The most common form I see  is what I call the “lob”.  In fact it is the one that seems to catch the attention of most of my clients, even the ones who more often than not do a good job of delegating.

The Lob…

You need something done so you try to pass it off to someone without any rigor regarding what you need, why you need it and by when.  You hope for the best.  Often we do this with items on our to do list that may not be urgent but do need to get done.  They are also often seemingly simple things so you think the hand off should be really simple.  So you “lob” it over to someone, expecting they should just be able to catch it and run with it.  Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.  But consider of the cost of when they don’t.

What other ways do you think people abdicate in the name of delegation?  Please do share examples!

Who you are,

What you think,

What you say,

What you do,

It ALL Matters.

Because YOU Matter.

…

In the web of life nothing is insignificant.

No one is inherently less than or more than.

You are magnificent,

A unique expression of humanity.

…

Knowing that you matter,

what might you do

to express who you are in the world?

What gifts will you freely give?

What talents will you use?

…

No one can make the difference you can make.

What will you do now?

\

Join Lolly Daskal and me every Tuesday evening from 5-6pm EST as we explore and celebrate the many ways people use their talents and express their passions to make a difference.  For more information go to our You Matter site.

Jane Perdue of The Braithewaite Group and the Life, Love & Leadership blog has introduced a challenging topic with a post called “Politics are Necessary but Not Necessarily Evil” where she suggests that many of the core characteristics of quality leadership are also the central tenets of office politics.  Jane’s post is thought provoking:  a must read and a fabulous kick off to this series.

Jane asked Jennifer Miller, Mike Henry and I to join her in exploring specific skills and characteristics of leadership that can occur as “political behavior” if done poorly and/or used without authenticity or integrity.  Jennifer wrote about networking and relationship building in Networking Inside the Company Walls.  Mike wrote about authenticity and sincerity in Sincerity in Office Politics.  I encourage you to share your thoughts on any and all of these excellent posts.

Here is my addition to the series, an exploration of agendas and politics.

When an agenda has to do with a meeting or event, people appreciate and even expect one.  Yet when we refer to a person’s agenda the connotation is typically not very positive.

According to the Encarta Dictionary (North America) the definition of “agenda” is as follows: 1.  A list of things to do: a formal list of things to be done in a specific order, especially a list of things to be discussed at a meeting; 2.  Matters needing attention:  the various matters that somebody needs to deal with at a specific time; 3. Personal motivation:  An underlying personal viewpoint or bias.

So the first two definitions above typically evoke a positive reaction.  The third implies someone is up to something of a sinister nature and is typically the context in which the dark side of politics emerges.  Perhaps the underlying theme here is that agendas for the sake of the group are perceived as “good” and agendas for the sake of the individual are perceived as “bad”.   Here I want to focus on the third definition: personal motivation.

We ALL have agendas. You could say our ambitions, no matter how altruistic or noble they may be, are an agenda.  We also have many underlying personal viewpoints and biases.  Some we are aware of and some we are not.  And they inform everything we think, say and do.  So the fact that we have agendas is not inherently a problem.

There are two ways, however, this kind of agenda can be destructive.

The most obvious is when our motivation is perceived to be for purely personal gain and/or the gain of “us” at the expense of “them”. Those agenda’s are usually hidden.  When we have them we keep them close and may not even share them at all.  And when we interact with someone who has that kind of agenda, we can feel their affect on the dynamic of an interaction even though we don’t actually hear anyone speak them.  These are the agenda’s that feed the rumor mill and are labeled as “political” in the negative sense.

Perhaps the less obvious agendas that can be destructive are the ones we have, but we are either unaware of or fail to examine together. Not everyone will have the best interests of others in mind.  Yet most people have the best interests of some constituency in mind.  A group of intelligent individuals does necessarily make an intelligent organization.  Understanding the motivations and needs of all constituencies involved and affected by the conversations you are in and the work you are doing are essential to tapping that collective intelligence for the greater good.  Unless we openly discuss our beliefs and motivations we are likely to miss important factors in our strategies and decisions.

And, yes, there are some people with predominantly self serving motivations, and they are not likely to admit to them. Sometimes a culture even encourages self interest.  If that is the case the only thing to do may be to be honest about the reality of how the system is designed and move forward in a way that embraces what is, rather than trying to move forward with the proverbial blinders on.  More often than not the individuals with predominantly self serving motivations are among the minority.  At some point it is likely to cost them.  It is a waste of effort to try and change it and a waste of your breath to complain about it.  And if they get in the way of progress you will just need to find a way to deal with them.

I’ve talked about the dark side of agenda’s.  So when is an agenda a good thing?

When our personal motivations, aka our agendas, are the source of our leadership. What makes these particular personal motivations distinct is that they are shared by and contribute to others.

These motivations may not be directly about us, but they are certainly very personal.  And that is what gives them such power.  This kind of agenda is the source of movements that change the world and change us in the process.  They are the source of the stands we take.  And when we take a stand for something we make our agenda public.

Using an agenda in this way is actually an essential political tool.  When used well it provides the platform for leading effectively, although it would not be labeled “political” or likely to be interpreted as “political behavior”.  It would more likely be called leadership.

What is the bottom line when it comes to agenda’s?

• Hidden agenda’s give politics a bad rap.  But when an agenda is discussed openly it informs our decisions and strategies.  When an agenda is expressed as a stand it sets direction, facilitates progress, and is interpreted as leadership.
• When we promote an agenda to facilitate progress of a group rather than personal progress, we have the capacity to transform the way people work together for the success and satisfaction of us all.

So what is your most personal, most passionately held agenda?  Maybe it’s time to take a stand and make it known!

What is the raw material from which we build our foundation for success?

I believe it is our relationships.  By relationships I am referring to more than just the ones we have with others.  All of our relationships begin with the one we have with ourselves.

In a sense, the people around us are a mirror that reflects back how we see ourselves.  The quality of our relationship with ourselves is revealed in how others treat us and in how we treat them.  It is revealed in the kinds of conversations we have with the people around us.  It is also revealed in our own thoughts about ourselves and others and in the conversations we have with ourselves.

What is the primary source of our current relationships with ourselves and others?

We are who we are based on our past experiences, including both the choices and interpretations we made along the way.  We also know who we know because of our particular circumstances, the ones we were born into as well as the ones born of the choices we have made thus far.  So you could say that both our relationship with ourselves and with others are, by default, largely based on our past.

But what about who we will be and who we will know tomorrow?

What determines that?  Is that too based on our past?  The answer would likely be yes, if we have not imagined a different future than the one that is predictable.

Yet even if we imagine an exciting and compelling future, unless we truly believe it is possible for us it will not propel us forward.  And in the absence of a belief in ourselves, along with a clarity of and belief in the future we want to manifest, the driver of who we become, what we achieve, who is in our life and even the quality of those relationships will, by default, be our past.

So our relationship with our future, what is possible for us, as well as the freedom we do or do not have in imagining what we really want, reveals yet another dimension of relationship essential to our success:  the one we have with our future.

Do we really believe we are capable of living the life of our dreams.  Do we believe we are worthy of manifesting that life?

Few would argue with the wisdom and power of envisioning your future and setting goals to make it a reality.  There are countless books on the subject of visioning and goal setting.  In The Magic Thinking Big, David-Schwartz makes the case for the idea that “If we can conceive it, we can achieve it.” Yet we must also choose to make real that which we conceive.  And to make that choice we must BOTH believe it is possible and believe in ourselves.

The challenge then becomes making the choice to take action each and every day to manifest the future. To meet that challenge I believe we need a strong foundation of relationship with others.

We need the people who have the most influence in our lives to rally around us.  We need them to remind us of who we are and what we said we wanted when we forget or lose our way.  We also need people in our lives who have done what we want to do to guide us and to teach us.  There is no doubt our relationships are essential to our success.

Yet do you consciously design your relationships to support you in manifesting the future you want?

It may even sound a bit strange to apply the word “design” to your relationships.  However, if we believe we can design the future we want, why wouldn’t we want to design the foundation that supports us in manifesting that future?

We can work on our relationships in an attempt to improve them from how they were in the past, or to restore them to where they were before ___________ happened.  Or we can mindfully consider our relationships in the context of our future.  We really do get to choose.

Unless we create the future we want we are likely to create different versions of the future we already have.  I believe the same is true of relationships.  Like anything in life, we can let our relationships just happen or we can consciously shape them to support us in living the life we want from this moment forward.

Is your foundation strong enough for you to manifest the future you imagine?

To learn more about what it takes to Cultivate Your Inner Circle for Success, Sign Up for our Free Teleclass or Join Us for an upcoming Workshop.

You can also e-mail susan@randomactsofleadership.com about bringing the workshop to you!

Some of you have nudged me about not posting yet this year.  I truly appreciate that you have noticed and thank you for reaching out!

The new year is off to a great start: a slow one on my blog, but with 4 firsts for me. So I thought I would take this opportunity to share with you what I have been working on.  I plan to get back to my regularly scheduled blog posting next week.

You Matter…A New Radio Show Launches Today at 5pm EST

Today Lolly Daskal and I are launching a new radio show called You Matter on Blog Talk Radio at 5PM EST.  We have a wonderful first guest, Tim Hurson, Author of Think Better.  Tim is an expert in cultivating creativity and creative thinking in organizations and with individuals.  Think Better is one of my favorite books.  And he is always up to something exciting so I look forward to hearing more about it on the show.

I wrote about one of the concepts from  his book here.  For me this is a great example of applying the principle ready, fire, aim!  It is both scary and exciting at the same time.  And I have Lolly to thank for taking a stand for getting the wonderful message, You Matter, into the world in our own unique way sooner rather than later!  It is a message that is core to the work we both do as individuals.  Lolly embodies so many characteristics of leadership including passion, being bold and thinking big, being unstoppable, and partnership.

You Matter will air at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/youmatter every Tuesday evening at 5pm EST beginning 1/19/2010.

You can also listen in to the show by calling this number: (347)-426-3316 And if you want to ask a question this is the number to call.

If you aren’t available to listen in (and I realize I did not give you much advance notice here) you can use the same link, http://www.blogtalkradio.com/youmatter, to listen to the replay.

A New Workshop:  Cultivating Your Inner Circle for Success

I am delivering this new workshop in Ft Pierce, FL at Indian River State College on January 28, 2010.  Lolly and I are co-leading the workshop in NYC on Feburary 26, 2010.  We are having a Free Teleseminar this Thursday night, January 21, 2010 at 8pm EST to give you a sense of what the workshop will be about.  We are committed to providing tremendous value for you on this call whether you choose to do the workshop or not.  For more information on the Free Teleseminar go here.  And if you would like to read more about the course and/or register go here.

Guest Posting On an International Blog in English and Spanish

For those interested I did my first guest post on Monica Diaz’s blog Quidam Global Blog titled When Being Positive Can Cost You.  Monica is the author of a fabulous book and blog titled Otheresteem.  Not only is this my first guest post, but it is my first post translated into another language.  Monica lives in Mexico and put my post on the Spanish Language version of her blog.

Collaborative Blogging

Jane Perdue of The Braithewaite Group and the Life, Love & Leadership blog has introduced a challenging topic with a post called “Politics are Necessary but Not Necessarily Evil”.  She has asked Jennifer Miller, Mike Henry and I to author a series on the topic building from her initial post.  I am honored to participate with this group of exceptional leaders, bloggers, coaches and consultants.  You can expect more on this series in the coming weeks.  I highly recommend you check out their blogs, too.

What firsts do you have to share with us?

For me 2009 was a year of tremendous learning and change, love and loss, as well as shedding stuff and organizing.  Now that the frenzy of activity has passed I have enjoyed some time to reflect on many things including lessons learned.

The lesson revealed to me was one my dad tried to teach me more than once.  You see we moved quite a few times.  Each time he had us take things that were perfectly useful, but that we had not been using (or even remembered we had!) and put them in a box labeled “good junk”.  He would date the box.  One year later, after we were long since settled into our new home, he would take the box and donate it.

Despite our pleas to take just one last look because we felt compelled to be absolutely sure there wasn’t something we really needed in that box, he would say NO emphatically.  He reminded us that we already knew what was in there.  Given we had not felt the need to open the box for any of it for a whole year, why would we think we needed any of it now?

Good question!

I think the reason is because it can be really hard to let go, even when we know it is the right thing, the best thing, or simply that we have no real choice in the matter.  While I started 2009 on a mission to get rid of things, in the process I let go of much more:  some out of choice and some due to circumstance, and sometimes more gracefully than others.  Yet I leave this year feeling somehow lighter and freer.

The most obvious thing I learned is that clearing physical space creates mental space.  Turns out it is also the key to staying organized.  This is common wisdom perhaps.  But as the saying goes “if you know but you don’t do then you don’t know”.  Thankfully, I now know this to be true!

Yet the practice of eliminating physical clutter in my home carried into letting go in other realms.  I have numerous boxes in my attic and drawers full of stuff from prior jobs and clients.  I have for years planned to go through and sift out the “good, still useful stuff”, but instead I simply keep collecting more to “go through some day”.

I now realize it is nothing more than “good junk”.  It was important to me once.  It all served a meaningful purpose.  There are things in there I am sure I was proud of creating or being a part of at the time.  It might even be a fun walk down memory lane to go through it.  I will keep a few artifacts of my past work, of course, but the ones that have mattered to me are not hiding in those boxes – I know exactly where to find them.  Besides, how much do I really need to keep and what is going to be relevant anyway?

Perhaps the most important question I asked myself is what could any of it have to do with my future?

My ultimate answer: nothing…if I am willing to put my faith in the future.

• Whatever I truly learned will stay with me will be naturally reflected in whatever I do next.
• Whatever articles and magazines I saved are old news.  If I need information on a topic there is a world wide web to scour now.
• Whoever touched my life in a meaningful way is either still in it and/or remains vividly in my memory, my heart and even my pictures.  And thanks to tools like Linked In, Twitter and Facebook, I have reconnected with many of those people this year.
• Whatever I did not complete or fully let go of, be it relationships, failures, mistakes, regrets, grief, etc. will reveal itself again only to the extent it is in the way of my future.  Then and only then will it support me to deal with it.

Making the choice to cast off those boxes un-opened was in and of itself a completion for me.  It represents my stand for the profoundly different future I am designing and living into now and my faith that I have all that I need to make it a reality.

So as I say goodbye to 2009 I am thinking about what to put in that “good junk box” next that I will cast off in 2010.  Thankfully this year there will be a lot fewer physical things to put in that box.  I now have a lot more mental space to focus instead on some of the other things that can become baggage in our lives like expectations, beliefs, regrets, etc. that have no place in our future despite how they may have served our past.

My favorite folk artist David Wilcox wrote a song called “Farthest Shore” (track 78) that captures the essence of the power of casting off the “good junk” in this one line:

“Let me dive into the water leave behind all that I worked for except what I remember and believe.  And when I stand on the farthest shore I will have all I need.”

What will go into your “good junk” box this year?

May 2010 bring you an abundance of success and satisfaction in your life and in your work.  I am grateful to all who have been reading, sharing about yourselves and your work, and sharing your wisdom and insight here at Random Acts of Leadership this past year.  As I write this I am approaching the one year anniversary of this blog.  Thank you for making my adventure into the world of social media tremendously rewarding and enriching.  Happy New Year!

Warm Regards,

Susan

Thank you for all you do. Thank you for all of your hard work throughout the year.  Thank you for…

These the are the kinds of things we say to the people who work for us and with us.  And when the sentiment behind the words is sincere, it truly matters that we say these things.  It means something that we take the time to both publicly and privately appreciate the people who work for and with us even when it is expected at this time of year.

Of course there are some leaders who are more eloquent than others, who know how and when to say just the right thing, or who easily speak from their heart in a way that touches people.  Regardless of your skill or comfort with words or delivery there is something all of us can do to make our appreciation of others really hit home.  And that something is to be specific.

General kinds of appreciation are good.  Specific acknowledgments are even better.

Why?  Because it tells people you are really paying attention…to them.

Here are some ideas…

• This is what you did that really mattered to me, to our company, to our customers…and give examples.
• Look at what we accomplished this year.  We could not have done it without you…and here is what you did or provided or how you approached things that made THE difference.
• Share a memorable story that demonstrates who they are and what they do or did that you appreciate.

People want to know that they matter.  So take this opportunity to make your “thank you’s” really count!

Can you think of a “thank you” that stayed with you long after the message was delivered?  What made the difference for you?

I can think of no more important place for our leadership to make a difference than in our families.  The Holiday Season is a particularly opportune time for us to lead the way for something new and maybe even miraculous to show up.  Wherever in the world you may live the holidays have a way of amplifying the best and worst of our family relationships, add to our stress levels in both good and bad ways, and heighten our emotions.

Leading the way through the Holiday Season is not about doing more.  There is most certainly plenty for all of us to do!  It is about being more mindful of honoring others and contributing the best of who we are in any moment.

You might start with creating an intention for the season.  What do you want this season to be like for you and for your family this year?  Last year my intention was to “stop sweating the small stuff and really enjoy the important stuff”.   In the spirit of that intention we declared no more adult gifts.  Instead of running around shopping for each other the days before Christmas we spent time together at the beach.  This year for me it is “Celebrating Life”.  Keep it simple and make sure it is meaningful for you.

Whatever your intention may be here are 5 sure ways to create fertile ground for miracles big and small:

1.  Express Sincere Appreciation

Whatever your role(s) may be in your family’s Holiday traditions seek opportunities to appreciate EVERYONE who is part of your traditions this year for something.  Take the time to acknowledge not just what people do, but the way in which they do it.

2.  Listen More and Listen Better

The key here is in what you are listening for.  Listen for what you can love, admire, and appreciate about each person.  Be willing to listen just a little better and perhaps even a bit longer to people’s stories, not based on a judgment of whether their story matters, but rather because the person telling the story does.  This could be the greatest gift you give of all this season.

3.  Make Choices based on Your Authentic Commitments

We all have things on our to do list this season that we would rather not, yet we feel we must do.  If the holidays are fraught with what feel like burdensome obligations, you may want to read The Opportunity of Obligation.  One thing we always do have a choice about is our attitude and the mood we bring to any situation.  You can lead the way to pleasant surprises by by choosing to set the tone for yourself and others.

4.  Create More Time for the People Who Matter Most

A great way to create more time is to simplify whatever and wherever you can.  Another way is to say no.  Try doing less of something or doing it more simply so you can free yourself up.  However you go about it put some attention on creating opportunities to connect more deeply with someone you care about, do something that brings you joy, or even the unexpected.  As my friend Anne Perchel said recently:  “Leave room for what might be and enjoy the wonder of what shows up.”

5.  Contribute in an Unexpected Way

We can spend a lot of time during December just keeping up with the things we feel we have to do.  Contributing in an unexpected way is  more a matter of paying attention to what is needed, than it is about time or expense.  Try navigating the Holiday Season with an intention of being of service and you will discover plenty of opportunities to serve!

Whatever your beliefs and traditions I wish you a meaningful and joyful Holiday Season full of pleasant surprises and even a few miracles!

As always I appreciate you, the stories you share and the many ways you contribute here.  Please do share your holiday intentions, miracles and any suggestions you have for leading the way to holiday miracles!