RandomBoner

How lucky is this guy?

2009-10-21T23:51:00.001-04:00

Halloween

2009-10-21T00:34:00.003-04:00

Here's what I am going to be:

Ugh, sorry for the lack updates. I've been driving from Florida to Oregon the last week and trying to visit my family before we moved.

I do not recommend driving across the country for anyone. It has made me hate driving.

People who shouldn't have kids.

2009-10-06T21:27:00.002-04:00

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with people? Stories like this make me laugh at their stupidity and then want to karate chop them in their fucking neck.

Read on, you'll see why.

ALBERTVILLE, AL (WSFA) - It's a story too wild to believe. An Albertville woman is arrested after police caught her driving down the road with her child packed into a box strapped to the roof of her minivan.

Jackie Denise Knott, 37 was arrested on U.S. Hwy 431 for Endangering the Welfare of a child.

Someone called the Albertville Police Department and alerted authorities to the van as it traveled down the road.

Officers were able to stop the van upon which they discovered a 13-year-old girl inside the box.

When questioned about why the child was inside the box Knott said that "the box was too big to go inside the van and she would be able to hold it down if she was inside the box".

When asked about the safety of the child her reply was "that the box was tied to the van with a clothes hanger".

Ms. Knott was taken into custody for Endangering the Welfare of a Child and transported to the Albertville City Jail.

The child was turned over to a relative at the scene. DHR will be notified on the incident.

Source: http://www.wsfa.com/global/story.asp?s=11260749

Zombieland

2009-10-04T21:55:00.003-04:00

Now, let me begin by telling you, I HATE GOING TO THE MOVIES! I fucking hate the people there because most of them are annoying teenagers who don't shut the fuck or don't put their phone on silent and text 14,067 people while they're there.

I also hate the prices for movie tickets and their outrageous food prices. Anywho, the movie was fucking great in my opinion. I definitely recommend it to anyone who always wondered what it would be like if the world would be taken over by zombies.

If you have no idea what I am talking about, here is the trailer.

NOW GO FUCKING SEE IT <3

A $22.5k/hour whore, WHAT!?

2009-09-29T22:34:00.002-04:00

Thats, TWENTY TWO THOUSAND AND FIVE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS for the retards out there.

Who the fuck would pay that much for this bitch? She's not even HOT!

Anderton Opens Up About Hooker Shame

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Disgraced British model Sophie Anderton has spoken out about her days as a high-priced hooker, insisting she took the cash to pay for drug debts.

The stunner was recently exposed as a cocaine user in the British tabloid The Sun and now she's revealing what she did to earn up to $22,500-an-hour as a prostitute to millionaire businessmen.

She tells the publication, "This is the truth, warts and all. For a short while I sold my body for a lot of money. I am not proud of it... In the summer of 2004 I was drinking a bottle of vodka a night and using cocaine by day.

"The coke ran out, my cash card was rejected and my dealer was ringing up demanding payments. I knew I desperately needed money - now."

Anderton admits her first sexual encounter as a hooker lasted less than two minutes: "I went to this man's room. I had told the madam I didn't want to be with some horrible fat, old man. So when he opened the door I was relieved. He was a smart Arab, mid-30s and quite handsome. We shook hands. He seemed so lonely my nerves vanished and I felt sorry for this man.

"After about 40 minutes of talking, I decided to take charge and stood up and took my dress off. I pushed him back on the bed while he looked at me eagerly. I closed my eyes and quickly pulled down his underwear. I felt in control. It was over very quickly. He handed me the cash and I slipped out."

Her days as a high-class hooker ended when she almost threw up during sex with a "leering" overweight businessman: "I felt sick. His face was sweaty and cheerful, like a cat who'd got the cream. For the first time, I felt like a piece of meat. He stripped, revealing a huge stomach. It was over in a minute. I left trembling and crying.

"I had slept with five men and made more than £50,000, which paid my drug debts and a deposit on a flat. Now I could escape."

Source: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/indexd?blogid=7

Just rolling through..

2009-09-29T00:43:00.003-04:00

Its been awhile, I know. Trying to get a lot of things done before I move across the country. I will try and update more often, I promise.

Good night<3

How are people so dumb?

2009-09-18T01:35:00.003-04:00

People amaze me everyday with their stupidity.

MARTINSBURG - The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings.

Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., was arraigned Tuesday one count of felony daytime burglary.

According to court records, Deputy P.D. Ware of the Berkeley County Sheriff's Department responded on Aug. 28 to the victim's home after she reported the burglary.

She told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window.

There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar.

The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer.

The victim later noticed that she was missing two diamond rings from her dresser in the same room as her computer.

The two rings were worth more than $3,500, reports indicate.

During the investigation, a friend of the victim told her that he knew where Parker was staying, in the same area as the victim's house.

Police then went to the home and spoke with a friend of Parker's.

The man said Parker had stopped by his home occasionally, but he said the man didn't live there.

He also said that the night before the burglary, Parker asked him if he wanted to help break into the victim's home but he refused.

As of Tuesday evening, Parker remained in custody at the Eastern Regional Jail on $10,000 bail.

If convicted he faces one to 10 years in prison.

Source: http://www.journal-news.net/page/content.detail/id/525232.html

Kanye...

2009-09-14T22:38:00.003-04:00

Click on images to make them bigger.

What the fuck is Lady Gaga wearing?

2009-09-14T17:15:00.003-04:00

How many stupid fucking outfits did Lady Gaga wear last night? Looks like Eminem was thinking the same thing everyone else in the world was thinking.

FarmVille is Racist

2009-09-13T00:47:00.003-04:00

We all know the game if you're on FaceBook...

Wait for it..

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...

....

.......

Okay, don't hate me.

Life without the internet would fucking suck.

2009-09-08T22:55:00.000-04:00

I don't know how people live without the internet. I'm with limited access due to being in Oregon. The house I'm staying at has internet but it's horrible. I have a wireless broadband card as well but of course it only has like 2 bars where Im at and it sucks hardcore as well. As I'm writing this, I'm currently sitting as close to the window in the front of the house as I can to steal wireless from the neighbors.

We head home on Friday night and can't wait to sleep in my own bed again. If you want to travel somewhere and do nothing, visit Oregon. :D

Don't steal bikes bro!

From Florida to Oregon

2009-09-03T20:50:00.003-04:00

18 hours of traveling and we made it here on Tuesday night. It's boring here and ugly for the most part. (Waits for my gf to read this and smack me)

Anywho, we went to Crater Lake today and it was kind of cool. Pics below.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

2009-08-28T15:08:00.001-04:00

LOL a tthis douche bag!

2009-08-27T11:17:00.002-04:00

Apparently this guy cheated on his girlfriend and she MADE him do this for his punishment.

I hope she broke up with him after his pussy ass did this. He needs to have his balls chopped off and fed to a unicorn.

Michael Jackson alive!?

2009-08-26T10:08:00.002-04:00

If Michael J. Fox wasn't holding the camera, we might be able to get a better shot of this so called MJ. I think this is a hoax IMO. In all honesty, I really could care less. I'm MJd out.

Books!

2009-08-25T18:41:00.002-04:00

So I will be traveling across the country and I need something to read. I suck at reading so I will need something that will keep my interest for a long period of time. The only book I have completely read cover to cover is "I hope they server beer in hell" by Tucker Max.

If you haven't read this book, check it out. It's kind of gross and has a lot of profanity. If you can't handle that, don't read it. If you know of anything like this or any sort of book you think might keep my interest, let me know!

Heres my cat. He's kind of retarded but, pretty much awesome.

Feeling out of place..

2009-08-24T12:37:00.003-04:00

So on a relaxing Sunday afternoon after eating Chili's for lunch and coming home and sitting on the toilet for what seemed like hours, my buddy texts me and wants to know if we want to go see a comedian with him at the Tampa Improv. We did this a couple of months ago when Kevin Nealon was in town and it was a blast. If you don't know who Kevin Nealon is, may god have mercy on your soul or just click here.

So I asked who was the comedian. He replied, some black guy. First thing that popped in my mind was not, how much, or what time or even his name. INSTANTLY, I replied, do you think we'll be the only white people? See, the Tampa Improv is in the heart of the ghetto in Ybor City aka white people only hang out in groups near the cops. Okay I'm kidding it's not that bad except in some parts of Ybor which you know not to walk down.

Anywho, the comedian was "Tony Roberts" with a couple of other guys in front of him. They were pretty funny. Tony Roberts was funny as fuck. I have never heard of him before. There were more white people than I thought there was going to be so it was only a little bit out of place feeling.

I did feel out of place for the most part because some of the shit he was making jokes about I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. We were also sitting in front of a bunch of loud mother fuckers who had to repeat everything he said which was REALLY fucking annoying.

Anywho, I'd do it again but next time I will have to go shop at Echo or UrbanOutfitters before we go.

Fuck Mondays.

Randomness. Enjoy.

2009-08-23T03:16:00.003-04:00

(Click on picture to make it bigger)

Aww kittah aww

Simply amazing.

Ouch!?

From the show Nitro Circus on MTV. Pretty fucking cool IMO.

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS HE THINKING!?

Video of the day. ROFLRFOMRL

2009-08-21T17:37:00.004-04:00

Probably not safe for work due to the language.

HAHAH

FarmVille on FaceBook...

2009-08-21T07:13:00.004-04:00

Who else plays this dumb fucking game? I was so tired of seeing the fucking wall updates and neighbor requests that I finally fucking added the app. This is by far the dumbest game I have ever played yet I keep going back to check on my crops like some stupid fucking farmer.

I feel like I should be wearing overalls and talking with a redneck accent when I open this game. Every time I receive a gift from someone (which is every fucking hour it seems like) I feel like I have to do the same for them. Well do I?

Anywho, just thought I would rant about this fucking game. It's so stupid yet when you're bored as fuck online, it's something to do.

No, I will not be your neighbor.

Fucking white trash.

2009-08-19T08:43:00.002-04:00

So as I was watching the Rays baseball game, my girlfriend and I were getting hungry. We planned on going out to eat tonight but it got late and we weren't in the mood anymore. We went to White Trash Heaven aka Wal-Mart and this fucking Wal-Mart isn't even a Super Wal-Mart. I don't know why we live where the ONLY Wal-Mart near us is one of those old ghetto piece of shit ones. After getting 14 different STDs from just walking around for 5 minutes, we decided to take the 5 mile drive to Target. Target is the shit for those of you who didn't know.

After getting everything we needed at Target, we decided it was way to late to go out to eat and that we would just drive through somewhere quick and get back home and relax. We decided on McDonald's. Yes we all know McDonald's is gross and makes you shit yourself 10 minutes after you're done eating it. BUT on the other hand, when you get the night when everything is fucking cooked right, McDonald's can be awesome. It's also awesome when you're drunk. The real question is, WHAT THE FUCK ISN'T AWESOME WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK?

So we pull into the fucking golden arch and we're about 4 cars back from ordering. We're deciding what we want and next thing you know we pull up to the ordering thing, whatever the fuck its called. Next thing you know a giant fucking boat of a car slams into the back of my somewhat new BMW. I just yell out, WHAT THE FUCK!? I was all ready to order my fucking chicken nuggets with extra BBQ sauce and this bitch had to ruin my night. So I pulled into a parking spot and saw the crack head of a bitch get out. I knew RIGHT AWAY she didn't have insurance and I was getting more pissed by the second. I look at the back of my car and didn't notice anything wrong and start checking out everything else. I called my Dad since he has been a police officer for 20+ years and asked him what I should do since the dumb white trash meth head of a bitch indeed didn't have insurance. He said the cops wouldn't do anything since it happened on private property.

I got her information and just left and I couldn't even go back through the drive through since I was so angry. We then go to Wendy's. We go to order and they're out of Coke. WHAT THE FUCK!? We then drive around for 30 fucking minutes trying to find somewhere to eat. We finally decide on a Pizza joint that we love. After everything was said and done, it was a shitty night but we fucking loved the pizza.

The moral of the story is, if you get rear ended in a drive through, go get some fucking pizza. It solves everything.

On top of all this shit, we've been up all night. This shit sucks.

Hope your night was better than ours.

Should I buy 50cents house?

2009-08-18T23:57:00.002-04:00

We all know this is pocket change to me but I really don't think I dig the place. You decide.

Rapper 50 Cent again has reduced the asking price of his 19-bedroom, 48,515-square-foot mansion in Farmington, Conn., this time slashing it to $10,900,000. Way down from the $18.5 Million dollar asking price when he originally listed it almost 3 years ago.

The rapper, whose legal name is Curtis James Jackson III, purchased the 52-room mansion from boxer Mike Tyson’s ex-wife in September 2003 for $4,100,000, according to public records, less than a year after Tyson had signed the house over to his ex-wife presumably as part of a divorce settlement. Tyson had bought it in 1996 from a Lithuanian import-export businessman for $2,800,000, according to public records.

Built in 1985, the mansion has 19 bedrooms (or 18, as has been reported in some places), 25 full baths, 14 half baths, two three-story spiral staircases, a full gym, two billiard rooms, racquetball courts, a disco (with stripper poles), brass and marble fireplaces, several kitchens, four whirlpools, a sauna and a hot tub, according to news accounts. The estate includes a boathouse, a tennis court and servants’ quarters, according to news accounts. Jackson reportedly spent up to $6 million to renovate the house, the AP reported, including the addition of a helicopter pad, an infinity pool and spa with a grotto, new decks, windows and roofing, an entirely new main kitchen, a movie theater, and an updated master bedroom. Now, Jackson is billing the house as having a “Miami Vice”-type feel.
The estate’s address has its own odd history. Originally known as 46 Poplar Bars Road when Tyson owned it, Jackson changed the house number to 50, for obvious reasons. County records call the address 50 Poplar Street, while the website mentioned above obviously calls it 50 Poplar Hill Road, and Mapquest calls it 50 Poplar Hill Drive.

Curtis Jackson first listed the mansion for $18.5 million, back in 2007. Late last year, he reduced it to $14.5 million. He apparently is selling because he’s tired of the two-hour commute to New York City and also because he wants to downsize.

Fucked up sleep schedule. UGH

2009-08-17T05:14:00.007-04:00

So after losing my job, my sleep schedule has gone to complete shit, and I mean COMPLETE SHIT. I've been going to sleep anywhere from 7am-noon. This shit fucking sucks. I have watched some Saved By Bell lately since thats on early in the mornings for some fucking reason. I guess because no one watches that shit anymore and thats the place the TV network would allow it to go? I have no idea but that show is so fucking gay. I can't believe I used to love that show when I was younger.

This got me thinking about what my top 5 shows of all time were. This was damn hard to choose but I think I came up with a good list. Going from 5 to 1, 1 being the best. I don't know if this is a set in stone list since I've been up all night and I'm starting to drift away as I write this.

5. Kenny Vs Spenny - Canadian show that I found a clip on YouTube and it had me cracking up so I downloaded the entire 4 seasons (5 now I believe) and watched them all in like 2 weeks. Its a fucking hilarious show.

4. Dexter- This show comes on Showtime. If you don't know what it's about, click here.

3. House - If you don't watch House on Fox then you don't know good TV.

2. Arrested Development - Probably one of the funniest shows I have watched. I have no idea why Fox canceled this fucking awesome show after only 3 seasons. If you have never seen it, I would highly recommend checking it out. Download it, buy it, I don't give a shit, just watch it.

1. Entourage - This is a show I enjoy watching every fucking Sunday when it comes on HBO. One of the best shows I have seen. It's always entertaining and I would make love to Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven's character). He simply makes that show with his humor and assholeness. (Spell check is telling me assholeness is not a word, FUCK SPELL CHECK!)

So for the 4 people who read my blog, ugh my gf and myself are 2 out of the 4, let me know what your top 5 shows are. Maybe there will be something I haven't seen before.

Just to think, as most of you read this I will be asleep due to my fucked up sleeping schedule. Anywho, off to some morning bacon.

Good day.

What the fuck was this person thinking?

2009-08-16T20:52:00.005-04:00

How the fuck do people like this have their license?

Not much of a post today as I'm not really feeling to well. My sleeping schedule is so fucked up.

Watch this guy if you're bored. Pretty good IMO.

The Beginning.

2009-08-15T01:50:00.000-04:00

Welcome to RandomBoner! What is RandomBoner you might ask? This blog will basically be about anything and everything I feel like blogging about. You will be seeing a lot of profanity, if you can't handle that, click here.

Anywho, as I am writing my first entry I am watching "Whale Wars" on Animal Planet. If you don't know what it is, you're better off than the people like me who watch it. Let me start by saying, I fucking hate this show! Paul Watson, the Captain of the ship is a fucking moron, along with every other person on the ship. Every attempt they make to try and stop the whalers, fails. You would think after 30+ years of wasting their sponsors money, they would give up.

You might ask to yourself "Why does he continue to watch the show if he hates it so much?". Good fucking question. I don't know the answer to that but, I continue to watch it, week after week. If you want to watch people fail in life, I would highly recommend watching this show. It makes me feel better about myself. It comes on Fridays at 9pm EST.

Check this video out if you're bored. Its simply awesome.

RandomBoners to all.