On being judgemental: Who are we to judge any we haven’t actually met in person?

Then again, we as humans tend to judge each other, many times without a solid foundation of fact, and more based on fiction. Something to truly think about.

I’ve noticed in life that people who are unique are often judged as strange. To be “normal” is the norm, but when you think about it, normal can be quite un-exciting.

It truly bothers me when people (especially youth) say they are bored. Well, what are you doing about it?

It’s the simple things in Life that has a lasting impact and is the most beautiful and pure. The more complicated life becomes, the more un-natural it is, and one will long for a more simpler life.

Lately, I’ve been contemplating what the one commandment truly means, concerning bearing false witness against they neighbor. I hate to say this but this is true. Most Christians are quick to persecute others and pass judgement on them. But who are we to judge? And what of forgiveness?

I recently saw a video on youtube that was filmed by someone, of Michael Jackson and his daughter Paris in Las Vegas. So, everyone wants to meet Michael Jackson, even the most unlikely people that look like they’ve never listened to his music.

With the vicious ways of people, I don’t blame Michael Jackson one bit for covering his child’s face and protecting the privacy of his child from his celebrity status.

Baroque music is amazing. The more I listen to it and study it, the more I appreciate its beauty. I’ve always loved Baroque music even in my teens, but my recent re-discovery of Baroque is the most devoted I’ve ever experienced.

At the same time, I’ve always loved Marty Robbins’ “El Paso”.

Linux (particularly Ubuntu) is something I’m still totally into. I’m luvin’ it, and won’t go back to Windows or Mac OS X any time soon.

Okay, I find the video below pretty neat!

I still practice piano every day. I never practice drums any more. I guess I’ve taken Buddy Rich’s philosophy of never practicing the drums.

I listen to classical music every day.

But at the same time, since Michael Jackson’s death, I’ve been listening to his music every day as well, and discovering songs of his I never got into before.

I still get depressed a lot. But, I realize it’s understandable given the mean-spirited, vicious nature of humans, sometimes. The world still needs to be a better place. But, at the same time, there is enough joy, peace and love to go around….

We are what we think, and what we think becomes the world in which we live….

“I’m Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It’s Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .”

There’s nothing more that can be expressed or felt concerning the death of Michael Jackson than had been expressed by his daughter and second child, Paris Michael Katherine Jackson, who expressed (at the end of today’s “memorial”) her sadness and tears over the loss of her father.

I confess that I completely “lost it” when 11 year old Paris spoke. I was in tears.

John Mayer said it eloquently on the Larry King Show (about Michael Jackson’s significant contributions to pop culture)… this generation grew up watching Michael Jackson’s videos on MTV, grew up to the Jackson 5 and Billie Jean and Beat It… it was something that we didn’t select. It was an indelible part of our pop culture and the songs and images embedded in our hearts and minds…

I am still in mourning, myself. In the music world, and in pop culture, the world lost a true hero and cultural icon. We may not fully become aware of just how great Michael Jackson truly is, until the years pass on and we truly see his music live on.

Watching the Memorial at the Staples Center, I learned a little more about the caring father he was, how close he was to his family, and just how much of a humanitarian he truly was…

We will go on. But, I feel an emptiness that I also felt during the Memorial Service… we were missing Michael, his wonderful vocal talents, his dance moves and his charisma and persona… in a sense, the world will somehow feel emptier without him.

But, I’m glad I understood now the human-ness and the person that he was. I think listening to all the eulogies and musical tributes most definitely shed some light on Michael, the person, and not just the personality….

May his Music live on forever and in our hearts…

There will be no one like him to come our way again. And he will surely be missed, but his music and performances will live on, when the haters and detractors die away… his legacy will continue.

I was going to write this whole post about what I personally thought about Michael Jackson throughout the years, but I just have to say… just let the music speak for itself, and let Michael Jackon’s words ring true:

How It All Began
It Just Seemed Like Heaven
So Why Did It End?
—from Remember The Time

Nation To Nation
All The World
Must Come Together
Face The Problems
That We See
Then Maybe Somehow We Can Work It Out
—from Jam

It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right
Just beat it

There’s a place in your heart
and I know that it is love
and this place could be much brighter than tomorrow
—from Heal The World

People always told me be careful of what you do
and don’t go around breaking young girls’ hearts
—from Billie Jean

If you wanna make the world a better place
take a look at yourself and make a change
—from The Man in the Mirror

It’s A Turf War
On A Global Scale
I’d Rather Hear Both Sides
Of The Tale
—from Black or White

Don’t Let Nobody Take You Down, Brother
Just Keep Your Eyes On The Prize
And Your Feet Flat On The Ground
—from Keep The Faith

Billie Jean Is Always Talkin’
When Nobody Else Is Talkin’
Tellin’ Lies And Rubbin’ Shoulders
So They Called Her Mouth A Motor
—from Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’

They’re Out To Get You, Better Leave While You Can
—from Beat It

It Don’t Matter If You’re
Black Or White

They Say I’m Different
They Don’t Understand
But There’s A Bigger Problem
That’s Much More In Demand
You Got World Hunger
Not Enough To Eat
So There’s Really No Time
To Be Trippin’ On Me
—from Why You Wanna Trip On Me

They Eat Off Of You, You’re A Vegetable
—from Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’

Like A Comet
Blazing ‘Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Heartbreak Enemy Despise
Eternal (Ah Eternal) Love Shines In My Eyes
—Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough

Make A Better Place
For You And For Me
—from Heal The World

In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tripulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I’ll Never Let You Part
For You’re Always In My Heart.
—Will You Be There

Rest in Peace, Michael….

I’ve been having a hard time dealing with my writer’s block, but there seems to be more to it. I’m wondering if I’m just burned out, or lacking in energy and enthusiasm… I’m definitely not as inspired to write nowadays.

I’ve been practicing Baroque music on the piano. Not really pieces by Bach or Telemann, although I am playing a few by them. It’s more like the concept of playing Baroque in theory.

I’m improvising a great deal. And experimenting a lot.

And I’m making mistakes but I keep going whenever I’m working out some progressions with my improvisations.

So far I’m working on specific keys that are extremely easy for me to improvise in, such as C, G, F, D and their relative minors.

I’m actually learning a lot and I realize that Baroque is tough. But I am listening to a lot of Baroque music daily, mostly studying and listening to J.S. Bach, CPE Bach, Telemann, Albinoni, Scarlatti and for some reason I am avoiding Vivaldi.

I played Pachelbel’s famous Canon, but I know I was doing my own version of it, and no, not George Winston’s version which is more New Age. For some reason I am trying not to play any New Age styles of music.

I’ve been playing at least 2 hours a day on piano. And my fingers are aching, and specifically my right wrist. I have my wrist wrapped up with one of those heated pads. So, I guess I’m really practicing a lot of piano.

I don’t really know where this whole idea of playing improvised Baroque music will go. I guess I am doing it for fun and personal satisfaction, but I would like to be able to perform somewhere improvising in the Baroque style, and I’m trying to stay true to the Baroque style as much as possible and not mixing in other styles… like avante-garde, for instance.

Hopefully, I’ll become more and more proficient playing Baroque. And, my research continues too in studying the history of Baroque and its primary composers.

Incidentally, I’m always broke nowadays… so, I try to spend as much time at home as possible, not trying to spend too much on gasoline, and of course, I have a lot of time to practice piano.

I have 3 gigs this coming weekend, and on Friday I have a double header.

I’ve been thinking lately, that I probably have way too many thoughts about failure than the average person.

For one, I’m really hard on myself. I’m my worst critic. And, I do crave acknowledgement that I am a talented musician, and I’ve realized that people I know who are close to me haven’t been acknowledging my talents.

I know they most likely think I am a talented musician, though they haven’t been saying anything. Of course, none of my relatives and close family actually ever goes to my gigs. Well, my wife sometimes goes to my gigs and is very supportive. But, it’s probably because it’s my job as a musician that they think I go to my gigs like it’s going to the office to work.

And, although many of the gigs I do aren’t open to the public, and are private parties, weddings, corporate events and such, I do have gigs at clubs and restaurants where people can see me perform.

But also compound the reality that a lot of gigs I do, I am also considered the hired help, or I am considered a musician who is playing background music or “ambience” music… not all of my gigs are shows where one can see me performing at my best.

If I was a world class jazz musician touring the world, then I would invite more people to hear me play, or I would give out backstage passes and free complimentary tickets.

I’ve been having problems also in recording my music, and a goal of mine is to be able to record daily improvisations and post them here or on youtube. I still have to work this all out. But it is an obstacle or hurdle that I just have to get over. Then, I could at least get my music out on the web.

I do have music available here on my site. A few people have complimented me on my abilities. While others haven’t really said anything. And being hard on myself I tend to take that as silent criticism. I know the music I’ve recorded has been not up to my own standards because they were recorded in less than ideal situations and on less than ideal recording equipment. So, I know I have to bring the quality of my recordings to the ideal that I would want because I know others would then appreciate them.

Recording in a recording studio is a bit out-of-the-question because of the financial situation. So, being able to record at home is more ideal than anything else.

And, all my best performances have never been recorded, so it’s hard to really show people my abilities. For instance, last Friday I had a great gig down at the Red Circle playing Latin-Jazz with Black Mambo. They gave me numerous drum solos and I can safely say I was happy with my solos and my overall performance. But. Nothing was actually recorded as far as I know. Well, at least to the audience and to myself, it seemed like I really had some successfuly solos, judging on the amount of applause. But I might not have been happy with the outcome if it WERE recorded. Such is my general critical attitude toward myself.

There is a particular performance captured at Disneyland with a big band that was recorded somewhere. Upon analysis I was highly critical of my own performance, although that was some of the best drumming I had done during that time.

One of these days I’m going to get past these thoughts of failure, but it’s somewhat a part of me, and I just have to work all this out on my own. Perhaps it is this highly critical attitude towards my own abilities that keeps me striving to perform better each time.

I am trying hard to get proficient on piano so that I can truly make a decent living by playing piano. At least I have to give myself credit for being persistent and never quitting. I do LOVE to play piano and I’ve always thought that my LOVE for piano would get me through even though I am for the most part playing for myself at the moment.

I envy certain people I know who seem to be succeeding in their lives, while I appear to be struggling constantly. I’m not really jealous, because I am happy that others succeed in life and I can be inspired by that kind of success. But, when my own success seems to elude me for so long it really gets me down.

Once, I quit performing music altogether and went back to school to study computers and programming languages. It was a total of four years without ever playing a musical instrument. One day I got a call to fill in for a drummer who was sick and since then I had gone back to playing music again. But the temptation to just quit again sometimes is overwhelming. I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

At the same time, I love getting on the piano or drums and just playing. There is a simple joy in that. And I could truly play for myself and be happy. But, this doesn’t always translate to success. And people do this as a hobby that makes them happy, without ever really going out there and performing professionally.

There was a time when I practiced 6 hours daily on drums. Sometimes, it takes that much to really become a successful musician. If I am to become the accomplished musician I want to be on the piano I am going to have to do the same on the piano. There’s no getting around that. I practice piano daily. Several times a day. But I don’t keep track of the hours. And sometimes it’s not the time spent but the intensity and how one utilizes the time.

At the same time, especially with improvisation, sometimes a musician needs to spend time away from the instrument.

However one practices, I need to do other things to achieve some sort of success. And this will require a healthy mix of practice, the proper equipment in order to achieve that success, and connecting with the right people to make it all happen.

Right now I’m sort of feeling like I’m living in the land of misfit toys, like in the Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer story. Maybe I identify with Rudolf more than I know… being someone that has something special, though I just can’t quite pinpoint what that IS just yet.

Sometimes, life seems to be a mystery to me… and success eludes me….

I just don’t feel like writing anything of interest. And it’s not so much “writer’s block” as it is general apathy. And this worries me.

So you’re probably thinking, “well, you’re writing now”.

Well, I’m writing about not feeling like writing, or an overall dis-interest in writing. I guess you could call that pathetic.

Also, I’ve been “hunkering” down, financially speaking, trying to save money to buy that stage piano I desperately need. I have opportunities to perform solo piano but without the piano I can’t do them.

I am stuck in this limbo. This catch-22.

Add to that the fact that I am feeling the effects of this bad economy, still. And I would assume that others feel the same, but when I see that others appear to be going places, doing things, etc that cost money, I sort of feel bad.

And it seems one thing or another creeps up to disrupt my plans. For instance, I have to drive a certain nephew to a special school. I won’t go into any details but basically, 3 to 4 times a week I’ve been driving 25 minutes to this school and round trip it’s 50 minutes. Factor into this the time it takes to pick the kid up at his house and me getting ready and heading out the door, etc, etc… and it’s a full hour of my time. Now, on days when I do take him to school I also have to pick him up. So in a day that’s a grand total of 120 minutes of time spent taking this nephew to and from school. 2 hours total.

And, this kid isn’t much for conversation and most of the time he’s sleeping. I wonder what time does he sleep at night? He seems to be always falling asleep while in the car, and he has nothing to say. I have to try to stir up a conversation, and the only thing that he seems to be interested in is computers and gaming.

I don’t mind being helpful. I like to be a good samaritan. But, driving 2 hours a day and also driving my own child to and from school, not to mention other trips that might come up, well… to me that’s a lot of driving time.

I understand that some people might drive this much just going to and from their job. But seriously, if you are spending 2 hours a day driving around on the freeways each day, I think you should get another job or just try to work closer to home in order to save some money. Gasoline prices are hovering between $2.50 to $2.90 right now, depending where you live and what type of gas you get.

Anyway, back to the writing and blogging and social networking…. I’m just feeling this general apathy right now, and hope it’ll all blow over and I’ll get re-inspired and motivated again.

On another note, I’ve been reorganizing my music collection and migrating all my music to the 1 terabyte hard drive. And, being that we have a small family network here at home, I’m working on having the music in one place and accessible by all computers on the network. And I’ve been working with a new music player that I really like called “Exaile” for Ubuntu Linux. Creating special playlists for my daily listening.

So, I guess I’ve been focused on the music, and being a musician this is important of course, more so than the average listener.

I’m a bit disappointed with iTunes and its DRM policy. You can only play their m4p files within iTunes and can not transfer the music to other players unless you burn a CD and transfer the songs back to the new music player.

As a matter of fact, I’m beginning to feel a strong disdain for Apple in general, and of course, Microsoft. And Ubuntu Linux is part of my rebellion against the Apple and Microsoft empires.

So far, I can do all the basic things I used to do with Apple and Microsoft that I am doing with Linux. Future updates are all free because it’s all open source. Of course, working with Linux isn’t without it’s problems. The need to study the operating system and working on the command line is essential. And things like being able to play videos on youtube or play DVDs on your computer can be a pain in Linux. You have to download the proper software, drivers, etc just to get that working.

But that’s the give and take of the matter.

Anyway, hopefully I can get back to my old routines and forge ahead with renewed inspiration. But right now I am just feeling burned out.