Oh So Random!

Utter Happiness....

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 05:59:00 +0000

Today is definitely one of the happiests day of my life... As u know from my previous posts, I really want kids, even when I'm doomed not to have one of my own... But, there was a possibility I had NEVER considered : being Godfather to one of my nephews!!! That's why I'm so happy! Today my cousin called, he said he wanted to see me and that he had something he had to tell me that couldn't be said over the phone... I was really nervous about it... I really didn't know what to think... So he came over and he started telling me about the baby... He's just about to be 4 months old... So he told me that when he was born, he and his wife agreed to each choose someone from his/her family to be the godfather/mother, so as it turns out, my cousin has just one sister and his wife has just one brother... so it was pretty much settled from the word go ... But a few days ago, her brother told them he couldn't do it, that his agnosticism kept him from doing so... So the godfather position was available... We have an older cousin from our side of the family, my brother and he has some other cousins from his mom's side, a lot of them actually... but he picked ME!!
He started saying that he just wanted the godfather to be from the family, the closest possible and he said that i have always been a special cousin for him and that he knew i would be right when he first saw me looking at the baby... So, he cried, I cried, my mother arrived and cried as well... So, I'm very VERY happy... I'm honored and flattered to say the least... From a bunch of possible godfathers, he picked me!! ME!!! LOL
It's a gorgeous kid, everyone says he looks like his grandpa, who is actually my godfather... and i look like him as well, so I guess that means the boy looks like me too... maybe just a little, but still... hehehe
So, in a few words... I'm completely and utterly happy right now... this is a big responsibility, but I'm so glad it's me... wish me luck!

Inter.friend.tion

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:13:00 +0000

During my HS years I managed to form and keep close a group of friends, we are together for better or for worse, always... It all started during 8th year, when I met S. It was pretty much by accident, I had a friend called Laura who was also friends with S but, as we were in separate classrooms I had yet to meet her. One day I was walking with Laura and we bumped into S, that's when she introduced us... It was something like "D, meet my friend D... I mean, S!" So we all laughed our young asses off. That was the whole interaction... Then when 9th began, we were togther in the same class, S and I, but we never spoke until October. It was Oct the 1st and I thought it was S's birthday, so I went up to her when she got to school and congratulated her, hug and all... She was like "My bday is in 4 days, but thanks!" She said I was sooo sweet and we started talking more and more... And the rest is history! She is my very best friend EVER!
The next member would be J... We met during 8th year, she was on the Glee club and I was on the Volleyball team, so we both stayed after hours in school every other day... One day, a girl from the female Volleyball team went missing and it was my mission to find her. And I did! Hidden in a copboard, smoking cheap cigarrettes with J... The introductions were made and as it turns out, when 9th started, she was also in S's and my class! We actually kicked it right off, we we have never been as close as I am with S... even if we r reaaaaally close!...
Then L came along... during my freshman year in HS she was in my class but it wasn't until the second week when we started speaking again... Again, because when we were in 7th we were in the same class and she was friends with a friend of mine...But she is a little type A, so when she realized I had better calligraphy than her, she just couldn't take it and stopped talking to me... So. back to HS, I was, of course, talking to S a little too loud during Drama class and she kinda heard something Xrated from me... I remember seeing her eyes bulging out and her mouth open in disbelief... After a lot of embarrassment from my part and a lot of ohmigods from her, we started being close friends... With her, M came along... it was sort of a packacge deal... M is a little too geeky and weird, but she is adorable and we all love her... So those are my gals! We've been together ever since, sharing every ocassion and failure, laugh and tear and we all love each other dearly. There's a guy as well! MrH... well, he's another story! I met him a few months before starting Junior High, during a remedial math course... We've been friends ever since... I was the first person ever he came out to, and he was my first friend to know i am gay... So, yeah... we're pretty close! And with the years, my gals started accepting him and loving him as well... He's a huge guy, soooo tall and dark skinned, so he always looks like he's watching over us... and we all know he is... :)
So today the gals are coming to my place, mainly because J is having a little trouble with her relationship... I just can't wrap my mind around it, they're the ultimate perfect couple! J is slight, short, petit, very blonde and really beautiful... and He is a little taller than her, but still short, he's thin and small, dirty blonde and gorgeous... If someone is going to have gorgeous babies, it's by far them...
So, anytime one of us is feeling a little lovesick, we all gather together, usually at my place, just to talk it over, give advise and pretty uch relax so that we can face whatever is coming cold headed... of course, this we do over Cosmos!! So now I'm off to the store to get some cranberry juice and ice... i'll be back!

Parenthood...

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 05:50:00 +0000

So earlier this afternoon I was speaking with my dad on the phone and I am torn between two options: either he is retarded -seriously retarded- or he just hates me... Every time I try and talk to him, he gets mad at me for no reason whatsoever and starts shouting and yelling at me and that makes me nervous, so I start doing a lot of stuid things and stuff, what makes him even madder and it's utter disaster...

I wonder if he hates me because, well, long story short, he thiks I'm not really his son... Mainly because he is dark skinned, the ultimate latino and all and I'm just like my mum, white, pale, light eyes and caucassian...

One of my greatests hopes and expectations in life is to have kids! And i will most probably have to adopt, cause, well... as much as I get fucked, i can't get pregnant, can I? LOL So I can't understand when parents misstreat their kids! I just want to hit them all and keep the kids or something... I think every parent need parenting classes or advice at least! I know nobody's perfect, but when there's a kid's life u have to be as close as perfect as possible... i guess...

My plan, when and if i ever have kids is at first, during the first 3 years I'd dress him -I want a boy- all in Burberry... cause little boys jsut look great on Burberry LOL then, from age 4 to 6 Ralph Lauren... SO cute! after that, it's easier, I mean, there is D&G junior, Armani jr, Agatha Ruiz de la Prada, Vuitton enfant... and so on... LOL
well i'm falling asleep and loosing my point, so ill talk about this some other time... LOL night!

Dior establishes Contact...

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 15:55:00 +0000

Contact lenses that is! Ohmigod! I have to post this real quick cause I'm heading out, but, have u seen the new Dior contacts?? This is a whole new era of fashion, where we are not only caring about what we wear, the make up, the shoes and handbags, the nails... now it's the eyes... Designer EYES!!!
These contacts have a gold stripe on one side, a black line all around and the CD logo staped on the other side of the golden stripe. Wo-Oh.OW!! I can already smell... well... feel the intercrossed C's - à al Chanel or the LV's all over from Vuitton... Oh my DIOR! I like it... I like it too much... LOL

MrBear...

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:54:00 +0000

So... This morning I mentioned MrBear but I hadn't post anything about him before... So here it is!
MrBear is this guy I met through an iPhone app called "Grindr" (it has a funny welcome message...get ready to Grindr) LOL.. At first, I mean when I first got my iPhone and had the app downloaded, running and all, I saw his pic and I was like mmm... I can't really make out his face... too dark... but, hairy, beefy and big... sounds like fun ... So I messaged him hello and I really can't remember if he replied or not... But well, I guess, at some point, he did reply... We got to know a little bit about each other, I got a clearer face pic and some other pics as well... >.< One day he asked me out and I was busy, so I couldnt make it to the date and neglected to let him know... major oops... I though i'd blown it and he would never EVER want to try and see me again... But surprisingly -at least to me- we met! It happened on a rainy Saturday morning. We went to the movies, to "watch" Sherlock Holmes... Fuck, when I first saw him I was blown away... He is taller than me.. and I mean TALLER! maybe 6'3"... while I'm only 5'9"... and he was over all, LARGER than me... whatever, I didn't quite watch the movie... And i'm pretty sure he didn't either... After the movie we went to his place, fooled around, he showed me some pics of his latest trip -Africa- (he travels a lot... an AWFUL lot) and stuff... Then he took me home and I was feeling good, but not my usual self (meaning falling right ahead, head over heels for him), even when i liked him soooo much... Then he went, of course he did, to Orlando for a whole week. When he came back it was my exam week at school, so we couldn't see each other, then something else happened and we still couldn't see each other... Damn school and damn everything! LOL Then, when I finally was able to see him, we couldn't decide what to do, so we went again for the movies... I can't remember the name of the movie, but it was about this cute dog who was so faithful to his owner, even after he died... Whatever... Then, he took me home. It had been awesome, both times, and I REALLY like him, but wasn't allowing myself to feel anything about him, other than being happy and bodily satissfied... I guess that was due to my last relationship before I met him... It was with a GORGEOUS bear who was 34 and just pretty much played with me and my feelings... So, I guess my mind/heart/whatever related: bear, older, sex = just for fun... or something like that...
Back to the story, then he went to Hawaii for over a week!!! We kept in contact through Grindr and Twitter and stuff and he promised we would see each other and celebrate as soon as he got back (he went for his bithday and mine happened while he was in Orlando). When he came back, we went out, not to the movies this time, which I guess is progress... but for a late lunch. We arranged to meet in a mall somewhere near his office, so he wouldn't be later than needed and we had more time for ourselves... Just a problem: the mall was fucking crowded and there was no place available to eat without aving to wait for over an hour to get a table... And he was hungry, I mean, I wouldn't have minded to wait, after all I was already with him and that was everything I wanted... I wasn't even hungry... So we went to his car and he drove to a Sushi place close to his place, we ate and spent a while in there while he told me about his high school and college years and stuff... I really enjoyed that time, I feel I got to know him a lot much better and I got to understand a lot of the causes that leaded to him being this awesome man he is today...
Then we went to his place for a quiet, home theather evening... We ordered the movie -Valentine's Day- from the iTunes store and we never got to see it because by the time I left (at one in the morning) it hadn't yet finish downloading!! So we watched some episodes of The Tudors, with great fun episodes in between... The funny part is that he is quite older than me, and my body frame is much more smaller than his... and he is the bottom... I wonder how we would look to an external observer... LOL Then, when we were heading out of his place, he gave me a Mickey Mouse keychain and a palm tree pen, souvenirs from his latest vacations. Ohmigod, I really can't tell u how i felt, mainly ecause I really don't know how i felt! I guess I can say I was overwhelmed... I threw myslef into his arms and have him a big wet kiss LOL Then we went for dinner... well... HE went for dinner and I came alonngside to keep him company I guess... It is just so much fun noticing the way people see us when we're together... I mean, the waiter nearly had to pick his eyes up from the floor when he held my hand when we were leaving! I guess I do look young at his side... (he's 38)... As soon as I got home I called my bff and told him ALL about it... He then asked me if we were boyfriends, the little shit, and I didn't know what to answer... We haven't discussed it or anything, even if we keep going out regularly... but i guess he could want it... I know I'm up for the game!
So, if anything happens, I'll keep u posted!

To Jump or Not to Jump...

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 23:38:00 +0000

So, after thinking about it all day long, I came to the realization that my mistake every time I try to date a guy, is exactly that! Trying to date him! I also found this article. It really helped me put things into perspective...

"If you've fallen head over heels for a guy you had a date with, met online or in any other situation, just be patient! Take your time getting to know him. Be sure not to panic if he doesn't call you on a daily basis or if you two aren't picking out china patterns after a week of romance. If you guys hit it off, chances are he's into you as much as you are into him, but any potential relationship will be much better off if you take it slow and get to know him. First impressions are great, but you can only get to know a person well after spending time with them. Who knows, he may turn out not to be the person you thought he was. On the other hand, he might just be the man of your dreams. Only time will tell!"
taken from: http://gaylife.about.com/cs/lovedating/qt/time.htm
I now know that a relationship takes time and that i can't expect that the guy i just met wants to jump right away into a relationship with me... We need to spend time together as just friends or prospects, at the most, to get to know each other... I know that, witht the right time, I can get any guy to fall in love with me... At least I think I can... LOL But, I mean, in High School I had this straight friend, and we spent a lot of time together, he's a writer as well and we shared what we wrote, we gave each other feedback and after the 3 years of HS, I was pretty sure he was in love with me... As a matter of fact, EVERYONE knew he was in love with me... Everyone but me, that is... So, I guess if I just give them guys time to get to know me, I will -finally- be able to get a relationship!

Don't judge me, I'm not completely desperate, it's just that, in the oh, so wise words of Charlotte York, "I've been dating since I was 15! I'm exhausted! Where is Him?!?" LOL
Anyways, I'm feeling much better now I have an attack plan... So, guys out there... BEWARE! LOL

Erste Sorge...

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 17:35:00 +0000

Erste sorge is German for "first sorrow"... and it is the first sorrow because it's only morning, and i'm already feeling blue... and i did take my Xanax today... LOL
It's just that i woke up feeling dettached from myself, i mean, not like my usual self. A little like i just don't belong anymore. Dunno, it's just weird...
MrArch hasn't yet replied, maybe I DID scare him away... Mum's not home (I know I may be a little old for that, but I'm just a big momma's boy at heart), I have the exam looming over me and I just don't know what to do... maybe I should get to study some! That'd take the edge off of everything, take my thoughts somewhere else, somewhere safe... Safe and away from myself, that is.
So, whatever, let's just take like by the horns and live this random life i've been forced to live alive... LOL

I have considered and given a lot of thought to stop dating. Like really stop it... I mean, it's useless! Same old story, boy meets boy, boy falls fast and hard, other boy fails to reciprocate, boy is lonely again. After all, maybe I am just too young to know anything about love, about relationships and about men... It's just hurtful, u know? Meeting someone I like, going out a couple of times, nothing happens, and then, they're just gone! I swear, they just vanish! PUFF! And afterwards, I am, again, all alone, feeling miserable, wondering what went wrong, feeling bad about myself and with no will left to do anything... until someone else pops up and pulls me out of my comma, makes me feel good and wanted again and then leaves and pushes me deeper into the hole he pulled me out from. Maybe I'll become unreachable, u know, one of those persons who just seem to not have feelings at all. A guy told me the other day that every breakup and dissappointment would take me closer to become the hard cold steel bitch i need to be in order to survive a lovelife... I don't want to be a hard cold steel bitch... I want to remain soft and warm and cuddly, and i want to keep my ability to fall in love and be amazed by random things in life... I don't want to bitter up as old people do, after they realize that what is there, is everything that will ever be...
Maybe I'm just not looking for Him in the right places, or maybe I'm falling for everyone for all the wrong reasons... Maybe a break will help me see what's wrong, maybe there'ssomething the matter with me... I don't want to run again into the ever-open arms of MrBear... oh, that's another -sad- story... will fill ya'll guys later...
In the meantime, let's burn some neurones off!! LOL

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 05:50:00 +0000

QVRDGTC3PQTM

Love and Be Loved in Return...

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 04:19:00 +0000

I really don't know what's gotten into me, but I am feeling reaaaally down today... This is the story:

Last Thursday I was lounging around in my room, feeling lonely but not sad at all... just enjoying some me time when I received a message from an iPhone app called BoyAhoy!... it was just a "hello" from an incomplete profile named "FD". His pic had not being reviewed yet, so I wasn't able to see him, but i replied. I always do. Sadly. We started talking about whatever, u know, like "what r u into", "what u looking for in here", "what kind of guys u like" and stuff... we realized we had quite some things in common and he sent me a pic of him. Ohmigod he is really cute! Definitely not my usual kind of guy, but what the hell! He is hawt! And that was it. He went to sleep, I went to sleep. The next day, Friday, I was with my very best male friend, I mean, we went together to kinder garden! We were watching this hideos, awfully booooring movie and my phone rang. It was him... (I'll make reference to him as "MrArch") asking me to go out! he wanted to catch a movie, Prince of Persia, which i had already seen and, I mean, "guys before school, but never before friends!" I wasn't gonna leave my friend all alone on a Friday evening just to go watch a movie i had already seen... right? NOT! but i had an alternative plan... **rubs hands together** A friend form High School was throwing a party that night, so I sweetly told him I couldn't go out right then, but asked him if he had plans later that night... he said no, so I asked him to go to the party with me! He asked for my number and the adress, I gave it to him and he called me right away... FUCK i freaked out big time! And his voice! Man he must have the sexiest, manliest, deepest voice i've ever heard! I wasn't really expecting him to go to the party, I mean, it is just too much to ask of someone to meet my friends on the first date... especially MY friends... they're a bunch of lovely freaks... i love them... LOL But well, he went... He looks even better live than in the pic... man, my knickers melted off of me when i saw him... ROFL... he met my friends, joked around with them and then he spent the rest of the party with me, just talking about everything and anything... I knew I was starting to fall right then and there, I knew I was falling fast and I didnt really gave a damn! It was time for him to leave way too fast and I walked him to his car, said our goodbyes and gave him a teensy little peck on the lips... Then i floated back to the party and got wasted with my gals... LOL

So, yesterday I decided it was time to contact him again, so i messaged him hello, and he answered right back, we talked for a while and when I asked him when could i see him again, he stopped answering... just like that... for two whole burning-in-hell's-fire-anxiousness hours! "Sorry, I fell asleep on the couch"... I was like, Oh, i was thinking maybe my friends had scared u off... he said no, so i asked if i had scared him off... again, he said no, and that i was definitely going to see more of him... then my iPhone died, but that was enough to keep me floating for the rest of my Sunday afternoon. Today, we were texting, whatever, and again, when i asked him when would i see him again, he stopped answering... pretty much that happenned... mmm... 4 hours and 20 fucking minutes ago... I'm surprised i still have some hair in my head! I know, I am being pathethic, clingy and needy, everything that is a turn off for anyone... i just cant help myself!!!! Im fucking freaking out!!!!

So, as it turns out, I discovered why i am going this crazy about nothing, i mean, it could be anything... maybe his battery died, or he fell asleep again... or whatever... the thing is I forgot to take my goddammed antidepressives this morning... thats why ive been menopausic all day long... So, if i take them now, i wont be able to fall asleep until after well past sunrise... So, no Antidep for me, but, what the hell! Bring the Vodka in!! NOW!! LOL cheers everyone!

Oh and please, every little piece of advise on what should i do about MrArch will be appreciated!

Things Unsaid...

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 04:42:00 +0000

As it turns out, there are a lot of things I want to say... I really want/need to say, but I just can't get myself to say them. Some of them are fears, joys, confessions, love confessions, random comments, random jokes, sexy remarks... whatever... it's just too much. For example, this morning, as every good kid coming from a broken marriage, every Sunday I go out, along with my bro and sis, with my Father. All day long I just kept thinking I should tell him I'm gay... and all day long my head was constantly overflowing with concerns, doubts and possible ways/moments in which to tell him. I just couldn't! Coming out is seriously, massively, incredibly scary!

I remember when my Mum found out. Oh, those oh-so-happy days... NOT! I didn't tell her, I didn't insinuated trying her to figure it out, hell, i didn't even want her to find out! I was only 14, barely entering freshman year at High school, and I had a huge, and I really mean HUGE crush on this guy. I'll make reference to him as "MrGladiator". Well, MrGladiator had an identical twin brother, they were both seniors and -apparently- I was the only one that could tell the differences (slight as they were) between them. My love had a tiny scar in his left forearm, slightly fuller lips and heavier eyebrows, he had a different spring in his step, he was left handed and was an awesome sketcher. His brother, on the other side, had a lazy eye, was generally tougher and was a bit of an ape. He even walked like an ape. I knew everything about my MrGladiator and he knew far too well that I fancied him. I never really got the nerve to actually talk to him in person, even if I did send a bunch of letters and even a CD with every song that reminded me of him. Pa.The.Thic. I know... About these letters! That was how Mum found out. I wrote a letter for him, but it wasn't finished, so I didn't even tore the sheet out of the notebook. The notebook was inside a binder, inside a drawer, inside a small locker in the insides of my closet. My very, very crowded closet. To this very day it's still a mystery to me how she found it. Mothers... Well she found it and even if it didn't have his name or was addressed to him in any recognizable way, u could tell it was for a guy, so she freaked out. It was quite a scene! She summoned me into my own room, asked me to lock both doors and play some music. She sat on the bed, and I could already tell this was SO not going to be good. She started by telling me she had found out some of my written pieces and that she loved them, what a good writer I was and how very sensible and sweet i was. Then the monster took over her. She asked me to open the closet, I did, to open the locker, I did, to open the drawer, I did, to take out the binder and bring it to the bed, I did, to open it and extract the notebook, I did, to look for the "love letter", I didn't. FUUUUUCKKKK!!!! She started calmly asking me if I felt attracted to other males, if I had ever kissed a guy, I had gone all the way with a guy, all of them questions left unanswered, I just couldn't speak. Then she started yelling at me. About how that would ruin my whole future, how it would embarrass her, how I was going to die from a horrible disease, how gay people are sick and so on. Then she cried hard for about an hour, still rambling about how evil gays are. Then she started sweetly telling me i needed help, that I was lacking a paternal, masculine figure in my life, that it was all her fault and that she would fix it. I found myself at a loss for words.
She, of course took me to see a shrink (3 times, actually) and after everyone told her she was going to have to accept it or just learn to live with it, she declared that shrinks were stupid and biased, that they surely were all gay themselves and trying to pervert me.

To this very day, she can't accept it, mention it, hear of it and I'm afraid, not even think of it.

So I guess u understand why it is so hard for me to even think about coming out to my father... Although he always surprises me with his reactions (I'll give him that much). So... I guess I'll sleep on it... suggestions? PLEASE? LOL

Me, Myself and I...

noreply@blogger.com (Boy in the Cardigan) — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:59:00 +0000

This is my first post ever, so i'll tell u some random things about myself... I am 20 years old. I'm a Fashion Design and Merch. student in Mexico City, which is not very promising, so I'm switching to just Merch and Advertising focused on Fashion. I am gay. I am a very shy person. I can multitask when it's needed. I'm a weird combo, something between a preppy fashion collector, a boho writer and a misleaded teenager. I am still single. I would describe my life as a mash up from Sex & The City, Friends, Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl, Life Unexpected, maybe a little Glee and definitely Lipstick Jungle. In case u haven't noticed, i LUV Candace Bushnel. I use "u" instead of "you" and "r" instead of "are". I have a thing for text language (LOL) (FYI). I'm a so-called child of divorce. I love Lady Gaga (sorry). I happen to think of myself as unattractive. I AM most probably unattractive, since I'm still single besides all my efforts. I really think a little person i call my sister came to this world with the sole intention of ruining my life. I love her. My greatest desire (and as it turns out, frustration) in life is having kids. I use a lot of brackets (just so u know) (u have been warned). I am a closeted poet. I have been sent 4 times in my life to see a shrink, 3 times for being gay and once for having a "short attention spam". Whatever. I fall in love menacingly easy. I am often feeling blue over falling faster than advised for someone. I recover quickly (most of the times). I can juggle stilettos. I can wear stilettos. I love fashion, arts and everything cathartic. English is NOT my mothertoungue. What else? Well... keep on tuned ;D and welcome to my random life!