Deuce of Clubs

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:53:00 -0700

10oct2008 — People like this really exist

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 19:44:40 -0700

09oct2008 — Awesome narration from Werner Herzog in Encounters at the End of the World:

Who VERR da peepull I vuss goingk to meet in EntARKteeka, et da ent uv duh VURRLT? Vutt verr dare DREEMPS?
[...]
I vass surprist det I vass even on tiss plane. Da National Scients Fountation hed invitet me to Entarkteeka even zo I left NO doubt det I vould NOT come up vit anutta feelm about PENGUINTS.

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 03:52:35 -0700

08oct2008 —

Everybody wants to call Lincoln "The Great Emancipator." He didn't think that this fight had anything to do with blacks. This was a different culture from theirs and they had no place in it. "This is not your country and it's not your fight." — Morgan Freeman, DVD commentary to Glory

"SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS," declares Jessica.

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:57:42 -0700

07oct2008 — A Timelesse Filmic Trutheth

Apparently Beverly Hills Chihuahua was a big winner over last weekend. I didn't see it (DUH) but I can save you the trouble anyway with a Filmic Truth:

A film (or TV show) will suck if its title contains the words Beverly Hills. Doubly so if Beverly Hills are the first words in the title.

Don't go saying Beverly Hills Cop to me. Because if you think that, we're not friends anymore. But even though we're enemies now, I'll help you out with the the first fifty (+/-) from IMDB:

Beverly Hills, 90210
Beverly Hills, 90210: The Next Generation
Beverly Hills Ninja (1997)
Slums of Beverly Hills (1998)
Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2008)
Down and Out in Beverly Hills (1986)
Troop Beverly Hills (1989)
Beverly Hills Teens (1987) (TV series)
Scenes from the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills (1989)
Beverly Hills Nightmare
Menendez: A Killing in Beverly Hills (1994) (TV)
Beverly Hills Bordello
Beverly Hills Family Robinson (1998) (TV)
The Taking of Beverly Hills (1991)
aka The Corpse of Beverly Hills
aka Dead Woman from Beverly Hills
aka That Girl from Beverly Hills
Beverly Hills Vamp (1989)
Pterodactyl Woman from Beverly Hills (1994)
Beach Beverly Hills (1993)
Beverly Hills Cowgirl Blues (1985) (TV)
aka Beverly Hills Connection - Australia (video title)
Beverly Hills Brats (1989)
Beverly Hills Bodysnatchers (1989)
Beverly Hills Madam (1986) (TV)
Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery - USA

Beverly Hills Buntz (1987) (TV series)
Beverly Hills Cop (1990)
Beverly Hills Cop IV (2010)
Beverly Hills Cop: The Phenomenon Begins (2002) (V)
Beverly Hills Girls (1986)
Femmine insaziabili (1969)
aka Beverly Hills
Hot Body Competition: Beverly Hills Naked Cheerleaders Contest (2001) (V)
How to Murder a Millionaire (1990) (TV)
aka Bad Times in Beverly Hills - USA (working title)
Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills (1994) (TV series)
Terror in Beverly Hills (1991)
Top Cat and the Beverly Hills Cats (1987) (TV)
Beverly Hills Call Girls (1986) (V)
A Beverly Hills Christmas (1987) (TV)
Beverly Hills Massacre (2008) (V)
Beverly Hills Ninja 2 (2009)
Beverly Hills on Ice (2000) (TV)
Beverly Hills Standoff (2005)
Beverly Hills S.U.V. (2004) (TV)
Beverly Hills Vet (2003) (TV series)
The Gilmores of Beverly Hills (2010)
Jack Taylor of Beverly Hills (2007)
Leo & Liz in Beverly Hills (1986) (TV series)
Plastic Surgery: Beverly Hills (2004) (TV series)
The Streets of Beverly Hills (1992) (TV series)

(That's Buntz, btw.)

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 20:31:51 -0700

06oct2008 —

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God? —Stephen Colbert, I Am America (And So Can You!)

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 20:57:14 -0700

05oct2008 — How is that right, Red Sox? HOW?

By paying Manny Ramirez to play for the Dodgers, the formerly forlorn Red Sox financed the downfall of the currently forlorn Cubs.

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 14:20:52 -0700

04oct2008 — SHAME

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:43:15 -0700

03oct2008 — All is not lost, Cubbies

This was the dream I woke up to this morning, no lie:

I was in a bathroom and someone asked me what in hell it was I was holding and I said it was Manny Ramirez's dreadlocks. And it was, babushka and all. So maybe it was his entire scalp. It wasn't bloody, though. But I was still asked how I was going to clean it. What? You don't clean it and you don't answer stupid questions like that. Point is, if I'm a Pharaoh and ManRam's Samson, look out Los Angeles.

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:07:40 -0700

02oct2008 — From "How Can Anyone Think Voting Matters? (It does. Just not in the way you think.)" by by Wilton D. Alston:

Question: Will the incredibly large worldwide U.S. military presence, including over 750 bases, be curtailed dependent upon who wins any election for president?
Answer: No.

[...]

Question: Will the Federal Reserve be abolished dependent upon who wins any election for president?
Answer: No.

[...]

Question: Will the IRS be abolished dependent upon who wins any election for president of the United States?
Answer: No.

[...]

Question: Will marijuana (or any other supposedly "controlled" substance) be legalized dependent upon who wins any election for president?
Answer: No.

[...]

Voting illustrates both support and consent. Withdraw them, please.

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:23:21 -0700

01oct2008 — "He never had a chance!" "Not at all. Never did. Never would have."

To hell with a world where a man like that doesn't live to be at least 200 years old.

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 22:18:28 -0700

29sep2008 — Financial Markets Bill: FAIL

I just had the pleasure of watching the fraudulent "bailout" bill fail (sometimes C-SPAN can be a real cool hand). A simple majority was all that was needed (and when aren't the majority of politicians simple?). The final vote was 227-206.

Trusting government to fix a giant mess created by government, though still the traditional method, is D-U-M-B.

Here's Peter Schiff back in 2006 predicting the crash, while the establishment hyenas all laugh at him (think the laughers—among whom is Art Laffer—will now publicly acknowledge they were wrong?):

LOLRON

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 14:22:52 -0700

29sep2008 — Financial Markets Bill: FAIL

Trusting government to fix a giant mess created by government, though still the traditional method, is D-U-M-B.

Here's Peter Schiff back in 2006 predicting the crash, while the establishment hyenas all laugh at him (think the laughers—among whom is Art Laffer—will now publicly acknowledge they were wrong?):

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:07:06 -0700

26sep2008 —

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:00:18 -0700

25sep2008 — OMG you FUCKS

In fact, some of the most basic details, including the $700 billion figure Treasury would use to buy up bad debt, are fuzzy.

"It's not based on any particular data point," a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. "We just wanted to choose a really large number."

(Forbes.com, via Coyote)

Update: A half hour later I can't stop thinking about the sheer fuckedupedness of that statement. Imagine I went into a bank—any bank on the planet—to ask for a loan:

Loan officer: So, how much do you need?
Me: Let's make it five million dollars, please.
Loan officer: And why that amount, exactly?
Me: Oh, no reason. I just wanted to choose a really large number.

Deuce of Clubs: A Demonstrated Aptitude for Reasonable Mayhem

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 04:11:09 -0700

25sep2008 — Speaking of no official sense of humor: Pass gas, go to jail (in West Virginia)

One of the few times I ever witnessed decent human behavior on the part of a cop was right after I saw an extremely violent dickhead fart loudly and yell, "THAT'S FOR YOU, PIGS!"

Me: What a moron.
Cop: Nah, man—that's beautiful.
Me: Tell me what's beautiful about that.
Cop: That's just a man expressing how he feels inside.

That's evidently too down-to-earth an attitude for West Virginia's ~~delicate little princesses~~ law enforcers: Man charged with battery for farting near cop (via Boing Boing)

By Friday C.O.B. I expect the mottos on that department's car doors to have been changed from "To Protect and To Serve" to Not Quite As Tough As Your Average First-Grader.