INKED: How does your new VH1 show Glam God with Vivica A. Fox work?

FOX: We moved 15 stylists into a home. They are from the different worlds of fashion, from hair to makeup to wardrobe. We divided them into teams and put them through tests of styling for either a photo shoot, red carpet for MTV, red carpet for the Oscars, and other events. We were looking for that gem of a stylist to give them the opportunity of a lifetime. I’m one of the judges and I’m also the host.

Let us guess: there’s drama.

Oh yeah. There are some personalities that just - whoa! You had to go, okay baby, let’s calm down. For some people it was like, this is my life and my big opportunity, because it was. It was a good opportunity for them.

Have you ever had to deal with a stylist meltdown in your personal life?

Oh sure. Are you kidding? It’s just amazing to me how sometimes it becomes more about them than you. They can get a little full of themselves and think they’re responsible for your look. No baby. You help to achieve the look.

Do you try to cover your tattoos at red carpet events ?

No. I’ve always been proud of my tattoos. I got my first tattoo when I turned 30. It’s a little fox on my arm. I was born a fox and I shall die one. I go to Shamrock Social Club on Sunset Boulevard. Either Mike [Roche] or Paul [Stottler] work on me. But I think I’ve slowed down now. Nothing traumatic has happened to me.

You’ve talked before about the tattoo of “Strength Courage Wisdom” that you got after your breakup with 50 Cent. Has he ever commented on it?

Actually, I had it removed. It hurt to get it removed and it’s a lot more expensive. I just really felt like that chapter of my life was over and it was time for me to move on. And I didn’t like that it was the one I had to cover up in movies. It became a little bit of a pain in the ass. I think it was a bit too large. It was a chapter in my life but I looked at it and thought, I’m cool.

Do you have any tattoos that we haven ‘t seen? I have one on my lower back.

It’s vinery and it goes into a rose. I love it a lot. I call it my handlebars.

By: Jason Buhrmester, photos by Rande St. Nicholas - Inked Magazine

For more cutting edge tattoo coverage, visit InkedMag.com

For a certified Meat, this could be a welcome change, especially that tattoos in three dimensions generally produce very realistic images and designs. For a Tenderfoot who frowns at the ubiquity of popular tattoo designs and symbols, getting a 3D ink would prove to be an exciting first step into the world of tattoos.

Lost? Get up to speed with the Ultimate Guide to Tattoo Slang…

One huge advantage of 3D, or 3-dimensional, tattoos over regular tattoo designs is the production of a more vivid and real image, primarily caused by adding depth into the design. Depth is mainly accomplished by putting in the right amount of shadow techniques to the design to make it look like it is really occupying a specific amount of space on a certain area. The product is a tattoo that greatly depicts a very realistic image or setting.

Across 7 categories, check out 20 eye-popping three dimensional tattoos.

3D Animal tats. Those things almost look real, don’t they?

Grave + skin disease - which is more frightening?

Sun and lion. I just want to peel that sun off that skin.

‘A HOLE New World’ meets What Lies Beneath.

Animated ambiguity - these trippy tats are straight-up confusing.

Alien, Cross, Spiderman. Clearly out-of-this-world 3D tats.

Mario Barth of Starlight Tattoo gave the infamous drummer a black and gray tattoo of a peacock on his thigh as they flew from Burbank to Miami aboard a private jet (Tommy’s). The stunt landed Lee and Barth in the Guinness Book of World Records for “First-Ever to Perform a Tattoo in High Altitude.” Barth, whose client roster includes Lenny Kravitz, Ja Rule and Nikki Sixx, is keeping tight lipped on who fronted the bill (Tommy), but said it cost around $150,000 for approximately 5 hours of tattooing.

Although pricing for this tattoo is extreme, many factors determine tattoo pricing:

• The client
• The tattoo artist
• The placement of the tattoo
• The design. The more elaborate the design, the more it will cost you.
• The colors. Ditto.
• The size. Ditto.
• Flash or original. If you choose a tattoo from a flash, it doesn’t take an artist much to copy that generic design. However, most high-end artists don’t do flash and will either come up with an original design themselves, or tweak the one you give them. Usually, such artists factor in the time spent drawing the tattoo into the final cost.
• The time it takes to complete. Some tattoo shops charge an hourly fee, so depending on how long it takes to get your tattoo, the final price may increase.

So, on average, how much are people paying for their tattoos?

In a recent survey conducted by tattoosurvey.com, 39% of poll-takers paid between $100 and $250 for a single tattoo, 60% paid less than $250, and 40% paid more than $250. Those who spent over $1000 for a single tattoo (8% of the poll-takers) got a relatively large custom piece designed and completed by a world-class tattoo artist (perhaps a full-sleeve or a back piece) over multiple sessions.

The cost of a tattoo is also largely based on the artist. Anil Gupta is considered NYC’s most expensive tattoo artist who unashamedly charges an hourly rate of $350. He does customized work exclusively and tattoos everything free-hand. His tattoos, like this Seurat (pictured), have been highlighted by Ripley’s Believe it or Not as “World’s Smallest Tattoo.”

If a tattoo artist has a list of celebrities among their clientele, such as Paul Timman (also a Tommy Lee sticker), Jonathan Shaw or Kat VD, the sky is the limit for what they can charge.

Last but not least, any artist will tell you it is impossible to quote a price without seeing a design. Simply stating “I want a tribal arm band” could range from a few hundred bucks into the thousands, considering all the factors mentioned above. If you are quoted a price by a good artist that you simply cannot afford, you can look around for another artist, but you will get what you pay for. You may want to scale down your design a bit to fit your wallet, or bite the bullet and pay top-dollar for an original piece of permanent art.

Remember, a cheap tattoo is not good and a good tattoo is not cheap. To find out more information on qualified tattoo artists in your area, and their pricing guidelines, check out our artist directory on RankMyTattoos.com

Here are the hottest magazine cover girls of 2008, and their rich collection of body art.

Alyssa Milano

Alyssa Milano graces the cover of Jezebel Magazine March 2008 issue looking all the more gorgeous with age. Could it be that this Charmed lady’s lovely tattoos, which are prominently located on her right wrist and lower stomach, give her a youthful glow?

Alyssa has a tattoo of a snake biting its tail on her right wrist. The actress says it’s a symbol of rebirth. On her left wrist is the Buddhist symbol of Om, which reminds her of her ex-husband. She also has rosary beads on her back, an angel tattoo on one ankle and a vine of flowers on the other. She has a fairy on her hip, and sacred heart on her lower back.

Angelina Jolie

Clearly the most popular tattooed female celebrity in the world, Angelina Jolie covers Harper Bazaar’s December 2008 issue with pure glamour.

Angelina’s stunning looks and acting prowess have won the hearts of many, especially with her tough-chick flicks such as “Tomb Raider” and “Mr. & Mrs. Smith.” This gorgeous actress is also gifted with at least a dozen tattoos.

She has a huge tiger tattoo for a tramp stamp, and the famous coordinates of the origins of her adopted kids on her shoulder. Angelina’s tats are a reflection of her personality - exotic with a hint of dangerous sensuality.

Anna Kournikova

Anna Kournikova covers Maxim October 2008 wearing a shiny gold bikini. This tennis queen sports a stunning tribal flower tattoo on her lower back.

Beyonce Knowles

Beyonce Knowles is on the cover of Marie Claire Magazine October 2008 issue. Rocking the blogosphere with her alleged name change (Sasha Fierce anyone?), Beyonce rocks a tribal tat on her left thigh.

Britney Spears

Comeback queen Britney Spears covers the December 2008 issue of Rolling Stone Magazine, showing off her new bod. Clearly, Britney has marked her presence in the music scene once more with her latest album entitled “Circus.” Britney’s songs Womanizer, and Kill the Lights are already climbing the charts; proof of just how much the world has missed the pop star.

The rebellious Britney has a number of tats on her now-again gorgeous body. She has a fairy on her back, butterfly tattoos on her foot, a small daisy on her right foot, Hebrew characters on her neck. The singer is also said to have gotten a flower tat and a pair of pink dice inked somewhere on her body.

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera lands on the cover of Us Weekly in its June 2008 issue. Sharing her secrets on how she got her body back, Christina wore a seemingly Mariah Carey-inspired pink ensemble that flaunted her dangerous curves.

Xtina also loves to flaunt her pretty tattoos. The pop diva has ‘Xtina’ tattooed prominently placed on the back of her neck. She also has a small flower on her left wrist, an intricate design on the inside of her left forearm, and an unknown tattoo just below her bikini line.

Not only is Christina inked, but she also is pierced. Known body piercings of the four-octave singer include one on her left nostril, a labret, her right nipple, and several alleged genital piercings.

Christina Ricci

Christina Ricci was Hobo Magazine cover girl for its July 2008 issue. The “Black Snake Moan” star has a number of tattoos on various parts of her body. She has the famous Aslan tat on her right shoulder blade. She also a fairy tattoo on the inside of her right wrist, praying hands on her left hip, sweet peas on her lower back, a sparrow on her right breast, and the words Move or Bleed on the left side of her ribcage.

Denise Richards

Shape Magazine employed the cover girl prowess of sexy Denise Richards for its May 2008 issue. Though her career is not in a very good shape as of late, Denise still manages to stay in tip-top physical shape, making it hard to ignore the cute fairy ink and ‘Charlie’ tat taking residence on her shapely body.

Drew Barrymore

Drew Barrymore opened the US Presidential Election month by gracing the cover of Harper’s Bazaar Magazine November 2008 issue clad in patriotic colors. Drew herself is quite the patron of tattoos; she has at least 5 known tattoos on different parts of her anatomy.

Drew has a bouquet of flowers on her left hip, a butterfly on her tummy, a small black crescent moon on her toe, a stylized cross tattoo on her lower right leg, and two angels on her lower back.

Halle Berry

Esquire Magazine posed Halle Berry on the November 2008 issue cover. The sexy actress, who played Storm in the X-Men trilogy, tattooed the name of her first husband onto her right buttock. After the divorce, she has the tattoo changed into a sunflower.

Why a sunflower? Halle told the UK edition of Cosmopolitan Magazine: “I chose a sunflower because when darkness descends they close up to regenerate. But I really wish I’d never had the tattoo in the first place. Clean, clear skin is always better.”

Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum is the cover girl of InStyle Magazine’s December 2008 issue. The gorgeous Victoria’s Secret supermodel decided to tattoo her husband’s name ‘Seal’ on the inside of her right arm, to show her utmost love and devotion.

Janet Jackson

Superstar Janet Jackson covers the February 2008 issue of Ebony Magazine, proving that she still has it. Well, if ‘has it’ means she has a nipple piercing, then she definitely has it. Thanks to that wardrobe malfunction, the whole world is well aware.

Janet allegedly has many more body piercings as well, such as her ears, her septum, her navel, her tongue, and her genitals. Janet also has several body tattoos. She has a Borneo-style scorpion design on the small of her back, a Kanji tattoo on the back of her neck and a “Sankofa” on the inside of her right wrist.

Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba covers Elle Magazine’s February 2008 issue. The star of “Dark Angel” and “Fantastic Four” sports various tattoos on her body, specifically Sanskrit, Lotus Flower, Daisy, and Ladybug.

Jessica Biel

Jessica Biel is the cover girl for the Marie Claire December 2008 issue. Jessica sports her famous dove tattoo located at her lower left tummy. The tat stands out in a pair of jeans or in a hot bikini. Jessica goes for small tats with huge impact.

Kate Hudson

The Cosmopolitan Magazine October 2008 issue features Kate Hudson on the cover. Kate has one little star tattoo on her foot. Though it’s not very noticeable, she did try to showcase it in one of her pictorials.

Mandy Moore

Mandy Moore lands on the cover of Elle Magazine in a white ensemble. Totally immaculate at a glance but wait to till you see her hammerhead shark tat and tribal armband - she’s one edgy cover girl.

Megan Fox

GQ October 2008 cover girl is none other than”Transformers” hottie Megan Fox. Megan did care to explain what her tattoos are. Here’s how she did it: “…a poem I wrote on my ribcage and a symbol for strength on my neck, and my boyfriend Brian’s name tattooed next to my pie”. Now that’s hot.

Penelope Cruz

Penelope Cruz covers W Magazine August 2008 issue. Penelope has an ankle tattoo that says ‘883.’ What does that mean? Well, it looks like we need a numerologist to decipher the code. Pen is really planning to give us a hard time huh.

Numerologist Christine Delorey who wrote the book “Life Cycles” has this to say about Pen’s ankle tat: “In her chart, eight and three pop up as her main numbers in life. Eight stands for money, power and success and three stands for skill in communications and creativity. The second eight is to strengthen the power of the first. Penelope wants to win - she is very aggressive in terms of her career.”

Rebecca Romijn-Stamos

You can be pregnant and be a cover girl without getting naked. That’s what Rebecca Romijn-Stamos did for Page Six magazine in its November 2008 issue. This gorgeous supermodel has a cute tat on her ankle.

Rihanna

Rihanna is on the cover of Elle Magazine’s June 2008 issue. Rihanna is definitely an ink lover, as proven by her 11 precious tattoos. She currently rocks a music note tattoo on her ankle, a Pisces sign behind her right ear, a Sanskrit prayer going down her hip, a star in her left ear, the word ‘love’ on her left middle finger, an Arabic phrase on her ribcage area, meaning ‘Freedom is God,’ a trail of stars going down the back of her neck, a cute skull tattoo with a pink hair bow, the phrase ’shhh…’ on her right index finger, the date ‘4.11.1986′ on top of her left shoulder, and the last but not least, a henna-style dragon claw, complete with Hawaiian hibiscus flowers.

Who knows? Rihanna might have a fresh tat in the works before the year ends?

Rose McGowan

Rolling Stone Magazine features two roses on one cover - Rosario Dawson and Rose McGowan. The latter is sporting a pinup girl tattoo on her shoulder that appears to embody Rose McGowan’s personality.

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Sarah Michelle Gellar looks stunning on the cover of Movieline Magazine. In real life, Buffy has at least 3 tattoos. She has a heart / dagger design on her right ankle, a dragonfly on her lower back, and a hieroglyphic symbol located on her left hip.

Scarlett Johansson

“The Other Boleyn Girl” star Scarlett Johansson covers the December 2008 issue of Allure Magazine. The actress sports a brightly colored tat on her left forearm. The tat has a design of a sun setting over an ocean with a star shining in the sky. This celebrity tattoo looks quite cartoonish, but we love it over Scarlett’s pale skin.

Sienna Miller

Elle Magazine featured Sienna Miller on a memorable 2008 cover. Sienna sports a 3-star tattoo on her right shoulder and a medium-sized swallow design on her left wrist.

Victoria Beckham

Victoria ‘Posh’ Beckham started the year right with her Elle January 2008 magazine cover. The infamous Posh Spice has had several tats for several reasons. Her latest addition is a Hebrew text taken from the Song of Songs 2:16 that says, “I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.” That was for her 6th wedding anniversary with husband David.

Victoria also has a tattoo on her lower back. It started with three stars symbolizing each of the family members. When her two younger sons came, the three stars became five. The actress / model also has a Roman Numeral tattoo for May 8 1997, the day Victoria and David had sex for the first time.

Check out more industry icon and celebrity tattoos here.

Singapore Tattoo Show: January 9-11, 2009
Location: Singapore Expo Exhibition
Contact Information: admin@tattoo.com.sg
Website: www.tattoo.com.sg

The first annual Singapore Tattoo Show will gather famed tattoo artists from around the world, including show ambassador Chris Garver of “Miami Ink.” The show is sponsored by the Singapore Tourism board and will feature tattoo contests, trade seminars and live performances.

Miami Tattoo Expo: January 9-11, 2009
Location: Miami Beach Convention Center
Contact Information: info@miamitattooexpo.com
Website: www.miamitattooexpo.com

The 2009 Miami Tattoo Expo, formerly the Gold Coast Tattoo Expo, will include world-renowned tattoo artists, live tattooing and piercing demonstrations, seminars, custom cars and choppers, special guests and much more.

23rd Annual New York AM-JAM Tattoo Expo: January 23 - 25, 2009
Location: Holiday Inn - Syracuse/Liverpool (Exit 37) New York
Contact Information: 518.893.2273
Website: www.am-jam.com

Imagine three epic days of all things Ink. Expo features live music, special guest the “Lizard Man,” over 75 working artists and piercers, tattoo competitions including “Tattoo of the Day” awards, leather and jewelry vendors.

14th Annual Motor City Tattoo Expo: February 27-March 1, 2009
Location: Detroit Marriott Renaissance Center, Detroit, Michigan
Contact Information: 517.540.6055
Website: www.eternaltattoos.com

Award-winning tattoo artists, tattoo competitions, trade seminars and vendors from throughout the nation will help celebrate the 14th year of this famous Expo in Detroit.

Sydney Tattoo & Body Art Expo: March 6-8, 2009
Location: Sydney Showground, Australia
Contact Information: mike@tattooexpo.com.au
Website: www.tattooexpo.com.au, www.myspace.com/sydneytattooexpo

The first annual Sydney Tattoo & Body Art Expo will feature over 100 international artists and body piercers, tattoo supplies, merchandise, 8 live bands, tattoo contests and a tattoo art-fusion project.

7th Annual Lady Luck Tattoo Arts Expo: March 13-15, 2009
Location: Reno, Nevada
Contact Information: tazinger@comcast.net
Website: http://ladylucktattooexpo.com

Hundreds of vendors and world-class tattoo artists will attend this year’s convention in Nevada. Seminars and demonstrations, live music, fashion booths and the latest techniques in the tattoo industry will also be on display throughout the weekend.

2nd Annual Tats & Art for a Cure Convention: April 10-12, 2009
Location: Los Angeles Convention Center
Contact Information: tatsforacureconvention@yahoo.com
Website: www.tatsforacure.com

Sponsored by the Healing Art Foundation, this convention honors breast cancer survivors (men and women). Boasting the motto: “Save the Boobies: Tats for a Cure,” tattoo artists will perform cover-up tattoos, permanent makeup and areola re-pigmentation.

2nd International Moscow Body-Art Festival: September 11-13, 2009
Location: Moscow, Russia
Contact Information: av@asinternational.ru
Website: www.moscowbodyartfestival.com

The 2nd International Professional Convention of Body-art and Body-painting in Moscow will feature Russian tattoo artists, singers and performers.

Hell City Tattoo Fest 7 - “Let It Bleed”: May 29-31, 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio, Hyatt Regency Downtown
Contact Information: info@hellcity.com
Website: http://www.hellcity.com

With over 130 artists on board (this year’s roster includes Kim Saigh of “LA Ink” fame), 75 booths, live entertainment and more tattoo-inspired activities to mention, Hell City’s Tattoo Fest has become one of the most popular tattoo conventions in the world.

11th annual Northern Ink Xposure, Toronto: June 19-21, 2009
Location: Toronto Hilton, Toronto, Canada
Contact Information: www.tattoos.com/nix
Website: www.tattoos.com

Scheduled for three nights, this convention will feature live music, hundreds of vendors and booths, live tattooing and special guests.

Tattoo Convention Tips:

1. Most conventions offer cheaper prices for pre-bought passes, so buy tickets early.

2. If you want to get inked by a particular artist, book with them ahead of time; via email or the instructions given on the convention website. If your artist is especially popular, he or she may be booked from day one; leaving all non-booked clients shut-out.

3. Do your research. Just because you are at a convention doesn’t mean the tattoo artist before you knows shit about tattooing. Always check out portfolios and even ask around if people have seen or front the work of the artist you are considering.

These are just the top ten tattoo conventions in 2009, but there are hundreds of tattoo conventions annually, some in a city near you. To find out more, you know the drill: Google.

Peruse our directory of tattoo photos here and read up about tattoo lifestyle here.

Actor Jason Mewes is standing in the living room of his Los Angeles home, taking off his shirt. Positioned in front of his laptop’s webcam, he shows off the “15 or 16″ tattoos he’s acquired during his 34 tumultuous years. He lifts his shirt and motions first to an elaborate tribal design on his shoulder. “I got this one in Santa Cruz … and this one in Des Moines,” Mewes says. “This one’s from when I was 20, and I got this one in Utah after playing a prisoner with all these fake tattoos. The guy was gonna do a solid tribal on me, but I was like, “You know what, I want a face in there. Nothing too happy, though, not like a clown, you know?”

The irony is that Mewes is best known as Jay, the clowning, weed-dealing, cuss-spewing half of Jay and Silent Bob, the stoner movie icons made famous in director Kevin Smith’s 1994 indie classic Clerks. The role launched Mewes’ career while his real life became jagged, drug-addled, and far from hilarious.

Born in New Jersey in 1974, Mewes was an average hockey-and-comicbook- loving high schooler when his friend Smith, three years his senior, mentioned he was writing a movie featuring Jay, a character based on Mewes. Clerks, famously made for just $27,000, became a massive hit, and Mewes went on to reprise the role of Jay in nearly all of Smith’s other movies, including Mallrats, Dogma, Chasing Amy, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Clerks II (lucky for him, he dodged Jersey Girl), and land roles in little-seen movies such as Feast and Paulie Shore Is Dead. Mewes also developed a full-blown drug addiction. During that time, his mother was diagnosed with AIDS and later succumbed to the disease in 2002. Caught between professional success and personal hell, Mewes would pop up in a movie and then disappear for months. Rumors of his death circulated, and at one point a warrant was issued for his arrest. Now five years into his sobriety, Mewes has a new movie, the Smith-helmed Zack and Miri Make a Porno, that’s already generating buzz. Like each of his tattoos, Mewes has a hell of a story to tell.

INKED: What was your very first tattoo?

MEWES: My brother’s girlfriend gave me this little dot on my wrist with a pin, some thread, and India ink when I was 12 years old. More than 20 years later, that thing is staying strong.

You also have several tattoos of girls’ names, including Jordan, your girlfriend. What if it doesn’t work out? Nah, it’s not a big deal. Look, I have “Amy” - an ex - on my neck, and I have “Kat,” too. They’re all different chapters in my life. Jordan is the only girl I’ve ever had a real relationship with - we live together, we have a dog, we share bank accounts. She even knows the passwords to my bank accounts. All my other relationships revolved around drinking, drugs, and partying. The only time I think it would be a bummer is if I came home one day and Jordan was getting double-teamed by two big dudes. Would you ever have a tattoo removed or covered up? Oh, hell no. They all have their own stories.

What are your other tattoos? I have Kevin Smith’s daughter’s name down my spine. I have Justice League stuff, Daredevil, Bullseye. And this is Batman. This one right here on my thigh is the Road Runner tattoo I got when I was 18. Have you ever seen any Jay and Silent Bob tattoos? I have. I have a picture on my phone of a guy with one. I’ve seen three or four people with the Jay and Silent Bob animated characters, and one guy had an actual portrait of me, which is weird. It had the beanie cap and shit, sort of Jay, though, which was bizarre. Can you set the record straight about how you met Kevin? We went to high school together, and I knew who he was, but we didn’t hang out because he was three years older. After he graduated, he worked at our town’s community center, and every day after school I’d go there to play hockey, kickball, and pool. Then a group of us started hanging out and going to comic shows.

Is it true that he didn’t like you at first? Probably. Some of my friends were going to New York for a comic book convention, and Kevin was like, “I’m not driving a minor over state lines,” because he didn’t want me to go. But then our buddy Brian said he’d drive. So not only did I get to go -I called shotgun. I was being silly, and those guys were laughing at me. It wasn’t that Kevin didn’t think I was funny, it was that he was the funny one of the group and now there was this new dude. After doing seven of Kevin’s movies, what’s the best part of working with him? I know him and I’m comfortable. I’ve done maybe 10 other movies with other directors, and, not that I don’t enjoy myself, but it’s a different vibe because Kev and I have been friends for so long. Some of the other directors are so stressed about getting the shots, they don’t really care about the actors’ performances. If there’s tension, I’m tense. With Kevin, it’s comfy.

Aw, that’s cute. So you’d never acted before Clerks? I did a few elementary school plays, and then I did a talent show my freshman year of high school. We lip-synched to the Beastie Boys. Didn’t you work at the Quick Stop, where a lot of Clerks was filmed? Yeah, Kevin and I both worked there, and then he got me a job at the video store next door, where Clerks was also shot. So I’d work there, and he’d be at the convenience store, and I’d shut down the video store and hang out with him. Were you freaked out making a movie for the first time? It was kind of a blur because I was so nervous. Even though Kevin wrote the character based on me, he remembers me being like, “Kev, I don’t know if I can do this.” I was so freaked out performing in front of the cameras with everyone watching.

So you combated the nervousness with drugs and alcohol. Exactly. I’d get drunk every day on beer and blackberry brandy. I was also working as a roofer at the time, so I’d roof all day and shoot at night. I remember watching the finished movie in the video store, and I thought that was it. I didn’t understand the process of making movies, and I didn’t know about Sundance or Cannes. I went back to work and didn’t think anything about it, and then Kevin was like, “Yo, we got into a festival and Miramax bought it, and it’s gonna be out in some theaters.” That was cool, but even after that, I still worked. It wasn’t until Mallrats that I quit my job.

How did your new fame change your life the most? It didn’t hit me until Mallrats. This sounds corny, but I grew up in a small town in Jersey and I’d never been anywhere besides New York. I’d never been in a limo except for prom, and I’d never stayed in a hotel. The only things I knew about California were palm trees, Beverly Hills Cop, and 90210.

What was your first impression of Los Angeles? I flew out to do a table read for Mallrats, and I remember they picked me up in a limo, and there were the palm trees, and the song “Hotel California” came on, and it was awesome. Then, in Minnesota, where we shot the movie, there were, like, 50 crew members, and everyone was like, “Can I get you coffee? Can I get you this?” On top of all that, we got $400 per diem. It was surreal.

Did all of that money go toward partying? Well, every night after shooting, we’d all meet in the lobby of the hotel to drink, but usually someone from production would pay for it. I mainly spent mine on CDs and action figures.

You’ve been candid about your drug addiction. Do you remember the first time you used? I drank and smoked weed a little bit in high school, and I think I was 20 the first time I tried coke. The first time I did heroin was on my 21st birthday. My friend Mike was seeing this girl, and I started messing around with her friend, so the four of us were hanging out a lot. I didn’t realize they were doing heroin every day. At first I didn’t want to be around it, because I hated dope. I stopped hanging with them, but that lasted a week. Then I was like, “Let’s hang out, but please don’t do it around me.” So on my 21st birthday, I wanted to go out drinking, and they were like, “We’re just gonna sit in, man, and do dope.” I got some beers, and they were all doped up, and I was sitting there by myself trying to drink and be loud and have fun while they were nodding out and shit. Finally I was like, “Let me get some. I don’t get it, it doesn’t look fun to me.” But then I tried it.

And? And it was awesome. I remember cuddling with the girl and it was this whole new…. But it was bad business. From there, I started doing it on weekends, and then three, four times a week, and the next thing you know, I’m fully strung out and needing to do it every day. That went on and off for like eight, nine years.

At your lowest point, how much money were you spending a day on drugs? There were days when I had tons of money and I was doing a lot of crack. I was shooting crack and dope. You can shoot crack if you break it down with lemon juice, so I was doing both and spending tons of money. Some days I’d spend $400 to $500 in one day, and then the next day I’d spend $200. At the very least, I was spending $200 a day or $1,400 to $1,500 a week and maybe $6,000 a month. Then I’d run out of money and I’d have to get by. When I’d get tight on money, I’d only do $100 a day.

Did you try to get clean? I would get sober and work for a few months, like on Dogma, but as soon as I’d get home I’d get messed up again. Or I’d quit dope for two months, but I’d still drink and smoke pot, then I’d start doing dope again. Finally, I realized I couldn’t drink or do any mind-altering drugs. I was out in L.A., and there was a warrant out for my arrest for getting busted with a bag of dope in 1999, so I went back to Jersey and turned myself in. I knew they’d either put me in jail, where I wouldn’t be able to get drugs, or they’d put me in rehab and it would all stop, which I was hoping. Luckily, I got six months in rehab.

Were you ever tempted to jump the fence at rehab? Oh, yeah. But if I decided to take off, I’d have to do four years in jail, so that kept me from wanting to leave. After six months in rehab, I flew back to L.A. and moved back in with Kevin until I got back on my feet.

Was it strange to read about your life in the tabloids? There were rumors that you were dead. It was weird. I don’t read the tabloids, but I did have a cousin who’d read that I was dead in a paper, so she called me and was like, “We haven’t heard from you and wanted to make sure you’re okay.” I try not to read anything, even now, because if 10 people say nice things but one person says something nasty, it bothers me.

What ever happened to Rock Bottom, the HBO documentary about you kicking heroin? It got shut down. I was in a really bad place when this guy, who wound up being a crazy con artist, offered to pay me if I would shoot this documentary. I said yes, so he picked me up in a big Winnebago, and they filmed me going to rehab. After being sober for a few months, I was like, “Whoa, what did I do? That was retarded letting them watch me kick dope and shit.” Now that my head was a little clearer, I called the dude. He had told me if I didn’t like it, he wouldn’t put it out. But that wasn’t the case. I said, “Look, I don’t want it coming out, I’m sorry. Squash it.” He’s like, “No, we’re gonna do it.” So we brought it to a judge, and we got the footage, and then the guy disappeared. I guess he had kept some of the footage, because a year after everything was settled, it leaked onto YouTube.

Did you watch it? I did, and it was horrible - me all messed up. He put a hidden camera in the room when I was sick and going through withdrawal. Just stuff you never want to see. Luckily, YouTube took it down.

Do you think you still would have been a drug addict if you hadn’t started making movies? Oh, yeah. It didn’t have anything to do with movies. I started doing this back in Jersey with friends I’d hung out with for years. When you go to California, no one really offers you heroin or anything. It’s got nothing to do with movies or Hollywood or clubs.

Your new movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, is the first Kevin Smith movie in which you’re not playing Jay, right? Yeah, Kevin was like, “I’m making a new movie with all different characters - no Jay or Bob. No Brian or Dante.” He wrote this character, Lester, for me, and he’s totally different. He’s got short hair and he wears a wife beater. I even have my clothes off in a few scenes.

Whoa! Full frontal? Well, they’re shooting a porno, and I audition for it. I don’t know how much I should give away. I’m sure if I said certain shit, Kevin would be like, “Dude, why did you tell everyone that?” I will say that I’ve seen a rough cut and it’s really funny.

Have you ever filmed yourself having sex? No, I’ve never taped myself.

But it says on your MySpace page that your interests are “sex, sex, sex.” Yeah, I’m interested in having sex, but I’m not interested in watching myself have sex. I don’t want to see my pasty little ass going up and down and shit. Do you?

By: Alison Prato, photos by Mike Piscitelli - Inked Magazine

For more cutting edge tattoo coverage, visit InkedMag.com

“…Scars of self-harm, tattooing and body piercing are often associated with diagnosis of personality disorders or substance misuse.”

You can’t judge a book by its cover. Or can you? The practice of cosmetic alteration of the body, as ancient a human practice though it may be, has gone through peaks and troughs of popularity in the modern world. A trend of the wealthy and highborn can turn to the mark of a criminal quicker than you’d think.

The practice of tattooing was re-introduced to Europe (tattooing had been done there for millennia before but the art had been lost) by British sailors sent to explore the South Pacific islands for the Crown. The images scratched onto the flesh of the natives there inspired the seamen to mark themselves, sparking something of am early tattoo craze in the West. By the mid to late 1800s, the ink lifestyle was linked to adventure, exploration and bravery.

Lady Randolph Churchill was marked with a snake around her wrist, and King Frederick the 9th of Denmark was quite heavily tattooed even by today’s standards. The practice spread to the States where it first took root again with sailors. The advent of the electric tattooing gun led to tattoo shops opening all over the eastern and western seaboards of America.

Automation and proliferation brought the cost of tattoos down considerably, which worked both for and against the art. While it was easier for those interested in the medium to find a tattoo artist, the stigma of tattooing being a practice of the seedy was starting to take hold. In circuses and freak shows all over the nation heavily inked people were being put on display for paying customers. Those voyeurs who had been sufficiently impressed could then spend 3 dollars and take home a tattoo of their own courtesy of the circus’ resident scratch artist.

After the Second World War the reputation of the tattooist and the tattooed went down considerably. Legal efforts on behalf of politicians had relegated tattooing strictly to designated, often seamy areas of port cities due to fears (sometimes justifiably held) of the spread of disease. To be tattooed now had a decided stink of marginality in an era of conformity. The art would stay a pass time of sailors, criminals and prostitutes for 2 decades almost exclusively.

Piercing as a human practice is likely as old as tattooing, though it never enjoyed as much social acceptance. For thousands of years, native peoples all over the world pierced various areas of their bodies for purposes of adornment and rites of passage. In Europe, it was a practice again mainly of sailors, rings put through the ears to signify a passing of the equator or to sharpen eyesight for high-seas watches. For women, piercing of the ears for jewelry had been practiced for centuries.

It was not until the 1960s when the ideas of Fakir Mustafar, born Roland Loomis, began to ignite interest in extreme body art and piercing again, first in the U.S. and then worldwide. Fascinated by the Muslim and Hindu holy men (called “Fakirs” from which he took his name) who would pierce their bodies with hooks and sharpened steel to no ill effect, Fakir began to formulate the notion of the “New Primitive.” It was Fakir Mustafar’s argument that life in the West had become intolerably sheltered and that our protection from pain, from trial, was robbing us from valuable self-knowledge. Adopting the trial piercing of various tribes from all over the world Mustafar planted the seed for interest in body modifications the effects of which are still being felt in the movement today.

“…For example, the desire to be tattooed, pierced, to dress in shocking clothing, at its basis it has obviously unpleasant emotions…”

The 1960s represented a paradigm shift time for many things, no less tattooing and piercing. The civil rights movement, anti-war protests and women’s liberation movement all collaborated in closing the door on post World War Two style conservative values. On the West Coast of America, the flower children found a fascination and unlikely partnership briefly with the outlaw motorcycle clubs that had formed and grew there after the 1940s. The rebel imagery of the bikers was adopted by the avante garde of the youth movement, actors like Peter Fonda and singers like Janis Joplin who in turn opened the doors for middle class kids everywhere to get their own marks.

The resurgence of interest brought much needed new blood to the art, people from the field of fine arts put down their texts and picked up tattoo guns, women all over the world for the first time began to view a career as a tattoo artist as viable, a development which lead to styles of design more flattering to women instead of clumsy sailor flash. The spirit of rebellion so pervasive of the time breathed new life into rebel arts.

As 1960s idealism gave way to 1970s crass selfishness, the tone of tattooing and piercing turned darker but by no means suffered a setback. Instead of flowers and eagles, rebellious youth now returned to body art’s rowdy past for inspiration; skulls, knives and dice. The punk rock movement took Fakir Mustafars rejection of bourgeois conformity to the next level, piercing eyebrows, lips and noses not with native bones but with cold stainless steel safety pins. The art of the margins was again being used, at once as a flag of rejection and so the rejected might feel safe in each others company. The 1970s made the tattoo and piercing culture we see today more than possible but inevitable.

Today, when tattooing and piercing are at their height, the question still must be asked: why?

Pornography and sites like the Suicide Girls have taken the inherently sensual art of tattooing and made it intensely sexy. Hollywood movie stars, by necessity of profession, people who stick to the norms of society, walk Rodeo Drive with pierced nipples and expensive ink. In the psychological field still tattooing and piercing both are firmly believed to be the products of “inner turmoil and distress” a sort of external sign of inner damnation.

With so many people either inked or pierced, are we a society then of the emotionally wounded? Or is this another wave of fashion which will pass and leave tattooing and piercing to the people on the margins of society to whom they always belonged?

Sources
Quote 1: British Psychiatric Journal 1998, Kelwyn Williams
Quote 2: Psychology of Mode, part of article entitled Psychology, dreams, reflexes
Works referenced:
Written on the body: the tattoo in European and American history
Marks of civilization: artistic transformations of the human body

In honor of the bizarre history of the tattoo industry, we discovered the most amazing tattoo and piercing stunts ever completed by human beings as listed (or soon to be listed) in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Record: Most Tattoos in 24 Hours

This new category in the Guinness Book of World Records is set to appear in the 2009 edition. A number of tattoo artists from all over America have already attempted to make it to the book list. Some of them have already set record-breaking feats, even surpassing the 500-tattoos-in-24-hour mark.

In order for a tattoo to be counted in this particular category, the tattoo artist needs to make sure the tats have a dimension of at least 1.25 x 3 inches, a minimum of two colors, and every tattoo must be recorded for Guinness Book eligibility.

Some notable tattoo artists who attempted to create a world record for the category Most Tattoos in 24 Hours include:

Derek Kastning, a tattoo artist from Tyler, Texas who works for Rat-aTac-Tat Tattoos set a new record of 726 tattoos in 24 hours in October 2008.

John ‘Joker’ McManus, a tattoo artist from West Monroe, broke the record set by Kastning by making 775 star tattoos in 24 hours on November 2, 2008. He also broke the 8-hour record of 240 by completing 331.

However, McManus’s celebration was short-lived as Hollis Cantrell from Phoenix, Arizona broke the former record with Cantrell’s 801 ‘AZ’ tattoos in 24 hours in November 2008. Apparently, Cantrell is the man to beat this year. Will another tattoo artist take the challenge and ink a much higher feat?

Record: Most Tattooed Person

This word record was once held by a controversial dude named Tom Leppard who is more popularly known as the Leopard Man. Apparently getting the inspiration from his last name, Tom covered his entire body with leopard-like spots.

Leppards’ impressive tattoo covering was surpassed by an Aussie tattoo enthusiast, Lucky Diamond Rich, who literally covered his entire body with ink. Yes, he is a certified tattoo freak, covering every inch of his skin with tattoo. I don’t think anybody could beat a 100% tattooed man in this category. This is the ultimate level and anyone trying to do the same would just be a poor copycat.

Lucky underwent over 1,000 hours of tattoo sessions by hundreds of tattoo artists. He once tried to collect colorful designs from around the world and tattooed them over his entire body. Not satisfied with the already extraordinary feat, Lucky decided to have a 100% covering of black ink that included his eyelids, skin between the toes, down into the ears, and even his gums. Still not contended with the whole thing, Lucky decided to cover the black ink with white designs, and colored designs on top of the white.

Record: Longest Tattoo Session

At 43 hours and 50 minutes, Stephen Grady and Melanie Grieveson of Australia are holding the world record for the longest tattoo session. Grady and Melanie are from Twin Cities Tattooing studio, and both broke the record by 1.5 hours.

Grieveson entered the book records not only as a record breaker but also the first woman to ever attempt the feat.

Record: Most Body Piercings

If you think your proud local body-piercing buddy who’s gotten a Prince Albert, and a number of other jewelries planted on his body, is the king of body piercings, think again. Robert Jesus Rubio from United States of America is holding the world record for the most number of body piercings on a human being with 900 surgical needles inserted into his body. These 18-gauge surgical needles are 1.2 cm long - inserted on May 29, 2008.

Record: Most Pierced Woman

Elaine Davidson may not land on the list of Most Powerful Women in History or in any list with Oprah or Hilary, but she currently holds the world record for most piercings on a woman. Elaine has a record of 720 piercings; 192 on her face and 462 on her body. She has been holding the record since May 2000.

Record: Most Body Piercings in One Session

So you think getting one piercing is tough enough? But for Kam Ma, from UK, getting one piercing in one session is child’s play. A real man gets 1015 piercings at once. That’s exactly what Kam Ma did on March 4, 2006 at the Sunderland Body Art with Charlie Wilson. Both performed the feat in 7 hours and 55 minutes.

Learn more about the crazy body art and tattoo lifestyle here.

Take one look at the half-sleeves blanketing both of his upper arms and it’s clear Montel Williams lives up to his talk show’s slogan, “There’s More to Montel.” Who would have ever guessed that underneath those neatly pressed shirts, this fixture of daytime jibber jabber is hiding intricate ink murals by the likes of the legendary Zulu from Zulu Tattoo?

The “moreness” of Williams extends way beyond his surprising love of tattooing. He’s an avid snowboarder, a skilled poker player, and an ex-military spy who speaks Russian and served in the invasion of Grenada. There’s also more to a man who, despite suffering from multiple sclerosis, travels the country as the spokesman for the Partnership for Prescription Assistance, an organization committed to getting drugs into the hands of those who can’t afford them. He’s also a proponent for legalizing marijuana for medicinal use. There’s just one problem: There is no more.

The Montel Williams Show’s 17-year run is up, the grand finale has already aired, and the surplus of unaired episodes runs dry after September. Has the man of more finally given the public all he has to offer? “Forget that noise,” he quips. “I’m not even close to being done.” We’re inclined to believe him.

INKED: Montel Williams has tattoos?

WILLIAMS: Yeah, I think most people are surprised by that. It’s an odd one.

What got you started?

I spent 22 years in the Navy and Marines, both enlisted

and as an officer. I came off active duty in 1989 and back then the military

really frowned down on tattoos, especially amongst the officers. I always

wanted one but never pulled the trigger. Then in 2001, I just said, “You know

what? I’m getting one.” My first was the snowboarder guy on my left arm. But

like many of us, I couldn’t just have one. It grew.

You have several tattoos of a human-bobcat creature. Where is it from?

That’s a half-human, half-panther alter ego of myself. He looks like Tony the Tiger on crack. When I was a kid, that was the doodle on all of my notebooks,and when I made the football team, I drew it on my helmet. One day, I was looking through a package of my old stuff and I found an old doodle. I thought, “This ought to be a tattoo.”

Your right arm has an insane amount of detail. What is it all?

The whole right arm was done by Zulu in Los Angeles. In the middle is a trio of half-human,half-animal people, and if you look at the half-man half-panther he’s got all sorts of things on him that are important to me. Going up his leg are all the ranks I achieved as a Marine. His belt buckle is the eagle, globe, and anchor emblem from the Marine Corps, while the thing on his chest is the Meritorious Service Medal I got in the Navy. Each of the half-cat women has a sword on her leg - one is the Marine Corps sword, one is the Navy sword.

What’s the stuff all around them?

Those are things I had to do in the military. I was airlifted in and out of Grenada during the invasion, so there’s a Huey [helicopter]. I rappelled and did some parachuting, so there’s a parachute. The two round circles, that’s really an “80″ for my Naval Academy class. Below that there’s a spyglass because when I was in the military I was a spy. Underneath that is a pair of headphones because, as a spy, I spoke Russian and I used to have to listen in on conversations. At the bottom are two submarines. One is the USS Seahorse, which was the submarine I was on when it chased down the other submarine there, a Soviet Typhoon.

You were on a sub that chased down a Russian sub?

Oh yeah. We were the only submarine to do something called an “underhull” of a Typhoon, which was the most powerful sub they had at the time. That’s when one sub is underneath another one taking pictures of it while they’re both moving through the water.

They had no idea you were there?

Nope. If they knew they would have killed us. At the closest spot we were about 15 feet apart. If the other guy decided to dive, we’d have been dead.

Do you have any tattoos that aren’t visible?

On the front side of my hip right over that pelvic bone I have a panther head about six inches in diameter. It went right across that bone and … oh my God … worse than under your arm, worse than your collarbone. My God that took me off the table. That was one of those five minutes, stop, five minutes, stop, for about three hours.

Is it important for you to be able to cover them?

Well, I don’t want someone to immediately have an opinion about me based on a first view. But I’ll tell you something strange: I’ve been on television for the last 17 years talking about some of the most important issues facing our nation. For the last eight of them, I’ve been doing so with earrings in my ear. No one has ever said a word. I don’t think you’ll find another news anchor or TV host with three earrings. Howie Mandel copied me. He asked me once how I get away with them and I said, “Dude, no one has ever said a thing.” The next week he has one earring. The week after that he has two! I shouldn’t be so worried about the tattoos, but I let you see them when I want you to see them.

Why was snowboarding the subject of your first tattoo?

It’s a huge part of my life. It’s unbelievably therapeutic for me because snowboarding is all in the ankles and knees, and that’s where I’ve had the most difficulty with my MS. For the last few years I’ve snowboarded over 100 days a year, but my schedule is off this year and I haven’t gone. I’ve tried to replicate the movements on machines at the gym, but it hasn’t really worked. This has been my worst walking year in a long time.

Are you still using medical marijuana to relieve your symptoms?

Without a doubt, and I will until the day I die. I’m a proponent. I’ve testified around the country in every state that has legislation pending.

Why is smoking a joint preferable to popping a Percocet?

I’m just asking for my doctor to have the right to prescribe it just like he has the right to prescribe morphine or cocaine. Under Bill Clinton there was a study funded by taxpayers that attempted to refute marijuana’s medical efficacy. The study came back the opposite. It said that it was the most egregious offense that marijuana was not being prescribed by doctors. People have to understand that the pharmaceutical industry makes about 190 different pain medications. That’s because not one medication will work for more than 28 percent of the population. So, I might take a pill and it might not work. And the next pill might not work and the next pill might not work. Marijuana won’t work for everyone either. But give my doctor the right to make that choice, not some bunch of bean heads wearing bad ties and bad suits down on Capitol Hill.

Will it ever be legalized?

No question. Right now there are 13 states that have already passed medicinal marijuana

laws that allow doctors to prescribe. In another two years we’ll be up to 19 states. When we hit 25, the federal government can’t stop it. And the presidential candidates are 100 percent for changing the way marijuana is persecuted,

prosecuted, or processed. So, the tide is changing.

Do you have political ambitions yourself?

Politics will be in my future whether it’s from an elected position or from a lobbying position. I believe very strongly that if

you complain about the ills of our society and do nothing about it, you should keep your damn mouth shut.

You’re referring to yourself?

I do a lot of complaining about the ills of society, so it’s time for me to step up to the plate and do something about it in a leadership role.

Do you think we’ll see our first African-American president elected this year?

I have no idea about this election and I don’t think most of America does either. We’re not informed enough. We follow the media with a hook in our mouths like lemmings being pulled over a cliff.

But you’re part of the media.

I am part of it, and I’m glad I’ve quit for right now. It’s offensive to watch supposed news pundits swill on their individual opinions in an attempt to sway people to vote the way they do. Most people voting this year don’t have the slightest idea who they’re voting for. They only have the media’s impression of who the person is. Some might say this happens every

election, but it doesn’t. This election is definitely worse.

Was there a watershed moment that created this climate or has it been a gradual shift?

The watershed would have to be the entire Clinton abomination with Monica Lewinsky. All bets are off when we start dragging dresses out of closets to test them for the president’s DNA. That’s a talk show. We turn it into Jerry Springer

and that’s what we’ve turned this election into.

Since you mention Jerry, how would you say you distinguished yourself from the other guys you shared

the dial with?

One: I respect the living rooms I’m brought into. You can watch my show and not have to worry about

taking a shower at the end to wash the garbage off. Two: The show doesn’t just belabor an issue. If I address an

issue like date rape, I’m going to talk about the situation that lead to what happened and discuss solutions. Three: I’m the only show in the history of television to have an aftercare program - and I’m not talking about three minutes in the green room. We’ve sent about 3,500 guests into aftercare, which has included full-blown medical surgeries and treatment centers for everything from drug addiction to anorexia. Over the last 17 years, I did 3,150 shows and there’s not one I had my name on that I wasn’t proud of.

In 17 years, there’s not a single show you wish you hadn’t done?

There was only one I wanted to pull back. I’m sorry I did it, but I was proud of the way I handled the topic.

What was the topic?

Back in my first year we did a show on infantilism - those freaks that dress up in diapers and run

around the house sucking on bottles playing baby. [Phil] Donahue and Sally [Jessy Raphael] had done it before me

and I had this group of producers who convinced me it would pull great numbers. So, I tried it. After the show aired I

said, “That’s it. Now, I approve every topic and every guest.” From then on I maintained 100 percent creative control.

And now it’s all wrapping up, huh?

People have asked me what’s it going to be like to be retired. Right now, I’ve got four projects that are close to being greenlit, including a reality show I’m producing with the NFL and the next version of The Montel Williams Show. Plus I just signed my eighth book deal. So, I had my finale, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m like Jay-Z: “This is my last tour… This is my last tour….”

One last question. Truth or Internet rumor: Were you a Swiss rodeo clown before getting on TV?

That’s so crazy! Do you know that you’re the fifth person who’s asked me that? Someone else told me that on Wikipedia there’s a whole thing about Connie Chung, Maury Povich, and Montel Williams leading some Internet relationship. Ever heard that one? One day my wife jokingly asked, “Honey, you’ve been cheating on me with Connie Chung and Maury Povich?” But, no, I was not a rodeo clown. That’s funny.

For more cutting edge tattoo coverage, visit InkedMag.com

By Tom Conlon, photos by Kurt Iswarienko - Inked Magazine

A noob (newbie or tenderfoot) is sure to get lost in this ocean of communication confusion. If you happen to be one, don’t fret. This feature is for you. A collection of the most commonly used tattoo and piercing slang terms is laid out below. Read up and soak in the slang. We all have to start somewhere, don’t we?

Ultimate Guide to Tattoo and Piercing Slang

Airbrushing - This term refers to the rebound ink that sprays all over your pants. Funny how they can come up with terms for such mundane issues.

B-back - This refers to a customer who chickens-out during a tattoo session. The most commonly used excuse is: “I gotta run to the ATM, I’ll be back.” But he never returns.

Been needled - This is another way to say: “been tattooed.”

Cadaver - This term refers to a customer who refuses to talk to the tattoo artist during the entire process of getting inked. It is likely that the customer is a noob or just too scared about the whole process to find the energy to speak.

Closers - This refers to those annoying customers who know fully well that you close at 10pm, and take your last customer at 9pm, but they walk in at 9:45pm anyway, expecting you to accommodate their 2-hour tattoo request.

Dealers - These are customers who haggle down the tattoo price like they are attending a body art auction. They intend to pay less than what regular customers normally pay.

Engraved - This is another term for “tattooed.”

Geeking - This refers to acting stupid, or ignorant, or out of place, without regard to how you appear to others. Tattoo artists tend to use this term to refer to their clients who do not know how to follow instructions, especially in matters related to taking care of their tattoos.

Getting inked - Is another way of saying, “getting tattooed.”

Goo - This pertains to the cool, healing ointment tattoo artists apply to a new tattoo.

Grinding - A term similar to “creating,” as in what “grinding out some tribal tattoos” suggests.

Gun - This is a general slang term for a tattoo machine. In some cases, this term may have a negative connotation in association with hackers or scratchers.

Hacker - Beware of the hacker. No, he doesn’t hack into computer systems; this term refers to an unskilled tattoo artist who tends to cause the client more pain and swelling than necessary. Also called a scratcher.

Human Larva - This pertains to little children running around a tattoo shop. Poor kids.

Ink - This is synonymous with the word tattoo. As a verb, “to ink” can also mean “to get a tattoo.”

Inked - Refers to a person with many tattoos. It also pertains to the act of getting tattooed.

Irons - Another term for tattoo machines with a positive connotation. Irons are tattoo

machines used only by tattoo artists.

Kickin’ it into third - A phrase used by tattoo artists that describes the way they pick up the speed on the fill, because they know you can handle it.

Know you’re getting a tattoo - A phrase used by tattoo artists to refer to the act of tattooing the underside of the arm. Ouch, that’s going to hurt.

Meat - A local tattoo enthusiast who always has a fresh tattoo healing always has meat. This type of collector frequents the tattoo shop, getting a tat or two in short intervals.

Michaelangelo - Tattoo artists coined this ironic term out of frustration towards certain clients who think they know better. They are the ones who ask for “victory red” or “purple passion” and tell the artist where and how to shade. Think: back seat driver.

Pounding skin - Refers to “tattooing someone.” To a virgin, this term can sound more brutal than necessary.

Pussyball - Pertains to the “tennis ball” given to the customer who won’t stop whining.

Scratcher - Similar to hacker.

Show your ink - Another way of saying “show your tattoo.”

Showcase - Refers to a collector who has a ton of tattoos inked by the same tattoo artist.

Sleeve - A tattoo, or series of tattoos, that cover the arm is referred to as a sleeve. It may not really fully cover the arm; a sleeve can cover half or three-quarters of the arm.

Slinging ink - Similar to pounding skin.

Squicked - Refers to being grossed out or disgusted. This describes the way you feel when you look at a new piercing while imagining the amount of pain the person must have gone through in the process. A Prince Albert might give you this kind of reaction.

Tat or tatt - An abbreviation term used to refer to tattoo.

Tattoo flash - Refers to tattoo designs or samples usually displayed on a tattoo studio’s wall.

Tattoo shark - Pertains to someone who has a habit of stealing other people’s tattoo ideas.

Tattoo worthy - This term describes a band (yeah, music group) that is not only talented, but whose talent and iconic reputation will last forever (just as tattoos last forever).

Tenderfoot - Body art newbies.

The Look - This describes the tell-all smile when the customer first sees his new tattoo.

Works - The needles and tubes used for the art of tattooing.

Wrastler - This is a person who, after fainting in the tattoo chair, still decides to finish what he started.

Yo-Man - A potential tattoo customer who walks in the shop saying, “Yo man, I got $20. What can I get?”

Tips to Improve Your Tattoo Lingo

As languages evolve, we can expect more and more terms will enhance, or at least elongate, the dictionary of tattoo slang. In order for you to keep up with the talk trends, here are things that you can do to stay abreast with shop talk.

If the situation allows, hang out at a tattoo shop and listen to conversations between tattoo clients and artists. Unfamiliar words and phrases are sure to pop out. Take note of them and have someone explain their meanings. If possible, you can be bold enough to ask someone directly about it.

Another way of expanding your tattoo vocabulary is to attend tattoo conventions and ink-related gatherings. Joining an assembly of tattoo enthusiasts, coming from different parts of the country (or even the world), is a tremendous opportunity for learning tattoo slang. Geographical differences might induce differences in meaning or connotations of certain tattoo slang terms. Not only will you learn a new set of tattoo slang terms, but you also get the rare chance to understand different perspectives of the inked dialect.

Read tattoo articles from tattoo magazines. Tattoo articles are written by experts in the field, so they are bound to contain technical terms only a true-blue tattoo addict might understand.

Read books about tattoos and tattooing. You can also include tattoo guidebooks in your reading list. Not only will these books help you better understand the details of the industry, they will also ensure you soak in your fill of tattoo slang terms.

The Internet offers an endless database of tattoo and body art information. Search around to find interesting tattoo and piercing websites that provide the latest in what’s hot and what’s not in the body art industry. RankMyTattoos.com is a good place to start.

These very practical tips will help erase your Noob status in no time.

What did we miss? Leave your favorite tattoo and piercing slang terms - you’re your best definitions - in the comment area below!

Inspire your slang memory by browsing through new RMT user tattoo photos here. The main article photo is from RMT user Koi - check out Koi’s profile here.