The word “but” probably scares you a lot. It definitely scares me in the few cases where I have to spend some time to come up with a sentence that can convey the same or a better meaning without using that word. Using the word “but” is also, in many cases, the same as simply saying “No, you cannot have this” or “No, you are wrong because of this.” However, those latter two sentences are more direct and less negative than a sentence containing the word “but.”

The word “but” usually marks the beginning of something that the listener, and the reader, would know is not in their best interest. Would you want to use words in your sentences that the other person is simply going to start resenting or not wanting to hear? Today, we will go through 5 extremely simple yet effective ways to focus on a message and to avoid using the word “but” completely. This way, you can gain more attention and be able to actually convey your message to an audience without creating an air of resistance in other people.

The dangerous world of “but”

I would like to tell you immediately what the 5 points are, but you must first read everything else I have to say before I tell you anything. How does that sentence sound to you? Chances are, it may feel like I am forcing you to do something you do not want to do before you get to read the 5 points. Imagine if I had said: “I would like to give you a small introduction to the concept of using the word “but” in order to show you how avoiding it can both simplify and complicate things in a good manner. That latter sentence to me sounds much better, even though it is longer, as it actually plans an outline of what I would request of you, instead of telling you what I want to force out of you.

5 ways to avoid the word “but”

Following are 5 simple and effective ways to avoid the word “but” and to focus on the actual message. The word “but” can easily be replaced by other words with simple modifications to any sentence.

1. Focus on the whole situation by listing it out like a story, instead of focusing on the main difference by starting it with the word “but.”
2. Use the word “however.”
3. Use the word “while.”
4. Use the word “therefore.”
5. Use the word “though.”

But why is “But” bad?

The actual quality of any communication improves when you are telling the other person what is going on, instead of telling the other person how they cannot get what they want. Avoid using the word "but“, and focus on alternate solutions to convey your message. For example, if you are accepting applications for a guest blogger, instead of saying “You do have many comments here, but we are looking for someone who has their own blog elsewhere too!“, try saying “We are looking for someone who has a lot of comments here and also a blog. Therefore, since you already have many comments here, if you can start a blog or already have a blog and can let us know what it is about, we can move forward with your application.”

Just by eliminating one word and rephrasing the sentence without changing any meaning of the actual message you want to actually convey, you go from telling someone that their application is rejected because of them not having a blog, to telling someone that their application will be considered further once they have a blog or once they tell you what their blog is. The entire focus of the reason for wanting to replace the word “but” lies in the idea of communicating any difficulties, deficiencies or not-so-great-news-for-the-other-person by listing out the entire scenario and by not adding to it any advance and extreme negative connotation or labeling than what is already present.

Help your friends, co-workers, readers, contacts and clients by telling them what is going on and how what they wished to happen may happen in a different manner or may not happen under current circumstances. Avoid telling them that what they wished to happen is not going happening using the word “but.” The less you use the word “but“, the less resistance people or situations may feel when you are communicating about things that seem to be anything but smooth.

EXERCISE FOR YOU

Here is a simple exercise for you. In the comments below, please list any sentence with the word “but” in it. You and I can then share our views on how we can replace that sentence with a better, but-less word.

But will you share your thoughts on this article and the exercise?

Do you like the word “but“? Do you happen to use it regularly? What is your view on its benefits and drawbacks?

Please share in the comments below. Also, please participate in the exercise mentioned above so that you can figure out and share with others how a but-free world of communication may be better. Thanks!

It has happened to you before. You get a complaint through an e-mail. Things look bad. You end up spending a lot of energy figuring out an appropriate answer. Sometimes you reply to complaints immediately. Sometimes you distance yourself from the complaint e-mail, for a little while, in order to come up with a better reply.

With complaint e-mails, if you do not address the direct concerns of the e-mailer in your reply, you may actually worsen a situation. The best way to respond to an e-mail is to actually think of letting the e-mailer know how you will solve a problem and also comforting the e-mailer, whether directly or indirectly.

Today we are going to focus on 10 ways you can write amazingly simple and fail-proof e-mail replies to complaints. Any of these 10 ways below will help you get one step closer to both solving a problem and making the dissatisfied e-mailer happier.

Ten ways you can reply to complaints via e-mails more efficiently

1. In questions, stick to the points being discussed.
2. Focus on the content and purpose of the message, instead of just the content.
3. Respond in a timely fashion.
4. If possible, always keep the other person up to date.
5. Avoid any existing unpleasant atmosphere, instead of completely ignoring it.
6. Acknowledge difficulties.
7. Focus on solutions.
8. If an immediate response is required, try to focus solely on the points in the e-mail.
9. If an immediate response is not required, feel free to take your time to send a reply by letting the e-mailer know that you will need some time to find a solution for them.
10. Follow up on time without making the other person impatient.

Any of the above points can help you write better e-mail responses to dissatisfied e-mailers who are complaining to you about something.

You should always keep in mind that if the purpose of your reply to any complaint e-mail is to either solve the issue or make the other party happier, you have to focus solely on the existing points and emotions that the original e-mailer has already expressed. Avoid adding anything new or focusing on things that do not concern both the points and the e-mailer at the same time.

How do you reply to complaint e-mails?

What are some of the ways you respond to complaint e-mails? Have you complained about something in an e-mail and gotten a response you were satisfied or dissatisfied with? Please share in the comments below.

Thank you!

It happens to many people. It probably happened to you too. Someone online has gotten upset over something you said or did through one of your online profiles like your blog or MySpace. Such a person may be disagreeing with you constantly over something, and also exhibiting a lot of anger. They may not be stalking you, but they also may not willing to ignore the things you say or do. How do you deal with someone who constantly disagrees with you or wants to argue and fight with you online constantly?

I have discussed the idea of giving up in winning arguments as a way to end fierce disputes. In such cases, while you may be completely right, you have to realize whether winning an argument will result in the same benefits and peace as would simply ignoring or losing that argument. So how do you deal with a reader who is constantly upset? Today I will tell you 10 ways through which you can try to deal with someone online who is constantly upset over your public online presence and writings.

Online, many disagreements happen simply because of some random keyboard strokes. If the disagreement exists solely due to pride over something like religion, country, race or culture, then you can decide whether or not simply ignoring or giving in to the other side in terms of saying they are right in their view, in order to simply move on, can be a good solution. Arguing about something like life or religion can be one thing. However, simply talking about it online in order to prove to others that they are wrong and that you are right, and for no other purpose, is something that can be ignored in my view.

10 ways to deal with angry people online who keep fighting and arguing with you

Here are 10 ways to deal with constantly upset people readers on your website or profiles.

1. Talk to them privately outside of the public site to try to end the dispute.
2. Find agreeable points and focus on them more than the disagreeable points to discuss and emphasize the disagreements.
3. Tell them to leave. Yes, the elixir of life for many people: asking someone to disappear. If someone is really upsetting you for no good or valid reason, and you are not upsetting them, you can try to ask them to leave you alone, either for good or for a while.
4. Ignore the person. This is another way to completely ignore the things that may be causing you stress because of the behavior of the constantly arguing person.
5. Take time off yourself. Many times, simply taking a break yourself may help. Sure, the actions of someone else online cause you to change your life in this point. However, that change in your life can be a good change in this case, because without it you may continue to suffer because of the controllable angry emotional outburst of someone else, regardless of the reason. If you cannot fix it, take some time off from either your site or that person. The point is not to prove who is right. The point is to find a solution to you being bothered and having your life suffer due to the continuously upset nature of the other person.

   This can also allow you to take some time off to think of better ways of answering the queries or upset remarks of the other person.

6. If a quick response is important for you, or if the situation may get worse, in your view, should you not respond quickly, then one way is to actually focus on the details of the things that are being disagreed with, instead of the disagreement. If the disagreement is about the other person caring about abortion more than you, for example, then you can list out the elements of abortion and the things that cause controversies, instead of focusing on the other person.

   Remember, disagree with arguments, and not with those that argue.

7. Always include the other person into the consideration of your points, instead of excluding them or citing them as being wrong. For example, you could say the following:

   I agree that the forests should be saved. I also realize what you are saying, that in order for progress to happen, trees must be cut in order to produce more paper and wood. Do you think there is a solution

   The above quote is a good example of honesty, consideration and meaning. Avoid talking or acting like a stereotypically stereotyped salesperson by faking out your appreciation for the other person, or by sucking up to them in order to gain their support. Be real.

8. Ask someone else, privately, to help intervene. If you cannot stop arguing, or cannot find a solution and the disagreement is dragging on, ask someone else privately if they are willing to intervene in order to either come up with a solution or with a resolution that results in no more arguments or heated debates.
9. Ask yourself and the other person one of the elemental questions: “What is to be achieved from this argument? What do I wish to achieve from this argument? What do you wish to achieve from this argument?” The “Death of this argument!” can be a good answer to such questions also.
10. Tell the person that they are not welcome around your online profile anymore. While trying to maintain contact with more people may seem like a good task, many times, cutting off ties that bring you nothing but stress is a very good step. If you have tried ending a dispute, and have also tried all the other options, and believe that the other person will keep on fighting with you even when you are not arguing about anything specific with them, simply tell them to leave. It is after this point that you can start to block them or report them to websites like Facebook and other places if they keep coming back to your online profile to upset you further.

How would you deal with a constantly upset reader online?

The above are 10 ways, among the many other, to deal with a constantly upset reader. From ignoring to dealing with the argument using different approaches to simply moving on, you can try to end fights and disputes online by actually focusing on the end solution. Some tips may work, while other tricks may need more tweaking. If you work on finding a solution, you will hopefully find a solution, and end the argument.

How would you deal with someone who is upset at you regularly and disagrees constantly? Would the very idea of a disagreement bother you, or would the idea of having to work on resolving an unending dispute bother you more?

Please share your thoughts in the comments below. Thanks!

Recently, at RA Project a new brand idea was born to allow, through WordPress and in general, each and every website commentor the choice to specifically tell a website owner whether or not that specific commentor would like a comment response. I call it the RA Project Comment Response Choice Idea. I wonder about the effect of this idea on other things in the blog-reader and business-customer relationship arena and wanted to discuss that with you today.

Should all comments be answered, or only the ones asking for a reply?

So far, in the blogging world and in the online world in general, when you leave a comment on any website, you usually expect or want a response when you ask the website owner, or the article owner, a question or for some info. Unless an author of an article explicitly says that they will reply to all comments to their article, expecting a comment response is considered kind of voluntary and dependent on the tone of a comment. The actual reply depends on the philosophy and the mentality of an important question: is it an obligation to respond to all comments?

While the concept of allowing people to specifically ask for a comment response to their comment, or let a website owner know that they do not want a response to their comments, is very interesting to me, it also raises a very important question for me: can such a concept, of making people specifically ask for a comment response to their input, be manipulated or abused a bit to give more leniency to website owners and others when it comes to the idea of replying to people who comment on their websites?

How can businesses use this new response requirement model?

Let us take this concept one step further. How can companies use this concept when dealing with their customers? A company can require all customers to actually specify if they would require a response when dealing with that company. The Comment Response Choice can greatly help in allowing companies to focus more on responses that are directly asked for. This should also help customers be more satisfied as they will realize that a company may not be replying to them because the company has not been directly asked to respond.

At the same time, however, I wonder if it is a good idea to make a customer, or anyone else, go through an additional layer of customer reader action in order to actually respond to them? I see a very interesting implementation for this: by default, such comment response choices can be modified very easily to have the “I do not need a response” option chosen by default. In such cases, if a customer forgets to look at the Comment Response Choice or something similar, the default “No” will be chosen automatically. That can make it easier for people or businesses to say later on that the reason they did not reply was because the reader or the customer specified that they did not want a reply.

What do you think?

I love good ideas, and I love new ideas that are good. RA Project has many brand new ideas on their way and many good ideas already. Though as with probably anything, ideas need to be handled with common sense, including this Comment Response Choice idea. What is your view on this? Would you, as a website or a business owner, follow such a trend of making people specifically choose an extra option if they want a response from you? Would you, as a customer or a reader, want to specifically take an extra step to ask for a response?

Please let me and others know what you think in the comments below, thanks!

Hi there.

Bes Zain here. I am very happy to announce what you may have already found out in a recent RA Project post: I am back and have taken over RA Project.

To get a good idea of what RA Project is all about, you can read my first post from May 18th, 2007, where I announced The Reader Appreciation Project for the first time. As for finding out who I am, if you do not know about me yet, you can read more on my The Reasoner About Me page.

Continuum, Changes & Improvements

The Reader Appreciation Project will now continue in the direction with the ideas that I have had in my mind since the beginning. You will see a lot of new content appearing regularly from now on. Please offer any input or thoughts you may have about anything that you read or notice on the site.

There will also be several key improvements, in the form of changes mainly, coming soon to the entire Project. The main improvements will be in the areas of actual content. In my view, the actual content is the actual reason and power of, for and behind this entire RA Project. Following are some of the main key points that I have in my mind at this moment:

• Very important: expansion of the idea of “Reader Appreciation“
• Your opinion. What do you think of the concept of appreciation?
• Your participation. How would you like to participate in or through this Project?
• Reader Appreciation concept papers, explanation, issues, examples and more.
• More spotlights
• Simplification of the content and some areas on the site

Other minor changes like a new theme and different visual elements will be rolled out gradually as time passes. As time passes, I’ll announce further updates in a separate post or update this very announcement.

What do you think?

I would like to hear your feedback or thoughts on everything. What do you think of this new announcement? What do you think of RA Project so far? Would you like to ask anything in order to find out more about the project or to find out more about me? If you have any questions, comments, suggestions or any thoughts about anything here, please let me know through the comments below [it rhymes!] or by contacting me directly.

Thank you for visiting and reading RA Project. I am very happy to be back, and at the same time, I am very excited and hopeful at what is happening here right now.

One of the things I’ve constantly struggled with is replying to comments.

Sometimes a post is old, and someone decides to leave an off-hand comment. Do I reply, or just leave it be?

Or, someone has made a well-versed comment, but all I can think of is, “Nice comment.”

I’ve created some code (if you’re using WordPress) that takes the guess work out of this. If a reader would like a reply, they can explicitly say so.

The Concept

Right below the comment form is a drop-down box that lets the reader choose if they desire a reply or not.

Once they leave the comment, you are sent a normal comment e-mail with the reader’s preference included.

Here are some screenshots to demonstrate:

On a Blog

In Your E-mail

You can also view live implementations here:

• Ronald’s Blog
• Bes’s Blog

The Code

The code is rather simple, so I’m not going to release it as a plugin.

All you’re required to do is insert the code into your WordPress theme’s functions.php file.

Here is a download link.

When viewing the source, you can customize the IDs (for CSS), as well as text.

If customizing, be sure that the “SELECT” tag ID/Name matches the ID in line 13 of the code.

Conclusion

Giving the reader the option to weigh in on his/her preference is a concept I have yet to see elsewhere.

Please feel free to try it out and/or weigh in here on your thoughts.

As most of you are aware, the posts on RAP have died down over the last several months. The reason? I decided to take a long break from blogging, reassess my priorities and interests, and rejuvenate myself mentally and physically.

I’ve made some decisions, and one of those is to rid myself of prior obligations so that I can work on other projects. That’s the reason I’m no longer developing/supporting my WordPress plugins; they are too time consuming with very little ROI.

New Owner

Bes Zain, one of the original RAP founders, recently got back in touch with me. We were talking, and he asked, “What are you planning to do with raproject?” I couldn’t give him a good answer.

I then asked him, “Would you like to take it over?” He enthusiastically agreed.

So here’s my announcement: Bes is back and he’s now in charge of the future of raproject.

What’s in store? I have no idea, but I’m sure Bes will fill you all in. If you are subscribed, please hang in there and see what Bes can do.

I’ll still be around, but my priorities are elsewhere right now.

Thank you all for supporting me at this project. Take care.

I’ve been looking for a new author for Ajax Edit Comments for some time now.

With the help of Jeff from WP Tavern, I was able to find a new author.

Ajay Dsouza, who I assume needs no introduction, has decided to take over the plugin.

I’ve swarmed Ajay with diagrams and e-mails explaining the plugin, so hopefully updates will come soon.

Thank you to everyone here at raproject who has supported this plugin and made it one of WordPress’s most popular. A big thank you to the translators, and everyone who has given feedback in the forms of posts, bugs, support, and more.

If you have a moment, please give Ajay some love and write about the new home for Ajax Edit Comments (http://ajaydsouza.com/wordpress/plugins/wp-ajax-edit-comments/).

In order to minimize confusion, the existing Ajax Edit Comments pages will now redirect to Ajay’s website.

Thanks again for your support.

WP Categories and Posts now has a new page and author. Please visit the new WP Categories and Posts Page on the Phill McDonnell website.

WP Categories and Posts was one of my first plugins I wrote for raproject.

It was quickly overshadowed by Ajax Edit Comments, and I didn’t really touch it after that.

Phil McDonnell approached me last week about taking it over, and I was pleasantly surprised at his eagerness.

We spent a few days exchanging details, and I helped him get it listed on WP Extend.

Features Planned

Here are some of the features Phil plans to add:

• Add the number of posts to each category, like Rants (5), Poetry (3), etc.
• Parameter to limit the number of post displayed
• Parameter to show/hide date display
• Parameter to show/hide parent category name

And here are the features you suggested that may make the cut:

• Create an admin menu with user-definable settings. Ideally a user shouldn’t have to program in a function, but include something like <!–cats_and_posts(args)–> in a page or post.
• Maybe an AJAX implementation which could collapse/expand the index for posts older than a certain date?

Much thanks to Phil for taking this plugin over. Hopefully this neglected plugin will get some nice updates.

If you have any more feature requests, please comment here and I’ll refer Phil to this page.

Visit the Categories and Posts page hosted by Phil.

One Side Note

The plugin page for Categories and Posts hosted here will automatically redirect to Phil’s new plugin page. My apologies in advance for any inconvenience.

Ajax Edit Comments Plugin has been taken over by Ajay D’Souza. You can visit the new Ajax Edit Comment Plugin page for updates and download.

Today marks the first major release in some time for Ajax Edit Comments.

Here are some of the changes in 2.2.

• Feature: De-link comment option for admins.
• Feature: Ability to move comment-editing interface above or below the comment.
• Feature/Bug Fix: Edited comments are checked against comment blacklist.
• Feature/Bug Fix: Anonymous users can no longer edit comments that are marked as moderated.
• Misc: JavaScript should leave less of a footprint.
• Misc: Comment Editor is completely stand-alone. Hopefully this will resolve some conflicts.
• Misc: Updated jQuery script to 1.2.6. *crossing fingers*

Please head over to WordPress Extend and download your own copy.

If you have any issues with the new version, please leave a comment below.