*Dusts off blog*

Hi Everyone,

Raspberry Mousse is still on hiatus.  BUT- I had to make this post because this topic has been on my mind for a while.

Earlier this week, I was killing some time via the internet & came across some interesting links & debates. 

The first link (courtesy of After Ellen) was an article about  female entertainers who play lesbian for titillation.  This piece was *sorta* flamed by a couple of AE members because they say that some of the celebs mentioned were actually bisexual.  Amongst the replies, I noted this brief exchange:

AE Member #1: Wait, Fergie is bisexual now? Like, bisexual-bisexual or "I believe all people are bisexual, but I happen to have only had deep cosmic connections with men" bisexual?

AE Member #2:  Fergie has had sex with men and women. What else do you need to know?

The second link I came across yesterday.  It was posted by a few Facebook friends who were upset over the Advocate calling Gandhi “gay”.  Now mind you, I am suspicious of any book that reveals “new info” about some long-dead person's secret sex life,  but I digress.  Anyway—  I found myself sucked into a bit of a debate over the subject, and there I read that sentence again — “If a person has sex with both men and women, they are bisexual.”

Now this is not the first time I've heard these assertions.  There seems to be a general belief  that if a person has sex with both men and women, they are indeed bisexual.   Now, I agree with this to a point BUT overall, I believe that identity  =/= behavior and vice versa. 

For the last couple of months, these exchanges made me realize why I felt the term bisexual never worked for me.  Not because it emphasizes on the gender binary, or even because there is a stigma attached but because it feels too generic to me.

There is no distinction made between the bisexual who is heteroromantic, homoromantic or even biromantic.  They're all grouped under one word when it's quite clear their orientation, identity and lifestyle differ from one another.   Now some people in the aforementioned groups are content with identifying as bisexual, and that is fine.  However, the option to make that distinction in lifestyles and romantic leanings should be available to those who want it.  

And I am not going to lie- I want that distinction.  To me, my orientation is not just a physical or sexual attraction to more than one gender…It's totally emotional.   I've crushed and cared about people from all walks of life, all over the map.  My tastes are pretty fluctuant, so “the right person” for me could be of any gender.  I know some bisexual women who are romantically attracted to one gender and only physically attracted to another.  Our orientations are completely different and should be noted as such.

With the increasing popularity of terms such as pansexual & queer amongst non-monosexuals, it seems that there are other labels I can choose from.  But since I haven't found the right label for me, I've decided not to use any at all.

That said, this does not negate what I've written in the past about bisexuality, bi people and biphobia.  The issues I wrote about came from the heart and affect all non-monosexual people regardless of how they identify.  And should I re-open RM, bisexual issues will continue to be covered by our bloggers. 

Peace.

-K

As most of you know, I am stepping down as editor-of-chief of RM.  Because of this, the website has been put on indefinite hiatus. 

Ironically, today is our first year anniversary as well…And what a year it's been. 

When I started Raspberry Mousse, I had just came out of the closet a second time — after being in it for eight years.  It was a very messy period and I was trying to make sense of it all.  Sadly, there weren't any cool websites for bisexuals to meet and befriend each other, so to fulfill that need, I created Raspberry Mousse out of the blue.  Soon there after, RM was transformed to a web magazine for the underrepresented  & misunderstood masses —such as bisexuals, transgender people, queer people of color and working class LGBTQ people.  I totally knew nothing about creating a blog and was completely nervous about how things would turn out!

What I didn't imagine was the response RM has received from people all over the world — people who thought they were the "only ones" who went through a certain experience or felt a certain way.  It was an honor to provide an outlet for subject matter that have only been spoken about in private or ignored altogether.

So why am I stepping down?  Well, it's time for me to move on.  However, there's a lot of great material here that needs to be read—by everyone.  This is why I'm keeping the site up. Originally, I was going to shut down the blog for good, but I won't.  Should we want to re-launch the site in the future, that option should be open (under new management of course).   

I thank everyone who has worked with us & supported us throughout this amazing journey! 

Best,

-K.

For all the people congratulating me on 'coming out' or confirming I'm 'bi' lol-I have NEVER hid my sexuality. The press just like to grasp anything and make it gossip or an exclusive *hype* I love who I love. I will never label my sexuality. If its a boy its a boy if its a girl its a girl. #simple #whoyouare #thereisaidit
 

I've never denied it. Whoopie doo guys, yes, I've dated girls and I've dated boys — get over it. It's not a secret, but it's the only thing they can grab onto.

- UK pop star Jessie J, wondering what's the big fuss is all about.  [@After Ellen]

If you haven't heard of her until today, here's one of her latest videos, called "Price Tag".  I am digging the vibe.

The last blog entry I did had been bothering me. Not that I didn't like it or that anyone did anything wrong. It's just that—what are the rules of dating in bisexuality? I think about how it was for me growing up. Everything was hinged on the male being some sort of provider no matter what. He takes her out to:

Share an ice cream soda at the soda shop

 

Ride a bicycle made for two

 

 

Go Out for a swim

 

 

Take the boat out

 

Go to a sexy cocktail party (sans cock)

 

Go out dancing (Sadie Hawkins night)

 

 Double date anybody?

I mean, we have been dating for a long time as a species. But as awareness and evolutions in science, society, and gender equality grows, our lessons in dating seldom do. I actually learned dating from Cosmo magazines and watching TV sitcoms like Charles in Charge and those old movies.

If there was ever a person who I aspired to be it was William Powell

William Powell. He was a dashing man. He was suave, debonair— a real stand up guy. But he'd sock ya one across jaw if ya got out of line. Always lit a lady's cigarette first unless he liked her. If he did, he would light his first then light hers with his cigarette. He always had the charm [which] evoked the moral character of Atticus Finch while having the essence of being a true American gentleman. Not an Englishmen gentleman nor a French gentleman, but an American gentleman. Think George Clooney, Denzel, and every other guy you ever thought that as dashing and you got a taste of his excellence.

So like any kid that saw these people, I emulated them. Figured them out. See what the rules were. Pulling a chair for a lady. carrying a handkerchief for a woman to use, a lighter to assist a lady in her cigarette.

However things changed when I started—tried to date another male. That when things got really confusing and awkward. All those rules I have learned vanished. I didn't know any queer dating etiquette. Who pulls out the chair for who? Do I order for him or he for me?  Who makes the move for the first kiss? Does the three day waiting role for calling still matter? Those gender roles that came with dating with women I thought went out the window. Honestly I still don't know. When I do date other guys, it's more like hanging out than an actual date. It's weird. [With] most of the guys I dated, we never held hands in public. Sometimes they weren't into PDA, which was fine. Sometimes the guy wanted to be private, which I kinda understood until I saw the other couples. He said after asking a bit more that he didn't want his students to know. *shrugs*.   I guess I accepted it. Especially with ENDA not being approved how could I not? I wasn't going to mess with his career just because I wanted some PDA.

I couldn't send flowers for our one year dating anniversary or get him fired. I found that with most of the guys I dated. I wanted to be an out & proud bisexual I didn't want to shout it from the rooftops (Have a megaphone. Save that voice for the bedroom). I just wanted to live, laugh and love just like all the other little straight boys & girls.

Read the rest of this article @ Ask a Bisexual Guy!

Note:  The poetry style is inspired by the Women's Rights Manifesto.

The report, entitled “Injustice at Every Turn,” confirmed what many transgender/genderqueer Americans and their friends and family already know: Transgender people face discrimination in almost every aspect of their lives, from housing to getting and keeping a job to getting adequate health care.

Among the more disturbing statistics:

• Transgender and genderqueer individuals are twice as likely to be unemployed and four times as likely to live in extreme poverty than their cis-gender peers.

• 20 percent of transgender and genderqueer individuals are homeless, 19 percent have been refused housing because of their gender identity or expression and 11 percent have been evicted because of their gender identity or expression.

• 19 percent of transgender and genderqueer individuals have been refused health care at a hospital or doctor’s office.

Worst of all, 41 percent of transgender and genderqueer individuals have attempted suicide.

This statistic, while horrifying, is hardly shocking. Transgender people are routinely denied the basic necessities of living simply because of who they are: food, shelter, a source of income, and even basic health care. Simply put, transgender and genderqueer individuals in the United States are not free. Many depend on the kindness of others or on illegal activities such as prostitution just to survive.

Who would want to live under these circumstances?

Since the report came out last week, it has gone viral. Every LGBT organization has posted it and reposted it. This leaves me with the question: what are we going to do about it?

It isn’t enough just to point out the dismal statistics regarding transgender lives, just like it isn’t enough to report on all the murders and suicides in the trans community. When we put statistics into a report, we’re just reporting on numbers. Not people. Numbers.

Each of those transgender people who were thrown out of their homes or turned away at a hospital or denied a job was a human being whose life was made more difficult for no good reason, not just a part of a disturbing statistic. And as important as it is to be aware of the major problem transgender people face, it doesn’t do anyone any good if we just stop there.

People are dying. 41 percent to suicide, and that doesn’t count the people who died out there on the streets because of bad weather or violence or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

What are we, as a community, going to do?

A group called Legalize Trans has dedicated February 7 to 14 as “Trans Love Week,” in which they encourage people to wear apparel that states “Legalize Trans” and begin talking to non-trans people about the information in this report, and Change.org has posted a pledge you can sign promising to be respectful and stand up for transgender equality.

These are simple things to do. But don’t let them stop after this week or after this news report has faded from public consciousness.

It may not seem like you are doing a lot, but every time you reach out to a transgender person, you are making a difference. Maybe using the word “she” instead of “he” doesn’t change laws or give homes to those in need, but it does give somebody hope as well as sending hir the message that s/he deserves the same dignity and respect as other human beings.

Whether you are transgender, genderqueer, or a cis ally, you can stand up for trans rights. It can be as simple as calling someone by the name or pronoun that s/he wants to be called and as complicated as writing letters to your representative or participating in political protests.

Autostraddle calls this report “a call to action,” and I agree. Transgender people are in a war for their lives, and we cannot afford to let them lose. I almost lost a close friend to suicide because of transphobia. Let’s not lose anyone else.

What are you willing to do today to help the transgender community to obtain equal rights?

Rachel Maddow covered the funeral of David Kato, an Ugandan LGBT activist who was murdered last month.  In the segment, Maddow discusses how American missionaries are partly responsible for instigating hatred abroad.

Pecans are the aphrodisiac of the nut family so you can’t go wrong with this recipe. Can't tell you have happy this fact made me since they are my absolute favorite. It kind of figures right?! Pecans are high in protein and keep you going through the day and night. Pecans also are great for keeping men potent, so maybe you want to add a little more to the recipe.

TANTILIZING TILAPIA

• 1/2  cup  dry breadcrumbs
• 2  tablespoons  finely chopped pecans
• 1/2  teaspoon  sea salt
• 1/4  teaspoon  black pepper
• 1/2  cup  buttermilk
• 1/2  teaspoon  balsamic vinegar
• 3  tablespoons  all-purpose flour
• 4  (6-ounce) tilapia
• 1  tablespoon  vegetable oil, divided

Combine first 4 ingredients in a dish (now known as breadcrumb dish). Now pour butttermilk in a separate dish. Place flour in a shallow dish. Drown 1 fillet in flour. Dip in buttermilk mixture; drown in breadcrumb mixture. Repeat procedure with remaining fillets, flour, buttermilk mixture, and breadcrumb mixture.

Heat 1 1/2 teaspoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add 2 filets; cook 4 minutes on each side or until fish flakes easily when caressed with a fork. Repeat procedure with remaining oil and fillets.

Pic:  Getty Images

Our Egyptian brothers and sisters are crying out for freedom while our leaders and politicians straddle the political fence in hopes that the tensions will ease themselves. For the past few days, I've watched posts of various individuals that are more concerned with Mubarak’s potential replacement than the movement for freedom itself.

The people of Egypt are mad as hell and they’re not going to take it anymore! I don’t understand how we are playing political football with the freedom of people that have been taking to the streets for six days screaming for the exact same liberties we are afforded in the United States.

Freedom is worth fighting for, but it is certainly not free. It is being paid with the blood, sweat, and tears of hundreds of millions of people that have asserted themselves into the largest political and social movement in their national and regional history.

Bright eyed and bushy tailed, I’ve been waking up to see the latest developments — hoping they’ve run Mubarak out of office to reclaim their country now, not later. We have become so obsessed with the person or persons replacing Mubarak that we have lost sight of the mission and purpose of democracy. It is the choice of the Egyptian people and the Egyptian people alone to choose their political party and political stance and we are effectively supporting martial law in a state plagued by as many human rights violations as China.

The Egyptian military is not fit to lead Egypt into the 21st century and neither is Mubarak. It is time for Egypt to have a government for the people, by the people and I hope they keep pushing until they get it. I am tired of hearing American and European strategists throwing in their two cents worth of worthless knowledge in hopes of influencing and engineering a suitable political replacement for a regime that is detested by its own people. There is no gradual change in this situation and as incredibly uncomfortable as it may make the western world, it’s been a long time coming and our relationship with Egypt is no longer ‘business as usual’.

The revolution of Tunisia sparked a latent fire in the bellies of people that are starving for change. More than forty percent of the Egyptian people live on less than two dollars a day but nearly sixty percent are educated; the sleeping dragon has awoken. If this revolution is successful, and I believe it will be, you can expect to see similar movements in Jordan, Iran, and possibly Syria. I hope it jumps ship and spreads like a flame throughout China and North Korea but I may be pushing it.

We should be excited for the Egyptian people, not obsessing and attempting to strategize the most comfortable political and economic outcome that favor US interests over Egyptian freedoms. We are more obsessed with our self-interests than the interests of a people fighting to be free. The revolution IS being televised and we ought to make sure we are on the right side of history.

Photo:  KansasCity.com

With the rise of transgender activism (a development that I strongly support), bisexuals have become the least visible part of the LGBT community, both within it and outside of it. And while much of this is due to American society’s difficulty in understanding non-binary concepts, some of it is our own fault. By not consistently and publicly defining ourselves as individuals and as a group, we have allowed others to either define us without our input or to ignore us completely. While gays, lesbians and increasingly trans people are becoming more visible as political leaders, nonprofit managers, talk show hosts, legal professionals, activists, military personnel, and businesspersons, the country’s highest profile bisexuals are almost always entertainers. Without understating the important contributions of bisexual actors, musicians and other artistic types, it is extremely disheartening to acknowledge the sad truth that thus far openly bisexual people have been woefully underrepresented in what used to be called “the professions.”

It is even more disheartening when bisexual individuals that are in such lines of work almost solely refer to themselves as gay or lesbian. By failing to engage with traditional realms of societal influence, we have allowed ourselves to be caricatured as frivolous, flaky closet cases with no priorities outside of sexual gratification. And we’ve also empowered those public figures outside of the LGBT community to use our identity as a cheap stunt to titillate their audience, thus creating further confusion about ourselves. Lesbian, gay, and transgender identities are being seen more and more as public identities while bisexual identity is still largely regarded as a private predilection. If our social, cultural, economic, spiritual, political, personal, and health needs are going to be adequately addressed, this must change.

In America and around the world, there are still many bisexual people for whom publicly defining themselves is still not an option. Some of them are youth, the elderly and people with certain disabilities that rely on biphobic individuals and institutions for their care and welfare. Some live in extremely hostile societies or under despotic regimes. Maybe you are one of these people or have been in the past. But for those of us who are not currently these people, our silence is a factor in their oppression. When the least vulnerable people in our community do not come out, they shirk their responsibility towards the most vulnerable people in our community. That is shameful.

Bisexual people have to learn how to identify with the wider LGBT community without getting swallowed by it. We have to become comfortable with being bisexual-identified bisexuals around people that aren’t bisexual. We have to enter the professions and openly espouse our identity within them until the phrases “bisexual politician,” “bisexual CEO,” and “bisexual judge” don’t sound unusual. When we continue to embrace the down-low version of bisexuality, we legitimate the idea that there is something shameful about who are. There isn’t and we should stop acting like there is.

Image:  Zazzle