Another Victoria's Secrets

Rise of the Witches: A Poem

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 28 May 2026 14:37:10 +0000

When a man does it they call him a prophet,

but when a woman does it they call her a witch

They fear her sight, her truth, her quiet profit,

for sacred power in her hands breaks every script.

They forgot, we all came from women—our mothers

and one day will return to a woman—Mother Earth

The cycle binds our sisters and our brothers,

From blood to bone, from ending back to birth.

The doorway to heaven is held in her form,

Yet they wound her power, distort the norm,

They told her she’s weak, unworthy and lazy,

Confined her to walls, called her fire “crazy.”

They burned her books, her body, and her name,

Midwives, herbalists, blamed for plague and pain,

They called her curse, they called her shame,

While stealing her wisdom, then claiming the gain.

She was the healer long before the white coat,

With roots, with touch, with prayers softly spoke,

Not against the science the future wrote,

But the bridge where spirit and medicine woke.

She knew the language of root and leaf,

of water, breath, and quiet relief,

Not against the clinics, pills, belief,

But the soul medicine science left in grief.

They forgot she is both mirror and amplifier,

whatever is done to her, she returns it higher

Today we rise, proud to call ourselves witches,

Honoring our ancestors and all the women’s riches.

We are daughters of Hecate, Isis, and Brigid’s flame,

Of women erased, yet none untamed,

Call us witches, healers, mothers of change,

We rise remembered — and speak our name.

We live by Dewi Sri’s grace and abundance bright,

With Dewi Gangga’s flow and Ratih’s soft moonlight,

Laksmi’s wealth and Saraswati’s wisdom clear,

And Kali’s fierce truth that we hold ever near.

From Ratu Shima’s justice, sharp and wise,

To Ratu Gayatri’s courage, fire in her eyes,

Through Tribuwana Tungga Dewi’s rule, steady and strong,

And Kanjeng Ratu Kidul of the sea, reigning deep and long.

We cleanse with water at dawn and night,

Mark time by the moon, her silver light,

Lay flowers, rice, and incense just right,

Canang and prayers—small acts, sacred, precise.

Teks oleh Victoria Tunggono

Pertama kali tayang 21 Desember 2025 di akun IG @ratuvictoria

Bincang Suruh Nusantara: Pandangan Jawa Kuno Tentang "Childfree: Anak Anugerah atau Beban?"

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 22 Mar 2024 12:14:00 +0000

Hidup memang sungguh adil ya. Baru saja saya tahu hampir 120 reels saya dijiplak spiritual healer gadungan, esoknya saya menjadi bintang tamu di webinar Suruh Nusantara, milik Mbah Tunjung Dhimas Bintoro, salah satu spiritualis Jawa dengan cabang di hampir tiap wilayah di Jawa-Bali. Saya kenal beliau di tahun 2018 dalam retret yang pernah saya ikuti bersama ibu saya. Dalam 5 tahun lebih, kami berdua sudah jauh melampaui si guru spiritual gadungan yang memimpin retret itu. Terus terang, alasan saya ikut retret itu memang untuk ketemu dengan Mbah Tunjung yang tidak tinggal di Jakarta. Banyak teman saya yang sudah bertemu beliau, dan saya tau saya harus ikut retret supaya bisa bertemu dengannya.

Intuisi tidak pernah salah, saya tidak pernah menyesal mengikuti retret itu, meski sepanjang acara saya menjaga jarak dengan si guru gadungan pemimpin retret dan mem-block dia seminggu kemudian (sebuah kisah yang enggan saya ceritakan secara publik).

ada yang kalian kenal di foto ini?

Singkat cerita, hari Rabu silam saya diundang untuk berbagi kisah sebagai childfree. Baru tau, di Jawa ada istilah Tan Madrewya Peputra untuk kondisi childfree, yaitu "tidak memiliki anak". Mbah Tunjung menyebut saya seorang petapa milenial, karena saya memilih jalan hidup suyasin* yaitu jalan sunyi milik petapa. Dipikir-pikir, benar juga ya. Saya jadi bisa fokus dengan kegiatan saya, tidak dihebohkan dengan urusan anak yang rumit.

Tapi ini jadi mengingatkan saya pada gambar yang dibuat mas Kocko hampir 6 tahun silam, dalam retret yang sama, berdasarkan gambaran masa lalu yang dilihat Mbah Tunjung dari DNA saya. Ada gambar seorang petapa perempuan di kaki bukit di Jawa Barat dan tulisan "Seorang spiritualis wanita yang datang dari Tibet ke Nusantara di Kerajaan Kahuripan era Erlangga dan menjadi cenayang kerajaan abad 11-12" (tiba-tiba saya mau tertawa membaca ulang ini, karena sejak 2018 saya tidak pernah lagi membuka gambar ini sampai barusan).

gambar oleh mas Kocko Hendratmo

Mbah Tunjung pernah berkata, dari milyaran gambaran tentang masa lalu, yang dia tangkap adalah apa yang paling dekat dengan diri saya waktu itu. Waktu itu saya tidak suka melihat gambar ini. Kok petapa? Saya masih senang romansa, senang hidup layaknya orang kebanyakan, senang berkarier, dll. Apalagi karena teman yang sering cerita tentang Mbah Tunjung mendapat gambar seorang menteri kerajaan (dan dia memang sempat berkarier di politik setelah 2018).

Sedikit yang saya tahu saat itu, tepat 2 minggu setelah menerima gambar itu, saya bertemu dengan guru petapa modern yang kemudian menggembleng saya dengan ilmu kesadaran dari Tibet selama 1,5 tahun, dan hidup saya saat ini rasanya persis dengan gambar itu: pejalan spiritual yang pindah dari Jakarta ke Bali (makin ke Timur ya) dengan basis ilmu Jawa dan Tibet, dan membaca tarot. Beberapa spiritualis memang banyak yang melihat bahwa jiwa saya sangat Jawa meski tampang seperti Cina. Rupanya kali ini saya mengulang kehidupan lalu; dan saya tau kali ini harus jadi lebih baik dari yang lalu.

Kembali ke webinar Rabu malam kemarin, hampir semua pemikiran saya sejak muda (bangku SMP) dibeberkan oleh Mbah Tunjung di awal acara. Sisanya hanya pengalaman pribadi saja, tetapi cuilan-cuilan pemikiran saya sepanjang 30 tahun terakhir dirangkum dan dipaparkan oleh beliau dari sudut pandang Jawa. Saya terpukau betapa relate-nya pemikiran saya dengan semua penjabaran beliau itu. Meski saya tidak terlalu peduli dengan membludaknya angka populasi pasca pandemi yang konon sudah lebih dari 8 milyar jiwa (sebelum COVID-19 rasanya baru 7 milyar, kenapa jadi semakin tinggi?) tetapi saya sangat concern dengan keberlangsungan dunia ini, keragaman hayati dan biota laut, karena semakin banyak manusia tentu semakin banyak juga sampah yang dihasilkan.

Sepanjang webinar saya menyimak data dan penjabaran dari Mbah Tunjung sambil teringat hal-hal yang pernah terjadi dengan beberapa guru terakhir yang saya temui karena mirip: semuanya seperti mendeskripsikan kehidupan saya, padahal saya yang menjalaninya (karena mereka lebih tau teorinya sedangkan saya prakteknya saja tanpa tau teori), dan seakan menjadikan saya seperti bahan penelitian atau kajian mereka (mungkin) karena perjalanan saya yang unik. Saya tidak keberatan sih, karena apa yang saya dengar dari mereka selalu menambah khazanah pengetahuan yang meningkatkan kesadaran saya (or should I say they helped me remembering?)

Sejak acara webinar itu (yang baru 3 hari lalu) saya menjadi punya pandangan baru terhadap diri saya sendiri yang juga membuat saya semakin ajeg mantep: mungkin memang saya tidak perlu peduli pada jumlah follower atau hal membangun brand image tertentu karena saya memang diperjalankan sebagai petapa lagi di kehidupan kali ini. Dan bahwa saya sudah berada di jalan yang benar karena sudah menjaga lingkup saya hanya dikelilingi orang-orang yang bisa saya percaya saja; tidak perlu menjadi siapapun yang bukan saya.

Terima kasih, Mbah Tunjung dan Suruh Nusantara untuk kesempatan berbagi dan belajar bersama dengan sedulur se-Nusantara. Semoga semua makhluk berbahagia.

Rahayu. Tabik.

~VT

pernyataan yang saya buat pagi setelah webinar dengan Mbah Tunjung

*) Saya ragu tentang penulisan kata suyasin ini, mohon masukan jika ada yang tau. Namun pencarian di Google menunjukkan hasil terdekat yaitu kata "suyash" dari bahasa Hindi yang artinya termashyur; terkemuka; agung; amat terkenal.

Hati-Hati Tedy Koo: Spiritual Healer Gadungan

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 22 Mar 2024 10:17:00 +0000

Orang bilang hukuman yang lebih berjalan di dunia saat ini adalah gerakan netizen (mungkin sebagai alat karma ya) maka saya ikuti dan membuat artikel ini. Drama ini dimulai sekitar seminggu lalu ketika seorang follower IG saya melaporkan keberadaan akun @tedykoo. Sang follower bilang, konten terbaru di akun itu mirip sekali dengan konten terbaru di akun saya (@ratuvictoria dan @yuksadar_).

akun @tedykoo 19 Maret 2024 jam 11.53 WITA

Awalnya saya pikir, oh ya gapapa deh, toh untuk berbagi untuk orang banyak. Namun ketika melihat konten-konten lain di akun itu, saya cukup terhenyak karena semua judulnya tak asing: judul-judul yang saya ciptakan dari hasil kontemplasi pribadi saya berdasarkan masalah dan penyelesaian yang saya alami sehari-hari. Namun saya tak terlalu ambil pusing karena saya sedang melakukan hal lain.

Tanggal 19 Maret 2024 saya melihat akun itu mem-posting reels yang sama dengan reel yang saya tayangkan tanggal 5 Maret 2024 di akun-akun sosmed saya. Kebetulan saya sedang terbaring sakit, jadi ada waktu untuk mengulik akun ini. Saya scroll ke bawah, bahkan ada konten-konten dengan suara saya di sana, tertanggal sekitar Juli-Agustus 2022. Mengherankan! (ini hanya ungkapan ekspresi karena sesungguhnya sudah jelas plagiarisme, jadi tidak terlalu heran lah)

Saya mulai mempermasalahkan akun ini. Saya posting di story supaya ada jejak digital, supaya para follower yang mulai banyak laporan ke saya bisa paham duduk perkaranya. Singkat cerita, saya menghubungi pemilik akun @tedykoo dan dia menanggapi dan meminta maaf. Sayangnya dia berhadapan dengan saya, seorang penulis yang cukup kritis terhadap setiap kata dan padanan bahasa. Dia tampak kaget karena dituduh plagiat (mungkin sebuah kosa kata baru untuknya di hari itu).

story saya berdasarkan chat permintaan maaf darinya via DM

Plagiarisme (plagiat/penjiplakan), menurut Wikipedia, adalah pengambilan karangan, pendapat, dan sebagainya dari orang lain dan menjadikannya seolah karangan dan pendapat sendiri. Bentuk karyanya bisa sama persis tapi tidak mencantumkan sumber, atau diubah sedikit supaya tidak persis sama dengan sumber. Mungkin si penjiplak yang mengaku "Spiritual Healer Specialist" ini tidak tau apapun tentang hak cipta, norma, etika, atau karma. Atau mungkin dia sudah sampai tingkat tertinggi specialist sampai bisa lolos dari itu semua.

story saya berdasarkan chat dari salah satu follower

Ketika saya minta supaya semua reel jiplakan dari saya untuk dihapus, akun @tedykoo segera mem-block akun saya, tapi lewat laporan beberapa teman yang membantu cek, saya mendapat bocoran bahwa dia memasang story meminta maaf jika apa yang sudah dia tayangkan di akunnya "menyinggung atau dianggap plagiat" (artinya dia tidak paham plagiarisme, -red.) dan bahwa dia akan berusaha menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik...

pernyataan @tedykoo di story IG-nya. saya terganggu dengan kata "dianggap plagiat" karena yang dia lakukan persis hal itu; dan "terinspirasi dr konten akun lain" karena yang dia lakukan adalah menjiplak. dan saya heran kenapa permintaan maafnya tidak mencantumkan nama/akun saya sebagai pihak yang dirugikan?

...tetapi beberapa jam kemudian dia menayangkan reel baru yang dia ubah 2 kalimat pertamanya tetapi menjiplak sama persis isi konten dari akun @cosmicpower.id. Baru saja berjanji untuk lebih baik, tetapi langsung dia lupakan janjinya secepat itu. Bagi saya ini hal yang sangat mengherankan, tapi mungkin biasa bagi orang lain.

yang saya share pada follower IG malam itu

Apa sih untungnya jadi penjiplak? Menjiplak adalah shortcut paling mudah untuk menghasilkan karya. Tapi apa faedahnya? Merasa sudah berkarya? Mendapat pujian? Mendapat follower? Mendapat klien? Lalu bagaimana pertanggungjawabannya terhadap para klien yang berkonsultasi padanya? Hanya memberi ide, konsep imajinatif pada orang-orang, tanpa memberi solusi bagaimana cara melakukannya. Jika dia tidak pernah melewati jalan yang saya lewati untuk menulis sesuatu, bagaimana cara dia memberi tau orang bagaimana caranya ke sana?

Lalu bagaimana dengan batinnya sendiri? Bisakah dia tidur nyenyak tiap malam? Bagaimana dengan image yang sudah telanjur dia bangun selama 1,5 tahun ini? Saya ingat perjalanan saya sendiri berguru privat persis dalam jangka waktu yang sama, jadi mungkin memang dia sudah cukup banyak belajar untuk menjadi seorang spiritual healer specialist. Siapalah saya yang berhak menilai orang lain? Siapa tahu memang inilah misi jiwanya. Setidaknya secara tidak langsung saya sudah membantu sedikit meski bukan dari kehendak saya.

akun @tedykoo 19 Maret 2024 jam 20:58 WITA

Masalah saya dengan si penjiplak selesai seiring story di IG saya berlalu (karena hilang dalam 24 jam). Terakhir saya cek pakai akun lain, 69 reel jiplakan sudah dia hapus. Masih ada sekitar 50 reel yang masih dia anggap miliknya, tapi biarlah. Biarkan dia merasa seperti itu, karena tampaknya dia tidak punya pegangan lain jika 50 reel jiplakan itu hilang dari akunnya. Sisanya, saya biarkan Semesta yang mengurus. Saya sudah punya banyak sekali bahan reels baru berkat @tedykoo, jadi saya berterima kasih padanya sudah mencuri reels saya.

Rahayu. Tabik.

~VT

My Adjusted Kind of Life

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 22 Sep 2020 11:38:00 +0000

via this

I re-watched the 2011 flick The Adjustment Bureau last night, just to remind myself of why I really liked the movie because I couldn't remember the plot. And there it goes, the story came back to me: I see this movie as a reminder of how my life has been. It may not include men in hat and Doraemon's dokodemo doors (the pink Anywhere Door), but I can relate to the message this movie is implying.

In the movie, Thompson told David that he was supposed to reach his maximum potential, possibly his soul mission, if he wasn't with Elise. It's the same way with Elise: she could be the best person in her field should he live apart from David. Yet, the lovebirds choose love over going after their dreams. It's romantic, really. But the question is: is love alone enough?

Harry Mitchell, one of the guys from the bureau, told David that he couldn't be with Elise because she is enough. She would make David feel so complete that he didn't have to run for presidency and so with Elise--she wouldn't want to pursue her career in dancing if they were together...

(I actually don't agree with this concept. People in love would--if not should--encourage each other to become the best version of themselves. If they don't have kids, for example, they can do even so much more! But that's another argument to make for another day.)

Well I can't help but wonder if this is what happens with my life now. Should I find someone suitable to marry, I wouldn't be fit to go on with my life task... or whatever 'they' had prepared for me.

At the end of the film Harry said: Most people live life on the path we set for them, too afraid to explore any other. But once in a while people like you come along who knock down all the obstacles we put in your way. People who realize freewill is a gift that you'll never know how to use until you fight for it. I think that's the chairman's real plan. That maybe one day, we won't write the plan, you will.

It's about free will, or what Thompson implied as "the appearance of free will." I feel that I no longer had the choice since 2012, when this inter-dimension journey began. It had given me the 2015 "Gerbang Nuswantara" book, the 2018 "Candi Nuswantara" sequel, and finally, hopefully, the 2020 "Jagat Nuswantara" as the trilogy's final. It had also delivered me meetings with wonderful, great people along the way. And, all the experiences, the knowledge, all the treasure nobody could ever take from me.

But in return, it seems like 'they' take away my permission for romance. I could say, the last boyfriend I had was in 2010, which ended with misery that he double-timed me with 3 other girls during the last 8 months we were together. It wasn't that I became traumatic or something like that, but all the other guys I met after that were all disasters, unavailable, or simply what they call as 'karmic relationship'. So I took the message well. I'm not even looking for a relationship now. I'm so much married to my job.

This isn't a ranting or nagging or that I'm complaining. I'm just saying that this movie The Adjustment Bureau hit me so deep, that made me first somehow understand why I'm not allowed to be in romantic relationship like other 'normal' people. I don't know where I'm going after this, but I know I'm going to do something larger than life.

Tori's Tarot Channels

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 24 Jul 2020 20:30:00 +0000

If you've known me for a while you'd know that I've been reading tarot cards for more than a year now. I have my Youtube Channel for free general reading that you can watch per zodiac, and using this mobile application Ramalada (Psychic Sense) for personal reading.

But now I'm opening a new channel for coaching on my Karyakarsa or INDO TAROT's Karyakarsa.

So if you need to consult your problems with me, you can go to either of my channels, based on your needs!

OR, if you want to learn to read tarot--both for yourself or if you want to expand your skill and become a professional reader--you can also check Karyakarsa for any workshop available. It's still done online via Zoom for now, complete with e-book, cheat sheet, and e-certificate. Plus, you're automatically welcomed to join the WhatsApp group of INDOTAROT, if you need the follow-up discussions.

That's quite something, ain't it?

Check daily motivation on

Instagram @indotarotdaily

Facebook @indotarotdaily

More Spirituality @waluya.project

Tori The Crosser

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 24 Jul 2020 06:52:00 +0000

me and the classic bike

Well who would've thought I'd become a moto-crosser? It had never occurred to me before, but yesterday the Universe gave me a chance to get on the classic trail bike Suzuki TS-125 that belonged to my neighbor. I have a feeling that this will go a long way, starting with a simple ride around the block yesterday.

Perhaps it's quite shocking for people to see me on the bike, but actually I've been riding motorcycle since I was 17 years old. My dad bought a Honda Supra for my brother in 1997 and I rode it around Bandung by myself. Then I fell several times from the bike, and got a little trauma for riding it. I moved to Jakarta for university, and never rode motorbike again.

When I moved to Bali in 2012, I had no choice but to ride again. The company I applied as personal assistant position wouldn't hire me if I couldn't ride. So I learned to ride again, and this time with the cute Yamaha Fino that had accompanied me touring around the island for 2 years. I had to let him go anyway, since I was moving back to Jakarta. Then, I have been absent from riding bike for 6 years now.

Yesterday, another chance came knocking on my door. This time I had to step up the game and ride the classic 2-stroke engine motorbike. I had always feared this tall, masculine bike. But that's exactly the idea that my friends here asked me to tell people: that this bike is friendly for girls too. As long as you would want to take good care of it (and lubricate the machine too!) it'll stay with you for more than 30 years (this one's that old!) and adds +50 points to your style too!

Anyway, check the trailer and video here:

5 Stuff You Need To Be Aware Of For A Happily Ever After

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 09 May 2020 14:32:00 +0000

Since this is the most interesting topic for most of us, let's talk about love, shall we?

I received so many questions about romance on my Youtube channel and I kinda break it down to 5 points that I share here, based on my own experience. These are the things that one should be aware of in order to have a great, loving relationship with the right person. So here's the list--be aware when you are:

1. Focusing only to the physical matters

And physical here doesn't talk only of face, body, or clothing style. It's also about family, economical status, job, or the car that one drives/not drives. We all know these things are the only complementary, and what's the most important lies behind all these. So make sure that when you like someone's appearance, you like what's in the inside too.

2. Waiting for the one who doesn't care

We cannot control our hearts, they said. But truth is, it is your mind that plays here. You may meet someone and like them for they are fulfilling your fantasy of an ideal partner. But I'm gonna tell you here: fantasy isn't real. But intuition, feeling, or your gut is real. So if you like someone and they don't like you back, it's a sign that they're not the one for you.

3. Hanging on to a problematic relationship

A relationship is two ways, and it's always fixable. So if you've been together with someone but the same problem keeps occurring, and both of you cannot resolve it, then it's categorized as a toxic relationship. If you're the one who keeps on trying and hurting with no change, it's just not balanced and it's not healthy. If you've tried but they are still the same, then leave them.

4. Agreeing to someone who's available

Although this is a very common case found, but for me this is the beginning of a painful relationship, especially if they are being your rebound lover. Nobody deserves to be anyone's replacement, and you will never be truly happy either, because you will always look for the figure your partner is not and never will be, thus they will never be perfect to you. This might still work sometimes, but I believe we deserve to be together with our soulmate/twin flame.

5. Wanting someone who is in another relationship

Whether it's them who are attached, or it is you who is already taken, this relationship is not meant to be. When someone says "I do" to build a family with another person, then it means they're taken and they're never ours to have. The same thing happens the other way around. Just remember that three is a crowd. Every single time.

So there you go, stuff you must be clear about when you look for a serious and lasting relationship. So THE POINT IS: beware of the facts. Trust the data, not only your thoughts or emotion or even logic, because they can be misleading sometimes. Fantasy blinds us about the truth, so you must always be aware and present at the moment. You have the gut feeling that is never wrong, but sometimes you ignore it because the fantasy looks or sounds better. Your gut feeling is your tool, so use it.

If a person makes you feel calm, peaceful, and safe, then he/she might be the one. Still, it takes time to prove everything to be true, so trust the process and celebrate each moment!

And good luck with your love life!

Rahayu,

Victoria

Podcast Segment: Arcana Cards on Sieg Network Mythology

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 02 Jan 2020 08:05:00 +0000

Last month, a podcaster from Tegal, Sieg Aegis, contacted me and invited me to collaborate on a podcast segment. Thus, on one fine day we met around Central Jakarta, and talked for over an hour about tarot cards, the upcoming East Tribe Wisdom tarot deck, and my books Gerbang Nuswantara and Candi Nuswantara.

So here you go, the Episode 29/12 about the history of tarot (and others) on Sieg's Mythology Podcast. Check on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, or Anchor FM and enrich yourself with an insight about taromancy!

Me, A Protagonist

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 21 Oct 2019 09:24:00 +0000

via 16personalities

I came to this web first a few years back, I guess some time before my Bali life (2012) and found that my personality was a Campaigner or ENFP-A (the description that followed: Enthusiastic, creative and sociable free spirits, who can always find a reason to smile), but then I retook the test few weeks ago and found the result differed. My current result is the Protagonist or ENFJ-A with description that followed: "Charismatic and inspiring leaders, able to mesmerize their listeners." Still in the Diplomats area, still an Extrovert rather than an Introvert, but there are differences, still.

The old personality Campaigner's strengths are:

Curious
Observant
Energetic and Enthusiastic
Excellent Communicators
Know How to Relax
Very Popular and Friendly

While my new personality as Protagonist said my strengths are as follow:

Tolerant
Reliable
Charismatic
Altruistic
Natural Leaders

So I think I'm not too curious, energetic, nor enthusiastic now, but I've gained leadership skill and charisma over the years. No longer so-called being friendly but more tolerant and altruistic, I assume this as an upgrade and progress for my character development. I do hope so.

Then for the weaknesses, for Campaigner they are:

Poor Practical Skills
Find it Difficult to Focus
Overthink Things
Get Stressed Easily
Highly Emotional
Independent to a Fault

And the Protagonist weaknesses such as:

Overly Idealistic
Too Selfless
Too Sensitive
Fluctuating Self-Esteem
Struggle to Make Tough Decisions

So again, I've gained self-esteem tho it's still fluctuating. But then again I've lost the poor skill of practicality, the overthinking, easily-stressed, and highly-emotional parts out of my system, tho the selflessness and sensitivity stay--in excessive amount. But for the sensitive part, I think I've managed to separate it from my emotion so I don't get baper ("bawa perasaan" or taking things seriously) now. And for the last point, I don't really find it tough to make a decision. I find myself just flow with the Universe and when I can't decide I just let It decide for me, a.k.a. surrendering.

That's it. I dunno if these traits gonna change in the future or stay the same, but I enjoy the process of my character development, tho I've gone past dark moments for few years. The result is satisfying for me, to find me where I am now, and I'm proud of myself for being resilient during the transformation phase. I believe you have your own phase changing from a caterpillar to a cocoon to a butterfly. And if you are still in the middle of your phase, trust me that it's all worthy.

I share my knowledge and findings through all the process in Urban & Spiritual Society, Indotarot, Mental Support Group, and Youtube. Check them out!

The Love/Hate Relationship Between Empath & Narcissist

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 11 May 2019 03:16:00 +0000

via iheartintelligence

I first found out the word "narcissist" just shortly before the the expression got its fame by all the selfie and social media stuff. But it referred to Narcissus, a person from Greek mythology who loved so much looking at his own reflection on the water by the river. I didn't realized then that narcissism is a personality disorder (read here), having its opposite: an empath.

So a narcissist is basically a person who has an excessive interest of themselves. An empath, on the other hand, is someone who is highly aware of the emotions of those around them, to the point of feeling those emotions themselves. An empath is a giver, a healer; and that's what a narcissist seek for. Not to be healed, but to consume the goodness out of an empath so they would feel good about themselves. The narcissist feeds on the attention given freely and abundantly by an empath.

Lately I've been learning not to put any label to myself, in order to learn to be a better person who is free from any label. But the one last thing here I wanna share before I completely turn off any labeling from my life: is the love/hate relationship between an empath and a narcissist (read the 22 stages of the relationship here).

I dated a narcissist once (realized that he was a narcissist only by the end of our dating period but I didn't even know the term 'narcissist' by then) so I've learned to avoid the kind when it comes to finding a boyfriend. But what I didn't know exist is a narcissist friend. I think this kind is more subtle, yet is so dangerous that we won't realize it until we're drained out for keeping the other person's glass full.

via facebook

I think it's important for us to first acknowledge what is a narcissist and how to recognize them. This may be hard at first because usually they give a very good first impression upon people. The only way to know it at first meeting is by the sense. If you sense any form of oddity, or any discomfort about this person, then stay away. You don't have to be friends just because they look nice or cool. Trust your gut.

But most of us don't have this alarm goes well. We tend to dismiss any ill-feeling about a person and try to look at the good side instead. Which is good. But not for the case with a narcissist. So here's how to detect narcissism in a person:

Superiority and entitlement
Exaggerated need for attention and validation
A grandiose sense of self-importance / personality
Perfectionism
Great need for control
Lack of responsibility; blaming and deflecting
Lack of boundaries / boundary violator
Lack of empathy
Emotional reasoning
Splitting (between the goods and bads, or dualism)
Fear
Anxiety
Shame
An inability to be truly vulnerable
An inability to communicate or work as part of a team (check here for no. 15-23)
A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
A belief that he/she is special and unique and can only be understood by (or should associate with) similar high-status people and organizations
A need for excessive admiration
A sense of entitlement or unreasonable expectation of special treatment or extreme loyalty
A tendency to use others for their own needs or wants
An unwillingness/inability to recognize and honor the needs and feelings of others
Proneness to envy or having a belief that they are envied by others
A sense of arrogance shown in behaviors and/or attitudes
Conversation hoarder (check here for no. 24-29)
Conversation interrupter
Rule breaker
Charmer
False image projection
Negative emotion
An inability to be alone / by themselves; they always need others around; would act like a helpless person / damsel in distress to make people feel they need to help them (the last point here is based on my own experience)

via liveboldandbloom

They said, "Empath and narcissist are two sides of the same coin. One side demonized, the other idealized." I think this is true. We got attracted to one another because of the similarities we share: taste, interests, hobby, thoughts, and so on. Because of these mutual things, an empath would love to be friends with (or date) the narcissist, thinking that "We are so alike but he/she hasn't get there yet, but of course I can help him/her out with that. Piece of cake."

Well, nope. No, no, no. Wrong. It's in fact the opening door to a series of mental abuse that an empath would have to undergo by the narcissist. There are three ways a narcissist could destroy an empath:

Manipulation - to control the situation and get what they want by making the empath think they want to give it to the narcissist.
Guards are down - even that an empath already has his/her guard low, a narcissist would use the opportunity to gain as much as they can to get what they want.
Battle of ego - narcissism is really a product of ego, and an empath basically are not an egotistical person.

via Pinterest

Over time, a narcissist would make an empath "doubt themselves based on the manipulation of the narcissist, and they begin to feel like a victim. The victim mentality is also a product of the ego, so over time, the empath's feelings about themselves change. It's a fundamental shift in ego that can lead to depression."

I froze upon reading this, because last year I had a family problem that made me come to one friend whom I consider best friend for years, and her solution / advice truly made me feel and think like I was the victim. She made me change the way I think about my family and demanded attention from them; something that I usually give but this time I asked for a return. At one point, it became so chaotic in my family and that made me depressed. I went to a shrink, I sought for spiritual help, and ever since I got back up again and stood by myself now, I tried my best to avoid that friend who made me fall in the first place.

via thehorsewoman

But surely enough a narcissist won't let his/her easy target go just like that. She came back to me, with all-new personality and a whole new spirituality level, ensured me that she had changed to meet my new standards... and only for her to take the new life I had rebuilt from scratch, like a child taking another child's toy just because she wanted it and because she couldn't make (or afford) one herself. And from there, I looked at the list above about the traits of a narcissist and checked most of them on her.

Some people said I was a stupid for having her back for so many times, again and again, disappointments after disappointments, mistreatment after mistreatment, for the past six years. But in my defense I couldn't do anything about it. First of all, I consider myself an empath, whose weakness is to say no to people. And second of all, I needed to experience all that in order to learn. Yes, I couldn't do anything about it then, but now that I've learned, I could.

"A narcissist's worst nightmare is an educated empath" -Unknown
(via conservativememes / asscgroup)

I think an education about narcissists (or that we call as energy vampires) is one of the best things to learn for an empath. This article taught us how to deal with a narcissist, but in my case, to break up with a friend that I knew for more than 15 years now, is not an easy thing. Especially when she's currently dating my friend and coming to the same community that I go to (yeah, stupid me I introduced my new hobby/friends to her only for her to take it to be hers)

via Dr. Margaret Rutherford

But another friend ensured me that even though she thinks she has it all now, the boyfriend and the new life, she doesn't have anything (meaningful) in her life. A narcissist can only take, not give. They seize, not build. They charm people, always have to appear nice, because they need to assure people that they are worth people's time and energy and attention. They need all the eyes on them, because they don't know who they are without the spotlight. They seek for constant attention, and quickly find another when they lose one source.

They cannot be alone, they can't afford silence and stillness. They don't appreciate things and tend to take people for granted. They are the poorest kind of human being in this world that they must steal from the others. And there's no point of helping or rescuing a narcissist (even trying to do so) because they don't feel like they need the help. They don't understand that. They don't want to be rescued. They just want the attention and feed their ego from it.

my fave Princess Mononoke's quote by Studio Ghibli - via etsy

One thing that I must warn you: a narcissist is not a fool. They are, in contrary, smart people. They have skills, certain ability, some kind of beauty, classy in a way. I dealt with another narcissist last year so I can tell. These people have the similar pattern, only this time I deal with an exceptionally brilliant one that I fell into her trap multiple times, forgiving her all the time and starting it all all over again.

But I must also thank her tho, that without her I may not be so aware like I do now. She served her duty in my life to teach me lessons, to help me awaken, to make me "see with eyes unclouded by hate". Therefore, I must thank all of the narcissists I've met in this life because without them I don't get to see so clearly. But this time, I am saying no to you loud and clear without any guilt.

via Pinterest

Bangkok Trip on Songkran Week Pt. 2

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 23 Apr 2019 17:47:00 +0000

Read about the previous days' stories here. Sorry it took me a while to write this.

Day 4

our new fave fast food outlet

grilled chicken, chicken ball satay, and sticky rice

The night market made us exhausted so the next morning we decided to start even more late. We had my bro's favourite take-away snack Five Star Chicken from Fortune Town Mall for brunch. We then took a MRT ride to Silom, continued with some BTS ride from Sala Daeng to Saphan Taksin station, which is connected to the boat harbour.

Sala Daeng station

what welcome us at the harbour

under the BTS railway

the harbour

Asiatique shuttle schedule

the yellow Icon Siam's shuttle boat by the end of the dock

we just have to pose together

the view around the harbour

finally, the red boat that will bring us to Asiatique

We took the free shuttle boat ride to Asiatique in the South (our left side) and within 5 minutes we were already in the pier. The outdoor riverfront "mall" has restaurants and fashion shops, along with giant ferris wheel and haunted house jet coaster. It's a relaxing place to hang out at, enjoying sunset by the Chao Phraya river, and have seafood for dinner. But we had som tum instead.

arriving at Asiatique's pier


a really nice pier, don't you think?

again, another "must" wefie

the main alley

fashion boutique shops

yet another selfie..

small amusement park here

ferris wheel behind the haunted mansion

the bazaar area

yup they sell chicken, pork, and crocodile meat!

there's the crocodile.. yum or yuck?

the food tents bazaar

the golden hour

...and the sun gonna set soon

I forgot to ask why they have these sack-bearer statues here

this is one of the best sunset-watching spot in Bangkok

I always love lights that hanged above the street

we had dinner at the restaurant on the right: So Far So Good

gyoza, som tum, and pork belly, complemented by rosella ice tea

We didn't stay long here. After dinner, we queued for the shuttle boat heading back to Saphan Taksin harbour, then we waited for another free shuttle boat to Icon Siam. The latter is one of the newest landmark shopping mall in the city, located at the North part from the harbour, so this time we headed to the right side.

back to the Sathorn Taksin harbour

us on the Icon Siam shuttle boat, which is newer and nicer

the Icon Siam from afar

the pier we arrived at

check out that big mall

apparently they were having a Songkran festival at the riverfront plaza

the fountains are playing music and people were gathering around it

so this is the Icon Siam

Icon Siam is a huge mall --I would compare it to Singapore's Marina Bay Sands or Jakarta's Grand Indonesia-- and it looked luxurious from the pier, mostly because of the design and lighting. And upon entering we'll know that this mall is a luxurious one. The ceiling decor looks like those we'd found at five-star hotels, and it smells so expensive too (you know those flowery fragrance you smell in those exclusive hotels).

see the ceiling decor?

this doesn't look like a mall - this looks like a hotel, right?

and the pond decor, too

Going further, it's as if we entered "a whole new world" at their ground floor. The vast area is almost three-floors high, and decorated as if we were in an old Southeastern Asian village and floating market. Shops and restaurants are made united with the whole "old world" architecture, the stalls are made as if they were hawker sellers or even on the fisherman's boats. They sell all the Thai street food there, along with crafts and souvenirs too. It really is a unique experience to have here.

a pair of big elephant statues guard a palace-like plaza

see how magical it seems?

those yellow tropical fruits that look so fresh

they even put a 'royal house' with information and images of the royal family

going up to the second floor guarded with a pair of naga

from the village houses' second floor

there are just so much to see!

But we couldn't stay overnight so eventually we had to take the shuttle boat back to Saphan Taksin, and take both the BTS and MRT ride back home. Tho we started pretty late today, it was a pretty exhausting day. Yet, it was fun.

me saying goodbye to the festive mall

I love this festival decor for the Songkran

one last look at the mall

now let's go home...

Day 5

my outfit with colourful floral shirt

We really started out late this day, went to Huai Khwang area by MRT for late lunch (an all-you-can-eat dim sum), but the Songkran festival was quite strong there and people, wearing colourful shirts, bring with them water guns and shooting water to just everyone on the streets, and sometimes they add talc powder on our faces too. I had one set soon after leaving my brother's apartment. My mom hated the idea and didn't want to get any splash on her.

what I love about Bangkok is to see this kind of shrine here and there

So we aborted the mission, canceled lunch there and moved on to another recommended restaurant that my brother had on the list, but it was quite a trip with MRT ride to Chatuchak area, transit to the Mo Chit BTS stations and finally arrived at Ari. Alas, the targeted restaurant was closed, so we walked to Phahon Yothin 7 Alley for another recommended restaurant, but it was also closed (we hated going on vacation on Songkran festival at this point), so we hopped into the restaurant next door that opened because it was past 3 p.m. already and we were starving.

the quiet street nearby Ari BTS station

we can't read the signage so we don't know the name of the restaurant

our lunch, another pork dish!

the best bottled drink we got so far: MAXI honey lime soda

The late lunch was okay, not fantastic somehow, but we couldn't move to another area just to find the best food so we had to deal with it. We stopped by at 7-Eleven for fresh soda drinks, then another walk to the BTS station (stopped by at La Villa to pee) back to Mo Chit, then we walked again to the Chatuchak weekend market.

La Villa Ari

Chatuchak park

The weekend market has been there for decades, and there's no way that you go to Bangkok without visiting is (or so they said). As its name, it opens only on Saturdays and Sundays, and divided into more than 20 sections. The shops and alleys are similar so I was a bit lost there. If you don't have signal/roaming package for your phone SIM card, don't get separated from your group. Or make an appointment as to reunite at certain point on certain time. That way, you can have fun exploring the market. It usually closes at 9 p.m. but --again-- due to Songkran week they closed earlier at 6 p.m.

The roads were wet because of the water gun splashing, and some people are seen totally wet head-to-toe. We tried our best to stay dry, made the best out of that only one hour we had to sweep the whole market (nope, not the whole of it, we didn't have that much time, but I liked what I saw there -- it's a different feel from the Ratchada Train Night Market and I think I like the rot fai better but Chatuchak offers other stuff so you just must visit both) and returned to the Chatuchak MRT station after 6 p.m.

took the shortcut to MRT station through the park

We went back to Phra Ram 9 area because my mom was tired, and stopped by at Grand Rama Central for dinner. We had yet another som tum menu, this time at Maderla. Then we called it a day, went home and watched my brother played his PS4 till it was sleep time.

Maderla resto on the lower ground level of the mall

our dish

my plate consisted of rice vermicelli, sliced pork, sliced grilled beef, and som tum

Day 6

I was so ready for the day -- tho we started it late

It was Sunday and we scheduled it for temple hopping day. First we had lunch at McDonald's to make it fair with KFC we had on first night (LOL) then we headed to Hua Lamphong by MRT, then carried on with online taxi to the Wat Pho Temple. Due to Songkran week, the temple was crowded with people who come to pray. Guess we chose the wrong day for this, because I lost my appetite to walk around and take pics due to the crowd and heat. Remember, it hadn't rain since my brother moved here September last year!

Hua Lamphong railway station next to MRT station

arrived in front of Wat Pho

the entrance fee is THB 200, a bottle of cold mineral water included

So we found a café nearby on Maha Rat Road for cold beverages, and we had coffee to restore our mood and energy. The café was a bit vintage-styled, and we stayed there till the sun wasn't too fierce. But by that time the Grand Palace, which was our next destination, was already closed for public. So if you want to visit this area, please start early. The palace is open from 8 am to 3 pm.

Disappointed and exhausted, we gave up with temples and looked for a mall instead. There's another riverfront outdoor mall within walking distance here, Tha Maharaj, where we then chilled for more than 2 hours waiting for the sun to set. I had mango sorbet popsicle while mom and Ben had gelato popsicle at Stickhouse.

I chose mango, among other mouthwatering options

Chao Phraya River from the balcony

After the sun set, we moved on to Yaowarat Road, which is the China Town. My brother hadn't been there so this was his first time too. We took a cab that dropped us off in the middle of traffic in an alley, then we had some walking around the area, which displays and sells pretty much similar stuff: pork, durian, seafood, shark fin (#@!), and fruit juice. We decided to have street food at Itsara Nuphap Road, which gave us duck noodle, some kind of lumpia (dumpling), and pork gyoza.

duck noodle soup, lumpia, gyoza, and pomegranade juice

We don't really like this area, so we went home early.

Day 7

Since my mom was sick in the morning, we stayed home until noon and had heated rice box meal from 7-Eleven for lunch. Once she was feeling better we headed back to Siam area by online taxi. First we thought of visiting Bangkok Art And Culture Center (BACC) in the junction of Phayathai Road and Rama I Road, but again we were disappointed because it was closed during the Songkran week. So we crossed the street and went to the legendary MBK Center instead.

I just love seeing the structures in this junction

Again disappointed, we found that MBK Center was not so different from Jakarta's Mangga Dua, so after having second lunch there (cheesy crusted pizza so similar to Pizza Hut unless that their corporate hue is green), we spent only a while in the mall (20-minutes in one shop and 10-minutes to check everything else) then went out and crossed the street --on the skywalk bridge-- to Siam Discovery.

pizza, because why not?

the only store we went in, and spent some time in it

The design-winning mall looked great, but nothing to buy there, so we moved on to the next mall, Siam Center, which we have visited on our second day. Again, not too much to see there, so we crossed the street and took a look around Siam Square. We then decided to have dinner at the Siam Paragon's food court.

you can see enthusiastic young people wearing costumes and get themselves wet everywhere in this area

dusk sky and colourful lights

still loving the structures, plus the crowd too

inside Siam Paragon

I'd guess this is Singaporean brand

our dinner -- I still think Indonesia's tofu has better taste and texture

We planned to go back to Ratchada rot fai again to buy stuff people asked us to buy for them, but turned out we were exhausted so we decided to go back home and chill. On the way home where we had to exchange transportation from BTS (Asok) to MRT (Sukhumvit), we visited Terminal 21 mall and had our final there instead. And, a quick stroll on the Soicowboy alley, the red district area, just to see what's happening there (they don't allow us to take pictures there).

the red district alley at Sukhumvit

taking pics is restricted so this is the best that I could get

In the MRT station we bumped into our friends couple, Alvin and Carmelita, whom we knew were also in Bangkok then, and had 20-minutes of catching up before we had to separate ways. Once we were back home, we spent the whole night packing so we didn't have to do it in the morning.

Day 8

The next day, we (only mom and I this time) arrived at the Don Mueang airport at 9 a.m. and departed from Bangkok at 11:25 a.m. We arrived in Jakarta's Soetta airport at around 3:30 p.m. and I had to "run" for 7p.m. meeting in Plaza Senayan that very night. That was included having second lunch in the airport and going home in BSD to get mom's car to get me to Senayan.

Lā k̀xn, Bangkok!

Thus, it ended my first Bangkok Trip. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna come back there because I haven't visited enough temple. But I'll go more prepared next time. Hope your trip (if you are planning to go to Bangkok) will be better than mine!

Bangkok Trip on Songkran Week Pt. 1

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 12 Apr 2019 09:40:00 +0000

I didn't know anything about Songkran before, but my mom/sister booked the ticket for our trip on April 9-16 and here we are, having a vacation in Bangkok, during the Songkran week. It is the Thai's New Year national holiday on April 13-15, but the celebration goes on for a week. The good thing is, everybody is on holiday mood. But the bad news is that some of the places we wanted to go are closed or way too packed with people. Still, everybody is wearing colourful, flowery shirts so it seemed that I had to match the dress code.

Day 1

me, Mom, and Ben on the bus ride to Chatucak area where we took a transit to MRT ride

We went by the 12.40 p.m. Air Asia flight on Tuesday and arrived in Don Mueang International Airport before 4 p.m. My brother Ben picked us up at the airport and we took a bus ride to Chatuchak area, and switched to MRT ride to Phra Ram 9 station, then walked to Ben's apartment at Din Daeng area. We refreshed a bit and changed outfit, then took another MRT ride to Si Lom.

what welcomed us once we stepped outside the Phra Ram 9 MRT station

Bangkok is more/less similar to Jakarta, but we Jakartans are not as patient when it comes to bus queuing, I guess

took a turn behind the Fortune Town building to this street lyfe of Ratchadapisek Alley

dragged our luggage along the alley of Yu Charoen Road

one more turn and we'll arrive

We had KFC for dinner (there were not much time and we didn't know the area) then I walked the rest 15-minutes stroll to The Hop. This is the place where Bangkok Swing community do their twice-a-week social dances. I felt like being in a New York dancing studio, with the stairs entrance and hallway to the third floor, the wooden flooring, brick walls, and wall mirrors, plus the bar they have there. They even have a small Hop Shop that sells the stuff we need for lindy hop dancing, from dancing shoes to vintage outfit.

took me a great 20-minutes of walking from Si Lom MRT station to get here

Entrance to The Hop at Silom Road

They have two floors for dancing, all with wooden flooring and brick walls. I went to the smaller room on the top floor, which feels so New Yorkish with the wooden floor and arched windows. The dance started at 8.30 p.m., after the 30-minute intro class for beginners. You need to pay for THB 200 that includes welcome drink (mineral water or juice) but they also have cocktails and beer if you want an upgrade. I think there were at least 50 people in the dancing room that night, so packed I know, but they said some of them were already on vacation so you can only guess how many people they usually have on social dances there.

inside The Hop, they were on a dancing workshop here -- that circular stairs lead to another dancing room in the attic

this is where we danced for social night -- they have it every Tuesday and Saturday night, starting 8 pm

It was a really fun 1.5-hours of dancing that night (not enough for me but better than no dancing at all tho), but I had to end it earlier because my mom, waited with my brother for me, was already tired. We needed to make another half-hour walk back to the MRT station and stopped by for a bit to peek at the Pat Pong (Silom night market) and some Japanese-like alleyways of pubs and night life, the kinds of night market you can find at Si Lom area. But we were saving the shopping time for next days.

Day 2

Embassy of Indonesia in Bangkok at Phetchaburi Road

We had to go to the Embassy of Indonesia (KBRI) in the Pratunam area because Ben had to do his voting for president that day. After the vote we walked to Platinum Fashion Mall for a shortcut but apparently we had some shopping there, and at the Novotel Bangkok Platinum Pratunam Mall too. We walked through the skywalk bridge and arrived at Central World. We had lunch at the food court there, and took a little stroll around the mall (it was reported then, that the mall was on fire a little after we left it).

my brother did his vote a week earlier than us in Indonesia

Ratchadamri Road from the skywalk bridge

I like that they build the skywalk bridges 3-metres wide so people can also stop by to enjoy the scenery while walking

another mall across the road but we didn't visit it

all those street food they sell at the bazaar in the Central World front plaza

in front of Central World

we didn't want to think much so we went to food court for lunch

our lunch at Central World's food court contains a lot of pork

Mom shopping for some sour candies

Then, we carried on with a little walking to Siam Paragon, which located in the next block after Wat Pathum Wanaram temple. But we didn't enter the temple -- it was too hot and we were too tired. We had some coffee here, that worked double as energy recharging.

me posing in front of Siam Paragon

Siam Paragon and the BTS railway

between Siam Paragon and Siam Center

When we finally ready at about 16:30 we walked through Siam Center and to the BTS station where we rode to Chong Nonsi station. It leads us right to the King Power Mahanakhon Tower and we entered the tallest building in Bangkok. The ticket is THB 765 per person, and we took an elevator to the 74th floor. It was just splendid to see the whole city from such height, but it wasn't all.

the heavy traffic down there made us thankful for BTS tracks

at the Chong Nonsi BTS station

outside the BTS station

skyscapers around the Mahanakhon Skywalk

heading to the Mahanakhon Skywalk building

the tickets for Mahanakhon Skywalk rooftop

some view from the 74th floor

just us trying to look cool with selfie stick -- still on 74th floor

now this is the western view from the 78th floor

I don't really get it why they make the stadium-seating facing south--they have the glass tray in front of us there

Bangkok from 78th floor

feeling like on top of the world here, 314 metres above the ground

rules to get on the 'glass tray': protection from shoes and bags

those blue socks cover the glass from friction with our shoes

forgive my pose here, but I couldn't think of any better idea up there, with crowded people around

the beautiful twilight sky and the building's tube elevator

enjoying the romantic twilight on the rooftop

The DJ played cool lounge tunes

We took an escalator to 75th floor, then another elevator to the 78th. There, we were already on the rooftop, 310 meters high. We took another climb up to the very top, at the height of 314 meters and watched the 360-degree city view from up there. After the sun set we took a pic on the glass floor they already prepared for photo freaks like us. But we had to cover our shoes to keep them from any friction with the glass floor and put our belongings aside. And we cannot take selfies. All pictures must be taken by another person behind the line they set.

don't we like structures? well, I do

inside the BTS station, which I think is busier than MRT station -- maybe because they have small shops in the station

Asok BTS station that connects with Terminal 21 mall

We had dinner at Pier 21 food court

forgot what they call of this dish, but chicken kwayteow seemed like a 'safe' dish for me

We took so many pics until the twilight sky then went back. The merchandise shop is on the way back, so don't worry if you want to take some of the memories home. They also offer the pics they taken when you first arrive but you don't have to redeem it if you don't feel like it (we didn't). We went back by BTS to Terminal 21 Mall and had dinner at the food court. It was near 10 p.m. and the mall was closing. Then another MRT ride to Phra Ram 9 station, and we called it a day.

Day 3

our lunch: som tum and some pork dish

this is the som tum resto we had lunch at

We started late this day because we knew we'd have it till late so we needed to save some energy. By lunch time we walked to The Grand Rama 9 Central Mall next to G-Tower building where my brother works. We had som tum (papaya salad) for lunch and we liked it so much, paired it with sliced pork and pork meatball. We chilled a little bit more at the mall before taking a MRT ride one station away, took off at Thailand Cultural Center station, and walked a little bit to The Street Ratchada. It's a new mall with industrial architecture that makes it look empty and cold, but there are restaurants, cafes, and shops.

The Street -- they were having an event that night so people were busy constructing the stage

It was literally empty at 2 p.m. there

tried my first mango sticky rice in a cup here

We visited the Big C Supermarket just because my brother was working on some of its IT programs. Turned out it's super similar to our Carrefour or Giant, so we quickly moved to The Esplanade --all within walking distance-- and waited there till sunset time. We hung out at Cafe Amazon and I liked the plastic glass they use. It's made out of thick one that we brought it home to make a good reuse of it.

this chain cafe is restaurant and a recommended one

At 6 p.m. my brother ushered us to the parking area at the 4th floor where we saw one of the most beautiful sunset sky from. Imagine watching a slowly lit rows of colourful tents with the sunset as its background. It was mesmerizing and we stood there for almost 50 minutes there. Nearing 7 p.m. we went down and entered the Ratchada Rot Fai (Train Night Market) from the side of The Esplanade parking building.

looking at the sunset with this specific colourful market is just something

..and when the lights started to turned on, it was magical!

Entering the night market is totally another experience. With the indigo twilight sky, it feels like entering a magical lines of tents, smelling various kinds of cooked/fried/grilled meals: pancakes, meats, rice, peppers, and other spices... Makes you crave for eating all the savoury delights they offer (read here for recommendations). We moved to the non-food area because we were still full, and found the parts that sell goods.

entering the market with the west twilight sky as the background

some of the uniqueness you'll find there

lots of nice things to buy here of course!

We swept the tents line by line, stopping by at some interesting tents, shopped for the things intriguing enough for us to bring home, and enjoyed the whole experience so much. Seems like people all around the world, the tourists, were here: Asians (Koreans are more distinctive than the others), Caucasians, Aethiopian... This market is just that colourful--very interesting!

we're just so happy to be here

some stalls don't have tents tho

the pubs area are so interesting, but we didn't have energy for hanging out here after shopping

the signage at the entrance

At about 8:30 we started to feel hungry and decided to queue for a giant bowl of boiled pig spine with the spicy and sour green-chili soup at Leng Saab. The queue was long, the tables are always full, but the wait is just so worth it. They have the portions till XXL size for 6-8 people, but we had the XL one for 4. We didn't order any side dish or rice, and it was a right decision: we were too full when it all finished. They give us plastic gloves to eat with all our might, and I felt a bit like barbarian there, plus the hot weather, and there were no place to pretty-eating here. Such experience you just must have!

the Leng Saab food stall

see how packed this place is?

the XL portion can feed up to 4-6 people, if you have rice with it

yup, we had this for the 3 of us

We continued sweeping the rest of the tent lines we hadn't, and though we planned to chill for some drinks at one of the pubs there, we were all too tired when we finished all the tent rows. With shopping bags full, we decided to call it a day at around 11 p.m. More people are still coming because the market opens till 1-2 a.m. and most of the locals come for the pubs. We assumed the MRT would be full so we walked home, about 1.3 kilometres, and soaked in a hot shower that night. Tired, but all fun!

*) TIPS & TRICK

1. Preferable attire

I found this outfit extremely comfortable to travel in Bangkok, both for indoor and outdoor condition

My brother said ever since he moved to Bangkok in September 2018 it hadn't rain except that one time, in the middle of the night, so you can expect this city will always be sunny. Make sure you are dressed appropriately when you go to temple (modest clothing) but you are free to wear anything anywhere else in the city. Shorts and tank tops are acceptable in malls and streets.

2. What to bring along

Guess I'll make a short list here for you:

Hat or something to cover your head from the sun if you plan to walk around the city
Umbrella for temple hopping, especially around the Grand Palace, because it's super HOT
Drinking tumbler that you can refill at your hotel to avoid using too many plastic bottles
And of course, the (foldable) shopping bag to avoid using plastic shopping bags
Separate coin purse for the Baht to avoid mixing it with your country's currency
Comfortable strap sandals or outdoor are great
Keep your passport with you all the time

found a good deal for this pair of sandals at VNC sale rack -- and these are so great to wear for all-day walking in Bangkok!

3. Public transport

You can easily travel with two of Bangkok's mass transit systems: the BTS (Bangkok Tube Skytrain) that operates above the ground, and the MRT (Mass Rapid Transit Authority) that goes underground. These are managed separately, although there are transit bridges that connect both stations, thus they have different systems and cards.

the adult card for MRT trips

the plastic token for MRT's single trip

the thin card for BTS' single trip

You can buy a card and top-up the credit at the counter(s) next to the tapping gates, or you can purchase a single-use plastic token (MRT) or single-use card (BTS) if you don't want to keep any card with you. These tokens and cards can be obtained at a vending machine in every station. Use 10s, 5s or 1s coins to purchase, or get change at the counter.

Meanwhile you can pay with cash/coin for buses, taxis, and online taxi.

Bangkok's BTS and MRT map via travelhappy

4. Train Night Market

The night market of Ratchada Train opens at 6 p.m. everyday. So you can just board off the MRT at Thailand Cultural Center station and walk to the market behind The Esplanade mall. Bring a big shopping bag to avoid usage of plastic bag, deal politely with the sellers for reasonable prices, and eat interesting, one-of-a-kind food here. They have plenty to offer, so eating in smaller portion is advised so you can try as many kinds of food as you like.

bro, me and mom after hoursss of shopping here

If you have lots of time, you can walk the alleys first to look then come back later to buy. But the alleys are narrow and look-alike, so it's better to buy things when you first visit them because coming back to a stall/tent might be quite a trip for they look similar. Most shops sell similar things with similar/average price, but there are shops that sell unique stuff. If you see something different and interested on it, buy immediately. 50-baht difference is not so much a problem, I'd say.

Read more about my Bangkok Trip in Part Two here.

Yogyakarta Feb 2019 (Day 4)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 05 Mar 2019 05:27:00 +0000

Today we started not too early but not as late as the day before. We had to check out from the hotel as well, then went to the Tugu Station as we had already bought the Prameks commuter line ticket. We did our research there, all for the movie stuff, then after we're done, we said goodbye to Dimas who had accompanied us for the past two days.

the legendary Warung Makan Purnama in Magelang

inside the humble warung

catfish and other menu

We didn't really have any other task to do that day until our train schedule that night, so we decided to visit Magelang one more time. We went to Balkondes headquarter after having early lunch at Warung Makan Purnama. They serve a legendary catfish dish cooked with traditional method (I took a peek at their kitchen in the back and wished I had my camera to capture the originality it had).

the traditional kitchen

We were welcomed by Mas Seno, while the other people we met the other day were busy with their own schedule that day. Mas Seno took us to several other villages maintained by the Balkondes, and it was all equally interesting to visit each one of them. First, we went to the second village nearest to Borobudur temple: Karanganyar. The Balkondes lobby looks so nice, and they sell pottery as their main crafts.

they have crops just being planted in front of the Balkondes

the Balkondes of Karanganyar

And this is the highlight of the day. As we visited the local's houses, I stumbled upon Bu Rupiah who was spinning the clay on her simple house terrace. She was making cobék, a clay bowl to contain Sundanese sambal especially. We talked for a bit and suddenly she offered me to try spinning. Well of course I accepted the challenge. It was definitely not as easy as it seemed, but I found myself enjoying the creating process. I'd like to do this more, maybe in the future when I don't have so many things to do, I'd like to be a potter, I guess. Or not. Let's see.

we parked across the street to Bu Rupiah's house -- that's how we encountered with her

Bu Rupiah and her cobék

and after 10 minutes of trial and error, ta-daa!

look at my creation -- how fragile it is compared to the others, LOL

the stove to burn the pottery

We left my ashtray (it supposed to be a candle holder but I made mistake so it turned out to be an ashtray instead) there so Bu Rupiah could burn it to finish the process. We visited another pottery house, this one's a shop, but the owner wasn't there. We also visited the stove belongs to Bu Rupiah's family to burn the clay, covered with dust and ash, but we didn't stay long til the burning finished.

the finished products from other house

the shop we visited but the owner wasn't there

We carried on to the next village, it's called Tanjungsari, and the first place we visited was the tofu factory. They use the traditional method to make tofu, we call it tahu, and the place is way far from my expectation. It looks so filthy but I think that's the key of it. LOL. We could see the Borobudur Temple right from the back door of the factory. We moved on to the honey center but turned out nobody was there so we moved forward to the next village.

the tofu factory

those white square thing is the raw tofu ready to be fried

the raw tofu

the fried tofu

the honey center

the bee houses (dunno why they painted it pink)

Kembanglimus has one of the most unique Balkondes structure design. The bamboo rooms are also comfortable inside, and I think it's gonna be interesting to spend a night or two here. If only there were more entertainment they offer here. They do have some interesting stuff, like batik clothes for sale and pineapple garden, and the unique fried mie gedhek (aka mie rebung or noodle-like bamboo shots). But they'd need to explore more of what they can offer to people for one to want to stay the night here.

there are still rice fields with coconut trees bordering it everywhere here

the bamboo structure of Balkondes Kembanglimus Inn

one of the rooms they offer

the view from the second floor balcony

the view from one of the rooms

a unique dish here: mie gedhek

our driver Om Yayan, Mas Seno, Om Wowo, me, and the manager of Balkondes Kembanglimus

Anyway it was getting late, and we still had a long way to go so we said goodbye, dropped Mas Seno back to his office, then drove all the way back to Yogyakarta, straight to Tugu Station. Our train was scheduled at 8 p.m. and arriving in Gambir, Jakarta, by 4 a.m. the next day. It was a such a tiring holiday with so many hours of road trip, but I had really fun. Thank you for the opportunity, Garin Nugroho and production house team!

Yogyakarta Feb 2019 (Day 3)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 04 Mar 2019 04:00:00 +0000

On this third day we were focused to spend it in Yogyakarta city (read about the previous day here). First we met the location manager Dimas to arrange some stuff then we started visiting café / co-working spaces in town. The first one was Sinergi, a pretty cool place to work and have meetings, then we headed to Ekologi. Lucky for us, we met the owner of Ekologi so we spent another 2-hour in that green, cozy café / co-working space, then visited another café of the same owner: Estuary. More about the place, read here.

the inside of Sinergi -- it's an open space co-working space

Ekologi

the interior of Ekologi from the co-working space upstairs

the backyard of Ekologi

a different ambient at Estuary

After the café-hopping we had lunch and carried on with our mission. But on the way to the train station we stopped by at a newly-renovated traditional market of Kranggan at Jl. Diponegoro, and took a visit for the research. Behind the market was Klenteng Tridharma (Tjen Ling Kiong Vihara), a worship house for Confucians, at Jl. Poncowinatan. We had a look inside and took some pics there.

our humble yet yummy lunch

in front of Pasar Kranggan

I think the colours they use are really attractive

the Confucian temple behind the market

I think this is the first time I entered such temple

We carried on and arrived at Tugu Station to get some info about the commuter schedule and stuff, then we went to Beringharjo Market at Jl. Malioboro. This was the first time that I went to the back side of the market, where they sell fresh produces from the farm. I usually go come from the front door where they sell mostly batik clothes and souvenirs. It's just interesting to see the other side of the market.

We finished before sunset so we decided that it was a good time to go South and visit the Parangkusumo Beach. I haven't been there, as often as I visited Yogya, so I said why not. Within an hour we arrived at Parangkusumo, just in time for the sunset, only that the sun wasn't visible for it was heavily cloudy. It could be raining sometime soon, but we managed to chill for another 30-minutes after that just to sit and drink coffee in a nearby warung.

On the way back we took another route so we could have sate dinner at Pasar Desa Wonokromo at Bantul area to have this famous sate klathak. It's called klathak because the (goat) meat is skewed to the bike spokes and it sounds like klathak when get in touch with the fire. We also have tongseng which I adore for the thick and spicy coconut milk soup.

look at the open 'kitchen'!

I know it looks greasy and filthy but I must assure you the sate tastes so good

they still use charcoal to cook

sate klatak and tongseng soup

We arrived at the hotel before 8 p.m. and had a night meeting regarding the schedule for the next day at the hotel's restaurant. Meanwhile I asked one of my readers that I've been corresponding to come, and she did come at around 9 p.m. by her bike. I've been a fan of her works, she's a graphic designer and owner of Lakuiki notebooks. And I think we share similar interest on spirituality, and spent the night sharing stories.

Thank you for coming over, En!

Move on to the last day's here.

Yogyakarta Feb 2019 (Day 2)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 03 Mar 2019 10:43:00 +0000

On the second day we headed straight to Gunung Kidul (read about the previous day here). There's a village with an ancient volcano tourism park called Nglanggeran that won several awards for Community-Based Tourism (CBT) category. So we arrived there at around 10 a.m. along with our talco (talent coordinator) Tita. We met the pioneer guy Sugeng Handoko, who spent the whole day showing us around (more about him, read here).

the view along the way to Nglanggeran Village

some of the cacao products at Griya Cokelat

First we visited the Griya Cokelat where they process and sell cocoa products. They had us tried the bakpia (it's like a pie-cookie) and singkong salut cokelat and I think these are some of the best snacks I've ever tasted. I ended up buying two boxes of the bakpia for my snacking at home (don't give me that look please). They also have a small mart there for the daily needs supply for the whole village. So they're pretty much self-sustained though living in rural, rocky mountain area.

the view from our warung soto

soto ayam and sambal

soto ayam with boiled duck egg, the black and unique tempe benguk and of course, kerupuk!

We had soto ayam, boiled duck egg, and tempe benguk for lunch at a humble warung up on the hill but the view we had was spectacular. From there we climbed the stairs and went to the Embung Lake. It's a man-made lake with teal water but the view around it was the main attraction. We climbed even higher to the forest and I think it's the best part of it all. Perhaps getting more in touch with the nature or maybe it's less heated in the forest that I felt extremely happy being up there. We found so many great photography spots on our way back. So it's quite an Instagrammable place there.

the way in to the agro-tourism area

the rocky mountain of Gunung Api Purba at the northern part of Gunung Kidul

a joglo restaurant across the Embung Lake

I simply like this signage to be here outlooking the city view far below

the sign is a Javanese philosophy that reads 'to beautify the already beautiful world"

rocky mountain behind the lush greens here is just breathtaking

the man-made lake Embung

the view from above the lake

view to the other side

imagine to have this view everyday in your life!

We went back to the civilization and visited one of the villagers' house for the film production needs, then went to the tourism park. Another photo sessions there and we called it off. It was past 5 p.m. already and we headed to Bukit Bintang to watch sunset. There we met a lovely backpacking couple Sarah and Harry, and talked with them till it was dark. Then I called it off and went back to the hotel, took shower and had dinner, then fell asleep as I was dehydrated and all sun-burnt earlier on the hill. Still, I had a great time that day. Fast forward to the next day here!

Yogyakarta Feb 2019 (Day 1)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 02 Mar 2019 04:56:00 +0000

It was precisely a week ago that I went to Garin Nugroho's house for a 9 p.m. meeting and it was almost midnight when they told me to go to Yogyakarta on Monday's first flight. They offered me a job as researcher for Mas Garin's upcoming documentary film. So I had a family day with my sister on Sunday, and prepared a luggage for my 4-days research trip. The schedule was to go on 5 a.m. Lion Air flight. But alas, I just woke up at 4:30!

The producer team I went with, Om Wowo, got a problem with his online taxi's car. So both of us couldn't fly and we had to buy the second ticket by our own money. I arrived at Halim airport at 6 a.m. instead of the planned 4 a.m. meeting point in Soetta airport. This made everything much easier tho: closer airport, more convenience flight schedule, and of course, much cheaper cost. We flew by the 7:25 a.m. Citilink flight and arrived in Yogya's Adisucipto airport at 8:20 a.m. Turned out, the Lion Air we were supposed to fly on, was delayed and hadn't even take off by the time we arrived in Yogya. So me waking up late and Om Wowo's car incident were actually blessing in disguise!

Arriving at the gudeg city, we were picked up by Om Yayan, who was our driver for the next 4 days and also Om Wowo's schoolmate. He drove us to Kopi Klotok, a place I'd heard 3 months ago but hadn't visit so I did now. It's usually crowded especially at meal times, but when we got there at 9 a.m. we got a comfortable spot on the terrace. We ordered the famous pisang goreng (banana fritter), jadah goreng (fried sticky rice), wedang jahe gepuk (hot ginger drink), and of course, their signature kopi klotok (special brewed black coffee).

Kopi Klotok

After being refreshed, we headed to Magelang. The order was to visit Kenalan Village, and so we did. There we were welcomed by Mas Kamto from BumDes (Badan Usaha Milik Desa), and Mas Seno and Mas Sunu from Balkondes (Balai Ekonomi Desa; but balkon also means balcony). It is a ministry's program for 20 villages around Candi Borobudur to empower the potential and to promote the beauty to the world. Their program includes building the inns (they call as homestay) and 'balcony' (that we call as bale) to host the guests. And each village is supported by different state-owned enterprise, so they all have different designs.

the entrance to Desa Kenalan's Balkondes

the balkon to receive guests

huge ancient rock there speaks for something..

the openness of bale welcomes guests to enjoy the fresh breeze here

talking not preaching

some of their signature dishes include my fave tempe mendoan, jenang leri, and wedang klamijoro

jenang leri is more like a Bubur Manado made out of corn flour, and wedang jahe klamijoro is ginger drink with milk

Mas Seno, Om Wowo, Mas Kamto, Mas Sunu

We talked and talked all day there on the balkon for it was raining hard for hours and we couldn't go anywhere. It was a fun, inspiring talk tho; I learned a lot from there (and if you ask me, I'd tell you in other story). After the rain stopped, we visited one of the villagers' house to see the woven bag of pandanus leaves. Oh, before the rain we also visited a house that produce slondok. It is their signature cassava crisps that are made entirely in this village. We could watch the whole processes from picking to drying to frying to packaging if we stay over in this village.

one of the villagers' house who produces slondok

(sorry I forgot to ask this lady's name)

the slondok is dried under the sun

ready-to-eat slondok in packaging with various tastes

the house that produces woven bags

gotta show off my sewing skill with this lady

Om Wowo and Mas Kamto, talking to Ibu Budi Rahayu the bag-weaver

the woven bags

The price they set for a room starts from Rp 350,000/night. It offers 3-star facility with breakfast, and the priceless fresh mountain forest air. The atmosphere was fresh and chill, and I imagine it'd make a great place to do morning yoga or late night meditation here. Might as well go back here one day to try staying over here myself! (tell me if you want to join ya~)

they have 10 inn rooms here

with a cozy 3-star hotel facility

it's nice, quiet, and chilled here

I'd spend half a day here just to sit and read in silence

looking at the balkon area from the homestay inn

(I know you'll agree with me)

We were then ushered to visit Balkondes' headquarter and we got to meet several of the experts there. These people are the ones who think and do all the programs (not a temporary project but a long-term program) of Balkondes and make sure everyone in the area knows about this. The goal is to make the villages around Candi Borobudur (that apparently are still far below welfare point) to self-sustain themselves and later can be another tourism destinations beside the famous Buddhist temple.

the headquarter of Balkondes Borobudur

pardon the poor quality but these people are the experts who work for Balkondes programs

By sunset we asked for leave and headed back to Yogyakarta. I was introduced to Om Heru, one of the pioneers of art around the Keraton area. One of his programs is Senja Bersastra di Malioboro, and he gave me the compilation book of poetry made by the Komunitas Rondjeng. He is also the owner of Rondjeng cafe at the southeast part of Keraton fort. You should visit for their super-cheap but yummy wedang (ginger drink) variations!

thank you Om Heru!

It was 10 p.m. and we checked in at Edelweiss Hotel at Demangan area. It was quite a long day for me and I still needed to compile a report for Jakarta team for the research we did that day. I was tired but thrilled at the same time for it was always a new experience to have (and new places to go) in this magical city of Yogyakarta. Carry on to my Day-2 report here!

Our Responsibility

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 25 Jan 2019 08:46:00 +0000

via rabbisacks

Last night I attended one of the most absurd spiritual classes I've ever been. The community calls themselves as Paguyuban Goblok (literally means 'Society of The Idiots') and one of the class' titles is Ngaji Urip Sinau Goblok (literally translates to 'to review life, to learn to be idiots') and the one I attended last night was Kala Kula Gesang (means 'the time that I live').

Just as the intriguing titles, what we discussed in the class was extremely simple yet goes so deep and intriguing to break down our walls of ego. We reviewed life as it is, without any prejudice and illusion, which mostly blind us from the true reality. We are sometimes being too consumed by the illusion that we create and we unconsciously live in it, and refuse to step out to face the true facts of life; the reality; the life as it is.

Mas Herwi, Mba Rurit and I

Last night we talked more about responsibility. Not coincidentally, I met a book writer Herwiratno a day prior and we discussed about the exact same topic. Sometimes we are too consumed with our role, stuck with the romanticism, and being big headed that we feel that we are responsible of something/someone that we care too much about. The role of being a parent, of being a child, of being a leader, of being a lover, of being a giver... We sometimes get too deep into a case that we often forget the true essence of the case itself.

What should we do then?

As always, I'll start with the words 'seek within!' simply because it is the key. It's not easy, I know, since we're more accustomed to find the solution with-out. We usually try to find the way out of a problem, while what we must do instead is to look within. I know this doesn't ring a bell to some of you but to make it sound, you need to really seek inside your heart and ask yourself what's the real matter.

Herwiratno, in his third book 'Siklus Kenikmatan Misi Jiwa' and the upcoming one 'Perjanjian Antar Jiwa' shares his experience and knowledge about "being too responsible". We must agree that anything that has a 'too' in it is excessive, therefore overwhelming, will lose its true meaning/purpose and, at the end, become useless. The key is to do (and talk and think and eat and everything) just enough.

How do we know when it's enough?

You will know. Your heart/higher consciousness will tell you. Listen to it. Or before you can hear it, use a filter that Socrates had taught us thousands of years ago: is it true? is it kind? is it necessary? Then add to them: is it inspiring? is it helpful? You may add other filters, tho. It's really a matter of practice so you must apply this on your daily life first. The more you practice, the more you are good at it, the more you are used to it, and in no time it'll be not just a habit or a lifestyle, but also a character.

But I feel that I'm obliged to take care of other's well-being too!
What if they can't make it? What if they are not satisfied? What if...

Stop it. It's just your feelings. Your emotion. Your attachment. And it's an illusion that you believe and live in. The thing is, do what you need to do, what you can do, but not more than that. Just do what you do by giving your best effort, but don't worry about the outcome. At the end of the day, anything that comes and done from the heart will show and affect people in the soul level. They will feel it, if you give out from your heart.

So the key is to focus on the process of producing; of delivering. Don't worry about how others will take it, because it's not even your problem, it's theirs. Don't worry about how whether they will like you or despise you, because you don't work for praise and credit -- you work just to make things work and to give out your best without any hope or fear about the outcome.

Things happen for a reason. I guess most of us are already agree on that. But don't stop there. I need you to absorb the term: everything happens for a reason. Then you must know that there are intervention from the Universe in each event that happens in our lives. Then you must know that whatever the reason will help you to learn, grow, and rise in life. So don't resist it. Instead, face it, go through it, and grow from it!

So the relation with responsibility is: just do your portion the best you can do, and don't worry about the rest. People's reaction is their own growth process, it has nothing to do with us. The income / material result -- if money is involved -- is all about our rationing fortune. It is given as how the Universe says your worth. Don't bid or ask for more, because you don't know the measurement the Universe is using, and it is totally different than ours. Just believe, have faith, trust. And let go.

You may already experienced it yourself: that the most successful / fortunate events that happened in your life is those that are spontaneous, flexible, and were done without too much thinking. And when you enjoy doing it. It's because your thoughts/ratio/logic is keeping you from the infinite energy that can help you achieve/deliver the things you must do. So let go of your ego (of needing/feeding any emotion) and flow with the Universe.

What about helping out other people (or animal)?
Aren't we supposed to be kind and help each other?

Yes, but do it only within your capacity.
If anyone come to us asking for help, do whatever you can do to help. If the request is beyond your limitation, just give out what you can, or refuse them, and suggest them to go elsewhere. If you see something that doesn't ask anything from you but you feel like you can help, or the thought of helping out comes as a command to you, then do it. If you don't feel the urge to help, then don't. It's really as simple as that. If it's not your part to help them, the Universe will use someone else to do the task. So don't worry and just chill dealing with your own tasks.

What will happen if I don't take responsibility of other's well-being?

They will get hurt. Their world will crumble. Their ego will be broken. They will realize things that they didn't before. They will learn humility. They will face their own demons. They will know themselves. They will be conscious. They will get up. They will grow. They will change. They will be mature. They will rise. They will live up to their best potential. They will be fine.

And if you think you are responsible to take a part on their life journey, don't you think you are interfering with other's spiritual growth? Don't you think you are taking over the role of the Universe? Don't you think that you are getting on other's path toward their life fulfillment? Isn't it too proud / entitled of you? We have our own path and portion in life. Try to stick with yours.

So what is my responsibility, anyway?

Each of us human being in this world is responsible for our own life. We are responsible of living this life in the best way possible, while helping others along the way. We do what we must/can do, give out our best, and let the Universe take care of the rest. This is different than being selfish or ignorant, because being selfish is thinking of only ourselves, and ignorance is not being aware of your surrounding. But to act responsibly is to consciously acknowledge things that happened, do things that must be done from our part, and not worrying about the outcome. It is the key to a graceful life.

Let me remind you one of the most famous teachings of Mother Teresa below:

via steamcommunity

And be peaceful in your heart all the time, because you've done your part anyway.

Rahayu,

_/|\_

Symptoms of Spiritual Awakening

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 08:14:00 +0000

Found these symptoms on Pinterest, I'm triggered to post this on my own personal blog. The reason is to remind myself of the process I'd go through, as well to inform you guys what'll happen once you are beginning your spiritual journey. This may happen in random order. Plus, I'm gonna translate them in Indonesian for my readers to understand better. Recheck these symptoms with your own experience:

via theawakenedstate

1. Melihat / Merasakan Energi

Melihat pendaran cahaya dalam jangkauan penglihatan
Cahaya berkelebat
Sensasi gatal, menusuk, atau geli
Sensasi berdebar, gemetaran, atau berkedut
Pelacakan/gambaran terhadap suatu benda atau orang
Sensasi merinding atau bergetar dari kepala sampai kaki
Kehangatan yang tak bisa dijelaskan pada tangan atau kaki
Melihat warna pada frekuensi (udara)

via theawakenedstate

2. Pergolakan Emosi

Anda akan merasakan perubahan dua polar emosi yang ekstrem dari euforia ke depresi seakan Anda merasakan bahwa emosi ada di luar kendali Anda. Ini adalah hasil dari perubahan hormonal Anda melalui sistem endokrin.

via theawakenedstate

3. Krisis Identitas

Terjadi sebuah pengasingan diri dimana Anda tidak lagi memahami diri Anda, siapa Anda, apa jalan hidup Anda, atau realitas itu sendiri. Ini adalah esensi dari penguraian, ada sebuah ketakutan mendalam kalau Anda tidak bisa menghadapi realitas materi (nyata) karena semua orang di sekitar Anda masih terjebak dalam ilusi. Ini adalah awal dimana ego mulai kehilangan pegangannya terhadap kesadaran Anda.

via theawakenedstate

4. Dorongan Untuk Berkarya

Anda ingin menjajal segalanya secara kreatif: memasak, mendekorasi, seni, musik, dll. Salah satu contoh Pencerahan adalah Anda jadi lebih selaras dengan alam bawah sadar Anda dan melepas pikiran pada daya imajinasi.

Kita menciptakan realitas kita sendiri dengan kekuatan pikiran kita; ini adalah tanda dari Semesta untuk mulai berkarya baik secara harfiah maupun kiasan.

via theawakenedstate

5. Kegelapan Malam Jiwa

Kegelapan malam pada jiwa adalah bagian alami dari Pencerahan; proses terkelupasnya kulit lama kita. Kita merasakan ketidakmampuan untuk terhubung karena Semesta meminta kita untuk melihat ke dalam dan mempertanyakan diri sendiri, realitas kita, dan tujuan kita di sini.
Sebuah katalis yang memicu kehancuran ego sebagaimana alam bawah sadar kita menerobos keluar.

via theawakenedstate

6. Selaras Dengan Peristiwa Langit

Ketika Kesadaran kita berubah, kita jadi lebih selaras dengan frekuensi dan - pada gilirannya - frekuensi Bumi. Ketika kita lebih sadar kita mulai memperhatikan pola halus terutama dalam fase bulan dan penyesuaian bintang-bintang (astrologi). Karena semuanya terhubung melalui efek riak, kita jadi sangat terpengaruh selama peristiwa ini.

via theawakenedstate

7. Peningkatan Kemampuan Batiniah

Ketika kita Tercerahkan, indera kita tidak hanya jadi lebih peka tapi intuisi Anda juga membimbing Anda melakukan hal-hal yang sebelumnya tak pernah Anda bayangkan.
Anda mulai mendengarkan insting; penyesuaian atau pola jadi sulit untuk diabaikan; Anda mulai bisa memprediksi peristiwa sebelum terjadi; mengetahui hal-hal sebelum Anda sendiri tahu; mimpi Anda punya makna dan memberi tanda; dan Anda terhubung.

via theawakenedstate

8. Ingatan Masa Lampau

Ingatan jangka panjang masa lalu Anda kembali. Selama ini ingatan ini terkubur dalam di Rancang Agung jiwa (soul blueprint) tentang siapa kita dalam berbagai masa kehidupan. Ingatan ini bisa kembali dalam bentuk kilasan balik, penglihatan, lamunan, atau potongan dari masa lampau. Ingatan ini begitu jelas dan nyata sehingga membuat Anda kebingungan karena Anda menyadari hal itu tidak berasal dari kehidupan yang Anda jalani sekarang.

via theawakenedstate

9. Kilasan Ke Realitas Lain

Perasaan seakan Anda sedang hidup di realitas ganda secara bersamaan atau kehidupan paralel. Waktu jadi lebih cair karena masa lampau, masa kini, dan masa depan menyatu. Anda merasa seakan sedang berjingkat di antara banyak dunia atau bergerak dalam beberapa realitas berbeda secara sekaligus. Biasanya ini diikuti perasaan disoreintasi karena tidak membumi pada fisik karena Anda sedang membuka diri Anda ke garis waktu berbeda dalam mengartikan realitas.

via theawakenedstate

10. Melihat Bentuk Asli Orang Lain

Ini seperti konsep cermin yang bisa melihat pantulan orang lain mengenai kehidupan masa lampaunya melalui aura energi mereka. Sebagaimana kita semakin kuat kadang kita bisa melihat kekasih atau bahkan orang asing dengan wajah berbeda yang membuat sesuatu dari kehidupan masa lampau atau kehidupan paralel mereka mendatangi kita.

via theawakenedstate

11. Kecemasan / Serangan Panik

Arus energi dalam diri Anda bisa begitu berlimpah saat ego kehilangan pegangannya, dan ini bisa membuat otak Anda bekerja lebih cepat dari tubuh dan membuat situasi yang disebut konsep 'pemikiran lubang hitam'.
Persepsi Anda berubah dan dengan itu muncul keinginan untuk jatuh pada roda pemikiran masa lampau dan masa depan, yang bisa membuat Anda ketakutan dan kehilangan.

via theawakenedstate

12. Tidak Ada Getaran Rendah

Ada sebuah keinginan dari dalam untuk membuat Anda dikelilingi oleh orang-orang dengan pemikiran serupa dan hubungan yang sehat. Anda sudah tidak bisa lagi menolerir lingkungan dengan getaran rendah, perilaku dualitas, atau hubungan tak sehat yang beracun. Tubuh Anda ingin pergi dari konsep dualitas tiga dimensi sepenuhnya, karena sekarang Anda berada pada penyesuaian dengan energi yang lebih tinggi dengan paradigma baru.

via theawakenedstate

13. Sinkronisitas Cepat

Penyesuaian mulai meningkat dengan cepat, angka tertentu mulai menghantuimu, biasanya 11:11, 12:12, 111, 333, 444, 555, 666, 777.

Anda mulai mengalami deja vu, mimpi Anda mulai berbentuk, atau ada simbol pola dasar (archetype) yang muncul dalam hidup Anda. Alam bawah sadar ini sangat kuat, simbol-simbol ini bekerja dengan cara yang mirip psikologi analitik dari Carl Jung. Simbol-simbol ini membantu menyadarkan kita.

via theawakenedstate

14. Kejelasan Komunikasi

Anda merasa lebih selaras dengan mendengarkan kesunyian. Anda bukan jadi gila tapi Anda merasakan keinginan untuk berbicara dengan 'suara dari dalam' ini atau mendengarkan kesunyian. Banyak yang mengalami perjumpaan dengan roh pembimbing atau berkomunikasi dengan malaikat dengan cara seperti ini. Keterhubungan menjadi hal bawaan dan alami bagi kita sebagaimana kita membuka diri kita sebagai saluran penerima ke dunia roh.

via theawakenedstate

15. Pelebaran Waktu

Konsep bagaimana kita melihat waktu jadi berubah sepenuhnya. Kita beroperasi dari persepsi indera yang lebih menyatu antara masa lampau-masa kini-masa depan. Waktunya adalah sekarang. Kesadaran Anda berjuang untuk tetap pada pola pikir masa kini. Waktu tidak terasa seperti punya struktur lagi; segalanya sangat cair.

via theawakenedstate

16. Sirkuit Pendek Otak Kiri

Kesadaran adalah melewati proses penyambungan kembali jadi semua yang beroperasi di belahan otak kanan kita lebih tersorot. Ini artinya empati, ingatan spasial, kemampuan batiniah, dan kemampuan Anda mengalami penglihatan akan lebih kuat. Sementara itu fungsi otak kiri akan mundur dan melemah.
Otak berkabut. Ingatan berdatangan kembali. Tidak bisa fokus.

via theawakenedstate

17. Merasa Tidak Terhubung

Kesadaran Anda menginginkan Anda mencari jawabannya ke dalam. Sebagaimana frekuensi Anda berpindah, ketertarikan dan hubungan Anda berganti, Anda menarik hal-hal sebagaimana Anda adanya. Persahabatan dan hubungan lama Anda akan pupus dan Anda menginginkan hubungan yang lebih sesuai secara jiwa. Kita sedang melepaskan ikatan karma dari keluarga jiwa kita. Kadang kita harus melepaskan orang-orang dalam rangka bertumbuh dan berevolusi.

via theawakenedstate

18. Melihat Ke Dalam

Ini bisa jadi keinginan untuk bermeditasi yang datang tiba-tiba, bicara pada diri sendiri, atau jadi lebih mawas diri dengan pemikiran Anda daripada mengemukakan opini Anda setiap saat. Pada dasarnya Anda jadi lebih telepatis dan selaras dengan persepsi pikiran dunia di sekitar Anda. Anda menjadi pemerhati pemikiran dan perasaan Anda, jadi penonton di antara dunia-dunia.

via theawakenedstate

19. Saat-Saat Penuh Kegembiraan

Begitu Terbangun, Anda merasa lebih damai dengan diri Anda sendiri dan realitas Anda. Hal ini menciptakan saat-saat kebahagiaan dan euforia.
Anda jadi bisa melihat jelas di balik ilusi dari keterpisahan dan tahu bahwa Anda tidak pernah sendiri.
Kita semua dipimpin oleh Semesta di dalam diri.

Rahayu.
Namaste.

My First Bali Spiritual Retreat

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 Nov 2018 15:10:00 +0000

If you're following my blog I figure you must realized that I've been silent for a few months now. Things happened and I was broken down, but one day in August my best friend Ferly told me about this book Suwung so I bought and read it (check this out). The book gave me a new perspective and slowly put me back into track. But it wasn't enough so I went to the class on one Tuesday in November--it was precisely last month!

Thus my life changed. The speaker/book writer/spiritual guru Mas Setyo Hajar Dewantoro had really opened my eyes and mind and soul to this new knowledge for me: to be connected with our own Higher Self. I was never interested on joining him before, even tho his name was mentioned by other friends throughout the past 14 months. But from that first workshop class, I've changed and now I feel happy all the time. It really is a true bliss, and I want everyone to experience the same!

So when they told me there'd be a retreat in Bali, I signed up despite my limited budget. And last week on Thursday I flew from Jakarta with my mother to attend the 3-day Mahadaya Suwung Retreat: Awaken The Greatness Within. It was never a regret -- in fact, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made!

Day 1 - Nov 9

the welcome kit: kamen, sapuh/kampuh, and name tag

We gathered at Aston Hotel Gatsu Denpasar after lunch and departed by car to Umejero Village in Buleleng, North Bali. It was an almost 4-hours drive but it was all worth it: lovely scenery of mountains, valleys, lakes, rice fields, and forests all the way to this secluded little village. We arrived at Villa Sangkih at 4:30 p.m. (Bali time; GMT +8) and soon introduced to the villa owners: Pak Putu Wikaya and wife, their son Bli Ketut and wife Mbok Dewi, and the cook Mbok Loli.

After almost 4-hour drive we finally arrived here!

the stairs on the left led us to the main house and the pathway on the right to the 'meditation hall'

the entrance kori to Villa Sangkih

We had snack time while enjoying the chill breeze of cloudy afternoon there, and soon it was dinner time. We got along with the other retreat participants, which came mostly from Jakarta and Bali (the others came from Surabaya, Semarang, and even Singapore). We came from different religions but united by the same faith in the Greatness Within. At around 8 p.m. we had a welcome gathering and night meditation, then we all went to sleep.

Day 2 - Nov 10

Mas Setyo and Bli Dana meditate before the session

and I took the moment to pose ;p

We woke up early and gathered to do a morning yoga before breakfast. After shower, we dressed up in white (shirt or kebaya) and put on the yellow kamen (it's called jarik in Javanese or simply a piece of cloth to cover the bottom part for women) and kampuh (or sapuh/saput, a thin shawl to be worn around the waist) that came with our 'welcome package' (the cloths were lent and we must give them back upon departure on last day).

walking barefoot to the Pura

Pura Gunung Kembar

The Altar

Being all pretty and handsome, we walked barefoot to the Pura Gunung Kembar (which was located just behind the villa), a small praying altar under an old big tree that happened to be one of the most important (but less known) temples in Bali. This is the first energy portal that we visited in this retreat.

we are connecting ourselves to the gods, goddesses, and the Universe

We sat on the forest floor, lit the incense, and pray with flowers; the way the Balinese Hindu do it. The difference is, there was no Mangku to give us rice and water for the ceremony. That morning we were just meditating and trying to be connected with ourselves (the micro cosmos), the gods and goddesses, the workers of the Universe, the nature, and the Universe (the macro cosmos) itself.

arrived at the entrance to Umejero Waterfall

After that, we went back to the villa and went to the next stop by cars (it was just a 5-minutes drive). It was a 600-meters sloping pathway down to the Umejero Waterfall and we walked all the way barefoot. The walk was not too steep and within 5-minutes from the car park we could already see the waterfalls. We meditated for a while there, asking permission to "download some data from the portal", then we got into the water. It was a chill, fresh, and clear water and I felt blessed. We call this activity "melukat" in Balinese, "meruwat" in Javanese, which means purification.

There were 3 showers that I made, sitting right under the waterfall and let my whole body rinsed by the energy from the nature. At that moment I felt such joy and feelings that I can't describe: the unity with the Universe, as if I am the Universe and the Universe is me. I felt so connected and blessed and all I wanted to do is to bless the others and more!

We spent about 1 hour in this spring waterfall and went back by cars to the villa for lunch. We took shower and changed clothes to the red T-shirt given for this retreat group. I wore the endek 'kamen skirt' that I so proud of having (feeling like a true Balinese gek just by wearing it), and after the beautiful 30-minutes-drive with panorama of mountains and rice fields on our sides, we arrived at the Bhagavad Gita Museum.

Suddenly became a model for Instagram

The museum has a hundred steps down the hill, so I warn you to be fit enough to visit this. The museum showcases paintings of the events described in Bhagavad Gita scripture, mostly about the Mahabharata. But what I enjoy more is the golden statues they put outside, each placed in a house to keep them from rain and sun. With the beautiful forest around the valley, the place was perfect to do contemplation. The thing is that this museum is heavily influenced by Indian Hindu. We had a study and meditation in the Krishna's hall; a small, open bale-bale for us to sit on the floor.

Study under the statue of Krishna

Do I look Balinese enough?

The trip to go home was challenging: we should climb the stairs all the way back to get to the front door and it was quite a hard work. But with the fresh air and surrounded nature, the trip could be such a therapy. (It's all depends on how you see things, my friend!) We went back to the villa and for the whole 30 minutes we could only be amazed by the amazing panorama laid on both sides. How great Thou art!

Mount Gunung Kembar (left) and Batukaru (right)

We had a break time for shower and dinner before our next session and it was another interesting one. It was 'soul dance' time and we were dancing to the song, following the heart, while closing our eyes. We moved as the soul lead us. It is an act of activating our senses, to just flow and not worry of any judgment. It was so beautiful I couldn't stop smiling. I felt as if I was one with the souls I reincarnated before. My spirit has become one with all of the souls in this journey.

Back to the villa

After that we had discussion and meditation as usual, and ended up with private consultation. We took turns for the consultation but I chose to go back to the room and had rest. It was a tiring day and I was starting to get flu so I called it a day and took my beauty sleep early.

Day 3 - Nov 11

Rice paddy trekking

Absorbing energy from The Sun and Mother Earth

Soul-dancing to bless the Mother Earth

Happy faces before morning shower

The next morning felt heavier. We all woke up late and had our legs/calves/body ache. But somehow we managed to gather at 7 a.m. and had morning barefoot walk in the rice field. It is an act of connecting our body and soul to the Mother Earth, and we ended up gathering in big circle on a vast land. There, we soul danced under the morning Sun and it was different than the soul dance we did the night prior. Under the Sun we bless the Earth and we charged our chi / prana energy.

Our last meditation session

Mas Koko and my soul & chakra sketches

After breakfast and shower we got ready for the final session of this retreat. After Mas Setyo's explanation of the Level of Consciousness, Mas Sasongko gave us the soul sketches: one is our chakras and the other is one of our past incarnations. Some people say it's not important to look back, but knowing this certainly brought a new perspective. By knowing who my soul had been in the past, I understand more about myself and my task in this world. And to answer some of the questions I had in this lifetime.

(sorry can't share the name with you but this was "me" before)

funny enough, this lady and I shared a similar 'past' and same name!

Before saying goodbye

Then Mas Tunjung Dhimas Bintoro closed the session to complete the whole program. We went back to the villa for lunch, packing, then check out from this beautiful haven. This time my Mom and I joined Bli Dana's car to Denpasar via Tabanan as we carried on to extend our retreat program. Mbak Liza joined us to stay over at Teh Norin's house at Batu Belig area. And that very night we decided to go to Gianyar--the retreat wasn't over yet!

The sisterhood of the Universe

At mba Tesny & bli Komang's place

The magnificent purification pool of Tirta Empul

We had dinner at home and went to Gusto for a cup of gelato. Then Mark, Teh Norin's husband, drove us to Tirta Empul. At 10:30 p.m. we did another melukat (purification) but this time in a pool instead natural pond. Tirta Empul has 14 showers and we dove our heads under the water fall and just follow our Higher Self to lead. Just let go of the thoughts and let the heart lead. As simple as that, although many would find it difficult. We ended the ritual with meditation and finished by 12 a.m.

So there it goes, my whole retreat experience in Bali. My mom and I had two extended days that we spent to visit jewelry and keris gallery in Celuk, visit Teh Norin's new restaurant Warung Indung (at Jl. Teuku Umar, Denpasar), and meet our family friend Pak Nur. We bade goodbye that afternoon, as some of us went back to Jakarta and we decided to stay in hotel just to enjoy our last night. We spent the last day by shop hopping all the way from Warung Italia (at Jl. Kunti I) to Pantai Petitenget, then bought some souvenirs before going home.

Took a pic at Warung Indung

This trip was really something, and I just want to share the joy and contentment I feel with everybody. I'm writing this with a hope that you too will experience this beautiful journey of the spirit, because this is everyone's true human's right. If only everyone of us know our Life Blueprint and stick with it, we can see how life itself is such a blessing that we cannot waste.

If you are interested to join the retreat or 1-day workshop or to know any information about spirituality, feel free to contact the Mahadaya Institute,
Mas Setyo Hajar Dewantoro,
Mas Tunjung Dhimas Bintoro, or
Mas Sasongko Hendratmojo.
Or visit their website Mahadaya Institute.

5 Movies That Surprisingly Teach You Spirituality

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 30 Oct 2018 07:30:00 +0000

Not many of us would understand spirituality, and not many have time/energy/interest to read books or attend classes to learn about one. But you know what? There are easier ways and packaged in lighter forms for us to understand more about spirituality; and you may have even watched them!

Now is the time that you dig back your flick collection and watch them all over again - this time from a different perspective!

1. I Origins

Director: Mike Cahill (2014)

This movie has an explicit way to present the facts about spirituality VS science to its audience. We surely can't deny the truth that both spirituality and science exist, no matter how you see and believe it. But even if you don't believe in either one, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. It's all about opening your mind and embrace the fact that both have influence in your life hand in hand, even if you didn't realize it before.

2. Kung Fu Panda

Directors: Mark Osborne, John Stevenson (2008)
Who doesn't love Po, the big-sized lazy panda who dreams to be a kung fu warrior? He entered the Shaolin temple under the guidance of Master Shifu. Po's journey can reflect on our own life journey. At one point, we would be partnered with people who seems like they already achieve a lot in life and master their skills while we're just getting started. But it is when we seek within us that we can find ourselves. Be the best part of ourselves by finding the inner peace - of course by practicing and after series of failures. But it's always worth it to try and try again, isn't it?

3. Doctor Strange

Director: Scott Derrickson (2016)
With a little imagination and reasoning, there are lots that you can learn from this movie (I wrote some about it here.) But really, the spiritual world is more or less described in this movie: about controlling our own mind, opening up portals to other dimensions, astral projection/out-of-body-experience, and to 'bend' the parallel universe. The movie may exaggerate it a bit for it's a fantasy genre from Marvel comics, but the writer(s) surely want to tell you some secrets in a more popular/fun way.

4. Lucy

Director: Luc Besson (2014)
This may not be the first time that you heard of how we human hasn't make use of our brain to its maximum potential. Most people use not even 4% of their brain capability, and we never wonder what's available behind that border we set ourselves. Lucy shows us the things we may achieve when we breakthrough and reach a higher consciousness. It's not about being an USB hard disk for sure, but the capability to overcome time and space, and the data we all keep in our DNA.

5. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Director: James Gunn (2017)
Another Marvel movie in the list, and I know this one is the least popular. But look at how Star Lord found out who his father is. Ego was a form of consciousness that manifests itself into a planet and at one point decided to manifests itself into a form of human. Let's put his evilness aside and focus only on the process of creation. Then imagine if that's exactly what happened with you when you were materialized in this world. Would it now make sense?

BONUS: Cloak & Dagger

TV Series - Season 1 (2018)
This is a Marvel series that you may never heard before. But from the whole eight episodes of first season I learned a lot about realizing our own potential that is different from the others; about duality that we cannot avoid: light and dark, fear and hope, good and bad. The series shows us what the humans can achieve once we overcome our weaknesses. Those who survive can be hero to others, and it's all about choices. It's all about embracing our humanity and overcome the obstacles.

My Fear for Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 24 Sep 2018 10:20:00 +0000

via cactusofmylife

It is perfectly human to fear things. Each one of us must have that one thing we fear the most. One may fear the clown, another the dark or the height. Well I've always consider myself as a fearless person. But to me, my one biggest fear is to have children. This has been my fear since I was in junior high school, as I can recall. But this morning a stranger's message on my Facebook page asked me if I have this gamophobia.

via deskgram

Maybe not precisely a gamophobia, because marriage had been one of my biggest dreams ever since I've watched Disney princesses movies. Unlike the usual symptoms, I don't really fear the commitment out of trauma or insecurity. It is the responsibility that comes with it that scares the hell out of me. And the thought of being a "mother". As the stranger described on his message: I fear it because of my perfection on the concept of life. In my mind, children is never part of my concept of a perfect life.

He also said that this symptom is common to be found on genius people, those with high IQ. Well I never assume myself as a genius, especially because I am not. I am just overly analytical, over thinking and over feeling about things. And now it all gets to me as if I need to resolve this glitch in order to get to that level of perfection.

Meanwhile I see my Gemini friends, the people known to fear commitment the most, are getting married. Two of them this month, and another next month. Those are the closest Gemini friends that I know: the people who seem to never gonna get laid because they are scared to lose their freedom. But they are taking the chances and they are making the commitment. They tie the knot.

via ayakbilegiprotezi

Last week I met yet another person who told me this: "fear not." Isn't the Bible also say this for 365 times? Whatever is it to fear in a commitment (marriage) anyway? It really is a part of life and there is nothing to be feared about. Or to be more precise: "think not!" People had been telling me this, but my mind still cannot accept it. Or perhaps, in my defense, "I just haven't met the one."

Well I never thought that this is a phobia that I must deal with. But I guess one way or another, sooner or later, I need to get over this fear by jumping into it and just do it (the marriage, not the children thing, I mean). Perhaps so. Or maybe it'll come in a package. Well, let's just see shall we..

The Hero Within Us

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 06 Aug 2018 16:55:00 +0000

I've been watching some of Marvel's newest series for the past months and something clicked me last night. The Inhumans I watched earlier didn't really taught me of anything but I could see the resemblance with Indonesian myths of the god and goddess of Moon: Batari Ratih and Batara Kamajaya. As a couple, they are known as god and goddess of love, ruler of the Kahyangan Cakra Kembang with the gate located on the Moon or what is called Chandra in Sanskrit.

What kinda hit me was that Blackagar Boltagon, being the king of the Moon, could not speak for his voice alone can destroy everything in front of him. His wife / interpreter Medusalith Amaquelin is the one who is more vocal, more known to people--as also the character of Batari Ratih. Perhaps that's why Batara Kamajaya is almost never surfaced, rarely mentioned, and unknown to many.

via deviantart

Last night I finished another season of series: Cloak and Dagger. Now speaking of the mortals (unlike the super-humans in Inhumans), I can relate more to the character of Tandy Bowen or known as Dagger. She had her 'life' taken away from her when she was 10 and she has been living life in bitter ever since. She's quite lucky to be born white and has pretty face so people would have a nice first impression on her--and she is making the most out of it. But later at night when she's alone, she is tired with life. I guess therefore she was given to see hopes to keep her going.

On the contrary, Tyrone Johnson or Cloak had everything gotten better in his life since the accident when he was 8. He has been trying his best to fulfil people's expectation of him, especially for being black in an exclusive private school. But despite all that he is brave. He dares to face his problems instead of running away like what Tandy usually does. Sometimes he second-guess himself, sometimes he's looking at the wrong direction. But he is brave, thus he was given to see other people's fears so he can be even braver than before.

The pair characters are completely opposite. What Tandy sees and fears aren't visible for Tyrone and it's the other way around. Their skins and family background; the way they see things, think, act; and even the gifts they are given... everything are just totally different. But that's why they are compatible, for being the exact opposite of each other. And that's why they need each other.

via CBR

I started another series too, Jessica Jones. It's an oldie (2015) but I never watched it before. She is another Marvel's superhero who is retired from her days of being cheerfully helping people under the identity of Jewel, and lives her life now just to get paid to buy more whiskey; to survive just another day. The series highlighted her adult life after the traumatic phase where she was made to do unimaginably horrible things by Killgrave and thus her second revival began.

These movies about superheroes made me realized one thing: these super people are actually mere humans. They may have something greater than most of people, something the creators exaggerate and call as superpower, but they all have emotions, flaws, and traumas. They were damaged, but one thing that made them superheroes is that they don't give up. They still fight to do something, if not for others then for themselves first. They believe in the greater good, and they also believe in a better tomorrow. And they fight for it despite the bitter life they have to live with.

via Pinterest

Cloak and Dagger especially shows me (one of) the struggle(s) superheroes had to face: their own fears and weaknesses. They are forced to push their limits and to choose between giving up or fighting back. In one of the scenes our heroes talk about why they are not given what they want but instead something they didn't think they needed, because they are ought to thrive, not to just stay in the comfort zone with their limited knowledge. They need to change the direction and push their boundaries instead:

Tyrone: "If I had a knife, Detective Connors would be dead and buried."
Tandy: "If I could travel anywhere, I'd travel anywhere but here."
Tyrone: "Maybe that's why we got what we got."
Tandy: "Or we didn't get what we didn't get."

via nerdist

I ain't saying that I'm (trying to be) a hero whatsoever. I just learned a lot from their stories. And it kinda related with what just happened here. Last weekend an old friend came to visit after we'd lost contact for five years (and another five before.) He was someone I hung out with 12 years ago. We first met each other like 14-15 years back. But since the first meeting we already knew that we weren't in each other's plans. We don't belong in each other's life. But somehow we are kept in each other's hearts. And our meeting last weekend proved all that.

At one point a question occurred to me; the what ifs--which led to dozens of alternate endings I could picture in my head. All of these years, and the feelings remained. But we were young and I didn't dare to take the leap. I was the one who chickened out and ran away. I was the one who was hiding in the dark, just like the teenager Tandy Bowen did. I was faced an option but I chose the other way which led me to the life I'm in today.

via medium

He showed me pics of his three children, and how well his life is now. I truly feel happy for him and proud of how great a father he has become, but I also know it's that one thing that keeps me away from people most of the time, including him. He loves kids and wants family. I don't. I must admit that sometimes it troubles me to see how different I have been from most of my childhood friends. All of the achievements and families; and how far I am from all that. It reminds me of one of Paulo Coelho's book title: The Winner Stands Alone.

But then again it's all about the choice and consequences. Perhaps once upon a time in some incarnations ago we were couple. Perhaps in one of the multiverses he was mine and we could be together. But this is not DC Comics so it ain't happening. And in this lifetime and universe I'm given and/or choosing the other way. So I gotta let go of it--all the what ifs and if onlys--and just do my own thing. Focus on what I have instead of what's not in my path to have.

via brainyquotes

And now that I've chosen mine I must also deal with the aftermaths. I must endure all the pains and the couldn't haves. In Cloak & Dagger series, Season 1 Episode 9 "Back Breaker", where Father Delgado described in class what makes a hero. Every hero goes through the same path: they answered the call, met the mentor, and battle the Threshold Guardians. Then Delgado said: "... something knocks them down, hard. The hero regresses, they lose everything. Became less than they were when we met them. Because well, if a hero wants to be an actual hero, he has to be born again. From nothing."

So it's normal to have ups and downs. It's human to go through a regression. We are human. But we don't play the victim. We are not one and it's our call to decide what's allowed to happen in our lives and what's not. We choose to stand up and be the hero we need because nobody is doing it for us. We must become our own saviour first, then help the others if we can. Because this world need heroes. And we are all super humans inside, if only we recognize our strengths and talents, overcome our fears, and train to be better to win the battle.

A Tour To Our New Abode

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 16 Jul 2018 10:06:00 +0000

Geez, it's been more than two months already since my last post and I've been really busy (as you can see how long I've been absent posting on Instagram too.) The last month had been the busiest for me, as we decided to move out from the house. For the whole two weeks we were lent a non-power steering pick-up truck, I've been driving it manually, delivering stuff from the old house to a new one, and here we are now, settled in the new home already.

I'm not gonna tell you where the new house is, but it's still in BSD City. And further away from the toll way entrance/exit, further from the Rawa Buntu Train Station, which made me much more lazy to go on a road trip to Jakarta unless necessary. This was all differed from my idea of living in the town--instead we're going further away in the centre of a suburb. So yeah, excuse me if I'm not going to Jakarta as often now--it's too far, pricey and tiring for me. #findingexcuses

So, I'm gonna give a little tour on the new home, but only on the first storey. Some of the stuff had been with me since our old house in Awiligar, Bandung, which makes it feels like home tho we've been moving twice ever since (and three-four more times for me, since I had been in Bali.)

And here's a glimpse of my room, which happens to be on the ground floor too, and is bigger than my previous one. Some stuff are brought from Bandung and Bali, which makes the room so "me", but just a little tidier and simpler, don't you think?

and, this is a bonus to have this baby playing in my room! <3 br="">

and I got to decorate this shower with my hue and I'm lovin' that vanity mirror <3 td="">

We are selling the old house (the pic below) located in De Latinos, BSD City, so contact me if you're interested:

119/120 m2 house; 2+1 Bedrooms, 2 Showers, Kitchen Set, 3 ACs, 2 ceiling fans, strategic location near train station

So there you go, a small tour around my new crib. Till the next house, maybe?

Role of Life

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 20 May 2018 19:27:00 +0000

One of the things that helped me understand life is a lesson that came from a dear friend in Bali. In the midst of my confusion of the track that had strayed away from my idealism, he told me that life is nothing more than a series of role that we have to play on for and with other people. Just like the late Nike Ardilla's epic Indonesian song (written by Ian Antono in 1997): dunia ini panggung sandiwara (this world is a theatre)!

(Kalau ga ngerti, baca Bahasa Indonesia-nya di sini ya..)

I pondered on this for a long time, and found peace in the contemplation. We all get through episodes in life that are basically the same: a baby who doesn't know and cannot do anything; a child who starts to learn; a teenager who learns more; a mature person who knows much and is independent; a parent who shares and teaches his/her child/student/other people; then an elderly who, again, depends on others before finally leaves this world.

But in between those phases of life, there are many other roles that are smaller and more detailed, that if we track it deeper will only divided into two basic roles: as a giver or receiver. Sometimes we are the 'victim', who seems to be the toll of a condition or event, but sometimes we have to be 'the bad guy' who seems cruel/mean due to our role to give the lesson to others (and to ourselves as well.)

via Variety

All these are not more than role playing, but let's put aside now those people 'who are evil' or who do crime in bigger and graver scale and really costs that much; because even they are playing a role in this world. You can see it from the changed Hollywood style, that don't longer presenting an antagonist just like an evil who appeared from out of nowhere, but now they show us the past and the human side of them (like the movie Maleficent, for example.) So it's not our job to judge here: there will always be a reason behind one's decision and action if we care enough to look broader and deeper, if we mean to cure and fix them from the root.

Back to the role of life, if we can really understand this, will be much easier for us to understand life itself. Why sometimes we are the victim of infidelity, but sometimes we become that third party in a relationship. Supposedly they said that life is basically like a wheel that is continuing to turn; sometimes we're above and sometimes below.

But if you take notice deeper, what is really going on is that when we're above it's time for us to give more, and when we're below it's time to learn that we don't always possess the power or freedom to take action in life, learn to be grateful for our limits and to surrender, learn to be humble to receive God's blessings through the kindness from the others, and learn toughness and persistence to get back 'up'.

Maybe not many of you have realized this, but can you feel the difference once you understand these 'roles'? Good people don't always do good things. Sometimes we have to be tough and firm to our children to teach discipline, but also show them love so they appreciate life more. Sometimes we have to be the one who brings the bad news, to make a seemingly unfair decision for the continuity of something bigger, and so on (but remember to always do it based on faith, hope, and love just like we already discussed in this post!)

via komsas

Whatever the role that we are doing and experiencing in life, let us always remember of the opposite possibility, to be in the shoes of the person who is our opponent role, and to base all of our mind, words and action on love. Be introspective, cuz it's important. Eling, as Punakawan would always advice the Pandawa knights. So don't forget to always reflect on yourself, OK!

God bless. Namaste. Rahayu.

Why Always Me?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 17 May 2018 09:07:00 +0000

This question might get to you sooner or later. But this specific question bothered me since I just entered college. I don't really remember why, but I remember consulting to our lecturer for Character Building class, Kak Keyren. So it was in 2002, or I was 18-19 years old.

(Kalau nggak ngerti, baca Bahasa Indonesia-nya di sini.)

I remember asking her:

Why am I always the only one who cares the most but get nothing in return?

Why did people disappear when I need them, while I was always there when they needed me?

I don't really remember what Kak Keyren told me at that time. But the answer that really satisfies me came in years after that, in a life process that happened through the years. And that's what makes the answer sticks with me, because I learned it through life events and experiences.

Along the years, I found this 'formula' of life: We care the most because we are the ones who are granted such big heart and it is our duty to help others with our gift. We all have our own gifts and tasks. Talents and passion. And it is our tools for use to help people (read my previous post.)

via topbestalternatives

I remember reading The Smurf comics, where one of the Smurfs asked Papa Smurf why they must go to Chef Smurf for food, to Tailor Smurf for clothes, and so on (I forgot the exact case but this is what I remember) then Papa Smurf made them all do everything by themselves. It went chaotic because at the end of the day they realized that they may look alike but they don't have the same ability.

Some are good with poems or drawings, some are good with machines or heavy duty. Some are thinkers, the others are doers. They are created with uniqueness and different gifts. So if they try to do things by themselves, it is chaotic; if they work together, hand-in-hand helping one another, there's harmony. Therefore they continued to do things like they always do: focus on their speciality and help others with that.

I think it's really good lesson for children (I read this when I was a kid) that people are born different and unique, but also that we are not living for our own. We live to help the others with what we have. If we have money, it's good to share some with the less fortunate. And we can always help others with our skills. But sometimes we don't have any money or skill, but we have time. It's okay -- rather it's much more valued -- because once lost, we cannot get our time back. And if what we have is 'just' the caring and understanding, it's already more than enough to start helping the others. And one can never be lacked of these.

In one of my favourite articles about horoscope, it reads:

via themindsjournal

I think it is this article that really soothed me with 'the answer', but you may not a Piscean so this article may mean nothing for you (check yours here!) But it's okay. We have our own task and values in life, so I'm not going to say that we are the same or to doctrine anyone about anything. Just keep on reading...

Anyway, that article also tells me that it is the reason why there is nobody can really understand a Pisces' mellow heart. I guess that's why I've always felt lonely and misunderstood.. until I found the answer that created this state of mind called 'inner peace'. And with that, I guess it is our job as Pisceans to bring understanding to all humankind with the language understood by all: art.

So I figure that our job is not to preach people with this knowledge or whatever gift we have. People won't listen, or they may not understand anyway. But we must develop and turn it into art, so then people will know and understand by their senses. I guess that's why most Pisceans are born artist: poets, painters, sculptors, dancers, musicians, and even novelists. Some of us may not have the ability to tell, therefore we show.

Enough about Pisces, now how about you? Well back to the article, you are granted with one of these: Self-Esteem, Strength, Knowledge, Family, Honour, Purity of Thought, Love, Purpose, Inifinite Abundance, Responsibility or Freedom. Each of the gift has its own strength but also their weaknesses. That's why it's important for us to learn to own this gift, to control and master it, and to use it as a tool to help the others.

via Pinterest

Go to a Sag when you need to be cheered up and go to an Aquarius when you need to let loose. Go to a Gemini when you want to know things, and go to a Libra when you need to feel love. Go to a Virgo for wisdom, and go to a Leo to learn dignity. And so on, and so on. These are all the equipment that God prepare for us to survive life: learn from one another in order to achieve a higher understanding of life.

So I hope there should be no more 'why me?' questions in the future for us. We are 'granted with the gifts' according to our capacity and character. We are 'chosen' to do some tasks because we are able to do it, and may be the only one who is able to execute it. That's why it seems like sometimes all we do is to give without receiving. One thing we must remember is, that we also receive from the others in other form.

We may keep on giving them food and fortune, but we'd receive joy and peace in return. We may keep on giving people our skills and time, but then we'd receive money as payment, or network/connection, or rare opportunity, or other things we sometimes don't realize is our reward. It works like that: God fills us with infinite ability in one thing (called as talent or advantage) so we can keep on giving it to people; then we would receive something else in return so we are never empty. But we can never do it all alone. Life needs to be done with a good teamwork.

via Bedok Church Tampines

And if this question appears in other context, as in 'Why do I get this trials? Why God let this happen to me? Why me?' the answer is simple: because you can get thru it. Always remember that God will never put you through anything you can't handle. So you are already equipped with the tools inside of you to get thru all this. And when it gets too heavy a burden, you can always seek for help.

And if the next thing you think is that 'God must hate me that he let this happen to me', the answer is: No. God loves you so much instead that He let this happened in order to teach you strength, perseverance, faith, hope, and love. God loves you so much that He use your story to inspire the others, to show the world of your capacity, of how much strength lies in a person when one has faith.

So it really is up to us to act on it; whether to lose it or to victor it, and use it as a chance to declare His glory. I hope this message can inspire or remind all of us to keep on doing good and to share love everywhere we go. God bless. Namaste. Rahayu.