Defining Success, Part 2.  In Part 1, we talked about how I came to some key realizations about the true nature of success.

All and all, I think “success” boils down to three key points:

It’s a bit difficult to write about [...]]]> This article is the first in a 2-part series on Defining Success.  This article discusses how I figured out that 1.) defining success in a tangible, specific way is very important, 2.) my old definition of success was causing me huge problems.

What defines success?

It’s a bit difficult to write about achieving success and happiness without really clarifying what success is.  At first, I considered this issue to be irrelevant and trivial, and more of a discussion of semantics than anything else.  The more I thought about it, I came to a couple important conclusions:

1. A poor definition of success causes one to make misguided decisions that make happiness more difficult.
2. A poor definition of success likely ensures failure.

I realized that having a solid, workable definition of success was actually a prerequisite to actually attaining success, rather than simply an argument over semantics.  I realized this–and discovered the true definition of success–because my old definition of success almost completely burned me out, and nearly destroyed some of the personal relationships that I hold most dear.

How I discovered the true definition of success

As a beginning graduate student in August of 2011, I started school with some very lofty thoughts.  I wanted to succeed in each of the following:

• Obtaining excellent grades in my Masters of Taxation program.
• Studying for the LSAT (the law school entrance exam), and getting into one of the nation’s most prestigious law schools.  I intended to attend law school after my Masters program concluded.
• Studying for the GRE (another graduate school entrance exam) to have the option of attending a school to receive a Masters in International Relations.

The reason I pursued these goals is because of the way I saw success: I thought of success mostly in terms of  achievement: that is, the act of accomplishing a difficult goal at all costs.  I reasoned: if I can do these things, I can gain professional qualifications, gain knowledge in fields I found interesting, and eventually have them all come together in a way that would allow me to start a business, and make tons of money.  In my definition of success, I really did not consider other attributes, such as personal sanity and relationships with others.  I figured those things were a given and would come naturally: as long as I could achieve these aforementioned goals, all would be well.

There was a cardinal problem with these three goals: they all had to happen at the same time: the beginning few months of my Masters program.  The Masters program was ongoing; the GRE was in mid-September; the LSAT was on October 1.  Given that I had excel at all of these things simultaneously, I was in for a rough schedule.

And so it began: I took my classes, and studied for my 2 tests.  After a month or so of this, I noticed something: I felt terrible.  I would wake up daily dreading the day.  I got upset at my homework assignments, and was exasperated at the effort they took.  I would become riled when I took a practice LSAT or GRE and did poorly (which, given my high standards, was essentially all of them).

I was in a bad mood essentially all of the time.  My girlfriend even had trouble putting up with me, as my bad mood and self-loathing rubbed off on her.  I kept trying to convince her: “all will be well after these tests; just let me do this and it will be fine”.

Finally the GRE and LSAT rolled around.  I took both of them, and waited weeks to get the scores back.  When I opened the envelopes, what I saw made my blood boil: I had only done average on each of the exams.  There went my thoughts of a few years at Yale studying law or international relations.  I had stretched myself so thin that I was not able to devote the proper time and care to any of my goals.  As such, my grades in my Masters program, and my marks on the LSAT and GRE were all only average.  

I had wasted all of this time and effort, and imparted immense stress on those who cared about me to only do okay.  I hadn’t accomplished anything I wanted to, and flatly felt like a failure.

As I thought about it (and it took me months after this strenuous period in my life to be able to put this into words), I realized that my definition and standards of success had screwed me over.  That was it.  It was because I thought that the only thing that’d matter was accomplishing these few tasks, and that it would all work out in the end.

As much of a shock as this experience was for me, I’d imagine it’s rather common; and I’ve seen it in many of my friends and acquaintances: pursuing multiple advanced-level degrees while working 40+ hours, doing work for the sake of work, etc.

At this point, it would be easy to turn the conversation into some commonly-said statement of caution like: “remember: money and attainment aren’t the only things in life that matter!  Success is being happy with family, friends, and your job, etc.”  But I think that definition is no good either: it misses the overarching point.

Then what is success?

What I realized after thinking about it more was that my pursuit of the Masters program and the LSAT and GRE at the same time was this: I almost defined success properly, and in fact likely got closer than many people would.  But I missed in a crucial enough way to cause problems for myself.  The way I should have seen it was to think of things like law school as something that would be present if I were otherwise living my life in a successful manner, rather than things that, in of themselves, define and connote success.

I should have taken a broader overarching definition of success; by doing that, I would have known that pursuing so many things at once (and in my case, needlessly seeking additional academic credentials) was a waste of time.

Success, therefore, is a life filled with and enabled by exactly 3 key traits:

1. Being able to spend time doing meaningful things.

2. Living adventurously: constantly undertaking interesting and exciting tasks.

3. Being a positive influence on others.

In my next article, I’ll discuss these traits in more detail, and how my change in perspective to these 3 traits has helped me become more successful and much happier.

Photo Credit: By Tom Walsh (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

I wrote this blog, R.C. Thornton- Intelligent Personal Development, as a comprehensive personal development blog that seeks to answer one question:

Throughout college and beyond (from where he recently graduated), I obsessively pursued learning more about this topic, and realized a few [...]]]>

I wrote this blog, R.C. Thornton- Intelligent Personal Development, as a comprehensive personal development blog that seeks to answer one question:

How can we be successful in our lives?

Throughout college and beyond (from where he recently graduated), I obsessively pursued learning more about this topic, and realized a few important things:

1. Successful people have a distinctive set of traits, mindsets and skillsets that most people do not.

Of course; that didn’t take rocket science to figure out: successful people are different.  It’s what I figured out next that was the most interesting revelation:

2. It’s actually not that hard to gain those skillsets.

I don’t mean this in a “get rich quick scheme” kind of way, as if to say we can all go quit our jobs,make $182.34 an hour peddling stuff online, and be guaranteed that it will all somehow work out in the end.  Rather, I realized that that the reasons we (including myself at one point) think success is so hard to achieve is because we often try to change our actions without understanding the underlying beliefs that are the core directors of the way we act.

That is, the idea that:

Mindset Inspires Action!  

Mindset inspires action is the idea that, at first, it’s more important to focus on the way we think about problems and the problems in our mindset that hold us back, rather than worrying about the specific action steps needed to improve.  In other words, by changing our latent thoughts , our actions will naturally–or more easily–follow next.

I’ve embodied this philosophy in this blog’s first and guiding article, the main idea.

What exactly do I mean by mindset inspires action, and how is it different from how many approach personal development?  Let me tell you the story of the beginning of this philosophy, and how thinking about public speaking developed this idea:

How “Mindset Inspires Action” Came to Be

One evening in December 2011, I was at a good friend’s Christmas party.  As was customary, the first order of business was to raid the bar.  An hour into the party, I had  drank 3 gin and tonics with cranberry juice (an oddly good combination, you should try it), and was in a state of slight inebriation which allowed me to easily ponder and opine about the world.  As I stared at the melting ice in my translucent-purple drink, I had a striking thought.  My friend Peter, who I often spent late nights discussing interesting topics with (at least they seemed interesting after a bottle of wine), was standing next to me.  I asked him:

“Peter, don’t you think it’s odd how people try to learn public speaking?”

He responded with something that seemed like  he was confused, but it was too loud to hear what he was saying.  I just kept talking:

“Think about it.  I love public speaking, and it’s something I’m really passionate about.  When I go up and give a speech, I just go.  I don’t think about my hand gestures, the pacing of my words, the way I stand, whether or not to tell a joke…it just comes out, and it usually comes out great.

“But think of the average public speaking book that those wanting to improve their speaking skills will buy.  It’s 300-odd pages long, and contains detail after detail about different types of hand gestures, tone inflections, etc.  Hell, it even tells you how many jokes to crack.  It seems like no one could possibly memorize and execute so many minute details.  Isn’t trying to do so an awful way to learn how to speak?”

Finally, the crowd died down a bit, and I could hear Peter’s response: “Well then, if not that RC, how can you teach someone who wants to become a better speaker?  How did you learn?”

I thought about it for a minute or two, and I realized how I had learned it.  I didn’t think about it consciously as I was learning, but it made sense now:

“I think I learned because I had the right mindset, Peter.”

He said: “The right mindset?  How can you expect someone to learn how to speak if you don’t cover the details?  You can’t just omit talking about tone inflections and expect someone to become a great speaker!”

I thought about what he said, and said: “You’re right, you’re right.  I’m not saying you can ignore the details.  Clearly, detail is the key to excellent execution.  What I mean is this: because I understand the concepts and parameters that define a good speech and allow me to improve, the rest basically came naturally.  I don’t try to “memorize” how to give a good speech.  I have a few basic ideas about giving a speech: such as “saying only words that are value-added”, “seeing myself as an entertainer in addition to an informer”, and “emulating and practicing the speech techniques of other speakers I consider to be excellent”; when I combined those three attributes with a burning desire to improve myself, everything else came naturally.

“Even if I wanted to try to memorize 1,000 tips on hand gestures and tone inflections, I don’t think I could anyway.  Frankly, I think that’s why so many people think public speaking is hard and give up trying to improve: they think they can’t handle it.  They don’t know where to focus.

“So by focusing on the key, core concepts, I’ve been able to improve rapidly and become very good at my craft.

“Then, if it’s true the best way to learn speaking–or anything, for that matter–is by understanding cardinal concepts and having the right mindset before trying to memorize actions, why aren’t people taught self-improvement with a focus on mindset inspiring action?”

By now, I think Peter had stopped paying attention to me and started paying attention to the girl that joined  our conversation.  That was fine, because I had come up with a great idea, and I was ready to roll with it.

And that’s where this blog has come from.  With regards specifically to public speaking, this philosophy was the impetus for my 3 part series on public speaking, where I start first by talking about the mindset necessary to give a speech (which is the only thing you should try to memorize at first), and then about practice and improvement tips based upon that mindset.

Why the “Mindset Inspires Action” Approach Works for Any Personal Development Issue

In a sense, mindset is the cause, and action is the symptom.  Because we think of things in a certain way (the cause), we are inclined to act in a certain way (the symptom).  Just as with treatment of disease, it’s more prudent to focus on curing the cause rather than just the symptom.

I think back to my own life and think of some ways I consistently failed to improve myself before thinking about “mindset inspiring action”: getting back into running and spending more time reading.  Before, I could hardly motivate myself to go on a run or read a book; even when I did it once, it was amazing if I could do it again.  When I think back, I never bothered to tackle my mindset and attitudes toward running and reading.  I just tried to cure the symptom by telling myself to go run.

Now that I’ve worked on curing the cause by adopting a better mindset, I read constantly (if anything, I need to readjust myself to spend less time doing this), and go running a few times a week with minimal difficulty.

Theodore Roosevelt once said something that is often quoted today:

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

Perhaps it was nothing more than this mindset that helped him accomplish the amazing and interesting things that people a hundred years later still remember him for.

 What Issues Affect You?  Do you think “mindset inspires action” could help you with them? 

Leave some comments below and tell me what issues have been on your mind recently, be it starting a business, confidence issues, career…let me apply the “mindset inspires action” philosophy to your topic.  Hey, maybe it will even turn into an article!

This article is Part 2 in a series of articles about spending your time the way you want.

Productivity is consistently completing value-added tasks with minimal inefficiency.  That means:

The people we spend time with are key to our development and a major force in shaping our personalities.  The power they exert over us is omnipotent, and almost unfair.  Think of children born in a bad community–where they have no way to choose a different peer group–who [...]]]>  

The people we spend time with are key to our development and a major force in shaping our personalities.  The power they exert over us is omnipotent, and almost unfair.  Think of children born in a bad community–where they have no way to choose a different peer group–who are pressured by the community to join gangs as young teenagers and wind up in jail before their eighteenth birthday.  When you think about it, there’s really nothing different about them from us: they just happened to have terrible influences guiding their decisions.

How do social groups affect us?

We might not have joined gangs, but our relationship to our peer groups isn’t much different: we can’t help but be strongly influenced by those around us.  So if they are good people, they will help us and encourage us to accomplish our goals.  If they are bad, they will either not help or actively discourage us.

Social groups affect us in 4 main ways:

1. Define our personality (how we talk, what we like, how we treat others, etc.)

2. Define our values (what we find important, what really matters to us in life)

3. Guide our interests (what we spend our time doing)

4. Apply pressure (to conform to the above)

So I ask you:  is your social group helping you, or hurting you?

In some cases, it’s easy to tell, like the gang example above.  But what’s more pertinent to us is the less obvious: understanding how groups of people that seem decent can actually be working against you as you seek to accomplish your goals.

Many people think “social group?  The people I hang out with?  That’s no big deal: we just hang out on weekends, what difference can they make?”  Let me show you:

Think of average, decent people.  They are kind, hardworking, and honest; but they lack one important area: happiness with their careers.  They talk about how they hate their boss and “working for the man”, and how “only 7 more years of work and I’m retiring!”, or how they can’t stand their coworkers.  I always wondered, “why do people complain about this stuff, but never do anything about it?”  As I got to know more people like this, I noticed a pattern: these kinds of people tended to be around other people like them; others who bellyached about their problems.  They go out on weekends or after work, and complain about their jobs together.  After a while, these people became an anchor for each other: they never encouraged each other to do anything to better their situation, and in fact gained validation from belittling and criticizing others.  So eventually, it became “okay” not to try to fix the problem, and complaining about it was just fine.  In the long run, these people just hurt themselves.

Are your social groups like that?  Filled with those that, even if they are nice, decent people, drag you down and encourage negativity rather than action?

Your unequivocal goals must be to surround yourself with people that will help you grow and improve.

A social group that helps you pressures you to do well.  It:

• Motivates us to do things that are useful, challenging, and that help us grow.

They motivate us to try new things, to see ideas in a new light, to use our time well, to accomplish goals, and to seek success and happiness.

• Encourage intelligence, and help us “fill the gaps” in our own knowledge

They complement our weaknesses through their strengths, and vice versa.  They also encourage education, personal development, taking risks, and undertaking interesting goals.

• Diverse where it counts

They have extensive and diverse experience, knowledge of other cultures, academic backgrounds, etc.; which helps us become more well-rounded, gives us new ideas, and helps us “fill the gaps” in our own knowledge.

• Similar where it counts

They all encourage the things I mentioned above, regardless of their specific backgrounds.

A social group that hurts you pressures you to do poorly.  It:

• Encourages or requires complacency

They see personal improvement, success or diligence as “trying too hard” or thinking you’re better than everyone else, and chides you if you fail; or they just don’t understand you.  They prefer stagnation over change.

• Relies on negative cues to keep the relationship together.

Such as coworkers who get together to complain about their jobs.

• Lacks diversity, and doesn’t push you or help you get better.

Social group is not interested in education, intelligence, achieving goals, or development.  Most people aren’t interested in new or unique ideas, or don’t have new or unique ideas; or all have similar background knowledge or expertise.

Good social groups encourage and help you accomplish your interesting and worthwhile goals.  Bad social groups don’t care, think you’re weird, or would rather just complain about something.

Let me add some context by telling you about my social group:

My social group is almost exclusively other entrepreneurs, other writers, other business people, and people who endeavor to accomplish interesting goals.  I have many friends in China, one of who is a writer for a famous newspaper in Shanghai.  Though my friends all have similar personality traits, their backgrounds are diverse: I have a friend in New Zealand starting a DJ business.  I have friends working in tech start-ups, in start-ups related to radio broadcasting; I have friends that write extensively on various social and psychological issues.  I have friends who have their own real estate investment funds.  I have friends that have lived and worked abroad extensively, and some who have worked for the European Union.

When I talk with my friends, we talk about current events, politics, sociology, business, and entrepreneurship, particularly new ventures we are working on, or ventures we are interested in.  We share business ideas.  We encourage each other.  We share knowledge.  We go and exercise together (tennis is my favorite).  I find that these people constantly challenge me to do better (and make me feel bad when I haven’t accomplished enough).

By surrounding myself with people that have helped me grow, I automatically feel pressured to grow and get better.  If my friends have started a successful business, but I haven’t, I feel pressured to get to work and try to start a business of my own.

By having people around whose personalities are similar, but specific interests are different, I get to learn a lot of cool things, and develop new and novel ideas for myself (remember that the key to creativity is knowledge).

Wouldn’t you like to have that automatic pressure, forcing you to get better?  It makes your job a whole lot easier!

How can you surround yourself with a good social group?

• Be sincere about your goals and aspirations

Think about your current social group.  Aren’t you hanging out with them because they seem like a good match for you?  I bet it happened naturally.

The same thing goes with finding a solid social group that pushes you to accomplish goals.  If you are someone that wants to be successful, wants to develop, and wants a social group that pushes you to do better, you will naturally be attracted to others who want the same thing, and they will be attracted to you.

• Find the “I see” people

In my article Why others’ opinions are worth less than you think, I talk about deciding whose opinions are worth listening to.  I argue that there are two types of people: “I see” people, and “oh” people.  I see people will understand why you are doing what you’re doing, even if they don’t agree with the specifics; so they understand why you want to be an entrepreneur, even if they think your business idea is bad.  “Oh” people don’t have a clue (e.g. they never considered starting their own business and have no real insight), but will encourage your or discourage you without valid cause.  “I see” people that understand why you’re working towards accomplishing interesting goals are the ones you want to be around.

• Actively seek out interesting experiences; engage in activities that people you want to be with would engage in.

Readily coming to mind are things like studying abroad, teaching English in China, starting a business, or trying to network with someone that can really help you.  Who do you think are the other people that pursue interesting, unique, and “outside of your comfort zone” experiences”?  They’re other people like you: motivated, outside-of-the-box, ambitious type people.  People bond over activities; so pursuing activities that a good social group would do will help you meet them and secure them as friends.

• Pursue your goal without apology.

Don’t feel bad about taking control of this issue and doing what you need to do.  Do you think others or your current social group will wonder why you are spending so much time working on your business or meeting interesting people, rather than watching football with them?  Probably.  But who cares?  It’s your life and your happiness.  Pursuing your goal without apology goes back to being sincere about your goals and aspirations.  If you’re sincere about what you want to do, you will do so without second-guessing yourself or feeling bad that you’ve been successful.

Our social groups are one of the most important influencing factors in our lives.  So it’s incumbent upon us to have a good social group that pushes us to success.  Anything else is just an anchor.

Photo Credit: RIA Novosti archive, image #315891 / Valeriy Shustov / CC-BY-SA 3.0 [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Recently, I’ve gone through some interesting transitions in my life that have made me evaluate my ideas on how to achieve success.

My recent experiences have led me to discover 2 things about life and success that even this lover of all-things-personal-development had never really contemplated before.

I’ve concluded [...]]]>

Recently, I’ve gone through some interesting transitions in my life that have made me evaluate my ideas on how to achieve success.

My recent experiences have led me to discover 2 things about life and success that even this lover of all-things-personal-development had never really contemplated before.

I’ve concluded that the ability for one to be successful comes down to mastery of 2 broad categories of skillset:

1. The importance of relationships.

2. The importance of setting goals.

I think most people “know” that these are important, but either misunderstand them (as I did).

These 2 attributes are, in fact, a precursor to The Main Idea, wherein I write that the key to success is a thorough understanding of the proper mindset needed for success, and the corresponding actions that are influenced by that mindset.  Being unable to master these likely means the inability to even aspire to accomplishing great or interesting things with our lives.

But I won’t bore you with anecdotes.  Let me tell you how I came to this conclusion:

I recently moved to Hartford, Connecticut from Phoenix, Arizona, where I just received my Masters in Taxation degree from Arizona State University.  I moved here for a number of reasons.  For one, I wanted to be with family who lived out here.  Second, I was interested in exploring the East Coast business climate (Hartford especially enables this possibility, given its close proximity to Boston and New York.

Third, and most important: I was getting the sense that life in Phoenix–where I grew up–was becoming too “simple”.  I was becoming too contented with my surroundings, and  I wasn’t pushing myself as hard as I needed to.  I think living and staying in an environment that is overly comfortable and familiar can do that.  In a sense, I was becoming a bit lazy–at least lazier than I wanted to be.

So I threw myself into a new environment, and decided to see what would happen.

I didn’t come out here cold-turkey.  I had a place to stay, and I knew what I wanted to accomplish: I want to start a tech company by the end of the summer.

The 1st Key: The Importance of Relationships

While back in Phoenix, I could rely on the various resources and connections I had made throughout my high school and college days, out here in Hartford, I am a nobody.  But I expected that, and it is something I resolved to change.

So I started doing what I do best: thinking, analyzing, and problem solving; trying to figure out how I could take my current situation.  I’ve read 3 or 4 books since I’ve been out here (it’s been 2 weeks), namely Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferazzi.  Keith’s book stresses the value of relationships in accomplishing goals and achieving success, and how lacking in that area will likely ensure one living an unsuccessful and unfulfilling career.  He recommends a rigorous, methodological system for finding, befriending, and providing value to (and receiving value from) contacts.

Some people criticize this as being too manipulative or conniving with relationships.  But think about it for a second: how do relationships help you?  If you want to advance in your career, emotional support , or to be in on a new business opportunity: who’s going to help you: people you know and have relationships with, or strangers?

On reading Keith’s book, I realized two important things:

a.) Just how valuable relationships are, and

b.) I had never really spent any time developing them before.

This was especially apparent in Connecticut, where I know fewer than 5 people.  It was clear something needed to change.

I’ve written consistently about how to reach out to others, how to network, how to use personal branding, how to build personal credibility.  What I failed to realize, though, is just how important it is to actively and consistently use relationship-management techniques.  

Today, I:

• Use Excel sheets to map out all of my contacts, including my priorities with them (do I want to befriend them?  What value can I provide them?  How can we work together?)
• Spend a significant amount of time researching contacts, and figuring out how to make a meaningful entrance into a community.

And it’s paid off.  I’ve met some excellent people in Hartford; I’ve begun to make the business connections essential to starting a successful business.

One of my next articles will cover relationships and their importance in greater detail.

The 2nd Key: Setting Goals

We’ve all heard this one before.  I’ve even written about setting goals here on RCSays.  So saying “you should set goals” is hardly anything new.

But, in the past, I was contented with undefined and grandiloquent goals: “someday, I want to start a tech company”; “I’d really love to get involved in politics…it will happen in the future”; “it would be great to become involved in philanthropy”.

In his book, Ferrazzi writes a story about a young college-matriculating Bill Clinton, and how Clinton would always carry a black address book to write down information about every contact he met.  Once, Clinton even pulled out the book and started writing down details about a new acquaintance as they were talking.  When the acquaintance asked Clinton, “what are you doing?”, Clinton confidently replied, “I plan on running for Governor of Arkansas, and I’m meeting and remembering people now who will be important to know when I run”.

What struck me (as you know, Clinton did succeed–twice–in becoming Governor of Arkansas) was the specificity of his goal.  I realized that’s what had been missing in the way I set goals.  I realized: a goal that is not measurable or that does not point to a specific outcome isn’t a goal at all: it’s just a recipe for frustration and a feeling of failure.

So I resolved to never again approach achieving success and accomplishing goals in the whimsical way I used to look at it.  Today, I have very specific goals.  My 3 professional goals are: 1. working as an entrepreneur in the tech sector, 2. working part time as a public speaker and writer (as I do here), and 3. working in philanthropy, specifically by using my public speaking abilities to promote important causes.  And I have specific deliverables for each of those goals; I make To-Do lists on a daily basis outlining how my actions today will lead towards my long-term goal.

What can you take away with my story?

1.) Realize the importance of relationships and setting goals.

Look into your own life.  Think of where you want to be, and the things that seemingly keep you from getting there.  I daresay that those biggest things will be 1.) your perceived lack of connections, and 2.) “not knowing” how to get there.  My advice is to immediately make specific goals for yourself.  In a play off of mindset inspires action, your determination to get to a final end-point will lead to you naturally doing what is necessary to get there: just like me with my tech startup- I don’t know exactly how to achieve success, but my determination to meet people and set goals means that I’ll figure it out soon.

2.) Realize the importance of the things I’ve talked about on this blog: living a meaningful, exciting, interesting and fulfilling life.

The importance of being motivated and proactive with life: the idea ofenvisioning oneself as successful and working on a daily basis to accomplish meaningful goals.  

It also means smartly approaching goals, and scaling your efforts so that you can maximize your upside potential, but mitigate the pains of failure.

3.) The value of constant learning and improvement, and keeping a disinterested attitude.

My dedication towards constant learning and constant improvement allowed me to develop the conclusions I write here.  I think it can do the same for you.

Keep living well, and pursuing nothing but the best for yourself in life!

Photo Credit: By Jorge Barrios (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

This article is Part 2 in a 3-part series on Smart Presentation Skills.

This article covers the specifics and nitty-gritty details of giving a killer speech.  Here, we are talking about the speech itself; in the next article, [...]]]>

This article is Part 2 in a 3-part series on Smart Presentation Skills.

This article covers the specifics and nitty-gritty details of giving a killer speech.  Here, we are talking about the speech itself; in the next article, we will talk about presentation materials (e.g. PowerPoint, handouts, etc.).

Quick Sidenote:

Before you read this article, I highly recommend you read the 1st article in the series, The Public Speaking Mindset.  You should read that article first because giving a great speech is more about mindset than memorization.  If you don’t read that article first, what I write here will seem incomplete.

That’s because mindset inspires and directs action; memorized tips do not inspire action.  If you instinctively know and feel how a speech should be given, it will come naturally; trying to memorize hundreds of pages of pointers (the usual approach) will overwhelm you.

More unfortunately, it will convince you that public speaking is harder than it actually is.

You don’t memorize “how” to talk with your friends, do you?  Don’t do it for speeches either!

All right, let’s get back to the main business.

While we go through these points, think back to speeches you have listened to and think of examples of where these rules have and haven’t been followed.  Do you think that the speech was good (or could have been better) because of these points?

You will give an excellent, indefatigable, brilliant, mesmerizing presentation that will bring your audience to tears, laughter and rejoice all at the same time if you do pay attention to these two things:

1. The Golden Rule of Giving a Great Speech

2. Practice and Fine Tuning Techniques

What you will realize is that giving a great speech actually only comes down to mastery of a few key points.  What that means to you is that giving a great speech is actually pretty easy, if you go about it the right way.

1. The Golden Rule of Giving a Great Speech

The Golden Rule is an absolute: something that, if done properly, will make your speech good no matter what; and if done poorly, will sink the ship.

You’ll notice it’s not a requirement for what kind of hand gestures you should use, how many jokes you should tell, how long you should pause in between each sentence, the way to use tone inflections, or other stuff like that.  It’s something much more fundamental than that.

The Golden Rule: Clarity and interest.

Clarity: “Do people actually know what you are talking about?”  Or are they confused, and don’t know what your main point is?

Interest: “Do people actually care about what you are talking about?”  Or are they just listening to you because they have to?

Clarity is the most important.  Remember where, in The Public Speaking Mindset,  we talked about the speeches I listened to in my accounting program that usually consisted of reading off Treasury Regulations and legal citations?  Most speeches I hear are actually quite like that: unfocused, without a main point, and without care to how ideas are formatted, organized and presented.

Clarity means that your audience easily derives and understands the key points you made in your speech.

Symptoms of poor clarity: (have your speeches had any of these problems?)

-Unclear what the speaker’s main point is (as we discussed, a presentation needs to have 2 to 3 main points, and no more.)

-You don’t fully understand a concept that the speaker presented; he didn’t elaborate on it enough.

-The speaker’s presentation is too shallow or too detailed.

-The speech is dragging ooonnn and ooonnnn……..it’s repetitious, talks about random things, makes random points…and you pray that divine intervention will end it NOW!

I can understand why a speaker would have trouble with clarity:

-They know so much about their topic, and want to make sure the audience understands it too.

-They never thought about clarity before, and approached giving a speech as reciting facts.

-They can’t really tell what information is most important.

I even struggle with that last point in writing my articles, namely and ironically this series about public speaking.  I know so much about giving a speech, that I have trouble figuring out exactly how to organize and present the key points.  That means clarity usually doesn’t happen on its own: it must be thought out, played with, and practiced.

The path to clarity is deliberate organization.  You must design and adapt your entire speech, from the beginning, in a way that presents ideas in the most clear manner.

Here are the techniques I use to do this:

Technique 1: Base component organization

For your topic, what is the simplest relevant way that it can be described?  Base component organization takes your complicated topic and divides it into smaller, easier to understand base components.  A base component is usually:

-Decide what your top 2 to 3 points are.

-Explaining it in layman’s terms (or the simplest terms relevant to your audience).

-Explaining the non-technical reasons that something technical happens.

Base Component Organization Example:

For example, take something hyper-technical like this (and, in my classes, this is likely something that would have been said verbatim during a speech):

The United States uses a global system of international taxation in order to mitigate double taxation.  Under such a system, the US taxes worldwide income and gives a credit for foreign income taxes paid.  
Per IRC §904, the foreign tax credit limitation is calculated using the following formula:

(foreign source income / worldwide income) x (worldwide income x US tax rate)

The lesser of the foreign tax credit limitation or the foreign tax actually paid is then subtracted from worldwide income, and the remainder is taxed at the US rate.

Let’s use base-component organization to explain this in a way that is easy to understand:

I used base component organization because I explained in a simple to understand way:

-why the tax system would be unfair without a credit (and as such, justified its existence).

-why there needs to be a credit limit

-how the limit works.

Did you gather any of that before the base component analysis?

Try to explain things using base component organization, and you should be able to explain yourself fully each time.

 Technique 2: Example enforcement

The best way to enforce a well-explained concept is through the use of examples.

Examples relate an abstract concept to something tangible and specific.  An excellent example relates that abstract concept to something that the listener is familiar with.

You should always use example enforcement to clarify difficult concepts.  Notice how I used example enforcement to help describe the tax issue above.  I used an example of the US and China with different tax rates. Imagine trying to understand the interplay of the tax rates without seeing a specific rates or countries.  Had I not used example enforcement, you likely still would have no idea what I was talking about.

Technique 3: Audience feedback loop

You must proactively ensure that you are relating to your audience!  Way too many speakers do not do this: they just get up there, talk talk talk, and sit down.  Actively ensure your audience knows what’s going on!  Focus on this in two ways:

A.) Make sure the audience actually knows what you’re talking about (make sure that your base component organization actually worked!)

Simple questions here and there like “does that make sense?”

B.) Relate what you are talking about directly to the audience.

Take another look at my tax example above.  Did you notice how I related everything to “you”?  I got “you” to imagine yourself dealing with this tax issue; I got “you” to imagine you were an integral part of what was going on in the presentation.

This goes back to the concept of “skin in the game”, which means that people are more engaged with and care more about something that they have a personal interest in.  Think of investing in the stock market: don’t you think you’d pay attention to the stock market by….the…hour!!! if you’ve invested there?

Making your audience a part of your presentation is the exact same concept.  I’ve put a couple videos at the bottom here to show you what I mean.

Practice and Fine Tuning Techniques

The practice and fine tuning techniques are pretty straightforward.  It’s the way I learned to speak, and the way that you can learn too.  I already talked about it in the first article of the series:  learn through osmosis.  Place yourself in an environment where you automatically learn without having to go out of your way to absorb knowledge.

The best way to use osmosis to learn to speak?

Go watch speeches!  Watch speeches of all types: standup comedy, informative, inspirational…

Take specific note of what you do and don’t like.  Make a list.  Try to give a speech using some of the attributes you saw in the speech.

For example:

1. I watched speeches by Ronald Reagan.  I noticed there were some things that I liked:

-Always seemed friendly

-Told jokes

-Used an extensive and colorful vocabulary

-Spoke at a good, moderate pace.

I also noticed there were some thing I didn’t like:

-His overall style was well-suited for someone of his age, but seemed too docile to be authoritative.

I found some speeches that were excellent: not excellent because they’re perfect, but excellent because they have distinctively good and bad elements.  I put them to you here as a start.

Craig Valentine on Leadership

Craig Valentine Coaching

Motivational Speaker

Ronald Reagan 1981 Inaugural Address

My offer to you: I want to help you with your speech!

I’ve had years of experience with public speaking, and it’s something I love.  I’ve had people compliment some of my speeches years after I gave them.

I want to use that knowledge to help you, and others who need it.

If you want some help with your speech or presentation, just contact me!  Use the Contact button above, or click here to get there.

I’m looking forward to working with you!

Photo Credit: Photo : Bresson Thomas in the immediate vicinity of the image. [CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Let me be clear about one thing before I even get started:

This post isn’t about how to make lots of money doing nothing, which is something that can [...]]]> This article is the 3rd in a 5-part series on spending your time the way you want.

You wish hanging out here was what I meant.

Let me be clear about one thing before I even get started:

This post isn’t about how to make lots of money doing nothing, which is something that can only be done through inheritance or investment.  “But what if your passion is sitting on the beach and relaxing”, you ask?  You think you got me.

I don’t believe that being able to spend our time the way we want is the same thing as lethargy.  Just think of all the people who complain about how boring retirement is, and kids who can’t wait for school to start after a long and uneventful summer.  I usually get bored after the first few days of a vacation, and whip out my laptop to keep on working.  This is a bit of a detour from the main point, but I want to make it anyway: If you really think that spending your day doing nothing is what will make you happy, you’re kidding yourself.

Our minds crave stimulation.  Our hearts crave accomplishment.  We loathe inaction.  We like to be busy, but busy with things we want to do and find meaningful.

Many people think doing something they want to do and making money are mutually exclusive conditions.  That is, they think “the only way to make money is to do this job that I don’t like, and I won’t be able to make money otherwise.”

People think this because they don’t actually try to make money doing something they like: they go for the lowest hanging fruit.  Getting a job that pays $X/hr and $Y/month in benefits is a watermelon: it hangs so low it’s sitting on the ground.  But most people get tired of eating watermelon every day: they want something else.  They just don’t try to climb up the fruit tree and get the peach.

So why are they “so certain” it won’t work, even though they devoted no time to try?  Ah, the paradox of human nature.

So how do you make money doing what you want?

The “formula” and mindset for making money doing what you want–although not intuitive and incredibly important–is actually very easy to understand. It’s the last point (dealing with emotions) that catches most people: fears of failure, inability to handle rejection, unwillingness to confront uncertainty, and lack of motivation.  In my experience with monetizing my passion (entrepreneurship, international business, and technology), my greatest problem has been with fear.

Don’t think this will be easy.

Most articles I read make monetizing your passion sound like a walk in the part.  What a bunch of bunk.   This will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever do.  But unlike other hard things you’ve done, you will love every minute of this, and gladly put forth the the effort.

The Monetize your Passion Mindset

1.By choosing to monetize your passion, you’ve decided take on a lot more work than just tinkering with your passion on a daily basis.

The reason it’s so easy to “get a job” is because the structures are already there: career websites promote them, companies actively post them, the salaries are determined by the market, and the type of tasks required usually match a degree or skill set perfectly.

But your passion isn’t already as distinctively reflected in jobs that are out there (if it was, wouldn’t you just go choose a job in the field you were passionate about?).  So it’s up to you to build the structures required to monetize your passion.  For that reason, monetizing your passion is essentially entrepreneurship, whether or not you want it to be.  This means a lot of things other than your passion, such as:

-Being able to manage your time well

-Spending your time learning new skills and concepts

-Networking to find people who will help you and customers to buy your product.

2. Is your passion a hobby, or something you really want to monetize?  You decide.

A hobby is something done for fun, but nothing else; something you inherently don’t do with any intention of making money.  But that means you don’t have to do any of the extra work required to make money.  So if you see your passion as a hobby, that’s all it will be: something fun that doesn’t make you money.

You get to decide if your passion will be monetized or is something just for fun.  If you decide to monetize your passion, you have to be willing to do all of the extra work described in this article to make it successful.

You can’t try to monetize your passion and have it as a hobby at the same time, as they are inherently mutually exclusive.  I’ve tried to monetize passions that I treated as a hobby.  It led to failure and frustration in the long run.  So I learned: you have to decide, and if you decide to monetize, stick with your decision, and don’t slip.

3. Understand your passion as a business.

Let’s say your passion is painting, and you want to monetize your passion by painting pictures.

A lot of people make the mistake of just starting to paint.  And when it comes time to sell, they hit a brick wall.  No one wants to buy.  And your efforts as an artist end in failure.

Your mistakes happened because you didn’t understand art as a business.  Lots of people like to cringe at the idea of treating something “like a business”, because it invokes thoughts of commercialization and “rampant capitalism”.

But think about it: people only buy things that they want or that they need.  Business exists to figure out what people want and need, and give it to them for a profit.  So if you don’t give people what they want or what they need, how do you expect to make money?

Read my article on the basic framework of entrepreneurship for details on how to do this.  I’ll emphasize a few key points that you must think about:

-Do people actually want to buy what you have to sell?

-How much are they willing to pay?

-Can you do this profitably?

4. Deal with your emotions.

We worry about failure, we don’t think we can do it, we don’t know how long it will be until we are successful, and we don’t think we have enough time.

This keeps most people from even trying.

It’s the hardest thing to overcome, but it’s basically a made-up obstacle.  It’s all in your mind; it’s not actually something standing in your way.  It’s all illusory

Remember what I wrote at the beginning: most people worry about failure, but they’ve  never tried and have no expertise whatsoever.

I could write tens of thousands of words on dealing with your emotions, adopting a winning mindset, and taking action…well actually, I already have; that’s the essence of this whole blog.  I refer you to my cornerstone article, The Main Idea, which describes the proper mindset and action necessary to accomplish goals.

In a nutshell (this is thoroughly discussed in the articles linking to “The Main Idea”), the best way to deal with emotions is this:

     A. Overcome fear with knowledge

We often fear failure because of uncertainty, and as such don’t try.  There’s no reason to fear uncertainty because uncertainty has an easy cure: knowledge.

So if you fear that your product won’t sell, do market research to see if it will.

If you think you don’t know enough to go into a certain field, interview people who are already in it and ask them what you need to do.

Also important is knowing how much failure actually matters.  We automatically think the worst will happen.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve failed tons of times, and I’m still here.  Read my article about failure for a more detailed analysis.

     B. Overcome fear with action

In my article on motivation, I argue that the main reason people can’t motivate themselves to do things is because they’re not used to it.

The same thing goes for your emotions.  You feel emotionally uncomfortable about monetizing your passion, and failure, because you’re not used to them.

The way you become used to something is to just do it!  Do you think that successful entrepreneurs became successful by chance?  Most I’ve talked to succeeded because of drive, and being willing to try, despite what others would say (as we already know, it’s not necessarily a good idea to listen to others’ opinions anyway!).

It’s not rocket science.  It’s just tenacity, perseverance and habit.

Final Note:

Monetizing your passion is fun, rewarding, and guarantees you will get to spend your time the way you want (if you do it well and do it successfully).  But I encourage you not to think it will be easy or will let you lead a life of leisure and lethargy.  That’s not what makes most of us happy anyway!

This article is Part 1 in a 3-part series on A Smart Presentation and Public Speaking Skills

Before you read any of the other articles in the series, read this one first!

I can’t overemphasize the importance of the [...]]]>

This article is Part 1 in a 3-part series on A Smart Presentation and Public Speaking Skills

Before you read any of the other articles in the series, read this one first!

I can’t overemphasize the importance of the right public speaking and presentation mindset.  I emphasize this because mindset is the only way to learn to speak and present well.  Thinking about and understanding what makes a speech good or bad makes it easy to take the action needed (e.g. hand gestures, tone inflection, etc.) to give a spectacular presentation.

That’s completely different from the way most teach public speaking.

As I mentioned in the introduction to the series, public speaking and presentations are situational.  It’s not a math equation, where you succeed by memorizing variables and processes.  Being able to speak and present well means:

- Being able to think on your feet.

-Adapting what you have to say to the situation (e.g. the audience, the atmosphere, the size of the room, etc.).

- Coming across as confident–and making your message count–no matter what the situation.

Before learning the Public Speaking Mindset, understand a couple things about why you fear public speaking, and what you can do about it:

You probably fear public speaking because it is situational and lacks a specific structure.

Do you fear public speaking for any of these reasons:

a.) What do I do if I get heckled by a member of the audience?

b.) How do I know if the information I’m presenting is what the audience wants to hear?

c.) What if I’m boring?

d.) What if I screw up?

If public speaking had a specific structure, there’s no way you could fear any of these things: just like a math equation; you’d memorize how to say what, how to say it, and then give a great speech.

But think about it: how can you know what will happen during your presentation?  How do you know your audience’s reaction?  You won’t know for sure until you get there.  Public speakers who accept speaking for what it is–a situational, fluid process–can get over silly ways to purportedly master public speaking (reading “tips”) and get onto more useful techniques.

The only way to improve your speaking abilities is through habit formation.  That comes only with practice.

Not through reading books.  Not through reading my blog articles.  Not through talking about it with friends.

I think some will say “that sucks!  I’m not going out there to try to give a speech without knowing what I’m doing first!”

When I give a speech, it just happens.  The speed at which I talk, the way I move my hands, the way I make eye contact, my tone inflections…I think about exactly none of it when I’m talking.

I can do that because I’ve practiced like hell.  It’s just a habit.

I recently gave a speech about an equity valuation my team and I did on a company.  Half way through the speech, I offered to sell our “patented” valuation model to the professor, or exchange it for a better grade.  The audience broke out laughing!  The professor–who usually never showed emotion–cracked a smile.

I hadn’t planned for that at all.  It just seemed like the thing to say.  And I was right; I think ours was the best speech of the 10 that were given that evening.

Think of trying to master public speaking through tip memorization like grocery shopping with a long grocery list, except that you don’t get to bring the list with you.

“What am I supposed to buy?  Let’s see: milk, salad, ham, oatmeal, prunes (maybe I won’t get those)…”.  You’re trying to juggle a million different things in your mind at once.

What happens when you get home?

“Crap, I forgot the vanilla wafers!”

The same concept applies to tip memorization during speeches.  How do you think you’re going to be able to juggle a million different tips in your mind at once?

You can’t.

But through practice, you convert an idea into a habit.  

So let’s talk about that now.

What is the Public Speaking Mindset?  

The Public Speaking Mindset

1. Understand your purpose and your value-added.

Before you say “duh, I need to know what I’m giving my speech on”, read the rest of what I have to say here.

Your purpose is more than your topic.   Understanding your purpose is the bedrock and guiding light for forming a presentation that is relevant, engaging and inspiring.  Think about it:

- How many times have you listened to a speech where the speaker rambled on, and it was unclear what his main point was?

-How about presentation slides?  Ever seen any with way too much writing?

Before you even start writing your speech, you should ask yourself, “Of all of the things I could say about my topic, which are value-added?”.  Then, only talk about those things that are value-added.

A perfect example:

In my Masters of Taxation program, everyone in the class was required to give a presentation about a complicated tax issue.  How do you think most of my classmates gave them?

-They would repeat each and every fact about the case (often a 10 page court case).

-They would cover almost every facet of a large Internal Revenue Code section or regulation.

-They would give an extensive analysis with each line being something like this:  ”According to Treas. Reg. § 1.213-1(e)(1)(v), the cost of an in-patient hospital care is an expenditure for medical care, however for the institutions other than a hospital, the qualifications depend on the condition of the individual and the nature of the services he receives.”

Imagine having to listen to these presentations.  The thing I realized from sitting through 40 of these is just how bad a speech is if the presenter isn’t focused on staying on point and conveying only value-added information.

It’s important for the speaker to know what aspects of his or her topic to actually discuss!

The best way to do this: think first about your conclusion.

A lesson I learned long ago when I volunteered for some local political campaigns?:

The most people are going to remember about your speech is 2 or 3 things.  So when you’re preparing your presentation, think to yourself- ‘what are the 3 most important things I want my audience to remember?  Focus your entire presentation around those 3 things’.

So- what is your bottom line?  What is your conclusion?  Whatever your ultimate point or punchline is: that’s what you should focus every word of your speech on.  Eliminate those words which add no value.

Think of the excerpt above that cites the Treasury Regulation.  When you think about it, the actual value added here is knowing that care at a hospital will always count as a medical expense, but it will depend if it’s at something other than a hospital.  The regulation citation and the faux-professional $10 words add nothing to the sentence’s basic meaning: it only adds complication.

So the next question naturally flows: how do I know what my conclusion should be?

2. Understand your audience’s disposition.

-What does your audience already know?

-What do they want to know?

-What kind of attention span do they have?

Way too many speeches I’ve heard simply exist for their own sake.  The speaker just wants to–or has been forced to–talk about something random.  And so they do just that; talk about whatever they want with minimal consideration to the audience.

But the real question is: “what does your audience want?”

3. You are an entertainer in addition to the main purpose of your speech.

I’m pretty sure I can, instead of listening to your speech:

a.) Go read a blog article

b.) Go read a Wikipedia article

c.) Go read a joke book,

and get the same content and ideas that I could from your speech.

But I’m taking time out of my day to listen to you.  Are you going to make it worth my while?

All of the aforementioned formats can convey the same content that your speech does.  But can they convey the same feeling and emotion that your speech does?

I don’t necessarily mean “be funny”; I mean “be entertaining”.

I don’t need to spend much time here, because it’s easy to prove this point.  Just think of any speech you’ve listened to.  Have you ever enjoyed listening to a boring speech, even if the words spoken were informative and enlightening?  Of course not.  If you’re like me, your attention starts to wane after about 45 seconds, and you’re on facebook within a minute fifteen.

I will hit this in more detail in Parts 2 and 3 of this series, on speeches and presentation materials.

4. Learn to speak through osmosis.

Osmosis is the process of absorption; the process of absorbing cues and stimuli in your environment, and making them a part of you and your habits.

Great speakers learn to speak through osmosis.  Excellent students of rhetoric don’t just think about it or read about it: they watch other great speakers, and they take note of what they do.  How do they stand?  How do they use their hands?  What kind of tone inflections do they use?

If you want to give a funny speech, why not watch stand-up comedy?  If you want to give a political and authoritative speech, go watch Ronald Reagan’s inauguration speech.  If you want to learn how to tell stories to deliver points, watch Steve Jobs’ 2005 Commencement Address.

Why reinvent the wheel?  What makes sense to me is to watch the greats already at work, and to learn from them.

It’s like giving someone advice on how to dress.  What is easier: trying to use words to explain proper suit combinations?  Or showing people the combinations while being worn?

Final Thoughts (for this article).

I’ve given you a lot to think about here.  And that’s okay.  I think this will leave you well prepared for the upcoming articles on speeches and presentation materials.

In Parts 2 and 3, I will relate the concepts and action-points presented there directly back to the mindset outlined here.  I want you to see how abstract concepts like the ones presented here make a huge difference when applied to a particular speech.

Remember: mindset is most important.  When you’re up there speaking, there’s no starting over; there’s no rewind; there’s no list of pointers to keep you on the right track.  There’s only you.  And with the right mindset, all of the “tips” don’t matter: you will automatically articulate your points well, and have your audience thoroughly engaged.