Mukaam

Guest Post : Ghazal, a 2012 fellow speaks about her first year@Teach for India

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 04:08:00 +0000

Read this touching post from Ghazal Ghulati, a 2012 fellow at Teach for India. Nakul and I,after our first year of fellowship moved to juvenile homes, and Ghazal in her first year of fellowship took over Nakul's class in National Public School, Shahdara. She has been doing a brilliant job with both her classroom and school staff and has taken kids to whole new level. The following is a heartwarming account of how a Teach for India fellow makes her classroom an organic farmland rather than a manufacturing unit.

Saloni had asked me a while back to write a blogpost for her blog. I'd shortlisted stuff I wanted to write about but never really got around to doing it.
I'd never thought I'd be writing about Devika.
She was one of the few that Nakul had told me about. And she was hard to miss on my first day in class. Completely dishevelled, wearing a white T shirt instead of the school shirt under her tunic, her hair all over the place. She was distracted and restless more often than not in class.
Slowly to my horror I discovered that she was far behind even the average in my class. Her handwriting was a mess and most of the times she had no clue what I was saying. Lots of asking around later I found out that there was trouble at home.
We've worked hard through the year but she just wasn't making the progress I wanted her to make. Till finally I decided to try something new. I made a contract of sorts detailing all that I wanted her to study till the summer vacations. I showed her the list and then told her that if she managed to do all of it, she could get anything that she wanted. Absolutely anything.
I gave her some time to think. I was secretly of course hoping that it wasn't something too expensive. Maybe she'd want to go to the mall? a movie? some time with the laptop? But what she came back with blew my mind. S
he confidently pointed at the wall next to the White Board. Map? No. "I want those sheets", she told me. What she was pointing out to was a plain A4 sheet that I'd got laminated. Bas? She wanted two laminated white sheets for all that work I'd decided she needed to do get done soon. I took her home and explained the concept to her mother. We signed the contract. All three of us. When I told her mom to take my number, Devika promptly pointed to the wall where she'd inscribed my number with a pencil.
It's days like this that I know I've made the right decision. Forget all that talk about changing India. Just for the life experience that I've had the last one year have made all of this worth it.
Devika taught me yet another lesson in perspective and simplicity. How life really is so simple for children and we over complicate it by thinking for them. I'm not sure whether the contract will work, whether she'll fight with her brother or stick to her promise. But I do know that she's got her heart and values in the right place. I hope the world stays a happy and simple place for her all her life.

The mother who drank her own blood

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 16:53:00 +0000

One afternoon, during lunchhour, I was teaching 6th graders while my 9th graders were out for lunch. I was sitting in the classroom and one of the 9th graders barged in and bolted the door. He said that she is going to come here too and she will harm me. On asking him who was out there, he told me that Laddoo's mom had come to take him but Laddoo was in school and she had refused to believe that. So, she was checking each and every room. She was on drugs, torn clothes and she was using lots of swear words with other staff members.

I came out. I saw a woman sitting on a bench. Her head was down, She had a fluid in her hand. That was just a water color tube which she consumes. All 90 children were standing in the hallway, looking at her, making fun of her, discussing what all she had said in past few minutes. I entered the office and asked her whereabouts. Managers told me that she has a legal right to take away the kid and that they were going to hand him over as soon as he returns from the school. I really couldn't do anything about it so I came back to my class and started teaching again.

Almost an hour later, my student reentered and said didi stay here, don't come out. I did anyway. Apparently, laddoo had come back from school and just outside Ummeed when his mother was taking him back,, two of my students saw her beating laddoo on the road. They brought him back and hid him. When I came out, one of my students was ruthlessly dragging the woman out of the home. He was angry clearly but there was no excuse for his behavior. When I came out, his first reaction was "Didi you go back inside!". There were other female teachers standing there. He didn't say anything to them. I thought he knew that I would not approve of any barbaric behavior and he just doesn't want me to be a part of it.Of course, I stopped him. He went away. I started talking to the woman. She started threatening me. She said she will take her all clothes off. She took her pajama down and all my students ran away. By the edge of the tube of her fluid, she took out blood from her head, mixed with fluid and drank her own blood with the drug. I was aghasted. Her skin was all burned and brusied. She was about to take her kurta off when a housemother stopped her and got her back the pajama. I used a very authoritative voice and said "You are going to sit down first, give me your fluid, have a glass of water and then we are going to talk." The only words she was able to manage and that were echoing in the home "Mera bachcha do!" (give me my son!). But I grew more authoritative and made her sit. Once she did that. I softened my voice and said respectfully, "I am going to get your son back but you have to promise me that you are not going to shout here anymore. This is a home of children/ Respect this home." I don't know what worked - my civilized clothing, my authoritative voice or my respect for her as a human, she grew quieter.

My students and all the small kids were all looking at us when I told one of the managers to get all the kids inside. I shouted at all my students, "get back into the room, the show is over." They refused to even move. Meanwhile, the student who had hid Laddoo brought him back. Little laddoo had a small icecream cup in his hand and tears in his eyes. He was so scared and numb. I told the woman that "We have got your son back and you will not shout at him. You are going to take him away happily. He is your son and is studying really well. He is going to grow up, become educated and make you proud. You are going to take him respectfully and bring him back." My voice had softened and I had started talking to her as a human not a drug addicted mother. By that time she had calmed down a lot. I looked at Laddoo and thought may be he won't come back ever. I was wondering about the vision I had for these kids and the reality of their lives. I was wondering what a disjoint this is, two worlds apart. And I have no control. All I could say to his mother was send him back as soon as possible and he should not miss his education. He is going to be very successful in life. Then I said to laddoo that "Be happy with your mom, enjoy your break and come back soon." He didn't say a word. I took them to an autowallah. No autowallah was not ready to take the woman. Finally one did only on condition that I give him my number so that he can ring if she creates any problem.

I was very emotional when laddoo left and without looking towards anybody else entered back into my classroom. I sat there silently for few minutes. I could not believe what had just happened.

Later, I got to know from my students that they couldn't see me talking to such a scary woman and that was the only reason that they brought laddoo back. Their perspective was such kind of a woman does not deserve a child and that we should have never handed over laddoo. I could relate to them. Most of them have parents like that which had given them a very tortorous childhood and now when they are in their late teens they understood how cruel all of it was. And laddoo should not go through the same thing which they did. I told them that the way to treat that is not be hatred but by respect. I told them that the statement that "Laddoo is going to make her proud" will make her bring back. Every mother has a modest hope and she would definitely want good things for her child even if she herself is not able to give it to him. They agreed on this.

I was a hero for all the younger children in the home. Four of them jumped towards me and said "Didi you never got scared, all other teachers did. Didi you were the only one who made her quiet. Didi, you know laddoo knows the way back to Ummeed. He is going to come back on his own even if his mother doesn't send him. He has done that before". A six year old could come all the way from connaught place to qutub minar. This was unbelievable.

Two days later, in the dining hall, I saw laddoo again. The field worker from Ummeed has brought him back and his mother didn't say a word against that. Laddoo smiled when he looked at me. I hugged him tightly. I couldn't believe he was back so soon. He was calm and happy. I asked him how his mother was, he said she was good.

I looked at my students and reminded him power of good words and how much difference that they can create.

Aryans - men of honor

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 11:56:00 +0000

These past months, I have had most externally calm and internally thunder-bolting months of my life. I went to US to take my mother at my sister's place and meet my niece, most wonderful baby I have ever met. I quickly fell in love with her and it was time to come back, I was energized by her love, support of my family and generally a lot of good memories.

I came back to Ummeed on 28th Jan. Since then, my dad had another life-saving operation, my mom was confirmed with dementia by doctors in US and both my sisters and my jiju worked so desperately hard to support my parents, to make our family united in crisis.

My only priority despite the critical situation of my family till 21st March was success of my students in 9th grade. I had to honor the responsibility bestowed on me - to save life of my students or rather make it. I got to know my students more closely during this time. They told me horrifying stories of streets, railway stations, Tihar jail or parents. I have witnessed their disappointment towards their life before. This time however things were changing. I was becoming their confidant, their mentor, someone they trusted very very deeply.

I began at Ummeed in May 2012 and then till December spent more time in dwindling between hospital for my Dad/Mom and Ummeed, I was, in all practical purpose, not able to perform the way I always wanted to. But this time because of my sisters' blind support, I was able to focus completely on my work. By just making this clear to myself, I composed myself much better and stayed highly focused.

I took up an enormous task of designing a curriculum that was fun and interactive and at the same time makes my students capable of passing 9th grade with their head held high. I prepared every lesson with videos, ted talks, power points and worksheets that very rigorously scaffolded. This way my students picked stuff faster and I was more efficient in delivering it. My day began at 8:00am when I would wake up, eat bread omelette draft a lesson, take printouts and head straight to Ummeed by 10:00AM. Most of my students left classrooms several times and I would wonder whether I was doing or saying something wrong. But I didn't move. They came back in again, smiling, regretting the walk-outs. I stood like a rock for them, accepting them without any complaints, skipping my lunch or dinner almost everyday, just to help them cover what they lost due to their emotional instability. They were allowed to take breaks. But I didnt take any. In evenings, when they played volleyball for two hours, I would check the papers, worksheets, design another lesson or help one of the students.

The school had strictly said they didnt want students of Ummeed in their school because they are irregular and indisciplined and they are tired of making exceptions for them since April. The school has the first real academic experiences for my students but it didn't turn out the way they had expected. The teachers didn't believe in them, may be partially, which is counterproductive. I recall a day just before exams when my students said to me that if then one of the school teachers made him stand to answer, he know he would answer. He added that earlier, they would keep calling all of their names continuously knowing beforehand that none of us would be able to answer and other students would, those who take tuition from them. Despite best intentions of principal and school staff, my students have felt at the bottom and lowered self-esteem in the school. I had a larger role to play. Believe in them like nobody ever did. Believing on them was not hard for me. They all are most brilliant students I have ever met. But it was hard to show them that my belief about them is right and others wasn't.

We studied for almost about 12 hours everyday. I would come back at 11 PM in the night. fearing from Delhi streets not because what would happen to me in case of a scary situation but more fearful of the fact how this group of young boys would react in case anybody dares to touch me. These were very unusual thoughts, making me more aware of the bonds that I share with my students. and how hard it would be to let this go.

The exams began on 14th March. I met my students at Hauz Khas metro station to wish them good luck at 6:00 AM. They all were scared and so was I. As the door of Metro separated me from my students, I felt my limitation as a teacher, that I just can't be there for them from that point. That beyond that point, I would have to submit them to the world. They all looked at me, smiled and I felt sadness that I would leave them soon forever. I smiled in return and cried all the way back to home. I have actually for the first time felt my students as my creations, their destiny will have a drop of my sweat.

By their third paper, we all became confident that they are going to pass. They told me that this time they are going to get things not as a beggary but with honor. Their final paper was of Math on 21st March. We worked harder and harder. On the eve of the exam, I got to talk with one student who six months before had outrightly rejected me as a teacher. His exact words were "Didi, don't mind my saying but you just dont know how to teach. The sweeper can teach us better than you " I was terribly hurt by the insult in front of the other staff members. But I didn't quit. I knew that I was a good teacher if not great and with noble intentions. And I am glad he got to see that. Just the night before exam, he apologized and said "if it not for you, I would have been back on the streets of Connaught Place by now. I have never worked this hard for my entire life. I am so happy that I am going to pass". He also gave me a note which said " Di, if you stay here till June, I promise I am going to work equally hard to finish my entire X syllabus. Now I know that I will go on to become an IPS officer".

I had earlier not known whether I would be able to go back to Ummeed once my students exam are over. I had felt that I would have to take the baton from my younger sister who for past 9 months have been working from home, and with that guilty of wfh has worked harder than most of her colleagues who are at Bangalore. I am right now with my father but missing my students terribly.

If you ask me what kept me going - I would say just plain hard work, my previous work experience as a software engineer which in an unusual way taught me to work long hours. Some credit however does go to Bread Omlette, the cans of Guava Juices, newly-discovered multigrain maggi which were the two meals that I had and of course a 20-minute episode of Friends.

Most of all, what kept me going was the trust of my students and their love, and some beautiful words we shared which none of us forget till our last breaths.

And the fabulous news is not that all my students have passed but that they have become men of honor!

Raju, Akram and Kaleem's Mole Concept on C++

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:17:00 +0000

OK! So here is the big one. My three students in 9th grade always wanted to learn software engineering since the beginning. And I of course, once upon a time, worked as a software engineer. It was hard however to go to software engineering when they were having so much trouble with their regular academics. So, I postponed and postponed.Until December!

Welcome my three ninth graders who are working on C++ while learning the dreaded Mole Concept!

This is their first independent program, written, compiled, debugged by them:

#include
#include
#include
#include

void main(){
clrscr();
int c;
float weight,mole,amu;
printf("enter the choice 1 if you want find the weight or 2 if you want find the mole");
scanf("%d",&c);
if(c==1){
printf("enter the mole");
scanf("%f",&mole);
printf("enter the amu");
scanf("%f",&amu);
weight=mole*amu;
printf("weight is the %fgram",weight);}
else if(c==2)
{
printf("enter the amu");
scanf("%f",&amu);
printf("enter the weight");
scanf("%f",&weight);
mole=weight/amu;
printf("mole isthe %f",mole);}
getch();
}

When I started six months back, the world was completely upside down for me...This has been one of the biggest high of the year!

Trade-offs

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 07:02:00 +0000

Since last few days I have felt like writing more and more. I am reading this book called "What I talk about when I talk about running" by Haruki Murakami. If you read that book you will obviously would love to go on for running. He puts all that very beautifully. He also talks about his journey of becoming a novelist. And that has what brought me back to my blog third time this week. I have nothing specific to write about other than a conversation I had with my manager yesterday.

My program manager yesterday had a leadership talk with me where we talked about how I have seen myself growing as a leader and how she has seen me growing as a leader in last 18 months. During the talk, she asked me a question if I think I have been able to maximize the resources and network of Teach for India and if I feel that I have optimally used the support Teach for India offered. Her question was obvious - I have chosen not to live with other Teach for India fellows, have been out of facebook since last one year and have missed majority of Teach for India social events.

It is not that I want to look different. I think I am mostly termed as crazy. But all these have been part of my personality which in your late 20s probably starts to get consolidated. I am no asocial - I have my share of Coffees, WhatsApp, Phone conversations and Emails but most of the times social expectations come in between of my work. I was working this Sunday very efficiently but I had committed to meet a friend from my previous organization a week before. I lived up to my promise of meeting my friend but the rhythym of my work broke down. In middle of the week another friend from my previous organization called and he was angry from me being not in touch. My old friendship bonds have been very strong and I am not able to keep up with them as much as I try. I have made few great friends in Teach for India as well and I am not able to keep up with them as well.

I live a very independent life. I live alone, I cook for myself and do all the running around from empty cylinders to service of my active by myself. Plus my students who come back from goverment schools in the evening do not want another teacher teaching them on blackboard. So my lessons have to be creative and funny. Whenever I have delivered an unplanned class, it turned off my students so much so that they would choose cricket over coming to my class for days. How do I make everything fun for them is another story and my program manager plays a larger role in it so I am going to tell that another time.

But planning fun lessons of history and maths for 6th graders, physics and maths for 9th graders and maths for 11 graders leaves me really no time to have errands in social life. So when my manager asked me if I think I have been able to maximize the support, the answer is No. For me Teach for India experience was mostly about myself. I wanted to throw myself in a circumstance where I am living with less money in hand, no luxurious office spaces and try something which I wanted to do. I wanted to deliver me. I wanted to find my solutions within. This is exactly what I did. It was never hard to make all these choices because all these were subconscious instincts. This place had put me in a position where I was responsible for lives of the children who can become good adults. The stakes have been high. Social life took a backseat definitely. I made new friends occasionally. When my father was admitted in the hospital, I made friends with all the nurse and technical staff under the Doctor. We exchanged Happy Diwali messages as well. I have made friends in Neb Sarai, a part of Delhi where I live. I have made friends with a Dosa waala who left his corporate job to start a small restaurant. His restaurant right now is very small but his Dosas and his sambhar are exotic.If you are somewhere from South Delhi, you will be amazed to eat Dosa this tasty in such a crowded and packy place as Neb Sarai.

There is definitely a trade-off for knowing yourself more. I would have made more friends with lots of other fellows. I would have reached out more to the academic impact staff to find solutions for my students but honestly my program manager's prior experience was sufficient. So, my interaction within Teach for India stayed limited.

I have been very comfortable in being with myself. I am getting to think that may be this is me, my personality. It did not require much of thoughts. Staying this way just suited me. Although I could not agree more when my Program Manager suggested towards the end of the conversation how we have a responsibility of sharing our hardships and our successes because it could be valuable to other people. I have been open in sharing resources but talking about myself in front of people have made me uncomfortable. I could write about myself here for strangers, unknown people but I cant do that in form of a public speaking. I don't think I am an introvert but this is how it is.

I want to leave you with another quote from the book that I am reading. To be in the rhythm of your work everyday, stop yourself at a point where you think you want to do lot more. It will be easier then to come back in the groove next day. It is a very interesting suggestion.

Methi Leaves

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 06:04:00 +0000

There are several ways to get over a feeling. One of them I found out today is by cleaning Methi leaves. This morning, I woke up with a long list of professional commitments to fulfill but instead I chose to bring out my domesticated avatar.

I am living in a house on first floor which has one room completely empty. The room is on East side and has a door where morning rays fills the room. I have kept that room empty especially for this particular reason. I love to sit on that doorway especially in these winters. And as I found out today, It is a good place to clean Methi leaves.

To take out the leaves from the twig in front of the sun can have some pacifying effect on you. Life is simple, clean it out like Methi leaves. There were so many things that came across my mind. And slowly they came, stayed and left. None of them left me complicated or empty. Peacefully they walked out.

May be there is something about the green color or freshness of the leaves. Or may be about the simplicity of the process - no lesson plans or behavior management that I usually have to deal with. Teaching is hard. Being patient with your students is harder. The adolescence of students is challenging. This is their transformation in becoming an adult and I am part of that transformation and that too in a role which is pivotal. That is huge responsibility.

But Methi leaves, they are not like that. They are very friendly. They don't give you any responsibility or obligations. They are just a small insignificant errand.Work is too much pressure may be and it rarely allows me insignificant errands. When it does, it is friendly and fresh!

We all wait

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 14:30:00 +0000

"We all wait" Victor Novaski said.

The Terminal is one of the greatest films of Tom Hanks. This Saturday I was translating this movie for my students. They enjoyed the movie and especially the concept that he waited for nine months to fulfill the promise he made to his Father of taking as simple thing as an autograph from a Jazz singer.

Today, there are 10,000 marriages in Delhi. It was a such a heavy traffic on Delhi-Badarpur road that cars were not able to cross the red light because the traffic that was stopped by the next red light down the road was still overflowing to this red light. I along with almost every second car took a U-turn after 30 minutes of being stalled on the road. It is interesting to see that 50% of people could either take a U-turn to go back to their homes or find alternative routes. But all of them were stalled for 30 minutes to be given this opportunity.

Life makes us wait - sometimes on the road from where can take a U-turn and sometimes for helping us find alternatives. And most importantly sometimes to clear the road ahead.

I took a U-turn today. But most of the times in my life I haven't. I wait for roads to get clear.

I go where I have to go.

Education of India

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 05:21:00 +0000

Jawaharlal Nehru had a great vision when he established IIM – to have managers who can build the country. Management is an important function for any organization. Simply put, it is responsible for making all employees deliver and stay satisfied. Throughout our country, the idea of universal education has arrived. You hear no argument against education these days. An illiterate person is as well invested as the business tycoon in his child’s education. But the idea of how to provide an excellent education is in progress. The customers are ready. The system is not. Nobody knows how to really fix our education system. We do have great teachers but we really have no nation-wide management education in the field of education. As a country, we really are not focusing on leaders for managing school system.

In the 19th century, when education system was being developed and we had got great universities all throughout the world, its priority was to prepare children for jobs that Industrial revolution offered. So, mathematics and languages were at the top and then somewhere down below were humanities, sports and arts. The emphasis has always been to develop only one side of brain. It is worth mentioning about KIPP charter schools in United States here. By extending the school day till 5 in the evening, they have been able to give emphasis not on side of the brain but to the entire body of each student. They have taken responsibility of Arts as well as Humanities as well as Sports. KIPP students dance and draw and skate as much as they do Math and English. Their focus is still to have children from low-income communities complete their college degree but they have stronger focus on building character of their students. They are able to build character by focusing and taking responsibility of overall development of student’s mind and body. Interestingly when KIPP schools analyzed the data, the KIPP alumni who were more academically accomplished at KIPP have higher drop-out rates from college then their less academically successful KIPP colleagues. The less academically accomplished KIPP colleagues who did not drop out were higher on character traits. This is a very interesting evidence of where the focus of our education system should be and what really matters. When I visited one of the uncommon schools in US in December, I found silent recess. Nobody talks while eating. Usually, we say recess is the time when kids are interacting and having fun. So, lunch breaks are chaos. But because KIPP is able to give time for interactions all throughout the day. Therefore, they can afford a silent recess. It is no different than what an Indian saint would recommend – keep your 100% focus on task-in-hand. Have you ever seen a recess in India like that except at Ashrams? We have all the best practices in the world but we do not have wisdom to use that wisdom.

India once had a great education system. Our Vedas and Upanishads were never written for centuries. Students sat at their Guru’s feet and would know Vedas and Upanishads word-by-word and that too in one of the most difficult languages of all - Sanskrit. The teacher did not need a flyer or a handout or a textbook. Did those people have stronger character or memorization?

The Guru’s word was everything and Guru had all answers. In turn, his teachings and discipline would make the student a wise soul. All throughout the history and mythology, we had clear examples of cases when Guru would ask the students to do as difficult things to stand on one foot for years and the student did without speck of self-doubt. Today, even the best management teacher could ask student at IIM to become an entrepreneur and he would be more likely to have self-doubts to begin with.

I have bunch of friends who are graduating from top-MBA colleges of India. I ask them if they think that their management education has prepared them to be a world-class leader. Not single one of them answered in affirmative and in fact added that they do not see themselves ready for picking even one cause of the Nation. The doubts are not because of the magnitude of challenges that each cause of our Nation presents. The doubts are because as soon as they entered the elite-MBA schools of India, they figured out all that everybody cares about is getting the job in the following year. The ends of getting the job have become much more important than the means of becoming leaders in our management schools. The mindset to become a leader is clearly missing. We have clearly undermined what Jawaharlal Nehru had aspired our management education to do.

Indians, bounded by Himalayans at North and a mighty ocean at South had always been explorer of inside. That is in our blood. Pick country-wise average GMAT scores. Or pick religions – Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism. We were able to give so many religions to the world because we looked inside. As evident from my own life, I teach in a school where children have not been in mainstream education for past 13 years of their life. I teach them as hard thing as Atomicity and they make it a cakewalk. I have felt underprepared and under-resourced in front of them several times in past six months. And have recently came to a very strong realization of my own fault – my focus has been in teaching knowledge. I am trying to make my students those KIPP academically accomplished Alumni who may not complete college even after getting admitted.

I want to draw out several conclusions from my arguments above –

1) India had a great education system once which prepared men of character and ethical purity

2) We Indians are people of exceptional intelligence but without the skills of using that intelligence.

3) KIPP’s focus on education is same as our great Indian education system had, but with the technical and management expertise on helping children find right vocation for themselves.

4)We need to bring into our education system - from primary education to higher education that kind of focus and discipline as our education system had, combining with the management expertise of US charter schools.

5) Skills are more important than knowledge. Asking the interviewee what is pragma does not make him better qualified than somebody who has will and wisdom to find that answer. Our assessments should test whether the individual knows how to fish rather than what is fish. If we teach students skills, we ensure to make them independent and confident individuals. To be honest, Google is going to stay. Knowledge is not difficult to acquire. Give people leadership skills or skills to complete college. That happens when we internalize these skills in the students.

From being a class teacher of 2nd graders to teaching street children in a Juvenile home, I have graduated to see our Education system from a bird's eye view. I have tried to give words to my thoughts. I have a vision that I want to work for. A vision I never had for past 26 years of my life.

What makes my experience with Teach for India great?

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 17:32:00 +0000

I am writing a post after two months. Even without the post, the blog is buzzing with visitors.

I am grateful. :-) Thank you.

This is the first post where I am going to write about what made my Teach for India experience great. I am going to begin with three people who made the difference

1.The best boss - Emma Francis

2. The civil war peer- Nakul Arora

3. The leader and the Hero - Shashank Shukla

1. Emma Francis, the British girl came to Teach for India with experience of 7 years as an educator in Teach First and Uganada. Ms. Francis has taught merely with chalk and black board in Uganda to almost 200 students per week and several teenagers in Britain. Honestly, she is the most supporting person I have ever seen. She totally adapted herself in Delhi, wearing salwaar kameez within two months. She gives such a great insight about the work that you are doing, that you will have your jaw drop. Her convictions are universal - that means she has come out of from the well of the little worlds. Her sense of India in one year is more than most Indians born here. Her focus is clear - whether you are becoming a leader you can and whether you are building on your strengths as you grow with the experience. So she is not working for herself clearly. But for the people she is responsible for. Talk about great women - in real sense of word - talk about Emma. She is extremely practical in her approach, superbly mature focusing on development of fellows she is managing. If you haven't done a task and she grasps that you arent doing it for genuine reason, she will just not force to do it. You dont have to find excuses. If she understands that you are innovating in your school, she will not force you to meet some organizational deadline. If she understands that you are exhausted, she will not force you to attend a meeting you otherwise definitely should.

What happens when you have a boss like that?

(a) You come closer to your real self.

(b) You get feedback on the leader in you and not one of those manufactured leaders who knows how to work on MS Excel and give presentations or write emails

(c) You are cared and valued. You are professionally bound to grow in that environment, learning to take charge of situations, feeling responsible towards your work and not feeling burdened at all.

(d) You are led by example. Teach for India is all about being a leader to your children. If your manager is leading you by example, making you feel how you are trusted and cared, why won't you learn to do the same to your children?

2. Nakul Arora - here you have, the young brimming talker who wants to fly high, fight all the evil roots, learn to be perfect and save the country. Too young for accomplishing all of them but yet trying hard to stay on the road. Here I have one of the most contradicting peer, who is a friend from the civil war because he remembers to be at war with me. We drain out each other, pointing out hypocrisies or stupid arguments. And yet we stick together only because we point out each other's hypocrisies and stupid arguments. We are jealous of each other, preachy, competitive and showing-off all the time, feeling extremely happy when the other fails, impressing each other's students and trying to make them against their teacher. Yet we know that we celebrate each other accomplishments, are heartbroken when other person's efforts go down the drain and dream that the other persons's reach the potential he is born with.

I dream that Nakul reaches the potential he is born with. I dream that a young man of 23 does not have to suffer because he is choosing the most difficult path out there. I dream he fulfills all dreams of his youth because unlike others he has set himself out to on a path to accomplish those dreams and hold very high expectations of himself. The dreams that are not about being a star or a celebrity but to be a great man - to be a man of this country. I hope he does not have to make sacrifices his path might ask for. I hope his greatest strength of seeking the truth is not let down by the world. I hope his hope ignites the fire in many others.

His life's endeavors sets him apart from people of his age and even elder to him. What is my biggest learning from working with Nakul is his constant pursuit of seeking the truth - in himself and in people

What happens when you have a peer like that?

(a) You learn to be truthful. He will never allow you to give yourself any false ideas. If you cant speak truth to yourself, he will speak it to you on your face. You can fight about it with him and tell him doesn't understand but you will know soon who didn't.

(b) you are having a healthy competition.You know you are fighting but deep down you know winning doesnt matter.

(c) you team up! because you have a peer who thinks on similar lines. Nakul and I have delivered very high quality resources in Teach for India because we keep each other on toes and are very honest to each other.

(d) you keep finding your true North. You constantly ask the other the outcome of a particular action. You know no listening will happen but eventually admittance of wrong action will. You learn from your mistakes because the other person has already pointed out that to you.

(e) You learn to share - your aspirations and life's endeavor because you have a professional feedback and yet a personal care

(f) you learn to have lots of tea - because you are so exhausted fighting!

3. Shashank Shukla - If you are in a business school or corporate or undergrad and thinking where are all the leaders have gone from this country, have a break and come and see Shashank bhaiya in action. A year before, he was the first person who raised his voice for the street children - the last customers of educational inequity and extorted to Teach for India to experiment in a place which does not have anything similar to a normal Teach for India classroom. Within a year, four fellows are continuing the work he started. The lone ranger, the fixer of the sinking ship, someone who had turned around a hell to heaven, a courageous leader, a visionary who can prophesise the outcome of his decisions even before the uncertain dynamics come to play, the teacher who never had to raise a voice on his rebellious teenagers students to obey, the patriot who deferred his admit to Harvard for he thinks he is still not done with his work for the homeless of the country, the manager who knows how to delegate work to people rendered as inefficient and uninspired, a hero who stands for right thing 100% of time, a mentor who can tell you on your face whats wrong with you and you wont mind. This is Shashank Shukla for you, one of the greatest alumni Teach for India will have and one of the greatest example of men this generation can produce

What happens when you have a leader like him in front of your eyes?

(a) Guess what!You know what being a leader takes - the exhaustion, forgetting self, standing up, getting your hands dirty in cleaning and burning all the negativity, taking care of people who might or might not choose to care back, fighting for people who might not be grateful or in fact even appreciate

(b) Guess next! You will witness something impossible happening in front of your eyes every time you see him in action. Forget the movies or text books, you can closely watch a hero in real life.

(d) You can do your job! You dont have to worry about someone else's job because the leader is taking care.And you will not slack from you job because the leader is taking care of that too.

(d) you feel you are exhausted and you wonder where the hell Shashank bhaiya gets that energy and you get back to your work. Oh! he transfers his infectious energy and conviction all the time!

This has been my experience with Teach for India, great because of great people in it.The greatness you never usually see because of the mad rush of money, shopping and EMIs. You see this greatness because the people in it had courage to leave their country, well-paying jobs, relationships or defer a Harvard admit and going all out for their real motto - discovery of self and live a life of honor more than materialism, security and inhibitions.

I give my salute to each one of them. I am grateful that I deserved to see the greatness they have.

2323hours

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 19:41:00 +0000

Last night, I was on bed at 23:23 hours. It was a strange number when I saw my watch but not stranger then the day I had. In twenty minutes preceding that I had eaten Kadhai Paneer and Butter Naan sitting on white marble floor of my apartment.

I had left Ummeed at 10:30 PM last night. I have usually been coming at that time throughout this week and sleeping without dinner. When on one side, Delhi Government is making law against solo travel of women at night time, I am effortlessly breaking them on my black Activa. This week I have been at Ummeed in the morning at 5:45 AM and traveling back and forth to home whenever I could, just to take few power naps. Sitting on white marble floor of my apartment is then a rare delight.

Yesterday, a small child at Ummeed stole wallet from my handbag when I was playing carrom with three students of mine early afternoon. He took away 800 bucks and spent them somewhere. It was after tea that I realized my wallet was missing. My initial guess was that I had left it at a stationery shop in the morning and before doubting kids I checked there only to figure out the worse.So, I called for all meeting to announce that take the money just give my wallet with driving license and pan card back.As soon as the meeting was over, younger kids ran to help their Didi to find the wallet. Within no time, a child brought back my empty wallet from toilet. I was delighted and yet was sad that it was actually a child within my students who has done such thing.

I didnt want to react so I continued taking my classes. In middle of that class, S (let's call him that here) came over and gave me 120 bucks telling me that he had got it from pockets of the child who had given me empty wallet back He had doubted him when he so quickly had found out the wallet.

The managers and my co-fellow Chetan was managing the identified child while I patiently kept on teaching. Later Chetan told me that S has given a good treatment to make the child accept.

We might consider the case that S is a good kid who is morally and ethically right. I cannot disclose here what S all indulges in but this is certainly not the case.

S is not going to school since April after our repeated requests while all his friends have been going. He creates horrifying nuisances for which he has been punished several time. He does not want to talk about his parents. He says he started taking drugs after seeing his father indulging in them. He just cant hear his mother's name. He only stated that his mother has given the body injuries so clearly seen even today. He is around 16, so I asked him if ever he liked a girl. He said that he used to like one girl but he killed it inside him because he does not think someone can love a "Chichora" like him. He said once he is 18 and he has lived for two more years, he will commit suicide. I saw tears covering all his face.

What made this child deny himself of everything? Why he is not giving chance to education, love, and goodness? Why is he creating nuisance instead? Why then he cared to identify and disclose the child who stole my wallet?

I told him in our meetings before that I never even considered him a chichora. He respects, never answer back and all other numerous things that I noticed. I told him of a vision that I saw for him a while ago that he is wearing a business suit driving a car to work while a lovely girl is there waiting back home, And I have a plan to meet them that evening at their home.

For every negative word he said about himself and people around him, I picked up all possible positivity inside me to turn around and give a little practical outlook. At the end, I told him that for next 15 days just do one good thing your heart always wanted to do.He said that was easy. I wanted it to be easy for him. For next two days, he cleaned his wardrobe and got up on time, took a bath and had breakfast. This was new because before that he never got up before lunch and didn't change clothes for 3 days.

All this bring us back to the question I had, why S gave a befitting treatment to the child who stole my wallet. What made him return back my 120 bucks when it was known that he also steals property of Ummeed.

I can't tell you how crazy Ummeed is and teaching these boys who practically have no authority figure, no parents surroundng them, lots of free resources with absolutely no responsibility. There are daily crises which makes me work more like a disciplinarian than a benevolent teacher. But I never had elicit such a response through my discipline than through a simple care and affection in that meeting with S.

I am guessing that S wanted her Didi's money back. He understood her pain and had felt connected. People have expected him of a bad behavior so he gave them that. I showed a little love and he valued it and guarded it.

How powerful love is! How powerful is to show care and actually mean it. I cared a little but he responded with so much more that it is inspiring.

I am daring to see the vision of a feast at my students' "own homes" with a lovely girl which God has sent for them.

Life is beautiful.

Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Wed, 27 Jun 2012 07:49:00 +0000

Suffering is what I see all around. People are suffering physically, emotionally and spiritually. However, in last one year, I have had a rendezvous with people and ideas showing me flipside. Where there was suffering they found joy, where there was ignorance they found wisdom and where there was greed they found generosity. I have often wondered, how did they reach that stage?

Mahatma Gandhi practiced ahmisa by which he meant not harming anyone even in thoughts. Dalai Lama admits that he sleeps 8 hours usually but see his contribution in spreading so much peace in the world. Parmahansa Yogananda in his autobiography tells about spirituality so technically and scientifically that it can construct an absolute path to walk on for the lifetime. Gautam Buddha continuously questioned himself why there is suffering in this world. To find his answer, for years he made himself suffer by giving up his every single desire, punishing his body and facing rejection and remorse. When he found his answer, he felt the cessation of suffering. He felt joy- an absolute joy. How strange is that when he questioned suffering, he found joy!

Last three weeks have been a very testing time for me. My father almost had a date with death. My mother I found out is losing her cognitive abilities due to Dementia. She cannot eat, write, locate things, express her feelings and forgets what happened a minute ago. She cannot be cured and in fact will deteriorate further. A doctor on a single day told me the critical situation of my parents. I have been coping with both of their situations, smiling, without crying and demonstrating unprecedented strength in dealing with the situation. I see them suffering. I suffer with their suffering. I am yet to figure out the path to joy in this scenario. What could that be? Detachment? or Surrender? or Acceptance? These does not sound like paths to joy, paths to peace may be....but not path to joy.

How did Buddha found it? How did he cope up with separation from his family? How did he address his longings? Parmahansa Yogananda cried when he intuitively figured out death of his brother several miles apart. Mahatma Gandhi was torn apart when his wife died and when partition happened. They suffered. How can we be oblivion to our surroundings? How can we break free from interdependence?

I don't think so we can. In rare moments, we can find joy however and that could be our strength.

I enjoyed getting drenched in the rain yesterday. I in fact sang in the rain. I enjoyed fighting with my dad while he is still recovering and listening to my mom's singing. I love cooking for my parents and the fact that I got to spend so much time with them. That is the small joy I found. Things may not get better. But the present moment is beautiful. It has become beautiful due to one small secret - that I am focusing on it only. And no future or past can take it away from me. That is what I found underlying in teachings of these great men.

Joy. Peace. Happiness.

Hit the waves

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 18:20:00 +0000

With no earrings,a broken watch waiting for its turn and empty fingers, I enter Ummeed worrying not about my jewels but whether boys today will choose education over cricket. It was 9 AM and I promised to have breakfast with them today. All but one already had breakfast, most of them slept again after having it. I had breakfast with one who was waiting for me. I sat in a corner to understand how will I begin teaching. 3 out of 9 IX standard students got up and sat down after a push and pep talk. In past one week, I have discovered that all my students are brilliant but they lack discipline and self-belief. Because of their background, they cannot be forced to do anything nor they can be motivated with stories of great legends. The only thing they need is sense of achievement in academics which will come with consistent trials of their own persistence.

One of the student attended three classes and never attended another one. Two students attended classes and everybody was amazed that they did so. I am still figuring out what turned one away and brought the unexpected ones into classroom. They love my presence is all that I have figured out till now but they have been abandoned before and they don't think I would be an exception. So they don't trust me. I prepared lunch for one of the younger ones, who is not my student, in the past week for I don't like eating my home made food alone while they all eat from mess. I loved little lunch talk I had with him. I brought one boy, desperately waiting for having his love materialized, to my classroom by hitting the bull's eye with "No girl's family will reject you if you are earning well".

This past week it was 9 AM to 10 PM and, a kind of hard work that I never have done before. I am sitting with fewer students at a time so I understand each of their learning styles and motivation levels. I dealt with an issue where a student's clothes were all torn with blade in the night time in his "locker" and he was wearing borrowed clothes. Still don't know how he developed that level of enmity with someone. I just couldn't teach kids when I figured out that they didn't have dinner and breakfast because of some issue with the food. But that was not all. I hit the bottom.

I have got one regular student in my classroom. He is always smiling and has a great sense of humor. He never says no to studies and so I have been really fond of him. During middle of the week however he started asking me quaint questions. It all began with "Didi, what do you mean by 1000 chicks?". Ignored, answered, dodged, deflected, I reached to a stage when he asked me very simply if I have seen Desi Boys. I said Yes and he said "didi why dont you teach us the way the teacher in that movie taught?" I was furious without any bounds. I confronted him by asking him if he has any idea what he is talking about. I asked him to leave the class. I was numb. I thought I have lost a student by not stopping him very strictly at first incident. The fault was mine. And he misused that liberty. After fifteen minutes, I found him lying in another room. I called him out and ask he wants to talk to me about all adult things? If he wants his teacher to give him sex education class and impart to him knowledge of an appropriate behavior towards the opposite gender. He said sorry several times. When I was about to leave that night I found him cutting away from me, not giving his usual smile and not raising his head at all.

Next morning, I went back to him. This time I said sorry for being so furious. Of all the things I know his intention wasn't bad. He just didn't know what to talk in front of a girl. I want to be a mother of these kids and I just have to accept the challenges that they are giving me. He still didn't want to talk and didn't respond well to my apology. After two hours however when I was teaching eighth graders, he asked me from behind "Didi shall I bring the book?". He was back! My joy knew no limits. He placed his trust back in me again. He studied for two hours that day with a gentleman behavior and his usual sense of humor! Joy pervade in every cell of my body. I am proud to have a student like him!

Ummeed definitely is turning out to be one of the hardest things of my life. And I think I am underestimating!

Adolescence

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 08:33:00 +0000

I have completed my first week at Ummeed. It is an interesting shift as a teacher from 8-years-old kids to 16-years old boys. I have discovered love lives of few of them. A boy very cutely wrote a beautiful calligraphy of his girl's name on his calf. Another boy told me about an entire story on how he proposed. I loved when they said that they will tell me but that they wont tell that in front of anyone. They are truly in love can be judged by the way that they always are happy and looked so effortless towards their daily struggles. May God keep their sanctity and insanity forever!

I have been demanded to teach even on Sunday, today. Apparently, today the girls will be coming for TEDEx preparations and one student wants to create an impression on her girl by demonstrating that he is a very hard-working guy. This is so cute! Makes my job easier too!

This was a real good part of my week there. The week however didn't start that way.

At 6:30 PM on Tuesday:

I saw two of my students walking out with their bags. One of them was being asked to go out of the shelter home by the staff. The second one was walking out in support of his friend. I was told by other boys that the first one threw stones on the staff last night. Before that he mistakenly broke the printer, beat a younger kid, steal a tap, brought bear on his birthday party etc. He had already been given a punishment for staying at an old age home for a week. This time staff (5 caretakers) demanded that this boy was creating nuisance since a long time and should be thrown out else they all will resign. The coordinator from the management came over to resolve the issue. It was decided that this child will be asked to stay with his mother for over two weeks. He gave a call to his mother but he said that if his mother comes here, she should not be disrespected as happened with a case earlier. Staff believed that this child should not be kept in shelter home as his mother can afford his education. They were very adamant. Since the boy committed the mistake, I really have no choice then to ask him to call his mother and promised to him the project co-ordinator and I will talk to her.

She came over. She looked tensed. We sat together and we told her about the entire situation. Meantime, staff barged in too. She broke down and said to his son that you always get me insulted in front of everyone. I was flabbergasted. The boy started crying too, pushed his head three four times on the wall. I held him and told his mother that how proud we all are of him. He is very intelligent in studies (he is brilliant!) and is giving Ted talk too where he will be talking in front of several people! There are few mistakes that he is doing and since you are his mother and he is so much attached to you, he will listen to you. Why don't you talk to him while we all wait outside?" We all left the room. I ran for water! I was so damn thirsty. All other students outside thronged around me but I had no answer to give them yet. After fifteen minutes, I walked inside the room alone and told the boy in front of his mother, "People waiting outside are really angry at you. What do you think you should be doing even if whatever you did according to you was right". He said, " I will apologize and I was wrong in doing what I did.". The staff and project coordinator came in and he said sorry to them. Staff however wasn't satisfied. They put their demand forward that he should be taken with his mother. His mother said " I can't keep him with me. You brought him from streets of Connaught Place, threw him back there." This was another shocker. The boy broke down again. I took him out of the room. He told me "I ran from my home only because my mother started crying whenever somebody complained to her" Heavens! I calmed him down and I said that I won't let anything happen to him anymore.

The project coordinator understood that Mother can't take the boy with her. He made the moments light and appreciated her for taking time out at 9:30 PM. She replied that my daughters were requesting me not to go but I still came. I was in deep agony for that child.

It was 10:30 PM when everything got settled down. All other kids rejoiced with this decision. He will still be given a punishment and it will decided soon! But he and his mother were respectfully treated overall throughout the "hearing".

I took this child on a ride on my Active to give him some fresh air. He was ok now and said with a laugh "I am having a headache now because of barging my head onto the wall". After a km ride, i dropped him. I reached home at 11 PM. Phew!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have few more eventful stories to tell but this has already turned out to be a long post. Just to add, I am struggling in classroom. Out of all my 25 students, only 4 are turning up. Rest are ignoring their education and their new teacher! Lets see till what time time they do that.

Commitment errors

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Fri, 25 May 2012 08:54:00 +0000

On a crowded street of New Delhi, you see cows eating from dumps very close to people standing in queue to buy milk from mother dairy. The animal which is a second mother to millions of people is treated with indifference and "none of my business" attitude. When I see such problems of the street, I question how through me, a permanent change in this sort of mindset can happen.

By being an educator, I solve problem of literacy to an extent. But human life needs to be trained for "How to Live" and I myself have no idea of how to do that. This has been a serious struggle for me as an educator, a daughter, a neighbor, a sister and a human being. In last two weeks, I have done some running for my parents both of whom have been ill for a long time. As much as emotionally traumatizing it has been, it has been cruelly treated by our medical world. At this stage, I have no longer satisfaction of whether they have been given right medications and I am losing hope whether I can find that in our Nation's capital. I see myself as an ignorant fool for not being able to dig through this till now.

Running for my parents meant an absolute withdrawal from work. For three days, when I visited the school, I felt how important it was for me to teach these kids. Shashank Bhaiya, who have been teaching these kids for past one year, with his extraordinary effort led these kids to mainstream schools so that they could get a life like you and me. The mainstream schools are however cruel. They beat these kids, shows frustration when they ask again and tell them from NGO students come to eNGOy. Their companions are faster, smarter, neater and more equipped. They face reality of their backgrounds much more than when they were in shelter home or even on the streets.The schools are far off from the shelter home - three hours of travel everyday. The schools that were nearer would take these kids two grades below their current levels.

Knowing these realities, when I started teaching, I knew I am doing a very important job. These boys were morally torn apart. Their attendance to school was continuously declining and they were giving up. They were so tensed about beating next day, that all I did was patch work to save them from beating. They would want to study only for tests they might have tomorrow. They belong to all grades, IV to XI and I am supposed to teach all of them subjects of their choice. It was absolutely chaotic. A day passed when I was teaching Maths of Grade IX, Biology of Grade VIII, Maths of Grade VI and Accounting for grade XI.

Not very hard to see that what a disaster I was!

Lots of my friends ask me aren't you afraid to teach these boys who might have been involved in all sorts of crimes? I would answer that here. Consider a case happened on the third day in the school - One of these boys waited for one hour without speaking a word for my attention. While another boy brought me dinner from their mess and I was in middle of having it when I noticed that this boy was still patiently waiting without food, to have most important thing that could bring him a good score in the test - a teacher's attention. Do you still think I should be afraid of their crimes, their past or their background?

Before I could settle down in the new house, in the new school and do a job which seems to me so important, I got a call from parents and I committed two weeks for their well-being instead. Everything is so important. Family of course comes first but I have been so much torn apart - for how much possibility through this human life, I want to achieve but unable to do it. How much is the work that my mind wants to do but my body cannot do it! An astrologer looking at my hand, said to me that you tend to commit more work than you can do. How true! I commit more work to myself and to people around, and bring disappointment. For all the things in the world, I really need "How to Live" wisdom because I am just not satisfied with what my human body does when my mind wants to do lot more.

A new journey of Ummeed

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Sat, 12 May 2012 17:28:00 +0000

It has been a while that I wrote a sane article on this blog. My friends tell me that they don't get what I write these days. The truth is that I have lost for a while an appetite to share my learning with others. I have additionally lost peaceful writing time as so many things have been happening concurrently.

I can tell you few things what's going on to get some sanity back on this blog:

1) Today was my last day at National Public School, Shahdara where I was teaching 3rd graders. I left this school because I figured out a very brutal truth about private schools in general. They are low-income on facade. Their lands are illegal as well as their financial documents are forged. The teachers are forced to sign on the salaries they do not receive. They sign it because they are not aptly qualified. Students' parents are paying Rs 50 for socks that costs Rs 5 when these parents are not able to afford school notebook of Rs 18. Teach for India strongly believes that this is where we are more needed as the kids coming out from these schools are deprived of basic rights to their education. Right now, I don't have any tangible evidence to this information that I am writing here. So, I cannot do a whistle-blowing at legal level.I was not able to give my 100% however to this forced poverty environment. And the only way I could impact this school at the macro level is only when I have the authority over the actions of my principal. One day probably I will. Leaving my students have been a tough decision but I am certain that it is going to take me closer to their overall merit. I accept that discontinuing in this school is an unfinished commitment but I have realized it was critical.

2) I have started teaching at Ummeed, near Qutub Minar since day before yesterday during the evenings. This school is a residential shelter home for street children. These students have not seen an alternate comfortable way of living. They have been exposed to extreme poverty symptoms from drug exposure to murder covictions to rapes. I will be concurrently teaching assorted group of boys of different age groups and grade levels. My work will not only involve imparting academic knowledge but also life skills and overall management of students' lives.

3) I am shifting to a new house tomorrow. I have been staying alone for over four years now and it has been a great journey. I was looking for an economical rented "Home" for myself and for rare visits of my parents. In South Delhi, since everything is so illegal, unplanned and exorbitantly high-valued that it took me around 1000kms on my Activa for almost daily East to South Delhi road trips to finally accomplish this feat.

4) I am having few social confrontations these days. The other day I confronted Deluxe toilet authorities at New Delhi Railway Station for allowing men in Ladies Toilet. A day before that, I confronted a Senior Bank Manager who refused to accept a Rs500 damaged note withdrawn from his Bank's ATM.He redirected me to the company which fills cash in the atm, which redirected me back to the Bank. The words "This is a great story for Aaj Tak" did the trick for me!

5) I have been out of Facebook for over five months now and I have not been missing it at all. I chose to do it because by being on it I was somewhere accepting the contradictory lifestyle it propagates - of social show-offs and fake public displays of relationships. I miss however photographic skills of few friends sometimes. Rest all important news makes it way to me!

These five points hopefully gives you a slight idea of what is going on in this blogger's life. Let me know what do you think of them!

P.S. Notice the change in my profile. I have left my blogger avatar and have come out with real me.

I have been a teacher

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Thu, 10 May 2012 09:41:00 +0000

I have been a teacher, when a boy about to lose his sight, stood up to reach the stars in Nehru Planetorium in school picnic

I have been a teacher, when I said to a student I was like you, and her smile told me that was a great compliment for her

I have been a teacher, when students broke a promise to me, understood why is it wrong, and next day a new promise was 100% fulfilled

I have been a teacher, when students asked me why I was talking in Hindi when they all can understand English

I have been a teacher, when in other classrooms I visit, I am asked why I can't give them the same thing I am giving to my class

I have been a teacher, when they want me to eat with them, play with them, talk with them and scold them

I have been a teacher, when in midst of a game of Kho Kho, they say that I work very hard for them

I have been a teacher, when they want to learn punjabi dance as much they want to learn rounding

I have been a teacher, when the team leader does not eat lunch until no team member is left behind

I have been a teacher, when they walk to me to say that they just didn't understand

I have been a teacher, when they call because they know that I can make their parents understand

I have been a teacher, when on this last day, my heart is heavy to sit with them in class

I have been a teacher, when I can hear their voices in the empty classroom

I have been a teacher, when I can hear their laughter in silence of my house

I am going to fill this silence with their laughter tomorrow for one last time.....38 students for lifetime

The Symphonies

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:16:00 +0000

Inclined towards understanding the real nature of human, I have been finding contradiction more than non-contradictions around me. The duality of human psyche and its ramifications on the world pushes me sometimes away from pursuing excellence. Occasionally, however, I have a tryst with wisdom more than ignorance, work-ethic rather than hypocrisy, excellence instead of randomness. That makes me stand up and give my cause, a fuel and my effect, some meaning.

The human brain is not gifted with perfect senses and it cannot see and comprehend completely the world around and within. That primarily is the cause of duality. Recently, I had an out-pour in front of my program manager, Emma, about my acceptance of duality of people. She answered wittingly that duality will exist. But what we can do is inspire our surroundings to minimize it and do not react differently to people who we conceive as having high proportion of it. It gave my disturbed mind some peace because I acknowledged it a part of within and of others. We also talked about that work that we do can have such a terrible impact if we do not address duality.

In past month, I read two autobographies - one of Dalai Lama and the other "The autobiography of Yogi". Both led me to read Bhagwad Gita. I remember picking up Bhagwad Gita four years ago and putting it down because of incomprehension. But today I am able to atleast read through it with an intention of picking up as soon as I find time again. To whatever extent I am able to comprehend, it gives me lot of peace. Bhagwad Gita talks about finding peace through service of others. What form of service we choose is onto us. When I tell people that I was happy with my technology job as well as happy being a teacher, they ask me what gave you more happiness? I really have no answer. At Teach for India, I definitely have more challenges and independence to deal with those but I loved what I did as an engineer and a lead. This arises a confusion in terms of choosing the appropriate service for lifetime.

In the book, "The autobiography of Yogi", The Guru of the Yogi, gives him an experience of the cosmos world, where he sees through the soil and the sky, by touching his heart. Just after experiencing something so huge, both the Guru and the disciple humbly sweep the floor. Is there a bigger definition of humility? The learning of spirituality is magnanimous through these two books and I sometimes wonder if I can just get it within me somehow. I wish to comprehend every teaching and use it in my life, find out a way life should be lived with these imperfect senses.

I heard the rising and falling symphonies of flute of Hariprasad Chaurasia, as I write, and the rise and the fall, gives notes to the duality within.

Why low-income private schools are failing?

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 15:07:00 +0000

I have announced to my students and their parents about my departure. Leaving behind kids and their hopeful parents is certainly difficult for me. But recently, this turned out into a classic ethical dilemma.

Few parents called me to ask if they can pull the child out from the school. These parents can afford a little better private school due to their good financial situations. Since I am leaving as well, they would rather take the child to a "better" school. The definition of better is - good buildings, good toilets, well-dressed teachers and may be a little better education.

Teach for India holds MoU with each school of staying with a class for at least 6 years. Now, I tried to ensure few parents about the quality of teachers a child will get because of presence of Teach for India. They reply back by saying that it is because of my teaching that their child has been able to get admission to the new school. They are glad that I came and they are happy that child is now getting into what he deserved. I put forward few arguments that a good teacher is sufficient infrastructure in herself. But I myself am leaving the school so I lose that ground.

I really could not argue their motivation to see their child in a better school. Besides, parents could see how even low-income private school is so much profit driven to never re-invest back into the school. Kids deserve better education, better facilities and better infrastructure. By my presence, only one aspect was ensured. And
since I am no authority mandating other aspects in the school, I cannot get this done. By just being a teacher, I cannot force principal to comply to maintain certain standards.

I recall in our last week end of year summit, what Shaheen Mistri, our CEO, told us. Teach for India as an organization cannot send teachers to each classroom having an educational inequity. But by giving us an experience at such a grass root level, it builds a base of strong alumni, who stand up against this at a higher level of impact and mandate schools to give each child a Right to Education the way he deserves and - NOT JUST ON PAPERS.

Thank you MBA Crystal Ball!

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 16:02:00 +0000

I had a great opportunity to share about my career choices and my transition to Teach for India in India's leading MBA blog - MBA Crystal Ball. I have been a great fan of Sameer's inputs given at BW forums and I am glad that he found my experience, useful for readers of blogs of MBA Crystal Ball.

Read on to the full article here:

http://www.mbacrystalball.com/blog/2012/03/23/teach-for-india-ngo-education-jobs-mba/

How a friend made to Kellogg!

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 11:19:00 +0000

An acquaintance of college recognized me when he bumped into this blog last year and approached me because of my experience in GMAT and applications. We chatted about my experience and his plans. He was little apprehensive because of his low GMAT score - 700 (low because of super scorers Indians!) and was clueless about essays.

Till then I had helped out few people with resumes and essays, so I asked him if I could help. He gladly agreed and we started working on his resume first. I sent him my resume; he picked the format and wrote his. Then to move ahead, I had to understand what he does because I had absolutely no knowledge about his domain of work. I would put forward questions, he would explain it to me and we would reach at a common understanding. We would talk about the impact he made and qualities he demonstrated for each bullet point in resume. This way we kept on building until we reached a point where we satisfied that each aspect that we want to highlight in his work is present in the resume. After several versions, emails and skype calls we were satisfied where his resume was.

We moved forward with essays. He was sure about Kellogg and Ross and was yet to shortlist other schools. Since Kellogg essays have higher word-limits and they are in greater number, we started with them. Essay writing got a little tricky at first. My friend has lot of International experience working in different countries and we wanted this to be the biggest highlight of his candidacy. But we were not just getting it right with the starting. We were able to write about his career progress part very well, thanks to resume, but we wanted it not to sound like a resume! So, we discussed about unique experiences he had in different parts of the world and how that helps him now to quickly adapt and work in a new country. Finally we found a perfect start and then we were able to complete one essay at a satisfactory level.

All this was before I joined Teach for India i.e. end of April. After that I had such a hectic training at TFI that I just couldn’t take forward the work we had done thus far. Also, my friend now was slowly becoming an expert on essay-writing himself. He carried forward remaining essays on his own. I couldn’t follow-up much except telling him that by end of writing it all, he must hire a professional service to get the final review and I recommended to him the only person I was sure of – Khyati Soparkar - who had helped me with essays and interview at Tuck in 2010 and one more friend to get through Wharton in 2011.

We lost touch. I would sometime wonder what he was up to but just didn’t follow up. On one fine day this month, I got a call from him telling me that he has been accepted by Kellogg.

We met up for lunch and he showed me his essays. I am so proud of what he finally got – much better than our satisfactory levels. I think because he started so ahead in time and took complete ownership that his essays came out really magnificent in the end. He kept the process simple without complications of multiple reviewers. I believe that is the key.

I am really proud of his acceptance. He got through the one he wanted! I guess he wanted it badly enough and he went all the way to get it!

One year of Teach for India fellowship!

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 06:01:00 +0000

I have made a small video on my fellowship experience...to sum up

Dil Se

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 18:18:00 +0000

I am coming to this blog after a long time for reasons that I am still comprehending. May be I had a writer's block. May be I lost that connection to express in this anonymous world.

Life of a Teacher is tough and someone who is considering this job should understand that you are entering into a system which is so screwed up and your job might be contributing in that screw up without your intention. You might be serving the wrong people indirectly. And you have to continuously remind yourself and hope that you are empowering a handful of kids that do not become wrong people of that system.

Life of a Teacher is emotionally draining. Its a giving job. And sometimes you have breakdowns because you are not a superhuman who can give continuously.

Life of a teacher is faced with impossible choices. A slow progress of an emerging kid and super-fast progress of a smart kid, a planning that takes cares of both, an execution which paces both, data which makes you jump, disinvestment which makes you shout, and then there is all of your life things pending - unpaid bills, career choices, personal life...yeah personal life is a pending item sometimes!

Life of a class teacher is coming to an end. No, I am not giving up. I am just taking on another challenge. From teaching 38 second graders, I am moving to teach several 17 years old adolescents who have been picked from streets. Boys who have suffered and seen reality of this world much more than I have. Boys who will not tolerate weaknesses of my mind and attitude. My job has been described to me as a female role model for 30 boys. The word is big! And a human life feels so small.

The impossible said I am possible

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:28:00 +0000

It has been six months when I became a teacher. I was imperfect with everything I did. My delivery never matched my planning. My planning never matched my ambition. The teacher's job was the hardest job I have ever done. I classified myself at novice in Teaching As Leadership rubric. I would be anxious in the classroom, sometimes without answers to my own questions. I would go to city conference and wonder how much more I have to do when I was still stuck with getting basics right. I fell behind from my own ambitions.

My co-fellow Nakul who teaches grade 3 and I would discuss and try to adapt ourselves to the new challenges of everyday. Sometimes our efforts were wasted because of our short-sightedness and sometimes we will just take too much pressure. But we were dreamers all the time. We had chosen as one of our qualitative goals to help our students appear in a National Level Exam. We found one exam in which both grade 2 and grade 3 students could appear. We saw a snapshot of sample paper and we enrolled around 50 students from both the classrooms in NSTSE. We believed in equal opportunity so we allowed all students to enroll despite being aware of their preparedness for the exam - few of them were not yet ready.

This was month of October during which we started reaching out to all resources for helping our students to prepare for the exam. The exam was on 4th December. When we saw the previous year paper, we were shocked. We thought we had done a mistake. I remember saying to Nakul that even brightest child in my classroom cannot score more than 3 in this paper.

The impossible was right in front of our eyes. We were expecting students to find out a three digit smallest odd number when they just recently learned about a three digit number and not even began to learn Science. We faced dilemma of improving chances of brighter students or taking along everyone and improving little by little. We were sometimes faced with impossible choices of teaching progressively or teaching with high expectations prophecy.

But we forgot that our students are dreamers too and they proved us wrong. They worked hard. Their parents worked hard. I would spend morning assemblies standing out of the school listening to parents’ stories about the disciplined schedule students have created for themselves. This was thrilling and it motivated us more. It inspired Nakul and me to collaborate better. We will sometime shuffle enrolled students in extra classes so that students who have a steeper learning curve are in one classroom - Nakul's or mine's and we provide adequate intervention to others. I will spent a working day to teach students who were not enrolled in the exam and Nakul will teach students who did. Those were hard days. We were insomniac, starved and exhausted. But occasionally the thrill of receiving awesome responses from students kept us going.

The day which surpassed every thrill was the day just before the exam. Students were giving us answers to word problems that we never thought we will even teach them. From statistics to science, students were ready for everything. This 5^th Jan, results were out. The lowest marks in our classrooms is 10 and highest 51 out of 75. Most of the students have scored around 40-60%. This has been an impossible outcome for us! :-)

Benchmark just got higher

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 13:08:00 +0000

On 4^th Dec 2011, 23 of my students appeared for NSTSE exam.

Picture this –

99% of my students in my classroom on July 15, 2011 were not able to answer the question:

Circle the sixth balloon.

And to prepare for NSTSE, on 1^st Dec, I dare to give them a worksheet that asked them to solve:

Nitin is standing 5^th from left and 6^th from right. How many people are standing in the queue altogether?

When I was preparing that worksheet a night before, two other teach for India fellows said to me that you are being two hard on the kids. But when next morning I gave students this worksheet, after explaining few concepts around it, 80% of them got it right. Teaching the concept was needed but most importantly for me as a teacher, I knew the benchmark question, and I was able to build up the thought process in them. For two months, efforts like these changed the entire equation of the classroom. Earlier when I was teaching curriculum thinking that kids need to go by a step-by-step process, I restricted myself thinking that their cognitive abilities need to be developed in a slow and sequential manner. But I was forgetting that learning curve of the kids is so high and they can start connecting the dots and picking up quickly.

Within a span of two months, few kids got to the level of answering questions like “Write the smallest three-digit odd number from numbers - 0, 2, 1, 9’ when few days earlier they were still learning what a three digit number was.

Of course, not all students could do it. But those who could, they were hungry for these kind of challenges.

The day the exam got over, I realized I have created a big problem for myself. In my classroom, the divide became greater. The kids who solved questions like the above, cannot be given simple question now. They were done with the direct syllabus. While there were still few kids who appeared for NSTSE but would love a step-by-step approach and didn’t mind teaching of objectives slowly again. And then there were kids who still cannot answer July 15^th questions

“Circle the sixth balloon’

“Circle the odd number’

“Circle the smallest number’

The way I used to teach pre-NSTSE days was of no use anymore. The level of customization that was needed now surpassed every kind of customization that I have done before. And teaching the NSTSE kids at supernova speed also led me to have lesser time for data maintenance about their mastering objectives of the prescribed syllabus. So, as a teacher I was basically screwed – I could no longer introduce a new concept in uniform way to the entire class, my data was messed up and I had no clue whatsoever how to teach different classes that I had created by MY OWN HANDS in what earlier was uniformly a 2^nd grade.

I had to go back to the drawing table. I took the first objective – Number names.

And created four different worksheets that have questions for different students:

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High performing kids ; Write the number names of all 3-digit numbers that are possible from digits 0, 4, 6,7. (Lengthy questions like these kept them busy for a long time that I needed for kids haven’t yet mastered the objective.)

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Medium performing kids : Write the number names of all 3-digit numbers that are possible from digits 3,1,2. (These kids were occupied as well!)

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Non-NSTSE kids – First Group : Write number names of following numbers:

512, 521, 215, 251, 125, 152

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Non-NSTSE kids- Second group:

Fill in the blanks:

Color the right star:

672 is Six hundred and ______

Seventy Two Eighty Three (written inside stars)

They progressed to the worksheets of non-nstse first group after this

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Of all the worksheets that I have created these worked like a magic. Now while I test all the students with same objective, different kids got challenges at their skill level and not higher. And I managed my entire class with a very micro level of customization. My data could be maintained easily as well.

I have done this for three objectives so far in Maths and now everything is back to smooth yet again. But this work requires enormous amount of time in panning, checking and analyzing data. I fear what one of my friend cautioned me – of getting burnt out. But I wish to do it exactly the way I described. Once you have seen the benchmark of level of customkization that is possible, you really cannot turn your back. It is a matter of 38 lives in one hand.

Notes End of November

noreply@blogger.com (Saloni Gupta) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 13:12:00 +0000

Something does not seem right. I have divided kids into groups and yet I am not able to keep up with the pace of each group, each child and each style. Can an individual teach like this? I wished to optimize and I still wish to. As soon as I start writing this, I want to leave this and go and draft worksheets addressing different audiences. There is so much turbulence in this job. I think it is there in every job but it depends on how many responsibilities one is ready to take.

Few kids don’t make noise. I sometimes don’t see them what they have learnt. At the end of the day, I see their faces and still don’t know whether they got what I taught. I wish to spend more time with each individual child, see her growing in her studies, in learning from one objective to combination of objectives. I want to open the brain of each child and know how they are assimilating information I post to them and where do they keep it – in their permanent or temporary memory?

I see their books and hope that all students find them as easy as I and that they are able to do it as quickly as I can do. But I am not at their level, I still don’t completely understand challenges their brain gives to them. I don’t recall much about my own second standard but I hope that these kids remember each objective I taught them, that I don’t have to revise this often. Their silly mistakes screw up my data. I know a kid knows the answer but she is not writing it down. Why not? I send this questions in empty classrooms of afternoon.

I imagine classrooms I saw during trainings and visualize how much possibilities exist of achieving in first year. And then think about my class which got painted before Diwali but still hadn’t all charts on the walls. I try to prioritize but all variables are not in my hands. I cannot control few things. Two Pillars of planning and executing are not matching. I am planning something else and reaching somewhere else. Dynamics are not dependent on me. In my previous job, I would fix the bug and see the output, try, retry but still would see the errors. But I always knew where I needed to put the band-aid. But here, water flows from all directions. It blinds me so much that I can’t figure out where is the leak. Dynamics are more intense. I don’t have all available pointers.

I wish to replan and think again about execution. I wish to make best use of my time and of the kids.