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Recently on my favorite radio show, Opie and Anthony, they were discussing this topic and it made think. So I figured I would present this to you as well!

Below you will see a picture of a man and woman. If I asked the men which one do you find attractive out of the two, they would of course pick the woman and if the same question was asked to the women, they would pick the man (unless they are really cool and pick the woman too). Now take a good look below. Am I right?

I know you would!

Is this what women want?

They may not necessarily be “your cup of tea” but you get the point. Now what if I told you that the woman isn’t a woman and the man isn’t a man? Would that change your opinion? If I presented the situation that you HAD to pick one who would it be? The man looks manly but his/her name is Buck Angel (WARNING – if you click the link you will see what makes “him” a woman) and probably the most famous transsexual porn star. The woman is Bailey J (WARNING – if you click the link you will see what makes her all man) another famous transsexual. Unfortunately she has a manly package.

If you are a guy, do you pick what outwardly appears to be a woman but is ALL man or what outwardly appears to be a man but is a woman with a large…well you saw it! It’s the same for women….a man that is really a woman or woman that is really a man?

Let’s discuss this. Leave a comment and tell me how you feel about it….

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A few nights ago I was doing as I normally do, surfing the web. I don’t remember which site I was on (no it wasn’t porn…just making that clear) but I got a pop-up asking me to take a medical survey. Now I would normally just close the pop-up and continue with my business but I was intrigued with the title which read “Are You Healthy?” Knowing that I probably have a few undiagnosed issues, I engaged the survey.

After answering approximately 50 questions, I clicked the submit button. Within a few seconds my diagnoses appeared; I am Perimenopausal! Great! Now this was interesting so I then searched for sites about menopause. What I found is that I do suffer from some of the symptoms.Here are the symptoms as indicated at menopause.org

• Hot flashes – CHECK – I always get bouts of extreme hot flashes
• Sleep disturbances – CHECK – for the last 2 weeks I have been waking up in the middle of the night which I almost never do normally
• Mood swings – CHECK – I have been all over and back and forth with my moods
• Low libido – NOPE – not here
• Vaginal dryness – NOPE – I may cause it but I don’t suffer from it
• Irregular menstrual cycles – NOPE
  

  My photo shoot is tomorrow

As you can clearly see, I suffer from half of the listed symptoms! HOLY SHIT! I am the first man diagnosed as being pre-menopausal. This was quite troubling as the first question on the survey asked me if I was male or female and I am fairly certain that I checked the correct box (don’t say I must have checked the correct box,,,,,I am way ahead of you bastards!). After laughing pretty hard at the diagnoses given to me, I thought about the hypochondriacs out there that make themselves even crazier by searching their symptoms and self-diagnosing.  Wow those poor souls!

I then thought to myself: Of course I feel the way I do, I am married with 4 kids, fat, smoke, broke, spend about 12 hours a day out of the house between work and the travel to and from. I am living the dream as most Americans!

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We all know kids have a way with speaking to each other and their parents and in my case, due to the closeness in age of my kids, it usually is not pleasant. The kids yell and scream at each other, fight over the silliest things and just get on the nerves of each other and us. I guess that is the price we all pay for the decision to have 3 kids in a little less then 3 years or 4 kids in 7 years.

Helping as usual!

Usually I am not home in time to have dinner with everyone but when I am, Jordan and I usually finish last and get a few minutes at the table alone. She seems to eat a little slow on purpose to be quite honest. Anyway, today I came home just as the kids finished eating. The boys left the table and Jordan stuck around to tell me about her day. As I sat down to eat she stops in the doorway and asks: “Daddy do you want me to sit with you so you don’t have to eat alone?” It just hit me in the right way. I told her I was fine and she asked if I was sure before leaving. You don’t get much better than that!

I make a habit of bitching about being a father and crack a lot of jokes but the truth is that I love my kids and they are all wonderful.

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Recently I went on a little stint watching videos of kids smoking Salvia. For those that do not know what Salvia is (like me before researching) it is a variety of plants in the mint family (also called sage). The particular plant smoked by kids is usually Salvia Divinorum. Within seconds of smoking Salvia, the smoker is totally whacked out of their skull. All of the videos I watched had kids mumbling, acting delirious, falling down, losing control of their limbs and having hallucinations. It was both funny and scary to be honest. After approximately 4-6 minutes the high wears off and the people have no recollection of what happened.

The part that is really scary for me is that this stuff is still legal in many states and easily purchased with varying degrees of potency. Now I happen to be one of the many that think Marijuana should be legalized but I am not so sure about keeping Salvia legal. If these

Salvia - Sold Online to Kids Everywhere

kids aren’t around trusted friends (who aren’t whacked themselves) they can seriously hurt themselves or others because they temporarily lose control.

I had my “fun” as a teenager but being a parent of 4 now, really changes one’s perspective. I just hope my kids are smart enough to add this to the list of things they will never do!

I laughed at first but then the Daddy in me came alive and I was scared.

Watch the guy then the woman….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb76bpIWQPw

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There comes a time in everybody’s life in which you hope to find a purpose. Recently a purpose arose for me….advisor! That’s right, I am giving advice at my new site “Ask Real Dad“. You might be asking yourself something of the sort: “What the hell does a poor married, out-of-shape,  father of 4 with a crazy life and shitty job have to offer me or anyone else?” The answer is simple…most likely nothing!

Do you have the guts to get comfortable?

The purpose of this site is to provide me with entertainment and you with the unique perspective of yours truly. I was recently reading some of the “Advice Columns” out there and wanted to puke on all of my children. The majority of these people just needed a smash on the head of reality. Stop your bitching, quit your whining and ask yourself why does this shit always happen to me? Don’t forget that when you think “Poor ‘ol me”, some other person with shitty luck just got hit by a drunk driver, stricken with an awful disease or worse yet has to deal with similar issues with a child or children. Sometimes people just need to be told like it is and I am just the person to do it.

So browse on over to “Ask Real Dad” and submit your issue, problem or question and give me something to do with myself when my kids are in bed and my wife is watching “Designing Women” or “Friends” on the one television in our home. If you are afraid to make a submission (all identifying information will be kept private), just sit back and read because you just may learn something.

BTW – clicking on one of the sharing buttons would also be nice. Pass it on, I would appreciate it!

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Lately I have been getting sick to my stomach, like most Americans, at what our country has become and the pending Presidential Race. I am not an Obama supporter and never was. I also am not too keen on any of the other candidates. I lean much more to the right but these guys are turds, simply stated. We need a major change in this country. We need to take everything we have been doing and change it, turn it upside and and shake it! I am certain that people should follow me because I am what this country needs. What is he all about you maybe asking yourself.

Well if you don’t have the time to go back and read some of my blog, I will give you the short answer. I am a married father of four with a wife that stays home to raise our kids. We are broke, struggle every day, don’t have the proverbial “pot to piss in”, have bill collectors calling at all hours of the day (so if you are one that happens to be calling…..we are ignoring you), we are considering the use of medication and do not know what tomorrow holds.

The value of our dollar is constantly lowering, economies around the world are in the shitter and we have a President that isn’t making things any better. I don’t blame President Obama for it all as much of what he is dealing with is the result of a few decades of ridiculous policy, meaningless programs and the bastardizing of decent programs.

Let me in!

Some key points I would address as President would be:

• Money would be backed by gold
• Stop immigration into the US for 5 years
• Stop giving monetary aide to other countries (temporarily of course but resuming only with countries that help us in some form or fashion)
• Stop trade with China and other countries that don’t have similar civil liberty practices as the US
• Encourage countries to keep their businesses in the US, employing US citizens (tax reform should help here)
• Create a flat tax rate (correct…I would not tax the “rich” at a higher percentage because 7% of $1,000,000 is more than 7% of $50,000 and the “rich” employee me and approximately 100 others that work where I do)
• Reform medical insurance practices – we cannot allow insurance companies to dictate medical care
• Re-establish State’s Rights
• Limit the involvement of the Federal Government in our daily lives

Now I know I am not a political commentator and I do not have any hard facts (I can’t state Congressional  and/or Presidential Acts) that formed my beliefs but I am like most people. I am trying to support my family and will stop at nothing to protect and provide for them. We can all agree that this country is not heading in a good direction and it needs some major change. We need a President that is like the “every day American” not someone fighting for their own grandiose ideals or to the benefit of big corporations. We cannot change a country overnight that has been creating the problems it has for several decades but we need some big change.

This country was founded on rebellion. A group of farmers, merchants and sailors rebelled against the strongest country in the world and won! They had ideals and stood their ground. How is it that the country they formed which was to be run by the people, cannot stand together to enact the change they so desperately appeal for? These rebels wrote a document that should be read from time to time by all Americans, it is called The Declaration of Independence. Disregard the part in which I wrote that I would not bore you with my political beliefs because I guess I lied.

What the hell do I know? I am just a married father of four that pays his taxes and tries to support his family. I have to go now as I think one of my kids just shit their pants.

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Again I decided to write after a long absence. I figured that if there is anybody left reading my blog following my constant long periods of nothing, that person deserves an update!

Life is as crazy as it ever was with 3 kids in school, 2 kids taking Marital Arts classes and 1 taking dance lessons. It puts a lot of strain on my wife as I am not around to help shuttle back and forth or to help with homework or dinner. The youngest, Ryan is a pisser but is my wife’s shadow. One would have thought with the other 3 kids in school all day that my wife would have some breathing room during the day but Ryan is her shadow and no longer likes to take his long afternoon naps. So needless to say, things are a little tense by the time I get home from work every day.

What does that mean for me you ask? Well when I get home I get to watch a Martial Arts display and see 2 boys beat up each other and a little girl perform a small dance routine while the baby runs around getting into everything he shouldn’t be into before having to do the last bit of homework with my oldest Nick, all while my wife is scrambling in the kitchen or in the basement doing laundry. I still can’t believe the amount of laundry 6 people generate! Also the amount of money it takes (which we don’t have) to keep of house of 6 operating is mind boggling but I digress.

More importantly I am trying to get my kids into cool music instead of the stuff my wife has them listening to! They sing Top 20 songs along with some other whacky stuff. They are also hugely into Eminem and Michael Jackson. Yup that’s right! Eminem is a favorite of the wife so she got the latest edited release of Eminem’s CD and the fascination with Michael Jackson was spawn from a family BBQ last summer in which my oldest heard “Beat It”. I don’t know what to say. I try but when they are in the car so much more with my wife then me, it is hopeless. They also have a Michael Jackson game for the Wii in which they dance along to Michael and his songs. I know, I know! I have tried but it has not been successful. Take a look at what I am up against:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOVN64EBw_o

So based on this don’t you think I am screwed?

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There comes a time in every father’s life when he must sit back and just enjoy the memories given to him by his children. I am not at that point (haha) but I have recently come to the realization that my second youngest is the type of child that annoys the shit out of you if he belongs to you and completely entertains you if he is child of anybody else.

Corey is a sweet, lovable and extremely cute kid but also unbelievably annoying! He is the kid that won’t let something go. If he asks for something and I say no, he will ask and ask and ask and ask and ask again until I raise my voice at which point he inserts his 2 fingers into his mouth and storms out of the room. He will ask me 100 times to draw him a map, picture of a dinosaur, a dragon, a Clone Soldier, a Power Ranger, an elephant, a tiger or whatever else comes to his mind. When I tell him to try drawing it himself, he cries and asks over and over and over and over and over again until I raise my voice at which point he inserts 2 fingers into his mouth and storms out of the room. Then he will come back into the room and ask me again. When I say no again, he inserts 2 fingers into his mouth and storms out of the room or he goes to the wife and asks her to draw him the picture but she usually cannot understand what he is saying as he is crying and has 2 fingers in his mouth.

So you get the point of how things go but how can I not love a kid who is a goofy as they come? He does just about anything he can to get you to laugh. Whether it is make a silly face, wear pants on his head or perform some kind of spastic dance in front of everyone in the room. He makes the funniest faces for no reason at the strangest times and loves to be without clothing, except for his preferred ensemble which is just underwear.

Now to get ready to have your Corey experience! Some memorable moments:

Hi!

NO! He isn't a Jets fan...Thanks Uncle Marc

Bath Time

Urrrrrgh

Bed time?

Not watching the soccer game

Here I am

The human head weighs 8lbs!

Is this how they go on?

Which way did he go George...which way did he go?

You got a friggin problem?

Do you love him now? Of course you do……he isn’t yours!

PS…..

My wife just reminded me that he is the spitting image of me and I am constantly reminded by my family that he is my clone as I was the same way…….

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We the People......

Yesterday provided me with a very interesting night as one of my brothers came over for a visit. This brother is 4 years older than me and extremely passionate about politics and current events. You cannot talk to him without him asking you if you heard the news about this politician saying this or that or and I quote: “Can you believe what our communist President wants to do now?”  He gets very vocal and animated when he talks and if you don’t know him you would think he is a lunatic. He would probably scare most people when he gets all revved up. Needless to say by the aforementioned quote, my brother is a “little” right-leaning with his political views. What makes this interesting you might ask? Nothing other than the fact that you may “get a kick” out of the way he talks, gets red and flails his hands. However when you add my very liberal thinking wife to the conversation, things get very interesting.

The conversation last night wasn’t the usual in which my brother yells and screams and my wife calls him a nut and neither one cannot believe the things the other is saying. Last night was a little calmer. I don’t disagree with most of my brother’s views which also makes it interesting when the wife and I discuss politics but I am not as passionate about politics as he is so I just let him and my wife duke it out because I am entertained. I understand everything my brother says but sometimes his emotions take over then my wife’s emotions react to his, causing someone to say something outlandish but not last night. Last night by brother was using our Constitution to get his point across to my wife. He was quoting texts from it and my wife didn’t believe what he was saying. So being the uber-nerd that I am, I went to the US National Archives website to read the Constitution as the last time I read it was when I was in high school.

I am not going to bore you with my political beliefs and ideology but I think everyone needs to read our Constitution the way in which it was written. I really do feel that many people think that certain things are written in the Constitution that aren’t there or have an opinion of meaning based on what they heard from other people or the media, be it a liberal or conservative media. I completely forgot that our Constitution stated that Senators were originally appointed and not elected and that the First Amendment does not guarantee a separation between church and state (which was the topic discussed by my brother and wife) but it rather stated, in short that the Federal Government will not make a law respecting the establishment of religion or prohibit the religious practices thereof. The Tenth Amendment threw me for a loop. The Tenth Amendment basically states that powers not mentioned in the Constitution for the United States or not prohibited by it for the states are left up to the states and/or the people to decide.

I am not finished reading all of the Amendments but I am enthralled, not only by the Constitution but “The Bill of Rights”. I urge everyone to read a transcript of the Constitution as it may enlighten you. After all, there is no other document in the world like it!

The Constitution of the United States. Go ahead….click the link

The Bill of Rights

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Lately I have been feeling as if I am getting old. You know the way you felt about your parents when you were younger. I think it is because of the release of the new iPad. It started to make me think back to when I was younger and not necessarily a little kid. But here are some of the things that flashed through my mind:

• Getting cable and it had a box with a lot of buttons, a switch for 3 positions and a long wire to the T.V.
• Having a rotary dial phone on the living room end-table
• Thinking Pong was the shit
• Atari just blew away Pong….whoaaaaa!
• Commodore 64 – I didn’t get one but my friend had one
• My father watching Barney Miller and All in the Family (I still catch them on late night re-runs if I am lucky)
• Cash registers that had BIG clicky buttons and made the sound of a bell
• Cars with little vent windows in the doors
• Cars with air conditioning were for fancy people
• Sony Walkman with a cassette player
• Our first cordless phone (it had a retractable metal antenna and that was top of the line stuff)
• Getting a beeper when I was a teenager (555-5555 911 911)
• Getting my first computer at 18 or so
• Motorola StarTac (the best phone ever!…Tri-Mode)

64k Memory...hahahahaha

I guess you get the point. I am sure everyone feels this way from time to time but it creeps me out! My 7 year old comes home and talks about stuff that I never heard of. I find myself playing Wii with the kids and think to myself “Holy shit!” and I know that X-Box has the new thing that reads body movements through a camera/scanner thingy. I am not ready for that!

I am fairly sure that one day I will find my kids plugging themselves into a computer just like Neo from The Matix. I just hope that I don’t end-up some old curmudgeon stuck on life in the 80′s and early 90′s but I think I already am.

Oh and by the way….Steve Jobs sucks ass for this!

Kiss my ass Steve!