tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81186565138022129992011-12-17T01:01:30.191-08:00Funniest Most Hilarious Jokes on the Web. Short Jokes. Long Jokes.andradinoreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-13781641652014311432009-12-22T22:29:00.000-08:002009-12-22T22:53:30.470-08:002009-12-22T22:53:30.470-08:00

Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?A. Tell her a joke on Wednesday.Q. How do you confuse a blonde?A. You can't, they have always been like that.Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?A: To see what was on the other side.Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.Q. What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?A. A

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-7330775651604876612009-12-22T22:21:00.001-08:002009-12-22T22:50:46.351-08:002009-12-22T22:50:46.351-08:00

Back in the woods, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon a baby boy was brought into the world."Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down..

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-61842041266022800202009-12-22T22:19:00.000-08:002009-12-22T22:47:23.278-08:002009-12-22T22:47:23.278-08:00

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woodsBAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavernBUG - The reason you give for calling in sickBYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin JethroCACHE - Needed when you run out of food stampsCHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step inTERMINAL - Time to call the undertakerCRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvitedDIGITAL

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-59508186768365694592009-12-22T22:15:00.000-08:002009-12-22T22:45:33.630-08:002009-12-22T22:45:33.630-08:00

Wrasslin's fake.Gimme some o dat mineral water.You kids move from the back of the pick-up, it ain't safe!Do you think my hair is too big?I thought Graceland was tacky.Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?The tires on that truck are too big.I've got it all on a floppy disk.Do you think this ball cap goes with this shirt?Damned if that polititian ain't honest! We're vegetarians.I'll have

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-63340031123655289772009-12-22T22:10:00.000-08:002009-12-22T22:42:31.540-08:002009-12-22T22:42:31.540-08:00

Their #1 product would be Microsoft WindersThe Recycle Bin in Winders'95 would be an outhouseWinders'95 logo would incorporate the Confederate FlagPowerPoint would be named ParPawntMicrosoft's programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Vishul C++New Shutdown wav: Y'all come back now, Yah hear?Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-7205855606705097812009-12-22T22:05:00.000-08:002009-12-22T22:38:55.029-08:002009-12-22T22:38:55.029-08:00

The National Transportation Safety Board had recently funded a project with the U.S. auto makers whereby they are to install a black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.This project was done in an effort to determine the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the a truck crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-42263860890358941182009-12-16T04:57:00.000-08:002009-12-16T05:51:21.053-08:002009-12-16T05:51:21.053-08:00

A redneck woman had just given birth to her tenth baby when her doctor says,"You've just had your tenth baby Miss. What are you going to name this one?" "Phil" "But you named the last nine Phil" "Yeah its great. I say Phil go clean the room, they all go clean their room. I say Phil come for dinner, they all come for dinner." "But what if you only want one of them?" "Oh! Then I call them by

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-37411270941654517542009-12-16T04:41:00.000-08:002009-12-16T04:49:42.296-08:002009-12-16T04:49:42.296-08:00

A man was driving to the hospital, with his wife who was pregnant with twins, when his car went out of control and crashed. Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a high school dropout which was never taken seriously, sitting at his bed side.He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, “Don’t worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.But the hospital

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-50233286025963159762009-12-16T04:29:00.000-08:002009-12-16T04:39:27.336-08:002009-12-16T04:39:27.336-08:00

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They always get into trouble and if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are always involved.The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-64072690837417570322009-12-14T13:02:00.000-08:002009-12-16T05:09:05.442-08:002009-12-16T05:09:05.442-08:00

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?A battery has a positive sideWhy couldn't Hellen Keller drive?Because she was a womanWhy haven't any women ever gone to the moon?It doesn't need cleaning yetWhy did God make woman last?He didn't want someone telling him what to doWhat do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?A widow

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-69813391577445786512009-12-14T12:48:00.000-08:002009-12-16T05:09:10.443-08:002009-12-16T05:09:10.443-08:00

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?He buys two cases of beerHow many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?Both of themWhy is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?Because those men already have boyfriendsWhy do only 10% of men make it to heaven?Because if they all went, it would be hellWhy did God

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-24888510611262739832009-12-14T12:42:00.000-08:002009-12-14T12:46:47.584-08:002009-12-14T12:46:47.584-08:00

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines.“You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company.You think "taking out the trash“ means taking your in-laws to a movie.You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.You think safe sex

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-75121495215025791202009-11-28T23:09:00.000-08:002009-11-28T23:19:23.153-08:002009-11-28T23:19:23.153-08:00

An American, a Japanese man, and a man from Africa are in a sauna.There was a ringing sound, so the American makes his hand into a phone shape, whispers, "Phone call," to the other two men, and answers it.And then there was a beeping noise, the Japanese man taps his wrist several times, and says, "I'm being IM'ed."After a while, the African goes to the bathroom, and when he comes back, there's

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-15710244286047368632009-11-27T23:26:00.000-08:002009-11-28T23:09:49.320-08:002009-11-28T23:09:49.320-08:00

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "I think there's a mistake, you have him in a blue suit and I wanted him in a black suit"The mortician says "We’ll take care of it ma’am!" and yells back, "Hey Jim! Switch the heads on three and five!"

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-64787773766940058882009-11-27T23:16:00.000-08:002009-11-28T00:07:34.675-08:002009-11-28T00:07:34.675-08:00

Two guys are walking down an alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money.They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-30443284750311429942009-11-27T23:14:00.000-08:002009-11-28T00:05:24.116-08:002009-11-28T00:05:24.116-08:00

A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?" the guy asks. "Yes it is" the lawyer replies, "Now what’s your final question?"

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-41886283638487469802009-11-27T23:11:00.000-08:002009-11-28T00:00:28.457-08:002009-11-28T00:00:28.457-08:00

Two guys went fishing in a lake. The first guy reels his fishing pole and sees that he's snagged an old bottle.As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish."Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer.He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You idiot! Now we've got to piss in the boat!"

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-25580434726399117752009-11-27T23:07:00.000-08:002009-11-28T00:00:50.252-08:002009-11-28T00:00:50.252-08:00

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I’m sixty five years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better.""My good man," says the priest, "I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-2650915063599092192009-11-27T22:41:00.000-08:002009-11-27T22:43:11.237-08:002009-11-27T22:43:11.237-08:00

A guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Help me doctor, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken."The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in then?" The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-83146178637327807312009-11-27T22:38:00.000-08:002009-11-27T22:40:08.399-08:002009-11-27T22:40:08.399-08:00

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I’m too young to die. I’m only forty eight.""Forty eight?" says St. Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you’re seventy eight.""How do you get that?" the lawyer asks. St. Peter answers: "We added up your time sheets."

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-57328569099626764572009-11-27T22:34:00.000-08:002009-11-27T22:36:07.332-08:002009-11-27T22:36:07.332-08:00

Two ministers doing missionary work in an African Jungle are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, "You have a choice – death, or booga..?"The first guy says, "Well, I don’t wanna die so I guess booga." The chief shouts "BOOGA!" and then 40 members of the tribe dance around and f*cks him in the a$$.The chief then asks the second minister, "Now you have a choice, death or

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-72084879873961079912009-11-27T22:19:00.000-08:002009-11-27T22:24:44.294-08:002009-11-27T22:24:44.294-08:00

It's Game 7 of the NBA Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at the third row in front.He sits down, but notices that the seat in front of him is empty. He leans over and asks the guy next to the seat if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the guy. "This seat is empty.""Unbelievable," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA Final and not use

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-24180359767642091932009-11-27T19:59:00.000-08:002009-11-27T23:00:27.852-08:002009-11-27T23:00:27.852-08:00

A woman goes to church with her husband every week, but she is always humiliated by her husband falling asleep. So after one service she approached the vicar and asked him what she should do to stop him.The vicar gave her a sewing needle and said, "Just stab him with this sewing needle when he falls asleep"So the next week they're at church, as the vicar gave a sermon he asked "Who is the creator

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-61823580219454690242009-11-27T19:48:00.000-08:002009-11-27T19:49:15.001-08:002009-11-27T19:49:15.001-08:00

Sherlock Holmes and his good friend Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they call it a night, and went to sleep.In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes up and nudges his good friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.""I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson."And what do you deduce from that?"Watson ponders for a

andradinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8118656513802212999.post-35946934627409966852009-11-27T19:33:00.000-08:002009-11-27T23:45:25.726-08:002009-11-27T23:45:25.726-08:00

Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls. The first guy says, "Man, I wish I could do that.The second guy says, "Pet him, maybe he'll let you."

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