Rebellious Arab Girl

Are you one of those prisoners?

2009-11-16T23:44:36Z

Dear Watchers, I know what kind of readers that I get. I know the percentage of Arabs v.s. non-Arabs, but I always wondered, are all of you non-married? Or at least 90% of you who read this blog? If you are married, how did you meet your other half? If you are Arab and married, how did you meet your other half? Traditional ways, etc?

I have always been curious to how how my generation gets married now a days. It seems harder than before, because we can’t seem to know what we want. We are utterly confused, and easily unsatisfied with everything and anyone around us.

Or maybe I am just talking about my self.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

And for those of you who never want to get married, tell me why. I am trying to convince my self that it is ok. Freedom is nice you know.

You are my paranoia

2009-11-16T22:52:47Z

One of my major weaknesses is my ultimate paranoia from things around me. However, some of my paranoia is the good type, and others, not so much. I don’t know if it is a type of fear, but if I don’t know what’s going on around me, or what people are thinking, then I will get paranoid. I have to know. I don’t like to be in an unknowing state.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to know about other people’s lives, or what’s going on with them. That is called gossiping, and it is a waste of a person’s life when they do that. They could spend their time being more productive to better humanity, and not shove it down a psychological black hole. If they don’t talk, I don’t care to ask. All I know is, no one can effect me directly other than myself.

[Photo Source]

So, why do I feel this sudden paranoia? Well, I just like to know and understand everything around me so I will not be shocked. If I have to use ruthless means of getting my answers, so I will do it. As long as I am no longer paranoid, then I am fine.

Lately, my paranoia shifted into only one direction. I feel that I am paranoid from people’s thoughts. I wish sometimes that I knew what people are thinking, and why do they do the things they do. Sometimes I wonder why they are following me. Why are they still interested in what I have to say? Are they waiting to see if I will talk about them? Or are they waiting for my downfall? Unfortunately, I cannot sink any further down, and I am borderline insane sugar coated with stubbornness which makes it even ten times worse!

However, how did I reach this level of paranoia? I just find it odd that people still care to know about what Mona is thinking. What is Mona doing? What is happening in Mona’s life that is so interesting, that it must be known. I know my blog is some type of public display where a portion of my brain keeps reassuring me that it is fine to keep this blog journey alive, but for how long?

What if I end it? What will happen then?

What if I closed down this blog? Will people still care? Will they go beyond this way of knowing, and actually talk to me as a human being?

I know people read my blog because I am honest, although I was told repeatedly that I was exaggerating and I am lying, but all I did was nod in disagreement from their ignorant thoughts. It is hard to explain to people why I think the way I think and write it online, because I cannot express my self to others face to face. I am talking about people I know in real life, the rest of you are what I will call from now on, “The Watchers.”

Moreover, I blame myself actually for reaching this point in my life where I am a person in an internet medium, and that’s it. My blog is reaching its 4 year journey, and I believe I have become an object in a cyber void.

Being a blogger is my ultimate paranoia from the future. I feel I have reached this state from monitoring what is going on around me, and I do not like it. I have to re-think many things soon, and see if I want to continue this on after December 23rd of this year. Will my life change back again to what it used to be? Or has my personality evolved too much, and it reached a state of no return and I must go on?

See, after proof reading this post, you can tell that my paranoia has reached a new level. All I can do is wait and see the affect it has on some people. Unfortunately, I feel that things will never change, and I will remain in this state until I end it with my own two hands.

I live in a small town

2009-11-15T01:41:17Z

With a population of over 350,000 people, the odds of seeing people that you knew in the past seems to be slim to none. However, with my luck, why do I have to see people I do not like, or to be more precise, people I hate to death! Why me? Why do I get to see them!

Akh, today, I went to a clothing outlet store, and at the checkout, I saw her and her kids in the line. I was ahead of her in the line. As I was waiting, I twisted my head around, and I absolutely had no intention of looking at people, or even caring whose around me. I fidget a lot, and I can never get my self to stand still and just look in front of me. No, no, no. Bad me!

So I looked back and saw her. I murmured under my breath and said, “Of all people. Of all the shitty people I knew in my life, why did I have to see her fugly face?”

She was the second reason I quit my job last year. I hated her. I could not believe that people like her exist in this world. They are manipulative people who use their power for their own personal gains. Those people I hate. I despise people like that or even think that way.

I just remembered someone else who wanted to use me for his own personal gains. I don’t know what he was thinking, but I think now he understands that people like me work for pleasure and self recognition. Regardless of the amount of money, we do not like to be used to make someone else look better than us in life.

Anyways, I wanted to spit on her when I saw her. I wanted to go up to her and tell her that she won’t have a sweet run in life for too long. Not everyone out there is stupid and accepts people like her to take charge! Being a leader is more than that.

[Photo Source]

Being a leader is all about respect and honesty. Not only towards others. Oh no! First, you have to learn to respect your self. Secondly, you to be honest with your self. I think the problem with many leaders that they don’t feel guilt or care about people around them. They are full of deception and are unethical when dealing with people. They think that everyone else is beneath them, and are just dirty heartless “prawns” or “bottom dwellers” in their playground.

When you are respectful and honest with your self, then people will inevitably recognize that trait in you and respect you for who you are. You cannot be a sneaky fake person forever. People are not blind and dumb, and will not put up with that shit.

Gosh, she really ruined my day. I hope I never see people like her that I despise ever again!

The giver and taker

2009-11-14T02:39:14Z

Every day, I wonder about the people that I have met in my life. I feel that everyone I ever met served some type of purpose to help me grow as a person. Unfortunately, no one understood me or accepted me for who I am, but I am only talking about people I generally met through life. What about people that I considered friends?

Having a steady friendship with anyone is a big time chore now a days. I don’t know why either! I feel that I have to sacrifice who I am, or change my personality to adjust to theirs. It’s like I need to do something on my part to satisfy them and keep them in touch with me on a regular basis. If I don’t do something, they won’t do anything on their end either.

[Photo Source]

The problem with me I am a giver. I like to give, but I hardly ever ask for anything in return. I don’t mean it in a material sense, but like saying hello, how you are, and that’s it. I don’t ask for anything. I just believe that all the friendships I ever had were based on using me. I am only remembered by people when they need something.

I think that is another main reason why I kept this blog alive. On a daily basis, I feel that I am alone. I am always alone, and I can’t seem to find people to accept me for who I am or even remember me. So I made this blog to see if someone out there cares. Do people out there care to read my thoughts and see what I am thinking? Do they want to talk to me and get to know me for who I am? Are my thoughts messed up and I am the one with problems, or I just can’t understand people?

I don’t need to change who I am on the internet for people to accept me. That’s why I keep this up.

However, why do I need to in real life? I think I just met all the wrong people in my life, or maybe I accept everyone for who they are, but not everyone is like me. That’s the problem, not everyone is like me, and I cannot find many people who will understand people like me.

If I had to analyze my personality in depth, I would say that I am too honest, very accepting of others, very reserved, and likes to give and not take.

Unfortunately, analyzing myself is not going to help me in life. All I can do is learn about others, grow as a person from meeting so many different people with eccentric personalities, and live my life knowing that there are people out there that maybe like me for who I am. I have not met them yet, but I am hopeful. And maybe they want to actually be friends with me, and not expect me to do everything their way, only think their way, and to have the same exact interests as them.

We are all different, but some of us are rare individuals that need a bit more understanding of why we think and do the things we do.

How to scare the human race?

2009-11-13T03:09:24Z

To scare the human race, throw a few virus names around that are attached to the most common seasonal one, the flu. Yes my friends, I think the Swine Flu, or H1N1 virus is a complete hoax. It’s not any worse than the flu virus that 9 out 10 of you people suffer in some form at least once each year.

What happened to?

When I heard about the Swine Flu, I was like oh, no more SARS? What happened to that? Also, what happened to the the bird flu? It’s more likely to kill a higher population since birds are always above us in the sky. They carry the virus, and throw their shit everywhere without saying, “Excuse me, taking an air dump!”

I got the flu last year. I was horribly sick. I was so sick, that my body ached from head to toe. I had a severe fever but felt that my body was freezing to death, and I couldn’t sleep. You know what I did? I fought it off and took over the counter cold and flu medicine. Vaccination? Doctors? What? It’s flu! Suck it up! Stay in bed, and rest!

My last wishes, and online blog Will

If I was meant to die on that day when the flu virus was taking a toll on my body, because my immune system gave up, then so be it. My online Will is the following: this blog will never have a successor. It will be frozen in time at the time of my death from a flu virus, or any other virus.

You know, if I had to chose, I rather die from a heart attack than a flu. Influenza is for wimps! We can fight it!

Conspiracy Theory

All this crap that people have been saying, “oh, the government is behind it, ooh… pharmaceutical companies are making billions, blah blah.” Well DUH! The economy sucks ass, and those companies don’t want to lose anymore, or go out of business. So, they came up with a flu virus that is more airborne and affects a mediocre immune system for days. They are racking up the cash each day they got you sick. Side effects, well, a common flu can kill people, so why wouldn’t this be any different?

Common commercial headline I have been seeing and hearing lately: If you are a senior citizen, small child, or pregnant lady, you are at a higher risk of getting the H1N1 virus. In their heads: The rest, well, who cares about them? We are targeting those other guys first and see how it goes!

When thousands of people a day are dying from dangerous diseases like Malaria, Hepatitis, STDs, AIDS, Cancer, etc… Then you wonder, why aren’t there more funding put into researching a solution, and more vaccination being put into those diseases? Why is the money going to convincing people that the Swine Flu is more dangerous, and world naive governments are rushing into buying this vaccination? It’s the biggest medical scheme in world history.

To researchers, smart people, and people with extra money: help fund the research and time in finding a solution to fatal diseases. The common flu takes different forms every year and we can fight it off with our strong will and self-protection. Think about the bigger picture people. I am so sick of how hyped up this stupid H1N1 virus has become.

If I get the flu again, I will say I got H1N1 flu, so I can write in my online diary that I was a victim of a world conspiracy.

Conclusion

How many of you predict that in 10 years time, that all those people that got vaccinated from the H1N1 virus, their immune system would have weakened, and they would be susceptible to anything in nature? Pharmaceutical companies got returning clients for the next decade! Wow…. Their business analysts are geniuses!

My work life is a hobby

2009-11-10T23:39:05Z

Guess what! Well, I never explained to my lovely readers the nature of what I do at work. Well, simple. I am the computer programmer. I make web applications. Very fancy dynamic websites that not only look good, but they function well!

I wonder how much my bosses will sell those custom modules for!

Anyways, I am working on implementing a community right now. The part I have been working on is the simplest part. Guess what I am implementing from scratch? Yep, you guessed it! I am creating a blog!

How did my hobby become my life?

I thought writing in a blog was fun, but try creating one from scratch. I should work for Wordpress.org. Seriously, also, I do all that fancy quick interface stuff like Facebook dynamic visual craziness. I am slowly becoming a Javascript and Ajax guru. Maybe Yahoo or Google can hire me later in life!

I feel like I am still behind, and I need more time to mature as a computer programmer.

On a side note, I need to seriously get the new module or feature I have been eying installed and ready to go on my site. I couldn’t the past weekend because the stupid thing I downloaded wouldn’t work with my template. Argh!! I hate hate hate editing someone else’s awful code. It’s like my worst nightmare!

This blog will enhance your art of procrastination

2009-11-10T02:25:22Z

I am guilty of many things in life. Like being outspoken, writing things on my humble blog without caring who reads it, trashing people that deserve it or not deserve it so much, and pointing out what’s wrong with Arabs and receiving a multitude of whining emails. However, what I don’t like is people telling me that they wasted their afternoon reading my blog.

Blasphemy! That’s the worst insult ever! Well, more like a praise actually!

This evening, I received an email from a new reader. He was not happy in the beginning. I read the first line that he wrote, and I was like shit, do I want to go on? Then I realized that his wit and charm was like no other person that ever emailed. I laughed. I laughed so hard! I told him that I have to POST IT NOW!

Murad wrote,

I’m very angry with your website. You’re turning me into an irresponsible medical student, with your well-versed blog entries and your creative subject matter. Have you no shame? I’m suppose to be studying for an anatomy exam, and I just spent three hours browsing through your web entries! Gaah! I’m not asking you to stop being a great writer, but you need to quit writing about things I agree with. It’s distracting and too pleasurable. I’ll check up on the website every now and then to make sure this doesn’t happen again. =D

Murad, I never apologize to anyone from blog reader world, but since you did top the ranks of funny and putting a big grin on my face, I do give you my sincerest apologizes for making you procrastinate from your studies. If you become a mediocre doctor in the future, I will give you full permission to do surgery on my head!

Gluttony is a sin!

2009-11-10T01:42:28Z

In every religion that is! My mind has drifted away into food land the past week, and I have been eating out! I need to stop. I feel like my stomach bulged so much over the weekend cause of it. Sometimes I get carried away with eating, and start purchasing or eating heavy lunches. I need to stop that, and I did today and I felt a lot better!

Sometimes when I am too happy, I start eating more. Sometimes when I am too sad, I start eating a lot more! And sometimes when I am extremely pissed off, I stop eating all together. Maybe I need to get angry more often! Anyways, I need to find a happy medium, and a way to tell my stomach to shut the fuck up and stop whining!

[Photo Source]

The problem is not that eating too much makes your stomach appear like a prego lady. On the contrary, eating too much makes me lazy and sleepy. And at my job, I have to be on top of things or I will be yawning non-stop while programming, and feel that my desk should be my new pillow. Bad idea.

So, light lunches will keep me awake and on top of things at work, and I can fit into these gorgeous pants I bought over the weekend! Hehe!!

You know, this post is making me hungry, but I will go fill that expandable barrel with water, and tell it to shut up. Also, I need to walk more, and be more active, but I am lazy. So I will stick to eating normally.

Thank God there is no crazy eating out with co-workers at work or anything. Everyone brings their own lunches, and we have a kitchen, but some do purchase their lunches. Bad idea to purchase. It is a waste of money. Argh!! I rather spend it on more important things, like electronics and clothes!

On the bright side, this job kicks ass! I get paid bi-weekly! It feels great to have money put in to your bank account every two weeks. I used to get it every month in the old job, but now every two weeks, and free coffee.

I am living the sweet life!

I am not like them

2009-11-08T23:44:46Z

I had a pretty interesting conversation with my mother. She thinks since I am stable and happy, that maybe I should get out of the house more often and find Arab friends.

They are everywhere!

It’s so easy to find Arab girls who are in my age group to hang out with. So easy in this city, this country, this life time! NOT!

[Photo Source]

Mother: “Mona, why don’t you go out to restaurants with Arab friends and stuff?”

Me: “You want me to find Arab girls in my age group who want to be friends with me?”

Mother: “Sure. Why not?”

Me: “Yah, why would they even bother with a person like me?”

Mother: “Why, what is wrong with you?”

Me: “You are kidden? Where can I find Arab girls my age who are not married? Who would want to be friends with me? You know Arabs! If they are married or even engaged, and you are not, they don’t want to talk to you or be friends with you.”

Mother: “You know, you are right. Married Arab girls only have friends who are married. They don’t like to bring friends or hang out with friends that are not.”

Me: “Now you understand.”

Mother: “What about ‘Lisa’? Why doesn’t she come anymore or you talk to her?”

Me: “I don’t think she cares either. Why would she? I am living in another city, and she has friends over there that she can see more often. Why would she care anymore about me? She barely talks to me. Plus, what does it matter anymore? I am happy to have a job. I get out of the house. I am satisfied.”

Mother: “So you are gonna stay like this?”

Me: “I never complained. I got a job. I get out of the house half the day. That’s enough for me.”

Obviously she knows I will never get married, and now I gave her a confirmation that I am too old and no one in my Arab age group would be friends with me. Everyone moved on. This is the Arab Girl’s life who is not married by the time she is 25!

The main determining factor

2009-11-07T23:55:14Z

Please accept my most sincere apology. The obvious determining factor to my lack of updates is the famous writer’s block. Although a lot of people email me and ask me questions daily, and suggest new things for me to talk about, but I just don’t have the drive that I used to. I think I am suffering from blog withdrawal syndrome. Dear me, I come up with many useless terms or excuses to justify my laziness. Typical Mona!

Now, to the good part. A lot of people suggested that I should add more polls. Sure!

[Photo Source]

Over the past few months, a lot of people have been asking me to talk about my point of view of Arab Muslims girls marrying Non-Arab Muslim guy converts, or vice versa. I thought about it, but I could not come up with a pro or con argument without starting a long never ending fight.

So, you choose to marry who you want, and if religion is your main determining factor, and it is for Muslims, then you have to honor that main aspect of the relationship. Otherwise, you will be on the road to too many hurdles in your relationship. You will be dealing with in-laws, life in general, unavoidable cultural interweaving factors that are strung along with religion, etc.

The Poll

Before you vote, keep this in mind, how long was this person a convert for? Is it enough time to understand an entire religion? Therefore, I wanted to see your opinions instead through a poll, and through the comment area.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Note: This convert is to any religion that is the same as yours. Islam was just an example.