Red Sneaker

Wii for Christmas

brian — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 12:36:00 PST

Are your kids spoiled and bratty? Do they demand the latest greatest thing and expect that they should do nothing in return? If so, you could learn a little lesson from this guy. (Check out the auction here)

He is selling the box the new Nintendo Wii came in so you can fill it with heavy items, wrap it and let them open it for Christmas. Then when they ask why the system isn�t there, you can remind them how horrible they have been this past year.

Don�t think of this as giving your kids ean empty box for Christmas. Think of it as a way to ensure they will need therapy later in life.

I must state I do not condone this sale or the disappointment of kids, but I think it�s pretty darn funny.

Dirty Jobs

brian — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 06:48:00 PST

Listening To:The Distorted View
After watching the television show, �Dirty Jobs� on the Discovery Channel. I pondered, do the manure handlers wash their hands after going to the bathroom or do they feel like it�s a waste of time?

What if?

brian — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 19:53:00 PDT

It was late at night and I was sitting at a 24 hour restaurant talking with a buddy. He asks me, �What would you do if you could hear with your hands?� I replied,�What would YOU do if you could taste with your feet?� To which he replied,�Dude, I�d stop peeing in the shower for sure!�

Navy Promo Ad

brian — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 14:31:00 PDT

Campaign Signs

brian — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 10:42:00 PDT

I saw on my way home tonight that this year�s crop of campaign signs has germinated. I would expect a fairly good-size harvest this year based on what I�ve seen. Traditionally the harvest is in November. I can�t wait! Nothing beats a fresh campaign sign stew!

I'm down with that....

brian — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 10:41:00 PDT

Column

brian — Sun, 17 Sep 2006 14:54:00 PDT

Did you like my new column in the trib? Leave me a comment.

CLICK HERE

Just to ensure they know I'm not offending everyone.

Do it now!!!!
PLEASE?!

Proof

brian — Sat, 16 Sep 2006 20:18:00 PDT

I have proof that I actually have a column!!!!

See it here

Whitney Houston divorces Bobby Brown. It's her prerogative

brian — Wed, 13 Sep 2006 13:15:00 PDT

Yes kiddies, it looks like it's over.

The good news is, we know how long it takes for stupid pills to wear off.

New Column Jitters?

brian — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 13:32:00 PDT

Listening To:OK Go

Today marks the last day I can make changes to my very first column that will run Monday Sept 11, 2006 in the Bismarck Tribune.
A readership of approximately 80,000 readers should really liquefy my innards....but it doesn't. I blame TV.
Not only am I jaded against gratuitous nudity and violence, the thought of completely embarrassing myself in front of 80,000 readers isn't phasing me. How?
I have an evil little voice in my head that keeps chiming in.
"They will have to read it first." the voice says.
True.
I have watched people read newspapers before. Read the front page, skip to the sports and then to the comics before rolling it up to thwack the dog on his nose for rubbing his butt on the floor. (Don't hurt the dog. It's not his fault his anal glands need to be expressed!)
But my little voice is right. Of the 80,000 people, at best only 40,000 will actually read it. Because of the high levels of caffeine intake and lower attention span, only 15,000 will actually finish the column. I do tend to be a little less accessible for some readers, so set�s just say 7,500 actually get what I say. Of those folks, it�s a medical fact that at least 500 of them are medically frigid when it comes to humor�..so that leaves 7000 people to be embarrassed in front of. That�s not too bad. I can deal with that.