Reflections

Xenia

2012-01-30T17:00:00.000-08:00

Xenia
by Roy dela Cruz

She is a flower
Delicate yet teeming with pulchritude
Yes she is a flower
For I see her bloom everyday

She is a star
Distant and out of my reach
But she is a star
For she shines before my eyes

She is a candle
Meek and with teardrop sometimes
But she is a candle
For she brightens a dark corner of my life

She is a song
A beautiful melody in my ears
Yes, she is a song
For her voice brings harmony to my soul

She is all these
Perhaps even more
But there is one thing she is not
It's the one that pains me so
For she… is not mine

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January 29, 2012
12:29 a.m.
Angeles City
Philippines

It Could Have Been Beautiful

2011-12-13T16:08:00.001-08:00

It Could Have Been Beautiful

It could have been beautiful
I swear
It could have been
If only I was given
Just a single chance
I could have shown
How beautiful
It could have been

“I’m not yet ready”
Is as cliché as saying
“I have a headache”
Typical
It’s not taken against you
For you just made a choice
And I understand
But believe me
It could have been beautiful

I will be moving on
But I know for sure
I’ll always look back
For one day I might find
That you are ready
I might have the chance
And prove to you
How beautiful it can be

And then…
You won’t have to cry

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Roy
December 14, 2011
12:27 a.m.
Angeles City
Philippines

Making matter of your life

2011-10-22T22:22:00.000-07:00

Making "matter" of your life

During a company meeting, there were sharing of thoughts about an article that was given for us to read. The title of the article was "Make your life matter."

The article was about, well, making your life matter. Which means making your life significant, making a difference, being a catalyst, and so on and so forth.

But the word "matter" instantly reverberates in me the definition of matter, "anything that has weight and occupies space."

Science 101, right?

Smart-alec you might say. You're right. But wait, my smart-alec inner voice didn't stop there. It elaborates further the definition of matter, in relation to the article we just read, which I was able to share to the group then.

Anything that has weight
One of the characteristics of matter is that it should have weight, which means for us to matter, we should have "weight" too, figuratively speaking of course.

By weight, I mean substance… purpose… significance. Our thoughts and actions, and existence, should be making a contribution to ourselves, to the people around us, to the community we belong to. "Weight-ful" enough to have an impact, not necessarily in a grandiose way, but at least enough to make even just a small difference.

Remember, little things matter too (oops, there's that word again).

…and occupies space
Another characteristic of matter… it should be able to occupy a space. Each of us have our "spaces" to occupy. We have our own roles to play.

Are we occupying it properly? Are we fulfilling our destined role?

For us to have "weight," we should find our "space."

We can best create an impact if we are occupying our correct space, if we are playing our exact roles. Being a "square peg in a round hole" is more than just a cliché, in fact it happens quite too often. We need to find our "correct space," our exact role… it is something where we are most happy doing.

Once we found it, we can only expect ourselves to do our best.

So, let's make our life matter… rather, let's make "matter" of our life… let's have weight and occupy our space.

Breathe In Me A Prayer Of Hope

2011-07-30T21:05:00.001-07:00

Breathe in me a prayer of hope
Arm me with the limbs of strength
For the elixir of faith that I take
Now seems to lack in sustenance

For I, who once donned the armor
Of resilience and invincibility
Now kneels down in Your majestic presence
Unclothe and in full humility

With the journey ahead yet too far
This battle-scarred soldier already feels tired
So I drag my feet just to continue
For I know the mission is still undone

So breathe in me a prayer of hope
As I humble myself and bare my soul
Hold me in Your loving arms
Help me make it through the tide

Please breathe in me a prayer of hope

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Roy
July 27, 2011
12:08 p.m.
Angeles City
Philippines

Today is 25th

2011-05-19T04:21:00.000-07:00

Today is our 25th year, our anniversary... although we have to celebrate it with a great distance between us -- she in heaven, me here still on earth.

I know, life goes on. But it doesn't mean I have to let go of memories... no matter what others say. I always remember this special day. It will always have a special meaning for me.

Like what I said last year, her decision then reluctant but I made sure I was worth the risk. I hope.

And if I could turn back the hands time, I won't change a thing.

Happy anniversary, Mama! I love you.

By The Door

2011-03-26T04:28:00.000-07:00

Standing by the door
The best place I could be
Waiting for the chance
To be invited in
And take an active part

Waiting by the door
Feeling everything… by a glance
Not knowing if there’ll ever be
A chance for me to become more
Than someone who just stands outside

Hoping still by the door
Not wanting to just barge in
Am not one to push my luck
And be loss in this game of chance
I’ll be happy with what I have

So will I continue to wait
For the door to open wide
And be invited in
To become a part
Of your life

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Roy
6:25 p.m.
March 26, 2011
Angeles City
Philippines

I will keep my silence

2011-03-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

I will keep my silence
If only to make you stay
I will not insist anything
Lest I turn you away

I will keep it all inside
This bittersweet bliss
As well as the treasured pain
That come with this feeling

I will wait for tomorrow
Or maybe even a day more
Hopefully soon it will happen
It won't be a day too late

So I will keep my silence
If only to make you stay
Until ends the spell
Of this curse that is friendship

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Roy
March 18, 2011
4:11 p.m.
Angeles City
Philippines

Because I dared to dream...

2011-03-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

Because I dared to dream I have a chance to make a dream come true.

From the single verse where everything started… from the seed that was planted… soon will be the chance to see its fruition… its realization.

True, there were times I drifted away from my calling. Somehow, it came back to haunt me… and how. And it wasn’t long before I came back to writing poems… to writing reflections in verses.

As I went to continue threading more lines, rhythmic or not, the old dream was inevitably awaken… the dream to share my poetry through my own book.

I thought it would always remain as that – a dream.

Because there wasn’t just a single instance that I was discouraged to pursue the dream due to a lot of factors, financial being the foremost.

Fortunately for me, my subconscious mind would not take it sitting down. They say the subconscious mind is very powerful, so we need to be careful what we put there… if only we know how.

And because I almost gave up, I tried to forget about the dream, and yet continued to write poems in my notebook. Unknowingly, I was able to place it in my subconscious mind, which has other plans.

While I was unconcerned whether the dream will come true or not, my subconscious mind conspired with the universal forces that make things happen. It took a while before it succeeded in doing so, but like what they always say, everything will come around.

Little by little, events unfolded, and I was led to the people who will help me make my dream true – from the supportive friends who kept on pushing, the naysayers who always challenged, the unfortunate events that only made me stronger, and finally to the publishing people who agreed to accommodate my whims.

And thus now, I am still anxious, to be honest, but excited nonetheless. The REFLECTION will come to life… a lifelong dream will finally come true….

…because I dared to dream.

Please read also:

REFLECTION... a dream come true

Why a gray REFLECTION?

nang mangarap ang makata...

A Valentine Poem for No One

2011-02-07T05:03:00.000-08:00

Heart… bruised and scarred
but never getting tired
Perhaps it does…
yet still it longs for more

Wanting not to be alone
and would always want to belong
No matter how it denies
the yearning will show

Heart beats… even as heart aches
enduring all the pains
And when the old wounds fade
heart beats… once again…

No matter how it denies
the yearning will always show
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Roy
February 7, 2011
8:41 p.m.
Angeles City
Philippines

Sooner or later

2011-02-03T16:23:00.000-08:00

Sooner or later, it will come out in the open
Sooner or later, it will be revealed
Sooner or later, a feeling that’s been hidden
Sooner or later, it will be set free

Shame, ridicule or indifference
Or acceptance and reciprocation
All these bring fears and anxieties
Of what would the reactions be

But nothing can’t be kept long a secret
Nothing can’t be forever hidden
And there will never be a perfect time
Other than sooner or later

---------------------------------
Roy
February 4, 2011
8:21 a.m.
Angeles City
Philippines

Jesus take the wheel...

2011-01-25T08:12:00.000-08:00

Because I really need you to... please

I pray...

My baby's growing up...

2011-01-08T02:57:00.000-08:00

If only I could stop time, I would. Or even just to make it slow down a bit, so my baby will not grow up so fast.

But I can't stop time. No one really can't, and no matter how I try to deny it, my baby is growing up -- RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES!

I really do not know if I just blinked or I was not really paying attention. But wasn't it just yesterday when I was holding her in my arms, singing her lullaby as I put her to sleep? Wasn't it just yesterday and she would ride on my back and play horses?... Yes, it was all just yesterday.

And now, my baby is turning 13... thirTEEN! My baby is now a teenager!

No, I'm not panicking. Nor am I making big deal out of it... BUT MY BABY IS TURNING THIRTEEN!

There's really nothing I can do. I can't stop it, can't even slow it down... I'll just have to savor moment the while she's still in my arms.

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY MY ANGEL! I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!

...you will always be my baby!

Forever a dreamer...

2010-11-05T08:47:00.000-07:00

I thought it would finally become a reality, I really thought that somehow I will be able to make my dream come true... the fulfillment of a lifelong wish... but guess again.

Maybe I am not really destined to have my dreams fulfilled. Something would always get in the way, making the obviously impossible... more impossible.

I dare to dream... and hope to achieve the dreams that I dared... because as I dream, I am working towards the fulfillment of my dreams... but being who I am, those dreams will always remain what they are... dreams... and I.. I... I will be...

I will forever be a dreamer...

Because I am still human

2010-09-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

So there was I throwing encouragements and giving my two-cents of words of wisdom left and right... talking sense to FB friends who seem to have their back against the wall.

Then, it hit me. My son was hospitalized. It didn't take much for me rant, just another son getting sick while another is still in the hospital. So I rant, because I am still human after all.

I rant not because I did not trust. I rant because I expected too much. I rant because I believed, and that was why I was disappointed when my expectations wheren't met. And I believe I have the right to ask questions, because I believed.

To make things worse, the sickness has to come when I am flat broke! Because of that, I had to beg again! Yes, you read that right. Again!

It's something that isn't new to me, and it's something that I was not really proud of. I really wish I wouldn't be in that predicament again... I really wish.

Coming Of Age

2010-09-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

When he first came, I was unsure
“Am I ready?” I asked myself
And my first taste of fatherhood
He gave to me whether I’m ready or not

As the years unfolded, I learned a lot
Like seeing the world again through his eyes
Because he taught me what a father should do
Be tough, decisive, but mischievous at times too

Eighteen years passed and he’s teaching me some more
About humility, and why I can’t always be right
Listen to the young voice because they also make sense
Especially when that thought comes out unspoken

As he enters maturity, he already achieved quite a lot
A chess championship and being a literary staff
I guess I can be forgiven for saying it loud
Because there couldn’t be any prouder Dad!

That’s my boy!

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Roy
September 10, 2010
9:28 p.m.
Angeles City
Philippines

*Reply to “Challenge me to poetry” submission by Jan Geronimo – “That’s my boy!”

It all started with a single verse...

2010-09-04T12:28:00.000-07:00

It all started with a single verse… no! Make that, a single line. When the very first entry was made back in 1986 – a union of the pen and paper with the soul.

It was not the first attempt to write poetry, but it was the first act of commitment to express in verses what I felt, and preserve them so I can always look back and recall what compelled me write those lines… I did not realize then that I was actually planting the seed within me.

Slowly, as verses grew in numbers, there was the longing to share them with others. I wanted others to read them too.

So what I did was to ALWAYS bring the notebook with me wherever I go, and show them to whoever I am with, who I thought would appreciate raw, unpolished poetry.

It wasn’t really encouraging I tell you, and I need not go about the details. But it was not very encouraging.

As time went on, I continued with what I was doing, expressing myself in verses, in the way I know how – I did not follow patterns, never considered measurement, nor would always use rhymes in my works. In fact, I was using ordinary, daily, conversational words… BUT I dared call them poems.

It was satisfying, to see them… read them from time to time.

Poems that spoke of love, hatred, angst, pains, insecurities, inspiration, joys and other imaginable and unimaginable emotions.

After almost three decades (not four as I posted in my FB profile), and four notebooks later, the seed that was planted is now yearning to grow… to go out.

Am I ready?

Yes, thanks to my friends who are all encouraging, I am having the resolve to go for it.

But, am I ready?

Outside the circle of supportive friends, there are other people, who will see, who will read, and who will speak, and who knows what they’re going to say.

Uncertainty is not an easy evil to overcome, but definitely not a reason to stop.

And while there are self-doubts and mounting hesitations within, little steps are taken… baby steps, that would make the dream, from the seed that was planted, become a reality.

From four notebooks, of almost three decades, more than 100 poems… all part of one dream… soon.

I hope.

A willing loser

2010-08-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am willing to be the loser
I knew from the start I’m not meant for you
Yet I was stubborn and still took my chance
Hoping that somehow I could reach your heart
Because no other love will do for me

And even if I knew there is no chance
For me to be able to reach your heart
Hoping that you will see how true I am
Off’ring you a love to last a lifetime
Even if I knew it’s not meant to be

Tomorrow I know t’will be just the same
Playing this game where I’ll be the loser
If it has to be, I’ll treasure the pain
I will love you just the same... forever
Even if your love will never be me

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Roy
August 17, 2010
9:56 pm
Angeles City
Philippines

*reply to the poetry challenge by Jena Isle, a Jenanian verse about “a love that cannot be”

What if the heart got tired of waiting?

2010-08-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

I said I will wait
and I will...
but, how long?
What if the heart got tired
of all this waiting?
Then, there’s but one answer
To go to a place
Where pain is no longer felt
Where time doesn’t matter
Where tomorrow could be now
And forever is real
There I will wait again

---------------------------
Roy
August 15, 2010
10:49 pm
Angeles City
Philippine

*reply to the poetry challenge by Rose Almonte – “waiting”

What should I do?

2010-08-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

I really don’t know, I am confused
Should I pursue it? Or just let it be?
If I let go, I might miss the chance
And forever lost what I thought could be mine
But if I insist, it could be worst
I could drive her away, and be forever gone
They say you have to fight if you feel it’s right
And I sure would like to take my chance
Then again I’ve also been told, patience is a virtue
Damn! I’m so confused! What am I to do?

I don’t want to miss my chance,
I don’t want to scare her away either
At this age, I thought I’ll be wiser
Is a ‘no,’ really a ‘no? ‘
Or ‘wait’ is an empty promise?
And ‘being friends’ is a kiss of death?

Should I fight or should I stop?
I weighed my options and I really don’t have a lot
If I do this, I could lose
But if I do that, it could be worse

Damn! I’m so confused!
I really don’t know what to do

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Roy
August 13, 2010
10:35 pm
Angeles City
Philippines

*reply to the poetry challenge by Yatot – “soliloquy”

Honest intentions don't count

2010-08-13T19:06:00.001-07:00

I am able to reach other people’s hearts
But why can’t I reach yours?
I can put a smile on their face
Or let a tear escape from their eyes
But I can’t even make you
Turn your eyes my way

Honest intentions don’t count?
Perhaps you just didn’t see
Just how much it means to me
And thought I am just
Not the truth I purport to be

Too much? Too soon?
But why wait when I am certain?
I cannot really fathom the problem
Was it you or was it me?
Or am I just too assuming?

And honest intentions don’t count.

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Roy
August 13, 2010
3:15 pm
Angeles City
Philippines

*reply to the poetry challenge “misunderstood” submitted by Dina Zulueta

Forever won't be too late

2010-08-12T18:17:00.000-07:00

Now may not be the time
Tomorrow could be too soon
I guess my chances remain
To wait for forever then

Be that as it may be
So be it
If that is what it would take
It won't be a day too late

For sure time will pass
And seasons will change
Yet one thing will remain
Strong... pure and true...

My love for you

-------------------------
Roy
August 12, 2010
9:08 pm
Angeles City
Philippines

*reply to the poetry challenge submitted by Vi Santos Abella - "Immortal Love"

I'll paint scenarios instead

2010-08-12T18:02:00.000-07:00

Because it couldn't be
I'll paint scenarios instead
I would just live in dream
Of what I wish it would have been

A blissful life
Tomorrow spent with you
Sitting under the moon
As I run my fingers through your hair

What a lovely picture
I've painted for you
A tomorrow offered
By a love so true

But I know it couldn't be
So I paint scenarios instead

----------------------------
Roy
August 12, 2010
10:05 pm
Angeles City
Philippines

*reply to the poetry challenge submitted by Ralph Emerson - "scenario"

Sharing is glamorous

2010-08-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

An absolute beauty, inside and out
Unselfishly sharing what she has
Teaching everyone who wants to learn
Sharing secrets that kept her upstream

You don't get just a mentor, but a real friend
When in her class you're able to attend
The business that will keep you clean
Laundering up even the tiniest thing

My friend, thank you for being you
You have taught a lot of people a thing or two
A business that is so close to you
Making laundry look glamorous too

Who says poetry and laundry wouldn't mix?
If it's for a friend, there's nothing I can't fix
And I know I couldn't thank you enough
For being there when times were rough

Thank you my friend

-----------------------------------------
Roy
August 12, 2010
Angeles City
Philippines

*reply to the poetry challenge submitted by Nette of Mr. Laundry - "I made laundry glamorous"

Gray Rainbow

2010-08-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

What I thought was colorful
Was nothing but different shades of gray
Not one ray seems too attractive
Not one intend to liven up
Perhaps I just had too much
Of childhood fantasies
Colorful rainbow and happy dreams
Fallacy painted with lies in between
So when I chased my rainbow
I was met with the truth forlorn
That the colors were nothing
But mere reflections of what could have been

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Roy
August 10, 2010
12:09 am
Angeles City
Philippines

*reply to "Challenge me to poetry" submission by Rose Almonte with her word "Rainbow"

100 things that make me happy

2010-08-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

100 things that make me happy

I was asked to write a verse about
The things I am thankful and make me happy
And I have to enumerate them all
Count them ‘til they reach a hundred
Quite a tall order, but I’m not one to retreat
So here I am writing them here, listen if you please

My 17 years of married life, filled with memories
Joys, sadness and pains are all part of this
It’s always nice to look back at those times
When I was still a complete man

And now my source of strength at this time
Are my 3 kids, my gifts from my wife
My source of pride, joy and inspiration
Without whom, I’ll be lost and in oblivion

My 17 blogs that help keep my sanity
By helping me vent out my insanity
My 4 notebooks filled with original poetry
And a book that helped me fulfilled a fantasy

My guitar which helps me sing away the blues
My camera which help capture memories
My 2 dogs that are so noisy and pesky
But you can be sure, they’re as loyal as can be

Of course you know, coffee would be in this list
And throw in dark chocolate too if you please
My simple indulgence, I know you won’t deny me
After all it’s the simplest things that make me happy

I wouldn’t leave out my mother who’s always there for me
And provides me comfort especially when I’m weary
And lastly, I’m thankful for my heart that beats
Which enables me to feel all of these

Yes, those are the things that make happy
Yet if you count them they’ll only reach 50
Weren’t I asked for 100 things?
There’s a reason for that, listen if you please

I can only give you half of what was asked
Because the other half, I still cannot speak
The part that would have made my life complete
Lie in the hands of someone, it is still a pray’r

---------------------------------------------
Roy
August 8, 2010
2:14 am
Angeles City
Philippines

*reply to the poetry challenge submission by Iva, who said "enumerate 100 things you are thankful for right now"