Assume Honorable Intent</h1> <article> <h1>Assume Honorable Intent</h1> <p>deborah@reidyassociates.org — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 16:41:18 +0000</p> <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p> </p> <p>I received an interesting request from one of my clients. She asked if I could do a session with the leaders in her organization on “assuming honorable intent.” Several years ago, I’d done a similar session with their senior leadership team designed improve the working relationships among the members. She told me it had really helped and she wanted to extend that perspective throughout the organization. She noted that there was a natural division between the senior leaders and the next level of leadership that created a lot of room for assumptions, one of which was that the senior leaders were “out to get” the junior leaders. She thought it would be a good time to have this session, as the organization is in the midst of significant and unanticipated change. </p> <p>The same day, another client shared a situation she was facing. One of her senior staff had just come to her with a serious problem that could prove disastrous for the organization, a problem that has been in the works for some time and which was squarely within his scope of responsibility. “What was he <em>thinking</em>?” she asked. After talking for a while, we came around to “What <em>was</em> he thinking?”– a shift from blaming to mild curiosity. From that conversation, some important insights emerged that may help my client address this crisis and strengthen her leadership capacity. If we’d stayed in blaming and judgment mode, those insights would not have surfaced.</p> <p>Assuming honorable intent is challenging in the best of times and even more difficult in the midst of crisis and significant change. At the same time, that’s when it is most important to apply one’s energy to creating shared vision, building strong relationships, and taking personal responsibility to deliver on one’s commitments. Assuming honorable intent reduces the likelihood of mistrust, conflict, cliquishness and “CYA” behavior that is so easy to fall into when the going gets tough.</p> <p>Although there are tools and techniques that can remind us to assume honorable intent, it really is more of an attitude and a conscious choice. When I find myself slipping into mistrust and suspiciousness I bring myself back to neutral by asking, <em>“Why would a reasonable person behave this way?”</em></p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-blog-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">Tags: </div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/assume" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">assume</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/honorable" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">honorable</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/intent" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">intent</a></div></div></div> </article> <article> <h1>Falling at the Mall</h1> <p>deborah@reidyassociates.org — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 15:28:48 +0000</p> <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p> </p> <p>Last week I went to the mall to meet a friend for lunch and do some Christmas shopping. Unfortunately, my friend had a family emergency and couldn’t make it for lunch, but I had several stores to visit so I carried on. 45 minutes later, loaded with bags and feeling gratified that I’d managed to find everything I was looking for, I exited the Target store into the center of the mall, right next to a Starbucks.</p> <p>As I walked out of the store, my mind on other things, I happened to notice a small puddle of water on the floor right in my path. Just as the puddle registered in my consciousness, I stepped in it. My leg went sliding forward and I fell down on my backside in a very undignified fashion. After a moment of surprise, I gathered myself and stood up.</p> <p>Just as I was continuing on my way, my eyes connected with those of a man sitting perhaps twenty feet away in one of the chairs at Starbucks. It was obvious that he had witnessed the fall. It was unclear whether any of the dozens of other people in my vicinity had noticed my fall. All I know is that no one asked me if I was all right or attempted to help.</p> <p>Reflecting back on this experience, it had a dreamlike quality, almost as if I was invisible to everyone around me. Luckily, I wasn’t hurt at all and the whole experience had such a strange feel to it that my pride wasn’t even wounded. Mostly, I was left with a sense of curiosity: Was I truly invisible to the other people at the mall? If so, did that have to do with my age, my gender, the way I was dressed? Or were the other people around me so distracted by their own preoccupations that they didn’t even notice? Was there something about the setting that worked against someone coming to my assistance? For example, if I’d been in an airport, would someone have been more likely to help? (I’ve actually experienced numerous acts of civility in airports, so I have some data to support that hypothesis.) And what about the man who actually did witness my fall, what kept him from coming over to me?</p> <p>What would you have done if you’d observed someone falling at the mall?</p> <p>(What) does my experience have to teach? </p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-blog-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">Tags: </div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/civility" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">civility</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/distraction" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">distraction</a></div></div></div> </article> <article> <h1>On Gratitude</h1> <p>deborah@reidyassociates.org — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 15:53:53 +0000</p> <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p></p> <p>Yesterday morning, as I was preparing for the day, something interesting happened. My thoughts had been an underground stream of worries: family challenges, the possibility that I might be getting another cold, the never ending economic woes. All of a sudden, unbidden, I experienced a deep feeling of gratitude that vanquished my worries. Not just a general sense of gratitude but something very specific:</p> <ul><li>For the generosity and caring of my friend Jane.</li> <li>For the intensity and boldness of my friend and colleague Cynthia.</li> <li>For the sunshine and warmth on this mid-November day.</li> <li>For the willingness and capability of my husband, Jim, to step up to the plate.</li> <li>For the rich and rewarding professional life I enjoy, and the opportunity to work with really amazing people.</li> </ul><p>Later, while on a call with Miriam Hawley, I shared the experience and told her I wanted to do a blog post on gratitude but wasn’t quite clear about the link between gratitude and leadership. That began a really rich conversation. Miriam suggested that “underneath leadership is gratitude.” She described gratitude as a motivator of leadership because leaders gain a larger vision by recognizing what they have to be grateful for.</p> <p>That led us to reflect on how all the people we really admire are people who can tap into gratitude…”tap into,” not necessarily “swim in” gratitude all the time. I asked, “Is gratitude a perspective?” and she responded, “When you tap into gratitude, you shift your perspective.” We then discussed the various ways we know to tap into gratitude, so as not to have to rely on gratitude showing up unbidden in the midst of worry and suffering. Here are some ideas:</p> <ul><li>Miriam Hawley: “Even if I’m fully committed to suffering, it’s hard to stay in that place when I think of what I’m grateful for.”</li> <li>Charlie Kiefer: “You’re only one thought away from a happy thought.”</li> <li>Deborah Reidy: “What if that one thought <em>is</em> the thought, is the bridge?”</li> <li>Miriam Hawley: Subscribe to the daily quotes on gratitude from <a href="http://www.gratefulness.org">www.gratefulness.org</a></li> </ul><p>How do <em>you </em>cultivate gratitude? More importantly, what are you grateful for?</p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-blog-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">Tags: </div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/gratitude" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">gratitude</a></div></div></div> </article> <article> <h1>At Last, Some Good News. Why Are We So Skeptical?</h1> <p>deborah@reidyassociates.org — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 16:24:07 +0000</p> <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>I recently read an intriguing article entitled, <em>“Bombings, beheadings? Stats show a peaceful world.”</em> The article cited numerous data demonstrating that the world is becoming a more peaceful place. Statistics show dramatic reductions in war deaths, family violence, racism, rape, murder and more.</p> <p>Some examples:</p> <ul><li>The number of people killed in battle has dropped by 1,000-fold over the centuries as civilizations evolved.</li> <li>The average annual battle death toll has dropped from nearly 10,000/conflict in the 1950s to less than 1,000 in the 21<sup>st</sup> century. The number of deadliest wars—those killing at least 1,000 people/year–has fallen by 78% since 1988.</li> <li>The rate of genocide deaths per world population was 1,400 times higher in 1942 than in 2008.</li> <li>Murder in European countries has steadily fallen from approximately 100/ 100,000 people in the 14<sup>th</sup> and 15<sup>th</sup> centuries to about 1/100,000.</li> <li>Since 1976, the U.S. rate of spousal murders has dropped appreciably.</li> <li>Rape in the US is down 80% since 1973.</li> </ul><p>These data are painstakingly compiled from peer-reviewed studies using examinations of graveyards, surveys and historical records.</p> <p>In his recently published book, <em>“The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined,”</em> Steven Pinker asserts that one of the main reasons why violence is declining is that we are becoming more intelligent and valuing human life more than we once did. He elaborates more extensively on this thesis in his book. He states, “The decline of violence may be the most significant and least appreciated development in the history of our species.”</p> <p><strong>So…if this is true, why do we feel so unsafe so much of the time?</strong></p> <p>That’s the question that has my attention. Why are there gated communities, home security systems, extensive airport security measures, elaborate passwords for every website one subscribes to? Why does every large office building have metal detectors and security guards in the lobby? Why do so many of us feel physiologically on high alert so much of the time?</p> <p>Let’s start with this simple reinforcing loop:</p> <p></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>What are some of the actions and results of the belief that “the world is a dangerous place”?</p> <p> </p> <p></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>Then if we consider the belief that is proposed by these studies cited above, “the world is becoming a more peaceful place” what actions and results might follow?</p> <p></p> <p>I’m reminded of the statement that love cannot coexist with fear. Adopting the belief that the world is becoming a more peaceful place requires a leap of faith. Am I prepared to take that leap and back it up with action? Are you?</p> <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p> <p>References:</p> <p><em>“The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined",</em> Steven Pinker</p> <p><em>“Winning the War on War”,</em> Joshua Goldstein</p> <p><em>“The Human Security Report 2009/2010”,</em> Andrew Mack</p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-blog-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">Tags: </div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/behavior" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Behavior</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/action" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Action</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/results" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Results</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/peaceful" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Peaceful</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/love" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Love</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/fear" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Fear</a></div></div></div> </article> <article> <h1>The Awareness Does the Work</h1> <p>deborah@reidyassociates.org — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 18:39:26 +0000</p> <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p> </p> <p>This week I attended an interesting course entitled Coaching from a Systems Perspective. It was developed and facilitated by a group of colleagues affiliated with the Society for Organizational Learning. (<a href="http://systemsperspectivesllc.com/" target="_blank">http://systemsperspectivesllc.com</a>) There were many valuable aspects that I’ll be incorporating into my practice over time.</p> <p>One phrase in particular really stuck in my mind. Heidi Sparkes Guber was telling us about a tool for capturing learning called an Emergent Learning Map. Developed by Marilyn Darling, an Emergent Learning Map is designed to “learn from your own work—in the course of doing your own work in a disciplined way—<em>with as little extra effort as possible</em>.” That last part really caught my attention. How often do we see learning as something that takes extra time and effort and stands apart from our real work? Imagine if you could seamlessly incorporate individual and collective learning into doing the work itself? Heidi asserted that the more you work with Emergent Learning Maps, the less you need to create an Action Plan: <strong>The awareness does the work.</strong></p> <p>Emergent Learning Maps are a great tool to structure conversation and you can learn more about them on Marilyn’s website: <a href="http://www.signetconsulting.com" target="_blank">http://www.signetconsulting.com</a>. As much as it’s a useful tool, I was more intrigued about possible implications of the notion that “the awareness does the work.” Here are some possibilities:</p> <ul><li>What if a team commits to maintaining awareness of the times when they are working at their best, what that looks like, and how they feel? Maybe they wouldn’t need more “team building” sessions!</li> <li>What if an individual maintained awareness of those times when he experienced joy, ease, fulfillment…or whatever quality he wanted to cultivate? Maybe he wouldn’t need to set an explicit goal for increasing that quality in his yearly action plan!</li> <li>What if the people in an organization set their intentions and then maintained awareness of those opportunities that already existed to fulfill their intentions, rather than adding more meetings and to dos?</li> </ul><p>I’m not yet ready to abandon my to do lists and action plans but I’m very interested in the possibility that the awareness does the work. It seems like a pretty freeing way to live. Any comments?</p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-blog-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">Tags: </div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/awareness" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Awareness</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/emergent-learning-map" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Emergent Learning Map</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/learning" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">learning</a></div></div></div> </article> <article> <h1>Welcome!</h1> <p>deborah@reidyassociates.org — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 17:37:14 +0000</p> <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p></p> <p>I’ve been working hard this summer to redesign my website so that it’s more dynamic, including adding a blog. The purpose of this blog is:<br /><strong><em>To provide a forum for sharing reflections on leading and living in a complex world</em><br /><em>In a way that is personal, interactive and concise</em><br /><em>So that our wisdom and experience benefits others.</em></strong></p> <p>Please share your experiences, ideas, and questions with me and with one another.</p> <p>I'll continue publishing <em>“Navigating the Territory,”</em> Reidy Associates newsletter, on a regular basis. It features longer articles that typically go into more depth than blog posts. If you’re not already a subscriber, just click on the link to your left. Occasionally I may post something here that was previously published in the newsletter.</p> <p>As I become more engaged with Linkedin and Facebook, I’m increasingly aware of how many opportunities there are out there to connect, and how strapped for time and attention we all are. Why would you want to connect here? Please consider the questions below and share your ideas:</p> <ul><li>What would make it worth your while to subscribe to this blog? </li> <li>What questions do you have that I might be able to answer or pose to other readers?</li> <li>What insights do you want to share?</li> </ul><p>Just click on the title of this post under "Top Posts" to the left and a comment box will appear.</p> <p>Looking forward to hearing from you.</p> <p><em><strong>Deborah</strong></em></p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-blog-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">Tags: </div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/welcome" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Welcome</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/purpose" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Purpose</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/questions" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Questions</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/insights" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Insights</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/share" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Share</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/reflections" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel">Reflections</a></div></div></div> </article> </main></body></html>