Relationship Improvement

Valentine’s Day Flowers Bring Year-round Romance

2011-02-09T08:24:00.000-08:00

Valentine’s Day is nearly here and is an excellent time for us to slow down a bit from our busy, hectic schedules and express affection for family and friends. Whether it’s a husband, wife, significant other, close friend, relative, grandchild or just a nice neighbor, there are so many ways that express, “I care for you.” Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to show you care.

Of course, there are the usual box of chocolates, greeting cards, dinner on the town or even diamonds!

According to national surveys, Valentine flowers and plants are popular in expressing your feelings, too. Most even have a Victorian meaning attached. If you select flowers or plants as your Valentine gift, you will have the fun of presenting one that often conveys a very sentimental meaning.

Valentine’s Day has been a part of history from early pagan times. It actually started with the festival of Lupercalia to honor Juno Februata – goddess of feverish love.

With the spread of early Christianity, Lupercalia was frowned upon.

Pope Gelasius did away with the festival of Lupercalia, citing that it was pagan and immoral. He chose St. Valentine as the patron saint of lovers, who would be honored at the new festival on the 14th of every February, the day he had been martyred. It was soon replaced with a ritual for romance and is celebrated mostly in England, France, Austria, Germany and the United States.

As sentimental gifts go, greeting cards didn’t appear for Valentine’s Day until the beginning of the 19th century. Actually, there had been earlier valentine greeting cards in the late 1700s, but they were so racy that many prudish Victorians were shocked by them. Even in the late 19th century, the post office in Chicago rejected some 25,000 cards on the grounds that they were not fit to be carried through the U.S. mail. Tasteful, lacey valentine cards appeared in the 1870s when the card-giving practice was widely accepted. Today, Valentine cards are the second most popular, ranked right after Christmas cards.

Cadbury Brothers discovered how to make chocolate even smoother and sweeter than ever before and, by 1868, they were turning out the first boxed chocolates. Boxes were elaborately made of velvet and mirrors and retained their value as trinket boxes after the chocolate was gone. Richard Cadbury created the first heart-shaped Valentine’s Day box of candy some time around 1870; the idea was popular and continues today.

Giving of flowers and plants to your favorite Valentine is not, regrettably, based on any ancient or colonial America practices, but rather a brainstorm by the floral industry. The idea evidently worked, as Valentine’s Day ranks as the No.1 holiday for sales of fresh flower purchases with 36 percent of all holiday sales and 40 percent of the holiday dollar volume. Today, Valentine’s Day ranks near the top in the sales and giving of plants and flowers.

Of those purchasing valentine flowers or plants, 60 percent were men and 40 percent were women. Men reported their purchase for romantic reasons, while women used the plant/floral purchase to show they cared for their mothers, daughters and friends as well as their sweethearts. For all valentine plant purchases, nearly 50 percent were a gift for spouses, 26 percent went to mothers, 20 percent to significant others and 11 percent to a friend or acquaintance. Self, other relatives, child, grandparent, sister and father all ranked in the single digits.

Traditionally, long-stemmed, red roses are associated with Valentine’s Day. In recent years, however, carnations, tulips, azaleas and other flowers are catching up in popularity. Sweetheart or miniature roses are not as expensive as the long-stemmed rose varieties and come in the same range of colors such as red, pale pink, white, cream, lavender, peach and yellow.

If you are looking for a plant that will extend beyond Valentine’s Day to brighten the gloomy, winter days for the next couple of months, look for potted tulips, azaleas, cyclamens, chrysanthemums or perhaps kalanchoe. There should be a good selection at your garden center, nursery, greenhouse or even the supermarket. When making your selection, select a plant with many buds about to open rather than one in full bloom. Be sure to check buds, blossoms and undersides of the leaves for any sign of disease or insect pests.

Wrap the flowers and plants well to protect against the cold as you transport then from the store to home. Double-bagging over the plant should work well; then transport directly home.

As you prepare to give the plant, include a note with care instructions: a reminder that mentions the need to keep the plant well watered, but not over-watered, and out of drafty areas. Generally, the best temperatures should be 45 to 55 degrees at night and 65 to 70 degrees during the day, if possible. If there is foil or cellophane on the container, it should either be removed, or have holes punched in the bottom for good drainage.

For those romantics who want to go beyond selecting a specific type of flower and color, there are Victorian meanings that are commonly associated with them. Red roses show love, red carnations carry the meaning, “My heart aches for you,” red tulips are a declaration of love and red chrysanthemums signify, “You’re a wonderful friend.” Daisies simply reflect innocence.

Remember those you’re close to and consider the message that plants and flowers have to offer. Enjoy Valentine’s Day.

Feel free to direct your gardening questions to me via the Springville Journal.

Leo Lubke is a Master Gardener and a member of the Garden Writers Association.
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Seasonal gardening tip: If you can’t make up your mind which flower or plant is best to give, consider a gift certificate for a rose bush from a favorite nursery or mail order supplier. When the proper planting time arrives, the plant can be picked up or will be mailed for outdoor planting.

Signs That Someone Is Thinking About You - And They Are Interested

2011-01-29T12:00:00.000-08:00

You may not be in a relationship with a certain someone yet, but that doesn't matter.

There are definite signs that you are on their mind and they are thinking about you more than just when they see you. The most important thing to remember is that someone has to be thinking about you before they take action towards you. This means that in order for them to talk to you or approach you out of nowhere, they have had to been thinking about your for a while. You haven't just popped up in their head.

Here are a few definite signs that someone is thinking about you.

They phone you unexpectedly - If he or she calls you out of the blue, for no reason, then that means you were on their mind; especially if you don't talk that way very often to them. They were thinking about you, and they probably took a long time to pick up the phone to call you. This of course includes random texts, pokes, tweets, or any other form of communication.

They approach you about things you are interested in - If they come up to you and start talking about your favorite band, even though you have never told them who your favorite band is, then chances are they found out from someone else and they have been thinking about using it for conversation, or to get your interest. If this happens more than once, then it's a guarantee they are putting a lot of thought into you and your interests.

They ask about you or mention you to others - If your friend is telling you that someone is starting to ask about you, or is starting to talk about you, then that someone is also thinking about you. This is obvious right? They are trying to figure you out and they need some questions answered. Who better to do it with than people who know you?
On the other hand, if they can't seem to stop talking about you and your ways then they are putting a lot of thought into you and your ways.

They are always around you - Whether you work with them, go to school with them, or are in the same circle of friends with them, they are constantly close to you. If you are in someone's line of thought then they will also have you in their line of sight quite often. It's much easier to think about someone while you are looking at them. And if you have been putting a lot of thought into someone, then you want to be around them.

Think about the people who you don't think about often. Are they around you often? Or are you not really sure where they are? Chances are you don't know where they are. But you will know where the people you think about are, and you will gravitate towards them.

Want to learn some signs of attraction? Then visit Bellaisa's website, the Relationship Circle and find out if they are attracted to you or if it's all in your mind!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Bellaisa_Filippis

What Does It Mean If a Man Gets Jealous When I Talk to Other Guys? Learn If He Likes You or Not

2011-01-29T11:56:00.000-08:00

The negative impact of jealousy could mean that that your man is very controlling by nature. Since he wants to control each and every action of yours he begins to feel insecure when he sees you acting out of your own free will and talking to other men.

He is in need of reassurance
Some men act jealous when they see their woman talking to some other man only because he is in need of reassurance. It is because he doesn't know what you really think and feel for him that he acts jealous when you talk to other guys.

He is just trying to teach you a lesson
If you see that your man has started to act jealous all of a sudden then look hard to see if you have been acting jealous in the past or not. If you have then your man could be just trying to teach you a lesson by making you see what it is like when you are constantly kept under observation and not believed in.

He is too immature
Finally, if you are with a man who is jealous when you talk to any other guy then it is a reflection of his immaturity. It is only because he is immature that he feels that he will lose you to another man just because you are talking to him.

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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Krista_Hiles

The Key To Building Good Relationships

2011-01-29T11:49:00.000-08:00

Good and healthy relationships are an important part of human life. Relationships usually develop when individuals realize that differences make life exciting. Different types of relationships are friendships, romances, work and school related connections and familial ties. Good relationships grow when people consider each other as partners in life and not see them in terms of money, property or anything else that they are obsessed with.

Healthy relationships prosper only in a gradual manner. It takes time and energy for partners to realize each other. Relationships grow and change over time. Therefore it is important that people acquire the skills that keep their relationships happy and healthy. Relationships flourish into true and loving bonds when people choose to share rather than change each other.

There are no formal programs that teach us about building good relationships. It is something that one picks up by watching others, normally parents or anyone in the immediate family. But, today many youngsters do not want to follow in their parents-footsteps.

Quite a few factors are involved in building good relationships. An important thing in a relationship is good friendship. Good relationships are truly friendships. Willingness to talk through things and to share positive and negative feelings with each other, all contribute to healthy relationships. It is important to avoid jealousy, possessiveness and competition, since they reflect individual fears and insecurities.

To build a healthy marital relationship, it is good to show interest in your partner's feelings and dreams. A person must take responsibility for his actions and feelings, and encourage his partner to do the same. The next important thing is "establishing trust". All relationships survive on trust. It is essential to express trust in your partner constantly.

To keep a good relationship with someone at work, you should understand that he is a person who deserves to be treated with admiration and courtesy. It is wiser to avoid making comments about him. One has to consider a colleague as an equal. This is a primary building block for healthy relationships.

A good and healthy relationship is worth any price. Yet it cannot be purchased with currency. Sensible people spend time to develop good friendships steadily, and maintain a vigilant watch so that they do not weaken in course of time.

Relationships provides detailed information on Relationships, Online Relationships, Relationship Advice, Relationship Quiz and more. Relationships is affiliated with Interracial Couples.

Is Kissing A Sin

2011-01-24T12:51:00.000-08:00

Most Christians know that the Bible discourages sex before marriage, but questions arise when we ask if kissing is a sin. Like many issues we face today there is no black and white answer to whether or not kissing is a sin, but instead we have to ask God to guide us in the direction He wants us to follow.

Answer:

Kissing is Not Always a Sin

First off, there are different degrees of kissing. Jesus kissed his disciples. We kiss our family members. Even in Europe kissing is a common form of greeting among friends. So kissing is not always a sin. However, it's not likely someone is going to ask if kissing as a greeting is a sin. The real question, then, is whether or not romantic kissing is a sin.

When Kissing Can Become Sinful

So, now we are down to the real question of if kissing is a sin, and the answer really comes down to what is in your heart at the time. The Bible clearly tells us that lust is a sin. So, is lust in your heart when you're kissing? Is the kiss making you want to do more with that person and leading you to temptation? If the answer to these questions is, "yes," then kissing can become sinful. It doesn't mean all kisses with someone you love or are dating are sinful. It just means to be careful about what is on your heart and to make sure you have enough self-control if you allow yourself to be in a kissing situation.

So, Should I Kiss or Not?

The answer to this question is up to you. Some people choose not to kiss until marriage, because they see kissing as leading to sin or they believe romantic kissing is a sin. Others feel that, as long as they can overcome the temptations and control their thoughts that kissing is okay. The key is to do what is right for you. This means spending time praying about it and thinking it through. Sure, "everyone may be doing it," but that doesn't mean it's right for you. Do what God lays on your heart.

Source: Christian Teens

Decision Making

2011-01-05T10:36:00.000-08:00

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Everywhere you turn, there is another decision to be made. In fact decision or choice making is part of everyday life. If you are alive and conscious, then every day, day in and day out, week after week, month after month, year after year there are choices/decisions to be made.

Think about it: the minute you wake up, you have to make a decision: "Am I going to get up now or later?" Okay so you decide to get up...what now? " Am I going to take a shower right away or should I go and let the dog out first?" So you decide to let the dog out. Now what? "Let's see what there's in the fridge". Depending on what you see in the fridge and how hungry you are, you may or may not decide to have a bite to eat. Your stomach growls and tells you that it wants some FOOD. All right so you eat. Now another decision.

"Am I going to sit down somewhere by myself or maybe wait for someone else to join me?" Once again depending how sociable you feel or how much you like the other members of your family at that moment, you may decide to eat in the kitchen or somewhere else. So you see, there are constantly choices/decisions to be made; every day starting from the moment you wake up until when you finally fall asleep.

How are decisions and/or choices made?

You make certain decisions or choices because you have a certain need whether you're conscious of it or not. Needs can, for example be physical (you're hungry, thirsty, tired,), emotional (you're feeling afraid, unloved, angry, stressed, unsure ), social (you're feeling lonely, you're missing your friends or you want to have fun), economic (to get spending money you decide to get a part time job), cultural (you're feeling isolated from others who share your background),etc.

The decisions that YOU make are directly related to the need YOU have, how important it is for YOU to satisfy this need and, of course, what YOU want to get out of it. How you go about making the decision and what decision you end up making depends on:

A	The type of person you are. Do you think about your decision or do you do things impulsively or, then again, do you just simply follow the crowd?
B	Your likes and dislikes
C	Your values - what's worthwhile and desirable to you
D	Your beliefs
E	Your knowledge - the facts and the information the way you know them

Do you sometimes wish you had made a different choice?

Depending on the outcome of the decision or choice that you made, it's normal to feel that you should/could have made a better choice. Try to make the best of the situation even if it's somewhat painful but YOU can resolve to improve the way YOU make decisions.

Here are some steps to successful decision making:

Define and clarify the problem. What decision needs to be made? Try writing a short description of the decision you need to make.
Identify what you want to come out of the decision
Identify the hurdles that you have to overcome in order to make the decision.
Come up with options. What are your choices? List them.
Brainstorm to help you find different ways of dealing with the problem.
Analyze the options. What are the consequences of each option? How will each choice affect you?
Choose an option. Which option feels best? Which does your gut instinct say to choose?
Justify the option. Why does that choice feel best? What is it about that decision that feels so good? If you can see clear-cut reasons why, list them.
Contingency Planning. If you put your decision into action and it doesn't work out, then what? Just because you've made a decision, it doesn't mean you have to live with the results for the rest of your life. Decisions are stepping stones toward more decisions.

Think of your decisions as temporary bridges to the next step in your life. If things don't work out as a result of your decision, think of what you will have learned. Think of how this will help you make better decisions in the future. Think beyond the present. What is the worst that could go wrong and would you be able to live with that scenario? If that did happen, then what would you do next? If you can't live with a potential outcome, then don't choose that option.

Some Quotes:

"Indecision is one of the biggest thieves of time" "Get on with it, decide what you are waiting for, no one gets out of this life alive."
-- Leo Buscaglia

Sources

National PTA: Helping Children Make Good Decisions
Teaching Your Teen to Be a Proactive Decision-maker
Decision Making/Problem Solving With Teens
Personality Types

Christian Denominations: Views on Homosexuality

2011-01-03T04:46:00.000-08:00

Homosexuality is, and continues to be, one of the most hotly debated issues among Christians today, and even Christian teens have gotten in on the debate. Some denominations view homosexuality as a sin and others have a number of congregations or movements that accept homosexuality as a non-sin. However, most denominations, it seems, tend to fall into the category of "hate the sin, love the sinner," where they condemn homosexual behavior but welcome homosexuals into the congregation. Here is a breakdown of how the largest denominations view homosexuality:

Denominations that View Homosexuality as Sin

Many of these denominations have pronounced that homosexuality is a sin and do not condone gay marriage. However, many of these churches encourage members to witness to homosexuals and allow homosexuals to participate as members of the congregations. Some even acknowledge that homosexuals can be Christians, but others, like Pentacostal Churches believe that gay people must repent in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Still, all of these churches believe that homosexuality is a forgivable sin with forgiveness being provided by God.

Read more about these denominations' beliefs about homosexuality:

Denominations that Have Mixed Views on Homosexuality

Many of these denominations take a more inclusive view of homosexuals. They encourage homosexuals to become Christians, and encourage their participation in congregational activities. Some of these denominations, like the United Church of Christ, allow homosexual members to be ordained as ministers. Other denominations, like the Baptist Church, are divided among groups that consider homosexuality as a sin and others that do not believe homosexuality is a sin.

11 Ways a Christian Teen Can Be a Good Friend

2011-01-03T04:44:00.000-08:00

Are you a good friend? Many Christian teens wonder what it takes to be a good friend or how to cultivate lifelong friendships. As a Christian you are often taught the importance of working on your relationship with God, but God also asks us to develop our relationships with one another. Here are some ways that you can be a better friend:

Lose the Judgement

Friends see each other with no judgement. This does not mean that you are going to like all of your friend's choices. However, there is a way to share your opinion without being judgmental. Also, try to find out more information about why your friend is making some of those choices. It may offer you greater understanding.

Be Honest

Are you an honest person? Honesty is a very important trait of a good friend. Friends trust each other to help them in difficult situations. Proverbs states that "Honesty guides good people, dishonesty destroys treacherous people," (NLT). If being dishonest destroys people, it also destroys friendships.

Listen

Listening to your friend can help you grow closer. Listening is very different from hearing. You need to not only hear what the other person is saying, but you will need to offer feedback and assurance that you actually understand what your friend is saying. Nodding your head and repeating back what he or she is telling you will enhance your communication and make your friend feel better about your relationship.

Give Rather Than Take

Giving is often better than receiving. Find ways to give to your friend and expect nothing in return. Giving is more than just buying presents. You can give your time and your help. You can intercede in prayer for your friend. Offer to help with homework or cover a shift at work.

Have Fun

Friends need to have fun with one another. Make sure you are doing things you both like and laughing together. While it is nice to have a friend that supports you in times of trouble, if all your times are filled with strife then that is what will define your friendship. Make sure you have fun together, too.

Learn to Compromise

Everyone has different interests, likes, and dislikes, and friends do not always agree with one another. Therefore friends need to learn to compromise with one another. For instance, this week you may end up seeing that action film your friend has been dying to see (and you could care less about), and then next week he or she will compromise by seeing that popular chick flick.

Trust Your Friend

While it is important to be honest and compromise with your friend, it is also important to have trust in your friend. If you always question your friend's motives, you will never open yourself up to developing a close relationship. While trust takes time to develop, let go of your own insecurity once in a while to give your friend the benefit of the doubt.

Be Supportive

Sometimes a friend just needs a shoulder to cry on or a cheer from the audience. Be supportive of your friends. When your friend says he or she is running for class office, be the first to volunteer your campaign services. When your friend is crying after her boyfriend broke up with her, be the shoulder for her to cry on.

Empathize

Many Christian teens confuse being sympathetic with being empathetic. Being empathetic means that you are able to put yourself in the other person's shoes. When your friend needs your support, you need to try to see the situation from his or her eyes. While you may not agree or you may not have knowledge of their situation first hand, putting yourself in their shoes will help you be more supportive to your friend.

Touch

Touch is a valuable tool in growing a friendship, yet it is often overlooked. Touch is important in that it creates a bond between you and your friend. A good way to use touch is to put your hand on a friend's shoulder in support or giving your friend a hug in greeting. However, be sure you are appropriate in your touching and that you don't make a person feel uncomfortable by entering their personal space too soon in your friendship.

Share Your Feelings

Opening yourself up to another person is a part of growing your friendship. Learn to share how you feel, even if you think it will cause some confrontation. Friends need to be able to share their feelings without judgement. If you are not able to share your feelings with your friend, then you will keep the friendship from growing into a great relationship.

Ways Youth Groups Can Reach Out to Christian Teens

2011-01-03T04:41:00.000-08:00

Ways Youth Groups Can Reach Out to Christian Teens

Ideas and Activities for Creating an "On Fire" Youth Group

What activities does your youth group like to do? Are you looking for new and refreshing ideas for the Christian teens in your group? From games to Bible studies, check out all the ways a youth group can reach out to students to help them grow in their faith.

Games

Games are a great way to get things going during a service or get-together. There are plenty of outrageous games that make Christian teens laugh and icebreakers that allow students to get to know one another. A fun game at the start of service can make even skeptical student come back to find out more.
Resources:

Outreach

While mission trips may not be available or appealing to all students, outreach events are. Outreach is a chance for Christian teens to reach out to their own communities to be an example of Christ. Some outreach events involve witnessing to people, while others are forms of service that have very little preaching involved. Every youth group should have some sort of regular outreach to teach teens how to give back to the world around them.
Resources:

Missions Trips

Some Christians may feel a call to missions, and it is a call that leaders should want to encourage. If you do not know how to plan a mission trip, then you can go through an organization that can help you organize a trip for your students. There are plenty of trips available during Spring, Summer, and Winter breaks. The trips go all over the world and help to spread the gospel, build communities, provide food, and more to people who are in need.
Isaiah 49:6 -"I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth." (NIV)
Resources:

Outings/Activities

Name one Christian teen that doesn't like to blow off a little steam by doing something fun. There aren't any. Everyone likes to get out and do something entertaining. Whether it's going to an amusement park or sitting back watching a movie, there are some fun outings and activities that you can do as a group.
Resources

Bible Studies

While regular services help to feed Christians, a Bible study is a great way to help Christian teens to grow in their faith and become more knowledgeable about the things they believe. However, there is a lot of planning required to run a long lasting Bible study. It starts with effective planning and involves choosing topics, activities, and even the right Bible for your group.
Resources:

Leadership

No youth group is complete without good leadership. While many leaders feel called to youth leadership, it takes work to be an effective youth leader. Youth workers make an investment in discipling students and taking time to support Christian teens in their development and growth.
Resources:

Relationships and Christian Teens: What You Need to Know

2010-12-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

Christian teens form all kinds of relationships. From friendships to dating, these are the years that Christian teens start building ties outside of the family. While these relationships are an exciting time for Christian teens, they also come with their own issues and hazards. Suddenly the issues of sex and boundaries starts to arise, and teens find themselves having to choose sides on "hot button" topics like homosexuality and abortion. There is a lot of growing to do in all aspects of relationships, and having Biblical and Christian guidance is essential.

Friendship is the foundation of any good relationship. Whether you are looking to make friends or keep the ones you have, friendship is important in any Christian teen's life. This is also why Christian teens need to work at keeping their friendships strong. Think of the traits that are important in any relationship like honesty and trust, and they apply to your friends. Avoiding pitfalls like gossip and lying go a long way in building friendships that last a lifetime.

Dating

Dating is the part of many Christian teens' lives. Whether you are choosing not to date or looking to set boundaries in your dating relationships, there is a lot to consider when you take a relationship to the next step beyond friendship. Knowing what you want from a dating relationship and finding ways to resist temptation will allow you to build a productive and Christian dating relationship.

Sex

The Bible covers sex quite a bit, and for good reason. Sex is a beautiful thing meant to be experienced by a married couple. Yet a lot of teens are already having sex, not realizing the emotional and physical consequences. Other Christian teens are not having sexual intercourse, but doing everything but "going all the way." This brings up the question, "How far is too far?" Knowing what the Bible says about sex and understanding the lies teens tell themselves about sex can help you remain abstinent and focus on purity.

"Hot Button" Items

There is a lot of controversy when it comes to Christian teens and relationships. For some Christian teens hot button items like homosexuality, masturbation, and abortion are clear cut sins. Other Christian teens see "shades of gray" in the Bible scriptures. However, understanding the arguments on both sides will help you remain strong in your own faith.

10 Lies Christian Teens Tell Themselves About Sex, Dating,and How Far Is Too Far

2010-12-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

So, how far is too far? Is that a valid question to ask? In a world where sex is seen in every medium and condoms are being handed out in schools, what is a Christian teen to do when confronted with conflicting advice about what constitutes a sexual activity or abstinence? Here are the top 10 lies Christian teens tell themselves when it comes to answering the question, "How far is too far?"

1. Everybody Does It

Everybody? No. Not everybody is having sex. While the media and people in school may make it seem like everyone is having sex, there are just as many Christian teens (and non-Christians, too) waiting until marriage. Doing something just because everyone else is doing it is just giving into peer pressure. It takes a stronger person, or a person backed up by the strength of God, to resist temptation. When you stand up to peer pressure you are actually saving yourself from committing sin while being a good Christian witness to other teens around you.

2. It's No Big Deal

Sex is a big deal. Ask any Christian teen who struggles with having had sex before. There are a lot of emotions and spiritual struggles that come from having had sex outside of marriage. It is one of the reasons God placed such an emphasis on sex and relationships in the Bible. Sex is a beautiful act that comes out of the marriage covenant, and it means more than just an action.

3. Virginity is a State of Mind

Some people use the term "technical virgin" when describing their sexual status. Usually this means that the person has not had a sexual act that involved penetration. Virginity is more than that. Virginity is not a state of mind, but it is the conscious choice to not involve oneself in sexual acts until after marriage. Usually this excuse is used if someone wants to justify participating in sexual activity.

4. Sex and Love are the Same Thing

Sex and love are very different, but they are meant to complement one another. If you are in love it does not mean you should have sex. Sex is an act. Love is an emotion. They are very different, and it can be dangerous to mix them up. You should never feel like you have to have sex with someone just because you want to show them you love them. There are plenty of non-sexual ways to show your love to someone.

5. Sex is a Minor Sin

Pre-marital sex is sin. Sin is sin. However, it is dangerous to think that sex is a minor or equal sin to all others, because it can put you in a frame of mind to make bad choices. Sexual sin is still a defiance of God, and no sin is acceptable to God. Yes, you can be forgiven, but you will have to live with the sin you have committed, which can be difficult if you are not prepared to deal with sex emotionally.

6. Oral Sex Isn't Really Sex

Oral sex is a sexual act. Just because Christian teens are not having sex in the textbook fashion, it is still a sexual act that bonds a man and a woman together.

7. Third Base Isn't a Big Deal

Third base, also known as "heavy petting," is a big deal, because it can lead to other things. Not only is it a form of sexual action, but it can lead to sexual intercourse. It is very easy for Christian teens to get caught up in the moment and forget about any desire to stay abstinent. Sin is very tempting, and it does not always come with warning or stop signs. Going to Third Base can be a danger zone.

8. My Will Can Overcome Any Temptation

God's will can overcome any temptation. If you feel you have the strength alone to conquer any temptation, you are setting yourself up for trouble. Man is known for falling into sin, especially when there is an overconfidence in the self. Christian teens need to keep their eyes on God, and allow God to help set boundaries so they can resist the temptation. The Bible is full of helpful advice when it comes to coping with temptation, and it can be a useful tool.

9. Watching Porn or Masturbating is Less of a Sin Than Having Sex

A lot of people believe that pornography and masturbation are helpful in preventing a person from having sex. However, having sex is not just about the act, but it is about the frame of mind. If you have lust in your heart while you are watching pornographic movies or masturbating, then there is sin there.

10. I've Already Had Sex, So It's Too Late for Me

It is never too late. While the idea of "born-again virgin" may seem a little like "technical virgin," it is not the same thing. Many Christian teens that have already had sex choose to act as if they have never had sex and vow to wait until marriage. Having sex is not the end of the world. God is very forgiving, and He smiles at those who return to Him with a desire to do His will. While the temptation for someone who has had sex can be even stronger than the virgin, it can be overcome with God's help. God is waiting to welcome you with open arms.

What the Bible Says About... Sex

2010-12-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

Question: What the Bible Says About... Sex

Let’s talk about sex…yes, the “S” word. The Bible actually has a lot to say about the subject. You may think, with all the warnings about not having sex before marriage, that sex is bad, the Bible says something quite contrary to that. Sex is biblical, if looked at from a Godly perspective. So what does the Bible have to say about sex?

Answer:

Sex is a Good Thing

What? Sex is a good thing? Well, God created sex. He created man and woman to create babies. The Bible says that sex is a way for a husband and wife to express their love for one another. Yes, “husband and wife.” God did create sex to be a beautiful and enjoyable expression of love, but only between a man and wife.

Genesis 1: 27-28 – “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number;” (NIV)

Genesis 2:24 – “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (NIV)

Proverbs 5:18-19 – “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” (NIV)

Song of Songs 7:6 – “How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!” (NIV)

1 Corinthians 6:13 – “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” (NIV)

So, Sex is Good, but Premarital Sex is Not?

Right. There is a lot of talk going on around you about sex. Sex is in just about every magazine, newspaper, television show, and movie. It is the point of a lot of music. Our world has gotten lax about sex, making it seem like premarital sex is okay because it feels good, but the Bible does not agree. God calls us all to control our passions and wait for marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:2-3 – “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” (NIV)

Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (NIV)

1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 – “It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable” (NIV)

What if I’ve Already Had Sex?

Everyone falls to sin in some area or another. If your area happens to be sex, there is still hope. While you cannot become a virgin again, you can obtain God’s forgiveness. You just have to ask for it and try not to sin that way again. What truly angers God is willful sin, when you know you are sinning and keep on participating in that sin. While giving up sex may be difficult, God calls us to remain sexually pure until marriage.

Acts 13:38-39 – “Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses.” (NIV)

Romans 1:24 – “Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.” (NIV)

But It’s So Tempting!

As a Christian you fight off temptation every day. Being tempted is not the sin, but giving into the temptation is. So how do you fight off the temptation? The desire to have sex can be very strong, especially if you have already had sex. It is only by relying on God for strength that you can truly fight off the temptation to have sex.

1 Corinthians 10:13 – “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (NIV)

What the Bible Says About... Honesty and Truth

2010-12-09T15:03:00.000-08:00

Question: What the Bible Says About... Honesty and Truth

What is honesty and why is it so important? What's wrong with a little white lie? The Bible actually has a lot to say about honesty, as God has called Christian teens to be honest people. Even little white lies to protect someone's feelings can compromise your faith. Remember that speaking and living the truth help those around us come to the Truth.

Answer:

God, Honesty, and Truth

Christ said that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. If Christ is Truth, then it follows that lying is moving away from Christ. Being honest is about following in God's footsteps, for He cannot lie. If the Christian teen's goal is to become more God-like and God-centered, then honesty needs to be a focus.

Hebrews 6:18 - "So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie." (NLT)

Reveals Our Character

Honesty is a direct reflection of your inner character. Your actions are a reflection on your faith, and reflecting the truth in your actions is a part of being a good witness. Learning how to be more honest will also help you keep a clear conscious.

Character plays a big role in where you go in your life. Honesty is considered a characteristic employers and college interviewers look for in candidates. When you are faithful and honest, it shows.

Luke 16:10 - "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." (NIV)

1 Timothy 1:19 - "Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked." (NLT)

Proverbs 12:5 - "The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful." (NIV)

God's Desire

While your honesty level is a reflection of your character, it is also a way to show your faith. In the Bible, God made honesty one of his commandments. Since God cannot lie, He sets the example for all of His people. It is God's desire that we follow that example in all that we do.

Exodus 20:16 - "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor." (NIV)
Proverbs 16:11 - "The Lord demands accurate scales and balances; he sets the standards for fairness." (NLT)

Psalm 119:160 - "The very essence of your words is truth; all your just regulations will stand forever." (NLT)

Keeping Your Faith Strong

Being honest is not always easy. As Christians we know how easy it is to fall into sin. Therefore, you need to work at being truthful, and it is work. The world does not give us easy situations, and sometimes we need to really work to keep our eyes on God in order to find the answers. Being honest can sometimes hurt, but knowing that you are following what God wants for you will make you more faithful in the end.

Honesty is also not just how you speak to others, but also how you speak to yourself. While humility and modesty is a good thing, being too harsh on yourself is not being truthful. Also, thinking too highly of yourself is a sin. Thus, it is important for you to find a balance of knowing your blessings and shortcomings so you can continue to grow.

Proverbs 11:3 - "Honesty guides good people; dishonesty destroys treacherous people." (NLT)

Romans 12:3 - "Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us." (NLT)

What the Bible Says About... Gossip

2010-12-09T15:02:00.000-08:00

Question: What the Bible Says About... Gossip

Are you a gossip? Did you take the Gossip Quiz to find yourself surprised at the answer? We live in a social society where we share in each other’s lives. We are also curious people, always desiring to be “in the know.”
Yet, gossip is not helpful. Gossip actually serves to break the trust of those the people around you. The Bible has a lot of important statements regarding gossip.

Answer:

What’s Wrong with Gossip?

Everyone likes a good story, right? Well, not necessarily. What about the person the story is about? Does that person like the story? Probably not. Spreading rumors only hurts others and destroys our credibility. Who is going to trust us with anything when they think we’ll tell everyone else?

Gossip is also a way we judge others, which really isn’t our job. God is in charge of judging people, not us. Gossip really only ends up creating greed, hate, envy, murder.
Gossip is also a sign that we are not really active in our faith and in our lives. If you think about it, the busier we are, the less time we have to gossip. We no longer have the time to get wrapped up in someone else’s life. Gossip is bred out of boredom. It may start as a simple conversation about people, and then escalates quickly. The Bible clearly tells us to do more than discuss other people’s lives.

Leviticus 19:16 – “Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord.” (NIV)

Proverbs 11:13 – “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” (NIV)

Romans 1:29 – “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips.” (NIV)

1 Timothy 5:13 – “Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.” (NIV)

Matthew 7:1 – “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” (NIV)

Proverbs 18:8 – “The words of gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.” (NIV)

So What Do I Do About Gossip?

First, if you catch yourself falling into gossip – stop. If you don’t passon the gossip there is nowhere for it to go. This includes gossip magazines and television. While it may not seem as “sinful” to read those magazines, you are contributing to gossip.

Also, when you are faced with a statement that may or may not be gossip, check out the facts. For instance, if you hear someone has an eating disorder, go to the person. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the person yourself, and the rumor is something serious, you may want to go to a parent, pastor, or youth leader. Getting someone to help in a serious situation is not gossip as long as the information stays with you and the person you go to for help.

If you want to avoid gossip, focus on creating helpful and encouraging statements. Let the gossip and end with you and remember the Golden Rule – if you don’t want people to gossip about you, then don’t participate in gossip.

Proverbs 26:20 – “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” (NIV)
Deuteronomy 13:14 – “Then you must inquire, probe and investigate it thoroughly.” (NIV)
Matthew 7:12 – “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (NIV)

Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (NIV)

Top 10 Ways Christian Teens Can Make Friends

2010-12-09T15:00:00.000-08:00

Are you new to the neighborhood or just moved to a new school? Have your old friends moved away and you wonder how to make new friends? Just because you are a Christian teen doesn't mean making friends is any easier. Making a friend means taking a risk and putting yourself out there to be social and friendly. Here are some ways that Christian teens can make themselves available to find people to hang out with:

1. Know Who You Want to Be Friends With

Before you start trying to make friends, think about who you actually want to be your friends. What types of people do you want to associate with? While most Christian teens like to hang out with other Christian teens, it does not mean all your friends have to be Christian. Just remember that you want your friends to share some of your values and morals. You also want your friends to be uplifting and not drag you down into bad habits or behaviors.

2. Get Involved in Activities

The easiest way to make friends is to get involved in activities at school or in your youth group. It allows you to meet people that share your interests. Find some clubs or a local youth group that is active. As you continue to attend the activities you will find yourself drawn to certain people as friends.

3. Introduce Yourself

A lot of Christian teens don't know how to make the first step in making friends. Sitting in a corner at an event or not saying a word in a club meeting doesn't draw people to you. This is a hard step to take, and a quick prayer beforehand can help. God is a great provider of courage. It is hard to walk up to a person to introduce yourself. If you are really nervous, make the introduction quick and don't expect to much. As people begin to know you are around they will start to include you in conversations.

4. Get Some Help

Youth pastors and leaders area great help in making friends. Many youth pastors are willing to meet with you before you join a youth group and can help introduce you to other Christian teens that share your interests. They may also be able to point you toward student ministries that fit your gifts so you can meet people. This may prevent you from having to take that first introductory step yourself, so it takes some of the pressure off.

5. Work on Your Conversation Skills

How well do you communicate with people? Try practicing conversation skills before you go to youth group or club meetings. Think of some fun topics to discuss and the different ways you can contribute to a conversation. You may feel silly having a conversation with yourself, but you will grow in your communication skills if you do.

6. Be a Good Listener

Listening is a great tool in making new friends. Listening means hearing what a person is saying, while offering support and feedback. Nodding and repeating back what the person just told you makes a person feel like you are being supportive. For example, if a potential friend tells you that he is nervous about playing in the upcoming football game because he just recovered from a sprained ankle, you might say, "It sounds like your ankle sprain was pretty bad. What has the coach been doing to get you ready?" You acknowledge everything he told you and also asked a question that keeps the conversation going.

7. Use Open Ended Questions

Questions are an important part of getting to know people, but you need to ask the right type of questions to keep the conversation going. Using open ended questions are a great tool for finding friends. Open ended questions make people answer with more than a "yes" or "no." Use questions that begin with "who," "what," "when," "where," "why," and "how."

8. Use Good Body Language

Body language can be a pretty unconscious thing, but it is a big deal in making friends. How you stand or sit tells people how open you are to being approached. Avoid "closed" body language like crossed arms or legs. When you are standing around face out toward the group and smile. Also, standing too close to someone can make the other person feel uncomfortable, so keep a two to three foot distance as you speak. Avoid fidgeting and playing with your hair. Maintain eye contact. Your body language tells the other person how you feel about your conversation, so practice showing the right messages with your body.

9. Be Positive

A positive attitude goes a long way in making friends. Most people don't like a sourpuss. There are things that can be rather depressing and other things that make you angry, but try to avoid starting a conversation about those things. If they do come up, voice your anger or sadness in an appropriate manner. Try to be supportive of others without being to saccharine sweet - people can see through the false sweetness easily.

10. Throw a Party

If you have a group of people you are just getting to know and want to get to know them better, why not throw a party? A get-together can be a great way for Christian teens to mingle, have great conversation, and make friends. Parties are also a great way to kick off a new semester so that people can get to know the new students in the mix.

First Dates with First Date Ideas and Tips

2010-12-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

Plenty of topics for discussion without having to deal with issues like: "What happened to your last relationship?"
And you can avoid the usual casual chit-chat like:

"I met my first boyfriend on the prison bus."

Yada. Yada. Yada.

Clothing

Clothing is not optional. Wear clothes that make you feel good. New clothes always help - but if not new, be sure they're clean, pressed, and fit well - or if that's not your style - be sure they fit whatever way makes you feel the most comfortable and still look presentable.

Help the Other Person Feel Comfortable Find something nice about your date and compliment her or him. But mean it. Don't just say, "Nice shoes, Gladys." "Swell belt, Ralph." Let's review. Find something nice. If it's painfully difficult to come up with something that you sincerely like about the person, you shouldn't be out with them in the first place.

Manners and/or Kindness
Thank the other person for the date - always, without exception.
Good manners are still in style. Well, not necessarily good manners - but common sense. Human kindness. That sort of thing is always in style.
Focus on the Other Person - pay attention to your date.
No wandering eyes. No preoccupation with old relationships, work, bank robberies.

Be THERE. Listen actively to what your date says.
Don't interrupt. While your date is talking, don't spend time thinking about what you're going to say when it's your turn.

Attitudes and Habits - stay positive.

Don't complain on a first date.
Be cautious about alcohol - if you drink heavily, you're not going to be at your best.
If your date gets swacked on your first date, it's not necessarily due to nervousness.
He or she is likely to be a heavy-drinker, at best, and could end up drooling on your new, pressed clothes as you shovel him or her into a cab.

Date ideas for the week:
Take a class together.
Wine-tasting?
Photography?
Or cut to the chase with a massage class.

Dealing with Feelings of Depression

2010-12-08T15:46:00.000-08:00

Feeling sadness is a normal byproduct of our complicated lives. When you feel very sad we call it “depression” and feeling mild depression now and then is also normal.

Life for a teen is complex. It’s loaded with events, situations, relationships and surprises, which cause depression at times. You can’t be fully prepared for all that happens. You can’t avoid some depression as you grow up. Between friends and parents, teachers and other authorities there are just too many frustrating things, which create confusion and problems.

Mild temporary depression (“the blues”) lasts less than three days, and sometimes the best way to deal with it is to just let time heal the hurt.

When you get too sad, you should TALK. Talk to friends, talk to parents, and talk to a teacher or to a counselor. Sometimes when you look closely at a problem it becomes much simpler, less distressing and more understandable.

Sometimes expressing anger is a way to deal with depression. Psychiatrists have said that depression is often anger turned inward. Often the depression occurs because of some complex situation where you feel that you, or someone you care about, is being treated unfairly. If you look closely at it, you might see that instead of feeling depressed, you could feel angry. Anger is often the opposite of depression. For instance, you could be feeling down and depressed about breaking up with a boy or girlfriend - but a close, calm look might result in anger rather than depression. Try stating the situation in terms of the injustice you may be feeling (“after all I did for him, I deserved something better”) and as you do this exercise you may feel the depression lifts and irritation replaces it. Then deal with the anger by being assertive about your needs and looking for ways to correct the injustice. But be careful! Don’t get too angry because that becomes another problem.

There is a lot you can do to manage feelings of depression, but sometimes the depression has existed too long and has run too deeply. In that case, don’t hesitate to check with your parents and get to a therapist or psychologist. These people have special skills and can help a lot to point the way to feeling much better about your life.

For more information on this topic, take a look at these articles.
~ Controlling Your Anger
~ Stop Anger from Taking Over

Stop Anger from Taking Over

2010-12-08T15:45:00.000-08:00

Anger is the emotion that seems to get people into the most trouble with teachers, parents, family, friends and police.

Too much anger fuels huge problems. Ever see someone having "road rage?" It's scary to watch or experience and it's very dangerous. Someone who gets that angry is out of control, is showing terrible judgment and is placing his own and other's lives in great jeopardy.

Anger occurs when frustration is high. In moderation it is fine. It warns us that something is wrong and needs to be addressed. It often arises from a sense of injustice, a feeling that something is very unfair. It is a great motivator: sometimes for the good, as when a person uses anger to take constructive action and does not lose control; and sometimes it's bad, as when a driver loses control and acts with reckless hostility.

We all live in a frustrating world. We all need to learn how to control or direct the frustration, which can quickly turn into anger. Temper tantrums are only for very young children. When you feel yourself becoming too angry, or on the brink of acting on your anger, you might:

Try the old "count to ten" technique: it often works by delaying action.

Think about the fear or frustration that caused the other person to act in a way that upset you.

Try to feel empathy for the person rather than anger. Sometimes compassion calms hostility.

If you or someone (or something) you care about is being treated unfairly, try to offer a solution that makes the situation more fair.

Sometimes simply walking away is a great alternative to acting out your anger. That takes a lot of poise and maturity---and it shows a lot of poise and maturity, too.

Anger doesn’t have to be a bad emotion. When kept in check, anger can inspire great writing, great athletic performance or great social progress. But restraint and good sense are the keys to having anger be constructive rather than destructive. It can be either.

Leave your comments

Controlling Your Anger

2010-12-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

Very often, being angry is a natural reaction to a situation. However, handling that anger in a socially appropriate manner is something to be learned and practiced. If you grew up in a family that responds to anger by shouting and yelling, you will probably get angry easily and respond naturally in this way. If you grew up in a family that responds to anger by always talking things through, being polite, and never blowing up, you may still become angry at times, but will learn to handle it by hiding it. There are benefits and drawbacks to both styles.

Expressing your anger can help you to feel relief and avoid further stress, but it may hurt others and put that stress onto them. Worse, it may not help to change the situation which made you angry in the first place. Holding your feelings in and not expressing anger can cause you to feel the effects of stress in other physical and emotional ways if you don't somehow get relief. When you feel yourself getting angry, a first step is to consider the source of the anger. Are your feelings justified, or are they selfish? Will expressing your anger help or hurt the situation? Can you solve the problem in a way that doesn't hurt others physically or emotionally? When you feel yourself getting angry take the following steps.

Take a deep breath, hold it a minute, then slowly let it out.

Take a moment where you don't say anything, but just think about the situation.

Ask yourself why you are upset: Are you not getting your way? Does someone not understand you? Has someone else done something to you?

Before you react, consider what you will gain by your reaction. Your number one goal should be to get the best results from the situation.

Now respond. This might mean walking away rather than making things worse. It might mean talking things over. It might mean expressing your anger in a firm but calm way. It might mean explaining to someone else how they upset you. It might mean letting your anger go because you realize it is unproductive.

If you follow these steps and practice them whenever you can, you will find that, while you might still get angry, you may also get better results and feel less stress.

D you have a question? Leave it as a comment

Teen Love & Sex: Why Not?

2010-11-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

I have been reading a few articles on teen sex that I don't fully agree with, so I decided to share my own opinions on the subject. Love and sex both vary on the maturity level of the participants. There is a huge range of teens out their from the love sick little girls (LMAO), to the heart-breakers, to the helpless romantics(LWKMD), to the bad boys, to the friends with benefits (LOL), to the people just looking for eye candy-- no two loving relationships and/or sexual relationships will be the same.

Love: Love is a strong affection for another based on common interest and personality compatibility; it is a powerful emotion. At this stage of life for teenagers, what are the odds of them experiencing true love? I believe in love, but it is a journey filled with obstacles that we learn to overcome and learn to help fight battles for another and sacrifice for another person. I think that teens have the capacity to be in love, but they are growing and it is not very likely that they found "true love" yet. Young love is both simple and complicated filled with bruises and a few broken hearts, but we learn from our mistakes and adapt; It is a learning process.

Sex: Sex is just the physical contact between at least two people based on the common interest of pleasure. We all know the different types of intercourse: oral, anal, and sexual intercourse. Society today is filled with exposure of sex via the media. Has all this exposure put pressure on the American teenager? Again, it depends on the maturity level, but in some cases it has. A boy that is very close to me confessed that he "didn't think he was a man yet" because he was still a virgin. I guess it's how people interpret the exposure of sex and how much they are exposed to it. I don't like all the exposure, but I have accepted that it is out there and I can't change that.

Sex itself could be classified as a relationship, because it is a connection between two people BUT you don't have to be in a loving relationship to have sex just as much as you don't have to have sex in a loving relationship. Sex and love don't have to be related. In both, you need to accept the responsibility of your actions and accept the consequences. Both can be fun if used correctly.

So evaluate your own maturity level to see if you are ready for love, sex, or both. If you are ready, when you accept the company of a lover or a sexual partner, you are also accepting the risk of getting yourself hurt. I'm not trying to scare you, that's just how it is and you need to accept that. The only one that knows that you're ready is yourself. The decision is yours so think carefully, don't give in to peer pressure, trust your instincts, choose wisely, and enjoy the ride #oKBYe.

Please leave your comments below

3 Things That Only Feel Like Love

2010-11-24T13:08:00.000-08:00

Love is a tricky emotion. There are some things that feel like love but they are much too superficial to be the real thing. Real love takes time and doesn't happen over night. Here are three things that people often confuse for love.

Lust

Lust is the feeling that is often mistaken for love at first sight. Lust is an intense and sudden attraction to somebody you hardly know. It is mistaken for love because the attraction is so strong.

Lust can feel like love because the feelings of attraction are strong and all-consuming. The emotions stirred up by lust can feel very real but they are based on a fantasy. To love somebody you must know them well but many people fall in lust while they are still strangers. What people in lust fall for is a fantasy of what might be and reality can get lost in the excitement.

Overwhelmed by physical attraction people in lust can't keep their hands off of each other. They think about each other constantly and talk about one another all the time. Lust is a happy feeling brought on by passionate attraction. If you are inexperienced in matters of the heart it is very easy to mistake all that passion for love.

Lust differs from love like night differs from day. Lust happens in the early phase of a relationship when people don’t yet know each other. Lust is based on a fantasy, and the fantasy and reality don’t always mesh up. This is where lust runs out of steam.

Although physical attraction is definitely a key ingredient in any romantic relationship, love is more than just a physical longing. If a relationship is all about physical attraction it is based on lust. Really loving another person takes time and it can't be based on physical attraction alone.

Obsession

Obsessions are often mistaken for love because people rationalize the crazy feelings they are having. They assume that it must be love if the other person is always on their mind. Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and destructive. While lust is often fleeting, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around.

The more time and effort invested in an unhealthy obsession the more intense the obsession can become. People in an obsessed state have a one track mind where the other person is concerned and they often lose touch with who they are as an individual. This loss of individuality creates a vicious circle of behavior where the obsessed person grows more and more dependant on the other person to bolster their sense of self.

Even unrequited love, love that is not returned, can become an overwhelming obsession. When one person believes they are in a relationship that doesn't really exist, or when one person is more invested in an existing relationship than the other, the foundation for an obsession has been laid.

Real love is nurturing and helps people grow but obsession is debilitating. If you feel like you have lost yourself, if you are always striving to please your partner without them doing the same for you, and if you find yourself making all decisions in your life based on the feelings and needs of the other person you could be dealing with obsession.

Rebounding

A rebound is a relationship that starts up very quickly after another relationship has ended. Rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends.

Rebounding can feel like love for the simple reason that the people involved want to be in love. They are used to the security of being in love and more than anything else they want to feel that security again. They convince themselves that they are in love when they are actually missing the safety and comfort of the relationship they left behind.

If an old relationship keeps interfering with the progress of a new relationship it could mean that the relationship is a rebound. When somebody is on the rebound they are not entirely over their previous relationship. They may still be trying to work out unresolved issues from that relationship. Rebound relationships may feel like love but they are still impacted by unsettled feelings from the past.

Am I in Love?

2010-11-24T13:07:00.000-08:00

It is a very common question, "How can I tell I'm in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust. This can get confusing when you are a teen because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don't know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures. They are confusing. What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not another? How does your heart choose a partner? Why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered.

One of the most confusing quasi-love feelings is lust. Lust is a very powerful, very intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. Lust is mainly sexual in nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. Usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. It is very common for people to confuse lust for love. But why? What is it about lust and love that make them so easy to mix up? If lust is all about sex, how can a relationship without sex be about lust? Teens struggle with this because they see lust in the Biblical sense, but lust isn't that sinister. Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that. Yet many teens (and to be fair, many adults) confuse an intense attraction for some sort if divine love. For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up.

Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love?

There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.

You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.
The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.
If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.
Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.
When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).
Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.
Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.
You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.
If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.

Understanding Jealousy

2010-11-24T13:06:00.000-08:00

Understanding Jealousy

Jealousy is a reactionary emotion so by its very nature it has a reason. Jealousy is a very natural and normal emotional response to a perceived threat. Getting jealous is not necessarily bad. Problems arise when your jealousy gets unmanageable and your behaviors get out of control.

Irrational Jealousy

This is a type of jealousy brought on by imagined or misperceived events. Irrational jealousy is never healthy. It is based on paranoia and insecurity not in reality. People suffering from an irrational jealousy rely heavily on their feelings that something is wrong even though there are no real signs that these feelings have merit.

Without reliable external validation of their jealousy irrationally jealous individuals often sink in to a depression based on paranoia. They are convinced that they are right to be jealous even when the evidence does not support their beliefs. It is very difficult to show them the truth.

Irrational jealousy is best treated by therapy. If you find yourself feeling jealous often and can’t calm yourself with rationalization consider seeking professional help.

Destructive Jealousy

Destructive jealousy is based in reality. The emotional threat that is provoking the jealousy is real and can be backed up with external evidence. The reasons for the jealousy are valid. The way this jealousy plays out is the problem.

When feeling a destructive jealousy people usually lash out at the person or people who have caused them harm. It is an angry jealousy that is based in revenge. It is not an effective protection mechanism because the focus is on hurting back not reaching a solution.

The best way to manage a destructive jealousy is by getting counseling. In counseling you will be able to talk through the situation with an impartial third party. You will get to vent in a safe environment. In counseling you will likely learn anger management techniques to help you control your need for revenge.

Proactive Jealousy

Proactive jealousy is a jealousy that is based on a real threat to ones emotional security. The purpose of any jealousy is to avoid being hurt or to lessen hurt that has already happened but sometimes jealousy makes people do crazy things. A proactive jealousy rarely manifests as violence or self harm. While anger is a part of this type of jealousy it never takes control of actions.

This type of jealousy works as a protection mechanism. The jealous feelings lead to productive actions, like ending a bad relationship or getting out of an unhealthy friendship. The primary concern of this type of jealousy is self preservation not revenge or retribution.

Controlling Jealousy

Jealousy is a form of anger brought on by a fear of loss. Controlling jealousy is very much like controlling anger. When you feel yourself growing jealous the first thing you must do is calm down. Take some deep breaths, try to relax and then take an honest look at the situation.

Never allow yourself to go off in a jealous rage, it takes away from any validity to your feelings and makes it very easy for others to dismiss you. Approach the situation in a calm but stern fashion. State your point of view without throwing around accusations and keep the emphasis on how what is happening makes you feel.

Avoid pointing the finger or calling out others on their behaviors. Own the jealousy for what it is, your reaction, and try to reach a real solution rather than just vent your hurt feelings. A little venting is healthy but try to keep the focus on the real problem.

Learn From Jealousy

Listen to what the other people have to say about the situation that has provoked a jealous response from you. Their perspective may be very different from yours and it is possible that you don’t have the full story about what is going on. There are many innocent situations that can be misinterpreted as something sinister. Make sure you know as much as possible before getting jealous.

Jealousy exists to protect you from harm, not to control the behavior of others. It is an emotion that can get out of control if you let it. Your can never control another person but you can help yourself when that person is hurting you. Healthy jealousy can help you identify and deal with some of life’s more unpleasant lessons.

Dating Relationship Advice - Teen Relationship Advice

2010-11-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

In this article you will advice on dating relationships and teen relationships. As you will well know dating is not strictly reserved for adults and teens do in fact date as well. Both adults and teens have questions and reservations when it comes to dating, and often look for advice regarding their relationships. Given there are two age brackets involved in this article about advice for dating relationships, I will break the article up into two sections regarding dating advice for each sort of relationship. I will first go into brief detail regarding advice for adults in a dating relationship and then I will cover some advice for teens who may be in a dating relationship.

Advice for Adult Dating Relationships:
When we meet someone we really like and would like to get to get know better, we always want to be as careful as possible and know how to go about this whole dating scenario appropriately. We want to get to know the one we end up dating as opposed to pushing them away from the dating relationship we have begun.

When you first begin dating, you should try not to push too hard. My advice to you is, to take things slowly and really get to know the person who you have decided to date in a relationship. There are a lot of people out there, but there must have been something that intrigued you enough to begin dating the person you are now in a dating

relationship with. Think about this from time to time and do not stress over the little things. Some worthwhile advice you should take note of is to think positive. Enjoy the one you are dating, and never make something out of nothing. A piece of advice which can save a dating relationship is to always communicate, never jump to conclusions about anything. Advice is easy to give, yet the one receiving the advice has to know how to use it and only they can decide if it is worth listening to. Below I have listed a few key factors of advice for having a success dating relationship with the one you are dating.

Key Factors of Advice for a Dating Relationship:
Communicate
Be honest
Trust (in both yourself and the one you are dating)
Be positive
Have respect
Compromise
Be loyal
Share

Some additional advice for a dating relationship can include, doing little things for the one you are dating unexpectedly, know all there is to know about them, become involved with what your dating partner is interested in, accept the one you are dating as a whole package. (many adults these days are single and dating, yet also have children). Be supportive of the one you are dating.

Advice for Teens in a Dating Relationship:
Most teens will need some form of advice during their dating years. However dating as a teen can be a whole lot different to dating as an adult. It is however known that some teens have moved on from a teen dating relationship to end up still being in the same relationship yet dating as adults.

Some advice for teens to remember is:
Respect
Communicate
Be honest
Take an interest in your dating partners interests and social circle

My advice for teens in a dating relationship in general is to enjoy. The best advice for a teen is to make friends with another first and then move on to possibly a dating relationship. Treat the one you are dating with respect and never cross the line when one says the word 'no'. Dating is meant to meant to be fun, so do not stress and concentrate too much on the word 'dating'. It is sometimes hard to give advice to a teen regarding dating, as they are at an age where they can at times think they know what is best for them. But if you feel your teen is becoming too involved with another, sit them don and at least offer them some advice on dating and what comes with dating. Boys tend to want to further their dating in ways that girls may not be ready for (yet it can happen at times the other way around), so my advice for you on this count is to speak to your teens about every avenue possible when it comes to dating and relationships. Teens these days need to know about sexual intercourse and the precautions needed if they intend on becoming sexually active. It is always better to have given the advice on this issue than to have not have.

Dating and being in a relationship should be a very special experience, one full of happiness and wonderment. The best advice I can give to anyone when in a dating relationship, is to be true to yourself and your dating partner, do not hold expectations of the one you are dating, and accept the one you are dating for who they are. If you cannot do this, then take my advice, and call it quits. Accepting the one you are dating completely for themselves is a good solid grounding for a lasting relationship.

Relationship Breaking Up

2010-11-22T13:20:00.000-08:00

Teenage relationship break up is not always easy, matter of fact most break ups are not easy as a young person as well as an older person however as an old person they may have experiences of break up.

For many teenage, break up can have a very lasting effect on your future life and relationships with others.

Do not have a foundation

It is new for many teenagers to have a relationship; you do not have a foundation of breaking up, it is your first time in a new relationship, it may have been already awkward just to have a relationship.

For teenagers to be in a relationship not knowing what is ask of you is difficult, how to behave may be difficult because of your family background, you may come from abusive or dysfunctional family and may not realize it.

Right tools for breaking up

Because teenagers are now starting to learn about themselves and how to deal with the demands of society, like school and responsibility it may sometimes be difficult for you to have the right tools for breaking up.

Breaking up is difficult for teenagers because you may not know what you are looking for in relationship and breaking up may touch some emotional feelings that is not solve from your past and your home life.

Your job is to learn from it, such as did you trust in yourself, did you put yourself first, did you respect yourself and your limits during the relationship, and did you listen to your inner voice.

When teenagers break up, your mood may change and you may stay more at home or more to yourself.

Support you

Having a relationship with your parent or an adult figure that you can share with them and the difficulties you are going through can help you with the days ahead, they can be their to support you.

As a teenager you need to understand that it is alright to feel sad, lonely depress during a break up and that it does not say anything about you as a person only that it is a stage of your life and it may happen again before you meet the right person.

Feelings of loss

The difficult moments will eventually pass, it is important that you do not deny your feelings of loss, you may even blame yourself and feel you could of done something better, it is alright to feel this way, it will pass.

Getting involve

Your job is to learn from it, such as did you trust in yourself, did you put yourself first, did you respect yourself and your limits.

Get involve when you can with friends; allow them to support you by talking out your feelings.

Getting involve in sports will help you to change your mind and burn of some of the energy that would be focus on pain and sadness.

Conclusion:Many people pass through a teenage relationship break up and most people live through it to find happiness later on for this is part of the process in the learning experience of becoming an adult.

Relationship Improvement

Valentine’s Day Flowers Bring Year-round Romance

Signs That Someone Is Thinking About You - And They Are Interested

What Does It Mean If a Man Gets Jealous When I Talk to Other Guys? Learn If He Likes You or Not

The Key To Building Good Relationships

Is Kissing A Sin

Kissing is Not Always a Sin

When Kissing Can Become Sinful

So, Should I Kiss or Not?

Decision Making

How are decisions and/or choices made?

Do you sometimes wish you had made a different choice?

Here are some steps to successful decision making:

Some Quotes:

Christian Denominations: Views on Homosexuality

Denominations that View Homosexuality as Sin

Denominations that Have Mixed Views on Homosexuality

11 Ways a Christian Teen Can Be a Good Friend

Lose the Judgement

Be Honest

Listen

Give Rather Than Take

Have Fun

Learn to Compromise

Trust Your Friend

Be Supportive

Empathize

Touch

Share Your Feelings

Ways Youth Groups Can Reach Out to Christian Teens

Ways Youth Groups Can Reach Out to Christian Teens

Ideas and Activities for Creating an "On Fire" Youth Group

Games

Outreach

Missions Trips

Outings/Activities

Bible Studies

Leadership

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2. Get Involved in Activities

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4. Get Some Help

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