There are things you hear your entire life; things you hear again and again. Some positive, some negative, some which seem one way and turn out differently in the end.

"You should be a foodblogger" says the sous chef where I'm working. We all have a laugh.

I've been bitter. I've been unsatisfied and bitter. 

It's not been doing anyone any good.

But you already know that.

I've been angry. I've been waking up at 7 (that's like 4am for normal people) and taking the bus downtown--even wearing a skirt sometimes--I've been sitting under unflattering lights. I've been sucking on Xanax and meeting new people. I've been trying and trying and trying and still just not quite getting there.

I've been lying awake at night and obsessively folding things from papper. I've been weird and uncomfortable and desperately trying to explain myself to eye-rolling listeners. 

I've been working as a copywriting intern in an advertising agency, and I've just learned I won't be hired permenantly. It's a blow to my ego, but I'm hoping to use it as a good thing. 

I'm a writer. It's hard for me to communicate in the medium of the spoken word. I enjoy restaurant work because everything is black and white: the guest is happy or they aren't. Chef is mad or he isn't. Naturally there's drama and gossip everywhere, but in a restaurant things are so fast and full of adreneline that you tend to get everything out in one heated argument or yelling battle of wills and you might stomp around but by the end of the night after the beers and joints have been passed around you're all boys again. You'll hug before you go home and drunkenly tell each other how much you love each other and you don't mean it and we all know it's crazy incest abusive mother crap but it doesn't matter because it's all out in the open and it's a flash in the pan and then it's over. 

In an office, there's protocal. let's leave everything all unsaid and just say that I have been working as a copywriting intern in the hopes of getting permenant employment but I won't be. In 2 weeks, I will be severly underemployed. 

When I was first told on Friday (like I'm a crazy person?), naturally I had fits and panic attacks and a brief crying meltdown. 

During one of those, I was actually a horrible enough of a cliche to be sitting in a dive bar crying into beer and tequila shots. Isn't that fabulous? So melodramatic, just like a real   writer. I'm smitten with myself right now. I even got into a laughing, crying, hysterical fight with some drunk guy next to me. 

Husband rolled his eyes as I recounted my failures in the decade since graduating college, ticking them off and crying while he made every effort to get a word in edgewise to finally crack and pound his fist on the bar and say "regret is stupid. You've learned things. So what if things aren't 100% the way you thought they'd be?" Husband continued his typical sanity while I signaled the bartender for more tequila.

He's right, of course. I shouldn't have regrets. Regrets are for people who aren't willing to enjoy the journey.

When there's something you can do, something you can do well, there has to be a way to make it work, right? I know I'm ridiculously naive and equally cynical at the same time, all the while continuing to be a cliche. 

So what does this mean? I'm going to start writing about food again. The details are coming soon. 

Over here.

It's not a food blog, it's just writing. Writing and Pictures. I'm not going to mince words::I've had a rough past year, mostly just dealing with major burnout accompanied by a nice big dollop of self doubt topped with freshly-grated anxiety, dusted with just a hint of zested agoraphobia. I'll leave it at that except to say that I know the one thing I can do well is write. 

And so I've decided to begin writing again, for myself. The site is not intended to be informative, it does not have a theme. It's just whatever's on my mind. It's self-centered and unsensored, and therefore is PG 13. 

So there. No promises, but I thought those of you who have followed me for years might be interested.

Dear Readers,

After 1800 posts, 2 million readers, and 6 years, I have decided to retire Restaurant Widow effective February 1st.

I made this decision in May 2010, so this is not some melodramatic plea for attention.

In 2011, I will be focusing on recovering from the recession and will be returning to school for a degree in digital illustration. I will also be helping Husband study, as he will sit for the Master Sommelier Exam again in July, in Las Vegas.

I will continue writing, but will keep it under wraps in hope that one day, I can sell something.

I truly want to thank everyone for reading, following, writing, commenting, and sharing RW with your friends.

I will keep RW up and running (in a static capacity), and will work on retooling the site so that recipes, reviews, and the like can still be found easily.

Thanks again, Kitty Cats.

Cheers,

Lisa the Waitress

In the interest of full disclosure, DOC is paying for this post.

But seriously, what could be better than giving someone a meal at 53 restaurants (including most of my personal favorites) for the holidays? Better yet, you don't even have to leave your computer. 

Even better, buy them in bulk for your clients and employees (great discount bulk pricing is available, click here for more details).

I recommend buying numerous DOC gift certificates in smaller increments, so that your recipient can try out as many restaurants as they'd like! For example, four $25 certificates could buy a great brunch at Skillet and then dinner at G. Michael's! Or Basi, the Refectory, Rigsby's, Alana's, Luce, etc. If your recipient eats out at lunch a lot, give them in $10 so that they can enjoy Tasi, Katzinger's, Spinelli's Deli, and the Wildflower Cafe.

To learn more about Dine Originals Dollars, to see a list of restaurants, and more importantly, to buy some gifts, please click on over to their website!

When I was a baker, the restaurant where I worked sold apple crisps. Lots of apple crisps. With oatmeal streusel. And scoops of Jeni's Salty Carmel ice cream.

Each individual crisp required one full apple, and on weekends we would frequently sell 40 crisps a night. I peeled and sliced lots of apples. Our sous chef taught me this method for making easy work of this process. Don't bother buying expensive peelers; the best ones are T-shaped and cost under $2.    

1. Your fruit. A pomme fruit is an apple, pear, or quince (I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting and too lazy to look up). Here, I have used a quince, because I was in the process of making quince preserve:
   
   
   
2. Slice the tops and bottoms from your fruit. 
   
3. Hold the peeler in you dominant hand, and the fruit in your holding hand. Rotate the fruit while you peel each strip in a downward motion.
   
4. Slice the "cheeks" from the core.
    
   
    
5. Cut each cheek into 3-4 sections, and then slice across to create smaller chunks.
   
   
   
   
    
6. There you have it! the core and the slices, ready for pie or crisps or whatever! Easy Peasy.
   
   

A quince is the last hope of winter. Hard as a rock, tart, inedible when raw, and possessing an unbelivibly intoxicating aroma, the quince is a reminder that good can come from even the most barren and depressing landscape. A quince is full of so many metaphors it's almost too easy to list them here without feeling like a lazy writer. There's just something about this winter fruit I can relate to. The quince is kind of like a difficult person - you'll hate it at first, but if you give it some sugar, warmth, time, and patience, you'll see it was worth it. Or maybe you'll still hate it, but at least respect it.

The first time I ever held a raw quince was a number of years ago at Alana's. They had recently received a few bushels from a farmer and sent me home with four of them. I was so amazed by their aroma that for awhile I just walked around holding one to my nose. I was so amazed that something so hard and astringent could produce such a lovely aroma. 

Inspired once again by Chef David Tanis' Heart of the Artichoke, I bought some quince of my own (a very few farmers have them around Thanksgiving, and they may also be found at Market District and Mediterranean Imports; they also grow wild in Ohio) and turned them into two wonderful products: preserve and quince syrup, which makes amazing gimlets... (recipe at end of preserve reserve)

Cooking quince takes very little active work, but it does take quite a bit of time. I might even use the slow cooker the next time, because I found 6 hours to be the right amount of time (this is far longer than other recipes I've read: I'm not sure if it's because I didn't have time to cook them all at one time or if my stove isn't very powerful or what, you will have to experiment on your own).

Don't skip the lemon juice at the end of the recipe! I find most commercial quince preservers far too sweet; the small hit of acidity prevents that sticky, cloying quality. Traditionally, quince preserve (aka membrillo, in Spain) is served with hard, aged cheeses such as Manchego (the aged sheep's milk cheese of Spain). I've discovered it's also nice with rich, sweet cheeses such as Mimolette and Beemster XO. It's also nice on toast with cream cheese, and makes a surprising foil to pork - it's actually quite a nice sandwich spread, with cured meats. Because quince contain loads of natural pectic, you will end up with a very thick paste, which can sometimes be sliced. The quince naturally turn red when cooked with sugar, which only adds to the mysterious beauty of this fruit.

Quince, Two Ways, Just One Pot - Makes about 1 cup syrup and 1 cup preserve. This recipe was inspired by David Tanis, who was in turn inspired by David Lebovitz's rosy poached Quince slices.

4 ripe quince - they will never be soft; you can tell they are ripe if they are very yellow and smell wonderful at the ends
2 cups water
3 cups sugar
1/4 cup lemon juice

Bring the water and sugar to a boil.

Peel the quinces; the peels tend to attach very securely to the starchy fruit inside, so be sure to use a very sharp peeler or pairing knife. Cut the "cheeks" away from the core, leaving the entire core whole, as a rectangle, so that the seeds and woody core bits are still contained inside. (See my tutorial on cleaning pomme fruits here)

Slice the fruit; add the fruit and the cores to the boiling water and turn to medium low, or low if you don't want to constantly monitor the progress. Begin checking the quince after 45 minutes. The slices will become very rosy and translucent when they are beginning to cook, however I noticed they still aren't done at this point. You really have to keep checking their doneness by removing a slice and cutting a small piece from it, and eating it. When it is very soft and sweet, it's ready.

When the quince are very soft, pull the cores from the pot and turn the heat off. Place a fine mesh sieve over a jar a strain off most of the liquid; what remains should be the sliced quince with  enough syrup to coat, but not necessarily cover, the fruit. Set the jar aside to cool, this is your syrup!

To make the preserve, add the lemon juice to the slices, then use a stick blender and very thoroughly puree the quince slices; this takes a little longer than you might think, if you want the texture to be smooth and consistent. Once everything is smooth, place it in a container with an airtight lid, but don't cover yet. Allow the preserve to cool to room temperature, then cover and refrigerate. This lasts pretty much indefinitely if kept cold and away from things which are moldy.

The syrup is yummy on vanilla ice cream or added to other fruits. To make a quince gimlet, shake 3 ounces of vodka with 1/2 ounce each lime juice and quince syrup. Oh yes, it is yummy. Really yummy with just a light blush.

Congratulations, Columbusites: our fair city is now home to one of (if not THE) best microdistilleries in the US.

I will be writing more about Watershed's new gin & vodka, but until I have time, I wanted to let everyone know that they will be having an open house this evening from 6-9pm. Take a tour, see the still in action, and hear about the distilling process from super cool distillers Dave Rigo and Greg Lehman. These guys are full Ohio Midwesterners and I've completely fallen in love with them and their product. 

Tasting laws in Columbus are fun! (read:not fun), so you will only be able to see the action, but a nearby bar will have it on hand for sampling afterwards. 

I got to play around mixing cocktails with Watershed last night and we made some tasty, tasty drinks. You should go.

***updated****

Queue the cliched remarks about how it's snowing and I can't believe it's December......

yikes.

• Tonight begins a month of candlelit dinners in the Palm House at Franklin Park Conservatory (I can't get their website to come up at the moment, so no link)
• Get some art (and wine) into your life tomorrow and spend your happy hour at the Columbus Museum of Art at the Uncorked! Wine Club. Tickets are $25.
• Enjoy free lunchtime concerts in the Crypt at the Statehouse.
• Fans of Cheesecake Boy paintings can see original Paul Richmond paintings (and meet the artist) and enjoy a visit from drag queen superstar Nina West Thursday at Cheesecake Boy Extravaganza! at Luxboheme in the Short North. There will be a pinup photo booth with proceeds going to the Kaleidoscope Youth Center, which supports the teen GLBTQ community.
• The description "part Toy Story, part David Lynch" is intriguing enough to make me want to call in sick tomorrow to see The Attic, a Czech stop-animation film about a bunch of abandoned toys who devise a plan to rescue a fellow toy. I love animation, and creepy, Eastern European stop animation? Sign me up. I suppose I'll have to wait until it's on Netflix. But you should go see it! 
• The Wex also presents Soul Kitchen this week at the Gateway Film Center. 
• The Columbus Jazz Orchestra will be Jazzing up the Holidays this weekend at the Southern Theatre with Carmen Bradford. You can tour the theater before the performance!
• This weekend marks the first of several performances of JOY! by the Columbus Gay Men's Chorus.
• Saturday is Holidayville! in Clintonville. All along High Street, shops will showcase their best holiday-themed goodies and restaurants will offer samples.
• Also, this weekend (Friday & Saturday) is the Holiday Open House & Craft Extravaganza at the North Market. Crafts upstairs and loads of fun activities for the whole family downstairs. Christmas trees, the Nutcracker, and island music!

Now get out there and do something FUN. It's December, and it's gonna be FUN and Holiday and all that stuff. 

It's Thanksgiving week, and not a lot is going on this weekend. Please take some time to give thanks for what you have, even if it's not as much as you used to have.

Say thank you and if you are going out for Thanksgiving, tip well! and be sure to say thank you to people working on Thanksgiving, even if it's at the gas station. Anyone working on a holiday is making a sacrifice, and it's always nice when someone lets you know they appreciate it.

I've never really understood artichokes. I'll admit it. Packed in vinegar they're just another pickled vegetable for the antipasti plate, canned they are just tasteless bits of texture to add to pasta, and blended into dips, well, to be quite honest I'm not quite sure why they are present at all.

Until recently, I could recount exactly two great artichoke experiences. Like many of my best vegetable experiences (if they ever have the Russian winter vegetable salad on the menu, order it) one took place at the Winds Cafe in Yellow Springs. It was very early in the springtime and we were having dinner with one of Husband's mentors in the wine world and his wife, and our table was sent a platter of fried baby artichokes. These were tiny - the size of a baby's fist - and were on long stalks. The entire vegetable had been dipped in cornmeal and fried, and was served with some sort of caper remoulade, if memory serves me.

I remember eating one and being very pleased, indeed - this is the closest I've come to getting the artichoke! I said to Husband. In the back of my mind, though, I was aware this might have more to do with the use of a fryer and mayonnaise. 

Also, once upon a time when I was a child, my mother prepared steamed artichokes, along with a zesty butter and vinegar dipping sauce on the side; one plucked a spiny leaf, dipped it in the sauce, and then scraped the thick part of the leaf with one's teeth. As a budding child gourmande I thought it was fabulously decadent and fancy.

But still, it seemed more of a device to get butter sauce to my mouth.

So it was, when Chef David Tanis came to town last week, I resolved to ask him to explain to me what it is about artichokes. 

I explained my ambivalence to artichokes and asked what I was missing? Ever chef I respect seems to adore artichokes, and waxes poetic about them as a seasonal delight. 

Chef Tanis laughed and said that for him, a lot of it had to do with being in Italy. He recounted a story of spending time with an older woman in Italy. They'd had a large lunch and when they began discussing dinner, the Italian woman said "oh, I'm not very hungry. I think I'll just have an artichoke for dinner." Artichokes, he said, were a staple in Italy. Every store has a basket of them out front, and they are the vegetable preferred above all others.

Chef Tanis encouraged me to buy a few artichokes, and prepare the hearts very simply - just a little olive oil, salt and pepper," he said, "and I dare you not to like them."

One thing I found very charming about Chef Tanis was his dismissal of the notion that we couldn't find a good artichoke in Ohio - "I've found good artichokes in a Safeway in New Jersey. You can find perfectly good artichokes anywhere." Even though I of course embrace local foods, I grow weary of the idea that one can't get "anything good" in Ohio - one can't find good sushi, or good fish, or good oysters, etc. And yet, I had the best oyster of my life in San Francisco, and it had been flown there from the East Coast of Canada. I've had amazing fish here in Columbus, flown in overnight from the Honolulu Fish Company or purchased at Tokyo's Tsukigi fish market and picked up at Port Columbus. The notion that chefs or grocery stores in Columbus can't source great ingredients simply because we are landlocked is pure silliness. Consider yourself lectured.

At any rate, the other day I was strolling though the produce section and recalled the words which had been haunting me since meeting Chef Tanis: "I dare you not to like them."

I picked up two and fancied myself as the Italian woman - I really want to be the sort of woman who says "oh, I'm not very hungry, I think I'll just have an artichoke."


I won't go into details about the proper cleaning of artichokes, because the wonderful ladies at The Kithcn have done a great job and there's no need to reinvent the pictorial tutorial they've already put together. I trimmed mine down a bit more than they did, ending up with just the heart and a bit of stem.

I opted out of the acidulated water part of the preparation, because I wanted to taste the true flavor of the choke, with no acidity. I wouldn't recommend this if you are going to prepare the chokes for a group, because they turn brown with amazing swiftness, but it was just me, and just lunch.

Artichokes can be eaten raw and really don't require cooking, so I let this inform my preparation by simply sauteeing the chokes briefly in hot butter (in a nonstick pan), just to get bits of them brown and crisp. I added a good bit of salt and really just tossed them around until they looked like I wanted to eat them. All told, they were in the pan less than 3 minutes.

I ate the first batch straight from the pan, but refrained long enough to photograph them on the second go-round.

They were delicious. Firm and very slightly starchy, they tasted much nuttier than I thought - very much like salsify, another sadly underrated vegetable here in the US. The butter set them off wonderfully, as did the salt. I can't imagine why we so frequently cover up their taste and texture by overcooking, canning, brining, pickling, or pureeing them into dips. They really are so wonderful just on their own. 

Cleaning the chokes took about 2 minutes each - really not that bad in the scheme of things. True, there is waste if you are only using the hearts, and it seems like a lot of work in theory, but it isn't. Simply snap off the tough leaves, then cut the choke across, lengthwise, scoop out the chose, and then do a bit of peeling. That's all.

Working in the kitchen, learning to cook - or re-learning to cook - is largely about confronting fears and misconceptions. Artichokes had always seemed like a huge worthless pain to me - so much work for so little reward. But in truth they take no more work than peeling and chopping a carrot. Learning to love something new is well worth the reward.

Thanks for the dare, Chef, you were right. 

I can hardly believe it's almost December (insert groan). It's almost Thanksgiving! It's time to post Thanksgiving recipes (in my brain I am running around in a frenzied panic)! My family is spending the night the day after Thanksgiving and my mother is the cleanest person I've ever known in my entire life! The cleaning!

Queue panic attack...

I can't be the only one, right? 

Deep breaths, people, just remember, as we are entering the holiday season, we have a long, cold, gray and depressing winter until May, so enjoy the happiness while it lasts.

Okay, so let's talk about the things you can be doing to relax and enjoy Columbus life this week! Read through to the end because I am trying out a new feature for this weekly column.

• For a few more hours today, you can visit the Capitol Arts Fair at the Ohio Statehouse - it's in the Crypt room - creeeepy.
• This week is the Columbus International Film & Video Festival! Most of the films are shown at the Canzani Center at CCAD (east downtown).
• What an awesome idea::the Monthly Mixtape exchange takes place Thursday at the Ohio State Urban Art Space (downtown)! Bring 2 copies of a custom made CD, and learn the theme for the next month's mixtape exchange! I hadn't heard of this before, but it sounds super fun, especially if you are in music doldrums. 
• Someone remind me to go to another event at the Ohio State Urban Art Space::Interviewing skills with Mark Shanda. I'm going to need that if I land an interview with the Columbus Dispatch.
• I think this Sunday might be the last Wood-Fired Sunday at Franklin Park. If you have never been, you should really go. It's fun, and pizzas are very inexpensive. The setting is lovely; the Community Garden are of the Park is one of my favorite places in our fair city. The Live Fire Theater is located in the Southeast corner of the Park; there is no admission for the outside parks.
• Tomorrow night (Thursday), you can see the Best of the Ottawa International Animation Festival at the Wexner Center.
• This Friday is Barktober Fest at Gordy's (Westerville). This beer tasting (they will be serving the much-coveted Christmas Ale) features beers from the Great Lakes Brewing Company and a silent auction, and benefits the CHA Animal Shelter.
• This Friday is one of BalletMet's open rehearsals from 5-6pm - what a unique option for happy hour!
• The Symphony will present Handel's Messiah this Saturday & Sunday and my friend Dan is singing it it!
• Tim & Eric's Awesome tour will be at the Newport Music Hall (campus) this Saturday.

I'm going to try another little feature here - suggestions for places to go/things to do which aren't necessarily having special events, but I still think are cool and a good place for people to spend their weekends. I am going to try to highlight 5 places a week, hopefully in similar parts of town. If you would like to have your space or business featured, please send me an email letting me know why.

This week, I am going to feature the Old Town East area of Columbus, and was inspired to do so by my love of the store European Papers. 

• European Papers (shop)::539 E Town Street. If you are anything of a paper whore like I am, prepare to spend time grazing through the treasures at European Papers. I simply love this shop. The prices are reasonable, and the entire shop if filled with surprises for paper dorks like me - here is a packet of old telegrams, there are jars full of tiny watch parts, leaves and leaves of amazing paper from pennies and on up - from printed to painstakingly handmade sheets. There are stamps and soldering supplies, jewelry making supplies, envelopes of all sorts and trinkets galore. I love it. 
  
  European Papers is located in an old carriage house behind a Town Street mansion (which contains the Lyle Gallery), and the second you walk in, you want to move in (I did, anyway.) The first floor of the building is a gallery devoted to all sorts of paper arts. One the second floor is the shop, which is delightfully meandered and cluttered (well, it's full - it's very well organized) and there is a loft which (I assume) contains an office. I could seriously move right in. European Papers offers numerous workshops which are well worth the price of admission. I went to one for making holiday cards last year and despite being in the class with my fearsome high school art teacher, it was very enjoyable. Shop owner and teacher Lisa Ohmer (yay Lisas of Columbus!) is gracious and generous. For the class I attended, there were several workstations. At the beginning of the class, Lisa demonstrated each technique and then we went around from station to station, making our own cards based upon the templates she showed us. She explained things clearly but briefly, so we could get down to the crafting. I can't wait until I can attend another class. 
• Just West of European Papers is the Deaf School Topiary Park (at press time, their website was down, so the link goes to an Ohio tourism site, and therefore information might be outdated). In the summer time, the Topiary park features live music many days during lunch time, so you can take a break for the workday and enjoy lunch in the lovely surroundings.
  
  
• Between Euro Papers and the Topiary Park is the Kappa Kappa Gamma Heritage Museum. The Heritage Museum is a restored Victorian Italianate mansion. Walk-in tours are help Wednesday and Thursday afternoons from 1-4pm, and other tours are offered by appointment. Learn about the history of the house, its residents, and how the house fits into the history of Columbus.
  
  
• Moving East a bit, we arrive at the Kelton House Museum & Garden, home of thousands of fantastic weddings over the years (I've been in two there). the Kelton House was a stop on the Underground Railroad and is purported to be haunted. The Kelton House has open tours Sunday afternoons from 1-4pm, but tours can be scheduled in advance as well, for groups. The Kelton House offers numerous programs including Victorian Teas (the next one is December 12th) and many educational and entertaining programs detailing the history of the Underground Railroad.
  
  
• Right around the corder is the main branch of the Columbus Metropolitan Library. One of my favorite places in Columbus - I don't get there as often as I should. We have one of the best library systems in the country - what more needs to be said? I think most people my age have fond memories of reading in the old treehouse in the children's section! It has changed a little since this Waitress was a young lass, but it's still exhilarating just to walk up the front steps and into the library.

What are your favorite spots in this neighborhood? 

A former coworker sent me a message on Facebook yesterday, letting me know that the Columbus Dispatch is in the process of hiring a Dining Editor (I copied and pasted the info on my site, just so you wouldn't have to register to read the posting, because I'm nice like that; if you want to double check me, please click here and scroll down a bit).

I have been hearing rumblings that Jon Cristiansen was retiring, but he continued writing, and I had assumed the job would naturally go to GA Benton or Gary Seaman. That may still happen, of course, but they've posted the job listing, nonetheless, and I figure I should at least apply.

In a manner of speaking.

I'm thinking more of campaigning for the job. Will you help me?

Attempting to get hired at a company with whom one has had something of a longstanding rivalry (good-natured, naturally: right Ben Marrison? Right?) is a little tricky. The rivalry has stemmed from a desire to see the city's diners connect, on a personal level, with the city's chefs and restaurants. In the interest of full disclosure, you maybe read my Dispatch critique here (postscript here).

I thought I would begin my campaign by talking about what I would do (or like to do) for the city in the role of Dispatch Dining editor...

First of all, the dining scene in Columbus has evolved significantly over the past decade and deserves more room than half a page in the Weekender. Columbus Alive has done a great job expanding their food coverage, but why hasn't that happened at the Dispatch? I'd like to find out why, and change it if I can...

I foresee either an entire dining section once a week, or at least a few pages. There is so much to write about! Where are the articles geared to frugality? to young people? As a college student, I lived for my monthly bistro dinners at the Refectory! There are amazing chefs right here in our city who should be interviewed. There are restaurants a short drive from Columbus which deserve attention. There are loads of ethnic spots which need to be sampled; there is fun to be had - shouldn't everyone know about the pleasures of late night dining + karaoke? What about street food? 

I foresee an online dining guide with a user-friendly interface. An interactive website, with dining forums, perhaps. Maybe even some food travel writing, some experiential dinners - the options are endless. Endless, I tell you!!

Columbus needs a fresh voice- a voice which has real world experience at many different points in the restaurant business - who is open-minded about what constitutes a great restaurant. Who will go anywhere and eat anything. And live to tell the story. Columbus needs a voice which will inspire.

So, what do you all think? And no, this is NOT an April Fool's joke!!

If you have an opinion, whatever it may be, please post it here or "like" and post your comments to my "Hire Lisa the Waitress as the Dispatch's Dining Editor" page. Tell your friends. I will make every effort to avoid the "vote for me" emails every half an hour.

HA!!!!!  ironic, if you read through to the end - I began writing this post last night, and meant to save it as draft, and published it instead. So, it's unfinished. But i'm gonna leave it that way...

I know I know, I've done these posts before. But every few years I develop a new set of guilty pleasures - pleasures a true food would never admit to. I can't tell you how many tiresome conversations I have with people who claim to never eat a single bit of processed food, never a secret, late-night drunken trip to Taco Bell, no cheap, mass-produced beer, nothing but the finest farm-fresh milk produced by blissfully happy unicorn cows milked by Swiss virgins, nothing but bean-to-bar chocolate, nothing but cave-aged cheeses, etc etc.

I don't buy it. Growing up, there was virtually no processed food in my house. But even we would make the occasional trip to Wendy's.

As much as I love local, organic, free-range, artisan, and every other tired buzzword out there, I have guilty pleasures. I love cheap, crappy light beer. I love Doritos. Sometimes, I throw my soda cans in the trash instead of the recycling bin. 

Eating "purely" has become a religion. And I hate proselytizing. Religion, politics, food, local - I don't care. I don't want the lecture.

Recently, Husband took a good job with a corporation. We've been getting a bit of blowback from it. It's funny - people are quick to criticize him for taking a job with a corporation (and therefore selling out), but no one has offered to pay our health care or give us a 401K. The truth is, yes, it's a corporation. It also pays well and has really great benefits. I'm growing weary of the idea that we should be struggling in order to maintain integrity. I'm tired of struggling. We have bills to pay.

Of course, I realize this is all horribly ironic, because don't I say the same thing? Aren't I proselytizing? I don't know. I hope not. What I want people to do first and foremost is eat really great food. I want to demystify ingredients and techniques so that anyone can make themselves an amazing meal. I want to support restaurants who make amazing food. I'm probably a hypocrite, but aren't we all?

At any rate, don't have the idea that I eat nothing but the most perfectly local organic foods. I don't. I have guilty pleasures. I wouldn't really want to live without them.

1. Grippo's Pretzels. I don't like pretzels. They're dry and never salty enough. It's funny because I come from Amish stock, and didn't the Amish kind of invent pretzels? Grippos are completely different. They are so salty you can practically feel your arteries contracting as you consume them. You tongue burns and your mouth waters and you know: this is what a pretzel is supposed to taste like. They are heavenly dipped into things like chocolate ganache and frosting. I have a tub of Marzetti's caramel dip I have half a mind to dip them into. I think that would be might fine...
2. Candy. Gummy bears (Haribo brand, preferably kept open at room temperature for about 72 hours, until they are nicely ripened and just a bit hard. Oh, they're heaven. Especially the clear and red ones. There are no substitutes for Haribo gummy bears. It's like comparing gross regular jelly beans to Jelly Bellies. Can't do it. Other favorites include sour gummy worms and Smarties. And sweet tarts.
3. Dairy Queen soft serve. I don't care what's in it. There probably isn't even any milk in it. I simply do not care. It's wonderful. Although I always get a twist cone, I am not 100% positive I could identify the difference between their chocolate and vanilla if blindfolded. I don't care.Growing up outside of Marysville Ohio, Dairy Queen was a special treat. Our DQ was owned by two old twins (they seemed ancient when I was little but they were probably only 45 or 50 at the time. My DQ had 2 windows and one twin worked each window and they were a sight to behold. They worked as fast as the wind and always did special things like put candy eyes on your cone.
4. McDonald's hash browns. On an objective level, I know that McDonald's is one of the most evil corporations ever. They are largely responsible for enormously frightening factory cattle farms, etc etc etc. But there is simply no better cure for a hangover than 2 hash browns drowned in salt and chased with an ice water.
5. Cheap beer. I get all kinds of flack for this one. For the life of me, I cannot understand the current trend to create heavy, overhopped beers. It's a lot like using too much oak in wine. I think when someone can identify a characteristic, they associate that with good. "I can taste the hops in this beer," (and nothing else), "and so drinking it makes me feel like a beer snob." I love beer. A lot. Too much

Chef David Tanis redefined (or at the very least, helped define) the art of simple cooking. His philosophy has had a huge impact on my own cooking over the years (if that's worth anything); it's about letting the ingredients shine through. He wrote one of my favorite cookbooks, A Platter of Figs (which, strangely enough, I don't own - I only coveted one owned by a previous chef and read it whenever I could).

Chef Tanis will be in town tomorrow to promote his newest book, Heart of the Artichoke. I will be meeting him for lunch tomorrow, along with a group of other bloggers and members of Slow Food Columbus. Please let me know if there are any questions you would like me to ask him! I'm going to ask him to help me understand why everyone loves artichokes so much.

You can meet Chef Tanis and watch a cooking demo tomorrow evening at the Williams Sonoma store at Easton!

In a typical moment of disorientation with the world around me, I was driving on 3rd street into German Village yesterday when I say the "Village Lights" sign on the side of Katzinger's Deli. For about 15 seconds, I wondered why they had such a horribly out of date sign up, when I realized Village Lights is 3 weeks away. It's pretty close to December.I am the one with the hopelessly out-of-sync internal clock. In my defense, it was like 65 degrees, so my initial feeling that it was a warmer month is kind of rational, right?

I've decided to make November the busiest month ever by adding in another job and participating in NaNoWriMo (writing fiction is so weird; haven't attempted it since college - is anyone else out there doing it?), so needless to say, I most likely won't be doing any of these activities. But you should!

This is a great week to be a Columbusite...the weather is awesome, there are great events going on, there's lots of yummy things to eat.

• First of all, it's Dine Originals Week this week (through Sunday); go visit your favorite or find a new favorite. Read my picks from earlier this week.
• The newest Graffiti Burger opens today in Old North Columbus!! Rejoice, fellow SoHud/South Clintonville/North Campus residents, we now have at least 2 places to get a great burger! (the other is O'Reilly's, just for the record).
• Tonight is Pecha Kucha at the Wexner Center. If you haven't been, you should definitely go. I have been to a few - even did a rambling presentation once myself - and the creative energy is always high, making for an inspiring event. The basic format is there are numerous presenters, but the kicker is they only have 6 minutes to talk. Perfect for the impatient and easily bored among us. Each speaker presents 20 slides, 20 seconds per slide. It's fun.
• Lisa Scottoline and her daughter Francesca will be at the Thurber house tonight, discussing Lisa's new book about single life as an empty nester.
• Weird, Chef and I were just talking about these guys last night...the Lee brothers (Matt & Ted) will be on hand for ProMusica's annual Culinary Capers fundraiser. The event takes place tomorrow and is a luncheon, complete with cooking demonstration.The Lee brothers wrote one of the definitive books on Low Country cooking, and even won a James Beard award for it.
• A great idea for a sweet (and cheap!) evening: sample the pastries of Europe at the Grandview Library tomorrow night along with Josie Gonot - from biscotti to scones - for just $5!
• Available Light Theatre will be exploring Shakespeare for the first time beginning tomorrow, when they unveil Matt Slaybaugh's The Life & Death of Richard the Third, from the promo picture I'm guessing there are some Ziggy Stardust references....I've been to a few ALT performances and they are great.
• The Gateway Film Center shows two documentaries this week which sparked my interest: one, showing Thursday only, is called Dressed and follows the career of Columbus native and fashion designer Nary Manivong, and the other is about Stonewall, told by those who witnessed the event first hand. Young gays, learn your history and thank your elders! 
• The Columbus Jewish Film Festival has been going on this week, and continues tonight and early next week. 
• Bill Cohen (of NPR Statehouse News Bureau fame) presents the Spirit of the 60s Coffeehouse event Friday night at the King Avenue Methodist church. I'm not sure if Mr. Cohen is old enough to remember the 60s, but I'm sure the event will be cool. Plus Cohen has such a lovely and comforting voice - it's funny, I had never seen him in public, but one day I was at work and hear this voice out of the corner of my ear and was like "OMG! It's Bill Cohen!" Because that's what happens when you are an NPR nerd.
• This Saturday is the first PBJ & Jazz event, put on by the Jazz Arts group. This event is interactive, and only an hour long, and is designed to introduce younger people to the wonderful world of jazz. Plus it takes place at the newly-renovated Lincoln theater.
• Next Wednesday is the Capitol Arts Fair at the Statehouse. This event is free and features vendors and artists from all over our fair state. Yet another great option for an inexpensive event in a beautiful location.

Yay! it's Dine Originals Week! Dine Originals Week offers fixed-price menus at all of the DOC restaurants, priced for exploration at $10-$30. It's a great chance to get out and try a new restaurant.  I have just spent the better part of an hour reading everyone's menus; I will pretty much be working all week, so as usual I won't be partaking of very many (if any) of these special menus, so I will have to live vicariously through your experiences. Please share them with me and my readers!

I was discussing Restaurant Week with a chef friend of mine a few days ago, and we were wondering why there are some uninspired menus in the lineup. I challenge you, chefs - see this as a chance to get new diners in the door, put your best foot forward! Believe me when I tell you that the dining public in Columbus wants to try new things. Be brave.

A note to diners: I frequently hear vegetarians complain that there aren't enough vegetarian options with DOC. To vegetarians I say, don't fear - most restaurants will happily make you a vegetarian entree, we hear it all the time. I am encouraged to see more chefs putting vegetarian entrees on their menus, and would encourage more to do so. Of course you all know I'm certainly no vegetarian, but especially during the fall there are so many great options for vegetarian options with all those yummy squash and greens and root vegetables. 

The links go to the restaurant's DOC Week menu; you can see all participating restaurants, with menu links, on the DOC site.

• Alana's ($30/3 courses) has duck leg cassoulet; I've had something similar last year and it was amazing. Dessert is a choice of something sweet or an Ohio cheese plate.
• Banana Bean ($10/2 course) gets a bonus pat on the back from me for throwing poached or fried eggs on top of all three of their lunch selections (all $10 for 2 courses). Choices are crab cakes, espresso rubbed steak, OR lobster and potato hash, all topped with eggs. 
• Bodega ($10/3 courses) gets a listing, even though they broke the "no options" rule, because their menu is vegetarian, and looks very yummy - a beet salad with Lake Erie Goat cheese and a cheddar/local apple panini won me over.
• The Burgundy Room ($20/3 courses) has Butternut squash lasagna or short rib sliders.
• Deepwood ($10/3 course lunch as well as both $20 & $30/3 course dinner options) boasts numerous menus and gets bonus points for their vegetarian pot pie and lamb shank cassoulet. Extra credit goes to them for putting cod brandade on as an appetizer (yummmmm). 
• The Elevator ($30/3 courses) has sauerkraut balls and also features a vegetarian option.
• G. Michael's ($30/3 courses) offers up a menu with lots of choices, including pork belly, prime flat iron steak, and stuffed quail).
• The Granville Inn ($20 lunch, $30 dinner) has a drool worthy menu featuring duck cassoulet and squash ravioli. I'm a little curious about the "braised ribeye" (why would you braise a ribeye?) so if anyone tries it, please let me know. The maple creme brulee sounds tasty as well.
• The Inn at Cedar Falls ($30/3 courses) doesn't have a huge lineup but I think you should go there, because it's awesome. The restaurant is charming and delicious, and the setting is amazing. It's probably going to be one of the last lovely weeks of the year, so get down there!!
• L'Antibes ($30/3 courses) golden beet borscht? yes, please! If I were going to go somewhere just because I hadn't been there for dinner, it would certainly be L'Antibes! They're never open on my days off so I've never been there for dinner.
• Luce ($30/3 courses)is one of those restaurants I'm always hearing nice things about but their location (way to far to travel for Husband) means I haven't made it there yet. Their DOC week menu is full of Autumnal goodies like apple-quince saute and squash ravioli and sage. Yummy. 
• Pistacia Vera always blows me out of the water. It is hands down the best bakery in the city (maybe even in the state, and beyond), and everything is always so flawlessly executed that it's always a good value, too. $10 for a flight of amazing treats is a steal. If you can only afford to do one restaurant week event, this is the one. Take your significant other there and thank me later.
• The Short Story Brasserie ($30/3 courses) seems to have a course missing from their DOC menu online, but one of the appetizers featured is Cuban pork belly, and that sounds promising. I worked there one weekend a few months ago and can attest that the food was pretty freaking delicious. You should go. It's much closer than you think, really only about half an hour away.
• Skillet ($30/3 courses) has a tummy-growl-inducing menu featuring two great starters and then choices simple Bluescreek Hanger Steak, organic veal two ways, and Taleggio & pumpkin risotto (mmmmm). I was a little surprised to see they didn't appear to have a $10 lunch menu?
• Surly Girl ($30/3 course dinner FOR TWO) - another winner for those on a budget, yet still wanting to take their sweetie on a date, Surly features two menus: Trashy (Frito Pie and meatloaf TV tray dinner) and Classy (mini quiches and scallop rotini). Just for the record, although some options at Surly come on TV trays, the food on them is made in house...
• Z Cucina ($30/3 courses) offers sweet potato polenta fries - I don't know what those are, but they sound tasty. Crispy cider braised pork sounds pretty good as well.

So there you have it, a few places I'd go if I had any money or time off! And again, I encourage everyone to share your restaurant week experiences!