I have come to believe that Jesus is the complete full way to freedom from the bondage that is homosexuality.  Those of us who deal with homosexuality are truly in bondage.  Homosexual feelings are present, even though we never asked for them, and they are also compulsive.  This compulsion is key to the bondage that I believe homosexuality to be.  Jesus came to bring us “freedom”.  He also says, “The truth will set you free”.  I choose to take Jesus at his word.

Ok, I’m sure I have arisen some thoughts of fundamentalism in some of my readers.  But, I ask you to lay those concerns aside.  I still recognise the need to resolve buried emotions, yet I have come to a place where I believe Jesus to have the keys to resolve this, better than anyone else.

No longer do I believe emotions to be neutral.  Some emtions are godly, and some are ungodly.  Some are based on truth and some are based on lies.  Some are good and some are bad.  Yet, I still believe we need to get connected to the emotions buried within us, whether good or bad, godly or ungodly.  In reconnecting our minds to our emotions, we can then shine the light of God’s “truth” on these emotions and allow his power to enable us to make new choices in response to the hurt and pain of our pasts.  We need to get in touch with the emotion, face the sinful reactions we had to the pain of our past, repent of this, make new choices and be empowered by God to walk in these new choices.

So, those are some thoughts that I have been thinking on recently.  I welcome any thoughts.  Leave a comment and I will be happy to answer your question.

Also, if you have any general questions I am happy to answer them also.  Once again, leave a comment.  Any ideas on what you’d like from this blog, just let me know.

Luke:)

Clearly I haven’t written much on this blog for a while.  That’s because in many ways I lost interest in it.  I felt that it didn’t have impact and that maybe my random musings don’t actually help others to find freedom.

Regardless, I still wholeheartedly believe in freedom - complete freedom.  “The truth will set you free” - a full grasp of that is what we need.

I am not keen to be identified.  So, I would appreciate if people would refrain from doing so, if they feel they can work out who I am.  I wanted to be able to be open and honest on this blog, and felt that being identified would be a hindrance to that.  So, please be sensitive to that. PLEASE!

Anyway, I don’t want to get bogged down in definition.  I simply wanted to comment on how much I enjoy my men’s group.  It is NOT specifically for men seeking to deal with unwanted SSA.  It is for any man seeking to truly “wake up” and live his life.  There are “gay-identified” men in my group, and “straight” men in the group, and they are all accepting of me in my desire to change from homosexuality.  Some may not agree that it is possible, but the reality, openness and vulnerabilty in the group permits us all to accept where we’re at.

I truly feel like I belong in this group of men, even being the newest and youngest member.  They know me, they support me, and they love me.  Everyone needs men like these in their lives.

The energy in a mentoring relationship is just different.  The mentor is the dominant one, and as such he takes more responsibility for developing the relationship, for initiating contact, and for investing in the other person.  I like the idea of someone else looking out for me, and approaching me.  It would mean a lot for me to have someone else invite me to live life, rather than me feeling like I have to fight to live on my own.

I believe the healing that I can receive from such relationships is great - it really should not be underestimated.  So, I’m going for it.  I’ve already got one mentor, and I am meeting three other men this week to discuss mentoring, and whether they could mentor me.  This is exciting, but also scarey.  My therapist said to me, “When you start getting what you deep down want, it will hurt at first.”  I might react negatively at times, I might be abivalent, it may bring up deep loss and sadness, but I will also experience joy.  Processing all of these emotions is where the healing comes.

I will keep you posted…

So, I met this guy for breakfast this morning.  He is in his mid-40s and leads a church men’s small group that I go to.  I really have appreciated him leading the small group - he has come across as very solid in his beliefs, and a committed Christian man.  He also comes across as self-assured and determined.

I decided I would tell him about my struggle with homosexuality as a precursor to discussing mentoring with him.  He had asked me to breakfast, and I really appreciated that - it’s probably partly why I thought he might be a potential mentor.  Anyway, as soon as I told him that I struggled with homosexuality, he told me that he did as well.  This was a bit of a surprise but then it sank in and made some sense to me - for one thing, he is not married.

We discussed some stuff about our lives.  I realised that I had done more reading on the issue in my life, and had done a lot more therapy.  So certainly my understanding of the issue was greater, although I judge that he has a good potential to heal also, as he can be focused and can take risks.

Usually I meet guys who don’t want to change or guys who are trying to change.  I don’t often meet guys who are “gay”, don’t want it, and are just trying to get through life.  I think this is something to do with me being in my twenties.  Older guys haven’t had such help available to them growing up, and in their teens and twenties, the only real option provided to them was to keep it a secret, and pretend that their SSA didn’t exist.  I imagine that for a lot of these guys the secrecy has persisted.

The secrecy must end.  It is so important to reach out for help - to take the risk.  To tell people, and keep looking, until you find someone who can truly offer some help and support.  Going it alone doesn’t get us anywhere.  So, if you’re living in secrecy, I encourage you to reach out.  If you can’t talk to a friend, reach out to an organisation that believes in change.  There are many people waiting and able to offer support.  I believe the gay rights movement had a phrase “Silence is Death”.  I concur completely - a protective silence is nothing more than a slow lonely death.

I suppose I could write something about being out of your comfort zone, and having to deal with something that you usually don’t. I’m sure I could find some analogy to my struggle with same sex attraction!! Or I could simply say “When you get all hot, you need to take action to cool down.” That’s a slightly more crude analogy.

But I’m not in the mood for analogies this evening. It’s just too hot in here.

I want to be cool, and I want to be free. They’re just both things I want. It’s as simple as that.

I’m hot - our air conditioning is broken - and i simply need to get some sleep.  I’ll post tomorrow:)

The BBC report this story with the following ‘claim quashing’ headline:

‘Gay Counselling’ Call Rejected

The psychiatrist in question defended his position in the following article in a local newspaper:

Gay row doctor defends claims

The psychiatrist does a good job of putting across his views. I believe he is articulate and I am impressed that the article gives space to his views. However, it does end with the stock politically correct view:

People are born with sexual preference - that is a fact of life. Treatments that purport to change someone’s sexuality can be harmful and there is no evidence that they can be successful.

Such a blanket statement is irresponsible. This is NOT proven, and there IS evidence that they can be successful. The world needs to wake up and uphold truth rather than sentiment!

I believe that the commitment, resolve and strength needed rest within each one of us who struggles with homosexuality, however few of us delve deep enough to untap it. We look for someone else to save us, someone outside of us to give us a hand up, a book or seminar to lead us to the ‘new answer’, to another way.

An inherent issue of homosexuality is passivity. Instead of living in our all-too-familiar passivity we need to throw it off and actively pursue the changes that we so long for. Moving from the passive to the active is inherently masculine. We fear it, we don’t feel comfortable with it, we want someone else to do it all for us. We need to face facts. No one else will do it for you!! Or maybe ‘I’ should be facing what ‘I’ am really talking about: NO ONE ELSE WILL DO IT FOR ME!!

Yeah, I still look for someone else to sort it all out, to make it all better. God won’t even make it all better. I’ve asked Him enough to know that He just doesn’t work like that. He is waiting for me to choose Him above all else - above my addictions, above my comforts, above my fears, above my passive self-protection. He wants me to choose the life He has for me. Even in believing in God, I can’t just live in passivity and expect Him to be active. In the very least I must activate my faith in Him, and this involves stepping beyond myself.

So, we better get to it. The strength we need lies within, the commitment is there, the resolve too. But will we reach it - will I reach it??