In Retentis: among things held back

Counting Sheep

2010-10-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

I took to the hills for a little R&R and an early morning, mountain climb. After driving over 500 miles and picking up my permit, I figured I’d get to the trailhead and crash. All went as planned till I went to fall asleep.

It was dark enough on the mountain to sleep at 8pm, but even though I was weary my mind simply wouldn’t shut down.

I read for a while and then watched part of a Mad Men episode on my iPod. I read for a while longer, took my blood pressure (too high) and then I listened to music. I had a couple of slices of leftover pizza from dinner and then I read some more. Each of these events was separated with me punching my pillow, closing my eyes, and stretching my legs out in the back of the minivan. I was comfortable enough, but I just could turn off my brain.

I thought about my climb in the morning, obsessing over what time to get up. I kept trying to calculate the time I’d need based on the stories of the climbers I’d met in the parking lot coming down from the summit. I thought about my job and wondering when I’d get my next paycheck and whether or not it would cover the monthly bills. I started thinking about what I could cut in my budget. I had conversations with friends, some with family, some with mortal enemies.

I went to bed at 8 and didn’t fall asleep until midnight. The four hours of sleep I got weren’t enough for a potential 12 hour day on the mountain. I ended up climbing only half as far as I’d planned. I could have gone further, but would have needed a friend.

Woozy and Queasy

2010-09-30T08:35:00.001-07:00

My doctor started me on a generic form of Prozac. He let me know that I might not feel the full effects for 4-5 weeks. I can feel some of the side effects after the first pill. I’ve been a bit nauseous all day. I’ve been told this goes away.

I’ve asked a friend, who is a counselor, to start seeing me. Again, it is a good step, and one that my doctor asked me to follow up on.

The doctor also comes from a religious background and has served on several church boards. He was aghast at how I was treated when I was let go from my church, especially perturbed that it was never brought up to the congregation. I hadn’t seen my doctor get angry before, but it was right there behind his eyes.

It felt nice to be listened to, to be understood.

His prescription wasn’t just medication, he suggested that there needs to be some healthy confrontation with the church staff on this matter. I know this to be the case and started wondering why I haven’t pursued the matter before now. I think I expected others to do this for me and have been disappointed when they didn’t. I don’t have much to lose anymore, but they still do. I can understand their hesitation, even if they know what happened was wrong.

This is the first time that I’ve felt a glimpse of hope about letting others off the hook for not protecting me. It is still hard, but it feels healthy.

Speaking of feeling understood, a friends sent me this quote from Pastor David Roper

Unfathomable sorrow lies beneath the rage and retaliation of those who are victims of our prejudice, for the source of all anger is frustration and the greatest frustration is to be dishonored and debased. Every human being is created in the image of God—more like God than any other creature—a holy icon, if you will, worthy of high honor, indeed admiration and awe. To demean that image and deface it is to wound another human being at the deepest level.

Holding my Breath

2010-09-27T21:10:00.001-07:00

Restless – waiting for the appointment with my doctor tomorrow.

Hopeful – that the doctor will have some insight to help me deal with the pressure of my emotions.

Scared – that it won’t work for me.

Thankful – for my friends who are understanding towards me and real in return.

Healing 2.0

2010-09-26T17:09:00.001-07:00

I guess I’m back to journaling here for a while.

Last week I was hit with some major triggers, some things that tore scabs off old wounds. Relationally I realized how disappointed I am in some people who are close to me. I’d like to move forward but am at a loss on how to do it without addressing the pain with them. Since our current dance card doesn’t allow for this discussion, we sidestep it and pretend that nothing is wrong. It’s an acting role that I’m not going to win any awards for.

I also had a major change to my job. Since being let go of my ministry position I’ve had a steady paycheck. My last one arrived yesterday. My boss is moving me to an hourly position as she can no longer afford to keep me on salary due to our diminished work load. (I should mention that how my boss shared this change with me was great care and compassion.) I’ve been surprised at how strong my reaction to the financial status has been. I’ve made a lot of decisions based on receiving that regular paycheck. I’ve let it be a source of security for me, that in its absence, is frightening. Things I wouldn’t blink about doing last weekend I wouldn’t spend a quarter on this weekend.

I am thankful to have some good friends that have given me helpful feedback as I’ve gone into more detail with them. I’ve been honest with them that I think I need some help, that my emotions are more than I seem to be able to handle at the moment. I see several destructive patterns that I need some help overcoming. One friend gave me a tool to help interpret and categorize my emotions. If it is accurate I’m suffering from depression with associated anxiety, so I’m off to get some help.

I’ve set up an appointment with my doctor, ready to be open with him, and ready to be open to treatment. My fear that has kept me from doing this before now is that any medicine I took for depression might dull my creativity and I’d lose my voice. My friends, several with experience with depression meds, suggest this may not be the case; that I actually might be more focused with my thoughts. That would be a welcome relief.

Anniversaries and Fingerprints

2010-03-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

Today's a painful anniversary, my own personal 9-11. And even though the collapse was public many of the details were obscured from view. It may be one of the reasons that I remember this date and no one else around me seems to.

I couldn't picture life today standing amidst the rubble two years back. All I could see was disaster; all I could feel was pain. Yet some 700 plus days later much of the cleanup has occured and there are vast, empty spaces on which to build something new; someone new.

Someone knew. Papa remembers the way he wired me; remembers that details intricately woven into my being. He surprises me with kindness. When I take the time to carefully observe what appears to be happenstance in this day, I often find God's fingerprints all over it. I think He leaves them there on purpose, as indications of His love.

I'm reflective today as I look back; grateful as I look down to find scars instead of open wounds; hopefull as I look up with expectancy into tomorrow.

Holding Less Back

2009-05-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

Tonight marks a year since we graduated the last students from our discipleship school. It’s not like I have these anniversaries penciled into my calendar for planned remorse. Some of them spring up naturally, like a graduation scheduled for Memorial Day weekend. Other memories are triggered by the break in the natural rhythms we had created in our schedule. I still find myself planning during the week to what movie we’ll show on Friday, and then when Family night comes and there are no college students filling the living room I feel sad.

Last year at this time I was pretty broken. I’d had a couple of months warning that the school was coming to an end along with my job. We tried to finish well, but it was all pretty awkward.

I couldn’t share what I felt then. I felt I had to protect, to pretend things were better than they were. It’s a hard habit to break. Tonight a close friend told me that I can still hold things close to the vest and can come across more professional than authentic. I know that it stands in the way of real relationship.

So in a night fueled by nostalgia and the Anita Baker music playing in the living room, I reread what I journaled last year after graduation. It’s sprinkled with self pity and is viewed with rejection tinted glasses, but it’s real.

How am I doing now? I’ll check in. Like I said at the beginning I still feel the phantom pains from what’s been cut off, but things are growing in their place- not ministries, maybe just me.

I’m looking less and less over my shoulder, but I also don’t find myself staring longingly in the distance either. There is enough beauty between this sunrise and this sunset, right here, today.

The Church is not...

2009-01-05T01:21:00.000-08:00

The Church is not a hospital

The Church is not...

2008-12-29T11:18:00.001-08:00

The Church is not a business.

The Church is not...

2008-12-29T00:09:00.000-08:00

The Church is not an agency.

Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Pastors

2008-12-27T18:41:00.000-08:00

Thief in the Night

2008-12-22T08:01:00.000-08:00

Here is a clip from the end of the movie, "A Thief in the Night." A movie about the end times that came out in the 70's. The movie scared me as a child and still sends chills up my spine when I watch it. I don't believe this kind of fear-based teaching is from the heart of God. (In other words, don't let your kids watch it.)

Eldership Meeting

2008-12-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

What does your church's elder's meetings look like?

Where is the Love?

2008-12-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed reading this article on Andrew Sullivan's blog. It is a writer responding to an article on gay marriage. Whether or not you agree with his conclusions, this conversation is one with having. I'm convinced that so much of my Christianity has been based in fear instead of love. But if we believe that scripture is inspired, if we believe that it is His Word or His words, then we have to strongly weigh this verse: "There is no fear in love" (1 John 4:18). Can we hold to our belief system outside of fear? Can we related to those outside our belief system without resorting to fear? Where is the love?

Christian Fear Or Christian Love?
A reader writes [in response to a previous article]:
You write:

"Civil marriage for all; religious marriage for all who want to supplement it with God's grace. Why is that so hard for some people of faith to grasp? Why are their marriages defined not by the virtues they sustain but the people they exclude?"
(Emphasis mine.) Because -- as you well know -- their faiths themselves are defined by the people they exclude: the unbelievers, the unsaved (or let's be blunt: the "damned"), the always-demonized Other: without that division, that exclusion, their entire theology, indeed their entire worldview, collapses: a theology of inclusion is anathema to them, just as a politics, a sociology or even a science of inclusion (evolution) is anathema.

And why? Because despite their fine words, and their closely-guarded self-images, the actual and real ruling principle of their lives and their theology is fear, not love.

Everything flows from that original orientation, that original choice (because it is, finally, a choice). For them, to be inclusive is to expose themselves to what they fear; and what they fear most is summarized in their mythology of hell and eternal damnation: an eternal torture of body, mind, soul and spirit administered by an angry, vengeful, psychopathic god. It is all pure projection.

And irony of ironies, it is precisely the opposite of the message the Christian Savior tried to bring: that salvation is found only through love, through inclusion, through openness of mind and heart and spirit, through, ultimately, trust -- that this world, with all its difficulties and pain and imperfections, built through evolution, and including endless Others, is as it should be, as it was intended to be.

But that leap, from fear to trust, from fear to love, from fear to inclusion, is not an easy one, either for the individual or for a society. No evolutionary leap ever is -- and that is precisely what the leap from fear to love is: an evolutionary leap; evolution in action, evolution at the cognitive, emotional and spiritual levels. It's not easy, and it's not fast: we've been working on this for 2000 years -- and longer. Evolution takes its own time, but since this is the evolution of consciousness itself, we do have something to say about it: it's something we can consciously promote, and consciously accelerate -- and it's something we need to accelerate, and complete: the problems we face in this world, social, political and environmental, will not be solved by a people animated by fear.

We need to make the leap. Which is why gay marriage is important, beyond its importance to the individuals involved: the inclusion of the gay community -- the full inclusion -- within the human family is a necessary catalyst to this leap, just as the full inclusion of, for instance, the African-American and female communities have been necessary: A house divided against itself cannot stand; neither can it leap. This is where America can, and should, lead by example.

There is a radio program I heard yesterday that illustrates this leap from a fear-based to a love-based theology in the most personal terms, while reflecting the social and religious difficulties involved: the story of Reverend Carlton Pearson, "a renowned evangelical pastor in Tulsa, Oklahoma, who cast aside the idea of Hell, and with it everything he'd worked for over his entire life… Carlton Pearson's church, Higher Dimensions, was once one of the biggest in the city, drawing crowds of 5,000 people every Sunday. But several years ago, scandal engulfed the reverend. He didn't have an affair. He didn't embezzle lots of money. His sin was something that to a lot of people is far worse: He stopped believing in Hell... "

And he started believing in inclusion.

This program is nearly an hour long, but worth it (Chicago Public Radio's "This American Life" does a fantastic job). Listen especially to that part of the story, towards the end, when Reverend Pearson, cast out as a heretic by the fundamentalist evangelical community and shunned by all his old friends and colleagues, is invited to a gay church in San Francisco: what happens there moves him to tears as he tells it, and it is moving; it is what real Christianity ought to be.

Original article found here.

Does Abortion Cause Depression?

2008-12-04T22:54:00.000-08:00

I am very opposed to abortion. It takes the life of an innocent child. It is horrific, and is hardly the perfect answer to an unwanted pregnancy.

That being said, I often find myself at odds with the methods of those who oppose abortion. They tend to battle the issue from only a few viewpoints- moral and religious grounds, which often alienates themselves from others who don’t hold the same views. There are other aspects of the abortion issue to consider: medical, psychological, social, cultural, economical, legal, etc. Sometimes the pro-life crowd will address these other issues but only through their theological lenses. If they don’t like what they hear, they try to explain it away, burry their head in the ground, or yell louder about their morally superior stand. Instead of finding areas of common ground the pro-lifers escalate the division and move in the opposite direction. (I’m sure more could be said about what the pro-choice crowd could do to move towards agreement, but since I haven’t lived in that camp, my observations are from the tent I’ve frequented.)

There are two values that I wish took precedence in this cause- one for our hearts and one for our heads. The first is value is love. It’s my belief we will never change the nation by fighting to change the rules. When we end up seeing this issue as a battle we literally start warring against others. Aren’t they also the flesh and blood that we say we want to protect? No, the answer is love: loving the unborn babies, the mommies with unwanted pregnancies, the papas that impregnated them, even the people who have taken such a strong stand for choice. Our hearts must lead with Love.

(I do find it ironic that the way we want to solve this issue of sin is by control. Our creation story is about a God that chooses not to control but gives the people he loves freedom. He did this even when He knew it could, even would, be abused. But He still didn’t control, He gave us choice. Why? Love! After we made wrong decisions we tried to solve it by living under the law. But that system didn’t work. God knew it wouldn’t. He intended for the law to show us we couldn’t obtain righteousness by trying to live right or by controlling others decisions. We weren’t created that way. Then through Christ he provided us freedom again, and He did it through Love. And even now relationship with God still comes down to choice, not control. Do we dare think we’ve figured out a better way?)

The value that I wish was more prevalent in our heads, regarding abortion, is truth. But it seems to me that the pro-life crowd cares more about their opinions being right than honestly engaging the questions. They want to, need to be right and often come across as ignorant and unaware.

A good example is the link that pro-lifers have made between abortion and breast cancer. Many studies have been done to show that this link is not valid, but much of the pro-life crowd will not accept the findings. Although there is still debate on the issue the American Cancer Society's current stand is that there is no link between the two. Why has this continued to be a fighting point for the pro-lifers? Maybe they think if there is a chink in one area of their debate armor then they are exposed and could lose the battle. From my perspective they have a whole lot more to lose by acting ignorant. They will lose their place at the discussion table if they aren’t willing to engage truth. Truth isn’t something that we need to fear.

Why do I bring this up today? Because another argument from the pro-life crowd has been called into question. One of the long-standing arguments against abortion has been that abortion causes psychological distress, or a "post-abortion syndrome.” A study came out today that says that is not the case (it also addresses similar studies done with political motivation). What will the pro-life crowd do with this study?

I certainly know that there are women who are plagued with guilt over having an abortion. I’ve talked and ministered to several. I believe there is forgiveness for their decisions and healing for their hearts.

I also have talked with women who had guilt ladled over them by those who assume it should be there. If there wasn’t a healthy display of post-abortion syndrome the actions of well-meaning counselors helped bring it on, and in doing so caused these women much more pain.

It’s my opinion that the job of conviction is that of the Holy Spirit’s, and not ours. He doesn't need our help, and we aren't qualified to play His role. And seeing that He doesn't motivate us by fear, so maybe we should stop doing it to each other.

The part that He has asked us to do is simply this: Love.

Abortion not seen linked with depression
Thu Dec 4, 12:08 am ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – No high-quality study done to date can document that having an abortion causes psychological distress, or a "post-abortion syndrome," and efforts to show it does occur appear to be politically motivated, U.S. researchers said on Thursday.

A team at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore reviewed 21 studies involving more than 150,000 women and found the high-quality studies showed no significant differences in long-term mental health between women who choose to abort a pregnancy and others.

"The best research does not support the existence of a 'post-abortion syndrome' similar to post-traumatic stress disorder," Dr. Robert Blum, who led the study published in the journal Contraception, said in a statement.

"Based on the best available evidence, emotional harm should not be a factor in abortion policy. If the goal is to help women, program and policy decisions should not distort science to advance political agendas," added Vignetta Charles, a researcher and doctoral student at Johns Hopkins who worked on the study.

An estimated 1.29 million American women get elective abortions each year, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. An estimated 25 million women globally have legal abortions every year.

Abortion is a hot-button political issue, with many voters and members of the U.S. Congress as well as state lawmakers seeking to ban it.

"The U.S. Supreme Court, while noting that 'we find no reliable data to measure the phenomenon,' cited adverse mental health outcomes for women as part of the rationale for limiting late term abortions," Blum's team wrote.

The researchers reviewed all English-language, peer-reviewed publications between 1989 and 2008 that studied relationships between abortion and long-term mental health.

They analyzed those that included valid mental health measures and factored in pre-existing mental health status and potentially confusing factors.

"The best quality studies indicate no significant differences in long-term mental health between women in the United States who choose to terminate a pregnancy and those who do not," they wrote.

"...studies with the most flawed methodology consistently found negative mental health consequences of abortion," they added. "Scientists are still conducting research to answer politically motivated questions."

(Reporting by Maggie Fox, editing by Vicki Allen)

Does this make abortion acceptable? Not for me. But it has given me pause to be more careful of my assumptions of the affects of an abortion. Using the fear of psychological distress in debating the issue may not only be unkind (as is all fear-based argumentation) it may also be wrong.

2008-12-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

Found this post on Revolution in Jesusland

For several years, James Dobson’s anger-driven on-air politics has been driving away the mainstream love-focused Focus on the Family audience. Apparently it’s starting to show on their bottom line. This article doesn’t say anything about donations from members falling, but I’m guessing they’ve got to be going down.

Focus on the Family announced this afternoon that 202 jobs will be cut companywide — an estimated 20 percent of its workforce. Initial reports bring the total number of remaining employees to around 950.

Focus on the Family is poised to announce major layoffs to its Colorado Springs-based ministry and media empire today. The cutbacks come just weeks after the group pumped more than half a million dollars into the successful effort to pass a gay-marriage ban in California.

Critics are holding up the layoffs, which come just two months after the organization’s last round of dismissals, as a sad commentary on the true priorities of the ministry.

I’ve met a lot of people who have relied on Focus on the Family’s parenting and marriage shows and materials who have become increasingly alienated by FOTF’s angry political agenda. Most non-religious liberals would be very surprised by some of the mainstay content the group provides. The parenting materials, for example, focus on the importance of showing children “unconditional love” and teach parents not to punish children for childish mistakes. Much of the marriage advice given to husbands—often by women—sounds downright feminist, believe it or not, for example reminding men that the Bible also teaches husbands to submit to their wives.

For years, FOTF was one long, continuous, cheery stream of socially conservative but therapeutically liberal self-help and affirmation. And then suddenly James Dobson started frothing at the mouth. More and more, he crowded out feel-good programs with hysterical anger about things like “the Homosexual Agenda!” I’m guessing a big chunk of the grassroots funding base is walking away.

Fat Preacher finds new Fisher Price Fear

2008-12-02T07:51:00.000-08:00

A couple of questions for you:
Do we really think Jesus is afraid of the this doll?
Are our children so stupid to be led astray this way?
Is this really the best content for our Sunday morning services?

I wasn't surprised to find blame for this doll land at the feet of the president elect. I found this quote on one blog:

I didn't connect it to Obama until after reading these posts, but now it makes sense. I knew that I didn't trust him and this is just another thing to add to the list of why.

Another reader reminded us that we've seen this sort of thing before:

Remember in 1998 when parents all across the United States had hissy-fits because they really, truly believed their children's Teletubby dolls were saying "Faggot, faggot, bite my butt"?

And how about the California woman who threatened a lawsuit in 2000 after convincing herself that a Teletubby doll was telling her child "I got a gun, I got a gun, run away, run away!"

Or the woman who complained in 2006 that a Little Mermaid doll called her daughter "a slut."

Or the parent who claimed earlier this year that a Tickle Me Elmo doll made death threats against her son.

But maybe the scariest reality in this scenario are the filters in our heads not only suggesting the speech of the doll but the maniacal motivation of the Muslims.

Even if there is a way to swap out the voice chip in these Fisher Price Dolls, what can we do about the hate chip that appears to be lodged in our brains?

Is your church like Starbucks?

2008-12-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

Environmental Oops

2008-11-30T20:00:00.000-08:00

52% Evangelicals who in 2004 agreed that "strict rules to protect the environment are necessary even if they cost jobs or result in higher prices."

43% Evangelicals who agree in 2008.

(Source: Henry Institute at Calvin College)

The Widow's Tithe

2008-11-29T20:00:00.000-08:00

17.6% Widows and widowers in the U.S. who say they give 10 percent or more of their income to the church.

8.6% Non-widowed Americans who say they give 10 percent or more.

(Source: Baylor Religion Survey)

James 3: A Story

2008-11-28T12:00:00.000-08:00

Churches Compete for the Obamas

2008-11-27T12:00:00.000-08:00

According the Washington Post, local D.C. churches have got in the spirit of lobbying, going after the membership of Washington's newest Christian family. They have their own sales pitches, campaigns, and stategies. It is a prestigious thing to land a power player in a pew.

It makes me think, who would Jesus lobby?

How did the Sexperiment work?

2008-11-26T17:00:00.000-08:00

Article from the NY Times

Pastor’s Advice for Better Marriage: More Sex
By GRETEL C. KOVACH

GRAPEVINE, Tex. — And on the seventh day, there was no rest for married couples. A week after the Rev. Ed Young challenged husbands and wives among his flock of 20,000 to strengthen their unions through Seven Days of Sex, his advice was — keep it going.

Mr. Young, an author, a television host and the pastor of the evangelical Fellowship Church, issued his call for a week of “congregational copulation” among married couples on Nov. 16, while pacing in front of a large bed. Sometimes he reclined on the paisley coverlet while flipping through a Bible, emphasizing his point that it is time for the church to put God back in the bed.

“Today we’re beginning this sexperiment, seven days of sex,” he said, with his characteristic mix of humor, showmanship and Scripture. “How to move from whining about the economy to whoopee!”

On Sunday parishioners at the Grapevine branch watched a prerecorded sermon from Mr. Young and his wife, Lisa, on jumbo screens over a candlelit stage. “I know there’s been a lot of love going around this week, among the married couples,” one of the church musicians said, strumming on a guitar before a crowd of about 3,000.

Mrs. Young, dressed in knee-high black boots and jeans, said that after a week of having sex every day, or close to it, “some of us are smiling.” For others grappling with infidelities, addictions to pornography or other bitter hurts, “there’s been some pain; hopefully there’s been some forgiveness, too.”

Mr. Young advised the couples to “keep on doing what you’ve been doing this week. We should try to double up the amount of intimacy we have in marriage. And when I say intimacy, I don’t mean holding hands in the park or a back rub.”

Mr. Young, known simply as Ed to his parishioners, and his wife, both 47, have been married for 26 years and have four children, including twins. They have firsthand experience with some of the barriers to an intimate sex life in marriage, including careers, exhaustion, outside commitments, and “kids,” a word that Mr. Young told church members stands for “keeping intimacy at a distance successfully.”

But if you make the time to have sex, it will bring you closer to your spouse and to God, he has said. You will perform better at work, leave a loving legacy for your children to follow and may even prevent an extramarital affair.

“If you’ve said, ‘I do,’ do it,” he said. As for single people, “I don’t know, try eating chocolate cake,” he said.

The sex-starved marriage has been the topic of at least two recent books, “365 Nights” and “Just Do It.” But Mr. Young’s call from the pulpit gave the discussion an added charge.

It should not, in his view. This is not a gimmick or a publicity stunt, Mr. Young says. Just look at the sensuousness of the Song of Solomon, or Genesis: “two shall become one flesh,” or Corinthians: “do not deprive each other of sexual relations.”

“For some reason the church has not talked about it, but we need to,” he said, speaking by telephone Friday night on his way to South Africa for a mission trip. There is no shame in marital sex, he added, “God thought it up, it was his idea.”

Those who attend Fellowship’s location here or one of several satellite churches in the Dallas area and one in Miami are used to Mr. Young’s provocative style. (The real “f word” in the marital boudoir, he says, is “forgiveness.”) But the sex challenge was a bit much for some of his church members, who sat with arms crossed in uncomfortable silence, he recalls, while many in the audience gave him an enthusiastic applause.

One parishioner, Rob Hulsey, 25, said his Baptist relatives raised their eyebrows about it, but he summed up the reaction of many husbands at Fellowship Church when he first heard about the sex challenge — “Yay!”

A week later, he and his wife, who are expecting a baby and have two older children, could not stop holding hands during the sermon. His wife, Madeline Hulsey, 32, said she was just as thrilled to spend a week focusing on her husband. Usually, “we start to kiss, and it’s knock knock knock, Mom!” she said.

Others found that, like smiling when you are not particularly happy, having sex when they did not feel like it improved their mood. Just eight months into their marriage, Amy and Cody Waddell had not been very amorous since Cody admitted he had had an affair.

“Intimacy has been a struggle for us, working through all that,” Ms. Waddell said. “This week really brought us back together, physically and emotionally.”

It is not always easy to devote time for your spouse, Pastor Young admitted. Just three days into the sex challenge he said he was so tired after getting up before dawn to talk about the importance of having more sex in marriage that he crashed on the bed around 8 p.m. on Tuesday night.

Mrs. Young tried to shake him awake, telling her husband, “Come on, it’s the sex challenge.” But Mr. Young murmured, “Let’s just double up tomorrow,” and went back to sleep.

Failed Faith

2008-11-25T22:45:00.000-08:00

The only faith
that I have lost
is failed faith
for a lost few.

- Mumbling Truth

7 Days of Sex - He Said/She Said

2008-11-25T17:00:00.000-08:00

Pastor Ed Young and his wife Lisa each share about the challenge they made to their church.

He (Ed) said:
The amount of press this challenge has gotten over the last several days has been a little surprising. I can't say I'm shocked, though. Our culture is so used to toilet water that it's refreshing when we get a taste of God's pure desire for sex in marriage. So no, I'm not shocked. I'm excited. But the most exciting aspect of this isn't the press. It's not the news coverage or the interviews.

The most exciting part of this right now is the potential that this challenge has to help heal and strengthen so many marriages and families. I pray over the next week that communication lines are opened, intimacy is restored and marriages are strengthened as they "do it" God's way. Please join me in this prayer.

She (Lisa) said:
I mentioned this at Flavour, but let me say it here. I'm so excited about this challenge! (And yes, ladies, I'm the one who brought the idea to Ed through a magazine article I'd found.) Why am I so excited? That's simple. Because God has revolutionized my view of sex and removed a lot of preconceived notions I had. And I can truly value intimacy done God's way.

This challenge is about so much more than the act of sex. This is an opportunity for marriages to get back to what God designed them to be. It's a chance for all of us to reinforce our love for our spouses.

So here's my prayer for this next week. First, to the ladies. I 'm praying that God expands your view of the importance of sex in marriage and that He gives you the diligence in prioritizing this aspect of your marriage. And for the men, my prayer is that you will lead out spiritually for your wife so that the oneness God has in mind will supernaturally flow through every aspect of your marriage. (And yes, that includes sex.)

You can follow their journey on their church blog.

Pastor Preaches Procreation

2008-11-24T17:10:00.000-08:00

From The BlackChristianNews.com

Pastor Ed Young Wants Married Couples to have Sex Every Day for a Week

God may have rested on the seventh day, but the Rev. Ed Young wants married couples to have sex all week long. Once a day. Beginning this Sunday.

The call to action will headline his sermon that day at Grapevine-based Fellowship Church. He plans to deliver his challenge while sitting on a bed.

"I won't be dressed in pajamas," the pastor says.

In these days of financial crisis, rampant divorce and debates over same-sex marriage, it's time, he says, to turn the "whining" into "whoopee."

More fundamentally, he adds, the embracing of sex is about nurturing and strengthening marriages.

"Sex is like Super Glue. It's a spiritual thing, an emotional thing," he says.

And the marriage thing, he believes, should only involve a man and woman. God's way, he says.

Jim Dale of Coppell said he figures the pastor is trying to create more buzz for his five-church mega-ministry.

"Draw 'em in, no matter what or how," wrote the Coppell resident in a posting on dallasnews.com. "Sex? You betcha. That'll pack the pews (or theater seats)."

Mr. Dale, author of a book about individual relationships with God, said he has attended Fellowship Church a few times. And he offered some praise: "I've got to hand it to them, they are brilliant marketers."

Mr. Young says his challenge -- following a seminar called "Leaving Lust Vegas" -- isn't about filling seats. "We've got more people than we can say grace over," he says of his 20,000-worshipper Baptist ministry that video streams services from Grapevine to churches in downtown Dallas, Plano, Fort Worth and Miami.

Marketing is indeed at play, the pastor says. "It gets people thinking on a deeper level about sex. I want people talking about it," he says.

But doing it?

"God says sex should be between a married man and a woman. And do it," he says.

Whatever the motivation, the pastor's rousing words aren't unprecedented. A Florida church earlier this year issued a 30-day sex challenge.

Mr. Young said his words may well resonate more with the young and healthy. And at 47, he plans to practice what he's preaching.

"We're going to give it a try," he says, speaking for Lisa, his wife of 26 years and mother of their four children.

As for others, "I can't make them do it," the pastor says.

But he's hopeful. "I think people are going to have a Happy Thanksgiving."

You can watch his sermon here: Leaving Lust Vegas.