Every week, I name that one individual who displays amazing brass clock weights which we can all say “Wow, now that guy has some freakin stones.”  The person needs to be a guy (but not always), somewhat famous (but the 15 minute version works well too), and simply could give a crap about the outcome and just goes for it.

This week, it’s not even close.  Governor Rod Blagojevich of Illinois just might be the poster-boy for this award here ever after.  Heck, I may even rename this award after him.  This guy is UNBELIEVABLE.  He has such massive beans, he has to walk around with a wheel barrel.

Even I, a guy who applauds those who go against the grain and will defend those who go for it, am a little perplexed how he could do what he is doing right now.

Today, Governor Blagojevich decided to appoint Roland Burris to fill Barack Obama’s US Senate seat.  This is his civic duty under the 17th Amendment to the US Constitution.  But, unless you have been rolling with Bin Laden in a cave during the past couple of weeks, you know the good Governor is accused of trying to sell Obama’s seat to the highest bidder.  He is on tape, dropping several F-bombs, and telling the person on the other end how valuable this appointment is to expanding his wallet.

After all this came to light, the Dem’s in the US Senate told him to forget about it.  They will not vote to approve ANYONE who he names, for the obvious reasons.  The Illinois House is trying to impeach the guy; the Attorney General is trying to put him in jail ASAP; and even Obama has said the guy should step down.

What did Blagojevich do?  He appoints someone anyhow. Forget Arnold, this guy is the Governator.  He literally is shoving his middle finger in the air to anyone and everyone.

How is this manly, you ask?  Well, the guy is no doubt scum.  He is on tape saying he wants just about everything for the appointment and will get it.  However, we love America and we love the fact we are all innocent until proven guilty.  He just may be guilty of a crime and he is certainly guilty of being a very large bonehead idiot.

But innocent he is until charges have been proven.  He is doing his job by appointing someone to represent the good people of Illinois.  He is also fighting for his political life (and personal freedom).  Not sure if any of this is worthy of manliness, but what huge cojones he has.  That is something we can all admire, maybe not be totally proud of, but admire nonetheless.

On a side note…

One of the manliness themes here at Return To Manliness is taking responsibility.  Any politician who claims this guy is scum and they would never stoop so low as to expect something for their actions in office is a MASSIVE hypocrite.

People all over want to vilify him for his alleged actions, but this is simply how politics works.  Not just American politics, but politics all over the world.  Don’t think for a second that every vote, every endorsement, every action, and yes, every appointment, is worth something to someone - and EVERY politician knows it.

I have some experience in local politics and I can say without any reservation, that nothing was given for free.  From the littlest of requests to the largest - they all came with a price.  Not always money in the form of campaign contributions, but nevertheless reciprocation was the name of the game.

No…I certainly give the esteemed Governator from Illinois the top prize in being an arrogant POS and a generally humongous idiot, but I also understand he was doing nothing that any other politician would not do as well.

Have any thoughts on this guy?  Would love to hear them…

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Rod Parker of The Detroit News and ESPN’s First Take, who covers the Detroit Lions locally, asked a very tough question to Rod Marinelli, Detroit Lions coach, after their 15th loss of the season to the New Orleans Saints.  READ ENTIRE STORY.

Before we get to the controversy, a little backstory…

Marinelli hired his son-in-law, Joe Barry, as defensive coordinator before the 2007 season.  Joe didn’t have a lot of experience and the locals were bent over the insane cronyism and nepatism shown by this move.  This is an ongoing issue in D-town and a sore spot for many.  Also, Rod Marinelli has not been the best guy to get along with press during his rough tenure as coach.  He has never been a “good guy” in this respect.  A great guy overall most likely, but on this point, not so much.  On to the ruckus…

Parker, after several painful minutes of questions from everyone concerning the apparent history breaking season simply could not take it any longer.  Many have privately questioned Barry’s continued employment after the unquestionably worst defense in history, but nobody has really taken the issue to Marinelli publicly. Until now.

Parker asked Marinelli if “he wished his daughter married a better defensive coordinator.” Nice…

The Fallout

The loaded question didn’t elicit an immediate lashing from Marinelli, but later caused him to lash out against Parker.   Marinelli claimed it was an attack on his daughter and that was over the line.  Parker later apologized for what he called a failed attempt at humor.  He said he was simply trying to bring light to a moment which was obviously painful for everyone involved.

Many big names, like Terry Bradshaw, called Parker an “idiot.”  Others called him a “punk” and being unprofessional. More on this in a moment…

The Detroit News is considering suspending him and who knows what ESPN will do.  The fallout over this is getting quite large and, I say, ridiculous.

Failed Attempt At Humor?  Really?

Truth is, everyone in that room, after hearing that question, either laughed out loud or to themselves.  It was funny and to the point.  Loaded question for sure, but it’s time to man up, Marinelli.  This was not an attack on your daughter and EVERYONE knows that.

Your daughter did not hire your defensive coordinator.  Your daughter is not going to go 0-16 and become the butt of every joke in pro sports.  This was not an attack on her, but simply bringing to light the obvious question of whether or not this guy would still be coaching your defense if he wasn’t your son-in-law.

No, this question was very funny and Rob Parker should not get fired or suspended for it.  An apology was fine and it should be left at that.

I am not endorsing his comments here, but I think manliness is about taking responsibility.  Parker has taken responsibility for his question and apologized for any hurt feelings.  Marinelli should accept the apology and simply say, “we are all very dissapointed by our season” and simply move on.

That being said, Rod Marinelli also has to take responsibility.  He took a HUGE risk by placing his son-in-law as the defensive coordinator.  It has not worked out, people in Detroit are pissed about it, and he has to step up and address the critics.  Also, Marinelli has to take the heat.  He is the guy in charge.  He is the coach and ultimately responsible for putting his team in position to win.  He has failed on this point.  Don’t want the heat, then don’t take the millions of dollars in salary and the position which is coveted by so many.

Finally, people need to lighten up.  It was a joke.  It may have been ill placed but Marinelli using his daughter as cover for his team’s failings (and his unquestionable poor judgment of hiring and keeping his son=in-law as defensive coordinator) is exactly where manliness is breaking down.  Take responsibility and move on.

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Financial Armageddon

I am a financial management consultant by trade and I have been diligently looking for work lately.  I’ve had several opportunities which were sure things that slipped away with the speed of my 401k value from September 15th - this is the day Lehman Brothers filed for BK.   That changed everything.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, is locking it down right now.  Commerce is barely moving and my line of work, like so many others, is viable only when the business is working.

This financial crisis is one for the ages.  There are many tails to this conversation, but one that seems to keep popping up is whether or not we are heading for another Great Depression.  Not sure if this will happen, but certainly, if enough people think (and feel) we are going there, then it most likely will.

You see, it is one thing to think it is a possibility and to discuss it in a rational manner, but it is completely different to have everyone focus all of their energy on how bad things have gotten.  We must keep things in perspective, and more importantly for the adults out there with children relying on them to provide, we must keep our eye on the ball.

On to some really good posts this week…

Gay Liberal and Conservative Christian Marriage (A Good Husband)  Cory has a great conversation on the gay marriage debate.  I have some strong feelings on this issue and will be part of another post.

Herb Score (1933-2008) (Joe Posnanski)  Joe is simply one of the best writers I have ever read.  He is a sports writer in Kansas City and wrotes rather long posts, but he does it with my kind of humor and is always a great read.  Herb was the voice that made him feel warm inside growing up in Cleveland and listening to the Indians.  For me, it was Ernie Harwell and my hometown favorate Detroit Tigers.

6 Lessons In Manliness From James Bond (Art Of Manliness)  Huge Bond fan.  I wanted to post something since the new movie is timely at the moment, but Brett beat me to it.  Great read and a great site!

Getting Real (The Common Man)  TCM simply loses it and gives us one of his classic rants on reality TV.  Frankly, I agree with him 1000%… 

What I learned about Blogging from the U.S. Presidential Election (ProBlogger)  Darren’s articles are becoming my Norm from Cheers - always there and always adding value.  This article is another great one.

Thanks for reading and more to come…

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As most who read this blog know, I am in the process of finding a new job. This fact alone is quite daunting considering the sickness in our economy and the apparent pillaging of our financial system.

I wouldn’t worry too much about me, though. I have an advanced degree, tons of experience and no-doubt will have employment soon. I had a friend write me today who said, “Hey, I just read your blog. What the heck is happening? Are you and the fam OK?” We’ll be OK…I think…(in reality, it is looking I will have several opportunities to choose from).

In any event, I am talking to a few companies and they have been absolutely great with their communication. Up front, honest, and timely. Some other companies – not so much. I think this, like everything else, is a function of several other things going on in their own companies (as well as the market in general).

Manliness Trait: Do What You Say, Say What You Do

I do want to mention one person who has made a huge difference in my search. Let’s call this person, Steven (not his real name). Steven works for a big company that has not always been very good at human resources in the past. He has taken it upon himself, though, to be a complete stand-up guy with legendary integrity.

When I told him I needed more money to make my family feel good about a possible relocation, he told me he would think about it and try to convince the other decision makers of my worth. He was successful in getting a higher pay rate and did something extraordinarily manly – he took no credit for it. He said, “Kevin, I told them what I feel in my heart and my head – you are worth every penny and they would be stupid not to do it. The choice was a no-brainer for them. I had no impact on this outcome.”

Now, I know he is putting his good name and reputation on the line. I know this because I have been around. He went to bat for me and my family. In return, he expects quality and not to be let down – so again, nothing is free. But, it is a good business decision for his company and he gets someone with intense loyalty in return.

This one thing by itself would have been enough to convince me of this gentleman’s true manliness, but he did something else to ensure his legendary status. He knows how incredibly pressure filled this process is for me and my family. He understands the importance to me of knowing how I am going to provide for my family. It has never been discussed in my conversations with him, but he inherently knows what kind of person I am. He is smart enough to know my hot buttons and presses them at the right times.

He has followed up with me every single time when he said he was going to so. This is immensely to the point of why his company will start benefiting from my intense loyalty and production. I’ve enjoyed every minute I’ve spent with him and he has earned my complete trust and loyalty. Now that’s manliness…

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If you choose to be unemployed, you may find this article not as relevant at the beginning. However, you will find it poignant at some point during your self-imposed sabbatical. This article is written for those of us that did not choose to be unemployed. It was out of our hands and now have to make the best of it.

I have never been unemployed before. It was a HUGE adjustment. Imagine going 100 miles per hour for 20+ years and then nothing. The only thing I’ve experienced that comes close to the feeling is finding out your mate has not been faithful. You go from “everything is great” to the “world has ended”.

I am certain this is the same feeling people get when they retire. It’s like driving along in your car and suddenly, unexpectedly getting hit by another vehicle. You take the drive, the car, the action for granted - then your entire perspective on everything, literally everything, changes instantly. It certainly shakes things up.

This article focuses on 5 effects of unemployment men often take for granted. I am sure there are many more, of course, but these 5 aspects of manliness were affected greatly during my layoff. My intent on discussing this is not to tell you how to deal with your situation - everyone is different. Also, AoM did a fantastic job in identifying a plan, albeit obvious ideas, which we all need to remind ourselves of during unemployment.

What you lose as a man

Responsibility - Some guys might like the idea of being unemployed. I won’t pass judgment on anyone, but for me, not providing for my family or myself through productive work is the polar opposite of manliness. Accepting that responsibility is a core manliness trait. When you do not have gainful employment, a sense of responsibility is lost.

It is only human to fall into a mode of less responsibility. We tend to look at the greater economy or some outside factor that has caused this situation and then turn to others to help out (namely the government). When we start getting handouts/charity/whatever you want to call it, our level of responsibility in our own minds often slides. It can be a vicious circle that men have to be extremely careful.

Sense of purpose - All humans need to be loved, accepted and respected. It is a human emotion and a need - not a want. Having a sense of purpose is an affect of these three human needs. When you lose your job, as a man, it puts a huge dent in this effort.

Men, in general, relate to this much more than women. We identify who we are as men by what we do for a living. Think about that. Men often shape and carve their personalities, friends, colleagues, after work activities, and much more based solely on what they do for a living. When we lose this core foundation of our identity, it crushes our manly egos and our manliness takes a serious hit.

Dignity - Webster defines dignity as the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed. It simply does not matter if you chose to be unemployed or it was chosen for you - you will at some point lose a portion of your dignity. It may be all so slight or even at a subconscious level, but it will happen.

In my case, I became unemployed not by my own decision. It simply happened. My sense of worth and the idea of not being needed any more was a huge blow to my ego. The company did not make it so I know there were other factors at play, but it still forces one to think about their value.

Money - I have always subscribed to the notion that I would not work if I didn’t need the cash. I now know that statement to be only partially true. I need the cash, but this little episode in my life has taught me that I would continue to work regardless if I needed it or not. The work might be completely different, but having an affect in people’s lives and making my own life worthwhile through meaningful work is as core to me as being a man itself. The compensation for my time and production is an essential part of the equation for obvious reasons - my family and my other habits/vices.

Testosterone - This is often overlooked in this predicament. We all know the pitfalls of the obvious - self worth; sense of purpose; responsibility; dignity; etc. However, men thrive on competition, the chase and eventually the battle. Over time, men have tried to suppress this inherent need, but it is in our DNA. Being unemployed has affected my level of manliness in ways I am embarrassed to discuss, but do so to ensure other guys don’t feel alone in this regard.

Being unemployed has wreaked havoc on my sex life and my ability to perform in competitive situations. All men, married or not, live for the chase. The chase is in constant play and testosterone is a key ingredient. Women (and specifically sex) are the prize. My wife has noticed the difference and it is clear I’ve lost an edge in our relationship. Also, in all my sporting activities, it has become much less important to win and compete than in times past.

Cause vs. Symptom

Living without meaningful work and employment is a cause of this lost manliness. The other items listed in this article are symptoms. This is a very important distinction we men who are faced with this issue have to distinguish.

There will be people who don’t agree with me, but gainful employment and sense of purpose is the root cause of how we feel during this time. It is not a symptom of deeper rooted issues or something that happened during our childhood. That is an excuse in my opinion.

My friend said it best as I was contemplating a few offers recently. I was splitting hairs and trying to justify my thoughts around these offers. He stepped up as all good friends would and said, “Shut up and get a freaking job! You need to take care of your family and get your edge back. It is MUCH easier to find the right job when you already have one.”

This doesn’t work for everyone, but it sure resonates for me.

If you have any thoughts or differing opinions, leave a comment. I would love to hear them.

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RTM has essentially been shut down for a month. I have been MIA and I apologize. I would love to find the perfect political excuse for why I have abandoned this effort, but there is no excuse - just reasons.

For the good folks who have supported this site in the past and want more manliness drivel, let’s get to it. For those who have relished in my inactivity and would rather see me just go away, go grab some Pepto and hunker down for some serious manliness chatter.

Real estate in Las Vegas

I recently lost my job. I have LOTS of experience and have never been out of work in my adult life - starting at age 14. So, losing my job (which was very closely tied to the Las Vegas real estate market) was a brand new experience to me. I did not know how to act, so I did what I always do when clueless (which happens a lot) - I shifted into my insanely focused mentality of stopping at nothing until I figure it out. It reminds many of Forrest Gump-like intensity of always keeping your eye on the ping-pong ball. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, could pull my attention away from the task at hand.

Being so closely tied to the Las Vegas real estate market, it was not a shock that my work would come to an end. However, we all thought we had more time. Things have turned here in Vegas, like so many other places, really, really bad. Housing prices are blowing up here to the tune of 30% decline in just one year. Think about that for a moment.

Responsibility to my family

As many know, I recently adopted an amazing child. My wife and I were recently featured at Discovering Dad and you can see some pictures there. He means the world to me and there is NOTHING that will get in the way of me providing for my wife and my new child.

Responsibility is an interesting subject to me. When it comes to manliness, I am certain that this one word is the cornerstone to finding your way. It is the one thing in our lives we men (and women) need to always be in pursuit. And take it from me, when something like this happens in your life and you have more to think about than just which cocktail you will focus on this Friday at happy hour - your perspective on responsibility changes drastically.

Putting things into perspective

I love writing for this site and learning a brand new skill - blogging. I am in this thing for the next 20 years, not the next 20 days. So, when I needed to focus my attention on providing for my family and making sure that little boy of mine is safe from a financial catastrophe, the site be damned!

Now that I am closing in on a new position and new career, I can spend some time thinking about tickling the subject of manliness again. No doubt, my life will be in high transition as a move out of Vegas is probably forthcoming. My income will most likely be just fine. Our health benefits covering us from catastrophe. My piece of mind coming back from the brink.

Truth is, my family and my ability to provide was never really in danger - which can not be said of so many others out there in the midst of this financial meltdown threatening the American way of life. But it was the thought of not being able to provide - the thought of not being responsible enough to ensure the well being of my son - that got me so worked up. In any event, I’m back in the saddle.

BTW, I want to thank The Common Man for a nice comment recently on his blog. He has been an advent supporter of Return To Manliness. His writing style and his topics are excellent and his frequent participation here has been a phenomenal support. Thanks TCM!!!

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GW put his life on the line and had to watch (and command) many patriots to their death for a cause - a belief - an ideal. After he helped kick British ass off our great land, he then, very reluctantly, agreed to serve as our first President. He came, kicking and screaming, for a second term of office, but refused a third.  What a man!  The guy literally sweat manliness from his pores.

In his farewell speech to the newly formed idea of a nation, he addressed what he thought could be the end of this ideal - political parties. Here are some excerpts of that farewell address (the whole address can be found here):

…I have already intimated to you the danger of parties in the state, with particular reference to the founding of them on geographical discrimination’s. Let me now take a more comprehensive view, and warn you in the most solemn manner against the baneful effects of the spirit of party, generally.

This spirit, unfortunately, is inseparable from our nature, having its root in the strongest passions of the human mind. It exists under different shapes in all governments, more or less stifled, controlled, or repressed; but, in those of the popular form, it is seen in its greatest rankness, and is truly their worst enemy.

The alternate domination of one faction over another, sharpened by the spirit of revenge, natural to party dissension, which in different ages and countries has perpetrated the most horrid enormities, is itself a frightful despotism. But this leads at length to a more formal and permanent despotism. The disorders and miseries, which result, gradually incline the minds of men to seek security and repose in the absolute power of an individual; and sooner or later the chief of some prevailing faction, more able or more fortunate than his competitors, turns this disposition to the purposes of his own elevation, on the ruins of Public Liberty.

Without looking forward to an extremity of this kind, (which nevertheless ought not to be entirely out of sight,) the common and continual mischief’s of the spirit of party are sufficient to make it the interest and duty of a wise people to discourage and restrain it.

It serves always to distract the Public Councils, and enfeeble the Public Administration. It agitates the Community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms; kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption, which find a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions. Thus the policy and the will of one country are subjected to the policy and will of another.

There is an opinion, that parties in free countries are useful checks upon the administration of the Government, and serve to keep alive the spirit of Liberty. This within certain limits is probably true; and in Governments of a Monarchical cast, Patriotism may look with indulgence, if not with favor, upon the spirit of party. But in those of the popular character, in Governments purely elective, it is a spirit not to be encouraged. From their natural tendency, it is certain there will always be enough of that spirit for every salutary purpose. And, there being constant danger of excess, the effort ought to be, by force of public opinion, to mitigate and assuage it. A fire not to be quenched, it demands a uniform vigilance to prevent its bursting into a flame, lest, instead of warming, it should consume…

In short, Washington believed political parties were evil in nature. They were not in the best interest of our country unity and could eventually lead to our downfall.

Ladies and gentlemen…I think we are almost there. If we are going to save ourselves from ourselves, we need a plan…an Attack Plan…

Select the best candidate

The biggest problem today with political parties is they often don’t select the best candidate for the job. The party system is set up to select the best representative of the party to win an election. Oftentimes, who is best for the job is not EVER a consideration.

Imagine if that is how it worked in business? This silliness happens all the time, but if you can’t do the job or don’t have the best person to fill the position, it eventually catches up with the business. It will either go bankrupt or toil in mediocrity until you have someone there who can perform the best.

Kill all the lawyers

Shakespeare said it best in Henry VI, “the first thing we should do is kill all the lawyers.” This statement was uttered by a treacherous revolutionary in his attempt to plan a way to be successful. If they eliminated all who might stand in the way of the rebellion, then it just might work. Even though the phrase was spewed to start a rebellion (not necessarily to restore sanity to every day life), let’s consider the possibilities.

Political Action Committees are the bane of our political existence. Lobbyists spend millions every year to push their agendas on our legislatures. There is almost NEVER a bill passed, a resolution ratified, or a roll-call conducted that doesn’t have millions of dollars given to somebody in the government behind it. Political parties rely on this money to win future elections (and to build extravagant lifestyles).

Absolute power corrupts

Political parties’ sole purpose in life is to get people elected. They are nothing more than fund raising tools to lend support to candidates that have elect-ability that will push forward an agenda that coincides with those that give the most money to the party.

Whew! What a mouthful. But it’s true. Every last word of it. It’s the golden rule that is as old as civilization itself - “those who have the gold, make the rules.” And if you want to make the rules with government, you musts get your guy/gal elected. They must win. Plain and simple. Doesn’t matter if they have the best interest of the country, you, your family, or the safety of its citizens in mind. It is not the job of candidates anymore to do this. It is only about winning an election to push forward the agenda of the donors.

This is extraordinarily dangerous and George Washington knew it. He, like so many other founding fathers, could see into the future of what money and power does to people. It changes the intent of serving the greater good to serving the few who helped get them there. Eventually, they predicted, this would bring down the very ideal of why The United States were founded.

Stop the hatred

I am continually ashamed, but almost never surprised, as to the level of hatred that exists between people of opposing views. The Sean Hannity’s of the world are the scourge of the system. They hate first, belittle and demise second, and seek common ground only as a last resort.

GW had this one pegged. He knew the power and money involved in controlling the process was too big to pass. That political parties were a way to mobilize and influence people to follow along with the program (regardless of right or wrong) in order to land top spots that control the government system.

So, today, there is no interest in the betterment of our country - it is only the betterment of the party. If it is good for the country, then it’s a bonus. The sides have become so polarized to their beliefs, they have lost site of the common goal. And in this blindness, a pure hatred for the other side has been formed. So much so, there is no common enemy or friend in the world today for Americans. There is only which are you - Democrat or Republican? If you are not on my team, you are the enemy.

Make voting a privilege, not a right

The United States was formed on the concept of giving rights to citizens. The Constitution and its subsequent Bill of Rights (first 10 Amendments to the Constitution) galvanized the concept of a US Citizen’s rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The right to vote for elected leaders in our representative form of government is clearly defined.

However, the US Constitution was written prior to political parties being formed. There are no provisions in this document to handle what is clearly a threat to our national security and sovereignty. Political parties have taken the concept of the “right” to vote and made a mockery out of the concept.

Select the best candidate

I decided to revisit this one again as I sit watching Governor Palin take the Vice Presidency candidacy on the McCain ticket for this year’s Presidential election. I can’t help think to myself, is this what McCain really wanted or is it only helpful to get elected?

She may be qualified for the position, although that looks highly unlikely - she is only 2 years removed from being a mayor of a town of 7,000 residents. It is most likely that she is a woman that put her on the ticket. Could she possibly be more qualified than Mitt Romney or Joe Lieberman or Charlie Christ or Mike Huckabee - most definitely not!

Or is it an attempt to woo women voters who were simply voting for Hillary because she was woman? If women voters switch to McCain from Clinton based solely on the gender issue, then my previous notion of making voting a privilege (through some kind of test or other means of earning it) needs to be instituted immediately.

What is really scary about the selection is that McCain met with Palin just once before making his decision on putting her in the second most powerful position in the country if elected. If this does not tell you the process of selecting the best person is all screwed up, I’m not sure what does.

I love the idea of America and all that comes with it. I know George Washington was scared of political parties interfering with that ideal. He decided to never affiliate with one. If George Washington were running for President today he wouldn’t have made it out of the primaries. Then again, GW never ran for President in today’s sense. He was convinced by his peers to serve and lead as they all knew he was the best person for the position. What an amazingly simple idea!!!!

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Here is an excerpt from that article:

Young, gorgeous, successful - and single. For Christine Kitching, 24, Auckland’s “man drought,” is not a vague concept, but a reality.

The high-flying Air New Zealand Fashion Week administrator told the Herald on Sunday single men were hard to find in the City of Sails - “they’re either gay or married.”

Unfortunately, the remaining bachelor pool presented what Kitching denounced as a “very limited selection”.

Successful and ambitious Kiwi women looking for a love match were hard-pressed to find “manly men” said Kitching.

“It’s a running joke among my single friends, the man-drought.”

One of the main problems with available men she’d met was that they were easily “intimidated” by strong, career-driven women.

“I don’t put up with crap,” she said. “But the men in Auckland are too soft. They are all so ‘emo’.

“I haven’t yet found a really rugged man who is not going to spend more time in the bathroom than I do, or use my hair straighteners.”

This article is one of hundreds that come across my desk on a weekly basis.  A recent book called “The Retrosexual Manual” by David Beasley, an Australian nonetheless, explores this topic of men returning to manliness.  It was featured in many articles, but this one from the LA Times did it best when they tied it into the amazing TV show, Mad Men.  (check my take on this manliest of shows)

We are witnessing a (relatively) silent revolution back to manliness.  For years, being called a Metrosexual meant fighting words for many men.  Then, subtly, things changed.  Men began embracing their feminine side.  Spending tons of time in the bathroom, getting haircuts every couple of weeks, manicures, pedicures (holy crap!) and all kinds of other acts to push us men further towards a unisex mentality.

By the late 90’s, the man’s man and old-timing manliness was dead.  Now, it’s rearing its stubbly, Old-Spice smelling head back to mainstream.  And people are talking about it.

This silent mutiny is one that everyone wants - men and women both.  Metrosexuals, in my opinion, were a fabrication of the consumer society that existed here in America for the last 30 years.  Attitudes shifted from manliness and being men to the effiminate male in constant search for his softer side.

Nobody really to blame.  Women liked it as they were gaining the respect and admiration they deserved for so long.  Men liked it because it gave them permission to do certain things.  Men also thought this was exactly what women wanted.

What Women Want

And here we are, at the epicenter of the debate.  Men succumbed to metrosexual tendencies in the attempt to figure out what women really want from their men.  In reality, at first men only cared about getting laid and gaining more power.  Then it took over what was normal for being a man.

My Dad said it best.  “Kevin, I love women.  I love everything about them.  But don’t think for one second, ever, that you know what women are thinking.”  So, if Dad was right, why are men trying so hard to figure it out?

We do so because the women in our lives (and the kind of women we want in our lives in the future) is so important to us men.  We love our women and want to do them right, but men, in general, have gone too far in this quest.  The overthinking of this timeless puzzle has pushed men to do things that are not terribly natural to them.

So, here we are.  The great experiment which is metrosexuality has failed.  Men, and women, are not happy with the present state of affairs.  Yes, we have evolved to be more sensitive and thoughtful to equality and respect.  That is a step in the right direction.  But the idea of men acting more womanlike in order to relate with them on a level to figure out what they are thinking - that idea is under attack and many people, including the young Ms. Kitching, will welcome the Return To Manliness.

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Some are icons that are still in pop culture today, while others were meant for one-time appearances - only to be remembered for their legend. All have the stuff men love to watch on the big screen.

The criteria for the list is simple. You will find many famous hitmen (and some women) left off this list. As with every list-type post, there is always the obvious omission.

No women hitmen. I can’t think of one real life woman who I would be afraid of face to face. When I think of real life hitmen, Bugsy Siegel, Meyer Lansky, and anyone from Murder Inc. during the Capone days is front and center. This is definitely a man’s occupation. Nikita and Maggie Hayward (Point Of No Return) would have made the cut, but we are sticking with the men this time out.

Some manliness or redeeming value. These characters have to come with some manliness quotient we can talk about. It can’t just be about killing ALL the time. That would lead to falling short on the third criteria…

The movie can’t suck. Any hitman movie featuring Sylvester Stallone is off this list. He peaked during Rocky and First Blood (the first one). All his hitmen movies pretty much were crap. Also, if the hitman is just wasting people all over the place for no reason whatsoever, then the movie sucks and it also doesn’t meet the forth criteria…

Professionals only. Pro’s kill for cash or some other reason that seems worthwhile in a screwed up kinda way. Therefore, you will not see loose cannons on this list or guys who go around wasting people just to waste them - even though it may look like that at times. No, they always have a reason which makes them pro’s.

The reputation must precede them. This one is important. They need to be feared. When the other patsy’s in the flick hear their name, they pee their pants since they know they are about to get whacked. Luca Brasi would have made this list, but we never saw the guy waste anyone. Everyone knew though, that when Don Corleone sent Luca, you were finished.

On to the list.

15. Bill & The Bride (Kill Bill)

The Bride would have been on this list alone in not for the criteria. Uma Thurman wasted so many people in this movie, they’re still looking for the bodies. Bill, her mentor and father of her child, was so feared in this movie, they needed a special sword to kill him.

Where’s the manliness? Freaking David Carradine as Bill is where’s the manliness. The only thing the Kung Fu master didn’t do is live in this movie. He gets whacked by The Bride, rightfully so, in her quest to kill all those who killed her. She is the best assassin he ever trained and the student ended up taking out the teacher.

14. Jimmy “The Tulip” Tudeski (The Whole Nine Yards)

Bruce Willis, in all his roles, has this quality that puts him just a few seconds away from another brilliant comedic line. This flick is a comedy and hence Willis is at his best. He is feared, loathed, admired, rich, sought after, and downright neighborly as The Tulip. Besides, how cool is it to be nicknamed The Tulip?

Where’s the manliness? Jimmy wants to retire and settle down away from all the nonsense. In the end, instead of killing his wife, he let’s her live since she has fallen in love with Chandler Bing, I mean Oz (Mathew Perry). He also gives his ex-wife and Perry a bunch of cash to live their life in style as Jimmy has fallen in love as well.

13. Michael Sullivan Jr (Road To Perdition)

Any movie with Tom Hanks is manly. This guy is great and one of the best actors of our time to boot. After he’s betrayed by gangster family he works for, Michael completely starts wiping out the people that betrayed him. The family, the Rooney’s, want him dead, so Michael, out of revenge and self-preservation, kills every last person on his list. How did the Rooney’s betray him, they tried killing him and in the process killed his entire family, except for his little boy, Michael Jr. His little boy, by the way, has to see what his Dad does for a living as Michael Sr. goes about his business.

Where’s the Manliness? It becomes clear Michael knows that his line of work sucks. He has to kill people in front of his kid and try to explain why the rest of his family is now dead. He has regret for his actions, but knows he has to do whatever it takes to protect his remaining family. He will stop at nothing. He regrets every second of his profession as he watches his son watch him do his thing.

12. Martin Q. Blank (Gross Point Blank)

Near my hometown, Gross Point, Michigan is the setting for this comedy/drama. The movie is excellent, but not meant to be that believable. John Cusack as Martin Blank is a neurotic hit-man who spends all his time brooding about death, the meaning of life and the pointlessness of existence. He has all kinds of interesting quirks and mannerisms that make his endless stream of witty dialogue that much better. Tons of other big name people in the movie as well.

Where’s the manliness? John Cusack is epic in this film. He finally discovers how much he loves his high school sweetheart and tells her so - while saving her ridiculously stupid father in the process. Minnie Driver is also VERY hot in this flick. Her innocence just drives us men crazy while Blank goes about whacking people out of self preservation and for cash as needed.

11. Julian Noble (The Matador)

Pierce Brosnan is an excellent hitman. He doesn’t live anywhere, always hanging for a while in the place where he whacks his next victim. He only kills when paid and has all kinds of fun in the place where he does it. Brosnan is so freaking cool, you completely look past his character flaws and root for him every second of the way.

Where’s the manliness? Julian has guilt and regret. He wants out of the business so bad after wasting so many people that he literally breaks down in tears. By the end of the movie, he completely understands the importance of having a friend he can count on - that would do anything for him.

10. T-800 (The Terminator)

The Governator played in other movies that made him famous early on, like Conan The Barbarian, but this movie made him a megastar. His 12 lines in the first movie is all anyone could really take from him, but he needed no more. Arnold was made to play this role as a cyborg from the future brought back to kill John Conner. This movie has made it into our lexicon, our history and is a classic that will be viewed as such for years to come.

Where’s the manliness? It’s Arnold. Arnold is one the manliest guys in our time. He doesn’t care about what you think, he’ll just waste you if you don’t agree. In this movie, he’s the bad guy, but in the sequels, he shows he knows compassion while still kicking ass all along the way.

9. James Bond (Anything with Sean Connery)

The other Bond guys were good (especially Brosnan), but Connery is the original. I think there was another guy before him, but who cares. James Bond is still as popular today as back then. Daniel Craig reinvented the character and makes Bond look cool again after several years of pretty crappy Bond experiences. Connery was as elegant and cool as anyone who ever graced a movie set. He still is.

Where’s the manliness? Bond. James Bond. Name me another guy who could pull off sleeping with anyone he wanted, killing anyone he wanted, and still look as freaking good doing it as Connery did as James Bond.

8. Tony Montana (Scarface)

Before becoming the king of cocaine, Tony had to cut his teeth as a hired killer. He had to show the bosses he was worthwhile of their good graces by being as ruthless as anyone before him. Montana makes this list for two reasons: 1) Al Pacino; 2) the shower scene; and 3) “Say ello to my little friend”.

Where’s the manliness? Over the top manliness gets you nowhere in my book, but Tony Montana pulled it off. He was a slimy punk trying to make a name for himself by being as crude, obnoxious, and unprofessional as he could get. But he pulled it off. Did I mention Al Pacino?

7. Mr. Goodkat (Lucky Number Slevin)

Our only two-timer on this list, Bruce Willis is as cool as it gets. This movie is awesome with all kinds of twists and drama. You never know what is going to happen next and who is really the good guy or bad guy. The only thing you know is Mr. Goodkat is the baddest man alive and if he pays you a visit, it’s over. Willis played another hitman as The Jackal, but criteria #3 says the movie could not suck - so we had to keep this one off the list.

Where’s the manliness? Mr. Goodkat allows his backstabbing pupil, Josh Hartnett, to live at the end. He recognizes his pupil is in love and decides, even though Josh lied to him about her death, he has to let it go. Something that probably cost him his life in a sequel that will never get produced.

6. Vincent (Collateral)

Vincent, Tom Cruise, likes to do several hits in a single night, forcing a taxi driver to shuttle him around; then, at the end of the night, he’ll kill the cabbie and pin the murders on him, making his own killing spree look like it came from someone who simply lost it. The chauffeur, Max (Jamie Foxx), tries to save himself and the remaining names on Vincent’s to-do list.

Where’s the manliness? Vincent loves live Jazz and that is probably enough. Live jazz is a cornerstone to manliness. He also knows the importance of family with his unscheduled visit to Max’s ailing mother.

5. Leon (The Professional)

Leon is a complete loner. He is most skillful and deadly at what he does and his solitude is probably what makes him so professional. His solitude comes to an end, though, when he takes in the neighbor orphaned girl whose family was just wasted by corrupt cops. He reluctantly trains her to be a professional, which is pretty silly but still is OK, all the while knowing he is going to have to deal with the corrupt cops at some point.

Where’s the manliness? His one rule - “No women or children”. This alone keeps him the consummate professional at his job. He also shows amazing compassion by taking in the little girl that was sure to die at the hands of crazy.

4. Keyser Soze (The Usual Suspects)

Kevin Spacey turns in one of the best performances of his career. The most amazing twist we never saw coming in any movie, ever. The plot is believable and the directing really makes this movie an instant classic. The suspects turn gang of thieves all give great performances, but in the end, they were all brought together for the betterment of Keyser Soze. If a guy like this existed, we would never know about him.

Where’s the manliness? When Kujan, the DEA agent, realizes he’s been duped, it’s the most amazing feeling. I get chills just thinking of the brilliance of Spacey as he gets in the car and drives away at the end of the movie. Also, this movie delivers one of the greatest lines in all of film, “the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” Instant manliness.

3. Jason Bourne (The Jason Bourne Trilogy)

These three movies are all about Matt Damon trying to find out who he really is. He gets amnesia after whacking all kinds of people as the greatest of all hitmen. Then goes on a self-preservation reign of terror to find out what he is. Action packed and full of drama, these movies will all be watched by our grandkids someday - all wanting to have those skills.

Where’s the manliness? There isn’t a guy around that doesn’t dream of having Bourne-like skills. He speaks about a dozen languages, knows everything there is to know about electronics, can kill you with his pinky, and has a conscious. What else could a guy ask for?

2. Jules Winnfield and Vincent Vega (Pulp Fiction)

Probably the best of movie of all time. The directing and dialogue in this movie make it what it is. Witty, scary, insane scenes, tense situations, and diversion of timeline are all key aspects to its greatness. The two main characters (besides of course Willis, again) are hitmen. They show incredible humanness all throughout. Jules is trying to become a better person while Vincent is just well-read, intense, and loyal hitman. The predicaments they get themselves into and the characters that add to the drama are priceless.

Where’s the manliness? Jules and Vincent are both intellectuals. Vincent seems to have a penchant for the finer things in life and Jules is a philosopher. They both are consummate professionals and their dialogue with each other is second to none. The opening scene and closing scene are great indications of their intellectual depth along with their willingness to be men by telling the other one get f%#ked.

1. Anton Chigurh (No Country For Old Men)

Either you loved it or hated it. This was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. Anton is one of the best characters I’ve ever witnessed. The symbolism and depth of this seemingly simple plot is what makes it so strong. Chigurh is the ruthless hitman painfully trying to recover drug money for his employer. When his employer doesn’t trust him to do his job, he goes and whacks him too. The plot is a simple cat and mouse chase with twists and turns along the way, but it’s the acting and directing that make the simple chase as epic as one ever told.

Where’s the manliness? Chigurh is pure evil. He is emotionless and ruthless, yet he practices his craft with undeniable precision. He seems amused by human nature, but never allows it to get in the way of killing. His dedication to his profession is what makes him so enjoyable. As a way to allow people to escape his wrath, he allows a coin flip to determine their destiny. This is only when he doesn’t have to kill someone. If he does have to kill them, then no coin flip. His ability to show compassion is only left up to chance. This, by itself is not manly, but his character is so freaking cool, he had to be made number 1.

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Cuban TaeKwonDo fighter, Angel Matos, lost his mind today after being disqualified at the Olympics for taking too long on an injury timeout. He thought best to attempt to remove the referee’s head with one of his feet.  Interesting footage, don’t you think (time: 1:29)?

Apologies for the French dude narrating…I actually like it better since you can focus completely on the nutjob doing his thing on the mat.

I love the TaeKwonDo guys.  Some of them get it and understand they are not Chuck Norris.  Others firmly believe they have every right to use their skills any way they feel.  Angel is a tool.  The referee, unknowingly of course, did the complete best thing for his sport by getting rid of this insane person.

Now just get ready to see this 34,573,947,023,750 times on SportsCenter tonight.  I’m sure they will have a few better camera angles, so tune in.  The Beijing Olympics have been excellent!

On to the list…

4 Products From Back In The Day That Did More Harm Than Good.  (@Campus Sqeeze)  These guys actually took one of my ideas for a post.  They beat me to it and did an excellent job highlighting 4 “products” from yesteryear that turned out not so good afterall.

A World Of Hope. (@Persistent Illusion)  Hayden writes a fantastic blog about a very timely theme in this election year, hope.  This article dives into a story from another blogger named SanityFound (and her tales of her mother).  A very good read since Hayden is such a good writer.

Who’s Your Favorite Little Rascal? (@The Common Man)  TCM delves into the topic of spanking your children and corporal discipline in schools.  Suffice to say anyone touches my son other than me, it’s on.  Angel Matos would look downright friendly.

12 New Rules Of Working You Should Embrace Today. (@Zen Habits) Leo is quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers.  He has legions of fans and a very popular site.  This article is one reason why.  Everything is changing and so is how people work.  Start doing these things today or risk falling behind.

What Makes For A Good Blog? (@43 Folders) Already one of my favorite writers, Merlin at 43 Folders dives into this VERY hot topic of why we blog and how to make it better.  It gave me a lot to think about in how I intend to move Return To Manliness forward.

Have a great weekend and enjoy the Beijing Olympics!  I know I am with events like TaeKwonDo still on the docket…

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