One of the reasons for this is the fact that a significant number of investors either walked away from properties or declared bankruptcy during the early 1990s. While you should certainly not be punished for someone elses problems, neither do lenders want to be left holding investment properties. Therefore, it is important to understand that the requirements for being approved for a mortgage on rental properties are somewhat different from what you may be accustomed to.

While a home can often be purchased with a minimum down payment, especially if you are a first-time home buyer this is often not the case with rental property. Many lenders require a minimum down payment of 15%.

There are many different sources you can tap into for possible financing.
These options include:
Mortgage broker
Local savings and loan or bank
Private lender
FHA; Federal Housing Association

Regardless of which option you choose, you will find that most lenders will want to be assured that you will have a sufficient amount of rental income in order to cover not only the mortgage payment but also other expenses such as insurance, taxes and maintenance. Depending on the amount of income that will be provided from the property, some lenders may require a larger down payment.

There are also different types of loans which you can use to finance the purchase of a rental property. One option would be a residential loan. This type of loan can be used to purchase from one to four units. The exact options that are open to you often depend on whether the property will be owner occupied.

Rental Properties Can Hedge Inflation
Another option would be a commercial loan. This is an option when the property is five units or more or it will be non-owner occupied. Due to the fact that it is a commercial loan, it is often far different from a residential loan in regards to terms and requirements. One of the main differences between a commercial loan and a residential loan is the fact that fees and rates are frequently higher on a commercial loan. A larger down payment is also often required. The down payment on a commercial loan typically runs between 25% and 35%. While there are some lenders who may be willing to agree to a higher loan to value ratio; the requirements for qualifying for such loans are usually more stringent. The lender will also carefully examine the ability of the property to generate a cash flow that will allow you to repay your loan. As a result, the lender will typically examine the property to ensure it can provide an income that will not only allow you to cover the mortgage payments and other expenses but also provide enough of a cash flow that you will have additional income to place into a reserve account.

Private party lending is another option for many prospective investors. One option would be to approach the current owner about seller financing. With this option the owner carries back the loan for a down payment and fair interest rate. You may find that you can save lending fees with the options and may also be able to take advantage of making a smaller down payment.

Another option would be what is known as a hard-money loan. This is a type of short-term financing where a third-party makes a loan to assist the investor with purchasing the property. Generally, this type of loan involves a higher interest rate due to the fact that the buyer has poor credit or because the property is in disrepair and requires extensive renovation.

FHA programs are frequently offered through traditional lenders. Keep in mind; however, that FHS does not actually lend money. They do provide insurance for lenders; offering numerous loan programs.

Regardless of which financing tool you choose, remember that there is always the option to refinance at some later point in order to obtain a better rate and terms.

It is important to protect your child from common household dangers before you bring your newborn home from the hospital. If you wait, things can become hectic and easily get put off until a later date. Below are some of tips on how to childproof your home.

On your first visit to the store, you will likely be overwhelmed by all of the products on the market designed to child or baby proof your home. There are literally hundreds of different products.

Some child proofing requires no devices, just common sense. Other areas definitely require the use of some type of child proofing device. Not all children are the same. If you feel a certain product would help protect your child from a situation they are more likely to get into, you may consider adding that to your arsenal as well.

Here are some basic steps for child proofing your home.

Hide Cleaners, Medicine and Other Poisons
You need to move any poisonous substance out of the reach of your children. A common mistake is to keep cleaners under the kitchen sink, or bath products on the ledge of the tub. While you might think that child resistant caps will protect your children, you should be aware that the requirements for a child resistant package may mean that at least 80-85% of children couldn’t open them. That means your child might. All poisons and medicines should be stored in a high cupboard or locked area.

Block Stairways
Not surprisingly, falls are one of the biggest causes of injury to young children. Stairways are particularly dangerous and should always be properly gated. Never use pressure mounted gates at the top of stairs since your child may be able to put enough pressure on them to give way.

Despite having a gate, it is important for parents to keep a close eye on children around staircases. No safety device outweighs the importance of adult supervision.

Keep Children out of Dangerous Rooms
The bathroom, garage, and office can all be dangerous areas for you child. To keep them safe, use door-knob covers and door locks. Place a slide lock or hook-and-eye latch high on the door, out of a child’s reach.

Keep Windows Safe
Lock windows or use guards to prevent them from opening too far. Screens will not keep your child from falling out of a window.

Make sure that blind cords are out of reach and the beds, cribs and other furniture are moved away from windows where a child could climb up and reach. You’d be surprised what they are capable of.

Outlets, Drawers and Cupboards
There is a huge assortment of products aimed at protecting your child’s fingers from being caught in door hinges, slammed in drawers or by closing cupboard doors. Test out several products in a child’s store that demonstrates how different products are used. The main purpose should be to prevent an accident but if you find the products difficult to use you may end up not using them at all.

Small Toys and Other Choking Hazards
Another major cause of hospital visits for small children is choking. Small toys, batteries, buttons, coins and other objects go straight into the mouths of babies and toddlers (and even some preschoolers). Prevention is the key. If you have older children they should be taught to keep small toys out of the reach of younger children. Keep a keen eye for objects on the floor where your baby is present.

Monitor New Dangers
You will need to be constantly aware of what your child can get access to. As you child grows and develops they may suddenly be capable of reaching or pulling down items you didn’t think of.

Don’t forget that most child proofing devices you can buy are temporary solutions to prevent the most disastrous accidents. Your children should also be taught how to behave and where to be especially careful. After all, your children will likely be in many homes that are not child proofed like yours and their safety will depend on understanding what’s not safe.

Although there are a great number of people who like to write articles, either to promote their product or website, or to display their expertise in an area, there are also many more that would rather walk on hot coals than to sit down and write out an article. The key between the two is that one is prepared, and has methods and procedures in place to quickly and effectively write articles, while the other does not plan at all.

One of the best ways to prepare yourself is to make an outline first. This will help you prepare for what you want to get across in the article, and make the article flow. Using an outline you can start with the idea that you initially have for the article and make a plan for the succeeding steps. This will not only make the article more readable and understandable, but also make article writing easier and faster.

Rather than to sit and think of different sections of an article, an outline will provide a clear introduction, body and conclusion. Also brainstorm sentences and ideas that you feel would compliment the article and contribute to the impact it may have on a reader. These points could make the article creative, interesting and appealing to the reader.

Here are a few tips and guidelines so that you can create an outline for all of your articles:
Do a brainstorming session and write down the good ideas that usually come to you first. Imagine being in the readers’ position and think of what might attract their interest. Assign a time frame that you aim to stick to, where you can write down all of your ideas and do any research that you may need to do. Review the ideas that you have jotted down and become familiar with the topic so that writing them in the article will be easy.

Next, determine the sub topic and sub titles of the article. If your article has apparent sections, you will then be able to make them clear for the reader using sub titles.

Now you can begin to add the “meat” of the article. You will need to connect all of your paragraphs and sub topics to form the body of the article. While you will have an introduction that will guide into the ideas of your paragraph, you will also need a conclusion to conclude your points and to drive in the purpose of the article.

Your article outline will also require you to write a draft. This may be required several times so that the outline is perfected as more drafts are written. The draft is meant for your eyes only so experiment with paragraphs and sentences so that the article reads how you see fit. As you write more drafts you will see clearly how the article progresses to the verge of being complete.

Re-read what you have written. Always refer to your outline so that you keep to the guidelines that you have set out for yourself. It’s very easy to get caught up in a particular sentence and to go off at a tangent. Your outline should stop this from happening. All the time spent writing out your outline should not go to waste. Trust and rely on your outline because it can prove to be a very helpful tool in writing all of your articles.

For some, writing articles is a unappealing thought, but an important one to undertake in internet marketing. Creating an outline can solve problems that many encounter.

Many of the male members of the human world look upon this strange situation with a small touch of wistfulness. What would it be like to have your own harem? What they cannot see is that the alpha male has become the alpha male not by birthright, but by having proved over and over again that he is strong enough and intelligent enough to lead the pack-and to keep it. When the alpha male is challenged by another male for possession of his pack, he must fight to keep it or it will be taken away from him. This is, again, to ensure that the species survives; the one who wins the right to be an alpha male is the one most likely to father strong offspring.

Hey Big Boy - Why The Big Ego
Of course, that’s all very good for the animal kingdom, but how does this pertain to the human world? Simple. Humans have their alpha males too, the criteria by which they are classified is just a bit different. There are many different ways by which a male can be classified as alpha.

- The powerful alpha.
This is the man who wields the most power, both in their place of business and among their community of friends. Women who are attracted to this type of alpha have probably fixed their sites on a business tycoon or a politician, if not royalty. These women want position and the power that it brings.

- The intellectual alpha.
These are the men who are able to provide brilliant dissertations on any topic. These will probably go forth to receive PhDs and save the world. Most of these will be found spending their lives in their offices or laboratories working side by side with their mates.

- The military alpha.
Women love a man in uniform, and the more bars and stripes he happens to be sporting the better. These men have power, a sense of adventure and incredible stories to tell over the dinner table (assuming, of course, that the majority of the conversations they have about their lives do not contain the words, “That’s classified”). Their mates can also count on them to be out of the country for the better part of the year so that a livable harmony never has to be developed.

- The “bad boy” alpha.
This alpha takes many forms. He may be military or law enforcement-black ops or undercover, of course. He will have a shady past that he never reveals and at least one criminal element has issued a price on his head. He will wear black and not converse a great deal, assuming that the women he is with will know what it is that he wants.

- The artistic alpha.
This will be the man who sells his paintings in a downtown museum but has had showings in Italy and France. He will have a small cottage on the beach and he and whoever his lady of the moment is will spend their days (and nights) home eating strawberries dipped in chocolate and reciting poetry to each other.

Sound familiar? Every man in the world has known someone who fits into one of these categories and every woman has wanted to date one. They are the few, the proud, the alpha males.

Many people deal with fatigue and everyday stress by taking vitamin and mineral supplements. Vitamins and minerals are necessary to maintain the many biological processes that take place inside our bodies. Mental alertness, proper digestion, and resistance to bacterial and viral infections are dependent on the proper working of internal organs which are, in turn, dependent on nutrients that come from the food and beverages we consume.

Why You Get Fatigued
Our bodies need carbohydrates, fats, and proteins to speed up chemical reactions and allow our internal organs to function. Like a machine, nutrients from food serve as fuel. These nutrients are the very foundations of good health. However, due to our polluted environment and the toxins found in the food we eat, sickness and muscle fatigue can no longer be totally eradicated. All human beings eventually get sick and require medical treatment as well as supplements during the recuperation stage.

In this day and age, it has become necessary to supplement our daily meals with vitamins, minerals, and even herbal preparations in order to have optimum health and nutrition. These are only some of the vitamins and minerals that should be consumed daily in order to sustain health:

Vitamin E - This vitamin can be found in plain yogurt, rice milk, calcium-fortified soy, kale, nonfat milk, cheddar cheese, turnip greens, cottage cheese and spinach. Vitamin E is an anti-oxidant that helps prevent cardiovascular disease and high blood pressure. It also promotes good skin complexion; enhances sexual performance; and helps alleviate fatigue.

Vitamin A - Vitamin A helps prevent cancer, heart disease, and eye problems. It also helps repair skin cells and promotes the formation of bones and teeth. It plays a big part in the functioning of the entire immune system. This vitamin can be found in cheddar cheese, steamed or raw carrots, fortified skimmed milk, cantaloupe, spinach, mangoes, and peaches.

Vitamin K - This vitamin is vital in bone mineralization, cellular growth, and the prevention of hardening of the arteries. This can be found in broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, beef and sprouts.

Vitamin D - Vitamin D is needed to absorb calcium and phosphorus, which, in turn, are needed for the normal development of the bones and teeth. Getting enough of this particular vitamin helps protect women against osteoporosis. Vitamin D-rich foods include salmon and fortified milk. Sunlight is also a good source of Vitamin D.

MAGNESIUM - This mineral is needed for protein and bone formation. Magnesium gives us energy and helps prevent muscle spasms. Dark green and leafy vegetables such as spinach, grains,legumes and black-eyed peas are rich sources of magnesium.

CALCIUM - This mineral is vital for proper bone and teeth development.

POTASSIUM - It is a mineral that maintains fluid balance, sends nerve impulses, and releases energy. You can get this from potatoes, fish, yogurt, carrot juice, dried potatoes, citrus juices, and bananas.

There are other nutrients that should be included as part of our daily food intake. Vitamin C, iodine, dietary fiber must be consumed every day. Filling these nutritional gaps is easy if you practice good eating habits and eat the right types of food. Indeed, taking multivitamins will go a long, long way in boosting your energy levels and over-all health.

There was a recent study researching successful and unsuccessful people throughout history. What was found was that most successful people have important factors in common. The same thing goes for unsuccessful people as well. It’s all about your business attitude (confidence/competence), business plan, and well-being.

First of all, you must be willing to take action to change your life factors, without depending on others to take care of it for you, or waiting for that special miracle that will most likely NEVER happen. Most every successful person is willing to take action right away. Most unsuccessful people are almost clueless of what to do and often have a “book of excuses” or only wish that they could be successful without making the sacrifice.

You Have To Work Hard
That brings us to our first important factor… laziness and unwillingness to succeed. Laziness does not necessarily determine your failure. There are PLENTY of people who are extremely lazy that still have the drive to take it upon themselves and take action to improve their life. Most of the time, the reason is so they could stay just as lazy and still make plenty of money. Hey, whatever gives you the motivation, right? But, don’t confuse laziness with unwillingness. Often times, success is generated from being at the right place at the right time.

Success is brought by sincere ambition, with the unwillingness to fail. But, don’t keep poking at a dead horse hoping that it will kick back. There must be a strong business plan and it must be carefully thought out. BE COMPETENT and careful on what business you are plunging yourself into, before you sink to the bottom with it. Make sure you have a backup plan, even though you shouldn’t need it if your business plan has truly been researched appropriately.

Having The Proper Attitude
The wrong attitude will not make a business work. Most unsuccessful people will have bad attitudes brought on by personal friends/family, employment, lack of strive to succeed, or for whatever reason. Don’t let this take your success away from your future. Everyone is entitled to their fair share of success, but must be willing to make the change. Many will feel that there is not enough time, with everything going on in life, or they just aren’t smart enough to do so. That brings us to the next step.

KNOWLEDGE/INFORMATION is the key resource to any business and is absolutely the most valuable commodity that can be obtained. Now, in the “old days” before the internet was accessible, information was very difficult and inconvenient to reach. Now there are no excuses, as the internet provides for any question. The whole world is at YOUR fingertips and it’s up to you to find it, in the comfort of your own home of course.

Time does play an important role in research, as it does often take much time to find whatever it is you’re looking for. But, it’s not enough of an excuse to fail. It’s up to you to make today and tomorrow count! Opportunity doesn’t always knock on everyone’s door, so get out there and FIND IT YOURSELF. Find out what works for others and do the research to see if that’s what you’re looking for. It’s MUCH easier to make money than you may think. In other words, your business works for you, instead of the other way around.

Another important factor that cannot be overlooked is your health. Take care of yourself. Many things can be sacrificed to bring your success, but sacrificing your health should not be an option. Your success will not be as meaningful and fulfilling, if you can’t enjoy it!

So, remember that your steps are to:
- Realize that you are in control of your future success to take action now.
- Mild laziness is acceptable as long as you are willing to take the necessary steps to further your growth.
- Do your research and get the required information to make your business work.
- Maintain good health so you can enjoy your future!

There are two basic elements to article marketing - writing the articles themselves and then submitting them to article directories. Both or either of these can be outsourced. For the writing you will need to find a professional writer, while the submission can be taken care of manually by someone else, by a service or by article submission software.

Writing Articles
Writing the articles themselves is the most time-consuming and the most difficult part of article marketing. For any article marketing campaign to be a success, the articles must be of reasonable quality so people will want to publish them. Also remember that any articles that are submitted to directories must be unique so there will be a lot of rewriting work involved as well.

If you feel that your talents lie elsewhere, or you simply do not have the time, you will want to hire a freelancer to do the writing for you. Probably the most economical option here is to look on the many freelance websites on the internet. On these, you can post a project and freelance writers will bid on it. There are many writers out there who can do a good job for a good price, you just need to find them.

However, it is important that they can provide good quality even if it costs that little bit more. Paying pittance for poorly written articles will be a waste of your time and money. When posting a project, ask all writers for samples of their work and make sure they agree that copyright on all articles goes to you.

Also remember that these articles will be published in your name, so they need to be of good quality and factually accurate if you wish to build your reputation.

It is best to start off by offering a small amount of work, say 10 articles. From this you will be able to determine if the work is up to quality, and you can choose whether or not to continue using the writer.

Once you have chosen someone, good communication is key. Make sure your instructions are clear in terms of the articles required, the style of writing and article length. Also, bear in mind that the writer may not have an in depth knowledge of the subject or subjects, so help them out by suggesting sources of information if you can, and answer all queries. This will help them achieve quality results and in little time they should become authoritative on the subject themselves.

Unfortunately, the major search engines can now detect duplicate content, so you will need to submit a unique version of each article to each directory. If you send the same version of the article, you will only be awarded for one backlink for SEO purposes, no matter how many times the article appears on the internet. Because of this, you may also need the writer to tweak each article for you into different versions. Alternatively, you could try out some article spinning software that will change your articles for you.

Submitting Articles
There are freelancers available who will submit articles to directories for you. However, if you are submitting to a large number of directories you are probably best off looking for a reputable service online.

In fact, many article submission services will now also make sure that a different version of an article is submitted to each directory, while others will offer you tools to help you make unique versions to avoid issues with duplicate content.

Apart from wanting to be somewhere else, most people today also live by a philosophy of “some day” that allows them to manipulate time. “I can do it, but just not today. I’ll do it when” and they use these excuses to stay in their comfort zones. The problem is that both someday and somewhere are undefined and illusionary. Somewhere does not exist and someday never comes, although you keep hoping that it does. This can be very dis-empowering and is responsible for a lot of disappointment and frustration for a lot of people.

The truth, however, is that right now is all you’ve really got. Tomorrow is never promised to you and learning to fully live in and for the moment is a vital distinction to make in creating a great life. Being grateful does not mean that you loose your drive or purpose, but allows you to slow down and really enjoy the ride. Not only is it healthy to want more from life, but it is also required to be truly fulfilled and knowing where you are is critical in getting where you want to be. Using someday as an excuse to soften your problems will not create long term success and fulfillment. Be honest with yourself and stop making excuses only to make yourself feel better. A little pain can be very useful as it will at least move you to action. There is always something you can do right now to turn your ideas into reality. There is always one small step you can take.

One of the most powerful resources you have is resourcefulness. This means that right now you have all that you need to achieve whatever you desire and that you have the ability to take action with exactly what you’ve got and exactly where you are. You do not have to wait for “some day when” or “when I am…” before you take action on your dreams and goals. The smallest idea acted upon can make all the difference as it immediately makes your idea real and smothers someday because you used your will to consciously take charge.

Time Management
It is important to realize that the purpose of pursuing a goal or a dream is not just in achieving it but even more so in the experience of achieving it. You do not travel for the purpose of reaching a destination but for the purpose of traveling. Whatever dream or goal you are pursuing you will probably spend more time in pursuit of it than actually achieving it and most goals are an anti climax when you actually achieve them anyway. The process is where the true fulfillment comes from and the actual experience is what makes you become something instead of accumulating something. If you can’t be happy and grateful without your goal then changes are that you won’t be happy and grateful with it.

Live in the present, but know where you are going. Be right here and celebrate and capture the magical moments of your life. Hold on to them as the treasures you get to take with you into your magnificent future. Life is not just lived in the moment but also created in the moment. Now is the best time to design the next ten years of your life. Let your thoughts and knowledge serve you through action. Action is what eventually determines you destiny. Move confidently in the direction of your choosing and don’t get seduced by the popular belief that some day things will come your way or some day your luck will change. You are the source and the creator of your own prosperity and it all starts with a sense of immense gratitude for everything you already have exactly where you are right now. One of the greatest privileges you have in life is that you can start right now with exactly what youve got to create anything you desire as the ultimate resources to life are within you.

Living in a place called somewhere really won’t serve you long term although it might feel good as a short term escape or excuse. Having to consistently lie to yourself that you will act on your true desires some day when x, y or z is just right will only create an unnecessary burden. When you turn your “some day” philosophy into a “same day” philosophy you can start to adopt the mindset where you take action on your ideas immediately with exactly what you’ve got and exactly where you are.

What someday and somewhere really comes down to is that you falsely admit to yourself that what you need is not available to you. This creates a belief that you are not in control of your life but that you are waiting for something else somewhere else before you can take charge. Ironically, you will only get full access to your true resources when you take action exactly where you are with exactly what you’ve got, despite your excuses. True happiness and gratitude never relies on external conditions but is purely determined by your evaluation of where you are now. Now contains the seed of the rest of your life. Plant it with joy and water it with gratitude and rejoice in your life for you are its creator.

About Professional Freelance Writing
Freelance writing is a unique industry, and it helps to understand a little bit about how it works. A freelance writer is someone who takes on writing projects for hire, usually based on the number of words or pages required. He or she is an independent contractor who works with you to finalize project specifications and deliver a final product that meets with your approval.

First Define Your Project
The first step to successfully finding a writer is to define your project. This is a crucial step because if you don’t have a clear outline of your requirements, and needs then choosing a freelance writer will be somewhat like finding your way through a forest in the dark.

So how do you define a project clearly enough for commissioning copywriting that will meet your needs?

Here are a few things to consider:
- Does your outline list required topics and sub-topics?
- Does your outline clearly define project milestones and benchmarks?
- Does your outline specify the required word count?
- Does your outline specify relevant deadlines and due dates?
- Are the project time lines and deadlines reasonable?
- Does your outline contain acceptable contract terms and conditions?

Choosing Writers
The key to ensuring quality project results is learning a bit about choosing a writer. Much like shopping for a car, choosing an author for your project is a process of considering your needs and looking for a freelance writer who can provide the quality you want at the price you can afford. Not all writers are created alike, so you should carefully consider the qualities you are seeking and evaluate potential contractors accordingly.

Some of the elements you should evaluate are:
Experience
References and feedback
Writing samples
Style and readability
Responsiveness to inquiries
Reasonable terms and requirements

Above all else, choosing an author for your project involves matching your needs with the person who will deliver an exceptional product.

Look For Experience
How do you know which writer will deliver that exceptional product? One likely indicator is experience. Look for a writer who has completed projects similar to yours in scope and stature. Ask for writing samples and references, and check them thoroughly.

Don’t be shy about expecting a freelance writer to provide you with this information. On the contrary, he or she should be happy to supply you with samples that illustrate their skills and style. Take the time to read the samples you receive and look for materials that are similar to what you’re seeking. If you don’t see anything thats close to the type of project you have, then look for writing styles that are engaging, easy to understand, and capture the attention of the reader. A skillful freelance writer can adapt to whatever style you want, as long as you’re specific about your needs. Reliability Is Important

Freelance writers are, by their very nature, creative and open to many types of writing. However, some are not terribly disciplined about meeting deadlines and providing copy that’s timely and error free. Its not that they’re bad people; its just that they havent developed the reliability that buyers rely on when they hire a professional writer.

Checking references is a good way to gauge the reliability of a freelance writer, as is your general experience dealing with them during the project negotiation stages. For example, if a writer agrees to provide you with a bid by a certain date, you should expect to receive it on time. If a writer agrees to provide specific information about their bid proposal, you should expect to receive it in full. If not, then it may be a red flag for you as a buyer. If a writer isn’t reliable during the project negotiation stages, then can you depend on them to be reliable with delivery of your project?

Professionalism And Customer Focus
Your project is important to you, so any professional writer who agrees to complete it owes you professional service with a customer focus. You can get somewhat of a sense for these attributes during the contract negotiation process, but there’s no substitute for checking references and reviewing feedback.

In today’s world where a great deal of freelance writing is contracted via specialized web sites, its fairly easy to find feedback about a specific writer. Most web sites that match writers with projects also include a section for clients to leave feedback about a writers performance. Take the time to read these comments and take them to heart, paying particular attention to any statements that refer to the writers professionalism and focus on customer satisfaction.

Choosing a writer is a daunting task if you have never dealt with the world of freelance writing before. With a little preparation and a willingness to do your homework, youll find that choosing a writer is not quite as hard as it seems. Look for indicators that reassure you of a writers experience and reliability, and make sure your project is well defined.

When you have a writing project that needs the touch of a professional writer, its well worth the time to hire a professional writer who will provide you with an excellent end product.

Fight or flight - today we automatically respond this way to the present dangers, the deep fears that come up in relationships: rejection and engulfment - fears of loss of other and loss of self.

Often, when we feel rejected and fear the loss of the other, we fight for love not to go away by defending, explaining, blaming, attacking, complying, fixing, or we flee through withdrawal. Often, when we feel engulfed and fear losing ourselves through being controlled by another, we flee through resistance or withdrawal, or fight by attacking, defending, or explaining. Just as our ancestors fought or fled from physical danger, we fight and flee from emotional danger. The problem is that, while fight or flight is appropriate in the face of physical danger, this same behavior in the face of emotional fear causes deep problems in relationships.

When we respond automatically to the fears of losing ourselves and losing another, we behave in the very ways that create fear in the other. Our fight or flight reactions create fear in the other person - the same fears of losing themselves or losing us. Our fighting and fleeing activates others fear of rejection and engulfment, creating a vicious circle of fighting and fleeing.

These unconscious, automatic reactions to emotional danger were learned long ago, when we were very small and had to rely on fight or flight as part of our survival. Today they are now longer necessary for our survival, and need to be replaced with loving actions toward ourselves and others.

What does it mean to take loving action in the face of another’s fight or flight behavior? Where do we get the role modeling for what it looks like to take loving action in the face of another’s unloving behavior? Most of us had parents who did not role model loving action in the face of conflict. We have not seen much of it on TV or in movies. How do we learn to take loving action in our own behalf when in conflict with another - action that takes care of ourselves without violating or threatening another?

This role modeling exists in the form of our spiritual Guidance. Tapping into this Guidance is not as hard as you may think - it just takes practice and a deep desire to move out of fight or flight and into loving action.

The steps we can take to move out of automatic fight or flight and into loving actions are:
1. Start to attend to your feelings, the physical sensations within your body that let you know when you are anxious or afraid.

2. Stop and breathe when you feel fear or anxiety in the face of conflict, or in the face of anothers fight or flight behavior. Give yourself some breathing time to make a conscious decision rather than go on automatic pilot.

3. Open to learning with the source of spiritual Guidance that is always here for all of us by asking with a sincere desire to know, What is the loving action? What is in my highest good and the highest good of the other? Asking this question with a deep desire to learn opens the door to receiving information. It does not matter whether you are asking this of your own highest self within, or from an external source of wisdom. The information will come in the form of words, pictures, or feelings when you sincerely want to be loving to yourself and others.

4. Take action on the information you receive.

Examples of loving action are:
1. Move into compassion for the other person, recognizing that he or she would not be in fight or flight without being in fear. Asking the other person, again from a deep desire to learn, what he or she is afraid of that is causing this behavior may de-escalate the situation and lead to understanding and healing.

2. If the other person is not open to calm discussion and exploration of the conflict, disengage from the interaction, speaking your truth without anger or blame. For example, you might say, I dont want to fight with you. Im going to take a walk and lets try to talk about it later. Or, This isnt feeling good between us. Lets take a break and get together later.

3. If the other person has withdrawn from you, loving action may be to do something fun or nurturing for yourself.

Both staying and learning together or taking some time apart to reflect on the issues or self-nurture will break the cycle of each person going into fight or flight in reaction to the other persons fight or flight. It takes conscious practice to stop going into automatic behavior, but the payoff is well worth the time it takes to practice loving action.