Life of Daniel

Life of Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com Life is what we do here posterous.com Fri, 21 Oct 2011 08:05:19 -0700 Commitments http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/kg1S7kYirmo/commitments http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/commitments <p> <p>I'm having buyer's remorse. I'm still on real estate mailing lists, so I see new options every day. And often I wonder if these other options wouldn't be better.</p> <p>But big purchases like homes and cars should be looked at as a commitment -- more like a marriage. Prior to getting married, you should look around all you want. Explore every option. But when you finally make that commitment then, as the usual vow says, you're in it for better or for worse. Looking around and considering your options at that point is foolish.</p> <p>The hard part about a house, though, is that it doesn't remind me of how much it loves me, how wonderful life will be together, or how much I love the way the sun beams into the windows perfectly at 7am. It just is. And instead of thinking about all the reasons I bought it in the first place, I think about all the other options and how much better they might be.</p> <p>I need to see it as a commitment. To be cherished and not to brpe thought around. Having a partner around to be excited with me would probably help. </p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/commitments">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/commitments#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/kg1S7kYirmo" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/commitments Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:49:50 -0700 and it will be better, still http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/i2tuSny7cGw/and-it-will-be-better-still http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/and-it-will-be-better-still <p> I remember in high school, just before school let out for summer, <br />everyone would be busy trying to find as many friends as they could to <br />get their yearbook signed. Our friends would write about fond memories <br />from the year and often ended their words with some thing catchy. "You <br />+ Me = BFF Forever" or "2 Cute, 2 Be, 4 Gotten". But, right now, I'm <br />reminded of how often people wrote "Don't Change". The sentiment was <br />sweet. I like you just the way you are so, over the summer, while <br />you're away from most of the people you spend every single day with, <br />don't change anything about yourself. <p /> But the truth is, almost everyone changes. Good people get better and <br />often bad people just get worse. But we change. If we just stayed the <br />same, the world would change around us and we'd be left wishing <br />everyone had just stayed the same. <p /> This weekend was all about change. <p /> I became a landlord. My first tenant moves in this afternoon. I've <br />been considering this idea for a long, long time. Everyone I know that <br />has never been a landlord or has only dabbled in it has cautioned me <br />to not even consider it. Others that are well into it actually find it <br />to be fairly lucrative. I'm not in it for the money -- I'm just doing <br />it to keep from going under. But it's both the right thing to do and <br />very scary at all the same time. <p /> I ended a friendship that was causing me a great deal of heartache. I <br />was reluctant to take any steps toward doing so. I'd been considering <br />it for so very long. But, I'm a "benefit of the doubt" kind of guy. <br />And I've always refused to take action until action was taken against <br />me. But when I stepped back and looked at how much of me this <br />relationship was draining, I realized it was time. <p /> I moved. I'm 30 minutes closer to almost everything. I have grocery <br />stores, and restaurants, and shopping close enough now that I can <br />actually operate without planning out my entire day in advance, <br />because I don't have to leave home and plan on not coming back until <br />the day is over. However, my old house was perfect. All the walls were <br />clean of anything but my own designs and mistakes. The floor worn down <br />by only my feet, and the feet of those I care about. When things <br />broke, I fixed it. So everything was always fixed. Now, I'm walking <br />into a home in need of some repair. Fences are going. Floors are <br />dirty. Walls are dingy. Landscaping is overgrown. Blinds are broken. <br />I've got some work to do and I can't even start until I get unpacked. <br />But, it's a good change, a good move, and great place to call home. <p /> I took the first steps (again) to end the job I've had for 13+ years. <br />I'm sad to lose the familiar faces, and places, and processes, but <br />this is a step I need to take to make my life better and my daughter's <br />life better. <p /> I had so many conversations that are sparking even more changes, big <br />and small. And they all have me excited about where I'm at, and <br />looking straight into the future this path has me set on. <p /> All in all, I'm busy, and tired, and sore, and doing wonderfully. </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/and-it-will-be-better-still">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/and-it-will-be-better-still#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/i2tuSny7cGw" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/and-it-will-be-better-still Fri, 26 Aug 2011 05:05:00 -0700 Catching Breath http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/IrJYjvnhTNc/catching-breath http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/catching-breath <p> <p>It seems like all of the little life streams that surround me are suddenly overflowing -- suddenly matured into real, raging rivers. One at a time, each river would be a joy. I'd splash and play and swim and jump in, arms flailing, from the highest rocks. But all of these rivers are converging and it's all I can do to keep my head above water.</p> <p>A lot of times these life updates (which are more for me than you, though I'm glad you read them and help keep me sane with your words of comfort, offers of help, and reminders of happiness) are filled with positive bits. This one starts off on the down side, but worry not. It gets better. It always gets better. </p> <blockquote> <p style="padding-left: 30px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><em>"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." --Orson Welles</em></span></p> </blockquote> <p style="float: right; border: 2px solid black; padding: 3px; margin: 7px;"><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/mATeLrpjae2lQOhl3ierZA?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-FabdqGIYx8k/TleMvZL9WbI/AAAAAAAAJUo/iY7_s3GqHSs/s400/100_0111-1.jpg" height="400" alt="" width="267" /></a></p> <p>I'm juggling 2 jobs right now. Really, more, but two that really matter. Both of them are in turmoil. Not that I'm in a lot of jeopardy, but each job has some issues that they are dealing with that inevitably fall back on me. On top of that I'm trying to move. Which means buying a house. Which means selling or renting a house. Which means cleaning out a house. And that buying a house bit also means scraping together lots of money, keeping up with deadlines, and paying for an endless stream of random things. On top of that, there's the surgery I had. Everything's fine. I've recovered well, but there are still bit that have to be cared for. Medication, doctor's visits, bills, etc.</p> <p>September is full. My parents are moving into a new house in the next few weeks. And I'm frantically cleaning out my house, throwing away stuff that has sat in boxes since before my ex and I first moved into this house, a life time and at least four versions of me ago. And the baby mama has some stuff of her own going on that causes some shuffling. I had wanted to take Celeste camping in upstate New York and spend some time with my mom. But, with the money crunch and the time crunch, that's not going to happen. I haven't even told her yet, because I know she'll be let down and that's so hard to handle. (<strong>Help</strong>: Let me know if you like organizing and throwing stuff away, or you like to chase kiddos around while I organize and throw stuff away.)</p> <p>October is full, too. A meeting in California. Which means travel. And kiddo shuffling. And two conferences to attend. Which means more travel and more kiddo shuffling. If all goes well I'll be closing on the new house. And moving. And there's Halloween. I wanted to go to Myschievia this year, but there's just too much going on to make it happen. (<strong>Help</strong>: If you have some time to offer, packing, unpacking, lifting things, or even just keeping me company as I do these things, it's greatly appreciated.)</p> <p>On top of all that, I'm tired, which isn't really something I'm used to experiencing. Staying indoors more often than usual due to the heat and the resulting cabin fever have played a role in this. Not being able to work out for several weeks as I recovered from surgery didn't help that either. And who knows what effects the medications are having. Then last Sunday I landed on my leg wrong while on a water slide with kiddo, making running impossible for a few days. Thankfully, that last part is almost back to normal. Normal enough that I'm going to try an hour's workout today. I'd like to get up to four times a week. It'd be good for me all around. I don't feel like I can be the father or the friend I should be when I feel like this. (<strong>Help</strong>: I could use a workout buddy. Someone to encourage and get me back on track.)</p> <p>It's not all bad though. Not even close. My daughter is amazing. The light of my every day. Her smile and her warmth regularly remind me of the point of this whole "life" thing: to live. My jobs cover all of my bills and leave me with enough left over to have a little fun now and then. I have a beautiful, happy home. And, if we end up moving, we'll have an even better suited home closer to people we care about. I have great friends, and a loving family, and am so blessed to have met a few new people recently that I feel strong connection to and look forward to the friendship that will develop from that.</p> <p>So, it's time for a tattoo. Because, you know, I'm already stressed enough about money and time that I should take out some more money and more time and put it toward something that could easily wait simply because it feels like it shouldn't. I've decided that I want "Dum vivimus, vivamus" (while we live, let us live) written on me. But, the words alone are not enough. So, I'm still scratching for ideas of an image to go with it. A strong symbol of what it means to live: adventure, family, love, and friends. (<strong>Help</strong>: IDEAS! Please!)</p> <p>All told, my life is amazing and I'm living it to the fullest. Even if it is crazy right now.</p> <p> </p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/catching-breath">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/catching-breath#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/IrJYjvnhTNc" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/catching-breath Fri, 19 Aug 2011 16:26:44 -0700 Rushing to buy: a pros and cons list http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/wyE4XMl94Ng/rushing-to-buy-a-pros-and-cons-list http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/rushing-to-buy-a-pros-and-cons-list <p> There are so many negative factors to my situation surrounding buying <br />this house that I'm starting to question whether it's worth it. There <br />is one factor here that I'm not willing to disclose publicly. Not <br />because I'd be hurt in any way if "you" knew, but it would put me in a <br />very bad situation if I showed my hand to a select set of people. So, <br />keep in mind, there are a few other factors driving these time lines. <p /> So here are all the negatives. <p /> I need to close on this house no later than 9/26. Considering that <br />closing on a house takes 37 days, at a minimum, that means I need an <br />accepted offer by Monday. <p /> I have to travel from 9/27 through 9/29. (in addition, my daughter's <br />mom has to travel during this same time frame which means this will be <br />the first time my daughter ever stays over night with someone other <br />than her mom or I) <p /> Because I'm renting the house that I'm in I need to gear that rental <br />period to start the first week of a month. So, I either have to rent <br />it on 10/3 giving me one weekend to move. Or I have to rent it the <br />first week of November and pay two mortgaged for a month. <p /> The sellers are on the verge of a short sale. So, they are unable to <br />pay any closing costs unless I offer them more than they are asking <br />and have the costs rolled into the loan in that way. I have enough <br />cash reserves to cover closing and down payment and such, but not to <br />do all of that and put the few things into the house that I want to <br />do. I have to buy a refrigerator and such. I'd like to put down <br />laminate flooring. There are two windows that need to be repaired. And <br />that's just the basic stuff. <p /> Based on what the leasing realtor was able to determine, I'm going to <br />lose $75/mo on the rental of my house. That's not a huge deal (and I <br />still own the house, so it's not lost forever) but it's less that <br />ideal. <p /> <br />But these are the reasons I'm pushing forward. <p /> I really want to move. I love my neighborhood. I love my house. But I <br />don't like that I'm surrounded by renters. And I don't like that I <br />have to spend 15 minutes driving no matter where I'm going <p /> If I don't buy a house before 9/26, then it won't be until 2013 when <br />I'm in a situation where I could consider it again (due to the <br />unmentioned parts of my situation). <p /> This is a fantastic price and a nearly perfect house in a wonderful <br />neighborhood with great schools in the part of town that I want to <br />live in. I couldn't ask for a better setup. <p /> <br />So send me your good thoughts. These next few weeks are going to be <br />rough as I try to make all of this happen. </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/rushing-to-buy-a-pros-and-cons-list">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/rushing-to-buy-a-pros-and-cons-list#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/wyE4XMl94Ng" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/rushing-to-buy-a-pros-and-cons-list Tue, 09 Aug 2011 05:07:00 -0700 a missing hour http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/R7bmLWqG10w/time-and-place http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/time-and-place <p> <p style="float: left; padding: 5px;"><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/U666wVYpi2jAHH0oFMGEhg?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-5oi9OOSwxTI/TkEhnY9os6I/AAAAAAAAJQc/zUJgNReJ1RM/s288/lightbox-photos.s3.amazonaws.com%2525252Fphotos%2525252FDulceuIhTAK9AwKTUnUPGQ_lrg.JPG" height="288" alt="" width="216" /></a></p> <p>Surgery last Friday was pretty uneventful, which is the best that I could have hoped for. I got there early like they asked. I sat for an hour before they let me into a room. I had to take off all my clothes and put on special socks and a hospital gown. I left my underwear on because it seemed the right thing to do. It wasn't. They had to intubate me in order to keep me under and work in my nose at the same time. I would have to come out of anesthesia with the tube still in my throat. The idea of that scared me a lot. But they assured me I probably wouldn't even remember it. I don't. Everyone was kind, and patient, and awesome. </p> <p>From the timeline I've been given there is about 1 hour of my life for which I was awake and conscious that I don't remember at all. That's actually really scary to me: the idea that I was awake and doing things that I cannot account for. Whatever it was that I did, the nurse in charge of watching me regain consciousness commented many, many times to the various people she was discussing my status with that I was a very, very nice man. So, I'm guessing I must have hit on her a lot.</p> <p>Now, four days after the fact, I feel pretty good. It's way too soon to say anything but, I feel like I can breathe better. I also haven't taken ANY pain killers, not even for headaches. Since I usually take 4 advil every 4 hours almost every day, that's a pretty nice improvement. My face is a bit sore. And I'm not supposed to bend over or lift more than 10 lbs, which is impossible when you live alone, especially when you live alone with a child. But I'm taking it as easy as I can.</p> <p>I have my Post-Op appointment early Thursday morning. If all goes well, I'll switch to drugs and regular checkups and hopefully live a life in which I feel much better and die far, far later. </p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/time-and-place">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/time-and-place#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/R7bmLWqG10w" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/time-and-place Sun, 31 Jul 2011 04:16:11 -0700 if every party went this well... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/NegXsRQ_ZEQ/63235000 http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/63235000 <p> <p><strong>Party!</strong></p> <p>For a party that got thrown together in, basically, 24 hours, we had an awesome time. I'm not sure I could have done any better with a month's notice, some planning, and an actual invite effort. Surprisingly, despite the tornado of children, my house isn't all that messy on this side of things. My dad and mom came, which meant Celeste was VERY happy and I got some help in the kitchen. Avocado Burger with Pepper Jack cheese: yes please. </p> <p>At around 7:30pm, we dropped everything and made an impromptu run to a waterpark and didn't get home until after 11pm. More success.</p> <p>Those are the best days for me: days filled with people and smiles and children and last minute adventures just because. And it's only made a slightly bittersweet because Celeste loves to play with other adults and kids that I don't get to spend as much time with her. </p> <p>There was one casualty. I have (... had *sniffle*) a waterproof digital camera and video recorder: a nice little device that fit in the pocket of my swimming trunks and took decent photos and even better video. The thing about these devices is that they are only waterproof if the SD Card and battery doors remain locked shut. Some how, in the (not so) lazy river at the waterpark, the SD Card door popped open. The next time I went to take a photo there was water <strong>behind</strong> the screen. Yeah, not good. I opened the other door and water just poured out. I took out the battery and now I'm just letting it dry. It'd be great if it still worked, but I'm not very hopeful. If it's dead, I'll probably buy something <a href="http://amzn.to/qRaOXU">cheap like this</a>. It's not like low-light and quality are issues here.</p> <p>Despite multiple attempts by several children yesterday to kill our fish, they are still alive and well. After finally speaking to some people who really know what they are talking about, we're well on our way to getting our tank in a good place to accept more fish. And I can tell by their behavior that the ones we have are enjoying life a bit more now. Which is good because Celeste adores those fish. </p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Cleaning and Decorating and Furnishings, OH MY!</strong></p> <p>Celeste and I were browsing at World Market the other day. Really, I was just looking at some of the displays they have looking for inspiration and Celeste was browsing the knicknacks. She ended up with a beautiful red paper parasol. I ran into a sale and ended up furnishing my entire sunroom for less than $600. Not really money I'd planned on spending right now, but, it was exactly what I wanted at a price I wasn't going to find again soon.</p> <p>So today Celeste and I will spend some time building furniture. She's the best helper ever. Well, you know, except that she can't lift anything or really hold anything. But, she loves sorting screws, handing me parts with letters on them, and telling me that I did a good job. So I'll take it. Then, someday soon, we'll find a nice rug for in there and a few shelves to hold plants and I'll probably have a new favorite spot to read a book and have morning tea or coffee.</p> <p>The houses in my neighborhood are packed pretty tightly together. So much so that looking out a window doesn't really lead to a nice view. I'm thinking about temporarily frosting the windows so I can leave the curtains drawn, bring in a lot of light, and still not have to see what's outside of them. Maybe next year I'll install a lattice work wall and get some ivy climbing it for some separation. I'll have to build it 10' tall or so, though. So I'm not sure how nice that'll look or if the HOA will even allow it. I'll worry about it next year. This year, I'm just going to frost the the glass.</p> <p>The "oh my God Daniel why do you have so much crap?!" cleaning festival is in full swing. I've been throwing away and giving away stuff like mad. I emptied a book shelf and filled and entire box of books that I'll never read, would never recommend, and can't think of anyone that would want. I took it to Half Price Books and got FOUR WHOLE DOLLARS for it. But, I'd have almost have paid them just to take them. Two or three more loads like that and my books will be cleaned. I'm doing basically that to every cluttered space in my house: crammed closets, over-used storage shelves, filing cabinets, junk drawers. </p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Photos!</strong></p> <p>Another random collection of photos I've taken and enjoyed.</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/jvMS2iyICG_swS_yKoxrzg?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-48zhAJMO6hc/TjUtsLOEHOI/AAAAAAAAIxk/_ImJAS9JcS4/s288/P1000950-1.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="288" /></a><br />Celeste and I ready for a night out!</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/_BZHrMyLIfMaZ13B3Q7qZg?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-zuCF4WWxG6A/TjUwgKW4myI/AAAAAAAAIxw/6gSW-xlsG_0/s288/P1000996-1.jpg" height="192" alt="" width="288" /></a><br />Flags at the beach house in the setting sun.</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/ASoVZPuTu7N9vXZjhBVmFQ?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-Zepp-3TbIC4/TjUwuiH8X7I/AAAAAAAAIx4/fQXyxG3_pmo/s288/P1000982-1.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="192" /></a><br />My beautiful girl!</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/qwTwZu9BqrKvdmHE6wn5Ug?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QnopNQPbWcE/TjUxWHeNV8I/AAAAAAAAIy4/Q3NN_oQCvf4/s288/P1000972-1.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="192" /></a><br />Celeste and some friends at the Beach House.</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/5p1zmqrlxjtFnXUNPZiw7g?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-2js0v4rOXwQ/TjUxzz_gzwI/AAAAAAAAIyo/cuE5PJMkjcQ/s288/100_0041-1.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="162" /></a><br />Celeste covered in "colored bubbles" (which you should never ever buy).</p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/63235000">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/63235000#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/NegXsRQ_ZEQ" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/63235000 Sat, 30 Jul 2011 03:15:00 -0700 fast forward to right now... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/E6ej45z8Rpg/63096839 http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/63096839 <p> <p>I laid down with Celeste around 10:30pm. We read a story. Then we talked about what the story meant and about our day. Then we both passed out. I have no idea why I'm up at 3am or why I can't get back to sleep. Usually, in this situation, I'd find a snack, turn on the TV, and just relax a bit. But, in response to a waist line that just wont quit (but, thankfully, at least isn't growing), I've opted to write intead. It's your lucky day.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Plums!</strong></p> <p>I love plums. Especially when they look like this.</p> <p><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/Lm9QpV6h_cSogKbgwTpj9g?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-vycpa-3P9VY/TjPYveaEhDI/AAAAAAAAItw/OZoPBRLU7lY/s288/P1010086-1.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="288" /></a></p> <p>And that's one of the best part about summer. Late, lazy evenings, the sun sinking slowly but undetermined, and ooodles of fruit dripping off the chins and elbows of children.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>On the Road to Superman...</strong></p> <p>Last Tuesday I had another CT Scan, met with the Doctor performing the surgery again, and talked with the O.R. staff about what will happen the day of surgery. I feel even better about it. The doctor told me last time that less than 1 in 1000 people suffer blindness or brain fluid leak. I assumed brain fluid leak meant death. That is apparently not the case. This time, he told me that he's done over 2000 of these surgerys, never made anyone blind, and only had a brain fluid leak once, which was immediately fixed and the patient suffered almost no additional issues or recovery time because of it.</p> <p>The whole thing will start Friday (8/5) morning at 6:30. My parents will be waiting there for me. I also found out that I'll probably have to spend the night in the hospital. Yuck. I'll bring a laptop and a couple of good books. Hopefully I'll sleep a lot, because I don't do well having to sit around and do nothing all day. Whenever they release me, I'll need to be under supervision for 24 hours after that. So I'll be staying at my moms and hopefully finding some slightly active things to do. So, unless there are complications, I should be home and in my own bed Sunday night.</p> <p><em><strong>Help</strong></em>: Just in case there are complications of some sort, anyone near me want to volunteer to feed my cats and fish once or twice? They'll be fine for the planned 3 days (assuming I can find a vacation feeder for the fish). But anything more than that and they'll need someone to check on them.</p> <p>Finally, I also found out that my insurance is only covering 80% of this until my deductible is met. So, it looks like I'm out $3,000. Which punctures a bunch of other plans.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Vacation Planning...</strong></p> <p>Speaking of more exciting things I could be spending my money on, the original plan for vacation this year was for Celeste and I to head to upstate New York some time in September and camp for a week or so. Thankfully, that's a fairly inexpensive way to go as it is, so it might still happen. The weather should be beautiful. We'll be right on the lake. Celeste loves camping. We'll be 10 minutes from my family. And, as much as we love staying with my Grandmother, this'll give us a little more space to just be us and do the things we like. If you're in the area let me know so we can plan to see you and, even better, maybe you can plan to do a little camping with us.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Observations Made While Dating at 30...</strong></p> <p>There are two routes people seem to take when it comes to dating. One is to start "dating" at 15 or so. Find "the one" a few times by our 21st birthday. Get good and married by 25. That's what I did. That's what most people I know did. And, when we do it like that, "dating" is easy. There's college, and friends, and friends of friends. Jobs come and go. Life styles and beliefs and quirks are not fully set in stone. Everything is liquid.</p> <p>If our first go round just didn't work out, or if we somehow managed to not get hitched and find ourselves at 30 and single, then we've taken the second route. It's rough. By the time we turn 30 though, our personalities and our quirks are more set in stone. Throw in any circumstances that might keep us from being on the prowl 24/7 (single parent, financial issues, bad location, lack of employability, medical conditions, etc), and it gets even more complicated.</p> <p>I've been taking some time to myself to reflect on all of this. Since my marriage ended 2.5 years ago, I've been on lots of dates. And of those, I've only had a "relationship" with about five people. Prior to being married, and including my ex-wife, I generally remained friends with my exes. Really, it was the only thing that made sense to me. But of those five, there's only one that I have a solid friendship with. And only one that I'd really like to have a friendship with if we could figure out how to make that happen. There are two that I'd be happy to have a conversation with if we ended up in the same place and maybe it would go further than that, but probably not. And there is one that I might actually throw up if I saw. Or call CPS. Or the Police. Maybe all three.</p> <p>People are like little minefields. Our experiences have us wired up a certain way. We trip over any of those wires, even innocently or accidentally, and we're blown to bits. Maybe her ex popped his gum like you do. Maybe his ex wore the same glasses you do.</p> <p>Then we have all of these things balanced along the edges. Things easily run into and broken. A stack of fine glassware on a rickety table. Maybe she has body issues and she hates the lights on but she also has strong pride and refuses to ask you to turn them off. Maybe he is so used to being taken advantage of that if you don't offer a lot and right away then he just thinks you're not worth his time.</p> <p>I try. I try so hard to clear my mines (or at least point them out in advance) and to not care about all that glass. I try to keep my mind free and my worries at bay. I try to start every new relationship with a fresh slate. And I'm really good at compartmentalizing in that way. And, even then, I still fail from time to time.</p> <p>All of that being said, I've got some awesome friends with some fantastic advice. I'm learning to play "the game", which I hate, but I realize is required in order navigate this mess. I'm learning to take care of myself first. And, most importantly, I'm learning how to let things go.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Relocation efforts...</strong></p> <p>At this point, I'm convinced that location is everything. Anytime I go somewhere, I think about how much shorter the trip would have been if I lived somewhere else. As much as I love my house and my neighborhood, I'm leaning more and more toward just getting out of here, no matter what that takes, even if that means one more temporary step between now and something more permanent. </p> <p>But I'm going through the trouble of making my place nice anyway. Most of my decorating efforts will transfer over, so I won't lose a lot there. And the cleaning efforts just make packing and moving that much easier. And the improvements I make on my house will make it easier to show and rent. And, until I do leave, it's a lot nicer to live here.</p> <p>So that's going well. I moved Celeste's room upstairs. She loves it! We're doing some decorating in there today and she's very excited. It's next to my office which helps me spend time with her during work days when I want to. It keeps the downstairs cleaner and gives me less space to have to pick up daily. Plus, it opened up some space downstairs to make a nice little sitting area and buy a few more storage items to help control the stuff we want to keep but never really have a place for.</p> <p>Meanwhile, I've got my brother-in-law scouring The Colony, South Western Frisco, North Western Plano (yeah right), Northern Carrollton, and South Eastern Lewisville for houses that meet my needs and price range. Assuming I can actually get qualified for a loan and find a renter for my place, this might really happen.</p> <p>Or, you know, on the other side of the coin, there are at least 15 houses for sale in my neighborhood within a 5 minute walk of me. It's a great neighborhood, we're just suffering some growing pains (due to the mortgage crisis. these are just more ripples of that.). But the good news is that you can get these, basically new houses, for way less than I paid (and even less than what I owe). And the more people that are close to me, the less driving I need to do. Which means that staying here becomes a much better option. So if you're in a house and you're looking for something else, or you're in an apartment and want more space and/or privacy, you should consider buying/renting here. </p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Party Crazy...</strong></p> <p>I realize that I simply don't entertain people often enough. So I put an end to that by making a real attempt at throwing two "parties" a month: one with kids, and one without. Last week's adult party went off well. Good people. Fun games. Waaaay too much to drink. I'll probably do one or two more game centered parties before trying out something else just because it was so much fun. </p> <p>It looks like the kid party sort of threw itself together and is happening in less than 12 hours, which is awesome. </p> <p><em><strong>Next Party</strong></em>: I'm looking at the weekend of 8/19 as the next adult party. And the weekend of 8/26 with children. So mark your calendars, drop me a line, and let me know if you have any ideas that we MUST incorporate this time. </p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Photos...</strong></p> <p>I take a ton. Most of them, these days, are of a more personal nature. And I guess I've always felt that they didn't deserve my time and didn't need to be shared. But I was wrong about that. So here are some photos I've taken recently that I love. I hope you do too.</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/UcCXk0oK3rdZ-PBTbsWYGg?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-30_PIjF1MNc/TjPY3RNh4uI/AAAAAAAAItM/NfkGipUpLRo/s288/IMG_20110716_143305.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="216" /></a> <a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/fTnsqoVvIo85H2tDh3SA5g?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-r1hhoWwC6ek/TjPY4lMlF1I/AAAAAAAAItQ/xmYVdhgMT7g/s288/P1000998-1.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="192" /></a> <a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/ehXz-PrjaGlEJWMEqt21YA?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-nwus9DmPJLw/TjPY5N5aS8I/AAAAAAAAItU/RKFbFdyy8oU/s288/100_0094-2.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="162" /></a> <a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/PjH4LOy2qu7NLScBFmkrIg?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-cVnj-O2T2kU/TjPY50wQ14I/AAAAAAAAItY/EjSzZZ7368M/s288/100_0099-3.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="192" /></a> <a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/9805VZ4fM-ujXALMY-Mi1A?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-zoyxq0Em61o/TjPY64agp_I/AAAAAAAAItc/j6PvzZxx0BQ/s288/100_0105-4.jpg" height="288" alt="" width="162" /></a></p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/63096839">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/63096839#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/E6ej45z8Rpg" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/63096839 Sat, 16 Jul 2011 06:39:39 -0700 Catching Up http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/U6JZFPBtbEo/catching-up http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/catching-up <p> Life gets hectic. It's good to reflect.<p /><div><b>A new house?</b></div><p /><div>I'm seriously thinking about moving. My house is lovely. My neighborhood is decent. With every passing year, the "up and coming" part of Dallas/Fort Worth gets a little closer to me. But, my home's layout isn't ideal for Celeste. I'm still about 20 minutes farther from most things than I'd like to be. My backyard is too small. My neighbors are all renters. And, once Celeste is in regular school, living more than 10 minutes from her Mom will likely make things difficult. Even thought I'm not the one that moved away and I never wanted to get stuck with the house, I still feel like if I can do something to move closer to where her Mom has decided to make a new life, then I'm doing a good thing for Celeste.</div> <p /><div>So, I'm looking at houses in The Colony right now. The school districts are decent. It's centrally located to most of the stuff we care about in the world. It brings me 20 minutes closer to most things and only a few minutes farther from a few other things. Coppell and Lewisville are also options at this point. But Lewisville has less attractive schools and Coppell is farther away and more expensive. Northern Carrollton, Western Frisco, and North West Plano would all be fine too, but I'd have to make a lot more money for that. There are lots of other cities in the metroplex, surely. But for so many reasons, these are really the only ones that make sense right now. </div> <p /><div>I'd consider new construction. But I can really only afford it in Allen, parts of McKinney, Rowlett, Haslet, Sache, and, of course, where I am now. Each of these places presents similar distance issues to what I face now. So, I figure I owe it to myself and my daughter to look in the closer areas once more and then, unless something amazing passes my way, just resign (once again) to stay put. </div> <p /><p /><div><b>Feeling like superman...</b></div><p /><div>I've had medical issues forever. I had severe allergies as a kid. I've suffered from nasty migraine headaches since age 18 or so. In 2004 I was diagnosed with Meneires Syndrome which, after changes in diet and such, comes with a list of issues: I have difficulty hearing, especially in my left ear; my ears always feel full which is almost unnoticeable when I'm having a good time and enough to drive me insane when I need to concentrate; my ears are always ringing, also making it hard to concentrate. I've always has sinus pressure and sinus headaches. The list goes on and on. But, I've always managed to just deal with it. I take drugs when I need to. I relax when I need to. But, sadly, a large chunk of me and my attention is almost always unavailable because it's combating these things. I want a better life for me and my kid.</div> <p /><div>About 6 months ago I got a really bad sinus infection with a potentially wonderful ending. It prompted my doctor to order a CT Scan which has clued them in to an issue I've likely had for years that I never knew about. In short, my body has attacked things I'm allergic to in such a way that it has now severely limited my ability to breathe. Untreated, it's quite serious. Death serious. So it's good that we've found it. Even better is that my doctor thinks it might be responsible for a lot of the things that have been bothering me for so long.</div> <p /><div>There are two treatment options: drugs forever or surgery followed by less drugs forever. The surgery is not too risky. Less than a 1 in 1000 chance that I'll go blind or have my brain leak into the rest of my body, essentially, killing me. And there's a 2% chance of other complications that are fixable but annoying. My doctor believes that, due to the severity, surgery is the best way to bring me relief, prevent my untimely demise, and allow a better live with less drugs in the future. So, that's the option I'm going with.</div> <p /><div>I'm on a lot of drugs for now to get me to a state when I can even be worked on. Two weeks or so from now I'll have surgery. It's a less than 3 hour procedure that will have me likely back at work within 2 days. I won't be able to turn upside down, go swimming, perform and vigorous exercise, or lift anything heavy (including my kid) for about 2 weeks at the risk of causing complications. After that I'll be better than new.</div> <p /><div>The hardest part will be working with my daughter. She's so smart and so kind and so careful, that I know she'll understand if I explain it to her, why I can't pick her up, why we can't dance like crazy people, and why I need her to walk more than being carried for a bit. But, it'll still break my heart to have to tell her such things. More than likely, I'll try to arrange some swaps with her mom so that I still see her, but keep the bulk of long periods of time with her mom and then make up for it when I'm done recovering by taking all my time back. I think I've got enough friends and such willing to help that I should be just fine.</div> <p /><p /><div><b>Work... Work... Work... </b></div><p /><div>Work is good. It's hard to complain when almost everything is going my way in that regard. I'm spending more time with my child, I'm working hours that are better for me. I'm seeing more friends. I'm doing more things that I love to do. And, after all of that, I'm making more money than I've ever made before, and I'm not even REALLY trying. I still intend to quit my "big job" in September. That's not really a secret, though they may have forgotten that I told them that. My next experiment is to plan a working vacation. Something where Celeste and I can go some place -- probably upstate new york -- and, thanks to technology, perform a hybrid of work and play and school. I'm pretty sure I can pull it off.</div> <p /><div>I'm also slowly building up my freelance base. If you know anyone needing web application development, or small business IT solutions, please let me know. I pay a finder's fee.</div><p /> <p /><div><b>Photography...</b></div><p /><div>I'm getting back in to the swing of things. But slowly. After everything is said and done, between work, play, maintaining a home, raising a child, and maintaining friendships, I'm not left with a lot of time. Paying jobs are great, but rebuilding the network and portfolio needed to get those paying jobs takes some time. I'm grateful that I'm surrounded by so many amazing and talented photographers that are quite active that I'm able to slowly rebuild those things while having a really good time.</div> <p /><div>If you're interested in being photographed I'm interested in you. I offer portrait services (as mentioned on my website <a href="http://djamesphoto.com/">http://djamesphoto.com/</a>). Additionally, I'm willing to trade prints for time for subjects that are flexible, very interested, and offer something my portfolio or network can use. Send me an email and we can talk about specifics.</div> <p /><p /><div><b>My Daughter...</b></div><p /><div>It's complicated and funny how I can look at her and realize that, whatever it is I'm doing, I'm doing it right. She's brilliant. She's funny. She's artistic. She's a knowledge sponge. She's kind and caring. She understands the basics of complicated human emotion -- and most importantly, how to handle someone else going through them. She eats well. She sleeps well. We can run around outside, spend a day at the pool, visit friends, eat at restaurants, clean the house, trudge through a day of errands and shopping, or spend the night killing Zombies and play Dora games and everything just works. Sure, there are conflicts of interest now and then. But she's nothing like the difficult, cranky, defiant, screaming, crying, kids you see in the supermarket that had me scared to death to ever have children. </div> <p /><div>Maybe I got lucky. Maybe my overly-analytic, control-freak, do-gooder tendencies mixed with her mom's more laid back approach to life has results in the absolute perfect genetic mix. Maybe my DNA should be studied by generations of scientists to help create a better human race. But I doubt it. More than anything, I think my no nonsense approach to explaining life and the reasons things work the way they do helps her to understand what is appropriate and why. I think the sternness that I present to her when she's doing something wrong is just enough to keep her from doing it again but not enough to send her into meltdown. I think treating her like a human -- like I would ANY human -- causes her to treat me the same. Yes, she's a child. Yes, there are things she can't do on her own. Yes, there are things she doesn't understand. But there are adults that can't do things on their own and have things they don't understand do. I help her and teach her and encourage her in the same way I would an adult in the same situation. Yes, there are lot more things to teach and help with, but that doesn't change the approach.</div> <p /><div>I'm not perfect. Well, unless you're an attractive, single, female who likes kids, family, and moonlit walks on the beach. Then, yeah, baby, I'm perfect. But, otherwise, I make mistakes. I lose my temper. I need a break from time to time. Sometimes, I just don't feel like doing whatever it is I'm being asked to do. Even then, even in those moment, the approach I'd take with an adult -- telling them I need a break or that I don't feel like it -- is the same I take with my daughter. And usually, she just gets it.</div> <p /><div>It makes me want to find a decent woman, have a few more babies, and live a good life filled with kids, parties, and radical honesty. But I'm getting ahead of myself there. For now, I'll settle for another toddler dance party; or another beer with some good friends while helping my daughter paint a picture frame; or a nice meal in a home filled with laughing children, helping hands, good conversation, and endless games of hide and go seek.</div> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/catching-up">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/catching-up#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/U6JZFPBtbEo" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/catching-up Mon, 20 Jun 2011 05:26:00 -0700 A reason for everything... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/KDDfshqlETM/the-reason-for-everything http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/the-reason-for-everything <p> <p style="padding: 7px;"><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/pKqjqFVjxwLTdMzHvav19Q?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-7pQLqHgQZqo/Tf36fUXHdsI/AAAAAAAAGfs/8iF1jzhpb98/s400/100_0051-1.jpg" height="225" alt="" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding: 7px;" width="400" /></a></p> <p>As a child, Father's Day was basically an excuse to make cards, have a meal that I probably liked more than usual, and spend some time together as a family. All told, not a huge departure from something we did anyway once a week or so. I never once considered what my Dad might have felt on Father's Day.</p> <p>On the surface, this Father's Day looked much like every Father's Day I'd seen as a child. We rarely, if ever, had uncles and aunts around for Father's Day, so that was a welcome difference. But each of my siblings now has at least one child and we were all there except for my oldest brother who lives in Alabama. We also never had friends around on such occassions. But, as I count my blessings, my best and dearest friend spent the day with us, which meant more to me than I can express. There were cards and family time but, all together, just like when I was younger, it was something our family does once a month anyway.</p> <p>But beyond all of that I found myself flashing through all of my successes and failures as a father. I had a pretty bad headache and, in general, wasn't feeling all that great. In those cases, my patience is generally a lot thinner than it is otherwise, so I had some immediate experiences to draw upon in the failures department. However, I also was reminded of all the things that I manage to get right. I love the way my daughter and I work together. I love the kindnesses she shares regularly. I love how eager she is to help, even if, from time to time, "helping" means stepping aside and just letting something get done. I love the way she expresses herself in drawing and music and dance. My daughter is brilliant and happy. Yes, from time to time I upset her and fail to explain myself in a way that she can understand and that makes her sad. But, I've taught her well enough and earned enough of her trust that she's willing to express that sadness to me so that, even if we can't understand eachother, we can understand how it makes us feel and move on to a better place. I got "Happy Father's Day" wishes and genuine compliments from other family, close friends, and even an ex-girlfriend or two, which made me smile.</p> <p>In the end, I found myself happy with where I'm at but, as always with me, working toward being even better. I realize that I need to find more patience, less stress, more peace, and a far greater acceptance of myself. The greatest thing any father can do for their children is to live his own life well. We humans, especially as children, learn through observation. The better I can juggle adventure and obligation, pride and humility, self-esteem and self-improvement, giving and taking, the better my daughter will be at doing the same which will lead to a more fulfilling life.</p> <p>I also found myself missing the company of other parents, especially those that I admire and respect and can learn from. It makes me wish so deeply that, as a culture, we didn't live our lives locked into our little boxes. I wish that privacy, and isolation, and "staying at home alone" was the exception and not the rule. And it makes me eager, once more, to reach out to families that I love and cherish and try to get people together more often as well as to meet new people that live close and are similarly minded.</p> <p>I had a wonderful day, as I do most days, and I am ever grateful for the many blessings that fill my life. Especially my daughter who brings sunshine to even the gloomiest days, and my close friends and family who provide a strong example and unending support. You are all so beautiful.</p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/the-reason-for-everything">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/the-reason-for-everything#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/KDDfshqlETM" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/the-reason-for-everything Wed, 22 Dec 2010 04:51:00 -0800 Here I am, and I will never be here again. http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/ageyJqKGl6Y/here-i-am-and-i-will-never-be-here-again http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/here-i-am-and-i-will-never-be-here-again <p> <p>Dear Future of a Past Self--</p> <p>A friend recently sent me an email to link about Mark Zuckerberg - creator of Facebook - with a comment that read, simply, "ya know, this could have been you". </p> <p>He's right. And he's not the only friend to mention such things to me over the past ten years. That could have been me. When I went to see the "Facebook Movie" (called "The Social Network") one of the many topics of conversation that proceeded it stemed around the idea that what Mark created wasn't revolutionary in pieces, it wasn't very difficult to do, and it, arguable, wasn't even done very well. What mattered was that those pieces were put together in that way at that precise time and delivered to the right people in the way it was delivered. </p> <p>The point is, time and time again throughout my past I've been near to ideas, situations, and choices that had a very strong potential of leading me toward weath and fame and other such things. One way to look at that is to see each of those things as missed opportunities. But I don't.</p> <p>If I had made any of those choices differently they'd likely lead to a world very different than the one I'm living today. And, because of the kind of person I am, I'm sure that those lives would have also been filled with happiness and friendship and exploration. But this "me" truly values the intangible things I have in this life, both big and small. Giving them up or trading them in even for a life certain to be full of wealth and fame isn't something I'm willing to do. I'm very happy where I am.</p> <p>More so, even with all the money and fame and freedom those things can buy, the problems that I have today, the bits of life that, if "fixed" would leave me much happier and fulfilled, are not things that money and fame can buy. Freedom could help, but only just slightly.</p> <p>So, when I look at things like Facebook and people like Mark Zuckerberg, the question in my mind is not "where could I have gone?" but "where will I go next?"</p> <p> </p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/here-i-am-and-i-will-never-be-here-again">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/here-i-am-and-i-will-never-be-here-again#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/ageyJqKGl6Y" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/here-i-am-and-i-will-never-be-here-again Sat, 27 Nov 2010 06:02:57 -0800 it's time to give http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/dcdxDl4YJeE/34659787 http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/34659787 <p> <p>Dear Calendar,</p> <p>I'm almost to your last page. You've been a good book. In some ways, better than the one before you. In others, not so much. But, all told, each one of you is better than the last, so, together, we must be doing something right. </p> <p> </p> <p>Christmas is here. Even though I can very distinctly remember that each year that preceded this one ended with some kind of frantic gift buying and overspending that I swear I won't do the next year, it's still one of my favorite times of year. I love Christmas because, for a short period of time, people at least pretend to believe like I do. They put first all the things that I consider to be most important: friendship, closeness, warmth, and children. In perfect time with the weather, as we bundle on our coats we're reminded of both how cold it can be outside and how warm we can be inside if we just hold the things that matter close.</p> <p>Celeste and I are putting up the Christmas tree today. Long ago I stopped buying real trees since they required more attention than I had to give and having it in the house seemed to make my cats think they were birds who, naturally, live in trees. So we've got one of those plastic trees that gets put together one row at a time by matching letters on the branches to letters on the trunk. Celeste loves to help with this part, so that's good. But lighting the tree bores her to tears. And me too, really. So, I think I'm either going to buy a pre-lit tree this year or find a faster way to light it. There are about a billion ways to light a tree and all of them seem faster and easier than doing what I usually do, which looks similar to a one-manned maypole ceremony without any of the nudity. </p> <p> </p> <p>With a child, there's one aspect of Christmas that I struggle with teaching. I give. I've always given. And I don't just mean around Christmas time. But there's a line between giving because I want to and giving because I feel like I have to. And Christmas is that time of year where we're encouraged, more than ever, to give.</p> <p>I don't give gifts just because I'm certain I'm getting one. That's a silly stress that results in two people spending money on things the other person probably doesn't want and the only true benefactors are the merchants.</p> <p>I don't give alms to the hundreds of hands that extend in my direction as though it's my social duty to give to them because I've been productive and they've either been lazy or unlucky. There are some charities that I agree with: those that provide the means of jump starting productivity to systematically unlucky people, to those that have been abused, to children, and to those that have laid down their life to fight for mine. That doesn't include the bell ringer standing in front of every Wal-Mart.</p> <p>I know a lot of people. Good, honest, hard working, productive people. Some that, despite hard work and making every attempt to do better for themselves are simply having a hard time. People that I Iove and cherish. People that are important to me, to my life, to my daughter. People that I wish there could be more of on this planet. When I give, I give because I want to. Sometimes I give because I love someone and want them to know I'm thinking of them. Other times I give because I want to make someone's life easier in a hard time and because I take care of those that would take care of me. I don't give because someone makes me feel like their misfortune or laziness is my burden. I do believe, fully, that we are responsible for each other. That we should take care of one another. But there are plenty of people already in my life that need caring for. I think the world as a whole would be far better if we all took care of those that we love. </p> <p>Teaching that to a child is not easy in this society. But at least the message is simple. I don't believe in "love your enemy". I love freely and by default. I continue to love those that earn my love and deserve it. And I only give to those I love. It's not a very "Christian" value to teach over a holiday that bears his name, is it? I put myself and those I hold dear before everyone else. I'm that selfish guy who refuses to adopt a morality that upholds those who sacrifice the most, that exalts the most miserable, that rewards those that deserve it the least. I'm that selfish guy who loves who he loves with all of his heart and with every bit of means he possesses, and gives nothing to those who are only there for a handout. I hope and pray that when my beautiful, loving, caring daughter grows up, she won't waste herself and her love either. Bah Humbug. </p> <p> </p> <p>Celeste and I are good at squeezing every drop of goodness out of what's in front of us while it's there before moving on to produce and enable the next big thing. It's something I've always been good at. I make my own life. I sweat for some pieces, laugh over others. I find some pieces and build the rest. And I live as fully as I can enable myself to live. I love that my daughter is starting to pick up how to do this too. It makes for an incredible life.</p> <p>In the span of three short months our home went from two to five and back to two again. Despite the hardships that come with taking two different lives and lifestyles and smashing them into each other at full speed, I loved having a roommate. So, I'll certainly be looking for another. Since most of the rooms are empty and, now, are in desperate need of it, I think I'll clear them all out, replace the carpet, and set up a live/play/work area upstairs that makes more sense. So, if all goes well, I'll start actively looking in January. Though, I'd accept something sooner as long as they were willing to accept a work in progress.</p> <p>Despite the fact that I'm sad to see them go, I'm glad that they were able to move some place where what they have to offer is a good fit for what is needed and where their lifestyle might be a little more of a match. Not that any group of determined people can't make anything work if they want to, but, it's nice when pieces just fit together on their own.</p> <p> </p> <p>There's lots of other little things going on. But, like you, dear Calendar, I'm just about out of time. </p> <p> </p> <p>Love,<br />Daniel </p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/34659787">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/34659787#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/dcdxDl4YJeE" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/34659787 Fri, 22 Oct 2010 06:57:00 -0700 "You count the ways in which they gave but it's more about why you love, and less about how." http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/fH_nDyYJqUQ/you-count-the-ways-in-which-they-gave-but-its http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/you-count-the-ways-in-which-they-gave-but-its <p> <p>Dear Brain or Heart or Soul or whatever piece of me it is that makes me like this, <p /> I'd written these paragraphs a hundred different ways, ten different times to just as many people. Then I realized that it was really just the same old shit. The only difference wasn't in how it could be described, but in how it could be felt. And it is me that needs a change in feelings. <p /> I get caught up in how people love me. I guess because no one is ever really able to say "why". So action seems to be the only measure of love. But I wonder if it needs to be measured at all. <p /> It can't be measured, except indirectly in tangible things. Giving, is an example. I give a lot. I give -- time, effort, money, thought -- to those I love well beyond the the point of sacrifice. One day I considered how much money, just money alone, I'd given to friends in need over the course of a year. It was enough to give me two weeks of unpaid time off. Two weeks I could spend sleeping, photographing, cleaning, or chasing butterflies with my kid. <p /> But measuring it doesn't matter. What matters is why I gave in the first place. Did I give out of love? Out of obligation? Out of pity? Simply because I don't know what else to do? <p /> And when I look at the love that comes from others, I've always been more concerned with how they were loving me instead of why. I get upset when a friend doesn't bother to invite me to things even though I invite them out often and they regularly accept. I get upset when crafty friends make tokens of appreciation for those they care about and leave my daughter and I out. I get upset when it's always me that has to drive to see someone and that, despite how much travelling I do, if we don't do something near them then they aren't likely to come. <p /> The turning point was when I got upset when I realized that my daughter only comes to me when she's hurt but, no matter how much I ask and offer, prefers to spend her time dancing and singing and playing with other people and me as a last resort. I wasn't upset with her. I was upset with myself. I felt like I wasn't giving enough. Like I needed to try harder, do more, be more, convince her that I was worth her time. <p /> That's when I realized that it didn't matter. My daughter is laughing and happy and having fun. That's what matters. My love for her and my love for others in hundreds of ways makes that possible even if I'm not the final delivery of that happiness. And I know that she loves me even if she doesn't express it in whatever twisted way my head has decided is required. <p /> I'm sure this sounds silly to most other people, but it's really the first time I'm making this connection. I need to stop giving of myself beyond the breaking point. I need to stop taking away from my own happiness to ensure the happiness of others. If making someone else happy doesn't make me happy in the process, then I'm either doing it wrong or I'm trying too hard to prove a love that isn't there. In the same way, I need to learn to accept gifts of happiness, no matter how small. Because, though the "how" in some cases may be tiny in comparison, it's the "why" that's important. Accepting that is part of what validates it. <p /> <br />"Its too scary to say I just am, just am. <br />But I offer you only what I know of love. <br />I confess what it is I think I forgot: <br />I tend to remember more about what love is not. <br />My gift remains it's still the same <br />It ain't enough, but it's all I've got." <p /> --Shame // Brian Webb</p> <p> <object height="40" width="250"> <param name="movie" value="http://listen.grooveshark.com/songWidget.swf" /> <param name="wmode" value="window" /> <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /> <param name="flashvars" value="hostname=cowbell.grooveshark.com&widgetID=22951816&style=metal&p=0" /> <embed src="http://listen.grooveshark.com/songWidget.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="window" height="40" flashvars="hostname=cowbell.grooveshark.com&widgetID=22951816&style=metal&p=0" width="250"></embed> </object> </p> <p> </p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/you-count-the-ways-in-which-they-gave-but-its">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/you-count-the-ways-in-which-they-gave-but-its#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/fH_nDyYJqUQ" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/you-count-the-ways-in-which-they-gave-but-its Mon, 18 Oct 2010 06:15:38 -0700 weekend with a touch of Malaria http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/wHupYyAECs0/weekend-with-a-touch-of-malaria http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/weekend-with-a-touch-of-malaria <p> Dear Malaria (or West Nile)--<p />I had a fantastic weekend. <p />Friday night, there was a nice dinner and a great time seeing one of my favorite local bands, Telegraph Canyon. I'd never seen them live before, so it was quite a treat. I also got a text message during the show that said "come outside!" and, sure enough, there stood two friends I hadn't seen in quite a while. So it was nice to catch up with them for a bit before I got back to my date. Telegraph Canyon rocked. They played every song I wanted to hear and even came out for an encore of "Low". Then I drove my date home and didn't find my pillow until near 3am. <p /> Saturday morning I spent a few hours with a really nice family taking wedding engagement photos. It's not something I do for a living. I tried that once and absolutely hated it. Engagement photos, portraits, weddings and other events are terribly boring, for the most part. The work is tiring, you're always trying to get more out of it than it really there, and it's just not worth the pay. But, in special cases -- for friends, events I find interesting, and causes I align with -- I do this kind of work. We had a good time. I got really lucky that one of the friends/family that was there to help was really, really good at helping. So I had someone to move hair, hold reflectors, pose arms when I was too busy or too far away to direct well, and, in general, make the session flow really well. <p /> Later that afternoon, my kiddo came over with her mom for a bit so we could go to the fall festival in my community. We took the neighbor girl with us, since her Dad couldn't be bothered with such things. The Festival itself wasn't all that great. In fact, if it hadn't been for the big inflatable slide, I'd have had a hard time telling the difference between the "festival" and a bunch of bored people standing around in a circle while kids played on the playground that's there all year long. But <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/revjim/5092824389/">dressing my daughter up</a> and seeing her so excited to be wearing her costume was a blast. She "trunk-or-treated" at all 5 of the available cars, <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/revjim/5093425120/">ate a snow cone</a>, went down the inflatable slide, and paraded around in her costume like she was an actual fairy princess. Then we went out for dinner. <p /> That night, I met a friend for drinks, then bowling, and then karaoke. Maybe I was too drunk to give an accurate assessment, but I'm pretty sure we owned that place. <p />Sunday morning I played catch up on sleep-- I sleet in until 8:30am! Can you believe it?! Then, after a slow start, I packed up and headed out to Fort Worth for a photo session in an <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/revjim/5093426836/">abandoned grain silo</a>. We're talking three giant towers, filled with all sorts of decay, a railroad track in disrepair, and <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/revjim/5093428120/">metal bridges and ladders overhead</a> connecting it all. It was heaven. I met some fantastic people there, and you Malaria. After wrapping up, we headed to a great Mexican place for dinner and drinks <a href="http://nowdaniel.posterous.com/so-who-ordered-what-evers-on-line-14">and, apparently, 11 dicks</a>. On the way out the hood of my car was violated by a cute girl, with special attention to my right headlight. I thought he'd be upset considering he wasn't asked first and she was a bit rough with him. But, he's already asking me to get her phone number so I guess he enjoyed himself too. Finally, I headed home for the evening to unpack the car and crash.<p /> So, Malaria, here's where you come in. I saw you lurking in the murky water at the grain silo. I heard you buzzing around my head and felt your sting on my arms and elbows. Please leave my liver and my sanity intact. If you can do this, Malaria, and let me have many more fantastic weekends like this one, I promise to keep bringing people to you so that you can have their livers instead. I'm sure, if you'll consider my offer you'll see that this is truly win, win.<p /> Love,<br />Daniel </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/weekend-with-a-touch-of-malaria">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/weekend-with-a-touch-of-malaria#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/wHupYyAECs0" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/weekend-with-a-touch-of-malaria Mon, 27 Sep 2010 09:04:59 -0700 can you speed the daytime up? http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/17F_KjNMVzI/can-you-speed-the-daytime-up http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/can-you-speed-the-daytime-up <p> Dear Days,<p /><div>I don't mean to knock you. In fact, I love and cherish each and every one of you. But this time of year is my favorite. From the weather, to the length of the day, to the timing of the sunrises and sunsets, this time of year is simply perfect. </div> <p /><div>So, I hope you'll forgive me and understand when I say that I like certain parts of you more than others during this time of year. Specifically, I don't like any of the parts of you during which I'm required to be at work, and I like all of the parts of you during which I am not required to be at work, specifically those which still have daylight. So, when my butt hits my office chair first thing in the morning, I immediately sigh because it isn't 4pm yet.</div> <p /><div>If you could, maybe you could just make the middle of each day run a little faster? You know, like that part between 10am and 3pm. Just speed it into quadruple time. You're welcome to slow down the other bits so as not to break any of the laws of time and space for too long. When winter comes, you can go back to normal. </div> <p /><div>I'd really appreciate it.</div><p /><div>Love,</div><div>Daniel</div> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/can-you-speed-the-daytime-up">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/can-you-speed-the-daytime-up#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/17F_KjNMVzI" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/can-you-speed-the-daytime-up Thu, 16 Sep 2010 05:04:05 -0700 Scheduled and Alone http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/_zn8vD1NdI8/scheduled-and-alone http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/scheduled-and-alone <p> Dear Alone--<p /><div>You and I are friends. And as grateful as I am for your friendship, it often makes me sad.</div><p /><div>Through all of Elementary and Middle school I can only remember a handful of times that I spent with friends and away from family. Which meant I was mostly alone. There might have been people around, but we weren't even in the same room. I spent my time doing something I liked, completely isolated from anything else, and without any intervention as long as I kept my grades up and didn't get in to trouble. My grades were always high, and I was never in trouble. In short, I taught myself how to be a </div> <div>Someone named Andrea Dorfman made this video called "How to be Alone".</div><p /><div><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/k7X7sZzSXYs?wmode=transparent" allowfullscreen frameborder="0" height="417" width="500"></iframe></div><p /><div>The first time I saw it it was due to many people recommending it via several different outlets. After watching it, I found myself both smiling and sad.</div><p /><div>Smiling because I could identify with every word of it. Smiling because I was certain a lot of people might benefit from such a video.</div> <p /><div>Yet, I was also so very sad. Sad because we live in a world where being "Alone" is something so often encountered that someone felt the need to describe how to do it. Sad because I was already an expert.</div> <p /><div>As Humans, there are a lot of skills we have the natural desire to acquire. When left to their own devices, children run and jump and climb and eat and hunt and gather. When left with no agenda, children sing and dance and converse and play with one another. But there are two skills needed for society today that we have no natural desire to acquire: 1) following a schedule, 2) being alone.</div> <p /><div>Aside from activities requiring intense, solitary concentration, or those things requiring privacy, I can think of no activity that is not made both easier and better when done with other people and when done without a schedule. I know I've said all of this before. It's just fresh on my mind again as I dig up these unnatural skills in order to make a flight on time and to stand before the beginning of another day spent alone. Thankfully, when I arrive home, my life will once again be filled with people I love. Sadly, I'll still be on a schedule, though not one as tight as this. And, for a while, you and I will be apart.</div> <p /><div>Worry not. I'm sure we'll be together again soon.</div><p /><div>Regretfully Yours,</div><div>Daniel</div> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/scheduled-and-alone">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/scheduled-and-alone#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/_zn8vD1NdI8" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/scheduled-and-alone Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:57:17 -0700 My idealism vs The Real World http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/51rgpPlwbNg/my-idealism-vs-the-real-world http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/my-idealism-vs-the-real-world <p> <div>Dear Real World,</div><p />I am an idealist. In my head, I live in an ideal world. The problem with that is this world is not ideal. This world is FAR from ideal.<p /><div>In the real world you have to take what belongs to you or anything you want that's unclaimed or even only maybe unclaimed. In the real world you ask for things you want that aren't yours because they probably won't be offered. </div> <p /><div>If you want the last glass of milk, the last slice of cherry pie, the front seat of the car, thirty minutes of solitude, or to pick what's on TV next, you take it. You just take it. If your friend or brother or a stranger has something of yours, you just take it back. You can be nice and "ask" if you want. But it's not really asking. Because if they say "no", you just take it. And if they have something that isn't yours that you want, ask for it. If you don't ask for something, you never know if you can have it. It doesn't matter how unreasonable the request is. In the real world if you've made plans with someone and something better comes along, just change them. Don't even bother making up a lie. Just do what you want to do. In the real world if you don't want to do something you just say "no". It doesn't matter how much they need it. It doesn't matter how little effort it would require of you. It doesn't matter how many things they've done for you or how long they've been there. You just say "no". If they won't accept "no" for an answer, say "yes" and then don't do it anyway. </div> <p /><div>In the real world it doesn't matter if you find another idealist like yourself. Because they will have a friend, kid, brother, mother, boss that knows how to live in the real world. If there's anyone else near by other than you two idealists, then you're back to the real world.</div> <p /><div>This is not the world I want to live in. This is not the world I want to raise my daughter in. Sadly, I don't think I have a choice. </div><p /><div>Regretfully Yours, </div><div>Daniel</div> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/my-idealism-vs-the-real-world">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/my-idealism-vs-the-real-world#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/51rgpPlwbNg" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/my-idealism-vs-the-real-world Wed, 11 Aug 2010 05:02:00 -0700 4am is nice this time of year http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/y3PmRo7HLu0/4am-is-nice-this-time-of-year http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/4am-is-nice-this-time-of-year <p> <p>Dear 4am--</p> <p>They say nothing good happens at 4am. They say you are the exact middle between when the last of the night owls either goes to bed or is left without mental capacity and that the first of the early birds is still just rolling over in bed, their sleep not quite broken. </p> <p>I'm not really sure why I'm up. I wasn't having trouble sleeping. Punkin didn't wake up. The cats aren't trying to sleep on my face. No one is drag racing down my street tonight. But I'm awake. And it's 4am. </p> <p>I'm not even deep in thought. Or wasn't, anyway. Everything is falling into place. My (chosen) family is as strong as ever. It isn't very big and most of it isn't always physically close, but I always feel cared for and supported and that's what matters. And I've finally learned that looking for "love" alone doesn't work.  I don't mean real love -- the unconditional stuff they talk about in fairy tales. I mean "love" -- that spark that two people feel that draws them close to one another, makes them desire to see one another even when it's almost impossible, and makes them unable to think of anything but each other. Because the spark alone isn't enough. The older and more complicated we gets the less relationships have to do with "love" and the more they have to do with "life".</p> <p>There was one "girlfriend" -- oh, titles lose all meaning too, but I digress -- "girlfriend" I had where the attraction was intense. We had a lot of fun together until there were kids around. Then it was awkward, a little boring, and we didn't see eye to eye on lots of parenting stuff. Plus, she was stuck in one town and I was stuck in another so we always had to drive and the possibility of ever moving closer seemed very far off. There was another who was really good with my daughter. She was also great with me: offered help regularly, and even helped when it wasn't asked for because she knew it needed to be done. To this day she still offers help. But that "spark" fizzled out very quickly. There were others that have a strong spark, offer lots of help, live close, my daughter loves, but always leave me feeling unloved, unsure, and stressed out. </p> <p>I'd go through waves of telling myself it'd be better to accept more of one thing and less of another: prioritizing what I was looking for because I was convinced I wouldn't even find it all in one place. And suddenly, love wasn't about love any more. It was some prioritized checklist of wants, one of which was "love", and every iteration of the list saw "love" getting pushed further and further down. </p> <p>It isn't that the checklist of things isn't important. It is. Otherwise it'd be like owning a very fast sports car without being able to afford insurance, gasoline, or even having a road it could ride on without tearing it up. It's just that, eventually, the checklist gets to be so important and so complicated that we have to compromise on the car itself. And if it isn't the car we've been dreaming of, then why go through the trouble of accommodating it?</p> <p>Eventually I decided that finding what I was looking for might be easier and more effective if I didn't look for it all in one place. I could seek that spark in one place, someone to manage a home with in another, share children and tape together a family with another, seek counsel with yet another. And, in many many cases, find more than one place to get each of those things. The thought was that, in the end, this web of wants and people and relationships would result in me getting what I want, them getting what they want, and me never having to rely on just one person ever again.</p> <p>Every time I reconsider this take on life, I realize, once again, that it's the best way for me. It's probably the best way for a lot of other people too, they just don't or won't consider it. It's a path that would have been almost handed to each of us at birth if our society wasn't so hell bent on being alone. So that's what I'm looking for.</p> <p>Now I'm here at one of the 4ams of my life. That which was is finally settling in to bed to sleep off the pains of the day before and awake renewed and changed once again, and that which will be is just yet turning over ready to wake into the light of its great day. You can imagine my surprise when, in this hour where nothing good is ever supposed to happen, I manage to find someone else awake. Someone who matches yesterday's search, including, importantly, the spark, and yet believes that today's goal is critical and important even with that find.</p> <p>This is a good thing. A VERY good thing.</p> <p>So, 4am, I'm sorry that you've got this bad reputation. You are just as beautiful as any other hour. Spread out amongst the silence in which you are born there is great magic for hearts and souls willing to seek it out. I look forward to the next time.</p> <p> </p> <p>Love,<br />Daniel</p> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/4am-is-nice-this-time-of-year">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/4am-is-nice-this-time-of-year#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/y3PmRo7HLu0" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/4am-is-nice-this-time-of-year Mon, 09 Aug 2010 05:42:32 -0700 saying "no" http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/HBcaNnIGN1o/saying-no http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/saying-no <p> <div>Dear Melissa,</div><p />I'm writing you this letter from my dining room table (that someone once told me isn't a dining room table, so, to be clear, I mean the table that people sit at, often to eat food, sometimes to work on a laptop or do art projects, that happens to exist in my dining room). The table is currently a fort. This makes me happy and sad and frustrated all at once.<p /><div>Happy because this table really deserves to be a fort. Also happy because I loved making forts as a kid and even though I didn't make this one, I love that I got to see it and play in it and watch other kids play in it. </div> <p /><div>Sad because my daughter wasn't one of those kids who helped build it. We've left it up for her. She'll get home tonight and she'll like it. She'll climb in it and around it. I'll tell her that her friends made it and that will make her happy too because she doesn't really know how be jealous of the time that other people spend yet. Eventually --- probably tonight, maybe tomorrow -- we'll tear it down and she'll be upset about it. I'll tell her that we'll get to build another fort really soon and that'll make her feel a little better.</div> <p /><div>Frustrated because it's just more mess that I have to clean. We leave for Vermont in 8 days. Because we're spending the night at my mom's the day before, that means I have 8 days and 7 nights to prepare. 6 of those days will be spent at work. 3 of those nights will be spent with Celeste. The list of stuff that needs to be done is so long and still growing: Get the house cleaned, plan my packing, shop for whatever I'm missing, actually pack, get my bills lined up to be paid, get the cats prepared to be cared for for a few weeks, secure someone to care for them (already have a few offers, here, just have to finish it up), get the rental car situated, get things ready for my absence at work (which I'm planning for even more since the week after I get back I have to travel to Tampa). </div> <p /><div>So here comes the big reveal. Here comes the reason I write any of this out at all -- because it helps me figure out stuff like this. I have such a hard time asking for help. A lot of that is because of how I respond when asked for help. I typically say "yes" out of obligation, even if I really don't want to help, because that's the right thing to do or because I've been helped in the past, or for any other number of reasons. But I don't want anyone to help me unless they WANT to help me. If I ask for help I'm not assured that the people helping want to do so. If I'm offered help, it seems more likely.</div> <p /><div>I need to get over that. Right now.</div><p /><div>When I say "yes" too often I start to feel used and unwanted for any mutually beneficial reasons. It's not a nice feeling. But I really can't blame that feeling on anyone other than me. It's not like I'm being made to feel guilty. It's not like I'm being demanded of. But I'm not saying "no". It's not even that I want to say "no". It's just that saying "yes" sometimes makes things harder on myself and I feel like if I heard a few more "yes"es then taking the time to say "yes" myself wouldn't be so overwhelming. But since I'm not asking for anything, hearing "yes" requires someone to offer on their own. I either need to start asking more often or start saying "no" more often. And if I'm lucky I'll find someone who is as forthcoming about offering to help as I am.</div> <p /><div>So that's where I'm at. I need to get over my inability to ask for help; learn how to say "no" when I have stuff to do and don't see any obvious help coming my way; and nurture any relationship I find that offers help without me having to ask for it. </div> <p /><div>Love,</div><div>Daniel</div> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/saying-no">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/saying-no#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/HBcaNnIGN1o" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/saying-no Fri, 06 Aug 2010 05:20:45 -0700 together we fall http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/7wcBCWZ5KEI/together-we-fall http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/together-we-fall <p> <div>Dear Melissa--</div><p />With many of the people I am close to, I find that when they are "off" so am I. I'm never really sure who "started it". And I haven't decided if we're bringing each other down or if there some stimulus, external to us, that affects us all in a similar way. But it happens often enough though usually only with a few people, at most, at a time. So maybe I'm just making it up entirely. <p /><div>Whatever it is -- made up or real, a cause or an effect -- it usually leaves us a bit crippled when it comes to helping one another find comfort though we still try like crazy. Somehow, though, there is some comfort in knowing that we're in it together. The more often and intensely this seems to hold true with someone the more I understand how close I am to them.</div> <p /><div>Last night was difficult. I just couldn't sleep, despite the sleeping pill that usually works. Celeste couldn't sleep either. Tossing and turning. I think we were taking turns waking each other up. It was one of those nights where she might have been better off in her own bed. I think I just have too much to think about. There's a big pile of work stuff hanging over my head. I finally got my finances sorted out again but I still have to figure out how to make it happen. My house is a wreck. I'm trying to plan a vacation. I'm already missing my kiddo this weekend even though she's still right here with me. </div> <p /><div>Yesterday was a rough day. I just couldn't get my head out of a spiral of guilt and worry and the few things that would have helped were far too far away. Things got better when I picked up Celeste from school and told myself that there was only one thing that was important for the next 18 hours or so, and that was her. I let most of the chores slide (which means I have no idea what either of us are wearing today), I let social responsibilities slide (so if I didn't answer the phone and you didn't text or leave a message saying it was an emergency, then I'll get back to you sometime today), and I just concentrated on her and I. We had silly fun while doing our shopping. We built giant towers out of blocks. We painted. We listened to music. We jumped on the bed. We had a very good time. But as soon as she fell asleep, I let my head start spinning again.</div> <p /><div>On top of all of that, I'm really close to something I've wanted for a while, and the anticipation as well as the planning of it all is also keeping my head spinning. No, I'm not being secretive. I've found someone to share a home with. Someone like minded when it comes to parenting and house work and spending and what's important and what isn't. Someone that things just click into place with on most days. Someone that is offering workable ways to make life better all around, so that I have more time for myself, more time for the people I love, and, most importantly, more time for Celeste.</div> <p /><div>So, for the time being I'm staying less future oriented. I'm looking 2 or 3 days ahead, at most, with a quick glance at the next month every now and then and calling that good enough for now. I'll still be missing Celeste but, otherwise, this is going to be a fantastic weekend. It'll be filled with close friends, awesome kids, hot girls, and a even a fun get together which a bunch of people. Pretty hard to go wrong if I can keep my eyes on what's important: right now.</div> <p /><div>Love,</div><div>Daniel</div> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/together-we-fall">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/together-we-fall#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/7wcBCWZ5KEI" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/together-we-fall Thu, 05 Aug 2010 09:51:18 -0700 the most flexible object always gives the most http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/revjim_life/~3/ICH6w6J_93s/the-most-flexible-object-always-gives-the-mos http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/the-most-flexible-object-always-gives-the-mos <p> <div>Dear Melissa--</div><p /><div>I realize now how badly I need a new place to write. Some place to brain dump with either no audience, a small specific audience, or one made almost entirely of strangers.</div> <p /><div>I'm starting to buckle under the stress of every day life and that's a sure sign that something needs to give. The last few times Celeste and I have had together she's asked me in the cutest sweetest voice, "Dada, did you get any more of those little papers for the spinny art?". And it breaks my heart that the answer is "no" every time. It wouldn't be bad if I just couldn't afford it. But it's paper. It's cheap. The only excuse I have is that I've been too busy to go shopping for it, since it takes a special trip to a store I don't usually go to. But even that isn't fair. Some card stock and a paper cutter would do. I'm just too stressed to remember to pick up card stock and I hate that.</div> <p /><div>This may go against every thing anyone has ever been told about raising children, but Celeste is by far one of the most flexible aspects of the life that we live together. My job doesn't budge. Family doesn't budge. Traffic doesn't budge. Bills don't budge. Social requirements don't budge. Most of the people I know are set hard in their schedules and realms of comfort. But Celeste remains fluid, in some cases, even more fluid than I am. What makes me so sad about this is that, other than myself, she sacrifices the most when something has to give and she doesn't even have a choice in the matter.</div> <p /><div>In a way I'm grateful that she's able to bend so much. She's happy doing anything anywhere. She's happy if I can play with her and she's happy if she has to play by herself. She's happy when friends come over and she's happy if it's just her and I. She's happy if we get to play outside and she's happy playing indoors. She'll go anywhere and do anything. Her only requirement is that you don't ask her to sit still for very long and that she's not uncomfortable. It's funny because that pretty much describes me as well. I hate that Celeste and I are the most flexible aspect in our own lives. It makes it easy to make the best out of every day. It makes it easy to always have fun and never find boredom. But it also means that we end up giving the most, both in our lives and in the lives of almost everyone we touch. </div> <p /><div>I know that, at times, it eats at me. Makes me feel like running away from everything and starting something new. Something where we remain just as flexible, but refuse to accept anything in life that doesn't bend like we do. Or, if we do accept it, we do so only for as long as bending to it makes us happiest. I wonder, if it leaves me feeling like this, how does it affect her?</div> <p /><div>Love,</div><div>Daniel</div> </p> <p><a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/the-most-flexible-object-always-gives-the-mos">Permalink</a> | <a href="http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/the-most-flexible-object-always-gives-the-mos#comment">Leave a comment  »</a> </p><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/revjim_life/~4/ICH6w6J_93s" height="1" width="1"/> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1274517/22333_249236272252_514942252_3315806_6446526_n.jpg http://posterous.com/users/4aqhldM2zGI9 Daniel Daniel Daniel http://lifeofdaniel.posterous.com/the-most-flexible-object-always-gives-the-mos