The RhodesTer Chronicles

BLOG CHANGE NOTICE!

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:57:22 GMT

Hello Faithful reader!

Thank you for your past and current patronage of The RhodesTer Chronicles.

In a hopefully NOT futile effort to make things better around here, this blog is changing HOSTS and DESIGN within the next few days. Because our current hosting company seems to be a longtime resident of a Philadelphia crack house, we expect to have a bumpy transition as we move to everyone's favorite.. WORDPRESS. The RhodesTer Chronicles will sport a THESIS THEME and will take up residence at InMotion Hosting, which will make things a darned sight better for all of us.

NOTE! The URL for this blog WILL remain the same! http://rhodester.net

Before we pull the plug, here are some things you should know..

1. When the new theme debuts, it may initially look a little funky. Just treat it like your friend who just got a nose job and you're seeing her right when the bandages get pulled off - "Oh, WOW! Looks GREAT!!" - you know perfectly well the bruising and swelling will go down in a short while.

2. There are a bunch of you who've chosen to subscribe by EMAIL. As wonderful as that is, and as appreciative as we are here, our current crack-house hosting doesn't tell us who's subscribed.. only how many. So when we switch over, you just won't get these posts in your email anymore, and you'll think that RhodesTer must have gotten hit by a bus or something. Granted, that's likely.. but it hasn't happened yet. After this post has published, the email push WILL STOP.. so please revisit the actual blog in a few days to about a week, which will still be http://rhodester.net - OR subscribe to our syndication feed, which will be THIS (but not yet! Give it a day or two.. or three).

3. Most of the posts will migrate to the new host, but not all.. and we may not have all of the comments that have been left in the past.. for that matter, we may not have any. Crack-house host, remember? Just so you know.

4. The upcoming reincarnation of this blog will be monetized with ads and affilitates. Click on those.. a lot.

5. If you're an ENTRECARD advertiser who has an ad coming up on here, and it happens to fall on our down time, then EMAIL ME your 125 banner and I'll make it up to you on the new template once it's up.

6. RhodesTer is taking this opportunity to reformat his hard drive while coffeesister does all of the blog-switching dirty work . So if things aren't a'jumpin' around here for a few days, don't give up.. they will be again.

See you on the flip side

RhodesTer on the Silver Screen (just a meme.. Life In Hollywood is OVER)

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 05:14:56 GMT

It would appear that some crazy old coot in ~~England~~ ~~Scotland~~ Ireland has ~~Skittled~~ MEMED me, so I guess I have to do this, because I didn't even know he read this blog, let alone thinks that someone should make a movie about my life.

Let me point this out before we continue.. I've been memed sporadically in the past, and I've NEVER responded. This is because I'd rather have a bad heat rash on my nuts then do one of these things. But I'm a softie and there's nothing I won't do (pretty much, but don't get any ideas) for the geriatic crowd.

As silly as it all is, here's what's going on and the rules of play..

If you had to select celebrities/actors to play the parts in the story of your life today (including yourself!), who would it be and why - this can be based on looks or personality!

The Rules!

List the people who would play you, and the key people in your life.
Give credit to the person who tagged you.
Link your answers to the original blog, that�??s here (http://www.iRamble.co.uk)!
Tag four new people to participate

Alright then, I guess we should start casting the big screen version of "The RhodesTer Chronicles" with the lead role - this would be played by an unknown actor who toiled in relative obscurity for years as a film and TV extra.. nobody knows his name, but he's a handsome devil who can be seen in brief snippets of motion pictures here and there..

THEN, the part of RhodesTer's wife of 18 years, the incomparable COFFEESISTER, must be played by the incomparable ANNA KOURNIKOVA..

Sure, she's a better tennis player than an actress, but the resemblance between the two is uncanny, as you can see in this photo of the REAL RhodesTer and coffeesister that was recently taken at their humble Palm Springs estate..

RhodesTer and coffeesister have a best friend, Christopher, who would of course be prominently featured in the flim. Christopher is an ~~English~~ ~~Irish~~ Scottish Minister, shown here with his lovely bride-to-be, Karen..

We've already signed DAVID HYDE PIERCE to play the part of Christopher, the ~~Irish~~ ~~English~~ Scottish Minister..

And finally, there's RhodesTer's BOSS..

..and his Boss' CAT..

Now I'm supposed to tag four other people. So, HERE GOES..

COFFEESISTER

JAMES at MEN WITH PENS (even though memes are SO beneath him, he can post it here intead if he wants)

RICK ROCKHILL at PALM SPRINGS SAVANT (sorry Rick, ROCK HUDSON is dead.. you need to pick a currently living actor to play yourself)

and finally..

BOB YOUNCE at THE WRITING JOURNEY (write about THAT, big fella!)

Hollywood Week, Scene five - LIFE IN HOLLYWOOD

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 05:40:20 GMT

A window in words..

CITY

Like an old, wrinkled whore who slaps make-up and gawdy lipstick over her crevices in a vain attempt to look pretty, you gleam with a soiled luster; a beaten, trampled city showing remnants of what was once pretty. Every now and then, plastic surgeons called "architects" do something in an attempt to update you or recapture your long-gone glory, but futile efforts they are. No-one can recapture the past we see on celluloid; it's dead and gone, while gypsies, tramps and thieves steal around in the streets and claim it all to themselves.

TOURISTS

They wander down Hollywood Boulevard, holding hands and star-gazing at the bronze stars embedded in the sidewalk. They jump with delight when they've found the star of their favorite. They take pictures of it, and each other with it. They buy plastic Oscar statues that were made in China. The eat at Hamburger Hamlet. They look nonchalantly the other way when passing the legless, drooling vietnam vet with his tin cup and cardboard sign. The LAPD on horseback seem to surprise them. The ones from Ohio, Indiana and Iowa mistake each other for stars. Credit to Steve Allen for that line. Not me.

PANHANDLERS

Doc and the kid stood on the corner and hustled the stoplighted cars for cash. They held signs that lied, "HUNGRY, PLEASE HELP". We knew this was crack money, and that they ate every other day or so from leftovers thrown out behind the 24-hour Chinese place. The kid wasn't so much a kid, he was just a kid compared to Doc, who looked ancient but was probably not much over 40. Cracks in his face and missing teeth added age, and we shuddered when a cop told us he dressed in drag and hustled unsuspecting johns on the boulevard at night, turning tricks with his mouth.

He was nice to our dogs, and earned a buck now and then with a pat and a compliment. The kid was mean. Always, always mean. He earned my wrath one night when life had been toying with me and I'd had enough. I went off on him and his cardboard sign, and he swung at me with the sympathy crutch he didn't need. Nobody was hurt. Doc calmed him down and took away the sympathy crutch, telling the kid to cool it and let me be. Tricks or not, Doc was something to behold, but never to be held.. ewe.

CRAZIES

I first saw her in our neighborhood supermarket. Her pale white face was surrounded by a lion's mane of jet-black hair that jutted outward toward all of us, as she smiled bemusedly at the songs the demons sang in her head. This wisp of a thing clad all in black couldn't have been more than 19 years and 99 pounds. Unknown to her, she had earned the nick-name "Goth Girl" from me, because I had to describe her by some kind of name when telling my other half about the random sightings of her around Hollywood Boulevard - at the pizza joint, in the tattoo parlor, on the corner, walking across the street and stopping traffic while cursing out the cars in that loud, shrill little voice, surrounded by cops and cursing them out for daring to disrupt her daydreaming - she was everywhere at once yet never quite joined the rest of us in the real world. Logical living had long since departed from her, as she more and more became a prisoner of paranoia and delusion.

We used to watch her on our security cameras, we who worked in the security dispatch center at Hollywood & Highland, and she never failed to entertain us with delightful antics. Shoplifting at Sephora - singing loudly in Babylon Court as she swung her arms in wide arcs - hiding from our security officers, but not the cameras she didn't know about, after she'd cursed a mother and child. The cops took her away again and again. She always came back.

Until the end came. It was the last time for her; the final straw that broke the schizophrenic's back, and gave them the ammunition needed to cart her off for good. A woman complained that there was "a crazy girl standing nude in the women's restroom, writing obscene things all over the mirrors with black lipstick and cutting herself.. she's smearing the blood all over her face and screaming".

That's the day the cops took Jennifer K. away from us, never to return. I'd finally found out her real name because I filled out the security report.

I had loved her, pitied her, and loathed her all at the same time. I still miss her. I hope she's well now, or as well as can be, or somehow free of her mind's torture.

CRAZY PANHANDLERS

Black, disheveled and grimy, he approached us to ask for a dollar. I'd have been happy to give him one, but our sheltie was straining at the leash and going nuts. Something about this guy - something beside the obvious - wasn't right. The dog barked with urgency, snapping and lunging at him in an uncharacteristic manner. He was never easy going around strangers, but this was ridiculous.. it was like he wanted to kill the guy and save us from the legion of demons crawling all over him that only canine eyes could see.

I asked Mr. disheveled to please move on - we didn't have anything for him, and he was freaking out our dog - we just wanted to finish our coffee in peace, there on the coffee house patio on Hollywood Boulevard.

Then, Mr. dishelveled did something I didn't expect.. he raised his face toward the heavens.. and howled. He howled like a wolf, and then proceeded to bark like a rabid, snarling dog. He dropped to all fours and faced off with ours, who was now worked into a frenzy and giving it everything he had to break that leash and eat the demon-man on the spot.

We rose and departed in haste, me dragging our own rabid, snarling dog along with us. He'd been so peaceful and content lying at my feet and gobbling down the occasional fragment of crumbcake that I shared with him. All of that was gone now.

So were we. The coffee cups were left behind, still half full of too expensive blend. It was worth it to leave them and seek somewhere else to exist at the moment.

CHARACTERS

Superman sells dope. This I know because he was our neighbor, and he invited me in one day. A coffee table full of weed waiting to be pinched and packaged sat in front of him as he greeted me with a trusting smile, and laughed at the surprised look I unintentionally wore at that moment. He'd been doing his duty on the boulevard earlier that day, and hadn't bothered to change yet, so there he sat.. resplendent in his blue leotard, big red S, red boots and cape.. pinching, packaging and making me really, REALLY wish I'd had a secret cameras in my eyeballs to capture the oddest sight I'd seen in years. But the camera of my mind will have to do for this picture.

We became friends, and Superman helped us move when we left behind the slime and sleaze. He wore jeans and a t-shirt for that gig though, which must have sapped his super strength - it took us all freakin' DAY to get the job done.

CELEBRITIES

Do you come to the Coffee Bean here at Sunset and Fairfax often, Chris Kattan ? What are you doing here anyway, instead of working your insanely silly magic on SNL? OH.. working on a movie about a guy named "Corky", huh? Sounds like fun. While you're putting junk in your coffee there and we're chatting, would you mind doing a "Mr. Peepers" for me?

You won't?

Well then, fuck you.

I hope you found the movie theater okay, Giovanni Rabisi.. you and your friend. I'm glad you stopped to ask me for directions. What were you going to see, anyway? Were YOU in it?

I adored you in Uncle Buck, "Tia", and now here you are, all growed up and toting a husband! You're still adorable, but in a very adult, sexy way that I hope your husband appreciates as much as I do in that moment as I take your ticket and you both board the bus for the Pantages to see "The Producers". Gene Kelly was a better dancer, but Jean Louisa Kelly is hot.

Browsing through magazines, he picked one up and thumbed through it, prompting me to wonder in my head if it's a weird feeling to be looking at them when you're in about HALF of them at any given time. So I went ahead and asked Seth Green that question, and he affirmed that YES.. it is indeed.

WANNABEES

They're everywhere.

..and that, my friends, is LIFE IN HOLLYWOOD.

THE END

Hollywood Week, Scene Four - SEABISCUIT and THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 12:37:39 GMT

No, it's NOT about Seabiscuit AND The Girl Next Door .. it's about Seabiscuit and THEN The Girl Next Door, because I worked on both of those and they were really cool - but in the next post, which is the last one, I want to talk about Life In Hollywood and be done with the background acting stuff.

So this one is a two-for-one-special. Starting with..

SEABISCUIT

I'd been at it for a few years when this came around. I'd been on the set of sitcoms, dramas and independent films, but never a blockbuster Oscar-nominated horse movie about racing, and the longing and lust for life present in the unquenchable human spirit when it's motivated by the incomparable spirit of a thoroughbred horse. Those just seem to come along once in a lifetime.

I was booked through a little agency I'd signed up with, that I can't even remember the name of, as opposed to big ol' Central Casting. I don't know why the producers of this great big movie wanted to go with a little agency for their extras, but they did and I was called. I didn't even have to phone into the hotline - THEY CALLED ME, and asked if I'd be interested in working on a period piece about horse racing for an indeterminate amount of time. I told them, "hold on while I check my calendar," then I put my hand over the mouthpiece and counted to ten before telling them that luckily I'd had a cancellation and it appeared I was free for an indeterminate amount of time.

I was told where to go - Santa Anita Racetrack. I was told when to go - next Monday at 6:00AM. I was told not to bother with clothes - they'd dress me and shave me and feed me. That didn't mean I was to show up nude; just jeans and a shirt would be fine because they'd have me change out of them and into something 1938 looking. I ended up with suspenders and a fedora.. pants too, of course, and a button up shirt. I was snazzy.

I had to shave my mustache and goatee down so that there wasn't any goatee and the mustache was a pencil thin rendition of William Powell's from "The Thin Man" movies. Someone showed me a picture of William Powell from 1938, then I went and shaved.

That first day at Santa Anita was a bustle of activity, starting with our breakfast line at 7:00AM after we'd all checked in and got to bustling for bacon and eggs. Then we bustled into lines and got sorted out by people who looked like they knew what they were doing - they put some of us over here, and some over there, and the rest over thataway. Then we all went our separate ways, tagging along behind a production assistant who led us to our assigned glory.

My group got scattered around the infield of the race track. There were about fifty of us, mostly men, and they spread us all out and told us that when the horses came by we were to get all excited and cheer them on. We waited about two hours for anything faintly resembling a horse to come by, and finally something did.. it was a whole group of horses with a truck following them and up on the truck was a camera and beside the camera was Gary Ross, the Director of "Seabiscuit." We got all excited, then cheered and shouted and jumped up and down for about twenty seconds until they passed, and then we all relaxed and waited for them to come around again.

About forty five minutes later they did.. they came around and we jumped and hooted and hollered for twenty seconds until they passed, and then we calmed down and waited for them to come around again.

About forty five minutes later they did.. they came around and we jumped and hooted and hollered for twenty seconds until they passed, and then we calmed down and waited for them to come around again.

About forty five minutes later they did.. they came around and we jumped and hooted and hollered for twenty seconds until they passed, and then we calmed down and waited for them to come around again.

..and so it went, for the rest of the day.

    Here we are, standing in a field, cheering on horses

This was our routine, day in and day out, except for one day when they pulled me and a few of the other guys out of the crowd and gave some of us 1938 cameras with flash bulbs, and some of the others notepads. After a while I was kind of wishing I had a notepad because my 1938 camera was a REAL camera from that era and it was falling apart. We all got herded down into a lower stable where it turned out that Jeff Bridges (he plays Seabiscuit's owner, Charles Howard, in the movie) was waiting with a horse that looked a lot like Seabiscuit. It was a scene where Charles Howard holds a press conference and Seabiscuit "signs autographs" by stamping racing forms with his hoof after it'd been pressed down on an ink pad. After two and a half months of going out to Santa Anita several days a week, this ended up being the only scene in the movie where I actually showed up on screen. Such is the nature of background acting.

Yours truly, in the center of this screencap from the DVD

    Far left side, laughing at a joke that the horse made

                           Cool lighting, huh?

   Jeff Bridges, who doesn't look much like the original
   Charles Howard, talks to a horse who DOES look
         a whole lot like the original Seabiscuit

It's time now for one of those "small world" stories that I like to tell, because they occur so often in my life. Only this one involves "Seabiscuit," since that's what we're talking about here.

Throughout most of the 1990s, coffeesister and I lived in Ashland, Oregon where we were involved with a local theater company. A lot of very talented actors perform with the Oregon Shakespeare Festival up there, including a man named Paul Vincent O'Connor. Paul has a great voice and personae about him - he could read a phone book out loud and make it interesting - so every year, right around Halloween time, he'd come over to our little theater and do a recitation of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven." He'd sit there, on a stool in a darkened theater, with a lone candle for company and recite the whole thing. Methodically, mysteriously and with a tinge of madness he'd tell the story to a hushed audience, who hung on every dark word.

After we'd moved to the LA area, I ran into Paul out in front of the Samuel French Bookstore on Ventura Boulevard in Studio City right around 2001 or so. Samuel French is where all the actors go for their stuff, and I was going into the store to get stuff while Paul was coming out with stuff under his arm. We talked for a few minutes and it turned out that he'd left Ashland to pursue film and television rolls in the LA area, but it was STILL a surprise when Seabiscuit was released a few years after that and darned if that wasn't PAUL VINCENT O'CONNOR, right there in the opening scene with Jeff Bridges! He played the foreman at a bicycle factory around the turn of the century, who walks up to Charles Howard (Jeff) and they talk about bicycles.. or something. I really don't remember now, and haven't seen the movie in quite a while, but I honestly didn't even know Paul was in it. I was only involved with all of the racing sequences filmed out at Santa Anita.

       Paul Vincent O'Connor, as the bicycle factory boss

I haven't seen Paul since then, except for a small part on a recent episode of "NUMB3RS", where he played a drunken Irishman. Not much acting required there, haha.

THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

I wonder how Ricky and Lucy Ricardo would have reacted if they'd known that someday a porn convention would be held in their living room? That's what happened out at REN-MAR Studios when I was booked on "The Girl Next Door".. the scenes portraying the "Las Vegas Adult Film Convention" were actually shot in the sound stage that used to hold the set for "I Love Lucy."

The movie stars Elisha Cuthbert (who played Keifer Sutherland's daughter KIM in "24"), Emile Hirsch and Timothy Olyphant. I was booked as a "convention attendee," meaning that I was a porn aficionado who traveled all the way to Las Vegas to scope out porn stars in the flesh and get the latest on the industry. I had to do some real acting for that one.

It was also one of the few gigs I was involved with that was shot in Hollywood, since Ren-Mar (the former DesiLu Studios) is right there on Cahuenga Boulevard. I was involved with a scene near the end of "Hollywood Homicide" that was shot on Vine Street near Hollywood Boulevard, and on "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater, but that was it.

The Girl Next Door is a better-than-average teen flick about a kid who falls for the young babe who just moved in next door. When he finds out that she's a porn star, he sets out to rescue her from such a degrading profession - his adventures take him to the Adult Film Convention in Las Vegas, because she has to make an appearence there, signing autographs and promoting her films.

This is a video clip from HULU.COM.. so only readers in the U.S. can see it. I have it edited to just show the scenes at the porn convention, and although I was there for 10 hours of shooting on the first day and about 6 on the next day, you don't see me anywhere. I came to expect this after a few years of doing extra work, so I really wasn't surprised. But in the parts that show the guys entering, Elisha up on the stage, the confrontation with her producer between he and Emile Hirsch, and the huge black bouncer stopping the guys as they come in, I was always just a few feet away and just out of the camera frame.

So, in other words, here's a clip from the movie I'm NOT in (no-one can accuse ME of vanity, huh?)..

Tidbit - The huge black bouncer is a guy named Alonzo Bodden, who is actually a stand-up comic. I've never seen his act but he's supposed to be quite funny, which isn't so apparent in this scene, because he's playing a scary, badass bouncer. We hit it off on the set and had a few entertaining conversations, and recently he showed up in our area (Palm Springs) to do a stand-up gig at one of the local clubs.. but sadly, I couldn't make it.

Video note - Once again, only U.S. viewers can stream video from Hulu.com.. the film is rated R, so the clip is too.. they might show you a short commercial at the beginning of the clip - guess what? I'm not in that either.. if you'd like to see the whole movie for free, it's available at Hulu.com by clicking HERE.

There are a couple of popular movie stills of Elisha Cuthbert that have been making the rounds of the internet for a few years, and I always get a flush of warm memories when I see them (not to mention other things)..

This is because I was standing nearby during both of these scenes.. just out of frame, of course, because that's the way it always seemed to go. That's why I finally stopped doing the background acting stuff.. after several years, a lucky break just never came and, although I was there primarily for the hell of it, it was still kind of a let down to almost NEVER show up in anything that I'd spent so many hours working on.

The end of it all finally came when coffeesister and I saw "Seabiscuit" on opening night in the theater - I'd had some other close-ups and scenes where I should have appeared, but that few seconds in the stable was it. To top it off, she somehow missed seeing me for those few fleeting moments on screen and it tore her up, so I took out my cell phone and deleted all of the hotline numbers right there in the theater seat as the end credits were rolling. There had been a long time between the filming of "Seabiscuit" and the release, so this made "The Girl Next Door" the last thing I'd worked on, and I haven't been back since.

Next, in the final post of this series, I talk about Life In Hollywood. We left it all behind a few years ago, but I'll never forget it.

Hollywood Week, Scene Three - GILMORE GIRLS

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 06:56:10 GMT

NEWSFLASH for fans of Gilmore Girls.. the fictitious town of Stars Hollow, Connecticut really exists! Or at least it used too, right over the Hollywood Hills in the little town of Burbank. There's something that they call a "practical set" on the Warner Brothers Studio lot, meaning that it consists of actual buildings where they can film productions from the outside AND the inside. Frequently, "exteriors" are just a house or a building with nothing in them, and "interiors" are a set built inside of a sound stage. Gilmore Girls had a few of these, but if fans were to visit Midwest Street they'd recognize Luke's Diner, Doose's Market, Taylor's Olde Fashion Ice Cream and Soda Shoppe and Miss Patty's Dance Studio. This tiny town was built on the lot years ago and had been used for various productions before Gilmore Girls took the place over from 2000 to 2007.

I'll refrain from expounding on the history of this magical place, especially since you can find a nice, albeit somewhat dated overview of it here (they seem to think the show is still in production), but I can't move on to anything else until I point out that Midwest Street served as a regular backdrop in the 70's Dukes Of Hazzard series and, most famously, in 1962's THE MUSIC MAN with Robert Preston, Buddy Hackett, Shirley Jones and a very young Ron Howard, missing his front teeth. Doose's Market from Gilmore Girls was the legendary billiard parlor, which Professor Harold Hill warned against with the classic musical number, "Ya Got Trouble!" In this YOUTUBE scene from the film, check out the "Pleez-All Billiard Parlor", and the rest of the plaza..

The Gilmore mom, played by Lauren Graham, even quipped about it in a scene one time when the town mayor, Taylor Doose (yeah, same guy who owned the market, ironically) said, "We've got TROUBLE, my friends!" and she quips back, "..right here in River City!" That snappy dialog is what we love about this show, plus the THOUSANDS of obscure references to almost anything in pop culture. They didn't seem to care if you got them or not - I got most of them, I think.

Check out this scene from Gilmore Girls at the ABC FAMILY site, showing the same town plaza seen in The Music Man, only 40 years later. Pay attention to the sparkling dialog and the extras milling around; most of whom had been booked by Central Casting. I wasn't there that day, but I think it's worth a look since it's primarily what this post is about.

It was a happy day when I heard about the gig on The West Wing - it was an even happier day when I heard about the Gilmore Girls gig a short time later. Coffeesister and I loved both shows for different reasons - The West Wing had solemnity mixed with sporadic humor, whereas Gilmore Girls had humor mixed with depth of character. No car chases, explosions, homicides or world-shaking events in that show; just characters you grew to love intergrated into a great and humourous story.

I didn't know until arriving on Midwest Street that the two shows were neighbors at the Warner Brothers lot. I'd worked The West Wing a couple of times when I got booked on Gilmore Girls as a "townsperson" in Stars Hollow, and to find that the sound stages housing The White House, President's living quarters and the press briefing room were only a 5 minute walk from Stars Hollow was a pleasant surprise. On The West Wing I had primarily been booked as a "press reporter", but sometimes as a "State Official" and once as a "protester". On Gilmore Girls I was ALWAYS a "towns person", which was just one of those mysterious guys who walked around Stars Hollow going about his business during those scenes in the plaza. I made it indoors a few times though, including once in Luke's Diner, which was a damned fine honor.

Here are some of my highlights from repeated bookings on Gilmore Girls..

1. The aforementioned Luke's Diner. One of the assistant directors, Chip, came over to me after they'd been shooting scenes out in the town plaza. He said he'd like me to be inside the diner after lunch, since they were going to be shooting an interior scene there. They let most of the other extras go, and retained a handful to walk by the diner windows outside during the scene. I was to come in behind Lorelai (Lauren Graham) along with a guy named Bob, and be seated at a window table with a girl named Kathy who was waiting for us.

When lunch was over and it was time to shoot, they placed Bob and I about ten feet outside the front door of the diner, with Lauren posed on the front step laden with shopping bags. This was in a first season episode called "PS, I Lo..", and fans will remember when Lorelai came into the diner with all of these "chic" clothes she bought for Luke to have him try them on. They started shooting that at about two in the afternoon, and we were there until about ten that night. In this video clip of the scene, Bob is in the plaid shirt.. I'm the other guy. I'm not wearing plaid for anyone; not even Lauren Graham.

2. Miss Patty's Dance School. The little building housing Miss Patty's was also used for town meetings in the show, and I made it into one of these. It's an actual little building - no sound stage stuff - across from Luke's Diner and down about 50 feet in a little park-like area. I was at the meeting where the town was trying to decide on "the official town troubadour".. I sat behind Sean Gunn (Kirk) during that meeting, and later I ran into him at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood during the intermission of a Harry Connick Jr. Concert. We talked a bit about Gilmore Girls, which was still in production at the time. I also went to the same elementary school in Stockton, California (Grover Cleveland School) as Grant Lee Phillips, who played THE town troubadour in the series, and I was a neighbor of Dave "Gruber" Allen, who played the troubadour contesting the title in that episode (the guy who "ran a Kinkos in Grouton"). You might remember Dave as the long haired counseler on Freaks and Geeks.. I'd run into him every once in a while in our Sherman Oaks neighborhood.

What a small world, at least in LA.

3. Steven was one of the coolest production assistants I'd had the pleasure to work with.. he was the guy in charge of wrangling extras during the first season, but he was just a bit too friendly with the girls. He'd do a little hugging of the attractive young ladies and he'd place them in prime positions with a lot of exposure on camera. The longer the hugs, the better the exposure. I knew he'd probably get canned for this, and he did - when I returned for the second season they had a new guy doing that job, and word was Steven had been let go for sexual harrasment. Too bad, because the new guy was a real dick.

When the first season finale was shooting, we were wrapping up for the day and Steven approached me to ask if I was married or had a girlfriend. Oh no, now he's hitting on ME TOO? But it just turned out that the next day of shooting would require a lot of couples to be walking around holding hands, because it was supposed to be a romantic ambience about the town. He said that even though my wife wasn't registered through Central Casting, I could still bring her and he'd "voucher" her (get her paid) and he'd put us together in a street scene, because he wanted real couples on set. This is why I maintain that he was one of the coolest PAs in the business. I hope he found another good gig, but I never saw him after that, and I'd see the same crew people on different shoots all the time.

Coffeesister and I ended up walking down the street, passing Lauren Graham as the two town troubadours faced off in the plaza (the same episode where I was at the town meeting later to help decide their fate). In this video clip, you can see our moment of fame..

Fans who have the DVD can catch a better glimpse of RhodesTer AND coffeesister in their only screen appearance together, in the episode called "Love, Daisies and Troubadours" at 16:00 minutes in.. we're walking toward the camera as Lauren is walking away from it, then it pans over to Grant Lee Phillips and then onto David Gruber Allen to close the scene.

It wasn't much, but it's our big moment in television history.

4. "PS. I Lo.." Odd name for an episode, but my most memorable because it's not only the day I made it into Luke's Diner, but it's also the time I ran into Lauren Graham and almost knocked her on her cute little butt. They were shooting a scene where Lorelai and Rory (played by Alexis Bledel) were having a big argument while walking through the plaza. They end up on the sidewalk in front of Doose's market (aka the billiard parlor from The Music Man) and they stand arguing for a few more seconds before Lorelai goes into the market. I was placed about ten feet down the sidewalk and told to walk between them.

I did as told, and it was shot on film about three times. Then the director halted everything and pulled Lauren aside to tell her something. He was speaking in a low, hushed voice, and I couldn't hear what was being said, so I didn't know he'd changed her "blocking" (action). When they commenced shooting again, we got to the point where I walk between them, and she suddenly spun around and stepped right in front of me..

"BLAM!"

I ran right smack into her. The director yelled "CUT", Lauren looked pissed as hell (can't really blame her) and the PA who'd set me up came running over and apologized that I wasn't informed of the change. He said to just speed up and go between them BEFORE she steps forward, now that I knew that she was going to, so I did. So, IN THIS VIDEO, you can see a blur called ME dash between them in a hurry when they've reached the sidewalk in front of the market..

If you have the DVD, it's at 23:42 into "PS, I Lo..".

I have other memories of working the show, but I'm probably losing the non-Gilmore Girls fans as it is, so I'll just have to yell "CUT" at this point, call it A WRAP, and we'll see you at the next post, for SEABISCUIT and THE GIRL NEXT DOOR.

Hollywood Week, Scene Two - THE WEST WING

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 07:39:07 GMT

"Hi, I'm Martin Sheen"..

As he extends his hand for you to shake, the little glint in his eye betrays that HE knows perfectly well that YOU know who he is, but he's decided to introduce himself anyway and do so by telling you his name, which prompts you to tell him yours.

Such is the nature of Martin Sheen, who happens to be one of the nicest guys in Hollywood.

Next, he asks you what brought you to the set of "The West Wing".. do you aspire to be an Actor? Writer? Producer? If not, why not? He'd be happy to help if he can.. then he pays your gas bill.

I witnessed this conversation take place between Martin Sheen and a number of people booked on the show as extras, including myself. The strangest thing about it all is that the main stars of any TV show or film just don't talk to extras, let alone offer to help them get somewhere in the biz. While I was working on other stuff and hadn't been booked on The West Wing for a while, I heard that the budget had been cut and one of the first things to go was the catering for the extras. They came in one day to find peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but Sheen wouldn't have it; the on-set catering was back the next day in full bloom, serving deli items, chicken, veggies, and so on - all paid for out of his own pocket. I think the budget cuts were a result of the much-publicized salary hikes given to the main actors in the show at that time, so perhaps the benevolence on Sheen's part was motivated by a certain degree of guilt.. but we won't get into that.

I remember the first booking I got for that show. I'd been doing the background acting stuff for a few weeks and I called the hotline daily, hoping for a really interesting gig. So far I hadn't worked on anything I was familiar with. My first gig was as a thug for a scene a Director was shooting for her demo-reel. I went to an abandoned warehouse in downtown LA that'd been rented for the shoot - myself and another dude were a couple of thugs sitting around playing cards during a scene that portrayed two mob bosses discussing tactics. That was it.

At least my second gig was for something that'd be seen by a few people, even though I wasn't seen at all. Remember when Will Smith did that movie about Muhammad Ali? Did you see it? No? Okay, I couldn't get through the whole thing either. But coffeesister and I made it to the fight scene where I was in the audience at the stadium, along with about 250 other men in 1972 attire; hats, white shirts and black ties. Will Smith was in the ring playing Cassius Clay as he pounded the crap out of some white dude. It took 10 hours to film, and I earned my pay that day - it was a smoke filled nightmare, and I wouldn't be seen in it anywhere. An odd footnote to that is the fact that I escorted Muhammed Ali himself during the premiere of that film.. as security. Myself and another security official accompanied him on a press junket on the day of the film premiere, along with his personal bodyguard and manager. Ali was a nice guy - but "ALI" was a terrible movie.

A few weeks after the "ALI" shoot, but WAY before the premiere, I called the Central Casting hotline to see what was available for the next few days. My favorite CD (Casting Director), Allan, came on the line..

(BEEP) "Hi guys, I've got "The West Wing" coming up on Thursday, and they're going to need about 150 protesters for an outdoor scene at a rally.. I'll need all types for this, all ethnicities.. long hair, short hair, bald.. 18 to about 40, but not much older than that please.. call me."

I called him. He booked me. I threw the phone down and yelled, prompting coffeesister to spill her java. "The WEST WING! I GOT THE FECKING WEST WING!!" We both cheered and danced around a little.

We'd been watching that show since its inception, and we loved the snappy writing and situations that developed. It was the first gig I'd gotten booked on where I actually knew what in the hell it was about when I arrived. I ended up working about 15 episodes of it during seasons two, three and four, mostly as a reporter in the press briefing room while CJ Craig (Allison Janney ) gave press briefings. Sometimes I'd be an official of some sort at a meeting or in the hallways of The White House, and I was a protester lost in the crowd of protesters only for that one booking, which was my first one.

The West Wing filmed at the Warner Brothers lot in Burbank, on stages 23 and 28a. Stage 23 contained the mock-up of The White House interior, including the oval office and offices of the west wing. Stage 28a had the set for the press briefing room, next to the extras' holding area, where we'd all sit around on our folding chairs for hours on end, waiting to be called onto set. I found out that stage 28a had been the interior set of the Cartwright's home during the "Bonanza" years, which made it all the more fun when I sat in the press briefing room as Allison Janney yammered on; I could have been sitting right at the supper table! That's one of the things about sound stages in the film and television business.. history, and ghosts of long ago.. everywhere. Sometimes they can be downright creepy.

Nothing really stands out from all those episodes of The West Wing - I was on the set with Rob Lowe, Brad Whitford, the late John Spencer, Allison Janney, Ron Silver and Martin Sheen at one time or another, and with Christian Slater one day during his guest stint on a few episodes. They did a party scene involving him and I was one of the other attendees, just standing around talking to someone and holding a martini. I do remember one quirky, odd little thing that happened during the filming of that particular scene; when they film television dramas like this, they tend to shoot it from one angle and then turn everything around - cameras, lighting, etc. - and shoot the same scene from a different angle all over again.

I was standing and talking to some woman in the scene and there were these red, white and blue party balloons hanging all around us. During the "turn-around," a couple of the crew guys snuck over and replaced one of the red balloons next to us with a blue one. They had sort of a prankster look about them and, as the rest of the crew finished up and proceeded to shoot the scene again from the opposite angle, I realized that - once the scene was edited - the balloon would magically change color as the camera angles switched back and forth. While watching the episode about a month later when it aired, coffeesister and I watched for that to occur, and it did.. there it was, plain as day.. red, blue, red, blue.. I think they did it as a joke to see if anyone would notice. I don't think anyone did but us.

From Washington DC to Stars Hollow, Connecticut.. my other favorite show at the time, GILMORE GIRLS, filmed only a thousand feet away, and a tour of the town is the topic of the next post.

Hollywood Week, Scene One - EXTRA! EXTRA!

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 02:53:29 GMT

Have you ever wondered about those people you see in movies and television shows who are standing around talking, dining in restaurants, riding on buses, etc. while the main characters in the show have conversations with each other?

NO?

Well, some people wonder about them, and how they got there, and who they are.. not many, granted, but SOME people. There was a time when I was one of those guys standing around talking, dining in restaurants and riding on buses. I hope you're SOME people because I'm going to tell you about it this week.. if not, there's always this.

One morning during the summer of 2000 I was standing in a line with about 70 or more lovely young ladies to sign up as a "background actor" (which is the politically correct technical term for an "extra") at Central Casting in Burbank, California. The registration was open to anyone - even guys like me - but it seems that there are a lot of pretty young girls who show up at these things with the hope of a shot at stardom in Hollywood. I know.. surprise, right? There were a few older folks of both genders in line too, and a smattering of young men who could have made it as underwear models in the Sears catalog. Most were seeking a shot at something bigger **ahem** and better, whereas a few of us just wanted to work on sets and see how it's all done; having a little fun while making some money.

Coffeesister and I had spent most of the nineties in the idyllic little town of Ashland, Oregon until one day our nomadic tendencies snuck up behind us and packed all our things, sold our house and shipped us off to Hollywood. We slept through the whole transition, waking up in Glendale, California which was the closest our nomadic tendencies could get us to Hollywood at the time. It's about 20 minutes away, and only about 10 minutes from Burbank, providing a tanker-truck hasn't exploded on the freeway, or their hasn't been a shootout between rival gangs, which seem to occur alternately several times a week. So, let's say 10 minutes, give or take three hours, depending on what day of the week it is.

I'd seen these little slips of paper around town that screamed out things like, "BE A MOVIE EXTRA NOW - CALL THIS NUMBER!" but they always seemed to be screaming a little too loudly. I figured that there must be hundreds, if not thousands, of actor wannabees in the Los Angeles area who'd jump at the chance to be movie and TV extras so that they can get onto the production sets and be noticed - ergo, any outfit that seemed desperate to sign you up, as if nobody was interested, must be after something else, like your money, and not actually putting you on sets.

Turned out I was right.

Central Casting has been around as long as movies have and, although they need people, they aren't desperate; they don't put out flyers or advertise - yet, when they hold registration a few days a week, crowds show up. The people pay a $20.00 "photo fee" (at the time) and get their picture taken, fill out an information form (age - height - weight - race - can you sing? ride a motorcycle? juggle cats?) and then they're given instructions on how to get booked on sets. No hassle, no scam, no background check, no interview.. just business. I walked out of there without a single phone number from ANY of those pretty young girls, because I was married at the time (still am), but I had a slew of numbers to call at Central Casting, starting with..

THE MEN'S HOTLINE.

THIS is the magic number, if you're a man. The girls had THE WOMEN'S HOTLINE - I don't know if they had one for transgenders. I think there are specialized agencies that handle that sort of thing.

I'd call THE MEN'S HOTLINE and get sort of a voicemail from all of the CASTING DIRECTORS who work at Central, each detailing what their upcoming needs were. If something suited me, I was to call that CD (Casting Director) next and speak directly of my interest in getting booked on the show. It'd often go like this..

(Brrrrinnggg..) "Hi, you've reached the men's hotline at Central Casting.. stand by for today's notices.. (BEEP).. HI EVERYONE, this is Jack and I have a need for seventeen gangbanger types to play, uh.. gangbanger types in a film production Wednesday, out at Universal.. it's LATINO ONLY, no blacks, and you must be between 18-25 years of age and have your own gangster type clothing.. they'll give you the colors you'll need for this production when you're on set.. call me if you fit this.."

Thankfully I didn't fit this, so I'd wait for the next beep..

(BEEP) "Hi guys, this is Sue.. there's a new pilot being shot out at Paramount.. it's another law show, so I need lawyer types for a scene outside of a courthouse being shot Tuesday at the Paramount lot. You MUST have your own suits, of course.. bring alternates for wardrobe to look at.. call me if you fit, thanks."

I fit, so I'd call Sue.

(Brrrrrring..)

SUE - This is Sue, what's your social?

(I rattle off my social security number. I'd hear the clickity clack of a keyboard as Sue enters it into the system and my stats come up on her computer with the picture I had taken at registration.)

SUE - Ah yes, Dave.. looks good.. still clean cut and available Tuesday morning?

ME - Yeah, no problem.

SUE - Cool.. seven AM call at gate #3, Paramount studios.. arrive on set in a suit but with alternates.. call #3764 after 6:00pm this evening for directions and further instructions.. your classification is "SMARMY LAWYER", got it?

ME - Got it Sue, thanks.

I'd arrive at Paramount Tuesday morning and do what they wanted me too.. then I'd get a check in the mail about a week later.

Not bad.

This went on for several years.. I'd call the hotline and usually there was something that fit me, so I'd call the CD handling it and get my booking. I had gigs about 2-5 days a week on movies, television shows and sometimes little oddities like an up and coming Director shooting a demo-reel that would never be seen by the public. Central handles about 80% of the business in LA, from Oscar-winners to indies to flops. I'll never forget my favorite notice on the hotline - I didn't fit the call, but I remember hearing it - I'm not making this up, and the time frame as to when this call went out will be obvious..

(BEEP) "Hi guys, this is Maria.. they're doing some pick-up shots for Michael Bay's "Pearl Harbor," and they need some young sailor types to be dead on a pier. You won't have to do anything but lay there, and they'll provide the wardrobe because it's period Navy. There's a make-up bump because they'll be making you up to look dead, but best of all.. and I think you guys will like this.. you're going to be lying there dead next to actress and model Jamie King. She plays a nurse who gets killed in the bombing of Pearl Harbor and this scene shows the medics picking up her body along with yours.. so call me if you're clean cut and between 18-25.. whites only, no blacks or Asians please."

Having seen Jamie King, I can't imagine the call load she must have gotten that day, but the scene made the final cut of the movie. I laughed in the theater when I saw it, which I'm sure other patrons thought was a little odd, but hey.. I was just remembering the hotline call.

I registered with a few smaller casting outfits too, all of which basically ran their operations the same way. I'd occasionally get work through them but most of my living was made through Central Casting, and most of the better known productions I worked on came through them. My favorite CD was Allan, and this was because he used to book me on two of my favorite shows - "The West Wing" and "Gilmore Girls" - both of which I'd seen and liked before I'd even signed up at Central. I also worked on those two shows more than any others, so the next two posts are dedicated to them.

See you at the next post for a tour of "THE WEST WING."

VidCast # 2 today.. copout? Yeah..

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:47:23 GMT

I'm verklempt!

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 22:53:19 GMT

Two days ago, I didn't know Adam DesAutels from the lady with the shopping cart full of trash who sleeps behind the supermarket.

Last night, I met the lady.. I gave her a couple of bucks to get something to eat.. and I met Adam, because coffeesister decided to test out her new SKYPE by placing a call to him. He didn't need any money, as he'd already made himself a snack. But he and coffeesister talked for two hours! I talked a little bit too, here and there, but not much.

Today, we came home to find this video posted on Adam's blog..

How NICE is that, huh? I mean, REALLY.. how awesomely cool and wonderful? IS THAT??

Don't be a FLY! ..or a walleyed PIKE!

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 09:55:41 GMT

photo by dalantech

The hotel where I work has a poolside bar. When I was last out there, I noticed all of these little plastic bags, each half full of water, that were hanging overhead - they were all around the perimeter and spaced about two feet apart. "What in the heck are THOSE for?" I asked the bartender. "Oh, they keep the flies away, he said." "How do they do THAT?" I asked, being sure to put "THAT" in caps while speaking to him, to emphasize my curiosity. "The flies see with hundreds of little lenses in their eyes as they fly around", he explained, "the optics of the light that passes through the water in the plastic bags somehow throws off their perception and frightens them.. they don't go near them out of fear and confusion."

It must be effective, because I've never seen a fly at the poolside bar, but I always thought it was because the prices were too high for little critters who basically make their living eating shit. As hotel security, I kind of wish we could add some additional bags half full of vodka to keep the obnoxious drunks away, but I have a feeling that would achieve the opposite effect.

I got to thinking about all of that, and I thought, "Stupid flies! It's just WATER! It's not in your way and it's not going to hurt you and you can't drown in it because it's sealed up in plastic bags! It's just a trick! You're being SCAMMED!" I would have said this to the flies directly, but the plastic water bags are so effective there weren't any out there; I'm sure that if I tracked some flies down in another area - an area sans plastic bags half full of water - they probably wouldn't know what I was talking about, so they'd just land on me and vomit. Ewe!

This reminded me of a study I heard about years ago, where they (presumably fish scientists) put this walleyed pike (that's a fish) into a tank that had a glass wall dividing it in half. They put another little fish, a minnow - which is what walleyed pikes like to eat - into the other half, and as the walleyed pike would go after the little minnow, it'd smack into the glass wall with a big cartoon "BOINNNNGGGG!" and suffer aggravating humiliation as the cruel fish scientists would point, laugh and make fun of the poor walleyed pike.

This went on for some time - like, days or weeks or months or something - until finally the poor, humiliated walleyed pike had had enough of being treated so disdainfully just because it was hungry and all it wanted was dinner, so it gave up. It stopped going after the little minnow, much to the little minnow's relief, I'm sure.

So, do you know what happened next?

I'm sure you do, being the smart, sassy, savvy, intelligent reader that you are! The fish scientists removed the glass and the walleyed pike swam around the little minnow without bothering it. It did this continually until it eventually died of starvation.

"Stupid Walleyed PIKE! Don't you see that they took the glass OUT! You could eat the little minnow after the glass was GONE! It was all a TRICK! You were SCAMMED!"

I don't think this would really be any kind of decent blog post at all if I didn't attempt to use our friends the flies, and our friend the walleyed pike, as examples of how we can be blinded to opportunity and finding success that's right in front of us because of something that's holding us back. It's probably something that we can't see, because it's made of glass, and they (presumably God or the devil or someone) took the glass out long ago, but we are so used to the glass being there that we'd rather starve to death than eat our little minnow because we don't want to endure humiliation again.

OR.. we have these HUGE bags half full of water hanging all around us, and even though it's just WATER, and it won't HURT us, and it just HANGS there, we avoid it because it's confusing and scary.

I say fly right in there, and LAND on the plate of half-eaten nachos! INDULGE YOURSELF! You only live for, like, two days! And EAT THE LITTLE minnow, despite what's happened in the past and how many headaches you have from bumping into that damned glass! JUST DO IT ALREADY, because, guess what?

THE GLASS IS GONE!

Life's little lessons are all around us, my friends.. in fish, in insects and in nature itself.. and you don't have to work for a hotel with an outdoor poolbar or become a fish scientist to observe, learn and apply.

"Carpe Diem Carp", friends.. Seize the daily fish.

photo by Birta Ran

"BBRrrriiinnngggrrrrRrrrrriiiiG!"

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:48:36 GMT

A really huge company named after a popular fruit has released a phone, and it's caused quite a stir. I guess it's quite a phone, with all kinds of gadgets that can do all kinds of things and, better yet, you can download things from the interwebz for the phone to do if it's something the phone doesn't already have. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything useful either; my friend Cali Lewis the Geek Chick bought one of these fruit phones and downloaded a thing where you put all these animals in line as a puzzle, like bears next to bears and ducks next to ducks and so on. Now THAT sounds damned exciting!

I don't have one of these fruit phones, nor do I plan on getting one. First of all, I can't afford it. As I said, it does all kinds of stuff but some of the stuff it does they charge you for. I don't think they charge you for the little animal game - it's perfectly free to get all your ducks in a row - but they charge you extra for accessing the interwebz from it and downloading nifty things and sending videos and all of that. I just use my little phone to make phone calls, and that's rare in itself.

At the risk of sounding all old and fuddy-duddy, I'd like to hearken back to simpler times, when phones were just phones. You called someone and talked. You didn't take pictures with them, or videos or play animal games - you just picked up the phone, dialed, and when someone answered you had a conversation.

My mom, who packed up and left this planet in 1993, was as far from a technophile as one could get. I had to program her VCR for her, and show her how to step through the channels to watch live TV. She never recorded anything - she just had a VCR because someone gave her one, and she'd occasionally watch an old movie on VHS tape, but she hated rewinding, pausing or fast-forwarding because "it's all just too COMPLICATED." I was glad that I could give her VHS tapes of old movies though, she seemed to like getting those as gifts.

She had this old rotary dial phone that the ringer was going out on, but she never let me replace it for her. It had some kind of sentimental attachment I guess, though I never could figure out what it was - but when this phone would ring it would go..

"BBBBRRRrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnggggggggggrrrrRRRRrrrrriiiiiinnGG!"

..and it was the single MOST ANNOYING THING I'D EVER HEARD - it was as if someone had recorded the sound of a phone ringing to a reel-to-reel tape machine, and then smeared peanut butter all over it while playing it back. It was ghastly, but she'd never let me get her a better phone. One with pushbuttons would have been nice, but she said she was so used to dialing over the years, that pushing buttons just didn't seem right.

I once tried to give her my old answering machine. Coffeesister and I had been married for a couple of years, and had upgraded to a new-fangled voice mail system offered by the phone company, where we actually recorded a greeting RIGHT INTO OUR PHONE and they stored it somewhere in the back room and played it for people if we didn't answer within so many rings. It was pretty spectacular! So, I had this perfectly fine little answering machine that used little cassette tapes to record your message on and then to record the incoming messages when you didn't answer within so many rings, and I even hooked it up for her, but she was not impressed. "Way too complicated," she said, so I had to give it to someone else.

MOM (blonde), with her old pal,
IONA VOLKMAN, sporting the latest
in handmade quilted ladies tops,
circa 1974 or thereabouts

I don't think mom would feel very comfortable in today's world. People are lining up in droves for this little fruit phone, and I just read a post that's even a couple of days old now, where the fruit company hit the one million mark in sales - it's probably almost two million by now. A guy at work bought one and, as he was showing it to me, a strange sound emanated from it - he excused himself, pushed a button, and then said "Hello?" When he was done I asked him what THAT was all about - "Oh, it was just a friend calling me." - WHOA! You can take incoming calls on it too? Splendiferous!

I think I'm a lot like my mom in a lot of ways, being only ten years younger now than she was when she passed on. She'd not grasp anything I use today, but I'm far behind the trends, just as she was for her time, and I'm quite comfortable being here. Coffeesister and I use a couple of little Virgin mobile phones, that we prepay. We don't internet with them, although they seem to have that capability and every once in a while I hit the wrong button and flashy graphics say, "LOADING BROWSER!" so I have to wait until it's done and then hit the button to unload the browser. Coffeesister does text with people on hers, but I don't on mine because it's - are you ready for this? - TOO COMPLICATED, and the letters are too small. I can't read them that well. I do have a camera on mine though, and I've taken a few pictures but they look kind of like a chimpanzee took them after licking the lens first.

I mentioned my friend Cali Lewis and as much as I LOVE her podcast on GeekbriefTV, I don't know what she's talking about over half the time. She'll talk about something called a "drobo" and how it's "network friendly" and now up to "3000 GIGS!" and you can get one for only $200.00, and all along I'm thinking how much I'd rather just spend $200.00 on something I understand, like a new office chair, although even THOSE are getting complicated these days as they put computer chips in them so that they remember all the ways you like to sit.

Right now, I must say - that with all this new gadgetry being flung at us, I'm happy with my little cell phone that I make a call on once every few days or so, and my Windows XP running on a 4 year old Compaq and my office chair that doesn't remember a damn thing.. the rest is all just TOO DAMNED COMPLICATED.

I hope she returns soon

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:25:36 GMT

My MUSE is on vacation.

Poor thing, she's been so overworked trying to get through to me, that I just HAD to give her some time off. I think she went to Paris to hang out with Lisa for a while, who needs her more than I do right now. Muses ALWAYS take working vacations.

I decided to go ahead and try it without her, so I started to compose this whiny post for today about how I've been sick lately and working a lot of extra hours and my boss seems to have become a crack addict because that's the only way to explain his recent bout with paranoia and blah and BLAH and BLAH - but I know people don't want to read about whiny, negative stuff so I decided not to write about it, except to squeeze it into this paragraph in the context of giving you a reason for my sporadic posting lately.

No, my friends, things are going swimmingly - it's a delightful 106 degrees here in Palm Springs and, as the lizards scamper about on the front porch and mock my soft skin, I'm keeping a watchful eye on the pool in our complex to await the bubbly point where I can go toss some macaroni in and prepare lunch for us.

photo by gsbrown99

Without HER around, I have absolutely nothing to talk about today, so I think I'll talk about what I plan to talk about in days ahead, after she gets back.

I used to do a lot of work in film & TV, which is no surprise to you longtime readers - I'm sure you're rolling your eyes and saying, "enough already!" - but Neal Campbell (best known as the producer/hubby half of the famous net geek chick Cali Lewis ) asked me about Gilmore Girls the other day, so I've decided to post on my adventures working on that show, plus The West Wing and a slew of others. I've written about it all before, but not on this particular incarnation of this particular blog. I've found that some people are way too cool to watch TV and therefore don't give a darn, while others love celebrity dirt. A lot of you are in between, and are mildly amused by stories from the set of this or that TV show or movie, so I'll post that with you in mind. The rest can go read this.

I think it's time for another post on SPAM too. I've been getting a lot of those "My name is Ponticus Isabella the Third from Nigeria, and I need help getting my money into your country" type of things that land in my inbox, despite my using Gmail, so this needs to be addressed. I mainly want to know if I should just give them my bank account number, paypal info or home address?

I won a book recently in an internet contest and I'm halfway through reading it, so I'll post a review when I'm done.. or should I post half a review now? I'm reading it during my downtime at work, because the boss has banned all of my internetting, so now I get to read a book with pages instead of read a browser with web content. Big difference there, right? It's by Mark David Gerson and it's all about how to listen to your muse as a writer. I'm trying to get it read before she gets back, so she'll be all impressed and stuff.

Okay, I think the pool is boiling now.. off to fix lunch. Toodles!

Look, I NEED this book..

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 10:38:30 GMT

Darren Rowse under there at ProBlogger is running a contest, where he's asking you to describe your need for his book in 250 words or less - the best entry gets it.

Here's mine..

It was a dark and stormy night - he sat himself down to write - the lightening flashed and the storm thundered as he blundered through his blog.

He wanted to make it right - the prose was good and tight - but SEO did suck and he found himself stuck as a howl rang out from the dog.

Relief is now in sight! THE BOOK arrived tonight! He applied what was taught and just as he�??d thought, his blog was lifted from the fog!

I hope I win. I need to learn how to commercialize this blog and sell out, so that I can eventually quit my job and just sit here and type all day, growing fat and lazy as my PayPal account swells to an astronomical size and I become so spoiled and self-indulgent that I don't even answer comments anymore. Eventually I'll just close them all together because there are too damn many, and I just can't be bothered to give you all the time of day.

Keep your fingers crossed!

UPDATE

I didn't win. I have to buy the book now.
I guess Darren doesn't care for poetry.
If you want to call it that.

Doggone but Not Forgotten

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:50:31 GMT

Long long ago, in a state far far away, RhodesTer and coffeesister bought a little plot of land in a little town and built a little house on it. Across the street from this little house lived a lady who had her own little house, where she dwelt with her mother, son, daughter and a little pup named SUSIE.

A friendship ensued, and ties have remained unbroken despite houses being sold, children growing up and graduating while moms and little pups have since moved on to the great beyond to watch over us and keep us in line.

Today, The RhodesTer Chronicles features a former neighbor and longtime friend as a guest blogger - Karen Williams has her own little piece of the internet here, and she has been published hither and thither, including this piece from the Seminole Chronicle in Winter Springs, Florida. You will also find her work at HELIUM.. a LOT of it!

Doggone but Not Forgotten

by Karen Williams | August 05, 2005

Seminole Chronicle

How can people become obsessed with their pets �?? doting on them, pampering them and buying gourmet treats for little Fifi or Bobo? �??I bet some pet owners actually fetch slippers and the newspaper for their animals,�?? I marveled recently to a friend.

Then I sensed an invisible paw tapping on my shoulder.It was the ghost of Susie-the-Wonder Dog! How could I forget her, I asked myself, bursting into a torrent of tears.Yes, I had adored my one-time loyal companion. But there was nothing excessive about it other than the continual belly rubs the Lhasa Apso demanded of me, visitors and even the UPS guy.

It was a fateful spring day when son Smitty, daughter Emily, and I first laid eyes on Susie at the animal shelter. While other dogs bounced around their cages saying, in bow-wow-ese, �??Pick me! Pick me!�??, Susie lay listless and moping. An attendant told us that Susie�??s elderly owner had died and thus the purebred princess had ended up at the facility.

�??What�??s wrong with her? Is she sick?�?? the kids asked.

�??We�??ll take her,�?? I interjected, recognizing in Susie an energy level akin to my own. This dog would require little work. She�??d merely lie by the sofa and look pitiful.

Alas, Susie changed radically when we got her home. Upon meeting my elderly mother, the animal began running joyfully through the house at breakneck speed, apparently reading the message, �??I will feed you table scraps,�?? in my mom�??s body language. Talk about a pet psychic.

Susie proved to have an appetite as big as all outdoors �?? a place, incidentally, that she had to visit often. At each meal, my mom and the kids would cave in to Susie�??s yelps for people food, as I chided, �??The vet says not to do that�?? while slipping her a chunk of meatloaf or two myself.

We had never seen an animal so focused on food. After dinner, Susie would try to hurl herself on to the table to snag leftovers. Despite her short legs and ample girth, she found death-defying ways to access the kitchen counter, tall picnic tables, even ice cream trucks. A neighbor once commented, �??I bet if we experimented and covered your kitchen floor with plates of food, Susie would never stop eating!�?? Susie perked up with a yap that said, �??Yes, in the name of science, let�??s try that!�??

Overindulgence and sparse exercise �?? she insisted I carry her when we went for walks �?? eventually got the best of the Wonder Dog, and she was diagnosed with diabetes. It became necessary for me, who hates needles so much that I can�??t sew on a button, to give Susie shots of insulin. It was a twice-daily ordeal, but we persevered, and the following years were marked by carries around the neighborhood, expensive low-cal dog food (she despised it), and doggie diapers for incontinence.

Once, after an especially rigorous carry, I held Susie like a baby and we kissed. My mom, observing, exclaimed, �??Arggh! How can you kiss a filthy animal?�?? Susie looked up, puzzled, as if to say, �??Hey, she�??s not that bad!�??

Susie went peacefully to the great dog biscuit in the sky two years ago. Thank goodness I�??m not a weirdo who buys a doggie tombstone or visits the taxidermist. I merely keep a big pan of table scraps, like an eternal flame, ever on the floor by the fridge.

***

Chrissie LIKES me, she really does!

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 08:20:47 GMT

photo by OLIVANDER

I've been reviewed over at Bloggeries.

It's a nice little review, and it sure beats getting shot. But the reviewer, someone named Chrissie, gave me a 4.65 out of 5 for two reasons.. I don't have an "ABOUT" section and I don't post daily.

Well, let me first say that Chrissie needs to look at sidebars more often - like to the right, just under the syndication feed and email subscription things. I've had an "ABOUT RHODESTER" there since the day this blog got smacked on the ass and drew its first breath. I know we're all spoiled by these new-fangled templates that have it on tabs above everything else and just below the banner. I'm getting one of those templates one of these days. But for now I'm on a service that has limited templates available, and the current one is the best I can do until I've panhandled enough money down in front of Starbucks to invest in a new layout.

As for posting daily, Grandad does that and still manages to crank out witty and wonderful material, despite his advanced age and deteriorating mental status. A lot of bloggers do that. But I'm afraid that if I attempted it, most of my posts would read like this..

"I went to the store today and bought some pasta. I bought rigatoni because they were out of tortellini. We're having rigatoni tonight, with beer. They were out of Fosters too, so I picked up some "Pete's Wicked Ale" instead."

I mean, that's what TwiTTer is for!

It's all I can do to READ the blogs I have in my reader each day, and you know what? I don't always manage that. Sometimes I play "catch up" and read about 18 posts at once from the more prolific bloggers. I do this by scanning over them at high speed, which often results in my not knowing what in the hell they're talking about. A long post on "Where to find affordable education for freelancers" reads like this..

"Self-improvement is within reach these days - it�??s a great idea - you need a school�??s seal of approval - hands-on experience - plenty of them don�??t have degrees - most of my skills don�??t come from a classroom at all - I even taught myself to juggle - browsing through Chapters - it was a textbook on consumer behavior - why not buy textbooks? Why not learn that way? - why not, I ask - the books are tax write-offs - go buy a textbook or two - you have education and opportunity right at your fingertips - another great post from Men With Pens!"

I think I have Attention Deficit Disorder or something like that, because not only do I get easily distracted but I WANT to get easily distracted. I recently downloaded a free word processing program called Q10 that was recommended because it goes full screen when you fire it up, kicking out Gmail chat, Tweets, other web windows and so on. I tried it and it drove me CRAZY - I WAS SO FRIGGIN' BORED! So I'm back to using my previous composer, which is Google Docs, and I've been interrupted about three times during the hour it's taken me to write this so far - I love it.

So this is why I don't post daily, as much as I love sitting here at my desk by the open window on such a beautiful day here in Palm Springs. I read a lot of things, listen to music on my iTunes, view a lot of videos and, when my muse gives me a swift kick in the rear, I bring up an empty Google Docs window and, uh.. oh, LOOK.. what a pretty little bird!

Monetizing your widgets in the rain (with George Clooney)

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 04:25:39 GMT

I have decided to take immediate action and do something about my hit count. This is because in spite of winning a contest and getting my little banner thingy posted on big blogs like MEN WITH PENS and WRITING JOURNEY, both of which get millions of hits a day, I am still only getting like 20 hits a day, and most of those are my wife, coffeesister, and my cat, shadow, when I'm not looking because I'm in the bathroom. They think I don't know because they've watched shows like "24" and "Alias" and "Criminal Minds" with that really smart computer geek fat chick, and they're now clever enough to route their visits through random ISPs, but I'm on to them - because I KNOW I don't get genuine hits from Kuala Lampur - nice try, wife and cat!

So I've decided to model this blog after the ones out there that get the big hits, starting today. I'm quite serious about it, and so as to not miss anything, I've decided not to just zero in on one tactic, but rather to use them all. Here we go..

HOW TO INCREASE YOUR TRAFFIC THROUGH AD REVENUE WIDGETS

We all want more traffic, don't we? I mean the kind that visits your blog, not the kind you get stuck in on the way home. AD REVENUE WIDGETS can help you get more traffic. GOOGLE the term "AD REVENUE WIDGETS" and read what comes up - you'll find all kinds of helpful advice on how to INCREASE YOUR TRAFFIC!

How, you ask?

Simple! By using AD REVENUE WIDGETS! Google the term and read what comes up and then USE THEM. This will INCREASE YOUR TRAFFIC! Put them in your sidebar, and monetize your blog TODAY! That's what AD REVENUE WIDGETS do! They will monetize your sidebar by categorizing the fluctuation rhythm of the feedback loop, driving unprecedented amounts of traffic to your blog while at the same time MONETIZING IT! It's simple.. and safe. So what are you waiting for?

Do it TODAY!

A SIMPLE TIP TO INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY IN COMPOSITIONAL ANALYSIS OF THE FORMS ON THE LEFT SIDE BY THE MENU

The form is simple in itself. THAT'S the key to remembering how to increase productivity. Because, if you're stuck in traffic under a bridge or something, and your cell phone rings, and it's the wife wondering where you are, well.. I don't blame her. Where ARE you? DRIVING IN TRAFFIC TO NOWHERE.. if you're not simplifying the compositional analysis! So get out there and get it done. It's simple.

DON'T BE SLOW TO SEO

Have you gotten your SEO done yet? SEO stands for Search Engine Orgasms, which every blog needs and every blog should have. Keywords like "French" and "sexy" should be worked into posts about cooking oil and summers spent at that house down by the lake, where the loons are a'cryin. If you haven't gotten it done by now, you just may never get to it and, as a result, you'll never see your blog blossom into the mega-blog it's meant to be! So get to it. NOW.

COOKING ON CAMP STOVES IN THE RAIN

Let's say you're camping, and it's raining. You'd be ill-advised to cook on any kind of apparatus OUTSIDE! But let's just say, for the sake of argument, that bears have snuck into your camping unit - be it a tent, RV or whatever - and they've locked you out so that they can consume all of the bacon inside.

Well, it looks as though you are NOT going to have bacon for dinner, my friend!

But that's okay - you can still have trout, or baked beans - as long as you brought it outside before the bears came - and so it looks as though you'll be cooking in the rain. It's simple! Get a tarp. Cover the fire pit. Wait until it dries off. Start a fire. Cook your trout and/or baked beans. If the bears finish the bacon and come back out..

..run like hell.

PLANTING A BEAUTIFUL ROOFTOP GARDEN WHEN YOU LIVE ON THE FIRST FLOOR OF AN APARTMENT BUILDING

Everyone loves gardens. BEAUTIFUL gardens, on rooftops! But we all have mean building superintendents and/or managers who won't let us go up there and PLANT beautiful rooftop gardens.

Oh, what to DO?

First, it's helpful if your building superintendent and/or manager is male - doesn't matter if he's married or not - just go out and get him the the best damn looking hooker you can find - spare no expense. Get a Julia Roberts type. Not Julia NOW, with those teeth, but Julia from "Pretty Woman." Pay for about a day's worth of action, because that's what it's going to take you to get this done.

Send the hooker up to the building superintendent and/or manager's office and once you hear the appropriate sounds, get to work. Presumably, you did a little preliminary planning by visiting a nursery before scouting the boulevard for the right girl?

GOOD!

Now get up there and PLANT THAT GARDEN! Petunias are best in high altitudes - say, over ten stories - and you'll want to use a high grade topsoil for the roses and radishes (might as well make this as functional as it is beautiful). MOST IMPORTANTLY, when you hear screaming noises coming from below, your building superintendent and/or manager is almost finished, but not quite. CALL THE COPS! Give them the apartment number where the action is taking place. This will assure that your building superintendent and/or manager will go away for a good long time, so your newly planted rooftop garden won't be discovered and ripped out.

CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy the beauty and the breath taking view of the roofs across the street.

BRAD AND ANGELINA CALL IT QUITS!

Film star BRAD PITT, and his lovely film star wife ANGELINA JOLIE, called it quits today on the set of their latest action film, "ASSASSIN IN THE RAIN". Confidential sources close to the elusive couple cited the reason for "calling it quits" was that every scene scheduled to be shot that day had been completed, and the director of the film, Ron Sheldon, was overheard telling the couple, "See you both back here at six AM sharp".

"BRANGELINA", as they have been affectionately dubbed by the press, then "called it quits" and went home for the evening, or perhaps out to rendezvous with another Hollywood mega-star couple, "TOMKAT".

Ooooh, hey LOOK! BEAUTIFUL, SEXY SUPER MODELS IN LINGERIE!

Oooooh, and GEORGE CLOONEY!

Okay, that should do it. Time to add ADSENSE and watch the bucks roll in..

Free HuGs in HoLLyWooD!

daverhodester@gmail.com (Rhodester) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 00:01:00 GMT

Coffeesister brought this video to my attention because we used to live and work in Hollywood. It brought back some memories, which stirred inside me before gushing up onto the desk, nearly shorting out my keyboard. I'm going to go grab a wet towel to clean all this up, so why don't you take this opportunity to push "play" and stroll down one of my memory lanes, whether you've been there before or not?

I put in several years as a security dispatcher at Hollywood & Highland, the gigantic retail/entertainment complex on Hollywood Boulevard, where the Kodak Theater is located (Academy Awards). This video was made in various spots in front of the complex, which spans nearly a city block, and in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater, which is next to it. Yes, that's the one with all the hand and foot prints in cement in the forecourt. This will give you an idea of the characters I'd encounter on the boulevard on any given day - a few of them, including some of the costumed "Superhero" characters, a few security guards and a black homeless man, I was personally acquainted with.

Video courtesy of Lisa Murray at LisaMurray.Com, in recognition of "International Free Hugs Day" on Saturday, July 5th. Let's all hug each other and not charge a darned thing for it!