Life of Rian

Panoramic View of Stuttgart Main Station

2008-07-23T01:07:00.007+02:00

Happy Birthday to me

2008-07-21T17:41:00.005+02:00

Me: Hi Rian, Happy Birthday to You!
Rian: Oh thank you!
Me: I hope you have a pleasant day!
Rian: Oh well, so far it was quite ... but let's see what the rest of the day will bring.
Me: Have you seen the Buddy Bears Exhibition in Stuttgart?
Rian: Huh? Buddy Bears? What's that?
Me: It's an exhibition in front of the New Castle in Stuttgart. There's a bear-ish artwork for every nation. Quite cute.
Rian: Did you take pictures?
Me: Yes, I took some at night. Let me show you ...

Rian: Beautiful pictures.
Me: Thank you. I took them last weekend. You can click on one to see an entire gallery.
Rian: No thanks, I'm good. Gotta go!

Stuttgart Gay Pride - Opening Gala

2008-07-20T18:18:00.005+02:00

This might be boring to some, but since I don't have any readers anymore (apparently), nobody would mind.

Yesterday was the start of our Gay Pride Week with a glamorous Opening Gala. Next Saturday will be the parade, and on Sunday a big gay street fair. We (the stuff of our gay newspaper) will march in the parade and also have a booth at the street fair. And we're hosting 3 events during this week as well.

I (and some other members of the board of our newspaper) were invited as VIPs and fetched at home by a limousine. But I declined that last offer. I don't like the hype. And I live about 200 yards away from the venue, that would have been silly. But I was glad to be a VIP who came on foot.

I took some pictures of the Gala. I was allowed to take some, because we're also official media partner of Gay Pride Stuttgart. By the way, in Germany, we call Gay Pride "CSD" which stands for "Christopher Street Day". This is the entrance to the venue where the gala was held.

This woman is Laura, she owns all gay clubs and a gay pub in our town. She is straight, but everybody loves her, and she loves "her gay children", like she refers to all gays. She donates a fortune to charity, for AIDS prevention, and she's also a very kind and generous supporter of our newspaper and other gay institutions in our state.

This is Chris, the chairman of the organization that arrages our Gay Pride.

This is Gabi Zimmer, member of the European Parliament, the patron of our Gay Pride.

And this is the host of the evening, a very famous drag queen I really like. Usually.

March Order

2008-07-16T11:10:00.002+02:00

Today I got my "march order" to go to Istanbul for another business trip. They wanted me to go as soon as possible. But Gay-Pride is coming up next week, and my our gay magazine hosts some events and stuff, and I don't want to be absent during that time. Plus, my grandparents will have their 60th wedding anniversary and gonna celebrate it with the family at the end of July.

So I will go to Istanbul on August 2nd. This time I've got an one-way ticket only so far. End of mission not sure yet. About 3 or 4 weeks have been mentioned in E-Mails. That Turkish company also offered me to financially cover a one week vacation at the beach somewhere in the south of Turkey after I've finished my work in Istanbul. Tempting. But also Istanbul is a very beautyful city and I'm happy about going back again.

Failure to Deliver

2008-07-15T10:39:00.006+02:00

I'm soooo sorry. Some of my posts ended with "I'll post pictures later". But I never did. So I try to catch up now.

Coverboy Contest
I wrote about the Coverboy Contest of our gay magazine a while ago. It was a very pleasant evening, and I enjoyed my duty in the jury very much. ;)
And the boys were really nice guys, some of them will join our formation at Stuttgart Gay Pride in two weeks. Here are some pictures of the evening:

Between the first (fully clothed) and second (swimm wear) round, there was a big show part. Here's also a picture of one part of the show.

It wasn't easy to find a winner, but we're very pleased with our current "Mr. Schwulst". Here's the cover of the current July issue of our magazine:

Because the jury couldn't find a consent about who should win, we decided to have more than one winner, so this event yielded more than just one cover. More pictures of the event can be found here (select one of five sub-galleries at the bottom of the page).

Linux Cell Phone
I wrote that I ordered a cell phone that runs Linux as its operating system, and Doug wrote in a comment that he's interested in what I think about it. It's a Motorola ROKR Z6. It's in use for 4 months now, and I really like it. I mean, you don't really realize that there's Linux inside. It just behaves like a regular cell phone. And it's very easy to use.
I'm very happy with it, it had never let me down so far. One thing is a little bit funny, but doesn't really bother me: My old cell phone was ready about 1 second after you switched it on. The new one needs about 25 seconds to boot up. Well, it has to start a real Linux system. But after that, it's very stable and solid, and the battery has a long life compared to my old Sony Ericson. I would recommend it to everyone, it's really fun to use it.

1,58 Euros per liter = 9,41 U.S. dollars per US gallon

2008-07-01T09:02:00.003+02:00

Jesus, gas is quite pricy in Germany these days...

Shitty day beyond

2008-06-24T23:58:00.003+02:00

The date with my boss wasn't that bad. I convinced him to give my co-worker another chance. So he got one more month to prove he's worth it. I hope my co-worker can do it.

But most of the time we were talking about me and the quality of my work. I'm sooo glad. He totally buttered me up. How happy they are with my work and that they hope I'm completely happy there and all that kind of things. And that I'm an important part of the company and everybody would like me very much and, and, and...

I'm usually not having a good opinion about myself. But this felt so good and I was very, very happy. He also offered me to work in one of our offices in the USA for 6 months to see if I would like it, and then decide if I want to stay. There's one office near San Francisco (Palo Alto, to be precise), and another one in "my" city: New York. I think that's something I will do.

Shitty day ahead

2008-06-24T09:46:00.004+02:00

Our CEO sent me an email yesterday that he needs to talk to me this afternoon. And I know it won't be just tea time and a little chat. No, I'm not really in trouble. At least not in an obvious way.

He also sent me the topic of our little date. He said that he and somebody else are concerned about the quality of my office mate's work and that he would be too slow and all that stuff, and that they need to talk to me about it, since I'm the only one who works on the same tasks together with him.

And it's bad. I really like him very much. He is a very nice guy (no, I'm not attracted to him, neither do I have a crush. It's just professional), and we get along so well. Especially since we've been in Istanbul together.

And I'll be sharing the office again for the entire day, and at the same time I will always think about what might happen. And he doesn't know anything about it. Strange. Very strange.

It's true, he is a little bit slow, but he's quite new and the things we do just need much time. I need to convince them, to give him another chance. I guess he's not already fired, otherwise they wouldn't talk to me about it, would they?

3 Days Left

2008-06-10T23:16:00.002+02:00

until I will meet TheGuy again.

Unfortunately, I've hardly been busier than in the last days. I haven't really had any time to be happy about it so far. Looking forward to the weekend anyways...

Today's Quote

2008-05-31T17:12:00.002+02:00

Please hold me close and whisper that you love me
And promise that your dreams are only of me
When you are near, everything’s clear
Earth is a beautiful heaven
Always I hope that we follow the star
And be forever floating above

I know a falling star can’t fall forever
But let’s never stop falling in love

Taken from the absolutly wonderful "Let's never stop falling in Love" from Pink Martini.

Back from Istanbul

2008-05-01T22:59:00.006+02:00

As I wrote in an earlier post, I had to go to Turkey for a business trip. At first I was a little bit scared. Foreign culture and all that stuff. But now that I'm back I must say it was a real pleasure. And our business partners were very nice. We spent most of the time with two people from the Turkish company we were visiting, and they also invited us for dinner every night and showed us the beautiful city after work.

I took many pictures, but with my cell phone. But my co-worker took some with his camera and he will send them to me. I might publish some more as soon as I get his.

On the first and second picture you can see the area where our hotel was. And here we also had our first lunch, and the first traditional Turkish food. Yummy!

I had eggplants and Kebab (like turkish BBQ). For dessert we had candied fruits with a very thick and sweet milk cream. At least I thought it were fruits. But it turned out it were candied olives, eggplants and tomatoes. And also candied whole walnuts (with the shell, by the way. Yes, you can eat it when it's candied).

Then we drove to the Bosporus and had a coffee at this place. By that time we and our host were still like strangers. You know, these awkward silent moments when you think you should say something, but can't figure out what.

But that changed very soon. On the next picture you can see Hüseyin and Gökçe. They were our fantastic hosts and the people in the Turkish company we discussed everything. After a short while they felt like very good and close friends. They were really amazing.
Our workdays were very productive and efficient, but after work they were like good friends.

Here we went out together with their friends, and I'm fortune telling to Osman by reading his coffee grounds. It was a very funny evening and we laughed so much that my cheeks were hurting.

Ok, some tourist stuff. This is inside Hagia Sofia (Ayasofya Camii Müzesi). 1400 years ago it was the most important ortodox christian church, later it was the most important islamic mosque. And today it's a museum. It was the largest cathedral in the world for nearly a thousand years, until the completion of the Medieval Seville Cathedral in 1520.

Inside Hagia Sofia you can find Christian and Islamic symbols, which looks quite uncommon. Here for example a mosaic with huge parts made of gold.

This is Hagia Sofia from outside. Unfortunately it was raining that day.

This is inside the Blue Mosque, which is also quite famous for Istanbul, but it's still a mosque.

This is outside of Blue Mosque.

This is Blue Mosque from a distance.

That was the view from my hotel room in Kadiköy, which is on the Asian part of Istanbul. Istanbul is the only big city that is on two continents. Our hotel was on the Arabic part, not the European.

This is a famous breakfast area in Istanbul. At least that's what Hüseyin said. We had a very nice brunch on Saturday right at the sea, together with some friends of our hosts.

This was on the market. Which was also very impressive.

Here is a picture from another part of the town.

It was a very pleasant trip and we had a fabulous time (well, except the sweet custard-like dessert that also contained chicken breasts, called Kazandibi). In fact, they want me to come down for two weeks in May to finish the project. And I'm actually really looking forward to that. I hope it's gonna happen. They also tried to hire me for good. "Write down what you want. House, car, office, ... you'll get it". I was laughing. "That's not a joke. I'm serious. Just write it down ..."

Today's song

2008-04-21T15:10:00.000+02:00

I feel shitty
oh so shitty
I am icky, too picky, and gay
And I pity
Any guy who feels like me today

I am boring
oh so boring
It's alarming how boring I can be
and so shitty
that nobody likes to spend life with me

Lalala la la la lala

See that ugly dork in the mirror there?
(What mirror where?)
Who can that fatso be?
Such a shitty face
Such a shitty dress
Such a shitty smile
Such a shitty me!

I'm rejected,
so rejected
I'm neglected, dejected, alone
And nobody
Wants a date with such a moron.

Coverboy Contest

2008-04-19T15:46:00.002+02:00

Today there is a Coverboy Contest for our Magazine. In a beauty pageant like event the 15 hottest boys of all applicants will compete to be on the next cover of our magazine.

I'm looking forward to seeing the swim wear round. :-) A jury and the audience will decide who will win the photo shooting. I'm really excited, since I'm one of the three jury members. And there will be a show with drag queens, singers and other stuff as well. I hope it'll be a nice evening.

Happy Birthday, TheGuy

2008-04-10T09:36:00.006+02:00

Today is the Birthday of someone who is very important for me. Unfortunately we haven't been in touch for a while. But I think of him at least once a day and I miss him so much. I never wanted to post a picture of him to protect his privacy. But I found this one taken in Paris at the Banks of the Seine (which have been added to the UNESCO's list of World Heritage Sites) in the late night (the chubby one on the right is me, by the way). The quality of the picture is very poor because it was so dark, but that's kinda supposed to be like that. It will still protect his privacy, but reminds me of a wonderful time together with him.

The two weeks in Paris with TheGuy last summer were absolutely amazing. If I could turn back time ...
But TheGuy might be here again this spring/summer, and we've already been talking (long ago) about a Paris 2.0. That would be great. I will call him later today because of his birthday. I hope we can figure out a plan to meet again soon.

Lesson for today: a black T-shirt and black jams make you almost invisible at night. For better invisibility use long sleeves and trouser legs.

I am dreaming of a White Christmas Easter

2008-03-23T12:05:00.003+01:00

Christmas Eve is the most important part for children of German Christmas celebrations. It's the first day with the X-Mas tree in Germany, and the perfect X-Mas Eve is a white X-Mas, with snow. When I was a child, Christmases usually were white. Alas, I think the last 15 years have been without snow.

However, today is Easter Sunday. Perfect would be green grass, daffodils, tulips and sunshine. Yesterday was cold, but no snow. The picture has been taken this morning. It really was a big surprise for me.

I guess Easter is much more important in Germany than in the USA. It's also a big holiday with presents and good food. And of course with huge family gatherings. Since I overslept last Christmas sick and with high fever, this feels much more like Christmas today. And for the rest of you without snow: Happy Easter!

First Day of Spring

2008-03-21T15:28:00.003+01:00

The Spring-Queen wishes everybody a marvelous and delightful spring and Happy Easter Holidays!

For the curious ones: This picture has been taken on last year's gay pride in Stuttgart, in July 07. I like the raw manliness punctuated by the lei, and the masculine hand posture. We alpha-males really are the butchest. ;-)

System.out.print( life.getChanges() );

2008-03-09T13:27:00.001+01:00

So many times I'm thinking, "this would make a good blog post". But I never find time to actually post it. So here are just some fragments of the topics that would have served as single posts...

Work is quite strange recently. There was a re-organization and we have to leave our nice office and move to another building that isn't equally nice anymore, and our space is taken over by another department. And some of my former office neighbours are moving to different buildings, I'm transferred to another unit to new co-workers and my boss will get her baby soon and will be on leave and everything changes. So I'm curious what the next weeks will bring.

Good thing, I will go to Istanbul for a business trip for a few days by the end of the month and my boss agreed to pay the hotel for the weekend as well, so there's a small vacation included. I'm very excited since I've never been in Turkey before. And I've never been on a business trip before either.

My old cell phone is quite old and is expected to fall apart any minute. No, it's actually not that bad, but I wanted a new one. There was one from Nokia that I really wanted. But Nokia isn't very popular in Germany these days (after getting high subsidiaries from the government and now closing a big plant in Germany and firing thousands of people). After Linux runs like a charm on both my workstation and my laptop, I decided to give it a try on my cellphone as well. So I bought an American brand that runs embedded Linux. Motorola. It's already ordered, but hasn't been delivered yet. But I can't wait to get it...

Last week was "Election day". It was about voting the president of the managing board of our gay newspaper. Although I expected it, I'm glad I was elected again for president with no dissentient. I guess I didn't do too bad so far...

Happy Blogoversary, Rian!

2008-02-12T00:07:00.000+01:00

Two years ago from today I decided to re-start my old German blog again in English. While I was an avid writer in the first year, I had hardly any time for my blog in the second year.

In most of my posts I'm apologizing for not having enough time, and it hasn't changed since then. Readers came and went. But there are still some people that stop by on a regular basis, and most of them I really like. Not in a way like I love a partner, but I care about their lives and I think about them and read their blogs regularly.

It makes me sad I can't spend more time in Blogotopia, because I really enjoyed it, and I would love to bond more with some special people on my blogroll. I hope there will be more time soon.

Hugs to all my readers that still stop by from time to time, and a big THANK YOU!

Exorcism. Or: Not the Best Day For Microsoft

2008-01-07T22:30:00.000+01:00

I'm so happy right now. I bought a brand new laptop today and I really love it. It had Windows Vista^TM installed, of course, but after my experiences with Vista^TM on my desktop PC, I didn't even wanted to bother with it. So currently I'm expelling Vista and replace it with my new best friend: Linux. My desktop PC works so perfectly well with Linux, so I decided there won't be anything else for me in the future.

At about the same time, my friend Julia messaged me. She got a new laptop today herself. Funny coincidence, isn't it? She and Vista^TM met for the first time. She messaged me to tell me how much Vista^TM sucks. Like I never said it before.

Does Microsoft realize that Vista^TM isn't doing them any favor?

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T00:31:00.000+01:00

Yeah, I'm in 2008 already. You guys in America will have to wait for at least another 6 hours before you arrive here. But I'll wait for you!

I'm sorry I hadn't had much time lately for reading other blogs and commenting. But I hope it'll get better. But (and that's no lie) I'm thinking of many of you regularly, and I'm often wondering how you're doing.

So, here's a BIG HUG from the German guy to all my loyal readers. I hope you all will have an excellent year 2008!

The one about Christmas

2007-12-26T13:33:00.000+01:00

I was sure that everybody has abandoned me--or my blog. But then I got a mail from a fellow blogger wishing me a nice Christmas and asking how I've been lately. I'm very delighted about his mail. Thanks a lot!

Ok, so here how I spent Christmas...

Last Christmas, my Mom's boyfriend and I had an big argument, and we haven't seen each other since. He always left when I was visting my Mom during the last year. So Christmas Eve was the first time after a year we were meeting each other again. I was wondering how it may be, but actually it was ok. So Christmas Eve was very nice. In Germany we put up the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. I ornamented it whily my Mom was preparing dinner. And after dinner my Mom, her BF and I played Monopoly. And my mom got a MacBook from him, we also played around with it. Oh, by the way, in Germany you get all gifts on Christmas Eve. Getting presents on Christmas Morning is quite uncommon here.

But on Christmas Morning, I suddenly became very sick. Some stomach/colon infection. I spent the entire Christmas Day in bed, I was sleeping most of the time. And I had a high fever. And missed most of the day.

Today it's Second Day of Christmas in Germany. Still a holiday. I feel better, at least I can stand up. Currently I'm on the couch in the living room, watching TV and surfing a little bit with my Mom's other laptop. We wanted to visit my Grandparents today. It's like a tradition. Each year the entire family meets up at my Grandparents'. Alas, this year I have to stay at home, I don't want to infect anybody else ...

I hope you all had a better Christmas! And I will be posting again soon.

Big Brother Government

2007-11-29T02:22:00.000+01:00

We Germans are facing a whole bunch of new laws. I'm scared. I'm not yet scared of the laws, because I've got nothing to hide. But I'm scared like crazy on what might follow.

In history classes, when we heard about how the German government deprived the people of their basic rights (on the pretext of security) about 75 years ago, I was always wondering, why the people didn't offer more resistance. How did that end? We all know: Hitler and World War II. But I was sure this won't happen again, I thought that we've learned our lessons.

Now we're losing some of our basic rights again. Hypocritical explanation from our government: Terror prevention. I don't buy it. For me it's just a way to control people. But nobody seems to care. It's not in the news. People are waiving their human rights in pleasure and ignorance.

Dear world, please keep an eye on us. It seems like we're forgetting our past. I don't want my grandchildren (uhm, well, other people's grandchildren) ask their teachers, why we were so dumb and ignorant and didn't see "it" coming. I'm scared. Seriously.

Update

2007-11-05T00:03:00.000+01:00

I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm back in Germany safe and sound. I can't say I'm sad about being back; I can't say I am not either. This trip was very different than what I had expected. I had much time to brood over my life. More about that in a later post.

Instead, here some quick bits about what had happened recently:

Yes, I'm still alive.
I was meeting up with my friend Julia yesterday after a very long while. It was very good seeing her again, and it was nice to see that we still have many things in common.
I finally had a honest talk with TheGuy, where we both were very honest. And I should be happy, I guess everything is ok now. However, I'm still quite confused about what TheGuy said. I hope it is really good.
I was thinking about quitting my radio show next year. But instead I agreed to do twice as much shows as before each month today at the staff meeting. And because I already have too little time for anything, I agreed to maintain the website. I guess I'm not good in saying "No". Well, not too bad, I've been responsible for the homepage three years ago as well.

Rent

2007-10-16T00:51:00.000+02:00

I'm just coming home from watching the musical "Rent" on Broadway. My friend got me good tickets and I had a very good time. Actually, I think I should have bought the CD as well.

I spent the rest of the day in Brooklyn Heights after I've been walking around in Downtown Manhattan and crossed the East River on Brooklyn Bridge. I know, I'm a tacky tourist. However, my friends lived in Brooklyn Heights for a while years ago, and I love this area since the first time I visited them in their beautiful apartment. It sounds weird, but Brooklyn Heights was so familiar from the first moment ... like I had been living there in a former life. So, being there again was very nice.

Yesterday the happy couple (*yuck*) left town, and they are in Georgia now. The goodbye was quite interesting. They said goodbye to our friends where we stayed, but ignored me completely, although I was sitting at the table with my friends. I think that I've taken my magic to a higher level--I can become invisible. They were almost out of the door, when I decided that I won't swallow this, and I gave my Ex a tough talking to in German.
After they've left, my friends were very nice to me and cheered me up again. And I had a long and nice talk with TheGuy.

During the last year I've developed a "walking reflex", and I spent most of my Sunday walking--up on Broadway, and down right next to the Hudson. It clears the mind. When I was down at Christopher I decided to have a drink at the Dugout, were I ran into Ted again (he seems to be everywhere). And I think I saw Addaboy and probably Joe.My.God, but l'm not really sure. I was too shy to ask ...

Kinda Grumpy ...

2007-10-14T09:05:00.000+02:00

Let's start with today's pleasant things, as this post will get a bit longer, because I need to get something out of my system before I can find inner peace for the night. Currently I'm quite angry and upset, but I'll come to that later...

I got totally lost in the West Village today. It was strange, because I knew all the street names, but had no idea where I was. It turned out that I was further down than what I had expected. But it was such an nice afternoon. By accident I saw the house where one of my favourite TV shows "Friends" was supposed to take place. I tried to find it a few years ago, but to no avail.

In the evening I went to Coney Island and watched Ghost Busters in an open air cinema at the beach. It was so much fun, I'm gonna do this again next Saturday (they'll be showing House 2 next week), provided that the weather is ok and TheGuy joins me, since he is still out of town. But he'll be back soon and I'm itching to see him again.

Today I went to the movies with my Ex and his new partner, which freaks me really out. I can't stand when they refer to each other as boyfriends. I can't stand when his new one calls him "hon". They know each other for 6 months, and they've actually spent like 8 days together, the rest of their glorious relationship happened online or on the phone. Well, who am I to talk, TheGuy and I aren't better. Except we've already spent a few months together and don't call each other "hon".

And it freaks me out how nice my ex treats him. While we were together he often treated me like shit (maybe not in the beginning).

He was kissing other guys in bars while I was there, and didn't understand why I wasn't happy about that. And he was seeing guys he met on the internet and stayed for the night. He said that I was too jealous. We often had fights about that. The new one, however, can be as jealous as he want's. And my Ex doesn't even talk to guys he definitely considers attractive anymore, even when his new bf is thousands of miles away, because "it would be weird". Hello? Can anybody imagine how that's hurting me?

My Ex was very moody and often in a bad mood. He got cranky when other couples would have become romantic. And his sex drive is way below zero. I always thought that it's my fault, that I don't deserve love, and I thought that he had sex with the guys he met. Since he's the prototype for the Coolidge Effect (look it up, kids), he sometimes had. But it's a pleasure to see that their young relationship suffers for the same reasons already. And I know how frustrating it can get. Believe me, I've been there.

I don't want him back as bf--believe me. I had so much more (and sooooo much better) sex since we broke up. The first night with TheGuy for example was a revelation. I would even say that the night with TheGuy was my first time, althoug I had some guys before (even one at the same day I met TheGuy). But with him it actually was the first time where it was like magic (and at that time it was supposed to be an one night stand only). So I don't want my Ex back, we get along so much better than when we were a cuple, he's more like a brother. We're knowing each other for 10 years now, we're living together for more than 8 years now. We know what the other one is thinking without words. And we've always been important parts of the other ones life. But for the last few days that has changed. Now I'm the stranger, and the new one and he are the unity. It feels like losing him again. And I feel rejected and not worthy of love again--a feeling I know so well.

I wish TheGuy was here right now, I'm always feeling safe and special in his arms. He's the only one who has never made me feel uncomfortable. He has given me so much like no one else before. But he has some troubles at work and he might be a little bit depressed this time as well.