Rich Lafferty's Journal

didn't expect to be back here anytime

mendel — Thu, 03 Mar 2022 20:03:59 GMT

Слава Україні!

New Year's resolution

mendel — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 03:40:06 GMT

I'm going to post this on my zen blog later this week, but right now I want to post it somewhere and I'm too tired to compose a post over there, so I'll post here instead!

As we do every year, nyxie and I spent New Year's Eve at the Zen Centre for its New Year's ceremony. It's a longish ceremony, starting at 8 and going until 12:30 or so with a social get-together following -- we didn't get home until 3 am or so. The ceremony has a bunch of components: a whole bunch of zazen, a shortish jukai (precepts-taking) ceremony, a repentance ceremony, and circumambulations of the centre to drive out the (metaphorical) demons. But the bit that's relevant here is the reading of resolutions.

Everyone attending the ceremony is asked to make a New Year's resolution, and to write it down and put it in a bowl on the main altar, anonymously. Then later in the evening, the bowl is passed around the zendo, and everyone takes out someone else's resolution, reads it to themselves to understand what was written, and then reads it aloud. We're encouraged to write our resolutions in advance but in the past I've just sort of thought about it in passing, and wrote down something when I got there. I can't even remember what I wrote before, except that I'm sure it had something to do with my practice.

Anyhow, this year I wrote a resolution in advance, and as I wrote it I turned it into free verse. This felt like a bit of a stretch for me. I'm not someone who writes free verse, that's other people, rite? Having written and rewritten, I stared at the result for a while, unsure of whether or not to actually go through with making someone else read this (anonymous) resolution. Was I too full of myself? Was there too much fancy and not enough meaning to it? I printed it out and took it with me, but I wasn't sure if I was going to actually use it.

But I got thinking about coffeechica and eyeteeth's comments in the past about not needing permission to do creative things, to write, and so I used it. (And Shelley, the ukulele songstress, drew it from the bowl and read it beautifully!)

And having passed this "Is it good enough for anonymity" test, I'm going to put it out here on the Internet with my name attached to it too:

Resolutions 2013
I resolve
to live my life wholeheartedly and deeply
to fully engage with whatever it is I choose to do
to accept the narrowing of options that confronts me as I age
    but no more than that

I resolve
to lean into discomfort
to live the full catastrophe
to respond to difficulties with love and compassion
    for myself and all beings

I resolve
to place my faith in this tradition
to take refuge in this practice
   and this place
   and this family

and to exert myself to discover my true nature.

Happy new year, and may peace prevail on earth!

how's this work again

mendel — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 23:49:38 GMT

So uh hi there everyone, long time no see?

So I've got this theory where I think it'd be good for me to just write about stuff that's going on here, not capital-B Blog capital-P Posts, not trying to write for a particular audience, just, you know... journaling. Sounds simple, but DAMNED IF I COULD EVER DO IT BEFORE EH SO WHO KNOWS

Anyhow, sorry I disappeared.

It feels like everything and nothing has happened since I was posting here last (which would've been around when we got the house). We lost Rasha in June -- even though he had failing kidneys, the poor guy must've had some brain or nervous system issues, because he had lost most of his control of his front legs, and when he lost control of his bladder we decided it was time.

I'm still at FreshBooks, I'm definitely a manager-type now, with three people on my team reporting to me. We're in the process of moving from our current 9,000 square feet into a new 21,000 sq ft office (!) and they've made me the project manager for the construction (it's an empty industrial shell right now) and the move which is totally paralyzing and crushing but also a pretty awesome challenge and responsibility too, but boy howdy will I be glad when the move is done.

I'm still practicing at the zen centre, more and more seriously by the day. I've done a couple more sesshins but the office move makes it hard to take a week off incommunicado right now. There's a seven-day working person's sesshin at the end of March, where you are allowed to leave the centre during the day for work, and we should be moved by then so I'm looking forward to that one.

The house is totally homey these days. nyxie has some recent pictures. I'm sitting in the office RIGHT NOW in fact.

And we're in the process of adopting more cats! These two, Stacey and Stella. Just working out the logistics of getting them from their foster home in Kitchener to here.

Also I'm totally obsessed with the new My Little Pony. This is the first time I've been deep into a fandom. Aren't I just the cutest?

Anyhow, nice to be back, sorry I went away!

(By the way, what's the state of the LJ/DW thing these days, anyhow? Have a bunch of people I used to read moved over there, or is everyone still here, or what's up?)

o hai lj.

mendel — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 22:02:54 GMT

I should totally start using this again.

We have a HOUSE

mendel — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 03:47:06 GMT

Silly me, I mentioned this on Facebook and Twitter but forgot about here!

As of June 15, nyxie and I will be owners of an actual HOUSE. Offer night was last Tuesday, and ours was the winning offer of three! Here it is:

It's on Maria Street in the Junction, the middle of three attached houses; the third one is set back a few metres on the left. It was built around 1915, I think. Our agent thought it was from about 1910, but I found maps showing it built by 1923 but not in 1912. So somewhere in there, anyhow, nearly but not quite a century home.

The current owners are architects and the interior is not only in great shape but it really suits our tastes, too -- we won't even have to do much painting to move in. Like the bright red accent wall:

And the kitchen, with a bottom-freezer fridge (not visible) and a GAS STOVE YAY:

There's three bedrooms upstairs, a big master up front, medium in the middle, and tiny in back. The medium will probably be our sleeping bedroom, the front an office and dressing room, and the back a zazen and yoga room.

The basement is unfinished except for a small rec room, and has an outside door, which means I'll be able to easily set up a little bike workshop down there. The backyard is small but has all the space we'd need, and a trellis with mature grapevines on it.

There's a bunch more photos in this flickr set.

Looks like moving date is going to be June 18. So excited!

so much poni

mendel — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 03:42:43 GMT

So I have a new obsession and it is PONY. Specifically, it is the new generation of My Little Pony (no, really, read on), "Friendship Is Magic". I was going to write a big intro to it here but you can read Know Your Meme if you haven't heard.

Anyhow this post kept turning into too much text so let's get right to it -- remember when I was humming and hawing about learning to draw? Welp, I guess I just needed ponies.

I sketched Twilight Sparkle:

and I was pretty pleased with how that turned out -- note: not bragging, I am still in the "wait, I can draw?" stage here -- so I made a copy, inked it with a brush pen, scanned that, and colored it in Photoshop:

But I was really not happy with the inking job I did. I think I rushed it and ended up making the lines all too heavy. I'm not really used to using a brush pen yet and I haven't learned to work at 200%+ of the "target" size.

Anyhow, I realized one of the things that made it so heavy was that the linework was all black ink. But I didn't have anything else to use. So I scanned in the original sketch, found some tutorials on doing paths in Photoshop, and several hours and a couple dozen layers and paths later, the end result:

Okay, I'm hooked now.

The house hunt has begun!

mendel — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 04:35:20 GMT

Woo-hoo, we're house-hunting!

For the last little while, nyxie and I have been keeping an eye on the Toronto housing market on MLS, and a couple of weeks ago we met with a mortgage broker for pre-approval. We've been taking with a buyer's agent but scheduling has kept us from meeting her so far.

And then this weekend we checked out some open houses... and fell in love with the first house we looked at! Augh! That's not how this is supposed to work.

It's a semi-detached house in the top end of the Junction Triangle, on Osler north of Dupont. The current owners seem to have been renovating from the basement up -- the basement is done, the main floor has had a kitchen addition and reno at some point and has planning permission for another 300 feet off the back (!), and the upstairs is painted wood paneling and old but beautiful wood floors.

Here's the realtor's Youtube slideshow:

and here's the MLS listing. It's been on the market for a month, originally listed at $439,000 then $419 and now $399.

So we looked at a couple other places that day and didn't like either, which makes me feel a little bit better about loving this place -- it's not that we're just excited about house-hunting, it was this specific house.

It even has a weird little room upstairs, not shown in the slideshow, that's 7' x 4.5' -- both nyxie and I went in and immediately said "A zendo!". (A meditation mat is about 2'8" square.)

So we have one limit that's slowing down our "let's buy the first house we looked at" urge: the reason we haven't met our agent in person yet is that she's on vacation this week, and next week nyxie is on retreat at the zen centre. So we're leaving it up to fate for now; if it's still on the market a week this Friday we'll set up a showing, if not, oh well, on to the next cute house.

Fingers crossed!

unpaired paren

mendel — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 16:48:41 GMT

[11:37] Owen Jacobson: ( is an unpaired paren
[11:37] Owen Jacobson: :( is not
[11:37] Owen Jacobson: weird
[11:38] Rich: )
[11:38] Owen Jacobson: (
[11:38] Rich:

Goodbye, Sam.

mendel — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 22:05:39 GMT

This past weekend, while I was in retreat, our family dog Sam passed away at the age of 15.

15 is very old for a dog as big as Sam, the equivalent of about 93 human years, and as is typical for big dogs, his hips had deteriorated to the point where it was painful for him to walk. But the last time I saw him, at Christmas, he was the same happy mutt he'd always been since he was a tiny puppy who "wasn't going to get THAT big".

Those giant paws should've been a giveaway!

Before Sam I wasn't really a dog person. We'd always had cats growing up, But Sam was a Good Dog, friendly with everyone, gentle, affectionate, and completely devoted to my father. "He turned me into a dog person," I told Dad when he let me know. "Yeah, he turned a lot of people into dog people."

(And you were a good dog owner, Dad, Sam was lucky you adopted him. He was one happy and well-cared-for dog.)

I don't have much more to say. I know Sam's karma will protect him as he moves from this realm to the next, and I know that Sam left behind a lot of happy memories to fill the hole his passing created.

My stepmother Golda commissioned a painting of Sam shortly before he passed away from a local artist, Jesus Estevez:

Thanks, Sam, you were the best dog.

Candice and I held a brief memorial service for Sam.

O Buddhas and Bodhisattvas,
abiding in all directions,
endowed with great compassion,
endowed with fore-knowledge
endowed with the divine eye,
endowed with love,
affording protection to sentient beings,
consent through the power of your
great compassion to come forth.
Consent to accept these offerings concretely laid out and mentally created.

O Compassionate Ones,
you who possess the wisdom of understanding,
the love of compassion,
the power of doing divine deeds and of protecting in incomprehensible measure,
Sam is passing from this world to the next.
He is taking a great leap.
The light of this world has faded for him.
He has entered solitude with his karmic forces.
He has gone into a vast Silence.
He is borne away by the Great Ocean
of birth and death.

O Compassionate Ones,
protect Sam, who is defenseless.
Be to him like a father and a mother.

O Compassionate Ones,
let not the force of your compassion be weak,
but aid him.
Forget not your ancient vows.

an extremely what taste?

mendel — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 23:52:09 GMT

an extremely what taste?, originally uploaded by mendel.

that accent meme

mendel — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 02:43:07 GMT

Yoinked from the lovely miz nyxie:

Here's the idea: make a voice post (or just record yourself and upload it somewhere) saying the following things and answering the following questions. Then compare your accent with your friends. Fun for all! :)

Questions:

Your name and/or username
Where you're from
The following words: Aunt, Roof, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting Image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught, Orange, Coffee, direction, naturally, aluminium and herbs
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

And since we don't have a working phone post number for Canada, you can LOOK AT MY MUG WHILE I DOES IT.

2010 in review

mendel — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 04:16:56 GMT

Ganked from nyxie because it seemed like a good idea.

1.What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Managed direct reports. Closed a full year of budget. Went on sesshin. Became a formal student of Taigen sensei. Bought a banjo.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can't remember exactly what my resolutions during the New Year's Eve ceremony at the Zen Centre were last year, but I know that part of it was about intensifying my practice, and I guess I sure did that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I'll quote nyxie on this one: "Yes! The ever wonderful [info]llamech and his awesome wife Maysie had their third child on December 21st, not longer after the eclipse/full moon. What a cool day to be born, huh?"

But I find this question kind of odd. I suppose if you gained a close relative it'd be a year-defining thing, but there were lots of babies in 2010 and while I always wish the family the best it's not something that stays on my radar somehow.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope!

5. What countries did you visit?
Would you believe I stayed in Canada all year?

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Maybe these questions are aimed more at younger people... hm. I would like to have more to show for my time, and a bigger team at FreshBooks, and an even stronger Zen practice.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Rob Ford getting elected mayor of Toronto. Because ow.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Sesshin, I think. Although moving FreshBooks from a few servers in Rackspace Managed Hosting to eighteen or so in HA clusters in their colo space ought to count too.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Tough question! I'd have to say some stupid cowboy stuff at FreshBooks that led to replication problems and a couple hours' stranded data, mostly because I should've known better.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing remarkable.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Cat medicine. Lots and lots of cat medicine. Because we still have a rashacat.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
nyxie's, she knows why!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
People don't really appall and depress me.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Cat. We're also saving for a house, but that's not gone yet.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Sesshin, becoming Sensei's student, banjo, Rasha being back to his usual self after he crashed and had to spend the night at the vet getting fluids.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
I don't know if there is one.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier, I think
ii. thinner or fatter? same
iii. richer or poorer? same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
More sitting. More serious practicing of some musical instrument. More quality time with nyxie.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Staring at a computer screen reading blogs.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Woops, too late! Christmas Day nyxie and I exchanged some small gifts and cooked lots of tasty food.

21. Any plans for New Year's Eve?
The ceremony at the Zen Centre.

22. What was your favourite restaurant of 2010?
Tough call. We're going out less now that nyxie is vegan and mostly gluten-free. I was really into Utopia this year but I'm kind of tired of the 3-4 things I always get there. I guess I don't really have one. Maybe Big Fat Burrito. YAMMITY YAM.

23. Did you get any awesome new cookbooks this year?
lol wut

24. How about your time online - how did you spend it?
I waste it, generally! Funny you should ask! There's so much I could've got done in the time spent looking at funny pictures on tmbo or reading blogs, it's turned into my "staring at the TV" equivalent. I've got some things to work on there.

25. What was your favourite TV show?
~~Is this something you'd have to own a TV to understand?~~ I watched exactly zero TV this year.

26. What was the best book you read?
Tough call, tough call. I read so many! I should use GoodReads to keep track, because I can't remember what I was reading two months ago. Nothing really stood out, I guess.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Another tough one. Believe it or not I'd have to say Eminem, because there's something about his flow (despite a general distaste for his subject matter) that got me listening to a lot more rap, which I've enjoyed getting into.

28. What did you want and get?
Lots of things. Rasha being relatively healthy. A banjo (which I hardly play, sigh). A Kindle, a new MacBook. I'm not much of a "want and get" person, though, I don't want much.

29. What did you want and not get?
We didn't move to straight bring-your-own-hardware colo at work, that was a "want but not get" for sure. Otherwise, I can't think of anything.

30. How about products - what product did you discover in 2010 that you have to tell everyone about?
lol wut.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I hate the pressure of Having A Good Time On Your Birthday. I can't even remember what I... oh, wait, yes I can. I took it off work at the last minute but didn't make any plans and ended up kind of bored and bummed out. I turned 35.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
Ahem:

In Zen practice a first crucial point is reached when we realize that no experience of any kind is going to give the kind of satisfaction that we crave so deeply.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Somewhere between hipster and t-shirt-and-jeans.

34. What kept you sane?
Buddha, dharma, sangha, and lexapro.

35. What are your career plans for 2011?
Good question! Right now I'm straddling the sysadmin-manager line and I'm sort of letting myself find the natural balance there. I'd like to start taking on some side work, I've got a post about that percolating in my brain.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
ROB FUCKING FORD. And the G20, although that was more O_O than >_<.

37. Who did you miss?
Aw. I miss coffeechica, this is the first year in a while that we haven't hung out together. And I realized that I want to spend more quality time with my father. And mouseycat.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Well that's a tough one. WHO IS THE BEST PERSON is hard to answer even with qualifiers. Lots of people at the Zen Centre, lots of new people at FreshBooks, and a lot of the people who influenced me this year aren't people I met. If I had to choose one person who I didn't know about before 2010 who had an influence on me this year it'd have to be Lisa, but I didn't meet her, just back-and-forth on Twitter.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010
"Get your ass on the cushion already."

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Wow, huh, I dunno, I don't really think in song lyrics like that. I don't think I could really sum up this year outside of song lyrics. It sort of slipped by, it seems, even though I had some milestones in it.

And there you have it. The strangest thing about 2010: how few of the details I can remember.

GIANT CAT PILLS

mendel — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 17:51:24 GMT

Whoa it's been a while. I should post here more. And here, and here, and...

Anyhow, let me tell you about the cat.

So Rasha, he of the swiss cheese kidneys, crashed a little while ago, and so we took him into the vet for a couple days of IV fluids. He's doing well again now, don't worry! But he's getting more subcutaneous fluids, which he doesn't mind TOO much, and he's on a new medication, Thera-K, a potassium gluconate suspension in a viscous beef-flavoured liquid.

I noticed that he's resisting his medication a bit more ever since we started the Thera-K, which I attributed to him being annoyed at the sheer volume of liquid he has to take twice a day. So it was time for a refill and I had the vet call it in to the local compounding pharmacy, who gave us: GIANT CAPSULES -- size 0 or 1, I think. Usually cats get size 4 or 5.

Seriously, these are like 2cm long. There is no way you are going to get this into a cat. Do they even know what a cat looks like? They're pretty small!

Potassium gluconate is big but not that big: 234.246 g/mol, 1.73 g/cm3, and Rasha needs 2mmol twice daily, so that's 0.27 cm3, which would've fit into a #3 caplet which is cat size. I don't know why there's so much more stuff in these.

So now I have two weeks = $50 of these that I can't use. Luckily I've got some Thera-K left to hold us over. But the pharmacy can't use the caplets to make a suspension, so I'm going to have to figure out some way to get this into the cat because I don't want to just throw them away. I'm nervous about mixing it with his food because it's really important that he eat well and I don't want to make him suspicious of it (although he did eat his food laced with liquid Thera-K last night, silly cat.) I could make a suspension myself, in water or chicken broth, but then I'm not confident that the dosage will be right. I could mix one caplet at a time with 1ml of water, but still I'd worry about underdosing.

Stupid giant cat pills.

Sleepin'

mendel — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 01:04:50 GMT

Hey folks, remember me?

So being back on standard time and reading this MetaFilter thread got me thinking about sleeping, and how this year I am determined to kick melatonin's ASS and not feel like my internal clock is broken all winter. Plan #1 is vitamin D. Plan #2, I was considering light therapy, and then from there I found a nifty little online test:

The Automated Morningness-Eveningness Questionnaire asks 19 questions and figures out when your melatonin kicks in and thus your "natural bedtime". For both nyxie and I it came up with a reasonable answer so I think it's not completely made up, at least.

What's funny is that it told me my natural bedtime was 12:45 AM and nyxie's is 10:45 PM! No wonder we've had disagreements in the past about bedtime and about me sleeping in.

Although it's a funny thing: I always felt like nyxie thought I was being lazy and irresponsible by staying up late and sleeping in, and I felt she was being a keener getting up early and going to bed early (especially the morning sittings at the zen centre, which start at 6am). But now that we have SCIENCE! on our side, it's easier to go "Oh, hey, look, we're different like that" and not value-judge and stuff.

Anyhow go apply SCIENCE! to your sleepin' if you want. Note that it tells you you're an UNHOLY FREAK* if you tend to get up in the PMs and go to bed in the AMs.

* well actually it just says that your results might not be correct but still

IPIP-NEO again

mendel — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 01:02:44 GMT

nyxie and I were talking about personality tests the other day and whether I was INTP or ENTP (the latter, it turns out) and in doing so were reminded of the IPIP-NEO test that I did back in 2007, while I was still in the MBA.

I did it again today, and I'm a little surprised by the results -- my extraversion has gone down quite a bit, my agreeableness and conscientiousness way up. I'm not surprised by the extraversion part but I'm surprised it was ever so high. Anyhow, mostly for my own records more than anything:

IPIP-NEO Narrative Report

NOTE: The report sent to your computer screen upon the completion of the IPIP-NEO is only a temporary web page. When you exit your web browser you will not be able to return to this URL to re-access your report. No copies of the report are sent to anyone. If you want a permanent copy of the report, you must save the web page to your hard drive or a diskette, and/or print the report while you are still viewing it in your web browser. If you choose to save your report, naming it with an .htm extension (example: Myreport.htm) as you save it may help you to read it into a web browser later. If you choose to print the report, selecting landscape orientation for your paper will display the graphs properly. Using portrait orientation (normally the default for printers) will cause the graphs to wrap around and render them unreadable.

This report compares mendel from the country Canada to other adult men. (The name used in this report is either a nickname chosen by the person taking the test, or, if a valid nickname was not chosen, a random nickname generated by the program.)

This report estimates the individual's level on each of the five broad personality domains of the Five-Factor Model. The description of each one of the five broad domains is followed by a more detailed description of personality according to the six subdomains that comprise each domain.

A note on terminology. Personality traits describe, relative to other people, the frequency or intensity of a person's feelings, thoughts, or behaviors. Possession of a trait is therefore a matter of degree. We might describe two individuals as extraverts, but still see one as more extraverted than the other. This report uses expressions such as "extravert" or "high in extraversion" to describe someone who is likely to be seen by others as relatively extraverted. The computer program that generates this report classifies you as low, average, or high in a trait according to whether your score is approximately in the lowest 30%, middle 40%, or highest 30% of scores obtained by people of your sex and roughly your age. Your numerical scores are reported and graphed as percentile estimates. For example, a score of "60" means that your level on that trait is estimated to be higher than 60% of persons of your sex and age.

Please keep in mind that "low," "average," and "high" scores on a personality test are neither absolutely good nor bad. A particular level on any trait will probably be neutral or irrelevant for a great many activites, be helpful for accomplishing some things, and detrimental for accomplishing other things. As with any personality inventory, scores and descriptions can only approximate an individual's actual personality. High and low score descriptions are usually accurate, but average scores close to the low or high boundaries might misclassify you as only average. On each set of six subdomain scales it is somewhat uncommon but certainly possible to score high in some of the subdomains and low in the others. In such cases more attention should be paid to the subdomain scores than to the broad domain score. Questions about the accuracy of your results are best resolved by showing your report to people who know you well.

John A. Johnson wrote descriptions of the five domains and thirty subdomains. These descriptions are based on an extensive reading of the scientific literature on personality measurement. Although Dr. Johnson would like to be acknowledged as the author of these materials if they are reproduced, he has placed them in the public domain.

Extraversion

Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.

Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

EXTRAVERSION...............62 **************************************************************

..Friendliness.............74 **************************************************************************

..Gregariousness...........44 ********************************************

..Assertiveness............86 **************************************************************************************

..Activity Level...........23 ***********************

..Excitement-Seeking.......16 ****************

..Cheerfulness.............94 **********************************************************************************************

Your score on Extraversion is average, indicating you are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone.

Extraversion Facets

Friendliness. Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved. Your level of friendliness is high.
Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale. Your level of gregariousness is average.
Assertiveness. High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups. Your level of assertiveness is high.
Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. Your activity level is low.
Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. Your level of excitement-seeking is low.
Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits. Your level of positive emotions is high.

Agreeableness

Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.

Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.

Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

AGREEABLENESS..............99 ***************************************************************************************************

..Trust....................91 *******************************************************************************************

..Morality.................91 *******************************************************************************************

..Altruism.................93 *********************************************************************************************

..Cooperation..............98 **************************************************************************************************

..Modesty..................37 *************************************

..Sympathy.................99 ***************************************************************************************************

Your high level of Agreeableness indicates a strong interest in others' needs and well-being. You are pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative.

Agreeableness Facets

Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous. Your level of trust is high.
Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. Your level of morality is high.
Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment. Your level of altruism is high.
Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. Your level of compliance is high.
Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. Your level of modesty is average.
Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Your level of tender-mindedness is high.

Conscientiousness

Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany.

Nonetheless, acting on impulse can lead to trouble in a number of ways. Some impulses are antisocial. Uncontrolled antisocial acts not only harm other members of society, but also can result in retribution toward the perpetrator of such impulsive acts. Another problem with impulsive acts is that they often produce immediate rewards but undesirable, long-term consequences. Examples include excessive socializing that leads to being fired from one's job, hurling an insult that causes the breakup of an important relationship, or using pleasure-inducing drugs that eventually destroy one's health.

Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in significant ways. Acting impulsively disallows contemplating alternative courses of action, some of which would have been wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.

A hallmark of intelligence, what potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, is the ability to think about future consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. The idea that intelligence involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.

The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. Unconscientious people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures and they will never be called stuffy.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS..........61 *************************************************************

..Self-Efficacy............80 ********************************************************************************

..Orderliness..............32 ********************************

..Dutifulness..............89 *****************************************************************************************

..Achievement-Striving.....48 ************************************************

..Self-Discipline..........20 ********************

..Cautiousness.............87 ***************************************************************************************

Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Conscientiousness Facets

Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives. Your level of self-efficacy is high.
Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your level of orderliness is low.
Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. Your level of dutifulness is high.
Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. Your level of achievement striving is average.
Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete. Your level of self-discipline is low.
Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Your level of cautiousness is high.

Neuroticism

Freud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.

At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

NEUROTICISM................28 ****************************

..Anxiety..................56 ********************************************************

..Anger....................3 ***

..Depression...............40 ****************************************

..Self-Consciousness.......41 *****************************************

..Immoderation.............21 *********************

..Vulnerability............51 ***************************************************

Your score on Neuroticism is low, indicating that you are exceptionally calm, composed and unflappable. You do not react with intense emotions, even to situations that most people would describe as stressful.

Neuroticism Facets

Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is average.
Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is low.
Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is average.
Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is average.
Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is low.
Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is average.

Openness to Experience

Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways. Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been called Culture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of openness to experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of education and scores on standard intelligent tests.

Another characteristic of the open cognitive style is a facility for thinking in symbols and abstractions far removed from concrete experience. Depending on the individual's specific intellectual abilities, this symbolic cognition may take the form of mathematical, logical, or geometric thinking, artistic and metaphorical use of language, music composition or performance, or one of the many visual or performing arts. People with low scores on openness to experience tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion, regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.

Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE.....99 ***************************************************************************************************

..Imagination..............65 *****************************************************************

..Artistic Interests.......95 ***********************************************************************************************

..Emotionality.............95 ***********************************************************************************************

..Adventurousness..........89 *****************************************************************************************

..Intellect................91 *******************************************************************************************

..Liberalism...............99 ***************************************************************************************************

Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.

Openness Facets

Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. Your level of imagination is average.
Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. Your level of artistic interests is high.
Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. Your level of emotionality is high.
Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines. Your level of adventurousness is high.
Intellect. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. Your level of intellect is high.
Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties. Your level of liberalism is high.

Rasha claims the new zabuton

mendel — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 22:03:29 GMT

Rasha claims the new zabuton, originally uploaded by mendel.

I've had my new zafu and zabuton for about four hours now and Rasha's already decided it is his. This is what happens when you adopt a temple cat!

catbikes

mendel — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 00:28:25 GMT

Speaking of BikeBike, how awesome is this:

CATBIKES. I totally want a catbike tattoo now. (Also an octopus tattoo, but that's going to be biggish so I don't want it to be my first one.) But I feel kind of silly having not gone to the conference. Then again, I want it because catbikes are awesome and not as a conference memento. I could probably even find out who drew them and make sure it's cool with them.

sundials in the dark

mendel — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 19:56:43 GMT

Walking through the U of T campus with nyxie at about 10 PM last night, we came across a sundial on a plinth with a plaque on the plinth:

nyxie: What's this thing?
mendel: Sundial.
mendel: Too dark, can't read it.
nyxie: ...
mendel: THE PLAQUE. I CAN'T READ THE PLAQUE.

I get no credit at all.

pie smoothie

mendel — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 19:48:05 GMT

pie smoothie, originally uploaded by mendel.

I posted this on Twitter but I thought I'd put it here for posterity.

Whose bacon?

mendel — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 19:47:47 GMT

Whose bacon?, originally uploaded by mendel.

Found on the U of T campus.

the pace of innovation

mendel — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 03:20:49 GMT

EPost is Canada Post's "seriously, we're still relevant, rite guys?" get-your-bills-online service. It's handy in that encourages bill-senders to all use the same service, and that it's integrated with a lot of banks' online banking sites so you can click "Pay bill" and that happens, but outside of that it's the kind of software you'd expect from a Crown corporation.

I logged in today and got this pop-up:

Many powerful features, like folders. Yay.

happy canada day.

mendel — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 15:25:04 GMT

Slightly belated but too awesome not to post. Click to embiggen.

[via]

Buck 65 at Nathan Phillips Square

mendel — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 02:03:50 GMT

Happy Canada Day!

We didn't do much Canada Day stuff today. I think I overdosed in Ottawa and now it's just a day off. We did, however, swing by Nathan Phillips Square this afternoon for a free Buck 65 concert. I recorded a few tunes.

It was a bit of a weird show -- he didn't have a DJ, and his stage presence is a bit unusual, and it was daytime on a stage at the end of a row of vendor booths, a really weird little setup. Still fun for free though.

I've got tomorrow off too (yay, four-day weekend)! nyxie is going to the 6 AM sitting at the Zen Centre. I am not because that means getting up around 4.

Right, so, Buck 65. Sorry about the glare on the first video, I didn't realize that I'd have to block the sun until the second one.

mendel — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 00:07:14 GMT

Energy Secretary Steven Chu is not considering a bomb.

Remembrance

mendel — Sun, 16 May 2010 03:34:59 GMT

And you wait, expecting that one thing
that your life endlessly shall multiply;
that one powerful, immense thing,
the awakening of stones,
depths, coming back to you.

Volumes of gold and brown emerge
as dawn out of the bookshelves;
and you reflect upon lands traveled through,
on images, on the garments
of women lost once again.

And then you realize suddenly: that was it.
You rise up and before you stands
the fear and shape and prayer
of a year gone by.

-- Rilke, tr. Cliff Crego